People of TV Tropes, I am Cobra Commander, president of Cobra Island and leader of the mighty criminal empire known as COBRA. For years, I have pursued world domination, but despite my military prowess and limitless resources, I have time and again met defeat at the hands of the GI Joes thanks to the MORONS who dare to call themselves my subordinates.
YES, THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO, MINDBENDER! Unless youd like to try making a better Commander again, you can quit trying blame ME for YOUR MISTAKES!
My glorious career began as a car salesman who lost everything and went insane, or maybe as the Baronesss younger brother—THAT HAPPENED, BARONESS. YOU CAN STOP LOOKING SO DEPRESSED—or perhaps as a nobleman from an ancient race of snake people sent to take over the world after a lab accident disfigured me
Through years of hard work, I founded COBRA and began my efforts to bring the world to its knees.
Tropes that desssssscribe me:
- Archnemesis Dad: To think, my own son Billy has chosen to be an ingrate and oppose my plans for world domination. Darth Vader has to deal with this too, so at least I'm in good company.
- Army of Lawyers: I have them, and they've kept me out of Blackwater Prison more than once. The Joes fear them far more than they fear my actual troops. Though given the caliber of soldiers I have to work with, I can't say that I blame them.
- Big Bad: Im the leader of a global terrorist organization. The only way I could possibly get bigger and badder is if these MORONS learned how to follow orders for once in their pathetic lives.
- The Blank: When Im wearing the metal faceplate. WHY I wear the faceplate seems to shift with the breeze, but I think we can all agree its better that way.
- Body Horror: Lizard man with multiple eyes thanks to a lab accident. I suppose it never occurred to you people that the mask was for your benefit.
- Captain Ersatz: WHAT!!! I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH BARON ZEMO! ''HE'' STOLE THE HOOD FROM ''ME''!!!
- Catchphrase: HAIL COBRA!!!
- Cobra retreat! doesnt count!
- Demoted to Dragon: Someone as great as me, having to serve under a fool like Serpentor... NO, I'M NOT LETTING IT GO, MINDBENDER! I GOT TURNED INTO A SNAKE!! ...Yes, yes, I KNOW I got my revenge, but THAT took some time.
- Depending on the Artist: I stick mainly to some variation on either the hood or the reflective mask. I like to have fun with the design of the mask.
- Dirty Coward: I AM NOT A COWAAAAARD!!!
- Evil Sounds Deep: Well, Live-Action Movie Me at least. I normally don't sound like this, but I can rise to the occasion every now and then; a line like "As Stalin said, trust no one, not even yourself" is meant to be said in dulcet tones, after all. Funny story, before people heard my voice for the first time, quite a few of them imagined me sounding like Orson Welles.
- Multiple-Choice Past: A disgraced scientist from a secret society, a disgraced car salesman, or a jarhead at the wrong place at the wrong time. If that purple coated jester can do it, why can't I?
- Screw the Rules, I Have Money!: What a great system! If you have enough money and you can hire the best lawyers, you can do anything you want!
- Smug Snake: It is not a sin to be smug, for I am the leader of Cobra after all!
- The Starscream: When Serpentor took over Cobra, I tried to sabotage him to regain my rightful position. I am aware of certain connections even if they are pitiful.
- Took a Level in Badass: Sssssay what you will about all the times my incompetent underlings failed me in the original cartoons, but in G.I. Joe: Resolute I not only turned out to have been using Obfuscating Stupidity all along, but I BLEW UP MOSCOW! No one can take that away from me!
- Was Once a Man: I can't believe they made a trope out of this. The Baroness eventually tried to restore me to normal, but I STILL ended up as MORE of a lizard man than I already was! I HAD THE URGE TO EAT FLIES! ...Not that I DIDN'T consider myself to have FINALLY returned, and at least I only had TWO eyes again. Finding one of my battle suits also helped.
- Where the Hell Is Springfield?: I once set up a secret base in a nice little town called Springfield. No, not that one. Virtually every state has a Springfield. I can set up shop in any one of them.
Now that I am done here, you shall be loyal to me, you shall read thisssss page—
You Fool!!! No one will read a page with so few tropes here! They'll flock to the Joes' page and make you look like an idiot in their eyes while you do nothing about it!!!
NOT NOW DESTRO! But if they try, I shall— wait, you gave me an idea, Destro! I'll get my men to raid that page and deface the Joes' character folders! TROOPS! You shall make an account on this scummy website each and deface the Joes' character folders! FOR COOOOBRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!