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Characters / Pastamonsters The Human World

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Pastamonsters: The Under Realm | The Main Trio | The Proxies | The Slender Family | Enderman and his allies | The Pit | The Human World | President Bush and Other Associates | Beings of the Universe | The Malitch Empire

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"...I wonder if that old well still works."

A human and one of the few beings of Earth aware of the Proxies' existence.

  • Action Girl: She's not afraid to get his hands dirty.
  • Arch-Enemy: Word of God even says Lara is the "Batman to Jeff's Joker"
  • Bare Your Midriff: In a couple of her outfits.
  • Big Sister Instinct: Towards Sally and BEN to a lesser extent, even if they aren't blood-related. She also loves her real brother, Isaac, to death and is utterly broken when X kills him. Luckily, Aton revives Isaac as a reward to Lara for stopping Zalgo.
  • Canon Foreigner
  • Cool Big Sis: To Isaac.
  • Cry Cute: BEN even notes that she looks genuinely adorable when she cries.
  • Damsel in Distress: In the "Legends of the Multiverse" finale she's kidnapped by Zalgo and imprisoned in his lair before being turned into demon and used to attack the Proxies.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Pretty much the only way she copes with the Proxies.
  • Determinator: Fighting a demonic overlord who destroys planets for laughs? Constantly visiting the Under Rhelm despite the inhabitant's hatred for humans? Standing up to the Proxies and ZAGLO without a hint of fear? Whatever the goal, once Lara decides to take action, nothing can stand in her way. She means it when she says she doesn't know when to quit.
  • The Dragon: Unwillingly becomes one for Zalgo in "Legends of the Multiverse".
  • Empty Eyes: When Zalgo brainwashes her in "Legends of the Multiverse".
  • Even the Girls Want Her: In "Our Idiot BEN", one of Ms. P's friend's remarks to Sally "Your friend is so fuckin' hot", referring to Lara.
  • Friend to All Children: Lara has a soft spot for kids. She quickly falls for Jeff's scam at a Gamestop when she sees his "son" (actually a disguised BEN) and expresses concern for his dream to become a daredevil when he grows up. She not only buys the game but also gives him a sticker while encouraging him to pursue other, less dangerous dreams. Even when she finds out of the trick, she scolds Jeff exclusively, leaving BEN out of the argument. She also makes quick friends with Sally, even disregarding the fact she is a serial killer.
  • Friend to All Living Things: Instantly became friends with Smile. She was also reluctant to hurt the Rake because she thinks he looks like a hairless cat.
  • Heroic BSoD: Goes through this when X kills her brother.
  • The Idealist
  • Interspecies Friendship: She befriends many Monsters in the Under Realm, and they share affection in return.
  • Morality Pet: Sometimes serves as one to Slenderman of all people. His growing fondness for her brings out his good side under his Ax-Crazy exterior and leads to him showing his softer side to her.
  • Naïve Newcomer: She's a suburban girl with big dreams and ideals, but throughout the series, she realizes reality is much harsher than she thought and she still has a lot to learn and experience when she meets the Proxies. The Rake even refers to her as a "naive little girl" during his Break Them by Talking speech.
  • Nerves of Steel: She keeps her wits about even when confronted by Monsters and serial killers.
    • She is completely unafraid of the Proxies upon meeting them for the first time.
    • While the Rake is attacking, she keeps her cool, dodges every blow, and barks orders at Jeff and BEN to keep them safe. When she slides off Proxy Mansion's platform she keeps focused and is able to hang on with one hand. She then pulls herself up in time to trap the Rake to a lamppost, saving Jeff's life. Finally, when the three of them are knocked off the building, she has the presence of mind to instantly grab a tree limb and Jeff and BEN's hands as he flies past her, saving them once more.
    • In her with Enderman. Even though scared, beaten to the ground and having her face slashed by the Rake, she still manages to annoy him with her constant quipping.
    • Even when he's laughing and screaming in her face, Lara looks dead into Zalgo's face and tells him she isn't afraid of him. Keep in mind, this is ''ZALGO'' she said his to. A demonic overlord who conquers entire universes and destroys planets for his amusement, and Lara wasn't afraid oh him.
  • Neutral Good: Is aligned with this In-Universe.
  • Nice Girl: Instantly hits it off with Sally.
  • Odd Friendship: Lara is an enthusiastic and idealistic teenage girl, the Proxies are psychotic serial killers who butchers hundreds for laughs. Once they get past their differences, they become surprisingly good friends.
  • The Pollyanna: It takes a lot to break her spirit and optimism.
  • Token Human: To the Proxies (despite not actually being a member), which sometimes earns her unwanted attention by other Monsters.
    • She actually isn't the only human in the Proxies (Jeff, Masky, Jane, Ms. P, the Seer, and Eyeless Jack are/were all humans), she's just the closest to being human from a moral standpoint.
  • Weak, but Skilled: Uses her wits and physical agility to succeed despite lacking the size and strength the Proxies have.

    President Bush 

    Rick Bernstien 


    President Bush's Wife 

    Mr Mandavi 

Mr. Mandavi

The manager of Sal's Pizza and BEN's boss in the Human World. He also has romantic problems as the girl he loves is more attracted to his handsomer cousin.
  • The Ace: He has a lot of skills under his belt. He is a skilled swordsman, Ace Pilot, and a doctor.
  • Agent Scully: Due to his belief that everyone in the Under Realm is a kid in a costume, he constantly tries to find logical explanations as to the madness around him (for instance calling X's illusions "special effects").
  • All Love Is Unrequited: As noted above, his lover has a much more appealing significant other.
  • Ascended Extra: Goes from a one-off background character to a secondary character in "To Proxy Mountain" and "Legends of the Multiverse".
  • Berserk Button: The very sight of Pizza Hut sets him off.
  • Butt-Monkey: Tends to be on the receiving end of BEN's antics.
  • Canon Foreigner
  • Captain Oblivious: He has seen BEN and nearly all of the Proxies outside their human forms before and has visited the Under Realm and the Pit numerous. He just thinks that all the Monsters are kids wearing very good Halloween costumes.
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: At one point, he helps President Bush pull a Big Damn Heroes to save Jeff and his gang from Enderman, B.O.B and the Rake, beating up the Rake singlehandedly. He also gives Zalgo a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown alongside with the Proxies, smacking him over the head multiple times with a lead pipe.
  • Empowered Badass Normal: Along with the New Elite in "Legends of the Multiverse".
  • Hey, You!: This is basically how he greets BEN.
  • Mean Boss: A subversion — while he comes off as strict, his reasons for treating BEN rather aggressively are entirely justifiable, and he does manage to show a bit of sympathy towards the latter, admitting that BEN's "a nice guy, but just not dependable".
  • Recurring Extra
  • Shipper on Deck: He encourages BEN to express his true feelings to his "mystery girl", being Sally.
  • The Sixth Ranger: Originally a one-shot character before becoming a full-blown secondary character. He temporarily joins the Proxies in their efforts to stop Eyeless Jack from destroying all known universes in "To Proxy Mountain" and "Legends of the Multiverse" (although he was completely unaware he was working with serial killers the whole time).
  • Straight Man: No-nonsense and always spouting logical explanations for everything.
  • Unfazed Everyman: He adapts to the Under Realm fairly quickly. Justified in a sense, as he believes all the Monsters are children in very good Halloween costumes and all the blood is just special effects.
  • Workaholic: His devotion to work is paramount. During his adventures with his Proxies in "Legends of the Multiverse", he constantly worries about his emploees not taking inventory correctly.


"Thanks, babe. Your moms cooking is better anyway."
Lara's toxic boyfriend.
  • Bastard Boyfriend: A very realistic version of this.
  • Destructive Romance: His relationship with Lara is anything but a happy one.
  • Hate Sink: Judging by the comment section of any comic he's in, he's definitely meant to be this. Even Comickit doesn't seem too attached to him.
  • Jerkass: Jake certainly is one, but it's a little bit more complex than most examples in the series. It's one thing that Lara's mom is having trouble on work and it would be a help if Lara worked to help her mom out (although she is a little too young even get a proper paid job, being 16), and Jake points that out, but not in the correct way. One thing is to support your girlfriend when she's passing through something like this and maybe kindly comment and encourage her to get a job, but Jake is pushing and rushing her to do it, because if she doesn't get a job, in his mind, then she's a worthless piece of trash, and it's very obvious Lara has self-esteem issues and he is using it to his advantage to make her do what he wants. Also, he says things like "at least you're doing something good", which just hurts Lara more. While his ideas of to always have something to do, support your family, get his girlfriend to eat are correct, he isn't showing them on the correct form, he is being passive-aggressive at a person with low self-esteem. Kinda pushing her to follow the way he thinks and not letting her be.
  • Killed Off for Real: Comickit has heavily implied Jeff will eventually kill him.


"Dude, why a toaster?"
The employee of the month at Mc Donny's. He also works as an employee as Game Shtop.
  • Aborted Arc: The ending of "Mc Donny's" implies that Enderman and his gang will attempt to hunt down and capture Skeet, whom they believe to be the technologically-upgraded Game Shtop's captain, due to his Employee of the Month plack. However, they never do, for some reason.
  • Characterization Marches On: His initial appearance portrays him as a slightly abrasive teen who seems to hate his job. Later appearances portray him as an arrogant jerkass who is actually pretty dedicated to his job.
  • The Ditz: He's not very smart at all. He had to look at his name tag to remember his own name.
  • Dumb Is Good: Instantly hits it off with Jeff and BEN (although BEN is not exactly dumb), meanwhile he gives the intelligent Ms. P demeaning jobs and tasks (although this was not without justification, as Ms. P was basically rubbing her intelligence in his face).
  • Hidden Depths: If "To Proxy Mountain" is any indication, he's pretty handy with a firearm.
  • Jerkass: He employs people (one of which was a 10 year old) without his boss' permission and then underpays them, and is a pretty arrogant jerk.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: He can be seen as half-seriously considered understandable for his dislike of Ms. P- not only does Ms. P rub her intelligence in Skeet's face several times, but also Skeet is correct that Ms. P must punch in the customers orders on the tills, as the tills are used to make sure that the correct amount of money is in the register at the end of the shift as well as well as inventory tracking.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: He claims to be smart and know everything, but is very dim-witted.
  • Mean Boss: He thinks he can boss people around simply because he's the Employee of the Month.
  • New Job as the Plot Demands: He's been a cashier, a bartender, a cameraman, assistant manager, a White House security guard, a mattress salesman, a tour bus driver, an actor, a retirement home orderly, a business executive, a dentist, and a bank teller.
  • The Sixth Ranger: He temporarily joins the Proxies in their efforts to stop Eyeless Jack from destroying all known universes in "To Proxy Mountain" (although he was completely unaware he was working with serial killers the whole time).
  • Totally Radical: He speaks using words like "dude", "smartacular", and "smartitude".
  • Trademark Favorite Food: A triple Whopper with large fries and a medium soda.
  • Verbal Tic: Tends to call everyone (even girls) "dude".

     Commissioner Johnson and the Proxy-hunting Squad 

Commissioner Johnson and the Proxy-hunting Squad

A special ops team who argue over plans to kill the Proxies. They include their leader Commissioner Johnson, a wimpy lives-with-his-mom cop named Steve, a big Russian crime lord named Boris, an unnamed African-American martial artist, a bomb expert and criminal name Da-Bomb, and two Japanese twins named Eun and Sam.
  • Alas, Poor Villain: Commissioner Johnson's defeat isn't treated as a triumphant victory by the narration, on the contrary. While he doesn't die, he realizes that he stands no chance against Jeff, BEN, or any Proxy for that matter. He brokenly accepts his defeat and drops his gun after his plan completely backfires on him. Meaning that he likely gave up on ever finding his son. Jeff and BEN don't even acknowledge him after they kill his team.
  • Anti-Villain: All of them (except for Boris and Da-Bomb) all are heroic in some way. While Boris and Da-Bomb are Villain Protagonists, Johnson is a Hero Antagonist with He Who Fights Monsters tendencies, and the Martial Artist, Eun, and Sam just want to kill Proxies.
  • Asshole Victim: Boris and Da-Bomb, a crime lord and psychotic Mad Bomber respectively, are both taken out by BEN.
  • Badass Baritone: Boris speaks with one. Da-Bomb's mask enables him to speak with one.
  • Bad Boss: Boris is shown murdering three of his henchmen simply for inconveniencing him.
  • Basement-Dweller: Steve's file claims he still lives with his mother.
  • The Brute: Boris.
  • Creepy Twins: Eun and Sam.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: Jeff and BEN kill all but one of them in the time it takes for a raindrop to hit the ground.
  • Defeat Equals Explosion: Da-Bomb and Boris go out this way.
  • Dirty Cop: Johnson is a heroic version, although he convinces himself he's not.
  • Eye Scream: Steve is killed when Jeff stabs him in the eye.
  • Fragile Speedster: The Martial Artist is fast enough to dodge the bullets of an entire firing squad. All it took was one well-timed knife toss from Jeff to take him out.
  • Good Is Not Soft: Commissioner Johnson is out to kill the Proxies rather than imprison them, and he's willing to torture anyone he believes is in league with them. He's also willing to accept help from wanted criminals, as is the case with Boris and Da-Bomb.
  • Hero Antagonist: Their episode is dedicated to them, with Jeff and BEN only appearing at the end with a grand total of zero lines.
  • Hoist by His Own Petard: Da-Bomb is killed when BEN uses telekinesis to send his own bombs back at him, killing not just him, but Boris as well.
  • Hurting Hero: Commissioner Johnson, whose son was kidnapped and brainwashed by Slenderman, starting his descent into hunting down him and the Proxies.
  • Jerkass: Boris can be fairly nasty and arrogant.
  • Katanas Are Better: Both the Martial Artist and Eun wield katanas.
  • Kill the Cutie: Poor Steve...
  • Knife Nut: Boris carries a large Bowie knife, and the Martial Artist carries knives that also function as ninja throwing stars.
  • Knight of Cerebus: "Only Human" is easily one of the darkest and saddest episodes in the series courtesy of Commissioner Johnson. Not on his own, but nothing about his character is funny in any way, and his son's kidnapping serves as a reminder of how truly evil and villainous the Proxies are.
  • Large Ham: Boris is a clear variant of this.
  • Mad Bomber: Da-Bomb.
  • Mighty Glacier: Boris is incredibly powerful and tough. He's also very slow.
  • Non-Indicative Name: The Martial Artist is always called a martial artist, despite being more a ninja if anything.
  • One-Man Army: Boris is shown destroying an entire army, including tearing apart a tank with his bare hands. Despite this, he still gets taken out by BEN with no effort.
  • Only in It for the Money: Boris and Da-Bomb's reasoning for accepting Johnson's offer. The rest, however, are only there for the glory of killing a Proxy.
  • Papa Wolf: Johnson is willing to torture, maim, and murder others to get his son back from Slenderman.
  • Reality Ensues:
    • The group's plan hinged entirely on stealing Jeff's knife out of his hands before he could use it. They did not account for the possibility that Jeff might pull on the chain that was going to be used to take it away and yank it to perform a counter move on its wielder by dragging them to him and stabbing them through the eye. This one slip-up completely unraveled the plan at the seams.
    • While their fighting skills are all very impressive, it is nothing compared to Jeff, a serial killer who is capable of fighting Zalgo's demons, and BEN, a ghost who can teleport, lift things with his mind and can't even die to begin with.
  • Scary Shiny Glasses: Johnson in a few shots.
  • "Shaggy Dog" Story: "Only Human" is devoted to them and only to them, developing their characters via their backstories, their hunting methods, and even their relationships with each other. By the time they finally confront Jack, 90% of the episode has aired. You can probably figure out the rest from there.
  • Small Name, Big Ego: Boris.
  • Stealth Expert: The Martial Artist.
  • Stock Ninja Inventory: The Martial Artist's weapon inventory contains sais, knives, throwing stars, a katana, poison darts, and nunchucks.
  • Token Minority: The Martial Artist is the only African-American in the group.
  • Tragic Villain: Johnson only seeks to kill the Proxies in order to save his kidnapped and brainwashed son from Slenderman.
  • The Voiceless: The Martial Artist never speaks once.
  • We Hardly Knew Ye: By the end of "Only Human", Johnson is the only one left alive.
  • What Measure Is a Mook?: Deconstructed. Objectively, Jeff and BEN kill these guys just as quickly as any "hero" dispatches a mook in any show. However, the episode was told only from their point of view, making them the protagonists and allowing us to see their quirks, appearances, and personalities. Arguably, any mook from any show has their own history, personality, and quirks. We're just not allowed to see them and therefore don't care. But since we watched these guys interact and plan their attack during 20 minutes, even though we may not have sympathized with their cause (with the exception of Johnson's), we're still a little disappointed to see them defeated that quickly and may even have wished that they would come back later.

     Randy, Keith, and Troy 

Randy, Keith, and Troy

The three bullies who caused Jeff to go insane.
  • Adaptational Badass: Kind of. Randy puts up a much better fight than he did in the original.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Not even the original bullies murdered animals for fun (that we know of). It only gets worse when Zalgo brainwashes Randy, and he subsequently loses his humanity.
  • Asshole Victim
  • Ax-Crazy: They are even more unhinged than their original counterparts.
  • Bad Boss: Randy threatens to knife Troy to death if he tells the cops the truth about them robbing Liu. Later in the episode, Randy may or may not of killed Keith and Troy off-screen.
  • Bad People Abuse Animals: The trio murder stray animals to vent their frustration after Jeff fought them off.
  • Barbaric Bully: Even before Zalgo brainwashed him, Randy's idea of amusement include jabbing Liu with a knife, forcing a fat kid to eat raw and freshly slaughtered meat, shooting helpless kittens with a pistol for target practice, and otherwise mutilating or disfiguring people to remind them who is boss.
  • Big Bad Wannabe: They're the most feared kids in Jeff's neighborhood, but mere pawns in Zalgo's scheme.
  • Brainwashed and Crazy: Randy, courtesy of Zalgo.
  • Bullying a Dragon: Attacking Jeff after his brother was sent to juvie was a big mistake.
  • Death by Adaptation: Keith and Troy, possibly. When we see Randy and his goons at the beginning of the episode, Keith is the one driving the car. It's safe to assume that it's Keith's car. Towards the end of the episode, Randy drives the car to the birthday party to kill Jeff. Keith and Troy are nowhere to be seen. Not only that, but Randy's face is covered in way more blood during his fight with Jeff compared to when he kills his own father and mother. "Where did all this blood come from?", you might ask... And where are Keith and Troy?
  • Death Glare: Keith's default expression.
  • Delinquents
  • Demoted to Extra: Keith and Troy, compared to their original counterparts.
  • Evil Is Hammy: Randy, somehow even moreso than his original counterpart.
  • I Shall Taunt You: Randy taunts Jeff about Liu's death when they fight inside Billy's house.
  • Jerkass: All of them, but especially Randy.
  • Kick the Dog:
    • Randy takes pot shots at stray animals for kicks.
    • In a less literal example, Randy mocking Jeff over Liu going to Juvy while simultaneously beating him.
  • Kids Are Cruel: Up to Eleven.
  • Knife Nut: Randy, who carries a switchblade knife.
  • Laughably Evil: Troy in comparison to the others.
  • Lean and Mean: Keith.
  • Made of Iron: Jeff beats Randy over the head with a bat, smashes his face into a window and then tosses him own a flight of stairs. He still gets up and blinds Jeff with a tub of bleach before further assaulting him.
  • Matricide: Zalgo forced Randy to kill his mother.
  • Patricide: Zalgo forced Randy to kill his father
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: Randy calls Liu and Jeff "faggots" at one point.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: Randy gets red eyes when he gets brainwashed by Zalgo.
  • Sadist: All of them to some extent.
  • Sanity Slippage: Randy after Zalgo comes to him and encourages them to kill Jeff along with everyone at the birthday party.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Randy.
  • Slasher Smile: Randy does this numerous times.
  • Terrible Trio

    Jeff's mother 

Jeff's Mother

Jeff's well-to-do and haughty mother.

  • Abusive Mom: Refuses to get Jeff psychiatric help in favor of just killing him.
  • Asshole Victim: The only tears shed when she was killed was either non-existent or of joy.
  • Bait the Dog: She almost shows Jeff a moment of compassion when Liu is taken to Juvie... then she tosses her son in his room so he can cry where the neighbors can't see him.
  • Beauty Is Bad: Very attractive, but is an unrepentant bitch.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing. Probably the biggest example in the entire series.
  • Dirty Coward: When Jeff is about to kill her, she tells him to kill Liu instead and that she'll never tell the police about it.
  • Faux Affably Evil: Refined, classy and formal, but it's all the make herself look better.
  • Greater-Scope Villain: If it wasn't for her, Jeff likely would have never become a Proxy.
  • Hate Sink: You can't hate her sons, as they were bullied and abused all their lives. However, she's the one who ignored the bullying and abusing and shows no remorse for any of it.
  • Jerkass: A toxic, haughty, and arrogant bully above all else.
  • Lady Macbeth: To her husband.
  • Kick the Dog: When Jeff is crying in front of the house after Liu is hauled to Juvie, she grabs him by the neck and drags him to his room, just so he won't drag negative attention around the neighbors.
  • No Name Given: Her name is never revealed.
  • Offing the Offspring: When she sees Jeff cutting himself, she decides to kill him, thinking it would be easy to cover up the murder as self-defense, especially with what Jeff did to himself, but (to them at least) getting psychiatric help for Jeff would look poorly on them socially.
  • Parental Neglect: Jeff and Liu were basically alone their entire childhoods because of her.
  • Rich Bitch: Is more worried about her social status than her son's well-being.
  • The Sociopath: At first it might seem that she's just a harsh, ambitious woman who at least cares somewhat for her sons but, as the episode progresses, she proves to be extremely callous and self-centered, to the point that she treats her husband and children as mere tools. She's also prone to fits of anger and even has traits of being homicidal. Just like many real-life sociopaths, she's able to hide these traits behind a veneer of politeness when it conveniences her.
  • Would Hurt a Child: She had the idea of murdering her 13-year-old son just to save her social image.

    Jeff's father 

Jeff's father

Jeff and Liu's apathetic and overbearing father.

  • Abusive Parents: He has shown no shred of decency or kindness to his sons.
  • Adults Are Useless: When he finds Jeff and Liu were nearly mugged, his response is "Mhmm, that's nice, Jeff" while looking through the newspaper.
  • Affably Evil: Although "evil" is a harsh word in this case.
  • A Lighter Shade of Black: He's not as terrible Jeff's mother, but is still more concerned with watching a football game than going to the hospital to see Jeff.
  • Bumbling Dad: While friendlier than his wife, he's not as competent.
  • Distinguished Gentleman's Pipe: Is almost always seen smoking a pipe.
  • The Ditz: While far from stupid, he clearly isn't aware of how dire things are around him.
  • Everyone Has Standards: Even he is given a pause when Jeff's mom suggests killing her son.
  • Flat Character: At least compared to Jeff's mom. He even points this out when he is killed.
  • Henpecked Husband: It's clear that he isn't the one wearing the pants in his marriage.
  • Jerkass: Like his wife, he seems motivated to make his children's lives a living hell as much as possible.
  • Limited Wardrobe: He mostly wears a gold-colored robe with a brown sweater underneath, black dress pants, polished shoes, and glasses. Even when in bed.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: His reaction to being stabbed in the heart?
    Jeff's Dad: (looks at his wound) Who the hell even was I? Would it have killed the writer to give me one sentence of backstory? (Dies)
  • No Name Given: Much like Jeff's mother, his name is never stated.
  • Parental Neglect: Is almost as bad as Jeff's mom.
  • Rich Bastard: He shows no kindness to his sons and is extremely rich.
  • Smug Snake: He always has a patronizing smirk when criticizing Jeff and Liu.
  • The Stoic: He almost never emotes the entire episode.
  • Token Good Teammate: He's not really evil, just following what his wife says.
  • Trademark Favorite Food: As he says, he loves chicken pot pie.
  • Would Hurt a Child: Though he's unsure if it's right to kill Jeff or not, he still goes to get his gun ready before being killed by Jeff.

Jeff's brother.

    The Cowboy in Black 

The Cowboy in Black

A supervillain who becomes Jeff's temporary arch-nemesis.

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