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You will respect my authoritah, troper!
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Hello, you guys. My name is Eric Cartman and I kick ass! Why? Because I did a bunch of shit that you won't be able to do. I starred in my own story arc with the "Coon" where I teamed up with the Dark Lord Cthulhu, I made Scott Tenorman eat his own parents over $16, I successfully stopped Osama bin Laden from taking over the world by using wild takes and all that cartoon crap, and I starred in a Cheesy Poofs commercial! I also helped stop the war between Canada and the United States with my slaves Kahl, Stan, and that British dude I don't give a crap about. (Oh, and that one was a musical, but I don't know why either.)

Wait. Did I mention the time I became the Grand Wizard of Kupa Keep and first helped lead Microsoft to victory during the Console Wars (though that didn't end as hoped), then helped some kid named Douchebag (I named him) along on his quest for the Stick of Truth? (Oh, and get the Grand Wizard Edition of that game. It comes with an awesome figure of yours truly.) Oh yeah, and as of E3 2015, Douchebag's gonna be joining me and the guys again for a game of superheroes, gonna be totally fucking sweet. I'm also a fierce supporter of Colorado's own Denver Nuggets and my workplace's Los Angeles Kings, which even let me spend a day with The Stanley Cup!

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Anyway, this is my very own page on the wiki. Anyone can help me edit, as long as you're not Jewish, black, brown, yellow, red, gay, bisexual, transsexual, a hippie, a communist, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, a Scientologist, Kyyyinny, Kahl, Kahl's mom, my mom, Seth MacFarlane, a ginger, a Jerseyite, Justin Bieber, Scott Tenorman, Wendy Testaburger, Clyde Donovan, Craig Tucker, James Cameron, a government worker, a senior citizen, Jewish, a zombie, a Nazi Zombie (regular Nazis are fine), fat, a fat shammer, PewDiePie, PC Principal, my ex-girlfriend Heidi Turner, Butters or Jewish. There. Got all that?

You seriouslah better not edit this page if you're Jewish.

  • And you'd better shut yer yapper if ya don't want yer ass handed to ya!

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The following tropes apply to me, myself, and I, Eric Cartman:

  • Acrofatic: What!? I'm not fat! I'm just big-boned! How the hell would I be able to scale entire buildings as the Coon if I was a slobby fatass? Oh, and about that time I caused the entire class to fail a fitness test? It was their fault.
  • Anti-Hero: I was this before Scott Tenorman decided to push my buttons by selling me his pubes for $16. After that, I decided to be a complete dick to him and everyone else. But hey! The world deserves it! Though I have softened up a bit lately, and am even in charge of all the good guys in The Stick of Truth.
    • Then there was that time when a hippie music festival invaded South Park, and I saved the town by driving the hippies away with death metal. I even bargained with the adults so that I got a new Tonka radio-controlled bulldozer and got to play with it in the school parking lot where Kahl had to watch me and get super-jealous because he doesn't have one! It was a sweet victory!
  • Animal-Themed Superbeing: The Coon may dress up as a raccoon, but his vigilantism has no place in this world; he's a menace. But he's obviously really cool!
  • Arch-Nemesis: Kahl Broflovski. That fucking prick is always preaching about what I'm doing is wrong and how I only care about myself and then he's always trying to stop my plans. And on top of that, he's a fucking Jew. And a ginger. And he recently turned out to be from Jersey too.
    • There is also Wendy Testaburger. That liberal bitch is always trying to fuck me over. she gave me a No Holds Barred Beat Down when I made fun of Breast Cancer, gave my idea of "Dancing With The Surfs" to James Cameron and let that fucking prick change the name to Avatar, ruined my plan of getting my own bathroom by changing into a guy and using it, and made me the ugliest kid in school in place of Kahl, when she found the real list. I only hate her less than Kahl cause she's not a Jew or a ginger or from Jersey and we were attracted to each other once.
    • There's also Mysterion, AKA Kyyyinny McCormick, whose always trying to proves he's better than me when it comes to being a superhero. Not only that but he also said that I'm not an actual superhero because I'm only making the world a better place for me. Uh, That's what superheroes do!
    • However they all pale in comparison to my ultimate nemesis, Scott Tenorman! He's an absolute asshole who conned me of my $16 with his pubes so I decided to get back at him by feeding him his own parents in the form of chili. It seemed I had the last laugh, then that motherfucker showed up and revealed to me and the world that my father was his father whom I killed and fed to. That means I'm Half Ginger. HALF GINGER!! Although this is mitigated in that I'm also half Denver Bronco, which is pretty cool. Anyway, he managed to escape me for now, but make no mistake I will have my revenge on SCOTT. FUCKING. TENORMAN!
  • Attention Whore: And I fucking deserve your attention!
  • Audience Surrogate: Sometimes when I get A Day in the Limelight. Usually Kahl or Stan are this, but when they aren't around, who else is going to react the way you guys would to all that weird shit that happens in South Park?
  • Ax-Crazy: Come on, what's wrong with wanting to kill some people once in a while? Like the time I killed Scott Tenorman's parents and fed them to him? Or when I teamed up with Cthulhu and killed all the hippies, Jews, gays and Justin Bieber?
  • Author Avatar: One of the dudes upstairs (the one who does my sucky voice — seriously, dude, I should sound better than that!) apparently shares some of my views, like how Family Guy is one of the worst fucking cartoons ever, or how gingers have no souls.
  • Batman Gambit: I pulled a truly epic one in "Scott Tenorman Must Die!".
  • Big Bad: It sure is nice to be the bad guy. Especially when I was the Coon and got to team up with the Dark fucking Lord Cthulhu.
  • Berserk Button: There's many things that pisses me off like Jews, hippies, and Jewish hippies . But to start off...
  • Big Eater: I love me some pie, KFC, and Cheesy Poofs, and goddammit you can't have any!
  • Big Brother Mentor: Yeah, believe it or not, during my time as Grand Wizard, I taught Douchebag (who some of you know just as the New Kid or even Dovahkiin) everything he knows about how to fight and even some of what he knows about magic and I'll admit I've been a hell of alot more respectful and friendlier toward him than I have with the rest of Kupa Keep. Kahl would no doubt make you think I'm just using Douchebag for my own gain, but you'd be smart not to listen to anything that fucking lying Jewish Elf says.
  • Bizarre Taste in Food: What?! Chocolate chicken pot pies, powdered donut pancake surprise and chocolate toaster pastry butterballs are real foods, and they're totally awesome! Whateva! I do what I want!
  • Boisterous Weakling: I am not weak and do let anybody tell you otherwise!
  • Breakout Character: Originally just that Big-Boned Kid sharing the spotlight with three other boys, my outrageous Jerkass has made me the most popular character in the show! I mean who's your favorite character? (imitating high-pitched stupid voice: Oh, I dunno, is it Stan? is it Kahl?) Wrong! It's me!
  • Broken Pedestal: Ha! you better believe the New Kid used to really hold me on a pedestal! They thought of me as a great friend and mentor. They could easily tell you themself! (at least they would if they started talking). BUT! New Kid suddenly decided they didn't want anything to do with me anymore, all because they thought I was Mitch Conner, the crime boss who kidnapped their parents, come on, New Kid! you of all people should know I'm not him!
  • Butt-Monkey: It's not fair! I am the nicest kid in the world and all this bad shit happens to me for no good reason!
  • Can't Stand Them, Can't Live Without Them: I threw a party when Kahl moved away, but then I had to deal with Butters and he makes a crappy replacement Jew! (Seriouslah, he's not even Jewish!) And then there was the time Kahl saved me and Dogpoo after Snooki raped us. So I guess he's good for something.
  • Catchphrase: I've got two;
    • "Screw You Guys, I'm going home!"
    • "Suck my balls!"
  • The Corrupter: I manipulated my former girlfriend Heidi into being just like me! Unfortunately, I may have made a mistake in doing that...
  • Dirty Coward: I am not a coward! When I start I fight will got at to my last breath!
  • Does Not Like Spam: Why else did I team up with Cthulhu to destroy that organic crap factory that is Whole Foods?
    • Ironically, when PC Principal first became principal of my school, he and Stan's dad had Whole Foods brought to our town, and not once had I complained about it throughout the entire season, even when its presence made it too expensive for anyone to live there.
  • Elimination Catch Phrase: So you didn't have what it takes to replace Kyyyinny in our group, did ya? To that, I say... "Get the fudge out!"
  • Even Evil Has Standards: Shooting people in the dick, Butters? What the hell?! THAT'S WRAAAAAAUNG!! I also can't stand cats being tortured, minorities, yes, but never cats!
    • Those Super Adventure Club guys are just fucking sick! I have done a lot of stuff to people, but I was just as horrified by those pedophile freaks as everyone else was. And let's not even get started with my brief stint with NAMBLA!
    • Kyyyinny getting high is just wrong so I tried to stop him.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: What do you mean I can't understand being nice?! I wore a nice sweater didn't I? I also don't get why the others felt remorse after we framed Butters, we got away with it didn't we?
  • Farts on Fire: One time, I couldn't stop farting fire out of my ass. It was really goddamn painful. The other guys say the fire was shot out from a malfunctioning anal probe that some aliens inserted into my ass for some kinda "Truman Show" Plot, but I say it was all those extra spicy tamales Chef made.
  • Fat Bastard: Hey, fuck you! I'm not fat, I'm — *ahem* I mean, this trope is subverted. I may be a bastard, and boy do I love being one, but I'm not fat. At all. Ever. I'm just big-boned. Capiche?
  • I Am Big Boned: I'm also getting in shape. In fact, I am buff. Festively plump, even. I just haven't grown into my body yet. But it's a sweet hockey body. In the end, no matter how you slice it, I am in no way fat. You can't slim down bones, stupid. BEEFCAKE!
  • Jerkass: I'm the fuckin' PAGE IMAGE for that trope for a REEEEASON!
    • Jerkass Has a Point: A lot of viewers agree with me when I said that Family Guy is a piece of shit.
    • When the town outlawed cats, I was the only person to acknowledge that the cats were innocent creatures who didn't do anything wrong.
  • Large Ham \ Evil Is Hammy: Disagree with the "large" part, but agree that I'm deliciously mean!
  • Manipulative Bastard: Remember the time I pretended I was Butters on the phone and cussed out his parents, and they came home and kicked his ass? Ah, good times. I wish you could bottle that feeling. And the time I convinced him the world ended so I could go to Casa Bonita instead of him? And then I almost got a Family Guy episode pulled except then that stupid Jew Kahl showed up and ruined everything!
  • Metaphorgotten: While I was arguing about taking a moral stand on issues back when me and the guys had our own start-up company, Kahl claimed that I mix up NFL players molesting little boys and Catholic Church clergymen beating up their wives in an elevator. I say they're the same thing!
  • The Napoleon: Who are you calling short, dickhead?! I'll kick your ass!
  • Narcissist: Seeing how the world really does revolve around me and what I want, can you really me a narcissist? I mean, can you really? I mean, I was once bullied by some psychotic TV dog trainer into entertaining the laughable thought that just maybe it wasn't the case, and... Uh... And... And... And I... I-I, uh... Huh. Funny thing, really. I can't seem to remember much of that experience... Why is my nose bleeding?
  • Official Couple: Guess what, bitches? I once had a girlfriend, and her name was Heidi Turner! I loved her so fucking much and I'm PISSED THAT SHE BROKE UP WITH ME!!!
  • Oh, Crap!: When I found that Kahl's mom was Right Behind Me at the end of my song where I called her a big, fat, fucking bitch.
  • Pet the Dog: When I learned that Chef was returning after an unexplained absence, I wanted to see him. Chef was cool, and was the first to suggest he might have survived falling off a cliff.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: I just don't like Jews, and I'm not a fan of Blacks, Asians, and Hispanics either!
    • Nowadays, since this doesn't work well, I've decided to try being PC. PSYCH! Ha-ha-ha!
  • Secret Chaser: Back when the Coon first started his career and tried to raise awareness, this butthole calling himself Mysterion showed up and stole the glory. I suspected that someone in my class was Mysterion, since I told everyone about the Coon earlier that day. I still remember these words I uttered during my investigation: "Why do you have a picture of Mysterion in your locker, Kyyyinny? ...Unless you are Mysterion!" Well, guess what, you guys? I WAS RIGHT!! That poor piece of crap deserved to be sent juvenile hall for being a copycat!
  • Self-Fanservice: I have many adoring anime fangirls who rightfully draw me as the handsome, skinny pretty boy that I am. But as for that other thing they do with me and Kahl... well, fuck. Just read this thing that I wrote. (At least Kyyyinny seemed to enjoy the whole thing, so the dudes upstairs decided to let him be a bona fide Japanese princess. Don't ask why he wanted to be a chick too, it's just how he seemed to be rolling then.)
  • Sempai/Kohai: My relationship with the New Kid is pretty much summed up by this trope, they see me as someone they can learn from, and I do my damnest to guide them on their journeys. Before you ask, they've shown no romantic interest in me whatsoever, far as I know anyway, I could be wrong.....
  • Signature Song: I once came up with the best Christmas song ever, it's about how Kahl's mom is a stupid bitch, come on sing along everyone! *ahem* ♫ Weeeeeellll... Kahl's mom's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world, she's a stupid bitch, if there ever was a bitch, she's a bitch to- ♫ God damn it I told you to sing ALONG!
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: My swearing can even be weaponized!
  • Shock and Awe: The use of my weaponized potty mouth.
  • Tempting Fate: When Chef fell off a cliff to his seeming death, I suggested he might be okay. Then a cougar and bear tore him to pieces.
  • Transginger: I once became "Erica Cartman" because the boy's bathroom was always crowded during my lunch break, and the school ended up giving me a sweet private bathroom for myself. But then Wendy became a transginger herself and started using my bathroom, so I told Stan he's now a girl for dating her, but it ended up confusing him over which bathroom to use and ended up in mine. And now the school decided that my sweet bathroom belongs to cissies, and that all the boys and girls can use the bathroom they're most comfortable with, so with the girl's bathroom becoming just as crowded as the boy's, my transginger days are over.
  • Troll: No matter how nasty I'm feeling, it sure is damn fun to make other people feel like shit. Especially Kahl. And I've been doing this a lot longer than that Terumi jackoff note .
    • But I am NOT Skankhunt 42. I bet it's Kahl's dad, that fucking Jew asshole lawyer!
  • Took a Level in Jerkass: After Scott Tenorman fucked me over for the last time, and I gave him what for, I decided that nobody was gonna stop ME from doing WHAT I want WHEN I want!
  • Took a Level in Kindness: So in recent years, I've been trying to calm down from my evil ways. I even told Kahl that I just am not into these old shenanigans anymore. I just hope TrollTrace.com and Heidi's emoji analysis don't force my past to catch up with me...
  • The Virus: Just a while back, I started on my own commentary channel on YouTube called "CartmanBrah", where I comment on people commenting on games, then branching out to commentary on people commenting on other stuff. I soon developed a following, and I bolstered it with a holiday special with live tweeting and everything, to the point where my CartmanBrah commenter window was everywhere. Unfontunately, just as I was on my way into becoming The Singularity, Kahl and his stupid "#WeBelieveInYou" hashtag ruined everything, and God damned PewDiePie showed up and deleted my holiday special in favor of Call Of Duty commentary!
  • Villainous Rescue: I once saved Kahl from dying in a smug storm, even at risk to my own life. Don't get the wrong idea, I didn't do it because I liked him, I did it because like Stan said, I can't go on without Kahl to rank on.
  • Vocal Evolution: My voice was higher-pitched and more nasally in the early days of South Park. I guess that's what seventeen years of bitching around (and never growing up) does to ya.
  • Your Mom: As you found out from the episode "The Poor Kid", I'm quite good at 'Yo Mama'. Especially the 'Yo Mama So Poor' jokes toward kids in school poorer than me — even Kyyyinny! His Mama So Poor she hangs toilet paper out to dry! *laughs maniacally* But don't think this means you can take a shot at my meeem!!!


On a final note: Screw you tropers, I'm going home.
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