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Self Demonstrating / Bill Cipher

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"A DARKNESS APPROACHES! A DAY WILL COME IN THE FUTURE WHEN EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT WILL CHANGE! UNTIL THEN, I'LL BE WATCHING YOU! I'LL BE WATCHING YOU!"

https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/bill_cipher_pointing.png
SURE, I'M INSANE. WHAT'S YOUR POINT?
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FOR BEST RESULTS, IMAGINE THIS WHOLE PAGE YELLED BY A CRAZY AND NERDY MAN ATTEMPTING A HIGH-PITCHED AND TERRIBLE DAVID LYNCH IMPRESSION. HERE'S A VIDEO LINK FOR YOU LAZY LOSERS!


WELL, WELL, WELL! HEY THERE, TROPE EXPLORER! THE NAME'S BILL CIPHER! YOU KIDS MIGHT KNOW ME FROM A CERTAIN POPULAR SHOW CALLED GRAVITY FALLS. IF NOT, LET ME GIVE YOU A RUNDOWN! OH, NO, NO, I INSIST! LUCKILY FOR YOU, YOU OVER-INDULGENT ANTISOCIAL TROLL, I'M NOT ACCEPTING OFFERINGS AT THIS TIME AS I BESTOW UNHOLY KNOWLEDGE! YOU CAN KEEP YOUR BLOOD, DECAPITATED PUDGY DIGITS, RECORDED SCREAMS, AND MEMORABILIA OF MYSELF! NOW TAPE YOUR EYEBALLS OPEN, TAKE A SEAT, AND KEEP SCROLLING DOWN MY PAGE AS YOU GAZE UPON A SLIVER OF SURREPTITIOUS ERUDITIONS THAT SAGES AND CULTS HAVE CLAMORED IN DESPERATION FOR! MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE WHILE I GET A NICE, WARM, GLASS OF LEAD-BASED PAINT. EVERGREEN'S MY FAVORITE.

SO ANYWAY: I'VE BEEN RESIDING IN THE NIGHTMARE REALM FOR EONS, LONG BEFORE YOUR MEAGER UNIVERSE CAME TO FRUITION. WHILE I COULD INTERACT WITH YOUR UNIVERSE EVERY NOW AND THEN BY TRICKING ONE OF YOU PEONS INTO GIVING ME YOUR BODY, I WAS UNABLE TO TRULY ENTER YOUR DIMENSIONAL PLANE, AS YOUR REALM CANNOT COMPREHEND MY EXISTENCE! BOY OH BOY, HOW I LONGED TO BE "PART OF YOUR WOOOOOORLD!".

THEN ONE DAY, THIS UNFORTUNATE HUMAN NAMED STANFORD PINES CAME HERE INTO GRAVITY FALLS RESEARCHING ALL THE CRAZY STUFF GOING ON AROUND HERE. I ASSURE YOU IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. I USED HIM LIKE A PAWN (I WISH I COULD DO IT AGAIN, TRICKING HIM WAS SO MUCH FUN!) AFTERWARD, I FINALLY GOT THE BRAINIAC TO BUILD A PORTAL! HA! ALL FOR WEIRDMAGEDDON! SADLY, HE SHUT IT DOWN! OH, I WISH I COULD TEAR HIM UP LIMB FROM LIMB!

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SIXER'S BROTHER, FEZ CAME ALONG WITH HIS NEPHEW AND NIECE, PINE TREE AND SHOOTING STAR! I INSIST CALLING THEM THAT. THEIR REAL NAMES ARE REALLY STUPID. PINE TREE FOUND ABOUT ME ONCE AND GOT IN MY WAY. I THANKFULLY RETREATED AND THEN I POSSESSED HIM! BURNING, STABBING AND PUNCHING IS JUST SO MUCH FUN! HA HA HA HA! HE THEN HAD THIS RIFT FROM A PORTAL AND BY USING HIS SORRY SISTER AS A PAWN, I TOOK OVER THE WORLD!

...AND THEN I GOT FOILED. BUT I AM BACK TO WRITE MY PAGE! AND JUST KNOW, I'LL BE WATCHING YOU.


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MY VERY LOVELY TROPES:

  • Ancient Evil: LOOK THROUGHOUT YOUR PUNY RACE'S HISTORY, SUNNY JIM. I'VE BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES, FAR BEYOND WHAT YOUR MIND CAN COMPREHEND! HA! SURE GUYS LIKE PURPLE PUSS, THAT TERUMI CHUMP MAY HAVE GOTTEN A HEAD-START ON ME, BUT LOOK AT 'EM NOW! ONE KEEPS GETTING DUMPED BY HIS "GIRLFRIEND", AND ONE GOT BEATEN BY A WALKING CLICHE!
  • Apocalypse How: MY BELOVED WEIRDMAGEDDON! TIME IS DEAD AND MEANING HAS NO MEANING! IT'S THE ULTIMATE PARTY!
  • Arch-Enemy: I'VE MADE A LOT OF THESE THROUGHOUT MY LIFETIME. WELL, AS THEY SAY. YOU KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER.
  • Ax-Crazy: YES, YES, I KNOW I'M INSANE AND I'M QUITE PROUD OF IT!
  • Beware the Silly Ones: YOU THINK I'M ALL FUN AND GAMES? HA! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M LIKE WHEN I'M MAD?!
  • Big Bad: YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN OF THE WHOLE SHOW!
  • Caps Lock: ONE OF YOU EAGER HUMANS ASKED ME ABOUT WHY I TYPED THIS WAY IN MY AMA AND ON HERE! IT'S BECAUSE I THINK IN ALL CAPS!
  • Card-Carrying Villain: LOOK, I ALREADY KNOW I'M A MANIAC. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHY YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO KEEP POINTING THAT OUT.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT DEER TEETH?
  • Complete Monster: AND PROUD OF IT!
  • Deal with the Devil: I'LL MAKE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE IF YOU HELP ME WITH MY PLANS.
  • Demonic Possession: I JUST LOVE DOING THIS! PAIN IS HILARIOUS! TOO BAD FOR THE VICTIM, THOUGH!
  • The Dreaded: EVERYONE IS REALLY SCARED OF ME. NOT SURE WHY.
  • Eldritch Abomination: I AM ONE COMPARED TO YOU PATHETIC HUMANS, ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING I EXISTED BEFORE YOUR PUNY DIMENSION.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THE HECK EMPATHY EVEN IS? I DON'T GET WHY SHOOTING STAR FELT SO BAD FOR TREATING HER BROTHER LIKE A PAWN! I TREATED FORDSIE LIKE ONE AND NOT ONCE DID I FEEL ANYTHING BUT JOY!
  • Evil Has a Bad Sense of Humor: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BAD? OH, COME ON GUYS! I'M HILARIOUS! I'LL TURN THAT FROWN OF YOURS UPSIDE DOWN. LITERALLY.
  • Evil Laugh: HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
  • Hypocritical Humor: WHY IS EVERYONE CALLING ME A HYPOCRITE CAUSE I CALLED THAT GIRL A MONSTER? SHE'S AN UNNATURAL FREAK!
  • I Just Want to Be Free: MY OLD DIMENSION WAS SO BORING AND HAD WAY TOO MANY RESTRICTIONS, SO I LIBERATED IT! NOW,I WANT TO FREE YOUR DIMENSION TOO!
  • Lack of Empathy: WHAT THE HECK EVEN IS THAT? IT IS SOMETHING YOU CAN SPREAD ON A POPTART? IS IT THE SAME AS THIS STRANGE THING THEY CALL "GOOEY-ELT"? GENUINE QUESTION.
  • Laughably Evil: YOU SAY I'M EVIL, BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT MY LINES ARE COMEDY GOLD!
  • The Mad Hatter: I'M CRAZY AND I'M PROUD! AND I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO SHARE IT WITH YOU! ALL OF YOU.
  • My Parents Are Dead: MY ENTIRE FAMILY DIED EONS AGO. BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE WHO KILLED THEM!
  • The Nicknamer: I JUST LOVE GIVING EVERYONE NICKNAMES! THEIR REAL NAMES ARE TOO PATHETIC! AND DID I MENTION THAT BILL CIPHER IS NOT MY REAL NAME? IT IS BASICALLY A DIMENSIONAL USERNAME, A PRIMITIVE GRUNT DESIGNED FOR YOUR ANALOG EARS! IF YOU WERE TO HEAR MY REAL NAME, YOU'D EVAPORATE TO DUST WITH AN EXPRESSION OF HORROR AND ECSTASY ON YOUR FACE! WHICH WOULD BE FUN, BUT IT WOULD PROBABLY RUIN THE RUG!
  • No Indoor Voice: AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M CONSTANTLY YELLING.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: I LIBERATED MY DIMENSION AND I WANT TO DO THE SAME TO YOURS!
  • The Omniscient: OH, I KNOW LOTS OF THINGS! LOTS OF THINGS.
  • Pungeon Master: YES, EYE DO MAKE QUITE A LOT OF PUNS.
  • Puny Earthlings: FORTUNATELY, YOUR FEEBLE-MINDED KIND LACKS THE ABILITY TO PLAY AROUND WITH THE FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME LIKE I DO. AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO HILARIOUS TO TORMENT YOU; YOUR SHEER, UTTER LACK OF COMPREHENSION. OH, HO HO HO! I CRACK MYSELF UP SOMETIMES.
  • Psychic-Assisted Suicide: I WAS GONNA GIVE PINE TREE'S BODY A GRAND FINALE BY THROWING OFF THE WATER TOWER, SO THE POOR KID DIDN'T HAVE A HOME TO RETURN TO! TOO BAD MY PLANS WERE RUINED BY HIS STUPID, HALF-WIT SISTER! UGH!
  • Reality Warper: AH, MY FAVORITE HOBBY! I DON'T THINK THERE IS A SINGLE THING MORE ENJOYABLE THAT RANDOMLY TURNING OFF THOSE STUPID, MATHEMATICS-BASED ANNOYANCES YOU CALL "THE LAWS OF PHYSICS". OR I COULD JUST SWITCH AROUND YOUR SENSORY ORGANS. OR MAYBE MAKE YOU GROW A NEW BODY PART; THAT'S ALWAYS A HOOT. UNFORTUNATELY, I CAN ONLY PRACTISE MY HOBBY IN DIMENSIONS I HAVE BEEN PHYSICALLY SUMMONED INTO.
  • Sadist: PAIN IS HILARIOUS. EVERYONE'S PAIN IS.
  • Smug Snake: LET'S SEE. MY COMPETITION IS A BUNCH OF SNOT NOSED BRATS, THEIR GREAT UNCLES AND A GIANT TALKING BABY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?!
  • Villain Song: I WAS ORIGINALLY PLANNING TO CELEBRATE MY INAUGURATION AS GRAVITY FALL'S NEW EL GRANDE ENCHILADA IN STYLE CALLED "It's Gonna Get Weird", BUT IT HAD TO BE CUT FOR TIME. SHOW BUSINESS CAN BE SUCH A FICKLE BALANCING ACT SOMETIMES, LET ME TELL YA.
  • Would Hurt a Child: AND TURN THEM INTO CORPSES!
  • You're Insane!: PEOPLE KEEP TELLING ME THIS ALL THE TIME. WELL, I KNOW I AM! AND ISN'T THAT JUST GREAT?!

REMEMBER, REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM, BUY GOLD, BYE!

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