Self Demonstrating / Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik

As you can see, this is my domain! Get a load of this!

(To any future peons speaking English, read this page in the voice of Long John Baldry, Jim Cummings, Edwin Neal, Garry Chalk, Deem Bristow, Mike Pollock, Brian Drummond, Alfred Coleman, Kyle Boyle, Deimos Foxx, Josh Gilholm, HypeVoiceActing, or Jim Carrey. For the similarly ripe-to-be-conquered Japan, Masaharu Sato, Junpei Takiguchi, Chikao Ohtsuka, Kotaro Nakamura, or Mitsuaki Kanuka should suffice. For France and all its aspiring Eggman real estate, go with Marc Bretonnière. But to quote a certain lunatic with a horrible fashion sense, the ideal option is that you read it in my voice… OR ELSE! ^note  Though I'm with a certain colleague on how it should at least be someone worthy enough to be me. Oh, and make sure to listen to some of these tunes as you read about yours truly! This one especially! Acceptable alternatives include these magnificent masterpieces! Also, all spoilers are unmarked. Don't like that? Too bad!)

(Also, if you hear either Orbot or Cubot, just read their stuff in the voices of Kirk Thornton and Wally Wingert or whatever. Or Deven Mack for both if that's your thing. As for Sage, hear her in the voices of Ryan Bartley or Megumi Hayashibara).

"Citizens of Earth, lend me your ears and listen to me very carefully! My name is Dr. Eggman, the world's greatest scientist, and soon to be the world's greatest ruler! Now witness the beginning of the greatest empire of all time! Hahahaha!"

— Me announcing myself to the people of the world, just before I blew up half their precious moon as a mere demonstration of my power

Alarm: INTRUDER ALERT! UNKNOWN USER!

WHAT!? WHO DARES ATTEMPT TO HACK MY SYSTEMS!? ONLY A FOOL WOULD BE BRAZEN ENOUGH TO TRY TO TAKE OVER MY—! …Eh? Wait a minute. You're just a regular human? Well, this is rare. More often than not, it's an annoying two-tailed fox trying to hack into my systems, followed by an even more annoying speedy hedgehog coming in to infiltrate. Now, just who are you, and what is your business here?

You… wish to educate yourself on my brilliance? Heh! Ha! HAHAHAHA! OHOHOHOHO! Well, you didn't need to bother with the sneaky approach for that, surely! I'm certain that, barring my old Olympic partner^note Bowser: Gwa ha ha ha ha! See that?! The doc's smart enough to know what the AWESOME kind of evil is all about!, you've already run into a number of inferior sorts on your way here that wish they could measure up to yours truly.

There's of course some lesser would-be conquerors and evil genius wannabes with metal masks, metal helmets, tacky hoods, alien obsessions, fairy obsessions, nauseating looks, garish looks, nauseatingly garish looks, ugly looks, mommy issues, daddy issues, sibling issues, spousal issues, parenting and business issues, sanity issues, boredom issues, respiratory issues, infatuation issues, bigger infatuation issues, petty nihilism issues, petty everything issues, little in the way of reach, little in the way of coordination, little in the way of vocabulary, little in the way of finesse, little in the way of subtlety, little in the way of logic, annoying breathing habits, annoying verbal ticks, annoying robotic speech patterns, annoying REDUNDANT speech patterns, VERY annoying redundant speech patterns, delusions of courting the reaper, delusions of being the reaper, delusions of being the law itself, delusions of being "the order", an inability to do basic math, an inability to carry a tune, an inability of good taste in spirits, a suicidal inferiority complex, a myopic god complex, a thinly-veiled psychopathic disposition, an animalistic lust for blood, and the names "Wheatley", "Zim", "Starscream" and "Eric Cartman" (insults in themselves, if that somehow wasn't clear).

Oh, right. There's apparently that unhygienic talking green mop who I've unfortunately shared an actor with, and that spoiled brat of a prince who I've shared a different actor with. Obviously, none of them can measure up to the truly incomparable complete package that is me, so you should feel grateful that I'm willing to indulge an audience such as yourself with the far more superior tale of my own history. Especially since I'm in such a good mood today! If I wasn't, well…

(cue the surrounding laser cannons)

…I'd already be cleaning you out the dustpan for just daring to snoop around. Orbot! Cubot! Sage! Fetch me some snacks! We have a priso— I mean, guest here who wants to learn about my wondrous being!

Sage: Yes, Father.
Orbot: Really, boss? I don't suppose this is your latest method in how to interrogate hostages in cruel and unusual ways, is it?

I don't suppose you'd like to be a guinea pig for those "methods" yourself, Orbot?

Orbot: Uh… no, boss! Fetching snacks now!

Thought so. Ahem. Now, I should need no introduction, but…

I am Dr. Ivo Robotnik, radiant revolutionary, creative combatant, efficacious engineer, mechanical mastermind, former CEO of the LEGO Corporation (a tenure which would have lasted much longer had certain blue spiky complications not arose), and the greatest scientific genius in the world! But no thanks to the help of a certain little blue pest and his entourage, you lot may know me better under the moniker of "Dr. Eggman". Nevertheless, I've since reclaimed that petulant playground insult and nowadays just hearing the phrase "Eggman Empire" strikes fear into the hearts of the masses! Besides, I like eggs. Symbol of life, proven brain food, and their flattering little shape reminds me so much of myself! On that note, I'm also especially fond of fried chicken and hoagies. A world ruler should have all the elements of a true epicurean, wouldn't you think?

Cubot: Ooh, ooh! We got the snacks you asked for, boss!

Adequate timing, Cubot. Where was I, anyways? Ah, yes!

While I've always been a visionary since I was a young lad learning from my similarly brilliant grandfather Gerald, my humble career as an aspiring global conqueror began all the way back on South Island, a strangely locomotive treasure trove of ancient ruins and interesting secrets. Like clockwork, I set to mining and mechanizing the island for its resources, used the local wildlife as batteries to power my army of Badnik soldiers (through means that your feeble mind couldn't possibly understand), and set to searching for the Chaos Emeralds, fabled jewels with the infinite potential to turn thoughts into reality. By which I mean use their power to rule all I see fit. So far, South Island had fallen under my boot and everything was going smoothly…

…that is, until HE showed up.

I am of course referring to one Sonic the Hedgehog, a three-foot-tall blue adolescent anthropomorphic erinaceinae that has since rubbed me the wrong way for three good reasons. One, he has incredible speed. Two, he has an even more incredible attitude problem. And three, EVERYTHING ELSE! That spiked little hoodlum immediately went to wrecking all my machines, all my infrastructure and all my perfectly produced plans! And to add insult to injury, THAT LITTLE THIEF SWIPED THE CHAOS EMERALDS FROM RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE! NNNNNNGH—!

(inhale, exhale) But no matter. It was just one teensy little loss. Even geniuses have bad days every once in a while. I picked myself back up, moved to the next island over and redoubled my efforts and operations, searching for any more useful things along the way, all to complete and maintain the Death Egg, my ultimate orbital dreadnaught and battle-station— no, no, it was a wholly original concept, thank you very much. Bring up those space operas one more time and I'll shoot. Moving on.

Unfortunately for all things good and sacred in the world (namely me), Sonic was also vacationing at West Side Island and had begun gallivanting with a fox kit street urchin named Miles Prower, who just so happened to have a proficiency in the wonders of technology that gave him and Sonic even more ways to counter me. And he also had two tails that he could spin together to somehow fly like a helicopter, as if biology couldn't pull enough stupid surprises out of its rear end. And somehow, Sonic and "Tails" eventually tore the island from my grasp, Sonic chased me through my Wing Fortress and all the way to the Death Egg, but then I left him cowering at the might of my brand new state-of-the-art battlesuit, the legendary Death Egg Robot!

(sigh) Which he then promptly defeated, before he saw fit to knock my flying masterpiece out of orbit and send it tumbling back down to the planet. But as luck would have it, it wound up on the mystical Angel Island, a floating landmass where the controller to the Chaos Emeralds, the Master Emerald, was kept. But it likewise had an over-eager caretaker in Knuckles, the last of the fabled echidnas. Fortunately for me, he had brainpower equal to that of a styrofoam packet, so all I had to do was assert that I was a kindly and loving researcher who came to study the egg and help him if it caused any trouble. And that there was also this crazy hedgehog who liked collecting precious emeralds.

The poor sucker fell for it, hook, line and sinker! Ahaha! Sure enough, by the time Sonic and his little savant showed up to investigate the mysterious fallen island, me and Knuckles had already turned it into a paradise of diabolical traps, with the red doofus taking extra care in making their little excursion all the more miserable! And with enough time, I made my move, swiped the Master Emerald from Knuckles when he couldn't do anything to stop me, and my glorious Death Egg was back in business! It was all such a wonderful, perfect turn of events—

…And then that lousy hedgehog managed to jump onboard my Death Egg once more. And empowered himself with the Chaos Emeralds. And blew up my Death Egg for real this time. And swiped back the Master Emerald from me after destroying what I had left.

Oh, well! You know what they say, what doesn't kill you in the harsh, cold vacuum of space makes you stronger!

Of course, most of you may know that these weren't the only escapades I had in my quest for world domination. If I were as thorough as I have been, we'd be here all day, but just to sum things up:

• There was that time I succeeded in capturing Sonic and two of his friends, and put them through an island designed to kill them. It was really cathartic to see them screaming and panicking all the way through. Still didn't end well for me... needless to say, I've made sure to top off the Eggmobile's gas tank before every scheme from that day forward.
• Sometime after my plans at South Island were ruined, I took over Little Planet, a small world with the secrets to controlling time itself. It's especially notable that it's also when I made my most prized creation, my dear Metal Sonic. (Metal Sonic walks into the room with a menacing expression but says nothing) Lovely, isn't he? And he can give that blue showboater quite the literal run for his money! Unfortunately, the baggage for that incident involved a "fair maiden" out looking for her knight in shining armor - Amy Rose, who Metal Sonic here kidnapped once he picked up on her. If you guessed that her "knight in shining armor" was a meddlesome blue hedgehog, congratulations, you passed basic pattern recognition. Zero points.
• Oh, yeah. There was something about a volcano and a pinball security system. I think. Or maybe not.
• I once went to an island with mystical dimension-jumping birds known as Flickies to try to make their power my own.
• I released the water god Chaos from his Master Emerald prison so I could power him up with the Chaos Emeralds, allowing him to flatten Station Square for me to build my Robotnikland utopia on top. And then he turned on me. He destroyed Station Square on his terms without my permission, just because I didn't save him from the crash of my flying fortress or something. Ingrate.
• Sometime after that, I broke into a government facility to reclaim my grandfather's work, a black hedgehog named Shadow who called himself the "Ultimate Life Form". The old man's design choices elude me to this day. More importantly, there was the Space Colony ARK, his masterpiece of science and ingenuity, complete with the star-piercing Eclipse Cannon! And then he (posthumously) turned on me. He set up the ARK to crash into the planet, all because he wanted revenge on the military for… killing my cousin, Maria. While I admit to possibly taking some inspiration from Maria when designing Sage (we'll get to her later), learning that my lifelong hero wanted to destroy the world out of grief of all things was a rather poor experience for me. I mean, I was still around then. It's not like the world was completely devoid of anything worthwhile, Gerald.
• Metal Sonic was soon getting too uppity for his britches and modified his hardware to shapeshift and copy bio-data. And then he turned on me. He promptly threw me into a closet, took over my operations while having the gall to masquerade as me, and prompted Sonic and his friends to face him as part of a greater plan to build a "robotic kingdom" for himself. Thankfully, he was given the proper spanking from all those wimpy heroes, and I've since made sure that he won't go through a phase as brazen as that again. Isn't that right, Metal? (Metal just looks away) I thought so. Now get back to work!
• My greater schemes were put on hold again when I had to fight off the Black Arms during their invasion. And yes, I am unfortunately aware of the insipid alternate timelines where Shadow… ugh… finishes me off. What worthless pseudo-canonical garbage. I concur with a "Clement" fellow in that he should've at least tried to join my side in at least one possibility. It'd be more constructive for him than whatever that dribble about "protecting the ARK" was about.
• I discovered an ancient battle robot my grandfather had in storage only for Sonic and his friends to swoop in and give it a hokey personality under the equally hokey name of "Emerl". Following his death, I reverse-engineered the leftover technology into a new, better robot of my own and split the world into seven pieces using the Chaos Emeralds' powers over time and space. And then he turned on me. He upgraded himself with the Emeralds and I was forced to reel him in with that meddling hedgehog's help.
• I once learned of a parallel universe to our own with its own set of mystical emeralds, and ran into my so-called "alternate self", Eggman Nega. Quite the handsome… knock-off, I suppose. We planned to use those Chaos and Sol Emeralds to make a bold new cross-dimensional Eggmanland of our very own, only for Sonic to show up alongside Nega's own nemesis, a fire-wielding princess named Blaze the Cat. Always has to be one in every crowd. We later tried something like that again in "his" dimension with its immense dimensional "Power of the Stars", only for Sonic and Blaze to ruin everything again. And then he turned on me. He revealed that he was really a descendant of mine who went back in time to reclaim the glory of our family name by turning the world into a card or destroying it with a stupid inter-dimensional fire demon. I've since disowned that brain-dead lunatic. Not that I've ever truly believed we were related, mind you!
• Some nonsense with genies, aliens and hoverboarding thief birds. And what I got out of all that aside from my business ventures being humiliated was nothing more than a throw rug.
• There's a vague memory in my mind of when I apparently tried to kidnap a princess, and something about disaster flames…? Eh, I also remember looking elongated and poorly-dressed, so perhaps it was just a fever dream. Perhaps it was the one I had after that time I went out for dinner at that Hungarian restaurant on South Island. Whereever the heck "Hungaria" is supposed to be.
• I tricked Super Sonic into helping me shatter the planet into pieces so that I could harness the energy of Dark Gaia, the entity sleeping inside it. And soon, I used the energy to finally complete Eggmanland, a glorious theme park fully dedicated to me, and perfectly designed for sending obnoxious hedgehogs to their graves! And then… (sigh) …Dark Gaia turned on me. It reconstituted itself into a physical form, knocked me into space and tried to destroy everything on the planet before Sonic and his "Light Gaia" sidekick pummeled it back into the ground.
• I completed another theme park, this time in outer space, under the guise that I had changed my ways for the better. Ha! In truth, I had discovered a race of aliens known as the Wisps that had unique life energies, of which I could drain to power a mind-controlling ray pointed towards the planet below! And then Sonic loused it up. Yet again.
• As I was floating in the emptiness of space, I came across a primordial entity that could tear apart time to my will. I promptly used it to crash Sonic's little birthday celebration, perfected it into an ultimate weapon with the help of my past self, and sent that hedgehog through a menagerie of traps across time and space! And then two Sonics promptly loused up our plans to rewrite the world, and we were then left bickering to one another in a timeless white void. I don't quite recall how we escaped… maybe we found the door?
• I tried to take over a planetoid using some obnoxious creatures known as the Zeti. And then they turned on me because Sonic stupidly punted away THE ONLY THING that kept them from doing so before! I did however manage to trick him and Tails into getting rid of those oversized talking splinters for me, and wouldn't you have it, I climbed back to the top from nothing! And then that hedgehog beat me again. Moving on.

But after that, guess what? I ACTUALLY MANAGED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! OOOOOHOHOHOHO! I almost won! Sonic was beaten, and without their precious hero, all I needed to do was mop up his little friends until everything was under my heel! And all this was possible thanks to this magical jewel I found called the Phantom Ruby.

All the way over in another dimension— by which I mean the dimension of time and thus the past, I wouldn't expect someone like you to have the genius to grasp it all— I found this fantastic jewel known as the Phantom Ruby on Angel Island, but following a battle with Sonic and my new, at the time, traitorous creation, both the Phantom Ruby and the past version of Sonic ended up in the future at different points in time. But what fortune for the me of said future, as I found out the Ruby could form illusions so convincing that they could affect the actual reality of those under its power. I found a good guinea pig for it in this exploitable little jackal mercenary who got a knot in his tail over Shadow beating him up. He promptly assimilated with the Ruby and renamed himself "Infinite", and with help from some illusionary replicas of four past traitors to me, he managed to defeat Sonic! Victory was mine! Soon, entire nations submitted to my power! Those military try-hards at GUN were cleaned right off the map! In just a mere six months, EVERYTHING had fallen to the might of the Eggman Empire!

But no, some dumb lucky Sonic fanatic who joined the "Resistance" against me just had to help free Sonic from his prison, Infinite just couldn't be bothered to do his job right and tore holes in my plans one by one, and the aforementioned two Sonics and their new little friend eventually trashed every last bit of my master scheme! All my planning, all my plotting, I finally had everything AND THOSE PESTS STILL HUMILIATED ME TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH! NNGGGGRRRAAUUUGH!!!

Sage: Father, please calm yourself. Recall your blood pressure.

YES! (inhale, exhale) Yes, Sage. I know.

So what next, you might ask? Well:

• Following some downtime, I made an exciting new discovery: an entire set of abandoned islands with technology surpassing mine. I quickly got to work to research and "integrate" their secrets for my army using my new AI creation, Sage... except... ugh, I had to team up with that blue pest to stop a posturing purple moon ("Rear End", I think its name was) from destroying the world. But thankfully, Sage didn't turn on me, and she managed to find a way for us to defeat it. Well, one of two ways: one where she sacrificed herself to stop said moon (I revived her soon after), and another where she allowed me to blow up said moon using Sonic as a bullet. I prefer the latter; very gratifying. Either way, doesn't Sage know of the raw, unbridled emotion in how I wept for her after seeing the world saved?! Kids these days, no respect!
  Sage: Father, you needn't upset yourself. I am still here thanks to your efforts.
• After that melancholy mess, I made use of the Mirage Express, a train-shaped Badnik that those fuzzy fools decided to have a get-together on. And it murdered Sonic the Hedgehog! OOOOOHOHOHOHO! ...All right, fine, the blue pest was "murdered" as part of Amy Rose's murder mystery birthday party. However, I programmed that train with a desire for a reward to motivate it into catching Sonic— the chance to ride with its stuffy conductor forever and ever— so it tricked Espio into incapacitating that hedgehog with a lethal blow dart. But of course, that horrid little hedgehog once again stopped that plan in its tracks. To think Sage even went through the trouble of setting up a party and making celebratory shirts for me!
• In the past, some time before the whole Chaos incident (this is my page and I'll be as anachronic as I please, thank you very much), I discovered the Northstar Islands and attempted to reestablish my Empire, only for the blue pest and his friends to get in my way once again. I even went through the trouble of hiring my old contact Fang and this native named "Trip" to find out its secrets and distract Sonic. Unfortunately, karma was not my ally here with those two bumbling around, and had to put the kibosh on those plans, especially after that dimwitted jerboa chased the lizard right into Sonic's (and Amy's) arms! I even gave Fang his own robot to even the odds and we still lost to the rodent and that traitor. What a waste of perfectly good machinery! Fang, if you're reading this, consider yourself lucky if I ever hire you again! And given our current standing, that's a very big "if"!
• Back to chronological order, I found an incredible device known as the Reverie! It was able to turn my dreams into reality, and well, there's no bigger dream of mine than Eggmanland! Of course, its blasted guardian had to get in my way, saying I'm not "pure-hearted" or whatever. Hence, I kidnapped Cream the Rabbit in a plan to bypass the guardian's filters, only for that underhanded wooly ungulate to go and trap me within my own dream. That's not to say it was all bad — there was an illustrious city dedicated to me! But of course... that blasted rodent and his entourage just had to show up, ruin it all, and to add insult to injury, have the Reverie completely locked from the outside for another thousand years! I was so close... Ooohhh, I hate that hedgehog!
  Sage: It was a shame I couldn't help you since I was doing my daily maintenance at the time. Should I send some Badniks to retrieve it?

Don't bother, it's basically a useless relic now. Besides, that guardian and the rabbit put me into too long of a nap. Evil never sleeps when you've got big plans to conquer the world!

As an aside, I do have this little pet project. (I go to a computer screen and type in some commands, with the screen then showing different versions of me) Impressive, is it not? I managed to tap into the space-time spectrum for a bit and found out that there's even more versions of yours truly out there!

• First off, here's a reality where I was more absurd in character— yet no less devilishly dangerous— and also had two (sometimes three) hench-bots so bumbling that they make me feel a little more grateful for Orbot and Cubot. By about, say, one percent. He also coined the "I hate that hedgehog!" catchphrase that other versions of me have used, and once had this time-travel escapade where he collected his world's Chaos Emeralds and briefly achieved godhood with them. Unfortunately, he wasn't the most feared person in his reality. That honor was taken by his mother of Momma Robotnik. Yeah, I'd… I guess it makes sense from that standpoint. It's a close second place.
• Ooh, and here's one where I conquered Sonic's little homeland and made it my own. I'd say he's got the villainous presence down, but he's nowhere near the level of hands-on brilliance and style that yours truly is known for. Coincidentally, there's an alternate version of THAT universe where my empire was going strong and had half the planet in its grasp… until something called a "Genesis Wave" warped that world into something more akin to my universe at the cost of downsizing said empire. Wonder who'd have been stupid enough to cause that to happen.
• There's a lesser-known reality where I began as the goody-two-shoes Dr. Ovi Kintobor, who sought to rid the world of evil using a special machine and the Chaos Emeralds, but an accident involving it and a rotten egg (and a Sonic from the future) transformed him into yours truly. Thanks to some time-travel shenanigans, he managed to get Sonic out of the way and take his rule over the planet until a planet-wide EMP trashed all his machines. Afterwards, he teamed up with fish cyborgs, briefly attained godhood, got warped to a subatomic world, and then performed an unceremonious rage quit by attempting to destroy the very planet he intended to conquer, which was enough for even his deathly loyal right-hand-man to give up on him. You had me and you lost me, other self.
• There's one where I tried to destroy the planet so I could… procreate with an annoying humanoid cat-girl and repopulate whatever remains? I swear, that version of me must have some very, very weird tastes. He made a good Metal Sonic, though, can't deny that.
• And another one where I ousted Sonic's birth mother from her throne and had to deal with him and his siblings' annoying rock music with… two other bumbling sidekicks? That were ugly dog-things instead of robots, no less? Don't get me wrong, I give him credit on succeeding in a "MeteorTech"-like plan, using the nobility to help in their agenda was a nice touch, and I'm not above using mercenaries in my work, but again, those two were UGLY.
• One where I accidentally sent Sonic and his friends to a human-filled realm where he made friends with a young brat. Some events of my universe still transpired there, and I yet again had two (sometimes three) bumbling sidekicks. I'm sensing a pattern here. ^note  Sage: It's as you said before, Father: karma.
• And there's another where I… don't really do much of anything villainy-wise. I mean, I'm more… butch, I guess? The Sonic there also has longer limbs, blue arms, and duct tape worn around his arms and shoes. Not sure what the big deal with that is. ^note Sage: A logical answer is that this version of Sonic wears the tapes to reduce friction when he picks up speed. Me: I suppose, but it's still tacky!
• Another of my latest finds, a universe with an identical history to my own up until my use of the Phantom Ruby. Seems that this me managed to make a metallic virus at one point that transformed the masses into his mindless slaves. Very interesting. It's too bad he let it slip out of his control, not to mention how that platypus brown-nose ruined everything else. He sadly doesn't seem to show up that much, either.^note Cubot: Uh, boss? Are we sure that one's not ours? It seems like it's ours. Me: In a loose sense, perhaps. That stuff gets flip-floppy anyways, but there's no absolute contradictions as of yet.
• There was once this bizarre incident where I became a disembodied spirit by an entity that could put the likes of Dark Gaia and the Time Eater to shame and rivaled only by THE END. I've been told that Sonic was among those who managed to keep their bodies and fight back during the whole affair, but I am confident that this "Mr. Sakurai" I've heard about or a successor of his will allow me to do the same the next time something like this happens. Which I'm sure you also desire. Demand that your voices be heard and get me into that championship! That's an order!
  Cubot: Ooh! Ooh! Hey, boss! What about the one where you're all skinny and look like some famous comedy actor?
• Oh, yes, the more heavily-detailed and beady-eyed one. That version of me was apparently working with the government in that universe, and he had… hair. At least until his version of the blue mutant exiled him to a mushroom wasteland, but that's been rectified since. Lack of gut aside, I do like the cut of his jib, and his glorious new 'stache on top of it. I shall be watching this new universe with very keen investment.^note Wait, what do you mean by "possibly deceased" and "actor retirement"? ...Oh. OH! OHOHOHOHO! You must be feeling so silly believing that nonsense! Even the inferior incarnations of my wondrous self - that's to say, all of them - know that perseverance is key!
• Then there's another universe where my alternate self found an artifact called the Paradox Prism. As per tradition, that impulsive insectivore tried to interfere, and he and his friends got sent to alternate worlds for their troubles. In one of these, I took over the world and exist as a council of five people willing to share. Yes, dimensional travel never stops being weird, and I would've much preferred if me me had more time to shine.^note Orbot: Sir, that one might actually be our reality. Me: Meh, given all the discrepancies it has compared to our timeline and the fact that higher-ups can just as often use "this is canon" as a marketing gimmick, they could just as easily change their tune about where it fits when they feel it's time to de-clutter again. Give it a few years, Orbot. It doesn't just happen with us. Orbot: But I thought— Me: Also, don't try to correct me again. I'm the genius here.

And that's the big jist of all you need to know about the gentleman genius that is yours truly. I only hope hearing my story has taught you everything that being a scientist is all about: find something, continue searching until you can understand it… and then exploit it for your own purposes! Nyahaha!

Hmm? You still want to know more? Well, I think I've said quite a lot, but why deny my audience an encore performance? Especially one as, er… "captive" as you are. Now, further bask in my greatness, and ensure you write me with authenticity, FOOLS!

Tropes associated with your planet's future ruler, in all his incarnations:

A-J

• Ace Pilot: Ah yes, I'm an absolute master at piloting aircraft! I've also seen all of my versions being masterful pilots too. Even that one version of me who was with the government had a high-tech aircraft to call his own and he could also pilot it with ease and go really fast doing so!
• Acrofatic: Ho ho! Remember, I'm a professional Olympic athlete, a noted Extreme Gear champion and I've even kept pace with the rodent in the past (I maintain my wonderful physique with a jogging routine every Autumn). And I'm sure you've been taught by countless other media that even piloting cutting-edge battle mecha involves a lot of stretching and multitasking, which you can infer yours truly does on the regular.
  • The anime me in the printed dimension was once a Masked Luchador wrestler who went by the ring name of El Gran Gordo and could even match his version of Sonic blow-for-blow! He however couldn't help but get too into his role as the champion of the people, but of course, you can't keep a good Eggman away from evil!
• Adaptational Angst Upgrade: Not as bad as the rodent's I'm-so-very-lonely alternate self, but there's this version of me that grew up as an orphan and had to deal with bullies. I won't waste time telling you if my childhood was nearly as much of a drag, but you already know that I at least have a grandfather. Oh, right. And Maria, too. Eh.
• Adaptational Badass: Can you believe there've been no less than two other versions of me that used the Chaos Emeralds to achieve godhood and warp reality, and that there's a recent version of me that outright absorbed the Master Emerald's power by itself, without the Chaos Emeralds and without needing to use it to power a robot first? The latter me even had telekinesis, the power to sense people's brainwaves, and Chaos Control itself! Sure wish I could've attempted this sooner myself!
• Adaptational Dumbass: The newer version of me from that comic had undergone his own war with the Resistance with what I can believe was the same planning and foresight that I utilized… and yet he carelessly allowed his Zombot virus to spiral out of his control and did nothing about it until his platypus brown-nose brought in the Deadly Six of all people to screw both of them over. I'd hardly say I'd ever fallen to such passivity before. That said, I've heard that he rationalized that choice by having the virus run rampant with his intent being to move operations off-planet afterwards, but I trust that he would never tell Starline that, likely leaving him behind to fend for himself. But if it hadn't been for those screw-ups, maybe that platypus wouldn't have been uppity enough to try and prove himself his "superior"… although I did hear that other-me still managed to completely break Starline in mind, body and spirit. "Big oof", nonetheless.
• Adaptational Nice Guy: Hold on, WHAT!? I mean, I am a complicated guy, but… ugh. Let's see here:
  • It seems that whenever I happen to be at the Olympics, hosting an online question-and-answer session or doing some other kind of recreational activity with the rat and his rat pack, I'm more friendly, affable and down-to-earth with them. I don't know what comes over me, but rest assured, it's back to the grind the moment that all ends.
  • The version of me from that anime and its tie-in comic takes the cake, however. Not only is he more personable with his opponents to the point of casually showing up to their pool party, but he's also willing to sanitize his own villainy for the alleged reason of not scaring off the younger members of his audience. And then there's his most egregious quote of all, "It's one thing to take people PRISONER and THREATEN them, but when you actually HURT somebody, that's going TOO FAR!" Which he says in spite of years of attempts on his Sonic's life? Even after rigging an explosive trap on him just like I did!? Or does he also prefer to get it over with? Ugh. Moving on!
  • Actually, scratch that. The butch version of me is even more soft-boiled than the aforementioned anime me. He doesn't even try to be a big, imposing adversary. Heck, despite allegedly wanting to destroy his foes, he's practically a glorified neighbor to them, and he's tried to befriend his version of Sonic more than once! I just— why!? For what reason!? Which one's the sillier version of me again? Him or the other one? At least the other one actually was full-throttle evil!
• Aesop Amnesia: Since my transition to the three-dimensional world, I've been subject to an unsavory trend of relying on powerful ancient entities to conquer the world… which, admittedly, ended up biting me on the bumper. Fortunately, being the great scientist that I always am, I've learned from my mistakes and have improved immensely:
  • I've managed to harness the power of the Time Eater without ever losing control of it! Though, in fairness, it was already out of commission when I found it in the void of space, but that only added to the beauty of my whole scheme. With help from my younger self in perfecting it, that long drawn-out trend was finally broken!
  • …Only for it to come back with a vengeance when I lost control of the Deadly Six. Only that time, it was the fault of that reckless blue mammal who kicked the Cacophonic Conch out of my hand! Fortunately, after Sonic cleaned up his mess with those silly Zeti freaks, I managed to regain my status as the final boss under their noses! Hahaha!
  • Another example to prove I've learned from my shortcomings is how I had the foresight put that lousy jackal on a leash so I could dispose of him at a moment's notice. I considered how giving that lunatic the Phantom Ruby could backfire, but to my surprise, Infinite didn't choose to betray me. Though he still turned out to be the inverse of his namesake after screwing up one time too many, so with that, I decided to give him the boot, and he was never heard from again. Good riddance!
• Amusement Park of Doom: Ah, yes! I'm quite a fan of the genre, between the different theme parks I've put together over the years. If I want my enemies' last thoughts to be of carousel music and petroleum-based cotton candy, then it's happening!
  • Aside from when I took over Casino Night and turned Carnival Night into a death trap for Sonic, I did once attempt to convert a special little island into a resort for myself a while back… before that knucklehead and some other posers got involved with my plans. Where do vermin like them keep coming from, anyway?
  • I also once put together a park made of gold rings that GUN decided to snoop around in. And I think that my talking photocopy tried his own luck at a few theme parks, too.
  • But even those were paltry compared to the ultimate testament of my showmanship— Eggmanland! I finally managed to complete it when I cracked the world apart, and ohohoho, it was so amusing to watch Sonic fumble about! But then Dark Gaia had to go and louse it all when he reformed himself! (sigh) My life dream's been stuck collecting dust ever since.
  • But I was undeterred! I tried again and went bigger and better with my "Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park", the greatest amusement park the universe would ever see! Much as it was just a feint for my next scheme. It would've went smoothly if Sonic hadn't destroyed one of my security bots and sent one of its arms flying into my mind-control cannon, in turn causing my whole masterpiece to overload and implode on itself into a black hole! (quietly sobs) That wonderful labor of love, gone in an instant before it could be the beacon of my conquest. This is why we can't have nice things, you know!
• And Your Little Dog, Too!: My alternate self has the number of that sheriff and his wife who helped his Sonic. I suppose they'll be next on his list to eliminate.
• Antagonist in Mourning: When I had gotten rid of Sonic with that exploding capsule, I was admittedly... solemn in uttering a farewell to my "admirable adversary". But that doesn't matter, after all, turning that runt into space chunks was such a glorious victory! At least until it turned out he had survived by somehow using Chaos Control with a fake Emerald. Blasted hedgehog!
• Anti-Climax Boss: Bah, do I really have to?! Ugh, fine. I guess even such a brilliant genius like me has had his fair share of blunders in terms of inventions to fight that annoying blue pest:
  • There's that one time where that blue menace followed me to Little Planet to stop me from taking it over, and nearly every single one of my inventions that I used to fight the hedgehog there failed spectacularly for me. They went down in no more than half the time my other creations did! And the conveyer belt invention that I used in Quartz Quadrant was hardly even a challenge! What was I thinking back then!?
  • Then there's that time where I fought the blue pest on the Lost Hex with my new Death Egg Robot and... that blue annoyance completely demolished me. He didn't seem like he was challenged remotely. Maybe reusing many of the attacks from my Nega-Wisp Armor was the direct cause of that.
  • And then there's that time when the hedgehog, his younger self, and their feeble rookie fought me during their fight to take back their pathetic world from my grasp in my latest Death Egg Robot machine, and it didn't feel truly climatic either. They all effortlessly defeated each one of my Death Egg Robot's phases, and my final form was just another replica of the Nega-Wisp Armor! But I suppose those three made a show of me by defeating me with some gaudy "Triple Boost". An annoying show that I'm still mad about, but a show nonetheless. That's as far as I'll concede. I hope you're happy.
• Appropriated Appellation: It was Sonic who named me "Eggman", but I've embraced the name! His mockery is now a name feared across the masses! Although I am not going to adopt that horrid "Baldy McNosehair" moniker. I remember Sonic pilfering that nickname from the Wisps and using it to mock me about three or so times... and by that I mean three or so too many!
• Arch-Enemy: Have you even been paying attention? That pest Sonic doesn't know when to stay out of my business and just… die already! It's as if we've been fighting for decades at this point!
• Artificial Family Member:
  • I've come around to viewing my AI program, Sage, as my own daughter. No need to wait for nature to do the work when you're already a genius. Besides, with all the trouble she gave Sonic, she's a chip off the old block! ^note  Sage: Thank you, Father. Alas I wish I was born sooner in those alternate continuities so I could get to know my theoretical elder siblings, including the sisters I never got to meet.
  • The pointy-headed me created a robot son simply called "Robotnik Jr." Unfortunately, he turned on him and sided with Sonic. He also created at least two robotic wives... who later turned on him. The first one was entirely his fault, but the second was cause of that hedgehog!
  • The butch version of me created "Mombot", a robot designed to act as his mother. Despite how he would effectively be her father. And somehow her son. Her father and her son. It's really not surprising that this version of me has so many issues.
• Bad Boss: Bad? Me? Please, I'm a great employer! It's not my fault my lackeys can't keep up with my intellect! They should be lucky I don't turn them into mindless slaves and instead let them keep their free will to help serve my empire! Willingly and happily, I might add!
• The Bad Guy Wins: Hmph! Sonic may get a majority of victories, but I've come out the victor a few times myself in my dimension and a few others.
  • As stated above, I actually managed to hand Sonic his keister through the Phantom Ruby and Infinite, and took over the world! Okay, those annoying heroes managed to take it back, but it was still a solid victory nonetheless.
  • That whole mess with the hover boards and birds? I came out on top in the end after they beat that evil genie… thing. The prize was still underwhelming, sadly. So what if it's a magic floating carpet? I can't exploit that for my schemes!
  • In another timeline, I teamed up with Sonic and his friends to fight some rogue echidna faction and stayed behind when they chased their leader into another dimension. Since time moved differently on both sides, it gave me ample time to take over the world by the time they managed to return. A shame I've never been able to find out what happened in that reality next, but it's good to see I had the royal flush of cards in the end! Ohohoho!
  • In one printed dimension, an alternate version of me from another dimension (yes, I know, there's indeed a lot a dimensions involved here) had actually won in his universe by just nuking everything on his planet. Predictably, he got bored, and he likewise couldn't rule over a dead husk, so he found out about the quote-unquote "prime" dimension within that set of realities and jumped over to fill the void left behind by their felled Robotnik! Just goes to show you can't keep a good doc down!
  • "Man of The Year" had me disguised as the hedgehog and he pays the price for my misdeeds. And the best part? It's never been resolved! Ohohohohoho!
• Bad People Abuse Animals: Oh, those poor little woodland creatures, so innocent, so helpless… so perfect for powering my machines! While, yes, I changed things up a little when I mixed my creations with Power Core technology or Wisp energy, I just can't forget the humble efficiency of putting those annoying beasts to good use. It's too bad for me that that Sonic gets so upset about it.
• Beware the Silly Ones: Silly?! Who calls a scientific genius silly? But I digress. I never let my so-called "silliness" undermine my brilliancy and cunning, and you would be wise to not forget that!
• BFG: I'm no stranger to gatlings and rocket launchers, but when threats get big, you need a big gun to deal with them. Thanks to electromagnetic and gravitational tethers, I managed to repurpose the rifle SUPREME used as one of these. Sonic was the bullet for this one, and we ended... well, THE END with it. Shame we had to destroy SUPREME too; I'd have loved to study it.
• Big Bad: The ultimate adversary for all the world's heroes, and don't you forget it!
  • Big Bad Duumvirate: Even if Shadow was the one responsible for leading me to the ARK and the Eclipse Cannon, and even if he had the gall to use me as a tool in my grandfather's petty revenge plot, I was still the one to release him and I was still the face and brains of the entire operation. There's also the times when I worked with that copycat Eggman Nega, along with that scheme where I teamed up with my past self.
  • Big Bad Ensemble: After Sonic and his friends set the Titanic Monarch ablaze and I was thrown into some discount Null Space void, Heavy King decided to go rogue and use the Phantom Ruby for his own ends. I didn't stand for it, however— I managed to use my makeshift Klepto Mobile to even the odds between us. Unfortunately, Sonic was also there and used the Emeralds to defeat us both, but I can at least take some solace in how Phantom King went down first. Clearly shows how he was the pretender there.
  • Big Bad Wannabe: Urgh… don't remind me. Ever since that ingrate Chaos decided to turn on me, there've been times when I've had to deal with being usurped by some conniving upstart or ancient weapon, and I've even been forced to team up with that hedgehog once or twice. Thankfully, I've managed to learn from my past experiences, such as when I took back my machines from the Zeti or when I made sure to keep Infinite on a short leash. Of course, despite how many of you cheered when I returned to my rightful place on the food chain, there are still some people who insist that things are more "interesting" when I'm made a fool of by one-trick turncoats, if only because they hopelessly envy the creative mind of yours truly.
• Black Eyes of Evil: Some versions of me sport some… interesting black sclera eyes. For the record, mine are a precious baby blue behind the glasses.
• "Blind Idiot" Translation: There was this mention of me being a "romanticist and feminist" in the English manual for one game, but it turns out the ones who wrote it simply mistranslated "romanticist and chivalrous" instead… from a profile for the anime me rather than me me. Can't say they got it all wrong, though. I am a gentleman, and I feel calling one group of people superior to another is pointless when I'm already superior to everyone.
• Boring, but Practical: There was one time I actually stole Sonic's shoes and replaced them with speed-down boots. If I could afford to do this more often than creating robotic duplicates and rousing ancient beings from their slumber as a means to take down Sonic, perhaps all my problems would've been solved! But more importantly, it was a wonderfully special kind of torture! Ohohohohoho!
• Broken Pedestal: I was appalled when I learned that my grandfather reprogrammed the Space Colony ARK to come crashing down to the planet, destroying everything and everyone in the process, all so he could enact his revenge for the loss of his granddaughter. That mad scientist! Killing everyone on the planet, including his own grandson destined to rule it!? That's so impractical I can't even find the words for it! He should've just used the ARK itself to destroy those military geeks at GUN! To be fair, this was before we all learned what he really built the Eclipse Cannon for. That was brilliant for when the comet returned like he predicted! Not that I've stopped being salty about his doomsday plan, since he came up with that after his anti-Black Arms plan.
• Card-Carrying Villain: Just had one printed yesterday for the occasion, actually. Allow me to read it out. Ahem. "Dr. Ivo 'Eggman' Robotnik, super-genius. Glorious head of the Eggman Empire. Future world leader (singular), senior roboticist and engineer, and enthusiast in the complete enslavement of the masses and cultivation of natural resources. Contact details below."
• Character Catchphrase: Ah, yes! A brilliant scientist such as I should harbor an equally brilliant way with words. Heck, I built a robot who spouted some of your favorites as a decoy for Sonic!
  • The timeless classic: "I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!"
  • "All systems, FULL POWER!", "Get a load of THIS!", and (regrettably) "No way! I can't believe this!"
  • "Yosh!" for the expression of joy.
  • "Lights out!" and "You know what they say! The MORE the MERRIER!" I hear you Internet cretins took a liking to the latter quote for some strange reason.
  • "Get ready to be schooled!" Or was it meant to be "skewered"?
  • "You little... you little--!"
  • "Time for a change of pace!"
• Cheshire Cat Grin: And it's perfectly photogenic, too!
• Complete Monster: Oh ho ho! Not in most universes, I admit, but I do admire when other versions of me refrain from any holding back.
  • The animated version of me you may have heard of turned that little kingdom from the inside out and transformed a planet's worth of opposition into mindless machines, including the blue buffoon's dear only uncle when he was just a dumb little boy. D'awwwww!
  • That similarly printed version of me did all the above and then some— experimenting on his own people, tearing apart families even more gleefully, creating a doomsday weapon to warp Sonic's home village into eternal non-existence— I'd argue some of his vile actions didn't have a point here and there, but hey, all the more misery for the rodent! The version of him that came after (long story) came close at times, but he didn't quite hit the mark. Something about wanting to be a robot dad. Why are you looking at me like that?
  • There was also one lesser-known printed version of me that was aware of his past as Kintobor and rejected it. He once again ravaged cities and turned people into robots, and also permitted his forces to burn a whole continent to ashes to ensure they got the hedgehog and his two-tailed savant. The kicker was that he threw Sonic, Amy and some outlying echidna princess into an active volcano while taking a photo of it to hang above the chimney. Quite classy, if I say so myself.
  • Sure, you might overlook the oddball animated reality with all the horrible musical numbers, but the version of me there has been just as rotten as the rest. More lower-class fools and insolents have gotten turned into robots (cyborgs?) for their troubles, he's forced the three pesky hedgehogs and their many loved ones to suffer at every opportunity… ooh, there's even one point where he sought to turn a sanctuary for the Resistance's children into a cemetery! Heh heh! Plus, he was willing to let his world collapse into complete chaos and destruction, all so he could dupe his diminutive version of Knuckles into handing over Sonic and his siblings.
• Cut Lex Luthor a Check: Huh. It appears the man himself is around here, too. But contrary to popular belief, I do have plenty of perfectly legal money-making enterprises of which I can use to further fund my schemes of conquest. I mean, what, did you think I wanted to rule the world for a reason other than ruling the world?^note Dr. Wily: When you hit budget crunch like I did with all those Booster Gear models, you come to realize just how costly world domination truly is. That and how many bridges you burn in the process. Me: I know, right? We should share scrap processor schematics sometime. Even evil geniuses like ourselves understand the value of recycling used and broken parts.
• Demoted to Extra: Let me get this straight, the greatest scientific genius in the world, me, gets reduced to mere cameos in that invitational championship the blue rodent has participated in, while Bowser gets to be a fighter and Wily gets to "assist"?! An outrage, I know, my pedigree cannot be contained by being a disembodied spirit or collectable piece of adhesive!
• Depending on the Writer: It's a common argument made that I'm more evil on some days than others, but that more so has to do with how I'm an innovative and versatile man who just has a lot of different ideas (by comparison, Sonic's routine of running like an idiot and giving me grief has all the complexity of a DOS statement). What is variable is how much my more humorous traits are emphasized, but that's more the game's fault than mine. Unfortunately, despite being the greatest genius in the world, there are also some games which make me act more short-sighted just to allow that hedgehog to make even more of a fool out of me!
• Despotism Justifies the Means: I don't view myself as particularly picky. As long as a place— be it primitive, advanced, pristine or otherwise— has beings that can be enslaved, then that's good enough for me!
• Determinator: A lesser man would've thrown in the towel if he went through all the hardships I have. Unfortunately for the rodent who keeps thwarting my plans, I am not a lesser man. I will achieve my eternal Eggman Empire, and I will destroy Sonic and all his stupid friends!
• Detonation Moon: Who could ever forget the time I blew up half of the moon with the Eclipse Cannon just to let the world know of my plans to conquer the world? Oh ho ho! Word has it that the moon is still broken; it's just always facing the other way when we see it. Strangely enough, there's even appeared to be two moons at times if what I saw in the skies of Angel Island and the Crimson Tower indicated anything, assuming the smaller one isn't just the ARK or some mass hallucination. Worth noting, however, is that my anime version fixed the moon (and called it the Eggmoon) as part of a scheme to block the sun and exploit the resulting chaos for conquest and profit. Sounds like a fun idea! That all said, for some strange reason, you lot use the original moment when I blew it up to parrot disgusting jokes about bodily fluids rather than respecting my manhood and hardy approach to conquest. You should get back to re-familiarizing yourself with the original games. I'd much prefer if you had a more first-hand understanding of your upcoming ruler.
• Didn't Think This Through: WHAT!? WHO SAYS I DON'T!? ALL MY PLANS ARE BRILLIANT! Okay, maybe I… have tended to overlook a few glaring flaws in my past schemes. Like maybe when you're trying to control mystic deities, find a way to keep a leash on them, as I did the Time Eater. Or maybe put some "safety protocols" into your devices should they go haywire. But I don't always have time to think of all that! I need to strike while the iron is hot when it comes to my brilliant concepts, and my nemesis is already a speedy little mongrel!
• Do Wrong, Right: The butch version of me tried to teach that fast-food intern Dave on how to properly be a villain. I don't see myself as the type to do the same. My advice: this world is mine, get your own, and don't come crying when I eventually come over to conquer that one as well.
• Draco in Leather Pants: OH, FOR THE LOVE OF— uh… yes! You're right! I am just a tragically misunderstood genius with a big heart and perfectly noble intentions to make the world a better place! Unlike that mean, sorry hedgehog, you must be such a good observer! Now, now, I'm sure you're eager, but I don't need any sympathy for all the grief I've been given. I only wish to have your eternal servitude and obedience. And yes, you could refuse, but would you really want to… (sniff) …hurt my feelings?
• The Dreaded: Ohohoho! Well, I do love to be feared. Even with all my losses to that insipid hedgehog, he and his little friends know I will always be back and won't rest until the world is mine!
• Enemy Mine: Loathed as I hate to admit it, there are... moments where even my genius can't overcome certain situations alone, with both Sonic and I having a common threat we have to take care of. Thus, we agree to team up to stop it, since Sonic wants to "save the world" like usual, and since I'd prefer there to BE a world that I can conquer later. More specifically, they were on the ARK, against Gemerl, against the Zeti, and against that big monologuing rock. In other cases, we just regrettably happened to be in the same room.
• Enraged by Idiocy: Few things make my blood boil more than incessantly stupid people or incessantly stupid questions, and my utterly useless underlings Orbot and Cubot are exemplary of both. Then again, it's the expected price to pay for when you create those robots with less intelligence. On the plus side, it's impossible for them to (successfully) rebel against me that way, and I should at least applaud those two for their excellent track record in highlighting my intelligence.
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Okay, okay, fine, I'll admit it. I created an AI, Sage, to help me explore the Starfall Islands, and I've come to view her as my own daughter. Yes, it's not anything I'd ever think would happen given how usually the only heart I've ever needed or wanted is mine, but as I've said before… I'm a complicated guy. Granted, she didn't show up in any of my dreams (maybe Bowser understands the nature of that stuff regarding his son), but hey, isn't it at least important to be proud of your own work?
• Even Evil Has Standards:
  • That annoying little chihuahua assumed that I would starve Professor Pickle after I imprisoned him, but Tails assured him that I'm "not that cruel". And he was far from wrong. I gave him some slices of cucumber sandwiches at his request, but the old coot didn't appreciate this because they weren't his preferred size. Tsk! Everyone's a critic, even hostages!
  • Despite successfully (and FINALLY) conquering the world, I grew sick of Infinite's petty and sadistic tendencies, especially as they RUINED ALL MY PLANS. Once that useless jackal got his pathetic hide handed to him by Sonic and some random punk for the third time, I kicked him to the curb, and I don't regret it at all!
• Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: Oh, shut up! I can perfectly comprehend why that blue showboater wants to foil my plans: he's an egotistical self-indulgent brat who clearly doesn't have any sense of respect towards my efforts in making the world a better place! He would rather just waste his time giving me grief, or galivanting through the fields with his stupid friends! There was even this one time where I showed him how I could give him a world composed of all the chili dogs he could ever eat… and he brushed it aside as some "forced paradise" just for the chance to inflict more misery upon me! Is there any doubt as to why I hate that hedgehog so much!?
• Evil Is Cool: Many players just adore my mechanical skills, and view my many fortresses as some of the best levels… and that is just for starters!
• Evil Is Petty: I'm far above letting mere pettiness be the driving force for my plans (unlike poor thin-skinned Infinite), but I vaguely remember a dream I had where one of those pests got blasted in the face with soda, and I can't help but find that a very satisfying image to replay in my head. Also, no, kidnapping Cream's mother a second time is not pettiness. I was simply teaching that over-eager little bunny a very important lesson on why getting into my business is a bad idea. There's a difference.
• Evil Versus Oblivion: There have been a few times where the entire world, no, all of reality itself was threatened by something beyond my control. That should be my job! But I begrudgingly left it to that meddlesome hedgehog to fix such messes. After all, I can't conquer the planet and expand the Eggman Empire if there's no planet left to begin with!
• Fat Bastard: Watch your language, bucko. And by the way, my weight has nothing to do with my supervillainous magnificence, thank you!
• Faux Affably Evil: Oh, no, no, I'd argue that description's a load of hoopla. I'm quite the gentleman genius, and my universal conquest is simply a way for me to express my love! Besides, I haven't blasted you to bits yet, have I, you little sneak?
• Flanderization: For the record, it's my job to relieve you of your personal agency! Not the other way around!
  • A fair amount of writers in both official and unofficial capacities have portrayed me as a mad scientist with a goofy demeanor. Of course, that only means they're conveniently forgetting how I'm supposed to be an evil and cunning mad scientist with a goofy demeanor. Hence, I end up being portrayed as too bumbling on some occasions or too soft or chummy on others, despite how I'm supposed to be the main reason why that nigh-overpowered blue rat even gets out of bed in the morning. As tragic as it is that he doesn't do something more constructive with his life like jump straight into a trash compactor.
  • More infrequently, some fan writers have reduced me to just being a throwaway source of evil and misery so that their original character of choice can have an excuse to seek lethal revenge for their dead mommy or something, with a number of these stories also ending with me backed into a corner and killed off for some odd reason. Yes, I won't deny there's probably someone out there who has it out for me, but these writers still make the cardinal sin of foregoing the raw personality and resolve that prevents me from being your run-of-the-mill bad guy! If anything, you should feel grateful that the glorious Dr. Eggman gets to be the source of your lifelong misery instead of some disposable cookie-cutter crook!
• Flaw Exploitation: Let's say I have a track record of tricking that gullible echidna into fighting Sonic. And I had gained the advantage over Sonic by playing with that cocky ego of his.
• Fountain of Memes: It seems you lot have a vested interest in mimicking what I've said as I've been fighting the little rat in particular, and have a similar attitude towards one of my other selves. It's… cute, I suppose. Unless it's mockery, in which case you can enjoy super enslavement and/or a dirt nap down the line.
  • In related news, I'm acutely aware of that little improv act world where my quotability extended to nearly every breath I took. I won't say that cartoonishly oddball and profane version of me is entirely embarrassing given that he's the only one there with any marginal lick of sense, but I feel he would agree with me in that you folks have your priorities out of order, such as focusing more on the moon's little experience on than on the girth and might of what exactly gave it that little experience (not that he would share it, mind you). But I suppose willful ignorance like that is par for the course among those too little-minded to realize their own envy.
• Freudian Excuse:
  • I wouldn't go as far as to use my background to get pity (and a great scientist like myself wouldn't need it from you ignoramuses) but you could argue that my desire to take over the world stems from my loathing of you humans for being so petty and inept (huge, huge emphasis on the latter). An easy example would be how the government got cold feet towards the scientific achievements of my grandfather instead of appreciating the brilliance behind them, but contrary to popular belief, I've never been up for actually avenging the old fool. It's not the "Gerald Robotnik Memorial Empire", for Pete's sake. I would rather see his legacy as a base or template; something to reach its evolution through the efforts of an even more brilliant mind with just as much inclination to improve the world. And what better way for me to improve the world than by ruling it with an iron fist and proving once and for all that I'm the ultimate paragon of science and ingenuity? Ohoho!
  • On another note, when Maria got a bullet put through her on the day of the ARK raid, all my family were sad about how such a special little snowflake passed away. Meanwhile, I was right there and already a budding prodigy, so what excuse did they have to ignore me while blubbering over someone who was gone? They should've recognized me as someone just as good and just as better! Geez. You won't see me being as shamefully neglectful around Sage, I can tell you that!
• Final Boss: Back in the classic games, I was always the final challenge for you players to face! In the modern games, this tends to vary depending on when some other evil entity or group gets involved, but I've managed to reclaim this title somewhat. As nature intended.
• Game-Breaking Bug: Or as I and the manual like to call them, "diabolical traps". The Angel Island fiasco had Sonic running into a number of these at first, forcing him to start over repeatedly. It was hilarious! And yes, this was the only time that anyone outright claimed that I was why physics suddenly stopped making sense, but who's to say Sonic falling through a loop-de-loop and getting caught on a wall wasn't also my doing, among others? OOOOOHOHOHOHO!
• Game-Over Man: Did you mess up in keeping me from the Chaos Emeralds in the old games? Then you get to watch as I juggle them in your face! Better try again… or better yet, don't! Ohohohoho!
• Genius Bruiser: Believe it or not, I've demonstrated impressive speed and strength in the past, though I'll gladly let my machines do all the heavy work. My brain already does the heavier work.
• Giggling Villain: And you'll like it, too! Back in the day when I actually got a hit on Sonic or his sidekick, it would get a giggle out of me! Depending on the rendition of the Angel Island fiasco though, I either drop this habit, or I keep it up nice and well, even programming my stray Eggrobo to do the same!
• Go-Karting with Bowser: There have been times where I've joined Sonic and his friends in racing or sports. And followed the rules while doing so. Again, how on earth did that happen?
• Hates Everyone Equally: I wouldn't call that claim of me being a "feminist" totally false; I prefer to view beings of all races, genders or what-have-yous as equals! By which I mean equally beneath me unless I can make ample use of them.
• Hidden Depths: I have an appreciation for the Sega Dreamcast and it's wonderful library! It was quite the time killer during my plan to break the planet and awaken Dark Gaia. I always have it somewhere in the cockpit of my vehicle, and it's still working today, even after I got thrown away by that cantankerous dark spirit.
• Hijacked by Eggman: The Time Eater? MY brilliance! Even pretending to get sucked in by it. Impressed? And this was after years of having this pulled on me, by Chaos, the Biolizard, Metal Sonic of all things, Dark Gaia...
• "I Am" Song: E.G.G.M.A.N. Feast your ears on this glorious song dedicated to yours truly!
• Informed Attribute: Due to the above mentioned oversight that mixed me with that anime me, I've seen a few of you hopelessly try to discredit me as a feminist because I once told Blaze that I "never thought a girl could be so tough". Tch. You lot just fail to realize that, as the most superior individual on this planet by a wide margin anyways, I have the right to act discriminatory towards my peons or enemies whenever I feel like it.
• Insufferable Genius: I have an IQ of 300 and have built machines that world governments can only dream of. If you were me, you'd see everybody as a moron, too. But you're not me, and I pity your little mind for being unable to grasp the tragedy of that.
• Intercom Villainy: When I was running my glorious Interstellar Amusement Park, you can tremble in fear as I hand down edicts in my glorious, booming voice! I also provide helpful updates regarding the attractions as well. It's a theme park, you should have fun at the expense of other life forms! The same could be said about "Ego City," where you can hear such wonderful updates, such as me winning the employee-of-the-month award! I'm just that wonderful of an employer.
• In Their Own Image: The world— the universe— as it is now is backwards and unkempt, with rampant crying, screaming, ignorance, hunger and disease among the population. Just goes to show that there's a big problem with giving the luxury of choice to foolish wimps: they can't be stopped from making the wrong ones! Thankfully, even just a little bit of me goes a long way in improving things, so it's my duty as the greatest genius around to perfect this universe by giving it a lot! OHOHOHOHO!
• It's All About Me: Well, of course it is! I have a brand name to uphold. It's the Eggman Empire, not the "Everyone Else Municipality"!
• Joker Immunity: I've survived my bases exploding, many vehicle crashes, the harsh vacuum of space, inter-dimensional rifts, the droll space between time, being thrown into the stratosphere and back, and the blue rat himself messing with my jetpack and sending me plummeting towards the ground. My own endurance aside, it just shows that I'm too much of an iconic evil genius to be killed off! Doing that would be a terrible mistake! Granted, there were those three phony endings where Shadow karate-chopped me to death, but those are of course obsolete— I'm too important to die, to put it simply, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

K-Z

• Karma Houdini Warranty: You'd think constantly losing would already count as this, but I'll admit, I've been slipping as of late. After my flops, I usually managed to slip away unnoticed. It wasn't until Metal Sonic turned on me that my failures began blowing up in my face. I knew I shouldn't have hired the Chaotix of all slop detectives, but their greed made it too tempting.
• Lack of Empathy: My ingenious plans to conquer the world have inflicted mass destruction and untold suffering, you say? Pfft. Whatever! If anything, it's actually a rather useful reminder that I indeed leave a mark of my brilliance on the world. I'd say it's my own form of "giving back" for it.
• Laughably Evil: Funny?! ME?! Okay, okay, I must admit that I am quite the hilarious villain. Even when I'm planning on committing such nefarious deeds, I do tend to be quite the bombastic and entertaining fellow. And then there's my many interactions with my annoying and incompetent robot henchmen, Orbot and Cubot, that make me so annoyed in a comical way. Then there's that blasted hedgehog and his insufferable friends constantly making a fool out of me! But never forget, fools— Dr. Eggman can't be "laughable" without being evil!
• Lawyer-Friendly Cameo: I was in the first Wreck-It Ralph movie (the only one that matters) alongside Bowser and various other video game villains. And Zangief. Apparently I'm part of a… therapy group for villains? Can't understand why. As an added bonus during the credits, that rodent tried spin-dashing into me but lost all his rings as a result. Ah, I love a happy ending.
• Leitmotif: A prominent one that has been with associated with me since... I want to say some incident revolving around the Flames of Disaster? Regardless, you can hear this motif in my moments of triumph, whether I'm breaking the world apart (or inside the brilliant theme park that is Eggmanland) or conquering other alien life forms.
• Love to Hate: I'm one of the most diabolical and relentless villains in all of gaming, and I know you all love me for it!
• Mad Scientist: More like, greatest scientific genius in the world! I am a true master of mechanical engineering, after all. My ambitions may seem "mad" to some, but they aren't out of my reach!
• Magnificent Bastard: OHOHOHOHO! Though perhaps it'd be fitting to call me the Eggnificent… er, Bad Guy. I'm such a cut above the rest that I should be given my own title! As for some specific times of when my brilliance reached a peak:
  • For me personally, there's quite a few cases: sending Sonic, Mighty and Ray kicking and screaming throughout their Eggman Island tomb; staying constantly one step ahead of Sonic as I restored Chaos more and more to full power; tricking that blue buffoon into cleaning up his Zeti-shaped mess for me; and everything I did to keep the Resistance from getting their easy victory. There's also that ancillary version of me from that other timeline where I tricked Sonic and all his foolish little friends into practically giving me the world to conquer! Bwahahahaha!
  • In the case of other dimensions, there's that animated version of me that contributed to the downfall of those Metarex aliens. While his propensity for… friendliness with the hedgehog still disgusts me, I can at least admire his actions in playing everyone like the dollar-store kazoos they were. His version of Sonic, however the life expectancy, has a lot to give him credit for.
• Misanthrope Supreme: I'm not a fan of the other intellectually inferior homo sapiens (the present company looking at this page NOT excluded) and I couldn't care less if my plans have resulted in their suffering. In fact, their terror puts a smile to my face! Hahahaha!
• Mysterious Employer: After Metal Sonic rebelled against me and locked me in a room inside my flying fortress, I decided to hire those goofy detectives in helping me foil Metal Sonic's selfish plan in ruling the world for himself. But to avoid letting them figure out my identity since I am a world-renowned villain, I made myself a secret client for them. Unfortunately, I didn't make myself less obvious and the Chaotix figured out my identity (well Vector did, the other two only worked it after meeting me in person) and that bee brat stung me many times! And they forced me to pay them as promised! Grrr! Never again will I hire detectives!
• Narcissist: Oh, sure, use an insult to describe my beautiful self-adoration. You're quite the intelligent specimen. Perhaps instead it would do you good to join in with worshiping me as if your life depended on it. Just a thought, just a thought.
• Never My Fault: Absolutely! I'm the world's greatest scientist! Of course I can do no wrong! Just to give an example, when Sonic recklessly punted the Cacophonic Conch out of my grasp, I lost control of the Zeti, and they turned against me before deciding to drain the world's energy for themselves! Therefore, it was that blue buffoon's fault that the world nearly ended up in shambles! Wait, what? Where did you get the blasted idea that I was abusing those creatures!? I've already told you, I'm a GREAT employer!
• Noodle Incident: Apparently, one of my other selves once made his childhood bully eat through a straw for a year. Hmm.
• Noblewoman's Laugh: O~hohohoho! I'm one of the few men who can pull this off with style!
• Offscreen Villain Dark Matter: I'm sure your feeble mind is curious as to how I can afford building my robots, machines, flying fortresses, bases of operations, and space stations. Let's just say that, between all my startup tech companies, resource mining operations and casinos, being the world's greatest scientist with an IQ of 300 has gifted me with a whole lotta dough! Yes, there was that time I didn't pay the Chaotix for their services after Metal Sonic locked me in a room, but I assure you that only happened because the Egg Fleet's construction costs took priority and not because I was unwilling to give away perfectly good money to three slop detectives.
• The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: I hate that hedgehog more than words can quantify — let alone mathematics or science — but as such, I'd much prefer that I be the one to dispose of him myself! As one example, when Sonic was trying to rescue Tails from my clutches, he was about to fall into a pit of lava via his own stupidity. I swooped in and saved him (and more importantly, the Chaos Emerald he was carrying), allowing my Antlion Mecha the chance to snip him to ribbons! It… erm, it failed. Baby steps, people.
• Out-of-Character Moment: Well, there may have been a moment on the Starfall Islands where I explained to Amy how the lights appearing around the trees on Kronos Island were posthumous manifestations of the thoughts of the Ancients, and that they only came out at night due to their fear of THE END. I may have described them as "poor little things". I… I don't know what came over me in that moment. The so-called taboo of "desecrating the dead" isn't something that's stopped me in the past, and it's not as if I freed Chaos from the Master Emerald because I felt bad for him and his anger issues. Tch. Perhaps the prolonged contact with those rodents is what softened me up. I don't have the time or patience to be sympathetic. At best, Sage is the only one who serves me good enough to deserve it.
• Pragmatic Villainy: I may be a ruthless, diabolical scientist willing to tear apart reality itself if I find it suits my needs, but I'm also a rational man who would never destroy the entire planet out of petty revenge or spite, as I would have no planet to conquer.
  • As much respect as I have towards his plan to destroy the Black Arms using the Eclipse Cannon, Gerald's plan to destroy the world to retaliate for Maria's death was still utterly foolish, as was his first mistake in nearly selling the planet out to the Black Arms in the first place. Being dead or alien livestock would not be beneficial for my ambitions as ruler of the world.
  • I was horrified when my so-called "alternate self" from the Sol Dimension activated the Egg Wizard's Planet-Buster Laser in a last-ditch effort to defeat Sonic and that cat princess, which would have destroyed Blaze's planet, and more importantly us along with it. Another reason why I'm glad I'm not related to that lunatic.
  • After activating my machine designed to sap life energy from the world, I made sure that it reached a small threshold before turning it off since I only wanted to borrow some of it. But those Zeti rejects intended to take all of the world's energy, which nearly drained the planet dry! That said, by the time Sonic took them all out of commission, I was able to turn off the Extractor and use the energy they guzzled up to power my Eggrobo war mecha— despite the damage they did, the world wasn't completely drained, meaning I still had enough to conquer after all!
• Rooting for the Empire: There's at least a few continuities where I'm more liked than the obnoxious hedgehog. For example, in the old comic continuity, I provided the Dark Egg Legion sanctuary as long as they pledged their loyalty to me. A small price to pay, yes, but considering how the Kingdom of Acorn was run by incompetents stuck in the Dark Ages made worse by adding in a bungling, bickering "council" of dimwits, and their so-called allies the Brotherhood of Guardians being a bunch of hypocrites when it came to technology being "evil" as well as letting their scion be easily manipulated by the likes of me, not to mention some of the more rabid splinter factions of so-called "Freedom Fighters", there were worse alternatives.
• Super Mode: OHOHOHOHO!! Sonic isn't the only one who can transform using whatever gemstone he finds.
  • Behold the magnificence that is Nightmare Eggman, courtesy of the Reverie's power! If only I wasn't stopped by that pesky blue rodent, I likely could have kept that power to myself!
  • A golden one, just like the pompous hedgehog, Super Eggman! Unlike the hedgehog however, I attained this form through the power of the Phantom Ruby!
  • That more gaunt and beady eyed version of myself managed to get an emerald colored one by harnessing the power of the Master Emerald. Again, next time I trick the Echidna and take the Master Emerald, I'm going to study how to replicate that.
  • The rotund and pointy-headed version of me predates them by getting only four of the Chaos Emeralds. If only that show had better funding....
• Surrounded by Idiots: I can't seem to shake this pattern of having buffoons as my subordinates in any reality. Even when said lackeys have some intelligence like that wimp Snively or that platypus doctor Starline, they can't stand up to the magnificence of moi and I have to suffer for it. Then again, an idiot is easier to keep under my thumb than someone with devious ambition, even if the two traits aren't mutually exclusive. Isn't that right, Starscream?
• Take Over the World: It's been my life's goal since I was a child! And it's what I've already succeeded at once, too! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!
• Token Human: Depends on the dimension, but for the most part I tend to be the only human around aside from Sonic's fuzzy entourage. Or at the least the one with the most focus, as it should be!
• Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: Oh ho ho! I remember fighting fellow mad scientist Doctor Wily alongside our robot armies. Wait, what? What do you mean, we both lost? To a viral-infected Metal Sonic? Blah!^note Dr. Wily: Ha! And you know what? My ultimate creation, Zero, eventually put that metal hedgehog down! So I win in the end! Me: Can it! You just wait until I complete my own ultimate creation, a superior robot version of your… oh. I just realized I can't quite make a robot version of a robot, but nevertheless, I will still surpass you! Anyways, ya still good for Friday, Al? Dr. Wily: Yes, I'm still up for our genius get-together. Me: Great. See ya!
• Unwilling Roboticisation: Ah, yes, my magnum opus: turning organics into robots. Exquisite, isn't it? Sure, most scientists I showed it to claim it was "unethical", but what do they know!? It's an untapped energy source and has been the heart of my operations ever since I started my endeavors. My alternate counterparts have even expanded it into converting humanoids into mindless robots. Plus, logically, it's a great form of immortality. No pain, no suffering from illness, you'll never run out of stamina that hinders your weak fleshy body, and you'll never need to think for yourself ever again! It's genius! Genius, I say!
• Vile Villain, Saccharine Show: You do still remember when I tried to blow up Station Square and succeeded in blowing up the moon, right? Okay, technically only half the moon, but the point still stands!
• Villainous Friendship: Even a number one like me is up for a little get-together with my fellow top dogs of ruthlessness and reverence. Gotta share success stories with someone, after all. Perhaps next time I'll meet up with that Gerudo king (preferably the original one with the proper experience and organ-playing skills rather than his psychotic newer iteration), and maybe afterwards I'll see how that Neo Cortex fellow has been doing.
  • I'm sure you're all familiar with who Bowser is, along with the times we spent together at the Olympics exploiting regional power sources for our own ends. If his nemesis and mine ever get that action-packed adventure together that some of you lot have been asking for, I'll be sure to ring him up.^note Bowser: Plannin' an attack on those nerds outside the Olympics...? DUDE. I have NEVER thought of that! Eggy, whenever you're ready to stomp out those red and blue chumps, I am TOTALLY on board! Gwa ha ha ha!
  • And let's not forget the dear Dr. Albert Wily, the other magnificent man of machine mastery… but so far only in that one other timeline where we teamed up to rewrite reality— using technology my other self invented— only for Sonic and Mega Man to show up and send everything south. We apparently teamed up on another occasion in those dimensions, but any data I can get from that point in time-space is pretzel-shaped and very cluttered. Hopefully, there'll be another opportunity for us to meet up, trade notes, share a drink, watch some good cinema, and blow those two little upstarts to bits! Bwahahaha!
• Villain Respect: There are things about people I dislike - or despise - that simply have to be commended. Being trapped in Cyberspace depending upon Sage for everything will make you reflect on that, to be honest.
  • For all the frustration and ruin that blasted hedgehog brought unto me, his natural Super-Speed isn't a trait that many individuals are able to develop on their own in any given universe, and he was the first in mine to flaunt it. Such requires a modicum of begrudging respect, and I'm man enough to admit that. It'll make his inevitable destruction all the more thematically satisfying, after all.
  • Tails has a natural knack for machinery and robotics that in many ways rivals my own. On one hand, I feel he's wasting that talent through his parasitic co-dependency with that cerulean curmudgeon and their combined "heroics". On the other hand, I have a few documented recordings that remind me why said parasitic co-dependency is still a good thing for me...
  • I still recall the days Amy Rose was easy bait for me to use against Sonic. These days, however, I've come to realize and accept that those days are long gone: her athleticism and skill with that hammer are eclipsed only by her raw determination. It's too bad how even that is outdone by her petulant infatuation with the blue showboater, though. Errgh.^note Sage, I need you to simulate a battle where pinky here teams up in action with that plumber's main squeeze. I'll forward the results to Bowser later.
• Villainous Breakdown: Loathe to admit it, I've had some... undignified outbursts whenever I run into that blistering blue buzzkill. He just has to ruin my day, right when I'm on the precipice of victory!
  • When the rodent and his two-tailed sidekick ruined my plans and destroyed the Egg Carrier, I decided that I've been too nice on them, so I tried to destroy Station Square out of spite. And when the fox boy managed to get to the missile before me, I couldn't believe it. Tensions were rather high that day, I can't imagine trying to flatten the city when I need it to build my empire on top of nowadays!
  • After my interstellar amusement park went up in flames, I decided to use my Nega Wisp Armor to personally destroy Sonic. And yet, he won against that too. Again, can you blame me for flying off the handle? That horrid little hedgehog just refuses to quit!
  • After managing to retake the power that the Zeti coveted for one of my greatest machines yet, I was on top! And yet, that hedgehog somehow overcame that as well! How? Why? It's infuriating! I'm sick of him getting in the way, every. Single. Time!^note Although I recall only saying that during that 3D portable version of my battle with him.
  • Those are nothing compared to that one printed version of myself, where after one too many defeats by that blue rodent, he... actually broke. Tore out his mustache, wore a straitjacket, and everything. And then reasoned himself back into sanity, before attempting to rewrite all of reality. I've taken my share of bumps from Sonic and you don't see me going that crazy!
  • Another alternate self fell into this twice. The first time, all it took was that miserable sheriff attacking him to lose focus and get banished to that mushroom planet. And then he went mad from the isolation before transforming into something that more resembles yours truly. The second time, that wretched Echidna just had to swing in and beat the power of the Master Emerald from him. While he still had that wonderful robot with him, even I could tell he was trying to grasp victory before he lost to — who else? Sonic.
  • That other printed version of myself was subjected to this when Sonic returned from his trip in the Sol Dimension, and later when the rodent started destroying the rest of that wonderful looking Eggperial City. And he was so close to winning too! What a way to run a railroad.
• Why Don't You Just Shoot Him?: You actually think I'd be fine with giving that blue rat a quick and easy death after all these years of headaches he's caused me!? No, of course not! I have to use all my brilliance and tenacity to bring down Sonic! I have to hammer into him once and for all who the real winner is! I can't just carpet-bomb whatever vicinity he's in and be done with it… and believe me, I've already tried! The rodent just outran it thanks to his usual stupid luck!
• Wicked Wastefulness: Oh please, you call it being wasteful, I call it being resourceful. Even if the rodent destroys one, I'll have the means to rebuild it all again. In my world, there's no need to fret over every egg.
• Worthy Opponent: It's no secret that I HATE that hedgehog, but I will admit that I have some level of respect for him for being such a persistent adversary. It's why I chose to fight fire with fire using Metal, after all. Most evident is when he survived that exploding escape capsule by using Chaos Control with a fake Emerald. I suppose it means I'll have to be a little more sneaky next time, but that's no challenge.
• Would Hurt a Child: It seems some of you are prone to forgetting that most of my nemeses are below legal age and not even trying to hide it, which nevertheless has no bearing on the fact that I have worked to kill them in battle on a regular basis. Yes, even the schoolgirl rabbit, and even if the latest pest getting in the way of my plans was somehow a drooling infant with zero motor skills. I aim to run a tidy operation, thank you, and youth won't help you any more than age will if you dare to defy me. If anything, the extra layer of annoyance that comes with youth would further prompt me to get to the point.

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Me: So, are you finally convinced of my brilliant plans? …What!? You AREN'T!? Why, you… your poor judgement will be shown for what it is once I finish bringing my empire back up to snuff, so get ready for—! …Wait, why are the alarms blaring again? What's going on now!?
Alarm: [blares warning incessantly amidst the sound of my laser cannons, defences and robots getting destroyed]
Cubot: Uh, well… don't be mad, boss… but while you were going over your "glorious history"… well…
Orbot: Sonic's snuck in and he's wrecking the place.
Me: WHAT!?
(a pesky blue blur comes in and blows the door open)
Sonic: Yo, Egghead! Thanks for the workout! Thought I'd give you a personal house call on how well your last batch a' bots performed! …Oh. I see you've got a hostage. Hope I didn't embarrass ya too much in front of a captive audience! Lemme just grab 'em and… there we go! (the rat zooms off) Take care, Baldy McNosehair!
Me: RRRRRRRAUGHHHH! I HATE THAT HEDGEHOOOG!!!

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