Funny / The Cinema Snob 2017 Episodes

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Reefer Madness

• Summing up the entire premise of the film's hilariously off-the-mark message:
  Snob: Even the 1930s said, "Fuck this movie!"
  • Even better when he explains the movie was picked up by a church group and had its own shots edited in and billed as an exploitation film:
    Snob: So you can watch this after hours with your pants unzipped, JUST DON'T SMOKE ANY POT WHILE DOING IT.
• Pointing out a big Nice Job Fixing It, Villain moment when expositing how joints are made...
  Snob: Thanks. Now I know how to roll my own joint and where to hide my stash. This movie is educational!
• "This'll learn ya! We're burning all your blocks of delicious cheddar cheese!"
  Snob: Aaand this ol' roamin' town's about to get some secondhand happiness!
• "Let's start this prequel to I Accuse My Parents..."
• Snob is taken aback by a crossguard holding his hand out to the camera. Snob complies and shuts up until the scene is over, after which he "can continue being a smartass."
• Just casually mentioning how the piano player looks like he chopped up five people before coming to the party. While pausing on the dude's sudden Nightmare Face.
  • And when "Hatchet-Wielding Harry", as Snob calls him, is off by himself smoking a joint and giggling like mad...
    Snob: Good! That'll calm him down!
• [[invoked[[ Snob's immediate response to Mary getting shot is hilariously morbid:
  Snob: Well, good! Something else to make a bong out of!
• The Snob's pretentious twin brother "Jordan B. Matthews" — a blatant Take That! at Kyle "Oancitizen" Kallgren of Brows Held High — who defends the movie before spreading mayonnaise on his nipple.

Friday the 13th, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

• The Running Gag on the Non-Indicative Name.
• The review is split into two parts. When the Snob attempts a Previously on…, a clip from The Muppets Take Manhattan plays instead.
• Jason punching the head off a boxer warrants the sound effects and Game Over text of the Punch-Out!! NES game.
  Snob: Easiest joke in the whole episode!
• Snob's reaction to Jason seeing a billboard ad for the Eastern Hockey League:
  Snob: Stop being funny, Part VIII! Only Part VI is allowed to be funny!
• When Charles points out that they should call the police instead of trying to face the muggers head-on
  Snob: Have you noticed yet that Charles is one of those characters that we're supposed to hate but he's the only one who is constantly making sense?
• Snob explaining Jason's Villainous Rescue:
  Snob:...for a moment, Jason becomes the hero when he actually saves her from being raped. He only kills both parties when it's consensual.

I'm Not Ashamed

• The Snob pointing out how Team Snob was able to parody a scene from this movie in Jesus, Bro! without having even seen the movie beforehand.
• The film is about a victim of the Columbine massacre, yet constantly feels the need to unsubtly foreshadow said massacre. The Snob isn't amused:
  (after yet another scene of Harris and Klebold planning)
  Snob: Hey, wait a minute...I think this movie's about the Columbine shooting!
• During a scene where the dialogue is frustratingly deafened by a character playing a guitar, Snob plays a scene of Bluto smashing a guitar.
• "The '90s made it much easier to notice the douchebags: they all wore the same white hats. And they all look thirty."
• There's something darkly funny about how with all the many, many horrible movies the Snob has covered, it's a PureFlix movie that has him visibly nervous about reviewing it, complete with eighties-style collar tugging. Especially when the movie actually turns out to be surprisingly tasteful.
• Though the movie turns out to be significantly better than expected, Snob gets increasingly annoyed at the over-the-top foreshadowing, considering everyone knows how the movie's going to end.
  Snob: And the way the dialogue is, it's like every line is her last line!
  Rachel: Hey...look out for my friend Austin when I'm not around.
  Snob: Oh my god, movie, I know she's gonna die!
  Rachel: Why can't I see my future?
  Snob: Stop!
• Snob's reaction to how the movie isn't nearly as preachy as he thought it would be, and is in fact surprisingly good (well, at least by the standards of Pureflix).
  Snob: (in a disbelieving tone) The Columbine Pureflix movie is less hateful than the romance Pureflix movie!

Macho Man

• Punch-Out!! sound effects return, with Snob saying it's an Obligatory Joke.
• "I see someone has the blues. Kraftwerk Macaroni and Cheese."

Glen or Glenda

• The opening series of Mad Libs, where the Cinema Snob somehow comes up with the movie title "Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla"... and is then openly baffled with how that's an actual movie.
• "Bela Lugosi in Glen or Glenda. We don't know which but his penis is in one of the two!"
• invoked The Cinema Snob openly lampshading the film's Lost Aesop in how sexuality and gender are more complex than society likes to present them as... and then following up these surprisingly thoughtful messages with random cutaways to Stock Footage of attractive young women and men engaging in bondage.
• Snob getting his mail wearing a dress - and as a Call-Back to his review of Nudist Colony of the Dead, dancing to "It's An Inky Dinky Doo-Dah Morning" while doing so.
• invoked The Snob's pretentious twin Jordan B. Matthews returns to talk about how the film was Fair for Its Day regarding its views on transgenderism. After that's all said and done, we see him pull a pineapple from the bottom of the screen with a ''pop'' sound effect and a moan. The Snob's response? Asking how come his brother had hair now, even though he didn't last time.

The Beyond

• The Snob teasing the viewers about spiders, between bits of a scene where a character gets killed by spiders.
  "Well you're in luck, cause none of that is in the movie."
• One of the movie's characters — John — repeatedly picks up the Idiot Ball when it comes to dealing with zombies.
  Snob: God damn it! If you're gonna keep forgetting to shoot them in the head then I'm gonna stop rooting for you!

Manhattan Baby

• After giving a brief intro to the movie, the Snob's review "properly" starts out with the film's opening scene: A close-up shot of a scorpion wandering the Sahara Desert with a camel in the background.
  Snob: [with his arms crossed and a comically infuriated expression] That's not Manhattan! That's obviously Queens!
• During the family's vacation in Egypt, a mysterious spirit of a blind woman appears and the Snob eagerly hopes she has something "weird and mystical to say!". The spirit then grabs the hand of Suzy (the family's young daughter), leaves her a cursed Eye of Ra necklace, ominously intones "Tombs... are for the dead," and disappears. The Snob... isn't very pleased.
  Snob: [visibly unimpressed] Really? That's what you crossed over into the real world to say? That tombs are for dead people? What's next? [gestures to his mouth] You're gonna tell me food goes in here?
• During a scene that takes place in an Egyptian tomb, the Snob points out that there's some...interesting background music.
  Snob: It's not that I object the American release using music from Mario 64, but why?
• The weird annoying kid with the comically-obvious adult-sounding dubbed voice from House by the Cemetery is back! And Snob refuses to call him by his character's name in this movie (a.k.a. "Tommy"), but by the other movie's "Bob".
  • invoked Even better? While in House by the Cemetery the Snob utterly loathed "Bob" and openly regarded him as The Scrappy, here he seems to love the kid and find him (most likely at least somewhat sarcastically) to be one of the film's few bright spots... at least in the sense that his sheer weirdness actually comes across as somewhat entertaining when the rest of the film is so relentlessly boring.
  • invoked Instead, Emily^note the family's mother has an exceptionally annoying coworker & "office jokester" played by Giovanni Lombardo Radice named "Luke". Luke then takes most of the Snob's ire throughout the review, to the point where he's visibly satisfied when Luke inadvertently kills himself by walking through a closet doorway enchanted by the Egyptian curse.
• "Meanwhile, in a sitcom establishing shot..."
• invoked As the curse starts effecting the family, there's a random zoom-in shot on a Rubix cube in the family's apartment.
  Snob: An unfinished Rubix cube in 1982? Impossible!!
• The Snob's snark over how the babysitter for the kids is named "Jamie Lee".
  Snob: They probably figured that naming her "Laurie Smiths-Grove-Samhain-Haddonfield" would be too obvious!
  • He also later claims that Jamie Lee's Cruel and Unusual Death at the hands of the curse is "still a better fate than what she got in Halloween: Resurrection."
• invoked After the Egyptian curse seems to kill one of the apartment building's residents through a freak elevator malfunction, the Snob lampshades how thanks to Fridge Horror considering how crummy the family's apartment building is, there's actually decent odds of the Egyptian curse not actually being responsible for that and it just being a Contrived Coincidence.

City of the Living Dead

• invoked Giovanni Lombardo Radice's Woobie character both having Psychic Powers and being named "Bob" has the Snob theorizing that this film is secretly the Doctor Sleep to House By The Cemetery's The Shining.
• A scene where a raised corpse viciously tears off a man's thumb while they're at said corpse's funeral has the Snob showing a clip from The Simpsons where Homer warns Bart "Don't hassle the dead, boy. They have eerie powers...".
• The fact the ending is as needlessly vague as possible annoys Snob, even saying City of the Walking Dead seems to have more of a conclusion.
• Another Patreon poll... with Windy City shoehorned in as an option again.

Conquest

• During the opening, Snob does a Bait-and-Switch saying the "Patreon Electoral College" chose Windy City instead... and during The Stinger, like in the Academy Awards one day before, comes an envelope with a different result: "The Black Cat".
• As the villainess becomes a wolf, Snob dubs in the ending dialogue from Oh! Heavenly Dog.

King Dong

• "If there are four E.T. pornos, of course there will be a King Kong one!"

Bela Lugosi Meets A Brooklyn Gorilla

• "This title just sounds as if I'm reading about [Bela Lugosi] going to the zoo!"
• After a terrible joke:
  Snob: Hmm, she's the only one laughing. Reminds me of when I took a date to go see the That Darn Cat remake. There was no second date. Just like if I took a date who laughed at this!
• invoked The Snob's growing annoyance with Sammy Petrillo.
• "Compliments of Frank Sinatra, mother fucker!"
• Jordan B. Matthews returns again, and doesn't even try to defend the film as he has his own... shall we say, defense to make.
  Jordan B. Matthews: It has come to my attention that there are many people who think I pulled a pineapple out my ass during my last appearance. I will have you know that it was not my ass. I was making sweet love to the pineapple with my sweaty, adequate dick, and if anyone says otherwise, they will be immediately blocked.

Mighty Muffin Pounder Rangers

• The return of Actual Lee (after all, Linkara is the resident Power Rangers expert), with intromissions that are always irrelevant.

God's Club

• The Dove Foundation is compared to Armond White, "except it's not trying to sound smart". Cue a tweet by White replying to the Snob.
  Snob: What?! Oh, Armond White does sound like the guy who Twitter-searches his own name.
• "Your brother, Donald Trump" — Alec Baldwin dressed as Trump, of course.
• Snob's continuous disappointment at Stephen Baldwin's sleepwalking performance, which at a certain point he starts to highlight with the praising blurb "Stephen Baldwin is superb".
  • "[Stephen Baldwin] looks like a handsome...thumb."

"The Smuffs"

• Snob's angry tirade against lazy Parallel Porn Titles (including the movie from this episode, which is actually This Ain't The Smurfs XXX: A Porn Parody).
• Tobe Fair is back, though his takedowns by the Snob (which even include a reference to the Ghost in the Shell (2017) Midnight Screenings episode) are funnier than his intromissions.

Zombies on Broadway

• "Only this movie doesn't have Hitler in it! Weird that I have to specify this..."
• A character named Douglas Walker leads to obvious references.
  Snob: Because of the criticisms from Doug Walker, Brown & Carney are threatened in to finding a real zombie for the night club...and that is literally an accurate description of the plot!

God's Not Dead 2

• The Snob breaking into cartoonish evil laughter pretty much every time Ray Wise says or does anything.
• Midnight Screenings, starring Fat Grandma and Brad Jones!
• Snob referring to the film as "God's Not Dead 2: God Harder".
• All Snob can say when the Universal logo pops up before the film?
  "...why?!?"
• Snob's Brain Bleach moment during a scene between Melissa Joan Hart and Pat Boone:
  Snob: Ohhh... please tell me they're not banging... I get enough of that from the John Derek movies!
• "Josh Wheaton is not in this film! He's hanging out with his friends George Roddenberry and Steven Spielsteen!"
• "In space, no one can hear you pray."
• His reaction to Mike Huckabee's cameo:
  Snob: Tell me more about tolerance, guy who fucks chicken sandwiches to keep the gay away.
• "And that was Clarissa Explains Nothing!"

Another Son of Sam

• "'Another Son of Sam'?! That's not a good idea! I wanna watch a movie, not get shot with a .44 caliber pistol!"

Unidentified Flying Oddball

• The movie is so bad that it makes the Snob the driest and most sarcastic he's been in years. Well, moreso. Just see the sheer contempt whenever Snob has to say the title out loud.
  • Speaking of that, there's him saying this movie is a more accurate retelling of King Arthur than the Guy Ritchie version hitting theaters.
• The review ends with yet another Patreon poll! And Snob doesn't even do a Verbal Backspace listing Windy City again.

Windy City

• The whole opening where Snob is genuinely surprised to note how Windy City finally won a Patreon poll... And that it's an extraordinarily dull movie that lacks anything remotely resembling Dianne Wiest blowing herself up in Independence Day (1983).
  • Even better: it won the poll by one percent of the votes.
  • He then concludes the main lesson here is that his Patreon viewers would rather watch lame 80's dramas than movies with aliens, given how Independence Day was the, well, Independence Day: Resurgence tie in, and Windy City is the Alien: Covenant tie in.^note However, the first time Windy City was shoehorned into a poll, it lost to a movie with aliens, but wasn't a tie in to, Spaced Invaders.
• The Snob gets so bored by the movie so quickly that he falls asleep right at the opening credits.
• The introduction of Sol:
  Danny: My friend Sol was dying.
  Snob: Oh no, Sol's dying? ...WHO'S SOL?!
  • He isn't particularly impressed by Sol's love advice either.
    Sol: Dustin Hoffman wouldn't let her get away! He ran to that church, he was pounding at that door! Elaine! Elaine!
    Snob: Sure. That way you get to sit on a bus and contemplate your life choices!
  • Also this after Sol praises Danny contemplating just calling up Emily and giving her a Love Confession:
    Snob: That's terrible advice! I'm really not looking forward to the Windy City spin-off ''Better NOT Call Sol''!
• Bored out of his mind, the Snob starts doing a Tequila and Bonetti voice for a dog. He then gets baffled when the movie itself starts making a "talking dog" joke for said dog via Danny.
• When it becomes clear how serious the Rogues are about their childhood dream about being pirates:
  Snob: I know it's because they watched pirate movies as kids, and wanted to go on adventures. But I watched Die Hard as a kid and didn't want to jump off buildings!
• Over footage of the ship the Rogues chartered for Sol, Danny gives us the "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue.
  Danny: Sol died at sundown on the ninth day...
  Snob: [imitating Danny, as the ship's cannon fires] We then fired him out of a cannon. His body crashed into a White Castle and they made chicken rings out of his remains.
  • Additionally, the Snob replaces the film's actual "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue (excluding the section regarding Emily) with the iconic "Where Are They Now?" Epilogue speech from Stand by Me. He also makes another Stand By Me reference at the end of the film.
    Snob: See, this is what happens when you confuse Stephen King with Stephen R. King!
    [later, as the movie ends with Danny and Emily walking out into Chicago together]
    Snob: If Danny and his friends had ever learned about the location of a dead body when they were kids, they would've just stayed home and watched The Bozo Show instead!
• At the end, he reveals that Windy City never got an official DVD release... which is why he has a bootleg.
  Snob: Even the disc says "Fuck Sol", they blew a hole in his fucking head!
• The "Fuck Sol" Running Gag, after it appears that Danny is the only one of the Rogues who seems to care about Sol. Take Thats towards Sol not only were a running gag in this episode, but went on to becoming running gags in later reviews! To the point that a montage of memorable characters from 2017 reviews in the "Top 10 Cinema Snob Moments of 2017" (which included Sol) ended with a "Fuck Sol!"
• Snob stating that his next review will be Pirates, the porn parody/mockbuster of the Pirates of the Caribbean films, because by its title alone at least that movie has a better excuse to be about pirates than Windy City.

Pirates

• "They do have a budget: they've afforded the real Cap'n Crunch!"
• "Accidental lesbian sex...BOY, WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE BEFORE!"

Erotic Nights of the Living Dead

• "When I finished one year of the Cinema Snob, it already felt like ten years!"
• The Running Gag on Mark Shannon's genital warts.
• A black cat has Snob say it's someone angry at The Black Cat losing the Fulciuary poll.
• After the main characters finally reach the island 50 minutes into the movie:
  Snob: And there's still an hour of this movie left! Because fuck you!

Night of the Seagulls

• "It was never called 'Zombi 8'! But it makes more sense than a movie about zombie knights called Night of the Seagulls."
• "Epoca atual" (Spanish for "Current days") leads Snob to complain "Are you 'actually' me?", and bring in Actual Lee.

Deep Throat II

• The Running Gag on the Watergate informant.
• The Mood Whiplash from a sex scene to a hearing about a man that rapes sheep.

Caligula III

• Stock footage from other Caligula reviews!
• As the film cuts back and forth from Caligula, his cousin and a dancer, Snob splices in one of the Oogieloves playing the keyboard.

Cannibal Holocaust II

• Regarding the Framing Device of the original episode, Snob says "So probably I'm now dead".
• The Running Gag on how Snob keeps expecting animal cruelty.

That Nazty Nuisance

• Snob admits he forgot all about The Devil With Hitler because he saw the movie, wrote and shot the video, all in the same day. And admits he did the same with this one, so he'll probably forget it too.
  Snob: (mirthfully) Heh heh heh heh heh, I forgot about Hitler taking it in the ass with a bomb! Heh heh- (legitimately confused/concerned) How could I forget Hitler taking it in the ass with a bomb?
• Upon learning that the film also goes by "The Last Three," Snob says that if he'd known that was a title, he wouldn't have put off reviewing a movie whose title he didn't know how to pronounce.

Crackerjack 2: Hostage Train

• "Hahaha! Oh, the League of Super Critics page. They owe me so much money! Plus, they won't take down my videos! And they constantly ignore my e-mails! Hahaha... don't watch my stuff on the League of Super Critics page."
  • Fortunately for Brad, the League of Super Critics page was deactivated not long afterward.
• The Die Hard comparisons return! Including saying that Ryan Stiles taking over the role of John McClane would still be better than A Good Day to Die Hard.
• "He's playing three roles: Judge, Jury and Executioner Reinhold."
• "This looks like an effect for a review of Crackerjack 2!" Cue a fireball pasted next to Snob, who says he will add sound later.
• The first appearance of the glorious "Will It Fit?" Running Gag.
  Snob: Thankfully, one of the hostages knows a lot about trains. Usually he hides in the Amtrak bathrooms and sticks these up his ass. It's all a part of his internet series: Will It Fit?

Return to Boggy Creek

• The episode opens with Brad Jones openly admitting he'd simply forgotten to do a 350th episode Milestone Celebration.
• The Running Gag on how the movie is a complete bore.
• Every joke about Uncle Bo.
• This video contains not one, but two Will It Fit? gags.
  Snob!Uncle Bo: "You kids be careful now. I'll just be busy filming my own version of 'Will It Fit?'."
  Snob: "Dawn realizes the kids are gone, but more importantly, 'Will It Fit' took are a dangerous turn when Uncle Bo tried stuffing grandpa's head up his biscuits."

Who Reamed Rosie Rabbit Part Two

• Eddie from the movie inspires a Douchey McNitpick-type complaining that Snob is making too many religious movies compared to porn. Then they give him a laptop playing the porno web show "Will It Fit".
• Snob/Brad explaining that normally, he writes 8 paragraphs of material when making an episode for the show. The movie gave him so little to work with, he only managed to write 3.

The Slumber Party Massacre Part III

• Snob tries to end the episode after 30 seconds.
• "The face says 'villain in a David Lynch movie' or 'hero in a Stephenie Meyer book'"
• "Maria must be the Sol of the group. Fuck Maria!"

Darna vs. The Planet Women

• Snob saying he did not take the week off because a Wonder Woman movie meant he watched Darna vs. The Planet Woman (said with about the same contempt as Unidentified Flying Oddball). "I deserve no breaks!"
• Another weird fan appears, Walt Right — which true to the name, is a creepy bigot who has complaints so bizarre and off-topic that the Snob can't even find a proper answer.
• The Gag Sub returns in this one, with moments ranging from the kid character's foul mouth, to the grandma character quoting War Room, and especially a doctor speaking English, but the subtitles are in Tagalog.

Santo and the Vengeance of the Mummy

• Snob annoyed at how long the Book Ends with luchadores go. In the first, he even adds a Freeze-Frame Bonus (a split second appearance of Walt Right).
• "He was a mummy this whole time!"

The Little Cars in the Great Race

• V8 (the taxi character) complains that Cruise and the other cars talk a lot about "race here, race there" whenever a big race draws near, so Snob jokes that the Little Cars series is actually a hard-hitting parable on race relations. Later on in the movie, he makes this joke:
  V8: Who's that new racer?
  Coupe: (to V8) I don't know, but it's really weird. He looks a lot like Cruise. Don't you think so, Uncle?
  V8: Cruise?
  Snob: Not all cars look the same! That's racist! Except, yeah, that is Cruise.
• Whenever a character makes a lame car-related joke, Snob follows up with a short Hurricane of Puns of his own.
• "Pixar's Cars may be made by someone who likes cars, but Little Cars is made by someone who wants to fuck them!"
• Snob guesses that V8 got his name because people wouldn't stop sticking vegetables in his tailpipe.
• When the Mater Expy giggles mid-sentence:
  Snob: It's really awkward when you... (snickers) ...start laughing in the middle of sentences that don't call for it.

Gladiformers

• The Running Gag regarding the bad animation.
• The opening title shows the "O" in Gladiformers appear before the rest of the word, leading the Snob to joke that the movie already gave itself a 0 out of 10.
• Snob making fun of the film's Hong Kong Dub... while saying his line without moving his mouth as he glares at the camera.
  Snob: "It's real easy to animate and to dub into English when the characters don't have mouths to move"!
• Once Snob sees the writer of My Girl has a credit, he says it explains "the scene where Optimus Prime dies because of an allergic reaction to Bumblebee's sting!"
• After witnessing one of the Gladiformers get beheaded:
  Snob: "If this were Gladiformers Headmasters, that wouldn't have mattered."

"Spanker-Man"

• Again the Snob justifies doing proper Parallel Porn Titles, from "I thought that XXX meant a crossover with Xander Cage!" and "The Smuffs, better known as This Ain't a Title XXX".
• The co-writer is "moonlighting as 50 year old Brad Jones".
• The return of Eddie, who now doesn't want porno spoofs anymore.

Playmate of the Apes

• The Snob noting that this parody was released around the same time as Planet of the Apes (2001), leading to this remark.
  Snob: The vagina makeup will be top -notch, but nothing else will be.
• The Snob noting that the director of this film also directed The Bloody Video Horror That Made Me Puke On My Aunt Gertrude, ending with a rant.
  Snob: He has no business making another movie, until he tells me who in the FUCK is Aunt Gertrude! There was no Aunt Gertrude in that film! Is she the one who took the missing money (*cue screenshot from 'Another Son of Sam)?!

Sex and the City

• Snob says he watched the show because of his new roommate, a former film critic - Jay Sherman!
• Snob's demonstration of how bad the film is: he pulls out a paper, hypothetically containing all the character relationships and plot arcs from over the course of the show's history... which he then crumples and chucks behind him against the wall. Which then becomes a Running Gag anytime characterization from the show is ruined.
• "Wait, no chapter on Jack Berger?! He was a writer! And he's probably hung himself by now!"
• After Snob realizes that the building agent for Carrie and Big's new apartment is played by Malcolm Gets from Caroline in the City^note he played Richard:
  Snob: (scoff; looks up in confusing) Why do I know that?!
• Snob calls out Samantha for bidding $50k at an auction, since that money could've helped out with the script.
• Adding "Psycho" Strings to Charlotte's Thousand-Yard Stare.
• Snob decides to add his own Carrie narration (done spot-on by Brad's wife Laura).
  Laura!Carrie: (As Carrie opens a closet door) I couldn't help but wonder, will this apartment give us a new lease on love?
  • When Laura!Carrie makes a "coloring inside the lines" joke, Snob immediately appologizes, saying it was too easy. Cue Carrie making the same kind of joke in-film.
• This exchange:
  Samantha: [Upon seeing Miranda's pubic hair poking out from under her swimsuit] ...Jesus, honey; wax much?
  BUSHWHACKED
  Snob: That may be the most appropriate use of that Bushwhacked joke ever
• Snob calling the "trying on clothes montage" as a less anally-intrusive version of Will It Fit?.
• "This is the easiest check Evan Handler ever cashed!"
• Snob stating the movie besmirched the name of Mannequin: On the Move before using Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now whenever Samantha is feeling horny.
• The fact that someone like Snob knows so much about the original series is funny in and of itself. Either he did a lot of research or he's actually a fan (or Brad himself is, which is possibly even funnier).

Christian Mingle

• The opening, where Snob compares various romances to dating sites.
• "Maybe he turned to Christianity after his sister blew herself up." - cue Independence Day 1983 clip... "Hahahah! The gift that truly keeps on giving."
• The Snob's Big "WHAT?!" to the movie's iconic line "You could help show me my driftwood", preempting his reaction by comparing it to Second Glance's "Hey Scotty, Jesus Man" and The Pretender's "If I ever come to Jesus, I'll come all the way".
• When Gwyneth says that all she wants is a man that will look at her for ten seconds and smile.
  Snob: Boy, do I have a guy for you!
  (shows a scene from Old Fashioned)
  Snob: Downside, he may be Norman Bates.
• "I smell a 'learning to be a Christian montage'". Cuts to a montage of the Rickhead reading the bible. "What? I didn't say it'd be from Christian Mingle".
• After a character blatantly makes up a Bible verse: "Well, it could've been worse. You could've said it was from 'Two Corinthians'."
• The Snob repeatedly points out that for all its flaws, the movie is still a better Christian romance than Old Fashioned.
• The Snob keeps getting taken aback by how stupid the characters act sometimes, to the point of wondering twice if it's a Stealth Parody.
  (Paul struggles with chopsticks)
  Snob: Christians aren't this stupid. Why is this movie being condescending to itself?

  (Gwyneth fumbles with a Bible)
  Snob: You don't know how a fucking book works?!

  (Gwyneth doesn't know how to end Grace)
  Snob: You don't know what the word "Amen" is?!

  (Paul's mother tries to spell it out for him that Gwyneth is a phony, to no effect)
  Snob: It was then she realized that she raised an idiot.

  (Paul invites Gwyneth down to Mexico)
  Snob: He actually invites her down to Mexico, which is followed by her double checking the map to see where Mexico is?

  (the missionaries stare at a bell for a while, then stare at the bell tower for a while)
  Snob: Are you wondering how to get up there or are you wondering what a bell is? The characters are so brain-dead I can't tell!

Sex and the City 2

• The fact that the (placeholder) title card is the exact same title card used for the review of the first movie, but with a poorly drawn "2" over it.
• Bastard Film Brain strikes again... in Tweet form!
  I know a thing about heels, I use them to pleasure Snob's sexually frustrated great grandmother.
  Snob: DUH, GODDAMNIT BASTARD FILM BRAIN!
• Abu Dhabi leads to a Garfield joke. ("What the fuck was Nermal complaining about?").
• The return of Laura Jones as Fake!Carrie, who comes with her own snarky comments on the film.
  Fake!Carrie: (In response to Carrie meeting her ex in Abu Dhabi) I couldn't help but wonder: is this really fucking farfetched?
• The Snob responding to Samantha's Lawrence of my Labia line:
  Snob: That joke could have been worse. She could have said, "This Ain't Lawrence of Arabia, a XXX Joke.
• The Snob's response to a sing-along?
  Phelous: No.

Double Down

• The Snob describes actor/director Neil Breen as the combination of Alex Jones, Tommy Wiseau, Ricky Caldwell, and an actual KFC Double Down sandwich.
• "DAM!!!"
• "By the way, I now know what Neil Breen's balls look like...and they don't have Mark Shannon's warts so there's THAT."
• The scene after Breen's character gets a phone call about his love interest's cancer death reminds the Snob of Ryan O'Neal's "OH MAN! OH GOD!" line from Tough Guys Don't Dance.

Voiceless

• The fact that Walt Right got arrested for pleasuring himself to The Emoji Movie.
• The Snob's surprise that the movie supplies its own creepy music, forcing him to use non-creepy music.
  • Much to his horror, the Soundtrack Dissonance only raises more questions.
• Snob constantly referring the main character as a Serial Killer.
• Referring to a Jerkass character as Brian Cox due to his high resemblance.

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

• The intro where Snob describes a scene where Stallone's mom cleans his gun and he gets pissy about it, complete with Stallone impression.
  • Not only is this an actual scene in the film, but once Stallone mentions the probability of his gun exploding in his hand due to the Clorox, Snob mentions that "exploding gun is Arnold's plan B prank".
• As Snob explains, Arnold Schwarzenegger more or less tricked Sylvester Stallone into doing the film, effectively making this the greatest prank of all time. The idea of Schwarzenegger laughing after the practical joke he pulled in convincing Sly to do this becomes a Running Gag through the review.
  • When Stallone's character gives some jerk a Swirlie, Snob says that it was much easier for him to give one to that guy than Schwarzenegger.
  • He then goes on to say that he thinks Schwarzenegger was busy trying to trick Chuck Norris to starring in Top Dog.
• Snob's reaction to Stallone's mom cleaning his gun.
  Snob: I'm not even going to waste a BUSHWHACKED on you.
• The Snob's comment after his Stunned Silence to Stallone's 'needing his diaper changed' nightmare.
  Snob: My god. Even Cronenberg thinks this is too weird.
• After Tutti makes a Bond One-Liner after shooting Parnell:
  Joe: (shocked) ...you shot him.
  Tutti: (blows smoke off of the gun) No shit.
  ''Thank you for being a frieeeend...''
• "You know, maybe Cop and a Half wasn't such a bad movie after all!"

Dancin': It's On!

• The opening, where Snob acknowledges all the requests, so "the movie is probably FUCKING GREAT!"
• Snob pulling out a cap and placing it sideways on his head, saying the phrase "Yo, kids! Let's rap about dancing!"
• His comments about the main couple's dance routine, such as

  Snob!Heroine's classmate: I'm tripping on acid too! Let's freak out together

• "The Captain" earns a Jar Jar Binks impression whenever he's on-screen, including the opening roll call, which also identifies Danny and Ken as "Hip Youth Group Minister" and the "Slim Jim" guy, respectively.
• His mockery of the Expository Theme Tune

Film!Song

I don't wanna be stuck here in my room

There is so much I wanna do

I gotta get out of this place

Snob!Song

And then some people got shot out into space

Never to be seen again

Changed my clothes between the shots

Don't know how he dances in slow motiooon

But there you go!

• His reaction to Ken's angry dance montage ending with a random shot of a helicopter blowing up:

  Snob: Because do you know how every angry dance montage should end? With FUCKIN' NAM!

• The Snob referencing Smilex gas in one scene, which becomes Hilarious in Hindsight for those who follow Atop the Fourth Wall, because Linkara reviewed the comic adaptation of Batman (1989) the same week this review came out.
• The "Will It Fit?" Running Gag returns, this time having David Winters portray the host for the fictional show.
  • Not to mention this bit of Self-Deprecation:
    Snob!David Winters: Now I must return to the future as 'Old Snob'.
    Snob: Eheh, wait, WHAT?!
• Just hearing that one of the characters is named "Shotsy" is enough for Snob to scoff and then shout "Fuck off!"
  • He later tops it up with this:
    Snob: Shotsy's upset because in this team she's not the one calling all the shotsy... There movie, you can have this one for free.
• The Running Gag of imagining that Danny's actually a serial killer.
• Snob constantly mocking the film's ADR.
• "And now back to the notflict... I mean conflict"
• Repeatedly pointing out the weirdness of the background characters that include jugglers, people re-enacting famous movie scenes, a girl on stilts and so on.

  Snob: They didn't put a call out for extras, they put a call out for "miscallaneous".

  • And later on
    Snob!Director: Eh, listen, we got the stilts girl for an extra day, just get her in a few shots, okay?
• "The mime isn't even the most creepy thing about this scene...Never thought I'd say that!"
• The movie turns out to be so bad that even the Sun itself doesn't want to be in it.

  Snob!Sun during the movie's attempt at The Big Damn Kiss Listen guys can you wrap it up? I'm still trying to die with some dignity here!

Song of the South

• Walt Right appearing almost immediately at the beginning of the review, much to the Snob/Brad's horror.
  • And after Walt makes another bit of Insane Troll Logic:
    Snob: [Beat] Shut up Walt. [cue caption reading "#ShutUpWalt"]
• Snob suspects that he's watching an Updated Re-release version of the film.
  Snob: The film has had an interesting release history and, I dunno, something tells me I may be looking at a sneak peek of a theoretical US DVD release.
  (The title card comes up. Disney's name is crossed out and replaced with the Illumination Entertainment logo)
  Snob: Damn, I gotta hand it to them, this is Illumination's best work to date.
• Snob tries to cut away several times away from the movie, only to cut to even more blatantly racist cartoons. And then he wants to watch another forgotten Disney cartoon, so it cuts to one about Nazism.
• Snob's numerous insults to Johnny's stupid wardrobe.
  Snob!Remus: Here ya go Johnny, it's another story called "Brer Rabbit Thinks Johnny Dresses Like a Jackass."
  
  Snob: Johnny wears his finest used tampon to pick Ginny up for the party.
  
  Snob: The black people are all praying for Johnny's speedy recovery. Without Johnny, who else is gonna walk around dressed like a Nutcracker?
• When Uncle Remus stops the bullies harrassing Johnny:
  Snob!Remus: Gimme that stick, you're about to know what a Popsicle feels like, motherfucker!
• Whenever Snob impersonated Uncle Remus, at times playing up his frustration with Johnny.
  Snob!Remus: Goddamn it, what'd I tell you little shits about gettin' my ass shot?!
• Snob's theory that Brer Rabbit is actually Bugs Bunny disguising himself from Yosemite Sam, and that Brer Bear is stoned off his ass.

Hi-Tops

• Given what is to follow, it opens with Stunned Silence and "So what would happen if you took Head of the Class, Colby's Clubhouse, Julie Brown, Bibleman and Ms. Velma's Christmas and stuck all of that in a blender? I'll tell you what happened! YOU RUIN THE FUCK OUT OF THAT BLENDER!"
• Snob, once again, taking out a cap and saying another Pretty Fly for a White Guy phrase:
  Snob: SO lets rap about peer pressure kids! 'Cause if the devil shows up to give you advice, mark my words, it ain't gonna be very nice.
• After some hard to follow dialogue, the Snob decided to do the same for his own show:
  Snob: You can't just say a bunch of random words, and expect it to all come together just because you end it with the show's title. Fluffernutters, corkscrews, Gatorade, BOOM! Cinema Snob.
• Calling Louie/Lucifer the guitar-wielding Driller Killer from Slumber Party Massacre II.
• Snob's reaction to a line from one of the angels is Hilarious in Hindsight, since he's actually mishearing it!
  Angel 1: You're going to de-wing us?
  Angel 2: You mean like...what mean ^note Snob hears "me and" little boys do to bugs?
  Snob: [Laughs and slaps his knee] It's funny because he's sadistic! Why isn't HE with Satan?!
• The numerous call backs to both musicals and other Christian films that he's covered, from Staying Alive, Superman the Musical, Can't Stop the Music and The Pretender. The latter two gets the Snob commenting that they failed their auditions because they were too straight.
• After the two nerds sing "I love you" to each other in an operatic fashion, Snob requests a live-shot of the audience's reaction. Cut to the puking kid with pencils shoved in his ears from If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?.
  Snob: Mmm, sweet relief.
• Snob pointing out that the lead actress later marries the actor portraying the nerd, and that the two later go on to become contestants on Family Feud. Complete with a screenshot of their episode.
• This setup for a reference:
  Jenny: I'm probably the only person in the world that will tell you the truth about yourself. You're ugly, you have no talent, and you should stop using transmission fluid for deodorant.
  Snob: But all of that means nothing now that Melvin has turned into The Toxic Avenger!
• When the nerd begins to give a heart-wrenching performance:
  Phelous: No.
• Snob breaking out into dancing to the musical's main theme song when the other characters in the musical discover Jenny's corpse.
• Snob getting so frustrated at the Ending Fatigue, that he takes out and uses a fidget cube.

My Little Pony: The Movie

• Eddie from Rosie Rabbit makes a cameo after Snob mentions the porno spoof for MLP, which then leads to a telegraphed Will It Fit? joke.
  • Eddie's facial expressions as he's watching Will It Fit? makes the cutaway to the Running Gag even better.
• Any time something sticky (e.g. spiderwebs) appear on-screen, the Snob makes a crack about how it's from fans of the new MLP movie. Though one pony saying "We can't do it! It's too sticky!" leads to Sarcasm Failure.
• Snob dubbing over a raccoon with a Wabuu impression.
• Snob giving some of the ponies mundane names after refusing to call them by their real names.
  "I'm not calling you Buttons. You're Steve!"
• When a pony is having a solo musical number, Snob gives an enthusiastic Shout-Out:
  Snob: This is the part where she "lets it go, she lets it go. The rainbows never bothered her anyway."
• After an obnoxious musical number from the Grundles with the recurring lyric "Grundles good!":
  Snob: Grundles BAD! They're all a group of gang rapists with leprosy!
• After the ponies blow up the Smooze with the magic rainbow.
  Snob: All the Smooze wanted to do was love!
• Brian Lewis is apparently a brony and got advance tickets to the new MLP movie! ^*It's just an edited photo of Brian holding the tickets for the Barbie: Star Light Adventure Midnight Screenings episode.
• "Your twinkle is back, Sweet Stuff!"
  Snob: It sure is, Sugar Tits!

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

• Snob insisting to refer to Adam Arkin's character as Batman. ^*Adam Arkin kinda resembles George Clooney (Clooney played Batman at the time, after all)
• This gem:
  (Laurie knees Michael in the groin, making him go cross-eyed while looking at her.)
  Snob as Michael: "I wish you would!"

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday

• Snob acting like the John D. Lamey's character is an Author Avatar.
  Snob: (When John D. Lamey escapes his cuffs, grabs a cop's gun and knocks out the cop) Hell yes, I am BADASS in this movie!
• "The Duke of Crystal Lake A-Number 1 doesn't have quite the same ring as the Duke of New York, but that would imply that this series spent a lot of time in New York".
• After Jason kills a couple who's having sex, as usual, Snob shoots an admittedly shameful joke.
  Snob: I've heard of period sex, but this is ridiculous! (*shakes his head in shame as the audience boos at him*)
• Snob making a Call-Back to the last review
  Snob: Are you sure you just can't defeat him with a kick to the balls?
  [cue John D. Lamey performing that on Jason]
  Snob!Jason: "I wish you would!"
• When the film's ending teases Freddy vs. Jason, the Snob lets out this zinger.
  Snob: Holy shit it's SHARP HAND JOE!

Tyler Perry's Boo! A Madea Halloween

• The intro:
  Snob: If Tyler Perry's A Madea Christmas made you want to punch the baby Jesus, don't worry. This one will make you want to punch a baby that's dressed as the baby Jesus. (Beat) Why it chose that as a Halloween costume, I have no idea!
• "Oh, Tyler Perry Studios did this? Thanks, I was expecting the Scott Free logo to pop up."
• Calling the movie "Tyler Perry's Boo! Tyler Perry, a Madea Tyler Perry Hallo-Tyler Perry-Ween."
• Dubbing in Madea's first appearance with Fat Grandma
  Fat Grandma!Madea: Saddle up sugar! Next time I'll tell you the story of how I slapped Mussolini 'cross the face for the business he pulled in Albania!
  Snob: Hey, wait a minute. Since when is Fat Grandma black?
• "Is that a 30-year-old dressed as Miss Clara from War Room? Because that's the only thing that makes sense!"
• The return of the "Bushwhacked!" Running Gag.
• "This movie makes Ernest Scared Stupid look like Halloween! Any of the Halloween movies!"
• Snob needing Brain Bleach for the thought of Madea being a stripper and another character playing with themselves.
  Snob: [deadpan] Don't wanna picture THAT!
• The Running Gag regarding how the scenes don't seem to end, and are Padding to begin with.
• After noting that Cinemascore gave the film an "A", he shows that it also gave mother! (2017) a "F" and The Wolf of Wall Street a "C", and goes on to call Cinemascore "the electoral college of movie reviews."
• Snob's reaction to whenever Madea being a Cross-Cast Role is acknowledged.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

• Snob not liking the new New Line logo, stating that the old logo felt like you were about to watch a snuff film.
• Once Dokken starts playing: "It was either this or Alice Cooper's 'He's Back (The Man Under the Fedora)'. Jail..."
• When an institutionalized character played by Patricia Arquette appears hostile to the orderlies, Snob claims that it must be because she doesn't want to do CSI: Cyber again.
• A room full of hanged people is described as "a screening of Geostorm".
• The Running Gag of Snob's disappointment that the returning character wasn't Grady from A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge.
• The Running Gag of Snob referring to Dr. Neil Gordon (Craig Wasson) as Bill Maher (as they do share a resemblance), complete with Snob saying, after Gordon is shown on a computer, that he must be writing "new rules".
• When Nancy refers to Freddy as "the Boogieman":
  Snob: That's great for keeping Michael Myers away, but what's it going to do about Freddy?!"
• Snob giving another Shout-Out to another bootleg Freddy Krueger:
  Snob: Holy shit it's Nightmare Feddy!
• Snob pointing out the fact that the actress for Jennifer was in a series called "Friends" ^*Not the 90s show
• The numerous shout-outs Snob pulls in this episode, from Die Hard, Slumber Party Massacre II, A New Hope, and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
• After Amanda Kruger's Rape as Backstory, Snob is just silent and asks "Goddammit, stop cutting back to me every time something horrifying happens!"
• When Will uses his dream powers to be able to get up from his wheelchair, Snob angrily calls him a faker.
  • Then, when Will gets killed, Snob thanks Freddy for cancelling Young Sheldon.
• Despite being a horror movie, Snob manages to fit in a Will It Fit? joke.
• When Snob thinks the movie goes into a "Groundhog Day" Loop, he repeats his "This is a Scorpion household" joke.

Halloween: Resurrection

• Snob dyed his hair blond in memory of Ben Tramer.
• When Harvey Weinstein's name appears in the credits:
  Snob: Stop touching the damn credits, Harvey!
  • Later, when a character sexually harasses another character, Snob as the character claims that "Harvey said I could!"

Mr. No Legs

• The Running Gag on how the movie is named after a minor character and Mr. No Legs dies before the third act.
  Snob: It'd be like if you titled The Spy Who Loved Me Jaws, and I can think of a couple reasons why they may run into difficulty there!
• Then Snob discovers that its on-screen title is actually Gun Fighter.
  Snob: Gee, I don't know why they changed it! Am I watching a movie or playing an arcade game?!
• After a scene shows one of the protagonists in his bedroom, which is covered in fur, and his girlfriend in a white nightgown:
  Snob: Hey, you're getting your Caligula knock-off in my Mr. No Legs!
• This gem:
  Snob: [after showing D'Angelo getting angry at Mr. No Legs] Lloyd Bochner is just upset because his son Ellis may have a cocaine problem.^ExplanationLloyd Bochner's son, Hart Bochner, went on to play the cocaine-addled Harry Ellis in Die Hard.
• The bar scene is quite the doozy:
  [after a bar patron flirts with who a appears to be a transgender woman]
  Snob: I'm not sure what the scene has to do with anything, but I think I know what the twist is gonna be.
  [a black woman and a white woman get into a fight]
  Snob: Ummmthat!em> [] And then she [the black woman] is murdered as the bartender just watches.
  Another Bar Patron: That black bitch!
  [the bartender, who's also black, cracks a bottle over his head and laughs]
  Snob: Nevermind, he took care of$ that guy.
  [later]
  Snob: [imitating one of the protagonists] "Eh, let's just leave the bartender to clean up this shit."
  Bartender: [sighs] Hmph-damn.
  Snob: [shakes his head] That's the look of a man who has to frequently shut down his bar due to bottle stabbings.
• Snob recognizing that D'Angelo, the Big Bad, is played by the same actor who played Walter Thornton, Pia Zadora's husband in The Lonely Lady.
  Snob: Meanwhile, Walter Thornton had to move away from screenwriting and into drug-dealing because his wife kept ruining his damn scripts!
• "Oh, to be a fly on the lens while shooting this sequence." Said while there's an actual fly on the scene's lens.
• The movie was made by the creators of Flipper, and there's even an actor from that series. It's also a Running Gag, to the point Snob closes the review by complaining Mr. No Legs was never defeated by a dolphin.

Bummer!

• After calling the film's title an Understatement,^note As it follows a member of a band that snaps and becomes a serial killer/rapist Snob proceeds to say that it would be like if Cannibal Holocaust was called "Harsh!" and I Spit on Your Grave "Well Gee, That Sucks!".
• After The Group are introduced, Snob notes that he would have made a joke about a music group named "The Group" if it wasn't for the band named The Band.
• In reference to other musical acts that appeared in exploitation movies, Snob feels that "The Group" should form a supergroup called "Fantastic Mercy and the Johnny Charros",^note Fantastic Mercy and Johnny Charro being artists that appeared in previous Snob-reviewed movies Mr. No Legs and Another Son of Sam, respectively so that they'll be picked up by the manager from the Blast-Off Girls.
• "No one slaps the cameraman and gets away with it!"

He Knows You're Alone

• Given it was the first episode after Brad married Laura Luke, as soon as the Snob sees the wedding ring the "Oh no, not again" from Spaceballs is dubbed over him.
• "Caitlin O'Heaney is an actress so known for slasher movies that I'm pretty sure her IMDb photo is getting murdered."
• Any of the Actor Allusions for Tom Hanks:
  • The Snob mistaking a then-unknown Tom Hanks for his Bosom Buddies co-star, Peter Scolari.
  • Explaining that "backgammon" isn't a euphemism for sex; he just used a Zoltar machine to become an adult.
  • When Elliot (Hanks' character) hears that there's a slasher in the area, Snob shows footage of Forrest Gump running to the end of town.
    Snob: Smartest slasher character ever.

Christmas with a Capital C

• Not only there is another hoodie this year (a Rudolph one!), but Snob also wears pink reindeer pajamas to match it.
• The continuous revolt at another War on Christmas movie.
• Snob calling out the idea that a black woman would fully believe that people not being allowed to say "Merry Christmas" is an injustice in America.
• The Just Eat Gilligan moment of the whole movie, where Snob points out that the complaints about the Christmas decorations around town can be ignored due to the nativity being protected as celebratory theism. "Okay, movie over!" *cuts to credits*
• When Daniel Baldwin's character is introduced and it's almost-immediately revealed that he used to date the main character's wife, Snob does his "[X]'s gonna bang your wife, bro!" Running Gag, but this time, he does it in the most flat and devoid of amusement way possible.
• Baldwin's characters is named Mitch Bright, leading Snob to quip that only in a War on Christmas movie would the villain be named after another word for smart.

Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin)

• invoked There's a classic Cinema Snob introduction with him bitterly Face Palming and growling that this movie in particular is truly as bad/weird as it gets, and that it will "break you" (with him also commenting that any fan who can get through this episode is a "Gold Star Snob Fan"). Sounds pretty typical, right, particularly for the various stuff featured on this web series? Well, not exactly, as cue the Snob explaining why exactly Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin) is such a hard watch: Every shot in this 70 minute movie is a still frame.
  Cinema Snob: Yes, it has gotten to the point on this show where we say "Hey, at least those other movies had motion!!"
  • Snob even makes a point to hold off on actually explaining the film's background information until the halfway point, as to give both himself and the audience a break.
• The Snob asks why the parenthetical "(named Calvin)" was added to the title, and then proposes one that's even more pointlessly specific: Santa's Christmas Elf (named Calvin, who isn't a huge fan of mushrooms but doesn't mind cream of mushroom soup, maybe because the mushroom pieces are so small, and the broth has a nice taste that covers the slimy and squishy texture of plain mushrooms).
• After an unnecessarily long still shot of Santa trying to get his boots on, we cut to Snob pointedly remarking that there's still 65 minutes left in the film.
  • Similarly, he later bitterly remarks during the needlessly extended sequence of Calvin accidentally hijacking Santa's sleigh that 53 minutes of the movie remain.
• And since the movie is treated like a storybook, Snob adds in his own narration over the still shots, to darkly comedic effect.
• (over a shot of Santa in the middle of a pink-colored iris) "Anyway, Santa's trapped in an anus."
  • And later, when Calvin has returned to the North Pole and is also placed in the aforementioned iris:
    Snob: Calvin could've spent an easy life in the States, but heh, nah, going back in the anus seems way more appealing!
• (over a weird zoom-in on Calvin's head, showing off his bizarre hairdo) "Why does he (Calvin) look like Trump?!"
  • Later when Calvin's on a toy plane and his hair is untouched by the wind:
    Snob: This scene is highly unrealistic! I've seen what this hair looks like under heavy wind!
• The Snob theorizes this movie was filmed by the Sea King due to the creepy picture of Kim (the main little girl character) sleeping in bed.
• When Kim the little girl says that Calvin now belongs to her and they'll have so much fun, Snob knows where it's going... "fundamental friend dependability!"
• "The narration was provided by Dorothy Brown Green. PICK A FUCKING COLOR!"
  • "The film was produced by whatever change he had in his wallet, and directed by Barry Mahon."
• invoked After the Christmas elves figure out Calvin was accidentally left behind at Kim's house, the next "shot" shows Kim and Calvin sharing an unintentionally unsettling Held Gaze. The Snob's narration?
  Snob: Calvin is busy having a staring contest; the loser's head fucking explodes.
• When a group of kids start calling Calvin ugly when Kim takes Calvin with her to the park to play:
  Snob: Oh, and is the doll ugly, kids who look like a garden of weeds?
  • The Snob then jokes that based on Kim's Death Glare at the bullies, she then "realized she was a Firestarter, and burned the bullies alive!!"
• invoked (over two shots, the first of Kim's mother offering some food, and the second of Kim eating her dinner while giving an unintentionally terrifying Death Glare to the camera) "Thanks, movie, I need a snack. Just remember, if the food isn't perfect, Kim is going to teleport you into a fucking television set!"
• Immediately after the above scene, the Snob (who has gotten so annoyed by the sheer lack of motion in the film) that an obvious VHS tracking error is praised as the best part of the film since it at least gives the illusion of movement.
• "The bullies are then distracted when they start groping each other; Kim is lured in by a member of the Manson Family, leaving Calvin to be tortured by two bullies. Santa, is still jerking off."
• Evidently, as Calvin is carted off by the bullies, it appears as though the Snob has seen one too many exploitation films:
  Snob: And I'm fairly certain that Calvin... is gonna get raped.
  Narrator: The boys took Calvin to a large field.
  Snob: Where is this movie going?!
• In response to Santa showing up to get Calvin... by pretending to be a donation man, telling Kim's mother that he's collecting toys for next Christmas:
  Snob: [scoffs] So, people just let anyone in their house in the Seventies!
  • And later, when Santa reveals himself to Kim... in a semi-creepy manner: "Where's the cop?!"
• invoked The review's ending, where the Snob describes Santa's Christmas Elf (Named Calvin) as "the movie equivalent of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties." He then claims that the only possible way to "save" the film would be to place Dorothy Brown Green's memetically weird narration from Fun in Balloon Land over this movie instead of the cutesy narration she does here.
  Cinema Snob: ...And even then I'm left with the feeling that the aunt from Sleepaway Camp is reading me a Christmas story straight from Hell! Say what you will about the rest of the Christmas movies we watch this year; at least they're not going to be filmed with a FUCKING POLAROID!!!

The Star Wars Holiday Special Commercial Breaks

• The Running Gag about not having a flying car whenever the General Motors commercials appear.
• When Snob acknowledges that most people associate the Holiday Special with Christmas, Gay Jesus from Christmas with a Capital C makes a cameo to go on another tirade.
  Snob as Gay Jesus: It was those damn secularists that renamed it the "Holiday Special"! Bring Christmas back to a Galaxy Far, Far Away! Wahahahahah!
• Even when reviewing commercials, Snob will always fit in a Will It Fit? joke.
  Will it Fit? Host: On the next "Will It Fit?", we'll be drawing a line straight into my ass. We'll see what kind of tunnels this truck can fit in. Also, batteries are included, but you're not getting them back.
• When two movie trailers appear in the commercials, Snob remarks that he'll wait for the Midnight Screenings for those movies, leading to Midnight Screenings '78, starring 70's Brian as a non-stop Pungeon Master and 70's Brad as his Jive Turkey-spewing hypeman.
  [while reviewing The Wild Geese]
  70's Brian: These wild geese have crashed and burned long before flying south. You know, honk if you heard this one before. When it comes to this war film, less is more: Roger Moore.
  70's Brad: Oh-ho shit, my man!
  
  [while reviewing The Wiz]
  70's Brian: This movie lacks brain and heart. You're gonna need some courage to sit through this one, but Diana Ross does not reign supreme. I give this one a Jackson zero out of fives. There is no place like a better movie.
  70's Brad: Oh ho ho ho, good night John boy! Yo momma!
• "Coming up next on Brad Tries..., Brad tries a 40-year-old Reggie bar and dies!" Many comments actually wanted Brad Jones to try a Reggie bar.
  • Sure enough, Jones eventually did actually try one (albeit from the 90's re-release)... and found it to be the worst thing he'd ever ate on the show.
• When he gets to a pantyhose commercial where the two women get excited about their new pantyhose:
  Snob: Oh, no! I think my wife is having an affair with the neighbor's wife!
• Snob injects some modern sensibilities into a 1970s news break:
  Snob: And since Twitter hasn't been invented yet, guess I gotta get my news from TV!
  Anchorwoman: Soviet President Brezhnev told twelve US senators that the Soviet Union had once tested a neutron bomb, but never put it into production.
  Snob: FAKE NEWS! Tell us about the neutron dance!

A Christmas Kiss

• The Snob's jacket is now full of Reggie bars because of the Star Wars Holiday Special Commercial Breaks.
• When the main character gets unironically "to be faired", a slowed down audio clip of Tobe Fair gets played.
• The Snob wishes that the Ghost of Christmas Driller Killer would appear after the first montage.
• The Snob sides with Pricilla after she makes a remark about Christmas music that's played before the season arrives.
• The jokes about how creepy Charlie is.
• After another montage featuring Christmas music, Snob splices in the puking kid scene from If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?.^*Just like he did on the review of ''Hi-Tops''