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Funny / The Cinema Snob 2019 Episodes

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  • "It's a good thing that the notorious 1981 box office flop Inchon is the first movie that we're talking about in 2019, because once I'm done talking about it, it'll be 2020!" And to make true of that, the last part of the movie has him in a Christmas onesie.
  • The Running Gag on the TV-G rating when the movie is as violent as possible.
  • When the movie begins with narration, Snob angrily asks if he should be taking notes. Cue:
    Brad: [from behind his computer] I am taking notes on this. What do you think I do when I watch these movies?
  • When Snob finds out that the opening credits spell the film's title with an exclamation point:
    Snob: And it's not just Inchon, it's INCHON!
  • Richard Roundtree's appearance does not go unnoticed by Snob:
    Snob: Jerry Goldsmith does the soundtrack, but I think they should have let someone else step in in at least one part of it.
    [the credits roll, and when Richard Roundtree's credit appears, the Shaft theme plays]
    Snob: [when Roundtree's character first appears] Oh, and there's Richard Roundtree. After Shaft in Africa, I guess Shaft in Korea is the next logical step.
  • When one Title In describes the location as simply being "ten miles away":
    Snob: Ten miles away from what? From me? The movie is in Chatham, Illinois?
  • The Snob's Actor Allusions:
    • When Captain Frank (Ben Gazzara) first appears:
      Snob: No wonder Jackie Treehorn had to resort to doing porn; he wasted all his money on this!
    • When Toshiro Mifune's character first appears:
      Snob: Before General Frank gets the hell out of there, he joins The Seven Samurai.
    • When MacArthur (Laurence Olivier) discusses trust with his wife:
      Snob: [as a dog is shown] Well, the dog desn't seem to trust him, but only because the dog remembers him from Marathon Man.
  • When a group of journalists is introduced, a female journalist with an ample cleavage in particular grabs Snob's attention:
    Snob: [as she prepares coffee] Whoo-hoo-hoo! I like two lumps with my cup of Inchon!
    Snob: [later, when she replaces her camera bulb] Oh, and, uh... don't forget your... ah, your bulbs... whoo-hoo-hoo... Why does this scene have sex appeal?!
  • The Running Gag of how Laurence Olivier made up as MacArthur looks like the title character from Newhart, so he adds a Laugh Track to his scenes, ending with adding the Newhart theme at the end of the movie.
  • During the scene of the river blowing up:
    Snob: Bridge on the River That Happened!
  • After having compared the film's epic ambitions and subsequent flopping to Heaven's Gate at the beginning of the review, the bridge scene makes him conclude that it also resembles Heaven's Gate in that the stuntwork makes him worried.
    Snob: This movie is also like Heaven's Gate in that it's multiple levels of "Holy shit are these extras gonna be okay?!"
  • When MacArthur and Frank are flying over an island.
    Snob: [as MacArthur] Look closely out there Frank, and you will see the gorgeous opening credits to Cannibal Holocaust. We got a fight ahead of us and full bellies.
  • Snob finds himself unintentionally reminded of better war films by the movie.
    Military Man: We still hold this small area around Pusan. Pusan, I repeat, and not Dunkirk!
    Snob: Dammit, Dunkirk is a way better movie than this!
  • Snob finds some time to blast film critic Rex Reed, who plays a reporter in this film, for his review of Oldboy, in which he said, "What else can you expect from a nation weaned on kimchi?", with five simple words:
    Snob: Bitch, you were in Inchon!
  • At the end of the video, when Snob muses that "perhaps there's someone out there who liked" the movie, it cuts to a scene of The Cinema Snob Movie in which Vincent Dawn proclaims it his favorite movie.
    Snob: Oh, my mistake; apparently it's my favorite movie! Bull-shit! That Snob movie is full of nothing but lies and Korean propaganda! I knew it was a mistake to take the Unification Church's money for that film; I don't even smoke a corncob pipe!

    God's Not Dead 3: A Light in Darkness 
  • Much like at the beginning of his review of the first film, Snob starts to growl in Angrish... before stopping himself and saying "This one's not as bad!" while scratching his head in astonishment.
  • When Snob notes that the film continues the Cliffhanger from God's Not Dead 2 that showed Reverend Dave being arrested:
    "Reverend Dave": [freeze frame as a record scratch is heard] Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. [as "Baba O'Riley" is heard]
    Snob: [in a completely disinterested tone] No, I'm not. But you're probably gonna tell me anyway, aren't you?
  • Snob finds out that one of the producers is named Michael Scott.
    Snob: Now I won't be surprised when Reverend Dave strangles someone with the American flag!
  • Snob isn't subtle about the fact that Reverend Dave's friend Jude gets killed in this film.
  • Then, when it's revealed how Jude dies: In a fire at a church.
    Snob: That's what the "Light in Darkness" is? A man on fire?!
  • The first film's lead Josh Wheaton returns, and so does Snob's Running Gag about his name's odd similarity to Joss Whedon's.
    Snob: [when Josh first appears] Holy shit, there he is, Kevin Williamson himself! I mean Wheaton, Josh Wheaton.
    [later, at the end of the film, when Reverend Dave announces he will open a new church]
    Reverend Dave: ...led by our new campus minister, Josh Wheaton.
    Snob: The Russo Brothers said no.
  • Then, when Josh's first scene is shown.
    Keaton: Did you know that there's no hyphen in "Kit Kat"?
    Josh: ...You mean like, Kit Kat the candy bar?
    Snob: [with a smile from ear to ear] I'm glad that he came back to the series for this.
  • Snob's Actor Allusions:
    • Snob finds out that the college dean is played by Ted McGinley, who was also in the previously Snob-reviewed film Christmas with a Capital C, and then some.
      Snob: I see Stan Gable has graduated from President of the Greek Council to President of the entire campus! They even bring in Tatum O'Neal as President of the campus Bad News Bears.
    • After establishing that Reverend Dave has a brother, Pearce, played by John Corbett:
      Snob: Dave decides to go to Chicago to find Pearce, instead of taking a chance and running into him in Abu Dhabi.
  • When Reverend Dave discovers that Adam caused the fire that killed Jude and confronts him:
    Reverend Dave: You killed Jude, didn't you?!
    Snob: I really need to see a David A. R. White action movie a— [the poster of Revelation Road is shown] Oh, thank God that exists!
  • Overall, the film being a Surprisingly Improved Sequel leaves the Snob utterly and completely befuddled.
    Reverend Dave: [to a black preacher] But maybe you'd understand a little better if you were the one being attacked.
    Black preacher: I'm a black preacher in the Deep South; I could build you a church with all the bricks being thrown through my windows!
    Snob: This movie series is getting owned by its own movie!

  • Given how, for a break, Snob is reviewing an actually good movie, he is surprised.
    Snob: A Spielberg movie? On my show? What?! [...] Well, I dunno, I could do an episode on this movie. I mean, [points at the 1941 (1979) poster on his wall] I have a poster for it. Is that the rule now? I gotta do an episode on everything that I have a poster of? [grabbing a rolled-up poster] You can't stay hidden for too long, Winter's Tale!

    The Trump Prophecy 
  • In the intro:
    Snob: The Trump Prophecy is a movie about a fireman with PTSD who sees a floating God orb and takes that as a sign to make Trump president. And he is helped by people blowing rams' horns into the sky. [deep breath] Do I really need to continue? What else could I possibly say about this film?
  • When Snob discusses the movie's release:
    Snob: But perhaps I am judging this film far too soon. Surely critics are being way too harsh when they call this film the worst of 2018. [cut to a shot of Brad and Sarah's Worst of 2018 video, where Brad ranked this movie as his worst]
  • After the title card appears on a flame background:
    Snob: Um, is this a warning for or against Trump? Not since Voiceless have I been so confused about the possible notion that they're making an anti-conservative movie! ["Casting by: Sheri Bias" appears in the credits] Hell, the casting is done by someone whose name is literally "Bias!"
  • When Snob wonders where the movie can go after its opening credits appear surrounded by flames, it shows the first shot of the film: Someone heating drugs on a spoon.
    Snob: [excited] A crack house! [exasperated] What even is this movie!?
  • Snob finds out that the special effects are horrible.
    • When Mark goes to a crack house that is on fire, but the fire is clearly CGI.
      Snob: Oh, thank God the fire is all horribly CG'd in! All we need to do is destroy the computer! That'll get rid of the fire.
    • Then Snob finds out that even the sound is terrible.
      Snob: Mark has hardcore flashbacks to the scene we just saw, and I think their sound equipment may have also perished in that fire.
      [shows a scene of dialogue from the film, which has a reel-to-reel-like buzzing noise in the background]
      Snob: Why does this whole movie sound ADR'd? Is it in the Dancin': It's On! universe?
  • "So then Mark begins working security at a hockey arena, where the Vice President is taken hostage! Oh no, wait, I just wished I was watching Sudden Death."
  • When Mark is shown fixing a boat
    Snob: Um, excuse me, Mark, why are you fixing a boat? This is a Christian film. [shows Mark fixing the boat, while zooming in on a basketball hoop in the background] There's a basketball hoop right there! You're supposed to shoot hoops and talk about Jesus, bro!
  • An old character appears:
    Mark's boss: Hey, Happy Holidays.
    Gay Jesus: BUT YOU— [gibberish] WAH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!
  • Snob on the film's pacing issues:
    Snob: For an 80-minute movie, it sure does take a while to get moving. Seriously, someone get this movie a coffee.
    [shows a scene of Mark being awakened by his wife]
    Snob: Yeah, that's about how I'd toss and turn in the morning when I know that the only thing I have planned for the day is watching The Trump Prophecy. Maybe if he stopped eating two Baconators before going to bed, he wouldn't be having these literal fever dreams.
  • Snob on the acting on the movie.
    Snob: Oh, the pain Mark has been going through as Mads Mikkelsen's lame younger brother.
    Mark: [regarding prayer] I'm not sure I know how.
    Mark's wife: [monotonously] It's just like having a conversation. [Beat] With God.
    Snob: EMOTE!
  • Snob finds the soundtrack speaking to him, though perhaps not as intended.
    Soundtrack:It's like looking out the window of a train moving fast...
    Snob: You're right. This is like looking out my window as a fast train is approaching me. I think that's what you said.
  • Mark has a nightmare involving a flaming demon saying something to him that the audience can't hear.
    Snob: Hm. Why do I have a feeling it's that thing telling him who to vote for?
  • Snob finds it odd that the movie keeps pushing the idea that Mark's voice changes through the film, when it doesn't.
    Mark's wife: Your voice sounds different.
    Snob: No, it doesn't. It doesn't at all! The early episodes of The Cinema Snob have more emotion than this guy!
  • Snob has an amazing take on the film's Signature Scene of the God orb materializing.
    Snob: [taking a deep breath, as if not believing what he just saw] You know, that might just be a floating disco ball. This could very well be the ghost of Donna Summer.
    ["Last Dance" is played over the scene]
  • Snob finds some irony on the film's props.
    Snob: This movie can't show any of the election debate footage, nor real newspapers, apparently. [shows what's clearly a made-up newspaper headline] I guess this article was written in tongues. [zooms in on the newspaper, showing that it's filled with lorem ipsum placeholder text] It's a movie called The Trump Prophecy, and it features literal fake news in it!
  • The Snob portraying Mark's wife as now insane near the end of the film.
    Snob (imitating Mark): Ha ha ha, Honey you're looking at a blank screen! Ha ha, I love you!

    A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) 
  • Snob finds that this movie, despite being a remake and the bad reputation generally associated with them, is actually a pretty good movie in his opinion. So, he sums ups Fan Dumb's reaction to the movie in the opening.
    [after showing a clip of a last movie Freddy appeared in, Freddy vs. Jason, in which Freddy threw Jason Voorhees around like a pinball]
    Snob: I don't like that this series became funny! Go back to being dark!
    [shows a scene from this film, which shows Freddy being menacing and creepy]
    Snob: I don't like that this remake is dark! Go back to being funny!
  • Snob puts a twist on a certain Running Gag.
    Snob: The movie was directed by music video director Samuel Bayer and co-written by Eric Heisserer of The Thing prequel and Bird Box. Safe. Hands. (I won't mention the other writer Wesley Strick, he has much better writing credits.) [shows the poster of the 1991 version of Cape Fear]
  • Snob ends up finding the reason why the remake was so lukewarmly received in the opening credits.
    Snob: Well, this seems pretty moody so far; why were people upset at this film at—? ["Produced by Michael Bay" appears in the credits] Oooooohhhhhhh...
  • "This is Dean. There's no reason to get to known Dean."
  • Snob's Actor Allusions:
    Snob: Freddy's gonna curse [Dean] into being in the Twilight films!note  Twilight joke? Ho ho, this review is so 2010! [...] He's woken up from his one chance to meet Rorschach by Rooney Mara's Nancy. Oh great, she was in Pan. Get it? 'Cause that's one of her bad movies!

    Snob: [imitating Kris after Freddy stalks Kris in her nightmares] Oh God, I don't want to play for The Bad News Bears!

    Snob: I don't know what people are complaining about, this Lisbeth Salander origin story gets super real.
  • Snob finds out the the film had some time to do a homage that pleases him
    Snob: This kid here is named Jesse, and I don't care what last name you give him, that's Jesse Walsh! He and Nancy are together at last!
  • Snob poking fun at Jesse's resemblace to a certain teen idon.
    Snob: Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get the Efron out of here!
  • After Kris sees her classmates reduced to ashes.
    Snob: Great, Jackie Earle Haley also plays Thanos!
  • When Jesse enters Kris's room through the window, Snob refers it to as "the gritty reboot of Clarissa Explains It All."
  • When Freddy says "Ready or I come..." Snob adds a light slapping sound and a squirt.
  • Jackie Earle Haley's performance as Freddy is so genuinely creepy that at times it reduces Snob to nervous laughter (in Snob's own words, "I'm laughing through my fear!")... and other body reactions.
    Freddy: [cornering Jesse in his nightmare] Why are you screaming? I haven't even cut you yet. [evil chuckle]
    [cut to Snob with a scared expression, as sounds of heavy shitting are heard]
    Snob: [after Jesse is shown dead] There, now you can scream. Glad it's over.
    Freddy: [to Jesse, still in his nightmare] Did you known that after the heart stops beating, the brain keeps functioning for well over seven minutes?
    Snob: ...what?!
    Freddy: We got six more minutes to play...
    [cut to the Snob as sounds of heavy shitting are heard again]
    Snob: Me shitting my pants has nothing to do with the movie. [shudders] Had mall food for dinner.
  • Snob's feelings over the movie being unfairly maligned get best exemplified when he discusses how the remake teases the idea of Freddy actually being innocent, before confirming that he was indeed a child molester/killer.
    Snob: This movie should have tried something different and made Freddy innocent!
    [cue Title Card reading "Alternate universe where the Elm Street Remake made Freddy Krueger innocent."]
    Snob: They made Freddy innocent! Freddy is a killer! This movie doesn't even know who Freddy is!
    [cue title card reading "And now back to our universe."]
    Snob: Ugh... I just zoned out for a second?
  • When Quentin is shown stealing adrenaline to help him and Nancy stay awake:
    Snob: Freddy is just a gateway drug to Pinhead. You know who could survive this movie? Chev Chelios.
  • Snob's consensus? The movie isn't good but it isn't bad either, it exists purely to make money and the Snob's seen worse and he'd rather take a nap right now.
    Snob: I mean, uh, "Ooh! I'm so mad at this movie! Grrr! I hate remakes! Rrr! So mad!" [shits himself again]...That one was just for me.
    [Snob grins, review ends]

  • Snob begins the review lampshading how his joke in the previous review about Freddy Krueger being a gateway drug to Pinhead became a Brick Joke here.
    Snob: See? What did I tell you in the last review? I said that Freddy was a gateway drug to Pinhead, and here I am, talking about Hellraiser! […] Also, I'm on crack!
  • Snob notes that the film's original title was Sadomasochists from Beyond the Grave, which he assumes was because it was a secret sequel to the previously Snob-reviewed Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars.
  • After noting that Pinhead was originally called "Lead Cenobite" in this film, Snob claims that his other names were "Fake Shemp" and "The Shape."
  • Snob is cautious about the film's poster using a quote from Stephen King praising the film's creator Clive Barker saying, "I have seen the future of horror fiction, and his name is Clive Barker."
    Snob: Yes, but he also said that about the commercials for the McDonald's Salad Shakers.
  • Snob describes the film's poster, showing Pinhead holding the Lament Configuration, as the film "also advertising its NES tie-in, Pinhead's Birthday Blow-Out."
  • When Pinhead first appears.
    Snob: And there he is, the albino from Black Rage— eh, I mean, Pinhead— I mean, Lead Cenobite!
  • Snob's allusions to Larry's actor Andrew Robinson's other famous role:
    Snob: You know the house is crazy when you're relieved that Scorpio from Dirty Harry shows up.
    • This gets turned on his head later on when Frank kills Larry and takes his skin for disguise, making Robinson play Frank by proxy much like Scorpio.
      Larry!Frank: He was insane, baby; a mad dog, and had to put him out of his misery.
      Snob: [as Kirsty] Oh great, Dad Scorpio again.
  • Snob explains the complicated story bewtween the main characters, Frank, Larry and Julia: Larry is Julia's husband and Frank's brother, but Julia and Frank had an affair, before Cenobites and mutilation came in.
    Snob: Hoo hoo, Days of Our Lives was graphic in the '80s!
  • The scene of Larry moving into the house is given the "PIVOT!" audio from Friends.
  • Snob is not impressed with the moving service.
    Man: That's your daughter?
    Larry: Uh-huh.
    Man: Got her mother's looks?
    Larry: Her mother's dead.
    Snob: [imitating Man] Must be why she's making me stiff, bro!
  • When the movie gives the audience a flashback of Julia and Frank's affair, showing a rain-soaking Frank telling Julia "Can I come in?"
    Snob: Why is everything I watch Trojan horse a porn on me?
  • The above flashback is undercut with Larry straining while carrying a bed.
    Snob: Larry often starts fucking mattresses when Julia has her flashbacks.
  • When Larry cuts his hand and the blood drips dramatically:
    Snob: I don't know how to say this, but I think that the blood is overacting a bit.
  • Snob's Running Gag about how Julia looks like the most '80s woman who ever lived.
    Snob: Julia never looked hotter than when she went to the salon and asked for the Rod Stewart.

    Snob: [imitating Julia, after a scene that frames Julia sinisterly] Must they always film me in Dynasty-Bitch-Vision?

    Snob: The biggest message here is that the longer you spend in 1987, the more you will turn into Annie Lennox.

    Snob: Julia is sick and tired of everyone she brings home having a Joan Collins fetish.

    Snob: With any luck, with each passing victim, Julia can now take her true form as Sigourney Weaver from Working Girl.

    Snob: [imitating Kirsty, after Kirsty discovers Julia's scheme] This is diabolical, not only is Julia cheating on dad, but she's a real-life Patrick Nagel painting!
  • When Kirsty finds a vagrant stalking her:
    Snob: For the last time, Rob Zombie, you're not remaking this movie!
    • When said vagrant reappears laterat the end of the film to retrieve the Lament Configuration, Snob calls him "Chester A. Bum."
  • Julia: You promised me an explanation.
    Snob: I've seen almost 500 movies for this show, and not a single time has that ever being promised!
  • Early on in the review, Snob muses that he thinks that Andrew Robinson is playing The Stepfather. Sure enough, later on in the review, after Larry leaves a scene, Snob dubs in a whistling of "Camptown Races".
    Snob: You see? I knew it! I knew he was secretly Jerry Blake!
  • Snob makes a Running Gag about the results of the resurrected Frank being skinless.
    Snob: [after showing Frank already wearing clothes, which since being skinless results in them becoming bloody] You may be jumping the gun on whether or not you're ready for clothes, have you seen our dry-cleaning bill?

    Snob: [after another scene showing a skinless Frank wearing bloody clothes] Uh, Frank, you got a little something on your... [motions to his lips, then his chest, then his whole body] ...everywhere.

    The Laygo Movie 
  • In the intro:
    Snob: Much like The LEGO Movie 2 is for someone who is severely ADD, plus hopped up on about 10 bags of sugar and 50 packages of Fruit Roll-Ups, this LEGO Movie porn parody is for... pretty much the same audience, only if you're much older and also on ecstasy."
  • Snob notes that this was yet another porn parody suggested to him on social media, showing a shot of the movie being tagged to The Cinema Snob's Twitter account.
    Snob: You pretty much know a Snob video is set in stone when your notification feed is full of images like this.
  • The Parallel Porn Title elicits a "GET IT?!" from the Snob.
  • Snob checks out all what's expected from the porn movies he watches nowadays in his reviews:
    Snob: Wood Rocket logo? Check. The maestro Lee Roy Myers? Check. Twelve-minute runtime? Check. The need for my dick to hang itself? Oh ho, that happened years ago. Check.
  • After Snob realizes that the Wyldstyle analogue is called Wild Piehole:
    Snob: [unimpressed] Really? "Wild Doggy Style" didn't work?
  • Snob notes that the actress playing Wild Piehole was in something called "That Pee Girl."
    Snob: It's kind of like That Girl, only with a distinct ammonia smell.
  • Snob find one of his Running Gags once again negated because of the setting.
    Snob: And then they bang. No, seriously, that's what they do. They bang. Where else did you think this was going?
  • Snob discovering the "twist" of the movie: The video he just saw was a preview, and the extended version is only available on Pornhub Premium.

    Diary of a Mad Black Woman 
  • Snob goes on to describe the movie, but discovers that the title is rendered in a particular way: It first reads "Diary of a Woman" before "Mad Black" appears in red letters.
    Snob: [as "Diary of a Woman" appears in white letters in the credits] In the first scene of Diary of a Woman["Mad Black" appears in red letters to read "Diary of a Mad Black Woman"] Hey, stop writing on my credits!
  • Snob's reactions to Charles's dog-kicking towards Helen:
    Charles: [to Helen, while opening the door of his car] Get the hell out of my car.
    Snob: That's not the lyrics that Billy Ocean wrote!
    Snob: Charles is just full of surprises. [imitating Charles after Helen finds him with another woman with a child] "Honey, I can explain! You know that out-of-wedlock child that you always wanted?"
    Helen: Is that her? Don't play games with me; tell me, Charles, is that her?
    Snob: [imitating Charles] "Yes, that is our new maid, and yes, we banged on gold pillows. Ow, my back!"
  • "No, don't rip the clothes! That's half the movie's budget!"
  • (during a court scene) "They're represented by Brian, the Brian of this series."
  • "This movie has everything: religion, divorce, wise old woman, shitty husband with criminal ties. In the next movie, Tyler Perry sues the Kendrick brothers." (shows a poster for War Room)
  • "What even is this movie?!"
  • "Anyway, in the drug lord subplot... the fact that I can say that sentence and mean it is why I love Tyler Perry... ugh, I mean, I hate him! Ooh, I hate him so much!"
  • "You can always spot the uncomfortable white dude in these scenes." (zooms in on a church congregation) "I think I got the address wrong. When's Estus Pirkle gonna show up?"

    Left Behind: The Movie 
  • Snob's admission at the beginning the video that, after seeing other films in Kirk Cameron's filmography, he finds this movie one of his most normal ones.
    Snob: I've seen Kirk Cameron save Christmas by showing Santa Claus beating a man to death, [Saving Christmas] and I've also seen him kidnap children and then tell them that they're dead and in Heaven, [A Little Piece of Heaven] which sort of explains the origin of Jussie Smollett,note  so believe when I tell you that the Kirk Cameron rapture movie is probably his most normal one yet!
  • The reason why he refers to the movie in the review's title as "Left Behind: The Movie"?
    Snob: Left Behind, or as it's fully called, Left Behind: The Movie — Oh, as opposed to what? The book? [shows the cover of the book Left Behind] Alright, that, uh, that actually is what it means.
  • Snob refering to the book's author Tim LaHaye as "Tim LaHEEEYYYY!!!"
  • When the production company logo Cloud Ten comes by, Snob is too quick to blame an usual suspect.
    Snob: Stupid Pure Flix— uh, sorry, I didn't even look at that logo, what did it say?
  • The beginning of the movie proper sure serves as an indication of what's coming next.
    Snob: This is a film that will surely answer all of the questions.
    Buck Williams: [in voiceover] How do you describe both a beginning and an end?
    Snob: [completely deadpan] I call it a three-act structure.
  • Snob on Kirk Cameron playing journalist Buck Williams:
    Snob: Buck's known for his Blair Witch-style reporting under bad special effects, and also for using a butt plug as a microphone.
  • The Running Gag about how scenes look like commercials. One scene of Rayford Steele leaving his house while soulful music plays gets the Folgers logo superimposed to it, and a meeting at a church gets a Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints logo.
  • The Running Gag of Snob believing that the plot of the movie somehow involves diamonds, apparently out of sheer boredom at the actual plot.
  • In an Actor Allusion, turns out that Snob already ran into the movie's Big Bad before, and he's not impressed.
    Snob: Here we meet The Antichrist Nicolae Carpathia, played by Gordon Currie. How am I supposed to follow this guy? He couldn't even make it off the boat to get to Manhattan!
  • When the movie introduces Hattie Durham:
    Snob: She's cheating on with Rayford Steele! Why is she cheating? Because his name is Rayford Steele. That just screams 13-inch dick!
  • Snob thinks that the movie needs something:
    Snob: OK, I guess this is suspenseful, but you know what would make it better? If it were a David A. R. White action movie like Revelation Road!
    [shows a scene from said movie, which shows White beating a biker]
    Snob: Yes! Take all my diamonds!
  • Snob does one again his "dog voice" after noting that dogs are among those that were not raptured.
    Snob: [while showing a dog] "Well, dang, I shouldn't have banged that sheep." [showing a poster of All Dogs Go to Heaven] Well, I know one movie that's a total lie.
    • Going off of that, the Running Gag about dogs and people regretting having sex with sheep.
  • Snob claiming some Celebrity Resemblances:
    • On Nicolae Carpathia:
      Snob: Alright, fine, you look kind of like Sam Neill in Omen III, you can be the World President.

      Snob: Let's hear him out, he's the closest we have to a Billy Zabka; he'll kick the enemies in the face!
    • On Rayford Steele:
      Snob: Buck has the right idea: If demons show up, Ray is the one who looks the most like Bruce Campbell, so he can fend them off.

      Snob: [imitating Steele while he's talking to his daughter] "Look honey, it's good I'm here, the world needs at least one Tom Berenger."
  • When Rayford Steele arrives homes and finds his family raptured.
    Snob: [as Steele picks up a book and throws it at a mirror] He's got plenty of time to kill now, but like hell he's still gonna read Fifty Shades of Grey! Oh wait, sorry, it's the Bible.
  • Snob does not approve of the pilot Buck picks up at one point.
    Pilot: Two women, standing in a kitchen, one gets taken, the other one's left doing the dishes, hahaha!
    Snob: Good, the spirit of Brad Stine is still with us.
  • When a sniper has his sight on Buck Williams as he enters an apartment:
    Snob: There is not a bullet strong enough to prevent Christmas from being saved, or whatever the hell is going on here.
  • Snob doubts that Rayford's daughter Chloe has her priorities straight.
    Snob: No one can catch a break from drama.
    Chloe Steele: [after Rayford comes from talking to (and breaking up with) his mistress Hattie Durham] Is that why you never had time for us?
    Snob: [as Rayford] Honey, half the population is gone, time and place.
  • Snob using a Vladimir Putin-like accent to imitate Carpathia (which isn't that far off of how Gordon Currie plays him):
    Snob: [imitating Carpathia] "Now Buck, if you follow me, you can have front row seat to my evil plan."
    Nicolae Carpathia: We are about to turn this planet into a paradise!
    Snob: Great, the moment James Bond ascends to Heaven, every Tom, Dick and Harry tries their hand at world domination! And how the hell is James Bond in Heaven?!
  • At the end of the review, when Snob mentions the film has second and third parts.
    Snob: Does this mean I have to watch the other movies in the series? Are you kidding? It always means I have to watch the other movies in the series, especially after Lionsgate raptured my Diary of a Mad Black Woman review!

    Leprechaun 2 
  • When Snob notes that this film brings the titular character to the city.
    Snob: Fools! You're supposed to wait until Part VIII to do that! Lord knows where you would put the space entry! [shows a poster of Leprechaun 4: In Space]
  • After seeing one poster for the movie that uses the alternate title "One Wedding and Lots of Funerals", Snob states that it looks more like it's the movie's porn spoof.
  • When Snob wonders who had enough faith in the first film to make a sequel, the Lionsgate logo appears. Snob is completely floored.Explanation 
    Snob: [rolling his eyes] Great. That's... that's just... great.
  • Snob ends up finding some familiar faces on the movie.
    Snob: And the more this movie goes on, the less surprising it is.
    [shows Cody talking to a tourist, played by Clint Howard]
    Snob: Of course Clint Howard is in this! The real twist would have been if Clint Howard wasn't in this movie! [shows the tourist's girlfriend, played by Kimmy Robertson] And this is what Lucy does when she vacations away from Twin Peaks?
  • Snob also finds an uncomfortable resemblance in one of the characters:
    Cody: [to a man and a woman] Are you interested in the uncut, uncensored truth about Hollywood's dark side?
    Snob: I doubt it, the guy looks like Harvey Weinstein!
  • Snob notes some flaws in the scene in which the Leprechaun casts an illusion of Bridget taking her top off:
    Snob: He needs to perfect his powers a little more though, since Bridget doesn't have the same skin tone as her body double. [shows a shot of Bridget's face, which is pale, and then shows a (censored) shot of her bare torso, which is more tanned]
  • When Tony Cox appears as somebody dressed as a leprechaun:
    Snob: You're drunk, asshole! The Bad Santa set is two blocks south of here! But stick around for our hilarious sight gags!
    [shows Cox's character approaching an urinal at a bathroom, which reaches him at shoulder-height]
    Snob: What was that conversation like? "Hey Tony, get this: The urinal... is too high! Now follow along with me on this..."
  • When the Leprechaun is approached by a barista at a café, played by Michael McDonald:
    Snob: [The Leprechaun] is stuck in a MADtv sketch!
    Barista: I prefer cash, but maybe you're a little short. [laughs]
    [the Leprechaun attacks him]
    Snob: The Leprechaun gets to do what we've all wanted for years: Witnessing the death of annoying recurring characters from MADtv.
  • Snob's reaction to the reveal that the Leprechaun is bald is "Go review a Leprechaun movie!"
  • Mid-review, Snob does one of his "movie ends prematurely and abruptly" gags, which becomes a Brick Joke when the actual ending is shown, and it turns out to be somehow more abrupt than the fake one.
    Snob: How is it that the real ending credits are more awkward than the fake one I put in earlier?
  • When summing up the film:
    Snob: There's plenty of reasons to do a lot of drinking while watching this film; after all, it is the only Leprechaun movie to actually take place on St. Patrick's Day, plus... [shows the film's Rotten Tomatoes page, which has a 0% Tomatometer and only 28% audience score] Woof!
  • After noting that the original plan to carry Cody and Bridget over as the leads of the next movie were ditched after the next movie was immediately thrown into production, Snob doesn't seem like he's going to particularly miss them.
    Snob: [in an obviously fake surprise in his voice, while remaining stone-faced] Oh man, no Cody and Bridget? Oh man.

    Hellbound: Hellraiser II 
  • Snob notes that the Stephen King quote "I have seen the future of horror and his name is Clive Barker" that appeared on the poster of the first film is used again on the poster of this film.
    Snob: Stephen King's reviews are stuck in a time warp that he found in the back of a diner!
  • When Snob wonders who backed the sequel, he jokingly inserts the Lionsgate logo.
    Snob: Ah, just kidding! That'd be my hell if I solved the puzzle box.
  • When Snob mentions that the film's director is named "Tony Randel":
    Snob: Hmm, I don't know, this feels more like an Oscar thing.
  • An old joke returns when Pinhead's origins are shown, and thus also his actor without makeup:
    Snob: Holy shit, it's Robert Englund!
  • When Pinhead's previous persona, a British millitary officer, uses the Lament Configuration and the hooked chains emerge and tear him apart:
    Snob: Woof, British war medals were hardcore back then!
  • When one of the film's first scenes is Kirsty in the hospital:
    Snob: Meanwhile, Kristen is back in the nuthouse, because it's the only way to keep her safe from the T-1000.
    • Snob in fact seems to make a Running Gag out of butchering Kirsty's name, calling her "Kirsty", "Kristy", "Kristen" and even "Chrysler".
  • Snob finds a certain Celebrity Resemblance with a police officer:
    Snob: We got our best people investigating, detective Freddie Mercury is the perfect officer to call in when another one bites the dust. Unfortunately, he finds a skeleton, puts a gun against his head, pulls the trigger, now it's dead. Alright, I'm out of Queen jokes...
  • Snob is puzzled by Dr. Channard's Large Ham tendencies:
    Dr. Channard: If we're honest, it is the lure of the labyrinth that draws us to our chosen field, to unlock those secrets...
    Snob: Did you get into the medical field to save lives or to host The Twilight Zone? [...] Seriously, he reads every line like he's going for a Tony Award.
    Dr. Channard: They brought her here hours ago but she was lost beyond reach, and now she's back. [raising his voice] What tales, I wonder, will she bring us from the other side?
    Snob: Okay, fine! You can play the title character in the hospital's production of Julius Caesar!
  • After the resurrected Julia breaks a mirror in anger:
    Snob: Thanks, Julia! That means seven years of tribulation, and I gotta go watch Left Behind 2!
  • Dr. Kyle's "huh, weird" underreaction to Julia's resurrection makes Snob have No Sympathy for him when the resurrected Julia kills him to complete her resurrection
    Snob: [mockingly] Huh, weird!
  • Julia's return has the Snob clearly happy. After a scene of her giving a powerful slap to Kirsty, he knocks on his groin. It's rock-hard. He then gives a thumbs-up of approval.
    • Conversely, he's quite disappointed when Julia is defeated and disappears from the movie.
      Snob: [after Julia is defeated and disappears] Well, neither me or my erection care anymore! [punches himself in the groin; then in a more high-pitched voice] See? Huh!
  • After a trippy sequence in a creepy carnival in the Cenobites' world:
    Snob: Good, the drugs I took are starting to kick in. Too bad I took them last week to get through Leprechaun 2, and they're just now startng to take effect! [the screen dissolves into a trippy vision] Whoa...
  • When Kirsty is in the Cenobites' world, and enters a candlelit room:
    Snob: That's a fire hazard! And I know a Laura Branigan video when I see one! ["Self Control" starts playing]

    Pet Sematary 
  • Since the movie iconically has an undead cat, Snob starts off the review with Lloyd on hand. When Snob theorizes that Lloyd sounds as he does in his eponymous animated series, Lloyd counters that he actually sounds like a bitter old man for some reason.
    Snob: Welcome to a day at the movies with the Cinema Snob and Lloyd. I can't tell what Lloyd is thinking, but I bet he sounds just like he does in the Lloyd animated series.
    Lloyd: I told you for the last time that I don't sound like that, I sound like a bitter old man, and I hung up my detective license years ago!
    • Eventually though, Lloyd gets tired of being in the review and wanders off, leading to occasional insert shots of Lloyd screwing around elsewhere in Snob's house as he watches the movie.
      Snob: (imitating Jud Crandall) Oh, Lloyd, oh, no. Why you ought to go down that hallway?
      Lloyd: Just leave me alone, I have to hear you talk about these movies every week, I don't have to do it on camera!
  • When Snob describes the plot of the movie and reaches the part where the cat is buried in the Indian burial ground, he immediately cuts to Satan's Waitin' (the Looney Tunes cartoon where Sylvester the Cat goes to Hell).
    Snob: As you can see, it's much more hlarious when you watch the movie today.
  • Snob notes that the film's director Mary Lambert directed the music videos of Madonna's "Like A Virgin" and "Material Girl", but her later efforts were much more unexpected.
    Snob: ...and later Mega Python vs. Gatoroid! The story of what happens when you bury a Gatoroid in a non-Gatoroid cemetery.
  • When Snob comes across the "Pet Sematary" sign:
    Snob: This backwards town is just waiting for a visit from Actual Lee on their spelling!
  • When the Creeds first arrive, Snob confuses them with a certain other family.
    Snob: Soon enough the Griswolds arrive, since they're long past due trying to revive Dinky for Aunt Edna.
  • Snob's Actor Allusions:
    • Snob straight-up refers to Rachel's actress as "Denise 'Star Trek Reference' Crosby."
    • When the Creeds go to vacation:
      Snob: He doesn't get along with Rachel's dad; he keeps calling Louis "David Keith", and just because they both played Elvis in a movie doesn't mean they're the same person. [shows the poster for Elvis and Me, which starred Louis's actor Dale Midkiff and Elvis, and Heartbreak Hotel, which starred Keith as Elvis]
    • When the Creeds are mouring Gage's death:
      Snob: It's okay, he'll come back much darker and more sinister in Wes Craven's New Nightmare.
    • When Louis decides to exhume Gage's body, Snob states that "When you live next to Herman Munster, it's only a matter of time before you make your own Frankenstein's Monster", and when Jud is killed by the resurrected Gage, he says that "it doesn't matter what you do to Jud, he'll be back," while showing a picture of Herman Munster.
  • Snob doesn't even bother keeping the spoiler that Gage dies in the middle of the film secret.
    Snob: [after Ellie falls down from a swing] Ah, suck it up, your brother gets hit by a truck— uh, spoiler!
    [shows Jud Crandall keeping Gage away from the road]
    Snob: Stupid old man, do you want this plot to move forward or not?
  • Church the cat scaring Louis leads Snob to raise a "Lloyd Approved" sign.
  • The jokes about Church's name.
    Snob: Church the cat is very upset that he keeps getting called "Church", yet he's really more of a casual believer.
    Louis: [to Jud] Winston Churchill. Called "Church" for short.
    Snob: [as Church] "I prefer to be called Winston, because he's my favorite Ghostbuster. I don't know who this Winston Churchill is; I'm a cat!"
  • After showing a scene of Louis in a wifebeater.
    Snob: This movie takes me back; back in the late 80s we would often dress like Die Hard could happen at any minute.
  • Snob offers an Alternative Character Interpretation that the Creed marriage actually hate each other. The actors' acting in one particular scene doesn't help.
    Snob: Sure, this movie may be starting out adorable, but Denise Crosby's Rachel has a distinct "must figure out way to get rid of cat" look. [on a shot of Rachel having a particularly steely look] "Tired of cat being most loved person in household." Already this family looks like they hate each other.
    [Gage throws his food at Church's cage]
    Snob: [as Louis] "Do you mind, Gage? I'm having a pissed-off staredown with your mother." [shows Louis and Rachel exchanging awkward stares] "It leads to a wild night of angry sex, at least after we make up."
    [shows Louis going for a kiss to Rachel, freezing at a frame where Rachel looks to have a stilted smile]
    Snob: [as Rachel] "Do I tell him my lips are poison directy after or later?" Nah, I'm just kidding, I'm sure they're a nice family.
    [cut to Pascow shown being graphically wounded after being hit by a truck]
    Snob: Uhm, MEANWHILE!
    Lloyd: Glad I'm not in there, I don't like gore!
  • His description of Pascow as "Who knew that Massive Headwound Harry would be one of the best SNL movie adaptations?"
  • When Louis is particularly callous at Church's death:
    Snob: Do you need a tissue? You seem really broken up. If Lloyd were here right now, he would disapprove of your underreaction!
    Lloyd: I don't care! When are we gonna watch That Darn Cat!?
  • The various jokes about things buried in the sematary coming back to life:
    Snob: [as Louis is on the phone] "Hey honey, I found a solution to our problem in the bedroom! I'm gonna bury my dick!" [as Jud is shown outside Louis's house] "I need to shit, Louis, I need to shit real bad. I'm gonna try burying my shit to see if it'll come back as the delicious meatball sub I had for lunch."
  • Snob finally asks: if Jud knows how badly burying stuff in the Sematary turns out, why does he keep advising people to bury stuff there?!
    Snob: This whole movie is just Frankenweenie for cynics!
  • When Louis gets scratched in the face by a resurrected Church.
  • (in the most bored voice he can muster) "King cameo."
  • Snob's reaction to the Signature Scene of Gage's death and the shot of his shoe?
    Snob: Okay, whatever, you can get him a new shoe.
  • When Jud tells Louis the story of a local named Bill Baterman who buried his son Timmy in the Indian burial ground:
    Jud: He was killed on his way home, at the Second World War. His father Bill Baterman was grief-struck.
    Snob: buried Hitler, didn't you?
  • This:
    Louis: What's the bottom of the truth?
    Jud: Well, sometimes, dead is better.
    Snob: [as the poster of Sometimes They Come Back is shown] Pffft, that's not the right title!
  • The notoriously barefoot Snob ends up rattled at the scene of the resurrected Gage slashing Jud's Achilles tendon.
    Snob: Ufff, ouch! Okay, no more sitting barefoot in the chair! [puts on a sock] From now on, I'm gonna introduce myself to a little thing called socks!
  • Snob's take on the film's ending of a resurrected Rachel swinging a knife towards Louis as it cuts to black and into The Ramones' "Pet Sematary".
    Snob: And their sex was wilder and angrier than ever! Thanks, Ramones!
  • Snob's aesop about the film:
    Snob: Let Pet Sematary be a lesson to you: If ghosts and old stories arent' enough to convince you to bury the death and have them com back all evil, then you should most certainly not bury the Kurgan in it! That's an even worse idea!
  • When Snob goes on to mention that the film eventually got a remake, the poster of The Mockbuster Pet Graveyard note  is shown instead, much to Snob's annoyance.

    Choose Your Own Guttenberg 
  • Snob made a Choose Your Own Adventure review centered around the filmography of Steve Guttenberg. The concept alone is hilarious.
  • Snob lampshades the fact that he can't really do a segment for Guttenberg's role in Can't Stop the Music (or have his old review of that up) because Studio Canal keeps filing copyright claims on it, so he just skips straight to the next set of choices.
  • One of the films brought up is Zeus and Roxanne.
    Snob: That dog's gonna bang that dolphin.
  • No matter which route the viewer takes, they all end the same way: with a cameo from a Lavalantula.
  • Later, Brad would get to interview Steve Guttenberg himself. Naturally, the top comment on that video declared it the true ending of Choose Your Own Guttenberg.

    The Bed Room 
  • The mere fact that the film in question is a porn parody of The Room, bringing up an It's Been Done rant from the Snob. This leads to him pointing out video essay channels with titles like "The Internalized Misogyny of the Doggie", "SJWs Have Ruined The Room!", and "Condescending White Guy on How The Room did Race Wrong".
    Snob: [after some confused gibberish] What does this even mean? What? What the hell kind of video is this? Um... I don't understand YouTube anymore. I'm an old man in a young person's video world!
  • Snob notes that, as usual, this porn parody is from Wood Rocket:
    Snob: [shows the Wood Rocket logo, which as usual, has a woman straddling a rocket made out of wood] I'm kinda surprised she isn't riding on a football in this one.
  • "The film, from Lee Roy Myers, stars Anthony Rosano, who you might remember as Spongeknob Squarenuts, here playing his second scariest role as Johnny."
  • When Snob sees in the credits that one of the actors is named "Tabitha Stevens".
    Snob: [shows a picture of Tabitha Stephens from Bewitched] Must all fictitious sitcom characters turn to porn?
  • "Sorry, I'm just getting used to the idea of a porno spoof of The Room. It feels kind of redundant. Like watching a comedy spoof of Airplane!"
  • Snob notes that, like other Wood Rocket productions, the film still feels the need to add "The Room XXX Parody" as a subtitle.
    Snob: Thanks, now my dick is only kind of confused.
  • Snob has a hard time telling if it even is a parody:
    Snob: [while showing the film's version of the rooftop scene] Look at how this is shot! At first glance, I don't even know if I'm watching a parody of The Room or just The Room! They're both shot the same!
    "Johnny": Oh, hymen, Mark.
    "Mark": Hey, Johnny. You're my best friend.
    Snob: "Oh, hymen, Mark?" Okay, well, I am definitely watching the Wood Rocket parody.
  • Snob has to reference the film somehow:
    Snob: They're doing a great impression of every sketch show impersonating The Room. Well, that reminds me. Oh hai... should really find someone to impersonate Tommy Wiseau. All reviews like this always feature someone impersonating Tommy.
    Lloyd: Luckily, you have me. I do a fantastic Tommy. [deadpan] "Oh hai, Mark. You're tearing me apart, Lisa. Cheep cheep cheep. Garbage day. They're eating her, and then they're gonna eat me. Oh my God."
    Snob: Eh, what? Lloyd, I don't even think you would approve of that impression.
  • At one point, the movie references well-known lines from The Room by having "Johnny" pick up some porno movies that have variations of said lines as titles:
    "Johnny": You're Tearing My Vagina Apart... Hello, Doggy Style...
    Snob: You sure you don't wanna call them This Ain't Lines from The Room: A XXX Parody?
  • Snob subverts innuendo when "Lisa" holds a dildo:
    "Lisa": Let's get this inside of me before the sun fades.
    Snob: I say the same thing when I pick up a Charleston Chew. [Beat] It's for eating.
  • Adding to the film's redundancy as a parody, Snob finds out that the film's sex scenes are basically just recreating the sex scenes that were already in The Room.
    Snob: Because when I watch those sex scenes from The Room, I think "if only I could jerk off to this". Eh, at least he knows not to screw her belly button this time around.
  • On the movie's parody of the "I definitely have breast cancer" scene:
    "Claudette": I got the test results back. I definitely have breast enhancements.
    Snob: If I didn't see The Room first, I wouldn't know who you are!
    "Claudette": See? [lifts her top]
    "Lisa": [covers her face] Mom, what the hell is wrong with you?
    Snob: Okay, that was kinda funny.
  • It ends with a clip of Jerrid doing the cheep cheep scene from 'Brad and Jerrid Watch The Room'.

    The Berenstain Bears' Easter Surprise 

    The Amityville Horror 
  • When George is chopping wood with an axe and turns on Kathy when she surprises him:
    Snob: You should have known he was moody the second you married Jack Torrance.
  • "Kids are creeps, bro!"
  • After George tells the children off, the words 'HARD DAD' appear onscreen.
    Snob: Boom! HARD DAD!
  • After George breaks through the wall and sees the face of Identical Stranger Ronald DeFeo Jr.:
    Snob (as George): I knew it the whole time: behind this wall is the ghost of Bad Ronald.
    Snob: Haha, there's a lot of layers to that reference!
  • Snob's portrayal of Harry the dog with his Simpleton Voice:
    Snob (as Harry): Bad news for humans but good news for me. I finally have a new place to bury my bones. No one's gonna dig 'em up so long as they're buried in the fiery pits of Hades.

    Snob (as Harry): Aw dang, my bones have taken human form: the day I most feared.

    Snob (as Harry): I'm sorry I buried the bones of an escaped serial killer in an Indian burial ground.
    Snob (as George): It's okay, shut up!
  • When George goes back into the house to save Harry at the end of the film:
    Snob: This is a pivotal moment in George's life. He knows if he doesn't go back for the dog he won't stop hearing about it for the rest of his life.
    Snob (as George): That damn dog better live another twenty years after this.

    Puppet Master 
  • Snob's comment on one of the puppets with a spinning segmented head.
    Snob: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...BOOM! Phil Collins!
  • The Snob claiming that the Blade puppet's POV is similar to his own.

  • In the intro, when Snob starts introducing the movie, he realizes that he's probably overselling it.
    Snob: In the tradition of other great biopic movies such as The Aviator, Capote, Raging Bull, and— uh, wait, uh, this movie notoriously got pretty bad reviews, so, uh, okay: In the tradition of Wired, The Babe Ruth Story,note  and Gable and Lombard...
  • When the movie opens with a Posthumous Narration from Fourth-Wall Observer Gotti, Snob hopes that all movies based on him also open similarly. Cut to him standing on a balcony, overlooking Springfield, Illinois during a rainy day and him yelling over said rain about how it's the "greatest freakin' city."
    Snob: I don't know, all great biographies start out with the character introducing the movie after they died.
    Gotti: New York is the greatest fucking city in the world, my city.
    Snob: I want all movies made about me to begin in similar fashion.
    [cut to him standing on a balcony, overlooking Springfield, Illinois during a rainy day]
    Snob: [imitating Gotti] This city, this freakin' city! Springfield, Illinois, my freakin' city!
    • When a title card in the movie indicates we've moved to Springfield, Missouri, Snob interjects that Illinois' Springfield is much better in the exact same delivery as above.
      Snob: Springfield, Missouri is not the greatest freakin' city! Springfield, Illinois is the greatest freakin' city!
  • Snob mocks the large number of executive producers shown during the opening credits.
    Snob: It goes forever because of the giant list of executive producers who are now in witness protection.
  • The Running Gag about the movie's soundtrack, which, while Snob admits to liking, he finds very dissonant with the film's tone.
    • First:
      Snob: Really hope this movie doesn't have a problem with tone due to the soundtrack.
      [cut to the opening credits, set to a rap by Pitbull]
      Snob: Gotti, yo!
      [later, when the ending credits are also set to the same rap]
      Snob: Straight Outta Compton was way more Italian than I thought it would be!
    • This:
      Snob: While you look at a list of the music used, it's got some pretty great stuff; it's just weird and random how it's used. Look at this scene where John signs out of prison to kill a guy.
      [shows Gotti entering an hotel room while armed, all while the theme from Shaft plays]
      Snob: Who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks? John freaking Travolta!
    • Snob is ready to give a pass to a scene featuring Blondie's "Heart of Glass" because it's set in a nightclub... until he sees that an Info Dump scene complete with flashbacks still has the song on.
      Snob: I'm learning so much here; not about the characters, but that this club has some sweet Blondie records.
      [later, after a news report that three of Gotti's men kidnapped a man]
      Snob: Maybe that means they took him to a club? They could be playing "Rapture"!
    • When a car is blown up seemingly randomly, set to Pet Shop Boys' "West End Girls":
      Snob: Well, at least his awesome Pet Shop Boys tape survived the blast!
    • In one of the scenes showing Gotti going to trial:
      Snob: Oh, I guess there's another trial. We're not near the end yet, though, so he's gonna walk like an Egyptian.
      [shows Gotti exiting the courtroom, which is actually set to "Walk Like an Egyptian" by The Bangles]
      Snob: I didn't mean for you to start playing The Bangles! Again, I didn't add that!
  • "This movie put a hit out on the word 'linear'!"
  • "Yep, this is a 'Meanwhile' and an 'Anyway' movie!"
  • Snob is confused by Gotti's speak.
    Snob: They took my tit and they put it on my face. I only do one-armed push-ups.
    Snob: You're a mobster, I don't know if you mean that literally!
  • Snob does find some hidden gold in John Travolta's acting:
    Snob: Any excuse to use a classic Travolta "Aaargh!"
    [shows Gotti saying "Aaargh!" to his guard and when greeting his kids]
    Snob: I wish the producers simply responded to every negative review with an "Aaargh!"
  • When Gotti is talking to his kids:
    Gotti: How 'bout the movies you like, what's that movie you like so much, uh, about spaghetti, Meatballs or something?
    Snob: [imitating Gotti's wife] John, you bastard, you know we're an Animal House family!
  • Snob's extreme amusement over the scene where Gotti slaps his son and his friend in a way eerily reminiscent of The Three Stooges.
  • Snob can see some culprits behind the film's quality:
    Gotti: I, me, John Gotti, will sever his mother-fucking head off!
    Snob: Ugh, I hope he's not talking about the editor!
  • On one of Gotti's trials:
    Snob: It's okay, though. He's found not guilty because he's also Robert Shapiro.
  • Snob finds that he and Gotti share certain activities:
    Snob: Maybe this movie tried softening critical blows by itself becoming a movie review show.
    Gotti: Imagine you're in a private jet, and the stewardess comes up and she says "My name is Pussy Galore", and he says "I must be dreaming."
    Snob: Ufff, I wish John Gotti hadn't died before he could sign my copy of Goldfinger.
  • "The movie goes back and forth between showing Travolta's Gotti and real Gotti. Make up your Gotti-damned mind!"
  • When the movie shows reactions of people reacting to Gotti's death, it is intersperced with the audience reactions from Bushwhacked, resulting in the return of the "BUSH-WHACKED!" gag.
    Snob: For the last time, no one had Bushwhacked Fever!
  • In Snob's sum-up of the movie:
    Snob: Could Gotti really be the worst movie of 2018?
    [shows the "God orb" scene from The Trump Prophecy]
    Snob: No! Of course not! Not by a long shot!

     10 Awesome Things About Battlefield Earth 
  • The Snob realizes that his Battlefield Earth review is too similar to all the other ones, and decides to count down ten awesome things about it instead. For the curious: Slang and bad jokes still exist, it feels like a complete movie (as opposed to other adaptations of books that are split in two parts), the deleted scenes, convenient Dutch Angles, The Merch, the alien bar, the stupid aliens, the costumes, how quotable it is, and John Travolta's hammy yet passionate acting.
  • Lloyd chiming in:
    Lloyd: Ha! Stupid aliens, it was cats that ran the planet!

    Lloyd: [on Snob speculating one Psychlo may be part cat] He's not! How dare you insult me!
  • Upon seeing a Psychlo woman with a long tongue:
    Snob: The movie has been interrupted by its own porno spoof!

    Godzilla: King of the Monsters! 
  • Snob refers to Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019), which has Millie Bobby Brown, as "the Godzilla-inspired Season 3 of Stranger Things."
  • Snob actually attempts to review the original Japanese Gojira, but since he's a stupid English speaker who can't read the title because it's in Japanese (it's Romanized and the cover he shows even includes the English name) he decides to go for the English version.
    Snob: I can't read that! Someone make a new version for American audiences and have it star a Canadian actor!
    [later, after one last attempt at watching Gojira with subtitles]
    Snob: Enough with the subtitling: Get me proper dubbing and get Kingston: Confidential on the line stat!
  • Snob's reaction to the film's subtitle "King of the Monsters!"
    Snob: Really, "King of the Monsters!"? Well, that's gonna be huge news to the other monsters, like King Ghidorah, King Kong, and of course, King Ralph.
  • His bewilderment when he learns the inserted American character's name is Steve Martin (just like the comedian), leading to a Running Gag where he refers to various characters as well-known comedians.
    • First, when Steve is introduced:
      Snob: And here's our star, Jerry Lewis! I'm kidding, who is this reporter supposed to be again?
      Steve: My name is Steve Martin.
      Snob: Steve Martin?! Well, I was close! Explains this intro!
      SFX: Huh? I am not a bum, I'm a jerk!
      Snob: Tokyo is destroyed! No one cares about your self-deprecation!
    • When Steve arrives to Tokyo:
      Snob: There [Steve] meets with a member of the Japanese Security Defence Force, Martin Short!
    • After inhabitants from an island Godzilla attacked are testifying.
      Snob: So we hear from islanders Chevy Chase, George Carlin, and Eddie Murphy.
  • Snob's reaction when seeing the aftermath of Godzilla's attack: "This Chernobyl series is really disturbing."
    Snob: [while showing the Japanese characters] But I'm not sure if some of these actors are Ukrainian.
  • Snob's references to other Kaijus:
    Snob: This is Perry Mason's biggest case yet; sure, everyone assumes that Godzilla is the culprit of this mass destruction, but has anyone checked the alibi of Titanosaurus?

    Snob: [after a ship is destroyed] Again, you're not even gonna consider that that might have been Aviera?

    Snob: [when the Oxygen Destroyer kills Godzilla] This weapon may destroy Godzilla, but it's only gonna piss off Gamera thanks to its protective shell.
  • The return of the gag subtitles.
    • His aforementioned attempts to review the original Japanese film have the subtitles translating all dialogue to "Let them fight."
    • After making a joke about Steve's hat coming with a box of Lucky Strikes, when he and his Japanese contact question a farmer, the subtitles read "You told me he'd be wearing his silly hat too. I don't even smoke Lucky Strikes."
    • "You may take our subtitles, but we still have our dubbing warehouses!"
  • Snob doesn't quite agree with the way Godzilla's attacks are portrayed.
    Iwanaga: At 3:30 this morning a ship from Tokyo was literally wiped from the surface of the ocean in a matter of seconds.
    Snob: We're under attack from a monster known a hyperbole.
  • When Steve and Iwanaga observe a team that investigates the attacks:
    Steve: Can you tell me what are they discussing?
    Iwanaga: They're at a loss to explain how a ship could disappear so suddenly.
    Snob: Oh, sure, but when I take a tiny Asian man with me to translate 13 Assassins, I get thrown out of the theater!
  • After another attack on a ship:
    Snob: [while showing three castaways] No need to worry, folks, the Japanese Three Stooges have been saved.
    Steve: [voiceover] The few survivors who have been found died in a matter of minutes from shock and strange burns.
    Snob: Nevermind, they died from shock and harsh insults towards each other.
  • Snob doubts on why Steve was commissioned in the first place, given his language struggles.
    Snob: Maybe they could have sent someone who speaks more than one language!
    Steve: [to Iwanaga] My Japanese is a little rusty.
    Snob: Well, this version of the movie wouldn't exist without that sentence.
  • When Steve attends a traditional Japanese ceremony:
    Steve: [voiceover] And it gave me an opportunity to witness a rare ceremony, one that was all but forgotten.
    Snob: I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like I'm watching the lost film, Godzilla vs. Mondo Cane.
  • When Steve has a phone call with a Japanese scientist, Snob suggests to call Godfrey Ho for advice on splicing phone calls.
  • Snob finds something amiss in Steve's narration:
    Steve: ...but both the hope and celebration were short-LIVE-d.
    Snob: "Short-LIVE-d" is Japanese for "short-lived."
  • Snob is increasingly annoyed by Steve's relatively low-key reactions to Godzilla's destruction.
    Snob: This man could shrug off the bomb drop scenes from The Day After!
  • Of course, Snob looks for a particular Godzilla trademark, albeit for odd reasons:
    Snob: But I'm here for that sexy Godzilla roar. Where is it?
    [Godzilla roars]
    Snob: Mmm-hmm. Much like when your wife has a sexy, throaty cold voice.
    Laura: [hoarse] Frozen corn with a side of mashed potatoes.
    Snob: [jerks his entire body]
  • When two scientists (one with an eye patch) fight for the Oxygen Destroyer:
    Snob: Dr. No vs. Emilio Largo is not the "versus" movie I signed up for with this.

    The Zodiac Killer 
  • Snob notes that the film is directed by the same director of the previously Snob-reviewed A Ton of Grass Goes to Pot, showing a clip from that film of a cow winking.
    Snob: Fear not, cow; there was plenty of grass used to make this film as well!
  • Snob revealing the downright bizarre backstory of the film's production, complete with how the director made the film in an attempt to actually catch the real Zodiac Killer, under the assumption that he couldn't resist going to see the film in theaters.
    Snob: But unfortunately, Vanishing Point was also released around the same time, so Zodiac went to see that instead.
  • When the Zodiac Killer first appears in a feathered shag and glasses:
    Snob: I'm not sure, but I think Austin Powers may be a killer.
  • Snob doesn't buy the film's attempts at Paranoia Fuel.
    Zodiac Killer: Many of you, in fact, are being watched by a murderer, someone very possibly sitting next to your or behind you.
    Snob: Okay, sure, Ted Bundy is next to me in the theater, but really, he's just trying to watch the film.
  • When Snob notes that one of the actors of the film is named Bob Jones:
    Snob: Bob Jones? Ummm... Dad?
  • Snob is baffled when seeing Jerry (the secret identity the film gives to the Zodiac Killer) having a conversation with an old man, and the old man somehow coming off as the most unstable of the two.
    Old Man: Once [women] get over 20, they're all no damn good. Well you see, when they get 20 that's the turning point.
    Snob: Stop kinapping teenagers and putting them in your basement, grandpa!
    Old Man: Don't let'em get their claws on you ever.
    Jerry: You don't mind if I get my claws on some of them young ones, don't you?
    Old Man: To be mine, yeah.
    Snob: [nervous laughter] Careful, or you'll fit right in as the chef from Sleepaway Camp.
    Old Man: If you get any leftovers or extras, remember, I like 'em plump... and juicy!
    Snob: Ugh, I hope he's talking about pizza rolls. Anyway, after that cameo from Albert Fish...
  • Snob: Sometimes I don't even know if I'm watching the same movie!
    [a couple walking beside a beach]
    Man: The thing that really impressed me was the way he made me feel. This is the first time I've ever felt that I'm part of the company.
    Snob: Meanwhile, in a male-enhancement commercial!
  • Man: Something weird about that guy.
    Woman: Well, obviously he was mad at you for going through his things.
    Man: Nah, I don't think he ever saw me.
    Woman: Maybe we should go back and apologize, Dick.
    Snob: Being a serial killer in the 60s and 70s was easier than basic math!
  • Snob is baffled (again) when Jerry finds a bikini-clad woman who drags into a room several times, most certainly to have sex.
    Snob: The hell? I think she just raped the Zodiac Killer!
  • When the police goes to a psychic:
    Psychic: Last week, he purchased product... from a heath food store.
    Snob: So he's a no-good commie tofu eater! That's just un-American!
  • When the Zodiac Killer pushes one of his victims, who's on a stretcher, down a street:
    Snob: Thanks Jerry, for giving us the lost pilot to Jackass.
  • Then, at the end of the movie:
    Snob: Now just end the movie! Or try to, at least. Kinda. Sorta.
    [Evil Laughter is heard, before "This Is Not The End" appears onscreen]
    Snob: Oh boy, are they right; there's tons more Zodiac Killer movies that came out after this.

  • When Snob describes the movie, he mentions its iconic Academy Award-winning theme song... only to play "The Windmills of Your Mind" from The Thomas Crown Affair instead.
  • When noting that one of the film's screenwriters is named John D.F. Black, he finds out that his assumptions from that name are mistaken:
    Snob: I bet he— [shows his IMDb page, showing that he's white] Oh, I wasn't expecting him to look like this necessarily, or that the screenwriter on Shaft worked on Murder, She Wrote?! Mmm-hmm, Foxy Brown was the Jessica Fletcher of her time!
  • Snob describes the movie as so manly that by simply talking about it, he may have already had sex with it.
  • When the movie begins showing Times Square, which has a big Sony signboard:
    Snob: The film may have been released by MGM, but for some reason, I think Sony may be trying to get its hands on the film.note 
  • Snob jokes about the marquees shown in the movie.
    Snob: The movie is telling us that it's way better than the others playing. [shows a marquee for a film called "The Scalphunters"] Shaft could take on some scalp hunters in five minutes. [shows a marquee for a film called "The Animal"] Shaft feels very sorry for anyone out there who is stuck seeing a decades-early screening of a Rob Schneider movie.

    Snob: [on a marquee saying "New Policy" and "Sex Show"] I, for one, would like to know the new policy at this sex show. Probably cleaning up after your own cum stains. [on a marquee saying "It's the real thing. Coke."] Given that this is 1971, they could freely advertise that they have real cocaine.
  • Snob's Call Backs to his previous reviews.
    • When the famous theme song plays, Snob asks why are they playing the theme from Gotti.
    • When introducing Richard Roundtree, he claims he is so sexy that he caused Inchon to explode.
    • As the famous opening where Shaft walks the street of New York City plays, Snob wonders aloud what's going on on the other side of town. Cue the opening scene of Saturday Night Fever.
      Snob: Damn! All of The '70s was too funky!
    • Not long after, when Isaac Hayes musically asks "who's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the chicks?"
      Snob: I told you weeks ago: John freaking Travolta!
  • The Snob cumming seven times during the review due to Shaft's sheer coolness and sexiness, most of the time punctuated by a splashing sound.
    • Snob: How is this an episode of The Cinema Snob called Shaft and it's not a porn, or is it?
      Man: Hey, where the hell are you going, Shaft?
      Shaft: To get laid, where the hell are you going? [laughs]
      Snob: [splashing sound] Uh-hoo, I felt that, this is a porn!
    • After meeting Bumpy:
      Snob: If you send another kid with a gun I'll kill the motherfucker and I'll come looking for you!
      Snob: [splashing sound] Uh-hoo! Good thing it's laundry night!
    • After a sex scene:
      Man: Well, John, what'd you get?
      Shaft: I got laid.
      Snob: Yeah he did. [splashing sound] Woo-hoo, so did I!
    • While Shaft is calling his girlfriend:
      Man: Got problems, baby?
      Shaft: Yeah, I got a couple of them. I was born black, and I was born poor.
      Snob: I was born a poor black child. Not really, but I was born quoting The Jerk and this. [splashing sound] Uh-hoo!
    • When discussing with a detective:
      Willie: You gonna tangle sooner or later.
      Shaft: Why don't you stop playing with yourself, Willie? You ain't going to do shit.
      Snob: No need for me to play with myself, either. [splashing sound] Just does it on its own!
    • When Shaft is at a bar with some mafiosos:
      Shaft:My name is... John Shaft. [points gun at mafiosos] Freeze.
      Snob: [gunshot sound] Whoa-ho-ho! There goes my pistol!
    • And finally, when Shaft enters a room by crashing through a window, guns ablazing:
      Snob: [nuclear mushroom goes off over his crotch, chuckles] Well, that was inevitable.
  • During a brawl scene:
    Snob: This is a movie so tough, it makes everyone in real life look unsatisfactory.
    [cut to Snob talking to himself in his barthroom mirror]
    Snob: You are a loser! Be more like Shaft!
  • Then, after the aforementioned brawl ends with one of the mooks being thrown through a window:
    Snob: Eh, across the street Sonny Chiba has been throwing people out of windows all afternoon, it's not a big thing.
  • Snob notes that, as awesome as the movie is, it has clear problems with ADR.
    Snob: [after Shaft insults a taxi driver, which was clearly dubbed over] Shaft can't catch a cab, or proper ADR work.

    Snob: [after another scene in which Shaft's dialogue is clearly dubbed over] Shaft is so cool that he could make you forget that... ADR wasn't the best in the 1970s.
  • The movie's use of the term "cat" confuses Lloyd.
    Man: [to Shaft over the phone] Several cats wre killed up in Harlem tonight, do you know anything about it?
    Lloyd: Glad I don't hang out in that neighborhood.
    Snob: Not those kind of cats, Lloyd!
  • When Shaft Goes to a bar to pose as a bartender and also to drink:
    Snob: Shaft Tries... is a very cool series. It's just him drinking whiskey, saying cool things, and banging!

    Child's Play 
  • The opening, where Snob lampshades parodying the film by having his own evil doll who terrorizes him. At which point he notices a Cinema Snob doll nearby.
    • Snob states Snobby can't play the role of the evil doll because he "has been getting heavily criticized for taking selfies at Chernobyl."note 
    • When he points out that the film takes place in Chicago, Snob happily points out that's why he has the Windy City poster up. Much to his annoyance, however, he realizes that it's not and immediately suspects that the Cinema Snob doll is responsible.
  • Snob describes the opening scene of Charles Lee Ray being gunned down at the toy store as "the original hardcore ending to Jingle All the Way."
  • When the toy store explodes:
    Snob: Relax, this place was run by Joe Petto, it's actually a good thing that it blew up.
  • Brad thinks the homeless guy "totally had sex with that doll."
  • Snob's Actor Allusions:
    • About Mr. Criswell, Karen and Maggie's cranky boss:
      Snob: That dude was a lot more grumpy before he fell in love and settled down with Marla Hooch from A League of Their Own.
    • After Maggie falls out the window to her death:
      Snob: You know, if Marty went on that date with Vince Fontaine from Grease, it probably still would have ended like this.
    • After Detective Mike saves Karen from the homeless guy attacking her:
      Snob: And that is why Prince Humperdink has my full support.
  • When Chucky goes to his voodoo mentor, Snob remarks that the guy probably has a name he can't spell. Cue a joke that absolutely cannot work in the format of a Funny Moments entry:
    Chucky: Hello, John.
    Snob: See? I don't know if that's a John with or without an "H".

  • The payoff to the Cinema Snob doll gag: "The thing moved slightly to the left!!!"

    The Hollywood Knights 
  • "It's Fourth of July, bro! Time to open up a brewski, grab a handful of fireworks, watch a good ol' fashioned patriotic movie like Amerigeddon, bro!"
  • "This is a movie so goddamn manly, it's directed by Chuck Norris...'s son Mike."
  • (after some glitchy-looking transition effects) "If this movie would stop buffering, then maybe I could watch it. Does this movie have a virus or something?"
  • "Stop laughing at how stupid this movie is. That's my job!"
  • Snob notices that the movie features a cast member from Last Ounce of Courage:
    Snob: Why wouldn't Marshall Teague be in this film? He saved Christmas from nothing and now he's gonna save Fourth of July from nothing!"
  • Character in film: The sign says River Street.
    Snob: It says EAST River Street!
  • Snob has fun with the Gosh Dang It to Heck! moments:
    Character in film: I will see to it that the only training you do for the rest of your freaking life is push-ups in the brig. Am I clear, soldier?
    Snob: R. Lee Ermey's ghost called and said you're a pussy.
    Another character: There's something in my foot locker for when the fit hits the shan.
    Snob: "If the fit hits the shan"? Ugh, duck my sick!
  • "I knew it. This is all because the military is sponsoring an intergalactic episode of Will It Fit?"
  • "I trust Charlie. He has a face that says 'listen to my Toby Keith albums' and a mustache that says 'do it while sleeping on a My Pillow'."
    That Darn Cat! 
  • The review starts off very similarly to the Pet Sematary review with Lloyd on Snob's lap as he spotlights the film. But then things take a turn when Lloyd leaves Snob's lap and ends up in the movie itself as the titular cat. For the next minute during the opening credits, it's a Gag Dub where Lloyd riffs on scenes. Hilarity Ensues.
    Until September 
  • The movie, already an easy target for the Snob's creepy horror movie music, unironically plays 'Every Breath You Take' by the Police over a scene of Xavier staring at Mo.
  • Any time the Snob points out Thierry Lhermitte's serial killer eyes.
    Ebert: I knew we were in trouble when Karen Allen told Thierry Lhermitte he had the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen. His eyes looked more to me like the kind of eyes where, when you turned up looking like that, the nuns sent you to see the school nurse.
    God's Compass 
  • After pointing out that the film features actors from War Room and the director of The Trump Prophecy:
    Snob: Between war rooms, God orbs, Trump-approved shofars... this is movie is gonna be all kinds of crazy. Ha ha ha ha. It isn't. It's just really dumb.
    Tango & Cash 
    Pet Semetary Two 
  • Much like the first review, Snob tries to get Lloyd in on it, but the cat is more adamant about staying out.
  • The constant references to Edward Furlong's role as John Conner.
    Snob: (as Jeff) "Is it alright mom? Is it? I'm pretty tired of running from the T-1000."
    Snob: All they needed to do to kill Sarah Conner was cast her in a movie and then electrocute her? Skynet is always needlessly complicated.
  • When Robia LaMorte appears:
    Snob: (angrily) You were in Buffy!
  • Snob then goes to town on Lamorte's character, Obviously Evil abortion clinic director Cheryl who doesn't just provide abortions but seems to actually love them. He dubs evil laughter over her, gives her lines about wanting to eat the fetuses, and proclaims her to be the new James Bond villain Silvia Stirrups.
  • Despite it probably being the most cringe-inducing film he's done since The Child Bride, Snob still gets a lot of laughs in this one, fittingly of the Dead Baby Comedy type.
    • When Abby has a vision of a screaming aborted fetus, Snob dubs the Wilhelm Scream over it, and later refers to it as "CGI Hep' Me Jesus!-Baby."
    • At one point Abby tries to convince a woman to have an abortion when she can still get a discount for it. In used car salesman mode, Snob announces "What can we do to send you home in a brand new 2019 dead fetus?"
    • And then there's the infamous "fries and soda" scene.
    Cheryl: Fast food outlets look to break even on the hamburgers they sell. That's all they do.
    Snob:...I'm listening.
    Cheryl:Do you know how they make their money? On the french fries and the soda, the low-cost, high-margin items.
    Snob Ohh mmmy God, where is this going?!
    Abby: Cheryl, I'm sorry but I don't understand this-
    Snob (delighted look followed by Sarcastic Clapping) Congratulations. Movie quote of the year! That explains why dead fetuses taste so good when dipped in the Signature Sauce.
  • Snob does not appreciate the movie stealing his jokes.
    Snob: Well, that went well.
    Prolifer: Well, that went well.
    Snob: PISS OFF!
    Stephen King's It 
  • When Mike calls the other Losers about It's return, Snob interprets that Mike on occasion does this all the time just to mess with them.
  • The Running Gag about how Beverly should've known it was Ben who sent her the love poem since Snob claims it was written with ketchup on a candy wrapper.
  • Snob realizes to his horror that the movie is essentially a "Reminisce-sploitation" movie like Windy City (both are melodramatic movies about childhood friends reuniting for one reason or another), and afterwards notices that the poster is up on his wall again because of it.
  • Snob's reaction to the IT's giant spider form:
    Holy shit! It's Jon Peters!
  • His description of Barbaric Bully Henry Bowers and his gang:
    To think, this used to be a nice gang, but when Henry came back from Chicago, it really changed the ButterCream Gang for the worst.
    • And afterwards, when Ben escapes from them:
    Ben gets the hell out of there, before they carved "ButterCreamer for life" on his stomach.
  • Snob teasing a Terminator 2 reference and then pulling a Bait-and-Switch with a Tequila and Bonetti reference instead.
  • The Snob riffs on the movie for stealing the scene in which Stan commits suicide from the Nostalgia Critic.
  • (cuts from Pennywise biting Georgie's arm to a funeral) "And then Pennywise died from an allergic reaction to eating Georgie's raincoat."
  • The Snob pretending to change the channel, only for The Larry Sanders Show intro music to play over adult Richie's introduction.
    • "Whoops, changed the station again. Now it's a very special episode of Dave's World."
  • Adding A Nightmare on Elm Street music over a scene where kid Richie goes down into the school's boiler room/basement.
  • After a flashback where Richie was frightened by Pennywise as the werewolf from I Was a Teenage Werewolf, the scene cuts to adult Richie throwing up.
    Snob: Now, he's the host of the show: "Did You Get Pregnant By a Werewolf?"
    • Later when Richie throws up again: "Oh right, still pregnant from the werewolf."
  • This Non Sequitur plan when the kids are thinking about what to do about Pennywise:
    Snob (as Bill): Okay guys, I got it. We dress like a rubber chicken and lure Pennywise into a tiny car and load it with TNT.
  • A-ha's "Take On Me" playing over the scene in the sewers after Snob claims that it would make a good background for a music video.

    High School Musical 
  • Snob gives his own commentary on the montage of Hopeless Auditionees, and notices that since the lead roles went to the lead actors anyway, it felt like only the bad ones actually auditioned for the parts.
  • "This movie has less stakes than a vegan restaurant."
  • This reaction:
    Snob: Let's find out if this movie really is any good.
    [Shot of the opening Title Card.]
    Snob: It's not.
  • After Sharpay discovers that Gabriella and Troy have had call backs, despite not auditioning:
    Snob (as Sharpay): Oh my God, worst day ever. This is totes worse than a school shooting.
  • Snob's contempt for Zac Efron's "doofy" hair in the movie.
  • Near the end:
    Troy: We'll sing without a piano!
    Kelsi: No, you won't; pianistnote  here, Ms. Darbus.

    Bollywood Friday the 13th 
    High School Musical 2 
  • After showing Sharpay's materialistic song, Snob says:
    "Ugh, a movie that simulates the feeling of being dragged through a shopping mall on Black Friday. This movie makes Sex and the City 2 look like The Deer Hunter."
  • Following the Ho Yay baseball number where Ryan is forced to play sport rather than dance:
    Snob: This is what happens when a military dad wishes for his son to be into sports on a monkey's paw.
  • Snob describes Troy's 'angry song' in the desert as him playing Neil Breen in the Double Down musical.
    High School Musical 3: Senior Year 
    Sunday School Musical 
  • When pointing out that most of the people involved in the film also worked on No Budget horror films for The Asylum: "In other words, I don't think this movie is a very genuine religious film."
  • "You can sense how hip it is right from the opening beats. That's right, it starts out with a... [mimics the opening beats] ...which is the instrumental equivalent of the lyric 'and I'm here to say.'"
  • On the protagonist's opening rap number: "Then he got a job at Rally's."
  • Choir: ♪This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine♪
  • After some badly dubbed-in applause from a small group of people: "I never thought I would see that. Their clapping is refusing to clap!... Can we mic their hands?"
  • Choir: (does a terrible rendition of "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing")
    Snob: Well, they have a shot, if everyone else sucks too. This choir is creating Satanists by the second.
  • Presenter: The Bellevue Boys' Choir will be unable to make it today due to a food poisoning incident involving egg salad.
    Snob: That's nothing. The fourth team had to skip out because of a drive-by quilting.
  • "Don't blame the egg salad. The competing coach simply just used a War Room to give them all food poisoning."
  • On a piss-poor attempt at a Piss-Take Rap:
    Character: ♪Crossroads is lame, they got no game / And they... da da da da da, walk of shame!♪
    Snob: Is there any actual dialogue in this film?
    Another character: Hey, that was wack!
    Snob: And "that was wack" doesn't count! Can't wait for the choir to trash-talk with a "yo mama's so fat" competition!
  • Snob: How else would Zach pout about this? By going on a rooftop? 'Cause why not! It's a musical. Someone's gotta sing on a roof at some point. Or dance. Or angry-dance.
    (short dance sequence followed by Smash to Black)
    Snob: Weird cut. I guess he jumped.
  • "Even an actual Sunday school thinks you're lame. And that's while they're watching a Psalty the Singing Songbook marathon!"
  • Snob: The hell class is this?
    Teacher: Now open your recipe book to page 51.
  • "Savannah is played by Candise Lakota, who starred in..." (DVD cover of The Champagne Gang, featuring the protagonist in a Boobs-and-Butt Pose) "...uh, the Dat Ass Gang?"
  • Referring to a nerdy character as "McGod-Is-Lovin'".
  • After Zach goes back to sing on a rooftop: "If there was a God, He'd create a storm and make that roof slippery as hell."
  • Savannah's Dad: If you ever get overwhelmed, you can do what your mother used to do. She would simply put a piece of bubble gum in her mouth and she would blow a big bubble.
    Snob: And she would take pictures of it and sell it on the Internet. (creepy laugh)
    Savannah's Dad: And she would picture all those worries and all that stress in that bubble. And when it popped... they were gone.
    Snob: Did you just cum?
    Savannah: I didn't know she did that.
    Snob: She didn't. Dad is a pervert!
  • After a nerdy character does an overlong presentation on the Last Supper: "Yeah, we just figured out that you're Jared Fogle. You should not be in a school!"
  • After more bad singing: "Excellent, you'll be perfect as the choir in an Estus Pirkle movie."
  • "He teaches them how to praise Jesus through a genre called 'shit the kids are listening to'."
  • Character: ♪I think I need a break♪
    Snob: Ha, me too. Glad we're on the same page on that one.
  • "Ooh, I haven't seen smack-talk this hard since Hazel belittled the size of Carol's marshmallows at the sweet potato cookoff."
  • "Sorry, I don't understand this thrilling dialogue unless it's set to shitty music."
  • "'I wasn't helping you, I was just, you know, looking out for choir.' — Mark 2:16."
  • "'I just want to win.' — John 4:26."
  • "This must be the church of Jesus Christ of Envious Saints."
  • His comment that the competition presenter looks like Joel Osteen, or as he puts it, "No-el Osteen."
  • "Want an idea how bad this movie is? Look at this, it's killing my damn battery!" (shows a screenshot of a "low battery" screen on his laptop)
  • "I always wanted to see a Waffle House version of the James Brown scene from The Blues Brothers."
    Halloween 2018 
  • Might be a flub, but: "Michael is not Laurie's sister".
  • Once Michael attacks from a closet: "'Oh shit' is right! It's Michael's coming out party!"
  • Michael farting before being set ablaze.
    Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth 
    The Life Zone 

  • "Ho ho, brace yourselves for the scariest movie yet this Halloween season. I should definitely dress up for this review. Halloween is just days away!" (cut to his closet) "Look at all of these costumes! The sky is the limit on what I could dress up as in this episode!" (cut back to his chair, now wearing a cowboy hat) "There, perfect. Don't know what I am? I'm the Cinema Snob, only I'm wearing a cowboy hat!"
  • "The writer of the film is Ken Del Vecchio, which, yeah, okay." (shows picture of him) "You didn't even have to show me this picture. I could've just assumed this is what the writer looked like. Between him and the director Rod Weber, brace yourselves, ladies. Three inches, erect. Oh yeah."
  • "I expect way more subtlety out of the writing team behind O.B.A.M. Nude, the film about Obama making a deal with the devil to become President and turns the country into an evil dictatorship."
  • "The film comes from Justice for All Productions. Yes, justice unless you're a woman who wants an abortion, then screw you."
  • "I bet this is gonna be just like The Human Centipede, only the doctor is gonna make a candy necklace out of aborted fetuses. What is even happening here? The movie is so dark, I don't know which of them is gonna be the middle piece!"
  • "I know this looks like you woke up in a torture porn. But relax, it's a PG-13. You're all just gonna die from a stern lecture from a guy who has to masturbate with tweezers."
  • "Might as well rip off the Lost title card. This is the kind of movie you get when you've lost at life."
  • His surprise that Robert Loggia is in the movie, complete with the Minute Maid commercial.
  • John: Do not say a word. You not only have the right to remain silent, you will remain silent!
    Snob: Awesome impression of the director directing the women.
  • John: I am... your jailoooooorrrrrr.
    Woman: Jail for what?
    Snob: That line read?
  • "This is Ilsa, She-Wolf of the Abortions... I mean, Dr. Wise."
  • "So, I feel like I do ask this in all of these movies, but... this is a covert pro-choice film, right? What's with these movies always making their pro-lifers either potential mass murderers or kidnappers?"
  • Dr. Wise: You're an adult woman. You made the choice.
    Snob: Exactly, the dude has nothing to do with this! He's an innocent in this situation! Clearly you must have tricked him into having sex with you. Thanks, micro-dicked screen writer!
  • Dr. Wise: You will stay here until you all simultaneously give birth to your children.
    Snob!Del Vecchio: Ha ha ha ha! If women are pregnant at the same time, they give birth at the same time, right? (splattering noises) Oh god, my pants, ugh!
  • (after a montage of interviews on abortion) "Thanks, movie. Now I know it's a controversial issue. Tomorrow, 12 hours of nonstop Estus Pirkle sermons."
  • John: Young lady, kindly understand that you are never to speak when I am with you unless I specifically give you permission.
    Snob: Ugh, typical kidnapper-splaining.
  • Woman: I don't have a baby, you stupid little girl! I don't have anything inside of me that even remotely resembles a human being!
    Snob: Well, you do have a Polly Pocket in your ass.
  • Dr. Wise: Enjoying the movie?
    Snob: NO!
  • TV host: You know, people who are anti-abortion always say that the word "abortion" doesn't appear anywhere in the Constitution.
    Snob: Yeah, the word "golf club" doesn't appear in the Constitution either, but I'm allowed to have one of those.
  • His surprise at a cut to a random female racecar driver.
    Snob: Um, did I just sit on the remote again?
    Racecar driver: This is about women's reproductive rights. This is about abortion.
    Snob: Oh, guess not. Unless this is the weirdest GEICO commercial ever.
  • "I'm starting to think they had trouble padding out this 80-minute movie."
  • His reaction to the Twist Ending where the women finally give birth:
    John: Oh yes, it can be... when you're in Hell.
    Snob: Heh heh heh, yep. Not only does this movie detest pro-choice women, it literally wants to see them burn in Hell.
  • "Well, this is definitely a movie made by an adult baby still not over the fact that they were rejected by the prom queen decades ago. The makers of this film shouldn't even be around children, let alone making movies about childbirth. These idiots couldn't even satisfy their own appetite; they have no chance satisfying a woman."
  • "And what were the reviews like?" (Smash Cut to the head exploding scene from Scanners)
  • "The message is like crossing a Chick Tract with a snuff film."
    King Frat 
  • Snob describing the movie, a terrible Animal House rip-off as "It's like thinking you're going to bed with The Blues Brothers but waking up with Blues Brothers 2000".
  • "This movie only has ten minutes left. I don't think it's gonna end, I think it's just gonna pass out."
  • After one of the characters encounters the killer turkey and reacts with Dull Surprise:
    Kristen: You were right, Darren. Your story is true. There is an evil turkey on the loose.
    Snob: Act more surprised!
    Frozen Land 
  • "I've been saying for years 'Why pay high theatre prices when you can just stay home and watch the DVD your grandma got you in the shopping aisle when she confused it for something playing in theatres?' Oh, right, I never said that, because that's a terrible idea!"
    Black Christmas (1974) 
  • Olaf onesie! And the rant mentions how offering warm hugs "will go swimmingly".
    Every Christmas season I end up looking like an idiot!
  • Snob's assertion that Peter may not be the killer but he's definitely a killer.
  • Snob describes Peter's intense piano playing as "Malcolm McDowell-ing the shit out of that piano".
    Jason Xmas 
  • Among the fan films the Snob lists are Solo, Friday the 13th (2009) and a silent movie named Friday the 13th ("that might be real, unless it ends with Jason punching a train and joining the Klan")
  • Showing the disadvantage of now shooting in a shared studio, Brad goes to the break room and Doug Walker says 'So we're just gonna pretend you're not wearing an Olaf onesie?'
    A Karate Christmas Miracle 
  • Snob describing the movie as the second one in a row filmed in "David DeCoteau-vision"
  • Much like his review for The Life Zone, the Snob's skewering of writer Kenneth Del Vecchio.
  • Any time he highlights the movie's insane scene transitions.
    Snob: Seeming normal enough so far? Well, here's the next scene, and this is a real edit, by the way!
  • "This is the kind of Christmas movie you get when you grow up thinking the song is called 'I Saw Mommy Blowing Santa Claus'', and that Grandma really did get run over by a reindeer - who then BANGED her corpse!"
  • The return of Kung Tai Ted.
    Santa's Christmas Circus Starring Whizzo the Clown 
  • The video description on
    It wouldn't be the Christmas season without the Snob stumbling across some forgotten children's Nightmare Fuel!
  • Snob's discussion of Whizzo actor Frank Wiziarde's backstory:
    Snob: With a name like that, the only way it'd be more inevitable he'd become Whizzo the Clown is if his name was Frank Clownzinski.
    • And:
    Snob: Frank started out as a child performer with his family's circus act the Wiziardi Trio. Clearly, until his family died and Val Kilmer took him in. I may be taking some liberties here to make it spicier.
    2019: After the Fall of New York