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Self Demonstrating / Lobo

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The Main Man don't like bein' looked at funny, fanboys.

"The name's Lobo. That's 'L' as in 'lacerate', 'O' as in 'obliterate', 'B' as in 'disemBowel', and 'O' as in, uh, oh, I guess I can use 'obliterate' twice, huh, whaddya think?"
Me, Superman: The Animated Series, "The Main Man"

(Best read in the voices of Brad Garrett, Kevin Michael Richardson, David Sobolov, John DiMaggio, or Ryan Hurst.)


Listen up, dweebs! Seein' as how I'm me, it's time I gave ya the real lowdown on the Main Man.

Name's Lobo, and I kill people. That ain't my real name, by the way — you dweebs can't pronounce it, but it translates to He Who Devours Your Entrails And Thoroughly Enjoys It. I'm the best fraggin' bounty hunter the galaxy has to offer — ferget the guy in the potbowl helmet. I grew up on a rock named Czarnia, which was full of dweebs. So when I took chemistry in high school, I mixed up somethin' special to show 'em how I really felt. Fragged every last one of them for that year's Science project, gave myself an A. Anyways, afterwards I got hold of a chain and hook, and a nice bike, and I've pretty much been boozin' and fightin' my way across the galaxy ever since.


Some of the nerds around here might try to tell ya I'm some sort of parody of a '90s Anti-Hero, but try laughin' at the Main Man and I'll blow yer head off. In any case I predate most of them, first appearing in Omega Men #3 (June, 1983), The Dark Age of Comic Books where those guys became standard didn't start for about another three years. Records of my life turned up in my own 4 issue mini-series (November, 1990-February, 1991). The readers seemed to love it, as more mini-series turned up and sold well. I next got my own regular series which lasted for 64 issues, from December, 1993 to July, 1999. Not that I ever stopped appearing in the pages of series named after other guys.

I also had my own webseries which chronicle my fragging awesome adventures throughout the galaxy. Like my comics, it's not for fraggin' youngsters or old timers.


Other'n that, I'm pretty much what I look like. Except that time they merged me with a duck. 'Would've made more sense to use good ol' Deadpool, but he wasn't a big name yet. Oh, and I like dolphins but I hate space penguins. What, ya think that's funny? Waitaminnit. There, here's yer spine back.

The New 52 has taken its toll on my glorious self by making me conspicuously unglorious. Those bastiches turned me into a nancy boy! Oh wait, turns out, I'm in it, as a fake? And that pansy killed me?! No way chumps, I ain't standin' fer this!

Well whattaya know, the Main Man is finally back for that Rebirth thing! Somehow I'm startin' off as part of Bats' own take on the Justice League, but either way, I like where this goin'. Come to think of it, turns out a bunch of the 52 guys aren't really who they're supposed to be, whether they'd be from other places or someone's cousin. Wonder if this'll explain that nancy boy bastich and it'll mean I get to frag him? Can't wait to find out. Okay, so right now he's stuck in a bottle that the Green Lantern Corps decided not to break open. Not bad, but let's see what'll happen next.

Also, it turns out that I kind of have a daughter who was part of the Teen Titans. Welp, at least she can help me when I'm stuck in prison again.

Oh, and, I finally made it to fraggin' official live action! It's only in that weird show about Supes' planet for now, but I'm sure those dweebs from Warner Bros. will find a way to bring me to the big fraggin' screen, someday! Better have James Gunn or Rob Zombie to direct my movie, not fraggin' Michael Bay.

The Main Man owns the followin' Tropes:

  • Healing Factor: That feeb with the claws an' the funny hairdo wishes his worked as good as mine.
  • Heel–Face Revolving Door: Hey, if the price is right? Nothin' personal, but I gotta frag ya. Now if you're offerin' somethin' better than the other guy, well, I might be persuaded to do that whole team-up thing. Maybe.
  • Hilarity Ensues: Oh boy, this could have an entire page dedicated to it. In fact, it should have a page dedicated to it! But I guess ol’ Lobo can tell you about The Lobo Paramilitary Christmas Special. In it, a couple finds a book about how the Easter Bunny got drunk and hired me to take out ol’ Santa. It’s as amazing as it sounds.
  • Hooks and Crooks: I do love me some hook action. (I wasn't able to use it much in my TV cartoon appearances, though, and you know why? Too hard to animate, they said! What the frag? They can do guys with grappling hooks and babes with lassos, but big guys with chains is "hard to animate?" Riiiight.
  • Humiliation Conga: Bah, first I got offed by Loo and his filthy coward of a brother, Feces, then I get dropped in some wussy afterlife with wings and harps and crap, so I try to liven the place up a bit, and get dropped into the Other Place for my troubles. Then I got kicked out of THERE for enjoying it! Finally, the Powers That Be had enough of me and let me get reincarnated, only first they send me back as a woman, and then as a friggin SQUIRREL! It took me wiping out half the Celestial host for them to finally dump my soul back into my original body and seal me from the afterlife permanently. I tell ya, it ain't easy being the Main Man.
  • Hunter of His Own Kind: Like I said, some of my people really pissed me off. Now look at 'em.
  • I Come in Peace: I tried my best to be peaceful once. No rippin’ a bastich’s spine out or fraggin’ a planet if it annoyed me. Turns out it wasn’t tha proper lifestyle fer me.
  • Identity Impersonator: That Nancy boy chump is claiming that I'm not the Main Man, he is! What a load of crap.
  • I Gave My Word: And the Main Man's word is his bond. If I make a promise, I'm gonna keep it. Course, if I should happen to be released from a promise, watch out. And pay attention to just what I promised, not what you geeks might think I promised.
  • Impaled with Extreme Prejudice: I got my arm impaled by Sniff's spikes and One Lung gave me the sponge! You do not want to touch Sniff or his bro Slaz!
  • Jerkass: First of all, the only fraggin’ reason I still have a heart is because the damn thing keeps regenerating back. But try to make a case for an inner softie after seeing some of my work.
  • Kavorka Man: So that Wonder Mamma don't wanna play horizontal tug o' war with da Main Man... Who gives a frag? A lotta ladies say diff'rent!!!
  • Kick the Dog: Anybody remember Dawg, the bulldog that occasionally appeared alongside me? No? THEN YA DIDN’T READ THE FLIPPIN’ THE BIRD ENTRY YA FRAGGIN’ BASTICH! But yeah, I kinda sorta kicked him a bit until he stopped moving. And existing. But don’t worry too much. He’s appeared later.
  • The Knights Who Say "Squee!": Would'ya believe one of the greatest Main Man's fanboys was that geezer who seemed to be everywhere? Frag' yeah... let's hear it from the man himself!
  • Kryptonite Factor: Turns out some gases can knock me out, slow my regeneration, sap most of my physical strength and other stuff.
    • Vril Dox got somethin'. I ain't sayin' what. He's got it, an' he better hope it works the first time.
    • And lissen, I don' know what ya heard about Bueno Excellente, that was Photoshopped. Oh! Ya' didn't think so? Well, then prepare to count yer'self 'tween those mighty few fortunate bastiches that tasted the flavor of their own sphincters.
  • Lampshade Hanging: You wanna try tellin me I shouldn't be able lasso a star-sized cue ball without leverage? You say that's illogical? Too bad, fragwit! I don't DO logical!
  • Large Ham: ...are ya' tryin' to say I'm delicious? Or is this more of a metaphorical ham?
  • Last of His Kind: I'm the one who made myself this. Fer fun.
  • Leitmotif: My rock music tastes are heard in the fraggin' background of my cartoon whenever I am seen.
  • Lighter and Softer: Yeah, the Main Man can do "lighter" from time to time, includin' my Tiny Titans appearances. Say I'm "softer" and ya'll be shoppin' for new teeth.
  • Light Is Not Good: I got me a Red Lantern Ring from Atrocitus in exchange for pullin' a job for him. I ain't put it on yet. The Main Man's saving it for a rainy day.
  • Lightning Bruiser: Between me bein’ able ta knock Superman on his ass and block some a’ those speedy punches of his, I say the Main Man qualifies for this. Me on da SpazFrag will leave ya in the dust.
  • List of Transgressions: My list.
    Wanted for crimes against the Galaxy including: Genocide ... Fratricide ... Patricide ... Matricide ... Impersonating a member of the Intergalactic Church of Truth ... Impersonating a member of the Green Lantern Corps ... Carrying a concealed thermo-nuclear device ... Breaking into the Justice League Satellite ... Fishing without a license ... Jaywalking ... Grand theft plasma rocket ... Disturbance of the peace across three space sectors ... 1,978,643,896 unpaid parking permits ... Illegal bounty hunting ... Wanton destruction of government property ... Demolishing a city without a permit ... Reckless endangerment toward animals ... Hijacking ... Selling/distributing radioactive material to cute fluffy bunny rabbits ... Noise infractions level 5.0 ... Illegally poaching Starros ... Bounty Huntering in a restricted zone ... Stepping on the grass ... Defecating in a public garden ... Loitering ... Advocating the overthrow of the heads of state ... Not honoring the bounty hunter code.
  • Local Hangout: I just love Al's diner! And Al and Darlene love it when I show up too. Mainly because the guys who rebuild the city every time I wreck the place always eat there! They make a ton of cash. (Only hard part is making sure I don't wreck the diner too...)
  • Meaningful Name: My name's Khundian for "he who devours your entrails and thoroughly enjoys it".
  • Misanthrope Supreme: Hey... if you happen not to be the twerp who contracted yer's trully and loaded in hyper-cash to pay my fee or a hot classie lady... you're in for a world o' pain, dweeb!
  • Money, Dear Boy: Hell, I'll frag myself if it's worth enough! (And I have, too!)
  • Morality Pet: After Bats suckered me into joining his Justice League, that new Atom started to grow on me. Kid reminds me of dolphins.
  • More Dakka: Fragg´n A! Ain't never enuf dakka!note 
  • My Horse Is a Motorbike: Name a horse that’s better than da SpazFrag 666. Don’t worry about it if ya can’t. Nobody else could.
  • Name's the Same: I doubt you'd confuse me with that sheriff. invoked
  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: Didja know "Lobo" is also Khundian fer "He Who Devours Your Entrails And Thoroughly Enjoys It"? On Earth, it means "wolf", which ain't exactly cuddly either.
  • Nay-Theist: Gawd? Killed 'im, and his devil bro too.
  • '90s Anti-Hero: Originally a Word of God Satire/Parody/Pastiche of one, even though I came out of the early 80s. Later played straight at times after I got a lot of Misaimed Fandom popularity.
  • Noble Demon: I always keep my word, even to Sunny Jim!
  • The Nose Knows: It’s like I told that clown. Once I get yer scent, there’s nowhere in da universe you can hide from me.
  • Oblivious to Love: Ahhh, Darlene...!!! Fe'r all ot those who think I don't have a fragg'n heart. We're Just Friends for what I'm concern'd, even though I think of her very often. But I've heard she says diff'rent.
  • Odd Friendship:
    • That Aquaman dude's alright, seein' as he chills with dolphins.
    • Etrigan can raise hell in Hell with da Main Man any day.
    • That Ryan Choi kid's probably the only guy who ain't a dolphin in this whole fraggin' universe I can legit call innocent.
  • Offing the Offspring: I ain’t bein’ put on the hook for child support.
  • Omniglot: Greatest bounty hunter of all time, remember? How’s da Main Man supposed ta get jobs if he can’t communicate with most of the universe? Good thing fer me I know 17,897 languages.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: I killed everyone from my home planet. Why? Hey, hey, hey, there's only ONE Lobo. No bastich steals my spotlight from that wuss rock.
  • Only in It for the Money: there any other reason to do... ANYTHING? Feetal's Gizz!!! Cigars, booze and babes ain't come cheap, ye' know?
  • Our Presidents Are Different: On an Intergalactic President election, they said I was a hero. As I said before, this is crap!
  • Pardon My Klingon: ...have ya' already see my fraggin' omniglot entry?
  • Popularity Power: On the receiving end in Marvel VS DC when pit against Wolverine. The winner for each fight was determined by the votes from the readers, so of course that dweeb was their choice of winner, but I was so far out of his leaguenote  that the writers didn't actually show the fight because they couldn't think of a way for him to beat me. He was lucky, the bald guy he works for paid me to throw the fight so it wouldn't bruise his ego. According to the Word of God, I took a dive for $50. Hey, beer is expensive!
  • Pre Ass Kicking One Liner: I say a good amount of these during my cartoon.
    • "Thanks, Clyde. I think you cleaned away most of my plaque!"
    • "Eat lead, ya scrotal sacks!"
  • Psycho Knife Nut: Does the nickname "Mr. Machete" mean anything to you?
  • Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: "Where's! My! Bike!?"
  • Red Baron: Alright, let’s run through the list. The Main Man, Scourge o' the Cosmos, The Last Czarnian, The Destroyer, The Master Fragger, The 'Bo, The Wolf, Mister Machete, He Who Devours Your Entrails and Thoroughly Enjoys It, and that’s just naming a few of ‘em.
  • Self-Made Orphan: My parents didn't get through my childhood in too good a shape. Dweebs just didn't know how to nurture me right.
  • Sky Face: Parodied in the story "Babykiller": After I fought and killed my half-Czarnian daughter, her image appeared in the sky, vowing that there'll be a next time and it'll be MY image in the sky. (There wasn't).
  • Strong as They Need to Be: I got all I need. 'Cept a gas mask.
  • Super Senses: Having good senses is great for hunting down the bastiches I need to catch. I can find bastiches across a galaxy with my nose.
  • Super Strength: Superman wasn't punched by my fists' good looks. Or maybe he was. Who knows? Meh, he got back up.
  • Testosterone Poisoning: Poisoned? Call it blessed wit testosterone! It's those roided out bastiches I parody that are poisoned with it! Whaddaya mean that's not how the trope works?
  • Tomato in the Mirror: You know, you'd think that the Main Man was the first guy someone would think of when they heard that the "ultimate Bastich" who had destroyed a whole solar system, but I was actually the guy who they sent to bring him in. Well, turns out it was me — me and the Mask. And I didn't figure it out until I fought another Mask. (Those Timey-Wimey Ball things can drive ya nuts...)
  • Tracking Device: Stump gave me this tracking gizmo so I can find Mudboy.
  • The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny: It might've taken 'em a while, but the dweebs runnin' that internet show about fightin' and death finally had the sense to put me in a episode around Season 6, where I got to duke it out with that flame-headed bastich. Though the Main Man might've bitten off more than he could chew there...
  • The Unfettered: Once the Main Man puts his mind to it, he can destroy anything.
  • Unreliable Narrator: Of course I did kill my entire race! Never mind that the Justice League and Green Lantern Corps never make catching me their priority! That was as true as the time I killed Santa Claus!
  • Unsettling Gender-Reveal: HEY!! It ain't MY fault that T.V. Smith "chick" turned out ta be a transvestite!
  • Unusual Euphemism: Whatta ya fraggin' bastiches talkin' about?
  • Villain Protagonist: Worse than that German guy, at least. I try my best.
  • Villainous Crush: What? Big Blue's cousin is smokin' hot and feisty. Daddy likes!
    • Do ye' remember that voluptuous redhead chick Supes dumped in his own toon show... the one that's queen of her own planet? Well, that broad seemed very int'rested on yer's trully good looks and pers'nality! Bonus points: SHE'S LOADED!!! She putted her numba' on my special li'l black book, ye' know? So we might as well say that my retir'ment plan is already covered!
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: Me and that demon Etrigan ended up as these. We practically had no choice, as our fights always end in a draw. Even helped him frag his way through Hell once.
  • Vocal Evolution: In the first five episodes of my webseries, I sounded like the fragging Grim Reaper.
  • Weapon Specialization: The Main Man uses a lot of weapons from gun and knifes to weapons of mass destruction, but the good ol' Chain and hook is always the go tool to get the job done.
  • Where I Was Born and Razed: Czarnia, in case you bastiches weren't paying attention to this whole page. Fragged the lot of 'em as a Science Fair project.
  • Wolverine Wannabe: They say I'm the one who ripped-off that midget with the metal claws, just cuz Imma nitty-gritty '90s Anti-Hero with a ridiculous Healing Factor. Well I'll have you know I do a way better job than that squirt. Can he regenerate from a drop of his own blood? Didn't think so! I even clobbered that punk in the Marvel Versus DC Crossover event where I... somehow lose. I’ll let you in on a secretnote 
  • Worthy Opponent: Supes fought me to a standstill....okay I lost a few times, and made me want to replace him on the League when they thought he was dead! I did a good job! I mean, so what if they weren't happy with my style. I took care of Kalibak, dammit! And I really didn't enjoy Superman telling me to git out. I didn't do it because he intimidated me HEY, Lobo is too good for that pouncy team. Don't count on the Main Man if you don't want my help!
  • Would Hurt a Child: I killed a baby for pissin' acid on my fraggin' face.
  • You Wouldn't Hit A Guy With Glasses: Yes the frag I would. Just ask the Big Blue Boyscout.

Well, looks like I'm done here, so I'm off to frag some sort of bounty out there, or maybe around your own place. After all, someone pays me to get the job done...and the Main Man always delivers!