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Characters from the Postal video game franchise.

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    Playable Characters 

The Postal Dude

"I regret nothing."

Played by: Vince Desi (Postal, non-demon grunts and moans), Rick Hunter (all other appearances), Corey Cruise (Postal III and Paradise Lost), Zack Ward (Postal: The Movie), Jon St. John (Postal 4: No Regerts)

A red-headed, trenchcoated man whose life is filled with violence, insanity and the bizarre shenanigans of the world around him. Never a dull moment for him, it's up to the player to decide how he acts.

  • Abusive Parents: Apparently only one reason for the Dude to urinate on his father's grave.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: He's a nice everyman in the movie and the Only Sane Man who always just happens to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and even makes one last-ditch effort at the end to make peace with everyone pointing their guns at him. It doesn't work, so he's forced to resort to violence.
  • Aerosol Flamethrower: In the A Week In Paradise DLC, the Dude can use an can of Axe spray ripoff, aptly named Stynx, and a lighter. This returns in III as the Pepper Spray's secondary attack.
  • Almighty Janitor: The Dude is a fairly good example. An Ax-Crazy Jerkass Deadpan Snarker who lives in a trailer, has a fondness for crack, has a bitchy wife, and poor hygiene... And also an incredibly lethal sonuvabitch when provoked (Or not)
  • Anti-Hero: At his best, but him being a Nominal Hero or a Villain Protagonist depends on your playstyle. While the Dude may be for most part a huge Jerkass, most of the groups he ends up fighting with are asshole victims (including the police), some of them however such as the Survivalists in Paradise Lost are not necessarily evil groups and end up as the Dude's enemies only because he is Mis-blamed for attacking them.
  • Awful Wedded Life: Postal 2 does not mince anything with regards to what he thinks of his love life and in Apocalypse Weekend, he notably notes his wife moving back to her mother's place was good news. It more or less gets cemented in Paradise Lost where they more or less are actively killing each other on sight.
  • Ax-Crazy: And how.
  • Badass Baritone: Rick Hunter's voice provides a very deep and threatening aura to him.
  • Badass Beard: Badass Goatee in his case.
  • Badass Longcoat: The Dude is always seen with his long trenchcoat, though what color it is depends on the game (black in 2, brown in III). Zack Ward makes fun of him for it if you come by to thank him for his help fight him at the end of Friday in Paradise Lost.
    • This is semi-averted in Postal 4: No Regerts, where the Dude now starts the game in his pajamas (a purple nightgown) after losing his old threads alongside his car.
  • Badass Normal: He's just a normal man with some skill with weapons, yet he's able to slaughter scores of terrorists, cops, cannibalistic butchers, SWAT teams, fanatical protesters, sociopathic rednecks, zombies, religious zealots and crazed survivalists, among many more.
  • Big Bad: At his worst, and even then it depends on your interpretation of things. Was definitely this for Postal 1, crosses over with Villain Protagonist.
  • Big Eater: To quote Civvie 11:
Civvie: "I've been feeding you fast food and donuts all morning, you should be shitting hot tar, but not hungry"
  • Churchgoing Villain: One mission in 2 involves you going to church to confess your sins, and the Dude wears a cross pin on his lapel in every game since.
  • Cool Shades: He is almost never seen without them.
  • Cosmic Plaything: Dude NEVER catches a break. Simply getting a package from post office or returning a book to the library become life-or-death battles for him because of completely ridiculous coincidences. By Paradise Lost, he has noticed this pattern and isn't even surprised when a random zombie attack comes out of nowhere.
  • Creepy Monotone: In the original and Redux. Later games made him a lot more emotive.
  • Darker and Edgier: The Dude in the original game only wants to kill and that's it, even considering killing children.
  • Deadpan Snarker: His general personality and him at his nicest.
  • Determinator: Especially when Champ is threatened.
  • Dissonant Serenity: He never loses his cool, even when he's massacring everyone. He even makes deadpan comments about his putting his entrails back in.
  • Doom Magnet: It seems that everywhere the Dude goes, trouble follows in the most spectacular way.
  • Driven to Suicide: As a gameplay mechanic if you want to restart. In the first game, it is a mundane pistol shot to the head, which was changed to fit every weapon in 'Redux. In the second, it is eating a grenade (which as of the Steam version has an achievement for both doing it once and for catching a Taliban fighter in the blast). Both are up to the player. III lampshades this by having the "Emo" achievement, unlocked by damaging yourself.
  • Enemy Without: The Postal III Dude in Paradise Lost.
  • Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Subverted with the Bitch, whom the Dude is married to and does errands for. At the end of Postal 2, when asked about the rocky road ice cream he forgot, he chose suicide over facing her wrath. He did get better, but had pretty much forgotten about her since. In Paradise Lost, this is averted as the Bitch acts completely hostile to the moment she meets him again.
    • Played straight with Champ the dog. In Apocalypse Weekend, the Dude refuses to leave Paradise without him. The plot of Paradise Lost is all about finding Champ before leaving for good.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: He does not appreciate underage killings, as he knows Teen Sniper is clearly wrong.
  • Extremity Extremist: His only attacking move solely with his body is a single kick.
  • Expy: Becomes more apparent by the time Postal 4 begins now that he's combined the shades with a bathrobe, but he's essentially the other Dude but on crack. And around several thousand times more deadly.
  • Fiery Redhead: Played With. While he can shout out very vulgar things when he is angry, he is for the most part, mostly calm.
  • For the Evulz: His reasoning for going on rampages in every game after 1, since he follows your playstyle.note 
  • Going Postal: It is part of his name, after all.
  • Guest Fighter: He appears as a unlockable character in Oh...Sir!! The Insult Simulator alongside Lo Wang and Serious Sam
  • Handsome Lech: He hits on quite a few women throughout 2 and Paradise Lost and all of them are uninterested. He’s also not a horrible looking guy.
  • Henpecked Husband: In Postal 2 he is constantly forced into doing errands for his nagging wife.
  • His Name Really Is "Barkeep": His name really is The Postal Dude, Jr., named for his father The Postal Dude, Sr.
  • Iconic Outfit: A Badass Longcoat with a grey alien T-shirt underneath.
  • Idiot Hair: He is sometimes depicted in official art with a loose cowlick or two in front of his forehead, fitting his mentally unstable personality.
  • I Regret Nothing: His personal catchphrase.
  • Improbable Weapon User: Shovel, picket sign, badger, sex toys, his own urine...
  • Jerkass: Well, in a world like this...
  • Kill It with Fire: The Dude is able to use weapons that center around this aspect, like a flamethrower and molotovs in Postal 1, and in 2, he gets a Can of Stynx, gasoline, matches, Napalm and gasoline Piss, and a Napalm Launcher. 4 adds a water gun to his arsenal, which he can fill with gasoline and urine.
  • Lighter and Softer: Postal 2 retcons the Dude from an edgy mass murderer to a fairly regular Deadpan Snarker whose normal errands go comically wrong. Although the game does still try to do all it can to encourage the player to kill civilians over petty slights.
  • Lower-Class Lout: Evicted from his shoddy run-down house in 1/Redux and moved to a trailer park with his obese, bitchy wife in 2, and is rude, crass and violent with a fondness for crack. Described by the creators as "white trash". His financial difficulties are implied to be the motivator of some of his antisocial behavior.
    Dude: Guess I'm gonna need to make some more money, but my printer's all out of ink.
  • Made of Iron: Survived a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head and an 11-year coma, among other gruesome ways you can potentially get injured in-game, yet shakes it off and keeps on walking.
  • Master of Disguise: Even if you get arrested enough times to get thrown into Maximum Security, just a quick change into a cop uniform will make none the wiser.
  • Mr. Fanservice: His action figures reveal that his chest is very well built! For bonus points, his voice is also deep and smooth.
  • One-Man Army: Slaughtered an entire military base all by himself.
  • Person of Mass Destruction: Dear lord, is he ever. Just for a bit of perspective, him attacking a terrorist camp resulted in the place looking like it got firebombed. And that's not counting his Doom Magnet tendencies.
  • Playing with Fire: Parodied. In Postal 2's New Game+ the Postal Dude can piss Napalm and Gasoline.
  • The Sociopath: The Postal Dude is at best indifferent to killing a random person for no good reason, and even if he doesn't, he would just tell them to not mind his business. He really cares only about himself and Champ.
  • Split Personality: Turns out the Dude in Postal III becomes this in Paradise Lost. Due to the Alternate Dude asking about "a pack of ostriches that have been missing for 17 years" at one point, he's apparently been retconned into having existed in the Dude's mind since all the way back in Postal 1, maybe even being the "one in charge" during the events of it.
  • Throw Down the Bomblet: The Dude's wide array of explosive weapons are sticks of dynamite, Grenades, Jihad Grenades, Krotchy Grenades, Flash Grenades, Rocket Launchers, Grenade Launchers, Cat Launchers, and Napalm Launchers.
  • This Loser Is You: Subverted; despite being a massive loser with a capacity for sadistic violence, and seemingly at odds with his job at Running With Scissors, the Dude is explicitly different from the player in one regard: he's not into video games.
  • Urine Trouble: The Dude not only could piss, he could piss blood, vomit, napalm and gasoline and at some point in Postal 2, the Dude contracts gonorrhea and his piss turns green, and he also gets hurt when he pees.
    • Potty Humor: In Postal 2, the Dude can (and, if up to the player, will) piss on everyone and thing he sees fit, including cops, terrorists, soldiers, and Mike J (who dances when pissed on).
  • Villain Protagonist: In Postal and Redux, even crossing into Big Bad territories sometimes.
  • Who Names Their Kid "Dude"?: The Postal Dude Sr., apparently.

The "Alternate" Postal Dude

"I regret nothing."
Played by: Corey Cruise (POSTAL III and Paradise Lost)

The protagonist of POSTAL III and deuteragonist of Paradise Lost. After waking up from his coma, the Dude starts to hear a second voice in his head. At first it just seems to be lingering after-effects of his gunshot wound somehow changing his voice, but it's not long before that second voice proves to be a separate entity.

  • Almighty Janitor: A literal example in III, he works as the police station's janitor in the Good Path before getting recruited by the SWAT team.
  • Anti-Hero: In the good route of POSTAL III; you can be a hero, but you're still a self-centered Jerkass Sociopath who really is only doing this for profit.
  • Ax-Crazy: He encourages the P2!Dude (and the player) to take the violent route.
  • Badass Baritone: Corey Cruise's performance manages to be even deeper than both Hunter's and St. John's.
  • Badass Longcoat: He sports a brown, ankle-length duster in III and keeps it in Paradise Lost.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Wouldn't be a Postal Dude if he wasn't.
  • Deuteragonist: The role he takes in Paradise Lost, sort of.
  • Enemy Without: As of Friday in Paradise Lost. Though subverted by the end as the two make up.
  • Even Evil Has Standards: In the opening, he has a noticeably shocked expression when he brings up getting steaks, which lead to him encountering cannibal butchers.
  • Evil Twin: Parodied, as a subtle shout out to Duke Nukem: Rush Hour.
    P2!Dude: Who the hell are you? My evil twin?
    P3!Dude: I'm you, genius.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Proves to be this by the end of Paradise Lost by saving Dude!Prime from the Bitch's collapsing lair in Hell. The two make up not long after.
  • Name Amnesia: In the intro to Postal III, he offhandedly mentions that he doesn't know his own real name.
  • Our Presidents Are Different: in Postal III's Good ending.
  • Palette Swap: His model in Paradise Lost is, save for a different hairstyle, the regular Dude's model retextured to resemble the PIII!Dude.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: When Champ gets dragged to Hell, he quickly calls it quits, not seeing the dog being worth saving anymore. When the P2!Dude gets him back, however, he admits he was wrong.
  • Split Personality: From Monday till Thursday in Paradise Lost. Although due to the Alternate Dude asking about "a pack of ostriches" that have been "missing for 17 years" at one point, he's apparently been retconned into having existed in the Dude's mind since all the way back in Postal 1, maybe even being the "one in charge" during the events of it.
  • Villain Protagonist: In the Evil route of POSTAL III.
  • Walking Spoiler: An interesting case. First-time players of Paradise Lost are made privy to his existence in the introductory cutscene, but he gets himself a physical body at the start of Friday and starts beating you to the punch at every errand.

John Murray

Played by: Tim Wambolt

The protagonist of the Ascended Fanfic mod, Eternal Damnation. He escaped a mental hospital, where he was being held for killing a man who attempted to murder his girlfriend, Lorie Heath.

  • Anti-Hero: Of the Unscrupulous Hero variety. Most of his killings are done in self-defense, but since this is a Postal mod, they’re still violent. Not to mention he was institutionalized for beating a man to death with a baseball bat.
  • Badass Normal: Let’s see, he’s managed to single-handedly kill a bunch of heavily-armed cops and SWAT teams, exterminate many zombies (including a few mutant ones), outrun a bomb, and even take down the Devil himself.
  • Badass Longcoat: Not as badass as the Postal Dude’s, but still pretty awesome.
  • Bald of Awesome: Entirely bald and … well, see the above tropes.
  • The Cameo: Makes an appearance in Paradise Lost, where he’s praying at an altar where one of the air conditioner parts and attacks the Dude.
  • Captain Obvious
    John: My god, these are FUCKING zombies!note 
  • Cop Killer: Slaughtered a whole bunch of them in his escape from the asylum.
  • Country Matters: Per reusing voice lines from Eternal Damnation, he is the only character in the series to utter the word.
  • Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Threatens a couple of cops this way.
    John: Hey, cocksucker, I have an idea: how about you open the FUCKING gates, and I won’t cut your balls off and suffocate you to death with them.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Seriously, the amount of times he says "fuck" would make even The Dude blush.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: Brutally killed a man with a baseball bat to protect his girlfriend. This landed him in the asylum.
  • Driven to Suicide: Shoots himself because he can’t imagine a life without Lorie.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He’s violent and cusses a lot, but he does love his girlfriend.
  • Knife Nut: Can pick up a meat cleaver early on in the game, and later a balisong that proves quite useful when cutting throats.
  • Large Ham: Whenever he says “fuck”, he always overemphasizes it to the point where it seems like he’s trying to make every use of it a Precision F-Strike.
  • My God, What Have I Done?: Seems shocked when he shot Father Winston, only to find out that he was actually trying to exorcise Lorie, and not rape her like he was told.
  • Sir Swears-a-Lot: Particularly whenever an enemy hits him.
  • Together in Death: John kills himself to join Lorie in Hell.
  • Villain Protagonist: Like the Postal Dude, he can be played this way if you choose to mow down innocent civilians. And even then, he still kills a bunch of cops, which could arguably be seen as a villainous trait.


    First Appeared in Postal 

The Therapist

Played by: Unknown (Postal), Corey Cruise (Postal Redux)

A psychiatric ward doctor who oversees the Dude's post-rampage state at the end of the first game.

The Marching Band

A marching band that strolls through Paradise in the first two Postal games.
  • Butt-Monkey: Things rarely go well for them.
    • The Chew Toy: In Postal 2, alone they get attacked by a Taliban suicide bomber and attacked by belligerent elephants, and this is without Postal Dude having any interference.
  • Leitmotif: Stars and Stripes Forever in both of their appearances.

    First Appeared in Postal 2 


Played by: Himself (Postal: The Movie)

The Postal Dude's pet Pitbull Terrier, is a bit of a bitch, but is loyal to his owner.

  • Character Outlives Actor: The real Champ, Vince Desi's dog, passed away in 2011 to cancer. Postal 3 and Paradise Lost are dedicated to his memory.
  • Hellhound: Guardian variant, will attack anyone that pisses off The Dude, and even then...
    • Becomes a more standard version of this trope in Paradise Lost, due to radiation from the nuke that Dude detonated at the end of Apocalypse Weekend. Even after he's brought back to normal, he can still occasionally launch glowing green fireballs to blow up anyone who attacks you.
  • Team Pet: By default.

Uncle Dave

Played by: Mark Davis (Postal 2), Jim Halstead (Postal III, Paradise Lost), Dave Foley (Postal: The Movie)

The Postal Dude's strange uncle, Dave is a religious zealot and the leader of the Cult of Dave. In Postal III, he also owns and runs the Daveland Amusement Park in Catharsis.

  • The Dragon: To Mayor Raul Chomo and Bin Laden in Postal III.
  • Flunky Boss: If you take the Good Path in III, he, along with Chomo and Osama, serves as the penultimate boss.
  • The Fundamentalist: His appearance in Postal 2. By the time of Paradise Lost, he's mellowed out.
  • Lovable Sex Maniac: In the Postal movie, he used the cult as an excuse to get laid. The Dude says as much in Postal III's intro.
  • New-Age Retro Hippie: He survived the assault on his compound and the Apocalypse in Postal 2. In the interim 11 years between P2 and Paradise Lost, he's disbanded the cult and converted his compound into a greenhouse complex for growing pot.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Well, a certain kind of "celebrity". Uncle Dave is loosely based on late cult leader David Koresh.

Gary Coleman

Played by: Himself (Postal 2)
"If I see you selling this on eBay, I will come to your house and kick yo narrow ass."

The former child star himself, Gary appears on Tuesday to attend a book signing of his autobiography, "What I'm Talkin' Bout." If he sees you selling it on eBay, he will come to your house and kick your narrow ass.

  • Disney Villain Death: Falls off a cliff in Paradise Lost, twice.
  • Ink-Suit Actor: He was portrayed Coleman himself.
  • Fake Shemp: Paradise Lost came out one month shy of five years after his death, so his only lines are stock lines that had already been recorded for the original game 12 years prior. Everything plot-relevant that he didn't already say back then is instead delivered by Big McWillis.
  • Unexplained Recovery: Comes back for more no matter how many times you blow his brains out. The full list: He (very likely) dies at the book signing, either by your hand or to the police coming for him. On Friday he (and Krotchy) can be found in a jail cell armed to the teeth for no apparent reason. He comes back for Apocalypse Weekend, which, even when you're assuming that you didn't kill him for no good reason, multiple times even, ends with the entire town getting nuked. He comes back again for Paradise Lost, gets thrown down a bottomless chasm, gets in a drill vehicle to try and kill you, only to fall into the previously mentioned chasm again and if you choose to stop by all the faction leaders' hideouts before leaving the city at the end of the game he's back yet again to fight you.

Vince Desi

Played by: Vince Desi (Postal 2, Paradise Lost and Postal: The Movie)
"Nothin' personal man, but you're fired."

The head of Running With Scissors and a supporting character in the games and movie.

  • And Then John Was a Zombie: He gets infected when the zombies attack the church in Paradise Lost.
  • Badass Boast: As a zombie.
    "Nothing personal dude, but you're fired...from life!"
  • Bad Boss: Vince's Establishing Character Moment is firing the Dude, who just started his job not too long ago. Apparently, he has a habit of firing lots of people too, especially considering he interprets the horde of zombies attacking his house at the start of Sunday in Apocalypse Weekend to be "pissed off ex-employees" - at least eighty of them.
  • Creator Cameo: Along with the rest of the Running With Scissors team.
  • Cult: During the interim 11 years between 2 and Paradise Lost, RWS has moved from their office studio to the abandoned Catholic church and formed the "Church of VD".
  • Establishing Character Moment: The first time we see Vince, he fires you for no good reason at all.
  • His Name Is...: Just as he is about to tell Dude how to cure Champ, the church gets attacked by zombies and he gets infected.
  • Ink-Suit Actor: His personality is basically the real Vince's.

Mike Jaret

Played by: Michael Jaret-Schachter (Postal 2, Apocalypse Weekend, Paradise Lost, and Postal 4)
Mike J as a human...
...and as a Kosher Mad Cow Zombie.

A Producer at Running With Scissors, Mike J appears in the game as just another worker in the Running With Scissors office. However his role gets expanded in Apocalypse Weekend, where he contacts mad cow disease early on Sunday and becomes a Kosher Mad Cow Zombie. He also appears in Paradise Lost as the leader of the remaining Mad Cow Zombies, holing up in both the cemetery and the junkyard. Years later, in Postal 4, he's emigrated to Edensin and found himself a new job: its mayor.

  • As Himself: Until he gets mad cow disease and turns into a giant monster.
  • Attack Of The 15-Foot Kosher Mad Cow Tourettes Zombie
  • Big Bad: Of Apocalypse Weekend. He is the one who has been controlling all those zombies.
    • Subverted in Paradise Lost. It initially seems that he is going to be the big bad of the story, all the more so after the Dude's actions cause the Bitch to gain weight. However, as he has no hot girl to marry anymore he starts to lose interest until finally, after the Bitch has her One-Winged Angel moment, he decides to leave the plot entirely. That said, if you choose to (attempt to) thank the various faction leaders for their help at the end of the game, he does become one of the final bosses.
  • Butt-Monkey: When you first see him in the game, his office is in a bathroom. Not to mention he gets infected and becomes the god of the zombies.
  • Creator Cameo: Like every other RWS employee.
  • Final Boss: He serves as this in Apocalypse Weekend. This comes as a surprise because his infection with mad cow and disappearance is only talked about in a throwaway line, and he is otherwise not present for that expansion.
  • Happy Dance: Unlike everyone else, he dances when the Dude pisses on him.
  • Hollywood Tourette's: Much like the other zombies in the game. He seems to have gotten past it in Paradise Lost, as he is at least able to get through a few lines without using swears as punctuation.
  • Humanoid Abomination: As the Kosher Mad Cow Zombie. A generally-human-shaped head and torso, but with a pair of extra spider-like appendages coming out of his back, and the hind legs/udder of a cow. Seems to have recovered as of Postal 4 if his role as the town's mayor is anything to go by.
  • Informed Judaism: A gag stemming from the real Mike J being Jewish. He specifically introduces himself as the "Kosher Mad Cow Zombie". One of the errands he sends the Dude on in Paradise Lost is to get a breast-pump to milk himself, and he specifically asks for the "kosher" model. However, this is apparently because it is more gentle on the, uh, cow it's attached to, than because of him being Jewish.
  • Maybe Magic, Maybe Mundane: It was hard to tell whether he was real or just another one of the Dude's hallucinations, until Paradise Lost.
  • Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: A zombie with elements of a demon and a cow.
  • No Indoor Voice: Not a single line of his as the Kosher Mad Cow Zombie is spoken below a shout. This in contrast to his voice in his regular form, after post-2012 patches where he gets to voice himself, where even complaints at friendly fire never go beyond a "what the fuck?" uttered in a conversational tone.

The Bitch

"When you're done screwing around, I made a list of errands for you on the fridge."
Played by: Victoria Bell (Postal 2), Wendy Carlson (Paradise Lost, normal form), Ashley Maina (Paradise Lost, demon form)

The Dude's nagging fat wife who constantly has him doing errands for her. After the Dude tries and fails to kill himself not to listen to her bitching at the end of the second game, she leaves him behind and moves back in with her mother. She returns in Paradise Lost, where she has lost most of her weight and is about to marry Mike J.

  • Action Girl: She becomes one in Paradise Lost. Unfortunately, she is still pretty pissed at the Dude.
  • Beautiful All Along: In Paradise Lost, she reveals that she went on a diet for the past 11 years and slimmed down considerably. Turns out, she is quite the looker, not that it takes long before she gains her weight back.
  • Big Bad: Of Paradise Lost, ultimately, and a very interesting example. She initially starts out as The Dragon for Mike J on Wednesday, however, as the game progresses, The Bitch loses her looks and Mike J, who is part of the plot only due to "the hot chick he wants to marry" loses his interest and leaves, leaving The Bitch as the last villain.
    • Boss Battle: The only mandatory, story-related boss in Paradise Lost.
  • Defiant to the End: She keeps talking down to Dude about how worthless he is, completely ignoring the Dude setting the timer on his IED in order to finally kill her.
  • Domestic Abuser: Can be read as this, as she's extremely verbally abusive to the Dude and even goes as far as to lock him out of their trailer all day long.
  • Fan Disservice: During her second boss battle, you can occasionally see under her wedding dress and see that she's not wearing any underwear.
  • Final Boss: She serves as the final boss battle of Paradise Lost.
  • Heel Realization: If you get through Paradise Lost without a single kill on your criminal record and beat the final boss, the Bitch admits that she is wrong about the Dude and how horrible she has been to him, and begs to have him back. The Dude responds by coldly rejecting her, leaving her a sobbing mess.
  • Jerkass: Constantly treats the Dude like complete and utter shit for no apparent reason and shows no appreciation whatsoever for the effort he puts into running her errands while she does nothing but stay in the trailer.
  • Fat Bitch: Never shown in the original game, though the movie went for this. Paradise Lost confirmed it was the case, and even though she's not one anymore, she becomes one again before the day is out.
  • One-Winged Angel: She turns into a giant, fat Humanoid Abomination in her final battle against the Dude.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: Her name in the credits is simply the Bitch, though given she's marred to a guy named The Postal Dude, Jr., it could be her real name for all we know. This notion being reinforced by the fact that it's the name given on her health bar during the boss fights against her.
  • "The Reason You Suck" Speech: In Paradise Lost, she gives one to the Dude after her One-Winged Angel form is defeated, going on at the Dude, freshly reunited with Champ, about how worthless he is. The Dude then shuts her up by hurling his spare IED into her mouth and blasting her to kingdom come.
    • Unless you have no kills on the criminal record, in which she gives the opposite kind of speech. See Heel Realization above.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: Despite constantly helping her out with her errands and providing the money she needs to survive, she shows absolutely no gratitude to the Dude. Instead, she just complains to him how miserable and worthless he is.

Zack Ward

"The fuck is the difference between a duck anyway?"
Played by: Zack Ward (Paradise Lost)

The former child star who portrayed the Dude in the Postal movie, and the head of the Gingers. He rolls into Paradise on Wednesday. The Dude can optionally head to the Police Station to fight him on both Wednesday and at the end of Friday.

  • Adam Westing: Refers to himself as "the great Zack Ward" and a "world-renowned actor extraordinaire", only to learn that the game is playing off from the perception that nobody remembers anything he's done since his child-star days. He even gives off The Long List of various roles he's had in his adulthood, like Titus, Almost Famous, Mike & Molly, and NYPD Blue, only for the Dude to comment that he's not familiar with any of them. Amusingly, the Dude himself goes even further and is even unfamiliar with A Christmas Story.
  • As Himself
  • Berserk Button: Bringing up his yellow eyes.
  • Boss Battle: Most likely the first boss the player goes up against in Paradise Lost.
    • Bonus Boss: Twice over, being technically optional for both gaining the required money to fund the wedding on Wednesday and thanking him for his "help" at the end of Friday.
  • The Bully: Just as much as one as Scut Farkus was; he'll taunt you during either battle with him.
  • Casting Gag: Is one of himself. When you meet him on Wednesday, he lists off a large chunk of roles he's had in his adult life up to that point, but doesn't bring up Postal. Hell, he's even outfitted in Scut's coon hat and wool coat. When you head back to him on Friday, he then adorns his outfit from the movie, declaring himself the "real" Postal Dude.
  • Guns Akimbo: He dual wields a pair of M16s.
  • Palette Swap: His model is, save for a different body, the regular Dude's model retextured to resemble Ward.

You have spunk, I like that. Tell you what, meet me in the backroom and maybe we could work out a deal.

Played by: Marcus Davis (Paradise Lost)

The owner of Yeeland's Funland, an arcade at the Paradise Mall that's a front for an arms smuggling operation.

Hate Groups

RWS Protestors

"Games are bad! They make you mad!"
Played by: Marcus Davis (Male), Stacie Treumann (Female)

The Parents for Decency (Also known as the RWS Protestors) first hate group to appear, they attack The Running With Scissors HQ at the same time the Dude gets his check. It doesn't end well for them.

  • Didn't Think This Through: They attempt to overrun The Running With Scissors HQ to "stop violent video games" and are slaughtered by The RWS Staff and (optionally) the Postal Dude. Justified as no one expects a bunch of random indie game developers in the middle of Arizona to be heavily armed.

  • Zerg Rush: They attempt to overwhelm the Postal Dude and the RWS staff with their superior numbers. Even if the Dude doesn't interfere, the RWS staff manage to kill all of the Protestors because they all run in a straight line.

  • Suspiciously Similar Substitute: They are replaced by the L.A.M.E. Protestors in Apocalyse Weekend and the H.A.A.T Protestors in Paradise Lost. Both of them are jabs at PETA.

  • What Happened to the Mouse?: They are nowhere to be seen during the entirety of Apocalypse Weekend and Paradise Lost. They either died during the Apocalypse that happens on Friday or died during the Nuclear Blast in Apocalypse Weekend.

Book Protestors

"Save a tree! Burn a book!"
Played by: Marcus Davis (Male), Stacie Treumann (Female)

The second hate group to appear, they storm the library while the Dude is returning his book. They burn down the whole library and kill (mostly) everyone inside.


"You fight like a little girly-girl!"
Played by: Timothy Kuder

The third hate group to appear in Postal 2, they either knock-out the Postal Dude while he's pissing on his dad's grave or attack him for getting their Christmas tree. They stand out from the other hate groups as the only one to appear in all of Postal's expansions.

  • Adaptational Heroism: Their counterparts in Eternal Damnation are considerably less evil than their Postal counterparts. They defend John Murray from some zombies and unlike most of Hasselridge's inhabitants, they don't call John a psycho and inform him of the zombie outbreak. Unfortunately, while trying to defend themselves from the zombies they accidently cause an explosion that makes some rocks crush them.

  • Anachronism Stew: They speak and act like typical Southern rednecks even though they live in the middle of Arizona.

  • Bestiality Is Depraved: When the Dude goes to the pound to rescue Champ in Apocalypse Weekend, he finds out that the Rednecks have taken over the pound and have outfitted the cats and dogs in Gimp Suits. One of them even tells a dog that "he will be a great addition to the harem". Unsuprisingly once the Dude finds out what's going on they trap him inside the pound and attempt to kill him.

  • Disproportionate Retribution: Their response to the Dude getting their favorite Christmas tree is to kidnap him, dress him up in a Gimp Suit and attempt to rape him. It's a good thing The Postal Dude regains consciousness before they could do anything depraved to him.

  • Demoted to Extra: They start off as the third hate group encountered in Postal 2. In Apocalypse Weekend, they only appear towards the end when the Dude searches the pound for Champ. In Paradise Lost, they only appear once when the Dude buys some chemicals for Gary Coleman and unlike before, fighting them is completely optional and even if the Dude steals the chemicals from them, they won't even become a hate group.

  • Department of Redundancy Department: If the Dude runs from them, they taunt him saying "You fight like a little girly-girl"

  • Depraved Homosexual: They kidnap the Postal Dude while he's pissing on his dad's grave and put him in a Gimp Suit. Once the Postal Dude wakes up he overhears the rednecks arguing over which one is going to rape him first.

  • Early-Bird Cameo: The Rednecks can actually be encountered as early as Monday, some of them are playing video games at Grossman's Arcade and others are seen roaming around Chicken Queen Estates.

  • Inbred and Evil: They are Rednecks after all.

  • Ooh, Me Accent's Slipping: Their counterparts in Eternal Damnation don't sound Southern at all. To quote Civvie 11:

"Civvie 11: Okay sure that guy's about as Southern as a diverse gene pool"

  • Pet the Dog: When they meet John Murray, they don't call him a psycho and actually show concern for his well-being despite the whole zombie outbreak going on. Too bad they don't last long...


Played by: Marcus Davis

The fourth hate group encountered, they are employees of Meat World who turn out to be making steaks and meat out of humans. When the Dude catches them in the act while looking for some steaks, they attack him because he knows too much.

  • Early-Bird Cameo: They appear primarily during Thursday but they can be encountered as early as Monday.

  • I'm a Humanitarian: It turns out that the meat they have been selling is made out of people. This is probably why the Police and SWAT raid the place once the Dude retreives the steaks.

  • He Knows Too Much: Their reason for attacking the Postal Dude is because he finds out their meat is made of

  • Names to Run Away from Really Fast: They are known in the source code as "Slaughterers".

  • Villain Ball: Their secret wouldn't have been found out if they had just locked the door or just had somebody at the front desk to give the Postal Dude his steaks.

  • What Happened to the Mouse?: While Meat World can be found in Paradise Lost, it is completely abandoned and the Butchers are nowhere to be seen. They are instead replaced by the Food Technicians.

    First Appeared in Postal III 

Mayor Raul Chomo/Ron J

"Good to meet'cha kid, you're hired."
Played by: Ron Jeremy (Postal III)

The mayor of Catharsis (as Chomo) and owner of Porn World (as Ron J). A shady character through and through, he hires the Dude for his first major job.

Osama Bin Laden

Played by: Michael Jaret-Schachter (Postal III), Marcus Davis (Paradise Lost)

The terrorist leader of Al Qaeda. Most of his group are stationed in Paradise's sewers and Catharsis' soup kitchens.

  • Big Bad Ensemble: In Postal III, with Dave and Chomo.
  • Boss Battle: One of the final bosses of the Good Path in Postal III.
  • New-Age Retro Hippie: In the 11 years between Apocalypse Weekend and Paradise Lost, he and the rest of Al Qaeda started smoking weed, leading to them to renounce their violent ways. However, all it takes to bring him and his followers back on the blood path is a reminder of the promise of 72 virgins in heaven for it.
  • The Ghost: In Postal 2. He actually shows up in Postal III and Paradise Lost, however.

Jennifer Walcott

"It's important that nobody dies during this event, so make sure any lethal weapons stay in your pants."
Played by: Jennifer Walcott (Postal III)

The head of the Postal Babes, she allies herself with the Dude as the story progresses. Eventually, she sets up a security force and assists the Dude periodically during the Good Path.

    First appeared in Eternal Damnation 

Lorie Heath

John’s girlfriend.

  • Big Bad Wannabe: While she — or at least the demon possessing her — was directly behind most of the game’s events, it becomes clear at the end that she’s nothing more than a pawn to the Devil.
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Offers John shelter in the museum where she works, but it’s infested with zombies, and she locks him in with the intention of killing him.
  • The Chessmaster: Locked John inside the zombie-infested museum, and called him out on leaving when he returned, then told him to go ask his father why he was prohibited from seeing her, to ensure that he would track down and kill Father Winston.
  • Dark Is Evil: A goth chick who's the host for a demon.
  • Demonic Possession: She was possessed by a demon that she’d summoned.
  • The Dragon: To Satan.
  • Goth: Has this appearance and became one when she was in high school, according to John.
  • The Heavy: Satan doesn’t directly get involved in the plot until the end. She does most of his dirty work for him.
  • Hollywood Satanism: The altar in her apartment is the first clue to her religious beliefs, which lead to her being possessed by a demon, and in turn, the corruption of the holy water used to resurrect Lazarus and the plague of zombies being unleashed upon Hasselridge.
  • Horny Devils: Not one herself, but the demon possessing her resembles one.
  • Hot Witch: Practices witchcraft and is pretty attractive.
  • Omnicidal Maniac: Hates Hasselridge so much she corrupted the holy water in the cathedral, which turned everyone into zombies.
  • Together in Death: After John kills himself.
  • What the Hell, Hero?: Calls out John for fleeing the zombie-infested museum and leaving her alone. Which she locked him in.

Mr. Murray

Played by: Michael Jaret-Schachter

John’s father.

Father Winston

A priest John is acquainted with.

  • Mistaken for Pedophile: John’s father thinks he raped a teenaged Lorie. John himself is furious when he finds out and shoots him for it. Turns out that he was trying to exorcise a demon from her body.
  • Pedophile Priest: Subverted. He was falsely accused of rape by the police and Mr. Murray, but was actually trying to exorcise a demon.


The true Big Bad and Greater-Scope Villain of the game.

    First Appeared in Postal 4: No Regerts 

Joseph Bellows

Played by: David Eddings

The owner of the local employment agency in Edensin, and the first person The Dude contacts while looking for a job.

  • Ambiguously Gay: Some of his lines toward the Dude are very implicit sexual favours.
  • Fat Bastard: Downplayed; he's not that bad a guy, but he's definitely got the gut.
  • Nice Guy: He's one of the few people in Edensin to act cordially towards the Dude despite his looking like a hobo.

Civvie 11

Played by: Civvie 11

The owner and operator of Edensin's local crack den.

  • As Himself
  • Fat Bastard: He's about as dismissive to the Dude as almost every other denizen of Edensin, as well as his customers, and his model certainly does have a heft to it.
  • Hypocrite: Wears a shirt with the old anti-drug slogan "say no to drugs"... while running a drugstore.

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