Follow TV Tropes

Following

The Reason You Suck Speech / TV N-Z

Go To

"The Reason You Suck" Speeches from live-action TV shows with titles from N to Z.


    open/close all folders 

    N 
  • Throughout The Nanny, C.C. Babcock is unable to get that Maxwell Sheffield, her business partner, isn't romantically interested in her. Even in the last season, as Maxwell is married to Fran Fine and Fran is pregnant, she still tries to get him. Niles get so annoyed with her stubbornness that he threatens to quit, but before that, he delivers a devastating speech to C.C. that holds back nothing.
    C.C.: You are a pathetic excuse for a man.
    Niles: DITTO! But at least I know when to move on. You are going to spend the rest of your life pining for a man who doesn't love you, and has married a woman half your age.
    Fran: Oh, Niles, please don't go!
    Niles: Look around you. They're married. They're starting a family. Where are you going to be ten, twenty years from now? You're going to be saying 'Merry Christmas!' to your friends in rehab and wondering what might have been! (to Maxwell) I'll be leaving first thing in the morning, sir.
    C.C.: My god, he's right... The best years of my life are gone... and they sucked.
  • Nashville's Juliette Barnes is the recipient of several such speeches, but in "It's All Wrong, But It's All Right", her refusal to be penitent over the "There is no God" scandal (not least since her words were out of context) results in Edgehill Records executive Jeff calling her behaviour "just plain stupid" and firing her. Juliette's response is the point where "The Reason You Suck" Speech meets Take That!:
    Juliette: Just for the record, "just plain stupid" is losing two of your top-grossing artists in less than six months on the job. Not to mention pinning all your hopes and dreams on a karaoke singer who came in second place at a talent show. I may have just burnt the house down but I made damn sure you were in it when I lit the match. I'll see you on the unemployment line. (P.S. Jeff's bad business decisions do indeed result in his getting fired in season three.)
  • On a Christmas episode of Night Court, not-so Lovable Lech Dan Fielding, of all people, delivers an epic one to a scrooge-like business owner who has just confiscated stolen toys back from a group of kids:
    Dan: Ah, Mr. Mc Cracken, uh... Yes sir, you are fully within your legal rights here, yes. And might I add, on a personal note... I HAVE SEEN MORE COMPASSION IN A PILE OF COW SLOP, BUDDY!!! I... AM APPALLED AT YOUR PERVERSE SENSE OF VALUES!! I FIND YOU ETHICALLY BANKRUPT, AND MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE!! (Pause) And if you had any idea who was saying this to you, you would fully realize and appreciate the value and quality of this insult.
Advertisement:

    O 
  • In The Odd Couple, it is not unknown for Oscar to critique others on their flaws.
    • Oscar criticizes Felix's perfectionist attitude in one episode, uttering "Felix, the perfect!"
    • Oscar also calls out others who make Felix upset. In "The Rent Strike", he calls out the other tenants for trying to drive Felix out while forgetting all the things he's done for them and in "The Subway Story", he scalds the insensitive subway riders and says that Felix is the only person trying to improve the situation.
  • The Office:
    • Stanley gives Michael one in "Did I Stutter?" This causes Michael to stop trying to be Stanley's friend, put his foot down, and demand the respect owed to him as Stanley's boss.
    • When Michael has the entire office "Roast" him, each worker gives a brief Reason You Suck Speech to Michael. But unlike a real Roast, there is no implication that they are joking nor do they end it by saying anything endearing in the end. Dwight even tries to stop them in the middle of the Roast but later slams Michael after he calls him an idiot.
      Dwight: Are you calling me an idiot? Don't you dare talk to me that way you pathetic sad little man; you don't have any friends, or any family, or any land!
  • Once Upon a Time:
    • Belle delivers one to Rumplestiltskin about his cowardice and inability to just let himself be happy. In "Broken" she also calls him out on his habit of playing with words, and with people.
    • Regina also gets this twice: once by Emma who tells her that Regina can only blame herself for everyone wanting to leave her, and once by Mary Margaret after Regina frames her for murder, telling her that making other people's lives miserable will only do the same to hers.
  • A particularly satisfying one in One Foot in the Grave. When given the job of a doorman, he is made to tend to a couple of unpleasant snobs. After failing to be tend to their whims quick enough, they insult him and sneer at him to show some tact. Victor complies and, after swiping the husband's toupee and throwing it down the drain, gives them the most scaving "apology" possible before driving off in their taxi, leaving them speechless.
    Victor: I am very sorry neither of you can manage to master the mechanics of a door handle, it must be very complicated with your limited brainpower! Oh, and do forgive me for not getting the fur coat out...because if you hadn't chopped it's legs off in the first place it would have climbed out on its own, but there we are. And do ask me if I want to go on working here where it means sucking up to odious bastards like you two every day, then I think I'd rather remain unemployed, thank you very much!
  • One Hundred Deeds For Eddie Mc Dowd, in the pilot.
    The Drifter: I turned you into a dog. Didn't you listened to my poem?
    Eddie: This can't be happening!
    The Drifter: It's already happened. You are a dog now. Stay a dog until you do 100 good deeds, and the only person who can hear you speak is the last kid you terrorized. Ironic?
    Eddie: I don't know what's happening, but you win! I give! Game over!
    The Drifter: Eddie, you failed as a human. This is your chance to change.
    Eddie: But I don't wanna change! I like me.
    The Drifter: Yeah, well. No one else does.
  • Only Fools and Horses: In Yesterday Never Comes, when Del Boy is conned out of his grandmother's priceless painting by a corrupt upper-class antique dealer named Miranda who pretends to fall for him in order to do so, he goes to the auction house to confront her, where she taunts him about it:
    Del: You lied to me, didn't you?
    Miranda: Nobody's perfect.
    Del: It's not your birthday at all, is it?
    Miranda: It will be soon.
    Del: ...all you wanted me for was that painting, weren't it?
    Miranda: Well, what else did you think I was interested in? That banana box of a Queen Anne cabinet? The damn thing's infested my entire stock.
    Del: No, I thought, you know, there was something else.
    Miranda: Oh, you did? Did you honestly think I enjoyed being in the company of a man who slapped my bottom, called me sweetheart, and assaulted my digestive system with third-rate curries?
    Del: Yeah.
    Miranda: You must be a fool.
    Del: Miranda, you should have told me that you wanted to sell the painting.
    Miranda: Don't be ridiculous, I'm in business — I realised how valuable it was the moment I saw it. Why should I tell you?
    Del: No, Miranda, you don't understand.
    Miranda: I think you're the one who's confused, Derek. And let's get one thing absolutely clear— that painting is now mine. It's been legally registered in my name. Mummy and Daddy have even signed an affidavit to swear that the painting has been in our family for generations.
  • In The Outer Limits (1995) episode "Heart's Desire", an alien arrives in the Wild West and gives four outlaws superpowers. Naturally, all but one get themselves killed due to fighting amongst themselves, though the survivor was more moral and level-headed than the others, and only fought in self-defense. The alien tells the survivor that Humans Are the Real Monsters and takes away his powers before disappearing:
    The fate of a world isn't determined by its best examples, but by its worst. It takes a few to destroy the many, especially when even the best of you can be dragged down into the mire. Judging from your example, brother against brother, friend against friend, you people have such a potential for violence, sheer, unvarnished wickedness, I've got every confidence you'll destroy yourself before you build your first inter-stellar engine. We've got nothing to fear from you.
  • Oz: Wilson Loewen to Vern Schillinger.
    Loewen: Oh, yeah, is that right, huh? Well, from what I hear, the Aryans in Oswald are a sorry bunch. That guy who saved me from choking, Beecher. I hear you've been trying to airhole him for about six fucking years and all you have to show for it is that little scar above your eye there.
    Schillinger: I did have his son killed. And his father.
    Loewen: What are you, an idiot? Saying shit like that out loud? You know, Vernie, I've got to tell you I never thought you were the brightest bulb in the chandelier. You always had this huge ego with nothing to back it up. You always had these big plans with no balls behind them. Shit. If it weren't for your daddy, I wouldn't have given you the time of fucking day. You're an embarrassment to the brotherhood.
    • Beecher and Schillinger get at least two a season.
    • Hill gives a big one to Burr Redding: "Bullshit! The fact of the matter is, I wouldn't be in Oz, I wouldn't be in this chair, if you had only let me have the fucking paper route!"

    P 
  • Person of Interest: In the first episode of season 3, Root gives one to her psychiatrist, laying his every sin and folly bare with information provided to her by the Machine — and then calmly explains that he needs to give Root her phone back, because the Machine is trying to get her to not kill him. Next time we see him, he's decided that she's still delusional, and that she used her hacking skills to discover all those things about him... but he still gave her the phone.
  • Power Rangers:
    • Scott delivers a minor one to Shifter in Power Rangers RPM just before destroying him.
      Scott: You thought you could escape, but I tracked you down. All your Attack Bots failed, and then your Hyper Bot was destroyed. Then you tried to control me, and even that didn't work! This is the end of the line for you, Shifter.
    • Earlier in RPM ("Doctor K"), Tenaya 7 says this to Dr. K, hiding away in her lab, causing the normally emotionless scientist to angrily fire her sound cannon:
      Tenaya 7: [Whistling "The Farmer in the Dell"] You pride yourself on how smart you are, don't you? But you still royally messed up, didn't you?
    • Before RPM, there was one in the first episode of Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers second season from Lord Zedd to Rita Repulsa:
      Rita Repulsa: Oh, Lord Zedd, give me another chance! I will not fail again!
      Lord Zedd: QUIET! Those Power Rangers were nothing but mere infants! You were defeated by children! You dare call yourself the Empress of Evil? You are not fit to destroy a cockroach!
    • The soundtrack/Rock Adventure distills this somewhat, but it's no less awesome (especially since it's done during Zedd's Leitmotif:
      Rita Repulsa: I will not fail again!
      Lord Zedd: QUIET! Those Power Rangers were nothing but mere infants! You were defeated by children! You dare call yourself the Empress of Evil? You have made me very angry! Your days of control are over! There will be no other chances!
      Rita Repulsa: Can't we talk?!
      Lord Zedd: SILENCE!' I have spoken.
  • In Private Practice, Cooper gives one of these in a speech to his live-in girlfriend. And it was harsh. He called her a "sex toy I got online", tells her she's heartless, bitchy, mercenary, and has daddy issues. And that's how Cooper became a Jerkass.

    R 
  • Red Dwarf does these constantly throughout the series. The vast majority are aimed at Arnold Judas Rimmer; but each major character gets targeted with at least one, including latecomer Kochanski.
    • "Time Slides" has a distraught and disillusioned Lister blasting through a list of reasons he's sick of his fellow crew members — the vast majority aimed at and said to Rimmer, including, "...the fact that you always smile when you're being insulted."
    • Rimmer does something similar in "Out Of Time", when he appoints himself Morale Officer for the crew. This seems to involve walking up to each of them and yelling at them a lengthy list of things about them that annoy him. Works for him, anyway.
    • In "Terrorform", when asked why he would have such a massive sense of self-loathing, Kryten goes on for nearly a minute detailing in an impersonal and analytical manner on why anyone would dislike Rimmer (and only goes through half the list).
    • Turned Up to Eleven by Kryten in "Justice", when he builds a case around proving Rimmer innocent of manslaughter. By virtue of being so absolutely incompetent that if he was actually placed in a position where he could cause a disaster, the real blame would lie with whoever was moronic enough to give him that job in the first place. He succeeds in winning Rimmer acquittal on all charges. So what this essentially means is that we have a rare case of this trope being used as a key argument in a criminal proceeding.
      Kryten: This man is not guilty of manslaughter, he is only guilty of being Arnold J. Rimmer. That is his crime; it is also his punishment.
    • Rimmer gives one of these to the Cat in "DNA", prompting the response, "You've just listed all of my best features!"
    • On of the most epic uses of this trope occurs in "The Inquisitor". Not only do nearly all of the gang get them from each other; but, via the titular Inquisitor, they each get a "The Reason You Suck" Speech from themselves. Interestingly, Rimmer and Cat prove themselves worthy of survival by, respectively, arguing that "suck" is a step up from where he started, and proving as shallow in giving the speech as receiving it. Lister tries to ignore the charges entirely, and Kryten tries to shut him up, both only serving to piss off the Inquisitor.
      The Inquisitor (as Arnold Rimmer): It's a bit metaphysical, I know; but it's the only fair way.
    • Lister also delivers a supreme suck-speech to Rimmer in the same episode, to prove he knows him—
      Lister: (to Rimmer) You're really mean with money. You're a tremendous physical coward. You once spent an afternoon on the Samaritans switchboard and four people committed suicide! Your middle name is Judas, but you tell everyone that it's Jonathan. You sign all your official letters "Arnold Rimmer BSc", and the BSc stands for Bronze Swimming Certificate! You're a cheating, weasley, low-life scumbucket, with all the charm and social grace of a pubic louse.
  • Occurs every now and then on Rescue Me. Most of them are directed at protagonist Tommy Gavin, given by his angered wife, extended family, firehouse brothers, and even the dead.
  • Cicero against Antony in Rome. So effective that Antony, full of rage, kills the messengerWatch it here.
    Reader: These being the words of Marcus Tullius Cicero: When I was a young man, I defended the State. As an old man, I shall not abandon it. I give sincere thanks to Mark Antony, who has generously presented me with the most promising theme imaginable. I address you directly, Antony. Please listen as if you... as if you... please listen, as if you were sober and intelligent, and not a drink-sodden, sex-addled wreck. [At this point, others in the room begin to leave.] You are certainly not without accomplishments: it is a rare man who can boast of becoming a bankrupt before even coming of age. You have brought upon us war, pestilence and destruction. You are Rome's Helen of Troy. But then... but then... [Antony demands he finish.] a woman's role has always suited you best."
  • On "Go Cubs," one of the re-vamp episodes to Roseanne, Roseanne is in line at the super market with her new neighbor, who happens to be Muslim. They soon meet a rude cashier who says a couple of racist comments to the neighbor. As soon as the neighbor leaves, Roseanne decides to give the cashier a piece of her mind.
    Roseanne: Hey! You know that saying "See something, say something?" Well, I saw something, and I'm gonna say something to your manager. You are ignorant! That woman is twice the person you'll ever be. And she's dealing with a lot of stuff you don't even know about. So next time she comes in the store, you keep your damn mouth shut! She's got enough fertilizer to turn this place into a smoking hole in the ground!

    S 
  • In Scrubs, Dr. Cox is somewhat famous for delivering these to J.D. Other characters do this on occasion as well to a variety of different people, from patients to superior doctors to interns to... well, anyone, depending on who needs it.
    • A very good example.
    • Another example.
    • J.D. himself gets a great one when the others are bitching about their relationship problems and he puts them into perspective. And again to Elliot when she keeps complaining about her relationship with Jake.
      • And let's not forget when he rips his big brother apart in a speech that more or less makes Dan a) run away choking down tears and b) turn his life around 180°.
    • And in his first episode, Derek delivers one to Carla, Cox, JD and Turk.
    • Jordan does a decent one at the end of Season 1, spilling the secrets of everyone in the group.
  • On The Secret Circle after a few too many times of Faye pushing her buttons, Cassie lashes out at her.
    "You are a bitchy, spoiled little girl who wants to blame me for all your problems instead of looking in the mirror."
  • In Sex and the City, in a rare example of one of the main characters being called out for their selfish behavior, Natasha gives one of these to Carrie after catching her in her affair with Big:
    Carrie: I never meant for any of this to happen. If there was something I could do to take it away, I would. But I can't. I came here today because I needed to say how sorry I am. I am deeply sorry for what I did to you. It was wrong. I'm sorry.
    Natasha: Are you through?
    Carrie: Yes. Thank you for listening.
    Natasha: Wait. I'm sorry, too.
    Carrie: You are?
    Natasha: Yes. I'm sorry about it all. I'm sorry he moved to Paris and fell in love with me. I'm sorry that we ever got married. I'm sorry he cheated on me with you, and I'm sorry that I pretended to ignore it for as long as I did. I'm sorry I found you in my apartment, fell down the stairs and broke my tooth. I'm very sorry that after much painful dental surgery this tooth is still a different color than this tooth. Finally, I'm sorry that you felt the need to come down here. Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you've ruined my lunch.
    • Carrie gets this a lot when it comes to her relationship with Big. Miranda gives her a blistering one Season 3:
      Miranda: Wake up, Carrie, how many more times are you going to go through this?! He is bad for you! God, every time you get near him, you turn into this pathetic, needy, insecure victim, and what pisses me off the most? You're more than willing to go right back for more!
    • Carrie calls out Big herself in the first half of the series finale:
      Carrie: You do this every time. EVERY TIME! What do you have, some kind of radar? "Carrie might be happy, time to sweep in and shit all over it!"?
      Big: What? No, no, look, I came here to tell you that something. I made a mistake. You and I-
      Carrie: You and I NOTHING! You cannot do this to me again! You cannot jerk me around!
      Big: Carrie, listen, it is different now.
      Carrie: Oh, it's never different. It's six years of NEVER being different! But this is it, I am done! Don't call me, ever again! Forget you know my number - in fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive down this street all you want, because I don't live here any more!
  • Shake It Up!: Logan delivers one to CeCe about her being a terrible employee at Bob's Kabob before firing her on the spot.
  • In Shameless (US), Fiona unloads a vicious Calling the Old Woman Out type of one to her mother, Monica, for not only abandoning the family, but then having the audacity to come back just so she can take the youngest kid, Liam, away so that she can raise him herself.
    Fiona: You don't get to abandon your kids and then show up one day to take your pick of the litter!
    Frank: (standing up) Oh, now, that's not fair! Your mother's made mistakes, but she's here now. That's got to count for something—
    Fiona: SHUT UP, FRANK! (Frank sits back down) This isn't about you! (looks at Monica) This is about YOU! This is about what you didn't do! It's about what I did! And you know what? I did a fuckin' GREAT job! Debbie's class president! She's on the debate team going to nationals! And Lip? He's top of his class! He set the curve! Ian was promoted at ROTC, and he tested out of English! And Carl made something BLOW UP for his science fair! And you know what? THEY did it all, no thanks to you, because YOU! WEREN'T! HERE!
    Monica: And I appreciate that, Fiona, but... I'm here now. And... Liam belongs with me.
    Fiona: He doesn't even know who you are!
    Monica: I'm his mother!
    Fiona: (starting to cry) YOU'RE MY MOTHER, TOO!
    • Also Mickey, caught in The Baby Trap and forced into an Arranged Marriage with Svetlana, a prostitute his father Terry brought in to "fuck the queer out" of him after catching Mickey and his boyfriend Ian having sex. Svetlana refuses to accept that Mickey's homosexuality is unchangeable and constantly tries to blackmail him into becoming a real husband to her by threatening to tell his father that he is still seeing Ian. Finally fed up, Mickey delivers possibly the most literal example of a Reason You Suck Speech ever!
      Mickey: You know, your life right here, right now, is as good as it's ever gonna get. You gotta get plowed all day, yeah. But you come home to a roof over your head and food in your fucking belly. Five years from now, you're going to be a used-up, dried-up old whore, sucking guys off on the sidewalk for $5 a pop. I wouldn't fuck this up if I were you.
  • Sharpe's Waterloo: The Prince of Orange is a sniveling brat and an incompetent military leader who has caused the deaths of many, many of his own men. One of his immediate subordinates has finally had enough:
    Doggett: You did it again! Colonel Sharpe said you would do it again, and you did! All those men dead because you wanted to get out? You coward!
    Rebecque: Doggett! His Royal Highness cannot be called a coward.
    Doggett: No, dammit. No, not cowardice, not that. Just so he can dance and prance, and make high cockalorum, while men die? Horribly? It is too much, I declare, too much! I shall say it! [hesitates, then plunges on] You sir, are a silk stocking full of shit! [rides away]
    • The best one in the entire series is in Sharpe’s Eagle:
      Wellesley: ...Major Hogan reports a number of losses, Sir Henry. He says you first lost your head, and, instead of destroying the bridge, you marched over it. He says you then lost your nerve and ran from a small French patrol. He says you lost ten men, a major and two sergeants. He says you lost your sense of honour and destroyed the bridge, cutting off a rescue party led by Lieutenant Sharpe. Major Hogan leaves the worst to the last: He says you lost the King's Colours.
      Simmerson: The fault was not mine sir. Major Lennox must answer-
      Wellesley: Major Lennox answered with his LIFE sir! As you should have done if you had any sense of honor! You shamed us sir! You disgraced us sir! You will answer. By God you will answer! The South Essex is stood down in name. If I wipe the name I may wipe the shame. I am making you a battalion of detachments, you will fetch and carry. The Light Company put up a fight, so I will let it stand under a new captain.
      Simmerson: To be commanded by the newly gazetted Captain Gibbons, sir?
      Wellesley: To be commanded by the newly gazetted Captain Sharpe, sir.
      Simmerson: I have a cousin at Horse Guards... and friends at court.
      Wellesley: A man who loses the King's Colours loses the King's friendship. You have two choices: to skulk in England or to be a hero in Spain. I shall help you to be a hero. We had a skirmish with the French. Tomorrow, we shall have a battle. It is not a pretty sight. What you do then is up to you. Good morning.
    • Sharpe gets in a true zinger in Sharpe's Siege when the Comte de Marquerre's attempt at a triumphant homecoming is rejected by his sister:
      Sharpe: You make your bed, Marquerre, and then you lie in it. Without complaining. Trouble with you is you wanted it all. You wanted to go away, be a spy for years, then come back, have everyone pat you on the back, tell you what a big hero you are. The world's not like that, Marquerre. You made your bed with Bonaparte. Maybe he'll give you a medal. Maybe not. As for me, next time you're in my sights and outside of a flag of parlay, I'll shoot you.
  • Sherlock: Molly delivers one when it's revealed Sherlock was on drugs in "His Last Vow".
    Molly: How dare you ruin your precious gift? (looks at John) And how dare you betray the love of your friends?
  • Sid gives Tony one of these in the first series of Skins, basically telling him that Tony's sociopathic behaviour means Sid has lost all respect for him, he has no friends and even Effy (the only person Tony cares about) isn't returning his phone calls.
  • Geoffrey Tennant of Slings & Arrows does this constantly.
    • To his rival and long-term enemy Darren:
      "You are a pompous fool, you have no respect for the stage. You have no business working in the theatre. You slaughter the text, you fill the stage with animals, you're just an all-round goof."
    • Geoffrey seems to do variations on this theme at least once per episode, to Oliver. Particularly over the phone in the first episode, and when encouraged to do so in therapy, later.
    • His eulogy during Oliver's funeral turns into one of both Oliver and the New Burbage Festival as a whole:
      "Hi. [clears throat] My name is Geoffrey Tennant, and I've been asked to come and celebrate the life and mourn the death of Oliver Welles. I've got a copy of a play Oliver had directed me in at one time, and I realized I had written down a bunch of notes from rehearsal, and I thought I'd maybe share some of them with you. Here's one: "Thank you ladies and gentlemen. The scene will be fine as soon as we can get the knitting needles out of our pubic hair." *audience laughs* *Geoffery sees Oliver's ghost* Ah, here's another one: "Theatre is an empty box. And it is our task to fill it with fury and with ecstasy and with revolution." You know, for a time, for a time, there was a kind of electricity in this place I've not experienced anywhere else. Because Oliver made us believe that what we did had meaning. He made us believe that love could be rekindled, that regimes could be toppled by the simple act of telling a story truthfully. Ridiculous ambition really. It was a beautiful idea. Now it's all gone to shit now. I mean, we all know that what really matters is that the cash registers keep ringing and that the tourists keep streaming through the gift shop, and when I look around at the wreck this theater has become under Oliver's reign, I'm reminded of those words from Macbeth: If thou could'st, doctor, cast the water of my land, find her disease, and purge it to a sound and pristine health I would applaud thee to the very echo..." *awkwardly breaks off and leaves*
    • At this point the funeral really goes off the rails when a maniacal Catholic priest lambasts theatre as an industry that promotes homosexuality.
    • Geoffrey follows up on his scathing eulogy during an interview with Basil. Unfortunately, Oliver's ghost shows up and berates him for allowing Darren to direct Hamlet given that he had no patience for Darren previously setting The Tempest in Nazi Germany. Geoffrey ends up forgetting he's doing an interview half the time:
      Basil: Would you like to comment on any of the productions currently onstage at the festival?
      Geoffrey: Yes Oliver, I would. These great texts The Cherry Orchard, A Midsummer Night's Dream, they come across as as as television specials. The theater is meant to provoke! Not to anesthetize!
      Oliver: Well, Darren is provocative, I'll give you that. Heil Hitler!
      Basil: Would you say—
      Geoffrey: Well you're the one who's responsible!
      Basil: I am?
      Geoffrey: You consciously commercialized this festival! It became more about drawing people into the theater as opposed to drawing them up out of their seats! —Oh, you know that's a very good soundbite for you!— And you wanna know why this happened? It's because you started to hate the theater! And why? Well perhaps it's because of a gnawing guilt of past BETRAYALS UH-HUH?! So you tried to kill it! How? Through commodification!
      Basil: Uh, I did?
      Geoffrey: No! Look at this hideous mug that I stole from the gift shop this morning! Look at this! "Art." Literally, art as product! This is a crime!
      Basil: Oh, fascinating...
      Geoffrey: Oh! By the way, it was made in Malaysia! Made, no doubt, by children! And so you see ladies and gentlemen, you are not the only victims here! (realizes just how off the deep end he sounds)
    • Particularly epic is the one he gives to Henry Breedlove as he fires him the night before opening Macbeth.
      Geoffrey: Oh Henry, just a quick note before you go.
      Henry: Yeah, what is it?
      Geoffrey: You're fired.
      Henry: What?
      Geoffrey: Oh I think you heard me. You're fired.
      Henry: On what basis?
      Geoffrey: Well I could just say that I don't like you, but that's not really specific enough, and this is all about specifics, isn't it? So the truth is: I don't like you, and I don't like your acting. I don't like the fact that you ignore my direction, I don't like the fact that you play everything to the audience. I don't like your complete lack of theatrical courage, and I really don't like that you have turned Ellen against me but that's subtext. In any event, I'm putting in Jerry tomorrow night.
      Henry: You are insane.
      Geoffrey: Not at this moment. Your fans await.
  • Smallville:
    • The Red Queen, Martha Kent, delivered a scathing one to Tess Mercer towards the end of Season 9. It likely contributed to Tess's Heel–Face Turn in the season finale.
    • E-2 Lionel delivers one of these in pieces over every conversation he has with Tess in an attempt to break her and have her submit to doing whatever he wants her to do (namely, betray Clark and the others and deliver Lex's clone Alexander to him). His way of doing this is to methodically hit every single emotional trigger she has, playing on her father issues, her lack of self-worth, and her struggle to do the right thing and ultimately ending by telling her that she's only useful to him because her heart can be used to revive Lex. This one hurts just as bad as- if not worse than -Martha's because if he's being a jackass to her she has to suffer abuse from her own biological father, and in the rare moments that he actually seems impressed by her skills, she has to deal with Your Approval Fills Me with Shame. The woman really can't win.
  • Tyres, the drug-addled Cloud Cuckoolander from Spaced rants at both Tim and Daisy about their personality flaws and general fecklessness. Of course, his mood swings are too frequent for him to stay mad.
  • Stargate SG-1:
  • Star Trek: The Original Series:
    • In the episode "The Empath", Kirk gives one to the Vian scientists
      If death is all you understand... here are four lives for you. We will not leave our friend. You've lost the capacity to feel the emotions you brought Gem here to experience. You don't understand what it is to live. Love and compassion are dead in you. You're nothing but intellect.
    • He gives another one to "Elaan of Troyius":
      You enjoy the privileges and prerogatives of being a Dohlman. Then be worthy of them. If you don't want the obligations that go along with the title, then give it up. That's another one of your problems. Nobody's told you that you're an uncivilized savage, a vicious child in a woman's body, an arrogant monster! (Elaan slaps him) That's no way to treat someone who's telling you the truth.
  • Star Trek: The Next Generation:
    • In "The Best of Both Worlds: Part II", the Borg, by way of Locutus, delivered a chilling one to Commander Riker after the Enterprise's first attempt to stop them. "Your resistance is hopeless, (mocking Riker) Number One." It's almost as if the Borg were going to laugh in their faces, if they were the laughing types.
    • Quite a few Trek villains have cunning put-downs for humanity. The worst was Q telling Picard that humanity had been found to be "a grievously savage child race". Even though it came from a fictional character, it still stung.
      • It's not just villains who insult humanity. Riker asks a transdimensional alien why there is no record of his kind visiting humanity before. The alien actually laughs and says, "What arrogance. There's no record of us visiting you because we haven't before... It's only in the last hundred years that you've become of some interest of study." Ouch.
    • Let's not forget the Tranquil Fury-laced one that Picard gives to Wesley in "The First Duty", at the Academy after he learns Wesley is lying to cover up an accident:
      Picard: Do you remember the day you first came aboard this ship? Your mother brought you on the Bridge. You even sat in my chair. I was annoyed. Presumptuous child playing on my ship. But I never forgot how you already knew every control, every display. You behaved as though you belonged on the Bridge. And then later, when I decided to make you an acting ensign, I was convinced you could be an outstanding officer. I've never questioned that conviction, until now. The first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth — whether it's scientific truth, or historical truth, or personal truth! It is the guiding principle upon which Starfleet is based! If you can't find it within yourself to stand up and tell the truth about what happened, you don't deserve to wear that uniform! I'm going to make this simple for you, Mister Crusher. Either you come forward and tell Admiral Brand what really took place... or I will.
      Wesley: Captain—
      Picard: (cuts him off) DISMISSED!
    • In the "Chain of Command" two-parter, Picard is relieved of duty for a secret mission. The new captain, Jellico, is essentially a Jerkass (though he's not without valid points). His command vastly differs from Picard's, opting more for a military attitude and a "Get it done" approach. Jellico naturally butts heads with Riker and by Part 2, they really lay into each other.
      Jellico: Let's drop the ranks for a moment. I don't like you. I think you're insubordinate, arrogant, willful, and I don't think you're a particularly good First Officer.
      Riker: Well, now that the ranks are dropped, Captain, I don't like you, either. You are arrogant and closed-minded. You need to control everything and everyone. You don't provide an atmosphere of trust, and you don't inspire these people to go out of their way for you. You've got everyone wound up so tight, there's no joy in anything. I don't think you're a particularly good Captain.
    • When Jellico then asks him to pilot the shuttle and, after Riker says yes, turns to leave, he nicely points out Jellico's rudeness as a parting shot.
      Riker: You're welcome.
    • The episode "Ethics" ends with Dr Crusher delivering a thorough chewing-out to a particularly reckless doctor.
      Crusher: You scare me, Doctor. You risk your patients' lives and justify it in the name of research. Genuine research takes time - sometimes a lifetime of painstaking, detailed work in order to get any results. Not for you. You take shortcuts - right through living tissue! You put your research ahead of your patients' lives. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a violation of our most sacred trust. I'm sure your work will be hailed as a stunning breakthrough. Enjoy your laurels, Doctor. I'm not sure I could.
    • The episode "Silicon Avatar" sees Data basically deliver one to Doctor Kila Marr, who has just destroyed the Crystalline Entity that killed her son (who was one of the colonists' whose personal experiences were uploaded to Data during his early development to improve his people skills). When Doctor Marr asks Data to speak as her son so that he can tell her that he understands why she destroyed the entity, Data instead tells Doctor Marr that her son would not have wanted her to kill the Crystalline Entity in his name, and would actually be very sad at what his mother has done to her career to get her revenge.
  • Star Trek: Deep Space Nine:
    • "Afterimage" features rogue Cardassian Garak delivering a cutting put-down to Ezri Dax concerning her perceived failure to live up to her predecessor's legacy.
      Garak: Spare me your insipid psychobabble. I'm not some quivering neurotic who feels sorry for himself because his daddy wasn't nice. You couldn't begin to understand me! I want someone to help me get back to work. And you, my dear, are not up to this task. I mean, look at you. You're pathetic – a confused child trying to live up to a legacy left by her predecessors. You're not worthy of the name "Dax." I knew Jadzia. She was vital, alive. She owned herself, and you... you don't even know who you are. How dare you presume to help me? You can't even help yourself. Now, get out of here before I say something unkind.
    • And before that, in "The Wire", Garak harshly rebukes Bashir for his perceived naivete and "smug Federation sympathy" for believing that Garak deserved treatment for his withdrawal symptoms. Later in the episode, driven half-insane by all the side-effects of his withdrawal, Garak delivers a speech that swings wildly between lambasting Bashir and criticizing himself for the mistake that got him exiled: releasing a group of Bajoran prisoners from jail (at least, that's the story he was using that particular moment).
      Bashir: You took pity on those children. There's nothing wrong with that!
      Garak: No! I was a fool! I should've finished the interrogation and turned them over to the troops for execution! But because I was chilly and my stomach was growling, I failed in my duty and destroyed everything I had worked for!
      Bashir: And so they exiled you.
      Garak: That's right... and left me to live out my days with nothing to look forward to but having lunch with you.
      Bashir: (Utterly stone-faced) I'm sorry you feel that way. I thought you enjoyed my company.
      Garak: Oh, I did! And that's the worst part: I can't believe that I actually enjoyed eating mediocre food and staring into your smug, sanctimonious face! I hate this place and I hate you.
    • Interestingly turned on its head in "What You Leave Behind", where Garak gives a Reason I Suck Speech, condemning his entire race for their "history of arrogant oppression."
    • Quark gets one in "The Jem'Hadar" on humanity, pointing out that while humans think they're better than the Ferengi, the Ferengi have no history of slavery or world war or other such pleasantries. Although, there is the matter of how they treat their women, so the validity of his statement is suspect.
      Quark: See we're nothing like you. We're better.
    • Sisko gets a good one on then-Vedek Winn in "In The Hands Of The Prophets". She's trying to raise a stink about Keiko O'Brien not teaching a religious interpretation of the wormhole, and denounces the Federation as, basically, godless heathens. Sisko responds by giving up the entire station as an example of how Bajorans do not feel that way, then tells her that, for all her hate-mongering, people will soon forget it ever happened and go on with their lives. Winn can't even form a good comeback other than "We'll see." The whole thing turned out to be a Batman Gambit to assassinate a political rival, of course, but Sisko still owned her.
    • In "The Maquis" Sisko delivers a "the reason WE suck" speech at the Federation.
      Sisko: Do you know what the trouble is? The trouble is Earth. On Earth, there is no poverty, no crime, no war. You look out the window of Starfleet Headquarters and you see Paradise. Well, it's easy to be a saint in Paradise, but the Maquis do not live in paradise. Out there in the Demilitarized Zone, all the problems haven't been solved yet. Out there, there are no saints — just people. Angry, scared, determined people who are going to do whatever it takes to survive, whether it meets with Federation approval or not!"
    • "Homefront / Paradise Lost ": When Sisko heads to Earth to investigate possible Changeling infiltration, one of them comes right up to him to have a chat. He explains that they're caused so much chaos with only four infiltrators, then goes on to boast that the Founders won't lose because they don't fear their enemy, unlike the Federation.
      • At the end of the same episode Sisko scenery-chews an admiral into resigning after he attempted a military coup to prepare Earth for Dominion invasion.
    • In "Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges", Bashir faces his old Section 31 nemesis Sloan again. After the complicated plot unfolds and Bashir realizes that he's been an Unwitting Pawn, he is visited by Sloan at the end of the episode. Sloan hints at his own problems, but also says how they work to counteract Bashir's.
      Sloan: The Federation needs men like you, Doctor - men with conscience, men who can sleep at night. And you're also the reason that Section 31 exists: to protect men like you from a universe which doesn't share your sense of right and wrong.
    • Eddington gets a pretty good one off in "For The Cause" at Sisko:
      Eddington: Why is the Federation so obsessed with the Maquis? We've never harmed you. And yet we're constantly arrested and charged with terrorism. Starships chase us through the Badlands and our supporters are harassed and ridiculed. Why? Because we've left the Federation, and that's the one thing you can't accept. Nobody leaves paradise. Everyone should want to be in the Federation. Hell, you even want the Cardassians to join. You're only sending them replicators because one day they can take their "rightful place" on the Federation Council. You know, in some ways you're even worse than the Borg. At least they tell you about their plans for assimilation. You're more insidious. You assimilate people and they don't even know it."
    • In "Tacking into the Wind ", Ezri Dax gives one to Worf about the Klingon Empire:
      Ezri: I tend to look at the Empire with a little more skepticism than Curzon or Jadzia did. I see a society that is in deep denial about itself. We're talking about a warrior culture that prides itself on maintaining centuries-old traditions of honor and integrity. But in reality, it's willing to accept corruption at the highest levels.
      Worf: You are overstating your case.
      Ezri: Am I? Who was the last leader of the High Council that you respected? Has there even been one? And how many times have you had to cover up the crimes of Klingon leaders because you were told that it was for the good of the Empire? I... I know this sounds harsh, but the truth is, you have been willing to accept a government that you know is corrupt. Gowron is just the latest example. Worf, you are the most honorable and decent man that I've ever met. And if you're willing to tolerate men like Gowron, then what hope is there for the Empire?
      • This then leads Worf to deliver his own speech to Gowron for jeopardizing the Klingon Empire and the entire Alpha Quadrant just to satisfy a political vendetta against Martok.
      Worf: You rule without wisdom and without honor. The warriors that are gathered here will not say this to you, but I will. You are squandering our ships and our lives in a petty act of vengeance! You do not care what happens to the Empire! You only care about Gowron!
      Gowron: I should have known better than to trust you again. If you were a true Klingon I would kill you where you stand! Fortunately for you, that child's uniform shields you from your rightful fate.
      Worf: [places his Starfleet com badge on the table] What I say now, I say as a member of the House of Martok, not a Starfleet officer. Gowron, son of M'Rel, you have dishonored yourself and the Empire, and you are not worthy of leading the Council.
    • In "Civil Defense", an old subroutine on Deep Space Nine is accidentally triggered causing the station to think its still run by Cardassians and a Bajoran revolt is occurring. As thinks get steadily worse, Dukat eventually arrives and mocks everyone for the situation they're in. After giving conditions for him to help he attempts to leave... only to learn of another subroutine in the computer put there in the event he attempted to flee. He's then given a Reason You Suck Speech via recording from his (then at least) superior and is (for the first time in the series) at a complete loss for words.
      Legate Kell: Dukat, if you are seeing this recording, it means you tried to abandon your post while the station's self-destruct sequence was engaged. That will not be permitted. ... You have lost control of Terok Nor, disgracing yourself and Cardassia. Your attempt to escape is no doubt a final act of cowardice. All fail-safes have been eliminated, your personal access codes have been rescinded. The destruct sequence can no longer be halted. All you can do now is contemplate the depth of your disgrace... and try to die like a Cardassian.
      • What's especially funny is that it's completely wrong on the details (since the assumption is that he's still the Prefect), but the superior officer had enough of an understanding of Dukat's personality that a surprising amount of the recorded speech is applicable to the current situation.
    • Garak (sensing a pattern here?) verbally tears Sisko apart in "In the Pale Moonlight", when Sisko storms into his shop and physically attacks him for forging a supposedly-incriminating document from the Dominion and then killing the Senator who discovered that it was a fake. The best part of it is that everything Garak says is correct and his plan goes off without a hitch.
      Garak: That's why you came to me, isn't it Captain? Because you knew I could do those things that you weren't capable of doing. Well, it worked. And you'll get what you wanted: a war between the Romulans and the Dominion. And if your conscience is bothering you, you should soothe it with the knowledge that you may have just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant, and all it cost was the life of one Romulan senator, one criminal... and the self-respect of one Starfleet officer. I don't know about you, but I'd call that a bargain.
    • Sisko's alter ego Benny Russell delivers one to his boss (Odo's alter ego) in "Far Beyond The Stars" when his magazine refuses to publish his story because his protagonist isn't white.
      Russell: To hell with you, and to hell with Stone!...Call anybody you want! They can't do anything to me. Not anymore. And nor can any of you. I am a human being, damn it. You can deny me all you want, but you cannot deny Ben Sisko. He exists! That future, that space station, all those people, they exist, in here (points to his head), in my mind. I created it, and every one of you know it. You read it! It's here! You hear what I'm telling you? You can pulp a story, but you cannot destroy an idea! Don't you understand? That's ancient knowledge. You cannot destroy an idea! That future, I created it, and it's real! Don't you understand? It is real! I created it and it's real! It's real!
    • In "The Changing Face of Evil", both the Federation and the Dominion are shocked when Damar suddenly has an epic Heel–Face Turn and organizes a revolt of Cardassian forces on the Dominion. In a quadrant-wide broadcast, Damar combines a "Reason You Suck" Speech to the Dominion with a Rousing Speech to his fellow Cardassians, encouraging a full-scale Cardassian rebellion.
      Damar: ...and so two years ago, our government signed a treaty with the Dominion. In it the Dominion promised to extend Cardassia's influence throughout the Alpha Quadrant. In exchange, we pledged ourselves to join the war against the Federation and its allies. Cardassians have never been afraid of war, a fact we've proven time and again over these past two years. Seven million of our brave soldiers have given their lives to fulfill our part of the agreement, and what has the Dominion done in return? Nothing. We've gained no new territories. In fact, our influence throughout the quadrant has diminished. And to make matters worse we are no longer masters in our own home. Travel anywhere on Cardassia and what do you find? Jem'Hadar, Vorta, and now Breen. Instead of the invaders we have become the invaded. Our 'allies' have conquered us without firing a single shot. Well, no longer. This morning detachments of the Cardassian First, Third and Ninth Orders attacked the Dominion outpost on Rondac III. This assault marks the first step towards the liberation of our homeland, from the true oppressors of the Alpha Quadrant. I call upon Cardassians everywhere. Resist. Resist today. Resist tomorrow. Resist till the last Dominion soldier has been driven from our soil!
  • Star Trek: Voyager:
    • In "Scorpion (Part 2)", Seven of Nine gives Chakotay one.
      Seven: You are erratic... conflicted... disorganized. Every decision is debated, every action questioned, every individual entitled to their own small opinion. You lack harmony, cohesion, greatness. (beat) It will be your undoing."
    • In "State of Flux", after giving Federation replicator technology to the Kazons, Seska gives one to Janeway and Chakotay before transporting to the Kazon ship.
      Seska: I did it for you. I did it for this crew. We are alone here, at the mercy of any number of hostile aliens, because of the incomprehensible decision of a Federation Captain. A Federation Captain who destroyed our only chance to get home. Federation rules. Federation nobility. Federation compassion? Do you understand, if this had been a Cardassian ship, we would be home now. We must begin to forge alliances. To survive, we must have powerful friends. The Kazon-Nistrim were willing to be our protectors in return for some minor technology.
      Janeway: Minor technology that could change the balance of power in this quadrant.
      Seska: Change it in our favor! That is all that matters at this point. Building a base of power in this quadrant. You are a fool, Captain. (to Chakotay) And you're a fool to follow her.
  • Nancy tries to give one to Jonathan in Stranger Things, but he retaliates by simply turning it around and giving an even more brutal one.
    Nancy: You know, I was actually starting to think you were okay.
    Jonathan: Yeah?
    Nancy: Yeah! Yeah, I was thinking, "Jonathan Byers? Maybe he's not the pretentious creep everyone says he is."
    Jonathan: Well, I was just starting to think that you were okay. I was thinking, "Nancy Wheeler? She's not just another suburban girl who thinks she's rebelling by doing exactly what every other suburban girl does, until that phase passes and you marry some boring one-time job who now works sales, and they live out a perfectly boring little life at the end of a cul-de-sac, exactly like their parents, who they thought were so depressing, but now, hey, They get it."
  • Strangers with Candy features one in nearly every episode, usually prefaced by Jeri Blank telling onlookers "I got something to say!"
  • Stuck in the Middle: Harley gives a bitter meltdown to Bethany Peters' nephew Aidan after he pulls too many straw on her.
    Harley: Of course I'm mad! I been practicing saying Geneva for weeks, And I even practiced saying "Steve," even though we all knew he never had a chance! You are the worst! You are rude, self-centered, obnoxious, rude Did I say "rude" twice? Yeah! That's because you're twice as rude as anyone I've ever met! I can't believe my mom and I wasted time pretending to be nice to you and your aunt so you guys would stop driving us nuts! Do you think she actually liked looking at Ms. Peters' scrunched-up judgy face? Her words, not mine!
    • ...and it goes on and on.
  • On Supernatural it happens quite often to Dean Winchester.
    • Played in the season 5 episode Dark Side of the Moon with Dean's mother (only not really).
      • Death gives one of these to Dean every time they meet (and do they ever put Dean in his place).
    • Dean himself gives a brief but pretty effective one in season 5, though, in Changing Channels:
      Gabriel: You're just gonna, you're gonna leave me here forever?
      Dean: No. We're not, 'cause we don't screw with people the way you do. And for the record? This isn't about some prize fight between your brothers or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about you being too afraid to stand up to your family.
    • Gabriel ends up taking Dean's advice and gives his big brother Lucifer a good one in Hammer of the Gods:
      Gabriel: Play the victim all you want. But you and me? We know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Michael. More than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So all this, it's just a great, big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.
    • In Season 4 episode "After-School Special," this happens twice. In a flashback, Sam delivers one to the school bully, coining the nickname of said bully, Dirk the Jerk. One was also delivered to Dean after a brief love interest catches him with another girl.
    • In "Clip Show", the penultimate Season 8 episode, Crowley uses one to explain to the Winchesters why he's killing all the people they've ever saved. For extra effectiveness, it's delivered over the phone while they're desperately trying to save Sarah, who he's killing with a hex.
      Crowley: What's the line? "Saving people, hunting things. The family business." Well I think, the people you save, they're how you justify your pathetic little lives. The alcoholism, the collateral damage, the pain you've caused... The one thing that allows you to sleep at night — the one thing — is knowing these folks are out there, still out there, happy and healthy because of you. You great big bloody heroes. They're your life's work, and I am going to rip it apart. Piece by piece. Because I can. Because you can't stop me. Because when they're all gone, what will you have left?
    • Bobby gives one to both Sam and Dean in "Weekend at Bobby's":
      Bobby: Sam... Dean... I love you like my own. But sometimes- *takes a long drink* sometimes you two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met! I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you! Everything! You need some lore scrounged up, you need your asses pulled out of the fire, you need someone to bitch to about each other, you call me and I come through, every damn time! And what do I get for it? Jack with a side of squat!
      Dean: Bobby-
      Bobby: Do I sound like I'm done?! Now look. I know you've got issues. God knows I know. But newsflash-you ain't the centre of the universe! Now, it may have slipped your mind that Crowley owns my soul! And the meter is running! And I will be damned if I'm going to sit around and- and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once?
    • Castiel gives Dean a much shorter version of the same thing in the next episode.
      Castiel: Of course. I forgot your needs always come first.
    • Sam gets one from Lucifer in "The Devil in the Details", while showing Sam memories from his past. Given that a lot of the things Lucifer complains about were also moments that had seriously pissed off the fandom due to Sam taking a level in jerkass, this also doubles as a Take That, Scrappy!.
      Lucifer: This is the worst thing you've ever done.
      Past!Sam: So they never told you he was killed in action?
      Sam: Really?
      Lucifer: After the Leviathans, when your brother was trapped in Purgatory, you here-with a girl and a dog. You didn't even bother trying to find him.
      Sam: Y'know what-not that I have to defend myself to you, but Dean and I promised we wouldn't look for each other.
      Lucifer: Right. And if he never came back, you'd be fine. But he did, so you're not. What ever happened to the Sam Winchester who was bold, decisive, and ready to sacrifice for the greater good?
      Sam: Right here.
      Lucifer: Aaand so why did you let Dean talk you out of closing the Gates of Hell? 'Cause the old Sam never would have done that. Not ever.
      Sam: I did it-
      Lucifer No wait, wait, wait, here's my personal favourite, is you doing every stupid thing you could to cure the Mark, even after you knew it would go bad.
      Sam: My brother was DYING!
      Lucifer: Yes, and you'd do ANYTHING to save him and he'd do ANYTHING to save you, and THAT IS THE PROBLEM, because of THIS! You're so overcome by guilt that you can't STAND to lose Dean again and he could NEVER lose you, and so instead of choosing the world you choose each other, no matter how many innocent people die!
    • Lucifer also gives one to Mercury right before killing him in "Hammer of the Gods".
      Lucifer': You know, I never understood you pagans, always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be Gods. And they call me prideful.
    • Dean gives one to himself and Sam in the S10 finale.
      Dean: You were right, Sam. You knew the world would be better without us in it?
      Sam: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean.
      Dean: Why? Because we — we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity — our family, our friends, it's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it.
      Sam: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me.
      Dean: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you —when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world.
  • Jeff tried to give one of these to Russell Hantz during the reunion of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains, by telling him that amazingly enough, if you backstab, lie to and generally do your best to piss off the jury, they won't be so wowed by your strategy that they'll vote for you anyway. Unfortunately, Russell was so obsessed with the idea that he should have won that he refused to even consider the idea:
    Jeff: Russell, stop. Hang on. Take a deep breath with me. Are you aware during the game, like when you get in an argument with Rupert, that that's vicious, that you're probably not going to get his vote? When you betray Jerri? Probably not gonna get her vote. Are you thinking of that? Or do you think, 'Well, that's two votes but I've got others'? Are you aware of the jury? This is a fundamental question. Do you think about the fact that the social game is something you're missing?
    Russell: I don't care about that fact! I play the game as hard as I can. I do what I have to do. I do what I can do. And you know what? I make it to the end every time.
    (Redemption Island begs to differ.)
    • Reed Kelly gave Missy Payne a massive one in the finale to San Juan del Sur. He even managed to make Missy's daughter cry.
      Reed: Missy, you cast yourself as the motherly figure, however, fans of classic literary fiction will see through very quickly to who your true character was, which is The Wicked Stepmother, really, of the tribe. It's the eccentric woman who comes in and makes demands of everyone for the things to which she feels so entitled. You know, she spoils her children, by perhaps giving them more rice at dinner or the best places to sleep at night in the shelter. Um, she takes things she's either not entitled to, or didn't earn herself, which is always evidenced by the fact that you got more "gimmees" in this game than anyone, and performed the worst out of anyone at challenges. Lastly, you made the quintessential "Wicked Stepmother" move, by abusing the help, which, in this case, was the minority alliances throughout the game. You always made sure they felt inferior, you always kept them in their place, and you always made it imminently clear that they weren't coming to "The Ball" that is the tribal council here this evening with you, so, that to me feels like your fatal flaw in your whole plan, because, unlike life, in the game of Survivor, the outcasts are the ones who get the final say, so, in a sweeping moment of poetic justice, the people to which you were so rude and terrible to before relegating them to the jury with the help of your alliance are going to decide your fate this evening. This is why I love Fairy Tales, because they always have a happy ending, and The Wicked Stepmother never wins.
    • Ozzy gives a short, but effective one to Varner after he outs Zeke.
      Ozzy: Jeff, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should be ashamed of yourself for what you're willing to do to get yourself further in a game for a million dollars, it's like you're playing with people's lives at this point.

    T 
  • In Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Cromartie actually delivers one of these to Sarah after he captures her in "Mr. Ferguson Is Ill Today", explaining how she screwed up and how he managed to find her, and throws in a few jabs at Cameron and John for good measure.
  • In The Terror, Captain Crozier gently but insistently tries to make Sir John Franklin see the error of his current course and how truly dire their circumstances are. However, the snobbish but generally amiable Sir John is more than a little overwhelmed by the pressures he's facing: the deaths of his men, the reality that his poor judgement trapped both ships in ice, and the increasing likelihood that he has not only failed to salvage his tattered reputation but sullied it further. In response, he unleashes a vitriolic speech that cuts right to Crozier's core, all the more devastating for many genuinely good points he makes about Crozier's own failings. He even seems to realize how cruel he's been, since he ends it with a weak plea for them to just get along without being friends.
    Sir John: I have lost six men on this expedition to date. Six! And you ask me to risk more than doubling that number trekking over distant ground where you know I have lost men in years past. I'll hear no more of this. I will not lose another man, Francis.
    Crozier: We may lose all our men! That is what my alarm is ringing now, Sir John. And I, I am at a loss why yours is not.
    Sir John: You are the worst kind of second, Francis. You abuse your freedoms. You complain in the safety of speculation, you claim foresight in disasters that never happen, and you are weak in your vices because your rank affords you privacy and deference. You've made yourself miserable and distant, and hard to love, and you blame the world for it. I'm not the sailor you are, Francis, never will be. But you will never be fit for command. And, as your Captain, I take some responsibility for that. For the vanity of your outlook. I should have curbed these tendencies, rather than sympathized with them, because you seem to have confused my sympathy with tolerance, but there is a limit to how much I can tolerate, and that is where we are presently standing! There are some things we were never meant to be to one another. I see that now. Friends on my side. Relations on yours. So let us turn our energies back to being what the Admiralty, and life, have seen fit to make us. We should give that our best. There can be no argument between us there.
  • That '70s Show. Kitty bashed Laurie with a very simple sentence: "You're a brat, you're goofing off in college and you're mean to your brother". Then there was the time Eric chewed out two jocks who complained that the beer keg at Eric's party had a broken tap... which was broken because they had broken it a few minutes ago. And the time when Eric called out Red. "You know how you always tell me to be a man? Well, BE A MAN!"
  • Nicola Murray's first day in The Thick of It starts going downhill when she finds herself on the receiving end of one of these speeches from Malcolm Tucker — specifically, when he learns that she's supporting the improvement of state schools while sending her daughter to a private school.
    Malcolm: Jesus H Fucking Corbett. Do you honestly think — do you honestly believe that, as a minister, you can get away with that? You are saying that all your local state schools, all the schools that this government has drastically improved are knife-addled rapesheds and that's not a big story? For fuck's sake! Sort it, or abort it.
    Nicola: Let's get this clear: my family is off limits! All right? This job is not gonna get anywhere near my husband or my kids — it just doesn't —
    Malcolm: Of course it fucking does; as per the wee barcode and the serial number under your right armpit, you are now built and owned by the state, and you are under the spotlight twenty-four hours a day, darling. You know what you are? You're a fucking human dartboard, and Eric fucking Bristow's on the oche, flingin' a million darts made of human shit right at you: can you take that? CAN YOU?
    Nicola: Okay, look, you — the all-swearing eye — you didn't even know how many kids I had, you had to ask me! So who on earth in the press is going to even know or care?
    Malcolm: Do you remember The Big Breakfast? Do you remember that program? You remember how Chris Evans started that, you know how that was a big success? And then they had that guy, Johnny Vaughan, you remember him? Everybody loved him — fuck knows why, but they loved him. Do you know what this is, here? This here is series ten of The Big Breakfast, and you're the fucking dinner lady that they have asked to come and present the show. The reason I didn't know about you and your children is 'cause you were so low down on the list of candidates for this job, I didn't even have the chance to look into you. (Beat) So low. Waaaaaaaaaay way way way way way way way... low. You are now being scrutinized for what you wear and what you say: for your hair, your shoes, your fucking earrings, your fucking cleavage, and your dress — which, by the way, is way too loud.
    Nicola: Too loud?
    Malcolm: Yeah, I'm getting fuckin' tinnitus, here. (Beat) Look, your crooked husband I can make go away... but your crooked husband, combined with you being worried about your underaged daughter coming home up the duff from some truanting bastard, I cannot. She goes to the comp.
    • An episode later, Nicola fucks up: her department has lost seven months worth of files, nobody has any idea where the backup went, Nicola has succeeded in making herself look like a Soap Box Sadie Granola Girl in a conference with the press, and ultimately ended up revealing the scandal about the lost files to an on-the-record journalist. And naturally, Malcolm lets her have it:
      Malcolm: I just wanted to say to you, by way of introductory remarks, that I'm extremely miffed about today's events, and in my quest to try to make you understand the level of my unhappiness, I'm likely to use an awful lot of what we would call violent sexual imagery, and I just wanted to check that neither of you would be terribly offended by that.
      Nicola: I could actually do without the theatrics, I think, Malcolm —
      Malcolm: Enough. E-fucking-nough. You need to learn to shut your fucking cave. Right? Today, you have laid your first big fat egg of solid fuck. You took the data loss media strategy, and you ate it with a lump of E coli, and then you sprayed it out of your arse at three hundred miles per hour.
      Nicola: I simply made a mistake —
      Malcolm: You got "on the record" and "off the record" fuckin' mixed up! What would have happened if, like, George Martin had done that? We'd have no fucking Beatles, that's what. Now, I don't give a fuck about that, I've had to fuckin' sit next to Paul McCartney at fuckin' Checkers.
      Nicola: The data loss wasn't my fault.
      Malcolm: Fine, yeah, but I tell you what, it came out fuckin' pretty fast once you were in there, didn't it? Which makes me wonder, should I just go and talk to the boss? Should I go and tell him "I don't think she's up to the job"?
      Nicola: You said yourself that if the PM sacks me after a week, it looks like he's fucked up!
      Malcolm: Yeah, but that was before, when your biggest problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper and a face like Dot Cotton lickin' piss off a nettle!
      Nicola: Okay, I messed up! Right? I messed up! But I will, from now on, listen to every bit of advice you give me: I'll go on Question Time wearing a push-up bra and a fez, I'll do the Hustings on stilts if that is what you tell me the strategy is, because you know about that stuff, Malcolm, I know that. It's just I've got things I want to do, alright.
      Malcolm: 'Course you do, mate. Montessori fuckin' Rockinghorses or something. The Mail have the motherload on this, so that means that there is a way through this for us, but it entails you, M'dear, eating a complete concrete mixer full of humble pie.
    • In a later episode, one of the more seriously dramatic ones, someone who is totally unconnected to politics (and is indeed very sympathetic and admirable) has just had his career ruined thanks to Nicola. Notably, even Malcolm feels bad about this, and is trying (not particularly successfully) to be genuinely gentle and nice about it. While Nicola's trying not to break down with guilt, Malcolm tells her that this PR clusterfuck is a war with the Opposition, so she's going to have to fight. She responds with a short, but very accurate, rant about how all this trouble (plus virtually every other thing that's gone wrong in the series,) is the result of people like Malcolm being obsessed with fighting and power, and that this attitude is the reason people despise politics so much. Unfortunately, Malcolm isn't even vaguely impressed; after telling her to "Spare me your psycho-fanny" and telling her a series of lies about how the opposition are mocking her misfortune, he makes her an offer that makes her fling her priciples to the wind and turn the aforementioned PR clusterfuck into a war with the opposition.
    • In Series 4, Nicola has ended up becoming Leader of the Opposition between seasons. However, when it turns out that she's about the weakest possible leader the party could have been saddled with, Malcolm orchestrates a scheme to force her out of the job. And as a final insult to injury, when Nicola tries to suck up to the new Opposition Leader, Malcom delivers one last magnificent speech explaining just how little standing she has.
      Malcolm: You are not a grandee, you are a fucking "blandee". No-one knew what the fuck you stood for. Political fucking mist! No substance, no weight. You've got all the charm of a rotting teddy bear by a graveside. And by the way, women fucking hate you! I can show you the polling: they think you come across as a jittery mother at a wedding. The best thing you ever did in your flat-lining non-leadership was call for an inquiry, because it will fuck the government and it will fuck you. Now, please, just fuck off back to your home, you headless frump, and prepare for your column in Grazia.
      Nicola: Okay... you... well... you just need to know that you have absolutely... fucking done it now, Malcolm, because you are about to find out what it feels like to have me pissing into your tent!
      Malcolm: Well, you know what? Your piss will never fuckin' make it into my tent, because by some unforseen Nicola Murray-shaped fiasco — like every fuckin' Nicola-Murray-shaped fiasco I've had to deal with for the last two years — you'll end up blowing your own fuckin' stream into your own fuckin' face! There's your golden handshake!
    • Glenn's quitting scene in the final episode comes complete with an epic one that calls out everyone in the Do SAC department:
      Glenn Cullen: Come on out everyone! Tally-ho! COME ON, BRING OUT YOUR FUCKING DEAD! Right, everybody listen, I've got an announcement to make! [...] Morally, this department is in the gutter! [...] You, Fergus, when you asked me to join you, all you had was your principles, but over the last two years, you've bent like a human fucking palm tree, swaying to the guff of these six-toed, born-to-rule, pony-fuckers! [...] Oh! Adam, you're waiting for your turn! Oh no! I remember, it's your turn right now! You are simply the most loathsome human being I have ever met! You were so well suited at The Mail, it's a shame you came over here! Do you know what, I hate you both! Tweedle-twat and Tweedle-prick! You contribute absolutely nothing to the world so THANK FUCKING GOD YOU HAVE NO POWER! [...] And Peter, it's been dreadful. I hope your cock falls off. Phil, do you know what you are? You're like an eight-year-old trapped in a twelve-year-old's body! [...] And Emma — Emma, I'm sorry, you're just a standard issue, insipid posh bitch. That's it! Terri? I don't think I've ever met someone so proud and yet quite so useless. But I do have to thank you, because I have managed to stay in shape, purely though the energy I spend in pitying you every day! Fuck you all up the wrong 'un! Ta-ta! Bye-bye!
  • Top Gear: In the Africa Special, after all three presenters agreed publicly that all their cars were the best ("Like one of those primary school sports days."), with not one of them standing above the others, all three proceed to get into their cars and talk about about how their cars were really the best to the audience and how the others were really bad.
    Hammond: Rubbish! If this were a school sports day, here's how it's worked out. Everyone's got all excited because the BMW, the fat kid, and the Volvo, the geeky, speccy, nerdy kid have both finished the cross country course. "Oh, well done, we're so amazed you did it! We're so surprised yet well done there." But let's not forget the fact that the genuinely sporty kid, the Subaru — who's actually good at this stuff — also finished, and finished well! Because it's the best. Fact!
  • A Touch of Cloth: Parodied in Touch of Cloth III, when Jack gives Oldman a deconstructing speech until he's literally just frothing spit in her face.
  • True Blood, Season 3, "Everything is Broken" Big Bad Russell Edgington lays a "The Reason You Suck" Speech smackdown on Humanity at large on live TV:
    Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly three thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetuate the idea that we are just like you. I suppose in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of pertinence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you because let's face it eating people is a tough sale these days so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake. Mine is the true face of vampire! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children. Now time for the weather. Tiffany?
  • The Twilight Zone (1959)
    • Throughout "The Masks", the dying millionaire has been quietly insulting his greedy family; however, close to the end of his Becoming the Costume plot, he delivers an impressive rant against them before dying and leaving them horribly disfigured by their masks.
      Emily Harper: Are you feeling weaker, father?
      Jason Foster: At last, a note of hope in your voice, Emily.
      Emily Harper: Why must you always say such miserable, cruel things to me?!
      Wilfred Harper Sr.: Yes, father, I quite agree!
      Jason Foster: Why indeed, Emily, because you're cruel and miserable people! Because none of you respond to love! Emily responds only to what her petty hungers dictate! Wilfred responds only to things that have weight and bulk and value! He feels books, he doesn't read them! He appraises paintings, he doesn't seek out their truth or their beauty! And Paula there lives in a mirror; the world is nothing more to her than a reflection of herself. And her brother... Humanity, to him, is a small animal, caught in a trap, to be tormented! His pleasure is the giving of pain, and from this he receives the same sense of fulfillment most human beings get from a kiss or an embrace! You're caricatures, all of you! Even without your masks, you're caricatures!
    • In "The Brain Center At Whipple's", Dickerson breaks into the Whipple's manufacturing plant and tells Wallace V. Whipple off for replacing him and the rest of the company's employees with machines.
      • This later gets an Ironic Echo, when Whipple himself is replaced by a machine, after having a mental breakdown from isolation, alone in a machine filled factory.
      • Also from the same episode, Whipple's right hand man, who has so far kept his cool while only trying to calmly warn Whipple of the consequences for his action, learns-as he suspected-that he is being replaced as well. All while Whipple happily informs him, that he will be receiving compensation for his services and expects them to still be good friends. His response? He acts like he going to accept his offer, before slapping Whipple in the face and refusing his offer of severance on the grounds "I would prefer leaving with my dignity."
    • The series in general loves this trope; it pops up in quite a few episodes.
    • Rod Serling was also quite fond of using the villain-to-hero variation, often as a trigger for a Heroic BSoD.
Advertisement:

    V 
  • In The Vampire Diaries, Vicki lays into Elena for breaking up with Matt in "Haunted".
    Vicki: Let's get one thing straight you perky little bitch. You had my brother whipped for 15 years. 15 years and then you dumped him. When I look at you that is all I see. And I will see Jeremy whenever I want because I have some fun new little toys to play with and I won't think twice about ripping your little head off.
    • Matt gives one to Rebekah that turns out to be a hallucination; hence, Rebekah's own subconscious was telling her why she sucked.
    • Mikael delivers one powerful enough to make big bad Klaus cry. Doesn't work, but sheer reaction makes this a winner.
    Mikael: To what end, Niklaus? So you can live forever, with no-one at your side? Nobody cares about you any more, boy! Who do you have, other than those whose loyalty you forced? No-one. No-one...
  • In Veep episode "Andrew", Ed gives a brief but harsh one to Jonah:
    "Jonah, you're not even a man. You're like an early draft of a man, where they just sketched out a giant mangled skeleton, but they didn't have time to add details, like pigment or self-respect. You're Frankenstein's monster, if his monster was made entirely of dead dicks."
    • In "Convention," Amy delivers an absolutely blistering one to first Selina's useless new adviser, Karen, and then Selina herself:
      Amy: Have you been sent from the future to destroy me? 'cause it's working! 'I think that each candidate has merits and demerits and I don't know my left buttcheek from my right buttcheek, but I believe in listening to both buttcheeks and then farting out my asshole mouth!' It's not even bullshit! Bullshitting takes talent. You have none! You're just a Blah-Blah-Blah-Blah-Bitch!
      Selina: Okay, Amy, that is enough.
      Amy: I have bitten my tongue so long it looks like a dog's cushion, but no more! You have made it impossible to do this job! You have two settings; No Decision and Bad Decision. I wouldn't let you run a bath without having the coast guard and fire department standing by, but yet here you are running America! You are the worst thing to happen to this country since food in buckets, and maybe slavery! I've had enough. I'm gone.
      Selina: [as Amy is walking out of the room] Well, I guess she's finished with her little — oh, nope, look at that, there's more.
      Amy: You have achieved nothing —
      Selina: Uh-huh.
      Amy: — apart from one thing. The fact that you are a woman means we will have no more women Presidents. Because we tried one, and she fucking sucked. Goodbye, ma'am.
  • Veronica Mars: Veronica gets one at Duncan with just one sentence: "You. Stand. Idly. By." On the surface, she's just saying that while he may not have been behind that mudslinging campaign against his principal opponent in the race for student council president, he allowed it to happen, but the subtext is that she's really letting him have it for standing by and doing nothing while all his friends trashed her reputation.

    W 
  • Fairly early on in Weeds, Shane delivers one to the entire town;
    As I stand before you today, on the brink of Junior High, here is what I have to say: YOU HAVE FAILED US ALL! Everything is not okay. We have become alienated, desensitized, angry, and frightened. If we picture Agrestic as an airplane, a grand, soaring jet, carrying us through the sky, I think you all need to understand there are motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
  • The West Wing:
    • President Bartlet walks in for his first appearance. He tells a group of affronted Christians that they're not getting anything from him until they stand up to the vile extremists within their ranks.
    • Also, Cliff Calley gives a great one to a Republican congressman who wants to force Leo to admit that he fell off the wagon during the first Bartlet campaign in order to humiliate him during the hearings in "Bartlet for America."
      Cliff: This is bush league. This is why good people hate us, this, right here, this thing... And if you proceed with this line of questioning, I will resign this committee and wait in the tall grass for you, Congressman, because you are killing the party.
    • Toby gives a lot of these, most notably in 17 People, when he finds out about Bartlet's MS.
    • Sam gives another great one when he fires the jerkass staffers who send Republican counsel Ainsley Hayes (who had previously humiliated Sam) a bouquet of dead flowers with a placard that says "bitch".
      Sam: You know what, guys? When I write something, I sign my name. *pulls their desk calendar out* Do you have any idea how big a harassment suit you just exposed us to? She just- she works here. Which is more than I can say to either one of you. [writes on the calendar] You're fired. S. Seaborn.
    • Donna gives a speech to Josh and Toby in "20 Hours in America", telling them essentially that they've been jackasses to people all day and that they don't understand what's important to Americans.
  • In Westworld, Lee Sizemore presents his new storyline, "Odyssey on Red River," an utterly tasteless orgy of violence, sex and "self-cannibalism." After telling Sizemore "no" in no uncertain terms, Robert Ford tells him exactly why his idea's no good.
    Robert: ...What is the point of it? Get a couple of cheap thrills? Some surprises? But it's not enough. It's not about giving the guests what you think they want. No, that's simple. The titillation, horror, elation... They're parlor tricks. The guests don't return for the obvious things we do, the garish things. They come back because of the subtleties, the details. They come back because they discover something they imagine no on had ever noticed before... something they've fallen in love with. They're not looking for a story that tells them who they are. They already know who they are. They're here because they want a glimpse of who they could be. The only thing your story tells me, Mr. Sizemore, is who you are.
    Lee: ...Well, isn't there anything you like about it?
    Robert: ...What size are those boots?
  • The Wire:
    • Detective Moreland (aka The Bunk) gives one of these to Omar, largely because of Do Not Do This Cool Thing. Omar may be perhaps the most badass character in Baltimore, but his actions have consequences.
    • McNulty gets at least three before the series concludes due to his self-destructive behavior.
    • McNulty himself also delivers one to Brianna Barksdale, D'Angelo's mother for convincing her son that the right thing to do was to stay loyal to their violent, drug-dealing organization, in spite of being a father himself and having a twenty-year sentence hanging over his head. This would in turn lead to that same violent, drug-dealing organization to decide that D'Angelo was too much of a loose thread and have him killed in spite of his loyalty. The biggest cut into her though is when she asks McNulty why he went to D'Angelo's baby's-mama with this information rather than herself, he replies that he was just trying to find someone that cared about D'Angelo.
    • Lester Freamon gives one to McNulty which actually seems to affect him, because it hits his self-image as a good policeman. The context is McNulty focusing on his personal vendetta against Stringer Bell rather than on a more violent drug dealer the Major Crimes Squad needs to take down to ensure its continued survival in the politics-ridden BPD:
      Freamon: You even pretending to speak for anyone other than yourself, McNulty?
      McNulty: I'm speaking for the job.
      Freamon: You wanna talk about policework? I was doing the job when you was just dreaming on it. Daniels was out there too. Now you're gonna fuck him when he pulled you off a God-damn boat? ...Maybe Daniels plays a few games to get by but he's cost himself plenty for the sake of the job! He's earned some loyalty...Motherfucker I spent a lot of time in a lot of weak units - more than you. Now this here may not be perfect, but it's a chance to be police...You're not even worth the skin off my knuckles junior. You put fire to everything you touch McNulty then you walk away while it burns. I got nothing more to say to you. Nothing.
  • In WKRP in Cincinnati Andy is about to drunkenly say one to Mrs. Carlson, which could have gotten him fired. Fortunately, he was so plastered, he fainted before he could even start.
    Andy: I have just two things to say to you!
    Arthur: Andy...
    Andy: Number two— [falls unconscious]
  • In The Wonder Years, Kevin gives a crushing blow to Wayne when one of Wayne's pranks goes too far and he accidentally sucks up the class hamster in the vacuum cleaner:
    Kevin: You want to know why Angela wouldn't come over?!
    Wayne: Shut up!
    Kevin: Because she doesn't like you, Wayne!
    Wayne: Shut up!
    Kevin: She doesn't - nobody does!
    Wayne: Shut up!
    Kevin: No! You may be bigger than me, and stronger than me. But you know what, Wayne? I have friends! Nobody likes you, Wayne! You're just mean, to everybody, all the time, because... nobody likes you! You're pathetic!


Top

Example of:

/
/

Feedback