McNinja Family And Close Associates
Our hero. He has the skills of a doctor and the soul of a healer, but he won't hesitate to get violent with anyone who deserves it. Made of a subtle sprinkling of Insanity over a base of Awesome.
- Awesome Mc Coolname: In the very first arc, a kid notes that having the name "Doctor McNinja" is insanely awesome. Subverted with his actual name, Patrick, which is rather mundane.
- Back from the Dead: The Dr. once bled to death thanks to gunshots by Frans Rayner's minions. But after wrestling with The Grim Reaper, he forced himself back to life and stumbled back into his office with about enough blood left in his system for a kitten.
- Back-to-Back Badasses: While fighting King Radical's men alongside his clone.
- Badass Bookworm: Well, he IS a doctor, after all.
- Badass Labcoat: Thanks to his mask, this is the only way to identify him from other ninja.
- Bad Liar: In spite of being a ninja. It gets lampshaded in the Alt Text that he was trained for years in lying well.
- Berserk Button: REALLY hates Pteradactyls.
- Bullying a Dragon: When he was a child, he encountered a powerful ghost wizard. The ghost wizard offered to let him and his grandfather leave in peace. His grandfather accepted, knowing he was no match for a ghost wizard, but the future Dr. refused due to having concluded said wizard was a villain. The wizard was ultimately only defeated by his grandfather's Heroic Sacrifice.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Doctor McNinja is a vigilante, has no qualms about killing bad guys, and his office suffers gunfire and explosions frequently. But he's also a dedicated doctor, and can cure almost any normal or supernatural disease.
- Charles Atlas Superpower:
- He casually lifts up and and throws a vending machine in the first issue. Of course, ninjas probably couldn't normally do that, but he's also a doctor, so that explains it. It only gets more epic after that.
- He can punch ghosts by humming the Ghostbusters theme.
- Most notable example; jumping with enough force to propel him out of the Moon's gravity well and back towards Earth was simply a matter of learning the correct technique.
- Combat Medic: Though, more often than not, Judy has to patch him up. At least once the dichotomy between healing and killing is brought up.
- Complexity Addiction: His occasional scheme can get needlessly complicated and even downright ridiculous. This bites him when he tries to stop the dinosaur scout from transmitting Earth's coordinates to his people.
- Curse: In the final arc, an extremely powerful ghost wizard puts the Dr. under a curse designed to make the universe itself reject him.
- Dead Person Impersonation: Pretends to be Dr. McLuchador, who actually died in anonymity, to infiltrate Radical's gang.
- Does Not Like Magic: Due to a bad experience with it (his grandfather's death), he hates magic and ultimately seeks to figure out how it works and fits into the natural world.
- Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": Even his parents just tend to call him "my son". See No Name Given, below. His name is ultimately revealed to be "Patrick".
- Face Your Fears: The Negazone is a Dark World of the White House that confronts its victims with their fears. The Dr.'s lesser fears include never dating again and death. But the only one he actually dreads is the possibility that he might be an Inappropriate Role Model for Gordito, and he is forced to deal with this fear to escape.
- Fan Boy: Of Batman. Yes, really.
- Fingore: Self-inflicted. When imprisoned deep within the sea, he tries to get people's help by tapping morse code with his finger. After a while, it starts bleeding.
- Forgot About His Powers: He has trouble remembering how strong he is.
- Grievous Harm with a Body: He uses Dracula as a "bat" to hit King Radical, resulting in his transformation into a vampire when Dracula's fangs bite into him by accident. Then he throws Pope Francis at the newly-created vampire.
- Hero Insurance: Instantly pardoned and forgiven for any broken laws, provided he gets home to his office and says "Base!" before the cops get to him.
- Hero with Bad Publicity: Not originally, but in the final arc, few people are grateful to the Dr. for stopping King Radical from causing The End of the World as We Know It. Quite the contrary, Sparklelord, the ghost wizard, and King Radical turn the entire universe against him.
- High-Altitude Interrogation: When questioning Dr. Knickerbockers, he hosts him in a trailer with an open back, being pulled by an airplane.
- I'll Kill You!: The Doctor's response to King Radical murdering an innocent child for Revenge by Proxy.
- Inappropriate Role Model: When the Doctor is confronted with his fears, the only one to hit a nerve is when he is told he is a bad role model for Gordito.
- Inner Monologue: Often. Doc has been known to argue with his inner voice.(And lose.)
- Lured into a Trap: King Radical banishes President Funkhouser to the Negazone, overthrows the US government, and crowns himself dictator. As part of his strategy to unseat Radical, Dr. McNinja attempts to mount a rescue of the former president, only to discover that King Radical was expecting this and had already moved her prison, using its former location as a trap.
- McNinja: Trope Namer. He's Irish-American, and a ninja.
- Necessarily Evil: While infiltrating Radical's gang as Dr. McLuchador, he does not enjoy the heist he is employed to go along with; Namely, ruining the owners of a pizza restaurant because they aren't radical enough for King Radical. He made up for it at the end after finally beating Radical and hiring the two for a city-wide pizza party.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero!: He tries to stop a Bad Future with an elaborate plan that fails, entirely due to his own actions. The people he meets in the future aren't happy with him about it.
- No Name Given: We know he has one, but he never uses it. A wizard is involved in some way. When Dr. McNinja was a child, he angered a powerful ghost wizard. In order to protect his grandson from the wizard's terrible curse, his grandfather, John McNinja gave up the future doctor's true name as an offering to the Powers That Be in exchange for protecting him. As a result, the ghost wizard was Taken for Granite and his name was erased from all of existence, leaving him as the only one to still remember it. If he ever tells anyone else his true name, the ghost wizard will be released. It is ultimately revealed to be "Patrick".
- Offhand Backhand: Delivers one to a birdosaurus that was sneaking up on him, not even bothering to look at it.
- One-Man Army: He frequently defeats foes who outnumber him. Frans Rayner eventually hears his goons screaming "He's only one man!" while being slaughtered by the Doctor and figures out that Conservation of Ninjutsu is a real force for ninjas, weaponizing this knowledge for himself in the aptly named Army of One.
- Omnidisciplinary Scientist:
- One of the few justified examples in that he was cloned multiple times in order to attain multiple doctorates. Then, all clones but one were re-merged, resulting in the doc we all know and love.McNinja: I'm a doctor. I know science.
- He's also a talented actor, (despite being a Bad Liar) impersonating McLuchador well enough to have fooled everyone. The narrow areas Doc doesn't have expertise in are Computers, for which he is reliant on Sean, and Agronomy / Botany, as Old McNinja never merged with him again.
- One of the few justified examples in that he was cloned multiple times in order to attain multiple doctorates. Then, all clones but one were re-merged, resulting in the doc we all know and love.
- Parental Betrayal: In the final arc, as part of his efforts to utterly break the Doctor, Dracula forces the Doctor's own parents to betray him by taking Gordito hostage. And since Doc doesn't learn the reason for their betrayal, the gambit successfully weakens the his ability to trust anyone. King Radical then uses their betrayal as "proof" that every single person in the entire world hates the Doctor for working against Radical. His parents later acknowledge that he will never trust them again.
- Pay Evil unto Evil: After getting all the information he wants from Dr. Knickerbockers, he tosses him a parachute and casually kicks him out of an airplane, singing he doesn't feel bad because Knickerbockers is a bad guy.
- Retired Badass: After being betrayed by his family, killing King Radical, and freeing President Funkhouser from the Negazone, he has finally quit the ninja life and moved on to become an ordinary doctor. Even his sidekick, Judy, is no longer with him, having gone on to serve as Funkhouser's new VP.
- Science Hero: While his usual method of solving problems is to punch or stab them, he makes use of his "doctorin'" skills to come up with cures for Paul Bunyan's Disease, ghost possession, the mummy's curse, and Franz Rayner's ninja drug.
- Summon Bigger Fish: When King Radical comes upon the verge of bringing about The End of the World as We Know It, Doc concludes that Sparklelord and King Radical were correct when they said Sparkelord was the only one who can stop him, and the Dr. ends up summoning the other monster.
- Super Strength: He can lift vending machines, punch enemies sky high, and shatter very thick metal. Apparently an ability he has from being a Doctor in addition to a ninja.
- Super Toughness: Manages to withstand being beaten and smashed by an angry gorilla for over an hour while unconscious.
- Tempting Fate: Dr. McNinja gloats about finally ruining King Radical's plans for good and how nothing bad will ever happen. Meanwhile, a ghost wizard busily casts a Curse designed to make his entire life to go wrong.
- Unexpected Virgin: A comic where McNinja was allowed to ride a unicorn brought up the mythology that only virgins were allowed to touch the creatures, but whether or not this was in effect was left intentionally vague, as he was too uncomfortable with the subject to talk about it. This combined with the revelation that the doctor has only ever dated one person...well, it's definitely a possibility.
- The Unreveal: The final set of strips inform readers that he has officially retired from service as a ninja and cut ties with his family to become a common practitioner of medicine. The final two comics portray him without his ninja mask, but his face is turned away both times.
- Vampire Hunter: During his years in Grad school, he focused on hunting vampires. He almost even chose it as his career. This comes up again during the finale, where he converts King Radical into a vampire to make him easier for his skill set to deal with.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Gordito gives him two. The first is when Doc begins to focus on stopping King Radical to the exclusion of treating injured and sick people. The second is on Sean's behalf in the Bad Future centered around how Sean performed several extremely difficult actions to enable Doc's plan, only for Doc to ruin everything with his inability to not punch an astronaut.
- Where Did We Go Wrong?: On the receiving end of this from his parents. His mother became a ninja through training, and thus did not learn how to raise a ninja child. His father came from a long line of ninjas and was never taught how for traditional reasons. They tried to inspire him using Batman. But instead of becoming a proper, ruthless, amoral mercenary, their son used his ninja skills for vigilantism and chose medicine as his main career.
The effing badass kid: Doc's ward and protégé. His father was a circus performer with a incredible finishing routine — until it went wrong.
- And Then John Was a Zombie: Dracula turns him into a thirsting vampire as Revenge by Proxy against the Doctor. Luckily, the McNinja parents were able to revert the effects with Doc's formula.
- Badass Mustache: Grew it with sheer force of will.
- Bilingual Bonus: His name means "Little Fattie" in Spanish. Kind of essential to understanding the joke in this comic.
- Determinator: He has achieved incredible things simply by focusing all his will on succeeding. Slightly downplayed since he admits in private that he doesn't think he lives up to his reputation.
- Future Badass: Not that he's not badass in the present, but in the future he's an even more badass resistance leader.
- The Gunslinger: Provides the page image.
- He Is All Grown Up: Doc's reaction to seeing Future!Gordito is "You got handsome."
- Kid Sidekick: The Doc wants to think of him as the Robin to his Batman, save for the fact that Gordito is not a Cheerful Child.
- Would Hit a Girl:
- Gordito enters school completely hated by all the other students. At one point, a girl slams him with her locker, apparently in annoyance that he's in her way since their lockers are right next to each other. He responds by giving her a black eye.
- When Hortense tries to stop Dr. McNinja from ending King Radical's villainous scheme, Gordito punches her in the face. And then does it again, just because he could. And then again.
- Young Gun: Early teens at most and packing two pistols.
Judy the Gorilla
Doc's receptionist and occasional muscle. She works for the doctor because his life is very exciting and also because she is a professional.
- Badass Driver: Doc trusts her to jump an explosion with him hanging from the back of the vehicle. Earlier, when she went to fetch a new car and discovered herself in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, the logical course of action was to get to the car so she could drive through the middle of the horde, arriving back at the office with only four zombies clinging to the roof.
- A story showing how they met shows that she can sign and drive at the same time.
- Berserk Button: Her hot dogs were clearly marked, but unfortunately, Yoshi can't read...
- Consummate Professional: According to the Doc. Goes back to work bulldozing the remains of their bombed office with little more than a grunt of acknowledgement after getting choked out by Agent Bearclaw. In response to the chapter title asking "Why a gorilla?"Doc: Because she's a professional, and she behaves like one!
- Everything's Better with Monkeys: Possibly the real reason for why a gorilla.
- Kindhearted Cat Lover: Judy later gets a cat (though the Doc decides to name him "Ice Cream Cake")
- Naughty by Night: A mild example - During a story arc in which Doc is away from his office for an extended period, Judy is briefly shown to be enjoying a round of Bacarat with a number of other well-to-do gorrillas in a scene taken right out of Dr. No.
- Phrase-Catcher: Why is the gorilla a receptionist? "Because she is a professional and she behaves like one!"
- Shout-Out: to Koko, a female gorilla who can use sign language and likes cats.
Yoshi the Raptor
A wild velociraptor formerly owned by a gang of Mexican paleontologist banditos (don't ask); currently Gordito's mount and pet. Not too smart but makes up for it with teeth.
- Big Damn Heroes: In the Bad Future, saving Doc and Sean.
- Everything's Better with Dinosaurs: Sure, Gordito could have a dog or a horse or something lame, but why settle for that when there's a spare velociraptor handy?
- Future Badass: In the Bad Future his intelligence is enhanced, making him much more effective
- Horse of a Different Color: Most people wouldn't consider a raptor to be a valid steed.
- Raptor Attack: He has razor sharp claws and can run fast enough to keep up with motorcycles.
- Shout-Out: Being a dinosaur steed, the Dr. is quick to name him after Yoshi from the Super Mario Bros. games, and later speculates that Gordito had likely already given him that name earlier.
- You No Take Candle: The future dinosaur invaders tried to uplift living dinosaurs on Earth. It worked mostly, but their grasp of language is limited.
Doc's dad. Defeated Frans Rayner to become head of the American guild of ninjas in the 80's. His mustache gives him instant respect and authority, which is why he cut a hole in his ninja mask so it would always be on display.
- Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: Particularly when around Benjamin Franklin II.
- Badass Grandpa: He's old enough for his son to have a (if surrogate) son of his own, and is just as skilled a ninja as Doc is.
- Badass Mustache: When it was revealed by his mask getting torn in a fight, he instantly became leader of the Ninja Guild.
- Boisterous Bruiser: When fighting pirates as he loves riling them up.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: Like his son. Believes that setting yourself on fire to avoid capture is so effective it overrides the obvious drawbacks. "Ninjas can't catch you if you are on fire."
- Crazy-Prepared: When he learns that the McNinja family needs to fight a ghost wizard, he sets them on a training regimen to be able to counter its three spells - except there are seven ghost wizards in the world who all know three different spells, so he trains them to counter 21 spells. Eventually, it gets a little weird. Hilariously subverted when it turns out the one spell he didn't train his group to counter is the one the ghost wizard uses to beat Dan.
- Hollywood Hacking: Believes this is the only way to interact with computers. He has no idea how to do this, unlike Sean, so he throws old routers and bashes keyboards into them. It predictably does not work.Dan: HACK IT.
Sean: But I—
Dan: HACK THAT ROBOT.
Alt Text: USE...THE NET.
- Man on Fire: Can sustain extended/indeterminate periods while being fully aflame. That his ninja gi is fire resistant certainly helps.
- McNinja: Also an Irish-American ninja.
- Papa Wolf: His response to a pirate claiming to have kidnapped his son is... pretty violent.
- Screw Yourself: Apparently a believer in this.Dan: Oh god, he's probably making out with [his clone] right now. That's what they're doing.
Mitzi: ...what makes you think that?
Dan: Because it's what any of us would do! Try to keep up!
- Testosterone Poisoning: On occasion. His mustache alone convinced an entire clan of ninjas that he should be their leader. Also there's the point of setting yourself on fire to escape capture.
Doc's mom. Known for her two specialties: Pickled beets and precisely aimed demolitions.
- Action Girl: She wasn't raised as a ninja, and we don't know how old she was when she started training. Considering all the badassery that the McNinjas regularly pull off, imagine how tough she had to be to keep pace with ninjas who were primed for it since childhood.
- Action Mom: A mother of two who is probably the best fighter in the series. She can defeat Doc with ease.
- Blue and Orange Morality: She would kill her children out of love, as an example. Probably Rule of Funny at work, though.
- Lethal Chef: An odd example, in that she occasionally poisons her cooking in order to train her family to be wary of poison. Then again, her pickled beets are pretty bad in and of themselves — her family chokes them down anyway out of fear or respect.
- Mama Bear: She will do anything to protect her children, including killing them if they are facing a Fate Worse than Death.
- McNinja: Though her nationality is never stated, her first name is German.
- Mercy Kill: Is willing (And rather eager) to murder Sean to keep him from being used as a ghost wizard's flesh suit. In a lesser example, when Dan is bespelled to see everything as knives she knocks him out to keep his mind from breaking at trying to comprehend everything being knives.
- Sai Gal: Her Weapon of Choice.
- Team Mom: To Doc (obviously) and Gordito. She seems to see the latter as part of her family, or at least very close.
Sean "Dark Smoke Puncher" McNinja
Doc's younger brother. Torn between his parents' desire for him to be a good ninja, his own geeky tendencies, and his longing for popularity, resulting in a use of over-the-top "hip" slang. Wearing a ninja mask.
- Badass Bookworm: Being a ninja who can build robots has got to make you one of these.
- Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Sean killed Dracula by (somehow) reprogramming a magical portal he was trying to escape through to redirect to the middle of a desert.
- Expy: Intentionally makes himself one of Doctor Strange in the "Futures Trading" timeline, down to the Badass Cape.
- Future Badass: Badass enough to make the dinosaur army come running to fight him.
- Gadgeteer Genius: For instance: he's capable of designing a missile from scratch and hacking into NASA's mission control to launch it given less than a day's notice. What's more, the family routinely expects that from him.
- Legacy Character: In the Bad Future, he calls himself Dr. McNinja. Though he specifies that it isn't because of his brother, it's just part of his schtick.
- Magic from Technology: The essence of his "technomagic".
- McNinja: Like his brother, he's an Irish-American ninja.
- Obfuscating Stupidity: Plays up his stereotypical teen traits to keep his parents from realizing how similar he is to the Doc, considering how vocal they are about how he is a disappointment.
- Oh, Crap!: His expression when he realises he just revealed he's a geek to Gordito.
- Open Mouth, Insert Foot: While calling out Gordito for trying to impress Dan with a line he ripped from The Dark Tower. Gordito realises the only way Shaun would know that was if he read the book himself.
- Took a Level in Badass: In "Futures Trading".
- Totally Radical: It's a cover.
A clone of the Doc. He's a farmer.
- Alternate Self: Dr. McNinja wanted to learn it all in order to become an Omnidisciplinary Scientist like Batman. His teacher provided him with a project to create clones that learn and eventually reintegrate into the original. Thanks to arriving late and a time travellers careless meddling, the one assigned to study farming didn't and ended up hiding himself away on a farm. Franz Rayner abducts him as bait against his original, but together they manage to escape. Old ultimately joins King Radical, and turns on his original.
- Back-to-Back Badasses: While fighting King Radical's men alongside his original.
- Clone Degeneration: He believes that this is the case, because older cloning technology was flawed and resulted in clones not lasting very long. Turns out, he was just suffering a major case of Cloning Blues. Doc points out that Ben Franklin, who was himself a clone of the original Franklin, would not have used a lesser method than the one that created himself, which allowed him to live just as long as the original.
- Clones Are People, Too: When the McNinja family hesitates to rescue him, Doc argues that Old is just as much their son as he is, and when Old joins Radical his right as a clone to make that decision is never brought up. Long story short, since he couldn't ever join back up with Doc, Old is officially his own person.
- Conservation of Ninjutsu: Why Rayner cloned him.
- Face Death with Dignity: He's surprisingly calm in his final moments, joking about getting to a hospital and how getting sneak attacked by a chainsaw isn't a great way to go for a ninja.
- FaceHeel Turn: He joins King Radical and turns against his original. Not that he sees it that way. He thinks that Dr. McNinja is the bad guy for opposing Radical, since Radical is making the city a cooler place. Never mind how Radical has little regard for the consequences of his reckless actions or how many people they hurt. As he increasingly suffers from Clone Degeneration, he comes to resent his Alternate Self and decides to kill him. Except it turns out he's not actually degenerating at all. The Doctor promises to help him with his psychological problems and Old agrees to help him against Radical.
- Heel Realization: Old starts realizing that he's working for the bad guy after King Radical uses a giant robot to kill quite a lot of people. But after some thought (and after seeing his crush supports the plan), he decides to continue supporting it.
- Hopeless Suitor: He retains Dr. McNinja's former crush on Hortense and works as her partner for this reason. Even though he knows she will never love him back due to whatever happened between her and the Dr.
- Idiot Ball: Believes that he's dying of clone degeneration disease since most clones are not made to live as long as he has, but forgets that the man who made him, the CLONE of Ben Franklin was an incredibly old and totally stable clone himself who wouldn't use a lesser technology to clone the doctor than what was used to clone himself.
- Ignored Epiphany: He briefly feels bad about helping King Radical when his boss enacts a plan that will kill billions of people, but is swayed back by Hortense.
- I'll Kill You!: Along with every major arc villains, he wants to kill the Doctor because he's lived longer than clones are meant to and his mind is deteriorating. It turns out his mind is not deteriorating due to clone degeneration at all, making the reasons for his desire to kill the original something else.
- Irrational Hatred: Towards his original, who he blames for everything wrong with his life. He eventually decides to kill him. Doc eventually suggests that his mental problems are due to the circumstances that drove him into hiding, which have made him paranoid and unable to relate to people.
- Punny Name: Old McDonald had a farm, EE-I-EE-I-O!
- Redemption Equals Death: Old defected from King Radical's forces and began to help out his original, but was stabbed through the chest with a chainsaw and died in Dr. McNinja's arms shortly afterwards.
- Revenge: Due to his increasing insanity and his resentment towards his original for continuing to live a life that was once his, he decides to kill him.
- She Is Not My Girlfriend: Dr. McNinja accuses Old of working for King Radical because he is now together with Hortense. Old says they're not, but both of them are clearly quite flustered by the accusation. He also reacts awkwardly when Hortense muses on the losers of their world being replaced with hunks, and repeatedly demonstrates that he has some romantic inclinations towards her.
- Doc reveals that because Old was cloned from him before he broke up with Hortense, he never had a chance to get over her like regular Doc did.
- The Evil Genius: Of Radical's Doc revenge squad. He knows the Doctor better than the others and is a Stealth Expert.
- So Proud of You: His parents are very happy there is a version of the Dr. that isn't a Dr. and has expertly used his ninja skills for things other than vigilantism.
- Stealth Expert: Unlike the doctor, he spent most of his life hiding, meaning he's a master of remaining unseen.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Gives one to the Doc about breaking the ghost's curse which to him turned his granddad's sacrifice meaningless.
- Would Hurt a Child: He was prepared to kill Gordito to fulfill King Radical's plans. Hortense of all people had to be the one to hold him back.
- "Sometimes people need to get killed."
Dr. McNinja's grandfather, Dan's father. Retired, has a massive beard.
- Anti-Hero: As a reminder: the McNinjas are ninjas, meaning mercenaries for hire. He's perfectly happy to accept an assassination contract on some guy just because that guy's sister wants his inheritance, and justifies it as merely providing a service and shifting all the blame to the woman for taking out the contract in the first place.
- Badass Beard: Unlike his son's moustache, he has a full-grown beard that's more than a foot long. He got the idea to cut his mask and let it hang out from Dan, though.
- Badass Grandpa: Doc's grandfather, an old man whose first appearance is marked by Mitzi and Dan (both highly dangerous ninjas in their own right) going on full alert. He subsequently managed to escape being blown up with a rocket launcher.
- Cannibalism Superpower: He got his powers by eating Spellcasting Pig King Overlord pork chops
- Fight Magnet: He's made quite a few enemies. When he comes to visit the kids, they go on alert not because they're worried about him, but because they know he'll be dragging along someone who wants to kill him.
- Heroic R.R.O.D.: All of his more powerful spells cause physical damage. A particularly strong one ends up giving him a heart attack.
- Heroic Sacrifice: He casts an extremely powerful spell to save his grandson from a ghost wizard. The result leaves him completely drained and apparently kills him.
- Kung-Fu Wizard: Turns out, he's a spellcaster.
- Post Humous Character: In the present, he is considered to be dead, though Dan McNinja says he will never know this for sure. He does show up in an arc set in the past.
- Psychic Nosebleed: He lacks proper training and casting any spell with power strains his body, which can result in his eyes bleeding. He can still perform cantrips (minor spells) all he wants though.
- Retired Badass: To the point of deliberately letting people know where he is on occasion in order to keep them from searching him out.
- Uncertain Doom: In First Generation Ninja American, he apparently dies due to overuse of magic, and his body is left behind deep underground. But in Army of One, Dan says he will never know this for sure.
- Unskilled, but Strong: He has very powerful magic, but lacks proper wizard training.
- Yes... Yes... I'm lovin' it.
The first villain to be introduced in the comic, guilty of defaming Dr. McNinja's name in a new burger promotion. Appears later in "There is a Raptor in my Office" and later in "AWOL MD"
- Anti-Villain: In his eyes at least. All he did was sell burgers that were popular and happened to share Dr. McNinja's name, and while he admits he would have legally torn the good doctor to shreds if he objected in court, he thinks that the events of the first chapter were a gross overreaction.
- Burger Fool: As might be expected from a Ronald McDonald Captain Ersatz, he owns the McBonald restaurant chain.
- Captain Ersatz: Originally was Ronald McDonald, but his name was quietly changed to Donald McBonald years later.
- The Dark Chick: In Radical's Doc revenge squad. The alt text even says he thinks he is a peer because he is very arrogant.
- Enemy Mime: Displays the ability to cause the things he mimes to exist in his second appearance.
- Enemy Mine: Forced to work with the doctor to apprehend Jetpack Man in order to preserve profit.
- Feed It a Bomb: Uses his Enemy Mime powers to force feed Doc a bomb...maybe. It's not clear whether he was bluffing about his ability to mime something so complicated, or if he did but lost his concentration due to Doc psyching him out.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: His burgers somehow induce trances in those who eat them. Normally, this improves business, but when King Radical, a Villain with Good Publicity, presumably dies in a space shuttle financed by McBonald's food, this trance causes them to become unreasonable, turn on Bonald, and demand refunds, leaving him ruined.
- Mecha-Mooks: Robots fight for him because everyone else has too much dignity to work at McBonald's.
- Monster Clown: His appearance years later in color only cements this.
- Not-So-Harmless Villain: Shortly after the Dr. says he's back to being a joke, McBonald stabs him through with a mime sword.
- Punch-Clock Villain: Is just trying to make money. Every chapter where he was the antagonist he was on the defensive from the Doc.
- Retcon: Was originally Ronald McDonald, but Hastings changed it to pre-emptively avoid a lawsuit.
- Revenge: In the final arc, he goes after the Dr. for revenge due to the Dr. inadvertently ruining him.
- Sole Survivor: The only member of Radical's crew to survive the final arc.
- Villain Has a Point: McBonald eventually comes to the realization that the Dr. sees him as one of his villains, which he considers hilarious. While McBonald is not the most ethical business man, he points out to the Dr. that all he did was sell some novelty burgers that coincidentally shared his name, and the Dr. responded by knocking out a restaurant full of customers, destroying his robots, and assaulting him. The Dr. admits he has a point.
- Your Mime Makes It Real: Donald is a mime with this ability. The hero defeats him with a pantomime of an invisible rocket launcher, while King Radical simply decks him while yelling "I don't believe in mimes!" Doc eventually figures out that the magic requires the practitioner to use Clap Your Hands If You Believe, and prevents McBonald from using it by undermining his confidence.
- You are just the baby school, and Im the Big League Chew. Why do you try?
Became the bitter enemy to the McNinja family after Dan humiliated him. Did a series of action films in which he carved a swath through ninjakind with the aid of copious amounts of The Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu and bloodshed.
- Achilles' Heel: Due to his messed up nervous system, Rayner had a single weak point that was located in his left butt cheek. However, after his humiliating defeat at Dan's hands he used his mastery over his body to move it to his left eyebrow, and he later moved it to his leg after it was amputated and replaced with a prosthetic, so he no longer has a weak point.
- The Ahnold: Hastings decided that putting on his accent phonetically in the text looked too ridiculous, asking the reader in the Alt Text to imagine the accent.
- Awesome, but Impractical: His laser eye. Since it has no power supply of its own, it drains his physical energy when he fires it.
- Ax-Crazy: He kills almost impulsively. Even when filming advertisements.
- Back from the Dead: Dr. McNinja throws him off a cliff over jagged rocks. Death tries to claim him, but Frans Rayner manages to use his mastery over his body to stay alive after he should have been killed.
- Badass Beard: His neckbeard, while normally the total opposite of this trope, is able to block hits.
- Big Bad: In the D.A.R.E. story arc and in the Army of One arc.
- The Brute: In later appearances.
- Charles Atlas Superpower: He is so well trained that he can rearrange his body's organs and vital areas.
- Critical Research Failure: In-Universe. He plans to become president by killing the president. When Gordito tells him that's not how it works, he answers that by that point he'll be so popular nobody will care. What's more, at the end of the arc, Dr. McNinja points out he's an immigrant, not a natural-born American citizen, and thus not eligible for the presidency to start with. Doesn't stop him from becoming president when King Radical dies, some time after naming Rayner his vice president, which would also have been illegal had Rad not blown up Congress, as being Vice-President requires the same qualifications as President.
- Dragon Ascendant: Doc successfully kills King Radical, the Big Bad, but then Franz, his VP at the time, becomes the new President Evil.
- Engrish: "You are the baby school, and I am the Big League Chew."
- Eye Beam: After his first defeat he had one installed to replace a missing eye. It uses his own body's calorie reserve as an energy source though, so using it once renders him incapable of fighting.
- Kick the Son of a Bitch: He wiped out the American ninjas. While they were amoral assassins for hire, he only did it because he was angry at them for refusing to aid his plans to takeover the US and to make movies.
- Master of Your Domain: To ridiculous degree, he can move all his weak points into one spot to be immune to nerve attack and survived his encounter with the doctor by swallowing his brain so the rocks didn't pierce it when he got his Eye Scream among other way to contort his vital organ out of harm's way.
- McNinja: He is a former American ninja.
- Neck Snap: Dan twists his neck. And due to being distracted by the return of Funkhouser, he fails to move his spinal cord out of the way fast enough.
- Never Found the Body: The Doctor tosses him off a cliff over jagged rocks. The Police later try to inform the Doc that they never found Rayner's body, though he doesn't learn this until later due to not bothering to take the calls.
- President Evil: Something he would really like to be someday. He acquires the position of Vice President after King Radical overthrows the US government and Ron Wizard dies, and becomes President after King Radical's death. But when Funkhouser gets released, his soldiers prove to be more loyal to her than to him.
- Revenge: In the final arc, he goes after the doctor for revenge due to him inadvertently ruining his business partner, McBonald.
- Sadistic Choice: He gives Mitzi a choice between killing her oldest son or watching him shoot her husband and Gordito.
- Villain Decay: Lampshaded and exaggerated. By now Dr. McNinja has fought him, and defeated him, so often that he is no longer considered a threat at all.
- Villain with Good Publicity: Starts out as one. When his plans to take over the US by becoming leader of the American Ninjas failed, he launched a crusade to exterminate them and made this into a series of films. Due to Ninjas being ruthless amoral assassins for hire, they were little missed, and this won him a great deal of good publicity.
- Mongo hates fish.
Genetically constructed "Uber-ninja" who assists Frans Rayner. Kind of dumb. Wields chainsaw nunchucks in his first appearance.
- Chainsaw Good: He uses chainsaw nunchucks in his first appearance.
- Dumb Muscle: Capable of carrying two grown men in one hand, but has the mind of a toddler.
- The Juggernaut: Nigh-unstoppable, but none too bright.
- Megaton Punch: After his Villain Decay, McNinja can punch him to the skies without breaking a sweat.
- Psychopathic Man Child: Rayner calls him off by offering him Happy Meal toys.
- Technical Pacifist: Refuses to kill in his second appearance, due to the death of a small child he became friends with. However, this does not stop him from delivering Dr. McNinja to Rayner's hands for him to kill McNinja himself.
- Villain Decay: Hits this just as hard as Rayner, though before this was noted in-comic, he had only actually been properly defeated once, by Judy with a bazooka.
- Cutting open your face and experimenting on your brain.. Hehe!! It sounds so much worse than it actually feels.
Extremely short neurogenetipharmocologist in the employ of Frans Rayner. Developed the ninja drug responsible for the events of the DARE arc. Somewhat creepy.
- Depraved Dwarf: He is based off of the nightmares of former inker Kent Archer, meaning that he was so terrifying that one of his artists couldn't draw him.
- Evil Laughter: "Eeheeheehee!"
- Omnidisciplinary Scientist: He specializes in drugs that affect neurology (such as the drug ninjas), but he's dabbled with cloning as well.
- Know When to Fold 'Em: Knickerbockers willingly gives up information to Doc after Doc interrogates him by holding him in an open shipping container that is being carried by an aircraft. When Doc mentions how easily he gave up, Knickerbockers calmly states that Doc's threats are scarier than any threats his employers could make to keep Knickerbockers quiet.
- I have accomplished so much during my never ending life...
The real thing. His immortality has enabled him to master every technology and amass the world's greatest minds and talents in his secret moon base, but he is getting bored.
- Actually a Doombot: He has Drac-bots to impersonate him.
- Affably Evil: Sure, he's willing to kill people or damn their souls, but he's pretty friendly and polite about it. Also, he's perfectly willing to help people if they just ask for it, provided it doesn't interfere with his plans.
- Art Shift: One strip he appears in is animated, appearing to be a normal comic until suddenly he descends from the ceiling. Since this is the only time such a thing has been done, it's unexpected and pretty effective.
- Big Bad: Of Punch Dracula.
- The Cavalry: In "Futures Trading".
- Classical Movie Vampire: thank God for public domain.
- Collector of the Strange: He has a collection of notable historical figures who live on his moon base, including "The Real" Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. To his dismay, all of them save Paul McCartney are killed by the result of Sparklelord destroying a time portal.
- The Dragon: After Ron's death Drac joins King Radical's posse to take down Doc.
- Evil Plan: He wants to know what exists as an afterlife and does evil things to find out.
- Kick the Dog: After returning to Earth, he murders an entire plane, sucking out their blood.
- Monster Lord: He's not called DRACULA! KING OF ALL VAMPIRES! for nothing.
- Motive Decay: Averted. He has new reasons to hunt down Dr. McNinja in "The End", but he still wants McNinja to enter the afterlife, escape it, and report back with his findings, if he can.
- Necromancer: He has the power to bind and enslave the dead with his magics.
- Painting the Medium: Whenever he's introduced, he is called DRACULA! KING OF ALL VAMPIRES!
- Public-Domain Character: Lampshaded in the Alt Text.
- Omnidisciplinary Scientist: He has taken full advantage of his vampiric immortality to explore every branch of art and science. Among his accomplishments are the invention of a teleporter, an incredibly powerful moon laser, and the cure for cancer. Though in typical Reed Richards Is Useless fashion, he withholds it from humanity at least partially for laughs.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: Dracula is a classic vampire who rarely show fear, so when he orders people to run when he sees Sparklelord it's kind of telling how things are bad.
- Revenge: In the final arc, he goes after the Dr. due to Doc's actions inadvertently resulting in the destruction of his moon base.
- Revenge by Proxy: As part of his revenge, mentioned above, he claims Gordito.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: After Radical's death he turns into his bat form and leaves, simply saying "Yeah, bye!"
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: He assumes the form of a large dog after wiping out the passengers and crew of a plane he boarded.
- Weakened by the Light: He gives up on revenge and retreats through a portal, only for Sean to hack the portal and reroute it to a sunlit desert, causing Dracula to disintegrate.
- Who Wants to Live Forever?: It's not that he doesn't, he's just done so much awesome stuff that now he's bored and getting curious about what might lie on the other side of death.
- Xanatos Gambit: A variation on the traditional trope in that he's curious about what happens after death, but not willing to die yet himself, so he plans to kill and blackmail (in that order) the only person he believes is capable of actually dying, finding out what happens, and coming BACK to tell him, the good Doctor. If it works, wonderful; goal achieved. If it doesn't, no big loss. There are others like him and he won't have to find him because they'll come to him.
- You Never Asked: The reason he didn't intervene in the Bad Future where dinosaurs took over the Earth was because no one asked him to help.Dracula: They usually don't like the laser.
The doctor's ex-girlfriend from college. Now works as a mercenary of some sort.
- Antagonist in Mourning: By the end of the strip she's cut her hair off, removed her mask, and evidently dropped out of the ninja game because of her role in Radical's plan.
- Braids of Action: All her hair is tied up in a single long braid wrapped around her head.
- Dark Action Girl: She's a tough fighter with no qualms about killing.
- Foe Romance Subtext: With Doc.
- Groin Kick: Gives one to Gordito.
- Heroes Want Redheads: Doc used to like her, and Old still does.
- Kick the Son of a Bitch: She callously murders a pilot just to inconvenience Doc. But said pilot admits he deserved it for cockily running a vehicle off the road and probably killing the occupants.
- McNinja: She was once a junior member of the American Ninja Guild.
- Ship Sinking: Pretty finally.
- Would Hurt a Child: She doesn't hold back against Gordito (and neither does he). Though she does ultimately prevent Old from killing him.
President King Radical (formerly Sir Sicknasty of Spades)
The most radical man in the radical land. Conducts amoral dealings to improve Cumberland and make it more radical. Antagonizes Doc for fun.
- Arch-Enemy: To Dr McNinja.
- Anti-Villain: Ultimately defied. His primary motivation to better Cumberland is all done to save his home universe by merging them together. By doing so, it would eventually kill millions of people. He is at least, making sure that the biggest jerks on the planet are the first to die, with the more radical native residents being spared, but eventually, even innocent boring people are killed as well.
- Ambiguously Evil: He's almost certainly up to something, and he's done some pretty questionable things like blowing up Doc's office for refusing to treat one of his henchmen and murdering a version of Chuck Goodrich, but he's also a largely benevolent force, using his mafia to genuinely improve the quality of life in Cumberland.
- The ambiguity is pretty much dropped after it's clear that Radical does things only for his own goals and his betterment of Cumberland is basically a scheme to turn it in a place where only the radicals can survive.
- And Your Little Dog, Too!: In the Bad Future, he would love to kill some dinosaurs. Even "Their racist little children."
- Authority Equals Ass Kicking: He is the king of the Radical Lands and before that he was slaying crazy monsters every day. His first act as king was decking Sparklelord through a wall.
- Awesome Moment of Crowning: In the Radical Lands, new kings are chosen by the lands themselves, and are marked with the tattoo "Most Rad." on their fingers, declaring them literally the most Radical person in the world.
- Badass Beard: As badass as everything else about him, he sports a well-trimmed grey beard.
- Badass Normal: He's got no enhanced durability or magic and rarely demonstrates his fighting skills. He mostly relies on weapons-grade levels of charisma, being from a world where Awesomeness Is a Force and a willingness to exploit his followers to his best advantage.
- Bad Boss: He outright admits he doesn't like anyone who works for him, punches someone who brings him bad news and his response to accidentally killing several of his scientists is saying "well farts." In fact, his army of "common men" were specifically hired because they are the worst, lamest people Radical can find, and thus the first who will be shoved out of existence when King Radical summons his people from the Radical Lands.
- Batman Gambit: On himself in the Bad Future. He knows the Ultimate Diplomat has an almost supernatural ability to convince people to get along, so he keeps himself underground and away from the Diplomat's speech that ends the human-dinosaur war. He does so to retain enough of his hatred for dinosaurs that he can counter the Diplomat's influence on the Doc and ensure that Doc prevents the dinosaur invasion.
- Berserk Button:
- Thanks to Sparklelord, he hates rainbows.
- Don't confuse him for the Burger King. On the other hand, this prompted a rather nifty costume upgrade, complete with full-length purple cloak and sash.
- Big Bad: Of many arcs and the overall story.
- Big "WHAT?!": When he learns that his favourite minion, Dr. McLuchador, was actually his Arch-Enemy, Dr. McNinja in disguise.
- Blue and Orange Morality: All he really cares about is what makes the world a more or less radical place to live.
- Break Them by Talking: He makes out the Doctor to be the unreasonable party, damning Radical's people just because Radical blew up his office, which was the Doctor's own fault for refusing to treat one of his minions. He then points out to the Doctor that the entire world, supposedly including even his own family, hates him and wants him dead for opposing Radical, and that he is all alone in the world.
- Catch-Phrase: "Radical."
- Chainsaw Good: The Doctor mocks that he thought it would be better than a sword just because of the cool factor, he can still give good wacks with the weight of it.
- Charm Person: Not clear how he does it or if magic is involved, but most of the population gives him their full support whether he praises a sandwich for it's taste or blows up U.S congress. His charisma is that strong.
- Crazy-Prepared: He kidnapped Pope Francis so the McNinja can't supply themselves with holy weapons against Dracula.
- Double Entendre: He's radical in all senses of the word.
- Empowered Badass Normal: Subverted. The Doctor turned him into a vampire because it was easier to kill him that way.
- Engineered Heroics: As part of a Gambit Roulette to depose President Funkhouser. He and the Vice President arrange an incident to endanger the president. He then leaps out of the Nega Zone to fake coming out of the time stream, seemingly intervening at the last moment like a standard Chuck Goodrich, come back to Set Right What Once Went Wrong. As a result, this helps attract her attention when picking out a new Vice President when she discovers the old one's treachery.
- Evil Counterpart: He's a version of Chuck Goodrich from an alternate universe (the Radical Lands), and unlike the standard Chucks of the Doctor's universe, he has no problem whatsoever with killing innocent but boring people.
- Evil Is Petty: He kills the Birdosaurus just to deprive Doc of the satisfaction of killing it personally, and promptly laughs in the Doctor's face about it. It doesn't get much more petty than that. He even flipped the Doctor just to make clear how childish it was.
- Exact Words: In the Bad Future he responds to Doc asking if they will be enemies in the past with "We don't have to be." which Doc takes as a yes. Radical's plan involves killing off the awful and boring people of this world to substitute them for the awesome people of his homeland. The Doc and his friends and family would survive this purge and Radical tries to convince him to just let it happen.
- Failure Is the Only Option: In the Bad Future he would gladly kill every dinosaur, but acknowledges this will simply never happen. Even his hatred is denied to him, since he knows the Ultimate Diplomat will convince him to let it go.
- Fallen Hero: Not that he seems all that villainous, but he's certainly the major antagonist, and he pays little regard for the consequences of his actions or who they hurt. Back in Radical Land he was their king and, by virtue of Asskicking Equals Authority, their greatest hero. But being trapped in a far lamer dimension has made him depressed, and it has even made him forget things about the Radical Lands, prompting him to "fix" his current world by any means necessary. Taken a step further in the All The King's Dirtbikes and All The King's Men arc, where it's revealed that he's actually an alternate universe version of Chuck Goodrich.
- Fantastic Racism:
- Back when he was still Sir Sicknasty, Radical was somewhat racist against horses, believing them unfit for the Radical Throne. Needless to say, this didn't exactly ease Sparklelord's anger over not being picked as king.
- In one timeline where dinosaurs take over, he develops a deep hatred for their kind due to their having made his plans impossible and being angry at their own racism.
- He considers everyone who doesn't live up to his radical standards a waste of flesh.
- Fatal Flaw: Pride, he thinks his radical way are the best and that he should do everything in the most extreme way. That's why he decides to fight the doctor one-on-one even after showing how easy it would have been to stab him with a chainsaw like his clone. The Doctor lampshades that it was his lack of humility that caused most of the problems.
- Faux Affably Evil: He gives jobs to the worst, lamest people he can find, gives children skating parks, and maintains a friendly tone with those he meets. Then the bodies start piling up and his disgust for his employees shows up as he unveils his plans to create a Social Darwinism society were only the radical can live. He is also willing to kill kids just to hurt the doctor.
- Famous Last Words: "Wait. Yes. This will be so ra--"
- Fish out of Water: When he first enters Dr. McNinja's world, it takes him a bit of time to figure out that the animals and trees of this realm cannot talk. He is also shocked at how plain the river tastes, since the rivers back home are made from the finest Mountain Dew. But most of all, he misses the cool people of his homeland. Compared to the Radical Lands, Dr. McNinja's world feels lifeless.
- Gambit Roulette: King Radical's successful plot to overthrow the US government involved some absurdly unlikely events, including the assassination attempt out of many that actually succeeded.
- Go Out with a Smile: With his death imminent, he is initially horrified, but then he realizes that being a vampire king who exploded when his ninja-doctor Arch-Enemy threw the Pope at him is extremely rad.
- Great Way to Go: As mentioned above, in the last second of his life, King Radical recognizes how rad his death is going to be.
- Hoist by His Own Petard:
- He destroys all of the US and Russia's nukes in order to paint himself as a champion of world peace and send a subtle message to the rest of the world's rulers that he is an unassailable world power. But as a result, he is unable to use them against Sparklelord when he returns.
- He kidnaps Pope Francis and imprisons him on site to ensure Doc doesn't use him against Dracula. Doc ends up releasing Pope Francis and uses him against a vampirised Radical himself.
- Holy Burns Evil: After getting converted to a vampire, Doc throws Pope Francis at him, causing King Radical to die in a large explosion.
- 100% Adoration Rating: When he poses as a standard version of Chuck Goodrich and becomes mayor of Cumberland, he is almost universally adored to the extent that the city's highschoolers have obtained a 100% graduation rate in honor of him. A near hundred percent rating is soon after displayed in the news when he overthrows the president and destroys Congress.
- Hypocrite: He has a marked hatred of racists and Ron claims racism isn't radical at all. Even so, Radical would love to commit genocide on the dinosaur and states Sparklelord couldn't possibly be king because he is a horse.
- Ignored Epiphany: King Radical's plans revolve around replacing boring people of Dr. McNinja's world with the awesome people of his home, starting off with his own minions, who are the worst people Radical can find, and thus the first who will die as a result of his plans. When King Radical's top minion, Herschel, is killed, King Radical actually starts showing signs of remorse. But one page later, he sees his old friend, Steven the lycanthropic centaur and excitedly remarks how great this is because Steven is much more awesome than Herschel ever was.
- Invincible Villain: Even when Doc stops his plans, he quickly recovers and generally comes back stronger than ever. Doc frees a Hulk expy from his debt? He takes control of the entire city. Doc infiltrates his gang? He turns the city into a giant robot. Doc stops the robot? He becomes President of the United States. Doc escapes prison and punches him one? He's a NASA astronaut that's protected by Eldritch Abominations. The closest Doc has ever gotten to stopping him permanently was reliant on an Omnicidal Maniac, Sparklelord, who would have destroyed the Dr.'s world too. King Radical even rubs it in by saying that Doc will never be able to defeat him. The Dr. ultimately concludes that he was right and is forced to resummon Sparkelord when King Radical enacts a plan that will bring about The End of the World as We Know It. And when that still fails to stop Radical for good, Rad teams up with all of Doc's previous enemies in an effort to kill him. The Doctor had to turn him into a vampire to kill him since he is less invincible that way.
- Just Between You and Me: He waits until after the Dr. punches him to explain his Evil Plan, since he is now an astronaut, causing the Dr.'s attack to trigger the wrath of a Nasaghast.
- Just Toying with Them: When he and the Doctor first come into conflict, Radical continuously plays games with Doc as his idea of fun. When he actually decides to destroy the Doctor, he pits the Doctor against some traps, old enemies, and eventually an entire army, just to make Doctor think he has a small chance. But then he Curb Stomps the Doctor's clone, and the Doctor realizes that he has no chance at all since King Radical has total control over the entire space via Reality Warper ghost wizards.
- Kick the Dog:
- When his Big Entrance kills several innocent scientists in his employ (much to McNinja's horror), the most sympathy he can muster is an annoyed "Farts!".
- His treatment of the Friend Brothers, whom he taught to make radical pizza, but turned out to not be radical enough for his tastes. So he ordered 100 incredibly expensive pizzas, then had "McLuchador" hijack them so he didn't have to pay, instantly bankrupting them (and leaving job applications for Pizza Hut and Papa Johns just to rub salt in the wound). He claims they'll be fine if they rob a bank or something.
- In an effort to generate the radical energies needed to summon his people from the Radical Lands, he uses a giant robot made from the city to attack the US army, killing huge numbers of people. Additionally, the process of summoning them replaces the boring people of Dr. McNinja's world, effectively killing them. While the horrible people who work for King Radical are the first to be erased, eventually, boring innocents die as well.
- He abducts a child afflicted with Paul Bunyan's disease and makes said child fight the Doctor. When the Doctor knocks out the giant lumberjack and is about to move on, King Radical floods the room with poison gas to force the Doctor to watch said child die.
- Kick the Son of a Bitch:
- King Radical's army of "common men" are the worst, lamest people Radical can find and were responsible for some heinous crimes before being hired by him. But as bad as they are, they genuinely love and admire him. Radical gleefully abuses their loyalty to use them as the first sacrifices to summon his people from the Radical Lands.
- When he blows up US Congress, no one is particularly sad to see it go.
- He casually snaps the Birdosaurus's neck just in case Doc ever hoped to do so himself, despite the Birdosaurus being on his own side.
- Kill Steal: Murders the Birdosaurus to rob Doc of the satisfaction of doing so himself.
- Knuckle Tattoos: His reads "MOST RAD." They were part of his coronation.
- Legacy Character: He's not the first King Radical. He was promoted when the previous King Radical died.
- Little "No":
- What he says when he sees the return of Sparklelord, the only entity in all of existence that he truly fears.
- He says it again as Dr. McNinja throws Pope Francis at him after being transformed into a vampire, but he takes it back in his last words.
- Man of the City: He is devoted to making Cumberland more... well, radical. Because of his influence, the city has, among other things, skydiving news anchors, a doctor who battled an Eldritch Abomination to cure someone's acne, and a Captain Ersatz of the Incredible Hulk advertising for a grocery store. He's not afraid to use illegal means for livening up Cumberland, and Doc is absolutely sure he's plotting something more sinister, but everyone else supports his efforts. Doc ends up being proven right in the end.
- Motive Decay: Throughout most of the story, his main motive is to save his homeworld by sacrificing Doc's world. But when the Doctor damages his plans beyond repair, the only motive he has left is to make the Doctor suffer as much as possible.
- Never My Fault: He blames the doctor for starting their feud by refusing medical care to one of his goons, nevermind that Doc was busy at the time, the goon refused to go to another hospital because his injury might raise suspicion, and the goon was outright hostile. So of course, blowing the office was a natural response. He claims that his radical ways are better despite Sparklelord destroying his universe when they twisted the unicorn's mind into accepting their ideals. Ruining the pizza brothers is no big deal to him because they couldn't live up to his idea of radical delivery and they could always still rob banks to make a decent living.
- Oh, Crap!: When he is in the middle of a presidential speech, his Arch-Enemy, the Dr., shows up out of nowhere to reveal he got out of prison, resulting in a long cry of "Oh Fuuuuudge".
- Older Than They Look: He was forty when he was crowned so he is probably in his early fifties by the series's start. Being from the Radical Lands, he ages differently than normal humans.
- Omnidisciplinary Scientist: He isn't really a scientist at heart, but he occasionally dabbles in it to support his schemes, and his knowledge from the Radical Lands allows him to create all sorts of fantastic machinery.
- President Evil: Being King of the Radical Land pretty much makes him one. Then he manages to arrange himself (in another Chuck persona) to become Vice President and then to incapacitate President Funkhouser, becoming the President of the United States.
- Psychopathic Manchild: The only thing he cares is about how radical things are, nevermind the danger and casualties. Also, he is from a place where Sicknasty or Cowabunga are titles for nobility. He tends to come across as an overgrown teenager when one takes a real close look at his behavior.
- Quip to Black: Well, the closest you can get in comics medium, when he grins and comments "...Radical".
- Revenge: For a long time, he saw his squabble with the Dr. as little more than a game. But in the final arc, the Dr. damages his plans to save the Radical Lands at the expense of his own world beyond repair, causing King Radical to want to kill him.
- Revenge by Proxy:
- As part of his revenge against the Doctor, he forces the Doctor to fight a child transformed into a giant lumberjack and then floods the room with poison gas to make the Doctor watch said child die.
- He later surprise attacks the Doctor's clone, Old, with a chain saw, delivering a mortal wound. He proceeds to taunt the Doctor about it with a Slasher Smile.
- Secret Handshake: Has one with Ron Wizard, his Court Magician. It is "A complicated ritual of hand slaps, finger locks and backflips that takes approximately twenty minutes."
- Secret Test: Gives one to the owners of a restaurant he helped improve to see if they were radical enough for him. They fail and end up ruined as per the test's design.
- Smoldering Shoes: The only thing left of him after his disintegration by contact with the pope are his glasses.
- Super Strength: He's strong enough to punch someone through a stone wall.
- Super Window Jump: As is to be expected, King Radical's preferred method of entering any given room.◊
- Totally Radical: In name only - he's perfectly articulate otherwise.
- The Unfettered: All he cares about is making the world a more radical place. And he doesn't care about how many lives he has to ruin or destroy in order to do it. When the US army warns him not to use his robot to attack anything, just as he was trying to figure out what to do with it to summon more of his people, he gives a Psychotic Smirk and attacks them.
- Utopia Justifies the Means: Everything he's done was to build up enough Radical Energy to allow the summoning of the cool people from the Radical Lands. He intends to do this again, and again, saving them from their dying homeland, and bringing them to Earth to make it a better place. The bit that needs justifying? Every Radical Man he summons will take the place of a person on Earth. Initially, it will merely take out the world's biggest jerks, but eventually, anything that isn't radical enough will be shunted out of existence. Not only that, but King Radical's plan to build up enough Radical Energy involves killing huge numbers of people with a giant ghost powered robot.
- Villain Decay: Lampshaded at the end of "All the King's Dirtbikes and all the King's Men", where his plan fails and he falls to the status of "just another person hiding out waiting for the right time to kill Dr McNinja." By the end of "Paleontologists, Politicians, and Prologue", this claim is proven false.
- Villainous Breakdown: Normally, he never looses his cool no matter what the situation, but when Sparklelord returns, he starts panicking and desperately begging for help.
- Villain with Good Publicity: His evilness is questionable, as seen above, but he is at the very least a mob boss. Nonetheless, everyone in town seems to love him due to his reigniting the economy and making the world a cooler place. Ownership of a major media conglomerate probably doesn't hurt matters. He gets particularly adept at this when he overthrows the US government. He has Ron Wizard dismantle Russia's nuclear weapons, portraying himself as a champion of peace, though the Dr. suspects that it's also intended as a subtle message that he's now an unassailable world power. In spite of King Radical's past and current efforts to kill billions of ordinary people for being boring, the Gullible Lemmings all react with shock and sadness when his space shuttle crash lands.
- Viral Transformation: Dr. McNinja hits King Radical with Dracula's teeth, which rapidly converts him into a vampire much to Radical's anger.
- We Can Rule Together: Tries to convince Dr. McNinja to stop fighting him, because, as a Crazy Awesome Doctor and Irish Ninja, he belongs in the Radical World he's trying to create.
- Wham Shot: The last panel of Page 75 of "All the King's Dirtbikes and All the King's Men": King Radical is actually a version of Chuck Goodrich from another universe.
- And Page 3 of The End: Part 1 in which he blows up the United States Capitol Building.
- Wig, Dress, Accent: The long gray hair, the mustache, the beard, the sunglasses, and the unbelievably radical outfit do an absolutely amazing job of hiding the fact that he has the exact same face as Chuck Goodrich.
- Worthy Opponent: After Dr. McNinja's apparent death Radical concludes that McNinja was the only radical thing in Cumberland - at least until he remembers all the others. And even after having a couple chances to kill him, Radical spares him while stating that he should stop fighting his plans due to already being a fairly radical citizen himself. But after the doctor irredeemably screws up his plans and indirectly kills his best friend Ron, he just wants the doctor dead.
- Would Hurt a Child: Fills a room with poison gas when child in Bunyan form is unconscious, knowing that he is too heavy for the Doctor to carry and has to either abandon the child or die with him.
- You Already Changed the Past: Thinks this is in effect, due to Alpha-Chuck attempting a Heroic Sacrifice to stop him and causing a divergent timeline Chuck to paradox out of existence.
- You Monster!: Played for Laughs when King Radical summons his court wizard from the awesome, if dying Radical Lands into a healthy world with bad pizza.
Vice-President Ron Wizard (Sir Cowabunga of Clubs)
- I am Ron Wizard, Sir Cowabunga of Clubs, servant to the Radical throne. What foul magic has brought me to this incredibly bogus plane?
Ron is King Radical's Court Magician back in Radical Land, and the second most radical man of them all (after King Radical of course).
- Artificial Limbs: A robot arm.
- Badass Bandolier: Two of them, seemingly for no other reason than to be badass. Which they are.
- Badass Cape: Reminiscent of Doctor Strange's first (blue) Cloak of Levitation, minus the Amulet of Agamotto.
- Badass Moustache: Not comparable to Dan's but still pretty badass.
- The Dragon: He is King Radical's court wizard and the second most radical man from the Radical Lands.
- Early-Bird Cameo: He appeared in a flashback in the "Doc Gets Rad" arc.
- Ignored Epiphany: He asserts that racism is lame and that the Radical Lands have long developed past it. And yet, during Sir Sicknasty's coronation as King Radical, he doesn't bother chastising Sir Sicknasty for demeaning horses as unsuitable for the Radical Throne. Though at this point it's not clear if this is his belief or if the Radical Lands don't consider horses radical enough on principle.
- Killed Off for Real: He gets killed by Sparklelord.
- Laser-Guided Amnesia: Inflicts this on King Radical's army of common men to make them forget King Radical's Motive Rant about how he is going to shove them out of existence, thereby avoiding a Mistreatment-Induced Betrayal.
- President Evil: Becomes vice-president of the United States after King Radical takes over as president.
- Secret Handshake: Has one with King Radical. "A complicated ritual of hand slaps, finger locks and backflips that takes approximately twenty minutes."
- Stating the Simple Solution: A variant. When King Radical says that his plan to build up enough Radical energy to bring his people from the Radical Lands isn't working, even making the city a giant robot has only brought Ron over, Ron suggests that KR should make the robot do something.
Sparklelord (formerly Sparkledancer, Sir Hellacious of Hearts)
- It reeks of death and mediocrity. I love it.
- Anti-Villain: He's shaping up to be one, having attempted to usurp the Radical Throne because the King Radical of the time (our King Radical's predecessor) was a douchebag.
- Arch-Enemy: To King Radical.
- Berserk Button: It's subtle, but he hates being called a horse. Or anything that might, from a certain point of view, be said to call him a horse.
- Chest Insignia: His true form has a blink-and-miss-it one, which is befittingly the symbol of Chaos.
- Cool Bike: He transforms into one in Doc's world.
- Cursed with Awesome: Literally. The empire of the Radical Lands invaded his forest and twisted him with their magic to fit their ideals of what's "cool". He wasn't entirely happy with the results.
- The Corrupter: He gradually drives his rider to madness to satiate his appetite for destruction.
- Deal with the Devil: Sparklelord agrees to very easily stop King Radical from bringing about The End of the World as We Know It. All he asks for in return is the Doctor's true name, which will unleash a vengeful ghost wizard planning to put the Doctor under a Curse that will tear apart his life. Sparkelord is also only too happy to inform the entire planet that the Dr. was responsible for his release, causing everyone to turn against him.
- The Dreaded: He is the only thing in all of existence that King Radical truly fears.
- Fallen Hero: Used to be a knight of the Radical court alongside Sir Sicknasty of Spades, now King Radical.
- Godzilla Threshold: Dr. McNinja summons him as a last-ditch effort to stop Radical from merging Earth with the Radical Lands.
- Karma Houdini: He is ultimately released from the Stable Time Loop and departs McNinja's world for good after getting revenge against Radical and ensuring the Dr.'s life will become hell. Without the time portal under Cumberland, there's no sure-fire way to trap him again.
- Klingon Promotion: Killed the previous King Radical in hopes of becoming the next King. When Sir Sicknasty was chosen, Sparkledancer promised he'd kill him too.
- Liquid Assets: He was draining power from the Radical Lands in a bid to become a Physical God.
- Master of Illusion: Can pose as a motorcycle and influence people's dream.
- Omnicidal Maniac: He exists only to destroy and inflicted a corruption that has been gradually destroying his own world. According to King Radical, given the chance, he will destroy Dr. McNinja's world too. Nevertheless, in the final arc, Sparklelord decides he is satisfied with getting revenge and watching the universe decay through natural entropy.
- Physical God: He gradually drained the Life Force of the Radical Lands in a bid to become all-powerful. By the time of the final arc, he does indeed appear to be godlike.
- Real Men Wear Pink: His natural form in our world is a badass motorcycle that just happens to have a rainbow design on it. Also, he's a unicorn in whose name is Sparkledancer. Jokes are made about the fact that he looks like a mixture of a heavy metal album cover and a Lisa Frank piece.
- The Resenter: Part of the reason he turned evil. He was one of the four knights of the Radical Lands, and felt that he deserved to become king. When the Radical Lands chose Sir Sicknasty of Spades instead, he tried to destroy everything out of spite. It is also worth noting that he was forced into becoming a citizen of Radical lands when they invaded his forest.
- Revenge: The Empire of the Radical Lands invaded his forest and twisted him with their magic for their ideals of what's cool. He got revenge by draining power out of the lands until they started to crumble to dust. Furthermore, he damages King Radical's plans beyond repair by destroying the only other known time portal, preventing King Radical from saving the Radical Lands at the expense of the Dr.'s universe. He also gets revenge against the Dr. for trapping him by ensuring the entire universe will be out to make his life hell. But after this, the unicorn takes no more action directly, being satisfied to watch the results.
- Stable Time Loop: The Doctor throws him into a time portal that leads back to where he was discovered. The unicorn subsequently gets caught in a time loop, going through the exact same events over and over again until Doc is left with little choice but to release him.
- That Man Is Dead: To his previous name, Sparkledancer.
- Unicorn: His true form.
- Villain: "Exit, Stage Left!": Just leaves after thwarting Radical's plan, not bothering to find out for sure if he is deadbut making sure everyone knows the doctor is responsible for unleashing him.
- You Cannot Grasp the True Form: Dr. McNinja's world couldn't handle the sheer majesty of his true form, and thus transformed him into the closest thing. After Doc's world is made considerably more radical by King Radical's influence, he is able to resume his true form.
A rival mafia boss to King Radical.
- Harmless Villain: After his first appearance, everyone's method to get rid of him is simply to shoo him off.
- Petting Zoo People: He strongly resembles a lobster, with claws and a tail, yet has an almost human face. He comes from a race of tricky lobster people.
- Punny Name: Martin originally assumed it was an old college nickname based on "Rob", but he is in fact an actual lobster man.
- Uncertain Doom: The last comic he's in has him surrounded by zombies.
A flying dinosaur that stalks the doctor around.
- Animal Nemesis: It occasionally crops up to cause random problems and has earned the Doctors absolute hatred. But he isnt actually one hundred percent certain it is the same one each time since its kind all look so much alike. It comes back as King Radical's mount in "The End Part 2". When King Radical learns of their relationship, he snaps its neck just in case the Doc ever swore to do so, to deny him the satisfaction.
- Artistic License Paleontology: It somewhat resembles a Pterodactyl. But its awfully big and has flight strong enough to carry a man.
- Neck Snap: The way King Radical kills it.
- Spanner in the Works: It tends to take minor actions that result in absolute disasters for the Doc, such as stepping on a tile trap trigger.
- Troll: During its final confrontation with Doc, King Radical asks it if it likes messing with the Doc, and the Birdosaurus gives an almost affirmative Bwok with narrowed eyes.
- Uplifted Animal: In at least one dinosaur timeline, it gets uplifted with the ability to speak.
Gordito's uncle and a former palaeontologist.
- Cassandra Gambit: He deliberately spreads rumor of his gang as a group of dinosaur riding banditos, believing that no one would believe such a ridiculous story and that this would prevent the target of his vengeance from knowing of him until it is too late. Though as King Radical's efforts make the world more and more a World of Weirdness, he later acknowledges that at this point, it isn't so unbelievable after all.
- Kiss Me, I'm Virtual: When he is told that there is no Jenny, he goes out to look for whoever wrote the chat messages in hopes that said person could be his romantic partner. But "she" ultimately turns out to be nothing more than a non-sapient chat bot.
- Murder the Hypotenuse: When he discovers that his love, Jenny, has fallen for another man, he decides to go out and kill him.
- Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: He becomes a dinosaur riding bandito.
- Parental Abandonment: He leaves Gordito with the Doctor so that Gordito can learn from Doc and so that he can pursue Jenny. By the time his pursuit of Jenny finally ends, Gordito is adopted by the McNinja family. When Pedro asks Gordito if that's what he wants, Gordito points out that he cannot even remember how old Gordito was when he was left with Doc, and Pedro admits he wasn't the best guardian.
- The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: At first, he really does become a bandit. But after being shown the error of his ways by the Doc, it turns into little more than show.
- Put on a Bus: King Radical tricks him into eliminating President Funkhouser, which results in Doc banishing him to the Negazone. Doc eventually manages to break him out.
- Unwitting Pawn: To King Radical. First as part of a plot to create more interesting news. Then as part of a Gambit Roulette that successfully manipulates him into getting rid of President Funkhouser.
Old college friend of Dr. McNinja who was once a teammate of his on a crime-fighting superhero team. Now he owns a chain of grocery stores.
- Because You Were Nice to Me: It's shown that one of the motivators for him hulking out to save Doc and Gordito was because those two were one of the few people who treated him well.
- Dumb Muscle: Literally. His intelligence is inversely proportional to how hulked-out he is at the time.
- Expy: Of the Incredible Hulk
- Freudian Excuse: He didn't actually intend to betray the team. His powers make him dumb, and people frequently take advantage of him when they find out, so he decided that being thought of as ruthless instead of gullible was the lesser of two evils.
- Gag Penis: When hulked-out. The sight of it brought McNinja to his knees sobbing like a kid.
- Hanlon's Razor: The moral of Martin's character arc.
- Hulking Out: As part of his expy status to the Trope Namer.
- The Immune: After getting bitten by hundreds of zombies in the last chapter, Martin brushes off Doc's concern by revealing he was bitten during the original zombie outbreak and suffered no ill effects. He's also proven to be immune to vampirism after shrugging off a bite from Dracula.
- Lamarck Was Right: He inherited his powers from his father, who got them while experimenting on himself.
- Magic Pants: Averted hilariously.
- Power Incontinence: He ends up getting stuck halfway between his normal form and monster form, requiring a trip to Dr. McNinja.
- Revenge: King Radical took advantage of his troll form's stupidity to have him take out a large loan, forcing him to work for King Radical to pay it back. In the final arc, Dr. McNinja persuades him to seek revenge.
- "Well Done, Son!" Guy: His father (an expy of Stephen Hawking, hence the surname) is very unhappy about Martin's decision to use his powers to shill a grocery store chain and has long looked down on him for his less than stellar grades.
- Your Size May Vary: Hastings fully admits that Martin's full size is however big he feels like drawing him. Humorously, Martin's exact height (15ft) were actually specified in an ad for Monster Mart. Arguably justified, as he mentions after the fight with Robster that he got a lot bigger than normal; it's entirely possible that Martin's monster form is ''actually' just as variable as it appears once he gets a proper handle on it.
Charles "Chuck" Goodrich (the Mayor)
Mayor of Cumberland, elected for his plans to stop zombies destroying the world.
- Badass Normal: He isn't a ninja or a superbeing, but all versions of Chuck Goodrich have shown various degrees of badassness, ranging from stopping a zombie apocalypse to sacrificing themselves to save the world by shooting a giant dinosaur.
- Catch-Phrase: "Greetings from the future you son of a bitch!"
- Chosen One: Chuck Goodrich is from the future. He came back in time to avert disaster, and succeeded. Except averting the current disaster always leads to a new future disaster in the new timeline, and a new future Chuck Goodrich comes back to avert the new disaster. Chuck-Prime is growing rather tired of it. This even happens when it's a Chuck in an alternate reality instead of just an alternate timeline.
- Crazy-Prepared: Chuck designed the world's first zombie outbreak defense system well before the world's first zombie outbreak. He installed the system after traveling back in time from a future overrun by zombies.
- Heroic Sacrifice:
- One Chuck sacrifices himself to the Horrorsaurus in order to get the NASAGhast to attack it in the Bad Future.
- Chuck Prime hurls himself into the time portal to close it forever, knowing as he does that he will almost certainly die at King Radical's hands at the other end.
- Passing the Torch: One Chuck more or less takes over Chuck Prime's life after he went back to do what he came to do. Then the guy who took over from Chuck Prime as mayor passes his title to the new Chuck so he can go off on adventures again. Too bad it was actually King Radical (another version of Chuck) in disguise.
- Temporal Paradox: Chuck ends up creating these whenever he sets out to fix a problem.
- Set Right What Once Went Wrong: Every incarnation of him has to do this.
- The Slow Path: Chuck picks the wrong moment to jump out of the time stream and his temporal stabilizer gets smashed, giving him plenty of time to prepare for the problem he went back to solve.
- Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Scared of zombies which make sense since he comes from a timeline where they ruined the world.
- You Can't Fight Fate: Chuck will always travel back in time after discovering a time portal. This applies even when its a Chuck from an alternate universe like the Radical Lands.
Ben Franklin II
- Judy, I am being stalked by a horse. A spooky horse.
- Back from the Dead: After dying in the D.A.R.E. arc, he is brought back to life by Dracula's immortality serum... though he gradually transforms into a Headless Horseman and has to be given a Mercy Kill by Unfinished Business.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Tends to speak this way when in a sour mood.
A mentally unstable doctor wearing a luchador mask. His primary means of healing his patients involves extreme methods, i.e. shoving the cure up their nose and then body-slamming them. Ran out of Cumberland by Dr. McNinja.
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: His methods of healing are over-the-top and insane, but they work.
- Dead All Along: The real Dr. McLuchador died in anonymity years ago. Dr. McNinja briefly ran a Dead Person Impersonation gambit to infiltrate King Radical's gang.
- Combat Medic: He a doctor and a luchador. This comes with the territory.
- The Extremist Was Right: He's known for using extreme and dangerous remedies on his patients. However, those remedies also appear to work (at least when it's Dr. McNinja at work).
- Harmful Healing: His focus is on curing disease, with no regard to his patients surviving treatment.
- Masked Luchador: Like Doctor McNinja, he wears a cultural mask and never removes it. Which makes it easier for McNinja to impersonate him.
- No Kill Like Overkill: One dose of a ultra-deadly poison should cure you. But let's use two, just to make sure.
- The Reveal: He IS Dr. McNinja. The real Dr. McLuchador died in anonymity years ago. The current one is actually Dr. McNinja running a Dead Person Impersonation gambit to infiltrate King Radical's gang.
- The Rival: to Dr. McNinja.
Dame Dudeical of Diamonds
Was one of Radical Land's four knights, along with Ron Wizard, Sir Sicknasty, and Sir Hellacious.
- Action Girl: In a place like Radical Land, you probably don't get a title like that without being this.
- Badass Cape: A green one.
- The Cameo: She was seen getting summoned out of the Radical Lands, but didn't say or do anything, or go on to become part of the story.
- No Name Given: Unlike the other knights, she doesn't have a name that we know of, just the title.
President Maria Funkhouser
The missing former president of the United States.
- Action Politician: Both President of the United States and a very competent fighter in her own right.
- Authority Equals Asskicking: Given the sort of world she lives in, it is hardly surprising an authority figure as important as her can fight.
- Awesome Mc Coolname: President Funkhouser. Lives up to it.
- Boring, but Practical: Ron Wizard puts her in the pilot seat of a Humongous Mecha he created out of her tanks in order to create a radical foe to generate radical energies. After said energies start destabilizing, she starts wondering if maybe it would be better for an actual pilot to drive the mech instead of the president.
- Deadly Euphemism: When the Vice President is revealed to be in league with a Government Conspiracy attempting The Coup, she "exiles" him. To outer space.
- Destructive Saviour: When King Radical attacks with a Humongous Mecha made from the city of Cumberland, and she ends up in the cockpit of another mecha, she responds by attacking King Radical, endangering the people stuck inside Radical's mecha. (She learns to pilot it with more skill later).
- Eyepatch of Power: She has one covering her left eye.
- Good Is Not Soft: If you've wronged her or endangered the country, expect no mercy.
- Improvised Weapon: Took out three secret service agents with a flagpole.
- Not Afraid to Die: She outright tells Dr. McNinja that one of the many assassination attempts on her will eventually succeed. She doesn't think she can prevent her death, but she hopes she can prevent the person trying to kill her from getting what he wants by it (plus there's some education reform she'd really like to get passed first).
- Our Presidents Are Different: President Minority, by virtue of being a female president before any Real Life woman took that office. Doubly so since she's Ambiguously Brown. She's also got President Action going on, between the Eyepatch of Power and the epaulets and the "presidential jetpack" and the fact that she pilots a Humongous Mecha dinosaur made out of military vehicles. She originally wanted to pilot a giant mechanical George Washington, but it was never finished thanks to Obstructive Bureaucrats.
- Put on a Bus: Became trapped and fragmented in the Nega-zone due to King Radical's intervention and scheming. May also qualify as Sealed Good in a Can. Doc eventually manages to put her soul back together and get her out.
SebastienA vampire the Doctor met at college, a shaky truce has been set that Sebastian and his vampires will not harm human in exchange blood bank supply from the Red Cross.
- Cursed with Awesome: He loves being a vampire and is disgusted when another animal contracted their gift.
- French Jerk: Possibly given his name, he is also quite prideful of his vampire heritage.
- The Hedonist: He enjoys a life of decadence where they drink the blood of a baby who was fed with fine steaks from a cow that was fed with cream.