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Characters / Pastamonsters: President Bush and Other Associates

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Pastamonsters: The Under Realm | The Main Trio | The Proxies | The Slender Family | Enderman and his allies | The Pit | The Human World | President Bush and Other Associates | Beings of the Universe | The Malitch Empire

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     The Team 
  • Anti-Hero: All except Rick (who is The Cape) are of the nominal variety, with Bush being a flat-out Villain Protagonist.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: The First Family of the United States (and their loyal friend). Bush is an Old Soldier with decades of war experience, Ducky can be down-right destructive when pissed off, Rick is skilled in firearms and bombs, and Bush's wife singlehandedly destroyed a terrorist organization, tanks and all.
  • Badass Family: Oh hell yeah.
  • Big, Screwed-Up Family: big time.
  • Fiction 500: They are amongst the richest families in the world.
  • Four-Philosophy Ensemble:
    • Bush: The Cynic. Being constantly paranoid, Bush always sees the worst in others, as well as the worst possible scenario.
    • Ducky: The realistic. Ducky's goal is always to see the most realistic and rational side of things.
    • Rick Bernstein: The optimistic. Kind to everyone and always sees the good side of others when his teammates don't.
    • President Bush's wife: The Apathetic. The oddball of the group, Bush's wife doesn't really express herself that much and is more prone to just doing whatever she wants.
  • Four-Temperament Ensemble:
    • Bush: Choleric/Melancholic. Always takes the lead, is strong-willed, passionate, determined, hardworking and confident, but also tends to be a bit of Drill Sergeant Nasty, stubborn, harsh, bossy, cynical, strict and prone to seeing the worst in others.
    • Ducky: Melancholic/Phlegmatic. Analytical, loyal, witty, more of a follower but also tends to see the worst in people and seems to be kind of insecure.
    • Rick: Phlegmatic/Sanguine. Cheerful, open-minded, optimistic, forgiving, polite, compassionate, but tends to be gullible, overly idealistic and timid.
    • Bush's Wife: Sanguine/Choleric. Energetic, passionate, unpredictable, quirky and eccentric The Big Guy of the team, but also emotionally unstable, hyperactive, impulsive and slightly psychotic.
  • Rude Hero, Nice Sidekick: Bush and Rick in a nutshell.
  • True Companions: They are family no matter what. Even you, Rick.
  • Undying Loyalty: They are consistently loyal to each other.

    President Bush 

President Eugine Fisher Bush a.k.a Pid'jin
"These brave men died for their country. Send money to their bitches and hos."

The dimwitted President of the United States of America. He has been in every single American war since WW1. He is aware of the Proxies existence but allows them to kill as long as they pay him. Despite his goofy behavior, he can occasionally show hints of brilliance.

  • Abusive Parents: His mother was a drunk who beat him and his father was an emotional abuser who constantly said Bush would never amount to anything. Bush doesn't angst about it at all.
  • Abusive Dad: He would never hit her, but he often neglects Ducky, and his miserly and chaotic ways cause her no small level of grief. He also flat-out says he loves guns more than Ducky at one point (although it should be mentioned Bush was under the influence when he stated this).
  • Absurd Phobia: He is terrified of Russians.
  • Abhorrent Admirer: He occasionally goes to Los Angeles to stalk celebrates. He has no problem with getting a total stranger to beat up, kill, mug and harass celebrates he "loves" on his behalf.
  • The Ace: Bush seems to be remarkably skilled at nearly everything, bordering on superhuman level. He's very rich, a sniper, a master martial artist, acrobatic, Ace Pilot and regularly joins the Proxies in saving the multiverse.
  • Ace Pilot: He was the pilot who dropped the bomb on Hiroshima.
  • Acquired Poison Immunity: He trained himself to be immune to poisons of all kind.
  • Acrophobic Bird: He never learned to fly.
  • Action Dad
  • Action Politician: This is the same dude who took down a Russian terrorist organization just to pass some time.
  • Action Survivor: Alongside Ducky in "Comrade".
  • Adults Are Useless: Bush is probably one of the most inefficient presidents in US history.
  • Affably Evil: He has a rather cheerful, grandfatherly disposition, regardless of the morally questionable horrors he regularly commits.
  • Afraid of Needles: The only reason he tags along with the Proxies on their adventure in "To Proxy Mountain" is solely to avoid getting a flu shot.
  • The Alcoholic: He loves beer so much that he made it available for babies.
  • Alcoholic Parent: Much to Ducky's embarrassment.
  • Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: To Ducky. Bush often tries to use slang to relate with her, resulting in her stating that what he's saying is outdated.
  • Ambiguous Disorder: Many episodes imply he suffers from Alzheimer's. He also suffers from PTSD as a result of being in every single American war after WW1.
  • And I Must Scream: He gets turned into a duck decoy by Zalgo in "Legends on the Multiverse Part 5". Even Jeff thought it was fucked up.
  • Animals Not to Scale: He's rather big for a duck, measuring up to Jeff's hips.
  • Anti-Role Model: Is an alcoholic, a war criminal, racist, and a jerkass.
  • Arc Symbol: A presidential seal, as revealed in "Legends of the Multiverse Part 5".
  • Aristocrats Are Evil: He's apparently a lord and a very unpleasant person.
  • Asshole Victim: Bush usually deserves the horrible fates he gets.
  • At Least I Admitit: His political campaign amounts to, "Yes, I'm a dick. But would you rather vote for an unabashed Jerkass or a Bitch in Sheep's Clothing?"
  • Attention Whore: He loves being in the spotlight.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: He's the President of the United States. He's also fought in every single American war and can still fight well without his age hindering him.
  • Ax-Crazy: He is clearly not mentally stable, and it's implied he is a Serial Killer not unlike the Proxies.
  • Badass Adorable: Whenever he brings out his puppy dog eyes.
  • Badass Driver: Bush has proven to be incredibly dangerous behind the wheel.
  • Badass in Charge: Bush calls the shots.
  • Badass Normal: Maybe, maybe not. It's hard to tell whether he's a normal duck or not.
  • Bad Boss:
    • He has become an abusive and cruel boss, not caring about his employees or the American People and willing to do anything to get a buck, even poison them. In one instance, he decides to start charging Rick and the Secret Service for anything and everything they do that doesn't involve working, including breathing, talking, and even existing.
  • Bad Liar: Best showcased when he has a luncheon with Mayor Bigmouth.
  • Bash Brothers: With Rick Bernstein on many occasions.
  • Batman Can Breathe in Space: Bush can inexplicitly breathe in the vacuum of space. When BEN asks why, Bush's explanation is tuned out by Jeff's singing.
  • Berserk Button:
    • If you touch or steal any of his money, you might not want to drink or eat anything for a while. Or walk out in the open.
    • Making fun of his size is a good enough excuse for him to turn you into live target practice for his army.
    • He once gave BEN a black eye for calling him "Feathers". note 
    • He really doesn't like Russia.
      • Or Germany.
    • Also, criticizing his ideas on Russians is a good way to piss him off.
    • And of course, threatening Ducky is definitely not a good idea.
  • Berserker Tears: When BEN calls him "Feathers".
  • Beyond the Impossible: Somehow, Bush manages to get away with passing off Mc Donalds burgers as "steamed hams" and prevents Chalmers from becoming aware that his house is on fire by claiming it's Aurora Borealis.
  • Beware the Silly Ones: He's very stupid and goofy, but he's got thousands of soldiers, mercenaries, and nukes at his disposal. Seriously, he can go from being delightfully silly one moment to being an Ax-Crazy psychopath the next.
  • Bi the Way: Which is ironic considering Bush's disdain for anything gay/bi.
  • Big Brother Is Watching: He has secret camera everywhere across America, much to everyone's discomfort.
  • Big Eater: "Boys vs Girls" also epitomizes this, as he brags about men being able to eat a Deluxe Whopper Sr. in one bite, then proceeding to eat the whole thing in one bite.
  • Bigger Is Better in Bed: Bigmouth once called Rick a "well-hung fellow".
  • Big "WHAT?!": His reaction to X jump-scaring him and the Proxies is to shout "WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAt?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAAAAT?!!!! in a confused panic.
  • Blatant Lies:
    • "Daddy, he's bleeding! He's not a robot!" "Yes he is, Ducky, it's just bolts and grease."
    • Bush tells Bigmouth some during the "President and the Mayor" short but the most blatant is his attempt to have his kitchen fire dismissed as Aurora Borealis.
    Mayor Bigmouth: Aurora Borealis? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen?
    President Bush: Yes.
    Mayor Bigmouth: (genuinely curious) May I see it?
    President Bush: No.
  • Book Dumb: In terms of common sense and logical thinking, Bush is an absolute moron. However, he still retains his knowledge of firearms and can plan some pretty good battle strategies (mainly of the Crazy Enough to Work variety).
  • Boom, Headshot!: Deals them out like candy when in a fight.
  • Bratty Half-Pint: Very small, very spoiled.
  • Broken Ace: President Bush is a military veteran who fought in WW1, the Russian Civil War, Last Indian Uprising, WW2 (he won the war for America), the Korean War... This list goes on. And while he has maintained his immense strength and knowledge of firearms, he's also a raging alcoholic and substance abuser who neglects his family, is deeply cynical and jaded about pretty much everything, and suffers from extreme PTSD and even Alzheimers. His unnamed son was also killed in Iraq, which deepened his already intense hatred of the Middle East. Nevertheless, he almost always is able to save the day (even if it was mostly his fault to begin with).
  • Broken Pedestal: For years, Ducky has had nothing but admiration for her father, to the point where she blames her mothers for their failed marriage. While she has her limits, she never ceases in trying to make him proud of her or taking his side. When kids in her elementary school would call her dad crazy or an idiot, Ducky was absolutely furious and immediately told them off. Come "The Choice", that starts to change. It's revealed that Ducky's constant charity fundraisers and "American Sweetheart" image is simply a way to make her family look good, and she eventually reluctantly agrees with everyone else that Bush's greed and borderline insane behavior is singlehandedly responsible for the public's negative view of her family.
  • Bruiser with a Soft Center: The guy loves his family to death.
  • The Bully: He basically treats everyone like trash just to make himself feel better.
  • Bumbling Dad: Although Ducky loves him anyway.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer: In spades. He's a massive drunk, is Too Dumb to Live, and has a habit of dragging his daughter along on dangerous adventures, but the guy is a very talented and accomplished war veteran... even if a lot of what he does is odd.
  • The Caligula: During his reign as president, he has used the USA's funds to get revenge on his enemies list, forced the population of Michigan to build a giant statue of himself, and committed pretty much every single crime in the book.
  • Canon Foreigner
  • Can't Take Criticism: Doesn't take being called out by others well. He runs to his room crying when Sally roasts him for being a bad president.
  • The Captain: The commander of the US Army.
  • The Casanova: Provided his wife isn't around to see it.
  • Catchphrase:
    • "BERN-STEIN!!!"
    • "You're just gonna have to trust me on this!" This is Bush's way of coaxing someone (usually Ducky) to do some incredibly stupid or dangerous task.
    • "You don't get it do ya, (insert name here)?!"
  • Cerebus Syndrome: His Forgetful Jones tendencies get a bit grimmer when some episodes imply Bush suffers from Alzheimer's.
  • Chainsaw Good: He once cut a man in half with a chainsaw.
  • Characterization Marches On: Originally, he was just a very violent and stoic (if dim-witted) president. Later, his personality shifted to a paranoid, very stupid, and incredibly delusional soldier who sees the USA as a war zone.
  • Charles Atlas Superpower: He's tougher, stronger, and more agile than any non-magical character shown and has taken down the Proxies, Russian police, and the Yazuka with ease.0
  • Child Hater: Downplayed and often Zig-Zagged, but Bush doesn't seem to not like children because they are loud and constantly smash his windows with their footballs.
    Bush: I just don't understand kids these days. Remind me to sign that abortion bill.
  • Comedic Sociopath: He's prone to antics that are devoid of concern for the people he hurts and (mostly) hilarious.
  • Control Freak: He seems to want full control over everybody's personal life; for example, he orders the American people to give up smoking pot or else he'll increase their taxes.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: Could easily rival Jeff in this trope. Maybe justified due to possible Alzheimers/Dementia.
  • Cold Sniper: Bush is a crack-shot with a gun. He racks up headshots even when running or in a car.
  • Colonel Badass: As seen in "Blast to the Past Part 2"
  • Combat Parkour: He has a habit of firing his gun while doing a flip in the air. He also tends to hop over his opponent, or even bounce off the walls.
  • Combat Pragmatist: He's not afraid to shoot your balls off to win.
  • Comically Missing the Point: When he sees a traumatized Jeff running from his doctor in the nude after an attempted prostate exam:
    "Ugh, get a tan!"
  • Compressed Vice: In one instance, he's actually jealous of Slenderman's large bank account, despite showing no sign of it in any other episode.
  • Conspicuous Consumption: His briefcase, containing the nuclear codes, is solid gold.
  • Conspiracy Theorist: He firmly believes that Russians are out to take over the USA and is convinced a worldwide Russian hacking will take place in the near future.
    President Bush: Ya don't get it do ya, Ducky?! The Russians are out to get us! They're in the mountains right now planning our end! If they hack into the White House or, God forbid, the Pentagon, it'll be the end of all American civilization as we know it! They'll take our food, our water, our bitches, everything!!
  • Cool Car: His presidential armored limo. It has a mounted mini-gun on the top, can send out spike strips, and can spew toxic gas from the exhaust in case of emergency.
  • Cool Chair: His chair in his office, which functions as a jetpack.
  • Cool Shades: Sometimes wears these, usually when making a Big Entrance.
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive
  • The Corrupter: Ms. P openly sees him as a corrupting influence on not only his children, but also Sally. Under his influence, Sally becomes a Rich Bitch, Ducky ends up doing horrible things in his adventures with because of Bush's advice, including several acts of murder which has traumatized her emotionally and psychically, and Bush's constant humiliations and undermining of her makes Ducky into a darker person.
  • Corrupt Politician: He is very greedy, selfish and can easily be bribed with money.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: He might be scrawny, cowardly and the stupidest character on the comic (which says something when you see his competition) but put his friends and family in danger around him and all bets are off. He actually destroyed an entire military platoon when his men were threatened.
  • The Cuckoolander Was Right: If "Motherland" is any indication, Bush was right to be afraid of the Russians after all.
  • Dad the Veteran: He has been in every single American war since WW1 and is now a father to Ducky and also to an unnamed deceased son.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Bush has been through a lot in his long lifetime, to the point where he is numb to pretty much everything. It's also hinted that he had an incredibly troubled relationship with his parents who were unsupportive of him. He also has had 13 marriage that failed, and his son was killed in Iraq.
  • Deadly Euphemism: Is quite fond of these when mentioning the people he's murdered. His gardener "got sick" and "fell" off a cliff and his former vice president "met the shallow end of a shovel at the deep end of a grave".
  • Depending on the Writer:
    • How dumb he is. Usually, he is an absolute moron when it comes to having common sense, but can have hints of brilliance and pragmatism. Other times he's almost completely stupid (best shown in "To Proxy Mountain).
  • His love for Ducky varies between episodes. Traditionally, he loves Ducky to death and quite overprotective of her and sometimes he puts her in incredibly dangerous situations where she could get killed.
  • Depraved Bisexual: He is married to a woman, but he is heavily implied to have sexual attractions to Laughing Jack, Enderman, and BEN.
  • Determinator: This is the same guy who single-handedly fought off the German Empire to keep America from invasion.
  • Dirty Coward: He's fearless in some occasions, to be sure, but in others, he's an iron-fisted tyrant who nonetheless cowers as soon as a bigger bully than him shows up. He's used Rick and the Proxies as human shields more than once.
  • Dirty Old Man: Bush is a pervy old man, and loves letting every woman around know it.
  • Disney Death: He gets erased from existence in "Legends of the Multiverse Part 4". He gets better when Zalgo is eventually defeated.
  • The Ditz: Arguably more than Jeff.`
    • "To Proxy Mountian" shows that Bush is so incredibly uneducated that he cannot even read properly. Case in point, he misreads "Don't touch the hyperdrive" as "Touch to earn free money".
  • Doom Magnet: Can be seen as this, given the sheer number of how many people want him dead.
  • Drowning My Sorrows: Evidently drinks beer to numb his pain.
  • Doting Parent: The one person (besides his wife) Bush is never seen disrespecting is his daughter Ducky. He even calls her "sweetie" sometimes. He also doesn't think her husband is worthy of his daughter and isn't shy about expressing that.
  • Doting Grandparent: Shows just as much love to Ducky's children than he does her.
  • Drill Sergeant asty: He subjects people to all sorts of difficult and demeaning tasks.
  • Drunk with Power: Almost all the time. It's implied his first law that he passes gave him "political power over everything".
  • Eagleland: He's got a beef against anything he thinks is un-American, like being a Beatnik or people not born in (nor probably concerned with standing behind the politics of) America.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: Seeing him get one-shot by Jeff in "Proxyland" is jarring to say the least.
  • Easily Forgiven: No matter how badly he treats the Proxies or Ducky or how heinous his actions may be, he will always be back in their good graces by the end of the comic. A particularly noticeable example was when uses (and abuses) Smile to steal money and loose change from all of Washington, completely uncaring that attracting money causes Smile great discomfort.
  • Eccentric Millionaire: He has incredibly deep pockets and is perpetually filled with energy.
  • Epic Fail: President Bush is so concerned about salvaging his luncheon with Bigmouth that he neglects to so much as turn the oven off as his roast is literally on fire. Cue the oven setting the White House on fire. In fact, the fact that Bush is so inattentive that his roast catches on fire in the first place (not an easy feat unless a lot of grease is involved) would normally be enough for this trope.
  • Establishing Character Moment: This is literally the first conversation he has in the comic.
    Bush: Alien forces threatening the world, civil unrest, I forgot to buy the groceries. And who the hell is this Lara Watkins? If what she says is true, we're facing an unprecedented crisis. Get me the president
    Rick Bernstein: You are the president, sir.
    Bush: Good. Then I already know about this. Let's order lunch.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Through and through he loves his grandchildren and his daughter, Ducky. He's fought off monsters, sharks, the Hag, and Zalgo to keep Ducky from danger.
    President Bush: I'm an asshole. I'm a no-good, goddamn piece of shit! ..But I love my goddamn children. And I would never hurt them.
  • Even Evil Has Standards:
    • He doesn't take kindly to others disrespecting America and the American Way.
    • In "Bigmouth Manor Mystery", President Bush is among the many that are utterly disgusted with Bigmouth enslaving people and forcing them to build his mansion and other materialistic articles, explicitly telling Bigmouth, "That's low, Bigmouth, even for you." Of course, this is a very hypocritical statement, as Bush himself has been seen enslaving people before, such as forcing the citizens of Detroit to build statues of him under the threat of carpet bombing.
  • The Everyman: How Bush views himself, and therefore how the viewer is supposed to see him.
  • Evil Is Petty: Very much so.
  • Evil Old Folks: Oh, yeah.
  • Experienced Protagonist: Bush has been doing his thing looooong before the comic started. He's fought in all world wars, knows all the ins and outs of fighting itself, is often familiar with any obstacle that appears, and just has a storied past in general.
  • Family Man: If Bush has any significant redeeming qualities, it's that he loves his family more than anything else. He's willing to take bullets for his daughter and her children, and literally caught a grenade for his wife.
  • Fatal Flaw:
    • His stupidity, which many have taken advantage of.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Although sometimes he can be genuinely Affably Evil.
  • Fiction 500: Bush's many businesses have allowed him to become extremely rich. Case in point, Bush owns multiple mansions across the United States, as well as hotels. He also owns his own space station with multiple spaceships at the ready, all equipped with laser guns.
  • Flanderization: While he always was an idiot, Bush is actually very pragmatic, where he often deals with a situation as fast as possible, uses his military knowledge to fight off opposing forces, and even used some stealth when sneaking around. In "To Proxy Mountain", he gradually took a habit of endangering himself and everybody on the S.S Proxy Mansion due to his sheer stupidity, and constantly acts as The Millstone to the entire team.
  • Flashback Stares: A common Running Gag with Bush is to have him stop what he's doing and stare blankly as a flashback occurs, followed by ear-piercing screaming and tank fire.
  • Flat-Earth Atheist: Bush repeatedly claims that he refuses to believe in magic, even when faced with Ms. P, Slenderman, and Zalgo.
  • For Your Own Good: This is Bush's justification for whenever he hurts someone he loves. Mostly Played for Laughs,
  • The Fool: It's a wonder he hasn't been impeached yet.
  • Forgetful Jones: Whether it's when to fold the sheets, or to remember where the nuclear codes are, he will likely forget it. Possibly Justified, as some episodes imply Bush suffers from Alzheimer's.
  • Four-Star Badass: As stated above, he was in the military for all two World Wars and the Vietnam war.
  • Friend to All Children: As long as you're an American child at least.
  • Gasshole: Likes to fart and burp a lot.
  • Gatling Good: When he fights off a Russian terrorist organization, he wields a Gatling Gun.
  • Genius Ditz: He can sometimes have hints of brilliance and has a lot of fighting experience due to his time in the army.
  • Greed: His entire life revolves around money, to the point where he has difficulty giving up a penny.
  • Go-Go Enslavement: It is heavily implied that the affair he had was not an affair, but that Bush is involved in sex trafficking and was only seeing if a slave was "operational".
  • Grave Robbing: Bush once stole an Indian amulet right out of its owner's grave, against the word of the Indian King. It comes back to haunt him on the 25th anniversary of the owner's death.
    Bush: Am I really gonna defile this grave for a little jewel? Of course I am!
  • Guile Hero: Sometimes.
  • Gun Nut: HELL YES. One of his defining character traits is that he's obsessed with guns. He frequently to ridiculous levels, to the point of taking baths with bullet shells instead of water.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: When it comes to money, he can get explosively angry. Seriously you can hurt and kill his employees and he won't care, but so much as touch his money and he will flip the entire world around trying to hurt you.
  • Half-Dressed Cartoon Animal: Wears a suit with no pants.
  • Harmful to Minors: When he's reading a book to a bunch of pre-school children.
    Bush: Today's story is Ralph the Overly Aggressive Aardvark. "Meet Ralph the Overly Aggressive Aardvark! He loved smoking and watching porn." [to the kids] I like him already. "Ralph was the angriest aardvark in all the land. But Ralph was often too angry for his own good. During an important meeting at work, Ralph knocked over his boss' mug in a blind rage. 'What the fuck do you want me to do, you fuckin' schmuck?!', he roared. 'This is no laughing matter,' said Ralph's boss, Mr. Grasshopper. 'The company's hemorrhaging money.' 'Go fuck yourself with a big black cock!' Ralph cried out. 'Wipe that fucking smirk off your face!' exclaimed Mr. Grasshopper. 'SECURITY, PLEASE ESCORT RALPH OUT OF THE BUILDING!' Mr. Grasshopper commanded. Things also begun spiraling out of control at home. 'YOU'RE PROJECTING YOUR INSECURITIES ONTO ME!' said Ralph's wife, who was even more of a bitch than he was. She picked up a vase and hurled it at the wall! Shattered ceramic littered the floor. 'I'M LEAVING YOU, RALPH THE OVERLY AGGRESSIVE AARDVARK!'" [back to the children] Now shits really hitting the fan. "Ralph peered over to find his children cowering in fear at what they had witnessed. 'Your mothers a fucking cunt.'" [Bush flips the page to show Ralph with a prostitute] "'How much?', Ralph asked his new female companion. Ralph ate dinner over the kitchen sink that night. The End." Now, before I show you this next one, has anyone here ever heard of the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally?
  • The Hedonist: He seems to live entirely to have fun while neglecting his job as president.
  • Healing Factor: He can somehow regenerate limbs with no problem.
  • Heel Realization: Ducky spent most of her childhood being ignored by him while he was too busy pampering his son to become the next president. When his son died, Bush realized how much of a dick he was to Ducky and decided to spoil her rotten from that point on, for better or for worse.
  • He-Man Woman Hater: Bush is often presented as the classic misogynist, thinking he's superior in every way and that other women are unworthy of anything other than satisfying his and other men's whims and desires, and woe be it on them if they object. He frequently thinks nothing of women other than sex objects and gets into a huge argument when others point this out.
    President Bush: Women are not people. They are devices built by our Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.
  • Henpecked Husband: A genuinely romantic example, but Bush is somewhat afraid of his wife. After seeing her decimate an entire terrorist army, it's easy to see why he's afraid of her.
  • Hey, You!: This is basically how he greets people, rarely ever calling them by their names.
  • Hollywood Tone-Deaf: According to Comickit.
  • Homemade Inventions: Bush is fond of these. Surprisingly, some of them actually work.
  • Honest John's Dealership: The guy is a swindler. Among other things, he sells fake tickets, expired milk, and lemon cars.
  • Hotblooded: It doesn't take a lot to get him riled up.
  • Horrible Judge of Character: Honestly thought Zalgo was a nice guy.
  • Hypocrite: Often shows signs of being hypocritical. For example, in "Bigmouth Manor Mystery", his reaction to finding Bigmouth's home was built by slaves, his reaction is to say "That's low, Bigmouth. Even for you".... Even though Bush himself is also guilty of enslaving others to build him statues and an amusement park.
  • Human Shield: It's revealed in one episode that Bush is keeping over a hundred Russian children hostage in a mine tunnel under the White House order to use them as human shields in case Russia ever attacks.
  • Idiot Ball: Holds it in "To Proxy Mountain" like its his first born child.
  • Idiot Hero: The "hero" part is a little subjective though.
  • Idiot Houdini: If it wasn't for the Proxies or Rick, his antics would've gotten him in huge trouble or even killed on several occasions.
  • Idle Rich: He is the richest "man" in the world and is a Lazy Bum in every sense of the word.
  • Implacable Man: A bit of an understatement.
  • Implausible Deniability: In the "President and the Mayor" skit, Bush denies that the Whit House is on fire, casually telling Bigmouth and Rick that it's just the aurora borealis. Bigmouth points out how unlikely that is and asks again. President Bush upholds the lie, and Bigmouth believes it.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: He begins downing liters of beer as Hanson molests a cooked turkey in "Bigmouth Manor Mystery".
  • Informed Flaw: Underpaying his employees. Rick gripes about it a lot, and Ducky sometimes mentions it in casual conversation, but on the admittedly few occasions in which his employees receive their paychecks, President Bush is shown paying them fairly. Then again, both episodes came out before Flanderization kicked in, so perhaps it's a case of Characterization Marches On.
  • Inopportune Voice Cracking: His voice tends to crack whenever he screams, almost sounding like a pig squealing.
  • The Insomniac: Due to his constant night terrors.
  • Inspector Javert: He firmly believes everyone in Russia is evil.
  • Insult Backfire:
    Rick Steinback: Mr. President, have you gone completely insane?!
    Bush: Like a fox!
  • It Amused Me: A lot of the messed up things he does to other people are for his own amusement.
    • He once started a war between Pakistan and India just to escape boredom.
    • In one instance, President Bush convinces Jeff and BEN to paint the inside of his house, but states that the paint in question is permanent and if they get even a single drop on anything but the walls, he will chop their butts off and mount them over the fireplace. They accidentally get it on his prized military pistol, and President Bush simply licks the paint off and reveals that the paint is actually saliva-soluable. When he tells them that he told them as such just to mess with them, Jeff and BEN are not happy and immediately leave in disgust.
  • It's All About Me: Bush makes it his mission to make sure the world revolves around him and him only.
  • Jerkass: He's a colossal douchebag who is occasionally very unsympathetic.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: A recurring gag is that Bush is constantly paranoid around the subject of Russians because he believes they are all evil. If "Motherland" is any indication, he's wasn't entirely wrong after all.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: All that being said, he does genuinely love his children, grandchildren, Rick, and the Proxies, and regularly shows it.
  • Karma Houdini: Bush has gotten away with assault, murder, robbery, counterfeiting, kidnapping, arson, rape, fraud, slavery, drug and weapon dealing, kidnapping, espionage, human rights violations, spousal abuse, treason, war crimes— in short, pretty much every felony on the book. He's a jerk at work and to his family and friends. His mind is constantly occupied with lewd thoughts and freely uses foul language. He invades other countries and steals their resources (especially oil) and pollutes the environment without a care in the world. The guy should be either dead or, as Ms. P (rather hypocritically) once said, in jail. Yet, he walks free, he proclaims himself as "everyman," and he still has everything he holds dear: he's still president of the United States, still has a trillion dollar bank account, and he has a family and good friends. There are quite a few people who are actually aware of his crimes against humanity. It's just Bush sends his hitmen to deal with them before they can testify in court.
    • Karma Houdini Warranty: While he does get away with a lot of horrible deeds, episodes such as "The Closet" (where he loses the money he obtained using the refrigerator magnet in Smile's stomach when the doctor takes it as payment for the medical bill) and "Proxy Caper" (where he is forced to give away free guns as punishment for stealing his own ammo and guns to get out of paying for delivery) end with him getting a suitable comeuppance.
  • Kick the Dog:
    • One episode reveals Bush is holding starved Russian children hostage in a mineshaft in case of a Russian attack (their dialogue indicates they've been down there so long they're afraid of the sun). Bush assures them that it's almost Christmas, where he will allow them to eat all the garbage that Americans throw away. However, when the children ask if they can meet his family, Bush scolds them, says "No Christmas!" and slams the door in their faces.
    • How could one forget the MASSIVE tearjerker in the episode "Comrade" where Bush stumbles upon a mutant child who has been experimented on by the Russian government in an isolated room of a warehouse, who hopes someone will rescue him from his torture... only to have Bush nonchalantly leave? The poor kid is left to cry softly...
    • In "Comrade", he tricks Ducky into killing a Russian man by lying to her about him being just a robot, which causes her a huge amount of emotional stress.
  • Killer Rabbit: Who would've expected a duck to kick so much ass?
  • Kill It with Ice: Outside of sniping and poison, his preferred method of disposing of people is locking them in his freezer.
  • Klingon Promotion: He rose to power by having his political rivals murdered.
  • Knight Templar: His occasional treatment of the American People leans towards believing that he's in the right by going to extremes. Early on he was merely defending his business from his schemes, now he seems to take offense even when American citizens are making legitimate profits or merely aren't miserable. He also genuinely believes Russia is out to get America, which explains why he thinks casually killing Russians is no big deal.
  • Lack of Empathy: Bush casually brushes off any pain or anguish he causes as people being too "preachy" or "childish". He also thinks murdering Russians, innocent or bad, is no big deal.
  • Last-Name Basis: Pretty much everyone (except Bush's wife, Bigmouth and sometimes Rick) calls him Bush. Even his drivers license just says "Pres. Bush".
  • Last Resort Takeout: In one of the most famous (or at least memetic) examples of this trope, President Bush has Mayor Bigmouth over for lunch and manages to burn the roast, so he climbs out the window and gets burgers from the local Mc Donalds calling them "steamed hams". (It's an Albany expression.)
  • Laughably Evil: Every single misdeed he's done whether it be murder, sex slavery, or vandalism, is Played for Laughs.
  • Lawful Neutral: Is aligned with this In-Universe.
  • Lazy Bum: Most of his daily activities consists of eating chips, chilling in his pool, and watching TV.
  • The Leader: Of the United States.
  • Lethal Chef: He is a horrible cook and has a habit of leaving food in the oven too long but still serving it anyway.
  • Lethally Stupid: More than a few of his employees have been killed during his stupid antics. Empathized in "To Proxy Mountain", where it's almost guaranteed everything will go horribly wrong because of his idiocy.
  • Love Hungry: He has the tendency to react badly when he thinks his friendship with the Proxies is under jeopardy.
  • The Mad Hatter: Take a look at his quote for the Insult Backfire section.
  • Made of Iron: Over the course of the comic, he gets shot by a heavily armed soldier, hit by shrapnel from a bombing, falls onto the top of an elevator from about ten feet up (followed by another long fall into a flooded elevator shaft), gets hit by a semi-truck, survived a massive car crash copmpletely unharmed, rammed by a bull, jumps from a bridge and nearly drowns afterwards, thrown at a high speed from a horse, gets tossed across a room by Mancala, falls several feet onto a piece of rebar, nearly bleeds to death from the impalement, survives several weeks of a debilitating fever and a severe infection, goes out into a severe prison riot while dealing with the after-effects of the infection, falls through a bus as it crashes from a large height, and shrugs off crashing through a car... And this is only the mandatory injuries, not even any of the injuries he can take in combat!
  • Manchild: He has the personality and reasoning of a four-year-old. Borders on Psychopathic Man Child at times.
  • Manipulative Bastard: How he rose to power.
  • The Millstone: Becomes this in "To Proxy Mountain". Whenever the Proxies have a plan, Bush is sure to screw it up, or do something stupid to make their situation worse.
  • Mister Big: He's the president of the United States and thus one of the biggest figures in the world, just not in stature.
  • Money Fetish: The staple of his character.
  • Morality Pet: About the only people he's nice to is his daughter and her grandchildren.
  • Multiple-Choice Past: In many instances and in "Blast to the Past", it's revealed Bush grew up in poverty and raised by very abusive parents. But in some episodes like "You Can't Do That On Television, Bush", he states he grew up rich from the very beginning.
  • Murder Is the Best Solution: His go-to solution to pretty much any problem. He needs a compelling reason not to have someone killed.
  • Narcissist: Bush rarely does anything that doesn't benefit or please him in some way. It's almost always about him. So much so that whenever he does do a truly selfless thing for someone else, it always stands out as a big deal.
  • Nessciarily Evil: His many rants about Russia and terrorism implied Bush sees himself as this.
  • Never My Fault: Whenever his schemes go wrong, he usually frames someone else.
    • He blames Jeff for "killing" the human resource expert with their poisonous roast even though he himself made the idea in the first place. When Jeff reminds him that it was his idea, Bush retorts, "Well, you could've talked me out of it!" That, however, is another example of this trope, as he had explicitly threatened to turn Jeff in if he didn't assist him in the scheme.
    • In "Overbooked," he brings Jeff along on his date with his wife and puts him in charge of his money to make sure he doesn't spend it all, but he nonetheless keeps demanding that Jeff buy increasingly unnecessary items for him, his wife, and Ducky, all while lashing out at him for spending his money when he was the one who asked him to do so in the first place. When Jeff calls him on it, Bush retorts that it's not his fault that Jeff is "loose with other people's money." At this point, Jeff snaps, gives Bush a hell of a tongue-lashing, and storms off.
  • Nice, Mean, and In-Between: In earlier episodes, he was the in-between one when paired with Rick and Ducky. He can be nice on occasions, but is a bit of a money-grubbing boss. In later episodes, Bush and Ducky switched places, with the former becoming a ruthless, idiotic capitalist while the latter Took a Level in Kindness.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Comickit apparently based his personality on Donald Trump. Funny enough, Comickit came up with the idea of President Bush ''before'' Trump ran for presidency
  • Non-Indicative Name: He is actually a duck, not a pigeon, apparently.
  • Noodle Incident: Several are created thanks to his preference not to elaborate on his mysterious and dark past.
    • Exactly how old is he?
    • How did a talking duck become president?
    • What did he mean when he said he's "been on both sides" when talking about the Russians?
    • This exchange:
    Rick Bernstein: I've come up with two locations that will fit our vacation parameters.
    Karen: Denmark.
    President Bush: I can't step foot in Denmark.
    Ducky: Why not?
    President Bush: Well, that's private, Ducky. Between me and the Danes.
  • The Nose Knows: Bush's nose is incredibly powerful. He can smell whenever his drink is drugged or poisoned and can track a man purely because of the shampoo he put on in the morning.
  • Obfuscating Stupidity: Possibly. Certain episodes imply Bush is not really stupid, but a sociopath who does stupid and often assholish things on purpose just because he knows his low intelligence (or facade of it) and high political status will keep him from punishment.
    Is it almost time to ruin the United States?! Rick, don't start without me!
  • Oh, Crap!:
    • He has one when skydiving.
    Bush: Ah, just as gorgeous as ever. Actually puts me in the mind to write a spoken word poem. Am I falling or am I flying? Am I living or am I dying? O, Great Spirit, free me from the bonds of gravity and criticism. Deliver me from my greatest enemy. His name is Peter. More specifically, Bush's Shyness In Public. O, Great Spirit, why do I hold myself back in such situa- OH, FUCK, THE COCKSUCKING GROUND!! (gets impaled through the ass by Las Vegas' Eiffel Tower)
    • "Oh, Egads! My roast is ruined!"
  • Old Soldier: He solo'd an entire platoon of soldiers in Vietnam. It can a little hard to believe that he's a little over 100 years old.
  • One-Hit Polykill: Does this to a gang of Russian thugs with a minigun
  • One-Man Army: He is able to hold off an entire SWAT team during the Mexican Standoff in "Good Ol' Days". In many other instances, he's singlehandedly battled ninjas, the yakuza, a pack of sexually aggressive canines, a gang of Russian thugs, a Russain S.W.A.T team, and multiple criminal organizations.
    • In "Motherland", Bush defeats Ms. P, Jeff, BEN, Eyeless Jack, and Smile by himself while brainwashed by Russians. Not even Slenderman's most elite Proxies can do much against him. Granted, the team was trying to distract him, not actually harm him, but it still shows just how strong and downright powerful Bush is when he fights seriously.
  • Only in It for the Money: The main reason he allows the Proxies to murder humans.
  • Our Presidents Are Different: A good mix of Corrupt, Jerkass, Buffoon, Lunatic, and Evil. His speech at the United Nations should give you a good indication of what type of president he is.
    Bush: Hello. I'm here today at the.. [looks at the U.N emblem].....un. So, an Indian, a Frenchman, and the Pope are all on a plane. The pilot says, "Hey, are any of you not circumcised?" So the Pope lifts up his robe and says, "Shut up, stupid! You don't even speak English!" The Israeli asks the Japanese guy to open his eyes, but the Japanese man says, "I'm not squinting you crazy Jew, you're the one who sold me these cheap glasses!" What's the difference between a Belgian and a lump of dog shit? The Belgian drinks wine, but the dog shit smells good.
  • Outliving One's Offspring: His biological son was killed in Iraq. This leads to him being fiercely protective of Ducky and her grandchildren.
  • Papa Wolf: Bush may not show it too often in general, but don't even think about harming or taking advantage of his daughter or grandkids. Anyone who does will get blown to bits or get a brutal No-Holds-Barred Beatdown. It should also be mentioned that he is also this to the Proxies... Some of them (lookin' at you, Laughing Jack).
  • Parental Favoritism: Bush ignored Ducky throughout most of his childhood due to spending most of his time pampering his son into becoming the next president. This obviously changed when he died.
  • Parental Substitute: In some episodes, he acts as a grandfather for the Proxies.
  • Parents as People: To his demeaning daughter.
    Bush: I'm sorry I haven't been there for you... I'm damn lucky your my girl.
  • Pædo Hunt: Quite possibly, he's the only lead protagonist-type character in the series implied to have strong sexual feelings toward children (BEN in particular).
  • Phlebotinum Killed the Dinosaurs: Apparently, Bush was the one who dropped the nuke on Hiroshima.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: In the "President and the Mayor sketch", Bush manages to successfully entertain Mayor Bigmouth with his "steamed hams" luncheon... at the cost of the White House.
  • Pillow Pistol: Bush sleeps snuggling an assault rifle while sleeping with a pillow with a revolver under it.
  • Pint-Sized Powerhouse: As shown in "Proxyville" when he gives the Rake a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown. He even lifts the Rake over his head and tosses him across a hallway with little visible effort.
  • Plucky Comic Relief: His moronic antics can sometimes be the only source of levity in the more serious episodes.
  • Poisonous Friend: In "To Proxy Mountain", Bush is willing to sacrifice the Proxies because they "lived a full life." This was actually lampshaded by the Rake, who says sarcastically "Great friend you got there."
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: He hates Jews, Mexicans, Asians.... Pretty much anyone who isn't American. He also charges black people more to attend his rallies. And don't even get us started on his ferocious hatred of the Russians. He's also an elitist, as he tells a homeless man and his family right in their faces that their lives don't matter if there is no money in their bank accounts.
  • Pragmatic Hero: He will do whatever it takes to stay alive, even forcing his daughter to kill other people.
  • President Evil: He can be fairly tyrannical, selfish and cruel. He even let's Slenderman and the Proxies commit murder in the Human World as long as they pay him a quick buck every week.
  • President for Life: He plans to be president up until he dies, planning for the mantle to be passed on to Ducky.
  • Pretty Fly for a White Guy: When he tries to be hip around a bunch of black teenagers.
    President Bush: (while throwing gang signs) Hey bro, my sciggly wiggly wags! Let's fadizzle in this wizzle, homie! I'm in the house! Sciggly boo bop ba doop bop!
  • Properly Paranoid: Played with. His suspicions are so wild and irrational that no normal person would have them, ranging from robot clones to world-wide Russian hackings. He's always suspicious of new arrivals and has occasionally accused his friends of being brainwashed or enemies in disguise when they disagree with him. And yet he's often right. Then again, sometimes he isn't.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: He's an absolute Control Freak who is more obsessed with playing video games than actually governing over America.
  • Psycho Prototype: It's hinted in one episode that he was the result of a botched cloning attempt that resulted in a duck/human hybrid. Reinforced when Jeff tells its creator, Mayor Bigmouth, after learning this that they need to have a little talk.
  • Retired Badass: He served in both World Wars.
  • Rich Bastard: Oh, yeah. Ignoring the fact he's essentially turned the United States into a dictatorship, he's mocking of the unfortunate or middle-class.
  • Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense: Bush is basically the grandfather of this trope.
  • Sadist: He takes enjoyment out of his enemies' suffering. Sometimes they don't even have to be his enemies.
  • Scatterbrained Senior: If you thought Jeff was stupid, you ain't seen nothing yet.
  • School Is for Losers: He would always try to stop Ducky from getting on the bus at school, saying "School is for Commies!" and trying to get her to play Wii with him.
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: Whenever he freaks out.
  • Screw Politeness, I'm a Senior!: Being polite is not a very big priority for him.
  • Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: His solution to every problem.
  • The Scrooge: He underpays his employees and is obsessed with money.
  • Serial Spouse: He's been married 14 times.
    President Bush: You're making a big mistake, BEN. NO ONE gets away from President Bush!
    BEN: Yes, except all 14 of your wives.
  • Senior Sleep Cycle: He tends to falls asleep in traffic.
  • Serial Killer: It's strongly suggested that he is one. He flatly admits to poisoning other electoral opponents to eliminate the competition; it's strongly suggested that his gardener "got sick" and "fell" off a cliff, that his former vice president "met the shallow end of a shovel at the deep end of a grave" and died recently, and that his 13th accountant choked to death on her own hand, with the strong implication that Bush killed all three.
  • Shell-Shocked Veteran: Many episodes imply that Bush was traumatized and suffered from major PTSD after the many wars he battled in. For instance, when Rick wakes him up from sleep, Bush screams and yells "EVERYONE HEAD TO THE BUNKERS! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!!"
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Whenever he's in a sticky situation. He especially loves the words "cocksucking" and "fuck". The motto for his campaign was even "Because fuck everyone else!"
  • The Sixth Ranger: He often tags along with the Proxies on their escapades.
  • Skewed Priorities: In the Steamed Hams sketch in "Tales of the Under Realm", he apparently considers it more important to make sure that Mayor Bigmouth doesn't suspect anything about him than to worry about the fact that his house is on fire.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: He's shown signs of this more than a few times, like when he forced a group of orphans to build a statue of himself. Primarily it's just him thinking he's gorgeous or him thinking others think highly of him.
  • The Sociopath: The fact that Bush manages to be more malicious and cruel than the Shadowlurker says a lot. He is quite often immoral and insensitive when it comes to crossing the Moral Event Horizon, or whenever he wants to make easy money (which is pretty much all the time).
  • Staircase Tumble: In "Proxyland", Jeff shoves him down a flight of stairs and locks him in the basement of the White House.
  • Stepford Smiler: Bush has had a fairly successful, he proclaims himself as "everyman," and he still has everything he holds dear: he's still president of the United States, still has a trillion dollar bank account, and he has a family, friends and good friends. There are quite a few people who are actually aware of his crimes against humanity. He should be the happiest motherfucker around. Yet, deep within Bush lies a jaded and depressed veteran still tortured by his years in the military and his son's death.
  • The Stoner: Such a stoner that he's tried to stage a "Smoke-In" at city hall for shits and giggles. After BEN gets Bush all the drugs he asks for in order to stage one, he and his entire administration get so high off their own stash they completely forget about it.
  • Super Senses: He has trained his senses to be incredibly sharp; he's capable of dodging bullets when completely unaware of when he's being shot at, can resist poisons of any kind, and has an incredible sense of smell.
  • Super Strength: He's been shown to be able to lift the White House and punch tanks into bits and pieces. He's also strong enough to punch people's heads into brain matter and rib their spines out of their backs. In one episode, he pushes a mountain that was blocking his view out of the way. On another occasion, he managed to simultaneously overpower Jeff, Ms. P, Hoodie, BEN and Eyeless Jack.
  • Super Speed: He has dodged bullets and when he was in the Navy built 15 Naval ships in under 5.1 seconds.
  • Technologically Blind Elders: He needed to be shown how to open a laptop and once destroyed a microwave because he couldn't get it to work
  • Therapy Is for the Weak: Bush is not at all interested in therapy.
  • Tiny Guy, Huge Girl: The Tiny Guy to his wife's Huge Girl.
  • Token Evil Teammate: Whenever paired with the Proxies, he's by far one of the most unscrupulous and dishonest of them all.
  • Too Dumb to Live:
  • Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket: He's shown being needing to be talked through the simplest task, like how to open a book that teaches him how to count.
  • Took a Level in Dumbass: He's noticeably less pragmatic, useful and more stupid in "To Proxy Mountain".
  • Totally Radical: Only when around teenagers.
    Skeet: [Walks into Bush's office] Hey, dude, you gotta second?
    President Bush: Anything for you, Skeet, m'boy. Cop a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wig, soul brother.
    Skeet: Cut the gas, dude, and dig this: I've been bustin' my conk for you. You better lay on some extra cheddar, or I'm going to agitate the gravel.
    President Bush: What now?
    Skeet: You know, lay a patch.
    President Bush: 'Scuse me?
    Skeet: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting.
    President Bush: A raise? That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack.
    Skeet: Stop talking like that!
  • Trademark Favorite Food: Bush has a notable love for eggnog around the holidays.
  • Trigger Happy: His first action to any problem is to grab his pistol and wave it around.
  • The Unapologetic: It takes a lot of effort to make Bush feel bad for his action.
  • Ungrateful Bastard:
    • The Proxies save his life several times in "To Proxy Mountain" and he doesn't even bother thanking them.
    • On on occasion, a Russia diplomat donated his kidney to save his life and yet he still thinks all Russians are evil. Obviously, this is Played for Laughs and it's meant to show that Bush is stupid and delusional rather than outright evil.
  • Upper-Class Twit: Up to Eleven.
  • Vague Age: Can never decide if he's 95 or over 100 years old.
    • One episode reveals Bush was born on December 15th, 1902. Which would make him 115 years old.
  • Villain Protagonist: Easily up in the top three with the most morally bankrupt protagonists in the show, which is saying a lot.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: With Rick Bernstein.
  • Vocal Dissonance: According to Comickit, if there was a live-action Pastamonsters movie, they would have Leslie Nielsen voice Bush (although they sadly commented on how that's not possible anymore).
  • Wacky Parent, Serious Child: Ducky is hardly serious, but she sure looks like it compared to him.
  • Wall of Weapons: President Bush has an impressive arsenal of weapons he kept from his days in the military which he keeps on his wall in his office.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: It seems Bush's only weakness is he is easily swayed by money. Aside from that, that dude's unstoppable.
  • Why Are You Not My Son?: Considers the Proxies to be his grandchildren.
  • Why Couldn't You Be Different?: He wanted Ducky to be a boy.
  • Would Hit a Girl: He was perfectly willing to "ice" Lara alongside Laughing Jack, at least until Ducky walked in and stopped him beforehand.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Considering that he is an adult and that he has no issues with trying to kill or harm any children who get in his way, he is an example of this. Sometimes, they don't even need to be in his way.
    • He once gave BEN a black eye simply for calling him "Feathers".
    • He's also perfectly fine with kidnapping schoolgirls and selling them to overseas sex slavery.
    • In "Comrade", he accelerates and steers his car to make sure it runs over a baby stroller. The look on Bush's face says it all.
    Bush: (while Ducky looks in horror) Welp, now there are no witnesses.
  • X Must Not Win: Even when the Russians are making legitimate profits, Bush will go out of his way to sabotage it.
  • Your Cheating Heart: Bush has cheated on his wife many times.

    Rick Bernstein 

Rick Bernstein

The Vice President of the United States and President Bush's Yes-Man.
  • The Ace: He's a great shot, a martial arts master, a professional golfer, and a Supreme Chef.
  • Adorkable: Let's start with the fact that his first couple scenes have him clumsily following Lara around Washington and lecturing Ducky on the importance of eating breakfast in the morning. He also has shades of this whenever he believes the Proxies are ready to turn over a new leaf.
  • Amusing Injuries: At the receiving end of a lot of them.
  • Arc Symbol: A whipping boy, as revealed in "Legends of the Multiverse Part 5". Fitting, given his relationship with Bush.
  • Authority Equals Asskicking: Is the VP of the United States and will kick your ass if provoked.
  • Badass Adorable: If only due to how optimistic he is.
  • Berserk Button: He almost pounds Jeff's face in for making jokes about his mom.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Rick is probably the nicest character in the entire comic, but if you make him angry, watch your back. This is the same guy who held off half the Los Angeles police department with a mini-gun.
  • Big Brother Mentor: He tries to teach Jeff in the ways of good, but Jeff always rejects him.
  • Butt-Monkey: Despite being a competent fighter and skilled planner, Rick is repeatedly humiliated and ridiculed by Bush, Jeff, and BEN.
  • Cannot Tell a Joke: He tries, but they're never funny.
  • Canon Foreigner
  • The Cape: He's a total boy scout when it comes to morality and manners. He's in fact the only character with a significant amount of screen time and lines in the entire series who makes a point of not cursing.
  • Carpet of Virility: Rick, underneath his suit, is rather hairy.
  • Catchphrase: Typically introduces himself by saying "Hey, I'm Rick Bernstein, I work for the government."
  • Characterization Marches On: In his original appearance, he was a quiet, professional and occasionally snarky guy who was typically competent in everything required by circumstances. In later episodes, however, he is much more pompous, talkative and idealistic, bordering on Holier Than Thou at times, and isn't much for snark as much as long-winded speeches about heroism.
  • The Chew Toy: If something bad happens in episodes with him in it, it will likely happen to him.
  • Cloudcuckoolander's Minder: He's this to Bush. Although, sometimes he can be just as crazy as him.
  • The Comically Serious: He's a protagonist in Pastamonsters. Of course, he gets made fun of a lot.
  • The Conscience: Though usually holding the moral high ground, he also tends to be rather timid when first voicing his concerns, gradually losing his patience as Hilarity Ensues.
  • Cool Shades: Sometimes wears them whenever Bush sends them to spy on someone.
  • Cuckold: Willingly lets the underaged BEN sleep with his (fourth) wife in exchange for Black Stuff. BEN is understandably shocked. He also lets Bush finger his wife, according to a Facebook post.
  • Determinator: He's determined about absolutely anything, whether it be defeating ZALGO or trying to make the Proxies government agents, and won't take no for an answer.
  • Ditzy Genius: Some of his plans are... questionable.
  • Foil: To Jeff. Chaste-mouthed, paragon-like gentle giant boy scout Vice President contrasted to Jeff's foul-mouthed sardonic violent psychotic Serial Killer.
    Rick: We cannot allow this, Jeff. Please.. come quietly.
    Jeff: You boy-scout FUCKBOY!
    Rick: That's not nice.
  • The Dragon: To Bush from a certain point of view.
  • Good Feels Good: He firmly believes this. Though considering the man he tries to recruit (against his will no less) is an example of both Good Is Not Soft and Good Is Not Nice and tries to make him Turn the Other Cheek.
  • The Heart: The most moral of the group.
  • Gosh Dang It to Heck!: He never swears. In fact, Jeff makes it his mission to make Rick swear in "Legends of the Multiverse". He succeeds, courtesy of X.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • He is a world-renowned professional golfer.
    • He is also a world-renowned black belt karate master with a consecutive winning streak of 186-0.
  • Honorary Uncle: To Ducky. He's known her since she was a baby and she even calls him "Uncle Rick", in addition to being her golfing teacher.
  • If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him: In "To Proxy Mountain", when BEN is about to fire the Ultimate Weapon (the spiked blue turtle from Mario) at Enderman's ship, Rick tries to convince BEN to be a bigger man than Enderman's gang and spare their lives, but BEN just rolls his eyes and launches the turtle anyway. He then tells Rick that being a hero isn't worth sparing the lives of "dickheads like them" and mocks Rick, saying "not everyone monitors a hall like you".
  • Incorruptible Pure Pureness: He tries to saves the villains, is kind to everyone, delivers several "You Are Better Than You Think You Are" speeches, cannot stand swearing, and an exposed breast has him instantly covering his eyes.
  • The Lancer: To President Bush.
  • The Men in Black: Sometimes dresses in this attire.
  • Nice Guy: He is easily one of, if not the most polite characters on the comic, trying to encourage the Proxies to become heroes. Unlike Bush, he's more sensible and has a good moral compass. There really is not an ounce of bad in him.
  • No Respect Guy: Neither Bush nor the Proxies respect him. The only person who seems to have some semblance of respect for him is Ducky.
  • One-Man Army: In "Good Ol' Days", he single-handedly holds off half of the police force and forces them to retreat during the Mexican Standoff. That includes a horde of dirty cops and dirty military personnel with access to a tank. That's straight up GTA protagonist stuff right there.
  • Only Sane Man: In comparison to Bush he sure seems like it.
  • Papa Wolf: Rick is only working with Bush because he wants to put his kids through college. He's also incredibly protective of Ducky.
  • The Paragon: He tries so hard to be this to the Proxies.
  • Phrase Catcher: From Bush: "BERNSTEIN!!"
  • The Pollyanna: He is optimistic and positive about everything.
  • Red Oni, Blue Oni: The blue to Bush's red.
  • Running Gag: Always instantly appearing the moment Bush shouts his name.
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: Another thing he and Bush have in common.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Inverted. In a comic like Pastamonsters, which is positively crammed with Cluster F Bombs, it can be pretty jarring to see a character like Rick to go entire seasons without even saying a single swear.
  • The Smart Guy: He's generally portrayed as being the most intelligent of the group.
  • The Stoner: One of the things he has in common with Bush is their love of weed.
  • Supreme Chef: When Ducky plans to sneak out when he's babysitting her, she notes that she should sneak out after dinner because Rick makes a killer
  • Those Two Guys: Often shares this with Bush.
  • Token Good Teammate: He is easily the most moral of the four, with Ducky being a close second.
  • Verbal Tic: "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
  • Weak, but Skilled: Lacks Bush's physical strength, but is excellent at handling firearms, explosives, and pretty much everything else.
  • Would Hurt a Child: He was willing a shoot a group of kids because he thought they were going to blow up the Statue of Liberty.
  • Wrong Genre Savvy: He's extremely nice, doesn't swear at all, has principles, and is quite honorable, even towards enemies. And in any other webcomic, he'd probably fit right in, and his The Cape approach would probably function quite well. What keeps tripping him up is that Pastamonsters is a Villain Protagonist-lead webcomic, so the unabashed violence and vulgarity of the setting keeps blindsiding him at every given opportunity.
  • You Are Better Than You Think You Are: Has this opinion of the Proxies, whom he wants to make agents out of.



President Bush's beloved teenage daughter, who is also a duck. She is Bush's oldest child. Her brain is the largest in Washington, DC (certainly bigger than her father's) and she is gifted in math, but she is still young and immature. She is a mother of 5. Her father hopes to pass his presidency onto her when she gets older.

  • Abusive Parents: Bush ignored her throughout most of her childhood due to spending most of his time pampering his son into becoming the next president.
  • The Ace: Ducky is very rich, the most popular girl in Washington, an accomplished mini-golfer, and her father is the president of the United States.
  • Action Girl: In "Legends of the Multiverse" when a zombie (actually one of X's illusions) bursts through the closet door she is hiding in, her first instinct is to put it in a headlock.
  • Action Survivor: Never the less she's more able at keeping herself alive when facing the supernatural, than actually fighting it.
  • Adorkable: She's more socially awkward when she's forced into social situations with more common folk, such as getting a ride back home in Slenderman's limo or hugging Jeff before bribing him to forget about it.
  • Alpha Bitch: She's crass, loud, needy, and somewhat selfish. Sheds after Character Development.
  • Arch-Enemy: Word of God says that Ducky is meant to be something like this towards Jeff. Pretty much stops at "Under Par".
  • Ascended Extra: She went from being an extremely one-note minor character to a regular supporting character and then eventually one of the main protagonists of "Legends of the Multiverse".
  • The Atoner: She constantly tries to compensate for her father's recklessness and antics.
  • Badass Adorable: When she needs to be.
  • Being Evil Sucks: Ducky discovers this the HARD WAY after discovering that the one who stole the vengeful Indian King's talisman was her own father, as well as him committing equally awful deeds in the past. After this discovery, she's willing to put go against Bush's word and give the talisman back.
  • Berserk Button: She has the following.
    • Bush saying "no" to her.
    • Being accused of having extensions.
  • Blue Blood: Well her dad is a lord...
  • Bratty Teenage Daughter: She has her moments.
  • Broken Bird: Underneath all her haughtiness and smugness lies a scared little girl who's spent years being bullied by her peers and ignored by her father into something she honestly doesn't want to be. As she shows in the few moments the veil slips, she's really quite broken.
  • Buxom Is Better: She has a huge chest.
  • Catchphrase: "I'm telling my dad!"
  • Characterization Marches On: She dropped the Valley Girl Rich Bitch act long ago. It's also pretty clear that she still has her head on straight, even calling her dad out more often for his idiotic and outright insane hobbies.
  • The Chick: The emotional girl of the group who is there mostly to support her father and flirt with the hunky guys.
  • Competition Freak: It may look like Duck is obsessed with winning and showing off that she has the skills to do so, but it's more because she's afraid of losing and the consequences and having to face her father's disappointment, because to him, all competition is a big deal to their family. The first thing her dad tells her is don't lose, and that made her squirm.
  • Cool Shades: Much like her dad, she wears them when making Big Entrances
  • Cute and Psycho: Don't piss her off or you'll regret it the rest of your life.
  • Daddy's Girl: She and Bush are obviously very close, and she's his Morality Pet. Jeff calls her "Daddy's Whore" at one point.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Ducky was routinely ignored and talked down to by Bush in her early childhood. To say nothing of having to put up with his chaotic and deadly shenanigans and the death of her younger brother. As a result, she grew up to be a Broken Bird and Broken Ace with hidden insecurity issues.
  • Dating What Daddy Hates: She's still in love with her husband, despite what Bush says about him.
  • The Ditz: Just like her dad she's not very bright or intelligent.
  • Dye Hard: In-Universe. Jeff and BEN believe so, but Ducky denies it.
  • Foil: To Bush, surprisingly, in pretty much every aspect.
  • Fire-Forged Friends: How she became friends, or at least friendly, with the Proxies.
  • Genki Girl: Constantly bouncing around and shouting when confronting Bush about something she wants.
  • Girls Love Stuffed Animals: Her room, even as a girl pushing 20, if filled with stuffed animals.
  • Hate Sink: In early seasons, she never thinks of anyone other than herself and actively tries to harass and bother everyone. She does, however, get Character Development later.
  • Heel–Face Turn: By Legends Of The Multiverse Part 2, she's firmly on Aton's side in the fight against Zalgo's forces, and joins the New Elite.
  • Hidden Depths:
    • A legitimately skilled mini-golfer with a global rank and has- had a gold-medal winning trainer.
    • Comickit claims that she has the biggest brain in Washington, DC and she's pretty good at math.
  • I Am Not My Father: Undergoes this in "Changes".
  • Informed Ability: According to Comickit, she's the smartest citizen in Washington, but there has never been a comic focusing on her intelligence. There have, however, been instances where it implies she only acts like a regular teenager to fit in.
  • It's All About Me: She claims that on her birthday everyone in the world has to pay attention to her.
    • Further emphasized when it's revealed she literally does not know how to pronounce the word "sharing" (she says "SAR-ing).
  • Jerkass Ball: When she makes fun of Jeff for being ugly.
  • Little Miss Badass: In the "Legends of the Multiverse" finale, where she risks her life during a rescue mission into Zalgo's lair. Even before then she kicks some ass, including putting X in a headlock. Being a badass must run in the family.
  • Little Miss Snarker: No one but Bush is safe from her snark.
  • Morality Pet: Bush instantly drops his tyrannical attitude when she shows up.
  • Ojou: The richest girl in the United States.
  • Only Sane Man: Best shown around Jeff and her father.
  • Pink Is Feminine: Her favorite color is pink, as evidenced by her room and home.
  • Rich Bitch: Sorta.
  • Sins of Our Fathers: An enraged Indian god tried to kill Ducky because Bush had stolen an ancient Indian amulet.
  • Smug Smiler: Her default expression pre-Character Development.
  • Spoiled Brat: She has shades of this in earlier episodes.
  • Spoiled Sweet: What she eventually becomes.
  • Stress Vomit: She vomits after Bush tricks her into killing an innocent Russian man.
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: She's progressively becoming more ruder as the comic grows. This likely has something to do with her father's greediness.
  • Valley Girl: She's got the terminology down pat. Downplayed in later episodes.
  • "Well Done, Daughter!" Girl: She wants nothing more than to please her father. Failing him turns out to be her biggest fear.
    X: Does daddy approve, Ducky
    Ducky: You don't know my father!
    X: I know you're afraid to fail him...
  • When She Smiles: When it's not a smug grin.

     President Bush's unnamed son 

President Bush's unnamed son

President Bush's unnamed son and Ducky's (presumably younger) brother. Bush planned for him to be the next president before he was killed in Iraq sometime before the series began.
  • Cynicism Catalyst: Bush's chaotic and stupid antics got worse after he died.
  • The Ghost: Was killed a few years before the comic started.

    President Bush's Wife 

President Bush's Wife

The beloved (and, usually loving) spouse of President Bush and First Lady of the United States. A woman of considerable size and powerful moods, good and bad. When enraged, she becomes an elemental force of raw destruction (and insults).
  • Action Mom: When enraged, she can turn into one badass One-Woman Army.
  • Affectionate Nickname: Bush gives all sorts of pet names like "Muffin".
  • Always Someone Better: She is (presumably) faster and stronger than Bush, Jeff, and BEN.
  • Badass Normal: Is just an average duck, but is able to solo an entire terrorist organization.
  • Berserk Button: Make fun of her size or threaten her family (or friends of her family) and you're in for a bad time.
  • Birds of a Feather: She is just as boisterous and thick-headed as her husband.
  • Blood Knight: It's pretty clear she loves a good fight and is all too eager to throw herself into the fray.
  • Bruiser with a Soft Center: While she can be unbelievably powerful and so destructive that she makes a hurricane look like a bad drizzle, in better circumstances she's very nice and dearly loves her husband (and she's not afraid to show it).
  • Buxom Is Better: Much like her daughter.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Throws around sarcasm like there's no tomorrow.
  • Doting Parent: Loves Ducky just as much as Bush.
  • Fat Bitch: She's fat and can be very demanding. Just don't mention her weight in front of her, though.
  • Good Is Not Nice: A loving mother and wife above all else, but is not afraid (even a little eager) to use lethal methods of her enemies.
  • Groin Attack: Does this to a terrorist strong enough that it sends his head flying off his body.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: If you know what's good for you, do not make her angry. Hell, even her own husband, who has fought in almost every war in American history, is afraid of just the thought of angering her, and her husband is President Bush, who is usually willing to stand up to anyone ( keep in mind that Bush defeated Jeff, BEN, Eyeless Jack, and Ms. P simultaneously in one episode)
  • Happily Married: Considering how long they've been together, you would think her and Bush's love would have died years ago. Yet it's still as strong as ever today. Look at how many kids and grandkids they have.
  • Immune to Bullets: And the terrorists find this out the hard way.
  • Improbable Weapon User: Kills several terrorists with a car door, a walking stick, and a lawnmower.
  • Lady of War: Strong enough to single-handedly bring down an entire terrorist organization.
  • Made of Iron: Can casually survive getting shot by tank fire... SOMEHOW.
  • Mama Bear: To not just Bush, but friends of Bush as well.
  • Never Mess with Granny: Is almost or slightly older than Bush, but can kick just as much ass.
  • No Name Given: Her name is never revealed, though it's implied it stars with an "A".
  • One-Woman Army: Defeated a whole terrorist army which Jeff, BEN, and even Bush were not able to defeat!
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Even more than her husband does.
  • Stout Strength: She's even more of a powerhouse than her husband, who is already a match for the Proxies. When she gets angry, entire buildings collapse in her wake. She doesn't even need a weapon to take out a terrorist organization army.
  • Unskilled, but Strong: She lacks the military training her husband does but makes up for it with brute strength.
  • Woman Are Wiser: She is wiser than her husband. Not that she isn't exactly "wise".

Example of: