Hero Critique Thread (Because it's about damn time for this too!)

Thanks for clearing that up; knowing about her family does add some context to her actions and who she generally is, though again you did a pretty good job of that before. I'm not familiar with the movie Sneakers but I do like the irony of how her parents are almost on the complete opposing spectrum from their daughter.

Anyway, yes, I would appreciate a comment on the nuriel race, so thanks for offering.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

This is the first time I've ever really done a critique of a fantasy race, so I'm not sure how well I'll go about it. At any rate, I'll just jot down my honest first impression as I read it.

First up with the age factor, I actually really think the mystery there is incredibly intriguing. The reason why is I think it opens up some nice possibilities for a potential ancient ones that even go beyond the longest lived one. The fact that they do have such long lifespans yet don't get to live them due to outside circumstances does create a nice contrast too which supplements the tragedy of it all.

When reading on appearance and thinking about them, I first sort of thought about trolls or orcs with them (mostly just due to the brute strength) though I think this species overall has it's own vibe to them. Also, the fact that they don't really start showing sexual signs one way or the other until later in life is something I can't say I've ever ran into before. I like the concept!

As for the factor with them feeling like atoners, just... shit. That's... that's so sad to me that they're so crushed by guilt of something they didn't even do. Really, their entire situation combined with the poor treatment, their feelings, and just... it's such a well thought out tragedy IMO and nice mixture of elements. I am seriously curious as to what made you come up with that. I really feel like I could see these creatures in a fantasy story and find myself sympathizing with their plight.

The weakness factor there I do like, both with fire & more the psychological effect of all of this. It has just enough grounding in reality for me that it hits empathy buttons while still being so fantastical otherwise that I find myself drawn in really. Also, it's definitely clear where and why there is a divide here and it's something I'd really enjoy following the tales of to see who is involved in things, how it evolves, etc. It feels like something out of Dragon Age or such to me, in a VERY good way.

Huh, so they are trolls. XD Or, well, inspired by. Really, I want to give you props here as I think you did something well I'm always behind. You took an idea as the foundation and really built it into something I feel is unique to you. So touche there! Also, there is a part of me that fears what could come of those who are on the rebel side due to how easy it can be to become a monster when fighting against such things. I personally am one at this point to explore that concept in a different way (more how to fight monsters WITHOUT becoming a monster yourself & still being practical) though I am curious to see other approaches with the trope & concepts if that does come up. Really, there are so many things possible with the rebellion and resistance, them seeking rights, etc. that I think the storytelling potential there is grand.

So yeah, as a whole, I really liked them and enjoyed reading about them. It really made me excited to see who this specific character is going to be now!

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

This character is still very much a work in progress and my purpose in writing this post is to get something down in the hopes that this character becomes more realized. I apologize if everything seems a bit clunky, but I'm just throwing things at the walls and seeing what sticks.

Name: Joseph Isaacs

Age: 32

Personality: Joseph can best be described as blunt, rational; cynical, but with a creative streak and a knack for puzzle-solving. Traits which serve a Private Investigator rather well. Behind a sarcastic, street-smart facade though hides a deeply insecure man trying almost exceptionally hard to forget something from his past. An very private person, when any mention of said past is brought up, the subject is either changed or flatly ignored.

Abilities: A deductive mind capable of thinking outside the box. A skilled negotiator, capable of de-escalating a situation.

Weaknesses: Very much wracked with guilt over something that happened in his past. Irritable. if not right angered when something doesn't "add-up" or "make sense".

Goals: To make sure that both he and the others escape Euclides alive and with their sanity intact.

Motivation: Initially to complete a well paying job as quick as possible. When it is discovered that the man he was hired to find, a mathematics professor named Mason Thales, has a history of mental illness, Isaacs is moved to ensure that he is brought back safely before he can hurt himself or others.

Role in the story: The story's main protagonist. Hired by a mathematics professor named Oliver Nash, Joseph is initially tasked with finding a man, Nash's mentor and colleague, Mason Thales. Some digging brings Isaacs to the attention of an old manor in Glencoe, Scotland called Euclides; Thales long abandoned childhood home.

Backstory: Joseph was raised in a single parent household in the inner city. Poor and unable to maintain a steady job, his mother was left to raise him and his mentally handicapped older brother alone. His brother, Robert, had problems controlling his anger and would lash out without warning.

Most of the time, Joseph's mother took the brunt of Robert's outburst and it was often Joseph who had to talk him down. One night though, Joseph wasn't able to calm Robert down. His violent behavior had reach a boiling point and Robert came close to beating his mother to death.

Joseph tried to defend her and in a moment of desperation grabbed a kitchen knife. Robert drowned in his own blood. Joseph and his mother were separated and he was placed inn foster home after foster home.

edited 24th Nov '14 3:46:44 AM by J.G.Crowne

Do you read Sutter Cane?

The general idea is to give your response the last character featured before you before asking for someone to do the same for you. I'm not certain whether that would be myself with Cassidy Cain or swordofknowledge though in this case. I do believe it is me in this case, but you're welcome to choose swordofknowledge's character race he linked to.

Either way, once you have for either, I'll be more than happy to give you my response to it.

edited 24th Nov '14 4:50:09 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

Oh I'm sorry! Ok last character was Phin, yes? Right off the bat, I'm reminded of John Constantine with elements of Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock and Todd Macfarlane's Spawn. I greatly enjoy characters who use their guile and wit to get by and watching a character's goal and motivations evolve from survival to a cosmic coup is something I'd love to see, if only to see just how he would go about doing it.

Do you read Sutter Cane?

Nope, not Phin. Though an understandable mistake there & one I actually saw coming, hence why I was editing my words. Though it appears I was too late. Regardless, I handled that one and put Cass back on the table after he basically skipped the entire spirit of this (and thus could have been ignored in the first place) & I gave him a response regardless. Hence why I find it annoying, especially when I am putting effort into responding to people in spite of fact I don't have to. >_<

At any rate, already started writing something for you!

edited 24th Nov '14 5:10:50 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

Oops! My deepest apologies Prime! Ok, Cassidy Cain. Already she has my attention. All to often I see powerful women in business written one dimensionally; if they are powerful then they must've used sex to get there or if they are intelligent, they must be morally bankrupt. Either way such characters are written with a very specific agenda in mind. Its refreshing to see someone giving us a rounded woman in power. She speaks to me because she seems like a real person and I can relate to a few of her traits (handling loss and being something of a bad loser are among them).

In a way I kind of see her as what Bruce Wayne would become if all his energies weren't put into the Batman persona. Odd considering her alter ego, though I can imagine a young person with her morasl and ideology would use Robin Hood tactics and theatrics in order to pursue a course of action she believes to be just.

Overall a great character who I'd love to see more of! If you ever need a beta reader by all means drop me a line.

Do you read Sutter Cane?

Glad to those factors worked well there! And would more than welcome you reading things. There is actually a link in my signature if anyone wishes to check more of things out.

Anyway, switching over to your stuff, right now I’m getting the overall vibe of the Hardboiled Detective from him. Reading that trope, the same patterns are all in play there. My only “problem” with it is that since it’s all we got. I'm starting to think that is something that's a trend for me. Anyway, I am not against whoever fitting to their archetype and trope at all. I see tropes as the foundations that give us building blocks with them. I wouldn't say you have to worry about subversion and all that just for the sake of being different. I will suggest becoming more than just your trope or finding what makes your individual more than just a trope. I see the trope as the starting point, not the character in its entirety. I'll come back to this for development after hitting his backstory.

I like the overall construct there and I'm really interested to learn more about his relationship with his brother, how that's shaped him into the private eye he is now, and so forth. I also like how you added the personal investment more into the case and it goes on to expand on him. I am curious, with the backstory with his brother, who would you say he is more troubled with: his brother for not controlling his temper or himself for being put into a position where he killed him?

Also, I’m curious to ask why his chosen profession is private detective. What drew him to the job?

Now, since you said you’re just developing it right now, that’s why I really don’t see it as much a problem that it’s a bit bare. Actually, I kind of like it that way more personally since you know what you want to do at your base & so can easily make everything else all about delivering on that. I think its way easier to avoid unnecessary distractions thanks to that foundation. Plus really, we all start there really in one way or another. So I’m going to say what’s going through my head to spice it up a bit more and bring them to life. I really hope this helps!

Here is what I’d take into account for things to add on:

1. What’s their reputation?

2. What sort of judgments due they prompt from others?

3. What’s their network (more people they do associate with, why they do, what do they feel about that relationship, how do they define it, etc.)

4. What habits & patterns might he have?

5. How about their tastes & abilities (To note, would build more on what he can do. It’s a good start still, just a little too barebones for what hardboiled detective characters usually do. One thing I’d suggest is to dig deeper with his intellect and how it’s expressed. What fields in particular are he good at that help him do what he does?)

6. Tastes & preferences

7. Their image. What they wear, how they wear it, are they built strong, are they slim, fat, and so on. Also, I’d take into account how they feel about it too.

I can toss out a few suggestions. I’m not sure how much it’ll help you out, but I say you should consider Hardboiled your character High Concept much like I do with Phantom Thief for own then build from there.

One technique I sometimes use is to look at other characters that utilize the overarching the trope and build from there. More I assess them closely, compare and contrast, think about what I specifically can bring to the concept (such as issues I might have with others might want to address or just something I think is a cool idea that can go with this), and so forth.

Another thing I use, this being more with personality & finding someone as an individual, is systems like Myers Briggs. I find they’re good for giving structure. Here is my process. First, I take this test here (don’t need to sign up, just skip that page at the end if you do take this) with my character to see which of the types they fall into. The next thing I do (aside from read more online as I look at the patterns and connect them to tropes) is go to our own T Vtrope page on Myers Briggs again and go through fictional examples. While I don’t think it’s perfect, I do think it’s great for seeing others who share personality & their portrayals in fiction. You might notice some common trends too.

As an example, I’ll show you how easy it is to use. I identified Cass as an ENTJ & read stuff there. For a case of just me researching ENT Js (more I looked at their patterns), here is something I found looking into them:

“Socially, ENTJ teens often continue to have a wide and varied group of friends and may have a particular affinity for the less-conventional, more unusual people in school. They are intrigued with people and things out of the ordinary, so they may be eager to travel to other countries or meet and befriend exchange students. They are usually strongly independent and often challenge any preconceived expectations of them.” - Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child's Personality Type - And Become a Better Parent

I thought of how I could portray that element then, which resulted in things like Collector of the Strange & Odd Friendships she’ll have for those she keeps touch with. When I looked at others in fiction, I come by those like Azula from Avatar, Athena from Greek Mythology, Reinhard from Legends of the Galactic Heroes, and various others who I look into. You can usually find certain tropes repeating which can give inspiration for how you wish to portray them with your own individual. Plus I’d say be willing to even address the less “likable” ones. Personally, I like to try and see logic that’s given when looking at this systems on how a character plays to their strengths and overcomes weaknesses (or fail to) to better design a character according to whatever role I wish them to play. Hopefully that can help you out too.

Another system I’d suggest using is The Enneagram. Enneagram & MBTI combined with one another are excellent and the ways we can combine information to make a character feel more lifelike is awesome!

Also, can discuss way more about this in PM if you like, if you need any more detailed help shaping the character.

...And that went longer than I originally planned. XD

Oh and I forgot to say this on the base! I'd read them for that alone as I'm a sucker for mysteries.

Hmm... I suppose I'll put Cass up here one more time for the next person as I have another character I plan to post, but I've yet to finish things writing there.

edited 24th Nov '14 7:38:16 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

Thanks for the analysis and the help! I'll take this opportunity to answer a few questions:

Joseph's relationship to Robert It was, and still very much is, a Love/Hate relationship. Obviously he loved his big brother, but resents him for his disability and the strain it placed on not only their mother, but on his social life. He was ostracised and bullied for having a "retard" for a brother. He also hates himself for having such thoughts and for killing his brother, even if it was both an accident and in self-defence. He also secretly fears that he may have always wanted to kill him and that, deep down it wasn't really an accident.

Why did he become a Private Detective? Initially, Joseph wanted to be a investigative journalist, but a combination of a reckless behaviour (an attempt to forget Robert and his mother) and being a poor student led him to dropping out. Through the advice of the then retired policeman who was first on scene at Robert's death, Joseph was directed into Private Investigation, where he gained a reputation for speedy, efficient work, specialising in missing persons.

Joseph's MBTI Joseph is probably the closest to ENTP, The Inventor. Considering the story that Joseph features in, its pretty darn apt. The story is basically a horror adaptation of Theseus and the Minotaur. Regardless, Inventors are introspective, pragmatic, informative, and expressive. Generally informative rather than directive in their social exchanges, Inventors are often able to explain their own complicated ideas well, and to comprehend the complex ideas of others. In arguments they may use debating skills, often to the significant disadvantage of their opponent.

edited 24th Nov '14 8:51:31 PM by J.G.Crowne

Do you read Sutter Cane?

@ J.G. Crowne: Joseph seems like a pretty good character. His backstory is heart-breaking; I can't imagine killing your own brother, even if it did come down to a Sadistic Choice of whether to save his mother's life or end his brother's...sheesh. I read a little on the haunted house, and I'm curious to see what sort of adventures he'll have within its depths. I wonder just how good those negotiation and investigatory skills will be against a building with an evil supernatural will of its own.

@ Prime of Perfection: And now, the character I wanted to post, another hero of Clockwalkers. I apologize for the length of his backstory, I'll try to condense it.

• Name: Semyon Bashal the founder of Helios

• Age: 237

• Appearance: Semyon is seven feet tall, gray-skinned and muscular with a large head and short powerful legs. His arms are long and meant for tree-climbing and his fingers end in razor sharp claws. His body is covered with a series of large ugly scars and he is missing both the pinky and middle finger of his right hand. Semyon wears a set of ornate white and maroon armor partly to aid in battle and partly to hide the disfiguring marks. His black hair is tied in an elaborate topknot and bound with a heavy wooden ring, and he wears a medallion of a stylized silver sun around his neck.

Personality

On the surface, Semyon is Hot-Blooded, authoritative and charismatic. No matter how devastating the defeat, he is able to keep up the spirits of his soldiers and rekindle the hope of a better future for both themselves and the nuriel race as a whole. He can be extremely passionate, raising his voice into a scream when making speeches before his soldiers and presenting an air of being just as excited as they are before battles. However this is merely a facade for a devious and complicated man.

Semyon doesn't see Helios and its members as comrades but as weapons for him to use against Ylati's royal government in the fight for the nuriel race's liberation. Because he is literally the oldest living nuriel, he feels a sense of responsibility for the welfare of the species, and thinks of himself as a guardian of sorts. Despite viewing them as resources, he values each individual Helios member's strengths and weaknesses and tries his hardest to cultivate those talents, encouraging them to give it their all.

Semyon's feelings on humans are actually rather neutral despite suffering terrible cruelty at their hands. He sees humans as arrogant creatures that pose a threat to his kind, and must be humbled through fear and absolute despair. He is responsible for Helios' infamous campaign of terror against Ylati's people and he feels little remorse at the mass casualties that have resulted, though he does consider himself a mass-murderer. Despite this, he is content to live peacefully alongside humankind once he has "modified their mindset", though he is equally content to cause even more bloodshed if that fails.

Unlike a significant portion of nuriel—including those within Helios itself—he has no interest in their ancient homeland and considers it lost. His goals are focused entirely upon changing the country of Ylati and carving out a place where his people can be free citizens at long last.

• Abilities: Semyon is a brilliant speaker and master of rhetoric. His words are steeped in idealism but contain enough realistic elements to appear balanced and yet so hopeful that those working for him can't help but question their doubts. He is is a keen observer of those around him, picking up on small details that he stores in order to use either against them or to manipulate their actions in whatever way he sees fit. Semyon is a talented strategist and coordinator of espionage and he often combines these talents to riddle his enemies with sleeper agents long before launching any physical hostilities. Like all nuriel Semyon has a Healing Factor which can repair cuts and broken bones within minutes to hours and can regrow a severed limb within days of losing it. Again like the rest of his people, he ceased physical aging at the age of twenty and is immortal barring injury or disease.

• Weaknesses: Semyon has few skills in physical combat other than his claws and teeth and what he's picked up through trial and error. If attacked head on by an experienced warrior, he would be defeated within minutes. His manipulations and advanced age has isolated him and he finds himself lonely at times, since he views others as either children or tools to be used, or both. He suffers recurrent, unwanted memories of his traumatic past. Deep within him is a desire to return to his simple days as a mining slave, and he feels a great degree of horror and self-loathing for that. Semyon shares the nuriel weakness towards intense heat: injuries inflicted by heat take years to heal and digits or limbs severed by super-heated weapons will never regrow.

• Goals: Semyon originally fought to gain freedom and civil rights for the nuriel race. However once the true nature of the Kingdom of Ylati and the conspiracy controlling it was revealed he altered his plans to taking down the Inner Circle and installing Prince Niccolo on the throne, with him as the controlling power behind the psychologically fragile young man...ensuring survival and freedom for the nuriel, with him as the immortal regent behind the royal family's policies.

• Motivation: Semyon experienced decades as a slave without freedom or even the most basic rights and he watched those important to him suffer and die, and their deaths simply glossed over as loss of property. He has seen the slavery system remain unchanging and humans only grow ''better' at putting down revolts. His longevity has made him believe that he has been chosen to be his race's guardian and liberator.

• Role in the story: Rebel Leader of Helios and eventually one of the two joint leaders of The Alliance, the second being Marco Zaccheria.

Backstory

Semyon was born in the North Quadrant of Ylati over two centuries before the events ofClockwalkers. From the time he could remember, he worked in the state-owned porzite mines beneath the Congela Mountains. His main task was helping to dig ore out of the stone walls, along with a number of other odd jobs such as helping to fix collapsed tunnels. It was difficult and strenuous work, and all of the slaves lived in fear of the overseers with their steam guns that could inflict devastating injuries. Deplorable as it was, Semyon had never known anything else and didn't even really know much of the outside. He accepted the mines as his whole world and worked as hard as he could to avoid punishment.

When Semyon was thirty three, two nuriel slaves named Rolan and Asya were transferred in. Both of them had only had basic training in mining and excavation, and as a "senior" slave, it fell to Semyon to teach them—and he immediately ran into problems. Rolan was defiant and expressed disgust with Semyon and all the slaves in the Congela mine for their ignorance of the outside world and for not even understanding why they were slaves in the first place. Asya, while far more receptive, was depressed and missed the inn she and Rolan had lived in and worked for their whole lives. She clung to Rolan and refused to associate with anyone else or even listen to Semyon without Rolan's permission.

Terrified of being punished for failure, Semyon resolved to speak to Rolan about his resistance and beat him into submission if he had to. When he confronted Rolan in the mine's slave-quarters the younger nuriel refused to fight and instead offered his fearful senior a deal: if Semyon would allow Rolan to educate him, then he would obey. From that moment onward, Seymon, Rolan and Asya became a high-functioning trio though Asya always stayed as close to Rolan as possible. Rolan taught Semyon about the outside world, about what little he knew of their race's history, and about the way Ylati functioned—at least what he had overheard from human guests and the innkeeper he had belonged to.

Around this time, Semyon noticed that the overseers were being replaced with new people at a surprising rate but thought little of it, and when Asya pointed it out, he sharply reminded her that the affairs of the human owners meant nothing to them. Only two weeks later the mines were attacked by a human bandit called Flaki the Firefly. The overseers tried to fight back but the newly hired employees turned on them, having been agents of the criminal all along. The slaves were rounded up and either killed or taken by the bandits as part of the loot, Semyon and his two friends among them.

The surviving slaves were marched from the mine carrying as much treasure as they could to a ruined castle even further in the mountains. For ten years the bandits used the slaves for anything from domestic helpers to manual labor. They were beaten savagely for any mistakes or sometimes simply because the bandits felt like it, and unlike the state-regulated mines, their food supply was scarce and meager. When not working they were kept in the damp cramped dungeons of the old castle and soon diseases began to breed in the awful conditions. They decimated those weakened by starvation and the stress of constant healing, and soon Asya died, despite Semyon and Rolan trying everything from giving her their food to holding her hand and demanding that she fight to live.

Though grieving, Semyon found himself observing the thugs closely, memorizing their behavior patterns and the triggers for their various emotions. By doing this, he was able to either avoid or talk his way out of several beatings. However Rolan was determined to escape their cruel captors. For the first time he mentioned leaving slavery entirely and living as free people. Semyon was entranced by the impossible dream, but realistic enough to know that they would never be able to do it in their weakened state.

To his horror, Rolan told Semyon that he would distract the criminals with anyone who would follow his lead while Semyon escaped to get help. As the riot commenced, Semyon managed to slip out in the confusion and eventually made his way to a small outpost of the Peace Officers of a nearby town. Determined to save Rolan, he begged them to help, but Semyon was bound in chains as a runaway, while they led him back to the castle. When they reached the bandits' hideout, most of the criminals were dead and many of the slaves were near death as well. The Peace Officers quickly finished off the remaining bandits and ordered the slaves to line up to be taken away. It was then that Semyon realized that Rolan wasn't among them and knew his only remaining friend had died.

The horror of his situation forced itself into his mind and he attacked a guard, ripping open his chest with his fingers alone. He shouted to the others to fight for their freedom, something no one except Rolan had ever said. Still traumatized from the shock of battling humans, the others fought as hard as they could and decimated the unprepared Peace Officers. When the fighting was done, five remained, staring at Semyon as if they wanted him to lead them...and he did.

• Relevant Tropes:

• Absurdly Sharp Claws: Like all nuriel slaves, Semyon was forced to keep his claws shaved down to the quick to cancel out the chances of accidental or purposeful human injury. After escaping from slavery and spending years on the run with the survivors of the Congela Incident, they grew to their natural length and he never bothered to clip them down again. Years later it became an unintentional gesture of loyalty to the rebellion for nuriel to allow their claws to grow long in keeping with the leader's habit.

• The Ageless: Since he stopped aging at twenty years old like the rest of his people, Seymon looks exactly the same as he did on his twentieth birthday, apart from changes in his hair and clothes. See Really 700 Years Old.

• All Up to You: Rolan was the Badass rebellious spirit who dared to dream not only of escaping from the criminals that mistreated and abused them but of actually living freely on their own terms. Semyon barely dared believe that he would be rescued and allowed to return to the mines he had worked his whole life. However Rolan entrusted him with the daunting task of bringing back help while he held off the bandits. His idea of abolishing the system of slavery and freeing all nuriel within Ylati's borders began with Rolan's dream and was strengthened by Semyon's own bitterness at losing his friends.

• And Show It to You: He slammed his hand into a Peace Officer's chest and ripped through his sternum to dig out the man's heart and throw it away while leading the surviving slaves against the men and women he thought would help them. He was able to do it without his claws—since they had been shaved away at that point—and instead used his fingers to do so, breaking all except two of them. Justified, since he was running purely on adrenaline and rage at that point, and the broken bones healed within a few hours after escaping.

• And I Must Scream: He is reduced into pure Life Energy and absorbed into Azelas’s body to form an artificial soul like all the other nuriel within Ylati’s borders when the spell activates on the day of the ritual. Fortunately for him and all the nuriel, Cornelius Jinnette and his dragon allies reverse the spell within minutes of it happening, thus saving them from an eternity of torment within an Eldritch Abomination.

• And Then What?: Semyon's demand for the surviving captives to fight to the death to avoid being enslaved again was a spur of the moment outburst born of anger, grief and fear. He didn't even expect to live through the battle with the heavily armed and trained humans, let alone for there to be several confused and terrified people looking at him for more orders. Things simply snowballed from there as his ambitions slowly evolved from mere survival to carrying out Rolan's impossible dream for his entire species.

• Anti-Hero: A striking example, even for the Gray-and-Black Morality of Clockwalkers. Semyon wants nothing more than for his people to be able to live equally alongside humans. The goal is noble, but his methods of doing so are...drastic to say the least. Knowing that humanity is too entrenched in traditional racial hatred to yield to negotiations, he decides that inflicting despair upon them is the way to go. He dives head first into The Revolution Will Not Be Civilized, ordering terrorist attacks on civilian targets unpredictable raids on soft targets like food-storage centers and hospitals, and brutal methods of killing human soldiers in order to demoralize and terrify the populace of Ylati.
  • His end goal follows up with more of the same; he wants to manipulate the psychologically fragile Prince Niccolo behind the scenes, entrenching himself in the new regime's upper echelons and taking advantage of his immortality to be a constant presence behind the throne. Not particularly evil—since the goal is to stop humans from ever lapsing back into anti-nuriel sentiment—but pretty underhanded and certainly different than the more direct methods employed by the protagonists.

• 24-Hour Armor: Semyon wears a suit of ornate white and maroon armor explicitly crafted for nuriel use and this seems to be his casual attire unless necessity dictates that he change into something else. The outfit is revealed to actually be rather light, since it was never meant for combat anyway, and was actually one of several suits of dress-armor for a rich family's slaves on their way to visit the North's capital for an audience with the regions Governor.

• Badass: Averted in the present time. All of Ylati knows of Semyon Bashal, the dreaded leader of Helios, responsible for the fall of the North Quadrant and the famine and plagues that followed, and the single greatest threat to decent and loyal Ylatain citizens. When he is finally met with in private, he is shown to be a pensive and rather quiet man whose real strength lies in his intelligence and strategizing.
  • Played straight in his back-story. After Semyon defeated the Peace Officers, he led his rag-tag group of surviving slaves deep into the mountains where he organized them into a guerrilla force that could care of itself while remaining on the run. He was able to keep them one step ahead of the Ylatain military and private slave-catchers alike, while recruiting other runaways due to there being safety in numbers. Eventually he escalated into actually freeing slaves from their masters by attacking businesses and private property and looting anything they could get their hands on.

• Badass Bookworm: Zig-zagged. Semyon didn't learn how to read until he was sixty one, after eighteen years of living as a free but wanted man. He at first disdained the idea of reading as a human invention but as he started to attempt bigger operations such as actually liberating slaves throughout the North Quadrant, he knew that he needed knowledge of the written word if he and his underlings were to remain free and alive. Once he did learn how to read, he became that much more deadly, since he was to decipher documents pertaining to either his group or potential targets. He also insisted that his people become well-versed in reading too and when the group grew large enough, he set aside time for new members to become educated.

• Celibate Hero: He is hinted to be one of these, since he declines several offers to sleep with him from various nuriel females, and he mentions that he has reached a stage where dominating his enemies and winning victories in the battlefield are nearly all he thinks about. He also implies that sleeping with them would cause a certain amount of Squick since he is their senior and he has never found anyone in his age group or above.

• Character Development: In his back-story. He grew from being a plodding drone with no desire except to do his work and not be blasted with steam guns to becoming a thinking man who dreamed of actually experiencing the world without fear or restrictions. Unfortunately loss and lack of progress made him more and more ruthless and emotionally closed off.

• Covered with Scars: Semyon is covered with large white burn scars from the steam-guns used by the overseers in the Congela Mine, and jagged gouges from sharp heated metal used by the bandits as instruments of punishment. To nuriel, who never scar unless injured with something extremely hot, the scars are a potent version of Body Horror, thus he keeps them covered both to shield the eyes of others and self-consciousness of how hideous they look.

• Cynicism Catalyst: Played with concerning the deaths of Rolan and Asya. Losing them deeply wounded him since they were the first friends he had ever made in his life, even if their meeting was less than ideal. It made him determined to never let anyone as close as he had allowed them to protect himself from further loss. On the other hand, their loss was just part of what made him determined to either end the system of slavery or at least make humans feel the same despair and pain they had inflicted.
  • A straighter yet more gradual version was simply time and battle. Despite his promise not to grow close to others, Semyon did grow fond of many of his recruits and after years of seeing hopeful new members killed or worse captured and subjected to horrible tortures and punishments and never really making a dent in Ylati's status-quo, he distanced himself emotionally from his new members and saw them as weapons, losing his sense of camaraderie with them while only the goal remained.

• Dare to Be Badass: Received one from Rolan in the form of being told to run away and bring help back, something he had never even thought of trying to do before.

• Face Death with Dignity: More like face absorption into a maelstrom of energy composed of thousands of crazed terrified nuriel, with dignity. As the protagonists fail to stop Azelas from activating the artificially dug Ley Lines that cross beneath the entire Kingdom, Semyon noticeably doesn’t panic as his body begins dissipating into glowing blue mist; he simply muses on the fact that he managed to create a sovereign nation for his people to enjoy, even if it was all for nothing in the end, and that he can go down knowing that he did some good.

• Fingore: His pinky and middle finger from his right hand are missing and will never grow back. It happened when two drunken members of the bandit group were trying to slice off his claws with clippers they had heated in the old castle's forge in an attempt to make sure they never grew back and avoid the hassle of annual clipping. They missed and sliced off his pinky and when he cursed them in a moment of rage and pain they just cut off the middle finger on purpose.

• Freak Out: An oddly positive example of this trope since it led him to start the rebel group that would become Helios. Semyon had actually started to believe in Rolan's idea of freedom and after everything he had been through, the thought of being rounded up and put to work again drove him temporarily berserk. .

• Just the First Citizen: His infamy among the human population aside, within Helios's ranks he is just known as "the leader" without capitals. It's a throwback to what he was called when the group originated.

• Living Relic: A minor example, but Semyon is the only survivor of what later came to be known as the "Congela Incident" where the infamous bandit Flaki the Firefly raided state-owned mines all throughout the Congela Mountains of the North. The complete destruction of the bandit gang is credited to Peace Officers who were supposedly tracking them and the slave-revolt that led to Helios' formation is regarded as a separate incident. Thus when Semyon explains his back-story it triggers surprise for those who studied the incident. He is also the only living nuriel from two hundred years ago, something that gives him pause every so often.

• The Long Game: Some of Semyon's plans require decades to come to fruition and sometimes those results are only the stepping stone to the next aspect of the plot. He only started hatching these after his ninety seventh birthday when it occurred to him that he hadn't physically aged at all, nor had he seen any other nuriel age after reaching their prime. With the understanding that he and his race were potentially immortal, it allowed him to create plans that would take years to bear fruit but would be all the more profitable when they did.
  • The biggest example of this would be how he took over the North Quadrant. Once his group had grown large enough, Semyon established connections with various slave-traders under false identities and in some cases paid human representatives and sold hundreds of his loyal agents into slavery. They were taken into homes and businesses all across the North where they blended in and prepared, many of them converting others with the idea of rebelling against their captors. When the call finally was given, those loyal to Helios erupted into armed combat with their shocked and terrified masters. The result was the crumbling of the North Quadrant and humans being driven from the land or killed. This plan took over one hundred and fifty-seven years to come full circle.

• Mega Manning: Of a sort. Semyon admits that a majority of his strategies and methods of operating (including his core tactic of planting sleeper agents within the territories of his enemies) are actually gained from watching and then perfectly copying the successful plans of others he has observed over the years. He memorized Rolan's Hot-Blooded and rebellious spirit and eventually used it as a mask over his quieter and more reserved persona to attract more people to his cause, utilized Flaki the Firefly's plan of destroying his enemies from within and used his observations of how violence and general despair cowed the slaves—himself included—into obedience and used this policy when dealing with the Ylatain government and its citizens.

• Meaningful Name: "Semyon" is Russian for "listen", or "hearken to", highlighting that he is the one all of Helios—and all nuriel whether they agree with the rebellion or not, listen to. Rolan means "mythical or famous land". What was Rolan's dream...freedom, something deemed completely impossible at the time.

• Moral Event Horizon: Many humans view his takeover of the North as this, since it resulted in the mass murder of countless humans as the region fell to the nuriel. The surviving refugees—which numbered in the hundreds of thousands—were thrown out and told never to return on pain of death. This strained Ylati's resources almost to the breaking point—a deadly situation, since Ylati is the only known region of habitable land that belongs to humanity.

• Neck Lift: He does this to Marco Zaccheria when the leader of the Exterior Guard meets him in a ruined hunter's camp on the border between the East and North, and lectures Marco on how foolish it was to meet him in such an isolated area. However he doesn't kill Marco, but does state that he has no reason to keep him alive, using the assault as a scare tactic right off the bat to throw the human off balance and make him quickly spill whatever he came there to say.

• Pet the Dog: After the conquest of the North was complete Semyon invited any slaves who could escape captivity in the other Quadrants to flee for the North's border, declaring it a free nuriel nation where they could live their lives as citizens. When several of his advisers suggested that he make it mandatory for all who wanted entry to serve time in Helios's army, he refused, stating that it was a free nuriel nation and there would be no slavery of any kind there. He also pardoned those nuriel who either failed to rebel against the humans during the battle of the North or fought alongside them or served the Ylatain army as slaves, understanding their mindset of being terrified of what would happen if they fought on the wrong side and lost.

• Really 237 Years Old: He hasn't aged a day past his prime, but his bearing and demeanor as well as his dark and haunted eyes tell of his experiences. When the Drasil and Marco meet him on two separate occasions, they don't even have to be told his age to know that he is an old man who has seen and done awful things.

• Reluctant Ruler: He became the leader of a small group of runaway slaves before he could even process the fact that he was still alive after the fierce fighting. Yet he overcame his confusion and dread to lead them as best as he could and as more and more nuriel slaves joined and swelled the ranks, his resolve hardened.

• The Social Expert: Semyon began to observe the Firefly's bandits when serving them in order to avoid beatings. He learned to recognize patterns of behavior, interpersonal relationships between his captors and the balance of power. Thus he knew when to avoid certain people, who to linger near to avoid a beating and when it was best to simply accept that he was going to get hurt. It was such a critical part of how he survived that he found it impossible to turn off and uses it actively to "scan" those around him. It enables him to manipulate those he needs and at least guess the movements of those who are against him. He isn't one hundred percent accurate but it has saved him and those under him countless times.
  • He knew Natalia was warming to Prince Niccolo and starting to see him as a friend rather than a pawn long before she herself did, due to her referring to him by name rather than "the boy" and her subtle but caring gestures. Rather than threaten her with punishment, he simply told her that the penalty for failing to comply with orders was risking the lives of the entire nuriel race, knowing both the truth of his words, but also how Natalia would react to them.

• Spit Take: Marco's revenge on him for the neck lift was to make small talk until Semyon took a sip of his drink and then tell him about the Ancient Conspiracy that has controlled the Kingdom of Ylati for seven thousand years, framed the nuriel race for the Rain, enslaved them, all so that it could condemn them to a Fate Worse than Death in an attempt to turn all humans into the Ultimate Lifeform. He then smirks as the feared leader of the nuriel resistance spits out his tea all over the table and calmly suggests that they team up, since he has his own issues with the Inner Circle and wants to protect Ylati from the dragon attack that is coming in retaliation for their actions.

• Would Hurt a Child: When he said every human driven from the North or killed, he meant it. After the North's governor officially surrendered to Helios, Semyon gave them a period of time to evacuate all humans—a narrow window so that they would not be able to plan a counter-strike. Because of the short length of time, many were left behind, including children separated from their parents. He ordered all remaining humans within the North massacred and buried in mass graves wherever they could be dug.

edited 25th Nov '14 8:52:30 PM by Swordofknowledge

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

@sword The nuriel struggle continues! It's nice to see it from the perspective of the race's prominent leader, though, and since, as I understand, Semyon isn't the passive Big Good type who sits idly by (or at least not as passive as most), he has my interest. Bonus point for him being actually not that combat-capable, at least at the present, anyway, being a more cerebral rebel leader type. Really, though, he has several small things that I like going on in him: the initial lack of motivation, the being-forced-into-leading thing, the succumbing to the idea of defeating his enemy to the point of it replacing most of his desires, the development of his goal from simply ensuring freedom for his people to actually becoming the shadow ruler of a kingdom (though you make it sound less evil than I imagine),etc. In the end, Semyon, while a sharp and extremely effective individual, comes off to me as a man(nuriel?) shaped by circumstances more than anything else.

Well, I got bored with the five man anti-hero band, so here's the leading man of another five man band. This time, though, they're less antiheroes, and more asshole protagonists.

Protagonist of 'Kaneus' Lynx. Shares the setting and timeline with the stories featuring people like Dame Aisel Kilimovich, Strada Austin, and Iris.

Name: Zan, 'the Duke'

Age: 31

Personality: Zan is a true gentleman straight from the courts of the Capital of Sceinder. At least, that's how he sees himself anyway. As sharply dressed and well mannered as a man can be in the harsh frontier of Farsun, where politeness and quality tailoring are rare commodities, Zan is still in reality a passive-aggressive twit who has a great, undying love for snarking the living hell out of anyone he talks to. He hands out backhanded insults like candies, and has the tendency to talk down to most everyone. Still, people tolerate him well enough as his company has much to offer as well, such as his sharp eyes for details and his ability to talk people into doing things for him. Tellingly, out of the five of the Lynx, he's still the most personable of them.

Abilities: Persuasion. Zan can make the most idiotic idea sounds convincing and at least worth a try to all but the most skeptical. It's not because that his arguments are particularly compelling, though that does help a bit, but rather because of the artifact he wields, the Wiseman's Heart, which can subtly make people believe whatever the wielder tells them. Zan's entire career is built on his success using this artifact to his advantage. Should the Wiseman's Heart fail him, however, he has his three-shot pocket revolver as the alternative dispute settler

Weaknesses: He's the worst of the Lynx combat-wise. He also has a penchant for drama, and so will sometimes arrange for the problems at hand to be solved in the most dramatic way possible. As a mercenary working in the harsh frontier, that goes as well as one would think.

Goals: To make money. He once dreamed of joining the central council and becoming a nobleman, but since there's no way a scoundrel like him can ever hope to actually achieve knighthood, let alone dukedom, he settles with being rich and calling himself the 'Duke of Farsun'.

Role: The leader of the eponymous 'adventurers' band, and the primary protagonist.

Backstory: Zan was formerly known as Zatania, the Higheye, half a decade or so back when he was still running the all-seeing-oracle scam. For a few years there he got by performing 'divinations' for the competing mercenary warbands that plague Farsun. The lawless frontier under constant multiway conflicts between the Kingdom of Endeil, the Vinlan Imperia to the south, and the various private bodies looking for wealth, and many other unsavory entities, is the perfect place for people like him, gold grabbing scum, and during those few years he earned a lot by advising, for example, the infamous Orchid Warband on their upcoming battles. This was mainly just him applying his sharp attention to detail to the matters at hand, and then convincing them that he actually saw into the future. Worked well for a while, until the last few times where he screwed up and the Wiseman's Heart wasn't enough to save his skin anymore. He went into hiding for a while, but after many assasination attempts and inevitably running out of the gold reserve living like a king (or as close as he could in the frontier), Zan came out of hiatus with his Zatania scheme discarded when he formed a partnership of sort with his old friend, Tassilus, a reject from the Garilia Academy for Magic and Alchemy. Together, the two found the Kaneus' Lynx Adventurers Band, named after old Endeil's folklore monsters, working as a combat-ready do-anything group ranging from exploring ancient ruins, retrieving artifacts, rescuing individuals, or even assasination,. Predictably, his experience working for the various warbands and criminal groups allowed this new business venture of his to succeed, though that also owes much to the group's tendency to accept lucrative jobs that others would find suicidal. He and Tassilus was later joined by the illusonist Remin Coloris, the demon magic casting witch White Madus, and Karasen Heigen, would-be adventurer and son of a Kingdom's count who govern a Kingdom-affiliated frontier town. As is, Zan runs the group as its representative, its tactician, and its accountant, as well, while the other four take care of the dirty works.

Tropes

Deadpan Snarker: His default mode of speech.

ClusterFBomb/Precision F-Strike/Sophisticated as Hell: Traits he picked up after spending enough time with Tassilus, who hurls vulgar insults as proficiently as he does fireballs. Used to be that Zan would try his hardest to avoid vulgar words, but after developing the habit to lapse into using profanity while still striving to sound eloquent he seems to have a hard time going back to the snarky gentleman self.

Everyone Has Standards: Despite hating children, he absolutely refuses to harm them, at least directly. Animal abuse is off-limit for him as well.

Jerkass: His most immediately obvious quality. Unless when he's trying to appear to be a Jerk with a Heart of Gold to fool unsuspecting idiots.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: ...though he really does care for the people in his group. He's particularly one of the few people that don't mind Tassilus's foul mouth and extremely volatile temper, because he's his true friend.

Manipulative Bastard: Even without the Wiseman's Heart, he's highly capable in swaying people into doing his bidding. Despite his Jerkass tendency, Zan frequently appears kind on the inside, which is actually just another ruse to make people sympathise with him. That, or he just uses a few scathing comments to irritate, provoke, and in general lures his opponent into emotional traps. He's emotionally abusive even to his friends, though this may be unintentional as he does care for them, albeit in his own way.

Nominal Hero: I'm personally not even sure if he belongs here. Zan is a greedy asshole of a gigantic proportion. Most of the time, if he's to do anything at all to help solve the current crisis, he needs to be sure that there's gold waiting for him afterward. As an individual, he's self-serving, rude and condescending. He's mainly one of the heroes because the story's about his group going on adventures, fighting mostly really nasty people.

Non-Action Guy: The most he can do in actual battle is shooting at people, and even then he's not that great a gunman, which begs the question from most people, the Lynx's patrons included, as to why he accompanies the group to all of their field works in the first place. He is, however, quite adept at saving his own skins, and his great attention to detail means he's at least a competent tactician.

Small Name, Big Ego: Insists that people treat him with respect and has a sense of self-importance bigger than a leader of a small adventurer-for-hire band should rightfully possess. Even if the Lynx has been gaining reputation over time as a reliable hirelings fit for a vast range of tasks, they're still just a small group compared to giansts like the Orchid Warband or the Rainbow Private Arms. Not that this stops Zan from thinking very highly of himself and the group.

edited 26th Nov '14 2:05:46 AM by arreimil

On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.

This sounds like a character who could be very fun to watch, or who could be such a colossal jackass that the audience wants him dead. I think you are going to have a real juggling act on your hands, to maintain both his personality, and at least a modicum of audience sympathy (it's all well and good to have a jerk for a protagonist, but if the audience actively hates them, you have a problem). That's not a criticism per se, mind you, just an observation. If you do strike the right balance you could have a very entertaining protagonist on your hands.

That concern aside, I don't see any glaring flaws that are in need of correction. I know it's not especially helpful to say, but I do think this is a character who is going to be all in the execution. Provided that the little speech you quoted is indicative, I think you'll be fine.

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The character I'm posting here is rather different from those I've posted in the past. For one, she's from a fantasy story rather than a modern day "realistic" one, the way Mitchell Michaels and Sheila Evans were. For another, she's from a story I've only just recently started hashing out, as opposed to one I've been carrying around in my head for a long time.

The story's set in a world that isn't all that different from our own, at least when it comes to culture, social mores, and technology (if you were to look at a map though, you'd get very confused, very quickly). Magic, however, is a thing, taking the form of contracts between a person and a word/concept. Some people are born with these contracts, while others end up activating them under moments of high stress. Regardless, once the contract is activated, it enables a person to summon, manipulate, or otherwise, do anything connected to word/concept, limited only by how far the concept can stretch and the person's imagination. From my perspective as a writer, this is to give me an excuse to have a wide variety of characters with a wide variety of abilities, who I can then pit against one another in shonen-esque combats. The write-up here is for main protagonist, Emary, who never anticipated having a contract in the first place.

Name: Emary Rose

Age: Late teens

Personality: Emary's a pleasant girl, distinguished by her incredible loyalty to anybody she considers a friend, and total hostility towards anybody she sees as a threat. During her time at school she developed a reputation as a Bully Hunter, sticking up for people who couldn't defend themselves, and earning herself the loyalty of many of her peers. She's got issues with authority, most of which stem from the lousy school system she was forced to endure, and tends to automatically try and take charge of any group she's a part of. As a leader she's caring, and looks out for her friends, though she's also on the headstrong side.

Abilities: Emary's word is "Armour". Activated during the Unshriven Legion's attack on her school, it initially manifests as a suit of medieval style armour, whose metal she can harden at will. As the story progresses, her horizons broaden, and she's pushed into harder and harder fights, she begins expanding her powers to create a wide variety of protective suits, from shark proof scuba gear to a fullblown suit of Powered Armour, complete with thrusters, life support system, onboard computers, and Deflector Shields. She also learns how create tailor-made armour for her allies, and extend her force field to protect any number of people.

Aside from her contract, Emary is a charismatic leader, and can dominate most social groups through sheer force of personality. She's also a pretty capable martial artist for her age, which is both useful on its own, and helps to balance out some of the weaknesses with her contract.

Weaknesses: Emary's contract is completely defensive, and cannot be used for attacking. Sure, she can clock you in the face while wearing a spiked gauntlet, and if she fires the thrusters from her Iron Man suit into your face it's going to hurt, but that's about the extent of her contract's offensive capabilities. Even with her martial arts skills to compensate, she's still essentially a Stone Wall, able to tank almost any damage, but handicapped when trying to retaliate. As far as the armour's strength goes, that's dependent in a large part on how strong Emary thinks it is, and in another part on how tired she is. If a fight goes on too long, and her will starts to weaken, the armour will deteriorate accordingly (for the record, yes, the material also matters. If Emary specifies that the suit is made of steel, than it will only have the strength of steel).

On a personal level, Emary is held back by a refusal to listen to, or really trust, anybody outside of her peer group. Worse yet, once she makes up her mind about somebody, it is very difficult to change her mind. Her refusal to listen to her ex-best friend turned superpowered cop, Ike Rail, for instance, results in the entire Five-Man Band picking a fight with the police, and being outlawed by the government. She gets better about this, but it isn't easy for her.

Goals: Emary's leading four of her friends on a cross-country trek to track down and eliminate the Unshriven Legion. Originally, she was only after the members who attacked her school, but after defeating them, and discovering that not only were they acting on somebody else's orders, but that the Legion is targeting all other contractors for termination, she becomes convinced that the Legion itself has to go. Initially she also wants to do this without any assistance from the government, or the police, especially after learning that the authorities have known about the Unshriven Legion for years, but have never told the public about them.

Motivations: The Unshriven Legion burned Emary's school down around her ears, killing most of her friends and teachers in the process. They did this for no reason beyond the fact that one or two students had contracts, and they make no bones about the fact that they will go after the families of anybody who survived. Emary's driven in part by revenge, in part by a desire to keep her mother and father safe, and in part by a determination to make sure that the Legion doesn't hurt anybody else.

Role in story: Emary is The Protagonist, and leader of the Five-Man Band that survived the Legion's attack. She's the one whose eyes we view most of the story through, and is the audience's guide to the world. As more of the Unshriven Legion's conspiracy is revealed, and alliances are forged between the authorities and various groups like her own, Emary finds herself a key point person in a multilateral attempt at shutting the Legion down.

Backstory: Emary's got a fairly normal backstory. She's from a middle-class family, but got sent to high school in a rougher part of town because that was where most of her friends were going. She has a contentious relationship with her ex-friend, Ike (who I may do a post on later), and was, as mentioned previously, something of a Bully Hunter, but aside from some brushes with the school authorities, did little to indicate she would ever lead a vigilante gang against a terrorist conspiracy. Hell, she didn't even know she was a latent contractor until the very second that her abilities activated.

Relevant tropes: Action Girl, Adaptive Armour, Barrier Warrior, Bully Hunter, Deflector Shields, Knight In Shining Armour, Hot-Blooded, The Leader, Lensman Arms Race (her one serious duel with Ike turns into one), Powered Armour, The Rival (to Ike Rail), Stone Wall, Undying Loyalty

edited 26th Nov '14 5:54:35 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar

Damn at that element to backstory with his brother. o_o When presenting things, I'd definitely be sure to use that fact up front with his brother! I say it adds way more to him as a memorable individual in his own right that also shows how much of an internal struggle he's going through. Also, I do like the part given for why he became a P.I., be sure to use that as well!

I personally wouldn't call him "good" (of course, subjective, so whatever XD) and classify him more under He Who Fights Monsters Anti-Villain from the sounds of his actions, such as attacking civilians & only seeing even his own people as tools in his crusade. I actually imagine he would inevitably do more harm than good in most circumstances since he would inspire resentment among humans, which in turn will harm more. Then again, given how messed up the overall system is, I can definitely see resistance being necessary. Plus I can absolutely see someone like him coming into power & such a situation anyway. He definitely strikes me as a revolutionary, for better and worst. I actually find it intriguing he is on that side.

Actually, he makes me think of this character named Pierre Bellec in the newest Assassin's Creed. Of course, this is probably because he's fresh in my mind, but more just because he strikes me as the type of fanatic who is far more concerned with seeing his ideas come to fruition as opposed to who he's doing it for. Plus the perfect representation of how the longer a conflict drags on, the more likely it is to create extremist and make it harder for anything positive to come out of things. Kind of like characters like Magneto. Actually, make that a second one to come to mind. Actually, Magneto is the perfect comparison for things!!!

As a character, overall, I really like what you've done with him! He has a great mixture of positive and monstrous traits, he has some nice individualism (such as the fingore, love that idea), and he's the type one could easily see as a hero to his people but only his people. He's the perfect representation of what many resistance leaders become & what such situations create. I feel you did an overall great job designing that character & I can't think of any real criticisms off the top of my head. I just like them as a character & what they add to the story! Oh and almost forgot, props for them having the reputation around them while the reality is more mundane with him being more calculating and such.

I personally wouldn't call Zan much a hero, but regardless, there is something I'm actually really glad you included with him: Wiseman's Heart. If he was just a jerkass who used force alone to get his way, I'd have to question how persuasive he really is. Likewise, if he was such a massive jerkass alone (even with some persuasive arguments, though I'd have to hear the arguments myself now to buy it) & still able to sway others all the time, I might have to stop & question if they're carrying the Idiot Ball as those types realistically tend to not persuade people. A rule of thumb I tend to use, just to toss this out there: Do I personally think this character could trick or persuade me or anyone else I actually know. The reason why I use this is because if I can't realistically say they can (and why, in actual detail with me understanding the logistics behind it), then I don't think it'll come through in the writing well.

He does personally seem more like a Villain Protagonist to me than an anti-hero, seeing as the main thing it appears going for him is that he is the viewpoint character & he likes his own people. I'm curious to ask, what's your objective with having him be such a prick as a whole? The main reason I ask is because knowing that will allow me to better address a potential problem I could see arising and suggesting a couple of tricks I've learned from research that could better counteract that if something isn't intentional. Or... well, to better phrase, I've a couple of techniques learned that can help balance out while remaining the same character if you do just want him to be a jerkass but likable enough for the audience to actually give a damn about anything he does or not root against him. If you do want him to be rooted against, I've something else for that.

I'll write something in for you next, just need to take a small break real quick and going over next one I was writing.

Edit: Alright, from what we do overall have, I like them as a whole! I think it's her tapping into what I do enjoy about Shōnen, like charisma & hotbloodness. To be precise, it's the knight-like elements and overall I'd be interested in seeing how she's executed as a whole. Also, I am intrigued by the particulars of her armor, especially since it is a mostly defensive thing - a limitation I do like to keep her from abusing power. I'm am somewhat curious now on their personal relationships and more how things come through there with others, as well as would be happy to delve deeper into her as an individual with regards to her tastes. That's just a consistent quality for me though, I like to delve into a character's depth and persona & encourage others to do the same as I think it makes the characters feel more human as opposed to just playing a role.

---

Name: Rebecca Maddox

Role in Story: The Chick of the 5 Man Band, Love Interest, Narrator of some side stories. (For Rebecca, I’m going to document a couple more tropes after the 1st story & side material since she gets more time to develop beyond her foundation afterwards)

Age: 19 (16 in flashback, 20 in later storylines after her birthday. To note for those keeping track compared to Cass' sheet, Cass is the older of the two by a few months.)

Personality: Out of the core five, Rebecca is undoubtedly the liveliest. She’s perky, energetic, affectionate, and overall one of the openly sweetest characters in the entire series. She’s sincere about many things she expresses, a talkative storyteller, and an optimist. She is an incredibly curious person and open to experience. She’s far more on the experimental side than most others. It takes a lot to truly knock her back and even then, it generally doesn’t last long as she’s the type who prefers to turn tragedy into comedy. Her traits - being charming & sociable - tend to make her the center of attention, which she likes being. Glamour related professions and activities are her natural terrain. When she wants to be, she is a social chameleon.

While all that external stuff is true, on the inside, Rebecca can be more cunning than she lets on. She calculates things well and keeps track of far more than people realize. She knows how to turn on her charm, when to do it, and assesses well how much to use. This is what helps her well in her ambitions - which, speaking of, is one of her strongest traits. Her more aggressive & competitive side doesn't manifest too often, but it is still there, beneath the surface, driving her to try and succeed even when up against others. She is also really stubborn when it comes to being forced to do something she doesn’t want to.

She is a bit more insecure than she lets on at times, though she mostly keeps it within. Only those really close to her really get to see that vulnerability of hers. There is a part of her that feels that image is more important than reality, which she hates about herself. She’s very accomplishments oriented herself & has some thoughts that nothing matters beyond personal achievements. This side is fueled by her fear of being rejected, which makes her feel worthless. To resist this pull (and avoid losing her identity), she actively does things to counteract this & reassure herself that she is worth everything.

She does have an eccentric side too her as well, which is the result of her being as open as she is to exploration and easily gripped by all sorts of things. She tends to bounce from thing to thing depending on her whims, plus she looks for things to inspire her artistically. She’s passionate for art of any kind and loves discussing all things there. Also, she questions reality to an extent – if what we know it as is 100% correct or if there is more, which leads to things which make her appear weird to others.

Finally, she is more on the side of being a flirt. She’s pretty open about her own interests, though it’s nothing she actually acts on. The reason she doesn’t is because, while she finds it fun to joke around about and open about her interests, she’s way more serious about soul mates & the sort than she lets on initially. When it comes to relationships, she’s more interested in finding something deep and meaningful that she can feel safe in and loyal to. Loyalty to relationships is actually a huge deal to her. There are things she’s fine to do as a performer since she feels it’s just acting, but she has her limits.

Abilities: As an illusionist, Rebecca is primarily trained as a conjuror & a mentalist. She does understand comedy well too and theatre in general. Rebecca knows quite a bit about make-up artistry, which she learned from her mentor to help with the various acts, especially with information gathering for later parts of the show. She can cheat at cards easily as she knows how to control the deck if she’s dealer and can count cards. She tries to avoid this, but sometimes does it unconsciously. Finally, with relation to her magician skills, she is a talented pickpocket & some sleight of hand.

On the side of her abilities outside of illusions, Rebecca is a talented artist (artist as in drawer) due to her having learned such skills to become a better make-up artist. She's mostly good at just sketching people. She’s also familiar with quite a bit on the medical side of knowledge because designing effective disguises at times meant understanding all sorts of things about the human body. She possesses technical understanding of psychology herself as well, which she uses as needed. Finally, she’s deeply interested in the occult and more knowledgeable about the subtleties there. Whenever she actually feels dedicated to something, she has razor sharp focus.

Weaknesses: Rebecca lacks any combat skills & prefers to avoid personally taking part in violence as a whole. She lacks the will for direct combat. While she is in good shape thanks to exercise, she’s not really an athlete (she’s not big into physical sports at all, to note), so some of the more physical tasks will tire her out sooner than almost everybody else. She also has a chronic hero syndrome which drives her to help anyone who is hurt, though she’ll do it sometimes without thinking. The various personas she uses require background information setup which she has no idea how to do, which leaves her dependent on Edan. When it comes to drinking, she’s not the best at holding her drinks & so it’s best she avoids drinking in most scenarios to retain her wits. When it comes to her disguise abilities, there are a couple of weaknesses that are taken into account (mostly with impersonating actual people as opposed to just aliases). First, there are physical elements which must be taken into account which she cannot always mimic. For instance, if someone is too tall for her to do it, she can’t convincingly pull it off herself. Another element would be her chest, which factors in Suppressed Mammaries and even then, only so far she can go. Furthermore, the closer someone is to her impersonation, the more likely it is to fail if she doesn’t know everything about their relationship. She also has to avoid being tested on any specific task or set of skills she can't pull, which is another reason why this sort of mimicking has limited applications. When it comes to her aliases, she can find it mentally tiring when her pretext requires her being a particularly nasty person or having to spend too much time with people she doesn't like, which in turn can make her more a little bit sloppy once grifts go on too long. She has some tendencies to be more scattered than the others initially, particularly when she’s not as focused as she can be. Finally, like Cass, she has a career & life outside of the crew she wishes to pursue and so actively tries to balance that side.

Appearance: Rebecca is a fawn blonde with long, curly hair which she generally wears in a braided ponytail. She has a bit more heart shaped face, almond shaped blue eyes, plump lips, snub nose, and peachy skin. She’s 5’2 in height, weights around 115 lbs., and has a C bust. Her favorite style is "high street chic" style attires. She's also comfortable switching into whatever costume she just feels like & think will be fun to wear for the day. She tends to wear skirts & t shirts with all kinds of phrases & images on them that amuse her. She's likely to have jewelry from time to time, either her heart shaped necklace and/or her moon shaped earrings.

Goals: With relation to the crew, she wishes to become fully accepted as an equal member of The Grandmaster Gang (she doesn't wish to feel like a junior member of anything like that) & contribute whatever she can to the fruition of crew’s ideals as she genuinely believes in the mission. With relation to what they do, she cares more about helping the client than she does taking down their marks. On her own, she wishes to figure out her personal approach to magic as a craft & establish her own brand as a performer. As for why, it's both so she can be true to herself & her dream as an artist while also entertaining people in the best way she can. She also would love to discover “True Magic”, as she calls it, since she has deep interest in the occult & doesn't like the idea of just accepting the world for what it is alone. Finally, she wants to get Cassidy to acknowledge her as her girlfriend & overall just have a happy relationship together.

Motivations: She wants to feel valued as an individual & be liked for her, to distinguish herself from others, overall impress people, and to be loved by others

Backstory: Rebecca was born to a relatively normal family background, with the sole exception being that her older sister was one of the lovely assistants to a popular stage magician (magic consultant for some shows & some other things, but whatever, not going into details) named Dante Elias. Rebecca was fascinated by this side of things & overall pestered her sister into teaching her some things that went on. She became more enamored by the magic world at a young age and overall showed an early talent for it. This talent was recognized by Dante, who was more than happy to help her with it and eventually came up with an idea for an act specifically with her as his duo partner. Becca’s parents were all for pushing her more there, but for more exploitative reasons than her own enjoyment. Rebecca did formally enter onto the stage at around 12, after having done quite a bit of practice first and some logistics stuff taken care of.

She attended St. Delacroix’s Ladies Academy later into her teenage years, where she was targeted by some of the other girls after a while. She overall endured this at first, avoiding fighting back as she was told not to, though most of her attempts to deal with things didn’t work out as well as she hoped. It wasn’t until she ran into her future friend Cassidy that this would end. Rebecca had problems with a girl named Andrea Belmont, who did target her for the sake of “knocking some sense into her” and it ended with Andrea being physically stopped by Cass. Rebecca, feeling indebted to her for this – especially since Cass & Andrea were friends up until that moment and Cass threw away her friendship to defend her, someone she didn’t know – stuck around Cass to try and come up with a way of repaying her. The two became friends progressively after that, with them finding they shared various hobbies and Cass picking up on Rebecca’s other qualities.

She continued operating as a duo at the time too, balancing school & work well enough, though it became somewhat taxing and so she did take a bit of a break for her junior & senior years. Dante was fine with this and overall had always been supportive of Rebecca, though her parents were more a pain to deal with then. This is part of what contributed to her divide with them.

Post-graduation, she does plan to get back into it as a profession, though she rather do a solo act now instead or be the main star as opposed to the sidekick. She is overall working on developing her own brand entirely, though she’s also drawn more into Cass extralegal activities once she learns of them and wishes to help out.

Relevant Tropes

• Actual Pacifist: She isn't this for any philosophical reasons however. She just can’t bring herself to physically hurt anyone due to her past of having been bullied herself & sympathizing somewhat with victims even when she shouldn't. She actually doesn’t think this makes her “good” at all due to the drawbacks and agrees with the philosophy of others that violence has its place as a form of self-defense. She just can’t bring herself to take part it in personally, is uncomfortable when it happens, and will do whatever she can to avoid it.
• Affectionate Nickname: Uses Cassie when referring to Cassidy & Cassidy in return usually calls her Becca
• Affectionate Pickpocket: Her favorite method, though she's fine explaining and operating with various other aspects of it
• Agent Mulder: She genuinely believes that the the supernatural is possible & so she actively takes it into consideration, as well as one to raise the options. It's more just that she loves the weird & fantastical than anything else, so she's open to the possibility.
• All of the Other Reindeer
• Apologetic Attacker: A variant. She herself isn’t the one doing the attacking, but if things turn to it where violence comes into play, she apologizes over and over for being unable to avert whatever pain they'll be in while someone else actually takes care of things.
• Animal Motif: Rabbits
• The Apprentice: To her mentor in magic, Dante Elias. (To note why this trope comes up here and there, the culture they live in generally encourage this to pass on the lessons of the past to the younger generation faster.) She played this role on-stage to him as well.
• Badass
  • Badass Adorable
  • Badass Bookworm: To the surprise of others, she actually reads quite a bit, from novels to fiction and magazines.
  • Badass Gay
  • Badass Pacifist
• Becoming the Mask: Defied. Rebecca fears losing her true identity and so keeps an encrypted private diary to record every private thought or experience of hers so she never loses her true self.
• Befriending the Enemy: Actively setup to do this with the team’s Evil Token Teammate Alban to further prompt a full turn out of them & rein them in. She genuinely goes about trying to befriend.
• Berserk Button: Her personal ones are those who unethically use magic, people who condone bullying of any sort, and those who cheat in relationships in general.
• Beware the Nice Ones
• Big-Breast Pride: In the present, having accepted it about herself, though she lacks the trait of messing with anybody else about it. Backstory her fell more into D-Cup Distress (well, still C, but whatever) as it contributed to her being targeted in school.
• Brains and Brawn: When partnered with the crew’s muscle Wynn, who she is typically partnered with in the field so they can balance out one another’s strengths. She’ll actively do anything she can to pull off guile heroine successfully to avoid the brawn from having to hurt anyone while he’ll neutralize any physical threat to her because of his orders to protect her.
• Body Double: Plays this role for Cass from time to time. Cass trusts her to not compromise her identity when in this position.
• Bunny-Ears Lawyer
• Buxom Is Better
• Can't Hold His Liquor
• Caper Crew: Typically plays the roles of grifter, roper, distraction, and pickpocket. She later develops into more of a burglar as things go on.
• Card Sharp
• Character Shilling: On the receiving end of this from Cassidy in earlier parts of 1st story, though it is coming from a more biased source & more used as subtext early on. Whenever the narration is anywhere else, she’s treated more objectively and she as the narrator notes she thinks Cass goes overboard sometimes even though she does appreciate it.
• Child Prodigy: She was this with regards to stage magic. She’s a natural illusionist with a strong stage presence, a great actress, and sharp understanding of how to do various things & has been this way since young. This is even before she started formally training as some of her skills were self-taught.
• Chivalrous Pervert: Female example
• Chronic Hero Syndrome: Noted as part of the reason she joins the crew. It can sometimes be a weakness, however, given that she can be tempted to blow her cover for the sake of this. Getting her to focus on the long term picture instead of the short as well as how to do more good than harm is one of the earlier things she truly must be taught. She also has to be reminded that they pace themselves and actively chooses only certain jobs to avoid burning themselves out or wasting the crew’s energies on something someone else can take care of.
• Clingy Jealous Girl: She doesn’t like others holding any romantic attraction to Cassidy (or what she perceives as such too). She fears that someone "better" than her will come along and she'll wind up getting rejected.
• Cloudcuckoolander: What she is most of the time. Noted that she was picked on during her educational years because of this and so she consciously tones it down around normal people. One reason she enjoys spending time with those she does is because she feels she doesn’t have to mask parts of herself. She does still tone this back when she has actual social objectives as she realizes this can get in the way.
• Con Woman: While most of the crew can run cons, she’s noted as being the best.
• The Conscience: Shares this role with Edan
• Conspiracy Theorist: Subverted. She's friends with some & will consider the possibility, but she's far more likely to come to a more grounded explanation more often than not.
• Cool Pet: Has a pet carrier pigeon.
• Cosplay Otaku Girl: Does enjoy wearing various outfits as well as knows a bit on how to craft them
• Cowardly Lion: She’s repeatedly given an out from the crew due to the various things which frighten her, though she turns them all down as she wants to help in spite of her fear.
• Creepy Good: Her creepy factor is part of what causes Wynn to consider her a possible liability.
• Cuddle Bug: Tends to hug the crew’s clients when showing them comfort for anything they’ve gone through, snuggles up to Cassidy during official meetings whenever Cass isn’t actively moving, and overall expresses physical affectionate to anybody she’s close to she likes.
• Cute and Psycho: The psycho factor is downplayed since she's not violent or malicious, but still, see Nightmare Fetishist.
• Cute Clumsy Girl: Invoked for her stage persona, though she herself actually isn’t this.
• The Cutie: She’s savvy enough to know how to channel & exploit this when she needs to, but it is a legitimate part of who she is.
• Debt Detester: When someone genuinely helps her, even if she doesn't like them, she feels compelled to return the favor. She prefers to repay debts as quickly as possible. Her friendship with Cass began with her sticking around trying to find a means of repaying what she felt was a debt.
• Does Not Like Shoes: Tends to just wear socks or go barefoot when indoors if she can get away with it.
• Dumb Blonde: Subverted. She gives off this impression at first, but there is far more going on beneath the surface than most suspect.
• Everyone Loves Blondes
• Fan of Underdog: She's overall this to both clients when it comes to their problems & wanting to see them overcome them as well as in general she's more likely to cheer for those struggling to get ahead.
• The Fashionista: Enjoys dressing up when the occasion lends towards it and wants to be a model on top of a magician.
• Five-Finger Discount: As for why she knows about pickpocketing, it was used to acquire items discreetly from the audience for an act. She'd obtain stuff from the crowd this way, blending in while the act is going on, then bring it onstage for later usage as part of the show. She can also reverse pickpocket, which was also used from time to time. One example of a trick involved first stealing an item, she pretends to mess up when performing the trick while actually destroying a replica, then having Dante fix the problem with a restoration trick.
• Fleeting Passionate Hobbies: Has these tendencies from time to time.
• For Happiness
• Former Child Star
• "Friends" Rent Control: Not at the very beginning, but gains an incredibly nice apartment by the time of the second novel and up. Justified, as it belonged to Cass’ family & was kept as a separate location from their normal house to use when they were in the city. The heroine sways them to let her have it and convinces her she needs her to live there to guard one of their safe houses when in reality she just wants her to live in a better location.
• Friend Versus Lover: Has this dynamic within the crew with Wynn, who initially doesn’t want her involved because he thinks she’s a liability due to her inexperience, oddities, & a belief that having her around might interfere with Cass' pragmatism. While she does want to be accepted by him too, she gets annoyed with fact he's stubbornly keeping her at a distance & overall views her as a burden. This results in their internal conflict & she intentionally comes up with little ways to annoy him in return.
• Fun Personified
• Fun T-Shirt: Has a collection of them, with phrases & images varying from genuinely cute stuff to others which include showing her love of horror things things, some which work on subverting cuteness, & others that are just secretly perverted stuff that she finds funny to be wearing in public that others might not pick up on.
• Genki Girl
• Good Counterpart: To the series’ first heavy. Both of them share many traits & elements in their background, though the difference is that Rebecca isn’t bitchy to people for the sake of attention while the antagonist is a full on attention whore.
• Good with Numbers: She finds this is the far less fun side of things, but she’s actually overall good with math and able to calculate probability well. Math actually was one of her worst subjects in the past, so she became even more focused on learning and pulling it off.
• Guile Heroine: Charm, wit, sex appeal, and an intimate understanding of people are her main tools.
• Hair of Gold, Heart of Gold
• Hates Being Alone
• Hard-Drinking Party Girl: She keeps all her drinking contained to post-caper celebration parties, but she’s at her most expressive & eccentric when in this state. Also, added element, she’s self-aware enough that she’ll limit her drinking to what she feels is safe places & when around people she trusts to keep her under control so she doesn’t do anything that will negatively impact her.
• Heroic Seductress: Perfectly fine using sex appeal as a tool if she thinks it’ll get the job done and the job itself ends in helping people.
• Heroic Vow: She refuses to use her talents for deception for anything but delight. She only sees it as a tool for a higher purpose and doesn't like "corrupt" magic, when their qualities are not used for the purpose of entertainment or helping others.
• Hero-Worshipper: Towards The Grandmaster persona initially. Learning that she is Cass (which she admits she might have known on a subconscious level) makes her explode with joy.
• Honor Among Thieves
• I Choose to Stay: She’s given an out at the end of the 1st story since her involvement was initially part of a whiz mob (a crew organized in order to accomplish a single job). She refuses to leave the crew, feeling that she’s needed there and she wants to continue participating.
  • This comes up again when the crew's lawful rival nearly catches them and are forced to abort an entire plan. Nearly getting caught does freak Rebecca out greatly & once again she is given an out, but she refuses.
• I Just Want to Be Special
• Incompatible Orientation: Within the crew, the Token Evil Teammate Alban gets a crush on her early on. However, she points out that aside from fact she has romantic aspirations elsewhere, she’s not into men anyway. The two do become friends after that.
• Innocent Blue Eyes
• Insecure Love Interest: Sometimes worries internally, both in completing her part in any of the schemes they run & being worthy of being the lover to someone who has inherited so much.
• Intergenerational Friendship: Develops this with Edan. It starts with her just wanting to be on his good side since he’s Cass’ grandfather and overall develop with two having quite a bit in common and getting along on their own merit.
• It Amused Me: Downplayed. She still has her goals elsewhere & she's not amoral in the least bit (the consequences do matter to her), but some of the stuff she does do is purely for laughs.
• Just Like Robin Hood
• Kid Sidekick: Was this in her earlier to mid teen years to Dante. She played off of him as his apprentice, pretended to make mistakes & have a cute routine to go to his master, and so on as their act.
• Large Ham: She really loves hamming it up when she can get away with it.
• Let's Get Dangerous!: Tends to be underestimated because of her eccentricity, but she will usually come through at whatever task is asked of her.
• Life of the Party
• Lipstick Lesbian: Her actual preference lie here, in spite of her flirtatious characteristics. She notes that anything outside of that is just for the performance, laughs, or the pretext and she’s personally only interested in girls.
• Lovable Coward: Will say almost anything to avoid physical conflict and first instinct when confronted with violence is to run. That said, while she won’t actively fight herself, she’ll run to any other solution, even if that just means getting someone who can fight better than her.
• Lovable Rogue
• The Mad Hatter: She’s well aware of how absurd she is, though she’s overall accepted herself for who she is in the present & embraces it.
• Mad Mathematician
• Magician Detective: Investigation is one of her strongest skills. She has a thing for debunking Phony Psychics in particular. The reason why she is able to debunk things in spite of her being the Agent Mulder is because she wants to believe in them. The more she wants to believe in something, the more critical an eye she’ll apply for fear of it being too good to be true. She hates frauds for wasting her time & exploiting people’s belief.
• Master Actor: Even without her extra elements, she is a magnificent actress that can switch between believable roles on the fly & invoke whatever emotion she needs to at the drop of a dime.
• Master of Disguise: Her strongest skill. She usually uses aliases & personas they setup in advance here. At her best, she can impersonate people that she has a strong read on. However, she notes that is far more difficult to accomplish than just using an aliases & dangerous the longer an actual interaction goes on, so she rarely does it.
  • She can help the others out with disguises as well, generally applying the make-up and such like that. Finally, if someone is in disguise & playing a pretext, she’s the one to turn to for cross training on how to pull things off.
• The McCoy
• Morality Pet: Not just to the main heroine – who she helps keep from embracing her flaws and gives her extra motivation to restrain her more ruthless side & be the hero she views her as, but to the team’s Token Evil Teammate Alban, who she genuinely befriends to further push his heel face turn.
• Ms. Fanservice
• Never Hurt an Innocent
• New Meat: The New Kid in relation to the crew. She’s a talented magician, who translates well over skill wise, but her mindset isn’t 100% suited for the job at the beginning plus there is tons more to learn before she is ready to help against the Big Bad.
• Nice Girl: Actively aims to be this despite anything else because she feels it’s the right thing to do and because it’s what she wants to be.
• Nightmare Fetishist: She absolutely loves horror monsters, plenty of things traditionally considered freaky, Killer Rabbits (she's delighted by the surprise) & darker side of things both as a fan & as an artist, though when it verges into reality that will hurt innocent people is where she draws the line. She’s also the one most likely to suggest things like gaslighting a mark.
• Not with Them for the Money: Actively tries to avoid accepting anything money or favors related from Cassidy, even after they start dating. She really doesn’t want to be seen as a gold digger. The only reason she’ll ever accept anything is if Cass uses some rationalization as to how she earned it for reasons unrelated to them being friends or dating.
• Obfuscating Insanity: She is genuinely eccentric, but she's conscious of it enough to play it up to eleven towards whatever end she has in mind. Or just to annoy Wynn.
• Obfuscating Stupidity: She realizes that people usually underestimate her because of her bubbly outer layer. While she does find it annoying sometimes, she doesn't correct them because of the edge it gives her if she needs it.
• Obnoxious Snarker: She doesn't snark as much as most characters, but it's how she does when something prompts her to. To provide an example (this one just making up on the spot)...
  • Cassidy: It appears our mark's preferences lie elsewhere. Change of plans: Alban, you're to use seduction while Becca obtains the keys.
  • Alban: Yeah, that's not happening.
  • Cassidy: Is something the matter?
  • Alban: For one, there's the fact I ain't into dude.
  • Rebecca: You aren't? Neither am I! That's so cool that we have that in common! But wait... I do that kind of stuff all the time anyway. Suck it up!
  • Cassidy: [teasing] Literally, if need be.
• Odd Friendship: Develops one with Alban.
• Official Couple: Obviously. For this part I’m going to put down a bit about why they’re attracted to the other and work well together.
  • Cassidy towards Rebecca: Cass is comfortable opening up to Rebecca (she’s not completely open with most people) since she's confident she won't take advantage of anything, she feels even more motivated than usual when they’re together, finds her fun to be around & do things with, likes how open she is to experience & ideas, appreciates her loyalty, & how supportive she is. Cass overall finds Becca as herself really cute & is impressed with the layers of depth she found beneath the surface, particularly with Becca’s mind. While, as said in her sheet, Cass sometimes feels lonely because of her intelligence & all she feels she can’t share all her thoughts or go into complete detail there, that’s not as true with Rebecca. Cass has elaborated in detail with her, had feedback, heard ideas in response, and overall the two have a genuine back and forth that can go on for hours.
  • Rebecca towards Cassidy: Finds her to be intellectually stimulating, enjoys how competent & smart she is, considers her reliable, and that she’s so open to new ideas. There are some subconscious levels of Power is Sexy, though it goes beyond that to Becca liking Cass internal character more than her external displays of power. She also just likes feeling appreciated for herself, being recognized completely even when she's somewhat down on herself, & having someone she can consistently share all kinds of things with & vice versa brings interesting things to her. She's happy about supportive Cass can be overall and fact Cass is fine letting her do her own thing on top of having what they do together. Finally, some of Cassidy's brand of egotism rubbed off her on Becca over time, which contributed to her being far more happy with herself.
• Opposites Attract: How she outwardly appears with Cass. According to Rebecca, however, they’re only opposites on the surface and are really birds of a feather, even if they express them differently. They both have some similar characteristics, love discussing the abstract and sharing their mutual insights, and usually on the same (or similar) pages.
• Outlaw Couple
• Parental Substitute: Dante is more this for her with her earlier time in show business. He did a lot to look out for her interests, kept on her to keep up her grades & stay focused academically, and helped mold her talent. Her relationship with him is actually far better than that with her biological family.
• Perky Female Minion: While the crew isn't evil (Anti-Hero Team at worst), the contrast exist with Cass
• Playing Card Motifs: “The Queen of Hearts” is her codename. She’s the Queen since she’s female and given Hearts because she’s the crew’s top socializer.
• The Pollyanna: Overall idealistic and has a bright outlook on things, in spite of all kinds of reasons not to be. She even notes when gravity of whatever is pointed out that she fully does understand everything. She just trusts Cass’ plans enough that she’s not going to worry about it or one to point out it can be much worse & so she's looking on the bright side. She generally feels that being negative is a waste of her time
• The Prankster: Enjoys using her magic from time to time for some jokes, though she limits herself to those she feels won’t take her serious & so will find it just as funny as her. She is equal opportunity about this and if pranked herself, she'll laugh at herself.
• Proud Beauty
• Pungeon Master: Shares this trait with Cass, to the annoyance of everybody else.
• Quirky Curls: When her hair is down.
• Relationship Upgrade: 3rd novel. I really don't wish to screw around with Will They or Won't They? all that long as I find the actual relationships (from the pros in interactions to handling conflict and so forth) more interesting than I do the build up.
• Rescue Romance: Subverted. While the two did first meet when Cass was passing through & jumped in to defend her, it only prompted them to spend more time together. Their actual feelings for one another grew from the time spent together.
• Rhymes on a Dime: Sometimes, depending on her mood.
• Romantic Wingman: Willingly plays this to Alban on their side of friendship.
• The Sacred Darkness: How she sees what the crew does. She also feels this with regards to her spiritual beliefs, with her being the verse's equivalent of a Wiccan (as well as some other things use for inspiration.)
• Secret Diary: Owns one which is heavily encrypted and a framing device in-story for private stories that others won’t tell.
• Scholarship Student
• Shameless Fanservice Girl: More on the discreet side, but it is there. She doesn't get the big deal personally, but does take into account to avoid problems.
  • Jokes about using this for her own magic act as proof that she has nothing hidden on her.
• Shameless Self-Promoter: Downplayed, as she can keep it under control if she thinks it’ll get in the way, but she has no issues doing audacious things for publicity if she thinks it won’t harm anyone.
• She Cleans Up Nicely: While she’s normally considered attractive in a cute way in her normal self, she can switch to far more elegant appearance and blend in fine.
• Sidekick Graduations Stick: While she’s not a superhero, she’s actively going through this at the start of the story with regards to her mentor & past magic act.
• Skilled, but Naive: As a criminal.
• Small Steps Hero
• Smarter Than You Look: Most people don’t pick up on this until she actively does something to show it.
• Stage Magician: Her profession & passion
• Stage Mom: The main reason why she keeps her relationship with her biological parents at a distance.
• Stepford Smiler: Type A in the backstory, when trying her best to endure the more negative attention she received as well as in response to feeling she had to repress parts of herself to try & fit in.
• Social Climber: The Idealist
• The Social Expert: Reading and adapt to individuals is second nature to her. She’s more the performer to Cass’ technician as a social expert. She's outright the best when it comes to empathizing with the victims. She also shifts her roles according to the company she's in for whatever is the most efficient at the time.
• Subordinate Excuse: She is genuinely part of the crew for the overarching goals and positives they do, but part of it is also about just spending time with Cass.
• Talkative Loon: When drunk or trying to annoy Wynn.
• Tall Poppy Syndrome: Another part of why she was bullied. Since she went to a private school as an honor’s student, she annoyed various other girls there by outperforming them despite not being born into the upper echelon.
• The Tease: A part of her does like the attention & just finds it funny provoking reactions even though she's not serious.
  • One of the reasons she wears the T-Shirts she does is to draw attention there to want to read it only to mess with them with My Eyes Are Up Here.
• Thinks Like a Romance Novel: Reconstructed. Noted to be a major romantic and that sort of thing appeals to her big time. On a more honest level, she’ll admit it’s not like that entirely, but she likes when it does happen and sees no problem with just having fun with it.
• To Be a Master: As a magician.
• Trap Master: Develops into this as time goes on & she wants to be useful in physical combat without having to actually fight herself.
• The Trickster
• Troubled Sympathetic Bigot: She admits that she sees most rich people as corrupt jerks due to her past experiences & knowledge about things which go on in the upper echelon. It bothers her since she’s not as over her bullying as she’d like to be and feels it’s wrong of her to feel that way given that not only is she in love with someone who was born into such a lifestyle that she knows is not that, she realizes they’re just as human as everyone else, with both decent and horrible people mixed in.
• What Beautiful Eyes!: According to Cassidy, who says that it's her favorite of all her physical features.
• Unequal Pairing: Subverted. At first glimpse it appears to be this (especially within the confines of the crew since Cass is the leader), but they’re balanced out by the fact Rebecca won’t tolerate Cass' flaws if they get out of hand and Cass cherishes their relationship too much to abuse any potential power she could. Also, this is part of the reason Rebecca can be insecure at times regarding them and so actively tries not to depend on the Cass for anything but love.
• Vitriolic Best Buds: Eventually develops into this with Wynn, after they do finally get past their Friend vs. Lover phase (which takes some time). It still doesn’t stop them from messing with one another though, Wynn because of her weirdness and her playing it up just to annoy him.
• Voice Changeling: This does require conscious effort on her part and if she’s caught off guard, she’ll switch back to her normal voice.

Narrative Intent: First, Rebecca is in this story to maintain the lighter side of things. I have a belief in duality when it comes to developing the sides of the crew and would say Rebecca is the Yang (sunny side of the mountain) to some of the other character's Yin. Various aspects of her maturity was me taking the time to stop and temper out aspects I think could be annoying if it didn't have balance. Again, my love for duality showing.

Rebecca's love interest elements are born out of three things. First, I am admittedly a Yuri Fanboy so I allowed my tastes there to influence. At first I just noticed some Les Yay subtext between the two and decided to roll with it. I treat it as a subplot since I feel it supplements elements of the caper genre I like (the loyalty and trust needed among the partners when working outside of the system) and it creates a unique relationship there that nobody else in the crew has with Cass. Second, I figured it opened up more avenues for conflict that might come up on the more personal side while Cass is trying to strengthen her crew to point they're all on the same page as a true team instead of a collection of individuals. 3rd, I'm just up for the personal challenge of writing a romantic subplot between two people that is overall legitimately healthy for both sides. I've been critical of some in other things and also loved various ones in others. I want to see what I can do.

Other elements were born from me just developing Rebecca as an individual & in relation to the other crew members. I rather she not be defined purely by her relationship with Cassidy. Her existence was born out of that (literally everything was born out of Cassidy as a starting point, who was born out of my love for the caper genre), but I don't think that's all it should be.

Finally, she took on the role of the swindler more as things went on as I found her role more in the crew. I figured that given her background in entertainment, it would make the most sense she shines when converting those skills elsewhere.

I use psychology systems to an extent in building characters as well, with Rebecca being an ENFP and Type 3 personality. Ironically, these are actually both the same as me in these systems, though Rebecca is written as a Type 3w2 personality as opposed to Type 3w4 as I am.

The Grandmaster Gang: Cassidy Cain, Augustus Wynn, Edan Cain, Rebecca Maddox, & Alban Sinclair

edited 3rd Jan '15 8:03:35 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

Thanks for the feedback! Zan is mostly my personal appeals wrapped into a character package, so him being a complete asshole is more about my preference (I based him off a close friend, for one). As for the execution-dependence, I am aware of that. I've seen this type of smarmy jackasses fall flat due to poor execution many times, and will definitely try my best to avert that, even if I'm not so sure my execution is really enough for the task

As for Emary, let's see...

She seems to have most of the traits of a young, hot-blooded, justice seeking protagonist, which should fit the story well, as I see it. Overall she seems... normal. I'd have to see more of her and her friends, specifically the other people of the five man band, to appreciate her properly. As is, Emary seems fairly standard, whose ability to intrigue I think (I'm plagiarizing you here) depends largely on execution. I'd have to really see her in action to know whether or not to like her.

A few things though. First of all, I like her power. It's a small subversion on the hot-blooded type, who more often than not sports immense offensive powers to go with their temper. Emary's power defensive should mean her combat style needing more creativity if she's to put dish out the hurt efficiently, which should lead to interesting scenarios. Second, a question: can you elaborate on this 'Contract'? What does a contract do, exactly? What obligations are required by a contract? With whom a contract is made?

Thanks! You nailed it on the persuasion part. I myself do that logic check all the time when I write these characters, and as I have a preference for suave-jerkass-who-manipulate-the-crap-out-of-people type, I tend to really think hard on this. Are things they say really convincing? Is the reasoning behind at least not idiotic sounding? What I fear the most is making everyone in the story a complete idiot because I fail to produce a good argument for them, so this is indeed my primary concern. Thank you for the warning anyway.

As for why I made him this much of a prick, well, as earlier noted, I have a preference for asshole protagonist (you should see my entry for Dame Aisel Kilimovich. She's in the villain thread but is actually one of the viewpoint characters of her story). What I aim to accomplish is to provide an adventure story a spin where the main 'heroes' are a bunch of psychopathic mercs who engage equal part in snark combat and actual combat, and as such I kind of hope that I can at least make the audience root for Zan, the lead protagonist, and the rest of the band by making them entertaining assholes, and by making other people, especially his enemies, much nastier than them. For contrast, I'll later post the aforementioned Tassilus, the ax crazy pyromaniac mage friend of his. The bastard's firmly in the villain protagonist territory, much more so than Zan. But of course, if you have any suggestion, I'd be happy to hear it.

As for Rebecca, well... I like her, if for the rather unusual occult enthusiastic stage magician aspect alone. But the various small things about her are nice too see, like how despite her being a very cunning and seemingly mature individual, she still has the insecurities and aspiration of a (imho) believable late teen/young adult, such as the need for approval. There're still things that don't click with me though, like how, well, 'clean' she is as a character, but maybe that's because I'm so used to creating messed up people. I'm interested in seeing others from the story, though, and certainly in seeing at least the rough concept of the story, as right now I'm not sure I grasped it well enough from Rebecca's backstory alone, which maybe why I'm still quite unsure about her.

edited 27th Nov '14 7:38:12 PM by arreimil

On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.

@Prime of Perfection

On Rebecca—well it's nice to see The Chick get an actual personality beyond "sweet and caring" for once. As someone who is also hoping to screw around with the Five-Man Band dynamic a bit (for the first time I might add; not a single thing I've written before has even accidentally used that set up, let alone deliberately) I applaud that. Quick question—maybe I missed it, but you say she's an illusionist to you mean she has the actual ability to create illusions, or is this purely stage effects?

One potential issue I did notice is that you've combined chronic hero syndrome with relative ineffectiveness in combat. Now, that could lead to some great scenarios if you're careful about it. It could also, however, run the risk of making her into the designated troublemaker, which will make the audience turn on her. Just something to watch out for.

It might do to give her some more goals in life. "Wanting to be accepted" is great on a personal level, but most people also have some sort of wider motivations and/or objectives. Why does she want acceptance from his particular group? Maybe it's just that I'm not that familiar with the work as a whole. Cass is the leader of the group?

Thanks for the feedback on Emary. If you were wondering about her personal relationships, this post on Ikewill hopefully help fill in some blanks.

@arreimil

On second thought, I actually do have some more productive advice regarding Zan. In one of my books (that I've actually written; most of what I post here are just ideas for stories I haven't worked on yet) I had a character named Friedrich who was of a similar type. He was the relentlessly manipulative, excessively smug, unbearably upper class, cruelly sarcastic (and flamingly gay) de facto head of the Wizard's Guild. He was also The Mentor to the protagonists, and was a big hit with my proofreaders. This was partly because I managed to keep him funny, and partly because for every three or four jackass things he did I tried to give him one Pet the Dog. Zan might need more than that or he might need less, but if you want to keep audience sympathy, you may want to work out a similar ratio. The bigger the jackass move, obviously, the bigger the Pet the Dog will have to be.

Emary being trapped on defence and having to play smart is definitely something I intend to play with. It also makes her highly dependent on her team, which is deliberate on my part—I've seen too many similar series where eventually the supporting cast gets left behind. This way I can't give into that even by accident. Without somebody backing her up, Emary has immense trouble ending a fight.

I confess that I don't have all the details of the contracts hashed out. The basic idea is that the contracts are made with concepts, and that once enacted, the contract enables a person to do anything that is tied to that concept. Emary's is with the "idea" of armour, if you will. In-verse, it's claimed that the first ever human being (as we would understand them) made a contract with the concept of God and it was this that allowed other people to be born as latent contractors, who can, if pushed, make their own deals with other concepts. How the process of making the contract is handled is something I'm still working on.

Speaking of Emary, let's introduce somebody else from the story. Not a member of the Five-Man Band (I'll hopefully get to them later), but her rival, and a guy she really doesn't want to admit is on her side.

---

Name: Ike Rail

Age: Late teens

Personality: Ike is grim, or at least presents that way. He doesn't smile very often, and that, coupled with some things he did in the past (see Backstory) leaves most of his classmates very leery of him, and prone to assuming the worst. In reality, Ike's actually a fairly nice guy, who would like to have a peer group. It's just that he's very uncomfortable socially, and has no clue how to deal with people who don't like him. Since Emary's very popular, her hostility towards him was reflected in most of the student body, which left Ike with only a tiny number of friends. After the story kicks off, he finds himself in a leadership role, and has to start reaching out to the members of his squad. To his surprise, he's pretty good at it.

Abilities: Ike's word is "Weapon" and as you might expect, it lets him generate any armament he can imagine from a flint-tipped spear to a sci-fi laser rifle. This gives him the most versatile arsenal of any cast member, and there are only a tiny number of defenses that he can't breach. Later on he begins to think of himself as a weapon, which ratchets up his speed, strength, stamina, and skill to levels that approach the superhuman. Ike's ability also gives him something that few other contractors have—the power to turn any fight into a draw by nuking the battlefield.

Outside of his powers, Ike is very smart and highly dedicated to his job. He's got the loyalty, if not necessarily the love, of his squad, and gets the best possible performance out of them. He understands the big picture in a way that people like Emary don't, and this perspective gives him a clear and unflinching view of what has to be done.

Weaknesses: Ike might hit like a train, but he's got the defensive ability of a paper bag. His contract won't generate a piece of protective gear that's more complex than a medieval-style shield, and helmets, body armour etc are out of the question. While he's tough, and can swallow a fair amount of punishment before he'll consider falling down, he's still a Fragile Speedster/Glass Cannon when compared to Emary or, God forbid, Belial. To win, Ike has to stay mobile, and hit as hard as he can, as fast as he can. There are also practical and moral limits to what he can do. Sure, Ike can set off a nuclear blast that will level an area the size of Rhode Island, but he'd kill himself in the process and the collateral damage would be unacceptable.

On a personal level, Ike might be able to create weapons, but he's still a teenager, and has only a year or so's worth of field experience, so he's far from the greatest fighter who's ever lived. He's also quite socially handicapped, particularly when it comes to people his own age and especially when it comes to Emary and her gang. Ike genuinely does not get what their problem with him is (the fact that he hasn't recognized Shona isn't helping) and his attempts at negotiating more often than not lead to a fight.

Goals: Ike's job is detaining, arresting, and if necessary, eliminating rogue contractors. His superiors don't think he's ready to tangle with the likes of the Unshriven Legion yet, so they started him on petty criminals before sending him after Emary and her friends, figuring that the best person to talk the teenage vigilantes down would be one of their schoolmates. Had Ike known who was leading the group he might have thought better of it, but now that he's got the assignment he intends to see it through to the end. He's going to get Emary to see reason—even if he has to beat it into her.

Motivations: Letting an unlicensed and untrained contractor run around without supervision is a lot like handing a four year old a Kalashnikov and saying "have a nice day." Ike gets this better than anybody. When he first activated his contract, during a minor street scuffle that got out of hand, he almost burned down a whole row of houses (he'd summoned up a flamethrower). Emary and her vigilantes are a genuine threat to public safety, and Ike feels obligated to bring them in before they hurt anybody or get themselves killed. For Ike, defending the public is both his job and a moral duty. It's what drives him to try and arrest Emary. It's also why, given the chance, he'll gladly put every member of the Unshriven Legion in the ground.

Role in story: Ike is the closest thing Emary has to a classic shonen rival (though the term she most often uses to describe him remains "ex-best friend"). The key difference is that he's actually right, and she really should listen to him. For the first part of the story, he plays Inspector Zenigata to Emary's group, pursuing them and trying to get them to come with him so that they can receive proper training. Since they aren't listening, this leads to a couple of fights, the last of which takes both Emary and Ike to their limits (as you can imagine any duel between the two of them becomes a very literal Lensman Arms Race). Eventually they find themselves on the same side against the Unshriven Legion, where despite differing viewpoints, they make a very effective team. Always, Ike's job is to challenge Emary's view of the world, providing a different, and equally valid way of looking at things.

Backstory: Ike was Emary's best friend until they were seven years old. Then his father got cancer, his mother got a boyfriend, and Ike got some serious anger issues, which he took out on his fellow students. Things escalated, until the day when Shona Katze not only refused to hand over her lunch money, but slapped him in the face. Ike gave her a beating, and then Emary arrived on the scene intent on giving him one. In the aftermath he not only transferred schools, but ended up spending a lot of time in the care of a child psychiatrist who helped him get his head on straight. In high school he met Emary again, and hoped to try and patch things up, but she blew him off. Unbeknownst to Ike, who is bad with faces and worse with names, Emary's blond best friend is Shona, who is still terrified of him, and unwilling to deal with her abusive home-life, blames most of her issues on what he did to her, a narrative Emary accepts. The stories they told about him killed his chance at a social life, and Ike spent most of his high school career as the apparently surly, sour-faced outsider.

A year before the story kicked off, Ike activated his contract when he was mugged. He reported himself to the local police, who took him in as a trainee, and gave him a few easy assignments. After the Unshriven Legion attack the school, Ike finds himself promoted to full officer, and given the assignment detailed above.

Relevant tropes: Foil (to Emary), Glass Cannon, Hero Antagonist, Hyper Space Arsenal, Multi-Melee Master/Multi-Ranged Master, Reformed, but Rejected, The Rival, Rivals Team Up (as of partway through the story they are on the same side), Sympathetic Inspector Antagonist, We Used to Be Friends

edited 27th Nov '14 10:51:00 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar

Here is Cassidy herself if you wish to take a look. I welcome any feedback there from you as well, if you're willing to give it.

And kudos for the feedback there! I can definitely agree with her being more on the "clean" side for the most part. I'm just more opposite of the spectrum of you in that regard as a creator as I don't want to write "heroes" (or as I call them, just protagonists) but heroes. There is themes throughout the work I'm aiming for & actually do have some ethical stuff down, especially with the heroes each having their parallels and certain aspects which do separate them from the other. Rebecca's greatest virtue I'd say is Charm (the ability to generate positive & favorable emotions from others). Bitchiness (as in working to harm or demean others to improve your own sense of self or social status) tends to be her opposite & seen in her counterparts or direct oppositions. Plus I need her to be nicer to help make the leads even easier to root for since they are thieves. I've found that being criminals (or rogues or whatever) isn't the issue in itself most of the times, it's the context in which you do it in. In Becca's case, she's Chaotic Good basically.

Series wise, I aim for that whole team of specialists who carry out complex plans concept that was pretty much popularized by Mission Impossible. If you wish to check what's already up, link is in my signature! Again, any feedback is welcomed & I'd thank you for it.

---

Alright, shifting back to you @ arreimil! Now, unless this is some kind of dark comedy sort of thing (or perhaps even then), one thing I would definitely suggest is trying this stuff out I'm going to jot down. The reason is stories like that run the danger of Darkness-Induced Audience Apathy. I personally have experienced or seen it happen far too many times.

In spite of that, to note, I think you should still do it as it's what makes you happy & is part of your voice as a creator. I'm all behind write what you like above all else. Just don't forget to consider the audience in things. Also, I'd break it down to it's core fundamentals, digging in more and more as to why you like it, and so forth. Understand the elements intimately & more "why" people before you used them as opposed to just that they did. I'd say look at those who screwed up with it, figure out why (looking at fan opinion and feedback helps there) as well as those who did it successfully and again, question why (again, fans!). One thing I actually love about the internet with fact people are so vocal is that everybody's opinions are littered around. It takes more work than I think most people are willing to do, but digging into them I feel really helps nail down some things it takes to reach people. That and of course, can't please everyone, so good to know pitfalls, blah blah blah.

Besides, every form of story has potential danger zones, so that's all I'm really addressing in hopes of you not falling into that trap.

All of these tricks and information are stuff I learned from How to Write a Damn Good Novel II on what it takes to draw the audience into a fictive dream. The fictive dream is pretty much just getting the reader involved emotionally. I've experienced it myself and I'm certain others can identify these things in action too, depending.

1) Gain the reader's sympathy. To gain reader's sympathy, generally helps to make the audience feel sorry for the protagonists. Sympathy is the doorway through which the audience gains access to a story. Without it, they have no emotional involvement. Now, I'm not saying they have to be admirable. An example given in the book is of Jake La Motta from Raging Bull & points out all the MANY horrible qualities about them (beat his wife, divorces her when he starts to succeed in the ring, seduces girls not of legal age, violent temper & paranoia, a savage in the ring and out, etc.) and then says they got audience sympathy right away because the story started with him living in ignorance, degradation, and poverty. With Les Miserables, Jean is introduced starving & being refused service because he lacks money.

Certain situations that definitely work are loneliness, lovelessness, humiliation, privation, repression, embarrassment, danger, etc. Basically, any predicament that brings physical, mental, or spiritual suffering.

Sympathy is the important starting point since once sympathy achieved, can go on to Identification.

2) Sympathy is just getting readers to feel sorry for a character. Identification is when a reader not only feels sympathy for their plight, but also supports their goals and aspirations. This is where "nobility" comes in. Give the reader a goal that appears noble & they're more likely to take their side, no matter how much of a dick they've proven themselves in the past. Look at The Godfather. Don Corleone by himself wouldn't be identified with or rooted for if we just had his less than savory aspects. So instead it was pulled off by creating sympathy through a supporting character for Corleone to link onto. The story starts with an injustice that creates sympathy for them then they go to Corleone for justice. Sympathy is transferred to Corleone since a positive emotional bond is forged between the reader & Corleone by him taking up the task they want to see accomplished.

Another thing, a code of personal honor and elements that shows them not doing something unsavory helps even more. Show them taking some stand or whatever & the audience is more likely to forgive other things.

3) Empathy comes up next. Despite feeling sorry for a character experiencing something, the reader might not feel it themselves. But through empathy with a character, the reader will feel what the character is. Empathy is more powerful than sympathy. To pull this off, it comes down to the power of suggestion. Use sensuous & emotion-provoking details that suggests to the reader what it's like to be them & to suffer what they're suffering. Through that, you bring them into the world that they are experiencing.

So, the reader is in sympathy with the hero, identifies with his goal, and empathizes with him because the reality of the situation is created through emotion-provoking sensuous detail. There is one final thing needed to complete the process: Inner Conflict.

4) Doubts, misgivings, guilt, remorse, indecision. Once in sympathy, identification, and empathizing with a character, the reader will be far more open to feeling all these things. It is this participation in the decision-making process, when the reader is feeling the character's guilt, doubts, misgivings, and remorse, and is pulling for the character to make one decision over another, that transports the reader.

There is way more technique wise that can be learned here, but yeah, that's the very basic stuff I suggest taking into consideration. I could be wrong, but I genuinely think from my experience that it'll help avoid the pitfalls of writing a Jerk Sue. A character doesn't have to be admirable, but accomplishing all that stuff I think helps. There are also plenty of other things could think to add, but I don't want to type out too much right now.

That and I'd probably write some stuff & test it out on some people. Since that's your goal there, I'd see if it conveys well and if not, question why. Above all, remember give the reader a reason to care about the character. Remember, you already have a reason to care. The audience doesn't. Your job to come up with a reason what will change that!

There is one other thing I could think to take an excerpt from, this book called Bullies, Bastards, and Bitches which has a great section on walking the fine line with such characters as the leads. I'll share that as well if you like to hear it. I would suggest getting the actual book, it's a fantastic read.

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Why do you people post stuff when I'm typing lengthy stuff?!?!?! I'll respond back to all that later (as well as read character), I'm really tired at the sec.

There we go, more up & I organized this stuff a bit more as I was out of it big time. Anyway, kudos for the kind words there! I hope you luck in it and I'll toss anything I've picked up along the way if it helps. Ironically, I can't say that I intentionally aimed to do that with the Five-Man Band. Or more to technically make it one. It just kind of happened. Or more she fell into The Chick because she's the cute one, as opposed to she's the cute one because she's The Chick. My starting point trope wise with her was Perky Female Minion. That and then just developing her role over time in the Caper Crew. I wanted her to be the conman above all else & traits and aspects of her grew out of that as time went on. While there is tons I researched and learned goes into being a successful con artist, at the end of the day, they all deal in trust.

Or, hell, since simple stuff I can address real quick, illusionist as in just stage magic. Illusionist is another name for a Stage Magician.

I'll type out more later on, still, tired.

Edit more: Alright, now that I'm awake, I will point out there the goal itself within the crew isn't just "wanting to be accepted" purely by them. She is truly aligned with the group's agenda (which deals with things like accountability, fairness, some of Cass ideals with defending those who aren't being defended, etc.), but beyond that, it's just wants to feel like an equal to the others. The situation is a Power Trio with two new people coming into their situation. She has no real personal relationships with anybody aside from the leader (Cassidy), who is really protective of her & she's afraid of letting down since she lacks experience with everything. Rebecca really wants to carry her own weight in things there and prove she can. The others in this case is Cass' grandfather (someone she obviously wants to make a good impression with), Cass' bodyguard (who is outright against her being involved and makes clear he is), and technically Alban (anti-social asshole who Cass is in an Enemy Mine with. I might do his sheet next).

Factor in fact she really doesn't like feeling like an outsider in general and it should overall be clear why fitting in with them is important to her.

Plus it can't be ignored that she DOES have goals beyond that already. She still has stardom goals outside of the crew & progressively working on her own stuff there at the same time while balancing new criminal lifestyle which she lacks experience in (and everybody else has down). That and her ambitions related to "True Magic". She has plenty of actual goals.

Oh and I do agree entirely it would be annoying as hell if she just kept causing issues over and over because of that. It would actually go against one of my stories themes if she didn't learn from her mistake the first time. Really, how that would play out, she'd get involved in unplanned way, try to talk them out of it, Wynn would likely jump in if she's in any danger, then he'd be pissed off. Those two would argue, Cass would break them up, she'd chat with Becca with reminding her why they're doing whatever they're doing how they are, reassure it will work out in the end, and ask her to trust her plan. Becca would learn from that mistake & while she'd feel pull to do it again in the future if in such a situation or whatever, she'd resist. Plus Becca will listen as she acknowledges that between the two of them, Cass is more practical and she relies on that to balance her out.

One of the key differences between the heroes & villains in own work is that the villains are more the ones who never learn from their mistakes & keep causing problems until something stops them from causing problems. They stubbornly keep to their vices even when they shouldn't or given chance to do otherwise, which is part of what leads to their ruin. The heroes makes mistakes too, but they learn from it and keep trying to grow.

Pretty much one of my messages is that Humans Are Flawed, but that doesn't mean it's all we have to be. The heroes are the ones who grow healthier as time goes on & are actively trying to improve themselves as people, even though it's not always easy & sometimes might trip up. The villains (least if one stays one) all, well, don't. They reap what they sow.

---

I will agree with what he (arreimil) said about her (Emary Rose) seeming a bit plain, though that's why I wanted to know more about tastes & relationships before saying more critique wise as I do like the base & feel just needed to learn more. I look forward to reading about this aspect to the relationship, especially as I've a lot I can say on a good lawful foil!

Hmm, so far I like the overall setup with his personality. Has a melancholic vibe to him IMO so far, which I think can offer plenty of potential. Plus him being social awkward is nice addition there. Actually, the thought of witnessing him frowning all the time and how awkward it would feel is nice one. Plus I imagine they could make for a good when he smiles.

I like the sounds of his weapon! Also, damn, with his connection to a lawful side and considering himself just a weapon, I'm wondering what that might do to him. I do have to raise same question I do for anyone else, how is he smart? There are all kinds of different forms of intelligence, after all. Someone who is smart at construction, for instance, has a different form of intelligence than someone who knows how to survive in the wild. They can intersect and all, but yeah. I'm also curious to ask, why does his squad love him so much? Also, damn at his ability to just go nuke on place! Curious to ask, if he pulls that out, what's the consequences of him doing it? Is that a Dangerous Forbidden Move for him or... well, can you share some more details there? Is it a literal nuke? Also, how does the enemy even know he can do this?

His failures as socializing actually may be my favorite of all of these aspects. I can definitely see how his awkwardness combined with her stubborn resistance can lead immediately to all kinds of conflict. It also strikes me well there as a guy who is genuinely trying to do well and just doesn't have the tool to do it. I'm seriously sympathizing there, great usage!

When it comes to saying he is right, I would definitely like to hear why he is. I think it's good to hit on both sides & to have a balance to them, but if Ike is just right, well, then that's not really balance. That's just straight out taking a side of the conflict. He has to be wrong in some areas or categories if they're to balance one another out.

Still, another one of those types of rivals I do like as I'm just a fan of those tropes in general. I fall back on what I've said before about defining him even more as an individual and digging deeper into depth. Also, I'd again like to see more of an appearance to them. Something that reflects and expresses more of who they are. I imagine he'd probably be dressed in uniform a lot or something that conforms to the order he represents.

Really, I think at it's most simplistic with yours with critique, I think you have strong plot roles. Now you just need to build on what you have & spice it up more. I wouldn't change anything about who they are though. I don't think there is anything wrong with the roles themselves, just more about giving them more individual flavor beyond just their cool powers (which seriously are cool and I love the thought put into them).

A few character sheets I'd suggest taking a small look at is Baccano or Durarara to see what I mean on how easy it is to really add some awesome flavor to a character to make them way more compelling beyond just the role they play.

Also, with working with Five-Man Band and all that, I'm going to toss you the same tip I did earlier up above: Exploit Myers Briggs! And combine it with The Enneagram! With MBTI, that's 16 unique personalities there with all kinds of details just lying there that's more than likely to correspond with the band and build into other things. With Enneagram, starts with 9, then there is the subtypes, which create 18 more things to work with. So in combination, that's... a lot of potential characters (288?) without even going into more depth as to how they express that stuff.

As for how to use them in combination & see the mass potential from it, I'll quote a little something:

Whether or not one believes in this stuff I think is irrelevant. It's just really useful to us as writers. There is also different health levels with Enneagram, so an unhealthy 1 - for example - is going to appear different than an average or healthy 1.

I overall think this really helps with certain patterns and things which will show up in things while making them more their own individual. Really, I just think tools like that are great for depth building for us creators as a starting point and to further explore our characters as individuals.

If you don't go through the test variant for using it, another technique can go is to look at each of their start with the general group description. Start at things like Guardian, Artisan, Idealist, & Rationals. I'd identify character there (like Ike is a Guardian) then drop down to potential ones and explore there. Ike strikes me as an ISFJ Type 1w2, but eh, you tell me, you know better. I'd use that for even more to really expand on them as an individual & dig deeper to add even more layers with each character in the 5 man band (or just in general) to add to them. It maintains the familiar patterns that people tend to like while making it more than that. A good resource is this site.

Anyway, blah blah blah, I may be getting a bit disorganized now as my mind is chaotic now from having written so much, but I hope that helps and makes enough sense. I've some other stuff to do now, but I'll be back later and as said, liking the overall looks so far since it does appeal to what usually presses my buttons. Definitely rooting for you here!

---

Hmm... I suppose for next person who posts a character (bolding it in case someone isn't paying attention, my apologizes for how huge it is), I'll go with Rebecca again. Unless it's Ambar or arrimil with a new character, which I'll just officially go with Cass herself.

edited 28th Nov '14 7:34:04 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

@Prime of Perfection

To answer a couple of your questions: Ike is tactically intelligent. He's a solid planner, he's good at keeping his squad on task, and he's quite innovative when it comes to the use of his abilities. Where he fails is on the social side of things, not just because his skills are lacking (though they are) but because he honestly doesn't have all the relevant information. He gets, for instance, that Emary is still ticked at him for beating up Shona when they were seven, but he does not get why that is. Emary and Shona were not especially close before the incident in question, and he doesn't realize that the pretty blond girl who follows Emary everywhere (and is now The Chick in her Five-Man Band) is Shona. Nor is he aware of the fact that Emary, unaware of how abusive Shona's homelife is, is holding him responsible for her friends PTSD. He eventually does find this out, but even then he doesn't know what to do about it. Ike can plan out a battle, but this is outside of his area of expertise.

When I say that Ike can nuke the entire battlefield I mean it literally. Ike's contract is with "weapon" and that lets him summon any weapon he can think of, up to, and including, a nuclear missile. As for the cost of doing so, that's twofold. First off, he's not immune to his own powers, and he can't make his squad immune, so he'd be committing suicide and taking his friends with him. Secondly, he'd be blowing up an area the size of a small American state, and irradiating it for the foreseeable future. Ike's not prepared to do either of those things, and even if he was, he'd be arrested by his superiors for, you know, wiping a good chunk of the countryside off the map. To answer the last question about it, Ike's adversaries don't know he can do that, until after an incident where the rest of his squad was captured. Ike generates the bomb and tells them to let he and his team go, or he'll reduce the whole area to so much radioactive dust. He's bluffing, but they don't know that.

As for Ike being right, and the notion that writers shouldn't take sides in a conflict, I would have to disagree. Writers usually take sides in a conflict. The trick I find is not derailing one side in order to demonstrate that the other is right (as happened in Marvel's Civil War for example). In any case, as far as the main issue of contention between them—vigilantism versus working for the government—goes, Ike is right. Emary and her friends, however well-meaning they might be, are operating without license or training. There's nobody to hold them accountable for their actions, and without meaning to, they are putting civilians at risk. Perhaps even more importantly, Ike has access to information about the Unshriven Legion that Emary does not, and he knows that if her group encounters any of its leaders before they've had enough experience they are dead. Belial's contract is with the concept of Hell and everything that entails. To take him down will require the resources of an army, not five kids acting on their own.

Much like Ike doesn't have all the information on why Emary is acting the way she does, Emary doesn't have all the information on Ike, the government, or the people they're pursuing. There's a lot of movies, books, and especially comics out there that promote the idea that people cannot trust the authorities and should act on their own. Those ideas aren't any less prevalent in this world, and Emary, perhaps unsurprisingly for a teenager thrust into this position, is acting on the assumption that a government that didn't make the existence of the Unshriven Legion public, cannot have her best interests in mind. That the first representative of the government that she really has to deal with is Ike doesn't make this any better. Her belief that it is up to her and her friends to find the Legion's leaders and put them down is, given the data she has to work with, reasonable and, I hope, sympathetic, and Ike's inability to communicate the reality of the situation to her, is in a large part to blame. That said, I think all that can be true, without her position having to be as factually valid as his. The government is the democracy it claims to be, and it hid the existence of the Legion because it really did believe that saying "There's an insane gang of terrorist contractors who want to usurp the power of God" (this is Belial's end game; more on that here) would cause a public panic. Ike really does just want to talk, and when he says the government would like to see she and her friends receive proper training that isn't code word for locking them in a dungeon or turning them into super soldiers. Now keep in mind, that's just all in the initial conflict between the two of them. Will there be issues that Emary is right about and he is wrong about? Yes, especially once they're on the same side. Emary understands people better than he does, and when personal bias isn't clouding her opinions, she's a better judge of character and a more inspiring leader than Ike could ever hope to be.

On the appearance issue, I freely admit that's usually the last thing I think about when sketching out characters. Still, I've got some bits I can share. Emary's tall for a girl, and quite well-muscled. She's got dark hair in a short, boyish haircut, and a grin that takes up half her face when she's in a good mood. Outside of her armour, she's at first wearing her school uniform, though that later gets traded in for the first set of plain civilian clothes she can buy. Ike's big, blond, and meaner looking than he really is. He does indeed have a uniform, not unlike an RCMP dress uniform◊, though without the hat.

Hope that fills in some of the gaps.

edited 28th Nov '14 12:45:44 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar

Ah alright, that definitely adds more there!

Also, I really don't care about writer taking sides. I take sides in my own stories even though I approach it with a different aspect. I was more curious why he was right as that reveals far more about who he is as a person (and the stories themes) as opposed to just saying they're right because you said so.

To note own approach, first I start with premise. I overall prefer to provide both sides to the argument (build a counterpoint), present both, and let the audience decide for themselves even if I have a side I'm rooting for & clear set of events I'm going to let happen. Or, well, to quote from another book I have (A Few Words on Theme) which I liked what it taught on this:

Oh and more reason why I had to call on balance, this part here:

"Always, Ike's job is to challenge Emary's view of the world, providing a different, and equally valid way of looking at things."

If it's a "different, and equally valid way" of looking at it, then that's why I feel Ike lacks any real flaws or imperfections when it comes to morality, which implies less that they're equals in the worldviews and more that she just needs to conform to his.

edited 28th Nov '14 2:33:53 PM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

Alright I can see how that line might have thrown you. That was poor wording on my part. It would be more accurate to say that Emary and Ike go back and forth on being right, about everything from how the world works to what the best possible way of dealing with the Unshriven Legion is. In the early stage of the rivalry Ike has the upper hand, but that's not because he's smarter than she is—he just has more accurate information to work with. After he gets through to her, and she starts working for the same people he is, the playing field levels, and she gets her turn—starting with calling out his bosses on the fact that while covering up the Unshriven Legion's existence might have saved a panic in the short run, it ensured that once their existence did become public knowledge there was an even greater Freak Out. Generally speaking Emary will always advocate for openness, while Ike is much more likely to want to keep things quiet. Personally I lean more towards her view on that subject, and the public horror that ensures once the Unshriven Legion forces the issue and announces their existence, would tend to back her up.

Which I guess is a very lengthy way of saying—don't worry. Ike's worldview is far from morally perfect, and it's very open to being challenged. Emary just can't do that until the latter part of the story, when she's got the same info to work with that he does.

edited 28th Nov '14 3:20:33 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar

@Ambar Thanks again for the heads up. As I'm not cerrently writing the story featuring him, I guess I'd have plenty of time to train with other characters I'm working on. As the protagonist of my current story is a lighter shade of asshole compared to Zan, the experience should help a lot.

@Prime Now that's a lot of advices! Good point on the sympathy/empathy side of things. I'll be sure to be more considerate of it. However, I think my personal problem with it is that I tend to sympathise with characters who aren't, well, heroes, in the traditional sense (which, as you note, is something you're on the opposite side of), so most of the time I'm not going to be too reliable. Test audience is a great way to help with that, true, but most of my past test audience are not English fluent at all, so it's a bit tricky to get the audience perspective at times. Again, I'll remember to be careful with this. Thanks once again.

On the foundation of glass a dream is built. And, like glass, it shatters.

Glad to overall here it there! To note, I do think the idea of them just not having all the details and Poor Communication Kills can overall be used well there.

I aim to please. I'd just keep in mind the audience when crafting this & finding the best techniques for executing on the idea as it's easier to screw up with what you plan to do. I still say you should do it though because if you execute it correctly, there are all sorts you will probably enjoy it. It's a gamble really. Still, the smarter you gamble, the more likely you are to score.

Also, a site I'd suggest using for gaining feedback from an audience would be Fictionpress. It's like Fanfiction.net but for original fiction.

---

Name: Augustus Wynn/August Niles (what he went by when aligned with his father)

Age: 24 (17 in flashback) (For those keeping track, Wynn is 5 years older than Cass & Rebecca. His birthday is just later in the year compared to theirs.)

Role in the Story: The Big Guy in the 5 Man Band (Again, I’m going to focus primarily on early series tropes as I don’t wish to say everything about where things will go for individual stories or everywhere things will develop for them.)

Personality: Wynn at his root is the laidback sort who enjoys his peace. He’s the type who prefers things to go smoothly and rather go with as little conflict as possible. He considers himself overall a “boring” guy since he’s a plain, down to earth guy who isn’t flashy type or "classy" type or anything like that. He's an introverted guy who just likes simple things.

When he’s on the clock, he makes things happen behind the scenes. He has no interest in being a “winner” or the high profile guy in the spotlight. He’s a no frills, work hard guy. He mostly just needs to know what to do, what’s expected of him, and how to do it. Once that’s all down, he’s fine being more a part of whatever system he aligns himself with and doing the little things that help bring it into fruition. He’s reliable, loyal, and in tune with the actualities.

Wynn’s not big on interacting with people and more in his element with “doing” roles. He relies on his logic above all else, whatever it is that will practically get the task he’s after done. He has a certain lack of social tact, which makes him more insecure and awkward around others. To hide this, he usually remains quiet. He’s more talkative when around those he likes.

Although he’s not the type to outright admit it since doing so embarrasses him, Wynn cares deeply about those close to him and he’s willing to go to great lengths to protect others. Loyalty is probably one of the most important things to her. He greatly appreciates and respects the presence & assistance of all those he lets into his world. He can be blunt and sometimes mess with his friends, but they’re still important to him. Having strong bonds is one of the most vital things to him in spite of his introversion.

Abilities: Wynn is a bodyguard above all else and so he’s suited for all things in relation to that task. To name but a few of the things he handles or can handle, threat assessment, premise searches, vehicle search & security, route selection & reconnaissance, counter & anti-surveillance, emergency first aid, perimeter sweeps, and all that kind of business. He knows how to work well as Cass’ liaison when establishing things in advance and maintaining good relations. If a threat is in play, he generally has an escape route planned and goes into action with machinelike precision. He’ll do whatever necessary to protect the principal and is trained to cover them well. With regards to his combat skills, his hand to hand talents are based on Krav Maga. Weaponry wise, he’s trained to handle a retractable baton as well as guns, both handguns & sniper rifles. The fact he is so unassuming is another thing that usually helps him as he has the element of surprise.

His past experience growing up with relation to the criminal underworld and under a master criminal does provide him an intimate knowledge on how to operate well there. He’s more than capable of filling in various blanks & overall helping sort through and tackle things that part of the world calls upon. With regards to his range for confidence schemes, his specializes in more low profile background roles more than anything else. Menial work tasks are where he functions well. He also keeps track of local laws and how to handle legal system related things to stall/avoid any potential problems which might arise.

Weaknesses: When it comes to cons, the longer it goes & more socially demanding the role is, the more exhausted with the role he becomes and likely he is to break character. This is particularly true when it comes to actually interacting with women – exception being Cassidy, as he’s more awkward dealing with them. Since he’s the best male in the crew for interacting with women when this comes up (Edan’s too old & acts as mission control more often than not while Cass rather not have Alban do it), this can be a problem. He’s not suited for the more high profile roles that Cass & Rebecca tend to play. With guns, there are gun control laws the crew has to adhere to and so be careful with when and where they use them. He doesn’t really work well as the leader, as the stress would kick in for him. He’s not the biggest fan of chaotic situations & so more likely to suggest a retreat when the chaos becomes too much. Also, since he hijacks his father’s former aliases when working underground, there is always the prospect of his father’s enemies mistakenly targeting him. The aliases are overall a double edged sword. He also has a fear of enclosed spaces & being underground, which can interfere with the crew's options at times.

Appearance: He’s pretty average looking. He’s not too tall or short (around 6’0), he’s not particularly fat or skinny, he doesn’t appear all that muscular (he is physically more toned beneath his clothes, but he keeps it hidden well), and his face is overall average. He has gray eyes and black hair which he wears in a slicked back style when he’s not in disguise. His skin is lightly bronzed, which makes it hard to tell if he has a tan or is of some other ethnicity (or what ethnicity he is). Attire wise, he tends to wear suits that are synonymous with Cassidy’s wardrobe. Outside of that, he prefers things to be simple and down to earth. He’s fine in just jeans and a t-shirt, for example. The two consistent when in his own style are his sunglasses, which he usually wears on his forehead, and his earphones that he puts on when he can relax.

Goals: Protect the crew, fulfill his duty to Cass, set right anything he helped mess up in the past, and just relax while enjoying the simple pleasures in life otherwise too. Later he learns about what his father is up to in the present & wishes to stop him as well as just confront him over how horrible a person he is.

Motivations: To have serenity and peace of mind, to create harmony in his environment, preserve things as they are, avoid conflict & tension, avoid upsetting situations, to be consistent with his ideals, and he wants to be what he feels is right.

Backstory: Wynn is a 3rd generation thief, his father before him having been a thief and his father before him. He is, however, not all that happy about this. His own father was a tyrannical ass who raised him to be more of an assistant in the criminal underworld than as a son. Wynn grew up traveling around a great deal & overall didn’t gain any meaningful friendly contact. Those he interacted with were primarily criminals of all stripes that his father knew. Outside of that, his interactions were basically those that taught him how to blend as a normal person. Nevertheless, he stuck with him as he had nowhere else to go. His mother passed when he was young, having left him instructions to go to his father.

Eventually his father & he went to hustle the then 13 year old Cassidy, with Wynn as the main force. They successfully pulled it off, though their success was short lived when repercussions from a past job caught back up with them. His father tricked Wynn into serving as a distraction then ran, abandoning him to a group of heavy hitters hired to deal with them. They roughed him up a bit, though he ultimately was saved by Edan, Cass’ grandfather, intervening in the situation and paying the men off to leave Wynn in his custody. After that, Edan took the time to get him some help then talk with him. He questioned him on a lot of things, particularly why he was a criminal (Edan had already figured out that they were hustling Cass and just let them to teach her a lesson, with him having planned to handle everything else after they were done). After getting things out of him and questioning what he planned to do next, Edan offered to help him out in the meantime until he figured it out. Wynn took him up on this offer, deciding he had nothing better to do.

After this, he spent some time here and mostly helped out around Edan’s bar Maleperduis. His first goal was to take up learning how to defend himself since he didn’t want to be at other people’s mercy any more. Edan overall used his connections to arrange this to be done. His later second goal became to repay Edan for his kindness, which lead to his swearing his loyalty to Cassidy and taking up his duty as her personal bodyguard and assistant. He did receive professional training to accomplish this. Combined with his former knowledge, he was able to overall adapt over skill wise well.

Cass & Wynn overall grew well as a team throughout their own experiences together and find they have tremendous chemistry as a duo. Their bond is strong enough that he only returned to being a criminal again, in spite of his dislike of being one, after Cassidy explained to him what she’s been considering and how she wanted to help others find happiness in their lives as Edan did for him, in spite of the various outside pressures, as well as combat those who abuse their power. He took some time to think it over, but decided that he believed in her vision and trusts her enough to deal with all the drawbacks of it.

Individual Tropes

• Abusive Parent
• Adorkable: Pops up more when interacting with girls that aren’t Cass. He fully admits that he’s not really good with people. Rebecca presses these buttons sometimes when she’s in her tease mode.
• A Day in the Limelight: He takes over as the narrator for the backstory section in the 1st story since Cassidy delegates the task. He doesn’t want to be the narrator nor does he like having the limelight placed on him.
  • Given reason why Cass delegates it as opposed to tell it herself is because she feels it isn't her place as she'd have a second hand account for some things and it's his call if he really wants to tell it.
• Always Save the Girl
• Always Someone Better: No matter how strong he got in the past, his father was somehow better.
• Ambiguously Brown: It helps since he can claim to be all sorts of ethnicities, as the task needs.
• Animal Motif: Coyote
• The Atoner: He feels that being part of the crew is a form of atonement that allows him to make up for all the stuff he did alongside his dad. He also progressively sends a cut of his profits to those he remembers and locates that he knows his father & he screwed over.
• Arch-Nemesis: His father, with him being the Big Bad or Bigger Bad to any of Wynn's limelight stories.
• Badass
  • Badass Driver
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: Partial exception, since he rarely wears his properly. His jacket is unbuttoned & shirt untucked more often than not.
  • Heartbroken Badass: See Celibate Hero
  • Submissive Badass: He overall prefers being this. He admits he’s not the leading type at all and all he really wants is the freedom to follow whoever he chooses.
  • Underestimating Badassery: He goes from a quiet, unassuming part of the background to kicking ass swiftly whenever he needs to neutralize the threat. The element of surprise helps him somewhat here.
• Because You Were Nice to Me
• Beneath Notice: His preferred means of operating, in contrast to Cass’ Overt Operative. He’s more comfortable blending into the background & playing servant roles, as he was trained to do. It also helps him provide support whenever needed without having to pull off the extended work it takes for a good pretext when truly interacting with others.
• Being Good Sucks: See Celibate Hero. Also subverted with fact that he only thinks this is a part of the equation and the pros override the cons.
• Being Evil Sucks: He feels this as a whole about being a criminal. The reasons why is because you can’t live in peace since there is always the possibility of things coming back to bite you, can’t develop any relationships outside of the crew for fear of hurting them, having to abandon, or the number of other things that come with it, it generally means hurting innocent people for yourself which never set well with his conscious, never know if those you’re working with can be trusted, generally don’t interact with pleasant people, and so on.
• Big Eater: To the astonishment (and sometimes envy) of others.
• Blinding Bangs: When he wears his hair down.
• Bodyguarding a Badass
• Brains and Brawn: With Rebecca when they’re in the field together.
• Brilliant, but Lazy: Wynn off the clock prefers to spend his time just relaxing & listening to music more often than not.
• Bruiser with a Soft Center
• Brutal Honesty: Tends to give this whenever he goes for an actual critique. It’s actually one of the reasons his company is valued when making decisions.
• Caper Crew: The Muscle, The Driver, The Acquistioner sometimes (more in actually retrieving the goods), and The Burglar from time to time
• Celibate Hero: Wynn avoids romantic relationships altogether due to his extralegal activities, which includes him breaking up with his girlfriend at the time. He feels that he’s not really suitable for that side of things even though he wishes he was because 1) he’s loyal to Cassidy above all else and would put anything she wants before any romantic partner, 2) he’d have to hide a portion of her life from said partner and he feels that’s not fair, 3) feels that he’s a danger magnet who could attract unnecessary complications into that person’s life and 4) walking a path that will have a tragic end and so he doesn’t want to drag anyone else into it.
• Chick Magnet: To his confusion given that he’s trying to avoid anything there for the time being & tries to not stand out.
• Clock King
• Combat Pragmatist
• Commander Contrarian: He does this intentionally as a way of playing devil’s advocate to Cass. He’ll question things and raise counterpoints, forcing her to explain why they’re doing something this way as well as make sure she’s thinking everything through before they act. It’s also great for exposition & actually showing how much thought really is put into these plans.
• Conditioned to Accept Horror
• Cold Sniper: Can take up this role when need be, though it’s more used as a deterrent. See The Gunslinger for more.
• Cool Shades: Generally wears them on his forehead and pulls them down to be an improvised sleeping mask
• Corporate Samurai
• Cultured Warrior: He’s a bodyguard who is a music aficionado as well as a talented chef who can cook a number of different foods from different regions.
• Deadpan Snarker
• Declaration of Protection
• Denied Food as Punishment: One of the ways his father would train him in various tasks. As an added element of cruelty, he did force Wynn to cook anything which would be eaten and monitored him during it to ensure he didn’t eat any of it. If Wynn tried to sabotage the food (or he suspected he did), he’d be punished physically for that.
• Desperately Looking for a Purpose in Life: Went through this for a short while after his father outright abandoned him. He had no real motivation to continue being a thief, but really didn’t know much on how to function otherwise or what he even wanted to do beyond that. Edan offered him a safe space for the time being while he decided for himself.
• Elegant Classical Musician: Male example. It’s another talent his father had him taught specifically for the sake of blending in to more high society functions and having another potential use as a thief. He, however, found that he genuinely enjoyed it – and most music – for its own sake and so found actual joy in practicing and just doing it. Cass, upon finding this out about him, arranged it so he got his own at her home & only asks that he sometimes plays for her as she likes hearing him play. He also plays at the crew’s bar/front headquarters when he gets the chance.
• First-Person Smartass: As the narrator
• Friendless Background
• Friend to All Children
• Friend Versus Lover: Has this dynamic with Rebecca – Cass’ love interest, who initially doesn’t want her involved because he thinks she’s a liability due to her inexperience, oddities, & a belief that having her around might interfere with Cass' pragmatism. Wynn overall is involved in risk management and so he maintains a sharp eye on her in contrast to the others, just in case, even if she doesn’t like it.
• The Gadfly: When he’s not testing his friend’s for the sake of making sure they’re on their game, he’ll sometimes mix this in just for his own amusement.
• Genius Bruiser: His mind is what makes him an effective bodyguard and know how to use his force wisely. Also, when it comes to sniping, it has to be taken into account that it’s more about calculations than it is the shot itself.
• Getaway Driver
• The Glasses Come Off: If he’s removed his sunglasses, he’s entered into fight mode.
• Good Feels Good: When it comes to dealing with things from his past, helping other people out along the way, or just the entire situation of having people who are as loyal to him as he is to them. It’s this side of things that helps him balance out the more negative side of the equation and makes him think it’s worth it.
• The Gunslinger: Does sometimes carry a custom gun with him, depending on the circumstances, as well as a knowledgeable sniper. As a note, he uses plastic bullets when he does this to avoid killing the target. It’s easier to find the bullets close to whoever it hit (because they expend nearly all their energy on whoever they hit) for evidence recovery. Finally, he’s more likely to take on elements of the trick shot & quick draw.
  • As a realistic note real quick, it is entirely possible to kill someone with a nonlethal weapon. For example, hitting someone in the chest with a round may provide enough of an impact to stop their heart. Shots to the head or face will likely break bones, crush eyes, or worse. Ones close range will often penetrate unprotected skin. Basically, I’m acknowledging As Lethal as It Needs to Be right here has a bit in play storytelling wise and I am 100% guilty of Rule of Cool here. On the flip side, fortunately, I’d argue that suspension of disbelief is enough on my side as plastic bullets are even less lethal than rubber ones.
• Hates Small Talk
• Headphones Equal Isolation
• Hidden Heart of Gold: Mostly because he finds it embarrassing to have the attention drawn to him.
• Homeschooled Kids: He was raised as this as a means of maintaining control over what he learned.
• Honor Among Thieves
• Humble Goal: He’d like to have a girlfriend he can have an honest relationship with.
• I Just Want to Be Normal: Felt this overall throughout his life in the past for all he missed out on, though he also feels he has long gone past that point.
• I Owe You My Life
• I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: The reason he broke up with his girlfriend when he decided he was in for Cass’ social banditry plans & he took into account all the problems this might create for her.
• Jerk with a Heart of Gold
• Just Like Robin Hood: To add a little more for his attitude towards this – given that he dislikes being a criminal, he feels that if he’s going to be one, it’s going to be on his terms & adopts Cass’ attitude that it’s just a tool. The social banditry overall helps him feel better about it all even if there are some factors he dislikes.
• Knight in Sour Armor: For all his pessimism & weariness, Wynn does everything anyway because he feels it has to be done and is the right thing to do.
• Lady and Knight: With Cass, minus the romantic elements.
• Last-Name Basis: Prefers to just be called by Wynn.
• Legacy Character: Whenever Wynn operates in the criminal underworld, he hijacks his father’s alias, associates, & former assets.
• Lightning Bruiser: The hard hitting speedster variant.
• Married to the Job: For all the negative things that get to him at times, he is this. Wynn decided it was the thing he’s the most committed to and can’t imagine prioritizing anything else over it.
• The Masquerade Will Kill Your Dating Life
• Mistress and Servant Boy: His relationship with Cassidy.
• Mundane Luxury: His early response to being brought into the upper echelon & being told that he was free to decide anything he wanted to do. He slept in & considered a completely stress free rest the best he ever had.
• The Nondescript: His defining physical feature is his complete lack of defining physical features.
• Never Be Hurt Again: The initial reason he took up martial arts. After having been screwed over by his father for all his life then outright abandoned & at the mercy of their past marks, he really wanted the power to fight back against such things.
• Nom de Mom: Wynn is his mother’s last name.
• No Social Skills: Downplayed
• One-Man Army: He can take on large numbers, if need be, though he prefers not to as he can be overwhelmed by numbers if too many and doesn’t like pushing this limit.
• Parental Abandonment: Aside from what’s previously mentioned, he was left alone for various periods of time when his father was elsewhere. He was instructed to practice various skills in the meantime and not to leave the location. He did as told as he felt he had no plans of anywhere to go or what to do if he did.
• Platonic Life-Partners: His outlook towards Cass is pretty much this. He has no romantic feelings towards her, but he values their relationship more than any others, romantic ones included.
• Poisonous Friend: Makes it perfectly clear that in the grand scheme of things, if Cass wants some of the most ruthless things that some other criminals do done, he will take care of it. This includes killing people, even though he's not a fan of it. Fortunately Cass vetos this and works to avoid being placed in the position where the full extent of his pragmatism becomes an option.
• Playing Card Motifs: “The Knave of Clubs” is his codename. He’s the Knave since he tends to do the most menial work and given clubs because he’s the crew’s combat specialist.
• Power of Trust: It’s probably the most important thing to him and overall he treats betrayal of someone’s trust as one of the worst things one can do.
• The Quiet One
• Recruited from the Gutter
• The Reliable One: This is the top reason why Cassidy wants him as her right-hand man.
• The Resenter: Cassidy brings this up to him with regards to her own romantic situation and notes that she’ll hold off on anything with Rebecca from that point on if he’d feel any envy towards them, as she doesn’t want to create a rift between them. He subverts this by making clear he doesn’t care about it emotionally and any objections he holds is a case of risk management.
• Sarcastic Devotee: Part of the reason he is this is to keep Cassidy’s ego in check
• Satellite Character: He actually would prefer to just be this since he really doesn’t want to draw much attention to himself for himself. Cass herself isn’t a fan of this attitude, but she lets him do as he wishes for the time being as it’s his decision & she thinks it’ll take time for him to get past this.
• Secret Other Family: He was this for his father, who kept his existence a secret from everybody else to avoid being caught & effectively use him as a tool as he got older. He has considered meeting with his siblings, but at the same time not entirely sure what to do there and so has passed on making any moves.
• Servile Snarker
• Self-Deprecation: Does this in relation to what he does and the role he plays, particularly in relation to the crew, such as joking that he’s Cass’ bitch.
• Shrinking Violet: The reason why he’s the quiet one. He’s not comfortable with most people initially or in crowds and so prefers to fade into the background & keep to self.
• Simple Staff: When he’s not using martial arts, he uses a retractable baton.
• Sleepyhead: Can sleepy practically anywhere comfortably. This is more the result of him being so busy all the time and usually will tune out when he has down time or conserving his strength.
• Smiting Evil Feels Good: As laidback as he is, when something finally does anger him and gets him emotionally involved into a case, he really enjoys screwing over whoever disturbed his peace.
• Sour Supporter: He overall feels that leading a life of crime, no matter what the purpose, is ultimately going to catch up with them one day and it’s just a matter of time before they’re either arrested by the government or killed by some other criminal. Nevertheless, he’ll contribute whatever he can to stall the negative aspects from catching up to everybody however long he can, as he truly does believe in Cassidy’s ideals & thinks that it is all Worth It in the end for all the good they’ll do in the meantime. The destination might be inevitable, but that’s not all it has to be.
• The Southpaw: Wynn is left-handed, which gives him an advantage as he keeps it hidden for the sake of catching other’s off guard.
• The Spock: Wynn’s trained to be a practical & efficient criminal above all else, so he places his eye more on this in contrast to Rebecca’s Mc Coy, who represents the softer side of things. Accomplishing the task as efficiently as possible is always his top concern. Cassidy as The Kirk balances the two out, finding the meeting place between practicality and compassion.
• Stealth Expert
• The Stoic: More laidback variant
• Son of a Whore: His mother was The Mistress to his father & died when he was young. Wynn was meant to go to his father for help here, but his father kept him separate from everyone else to avoid being caught for his past infidelity.
• Supreme Chef: The best cook in the crew
• Tall, Dark, and Snarky
• Team Chef
• Terse Talker: When it comes to people he doesn’t want to talk to. He’s more talkative to those he cares about.
• That's What I Would Do
• Those Two Bad Guys: While less “bad” as the crew is an Anti-Hero Team at worst, he evolves into this with Alban over time.
• Tranquil Fury: When Wynn is actually angry, it tends to come out as this.
• True Companions: What he ultimately regards everybody on the crew as. He overall seems them as family, even when they annoy him, and will do everything within his power to protect them.
• Tyke Bomb: His father raised him with the sole motivation for using him as a pawn as he got older and become less able himself for the physical side of the criminal underworld.
• Undying Loyalty
• Vitriolic Best Buds: Eventually develops this with Rebecca, after they get past their problems. He has this with Cass on a more playful banter level at times.
• Weirdness Magnet: He considers himself one, given the people he tends to wind up around.
• Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Wynn prefers to avoid tasks which require him going underground or staying within tight enclosed spaces for an extended amount of time.
• Wife-Basher Basher: This is one of the few things that can really set him off. It’s a combination of him envying those who have a relationship & doesn’t appreciate it and just disliking it in general for the betrayal & abuse of trust as he sees it.
• Worthy Opponent: Holds this attitude towards crew’s lawful antagonist Gale Crawford. He respects him for his loyalty to his chosen boss. The two are also equally skilled when it comes to combat.
• Would Hit a Girl: It's not his favorite thing in the world, but he'll do what he must. He likewise trains alongside Cass since she's pro cross training. She'd actually be more angry with him if he didn't take it as serious as he would a guy because that's a luxury she might not have with her enemies.
• You Are Worth Hell

Narrative Intent: Wynn's character was born out of Cass needing an assistant. The Grognard to her Arsene Lupin, The Hagi to her Saya, the Dozla & Rennec to her L'Arachel, Ronove to her Beatrice, Scarface to her Elias... I can go on, but I think my point has been made. He was basically just meant to be Cass core partner in crime. Once I had that down, next came the question more who was he as I rather he have a personality & more I clearly understand why he is in this position and accepts it. I initially went with a Red Oni, Blue Oni type dynamic with them to differentiate them. Since most of the main crew are far more colorful characters than Wynn, I figure that making him the subdued one makes him more memorable by contrast.

When designing more with regards why he'd be so loyal, I decided to further explore his backstory and think of what all could have happened to put him in this position and make him so loyal. I retained his connection to criminality which made him ideal for the practicality side to the social banditry. Wynn's stylized somewhat off of samurais. Minus the stabbing themselves part.

Also, I didn't want Cass & Wynn to have anything romantic between them. I considered it, but it just feels weird to me. I think showcasing a platonic love works best here, especially since I think the value of platonic side is sometimes under appreciated. Besides, I like how it opened up Wynn for romantic possibility elsewhere. Or at least I did until I stopped to think about the implications... Wynn's character is too much about loyalty for him to do that to someone, so I decided to just avoid it. I rather avoid Unintentionally Unsympathetic there. However, instead of taking the easy way out, I figured I could roll that into his desire to have a more mundane existence and how he's incapable of it so long as the crew has their mission. It's far from the only thing I plan to have going on with him, plus other people have their character arcs, but I like it. Oh and reason he gets the Chick Magnet trait is because Cold Turkeys Are Everywhere. Also, I tapped somewhat into the Harem Hero protagonist type for him there, though I found it more hilarious to have the guy who is trying to be bland so as to not compromise his cover identity have to deal with it anyway.

I overall aim to write Wynn as an ISTJ and an 9w1.

---

The Grandmaster Gang: Cassidy Cain, Augustus Wynn, Edan Cain, Rebecca Maddox, & Alban Sinclair

edited 18th Dec '14 6:03:38 AM by Prime_of_Perfection

Improving as an author, one video at a time.

@ Prime of Perfection...wow, just wow. Probably the best character you've posted here yet. I mean no insult to the others, but Wynn just seems to surpass them for some reason. At least to me. I find myself both admiring him and feeling so sorry for him that my heart literally hurts for his situation in a way that very few fictional characters can wring from me.

When I first scanned over his profile and saw the You Are Worth Hell trope, I didn't understand, and now I do: the thought that he would sacrifice his own happiness and live day in and day out in a lifestyle that makes him obviously uncomfortable and prevents hi from experiencing happiness or at least romantic companionship really is sad. (Coupled with his sad childhood and shitty father, it just compounds the situation). You really know how to create a sad story, I'll give you that.

His abilities seem perfectly suited to his role and I like you how just piled them on, making him seem hyper-competent while balancing them with his weaknesses to make him a balanced individual.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake. — Edgar Walllace

I hope I'm not interrupting anything important here...

I have a hero I'd like to post. But the one thing stopping me is that, even though he's a completely original character in personality, looks, abilities, etc, he's based off an existing character. Basically, I took a character and redesigned him until he's a completely new one with only a passing resemblance to the original.

Can I still post him here? Not right away, of course, but I just want to make sure it's allowed before joining this thread.

edited 4th Dec '14 12:49:17 AM by gameknight102xx

In theory, no, as far as I know. If we think it's "too similar" to the original, we'd probably comment on it in our critique. If it's a concern in general for you about the character, you can certainly mention the who the original character is and ask our opinion after giving us details. I've found this thread to be rather accommodating on the whole.

Just remember to comment on the last submission before posting your own.

Nihil assumpseris, sed omnia resolvere!

Thank you, and yes, I already had a critique lined up for the latest submission.

@Prime It looks great, like a character and a story that I'd read about. Just one catch though: from how many times it's mentioned, his whole "married to the job" thing seems like an integral part of his character. That's fine, but please try to keep it sensible. If there is no reason to start a romantic relationship other than "my job is more important" it can cause major fatigue in the audience. I know, I felt the same thing with Batman and Catwoman in Injustice.

Alright, here goes. I apologize in advance for the length, as I like to use examples to get my point across, which tends to eat up the word count.

Name: Recon

Age: This is left ambiguous in the story itself. He is a Dimensional Traveler, which means he's been to many different dimensions and therefore has been aging according to multiple different time flows. As a result, he's kind of lost track of his age, and does not act very ancient at all (or even mature most of the time). He's immortal in the sense that he cannot die from age, and it's implied he's thousands if not millions of years old.

Personality: On the surface: a goofball who enjoys amusing himself and others. Of the nine members of his team, he most often plays the Wise Guy to the straight man of the others. He abides by the Ruleof Funny, which means if he thinks something will be funny, more likely than not he's gonna do it. Even if it mean bodily harm. At times, he can be a Gadfly or an outright Troll, but unlike almost everything else he does, he rarely goes too far with pranks.

He can be downright sweet at times, when his Love Interest is depressed, he'll say things like "If you don't cheer up, I might have to kiss you 'till you do". He always does his best to be supportive and loving to people who expect him to be so, like said Love Interest and any children who he wins over. He has a major problem with cute things, often reverting to the mental capacity of a tweenage girl when confronted with an adorable small animal or such.

However, what lies underneath is something completely different entirely. This is foreshadowed through the plot with various elements. When one looks into his dreams, more often than not they involve him brutally murdering a younger version of himself, or being brutally murdered by a variety of things. After such nightmares, or other traumatic events, he enters a Heroic Safe Mode, where someone must order him to do things for him to move at all. He has an unhealthy obsession with killing, not even thinking twice about sparing a defeated foe and doesn't even attempt to justify it. As far as he's concerned, when two combatants meeting on the opposite sides of the field, everything is fair game. At the same time, he finds killing unarmed/unprepared foes distasteful, and will often give them several days to prepare or just toss them a weapon himself if he's in a hurry. Civilians are free to run away if they like, and more often then not he just gets them out of the way in a non-violent way. It's never portrayed whether he does this out of morality, a sense of honor, or just because because it's not any fun.

It's not easy to anger him. A villain must deliberately target a person who is close to Recon while knowing that Protectorate has no chance of fighting back against them. When he gets angry, he reverts into his previous persona, indicated by his the pupils in his eyes contracting to almost pinpoints and his eyes turning from a dark stormy-grey to a steel-grey color. In this state, I don't think of him as a character so much as a weapon. A guided missile to be exact. Speaking gets difficult for him, he clears out all other thoughts from his mind, and he will hunt down and kill whoever or whatever is the cause of his anger.

Deep down inside, he's a completely broken man. To say he has low self-esteem would be inaccurate. The term "no self-esteem" would be better. The reason he can kill without remorse and act like an idiot just to make someone else laugh is because, in his mind, he's worthless trash. He doesn't take his own mental health seriously. When someone insults him or pours drinks on him, he'll just agree with them with a smile on his face. He never tries to take the moral high ground because he doesn't believe he has the right to. He doesn't consider himself "above" the enemy, and in fact considers himself far, far below them. This means his moral compass is busted to hell and back, leaving him with [1]. The above paragraph also presents a curious conundrum: he never angsts. Not once. He doesn't consider himself worth any stress and grief. If asked about his past, he simply recounts it all as if he read it in a storybook somewhere.

Abilities:

• Air manipulation: He has the ability to push air away from himself and encase himself in a vacuum, negating air drag. He can walk, run and jump on air, essentially flying. He can compress and explode air from around his fists and feet. This is powerful enough to vaporize most organic matter (literally all that is left is a red stain). Not something as powerful as atomic dismantling. Just a gibbing effect, basically. Same thing you would get from a bomb.

• Gravity redirection: He can make his own personal gravity and the gravity of whatever he touches go whatever direction he wants it to go. He cannot strengthen or weaken the gravity.

• Charles Atlas Superpower of speed, perception, and agility. He can move very, very fast without his powers, but when combined with no air drag/no gravity can move faster than the naked eye can see. He can easily dodge bullets and explosions and Flash Step with startling efficiency and precision. The way he dodges bullets does not usually revolve around actually dodging the bullets themselves. His most common method is to look at where the gun/cannon is pointing and simply move out of the way. He's also very good at noticing tiny details, and reporting those tiny details to whoever needs the info (hence, Reconnaissance).

Weaknesses: His durability is sub-par. He cannot take hits. Unlike his opponents who can shrug off entire artillery barrages he can't even take a stab through the chest before dropping like a fly. He needs to concentrate fiercely to not eff up. Sometimes he needs to focus on speed instead of agility for a desperate situation (e.g. pushing a friend out of the way of an attack) and gets hit because he wasn't focused on dodging. Emotional unbalance can also upset him, so he spends hours trying to rein in emotions if they get too out of hand. His air manipulation ability A. Cannot be used to deflect attacks and B. Is only effective at a point-blank range. His Gravity Redirection only lasts as long as he's touching something.

Goals: Following with his personality, he has very few goals in life besides "make the lives of those around me as enjoyable as possible" and "find a way to die in a glorious fashion".

Motivation: He only does what he does because he has nothing better to do except fight and kill. His story arc largely involves him finding things worth fighting for besides his own bloodlust.

Role in the story: Off the battlefield, comic relief is his modus operandi, as well as being an older brother figure to those less experienced then him. He alternates between being a punching bag, clown, and role model whenever he needs to.

Meanwhile, on the battlefield, he functions as a hunter-killer. His specialty is dueling, isolating and killing single targets with precision and speed. He is an excellent scout, being able to memorize entire landscapes and discern weaknesses of opponents from even the slightest clue. When needed, he can take a defensive role, using his speed and agility to pick up and escort wounded out of combat zones and distract enemy forces and therefore draw fire.

Backstory: His backstory is seperated into three sections: his childhood, his mortal life, and his current life.

His childhood involves him and his family beginning off well-to-do in the period of the second world war. When his father goes MIA, the mother, on top of being pregnant with a tenth child, can no longer support the family. As a result, the eight older siblings (all brothers), leave the family one-by-one, leaving him, his mother, and a newborn baby sister.

He grows incredibly attached to said sister. Even when his mother remarries an abusive police chief that uses his power to get away with beating him and his mother every night, he puts her safety above his own to the point where he actively antagonizes his step-father while hiding his sister somewhere safe. This part is key as it shows how far he's willing to go, stealing from a small convenience store to the point where it goes out of business in order to get enough money for things like his sister's birthday cake. He eventually screws up, however, and he witnesses the step-father beating his sister into unconciousness, causing Recon to totally break down and kill him. Unfortunately, he inherits the step-father's bloodlust and thirst for violence. Not only that, but his sister wanted to become an olympic sprinter, but the beating had broken her leg, crushing that dream. As a result, he develops a massive guilt complex that grows stronger over his life.

The second part of his life begins here. He spends the next few months on the run from the police, committing petty theft and even assault in order to survive on the streets. One day, he tries to mug a woman known only as The Administrator. She chases him down even while he's running along the tops of buildings despite looking around fifty-five years old. Once she finally catches him, she offers him a very high-paying job as a mercenary, which he accepts.

He supports his family with this job, meeting eight other men who become his companions. Here, if anyone is familiar with the source material, he plays the Bratty Half-Pint to them, entertaining them while hiding his own insecurities and fears. One day, however, a man by the name of Gray Mann (that's his name) comes with an army of robots to try and take over the company that Recon and the others are working for. Combining their efforts, they drive him back.

After a hiatus, Grey Mann comes back, but this time his robot army is much, much stronger due to a mysterious man in a blue suit that gave him access to a large supply of a mineral called Australium. The army not only overtakes the company, but the world, and Recon is captured. There, he is forced to look into the eyes of his sister as she is executed by electrocution.

This completely breaks Recon again, starting the third part of his life.

Recon goes into a catatonic state, only being able to break out of it by completely changing who he is fundamentally. He changes his name from Scout to Recon, and sets out to try and reconstruct his identity from the bottom up.

He and the other eight hide away with other refugees while Australium poisoning gradually overtakes the rest of the world, turning animals into savage monsters or worse. There, he undergoes a series of experiments and gains, from that, his powers. Super strength, speed, enhanced air manipulation, etc. He trains under an experienced sensei, learning martial arts and how to control his body and mind. But the robots eventually find the underground stronghold, and breach it entirely. Recon and his team were only able to survive by traveling through an experimental portal to another dimension entirely. The robots follow them, so they must prevent them from doing to other planets what they did to theirs.

And that's how Recon became who he is today.

Relevant Tropes:

• A God I Am Not: Has been called a god in the past, much to his discomfort. He prefers people just call him by his name. When he's pushed to accept a tribute, he usually just has them sing a funny song or do his grocery shopping for him.
• Affably Evil: Can come across as this in his worse moments. Hey, just because you've just ripped a man apart doesn't mean you can't have a casual conversation with the guy next to him, right?
• American Accents: Speaks with a pronounced Brooklyn accent, which becomes even more pronounced when he's excited or agitated.
• Ambiguous Disorder: He sees situations and people in a black and white, all-or-nothing view. This us not Black-and-White Morality, because he believes morality us a subjective thing. But concerning people, he helps them to the best of his ability or kills them without hesitation or remorse.
• Angst? What Angst?: It's a miracle he's still functioning given everything he's been through. But not only does he not angst, but he's genuinely confused as to why anyone but himself would care about his pain.
• Animal Motif: Rabbits, for his buck teeth, Fragile Speedster abilites, and his rather cuddly, docile nature when he's not fighting.
• Awesomeness by Analysis: His deadliest trait. He can detect when your concentration wavers, the natural rhythms of your body that you yourself don't even notice. He can estimate the exact range of your field of view. Any holes in your senses, he can exploit them, hide in them, and slip through them to kill you.
• Badass:
  • Badass Longcoat: Has a long duster he wears when in combat. Not only does it help to break up his figure and make him harder to hit, but it's also made out of a special fiber that helps him control his air powers.
  • Empowered Badass Normal: Has enhancements that give him super-speed, but in the end it comes down to his fists, and the ability for him to see any weakness in his foes.
  • Heartbroken Badass: His entire planet is dead, including his beloved little sister.
  • Hidden Badass: Most of the time people don't consider him a threat until it's too late.
  • Submissive Badass: Even during combat, he doesn't like taking the lead, and prefers others tell him who to fight and who to kill.
• Bare-Fisted Monk: His primary way of fighting, and not just limited to his fists. Along with hit air powers, he can and does use his knees, palms, elbows, and feet to punch his way through reinforced steel.
• Being Good Sucks: "You don't a good thing because people'll praise you for it. More often'n'not, they'll actually hate ya for it. But you gotta keep doing it, because it's the right thing to do."
• Beware the Nice Ones: Hands down of of the friendliest of his team-members. Also arguably the deadliest in single-combat.
• Beware the Silly Ones: Many people don't take him seriously due to his lackadaisical attitude. For a lot of them, this was their last mistake.
• Big Brother Instinct: One of the few things he kept from his past life. He instinctively reaches out a befriends isolated or love-starved children, acting as their guardian and mentor. Whether it's because he sees his past family in them or whether he just does it because he can is anyone's guess.
• Blood Knight: A not-quite-straight example. While he does take pleasure in fighting, it's nowhere near the pleasure he takes in killing and causing death.
• Broken Ace: A wretched, broken man who lost everything, yet still does his best to be as positive a role model as possible to anyone who might still look up to him.
• Combat Pragmatist: If there's an opening, he'll take it. From gouging out eyes to hitting them in the middle of their monologue, he's never been one for playing fair.
• Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Has a tendency to do stupid things or make cheesy jokes for the sake of getting a laugh. Never overestimate his stupidity.
• Dark and Troubled Past: From an abused kid to a mercenary to a tortured death seeker.
• Death Seeker: Wants to find a glorious way off the mortal coil, so that he can look his sister in the eye and tell her he's sorry.
• Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu?: Half the time the reason he's mistaken for a god is because he just killed the previous one.
• Dimensional Traveler: Has been jumping from universe to universe for countless years, mostly just looking for new adventures.
• Flash Step: His main method of combat, and has its uses in mundane life as well.
• Fragile Speedster: Taken Up To Eleven. He can hit hard enough to shatter buildings. But one good hit and he's toast.
• Grey-and-Grey Morality: His philosophy on life. He doesn't think there is a defining objective morality, and as a result tends to only do what he wants to do. Following orders is something he does not do because he has to, but because he likes and respects the people doing it. He doesn't care about what's right or wrong because to him, there is no real code of right or wrong.
• Heroic Safe Mode: When he's having a flashback, he can still follow basic orders. This was a voluntary hypnosis, so he wouldn't be rendered useless in case of a mental attack.
• Hidden Depths: Big time.
• Implacable Man: His behavior when angry closely resembles that of a smart bomb.
• Improbable Weapon User: When facing multiple opponents, he usually whips out a double-ended metal baseball bat.
• Iron Woobie: To the point where he doesn't consider himself worthy of angst and sadness, and just decides to roll with the punches and see how much he can do.
• Ludicrous Gibs: What usually remains of his less-sturdier victims.
• Mundane Utility: His absurd speed and powers of observation have come in handy many, many times in regular, civilian life. Like, say, making sure a drink doesn't spill on your lap.
• My Greatest Failure: He wishes he died with his sister and mother, and the fact that he didn't is his greatest source of shame.
• No Badass to His Valet: Inverted to most of his team. For strangers who don't know Recon is just as dangerous as his teammates, it can seem more than a little strange.
• Oblivious to Love: Is appallingly thick-headed to romantic advances, mostly because he's baffled as to why anyone would actually fall in love with him.
• One-Man Army: Even though his specialty is one-on-one, that doesn't stop him from just tearing through an individual in a nanosecond before moving on to the next one.
• Punched Across the Room: What can happen to those he punches. Well, one of the possible outcomes. See Ludicrous Gibs above.
• Stepford Smiler: Surprisingly subverted. His smiles are as genuine as they get, and he is a warm-hearted guy if you get on his good side. But that doesn't change the intense pain he feels.
• Super-Speed: His trademark. His top speed has been recorded as a full quarter of the speed of light.
  • Speed Blitz: Half his opponents don't even see him hitting them. Of those, half didn't even know he was there.
• Talk to the Fist: Has encountered several long-winded enemies. To him, that's just an opening.
• That Man Is Dead: Hates who he used to be and was the reason behind his Meaningful Rename.
• Thousand-Yard Stare: Tends to get these when it all becomes too much to him.
• Tranquil Fury: If he stops chattering, run.
• Undying Loyalty: A defining characteristic. Once you earn his trust, it's very, very hard to lose it.
• Unscrupulous Hero: Sees nothing wrong with the mass slaughter of enemy soldiers. The concept of "surrender" doesn't seem to be in his dictionary, and will just tell foes to pick up their weapons and keep fighting if they want a chance at life.
• Verbal Tic: Has a tendency to only use the last syllable of the first word in a sentence (e.g. "'n fact" instead of "In fact".)

Reason for writing him: I feel I need to add in this section myself. When I was young and reading fantasy novels, I would constantly come across these stories where the hero, instead of just killing the bad guys, would instead "knock them out" or "imprison them" even when it wasn't practical to do so or when the writer clearly pulled it out of his rear end. One particularly egregious example had a hero get a magic sword that, I'm not making this up, just turned any bad guys hit into good guys.

Not only that, but it was portrayed that the people who actually did kill were basically Hitler and Stalin mixed in with Satan himself. They were always the ugliest characters in the story, were so obviously evil it was painful, and never had any redeeming qualities. Recon is a character who kills. He isn't afraid to kill, and in fact relishes in it. He's also not a hunchbacked fascist for doing so, but instead a regular-looking guy.

Essentially, I'm sending the message that "Don't expect all murders to be completely evil. Even if they kill, they have their quirks and personality traits. They aren't so easy to pick out. Similarly, don't expect all of them to be identifiable at first glance, and indeed some of them may be the nicest people you've ever met. But it doesn't change the fact that they kill people".

edited 27th Dec '14 2:58:50 AM by gameknight102xx