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Top hat and handlebar mustache... Must be a really gentlemanly game.

[Your mother] [can't exercise because of] [your hat] [and] [secretly adores] [your math teacher]!
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Oh... Sir!! The Insult Simulator is a casual game produced by Polish development house Vile Monarch (headed by several ex-11-bit Studio members who're best known for their work on This War of Mine) and published by Gambitious Digital Entertainment. The game was originally written in 42 hours as part of the AM JAM Game Jam event, but has since been polished up, refined and put up for sale on Steam (available for Windows, Mac OS X and Linux/Steam OS), Google Play Store, Apple iOS App Store, and PlayStation 4.

Though the visual presentation suggests a fighting game, with life bars at the top of the screen, its interaction revolves around words. Each player is given a bunch of phrase fragments — nouns and verbs primarily — and must string them together into a grammatically-correct insult. Both players draw from the same pool of phrases, forcing them to adapt on the go; each player also has a hand of two phrases which only they can use, which can be replenished once per turn by sipping tea. Once one has assembled one's insult, one commits, and the other player may take as many turns as desired to finish theirs; then both players let fly. Using the same noun phrase in multiple consecutive insults increases a combo meter and deals increasingly heavier damage; likewise, each opponent has a topic they're sensitive about which results in heavy damage when addressed. Both tactics can be combined, of course.

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There is also a network play feature. The way it works is one player generates a one-time-use key and gives it to a friend, and the friend enters the key to connect to the player who generated the key. And yes, the network play is cross-platform, meaning you can insult an Android user from your iPhone. Aside from that, there is also same-room multiplayer in which two people take turns playing on the same device.

The game also contains countless Shout Outs to Monty Python. Scenes referencing the troop's works are used as the excuse to start your argument. There's so much references to the troop's work that it might as well be an unofficial fangame. Aside from that the game also references recent pop-culture like Windows Vista, Star Wars and Overwatch.

The game costs around US$1.99. Android users can download the game here. Likewise, the iOS version can be downloaded here and the Steam version here. A movie-themed spin-off, Oh... Sir! The Hollywood Roast was released on May 31st, 2017.

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It is definitely a Widget Series that can be enjoyed by anyone, but true Monty Python fans will find it extremely pleasurable.


THESE TROPES are VERY NAUGHTY and had a STEAMING ROMP with YOUR MOTHER! Settle this!

  • The Ahnold: Groan the Destroyinator is an obvious parody of two of Arnold Schwarzenegger's biggest roles.
  • Ambiguously Human: H.P. Lovecraft.
  • Anachronism Stew: Sir Knight's profile mentions video games and hipsters, along with William Shakespeare releasing a new book. There's also the fact that "never watched Star Wars" is an insult fragment.
    • There's also the fact that H. P. Lovecraft is alive and well (though it's implied he's not entirely human in this world) and potentially having arguments in a modern day E.R.
  • Anti-Frustration Features: Whenever you find an opponent's weakness, the game will tell you exactly what said weakness is and when it was hit, so if you ended up making a ridiculously long insult, you don't have to guess which part of it triggered the weakness.
    • The Hollywood Roast shows you what parts of the insult do which amount of damage, allowing you to understand how to harm your opponent's pride better.
    • The Hollywood Roast also adds the Comeback mechanic, which beefs up the damage of your next insult depending on how many bars have been filled up by taking a verbal thrashing (up to three stages), which can help prevent a player from being stuck in an Unwinnable situation from falling too far behind.
    • When you've used up your current hand in The Hollywood Roast, you automatically call in another if you haven't already.
    • The achievements for The Hollywood Roast no longer require getting sentence combinations, removing the Luck-Based Mission feel of the achievements.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: You can potentially start your insult with "Your sister is old and will die soon" and end it with "Your math teacher never watched Star Wars".
  • Asian Speekee Engrish: Chop Sue E. in The Hollywood Roast speaks with a very thick Japanese accent.
  • Ass Shove: The Postal Dude's animation for a Rude insult has him pointing a large gun with the infamous Cat Silencer on it at his opponent.
  • Attack Its Weak Point: Each character has a weak point that, when attacked with the right insulting phrases, will deal much heavier damage than normal.
    • Sir Arthur Knight doesn't like it when you bring up modern technology and culture.
      [You] [don't own a color telly] [and] [never watched Star Wars]!
    • Mrs. Maggie is sensitive to the subject of death and old age.
      [Your mother] [is no more] [and] [your father] [will soon kick the bucket]!
    • Mr. J Shufflebottom doesn't like his taste in clothing being made fun of.
      [Your sense of style] [and] [your hat] [smell of] [a grunting sow]!
    • Nigel H. is sensitive about the topic of weight and appearance.
      [Your face] [is dull and ugly] [and] [your sister] [is getting fat]!
    • Grisha doesn't like his Russian origin (or lack thereof) being mocked.
      [Your country] [supports] [the communists] [and] [your mother] [was born in] [a cheese shop], [you commoner!]
    • Father is very sensitive about his family.
      [Your son] [died because of] [your sins] [and] [your father] [is not interesting]!
    • Serious Sam doesn't like it when you make light of serious topics.
      [Your wife] [has bum cancer] [and] [your beloved auntie] [supports] [the Nazis]!
    • Lo Wang's weakness is weakness itself.
      [Your father] [is] [a hamster] [and] [was defeated by] [a frightened schoolboy]!
    • Albert doesn't like to talk about his money issues.
      [Your house] [admires pictures of] [a cheap suit] [and] [smells of] [homeless man's socks]!
    • H.P. Lovecraft's weakness are mundane, ordinary things.
      [Your mother] [looks like] [an ordinary pigsty] [and] [this conversation] [is not interesting]!
    • The Postal Dude seems to regret his sins more than you'd think.
      [Your wife] [died because of] [your sins] [and] [you] [support] [the Nazis]!
    • Dirty Potter's weakness is potshots at his masculinity.
      [Your father] [kinda resembles] [a damsel in distress] [and] [can't hold liquor]!
    • Marilyn Nomore's weakness is poking fun at her age and good looks.
      [Your favorite director] [just doesn't get] [your red carpet dress] [and] [was ruined by] [your last plastic surgery]!
    • The Greasy Wizard's weakness is pointing out his troubles with the law.
      [You] [snorted nose candy with] [a strict judge] [and] [got cancer after being exposed to] [the bad cop]!
    • Wisecrack is weak against insults pointing out his lack of originality.
      [Your last movie] [grossed less than Green Lantern] [and] [is a carbon copy of] [a three-headed dogs' droppings]!
    • Chop Sue E. really doesn't like insinuating that she is too weak to do her stunts.
      [Your onscreen romance] [is a weaker version of] [Kevin Smith's enormous jorts] [and] [was all done in CGI]!
    • Nosferateen is offended when talking about emotions and relationships.
      [Your ex] [lost a wizard duel with] [your mother] [and] [devoted a journal entry to] [your father]!
    • Jane Blunt is vulnerable to insults about England and the royal family.
      [Your adopted kids] [blackmailed] [her majesty] [and] [should do a movie with] [a shorter version of Benedict Cumberbatch]!
    • F. Parker, CFO, has a weakness that many rich people have, their wallet.
      [Your therapist] [was funded by a Nigerian prince] [but] [shops the bargain bin]!
  • Big Stupid Doo Doo Head: You can make up insults like these. They usually don't do much damage.
  • Black Comedy: Expected given the Python references- from using a dead body to hold your tea to the classic dead parrot sketch.
  • Black Comedy Rape: The insult "<x> had a steaming romp with <y>", where <x> is an adult human. You can take it further by choosing "a frightened schoolboy" for <y>, or by selecting <x> and <y> to be of the same gender.
  • Blah Blah Blah: Occasionally, the voices will say this in place of actually saying what you picked, for some reason.
  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: The inverse of Arson, Murder and Jaywalking is also possible- you can start with "Your father never watched Star Wars" and work your way up to "Your sister likes to flash in the park".
  • Composite Character: Many of the characters of the spin-off The Hollywood Roast are composite expies of many movie characters and actors:
  • Combo Meter: Using the same noun phrase over and over gives you a score bonus, which is tallied under your life bar.
  • Corrupt Corporate Executive: F. Parker, CFO, is not only a money grubbing, amoral bastard, but in his profile, he abused a loophole in the Geneva Conventions to force the developers to make a game in a cold, dark room.
  • Dude, Not Funny!: An In-Universe reaction if Serious Sam hears an insult that makes light of serious topics. This means that he's particularly weak to these kinds of insults.
  • Epic Fail: It matters not if your insult makes perfect sense, but it must end at some point. If you end it incomplete, your character will trail off and the insult loses all meaning, causing 0 damage.
  • Everyone Is Bi: The "your wife" and "your husband" fragments can be used on everyone, regardless of gender.
  • Everything Is Racist: Albert has prompts specific to him where he'll pull the race card.
    [Your wife] [is racist] [and] [has a steaming romp with] [your math teacher], [and that's racist!"]
  • Expressive Shirt: Serious Sam's winning sprite has the bomb on his tank top turn into a smiley face. His losing sprite has it do the opposite.
  • Fan Disservice:
    • The Greasy Wizard flashes himself (wearing a speedo) when he uses a huge insult.
    • Marylin Nomore bounces her old breasts and flaps her skirt up and down when she uses a huge insult.
    • F. Parker accidentally drops his pants when he's defeated, partially revealing a speedo.
  • Fake Russian: Grisha is one In-Universe. It's a touchy subject for him.
  • Flowery Insults: It's possible to do this. However, too flowery and you risk getting penalized.
  • Formerly Fit: Nigel Hogg used to be a male model, until one summer, he couldn't say no to his beloved granny's cooking...
  • God: The Final Boss of the Tournament, named "Father" in-game. He can be unlocked as a secret character.
  • Guest Fighter: Lo Wang, Serious Sam and The Postal Dude.
  • The Hero Dies: The final level in tournament mode is The Afterlife, and you have an argument with Father.
  • Hipster: What Sir Arthur Knight embraces when he noticed that people were jealous of his old fashioned behavior.
  • Historical-Domain Character: H. P. Lovecraft.
  • Horrible Hollywood: The setting for The Hollywood Roast, naturally.
  • Humanoid Abomination: H.P. Lovecraft features rather prominent tentacles in his animations and speaks with a faint otherworldy boom to his voice.
  • Hypocritical Humor: A highly recommended strategy, because if your opponent gets a hold of a phrase that hurts your character's pride, it will do a lot of damage.
  • I'm a Humanitarian: One of the nouns that the Postal Dude can use is "kebab made of your mother".
  • Incest Is Relative: You can make insults such as "Your father is your husband" and "Your sister is your wife".
  • Insult Backfire: It's completely possible to create insults that don't even target the opponent or their family/possessions, or even create compliments. However, the worst that will happen is they won't do much damage.
    [The Nazis] [are rude] [and] [don't like] [the Queen]!
    [Your son] [secretly adores] [your sense of style] [and] [your house]!
  • Irony: The Postal Dude's Catch-Phrase is I Regret Nothing. His weakness is reminding him of his sins, showing that, no, he doesn't.
  • Jerkass: Goes without saying that there's a reason why this an insult simulator.
    • Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist: Your character of choice as a result. You're playing a jerk, but because your opponents are also jerks, you can insult them to your heart's content in hilarious manners.
  • Letting the Air Out of the Band: Every time the game progress from one soundtrack to another, you can clearly hear the music derail to a stop before the next track plays.
  • Mad Libs Dialogue: The player must string together grammatically-correct insults. They don't need to be relevant to the opponent, or to make coherent sense. However, if you get too absurd, the game penalizes you.
    [Your hovercraft] [was] [a hamster] [and] [the meaning of life] [is] [you]!
    [A cheese shop] [was born in] [this conversation]!
  • Mechanically Unusual Fighter & Multiple Life Bars: Father has an extra life bar on top of his regular one, but it's not terribly big (half again the normal 75 hp), so he only has slightly more health than the average character. Plus, his weakness is talking about family, a very common topic.
  • Mirror Match: If you play as Father in tournament mode, this will be the final level.
    • The same goes for The Hollywood Roast should you pick F. Parker, CFO as your character for career mode.
  • No Celebrities Were Harmed: Father is pretty obviously inspired by Morgan Freeman in both appearance and voice. However, they had to get an impersonator to voice him.
  • Non Sequitur: You can perfectly well build a sentence that's so surreal it falls into this trope. One of the game's hints actually points out that an insult that is too absurd won't get many points.
    This lake dances like Satan, and it is scientifically proven!
  • Number of the Beast: There's an achievement for mentioning Satan 666 times over the course of your play time.
    • No longer the case as you now only need to do it 66 times.
  • One Name Only: Albert. Just Albert.
  • Public Domain Soundtrack: The game makes heavy uses of classical pieces, most noticeably Brahm's Hungarian Dance No. 5 in the Train scenario and Handel's Messiah during the Boss Battle with "Father". And the song used in the title screen is a piece from Zimmerman's Anchors Aweigh. note 
  • Quintessential British Gentleman: Most of the characters, though John Shufflebottom probably takes the cake.
  • Real Men Eat Meat: Implied with Dirty Potter, who reacts negatively to vegan festivals.
  • Red Eyes, Take Warning: All the characters have a special animation that plays whenever they perform a Rude insult (15 points or more). Grisha's animation has him sport these alongside a Death Glare.
  • Redundancy Department of Redundancy: Occasionally happens.
    '['Your beloved auntie] [died because of] [your mother] [and] [is stone dead]!''
  • Self-Deprecation: The achievement for playing more than 100 duels is "It Gets Boring After An Hour".
  • Sinister Scythe: The Postal Dude has one slung over his shoulder in his winning animation, straight out of his home game.
  • Snake Talk: H.P. Lovecraft drags out "s" in some words, like "Louisiana swamp-priests".
  • Spot of Tea: You use it to refresh the two insult components that only you and you alone can see and use.
  • Take That!: Arthur Knight's weakness is "Modern Times". You can deal extra damage to him by mentioning:
    • That he "enjoyed Batman v. Superman.".
    • That he's "never watched Star Wars"
    • Mentioning Donald Trump's hair.
    • Saying that he "still uses Windows Vista".
    • Claiming that he "plays hidden object games".
    • Claiming that he "sucks at Overwatch"
      • On a similar note, Wisecrack in the sequel, whose weakness is being unoriginal. One of the phrases that trigger this is "grossed less than the Green Lantern "
  • The Computer Is a Cheating Bastard: Father has 150% as much health during his boss battle, unlike virtually any other opponent.
    • And you can't unlock him until you've beaten him twice... though playable Father has the same health bar.
  • This Is Reality: H. P. Lovecraft's weakness is to basically tell him mundane things and sap his sense of eldritch wonder.
  • Token Minority: Albert, an African-Englishman who speaks with a Cockney accent, was added to the game on 16/1/17.
  • Volleying Insults: The Game.
  • Who Writes This Crap?!: One of Serious Sam's closing insults is "Oh God, who writes this stuff!?"
  • Widget Series: A Weird Polish Thing that appeals to those who're into the Weird British Thing that is Monty Python, natch.
  • You Are Fat: One of the many kinds of insults you can generate. Nigel H. is particularly sensitive about this.
  • Your Days Are Numbered: Mrs. Maggie is an elderly woman, and is sensitive to insults revolving around death.
  • Your Mom: Another of the many kinds of insults you can generate. You can also insult, among other things, your opponent's father, their husband/wife, their son, their sister, their beloved auntie, or their math teacher. Father is especially sensitive about insults to his family.

OUCH!
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