Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

Since no one else has posted, I thought I'd do a write-up for another pair of characters. I just did a post on their worst enemy, Lonnie Tanner if you want the contrast. They hails from a television show concept I'm working on called Breakdown.

Names: Sheila Evans & Riley O'Neil

Ages: Thirty-five

Personalities: Sheila's a good person, and she cares a lot about the people around her. She wants to make the world a better place, and she wants to be liked. Unfortunately her nearly robotic demeanor and flat affect, mean that most people never realize this about her. Emotionally trapped at the age of fifteen, terrified of social rejection, and highly vulnerable to stress, Sheila, who in her mid-thirties remains a virgin and has never been in a relationship, hides all her problems behind a wall of professionalism, and cold courtesy.

Riley's a recluse who can't stand other people, and whose conversational style consists of bitter, brittle sarcasm. While he's more together mentally than Sheila is, he actually presents worse, hobbling about the police station on his crutches, dressing in the rejects from the bargain bin, and mocking everyone who crosses his path. Dragged out of isolation by Sheila, he's not as scared of social interaction as she is, but he likes it even less, though if you dig through the layers of damage, there is a decent enough human being under there.

Abilities: Sheila's a former FBI agent, and as a result, is vastly overqualified for her current job of Scarsdale County Sheriff. She's probably the smartest person in the county, and thanks to her training, can outthink, outshoot, and outfight any criminals she's liable to encounter. She's an excellent judge of character, and despite her problems, garners a lot of loyalty from those subordinates she trusts.

Riley has spent the last twenty years or so living online, earning degrees and certificates from universities across the country. He's got a vast knowledge base he can draw on, and despite his reclusive nature, has a better grasp of Scarsdale County politics than Sheila. He's also a capable middle manager, and typically relays Sheila's instructions to her deputies. He's also their unofficial computer technician, hacker, and researcher, and when the situation calls for it, can talk very fast.

Weaknesses: Sheila's crazy. When I say that I don't mean that she's a Cowboy Cop, I mean that she's mentally ill. She never got over the Durham High shooting (more on that below) and her work with the FBI, pursuing serial murderers, kidnappers, and terrorists, only served to retraumatize her. She's got crippling PTSD, flashes back frequently, and experiences both audio and visual hallucinations, verging on the schizophrenic. At it's worst it can lead to her experiencing a full on psychotic break; in order to head this off she has to take a cocktail of antipsychotics, anxiety medication, and mood stabilizers. Throw in her emotional immaturity, and the fact while she can identify with criminals and their victims, she can't talk to normal people, and you've got one Defective Detective.

Riley is best described as physically and emotionally crippled. He can't walk without the aid of crutches, and like Sheila, he's emotionally trapped in the tenth grade, reliving the shooting on an almost daily basis. His anger frequently gets in the way of thinking clearly, and where Sheila's forgiving, Riley holds a grudge like nobody's business. His casual nastiness can rub people the wrong way, and he's lousy at apologizing, even when he's wronged somebody, which given that he can't fight to save his life, is something of a problem.

Goals: Sheila wants to free Scarsdale County from the corruption that is endemic in City Hall and the Sheriff's department. She wants to crack down on local criminals like Dick Earle (pot dealer, moonshiner, and tax dodger) and Calvin Brace (white collar criminal and mob frontman), and their supporters in the municipal government. She wants to change the xenophobia and insular thinking that define county life. She wants to excise the ghost of the Durham High shooting from the county, and get Lonnie Tanner, the shooter, the help he needs. And she wants to do it all in one term, because she knows that, even if her secrets stay buried, she's unlikely to win reelection.

Riley's goals tend to mesh with Sheila's, though his motives often differ. He's dedicated to her, and wants her to survive her term as sheriff with her sanity intact.

Motivation: Sheila wants to save Scarsdale from itself. The county's been corrupt for decades, and has only gotten worse in the twenty years since the shooting, with most of the people who live their blaming their problems on Lonnie, rather than dealing with reality. Sheila aims to change all that. On a deeper level, she wants to prove, to herself if nobody else, that even with her disability, she's as good a cop now as she was before her breakdown.

Riley can't stand most of the people who run Scarsdale, and is willing to help Sheila bring them down on that basis alone. He's more cynical than she is about the possibility of actually rooting out the county's corruption, but if she's willing to try, he's game too. In the main though, Riley's motivation boils down to a desire to reconnect with Sheila, who was his closest friend at one point, and whose company he has sorely missed.

Role in story: Sheila's the protagonist and the show opens with her being released from the mental institution where she spent a year. With nowhere else to go, she returns to Scarsdale, where she ends up solving a murder—a murder in which the current sheriff was complicit. With a fair amount of help from Riley, Sheila wins the ensuing election and sets about trying to rebuild the Sheriff's department from the ground up. She also has to fight against entrenched local criminals, a political dynasty of vote-buying mayors, militia crazies, vigilantes, and Lonnie Tanner, whose release from prison in Season 1, and kidnapping from a psychiatric hospital in Season 3, both horrendously complicate Sheila's life.

Riley's a supporting character for the most part, and acts as Sheila's campaign manager, secretary, and confidante. He's not technically one of her deputies, but he might as well be, and he gives orders to the officers under her as though he were. Where she's a cop first and foremost, Riley's a political infighter, and uses his understanding of the county, and the significant fortune that his parents left him, in order to make Sheila as effective as she can be. He's the sounding board for most of her plans, and is sometimes her interpreter when dealing with socially or politically awkward issues.

Backstory: Sheila should have had a relatively normal life. Unfortunately when she was fifteen, Lonnie Tanner walked into the school with a submachine gun and killed twenty-seven people. Sheila wasn't physically hurt, but she was a witness to most of it, and she's never found a way to cope with it. She withdrew into herself, and after her graduation, headed off to university as far from home as she could manage. She eventually joined the FBI, and spent a number of years arresting the worst that the country had to offer. In doing so, she only compounded her problems, and a year before the show kicks off, she experienced a near total mental breakdown, which resulted in her being institutionalized for a year.

Riley was Sheila's best friend from elementary school onwards, and by the time they reached high school, was in the running for most popular guy in the building. That changed when Lonnie shot him in the back, rendering his legs all but useless. Resented by many as a living reminder of Lonnie's rampage, Riley finished high school, then dropped off the face of the earth, retreating to the basement of his parents' house, running a number of online businesses, and coming out only to purchase the necessities. Sheila's return to town is the first thing to drag him outside in a very long time.

Relevant tropes: Sheila-The Mentally Ill, Sugar-and-Ice Personality, Action Girl, Will They or Won't They? (with Riley), Good Counterpart (to Lonnie Tanner), By-the-Book Cop, The Profiler, Benevolent Boss. Riley-The Cynic, Disabled Snarker, Will They or Won't They? (with Sheila), Subordinate Excuse, Jerk with a Heart of Gold, Non-Action Guy, Manipulative Bastard.

edited 29th Aug '14 7:53:42 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar

Well, I would definitely watch that, Ambar. I am very fond of cop shows, and though I prefer the mystery-of-the-week solvers type, the intricate story-line and dynamics I can imagine between Riley and Sheila make me sorry this isn't a real show. They seem to compliment one another, with Riley being able to interact with others (even if he doesn't like it, he can) and is certainly more savvy than Sheila seems to be. On the other hand, Sheila's certainly more psychically capable and has tangled with the "big dogs" of the crime world and is an invaluable asset.

One thing I would caution about, though it depends entirely on how "realistic" you're trying to make this: someone with Sheila's issues would almost never be allowed into the FBI. Her PTSD from the shooting would have been picked up by any trained psychiatrist. Even if she was allowed into the bureau, she would have been pulled when showing signs of her mental breakdown. Unless of course, the flashbacks and psychosis happened after her breakdown when serving in the FBI.

Again, it's just a remark on the realism angle; frankly I wholly subscribe to Rule of Cool, so don't worry about it if you don't want to.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

I normally don't like cop shows, but Sheila sounds like she's going to make the story interesting enough. I'd like to quote sword though and say that I'm a bit concerned with her suffering from PTSD yet still managing to join FBI though. I don't know much about the entire structure of FBI (or any law enforcement organization. I told you I don't normally like cop shows), but the level of psychosis she's harboring does sound like something a law enforcement body wouldn't want to deal with. Apart from that, I like her enough.

As for Riley, I guess I can't comment on him. I just don't have that clear a picture on him compared to Sheila.

Now, continuation of the heroic band that features people like Iris and Ishra

Name: Pierr

Age: 25

Personality: Pierr’s been away from people long enough that his personality has begun to erode. He talks to himself a lot most of the time, a habit that stems from extensive isolation, and when facing another human being tends to have trouble choosing the right words. While the exile was self inflicted, as he wanted to get away from people, this is not to say Pierr hates humans. He simply prefers solitude most of the time. Being a forester, Pierr is cunning, adaptable, and utterly pragmatic, sometimes to the extent that it disturbs his new companions.

Abilities: Pierr’s quick. He’s very swift on foot and is good at climbing things at remarkable speed. His past experience as a crossbowman of Ayregard Battalion also lends to his proficiency with the weapon. As an exceptional marksman, Pierr’s sharp aim allows him to drop nearly any target from far away, and all he needs for that to happen is a functioning crossbow, which, evident in his own custom made heavy crossbow, he can make himself in a pinch from available material. As a hunter of the forest, he’s also a keen trapper.

Weaknesses: The forester doesn’t understand magic, at all. He has no knowledge of it, nor is he a mage material. Also, at close range, Pierr’s rather wimpy. He can put up a fight, but a trained melee combatant won’t have much trouble taking him out. Also, while able to keep calm under pressure to an extent, when things don’t go his way he can be quick to panic, a sign of his cowardice.

Goal: To find his brother, a Battalion mage whose fate after the short war between the Kingdom of Ayregard and Vinlan Imperia remains unknown. Motivation: Pierr worried for his brother, despite his attempt to pretend, to himself no less, otherwise. When news of the Kingdom’s surrender reached him, Pierr was hit with a case of Prophetic Dream, the vision of his brother’s death. Despite not prone to believe such a thing (prophecies are considered superstitious here), Pierr grew restless, and eventually set out to the ruined cities of the Kingdom. Role: The hero.

Backstory: Some time ago, Pierr and his brother, both hailing from the village of Glendice, of Ayregard, lost their parents in a raid by an unknown party. Both men, then only boys, didn’t have many choices, and so went to the capital city to join the Ayregard Battalion. His brother, Adrian, was discovered to be a mage and recruited into the Warlock Legion of the Battalion. Pierr himself wasn’t so fortunate. Serving as a lowly infantry, he shone as a scout, putting his swiftness to good use, and as a crossbowman, owing to his uncanny aim. Serving as part of the border patrol didn’t get him anywhere, though. Fed up, he deserted the Battalion, forsaken his mage brother in the process, an action that was part jealousy of his brother’s success in his career, and part him ‘growing up’, realizing that the life in the kingdom wouldn’t do him any good in the long run. From that point on, Pierr began his life as an outlaw forester, living in the Ateas forest. The solitude life went well enough, up until the war between the Kingdom and the Imperia broke out. At first, Pierr feigned ignorance, pretending that nothing changed, despite the frequent skirmishes in the forest where hundreds, or thousands, even, have eventually come to die. It was only when the war actually ended, with the Kingdom surrendering after suffering heavy losses that he could no longer pretend to not care about his brother, and finally set out to find Adrian. Along the way, he met with the bitter First of the King’s Witch, Iris, Captain of the elite Ironhand Cadre Ishra Lunel, who served the New Ayregard Formation, the enigmatic enchanter Wightfinger, and the Battalion chaplain Sister Rosendel, seemingly with an agenda of her own she wouldn’t like to share.

Tropes

Badass Normal: He’s the most ordinary person in the group, with little combat training to speak of, considering how little he spent in the Battalion. That said, give him a crossbow, a sufficient supply of bolts, and enough time to set up the place and he can take on a small army all by himself.

Combat Pragmatist: Pierr uses anything he can get his hand on to his advantage. He's not those who'd shy away from shooting someone in the back, either.

Cold Sniper: He never feels much anything staking people with crossbows, as Pierr can always justify the act by thinking of it as a work that needs done. It’s the same when he hunts animals in the forest. To him, killing, while not pleasing, is a natural part of life, and sometimes there’s simply no alternative.

Everyone Has Standards: …but that said, Iris’s indiscriminate slaughters of soldiers or citizens alike disturb him deeply. In fact, he’s scared of the woman.

Loners Are Freaks: To some degree. Years of near-complete isolation make it hard for him to socialize with others, and he mostly just resorts to acting without regard to any sort of etiquette.

The Hero: In effect, he’s the leader of the Five Man Band, even though unlike the rest of the band he’s not initially on a crusade against the Imperia and the Kingdom. Pierr’s only dragged into it.

Not in This for Your Revolution: Despite travelling with people who at the very least want to drive the Imperia forces out of the Kingdom, or revolt against King Myrdas of Ayregard, who surrendered the Kingdom to the Imperia in the first place, Pierr doesn’t care about the situation at large. He only wants to find Adrian.

Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: Pierr’s probably the second most well adjusted person in the group after Ishra. The rest of them are clearly psychopaths to some degree. The five of them are also exceedingly good at what they do, which is why they can go up against the Imperia without anyone else backing then up.

Tsundere: A mild case. Embittered by his own life when compared to his brother’s successful one and the fact that said success led to Adrian becoming more and more distant from him eventually made Pierr adopt the “I don’t care for the bastard. Never really have.” attitude. Of course, deep down, he does care, and when news of the war ending reached him, this façade broke down entirely.

edited 30th Aug '14 7:46:18 PM by arreimil

On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.

@Sword

Well, that's one of the higher compliments my work has ever been payed. Thanks very much.

My notion about Sheila's backstory is that while she was screwed up after high school (most notably in terms of refusing to have a personal life) she wasn't nearly as screwed up as she is when the show began. That's the result of her compounding the damage through her line of work. I'm thinking there might be one case in particular that really set her off; perhaps something involving kids, or a school. It isn't perfect (in real life they still probably would have caught her issues earlier) but it's close enough that I expect the audience would accept it (let's face it, if they'll accept stuff like Criminal Minds I'm not too worried).

@arreimil

Riley's more a supporting character who is more or less defined through his interactions with Sheila, so if you don't have a great grasp on him, that's okay. I mostly included him in the write-up because any write-up for Sheila was going to mention him a fair amount. If there is anything in particular you want clarified though, let me know, and I'll see what I can do.

---

As for Pierr, I don't mean to sound rude or dismissive, but I can't help but feel like I've seen this before. Not necessarily the character himself, but all the parts of him. The bitter badass normal who lives by himself and is looking for the one person he really cares about? I know I've seen that in a few places, though I couldn't say where off the top of my head.

None of that is to say that you can't tell an interesting story using him, of course. Most characters have been done before in some regard, so you shouldn't let that stop you. Pierr himself doesn't interest me much, but that doesn't mean that your story wouldn't; I'm going to read the entries you put up for the other characters from it, and see if that helps me get a better feel for your world.

I guess I can agree with you there. Pierr really is just a derivative of the many protagonists fitting this archetype that I've read/seen (Think Han Solo. I think that's one of places where the familiarity come from.) I'd like to say that that's the whole point to him, actually, since, out of the five of them, I want Pierr to be the most ordinary, most recognizable as hero. For juxtaposition, I recommend my entry about Iris, for starter. What I want to do with him is to put a character of such archetype in a situation with no glimpse of optimism whatsoever, all the while twisting the usual formula of a group of heroes going up against the evil empire.

But that's just concept, anyway. Thanks for the feedback.

edited 31st Aug '14 9:02:14 PM by arreimil

On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.

@ Arremil: I like Pierr's design overall. He is a little generic, but again most character types are in my opinion; it's what you bring to the table, so to speak that makes them unique. I like his overarching goal; as someone close to his own brother, I can emphasize exactly with the lengths he would go to in order to at least find him and assure his safety.

Clockwalkers hero again. This time one of the main characters.

• Name: Mary Getz

• Age: 15

• Appearance: She is much taller and thinner than the average girl her age, with delicate facial features and unnaturally large maroon-colored eyes. Mary's skin is pale and almost translucent, allowing an unsettling view of her amber-colored veins and her ears are rounded like a human's. She often wears plain home-spun skirts. After becoming a fugitive she replaces these with a work-shirt, jeans and a short poncho.

• Personality: Mary delights in making other people laugh and always seems to have a joke or other humorous antics prepared. She is an optimist and often urges others to look at the bright side of a bad situation, though it can make her seem inappropriately cheerful and light-hearted. However beneath the surface Mary is full of insecurities. She has a very thin skin when it comes to insults about her heritage and appearance and is terrified of being friendless and so she tries to keep her few friends constantly entertained. Mary has mixed feelings towards her family; she loves them, but is resentful of her human father and elven mother's decision to live in a conservative town like Cabazzi and jealous of the relative acceptance their interspecies relationship receives.

• Abilities: Mary can see farther than the average human and possess incredible night-vision. She is a master at using a bow and arrow, propelling her arrows at targets with superhuman speed and accuracy. Mary can also launch multiple arrows at once, often while changing her position so the target is constantly caught unaware. Her movements are naturally graceful and fluid and she is agile and light on her feet at all times. Mary has a very good sense of direction and is a capable outdoorsman with knowledge of edible or medicinal plants, tracking, hunting, and finding shelter from the elements. Mary, like most half-elves, will likely live for at least a hundred years or more.

• Weaknesses: Her flippant attitude and clowning around grates on the nerves of those around her and her attempts to see the good in bad situations sometimes earns her accusations of being heartless or uncaring of other's suffering. Mary's emotional state makes her easy to manipulate—her desire for friendship combined with her resentment of her family makes it easy for her to be dragged into shady business by seemingly well-meaning and friendly individuals. Mary is not good at any combat other than her bow; without the weapon she is mostly defenseless. While agile and graceful, Mary is nowhere near as talented as a pureblooded elf and has a comparatively lesser lifespan.

• Goals: Mary originally wanted to become a successful bounty-hunter like her father in his younger days. By doing so, Mary could leave Cabazzi's conservative atmosphere and experience a life of adventure. Later on Mary's plans narrow down to escaping execution at the hands of the Kingdom's authorities and finding her family so that they can all flee to the elven forests of Atnar.

• Motivation: She grew up on stories of her father's bounty-hunting days and the adventures that led him to meeting her mother, and she wanted to be like him. Her dealings with Helios brought her whole family under suspicion and Mary is terrified of what will be done to them due to the royal government's ruthlessness towards anyone suspected of treason.

• Role in the story: One half of a slowly growing Childhood Friend Romance due to being Drasil's oldest friend. Damsel in Distress from Drasil's point of view, though things are eventually subverted.

• Backstory: Mary was born in the West Quadrant town of Cabazzi in the year 3023, to Hermes Getz, a former bounty hunter turned slave-overseer and his wife Laly, who ran a gardening store in Cabazzi’s Mid-Town. Though Mary’s parents treated her with love and affection, she noticed a certain strain between her human father and her elven mother at an early age. Mary’s early interactions with other children were not pleasant. The boys and girls often shied away from her, scared by her strange appearance and height. Some would cry and outright run away while others would throw rocks and other items and call her names—while still maintaining a safe distance. Others would be drawn to her in morbid fascination and would poke and prod at her, noting her too-pale skin, amber veins and large maroon eyes. Even at that age, Mary noticed that the adults around her had similar reactions, and that they did little to curb the teasing. This treatment only grew worse when Mary formally entered school, and soon she begged her parents to take her out of it. Laly advocated educating her at home, but Hermes fiercely insisted to his wife that Mary would have to learn to live with prejudice all her life. In the end, Mary was forced to attend school and suffered silently. Though she didn’t like the children who stared at her appearance, she liked them better than the ones who outright teased her. She began to expand from there, working hard to interest the kids around her so that she became an object of amusement rather than straight ridicule. Despite—or perhaps because—of her reputation as a troublemaker and jokester, Mary never made any real friends and merely internalized her loneliness. This changed when she met a young boy, Yggdrasil Jinette, in third grade. The two of them bonded over the shared nature as bullied children and though Drasil commented on her looks several times, he never treated her the way the other kids did. However Mary’s loneliness was far from assuaged—especially as Drasil would disappear for long periods of time—and as Drasil made new friends, she remained alone except for him. Hermes and Laly did everything they could to make Mary's life easier, spending time with her and teaching her the skills they had learned themselves as children such as the art of forestry and herb-lore from her mother and combat archery from her father.

• Relevant Tropes:

• Aborted Declaration of Love: When Drasil is reunited with Mary at the Eastern Wall, they have a heartfelt reunion. However when Mary asks why Drasil risked his life to save her in the first place, going beyond the bounds of friendship, she promptly cuts off his response when she realizes he is going to declare his romantic feelings for her. She fears that a relationship with him would tempt her into giving up on rescuing her parents in favor of a simple life with Drasil—and as The Atoner it's something she cannot afford.
  • Drasil: Of course I'd save you! You're my friend, nothing you've done changes that. Plus, I...I just...I can't stand to see you in pain or trouble. I—"

  • Mary (smiles): "Let's just wait until we're all back together, okay? It'll help you get your thoughts in order so you don't have to stutter like that."

• Action Girl: Not at first—in fact, Mary spends a significant chunk of Clockwalkers in some trouble or other. However she frees herself from her predicament without the aid of a hero and then makes up for lost time by putting the skills her parents taught her to deadly use against her enemies and leaving a swath of damage as she tries to find her missing family.

• Affectionate Pickpocket: Mary hugs their martial education teacher Mr. Mozo after he pays her a compliment on her archery skills, telling her that she should consider a career as a sniper in the martial service and that she would be a credit to her country that way. However the hug was a ruse so that she could steal and copy the key to the weapons locker of the school, slowly taking weapons to supply Helios members hiding in Cabazzi. It's sort of a Kick the Dog moment, since Mozo was one of the few teachers who never gave up on Mary and actually considered her one of his best students.

• All of the Other Reindeer: She dealt with either teasing or uncomfortable staring and examining by other kids her entire life due to her status as a half-elf. Complicating matters, she lived in a relatively small mountain town which was quite conservative and distrustful of "exotic" things. Thus the adults around her were barely better about it, merely being more controlled and subtle about their disdain for her, and made only halfhearted efforts to stop the other children from antagonizing her. Making herself into a disruptive jokester only brought shallow relief, since it alienated adults and authority figures who were originally accepting. The general attitude has grown much better in the fifteen years that Mary has been alive, though the kids she grew up with still tend to look at her as weird, since it's what they've done all their lives, and Mary’s coping mechanisms around them are pretty ingrained.
  • Depressingly things are actually worse in Atnar. While the humans generally look at half-elves as "odd" or "fascinating", they treat them like average citizens. However the elves despise half-bloods, viewing them as a threat to their species purity and kill them on sight if seen in their forests. Mary trying to bring her parents over to the elven lands almost results in death for all three of them.

• An Ax To Grind: After being placed under arrest at the hospital after her throat is slashed by Gregor Nov, Mary manages to wiggle out of her handcuffs and tries to use a fire-ax against the Peace Officers detaining her. It fails spectacularly, but when you consider the dexterity it took to wiggle out of her cuffs and the strength she exhibited, running through the corridors of a hospital while suffering from blood loss and surgery to repair her throat it comes off as a Crowning Moment Of Awesome.

• The Atoner: She spends most of the story trying to find her parents and get them to safety and beg their forgiveness for putting them in danger.

• Beneath the Mask: Mary presents herself as optimistic, joking and generally an idiot—and she is a cheerful person who tries as best as she can to view the bright side of life, but she is deeply troubled by the teasing she’s gone through. Drasil was the first person her own age that saw through her facade, partly because of his rather speculative and observant personality, but also because she hadn't perfected her act at that age. This added him to the pool of people she can let see her true self with all its insecurities.

• Beneath Suspicion: This is why the Helios cell led by Gregor picked her to be their means of stealing weapons from the school so their members would be armed for an attack. Mary was regarded as a trouble-making but generally incompetent and naive girl by almost everyone around her, thus no one thought she was capable of such important theft.

• Berserk Button: Despite her emotional issues, Mary is a genuinely agreeable person. If anything, her affection for her loved ones is increased tenfold due to her experiences with bullying and there being so few she feels comfortable around. It stands to reason then that she will not react well to those loved ones being harmed. Fedro Burlusconi, a bullying Jerk Jock and and son of the wealthy family her father works for found this out after he beat Drasil to a pulp and stole his roller skates For the Evulz. Mary used her father's key to the Burlusconi mansion so that she and a reluctant Drasil could threaten the boy with real crossbows, forcing him to his knees and making him swear to never harm them again.
  • During her interrogation about her involvement with Helios, Peace Officer Captain Emilio Amoretti and his subordinates first implied and then outright told her that her mother and father would be handed over to the Vision to be investigated for any hints of treason. Later after the Bronze Dragon destroyed Cabazzi and the survivors are being evacuated to the nearby city of Vorcily, Mary uses the chaos to escape her captors and snatches up a bow and arrow. When she finds the Peace Officers in charge of her interrogation among the refugees, she stalks them like animals through the woods, taking them out one at a time while staying out of sight, until Amoretti is the only one left alive.

• "Blackmail" Is Such an Ugly Word: In the beginning of Clockwalkers Mary continually brushes off Drasil's fearful accusations that they are going to "attack" Fedro Burlisconi, local bully who made their lives miserable. Instead she insists that they are merely “strongly explaining why he should leave us alone".

• Bleed 'Em and Weep: Averted. Mary kills at least sixteen people in a single night after escaping from the charred ruins of her hometown and seeing bodies in various stages of burning and watching all she knew vanish into fire and ash. She actually notices that after she finishes torturing Captain Amoretti she doesn't really feel anything about the men and women she shot down with her arrows—the aching emptiness in her stomach and chest is because she didn't learn anything from her captive and her parents are out there suffering somewhere. It's implied that her sudden exposure to death and violence "diluted" the emotional fallout from taking life and inflicting pain for the first time, making it just one more trauma amid a night of horrors.

• Bratty Teenage Daughter: Mary resents her parents for their choice to remain in a place like Cabazzi when it is clear she is suffering. She ignores their urging to focus on her grades, arrogantly passing school off as unimportant since she'll be leaving Cabazzi the moment she can find a bounty-hunter willing to apprentice her. What distinguishes Mary's behavior from normal "bratty teenager" antics is that her idea of teenage rebellion is to steal government-issued weapons for a Helios cell operating within Cabazzi's End-Town. It was her way of acting against her father for sabotaging her chance to leave with a group of bounty-hunters willing to take her on as an apprentice. What better way to rebel than to aid a group committed to the liberation of the slaves your father supervises for a living?

• The Caper: Her assignment was to steal swords, knives, shields, crossbows and spears from the weapons locker at the school. Her first step was to steal a key from the martial education teacher and copy it before returning it to his office. Then she simply took a weapon a day throughout the school year—sometimes more, if her bosses were impatient. These weapons were distributed to Helios members or slaves thinking of rebelling against their masters in preparation for a large-scale slave revolt that would have crippled Cabazzi and resulted in a massacre had it not been for Gregor Nov firmly clutching the Villain Ball.

• Calling the Old Man Out: Mary explodes into fury at her father after he personally drove off the bounty hunter Caludio Bard, a man willing to take her on as his apprentice. It was an opportunity she had been waiting for her whole life and it seemed like he had ruined it out of a controlling desire to keep her in Cabazzi. In reality her father knew Bard from his days as a bounty hunter himself and knew he had a fondness for women of mixed species and that he had made no secret of the not-so-consensual nature of many of his trysts. He backed off the moment he realized Mary was the daughter of an old acquaintance. See Poor Communication Kills.

• Childhood Friends: Mary met Drasil on the playground in third grade, both of them being loners who tended to stick to themselves. Drasil initially took the usual unwelcome interest in Mary's "funny looks", but was intuitive enough to see that such questions hurt her even though she put on a casual facade, and immediately apologized. It was something no one had done before, and it caused her to become curious about him, and they began to spend more and more time together. The two of them soon became good friends, and Drasil’s family was also accepting of Mary’s half-elf status, if not her behavior. However his presence did little to alleviate her bullying and it didn't help that he would regularly disappear for significant periods of time, leaving her alone without emotional support and with only vague answers as to where he had been.

• Childhood Friend Romance: Her feelings for Drasil slowly evolved from platonic enjoyment of his company to a fairly strong crush on him. Mary accepted these feelings and wasn’t uncomfortable with them in any way, though she avoided bringing them up to avoid awkwardness in their relationship. However she lived with a constant dread that Drasil would come to her with news of a crush on some other girl and/or ask her for advice on how to impress that person. For his part, Drasil was romantically attracted to her from age ten onwards. This crush combined with their years of friendship made him extremely protective of her. The knowledge that she is dying from a slit throat is enough for him to temporarily overcome his hysterics at finding out he is an artificial Replacement Goldfish created by his parents, mustering his willpower enough to fight the culprit and drag her to a hospital. .

• Child by Rape: Overlaps with Awful Truth. When Mary finally locates her mother Laly, she discovers that she is close to death from the torture she has endured at the unprofessional hands of the Vision’s helpers. Thinking that this is the last time she will ever see her daughter, Laly tells Mary the truth behind her conception and how she met her father. When Hermes was still a bounty-hunter, he pursued Laly’s brother Taran into Atnar the land of the elves and requested the aid of the elven Rangers in bringing him to justice in Ylati. Laly was one of the Ranger assigned to help Hermes find the fugitive, and after failing to persuade him to let her brother go, she drugged and manipulated him into having sex with her to conceive a half-elf, which was punishable by death for both partners in Atnar. She played on Hermes’ guilt at leaving her and their unborn child to die in Atnar and he abandoned his mission and returned with Laly to his hometown of Cabazzi, where Mary was born.

• Character Development: She goes from being an emotionally fragile girl hiding behind flawed coping mechanisms to a pragmatic and determined young woman with a set goal that she will do nearly anything to accomplish. She also tones down her optimistic nature; when preparing to rescue her father, she mentions a backup plan to get him out of his cell if his captors have rendered him unable to walk. Drasil is taken aback and asks what happened to her positive attitude. Mary simply smiles sadly and tells him it died back in Cabazzi with everything else from their childhood.

• Chekhov's Skill: Mary is extremely flexible; it comes with being part elf. She was able to shimmy into the Jinette house's barely open living room window by contorting her body into an extremely awkward position and she often practices it for fun. So of course she was able to maneuver out of restraints no less than three times.

• Class Clown: She is known for disrupting the class with actions like blowing spitballs at the board (or the back of the teacher's head), throwing paper airplanes, making outrageous jokes, or just being silly. A notable example is in history class, when she interrupts an informative and Foreshadowing-heavy lecture about how Ylati's capital Kes'trina was built by asking if they have to memorize how many pounds of human waste was carted out to the sea before the modern sewer systems were invented.

• Cold-Blooded Torture: This is the only words that can describe what Mary did to Captain Amoretti. First she psychologically tortured him by taking out the men and women under his command, people who trusted their lives to him, one by one hidden in darkness and rain. Then when she finally kills the last ones, Mary shoots him in the legs and interrogates him on her parents' whereabouts. When he doesn't answer out of pride and refusal to spill information to what he sees as the enemy, she simply impales his hands with her arrowheads. She even lampshades what she's doing as repulsive and vile, but:
  • Mary: "Just tell me where they are! Please, just tell me! I don't want to do this to you! Yeah, I'm a traitor, but I'm not a monster. I just wanted to...I don't even know anymore. But Mom and Dad...they didn't have anything to do this this! They're innocent people, they really are. I kept trying to tell you that, but you wouldn't listen. So now...now we're going to do this all night if we have to, until you tell me where they are. And maybe then I can stop hurting you."

• Damsel in Distress/ Damsel out of Distress: Mary gets in over her head and is only saved from dying in the streets of a Fantastic Ghetto by Drasil's timely action and Tranquil Fury. Later she is arrested by the Peace Officers and Drasil once again tries to save her. Except that a dragon attacks and destroys the town, allowing Mary to free herself and escape. She then stays out of harms way on her own for months at a time before being arrested again by the Badass Army Exterior Guard. Despite freeing herself once again from restraints, she realized that there was no way out of the Exterior Guard base, and only was spared from death by a Reasonable Authority Figure.

• Did Not Get the Girl: Despite their romantic feelings for each other, the Distant Finale reveals that Drasil and Mary did not wind up together—at least not permanently. They lived as a couple for nine years before amicably separating, with Mary entering the elven forests of Atnar and training to be a Ranger. Drasil mentions being happy for her, even though he knows they can never be together because she cannot leave. Though they send letters and are implied to have met once when he traveled there, Drasil notes that she is becoming more and more like the elves every year, and far more distant.

• Doomed Hometown: The day after she is arrested for aiding Helios members, Cabazzi comes under attack by the Bronze Dragon who annihilates the town's human habitations and businesses, killing hundreds of people. The chaos actually saved Mary's life—had things gone as planned, she would have been taken by the Vision, who would have tortured her for information she didn't have before casually executing her, and then done the same to her parents.
  • She still grieves for Cabazzi however, and the lives that were lost in the attack. Despite her hardships there, Mary loved the town itself and she is horrified at the painful and horrifically abrupt way the victims died. She shares Drasil's hatred of the Bronze Dragon and the man who ordered the assault in the first place.

• Defiant Captive: Zig-zagged. After waking up in the hospital chained to her bed after Gregor's attack, Mary frees herself from her handcuffs and uses a fire ax against the Peace Officers guarding the hallway outside her room. After she is subdued and taken to the station, she becomes meek and tries to reason with the Officers and explain how she was tricked into stealing the weapons. It's only when they don't believe her story and press her about deeper connections to Helios and thing she doesn't even understand that she become irritated and snappish again. When captured by the Exterior Guard in the East Quadrant and imprisoned at their base in the Wall, she takes a far more passive but still defiant position, refusing all food that she is offered.

• Determinator: Mary's sole goal is to rescue her mother and father from the Kingdom of Ylati's forces and get her entire family out of the country. She isn't going to let little matters like being a wanted fugitive herself, opponents trained in military combat, the vastness of the realm, or not even knowing where her parents are or which branch of the martial service is holding them prisoner stop her from accomplishing her desire.

• Deal with the Devil: Gregor, the leader of the Helios cell in Cabazzi manipulated her current rage towards her father for destroying her dream of becoming a bounty-hunter's apprentice, and convinced her to aid Helios in the theft of weapons. In exchange, he would use his many contacts throughout the West Quadrant to ensure a bounty hunter would stop by Cabazzi and pick her up, whether her father liked it or not. Mary happily agreed, not even thinking about what the weapons would be used for and even less about the consequences of her actions.
  • A milder example happens with the Helios/Exterior Guard alliance later. Marco offers to either let Mary go, or for her to join his group in their rebellion and in exchange, he will devote a section of his force to helping her find her parents—and they are likely to be found anyway, with the way the rebellion is storming Kingdom strongholds and releasing political and criminal prisoners by the hundreds. Oh and Drasil is with them, so Mary will get to spend her time by her best friend's side. It's only considered a shady deal because Mary believes both Helios and Ylati to be ruthless and cruel; in her eyes both sides are evil.

• The Drifter: After she finished with Captain Amoretti she simply followed the refugee caravan to Vorcily where she split off and spent the next month wandering from town to town, city to city and trying to glean any information about Hermes and Laly Getz that she could, without alerting the Peace Officers. It worked too, since Cabazzi's destruction eclipsed any mention of her criminal activities and she wasn't a high-priority target to begin with. In fact she managed to drift all across the Western Quadrant, and into the East before she was captured by the Exterior Guard and imprisoned.

• Dual Wielding: Averted with her bow; she only has one, though she continually replaces it over the course of the story. However played straight with Mary's quivers; she wears two on her back, both of them filled with arrows to extend the time it takes for her to run out.

• First Kiss: Her first is with Drasil after she has rescued her mother from a Vision base. However the circumstances are anything but ideal—Laly was dying of terrible injuries and neglect and Mary wasn't sure she would make it, and she had no idea where her father was, and was the closest she had ever been to giving up. Drasil abruptly kissed her not out of romance but out of a desperate and frantic gambit to shock her so that her mind was taken out of its downward spiral.

• Forest Ranger: Mary later becomes the first half-elf to receive Ranger training from the elves who guard Atnar's forested lands. It is not a popular decision and the Distant Finale explains that it caused it great deal of upheaval within the elven community, both those living in Atnar and in Ylati. These complaints were satisfied for the most part when Mary promised to never leave Atnar and thus keep the Ranger's training secrets and culture in those lands forever.

• Friendly Sniper: One of several for the Helios/Exterior Guard alliance. Mary assists in the effort to capture Dr. Matteo Rossini, Queen Araceli's private physician, and when it fails, she covers the escape of the capture team by launching several arrows at the pursuing Peace Officers, cutting down several and wounding even more.

• Innate Night Vision: Mary has incredible night-vision; she can see for several feet in front of her on a moonless night and in almost full color. It is a weaker version of the elves' visual abilities; pure-blooded elves can see much farther and their eyes immediately switch to the infrared spectrum in darkness.

• Irony: Mary's dream was to become a bounty-hunter, a hired warrior who chased down fugitives who were either too wily to be captured by the Ylatain government's forces or who crossed over over into other nations to take advantage of the ban on military personnel from the Three Kingdoms setting foot in one another's territory. However after spending a large amount of time as a fugitive herself, the thought of hunting down other people like that, even criminals, made her ill. Which is one of the reasons she eventually accepted Vanthi's offer to become an Atnar Ranger at the price of her ability to leave the woods.

• In the Hood: After her escape from Cabazzi, she wears a hooded poncho along with a work-shirt jeans and outdoor boots. The hood makes sense, as there are less than thirty half-elves within Ylati's borders and their features are extremely distinctive, thus anyone could identify her with a single glance.

• Not in This for Your Revolution: All she wants is to find her parents and escape to either the Atnar forests or the underground kingdom of the dwarves. Mary's personal opinion, based on how she was treated by both sides of the conflict, is that Helios and the royal government are both ruthless and cruel. However she needs to stay with the rebellion because they are the best chance of finding her parents, and her best-friend-turned-love-interest is with them too. That, and she wants to prevent the impending dragon attack so that others won't have to experience and see what she did when Cabazzi was destroyed. Not to mention the human race will die out if the dragons go through with their plan.

• The Pollyanna: Mary is optimistic to a fault, always trying to see a good outcome from a bad situation. At one point she told a boy whose cat had died that at least he would be able to buy a new one and make lots of new and fun memories with the replacement. It irks many people and at some times comes off as Lack of Empathy. By the time Mary and Drasil reunite, much of this has been replaced with more realistic outlooks. Though Drasil does note that Mary expecting to find her parents alive at all is an indication that this persona still lives within her, if largely muted.

• Poor Communication Kills: Hermes forced away Claudio Bard, the man Mary saw as her only chance to leave Cabazzi and become a bounty hunter. He did it because the man was a known rapist with a thing for half-human women but instead of letting his daughter know this, Hermes simply explained that he had made sure she would not be going with Bard and expected her to accept that her father knew best. Instead Mary decided to strike back at him by helping a group of rebellious nuriel and things just went downhill from there.

• Sad Clown

• Tainted Veins: Played with; Mary's veins are a dark amber color, but they are only noticeable because of her nearly translucent pale skin.

• Toxic Friend Influence: At the time of the story, Drasil's parents have forbidden him from seeing Mary outside of school, mostly because she pushes him into doing things that get them both in trouble. The worst example would be Mary stealing her father's key to the Borlusconi mansion and convincing Drasil to threaten the bully with real weapons. It very nearly got both of them arrested and it marked the death knell for their friendship if his parents had anything to say about it.

• Uncanny Valley: Her eyes are unnaturally large for a human and her facial features are too refined and delicate. Strangely these same features are prominent on the elves as well, but it doesn't bother anyone at all. It's implied that the elves make it look more natural, while Mary's features are also subtly human and the mix is unnerving to anyone who sees it. It's all part of a running theme in Clockwalkers that being a hybrid is difficult and oftentimes disadvantageous.
  • There was no doubt that Mary was beautiful—but it was a cold and alien beauty, and it sent an uncomfortable shudder through everyone that looked at her.

• You Have Outlived Your Usefulness/She Knows Too Much: The moment Gregor realizes that Mary might have triggered suspicion about where the weapons are going and calculates that they have enough for an uprising with what they have, he lures Mary into End-Town and slits her throat. Rather than simply finishing her off when she doesn't immediately die, he instead answers her frantic gasping with Evil Gloating about what a stupid and childish creature she is, leading a badly BSODing Drasil to stumble upon the scene.

• You Are a Credit to Your Race: Vanthi, an elven Ranger allied with the Helios/Exterior Guard alliance commends Mary on her bow skills and herb-lore and mentions that her mother has done a good job nurturing her elven side. It is the closest to a compliment he pays her, otherwise he remains cold and standoffish, actually getting up and leaving when she walks in. However he does later use his considerable pull to let Mary into Atnar to see her mother's home-land and trains her in the art of a Ranger.

• You Can't Go Home Again: Mary is displaced from Cabazzi like all the other refugees from the Bronze Dragon's attack. The difference is that she is a wanted fugitive to be captured on sight, and thus she has to spend her time constantly moving. After being allowed into Atnar like no other half-elf before her, and receiving Ranger training, Mary is not allowed to leave again. This is because the Rangers "serve the wood", and take strict vows to only leave when the last of the Great Trees has died.

edited 12th Sep '14 6:40:30 AM by Swordofknowledge

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

Ah, the Sad Clown coupled with The Pollyanna, nice. A Bratty Teenage Daughter can be funny comic relief or be the Star Trek Voyager character Nelix with boobs. Make sure her skills as an Action Girl justify her role in the story. She can have her serious moments and have them blanced out with comic ones.

Blue-and-Orange Morality - she'll have different priorities as a half-elf than a human would. And the same goes for elves, she'd approach things differently for them too. Her Uncanny Valleyness could be a turn on to some, but try to keep it in mind and don't let it take over the story either. There is a fine line from Torches and Pitchforks and Informed Flaw.

Good job and happy writing.

edited 14th Sep '14 8:24:01 PM by TairaMai

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be on The First 48

“In a galaxy, where the United Earth Government has fought a civil war, losing several worlds to the Southern Cross and had a war with the Alien Cay Union, hope rides in a ship called Victory ”

~*cue theme music*~

A ship to fight the ESS Victory:

Name: SCSS Amy Komori

Age: Built 15 years before the series takes place

Personality: Cool Ship,

Abilities: A capital ship made to fight the EDF.

Weaknesses:

• Awesome, but Impractical / Crippling Overspecialization:: No Space Marines, there is a company-sized element of Security Forces on board. A capital ship only built for space combat, her class has to escort the fragile crusher ships to take a planet.

• Against Earth ships she’s a Lightning Bruiser , Cay Union ships are faster and have more weapons.

• Army of Thieves and Whores: the image the Southern Cross Mustered Citizenry has after the various wars against Earth. While the SCMC is much more professional, they do emply many privateers. That’s the backstory of Wing Commander Allyus Pomaz.

Goals/Motivation: The crew patrols the Joint Security Area and keep Earth off balance.

Role in the story: The Rival to the ESS Victory

Backstory:

The Rebecca Corbin class battlecruisers are based on Cay Union “Raptor Strike” class ship. They are LightningBruisers made for speed to respond to the EDF’s Bernard Law Montgomery-class ships. The Amy K. has artificial gravity, jump and warp drives.

Southern Cross doctrine puts a great emphasis on Running the Blockade, they need to get ships past EDF units that would try and take worlds away from them. Older Cay Imperial ships were being trounced by Earth’s Monty-class ships. So they built a ship designed for speed and firepower to escort their crusher ships. It would be able to carry the fight to the EDF. Secretly, the Southern Cross’s Revolutionary Military Council feared that the Cay Union could turn on them. So the newer ships would be built to outrun their Vengence class capital ships.

Commodore Acera Veery is charged with keeping the EDF off balance. While the treaty that ended the One Year War limits ships patrolling the Joint Security Area, Amy K’s speed more than makes up for that. Her mission is to be many places at once.

Relevant Tropes: For the ship:

• Cool Starship: The Amy K. is named after a famous Southern Cross freedom fighter, so her mission is to take the fight to the EDF.
  • Occupiers Out of Our Country: The reason she was named after a famous person
  • Faster-Than-Light Travel
  • Standard Sci-Fi Fleet: a capital ship (Battlecruiser) that is The Mothership,

• Cute Bruiser / The Aesthetics of Technology: the ship has a smooth flowing design and it’s whipple shields make it look like a dolphin or long fish.
  • The SpaceFighters tend to have Nose Art showing a fish with a boxy Earth ship in it’s teeth.

• Space Fighter: a wing of 20 fighters, SCMC doctrine tends to favor Jack of All Stats medium class fighters working in groups. However there are four heavy bombers to support the crusher ships and over match EDF fighters.
  • The Load: the Crusher ships need to be protected as they make planet fall.
  • Beam Spam: SCMC fighters tend to have lots of lasers giving them more shots than EDF fighters and their railguns.

• Macross Missile Massacre
  • Recursive Ammo: The SCMC is quite fond of this

• Kinetic Weapons Are Just Better: The ship has a lot of railguns, both for point defense and larger ones for naval combat.
  • Orbital Bombardment: those guns support units from the Crusher ships, wiping out enemy units below.

• We Will Use Lasers in the Future: the ships energy weapons are powerful, but not up to the Victory class’s standards. They can’t draw additional power from the main engines so this ship can’t Beam Spam. Veery wants to use speed to compensate.

• Alpha Strike: working with her fighters, the Amy K. can dish out a lot of damage.

Relevant Tropes: For the crew:

• Power Trio: Two Guys and a Girl: The Hero and The Lancer, mediated by The Heart
  • The Captain / Lady of War : Commodore Acera Veery
  • Number Two / The Heart: Lieutenant commander Jeri El'hat Masaka
  • The Lancer / Ace Pilot: Wing Commander Allyus Pomaz

• The Crew has:
  • Mildly Military: the SCMC Navy tends to be lax on customs but not discipline.
  • Cold Sniper: Gun crews on Southie ships are famous for hitting ship’s weak points, disabling or crippling enemy ships with few shots.
  • Fighting for a Homeland: the ship’s motto is “Peace, Land, and Justice”
  • Peeling Potatoes / We Will Use Manual Labor in the Future: no food pills for this ship, threats of being sent to work in the galley keeps the conscripts in line. After a few weeks on patrol, everyone is a food critic.

• Nicknaming the Enemy: Icky Vicky vs the Amy K., The SCMC picked up on Victory's nickname after hearing news reports of it's breakdowns in port. When the EDF saw what the Komori could do, even intel officers called her the Amy K. out of respect
  • Reporting Names: Officially the EDF calls all of these ships “Romeo class”, this one is “Romeo 3”

edited 14th Sep '14 8:31:20 PM by TairaMai

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be on The First 48

~* bump*~

All night at the computer, cuz people ain't that great. I keep to myself so I won't be on The First 48

Good to see more from Clockwalkers. Mary isn't exactly my cup of tea (as I have a personal aversion for teenage character of most sorts, and elves. I dislike elves, to put it lightly), but there are aspects in her I find attractive enough that I'm willing to look the other way. I don't know exactly where to put it, but it's probably the way she's portrayed as a half-elf with actual race-identity issue that actually affects the story as a whole. Probably not my favorite from Clockwalkers, but looks fine to me.

I'm... well, unsure as to how to comment on your entry. Maybe that's just me, but I can't imagine the ship being an actual character. If I miss something, please let me know. As of now, I'll leave it for the next posters to comment on yours. I'll be sure to look into the three named crews you posted though.

Now, the fourth of the five man band.

“I am a servant of the Seraphs. I am a servant of my people. My service, offered without question, my devotion, without doubt. To my Lords and Ladies, and my people, my life I shall give. From my Lords and Ladies's enemies, and the enemies of my people, their lives I shall take.”

Name: Sister Rosendel (birth name Rosendel Ize)

Age: 40

Personality: As expected from a Battalion chaplain, Rosendel is a spiritual figure, always believing in her and her compatriots' higher purposes. Her religious disposition borders on fanaticism, a fact which bothers many people around her, but it can't be denied that Rosendel is a kind soul. She cares for those in her company, and always strive to sooth then of their pain, physical or otherwise. But as a devout follower of the Six Seraphs, Rosendel's dedication can be dangerous. Of course, it's a given that she would serve her faith first, and her companions second, unless the latter would benefit the former well. In the end, Rosendel's nigh impossible to read, and most find themselves unable to truely trust her.

Abilities: Exceptional melee combat proficiency, especially with a knife. Rosendel only wields an old dagger, but her acrobatic skills and extremely sharp reflex allow her to.stand toe to toe against battle hardened soldiers with ease. The level of melee combat training she went through is, to her companions, unbelievable for a chaplain. Also, as a Sister of Mercy, a female-exclusive clerical sect dedicated to the Seraph Larane, Rosendel is educated in basic healing of both magical and alchemical nature, though she's no doctor and her magical affinity is quite mediocre at best.

Weaknesses: Rosendel suffers from an illness similar to asthma. This means she can't figjt in a prolonged battle . She's also too hot headed for a cleric, and for a woman of such age and health. Rosendel is as the result sometimes prone to lost of coordination with her company at the most crucial moments.

Goal: To help the New Ayregard Formation take the now occupied kingdom back from the Imperia. Later, to also kill Iris, who she deems too dangerous to let live.

Motivation: As a former chaplain, Rosendel feels that it is her calling to free her homeland from the Imperia's claws. This is why she joined the New Ayregard Formation, and later joined force with four other individuals with this common goal. The way she sees it, this is how to best serve the Lady of Harmony. What else is more in tandem with ‘harmony,’ than to serve alongside her compatriots, all of them of the same faith as hers?

Role: The Five Man Band’s Team Mom, who later turned the group's archenemy

Backstory: A former member of the Repentia, a fanatical sect consisting entirely of followers of Nychia, the Seraph of Retribution, officially outlawed by the Kingdom of Ayregard, Rosendel has long reformed. In her youth, she was violent, and believed only in force. In her youth, she was the best among the Repentia. But the life of killing 'enemies within', or those under the Kingdom's rule that would threaten the providence of the Six Seraphs and their followers, eventually came back to haunt her, and Rosendel chose to abandon the Repentia. Though not without consequences, she got off lightly, only ending up spending a few short years in prison for comparatively minor offenses before being released. Weary, Rosendel sought to serve the Six in a more civil way. This was how she ended up in the Ayregard Battalion, as a company chaplain, charged with caring for the soldiers and guiding them spiritually in times of need. Now a Sister of Mercy, as all chaplains are, Rosendel takes to heart the importance of peace and harmony. For a while, the sister thought she finally got rid of her violent past; she still served her countrymen, all of them of the faith that she shared, but not in the way that required her to take lives. But then, the Imperia’s invasion on Ayregard broke out, and the short war that resulted led to Ayregard’s quick surrender after suffering heavy casualty. Her company was crushed, her Battalion comrades dead or worse. In the midst of chaos that ensued, the New Ayregard Formation was born, and Rosendel’s refusal to see the ‘true’ children of the Six, her compatriots, subjected to such an awful fate as to be under the Imperia’s oppressive rule led to her joining the Formation. She served in whatever way she can, but still as a chaplain, as she tried her best not to lapse back to her vicious self. But then, even the Formation was crushed. On a fateful journey with the eilte Ironhand Cadre, led by Ishra Lunel, the captain, Rosendel walked right into an ambush that ended with nearly all of her company lost. Saved by the remaining Formation forces, Rosendel refused to turn back, and set off to find Ishra, who got separated from the rest of the men in the ambush. The journey that followed turned out to be more than she had expected as she met Pierr, the lone forester who saved Ishra, the mad First of the King’s Witches Iris, hell-bent on her quest for vengeance, and the mysterious enchanter Wightfinger. As the situation forced these five to work together in battling against both the Empire and the now occupied Kingdom, Rosendel came closer to losing her newfound inner peace, becoming more and more similar to her old ferocious self as things spiraled out of control.

Tropes

Badass Preacher: Rosendel’s an ex church assassin turned army chaplain, charged with being a company’s healer and spiritual advisor. She’s still extremely dangerous, of course.

Church Militant: Used to be part of the Repentia, a small officially outlawed and now disbanded sect of the Six Seraphs followers that has a tendency to hunt down individual it deemed heretical according to the teachings of the Six. Doubled as a Corrupt Church as well, as it was in fact controlled by a circle of Ayregard nobility to weed out their court enemies. Realization of the latter was why Rosendel decided to leave in the first place.

Determinator: While the five of them are this in some way, Rosendel is most notable for this in that, owing to her health problem, she shouldn’t even be able to fight. The combination of basic healing magic and immense amount of zeal keeps her going, but of course at the cost of deteriorating her health further. Rosendel knows this well, that if she continues to overexert herself she will very soon die, but the sister’s mission to ensure her compatriots’ freedom is way more important than her life.

Face–Heel Turn: In the end, Rosendel lapsed back completely into her violent, fanatical self, but not without reason. The pressure she faced from complicated situation that is the three-way war between the Imperia, the now occupied Kingdom of Ayregard which appeared subservient to its conqueror but secretly worked to achieve an unknown objectives, and the New Ayregard Formation which had more to it than it seemed, and the madness Iris demonstrated in her quest for revenge, including her indiscriminate killing of enemies or innocents alike, use of magic without caring for consequences, and disregarding any value core to the teaching of the Six, led to Rosendel trying to kill Iris just before the group’s planned assault on King Myrdas’s castle. Failing to convince Ishra that Iris was a bigger threat than the traitors and the invaders, Rosendel turned an enemy of the band, and became determined in killing the four first. The way she saw it, the Imperia and the treacherous King Myrdas might bring misery to the land, but the mad witch and her companions, left unchecked, would leave the Kingdom in utter ruin.

In the Hood: At least, when out in the open. The hood’s a part of her costume anyway.

Knife Nut: Rosendel only wields the old dagger as her weapon. Although she’s an elementary level mage, her craft is entirely in the healing aspect. This isn’t at all to say that Rosendel isn’t masterful at combat. She can fell a dozen of heavily armed Imperia soldiers with that pitiful excuse of a weapon on her own almost as quickly as Captain Lunel herself can.

Team Mom: Rosendel cares for her companions. She’s capable of some healing magic, basic alchemical concoctions, and is a kind spiritual advisor. Until she stops trying to be kind and goes right back to being a murderous fanatic, that is.

Token Religious Teammate: Obviously.

edited 25th Sep '14 1:34:28 AM by arreimil

On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.

I, by contrast, don't have a problem with having ships as characters, both as independent agents, working with, empowering and limiting the other characters, as well as groupings of characters (i.e. crew A vs. crew B). There two things that come to mind: Firstly, is the setting a Grey-and-Grey Morality situation? I ask merely because you have both the Victory and the Amy K in the heroes thread. The other thing is that between the manually loaded weapons and the Amy K's solid food(does this imply that the Victory has food pills?), it makes me think of Wooden Ships and Iron Men IN SPACE!! Not that I think that is at all a bad thing, as I'm a huge Aubrey-Maturin fan. A thing to note about the Amy K's foodstuffs is that they should limit her operational time/range as she needs to account for the space/power/mass requirements of the food itself, its preparation facilities, and its refrigeration facilities. Actually, that could be the basis of a foil between the Amy K and the Victory, with the later not needing to return to port as much due to food. Of course, they'd have to return to port for repairs...unless they get really good at jury-rigging things.

Well, the fanaticism (and much more tellingly, the phrase "her compatriots, all of them of the same faith as hers") certainly foreshadowed the Face–Heel Turn for me. You may want to adjust the focus of such themes depending on when and how straightforward you want the foreshadowing to be.

Here's a character from the same work as Kordin, an Urban Fantasy:

Name:Peregrin "Pip" Sumerled(Yes, he's heard the Lord of the Rings jokes. Yes, he's tired of them.)

Age: 15-~20 throughout the story, as I haven't decided precisely how long it will take

Personality:

• Pip is a quiet individual. While not an Extreme Doormat like his friend Daniel, Pip prefers to let the conversation and decisions pass him by. He's usually staring off into space, or if it possible to so discretely, at Ariel.
• When something does get his attention, he tends to look at it intently, excluding his focus from everything else. His friends refer to this as him "going hawk-mode", and the only way to get him out of it is to physically break his eye contact with what-ever he is staring at.

Abilities:

• Due to his contract with the spirit Aetius, Pip can summon the latter in the form a crystalline white bird to aid him and allies, and harass his foes.
• Pip has excellent long distant eye-sight, at least if its day time or whatever he's looking at is well illuminated

Weaknesses:

• Summoning Aetius's physical form, as well as maintaining it, is exhausting to Pip. Additionally, the size and strength of Aetius's physical form is limited by how much mana Pip channels into the contract.
• Pip has no other magical abilities aside from his contract with Aetius (a mark of shame, considering his background, leading to)
• Pip has severe self-esteem issues
• Seemingly in compensation for his long distance eyesight, Pip is farsighted and suffers from mild night-blindness.

Goals:

• Help Daniel and his other friends determine whether the Mage Association or Aionis is telling the truth about the state of the world, and what they should do
• Confess his feelings to his crush, Ariel

Motivation: Pip has had an easier life than most, and knows it. Paradoxically, Pip has been miserable for the majority of his life, and feels he is forever coming up short of expectations, both those of others and himself. As a result, he clings to the few friends, successes, and other positive things he has.

Role in Story: Sixth Ranger. A source of exposition, an alternate view of the world than that provided to the main heroes by their mentor Aionis, and reinforcements (and/or alibis) as needed.

Backstory: Pip was born to two mages, and as an only child, he was instructed from a young age about the Gaunt Veil, and the politics of the various magical factions. However, as he grew older, he showed no signs of magical ability. The only reason why his memory wasn't erased is that his father came from a mundane(non-magical) family, and didn't develop his magical affinity until well into his thirties. When a morravel(a form of magical assasin) came after Daniel, Pip came to his aid, and Daniel revealed that he and some of his friends were being taught magic by a mentor named Aionis, who had a very different view of the world than that which Pip had been taught.

Tropes:

• Muggle Born of Mages, until his contract with Aetius, Pip was this
• Unlucky Childhood Friend, what Pip fears becoming

edited 1st Oct '14 4:37:43 PM by Sharur

Nihil assumpseris, sed omnia resolvere!

Pip sounds like he could be an interesting character, but feels a bit empty from what I'm reading. The outline's quite nice and I do love a Muggle Born of Mages character, but there's not enough there for me to give real specifics. Good start though.

---

Name: Dr. Isabella "Belle" Tachibana/T-5

Age: 34

Personality: Belle really wants to help people, she does. And she believes that people can change if they truly want to, because where would she be if she didn't? Unfortunately, she isn't able to show that often, as her job demands that she be as impersonal as possible. Also, she used to be a psycho's favorite student and that side of her is dormant, rather than dead.

Abilities: Belle is a telepath of average strength and a telekinetic of above average power. She can lift trucks with medium effort and has a rather insidious skill when it comes to implanting mental suggestions. Her real ability lies in being able to recognize mental tinkering and to undo it to a degree.

Weaknesses: Belle cares too much. She's so desperate to do better, it clouds her judgement. She doesn't like fighting (her powers are mainly defensive), she lacks fine control over her telekinesis, and she's honestly afraid of her telepathy or stepping over perceived boundaries, sometimes to Beta-3's detriment. If she fails to help people, she doesn't know what to do with herself.

Role in the story: Mission Control and The Medic

Goals: Belle wants the war over last week and she wants to be a better person. Working with the team of oddities that is Beta-3 gives her the chance to bury her old reputation, save lives, and talk a few people away from the Renascence all at once.

Motivation: Redemption. She did things in the past that she wishes she had the power to undo, but since time-travel is heavily regulated, she'll have to settle for moving forward and putting people back together instead of breaking them apart.

Backstory: Isabella Tachibana was raised by her mother and father, both of them telepaths. As she grew older, they assumed she would follow in their footsteps as a medical practitioner, either in neuroscience like her mother or therapy like her father. She shocked and disappointed them when she chose to join the subsection of the military made especially for telepaths, nicknamed the 'Meta Corps', midway through her residency.

After graduation, she was quickly transferred to the department of Dr. Franklin Jacobs and given the codename T-5, T for her initial and 5 for her level of skill. Belle was thrilled. The Dr. Jacobs wanted her on his team; she couldn't get to her duty station fast enough. Her sheer devotion to the cause sent her flying through the ranks and into spec ops in four years, with Dr. Jacobs' recommendation. Once there, she worked on memory suppression and retrieval in Transhuman black-ops, meeting the brash but successful team of Beta-3 and their leader Kay Williamson. When Beta-3 was disbanded due to the death of four of its six operatives, Dr. Jacobs personally requested that Belle do the final memory retrieval and wipe of Williamson. Belle did so, down to severing Williamson's emotional ties to her dead friends, and went on about her day.

It wasn't until a year later, when she saw Williamson again and watched the woman stare blandly at a picture of one of Beta-3's dead, that it occurred to Belle that she might not be doing the right thing. She poked at Williamson's mind and nearly vomited from the mental wounds left over from repeated memory wipes, some of which she herself had caused. While she was deeply unsettled, she passed it off as an isolated incident. It wasn't. Williamson and many others had severe issues that, left unchecked, wouldn't end well for anyone. Belle went to her commanding officer with her findings, only to be dismissed with a vague promise that it "would be looked into". Belle did some further research and was appalled at how deep the corruption ran. Her superiors didn't care about the troops mental health as long as they could still fight and were, in fact, using telepaths to keep the Transhuman troops docile. And Dr. Jacobs knew, likely had known for some time. If she could have, Belle would have walked right off base and never come back, but she'd recently re-upped for five more years of service; the only was to get out was dishonorable discharge.

So instead, she privately promised to never let such a thing happen again to her charges and joined the new Beta-3 as their handler, slowly working in the background to gather enough evidence to make her case the day the contract ends.

Relevant tropes:

• The Atoner: Most assuredly.

• A Mother To Her Troops: Though she and Kay share the leadership position, Kay, Jenna, and Rick go to her for advice on their personal lives.

• Badass Pacifist: She doesn't fight if she can avoid it: "That isn't my mission, sir.''. But don't think she can't flatten you. Not all fights are physical.

• Beware the Nice Ones: Belle's considered a physical pushover and a useless fighter, so it's no surprise that when the Renascence kidnaps her, they don't bother to do more than restrain her. Which is fine, she gets out of the cell by talking to her guards. She then proceeds to accidentally find Dr. Gardner's lab and the test subjects. She knocks out a 6'5" spider woman, a speedster, and a troop of soldiers in 18 seconds without touching them or using telekinesis.

• Big Eater: Belle can eat three Big Macs, two orders of medium fries, and six apple pies without feeling stuffed. Her telekinesis really takes it out of her.

• Break Them by Talking: All Meta Corps higher ups are taught this in case of capture or a wipe gone wrong. Belle only uses it once, but they never did find the body.

• Broken Pedestal: It hurt when she figured out that the Meta Corps wasn't for keeping the peace so much as for keeping the other Transhumans under control.

• Code Name: All members of the Meta Corps have one, hers is T-5. Yes, she's heard the jokes. No, she doesn't think they're funny.

• Creepy Blue Eyes

• Doesn't Know Her Own Strength: When her telekinesis is involved. She's flipped 18-wheelers over by accident.

• Driven to Suicide: She considered it briefly.

• Drowning My Sorrows: After Miranda's death and after Rick's.

• Good Counterpart: To Dr. Sara Salazar. Like Dr. Salazar, Belle is a doctor who dropped out of her residency, is often seen as not having emotions, wears a cover for her eyes, is friends with her leader, is a former student of a prestigious doctor whom she eventually turned against, rarely gets involved in combat, has mind-control powers, and switched allegiances after reading a person's mind. Unlike Dr. Salazar, Belle actually cares about someone besides herself and tries to make life better for the people around her.

• Guile Hero: She's a liar, sometimes, kind of, mostly. The Meta Corps taught her to blend lies, half-truths, and the truth in a way to leave people confused and unsure of themselves at the very least. She takes great pleasure in turning it right back on them, for her own safety and to gather evidence. It also comes in handy when she's captured by the Renascence.

• The Handler: As a telepath assigned to the field, she has to be this. She uses it as an excuse to get to files and case-histories she wouldn't be allowed near otherwise.

• Heel–Face Turn: Underwent a serious one after getting a firsthand look at the fallout of a mind-wipe.

• Heroic Albino: A scientist friend of Dr. Jacobs made her a special SFP level of sunscreen so she wouldn't burn horribly in the sun. When Dr. Jacobs finds out what Belle knows, he threatens to cut off her supply; no sunscreen, no field cases, no info. She agrees to back off, while Jenna takes up siphoning intel out of the database for her.

• Heroic BSoD: Three times. First when she uncovered the Meta Corps actions, second when Miranda Wyght died, and finally when Rick died.

• Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Kay. Belle felt so guilty about what happened that she took it upon herself to single-handedly heal the deeper gouges in Kay's mind. In the process, she found a very good friend who forgave her for her part in Kay's mental destabilization. Fortunately, Belle was able to fix most of the damage.

• Ice Queen: Her reputation before her Heel–Face Turn. That image starts falling apart following her change.

• Martial Medic: Even if she doesn't really use the background her medical training came from.

• The McCoy: In her more honest moments.

• The Medic: All handlers out in the field are trained to double as medics.

• Mind over Matter: Her instructors loved her ability but hated how she used it: as a blunt instrument for lifting, throwing, and the like. She ends up using it to ward off debris from civilians during skirmishes or clean up afterwards.

• Mind Rape: She knows she can do this, so she carefully plans out everything so that she's never put in position to do it.
  • Bertram Dedrick does this to her when she goes after him for killing Miranda Wyght.

• Mission Control: Acts as this initially, before being sent out in the field when the Renascence gets stronger.

• More than Mind Control: Her other specialty. Belle is fond of using logic over force in her arguments as to why something should be done. To her, Mind Rape is a horrific loss of control for a telepath and shows that they themselves are mentally weak. Most people can't imagine not simply taking over a mind, thus the Big Bad firmly believes Belle is turning people away from the Renascence by mind-wiping them (she's really comforting terrified people who never thought they'd find themselves in a war zone and making deals in exchange for intel) and the Meta Corps thinks she's twisting the minds of Beta-3 (she's really using the psychology she went to school to learn).

• Must Make Amends

• My God, What Have I Done?: A hardcore case of this after finding out what she did to Kay and countless others. It stays with her throughout the story, shaping all of her decisions and making her hesitant to use her telepathy.

• My Greatest Failure: Miranda Wyght was supposed to be under her protection, but she let Miranda go to session after session of "therapy" with Dr. Jacobs and it got Miranda killed. Belle beats herself up for what she did to Kay, but she will never forgive herself for leaving Miranda just because she was too scared to go against Miranda's wishes and see for herself what was wrong or directly incur Dr. Jacobs wrath. She knows she could have made a difference, but chose not to.

• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Privacy is all well and good, but when working with the sea of issues Beta-3 has, a little more monitoring could have kept people from dying.

• Redemption Quest: Being part of a frontline team is hers.

• Revenge Before Reason: While drunk, she goes after The Dragon following Miranda's death. Cue a mutual Mind Rape that ends with her being left near catatonic and his brains scrambled.

• Telepath: Like both of her parents.

• Thoughtcrime: Initially sees herself as committing one by the very idea of turning against the system. It doesn't help that she formerly had some "priority" soldiers sent to "counseling" for the same thing.

• Smart People Play Chess

• The Spock: Is the role her job forces her to play.

• State Sec: As a telepathic handler, she's supposed to read the minds of her charges, all the time. When she joins up with Beta-3, she mostly ditches protocol and lies about it unless it's to measure their combat-readiness for reports. She... shouldn't have done that.

• Sunglasses at Night: When off-duty.

• Vitriolic Friendship: With Jenna St.James. Belle took one look at Jenna's messed up case-history and decided that just wouldn't do, making her the most willing to actually work with Jenna and the least likely handler to kill her via friendly fire. Jenna, in her own way, pays this trust back by trying to be less acerbic towards Belle's person of choice; the person is rarely Belle.
  • Subversion: Kay and Belle get along fine, but Kay's self-flagellating, to Belle's frustration. To an outsider, it tends to look like a handler and team lead having a bitch-fit at each other.

• Unskilled, but Strong: She doesn't have the best control over her telekinesis.

• Where Did We Go Wrong?: Her parents ask themselves this whenever she comes to visit.

edited 1st Oct '14 10:51:20 PM by UmLovely

RISE

Before I comment on Belle individually, I want to say that I'm loving the sense of Grayand Black Morality that seems to permeate this story. I have a fondness for organizations that are trying or created to do good—and may even be doing their job correctly—but also wind up committing unspeakable atrocities while doing so. The military/government in your story seems to be exactly that.

Anyway on to Belle herself. I like the whole idea of having a person on the inside who doesn't think it's a-okay to casually tinker around with someone's mind, even if times are desperate. I also admire her for her sneaky way around Dr. Jacobs' threats. Great character, and I really hope she recovers from being Mind Raped.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

I rather like this character- she's got a nice combination of typically villainous tropes while being a pretty heroic character. I'm also really fond of atoners in general, so there's that.

Okay, so I don’t know if anyone is going to remember me posting anything about a Fantasy story here earlier, but it’s changed a lot since then, so if you don’t that’s probably for the best. The story is set on an alternate world called Gaia, a tropical planet with an 18th century aesthetic where many of the inhabitants can use a very intuitive form of Functional Magic- whatever one places their greatest faith in, they can control. This can be symbolic- someone believing that water represents redemption can become a hydromancer, or literal- someone whose life revolved around using metal can become a ferromancer.

(You may have noticed the use of Whatevermancy prevailing the setting. I’m using it because –mancy relates to a type of foresight and understanding, and the “mancers” as their called have the most in depth understanding of their respective element possible.)

In this story, an ancient master of a special kind of magic making her the most powerful pyromancer in the world returns to reclaim an ancient, floating, indestructible fortress of marble she plans to use for unknown purposes. The fortress is capable of raining down nuclear fire in all in its path and was only defeated by a daring raid from two of the most powerful mancers in the world. If she gets it, it can’t be good- the thing is so radioactive that just being under it for too long is lethal.

To stop it, a group of heroes recover a sarcophagus that they think contains her greatest rival’s corpse and weapon, and hope to use it against her. To their surprise, he is very much alive in their after 3,000 years- and wants to help them defeat her. As it turns out, he and she teamed up to defeat an army of demons in the past, but he never told her that he was himself a demon turned rogue until too late- at which point she assumed he was plotting to betray her and, seeing no way to kill him, sealed him in a sarcophagus, and buried it deep underground.

Once recovered, he helps the heroes on their quest to stop the pyromancer from claiming Illatar, and to free their respective homelands from tyrants. Along the way, he discovers that his past is far more complicated than he thought, and that this conflict isn’t as straightforward as it seems.

Name: Jei; also called the Umbramancer, or the Repentant Demon.

Age: Around 3,000 years old, one can estimate.

Appearance: He looks like a human male of average height, with dark skin, black hair and bright, golden eyes that give off a subtle glow. He always wears all black clothes, and carries a strange, primitive looking sword with him at all times. His features are hard to describe, as his people do not correspond to any living ethnic group- he has a somewhat narrow face and a large-ish nose, and a rather pronounced jawline. His face is completely free of hair except on his head.

Personality: He has a very rational way of looking at the world, especially compared to the assortment of nationalists and mercenaries that make up his companions. Despite this, he is the most prone to moral actions- something he claims is just in his nature. When they aren’t working on saving the world, he tries to socialize with the other heroes- something he is ‘’God-awful’’ at, as his entire life experience has basically been fighting evil- while that is what the heroes are doing now, the circumstances are entirely different (Fighting a rebellion against an overwhelming enemy in a primordial setting vs. subtle espionage and intelligence gathering in a Georgian-era setting). His contributions to discussions not related to the task at hand are often a little odd- he’s not quite a Cloud Cuckoo Lander, but his alien nature makes it hard for him to relate to humans- he can be more than a little morbid, as one might expect from a being made from a human corpse. He does have an excellent sense of humor though, and is fond of making deadpan observations about the situations they find themselves in.

Abilities: He is the only known umbramancer- the power to control and create “shadow”- actually a low temperature, low-conductivity viscous liquid that he can make into whatever shapes he likes and manipulate it not unlike a Green Lantern ring. Also, while the rest of his group is more-or-less human, Jei is a demon- a being that is Human Outside, Alien Inside. His interior is a silicon structure that can generate movement perfectly mimicking a human, but allows for much greater durability than the average human. He is also more or less immortal- his body allows him to survive injuries that would be impossible for a human to survive, such as bisection or decapitation. As his outside “skin” is really just a product of an instinctive use of magic, any damage to it will be instantly repaired. He does not age at all, and requires minimal sustenance. One last talent- as his magic is based around his determination to bring justice to the unjust; he can more often tap into “True Magic”- a state where one is able to use magic in ways that absolutely defy the normal laws of physics that can only be brought about by a sense of complete necessity. Since his idea of necessity extends to any sufficiently unjust situation, he is far more capable of tapping into it than the others.

Weaknesses: It isn’t that hard to trap him- his power is useful, but not effective at delivering high amounts of PSI, although he gets better at it as the story goes on. He also is terrible at working with others, so when a situation calls for teamwork, he becomes the weak link. He can also become dangerously obsessed with a task, which leaves him oblivious to everything else.

Goals: His ultimate goal is to bring justice to the unjust, and to see that the weak and oppressed are protected. He is mostly a Small Steps Hero, having seen two massive empires spiral into decay brought about by Knight Templar leaders, and thinks that extremism is never a solution.

Motivation: A strong internal sense of justice, and possibly a lingering sense of honor from the mind of the original Jei, the person whose corpse he was spawned inside of. He also possesses a faith in the human goddess Teleute, a goddess of death and justice, and worships her through fighting to bring justice to the world. His umbramancy is the manifestation of his faith in her, and in the ideal of justice.

Role in the story: He is the primary protagonist, though not the viewpoint character.

Backstory: The summary at the top of the page gave some of it, but from his perspective here’s what happened; he was created like all the other demons- by another demon implanting his seed, an “iron thorn” into a corpse’s spine- this allows the demon to infiltrate human society and help them disassemble it from within. Unlike most demons, however, he saw no reason to harm these people that had done no wrong to him, and immediately defected. He found a human (the aforementioned pyromancer) aware of how the demons had been subverting the human civilizations, and worked with her to defeat the demons by using the terrible weapon they had tricked the humans into building in an effort to get them to wipe each other out, and turned it on their leader/home, the living valley called Nagido.

Once Nagido was destroyed and the army the two had risen drove the remaining demons back into the wilderness beyond the human lands, the two set out building a new kingdom for humanity to thrive in. After they sank the fortress into the sea, to prevent it from being used again, he was made chief protector of their new land. Unfortunately, this is when the pyromancer found out he was a demon, and assumed that he was only working with her to betray her. Despite his protesting his sincerity, she ordered him sealed away in a sarcophagus and buried, and then to be scourged from all records expect as a traitor- this is why the heroes were unaware of who he was at first.

Relevant Tropes:

The Ageless: Like all demons, he doesn’t age at all.

Ambiguously Brown: In-universe, everyone who doesn’t already know has a different guess at his ethnicity. His body is based off of a dead Nygian- a now long-gone people that used to be in great abundance. Out of universe, I like to think of him as looking like an ancient Mesopotamian.

And I Must Scream: Subversion- another trait of his Bizarre Alien Biology is the ability to hibernate for a given set of time, so he slept until his body felt light again- which occurred when the other heroes opened up his sarcophagus.

The Anti-Nihilist: He, like all the other demons, does not believe in any kind of higher power or in an objective morality. Unlike the other demons, he sees this as no reason to stop acting in a moral fashion, and tries to make the world a better place in spite of how futile an effort it has been for him. His faith in Teleute may seem a contradiction, but he believes that Teleute is actually a human magic user that has achieved mortality, and can still serve as an inspiration, even if she isn’t an actual goddess.

Bi The Way: Sort of- he has absolutely no sexual preferences, and while he understands that humans possess them, he thinks they are very strange.

Blue-and-Orange Morality: This is in part brought about by Deliberate Values Dissonance between himself and the 18th century styled morals of the rest of the cast- Jei believes that morality is something that should stem from emotions, followed by logical reasoning, and thinks that cultural standards of morality are often impractical, or even outright immoral- which leads to him criticizing the cultures of his comrades at times.

Bizarre Alien Biology: He’s a Silicon Based Lifeform with a false exterior made to resemble a human, so he’s already pretty bizarre. His interior is an intricate mass of silicon matrices that can move themselves in a way similar to human muscles, but are far more flexible- he is capable of bending himself in ways that should be totally impossible for a human, and can survive normally fatal injuries.

Creepy Good: He makes some very morbid remarks, can seem totally unfeeling, is a walking abomination in most people’s eyes, and overall acts like a monster trying to pass for human. He is also probably the most dedicated altruist of the heroes, and genuinely believes that one should always strive to do the right thing.

Classical Anti-Hero: A downplayed example, given that he is ultimately a good person and quite skilled, but his attempts at doing good have a tendency to result in disaster through simple bad luck, and he alienates others through his complete lack of social skills.

The Comically Serious: One who is quite self-aware regarding it, but plays along anyway.

Dissonant Serenity: This is less because he doesn’t care about what goes on around him, and more because of his difficulty with expressing it.

Dark Is Not Evil: He is a Humanoid Abomination spawned by a fairly mundane but no less Eldritch Abomination that sought to destroy humanity and replace it with more of its own kind, but he’s a very dedicated hero in spite of his nature.

Supernatural Gold Eyes: His bright-gold eyes starkly contrast his dark skin, and let others know right away that he is more than he appears.

Guile Hero: While he is skilled in magic and physically capable, compared to most of the cast he’s not particularly formidable on his own- so he relies on clever uses of his power, and makes the most of the allies and resources he has.

The Hero: The protagonist and character most dedicated to personally confronting the enemy and stopping them before they destroy humanity.

Sillicon Based Life: As with all demons.

The Needless: Comes very close- he has some limited physical needs, but for the most part he can get by without taking in any matter for weeks at a time. He can survive far longer by entering a trance, in which his systems go almost completely dormant, and his body waits for a signal to reawaken.

The Spock: Extremely logical, but completely avoids Straw Vulcan-ness by being the most moral member of the group, and acting detached less out of genuine aloofness and more out of simple shyness.

Our Demons Are Different: You may have noticed the demons of this setting don’t appear particularly supernatural. This is because everything in this setting is an organism, whether having naturally evolved or having been made by humans. As such, the demons are the products of Nagido- a massive organism based on silicon living in a continent devoid of humans. Nagido spawned the first demons in response to humans trying to destroy it, and sent them out to seek out the other humans and understand them. They are parasitic in origin, being spawned from human corpses, but they don’t need to consume other organisms to survive, as they can use magic to convert sunlight or matter into the energy they need.

Weapon Of Choice: A primitive sword made of wood and obsidian, enchanted not to break as such a weapon logically would. He primarily uses it as a focus for his umbramancy, but he is quite adept at using it to kill the old-fashioned way.

Casting a Shadow: A variant, in that he is only symbolically using shadows- his power takes this unusual form for two reason; 1) He’s a demon, and his magic is not quite the same as that of humans, and 2) There is a myth that the goddess Teleute found her first worshippers by protecting weak humans that were being persecuted by stronger ones by wielding the shadows themselves to drive off the stronger humans, and then using those same shadows to forge primitive weapons for the weak humans to defend themselves with.

The Stoic: Borders on this- he has feelings, but is poor at showing them.

Token Good Teammate: A strange and subtle example- while the other members of his team are Pragmatic Heroes for the most part, (with one Unscrupulous Hero as a sort of Token Evil Teammate), he is the one who sees their quest as a moral imperative, while the others are more concerned with the fate of their respective homelands or with their lives.

No Social Skills: He has some- enough that in a formal setting the heroes can get by, but when it comes to simple interaction with his teammates he is very awkward, and has trouble registering when they are angry or uncomfortable.

Innocently Insensitive: Jei will often talk about a mistake a person has made, or try to discuss a topic they disagree upon, and not understand why people might take offense to what he sees as constructive criticism.

Made of Iron: His demonic body is very resistant to damage, and he can generally take hits that his Healing Factor-possessing teammate would die from.

Tranquil Fury: When he gets mad, it is utterly terrifying in part because he maintains his unnatural calm even in a blind fury.

Time Abyss: He is 3,000 years old, and even if he hadn’t been in a trance he likely would have survived all that time on his own.

Übermensch: An almost ironic variant, in that his rejection of societal standards for morality leads to him being very concerned with protecting the weak and trying to bring meaning into the universe.

Weak, but Skilled: He has a unique power in umbramancy, and he is an expert at using it in creative ways, but it is a rather weak power compared to most others in terms of raw output, so he has to compensate with clever uses of it. He is also somewhat lacking in physical strength- while his body is tough and flexible, his “muscles” are average for a human, and in this setting that doesn’t count for much.

edited 17th Oct '14 2:26:24 PM by Rotide

[Redacted]

Ah, missed that... ignore this then

edited 18th Oct '14 3:06:36 PM by OrKuunArQenByundis

Borne By Storms

It is expected that you will comment on a prior entry before posting your own.

@ Rotide: Saying Jei is an interesting character feels like a gross understatement, but he really is. It's something about having a being that calls itself a "demon" be an upstanding and moral creature that immediately drags in the attention. You also make him quite believable. Being The Spock is entirely justified, as he was sealed away for a long time and even if he wasn't, he understandably doesn't understand humans all that well. Just one question however:

His origins are a little unclear, at least to me: is he "piloting" the corpse of the human he spawned in, or is his body just a copy of that original person?

Apart from that, I'm curious about the woman who sealed him away; while it seems that her actions were borne of paranoia and misunderstanding, her whole shtick of showing up and raining fire and death down on the world seems to indicate that she's undergone a Face–Heel Turn of some sort.

edited 19th Oct '14 1:23:35 PM by Swordofknowledge

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

About the woman- whose name is Delfina, by the way- Jei assumes as such when he first finds out about what she's done; that she's gone crazy over the millenia. In truth though She's actually correctly guessed that the rest of the demons, the ones that seek to destroy humanity, still exist, along with their master that Jei and her seemingly destroyed. So she's getting the fortress to destroy the demons once and for all, not to conquer the world. The whole story is based on misunderstandings like that, really.

EDIT: Also, he's a being that spawned inside the original human's body, but is now just using magic to create a false skin to imitate it. Theoretically he could disguise himself as any human, but he's afraid he won't remember how to change back, and doesn't want his friends to be confused by a completely different appearance.

edited 20th Oct '14 7:33:02 AM by Rotide

Ah, I see...well that certainly explains a lot of things. Your story is pretty cool and best of all original; I really hope you post more characters from it.

This character is from my story Clockwalkers, yet again.

• Name: Zalakshi

• Age: Time Abyss

• Appearance: Zalakshi could change her form at will, though certain aspects stayed the same. No matter what species she appeared as, she was always at least three times the size of its average adults. Her eyes were a blazing solid blue and burned with the energy of the Overworld, and strained the minds of anyone who looked too deeply into them. Her default form was a humanoid female who towered over nine feet tall.

• Personality: She felt deep interest in the world she had made and the creatures she produced to inhabit it. She gently worked with each race to create civilization and culture to give structure and order before moving on to generate new life, and she often returned to view their development. Zalakshi had an almost unlimited endurance for insults, never showing anger even when someone dared to curse her to her face. On the other hand, she had a short attention span, and a skewed sense of time—she would grow bored quickly and wander the world to create other life-forms for centuries and assume she had only been gone for a few days. Zalakshi would remark to each of the races that they were her “first" creations, inflating their pride and causing strife between Rica’s peoples. Despite this, she never attempted to correct or clarify things and seemed indifferent overall to the battles and hatred that flared up over her cryptic words. Despite her tolerance for verbal abuse she was unforgiving of physical violence and cursed the entire dragon race with inability to use magic after being assaulted by a faction of rebellious infidels. Finally, she deserted Rica and its people entirely and has never returned though the world slid into decline and suffering.

• Abilities: Zalakshi was immortal, ageless and never tired. Her body was made from the Mana of the Overworld and she could mold it into physical substance with merely a thought. Zalakshi could alter her physical form into anything she could imagine, though she only took on the forms of creatures she had already made. She could physically manipulate any aspect of Rica that she chose from the weather, the land itself, to the life-forms that inhabited the planet and could travel across the world within seconds to any location. She was able to grant a small fraction of her mystical abilities to mortals in the form of magic merely by having them absorb the power of her spilled blood at certain locations. Zalakshi was the source of the world’s Life Energy and sustained it merely by existing—however she could instantly kill any living thing by “reclaiming” its life-force, though she only did this once.

• Weaknesses: She was not omniscient and may not have even been omnipotent in places other than Rica. She had a short attention-span and this often led her to abandon her progeny for long stretches to amuse herself. Zalakshi couldn't alter or read minds and though she seemed invincible, she could be injured by her own creations—if slightly—with sufficient numbers and force. She also lacked healing abilities and was unable to regenerate even small wounds.

• Goals: Bring peace and order to the races she created and to simply enjoy what she had done.

• Motivation: Amusement and relief from boredom at first, but it developed into a genuine love and concern for her creations.

• Role in the Story: She created the world of Rica where Clockwalkers takes place and is indirectly responsible for the wretched state of the planet at the time the story takes place.

• Backstory: Billions of years before Rica there was only the Overworld, an ocean of molten arcane energy and a featureless void that existed beneath it. At some point Zalakshi, a tiny speck of individuality, appeared in Overworld’s currents. For eons this bodiless mind contemplated her unique nature and slowly understood that she was separate from her surroundings. She struggled to leave the Overworld and her frenzied efforts drew the surrounding energy to her and formed a physical body. The weight of her physical form combined with the struggles only pulled her deeper and caused droplets of the Overworld’s molten energy to scatter into the void beneath. These eventually solidified grew larger until they became Rica, its sun and four moons. The materialization of the world distracted Zalakshi and she descended upon its barren surface where her life-giving presence caused plants and trees to erupt from the ground. The mysteries of this process fascinated Zalakshi and she purposely seeded the land with her life-force and brought about living, moving creatures of varying shapes, size and intellect .

Relevant Tropes:

• A God Am I: Zalakshi was fairly low-key about this for obvious reasons; she was wandering the young world, creating life and could alter the structure of the land on a whim, so it was clear what she was. However she felt the need to remind Jurlath and his rebellious One Thousand Dragons of this by eternally cursing their race after they attempted to kill her and steal her powers for themselves.

• Almighty Idiot: Zalakshi initially created life on Rica merely because the process fascinated her, and despite working with her various progeny to establish their civilizations, she would often wander off without explanation simply because she was distracted. She cared very little about the conflicts that arose from her telling each race that they were her "first" creations and didn't bother to clarify her words to stop the fighting since the effort of doing so bored her. She left the entire world of Rica to fend for itself without any clue as to where she went or when she would be back and the planet has since slid into decline over the millennia and Azelas mockingly suggests that she has forgotten about her "playthings" and left them to their fate.
  • Slightly justified, since she was essentially an infant constantly searching for new and exciting stimuli. While she was fond and loving towards her creations, she was woefully immature and acted as such.

• Blood Magic: Magic can only be used if the user drinks liquid Mana from conduits of the fluid that crisscross the planet. This is actually Zalakshi's blood which seeped into the earth during her battle with Jurlath and what is referred to as "magic" is only mortals temporarily gaining a microscopic fraction of her powers from consuming that blood.

• Brains Evil, Brawn Good: Zalakshi was simple-minded in her goals and actions yet wielded phenomenal cosmic power and was utterly omnipotent within the world of Rica. Azelas, a being similar in nature, didn't possess even a fraction of her powers but was vastly more intelligent and was able to alter Rica's history and create an entire nation to suit its needs through verbal manipulation and planning alone. See Good Counterpart

• Crystal Dragon Jesus: Played with. Various races had different ways of worshiping her, depending on their background and experience with Zalakshi. The elves viewed her as a forest spirit who had made their race by pulling their bodies fully formed from trees while the dwarves had a similar story with her as a miner who dug them out of the ground. Humans tended to view her as a powerful airborne celestial light, and the Empire of Sinestel, the most powerful human nation at the time, dominated her human worship with elegant temples and elaborate services.

• Creating Life Is Awesome: She certainly seemed to think so; the process of producing other moving, talking and breathing entities was something that gave Zalakshi no end of pleasure, though she grew tired of them quickly and would move on to creating more, sometimes before she had even finished teaching her new creations how to live in the world and establish their place in it.

• Curse: As punishment for Jurlath and the One Thousand's actions against her, Zalakshi decreed that any dragon who consumed Mana—her blood—would rot from the inside out while remaining aware and conscious in terrible agony. Worse, those affected would give off their curse like a disease and spread it to other dragons who hadn't even touched or consumed Mana in any way, terrifying the whole race into complete abstinence from magic for fear of a Mystical Plague that would decimate them.

• Death of the Old Gods: Her departure from Rica brought a relative end to the wars fought over who would be her chosen race, and though she was still revered, the fervent nature of her worship began to tone down. After the Rain many records and legends were lost amid the destruction and general fight to simply survive and thus she was almost completely forgotten and replaced by a polytheistic pantheon of nameless deities known simply as "the gods". The nuriel are the only ones that still remember her and even they barely know anything other than that she made them.

• Divine Intervention: It is implied that she is at least partially aware of what is happening in Rica, since the ancient curse upon the dragons is lifted when a group of them work in tandem to free the nuriel race from Azelas after it had absorbed them. Normally this act of magic should have inflicted the rotting curse on the whole group, but they were spared.

• Divine Parentage: One of the legends that circulated in her absence was that she had borne children with several of her creations, resulting in lineages that were descended from the goddess herself. In actuality these were merely lies, some created from misguided ignorance and others deliberately made to bolster the political power of certain families. Los Rengard, the Predecessor Villain who created Azelas was a member of one of these families and believed that she was Zalakshi in mortal form.

• Good Counterpart: To Azelas/The Denizen of the Mirror. Both of them are of a similar nature, individual wills separated from the Hive Mind of a cosmic Genius Loci. However Zalakshi's formation was natural, while Azelas's was artificial and brought about through Los Rengard's magic. Because of this it lacked a physical body and the ability to live outside of the object it was summoned into.

• Energy Being: She created these in the form of the nuriel race. They were her first attempts at purposely creating life and are basically immense constructs of Life Energy wrapped in a flesh coating. Interestingly averted with Zalakshi herself; while powerful she was very much a physical creature.

• Exact Words: She would tell each race that they were her first creations. Naturally this led to a sense of Pride which caused countless clashes and even wars over who was the eldest race and therefore the one superior to all others. What Zalakshi meant was that each race was the first of their particular type that she had made. However she had no interest in explaining this to all of them and so she let the fights rage on.

• Have You Seen My God?: One day Zalakshi just vanished from Rica without telling anyone where she was going and hasn't been seen since. Before the Rain, whole sects were formed around the idea that her departure was caused either by some displeasure with mortals or that it was a test of sorts, and tried various rituals to appease or lure her back. The only evidence that she is even still alive is the continued existence of the world, since it would cease to exist or slowly rot away if something happened to her.

• Humanoid Abomination: A rather benevolent example but one just the same. Her Shape Shifter Default Form was described as humanoid—as in two arms, two legs, one head—and nine feet tall with blazing blue eyes that reflected the chaos of the Overworld. The description is extremely vague and looking too deeply into her eyes with intent to decipher the nature of where she had sprang from could drive mortals incurably insane.

• Large and in Charge: Zalakshi could take on the form of any creature she had created, which included humans, dragons, elves, dwarves, nuriel, goblins and many animals. However she was always bigger than the species' adults. While teaching each species how to live in community and setting up a culture and traditions, she would take the form of that race albeit with the size change.

• The Maker

• Physical God

• Physical Religion: While she was on Rica at least. She would often appear within the cities of mortals merely to see how they were doing and simply stroll around taking in the sights.

• Pieces of God: Overlaps with Our Souls Are Different—mortal souls are sparks of Zalakshi's endless supply of Life Energy and they animate the bodies of her creations and record their memories. When a mortal dies, the spark returns to Zalakshi and is implied to continue existence in some form within her. So she's essentially a walking, talking afterlife for Rica's inhabitants. The nuriel who are described as "flames" rather than "sparks" and are thus immortal barring injury or death.

• Wound That Will Not Heal: Jurlath and his dragons were only able to inflict a deep gash on the side of her face during their battle with her. However the wound never healed and no matter what form she took the bleeding injury remained the same. Blood from the wound seeped into the ground and became the Ley Lines used for magic.

edited 27th Oct '14 9:11:42 PM by Swordofknowledge

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

I like it. It seems to liken a god creating worlds with a child building sand castles; there's a curiosity about the outcome. I especially like the backstory of a being slowly becoming sentient over time.

This character is one of two main protagonists of a spy novel I'm cooking up called On Our Doorstep, which details the Cuban Missile Crisis from its leadup to its aftermath from an Eastern Bloc perspective.

• Name: Erich Lagemann

• Age: 39 (19-21 in flashbacks)

• Appearance: Tall, blond and handsome, Lagemann embodied the Aryan ideal during the Nazi regime, and strikes an impression wherever he goes. Though this makes him an unlikely candidate for spywork, he is nonetheless very good at his trade, using his looks and charisma to charm people into doing his bidding.

• Personality: An amicable and friendly person, he also has a calculating and manipulative side, but most of the connections he forms, however easily, are genuine. He is very interested in psychology and social dynamics. While not an outright pacifist, he believes negotiation is a much better route, as allies can be as important as enemies in a critical situation. He is fully aware that his German background makes his other Kremlin colleagues wary of him. When it comes to communism and the New World Order, he has a kind of personal loyalty to the East, more the kind of loyalty one has to a friend than a devotion to an ideal.

• Abilities: Aside from his guile and ability to "persuade" others, he was a sharpshooter in a German infantry unit on the Eastern Front during the war and is thus a highly talented shooter; however, his abilities are mostly limited to rifles and other long arms and he's all but useless with a handgun. In addition to his native German, he is fluent in Russian, English and French, and speaks Hungarian and Polish to a conversational extent. He also has a keen interest in commputing and cryptography, and believes computers are the future.

• Weaknesses: As stated above, his skills with a handgun are not up to snuff. In fact, just about any kind of direct confrontation is liable to knock Lagemann off his boots. His height and build help somewhat in physical fights, but he can still be easily defeated by a superior trained opponent. This is what led to his capture at Leningrad in 1944; he was caught unawares by a Soviet fireteam and quickly - some would say too quickly - surrendered. In addition, despite his aptitude for computers, his mechanical aptitude is noticeably lesser.

• Goals: Do the job. Lagemann loves what he does; this sort of covert, behind-the-scenes operation is just what he was designed for. In this specific case, he is determined to find out what the Americans are up to with these missiles in Turkey.

• Role in the Story: The younger half of a two-man Soviet intelligence team working behind the scenes of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

• Backstory: Born December 12th, 1922, in Dresden, Lagemann spent his formative years during the height of the Nazi regime. As a teenager and young man, he became an enthusiastic supporter of Hitler and the Third Reich and eagerly signed up for the military when World War II began. However, his experiences at Stalingrad changed things. He lost many of his close friends, and learning of the poor progress being made after that defeat, he came to wholeheartedly despise the Nazis, and after some correspondence with a disabled friend from high school, he became a mole for the resistance in the Wehrmacht. Reassigned to fight in Leningrad, he was captured alive by the Soviets, who threw him in one of their war prisons. He remained there for two years, from 1944 to 1946. In captivity, against all odds, he befriended one of the guards, who was also a Stalingrad veteran - the two reminisced and vented about the horrific battle, bonding over their shared experience. As it happened, that guard rose quickly through the ranks and became an agent for the KGB. Upon his release to his hometown - now in the Soviet-aligned East Germany - he maintained correspondence with that guard, and through his connections eventually was recruited by the Kremlin as well.

ok boomer

I'd like to know more about this character's personality, if you're willing to share. That way I can comment even more on them as an individual.

As of now, I think you've an overall pretty good foundation & it's the type of character I'm into, especially with psychology & such. I do want to hear more about them as an individual beyond that alone as I feel what's given is only at the surface, but still, for an initial hook, it appeals to me personally. A point in particular I do like is the avoidance of combat though being willing to actually do it if forced.

Also, the fact that he was more aligned with Hitler ideology originally before making a change to spying is something I find fascinating for exploration there and I do find myself especially drawn to that.

@ Rotide, do love the whole lovecraftian idea there and how it's expressed as a whole. The setup with blue & orange morality, the way you go about working with the darker character, and so forth I have to give props to. If that was the hook for me, I'd be sold to look more into things.

@ Swordofknowledge, I'm curious to ask, anywhere anyone can read what you've been bringing together there? The amount of detail and time you put into things shows and I admire that there.

With Zalaski, I love the concept of a short attention span being part of the logic for creating so many different animals. It definitely makes things intriguing for a god-like being. I actually like the fact she’s not omniscient or perfect at things at all while still genuinely trying. I’m curious what they could possibly do as a whole. I actually can't say I've heard of this take on a god-like being.

With Mary, I like the more upbeat character that overall seems to be in play with the clown. I actually am a fan of those sorts and seeing you build on things there overall seems like someone who I'd appreciate story wise. That one I'd more have to see executed, but I actually do feel like there is a strong individual there. Also, I do like the corresponding flaws as those tends to be weaknesses such people deal with, especially at that age on average. I could buy it, plus I'm all for capers.

Just wanted to say those looking through at things as those really stood out to me when looking at this page.

It's been some time since I've done any of this, but it was useful last time somewhat so I think I'll revisit it after a lot of work I've done. I'm going to present all 5 of my main characters 1 at a time, starting with a revisit to the main heroine. Not going to just hit all of them down, obviously, I rather do some back & forth with others on here at the same time.

Also, as a note, my characters exist in their own verse though with it's own history, though otherwise the world is pretty similar to our own.

---

Name: Cassidy Cain

Age: 19 (13 in flashback) (As a note, Cass is in-story about 2 weeks away from turning 20)

Role in Story: She’s the main protagonist, the leader within the 5-Man Band, & the primary narrator within the framing device. Also, all tropes & information covered here are related only to the 1st novel’s plotline & its companion story.

Personality: In a nutshell, Cassidy is a powerhouse. She thrives on competition, bold once she's calculated everything, and decisive in her actions. She naturally functions on a larger scale than most people do and comfortable in environments which nurture that. She’s not satisfied with the ordinary. Instead she's aligned with grand and lofty pursuits.

While she does have all this energy, her baseline personality is that of a self-composed lady. She prefers being cool, calm, and collected. Being calm is one of her ways to express (as well as maintain) her control over the world. Her emotions tend to not be freely or spontaneously expressed, though it can’t be mistaken that she doesn’t have them. Internally, she's fiery, lively, optimistic, and passionate. She just keeps it all in check. If she's lost control of her emotions, a strong stimuli has to be in play.

She is a firm believer of ABC: Always Be Cultivating. She takes her most pride in her ingenuity and intellectual capacity. It’s not something she’ll necessarily brag about, but it’s what she outright feels is her area of expertise and is confident in it. This also factors into even her interpretation of fun. She doesn’t simply like exercising the skills she already has; she has to be getting better. Fun for her means figuring out how to better herself. She is thoughtful and purposeful in action.

For all her love of challenge and being active, true failure (as in her being unable to reach her end at all, not just a setback or a miscalculation) is something she doesn’t handle well. Cassidy is a sore loser. This showed far more when she was younger when she actually lost. When she finds herself incapable of something, she tends to retreat internally to assess how she messed up as well as calculated how to not repeat the mistake. She can be obsessive in correcting her mistakes and lessening errors. She's gotten better with age at handling this and finding ways to fail forward, but still, she doesn't like losing and it does upset her internally. Of all the things she is critical of, she's the most critical of herself.

Cass considers herself a lady of substance. She likes living in a way which is in touch with reality and so any code that is out of touch with it is unlikely to matter to her. With relation to her integrity, she’s disciplined. As a whole, she does have a strong sense of order, even if she’s not going to just follow anybody else’s order because they said she should. For her to fall in line with anything, it has to make sense to her on a rational level. Also, fair play & equal opportunity is incredibly important to her and if she feels the rules don't foster that, the more likely she is to either break those in defense of those it would harm and try to reform them to align the rules with justice as she sees it. She holds that playing a rigged game fairly is to invite exploitation.

Cassidy has a strong protective instinct. Her pursuit and use of power is ultimately aligned with using it for the sake of those who lack such things. As for why, she views others as equals and individuals. She feels that at the core of things, most people aren't unlike herself and so are therefore worthy of the same rights & privileges. She tends to care about the welfare and aspirations of others as if they were her own. She also feels that by doing so she paradoxically serves her core interests too. Beyond that, she cherishes the beauty of many things and takes delight in the world. She also sees that beauty as fragile and will do everything within her power to protect it, as she doesn't want it to be lost for either herself or anybody else.

When interacting with most people, she is cordial and soft spoken. She’s generally generous with others, especially those less fortunate than her, and makes it a point of showing respect to others as individuals as she wishes to be treated with respect. She's even polite to those she dislikes unless she's pushed too much, on the grounds that being polite and nice to someone you like is easy; doing it towards those you don’t like is the true test. She's not as softhearted to just bend to any plight, however. She's careful in assessing situations and expresses her opinion as she sees fit if asked on it. When criticizing others, she does what she can to critique them as compassionately as she can, but is still blunt in things.

To her enemies, while she’s willing to try and reason with them as well as listen to their arguments, she’s firm in her stances and typically forthright about it. She's perfectly fine consider the opposition's needs and finding alternative solutions that appease both sides. That having been said, if she feels someone must be stopped & cannot be tolerated or reasoned with, she’ll do what she must to destroy them without hesitation or regret.

There is a darker, destructive side to her personality she is conscious of and tries her best not to feed. She has a vindictive side that feels she has to even the score with people and she's not the best at putting her resentment aside, even when she feel she should. When she's angry, her anger runs deep and Cass can be filled with all kinds of hatred. She has something of a sadistic side too.

She is not without her ego either. She just places that ego in the service of something beyond herself. She also has some authoritarian tendencies (her control freak aspects combined with her genuine desire to protect people) she's careful not to feed as she does feel this is a bad thing as it won't accomplish what she wants in the long term. Her biggest weakness is that she has a lust of sorts for things she likes and living large. Power, excitement, activity, challenge and purpose - the more of it, the better! She tends to be confident she can handle it well and so is capable of overwhelming herself when left to her own devices. Finally, as much as she likes people, she doesn't trust others easily and so she is somewhat on guard around them at first. She doesn't let it interfere with her politeness and so forth, but getting genuinely close to her as an actual friend and earning her trust takes time.

Overall, Cass desire to not sabotage herself leads to her living mindfully of her actions and incredibly deliberate. She holds herself not as someone who throws their life into the air and hopes for favorable winds, but someone who calculates and sways things to blow in her favor.

Abilities: Having been groomed since she was young to be a corporate executive - and enjoying it, Cassidy has a number of skills she's built up. Her business acumen is some of best among her peers. She is exceptionally well-versed in strategy & tactics, with knowledge having come from numerous books she's read, people studied, history explored, and real world experience from how she was raised. To supplement these abilities, she's learned social engineering, how to detect deception, how to play roles successfully, and how to overall manage other people as well as finances. She's naturally talented at mobilizing and coordinating others. When it comes to systems in general, she's great at assessing how they work, why they do something they do, and overall managing them so they keep working. She's likewise talented at manipulating and exploiting systems as she needs to. What helps manage all of this is her strong memory. She knows quite a few tricks to maintain it overall. She can attain information swiftly thanks to her ability to speed read. Finally, one of her greatest assets is her ability to maintain composure under most circumstances, with her actively practicing counterbalance techniques to stay calm and rational.

While the mental realm is Cassidy's forte, she is also physically fit and capable. She is an above average martial artist, dancer, and parkourist. Picking up physical skills isn't too difficult for her thanks to her rapid skill acquisition process (another thing I'll explain in detail if one is interested), though she's not as strong as experts in their fields. She's just talented enough to perform the function she needs then supplements her wits to make up for any of her weaknesses.

Weaknesses: Outside of social engineering & strategy/tactics, she generally lacks the depth of skill that specialists tend to have in fields they explore. Her ruthlessness against those she doesn’t care for can bother her more softhearted allies. She doesn’t like showing vulnerability for the most part & avoids appearing weak as best she can, even when she doesn't have the upper hand. She has tons of anger issues buried beneath the surface, which if acted on clouds her vision when she can no longer suppress them. She’s also known for taking larger, bolder risks than most people would, with the inherent dangers. When faced against those she cares about, her emotions weaken her somewhat and limit her options. Also, when genuinely surprised by something, Cass is prone to showing a bit more emotion before regrouping mentally. Being a criminal inherently creates some enemies who otherwise are decent people that she doesn’t wish to combat & so she limits her options against them. She does have to actively balance her criminal activities with her civilian life & places them on equal podiums. Not compromising her identity is a big deal to her, especially with regards to her reputation & her personal relationships with her friends, so she'll do what she can to manipulate and keep things under control. Also, since she's a more high profile person, this can present a potential danger to her identity.

Appearance: She has natural auburn red hair which she wears in a Hime Cut, a diamond shaped face, pine green eyes, a cupid’s bow lip (upper lip thicker than lower), and thin eyebrows. She has an hourglass figure, strong build, & creamy skin. She’s 5’3, weighs around 124 lbs. and B size bust. She's always well-dressed. She favors smart casual, business casual, and straight business attires most of all, though she is willing to wear other things so long as it fits her tastes. She switches to dresses during formal occasions and has a custom dress (inspired by elegant lolita fashion) for when she's gambling. The only times she really dresses down to more common attires is when she wants to blend in. 9 times out of 10 she is wearing a black velvet choker necklace.

Goals: With relation to her family, she wishes to become the head of her family & prove she deserves it because of her personal worth, not because of her birth. There are various projects she wishes to implement and working on the various kinks and issues she has to take into account. As a criminal, shes wishes to dismantle her archnemesis' entire operation as well as even the score with him for managing to hurt her. There are also the various smaller things going on which she wishes to help out with in the meantime & correct various corruptions. She wants to avoid compromising her identity & life at the same time as she has no interest in being a martyr - just because she's willing to fight for her ideals and willing to go down because of them doesn't mean she wants to go down. There is plenty about the current order she's fine with, so doesn't wish to dismantle, but simply reform progressively to correct any issues she feels are there. Finally, she wishes to expand her small operation into a full on Thieves' Guild which is meant to defend those the law cannot & act as a structure which both spreads her ideals and nurtures those weaker than selves into being strong as well.

Motivations: Wants to be self-reliant, to prove her strength and conquer her weaknesses, to have a positive impact on her world, to stay in control of her situation, to prevail against those, be invincible, enjoy life & amuse herself, be happy & satisfied with everything she has, and have a wide variety of experiences. All of this is what makes Cassidy happy.

Backstory: Born to the Cain family, Cassidy is the future head of her family. She’s been groomed since early childhood to pull off this role, particularly in relation to her family’s conglomerate Cain International. Instead of rejecting this, however, she loves being in the position she is. She considers herself lucky for being born where she was while being the type of person she is personality wise and actively works to not let the opportunity she has go to waste. With this in mind, she happily threw herself into studies and training, actively absorbing everything she can and taking part in anything that intrigued her. She spent the most of this time with her grandfather Edan - a retired White Hat Hacker, security consultant, author, and life coach - who overall nurtured her both as a person & a strategist. He took the time to overall guide her through various struggles and enabled as a whole to grow. They also did travel around from time to time, exposing Cass to different cultures and ideas. Cass had a number of experiences then, as well as interests she took up to expand her repertoire.

Her upbringing and ideology came into conflict when she attended Saint Delacroix's Ladies Academy, where she had issues with some of her peers. Her sense of fair play resulted in her entering into conflicts in the defense of others. Nevertheless, she went about her business as she does and spent her time developing her skills more as well as taking up interests such as drama club. During her senior year was when she came up with her social banditry plans. She was partially motivated by what she already did there, but wanting to do it on a much grander scale for all those beyond the school she was aware of and wanted to help out. She debuted her Phantom Thief persona, The Grandmaster of Theft, a little after graduating. She's since worked various jobs secretly as a criminal while becoming more active in the social center of the upper echelon due to her various projects, causes, and activities.

13 year old Cassidy specific tropes

• A Lesson in Defeat
• Bratty Half-Pint
• Defeat Means Respect: How she treats one of the two responsible for beating her (her future bodyguard Wynn) once she's gotten over her loss. She's far more respectful & while still opposed to them at the time, she acknowledges what they've done & thanks them for defeating her.
• Girlish Pigtails
• Height Angst
• Humble Pie: Went through this at 13, when she was becoming cocky and went up against a bigger fish than her in a battle of wits due to her ego and lost badly over and over. Said loss and the lecture she received afterwards influenced her to discipline herself & become humbler.
• Insufferable Genius: An unimportant note, her insufferable aspect is meant to be just that. It's a sign of her being immature and it's something she learns to grow out of.
• Just a Kid: One of her buttons in the past. It does still bother her in the present when people question her competence because she’s young, though she handles it better.
• Little Miss Badass
• The Napoleon: She's 4'9 in the flashback, still more on the petite side, and far more insecure about it since she feels it gets in the way of her being taken seriously. She grows out of this with age.
• Too Clever by Half
• Tsundere
• Sore Loser

Present Day Individual Tropes

• Action Fashionista
• Adorkable: When around Rebecca, at least. Cass doesn't have much experience with romance and since she's not always the best with just being out there with her emotions, she comes off as more awkward as she finds it difficult to shut off her professionalism & formality even when she's trying not to be it and she's somewhat shy when it comes to expressing and acting on romantic feelings.
• Aloof Dark-Haired Girl
• Animal Motif: Possess two. The Lion is related to her public identity while The Fox is connected to her criminal side.
• The Anti-Nihilist: As cynical as some of her ideals might sound alone, she’s a happy and well-adjusted person because of them. She likes the freedom it offers - as she feels most religions treat life as a test as opposed to just life and believes that everybody should live & let live. She does things which are conventionally considered good because she feels it’s the most productive thing to do to achieve her ends and it makes her happy. She also thinks that the idea that believing in nothing means you’re accountable to nothing and can do anything is foolish because you’re accountable to the people around you, who will stop you. She holds that cooperation and co-existence are the more logical choice in the long run & believes that since life is - to the best of her knowledge - all we have, that's all the more reason it's dear and needs to be taken care of. Finally, she makes a point of believing that since her time in the world is limited and she could fall to disaster at any time, she's going to enjoy what time she has and live a life that is "worthy of applause" by doing things that makes both her happy as well as enriches the lives of others so they can experience the same happiness as her.
• The Apprentice: Primarily to her grandfather. She does study under other experts when needed, which he arranges through his connections.
• A Taste of Their Own Medicine: Tends to seek out ways to deliver this to her marks. She holds that turnabout is fair play and likes to test if people can take things as well as they dish it out. If not, she tries to use it to illustrate a point as to why to avoid such actions to begin with.
• Authority Equals Asskicking: She feels that an authority should be fit in both mind & body and leads by example.
• Awesomeness by Analysis
• Badass
  • Badass Adorable: Her aloofness aside, she is overall pretty cute. Her younger self was more insecure about this as it interfered with how serious people took her, but she’s learned to accept it over time.
  • Badass Bookworm
  • Badass Gay: See Bi the Way
  • Badass in a Nice Suit
  • Cultured Badass
• Bathing Beauty: Baths and showers are high on list of things she's fond of and finds relaxing to do in her spare time. She makes a point of cleaning herself after jobs (or most activities that build up sweat) as soon as possible due to her Neat Freak tendencies.
• Batman Grabs a Gun: Uses a gun the antagonists brought during the climax when she losses her cool.
• The Beautiful Elite
• Benevolent Boss: Believes this is a standard all bosses should aim for without going overboard. She makes a point of treating anybody with her with respect, overall accepting of various quirks so long as it doesn’t interfere with efficiency, compliments her people daily, asks for the opinions of others when making decisions, and rewards anybody who works alongside her well.
• Berserk Button: Beyond the typical triggers (threatening innocents, animals, messing with her own, etc.), she dislikes ineptitude and holds a burning hatred for anyone who does anything horrible because they’re just following orders instead of thinking for themselves. She's not fond of people smoking around her and hates drugs. Finally, she genuinely feels insulted when people assume she's an emotionless person who lacks ideals or compassion and assume that she's not sincere in her lighter side just because she has the pragmatic one as well.
• Bi The Way
• Brains and Bondage: Revealed more in side material for her private side. To be precise, she likes mind games.
• Bully Hunter: Was this during her time in private school & shown acting on it when she was 16. It bites her a bit in the present since her lawful foil references this when profiling her.
• Calling Card: Uses one from time to time with a fox on it. She only does so if 1) she wants to take credit for a crime as a statement or 2) she wants to use it as a threat to an easy mark who she thinks will easily cave.
• Caper Crew: The Mastermind, The Hacker, The Coordinator, The Conman, The Distraction, The Burglar, The Roper, and The Muscle
  • As a note, Cass primary role is The Mastermind & The Coordinator. She just has no issues providing support in the field to the others, who are better than her at their specialties. Furthermore, she's a Phantom Thief who is going from a smaller operation to something larger, so she's getting used to taking a step back.
• Caper Rationalization: We Help the Helpless at it's foundation. There is a whole exploration of this in-story with a key aspect to it being made that there is strict criteria and Cass will only break the law when she feels it is failing to uphold it's duty of protection & following them would only serve to further an imbalance. She likewise embraces the fear it creates in the marks to have their world's violated, feeling that they need to feel vulnerable on some levels as absolute power corrupts and fuels their current actions.
• Catchphrase: “I wouldn’t deserve to be called The Grandmaster of Theft if I couldn’t…[insert task she plans to do for the job or something she plans to steal.]” &, after a successful heist or con, she has a habit of saying (even if it can't be heard by the mark) "It's been a pleasure doing business with you."
• Celibate Heroine: Starts out as this. She does so to avoid distractions. She’s torn between whether or not she should remain this as the story goes on.
• Challenge Seeker: One reason she enjoys helping people who are in difficult situations is due to the challenge it presents her.
• Charm Point: Her chocker necklaces.
• Cheshire Cat Grin: Tends to show up when her excitement leaks out.
• The Chessmaster: Her specialty above all else.
• Classy Cat-Burglar: With emphasis on classy. Cassidy takes pride in her sophistication and her code of honor.
• Collector of the Strange: Has an affinity for the unconventional. She’s intrigued with people and things that are out of the ordinary that excite her imagination and give her an unexpected edge.
• Combat Aestheticist: Finds tactics & strategy beautiful, elegant tools. She considers planning & implementation an art form and the world is her canvas.
• The Combat Pragmatist: Will leverage any advantage she can to neutralize the threat if she’s forced to fight. Examples in-story include a Groin Attack, I Surrender, Suckers, Kick Them While They Are Down, Kneecapping, Talk to the Fist, Trash Talk, and distractions. Her personal feelings on the matter are that if she's been forced into a position where she has to fight, she's going to fight to win & do whatever she feels lessens the time spent fighting as well as stops the fight from restarting.
• Comes Great Responsibility: Does believe in noblesse oblige & so tries to actively contribute to society as a whole with her power, wealth, and privilege.
• Commitment Issues: The only reason she resists a relationship upgrade with Rebecca initially in spite of the two admitting they’re attracted to one another & acting on it. She wants some time to think things through logically.
• Compressed Hair: Twists and pins her hair up when she is wearing a wig.
• Con Woman
• Con Men Hate Guns: Subverted. Her reasons for avoiding them are purely based on practicality than anything emotional and she’s willing to utilize them if the situation is either extreme enough or it serves a purpose beyond murder.
• Consummate Liar: Part of the package of being a con artist. She goes as far as to even defeat a polygraph she willingly takes simply to use it as a convincer on someone else. She even explains how she’s able to do it, such as her ability to maintain composure when lying. Beyond con artistry, she rejects the unconditional pursuit of truth, considering it an overrated dogma. She genuinely believes that truth & deception are both tools that need to be properly understood and used depending on the circumstances.
• Consummate Professional
• Control Freak: She’s uncomfortable letting others take command of things and only truly at ease giving control over to those who have proven themselves in her eyes. It’s one of her traits she’s struggling with as things go on, though she does want to overcome it even if it’s not easy.
• Covert Pervert: Hinted at a little in her own narration, confirmed in side material by Rebecca. Cassidy prefers to keep that side of her private as sharing it with most people is uncomfortable for her nor does she see why it's anyone's business besides her own & anyone she might be with.
• The Cracker: Not because of any great computer skills; she can't read or write source code. What she contributes is her social engineering & footwork needed to gather information to access the system. When it comes to the actual code, she's more of a script kiddie since the development of the codes she make use of is done by her crew's tech expert and he's more prone to handle anything more advanced.
• Crazy-Prepared
• Cuteness Proximity: Has a weak spot for things she considers cute.
• Cynicism Catalyst: Her early research into the darker side of human history, various stories she found of those she considered immoral succeeding, and some of the tactics people used to get their way overall made her far more Machiavellian than she initially was for the sake of protecting herself and getting her way, though she’s never given up her ideals.
• Damn, It Feels Good to Be a Gangster!: Cassidy really, really enjoys being a Lady Thief.
• Dance Battler: Part of her martial arts training required her to learn dance and she incorporates it somewhat when she's dodging and moving.
• Death Dealer
• Determinator: A more passive variant. While she refuses to sacrifice her sense of self-preservation (she dislikes all or nothing situations), once she’s decided on an objective, unless she’s convinced that doing so is wrong action to take, she will do everything within her power to see that it's achieved, no matter how long she has to wait or how many times she has to try. It backfires during her flashback loss.
• Dissonant Serenity: Comes off as this to the audience surrogate due to how calm she is about everything she talks about having done and how pleasant she remains even when threatening others.
• Don't Tell Mama: Rather keep her criminal activities hidden away from her friends & majority of family out of fear of losing them. Furthermore, her parents aren't connected to criminality at all and would frown upon her taking part in it.
• Don't You Dare Pity Me!: She's really not good at accepting sympathy for others even when genuinely hurt because she feels there are people with greater needs than her and that she shouldn't have problems since she's "strong".
• Embarrassing Nickname: Really doesn't like being called Cassie by anyone aside from her Rebecca
• Emotionally Tongue-Tied: Is this towards Rebecca when it comes to admitting she needs their help and acknowledging her feelings in general when confronted by them. Given reason relates back to her being a Control Freak.
• Enraged by Idiocy
• Experienced Protagonist: She has multiple experiences already under her belt from growing up which were used to groom her and she’s been a phantom thief for well over a year. Flashbacks show more of her & in her developmental days. With regards to her skill level, she’s an expert in her field though not yet a master.
• The Face: Of The Grandmaster Gang & overall the core representation of the group as The Grandmaster of Theft. She prefers to keep the fact she has assistants hidden both to heighten the appearance of her power & to make it easier for them to operate in their support roles.
• Fatal Flaw: Wrath. She’s at her worst with it at 13, when it’s used against her and not only ropes her into a situation, but causes her to lose. It’s still present when she’s 16, though she has more control over it then. Finally, she admits in the present she still feels it. She just makes efforts to keep it under control whenever she feels it coming into play. She only finally gives into her wrath during the climax after finally getting pushed too far.
• The Fettered: While she won’t follow the rules of anyone else if she feels they’re unreasonable, she does believe in self-discipline and has integrity. Her momentary failure to live up to this due to her anger is something that genuinely bothers her.
• Fiery Redhead
• Friendly Enemy: Towards her lawful rivals who are genuinely upright people. She understands entirely why they chase her and respect them to a degree in spite of them being on opposite sides & having some philosophical objections.
• Friend to All Children: She considers children innocent as a whole and is far warmer to them immediately than she is other people. For her, children are far more relaxing to be around since she doesn’t have to worry about calculating everything with them. It’s also part of what makes her lose her cool in the climax.
• Friend to All Living Things
• Frontline General: Cass' philosophy is lead from the front. She feels that the top sets the tone & she's fine taking on a fair share of the work when needed. She also prefers to be there so as to retain a certain connection with her environment so she understands what sort of calls must be made for the most efficient result.
• For Happiness
• The Gadfly: Sometimes she's intimidating for the sake of frightening people, only to add in that she was just joking afterwards when she switches back to her sweeter side.
• Gadget Watches: Grappling hook watch variant. She does also use the actual clock feature since heists call upon haste and she has to keep track of how everything is proceeding.
• The Gambler
• Gamer Chick: Sometimes plays tactical RPG games in her downtime to keep her tactical skills sharp. She also loves the stories.
• Genius Sweet Tooth: LOVES sweets, with a brand of chocolate in-verse being her all-time favorite. She generally eats smaller chocolates when she's planning and celebrates a task well done with chocolate cake. Beyond sweets, she actually has a strict diet and so that's purely for her own delight.
• The Gloves Come Off: In response to the Big Bad’s Moral Event Horizon of using a child as a pawn. When fighting the Big Bad’s Dragon, her only concern becomes stopping them from harming anyone else. She temporarily abandons all of her ethics, her restraints, doesn’t care about her own safety, and even stops caring about the grand scheme of things with her plan.
• Go-Getter Girl
• Good Parents
• Good Feels Good: Cassidy’s reason for helping people. She doesn’t feel she has any obligations to do so outside of her duties and doesn’t hold it against anybody else if they don’t feel like doing anything more than their position calls for. She just does it because she enjoys the feeling she gets from helping others overcome their problems.
• Good Is Not Soft: As friendly as Cassidy is, she shows no mercy to those who she feels must be stopped & finds that they can’t be reasoned with. Her only objective is ending the threat and restoring a just order. While more violent methods and destruction aren't her first options, that doesn't mean they aren't options.
• Guile Heroine: She favors plans, social engineering, connections, and politics as her primary tools.
• Hates Being Touched: Even as a child she’s never really liked being touched by others. She’s learned to tolerate it, but it’s still something she prefers to avoid with most people.
• Hime Cut
• Hollywood Atheist: Subverted. She is against religion and argues against it when pressed, but she’s not a mean or bitter person.
• Honest Corporate Executive: Has been groomed to become this and this is how she prefers to operate, her vigilante thief antics aside. She believes in the ideals behind compassionate capitalism & while she definitely wants profit, she wants to feel she's still a good person while doing so. Her preference to anything she runs is that it's a genuinely positive force. Finally, she's also behind the use of corporate philanthropy.
• Honor Among Thieves: Played with. Towards her own people she's benevolent, but she's less this to Alban due to him being a mercenary who is indifferent to who he harms. She arranges it so if he does the job as planned, she'll keep her word and reward him extra. If he fails, however, she has no intention of helping him once he's captured and considers his failure as much a victory as his success since it eliminates another problem for her.
• Hope Bringer: Aims to be this for anybody who suffers from injustice who has no one else to turn to.
• Hot-Blooded: Was this as a child. She still is beneath the surface. She just keeps it way more under control.
• Humans Are Flawed: She feels this about humanity as a whole. She also adds that she believes that those flaws aren't what define humanity and we can become more so long as we've the will to try. The only humans she feels are bastards are those who stop trying to be something more.
• I Did What I Had to Do: Cass reason given for her tactics to stay ahead of the law. She admits they’re not her favorite, but recognizes that what she does is still illegal and so she must do what she must to avoid compromising her identity or being convicted. She also holds that both side knows what their relationship is and any friendliness she shows is a luxury she chooses to show, not anything their entitled to.
• I Gave My Word: As much of a trickster she is, when she genuinely gives someone her word, she will do everything within her power honor the deal. She avoids giving people her word often for this reason. The only way to make her take back her word once she's given it is to be someone she perceives as dishonorable or unjust. At that point she will terminate fair dealings.
• Impossible Thief: Cultivates this image in-universe though the reality is that she mostly utilizes social tricks & coordination to pull it off.
• Insistent Terminology: She is, however, not just a thief or a common thief. She is a noble thief.
• Intelligence Equals Isolation: Of the "well-liked, but feels lonely" variant. She mentions she put up with this a lot during her days in private school & does to a degree sometimes in present. She feels she can only share certain sides of herself with others since most people aren't interested in all she has to say or able to keep up with her.
• Iron Lady
• I Should Have Been Better: How she tends to deal with genuine failure due to her high personal standards as well as her stubborn feelings that she should be able to control anything she sets her mind to. The entire first story documents what provokes this for her. The Big Bad manages to face her in a Battle of Wits and it ends with the best move she can make is to make a tactical retreat and sacrifice The Heavy of the story. The fact she was even maneuvered into the position to be forced to make that choice is one which bothers her greatly and she feels she should have had some other solution or that she should have averted it from happening as she had reason to believe she could.
• Jack of All Trades: Is this both outside of and in relation to the crew. Within the crew, their swindler is better than her at manipulation, her fixer is far better than her at anything involving technology & politics, her enforcer is a far better fighter, and her burglar is far better at the physical side of theft. She’s still the leader though because she understands enough of each person’s roles as well as how to bring them together. Outside of the crew, she’s more of a generalist than a specialist, with a few exceptions already mentioned. Her belief leans with broadening her knowledge into all sorts of camps than being rooted in one thing alone. She rather let a specialist due all the legwork then she'll profit from the end result/fuse it together with knowledge from another field.
• Jerkass Façade: She tends to assume this when she's in her Grandmaster persona and has to use intimidation. While she has no intention of actually going through with her bluffs to some people, she's fine embracing the perception that she will.
• Jumped at the Call
• Just Like Robin Hood: A majority of the profit she attains from jobs goes to fixing anything the mark harmed and anything left over is either donated to charity or placed into the crew’s operation for future jobs.
  • To further expand here, Cass holds that this distinction is an important one that separates her from other thieves. She feels that cons and heists in themselves aren't wrong; they're just a tool, much like wielding a sword. It's how you use it that counts.
• Karmic Trickster
• The Kirk: As much as prefers logic, rationalism, and hard facts, she has more emotion behind things than she lets on as well as tends to take them into account for both herself and others when formulating plans.
• The Knights Who Say "Squee!": Cassidy is a major fan of an in-series story known as The Nine Tales of Reinhard the Trickster, which documents the stories of a trickster fox who "tells tales to earn tails". It serves as one of her inspirations and a major influence on her.
• Know When to Fold 'Em: Chooses to do this in the climax, once she realizes that further fighting will only result in them losing everything they’ve worked for & that she's ultimately lost control over the situation.
• Lady and A Scholar
• Lady of Adventure: While she’ll put doing the right thing as efficiently as possible first, she won’t hide the fact that she’s having fun doing it. She loves how stimulating everything is for her both physically & mentally.
• Lady of War
• Lady Snarker She does so in a more playful manner with her friends than anything else. She'll also show this more in private when she's frustrated.
• The Leader: The ringleader of The Grandmaster Gang.
• Let No Crisis Go to Waste: Another one of her beliefs is to turn misfortune into gain. This shows with how she adapts to her lawful rival Gale, who genuinely manages to one up hr twice. The first time she manipulates the situation of them trying to turn her into a Boxed Criminal into blackmail about their planned program. When they continue to pursue her afterwards, while it's a genuine obstacle, she turns their pursuit into an added convincer for fooling her mark.
• Limited Social Circle: Cass has various acquaintances, but she doesn't have many actual friends.
• Living Lie Detector: Actively trains in how to spot deception, though she will note it’s not perfect.
• Magnetic Hero: The source of everybody joining her crew.
• Manipulative Bitch: Repeatedly shows herself as this against multiple people, with her even elaborating in detail how she’s able to do it and what she founds everything on. Also subverted with relation to Rebeecca. She realizes she can manipulate her feelings & has reason to, but she can’t bring herself to do so in the end.
• Martial Pacifist: Cass will avoid fighting as much as she can, but if forced to fight, she’ll do whatever she has to so she can end it as swiftly as possible.
• Might Makes Right: Subverted. She believes that might doesn’t actually make an action right, but whoever has it can get their way. She also adds that it can influence the perception that it is, which is even more dangerous as she feels it’ll inevitably lead to more chaos between otherwise decent people who will fight for a cause they've been taught is right which they shouldn't and those who will resist due to the unfairness of the action. She likewise believes in the use of might for right.
• Mistress and Servant Boy: While she's the younger of the two, she's the Mistress to her right-hand man. She draws him into all her adventures & projects, both legal and otherwise. He, being Brilliant, but Lazy, rather remain idle if possible though will do his duty regardless.
• Mixed Ancestry: Cass' parental side are Imperials, her maternal side is from Arcan descent
• Mole in Charge: Becomes the head strategist of a scheme specifically meant to catch her alter ego.
• Moment of Weakness: Everything which follows her finally hitting her rage breaking point & when she starts fighting without her usual restraints. Her actions are something she’s ashamed of due to her acting purely on her wrath and something she doesn’t want to repeat out of fear of what it could lead to if she didn’t control her anger.
• More Deadly Than the Male
• Mysterious Employer: Is this towards those outside of her inner circle who she employees when needed.
• Mystical White Hair: When she's in Grandmaster attire, she wears a wig that gives off this quality.
• Nature Lover: As much as she loves and thrives more in city environments, there is a part of her that is fascinated by and appreciates nature for its own regard. She's protective of various aspects and is a conversationalist. One reason she actually likes to travel is for the sightseeing of different locales.
• Neat Freak: Not only are anything she has control over kept impeccably clean, she’s uncomfortable when she has to get messy. She will for a greater priority, but she doesn’t enjoy it and will clean herself as swiftly as possible once those priorities are met. She also doesn’t rely on maids or anything to clean her room, preferring to just do it herself as she trusts her own standard.
• The Needs of the Many: She’s forced to make this decision between saving the villain and protecting her own people as well as saving an innocent they ran into along the way. She decides to protect everybody else and sacrifice the villain to the Big Bad since she didn't want to gamble any further with everything she gained up to that point.
  • Her usual way of operating as well, with relation to why she's willing to be ruthlessly efficient to certain marks. She believes that stopping their threat is what's the highest priority & if they can't be reasoned with (i.e. she finds a way of satisfying their needs in a less harmful manner or convince them to not do this), their needs are no longer important due to all the harm they'll cause.
• Nerves of Steel: The more perilous a situation is, the more focused she becomes. According to her, she feels emotions the same as everyone else about many things. She counterbalances panic by focusing on simple tasks. Finally, she does make a point that she realizes she can't control the situation, but she can control how she responds to it.
• Never Hurt an Innocent: Tricking someone into doing something for her is one thing, actually hurting them is another. If an innocent were caught up in everything, she'd go out of her way to protect them and make amends for her mistake.
• Nice to the Waiter
• Non-Idle Rich
• Not So Above It All: While being efficient and practical comes first with her, it's not all she's about.
• Not So Stoic: While she notes she has emotions in spite of how composed she is & comments on what she’s experiencing internally, she only openly shows her emotions twice outside of flashbacks. The first is when on the receiving end of a Shut Up Kiss from Rebecca, when everything catches her off guard and gets caught up in the kiss herself. The other time is in the climax when her anger finally erupts thanks to the Big Bad and she temporarily becomes The Berserker before calming herself down.
• No Badass to His Valet: No matter how dangerous she is, the two people she can't intimidate are Edan and Rebecca. The former because he's the one who trained and raised her, the latter because she (rightfully) believes that Cass will never be able to actually go through with anything and so even if she made threats, it would be all bark.
• Ojou
• Opposites Attract: She’s The Stoic, Rebecca is a Genki Girl.
• Overt Operative: How she tends to operate and prefers to. She covers up the reasons why she’s doing something, but keeps her movements as close to the truth as possible when moving unless she personally has to move beneath the radar. Generally Cass has to create a smokescreen to cover her activities in a location, so she tries to blend it with her actual work and projects. She also relies on refuge in audacity as most people don’t expect her to be a criminal. If someone did, they're more than likely to look the other way out of fear and because she maintains good PR otherwise.
• The Paragon: Another thing she genuinely wishes to be.
• The Perfectionist
• Phantom Thief
• The Philosopher: Shows this throughout, particularly when she takes breaks from telling the story & delves into her ideology with the Audience Surrogate. She studies various different philosophies to see what wisdom she can learn from them.
• Platonic Life-Partners: Her relationship she has with her right hand man & bodyguard Wynn. They’re closer than just friends & admit to loving one another, but only in a platonic sense. They don’t like when people concluded that they are romantically involved.
• Playing Card Motifs: Since Poker is her favorite game, she uses this for the crew’s code names. She’s The Ace of Diamonds. Why she's the ace should be pretty self-explanatory with everything else in this. It also is meant to represent how she's the leader. As for why diamonds, it symbolizes how both she is overall the face of the crew as well as the most achievement focused.
• Pragmatic Hero: Reconstructed. She has fears of becoming a Well-Intentioned Extremist who is Obliviously Evil. She makes a point of adhering to certain rules & working with people who won't allow her to go down that route/balance her out. She believes overall in being both practical and compassionate. She holds that compassion without practicality can lead to being ineffectual in pursuing one's ideals while practicality without compassion can lead to being needlessly cruel and losing sight of who this is being done for.
• Proud Beauty: Downplayed. She does take pride in her appearance and intentionally crafts her look to be physically appealing, but she prefers to do so in subtle ways without losing her classiness. Crafting her image is an art to her. Also, the more sexual side of things is where she personally draws the line.
• Pungeon Master: Mostly with her friends. She enjoys playing with words.
• Purely Aesthetic Glasses: Uses these when in disguise as facial concealment.
• Raised by Grandparents
• Red Baron: The Noble Thief
• Revenge Before Reason: Subverted. She wants to do this, but she’s actively trying to avoid acting out of anger because she’s aware of the long term drawbacks. Part of the reason she’s telling the story in the first place is because she wants the person she’s chatting with to talk some sense into her as she’s finding it difficult to do it for self.
• Refuge in Audacity: Her favorite types of plans & what she relies on the most. While she’s fine using other plans for pragmatic reasons (she believes in adapting her strategies to the opponent and the circumstances), the more bolder the plan, the more fun she has
• Red and Black and Evil All Over: While not evil, she tends to wear these colors and her main suit is this.
• Red-Headed Heroine
• Save the Villain: She actively does try to save Narcissa from the Deus as she feels Deus is a far greater threat and their actions are disproportional to what Narcissa has actually done.
• Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: Actively uses this in the second half of the story to end her time spent as a person of interest.
• Screw the Rules, I'm Beautiful!: Intentionally manufactures her appearance to exploit this.
• Screw the Rules, I Have Money!
• Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right!: The only reason why she’ll use the above. She considers them all just tools and recognizes the fact that she is still a criminal when it comes down to it. Since those are tools which forestall people from arresting her and allow her to preserve her lifestyle without harming innocents, she’ll use them when the need arises.
• Self-Proclaimed Liar: She makes a point of reminding the Audience Surrogate that she is a con artist and she successfully lies to people all the time. She does so as a point to encourage him to investigate her claims as best he can as opposed to simply accepting anything she says at face value. She feels he should do this in general and that she is not above this practice.
• Shared Family Quirks: Both her and her grandfather possess a sweet tooth and love candy.
• Showy Invincible Hero: Since the story opens with her having already won and delivering her score to the client, she's written as this. It's less a question of if she'll win, but how did she do it as well as what managed to actually emotionally effect her along the way since she did win.
• Significant Green-Eyed Redhead
• Slave to PR: She feels that perception is important as many people see you, but few know who you really are. PR is just image and image is a form of communication. She wants to make sure her image communicates what she wants people to see, both as a criminal and as an heiress.
• Smart People Play Chess: Cassidy's game of choice, however, is poker. She actually hates chess as a game & can go into detail as to why she hates it.
• Spirited Competitor: While she’ll approach challenges carefully and won’t gamble on the lives of her crew if she’s not confident they can win, she genuinely enjoys testing her wits against anything they go up against and trying to come up with an answer on how to accomplish the goal. Outside of heists, she loves competition in general and gets energized by it. The more difficult it becomes, the happier she is.
• The Social Expert: Her second greatest asset behind being The Chessmaster. She’s been taught since young that power is, above all else, a social game and that being a master player means becoming a master psychologist. It’s part of what drove her to study social engineering and social sciences in general. The other reason is because she is naturally a logical person and so breaking things down scientifically helps her manage other people's emotions better.
• Socialite
• Spirited Young Lady
• Spoiled Sweet
• Spot Of Tea: Her favorite drink is strawberry leaf tea & actively shown drinking it periodically outside of the framing device. While they're in a private room at the crew's bar.
• The Stoic: Her actual philosophy towards emotions is actually in line with what actual stoicism was about. She tries to avoid being driven by emotions while still having them.
• Sugar-and-Ice Personality: Cass on the surface doesn’t emote much, though she is civil and polite to others. The reason why is because she just doesn’t like wearing her emotions on her sleeve for people to take advantage of and prefers to remain cool, calm, and collected. The sweeter side is shown in her actual actions and when she’s around those she’s comfortable with.
• Tame Her Anger: Has been going through this ever since she was 13 for the sake of becoming a better strategist. She doesn’t believe anger in itself is bad, but that people have to be the master of it, not the other way around. The reason she holds it as dangerous is because it's a destructive emotion that clouds a person's vision the most. It has a ripple effect which tends to make situations less controllable and heightens the enemies resolve.
• Technical Pacifist: Her ideology leans to this. She doesn’t think murder is inherently wrong. She just feels that it’s far too dangerous a tool for her to wield and a disproportional response for a majority of those she opposes.
• The Teetotaler: Is this while the crew’s main headquarters is a bar that her grandfather owns. As an added note, Cassidy frowns upon smoking and drugs as well as she considers them destructive.
• Teen Genius: As a note, Cassidy is not a genius nor does she consider herself one. She is highly intelligent in her given fields, but for the most part, she's just incredibly well trained & well studied.
• Terror Hero: She feels that fear & intimidation has it's uses and is a valid tactic, though it can't be relied on alone.
• To Know Him, I Must Become Him: Uses this type of logic all the time to figure out what her next move is.
• To Win Without Fighting
• Übermensch: Rejects conventional concepts of good and evil, feeling that they’re subjective labels and arguments for it are based on faulty premises that can easily be perverted. The only things she cares to follow is her own reasoning. She live her life by what she considers noble, which comes from her studying reality. She only follows other's advice if it makes sense to her and finds their conclusions correct. As an added note, Cassidy doesn't feel she's completed her own philosophy yet and there are still things she needs to address as it goes on. Finally, she does intends to pass these on to others for the sake of helping them live their lives more prosperously.
• Upbringing Makes the Hero: She credits her family & friends for keeping her grounded and stable in spite of all the possible influences that could cause her to turn out differently, including her own flaws.
• Unreliable Narrator: Zig-Zagged. All the details she shares, what she did, why she did it, and so forth are entirely true. She only hides a single thing that’s related to the job (that she had her first time the night before the heist with Rebecca) & lies about is her narrative purpose. To the Audience Surrogate, she claims she’s telling the story because she’s really troubled about everything which happened recently and bothered by how she wants to kill someone. She asks them to listen to everything which happened that drove her to feeling this way and wants them to talk her out of it. To her crew, she claims that that reason she gives is a lie to misdirect them from her true goal of running a hearts & minds operation to get him on their side and she’s not troubled about anything. She claims she’s approaching everything from an angle and framing everything in that manner as part of her plan to misdirect while she wears down any resistance. The reality is that she is troubled & genuinely wants them to talk her out of things, but she’s running a hearts & minds operation at the same time.
• Violently Protective Girlfriend: While their not officially dating yet, her emotions are all the same to those who threaten Rebecca's safety.
• Waistcoat of Style: Wears one when she’s disguise in her Phantom Thief attire as part of her stealth suit. Doubles as a bulletproof vest and has a hood attached to it.
• Warrior Therapist
• We Help the Helpless: Mostly interested in helping those who lack the ability, resources, or knowledge to combat those who abuse their power. She is willing to take clients who do have those things depending on the circumstances, but that's far rarer.
• Wig, Dress, Accent: Whenever she’s in disguise.
• Wise Beyond Their Years: As she notes, she credits any wisdom she has less to herself and more to her having good teachers & profiting off of the past.
• Workaholic: She can’t even relax without the relaxation being scheduled or serving some purpose. The only reason relaxation is scheduled is to keep her from burning herself out and even then, she treats “play” with the same amount of seriousness she would anything else. Being truly idle, as in not working towards something at all, is torture to her.
• Worthy Opponent: Feels this towards her lawful foil even though she wants them to stay out of her way. He doesn’t return the sentiments.
• Xanatos Gambit: Part of the story involves her running one of these, with her alternating from Plan A to Plan B then Plan C. (Plan C works). She also explains the specifics of how to do this (maneuver warfare) as well as ends the story having ensured that even when she failed in the climaxes direct conflict, her potential failure was taken into account and played to her advantage regardless for the next story.
  • This also factors into her Cooperation Gambit with a mercenary thief who is a former rival of hers while she's the mole in charge. Plan A: Everything she planned for the heist works and Alban steals the target. Alban gives her it & she pays him what she promises plus extra. Plan B: If Alban screws up the heist and gets caught, she'll use his failure as a distraction to escape herself then once she's back as Cassidy Cain, she's at least trapped a dangerous foe she's wanted to neutralize anyway & she'll receive props for her plan working. She can then use the fact that her plan worked to maintain a friendly relationship with the mark and she'll just strike again later in the future.
• Xanatos Speed Chess: One of the reasons she’s considered a dangerous adversary. As talented as she is at assessing and developing the initial plans as well as contingencies, she fully admits that there is no such thing as the perfect plan & execution of the plan calls upon a degree of adaptability to the changing condition. With each story, she has to do this on the fly to keep her plans on course.
• Yin-Yang Bomb: Her approach to dealing with the world. She feels that if the laws work, use them and it does have a place. She likewise does believe in internal reform as opposed to just breaking the law and revolution. At the same time, she's fine working outside of the system at the same time towards the same end whenever she needed.

Narrative Purpose: First, I'm a fan of a trickster, rogues, & schemer characters. It's not just me admiring the characters for being so smart though. It's more because I'm a really calculating person and so it's something I personally relate to more. It's why I say Guile Hero speaks to me the most out of all hero types.

Second, I don't forget the Hero part of things. I like helping people. I like the nicer side of things and being a kind person. My favorite characters are the ones who do that sort of things, not assholes. I know it's not the easiest thing in the world always, however. Being a hero is hard. Still, hero should be more than just a word, not what you get called because your the protagonist. As much as I appreciate the darker side of things for various reasons, it's not something I feel should win out between the two. The darker side tempers the lighter side with practicality, but the compassion and benevolence from the lighter side can't be forgotten either. That's what I try to capture when writing Cass. There is always a darker side to thing that must be struggled with, but I think there is merit still in the hero side that deserves to be explored beyond just deconstruction. Deconstructionist leave the job half done. It's just complaining to me. Complaints are important, but if you leave it at just complaints, well, what then? All it accomplishes is that it tears something down. I rather reconstruct! I hold that reconstruction is what you do if you actually care about something's original idea. Hmm... I suppose this is me being an Existentialist showing here. I honestly don't know if I'll be able to convincingly do it with others, but eh, people are free to decide whatever they like. I'm an entertainer at the foremost & fine with alternate character interpretation, but I won't let that stop me from trying to make a trickster hero.

Next, I wanted a protagonist who truly feels powerful & competent while still being challenged both internally & externally. I've taken a look at various characters who achieve that & people who tend to exhibit the traits I want Cass to and thought carefully on how to implement them here. Besides, I myself am into a large amount of things and all kinds of stuff I can do.

For Cassidy's character arc (which is the only one I'm not putting fully up here right now), I'm hoping to less write a character who is developing into a better person and more go with one who starts as one and document her struggle to remain that. That's not to say she doesn't have things to learn and development to have, but still, she starts in a pretty healthy place as a whole.

I'm a fan of using personality systems to help out design characters and in Cassidy's case, I try to write her as an ENTJ & an Type 8w7.

Finally, I rather Cassidy not be a case of Good Is Boring. She's disciplined, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a personality outside of that.

The Grandmaster Gang: Cassidy Cain, Augustus Wynn, Edan Cain, Rebecca Maddox, & Alban Sinclair

edited 4th Feb '15 11:26:09 PM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

I'm sure your character is great, but that is just way too long for me to bother reading in its entirety. You may want to make it a bit more concise.

Name: Lindsay Phineas Wells (goes by Phin)

Age: Twenty-three

Personality: Taciturn and defensive, but very cunning. He is not a particularly nice person.

Abilities: On his own, his wit is his greatest asset. But after making a contract with Samael, he can sense when other contractors are in his vicinity and whether they are aligned with Heaven or Hell. His contract also lends him enhanced healing.

Weaknesses: His disconnect from reality and callous attitude toward both himself and others make him a hazard to himself. He also suffers from night terrors and occasional panic attacks. He uses his past as an excuse to be a shitty human being.

Goals: Evolves from no goal, to survival, to overthrowing God and the Devil (very ambitious indeed).

Motivation: With Character Development, his motivation becomes revenge and redemption.

Role in the story: Main protagonist. Follows the story of "The Fool's Journey" in the tarot deck.

Backstory: After his mother died in a car crash when he was a teenager, his father became an alcoholic and he mostly took care of his younger sister on his own. When his father became sexually abusive to his younger sister, he didn't want to believe it and his sister, believing she was alone, ran away from home. Her body was later found in a river, but it was never confirmed whether her death was accidental or a suicide. Forced to face the facts, Phin got into an altercation with his father and the police were called. Phin's father faced prison time while Phin moved in with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air (okay they lived in Toronto, but I couldn't help myself). Now finished university, Phin has returned to Toronto for grad school.

Relevant Tropes: Character Development, Jerkass Woobie, Deal with the Devil, Did You Just Scam Cthulhu?, Straight Gay

edited 18th Nov '14 3:30:44 PM by MechaJesus

I cut out a little, but tl;dr honestly seems like a lazy reason to me. That said, I'll still reply & put effort into my reply.

First, you say he is cunning, though I question how is he cunning. There are all kinds of difference forms of intelligence. A person who uses gadgets, for instance, applies their wits in a different way than someone who uses tactics. Same with someone who is, say street smart compared to book taught. Furthermore, if he's socially cunning, I curious to ask as to how seeing as you admitted he's an angsty dick who is disconnected from things. I imagine it would be pretty difficult for someone like that to develop social skills or at least keep them polished. Of course, there could be more there that you haven't said, which is why I ask. Like, does he wear a mask, for instance, when dealing with others that comes out more when certain buttons are pushed? The base aspects really don't strike me as someone who can scam beings that powerful with that much experience honestly because what I do know about him doesn't really feel to sync up with what I've researched on such people and there is so little to go off of.

The concept of using your past as an excuse to be a shitty human being in itself I actually am down with. Something I'm happy to experiment myself with a different character and I've seen used. Also, I'm really wondering how their negative attitude as a whole can impact his attempts to do.... whatever it is.

Sadly can't say much when it comes to who they are as an individual though. Most I got from that is their angsty, but they'll change. I don't know what prompts that change, how they go about it, the types of relationships they might have, etc. Also, you say character development, but would like to hear a bit more there. Show, don- ...tell us more so actually have some meat to sink teeth into. For example, you say he wants to overthrow god and the devil. Why? The action in itself could be interesting, but the reason behind the action, driving it, tells us even more about him as an individual.

With the Jerkass Woobie trope, I would caution with too much emphasis on the jerk part. Mainly because I've ran into a number of them whose jerkass factor killed any woobieness they could have. I believe an element important to pulling it off successfully involves showing what potential positive qualities they could have immediately as opposed to the unpleasant side. First impressions count big time and having a good one can make readers tolerate your character's flaws more. Plus it can make the character more tolerable near the beginning for the audience to actually witness the character development. You want to make them feel there is something worth cheering for and to want the audience to see them overcome their flaws. I think having a shitty past alone might not be enough (it could be though, ask more than just me) but still, it can help with right presentation. I can think of a character off the to- wait, damn, no, he does come across as more a Jerk with a Heart of Gold even though he has some serious jerk moments that can be frustrating.

I am curious to ask what does "no goals" at the beginning mean. As in he's just drifting and has absolutely no purpose beyond just existing or that he just has... nothing. No interests, no tastes, just... nothing. Another thing actually, what do they feel towards their powers? Why? We also have heaven and hell in this, what are his beliefs there prior to them entering his life. How about after?

Another thing I'd like to ask on is this character's aesthetic as I honestly have no real picture of them.

Finally, I am more curious what story type he exists in & what's expected of him. I got a taste that his life was shitty and he makes some kind of contract with... something (a demon, I take it), but I don't get anything more than that to actually judge from regarding him or the plot. Also, why does he make a deal with the devil? Hell, thinking on it, why is someone who is so disconnected and not caring about anything even caring to survive at all? What does he care to live for?

ONE MORE THING: Who was he before the car crash? What personality was he then? Finally, what more can he do or offer at all that expresses what makes him more than a trope?

For me, again whoever comes next for critique, my character above as I'd honestly prefer a proper response to the content, whether positive or negative. Plus I'll give true feedback on anything I feel worth commenting on as I do have other characters I rather move on towards.

edited 20th Nov '14 10:08:21 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

Cassidy makes me think of a more action-oriented version of Artemis Fowl for some reason, crossed with Ciel Phantomhive. She is quite a nuanced character and I did enjoy reading about her. She comes off as someone who is highly accomplished, with quite a skill set. I like her rather...unconventional morality; I won't exactly call her an Anti-Hero because she doesn't seem particularly "dark" but she isn't a straight-up heroine either. One thing I did have a bit of a problem with, though it might just be because of the way it was presented, but what does her family do? Did she come from a family of accomplished thieves or from a family that has its hands in the business world...or both? If both that would be more Aremis Fowl-like. Anyway it's nothing major, just some confusion there.

• You seem to leave long and detailed critiques. I do have a character I'd like you to look at—if you want—but it might be helpful to read this beforehand.

Phin's a good character too, though I'm not sure if he is supposed to be a villain protagonist or not—why is he trying to overthrown God in the first place? Is it a Rage Against the Heavens plot or something more mundane? Anyway, quite a sad backstory h has there, especially about his sister. I tend to take a very dim view of people who disregard abuse stories from others and blow them off, but you portray his remorse and shame very sympathetically.

edited 20th Nov '14 6:52:47 PM by Swordofknowledge

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

Good point there pointing out, I hadn't commented on that at all. I just sort of skipped on it as I just thought wouldn't be as relevant at the time.

Short answer, it's pretty much just business world in itself. If you want the more detailed one, I'll leave it here.

Edan was always on the right side of the law in the past. His interactions with more criminal elements isa result of him running a tiger team & being a penetration tester. Essentially, he was aligned with "legal" thieves. I used things like the movie Sneakers for inspiration there. He also helped reform criminals and get them on the straight & narrow.

As for her parents, everything they do is on the legal business side. They're involved in a conglomerate known as Cain International (CAI Nternational). It started with computer software development & distribution. They progressively expanded into other fields, the primary ones being media/entertainment and have a pretty big stake in electronics. Beyond that, they've some subsidiaries & property holdings. They themselves are something of a Talker and Doer pair, her father being the public side of things (something he picked up from Edan) and Cass' mother more the doer with all the technical side of business, management, the numbers, etc. Cass just mentions them somewhat here and there (such as when using them as a shield) while she notes they're currently out of state on a trip.

So the more criminal side is mostly Cassidy herself. I just didn't mention it since I figured it wasn't needed there. Her knowledge itself is either from actual criminology she learned from Edan that she's just using in different ways than intended or a lot of it falls into fact she's applying knowledge in one field to another. To quote from our own page on The Art Of War (one of the books I use for designing Cass' moves and some of her philosophy)...

• Mundane Utility: Not only does it find use in war; the themes and ideas in this book have several other applications in everyday life such as business and sports.

She just went from business to crime with it. Plus has studied military conflicts in their world then broken everything down to the essentials to understand how & when to apply it.

Anyway, having addressed that, kudos for the feedback there! Overall glad that's result provoked, especially with Cass' morality & characters like that coming to mind. I'd go into more details about development, but eh, I've said enough for right now unless anyone wishes to hear that stuff.

Also, naturally, go ahead with whoever it is you wish to share. I read over everything setup about the race & I'm willing to comment on them as well, if you like.

edited 21st Nov '14 3:03:10 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.