- The comics have one where, after a whole week of Riley insulting telemarketers and getting caught, Granddad answers the phone and promptly endures several minutes of telemarketing, eventually giving up and telling Riley to abuse away.
- In the comics, Jazmine disappears as a regular character for a very long time - which is explained as a bout of agoraphobia. When she finally does come back, Huey - being Huey - naturally hadn't even noticed her absence. He even has trouble remembering her name at first.Jazmine: "I can't believe this! All this time and you didn't realize I was gone? I guess you were two busy sitting here making mean spirited comments about the world to realize we hadn't seen each other in two years!"Huey: "By the way, did you hear that 'Meth And Red' got canc-"Jazmine: "AAAAARGH!" <stomps away>
- A great deal of Caesar's one-liners - often coupled with an Aside Glance from either Huey or Caesar - or Huey and Caesar's banters back and forth, tend to be very funny. Given how compelling Huey tends to make himself, seeing Caesar diffuse him with a simple Non Sequitur often makes a great punchline. The contrasts between his optimism and Huey's very grim, serious nature are often hilarious.
Caesar: "Man, it's depressing."Huey: "Yeah... it's so hard to laugh, or smile, or be funny."Caesar: "Wait... you never laugh, smile or say anything funny."Huey: "What's your point?"
- Especially exchanges like this, since Caesar is very good at picking up on Hypocritical Humor.
- As the series went on a Running Gag started with Caesar taking self-referential digs at Huey's general demeanor.
Caesar: "I'm so disappointed in Bill Cosby. I am officially offended."Huey: "I still think Fat Albert is tight. It could've been a lot worse."Caesar: "Maybe you're right. They could've been angry all the time. That's really annoying."Huey: "Ha ha."
- Or the two of them on the original Fat Albert, which Huey enjoys but Caesar doesn't get.
Huey: "Knowledge is the gift that keeps giving the whole year. So this year I gave people lecture coupons, entitling them to a free one-hour lecture from me."Caesar: "So now everyone can know my pain."Huey: "Exactly - HEY!"
- In another instance, Huey once gave everyone he knew the Christmas gift of an hour-long lecture on their flaws, the state of the world, etc - with the exception of Caesar, who was the only person he didn't have a problem with. Nevertheless, Caesar didn't miss the opportunity to get a jab in.
Huey: "You know what's bothering me?"Caesar: "Everyone and everything everywhere?"Huey: <Death Glare>Caesar: <slight smirk>Huey: "You trying to say I complain too much?"'''Caesar: "I'm sure there's a legitimate reason for you to be upset each and every morning without exception for the entire duration of our friendship."<Beat>Caesar: "See?"
- In yet another instace, this exchange. And its follow up.
- The whole comic's plot of Huey and Caesar trying to get Condoleezza Rice a man so she won't destroy the world.
- When Riley forgets to take out the trash one time too many, Granddad gives him the worst punishment he can think of: he forces Riley to go see Catwoman. Everyone involved agrees that this is a punishment far more horrible than the crime.Riley: "NOOOOOOOOO!"
- The tale of Jolly Jenkins. In the strip's earlier days, Huey gets annoyed by Jazmine's childish enthusiasm about Santa Claus, and instead convinces her that the real Santa is actually an imprisoned black man named "Jolly Jenkins" - he then continues to push this mostly for the sake of trolling Tom.
- At one point, Huey manages to converted the entire DuBois family◊. It's one of the earliest examples of Tom losing it.
- The capper is classic Boondocks irony: Tom and Huey hash it out, and Huey points out that even if Jolly Jenkins was fake, he likes to remember a certain unjustly killed revolutionary at Christmastime (read: Jesus). Tom completely fails to get it.◊
- To make this funnier, eventually Huey does end up believing in Santa Claus... but only because he comes to believe St. Nick is member of the Illuminati.
- After Ronald Reagan's death, Huey and Caesar have a conversation about selective memory and how idols and important people have their poor traits whitewashed after death. In the end, Huey concludes that it is best to accept flaws for what they are instead of rewriting history, which unfortunately for him leads to this...Huey: "When I pass, speak freely of my shortcoming and my flaws. Learn from them, for I'll have no ego to injure..."Caesar: "Ok, great. So it's cool if I mention your hair?"Caesar: "You'll be dead. Don't worry about it. Yeesh... and then there's your shoes..."Huey: (very defensive) "Hey! What's wrong with my shoes?!"
- One from the comic that made the rounds quite a few times on social media while the show was still current: Caesar predicts the success of the television series years in advance.
- The running gag that "they can't all be deep," when a character's attempts at insightful reflection turn out pointless or ridiculous. It usually happens to Huey, as Caesar is more up front when he wants to talk nonsense, but it's been known to strike him too.Huey: I think when our conversations get this inane, it's actually time to go back to school...
- Huey on Red Bull. No Indoor Voice, just to start. And you thought he was intense before.
- Huey sometimes uses revolutionary rhetoric in very mundane situations, usually to cover what he's really thinking. At one point, he makes an analogous speech to Grandpa about African Americans not appreciating their natural beauty in order to get out of mowing the lawn. And then there's this...Huey: "The system has failed us. You can't deny that. When there are systemic problems, you cannot excel with any degree of certainty. Indeed, one is often forced down a path of failure despite one's best efforts. Achievement is no longer a function of talent, cunning or perserverence... there is no justice! No fairness! Our fates are thrown to a structure of rules that are flawed an inconsistent! Let's take, as an example, the election mess in Florida-"Riley: (cutting him off) "Huey... there's nothing wrong with your joystick. You're really bad at video games. Get over it.◊"
- Another time, Caesar tries to get Huey to sled down a really big, very scary hill with him. Huey tries every excuse in the book to get out of it, ultimately going with a spiel about how "extreme sports" and "reckless suicides" are counterrevolutionary and would only play into his enemies' hands. Which results in one of the few instances of Caesar losing his patience.
Huey: "Go ahead and call me what you want, but I'm not sledding down this hill. Didn't you hear what happened to Peter Hoffman last week?"Caesar: "No... what happened?"Huey: "He started sledding down this hill and then WHAM!"Caesar: (eyes wide) "What? What?"Huey: (averting his eyes) "Uh... he gets run over by this little blond kid and a stuffed tiger goin', like, 80 miles per hour. Nearly killed him..."Caesar: "Will you please just acknowledge you're being a wuss?"
- In that same set of strips, there's Huey's earlier attempt to get out of sledding - which has a nice Shout-Out at the end.
- Huey shows that Star Wars fans have always been a rather finnicky bunch, by way of a very atypical fan meltdown.
- The Halloween after The Phantom Menace came out, Jazmine went out as Jar Jar Binks. Someone threw things at her. Meanwhile, that Halloween Huey remembers throwing apples at someone dressed as Jar Jar. They don't make the connection until a few days later.
- In which Huey's breadth of knowledge turns out to be a liability when making threats. His shot is so lame, Riley just walks away despite being ready to fight him a second before. Riley.
- "READ, DUMMY!" Even funnier not just for the Peanuts reference, but because this is possibly the only time comics Cindy ever gets one over on anybody.
- The payoff to the plot where Huey is trying to get his family to buy into the Y2K scare along with him. For days he tries to stockpile rations, tries to get Granddad to buy a generator, and in general chides his family for not being prepared while they wave him off. On Dec 31, 1999, he's shown solemnly writing an Apocalyptic Log as the New Year approaches... and then the lights go off. The next strip has Huey totally freaking out, yelling through the house wondering if the nuclear apocalypse has hit yet. We see him randomly swinging a baseball bat around his room when Granddad, laughing his head off, turns the lights back on.◊
- Also from the "mowing the lawn" set of strips: Huey vs Procrastination. Huey loses. Repeatedly. But manages to be very poetic about it, regardless.Huey: (to himself) Ok, brutal self-honesty time. Your failure to begin this yard work means you're in the midst of a full-scale procrastination attack. Despite my opposition to the task at hand, it is imperative that I get right to work. It's all about diligence and productivity. I know exactly what to do first. Look out, grass!
Huey: (sigh) "This is utterly ridiculous. Being a prisoner to labor is no way to live... that's it! No more procrastination! I'm getting up and cutting this grass. It's time for decisive action! Now I just gotta (yawn) figure out whether to start with the front... or the back. But either way, this is the moment of truth! There's nothing left to think about... here is when focus and discipline come into play... yessir..."Huey: "Zzzzz."
- And again...
- Everything about the arc where Caesar somehow convinces Huey to take a vacation. It starts with Huey having absolutely no idea how to relax...Huey: Relaxing thoughts?Caesar: Only relaxing thoughts.Huey: Can I think about Al Gore and Joe Lieberman beating each other silly in a pay-per-view steel cage death match to determine who's the biggest loser of all time?Caesar: (with a long-suffering eyeroll) Sigh... if it relaxes you, yes...
Huey: (a "tragic moment in black history") Kid 'N Play was doomed the moment "Kid" got rid of his high-top. No question.Huey: (the "great mystery of our day") Yeah... Vin Diesel's black.Huey: (a "new level of cosmic understnding") The Cosby Show really jumped the shark when Raven Simone showed up.
- The next few strips thus solely feature Huey laying on a lawn chair, sipping lemonade, trying to relax... but mostly just letting out his inner Cloud Cuckoolander as his mind goes on random tracts of complete nonsense, all while the narration snarkly gushes about how supposedly deep and insightful his thoughts are. At one point, the narrator even actively forces him to stop thinking about politics.
Caesar: Well... um...Huey: IS THE POPE STILL CATHOLIC?!Caesar: NO PANICKING!
- The kicker of the arc, however, is the ending, when Huey comes off from vacation to find that he missed the news that Snoop Dogg quit marijuana. Which he treats as if he's slept through the apocalypse.
- Another comics example, while masquerading as Huey, the following exchange occurs between Riley and Jazmine.Jazmine: Wow, Riley, you look just like Huey.Riley: I am Huey.Jazmine: Stop playing, Riley!Riley: If I'm not Huey then why do I have a big afro and a disapproving glare? Now, bring me all the money in your piggy bank so I can do something smart with it!Jazmine: But Huey...Riley: HUEY HAS SPOKEN!
- Yet another comics example.Huey: Wake up. Hey, wake up!Riley: Why? It's Sunday.Huey: I don't know! Granddad told me to wake you up, so get up!Riley: So what....you're my alarm clock now?Huey: I guess so.Riley: Fine.Riley then proceeds to slap Huey in the face, then roll over in bed again.Riley: Snooze.
- From the comics, Grandad finds a pair of underwear sitting on the table while he's cooking dinner."I don't mind crispy lettuce on my table. I don't mind crispy bacon on my table. But what I do mind on my table are someone's crispy, nasty drawers!"
- And he just won't let it go. He spends the entire week complaining about their "nasty, funky drawers!"
- Even funnier is that this interrupts a plot going on with Huey and Caesar. One moment the two of them are in the middle of a deep conversation, the next Grandpa starts yelling about the underwear. Caesar immediately declares it a family problem and gets the heck out of there, effectively putting the whole thing on hold like one big Non Sequitur.
- The comics where Grandad and Tom go see Brokeback Mountain. They have no idea what the movies really about, they just think its a manly cowboy movie. It's particularly sealed not only by Tom and Grandad running into a gay couple at the theater and not knowing it but by Grandad's reaction when he sees the movieGrandad: That's not manly! That's not manly!
- Riley decides that he hates the cutesy names of the streets, so he renames them. He's worried about getting caught, because he decided to name a street after himself. Even better - just before he gets caught, he manages to trick Cindy McPhearson into getting caught for the crimes anyway.
- After seeing a news report about Abu Gharib prison, Granddad decides to make a video protesting it. He's prepared a graph showing that since George Bush was elected, the number of "nekkid" (naked) men on his TV has gone from almost zero to "way too d*** much". He concludes the week of strips by saying "Remember: A vote for George Bush is a vote for nekkid men on my TV. And that's nasty if you ask me."
- In a few strips, there was a parody endorsement for McDonald's, with Uncle Ruckus eating a hamburger, and he says that you should eat at this place "If you want to look like me!". It ends with him having a heart attack."Run to your nearest McDonald's and tell them The Boondocks sent you!"
- "At this point, we're hoping McDonald's will pay us to stop doing this."
- When Caesar is stewing about Janet Jackson getting together with Justin Timberlake, Huey decides to give him a little gadfly payback. Though his attempts at Honest Advisor don't entirely work out.
- Another strip referenced McDonald's infamous "I'd hit it" campaign. For added hilarity, there is a footnote reading "Actual McDonald's ad" in the corner.
- This dialogue between Mr. Petto and Michael Caesar:Petto: Thank you, Mr. Caesar. Now if you would kindly return to your—Caesar: FRESH for 01' you SUCKAS!!!Petto: Mr. Caesar, how many times have I told you that a simple "the end" will suffice?Caesar: That's okay, Mr. Petto, I don't mind putting in the extra effort.
- In this strip◊, Huey and Caesar watch a Walmart TV ad featuring Pinky and the Brain, explicitly comparing the global supermarket chain to the cartoon mice's goal to Take Over the World.
- In the Halloween 2004 strip, Huey has a nightmare in which Caesar informs him that the undead have taken over the world, and they have probably killed Huey's brother and granddad. However, Huey is far more concerned that the zombies helped reelect George W. Bush back to the presidency.
- An entire arc is dedicated to Riley getting his hair braided to match the show. Since Granddad won't let him, Riley in acts a Xanatos Gambit. He spends the entire arc causing trouble around the neighborhood. Since he has an afro, he looks exactly like Huey, who ends up taking the fall for all of Riley's actions. At the end, Riley manages to use reverse psychology on Granddad to allow his hair to get braided. If nothing else, he gets to cause trouble while not getting into any himself.
- The final Boondocks strip, released March 27, 2006. Huey has decided there is nothing he feels like complaining about, much to Caesar's enthusiasm. Also can count as a Bittersweet Ending, if you see it like that; the comic ends with Huey, the one kid who always has something to say, and he doesn't even get the last line.
- The very first scene sets the bar with Huey's dream of visiting the titular garden party, wherein he tells the rich white guests attending that "Jesus was black, Ronald Reagan is the Devil, and the government is lying about 9/11"; these claims spark a riot among the partygoers... before Granddad slaps Huey awake and actually knows Huey was "havin' that dream where you made the white people riot."
- "You never tell white people the truth! Hell, I'ma go find a white man to lie to right now!"
- Later when Huey actually attends the party, he tries proclaiming his conspiracy theories from the dream, only for the guests to clap and call him cute. Huey is annoyed that he couldn't offend and provoke them into a mass brawl.
- This exchange about the N-word:Granddad: We don't use the N-word in this house!Huey: Granddad, you said the word "nigga" 46 times yesterday. I counted!Granddad: Nigga, hush!
- And this exchange:Riley: Why can't we be ourselves? Are you ashamed of us?Granddad: Very!
- Ed III's Iraq service story. Even better, he says all of it in front of the partygoers.
- Uncle Ruckus' musical number "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There". It's made even funnier by the fact everyone claps because they "think it's okay when they say it".
- Funnier still is Uncle Ruckus saying he made up the song, yet he expects everyone to sing along if they know the words. Not to mention Grandad's reactions to him taking the stage, and him drunkenly collapsing at the end.
- Riley shooting Ed III out of the window, and the subsequent reaction to Huey's statement about possible repercussions.Riley: Oh well, I shot a nigga! (laughs)
- On the DVD Commentary, Aaron McGrudder said that he was especially proud of Ed Asner's reading of the line "Thirty years from now, that boy is going to be president of the United States. And he'll still be a fucking idiot!."
The Trial of R. Kelly
- Riley's argument to Tom on why R. Kelly shouldn't be found guilty.Riley: I see piss comin', I move. She saw piss comin', she stayed. And why should I have to miss out on the next R. Kelly album, just for that?!
Huey: Damn. You just got beat by an eight-year-old.
- Even better, this leaves Tom speechless. As Huey puts it:
- The brawl that breaks out between the protesters, especially with the Wrestler in All of Us on display.
- If you listen closely, you can hear numerous interjections from the jury dubbed in during the defender's monologues. In particular, every single argument he makes is met with a "Yeah, so?"R. Kelly's Lawyer: (holds up a piece of paper) This is R. Kelly's NAACP Image Award Certificate of Nomination! You think they nominate just anyone for this award??Random Juror: I've got one!
- Just when the defense attorney argues that's not R. Kelly in the video, not only does he directly face the camera, but he then proceeds to give out his name and social security number. And he's still peeing. Ewwwww...
- During the premature Dance Party Ending, the defense attorney can be seen doing a very silly shuffle dance, and the Judge himself is getting in on the action.
- Tom's arguments being shot down are not funny in general, but the final line the angry juror throws him before he gives up is hilarious due to the sheer Refuge in Audacity.Juror: Go tell your white b*tch that.
Guess Hoe's Coming To Dinner
- The entire shopping montage, set (appropriately) to Gold Digger.
- The entire Hoe conversation, which results in Granddad nearly getting everyone killed by letting go of the wheel to smack Riley.... and then doing it again right afterwords.
- Slickback's introduction:Slickback: I'm A Pimp Named Slickback. It's like A Tribe Called Quest, you say the whole thing!Robert: Can we call you Slickback for short?Slickback: NO NIGGA, I'M A PIMP NAMED SLICKBACK!
- Huey defining the "Nigga Moment", in which two grown ass men engage in what is essentially a Wimp Fight with guns.(Two men are walking on a sidewalk when they accidentally bump into one another)Man 1: Watch where you walkin', nigga.Man 2: 'Ey, 'ey, whatchu sayin', nigga?!Huey: (narrating) Watch closely. You are about to experience a "Nigga Moment". Webster defines a "Nigga Moment" as a moment where ignorance overwhelms the mind of an otherwise-logical Negro male...(Both men have drawn guns and have pressed them against the faces of the other party)Man 1: What did you say, bitch nigga?!Man 2: 'Ey, squeeze it, nigga!Huey: (continuing to narrate) ...causing him to act in an illogical, self-destructive manner, i.e., like a nigga.(Both men begin firing wildly at one another and miss every shot until both guns have been emptied)Huey: (continuing to narrate) Nigga Moments are unpredictable.Man 2: Hey, wait man, wait. This is stupid.Man 1: Yeah, you right, dawg. Look, let's put the guns away and go on about our business-Police: FREEZE! (shoots both men dead)Huey: (continuing to narrate) ...And they all end up dead. If they had their own category, Nigga Moments would be the third-leading killer of black men behind pork chops and FEMA. It's a fact. Now let's see how a Nigga Moment affects a white man.(A black man and a white man are walking on a sidewalk when they accidentally bump into one another)Black Man: Watch where you walkin' bitch!White Man: What did you- (stops) Wait a minute. Ha ha. I'm white! Ha ha ha ha! (goes on his merry way)Black Man: Where you goin'?! Don't you ignore me! This is a perfectly good moment to throw your life away!
- The flashback to Stinkmeaner's youth, with a perfect summary of his personality being the scene where he stares out on a majestic sunset by the sea.Stinkmeaner: Man... this some ol' bullshit.
- When Stinkmeaner went blind from cancer at 15, he didn't even care that much about his new disability, just saying this to the doctor:Stinkmeaner: At least I don't have to look at yo' ugly ass no more!
- When Stinkmeaner went blind from cancer at 15, he didn't even care that much about his new disability, just saying this to the doctor:
- While watching Huey train Granddad, Uncle Ruckus goes on a lengthy tirade about how only whites can possess the capabilities needed for fighting.
- The whole tree kicking scene. Huey instructs Granddad to kick a tree without any kind of padding, with obvious results.Granddad: Ooooooooh..... WAH-TAH! (kicks the tree hard and a leaf floats down)Granddad: ............DAAAAAAAAAMN! THAT HURT! DAMMIT BOY! (Falls down clutching his shin as he rolls around in absolute pain)
- The buildup to the fight, with Huey portraying Stinkmeaner as an expert blind martial artist whose other senses are so fine-tuned that he makes his opponents' sight a liability. And the reveal that Stinkmeaner only won the first fight because Robert accidentally bumped against his cane with his foot when he threw a punch, which even the clumsiest person would see coming.
- As Grandad is about to throw his fatal punch at Stinkmeaner, the entire scene freezes for the audience to get a nice, long look at the idiotic situation before them.Huey: (narrating) Y'know, we could all be reading a book right now.(Scene unfreezes as Stinkmeaner is KO'd)
- After the fight suddenly ends, the onlookers want their money back from Riley due to how fast it ended. Riley then sees a chair and remembers what he saw during an awards show where the entire audience rioted the minute the chair flew. He does the same, and it lands harmlessly in a clearing, followed by a long silence. Then...Female pedestrian: OH MY GOD, A CHAIR!(Chair lands on ground)Male pedestrian: ..I'm mad, man!(Riot ensues)Huey: Niggas.
A Date with the Health Inspector
- Hell, the dream alone was hilarious in terms of the sheer amount of schadenfreude it provided.
Health Inspector: Soap drop, nigga.Health Inspector: Oh, you think you just gon' leave it down there?Tom: N-no ...Health Inspector: Huh? We don't waste no muh-fuckin' soap in here.Tom: I'm... [gulps] I'm finished.Health Inspector: Naw. Naw, nigga. You ain't finish. I been watchin' you.Tom: You have?Health Inspector: You ain't wash behind your ears or nothin'.Tom: But I did...Health Inspector: Now look at me. See how I'm all clean an' glistenin' an' shit? Dat's hygiene, nigga. [Starts to pan down his rather lengthy penis .] You can call me the Health Inspector. NOW PICK UP THE SOAP!Inmates: Pray, baby. Pray.
- The exchange between the "Health Inspector" and Tom.
- Tom's flashbacks of how his rape phobia affected his life.
Elderly woman: You drive like an old bitch!
- Growing up, whenever some trouble-making friends asked Tom if he wanted to join their crimes (shoplifting, smoking marijuana), he tried to warn them about getting anally raped in prison.
- While Tom is driving too slowly:
Sarah: Tom, did you erase all my MP3s?Tom: File sharing is a crime, and I'm not going to get anally raped just so you can listen to Usher!Sarah: You know Tom, this anal rape thing is causing both of us to miss out a lot in life.
- And this:
- Tom's terrified line when he's on the phone with Huey:Tom: Whatever you do, don't tell my baby Jazmine. I don't want her to know her daddy was somebody's biiiiiitch!
Huey: Your dad wanted me to tell you he's nobody's bitch.(Jazmine starts crying)
- Which is followed hilariously when Huey relays the message to Jazmine.
- Tom smiling through his tears (that includes a runny nose) after the interrogator assures him he won't be anally raped if he confesses.
- Gin Rummy's ranting while making breakfast, and the brief shot of Huey and Riley standing calmly:Rummy: I'd be dead on his ass like Spenser For fuckin' Hire. I'll hunt him down and feed him his own testicles. And I'll do it in a jiffy. And I don't care if his mama there, his grandmama, innocent bystanders, little kids, baby-sitters, bill collectors—whatever! I'll leave his whole block filled with hot brass if I have to. And you know why? BECAUSE I JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK! (calm again) Y'all sure you don't want no breakfast? I got some English muffins and peach jelly.
- This exchange in the car:Riley: So, y'all was in Iraq together?Rummy: Yeah, we was in Iraq.Riley: What did you do?Rummy: We was looking for weapons of mass destruction.Riley: Did you ever find 'em?Rummy: YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL WE AIN'T FIND 'EM! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF POLITICAL HUMORIST?! YOU GARRY TRUDEAU UP IN THIS BITCH?!
- In the same scene, Rummy repeating Samuel L. Jackson's dialogue from Pulp Fiction when a confused Riley keeps asking "What?", nearly word for word.Rummy: But I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.Riley: What?Rummy: Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean that you have evidence that something doesn't exist.Riley: What?Rummy: What country you from?Riley: What?Rummy: "What" ain't no country I ever heard of! They speak English in "What"?Riley: What?Rummy: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKA!! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!Riley: Yeah!Rummy: So you understand the words I'm sayin' to you.Riley: Yeah!Rummy: Well, what I'm sayin' is that there are known knowns and that there are known unknowns, but there's also unknown unknowns—things we don't know that we don't know.Riley: ...What?Rummy: SAY "WHAT" AGAIN! SAY! "WHAT"! AGAIN! I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKA! SAY "WHAT" ONE MORE TIME!
- In the same scene, Rummy repeating Samuel L. Jackson's dialogue from Pulp Fiction when a confused Riley keeps asking "What?", nearly word for word.
- The Shout-Out to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
The Story of Gangstalicious
- Gangstalicious' way of talking, he puts "know I'm saying" after every other word.
- Gangstalicious performing his new hit song "I Got Shot!". He then gets shot. And nobody realizes it isn't part of the show.Riley: (voiceover) It was forty-five minutes before somebody called an ambulance.
- Riley when he meets Gangstalicious:Riley: Damn nigga, you short!
- Ruckus when the gangsters hold him at gunpoint:Ruckus: Could you say that again? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me shittin' myself.
- Followed by one of the thugs facepalming.
- The reveal about the gangsters trying to kill Gangstalicious: It's a gay lover's quarrel.
- How it ends. The thugs march Gangstalicious out to a distance at gunpoint; we see them open fire, we hear Gangstalicious screaming in the distance while dramatic opera music plays, they run out of ammo and...cut to a perfectly-fine Gangstalicious.Thug: ..Shit, we missed!Other Thug: I cant believe this, man, we suck.(Gangstalicious promptly runs away.)
- Complete with silly music, Gangstalicious goofy noise as he flees, and the thugs yelling after him.
A Huey Freeman Christmas
- Riley's threatening letter to Santa Claus:"Dear Santa, you are a bitch nigga! No, wait... Dear Santa, you are a bitch ASS nigga!"
- One of the Mall Santas uses a child as a shield.
- The final Mall Santa is...Uncle Ruckus. No one is impressed.
Riley: (from Ruckus' POV) You tell Santa I'm comin' for him next year...and he better pay what he owes! (cue BB to the face)
- Leads into the ending, when Ruckus is cornered by Riley.
- Riley lying that Robert is blind to get a free car upgrade from Pimp My Ride.
- Robert, who is confused about this at first, assaults the crew of Pimp My Ride.
- They later scam Extreme Makeover: Home Edition by lying that Robert is providing shelter to "homeless" people like Ruckus and Jazmine. Jazmine even claims to be a street urchin abandoned by a crackhead mom.
Return of the King
- Uncle Ruckus keeps trying (and failing) to throw bricks at Martin Luther King Jr., only to miss and hit something else.
- The Running Gag of MLK Jr. noticing his likeness being used for cheap advertising, and him using the same response every time.MLK Jr.: I really should have approvals over this kind of thing.
- MLKJ is flipping through TV channels, and watches black shows with disgust. One example is a music video for the song "Booty Butt Cheeks".
- In general, King's treatement at his own sermon isn't funny. The bouncer scene, though, manages to be amusing due to the sheer absurdity of a low-grade club bouncer trying to shake down MLK for money, complete with MLK and Huey eventually just giving up and doing so.
- King walking into a party full of black stereotypes, which eventually prompts his fiery rant against modern black culture. And what does he say at the beginning?"WILL YOU IGNORANT NIGGAS PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP?"
- "The state's been trying to butt-fuck me on the price. But we'll see who butt-fucks who." A line Edward Asner had waited 75 years to receive.
- The entire scene with Riley insulting Sarah's peach cobbler.Riley:Miss Dubois, I'm sorry your peach cobbler look like vomit with peas.Grandad:DAMMIT BOY!
- (Riley falls out of his chair after eating a monster burger)Grandad: It's probably the itis, right?Huey: That or insulin shock! Do something - give him CPR!(Beat)Grandad: RILEY, WAKE UP!Huey: Yeah, I don't think yellin' at him is gonna work! How do you not know CPR?Grandad: I tried to learn it, but they wouldn't let me - 'cuz I was black.Huey: WHAT?Grandad: Oh, yeah, you all can run around now, learnin' CPR on each other, but when I was young it was illegal to let colored folks learn it OK!(Longer Beat)Huey: Man, that's not true!
- This quote:Chico: You know, he's right - the African Americans only got to eat the parts of the pig that the white owners didn't want to eat. -picks up intestines- I don't think people are really supposed to eat this. Or at least not so much.Huey and Granddad Blank StareWhat? I'm not allowed to take an Afro-American culture class at the community college?
- Robert again bumps into Janet, a (formerly slim and attractive) female customer he met earlier, who turned into an obese burger addict. Cue the look of shock and disgust on his face, while she pathetically begs (or rather mugs) him for another Luther Burger.
- Two obese women fight over a Luther Burger, rolling off the bed and crushing Huey underneath in the process.
- Huey's summary of the movie, Soul Food.Huey: (narrating) "Soul Food" is a movie about a big, humongous black grandmother, aptly named 'Big Mama'. Big Mama demonstrates her love by feeding herself and her offspring, enormous amounts of pig lard. Then, get this - Big Mama's arteries are so clogged, they had to amputate her arm...Granddad: (interrupting) It was her leg!Huey: (annoyed) All right, okay, whatever, her leg. Then, she dies of a heart attack...or another stroke...or something.Granddad: God called her home.Huey: And what does the family do after she dies? They get together for a Sunday dinner eating the same food that just killed Big Mama. THE SAME FOOD! They didn't learn a lesson. Nobody went on a diet!...And that's the end of the movie.
Let's Nab Oprah
- The beginning sequence where Ed Wuncler III and Gin Rummy seem to be casually discussing the issue of text messaging before practicing robbing a bank.Rummy: So basically nigga technology is anything that doesn't plug into a printer. Does that plug into a printer?Ed: No.Rummy: Know why? 'Cause niggas never have anything to print.
- "I sent that bitch a smiley face. Bitches love smiley faces."
- "SWIM, BITCH!"
- While attacking a bookstore in search of Oprah:Rummy: (to three old ladies) Tell me where that bitch is. You better tell me where Oprah is on the count of 3 o-o-o-or I'm gonna kill the oldest bitch up in here! (ladies look at the oldest woman)Old Lady #3: That's real fucked up Agnes!
- Also this exchange:Rummy: Back in Iraq, we was in the Special Ops.Riley: Y'all niggas should've been in the Special Olympics!
- When Ed and Rummy hug each other like an old married couple, Riley calls them gay.
- In the end, they kidnap Bill Cosby, only to return him fifteen minutes later because he's really annoying.
Riley Wuz Here
- The Dissonant Serenity of Riley's painting instructor as they're being pursued by the police.Teacher: It's the police. I don't actually like the police very much.Riley: Me neither!Teacher: Great. Then what I'm going to do is drive really fast, so we can get away from them. Are you ready, Riley?Riley: Oh yeah!Teacher: That's great.(The art teacher drives off, and wildly fires a pistol at the police cars.)
- The entire episode in itself is hilarious because the teacher is a very obvious parody of Bob Ross, so what it amounts to is a half-hour of watching him do incredibly illegal things.
- The humorous eulogy that Moe had written for Robert to read out loud for the funeral guests.Robert: (reading) I'm not gay, but Moe Jackson was a very... sexy man? (increasingly confused) We used to call him "Moe Bitches"?? I once saw Moe in his underwear??? And it changed my life?! Everybody should have a father like Moe Jackson... Moe Jackson paid my rent over fifty times?!! OKAY, THIS IS BULLSHIT!!!
- After Robert calls out Moe for what a jackass he really was in life, it soon turns out that everyone else present agrees with him.Random man: Yeah! And that nigga owes me five dollars!
- After Robert calls out Moe for what a jackass he really was in life, it soon turns out that everyone else present agrees with him.
- Robert's realization that a woman he was interested in a long time ago is actually the same butt-ugly hag at Moe's funeral.Maybelline: IT'S MAYBELLINE, NYUKKA!
- Dewey's terrible poetry.
- Riley chasing after Dewey during the fight between Huey and Cairo.Riley: DON'T RUN, NIGGA! I SEE YOU!
- Riley chasing after Dewey during the fight between Huey and Cairo.
- After Huey gets hit by Cairo outside the latter's house:
The Block Is Hot
- Uncle Ruckus becomes a victim of Police Brutality; the cops mistake Ruckus' wallet for a gun, they unsuccessfully shoot at him with over a hundred bullets, and then they beat him senseless with their batons. But instead of being upset about it, Ruckus easily forgives the police, and he joins them so that he can do the same to other black men!
- While Jazmine is selling lemonade, Robert stupidly asks if she's got anything other than lemonade, and Riley keeps insisting on paying less than full price.
- The return of the chair.
- Huey handing out flyers to everyone that he interacts with, with most of them having derogatory comments. For bonus points, he's literally sitting/standing on a soap box.
- You get to see what was on those flyers at the end.90 degrees in February? This sh*t is crazy!
- You get to see what was on those flyers at the end.
The Passion of Reverend Ruckus
- Uncle Ruckus' dream about meeting Ronald Reagan in White Heaven, which inspires him to spread his own twisted take on religion.
- Especially the part where Ruckus is promised that he'll be rewarded not only with entrance into White Heaven, but he'll also be turned into a white man (who, in all honesty, probably looks even weirder than the regular black Ruckus).
- Shabazz K. Milton Berle is sentenced to death, despite how painfully obvious it is that a different man committed the murder. His reaction?Shabazz: Well ain't this a bitch.
- Painfully obvious is an understatement. Shabazz was inside his office, didn't even look out the window, the real shooter (Eli Gorbinsky) yelled out his full name and the fact that he killed Deputy Faulkner because he hates the police, several eyewitnesses saw it happen, one of them took a video, one wrote down a transcript of what the shooter said (which said shooter willingly signed and dated), there were obvious, visible fingerprints on the gun, the gun still had the receipt on it with the owner's name, and the victim's last words were "Eli Gorbinsky killed me." Yeah Shabazz. That IS a bitch.
- After Huey talks to Shabazz, it cuts to the next window over where Riley is talking to a Prisoner he knew about a friend who's not talking to him anymore.Prisoner: I think there's someone else.Riley: Hell nigga, you gay.
- Ruckus instructing his congregation (which includes both black and white people) to name 10 niggas they hate, and then slap each other:Ruckus: BLACK BE GONE! (slap)
- In the climax, Uncle Ruckus is giving a grand racist sermon. He adds that if he's not really spreading the word of God, then a bolt of lightning should strike him. Guess what happens next? Bonus points for Ruckus getting electrocuted just when he concludes the speech with "hallelujah".Ruckus: HALLELUJ— (gets zapped and screams in pain) —AAAAAAAAH!!!
- The trailer for Soul Plane 2: The Blackjacking.
- Jazmine panicking after watching an anti-piracy PSA, which compares movie piracy to the brutal robbery and murder of an elderly woman.
Jazmine: You're ruining my innocence!Robert: Shaddap.
- And it just keeps going until Jasmine is openly weeping tears of guilt and terror throughout the entire episode.
- Robert has a childish temper tantrum about having to pour butter on his popcorn himself.Robert: If I go to Burger King, and I order a cheeseburger, THEY DON'T MAKE ME PUT THE CHEESE ON IT, DO THEY GOD DAMN IT?!
- For that matter, the completely disinterested theater staff, and the Grossout Closeup of the disgusting butter station.
- Jazmine starts getting into the movie and forgets all about the piracy problem... until late in the episode, a grumpy Uncle Ruckus approaches her, leaving her to stare blankly at him before he yanks her out.Ruckus: You lil' half-n-half!
- After abandoning his boys and Jazmine to avoid consequences, Granddad eventually has a change of heart and goes back to confess and pick them up. They're... less than appreciative.Huey: Thanks for coming back, Granddad... eventually.Riley: Yo, you need to stop snitchin', Granddad. (Granddad hits him) Ow! Hey! Why don't you call Social Services and turn yourself in for child abuse? (Granddad hits him again)
- The entire fight between Huey and Ruckus, complete with its Call-Back at the very end.
- And of course, there's the actual movie itself, with the hilariously awful acting of "Air Marshal 50 Cent."Terrorist: You won't kill me, Air Marshal 50 Cent! You'll only die trying!50 Cent: But I will kill you! (record scratch) Or... I'm uh... or... or I'mma die... tryin'.
- When it's believed that Sarah is going to leave Tom for the entertainer Usher, Robert protests that an usher is a lesser profession than Tom's, so Huey and Riley have to explain that Tom means Usher the singer. Robert, still not getting it, says that ushers can't sing or you can't hear the movie.
- A tearful Tom showing up with packed suitcases after his failed attempt to lay down the law with Sarah.
- Tom singing "Burn" and reenacting the song's music video. There is also Riley's and Granddad's reaction.Riley: (off-screen) Boooooooooo. Hey, Tom, shut the fuck up!Granddad: (off-screen) Boy, watch your mouth! Tom, shut the fuck up!
- A Pimp Named Slickback's attempts to teach Tom that beating women is okay.
Slickback: I know where all my bitches are, thank you very much. (makes a call on his phone) Bitch, where you at?
- Before this, how he tells Tom he has to establish his dominance over Sarah:
Slickback's bitch: I'm out here, getting yo' money.
Slickback: That's what the hell I thought! Thank you, grandma.
- After being educated by A Pimp Named Slickback, Tom confronts Sarah as she's meeting with Usher. It looks like Tom is actually going to strike Sarah, but he instead smacks Usher and declares he's not going to take his wife. Cue Jazmine wailing and screaming at her father, and Sarah revealing she wasn't having an affair and she was only bringing Jazmine to meet their favorite singer. THEN Tom gets his ass kicked by Usher and his bodyguards, while Sarah and Jazmine watch in complete shock.
Thank You For Not Snitchin'
- The opening scene where Ed III and Gin Rummy are driving, and Ed III chats on his Bluetooth:Ed III: Yo.Rummy: What up?Ed III: Yo, can you hear me?Rummy: Yeah, I see you, too. Whatcha want, nigga?Ed III: Aw man, same shit. What's up with you?Rummy: Da fuck you mean "What's up with me"? I'm sitting right here next to you.Ed III: Voice sound real sexy right now...Rummy: Say what?!Ed III: You wanna talk to me later on?Rummy: No, I don't wanna talk later on, motherfucker! WHAT DA FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT DA FUCK'S SO SEXY ABOUT MY VOICE?!Ed III: (reveals the Bluetooth on his left ear) Ah man, my bad, I was on the phone.Rummy: Great, you got one of those ridiculous fucking headsets.
- Rummy griping about Ed III's Bluetooth as they break into a house:Rummy: Okay, first of all, I don't know when you talkin' to me, or when you talkin' on the goddamn phone. Second, when people wear those things, they appear to be talkin' to theirselves. There's a name for people who talk to theirselves, Ed! They're called the homeless!Ed III: Man, bitches love this Bluetooth shit. It changed my life! I don't know what to do with my hands now!Rummy: Be that as it may, no technology is worth my dignity. If talking on a wireless headset means I gotta look like Buck Rogers, then I'm not interested. Besides, there's a reason why people hold a phone to their head, Ed; it lets people around you know you're talking on the phone, so those people know not to waste time talking to ya until you finish, which you indicate by putting that mothafucka away!
- While Rummy and Ed III are climbing down the side of a house, Ed III chats on his Bluetooth, only to end up losing his grip and falling to the ground screaming.
- Rummy and Ed III running from the Neighborhood Watch, and the two of them getting shot at and falling to the ground right after Rummy orders Ed III to stop talking on his Bluetooth.
- Ed III's scream after they get shot at a second time.
- Riley griping at Ed III and Rummy as they hop into Dorothy.Riley: I know you niggas ain't thinkin' 'bout stealing my granddad's car! No! No!
- Grandad's interrogation, which involves the interrogator tricking Grandad into an incredibly obvious lie; judging by the context of the question and the interrogator laughing when it works, it had nothing to do with the investigation and he did it just because he could.
- Riley's interrogation by the police, in which Riley disregards the questions in order to ramble on and on about his "street cred" and his various "aliases"; eventually, the interrogator finally gets fed up and leaves the room, delivering this line:Interrogator: Someone get me out of here...before I shoot this fuckin' kid.
- Riley insisting he can't snitch because of his "street rep."
- Tom and Jazmine's incredibly obvious attempts to trick Riley into telling them who stole Granddad's car.
- Jazmine wears a wire and tries to be nonchalant, and Huey straight-up asks her if she's wearing a wire, leading to Jazmine yelping and running out the room yelling "CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!"Riley: What the hell is this, a snitch-a-thon?! There snitches under the bed too?! (he checks) How about in the closet?
- Then the Freeman boys find Tom hiding in the closet.Tom: (chuckles nervously) Hi, boys. Wow, this is really uncomfortable.
- Jazmine wears a wire and tries to be nonchalant, and Huey straight-up asks her if she's wearing a wire, leading to Jazmine yelping and running out the room yelling "CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!"
- Riley's Laser-Guided Karma at the end. Especially with how silly Ed III and Rummy look both whooshing around the neighborhood on Riley's bike and Grandad and Huey doing nothing to console Riley or help him get his bike back (Grandad laughs at him while Huey just looks on and walks back to the house).Rummy: Thank you for not snitchiiiin'!Ed III: ...ya stupid muthafucka!Rummy: (Evil Laugh)
Stinkmeaner Strikes Back
- This particular episode carries Refuge in Audacity even further than most episodes of The Boondocks. The premise of Stinkmeaner's ghost possessing Tom is pretty damn funny.
- First, we see Stinkmeaner in Hell. He's clearly gotten martial arts lessons and Took a Level in Badass, and demonstrates his skills by beating down an entire army of demon mooks. He even had the gall to insult the Prince of Darkness himself:Satan: He even called me, the Devil himself, a—Stinkmeaner: BITCH-ASS NIGGA!
- Stinkmeaner begins his rampage of trolling by possessing the milquetoast Tom who, of all people, seemed like he was about to get into a Nigga Moment with an annoying man who took his parking space.(Tom is about to pull into a newly-opened parking spot when another motorist rudely takes it out of the blue)Tom: What the-?! Oh come on, ya n-nincompoop! You can't do that! Hey! Come on!(Tom steps out of his car)Tom: Hey! I- That was my space, I had my blinker on and everything!Other guy: FUCK YOU, PUNK-ASS, PUSSY-ASS, HOOK-ASS NIGGA! I'LL BEAT YO MUTHAFUCKIN' SEDITTY ASS, NIGGA! DON'T NEVA IN YO LIFE TRY TA HOLLA AT ME, NIGGA! (begins walking away) Fuck with me, nigga, I'll be the one to pop the trunk on yo bitch ass, nigga, get my muthafuckin' Uzi...(A few seconds later, after Stinkmeaner takes over Tom's body)Stinkmeaner!Tom: WHAT DID YOU SAY, NIGGA?!Other guy: You know what, muthafucka? Eat a dick, nigga! I'm tired of this muthafuckin'-(Stinkmeaner!Tom jumps into the air and kicks him down)Stinkmeaner!Tom: OH YEAH, LOOK AT YOU! You was poppin' all that gooood shit a second ago, then you got KICKED IN YO CHEST! YOU eat a dick, nigga! YOU eat a dick!
- The entire courtroom scene where Tom tries to ask Mrs. Wong for information regarding her assault:White attorney: (to the elderly woman in the stand) So, Mrs. Wong... (changes to various clips of the elderly woman beating a young black man, robbing him, and driving his car) ...there you were, not carjacking Mr. Fitzmalley, beating him senseless with a nine-iron, stealing his wallet, and driving his car into the hosiery section of the JC Penney.
Mrs. Wong: (winks) Correct.
White attorney: I have no further questions.
Tom: Now Mrs. Wong, let me ask you a question—
(Tom's face goes into a series of frantic convulsions, as he starts growling incoherently; a slight build-up of music follows, until Stinkmeaner, now possessing Tom, cuts him off with...)
Stinkmeaner!Tom: What's good, nyukka?!
(The entire jury gasps at Tom's outburst, as does Tom himself, who is now back to normal)
Tom: (covering his mouth in shock) Ohmygod!
Judge: Excuse me, Mr. Dubois?
(Tom tries laughing it off)
Tom: Excuse me. (clears throat) What I meant to say was...
(Again, Tom starts growling and twitching as Stinkmeaner possesses him)
Stinkmeaner!Tom: What's really good?!
(The jurors laugh)
Judge: Is there something "really good" you'd like to share with the court, Mr. Dubois?
Stinkmeaner!Tom: FUCK YO COURT, NIGGA!
(Everyone gasps again)
Judge: Mr. Dubois!
Stinkmeaner!Tom: (while stomping on the table) FUCK YO COURT, NIGGA! FUCK — YOUR — COURT!
(Tom temporarily snaps back to normal and runs out of the courtroom in embarrassment, while this happens:)
Stinkmeaner!Tom: Lady Liberty's got balls!
- Robert's lies on his online profile, which include being Brazilian and going skydiving as a hobby.
- Huey's reaction to the ghost of Ghostface Killah appearing as his Spirit Advisor.Huey: Ghostface Killah isn't even dead!
- When Tom comes home to embrace Sarah, only for Stinkmeaner to take control again:Tom: Honey, I'm home.Sarah: Hey honey!(While Tom hugs Sarah, his face shows signs of being possessed by Stinkmeaner again)Stinkmeaner!Tom: (twirls Sarah around) OH YEAH! I think I wanna have sexual relations!Sarah: (interested) Tom, what's gotten into you?Stinkmeaner!Tom: Same thing that's about to get into you! (carries Sarah in his arms)Sarah: Oh, Tom!Sarah: (aroused laughter)Stinkmeaner!Tom: OH YEAH! I'MA MAKE IT DO WHAT IT DO!
- Robert getting ready for his date... while sitting on the toilet.
- Riley complains about Granddad's "gay-ass music".
- Stinkmeaner!Tom begins his attack on Robert by hacking down his bathroom door with an axe, parodying a famous scene from The Shining.Stinkmeaner!Tom: I'M BAAAAACK, NYUKKAH!
- Stinkmeaner!Tom lays quite the beatdown on Robert, who doesn't yet get that Tom is possessed.Stinkmeaner!Tom: YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?! YOU DON'T REMEMBER MY NAME?! WHAT'S MY NAME, NYUKKA?!(Stinkmeaner!Tom punches and kicks Robert, sending him hitting the wall. Robert screams.)Stinkmeaner!Tom: (gets in Robert's face) "AAH" AIN'T MY NAME! MY MOMMA DIDN'T NAME ME "AAH!" WHAT'S MY NAME, NYUKKA?! WHAT'S MY NAME?!(Huey and Riley come downstairs)Huey: Stinkmeaner!Stinkmeaner!Tom: DING, DING, DING, DING, DING! THAT'S RIGHT, NYUKKA!!!Riley: Mr. Dubois?Huey: I don't know how you got here, Stinkmeaner, but we're sending you back to Hell!
- The ensuing fight between the Freemans and Stinkmeaner!Tom, all the while The Boondocks theme plays. Also qualifies as a Moment of Awesome.
Stinkmeaner!Tom: (backhanding Huey in the face) POW!
- What makes it funnier is hearing Stinkmeaner!Tom spit insults and generally antagonize the Freemans throughout the fight, as well as hearing him punctuate some of his attacks by making noises and sound effects.
Stinkmeaner!Tom: I'ma kill you... You beat me in the parkin' lot, huh?Stinkmeaner!Tom: I want my parkin' space!
- While wrestling with Robert on the floor, if you listen closely, you can hear Stinkmeaner referencing his first episode a couple of times.
- Riley pisses and moans after Huey and Robert tie up Stinkmeaner!Tom in his bed.Riley: Why we got to put the nigga in my bed? What if he wakes up, or shoots a doody?
- Robert goes to answer the door for his date, and Huey tries to persuade him to cancel. Robert pauses at the bedroom door and listens as Huey tells him that lives are at stake...only to continue on, calling "Coming!"
- When Stinkmeaner!Tom is tied upstairs while Granddad has a date.Stinkmeaner!Tom: Did you tell her you have two sets of genitals, Robert?! A vagina and a coochie! How does that work?!
Granddad's date: It's not the fact that you obviously have a man possessed by an evil spirit tied to a bed upstairs!Granddad: (genuinely confused) It's not?
- Granddad's date storming out:
- We can't forget the entire exorcism, courtesy of Uncle Ruckus (no relation).Uncle Ruckus: We must use the tools that the great God gave us to fight niggas: a whip, a noose, a nightstick, a branding iron. These are the things that strike fear into a nigga's heart. A job application!
Ruckus: READ, NIGGA! READ!!Stinkmeaner: NOOOOOOO!!
- The fact that the only thing that made Stinkmeaner stop laughing for a moment was being forced to read a book. It was honestly more effective than the beating he took afterwards.
Ruckus, Robert, and Riley: (repeatedly chanting) NIGGA, GET YO BLACK ASS OUTTA HERE!Huey: This isn't an exorcism, it's a beatdown!Uncle Ruckus: Sometimes there's very lil' difference.Stinkmeaner!Tom: Y'all niggas ain't shit! Yo mommas ain't shit!
- Later Ruckus, Robert, and Riley start beating Stinkmeaner!Tom with various objects (a whip, belt, and nightstick respectively):
Stinkmeaner: YOU GOT BAD CREDIT, ROBERT!Stinkmeaner: You are all... testicles! And no shaft! What happened to yo' shaft, Robert?!Stinkmeaner: (while Ruckus, Robert, and Riley are chanting) I'ma join in too! NIGGA, GET YO BLACK ASS OUTTA HERE!
- Literally everything Stinkmeaner says in the background before and during the exorcism is pure comedic gold, and serves as a Rewatch Bonus since it'd be nearly impossible to catch the first time through.
- Ghostface Killah pointing out the stupidity of Ruckus' exorcism, and that Huey has to stop it.Ghostface: What are you gonna tell the cops? "Sorry officer, we beat the nigga to death because he had an evil spirit inside him"?
Stinkmeaner: Look at that little nigga over there! He talkin' to himself! Haha! You got an imaginary friend? Hahahahahaha!
- During that conversation, if you listen really closely, you can hear Stinkmeaner give this hilarious Lampshade Hanging in the background.
- Huey convinces Ruckus and Stinkmeaner to bond over their shared hatred of the black race. It also causes Stinkmeaner to accidentally exorcise himself out of Tom.
The Story of Thugnificent
- "Eat a sack of baby dicks, muthafucka!"
- Riley becoming more and more starstruck for Thugnificent and ultimately becoming a total sycophant, particularly how the whole time he insists that he isn't.
- The result of Thugnificent slamming Granddad in his video is a nationwide epidemic of old people abuse by teenagers and kids.
- The revelation that Riley forged Robert's signature on an application allowing Thugnificent to throw a huge loud party across the street. The killer? He signed it with "Granddad".
Attack of the Killer Kung-Fu Wolf Bitch
- The beginning, where Robert keeps encountering ugly girlfriends he met online.
- Every time someone says "Kumite", it comes punctuated by karate noises from nowhere.
- Granddad's anecdote about Lionel Richie and his mistress getting beaten up by his then-wife for adultery (which happened in real life).
- From Luna's flashbacks:Luna's father / Kenny Wu: BITCH, THIS CHICKEN IS COLD! (slap)
- Huey asking Riley how much Thugnificent's chain is worth to him:Huey: It's just rocks and metal. It's only worth what you're willing to give up for it. Is it worth getting hurt again?Riley: Yeah!Huey: Going to jail?Riley: Yup!Huey: Getting killed?Riley: Yes, sir!Huey: Kissing a man?Huey: Whoa, whoa... kissing a man, I mean, if it feels natural and that's what you're into, I mean...Riley: No, that don't count, that's a do-over, I didn't know you was gonna say that!Huey: Guess you really want that chain back.Riley: No! The answer is no!
- There's something funny about Ed III suggesting to Riley that they try something different in finding the chain, "like diplomacy."
- Ed III's interrogation:Ed III: (to a tied-up boy hanging by his feet from the ceiling) Now, what I want you to do is think—just think—these two grapes is your two little itty-bitty-kiddie testicles. (smashes the grapes with a massive sledgehammer) WHERE IS THE CHAIN?Boy: (crying) I DON'T KNOW, I SWEAR TO GOD!Ed III: Don't swear to God! I talk to God all the time, and God happens to be the one who told me to torture your ass, ya lyin', stealin' motherfucker! (raising the sledgehammer to take a swing at the boy's face) You gonna tell me where that chain is, I know that!Riley: (enters the room and walks up to Ed III) Ed! Can I talk to you outside? Please?Ed III: (grabs the boy's hair) Look at my face. LOOK AT IT! I'ma crush your little kiddie penis with this hammer when I get back, if you don't tell me where that chain is at!(The boy wails incoherently)Riley: Now, Ed!
- This is followed by the absolutely hilarious exchange between Riley and Ed III, in which Riley gripes that Ed III kidnapped the wrong kid...AFTER Riley showed him a photo of Butch Magnus.(Riley and Ed III go out into the hallway)Riley: That's the wrong kid, Ed! I told you to grab Butch Magnus, five-fo', 130 pounds!Ed III: Well, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong kid?Riley: I gave you a picture, man! How hard is it to grab the right kid, Ed?Ed III: (walking back into the room) You told me to grab a kid; I grabbed a kid. You don't like the way I do it, then do your own kidnapping. (untying the boy) You know what? That's your only freebie. You want me to kidnap anyone else, you payin' top dollar!Riley: That's not fair! You grabbed the wrong kid!Ed III: Tough titty!
- Followed by this:Ed III: (to the boy) My bad. You go ahead and leave. (the boy cowers) What the fuck you lookin' all scared for, huh?! I said you was free to go, right? Which part of "My bad" do you not understand? Oh, so now you wanna make this a whole big fuckin' thing, huh? Well, fuck you, then! (lunges at the boy, but Riley stops him)Riley: Whoa, okay, okay, enough, man, enough!Ed III: Naw, naw, man, I'm sick of this shit! I'm tryin' to squash it, right, and this bitch-ass motherfucker still actin' like he hurt and shit. (grabs at the boy with every sentence) I ain't even touched this motherfucker, yet! I ain't even brushed past you yet! I ain't even make eye contact with your punk-ass! (as the boy runs away screaming) Yeah, come on over here, I'll give your bitch-ass something to cry about!
- Followed by this:
- This is followed by the absolutely hilarious exchange between Riley and Ed III, in which Riley gripes that Ed III kidnapped the wrong kid...AFTER Riley showed him a photo of Butch Magnus.
- Riley's fantasy sequence about being a basketball star, and Granddad inserting himself into it as Riley's manager with the justification that "it's his dream too" because Riley is sleeping in a bed he paid for. And not even in his dreams, can Riley escape getting his ass whooped by Granddad!
- Throughout the episode, Riley's attempts to show off backfire, leading to him hogging the ball and repeatedly throwing Epic Fail trick shots; he eventually learns his lesson and tries to play more realistically and with the team, and actually does decent, but in the final showdown the game is neck-and-neck and Riley has the chance to turn it around. What does he do? Go right back to showboating, ignoring his team, doing horribly, and handing the other team an overwhelming win. One might say the ending was karma for his last minute It's All About Me...
- Riley's "Yo Momma" exchange to defeat Cindy:Riley: Yo momma was caught giving up neck to another man in the bathroom at the Woodcrest Country Club, and it wasn't yo daddy!Cindy: WHAT?!
- An enraged Tom tossing out obscenities after his team loses.
- And much to Riley's disappointment as well, Billy Matthew's victory earns him the fame and fortune that Riley had (literally) dreamed about.
Invasion of the Katrinians
- This exchange:Jericho: What would your mama say, if she knew you was throwing out your family?Robert: She'd say "Get them broke-ass niggas the fuck out!"
- The Big Brothers and Big Sisters coach Grandad hires assures him all the boys need is a positive role model. When Grandad returns, the house is in shambles, the boys are nonchalantly playing video games, and the coach is huddled in the corner in the fetal position, sobbing and with his clothes in tatters.
- Grandad, as a last resort, hires a "British supernanny" whose no-nonsense attitude and stern demeanor actually works, and she keeps the boys under control. Unfortunately:
- Grandad: (shows a video recording of the nanny talking on the phone) And here you are talkin' on my damn phone, usin' up all my minutes! Who the hell you got to talk to so much?! (clicks remote and it changes to the nanny raiding the fridge) And here you are, eatin' all my food! I don't pay you to eat all my damned food!
- Huey and Riley firing their airsoft guns on Ruckus, chasing him out of the house.
- Huey grounds Riley, who decides to defy his older brother and tries to leave the house...only for Huey, who's somehow gotten outside real quick, to run up to the door and kick Riley in the face, sending him falling face-first to the floor.
- Riley later tries to climb out his window. Unfortunately for him, Huey's already outside and he sets fire to the blanket Riley is using as a rope. Crowner being Riley's desperate ramblings as he hastily tries to climb back up.
- Uncle Ruckus' racial slur laced (more so than usual, and with a far greater variety) tirade about the "N-word", saying that one must rotate the slurs they use against blacks.
The Story of Catcher Freeman
- While Robert is telling his version of the Catcher Freeman story, which sounds an awful lot like a generic Hollywood action/romance movie, Riley repeatedly interrupts to complain, and he even predicts what's going to happen next.
- Ruckus' insanely racist and backwards version of the Catcher Freeman story: Catcher was a loyal slave who recaptured runaway slaves, while behaving like an animalistic man child the whole time; and Master Colonel's slaves apparently don't have to do any work at all, instead they just goof around and mock Master, hurting his feelings, the bastards. Later, Thelma is depicted as an evil seductress who sleeps with Catcher and then chains him down (even maniacally cackling like a witch after the fact), so that he can't stop the monstrous-looking slave hordes from rebelling and killing their masters.
- During this part, we hear the slaves singing Ruckus' own song "Don't Trust Them New Niggas Over There", which as Huey quickly points out, is not a real spiritual song.
- When Ruckus describes the sex scene between Thelma and Catcher, Ruckus actually sounds a little aroused at the thought of it, implying that he considers Thelma to be physically attractive despite being black.
- While Huey tells the real story of Catcher Freeman, Granddad and Ruckus repeatedly interrupt him, both refusing to listen and learn the truth.Ruckus: "What website is that [from], madeupmonkeyshit.com?!"
- The lyrics to the Catcher Freeman theme song "Take Our Black Asses Outta Here", especially with this random guy blurting out:Slave: Sing this muthafucka now! Massa Colonel, you a bitch, nigga!
The Story of Gangstalicious Part 2
- The ridiculously homoerotic video for Gangstalicious' "Homies Over Hoes" song, as well as the tie-in fashion line, which includes a pink sports bra for men, and a long white t-shirt with the ass cut out. The fans buying these clothes are oblivious, and it takes a long while for them to question their masculinity.
- When Riley is obliviously prancing around with the feminine clothes and purse, Grandad can be seen to be absolutely terrified of him and goes out of his way to hide from him. It's dark, but still funny.
- Huey and Riley arguing over whether Gangstalicious is gay:Huey: You're the one who said he kissed another man!Riley: What I had said was them dudes knocked me upside my head and I dreamed he kissed another man!
- When Riley is convinced he's gay because his favorite rapper is, Huey proceeds to go with it just to get his own room, while Granddad comes in to sincerely comfort Riley and the two proceeded to hug and cry. While Riley wasn't actually gay, it's also a very heartwarming all the same.
The Hunger Strike
- All the scenes with Deborah Leevil's meetings at the BET headquarters."Our leader, Bob Johnson, had a dream. A dream of creating a network that would accomplish what hundreds of years of slavery, Jim Crow, and malt liquor couldn't: THE DESTRUCTION OF BLACK PEOPLE!...Is that so hard?"
- When someone tried to speak out, Leevil promptly threw her shoe into his neck. The other staff member's comments were priceless."You gon' die. You gon' die, brotha. You gon' die! Mm-mm-mm. He dead. He DEEEAD!"
The Uncle Ruckus Reality Show
- Deborah Leevil has her evil henchmen Big Nigga and Crazy Bitch brutally murder one of her producers, because his show ideas for the network weren't sufficiently evil.
- And of course, Deborah's gleeful cackling as she's splattered with the producer's blood.
- Tom trying to explain what Roots is to Ruckus, and Ruckus thinking it's some sort of gardening show.
- Uncle Ruckus receives the results of a genetics test:Ruckus: Oh, n-no. This can't be! It s-says I'm one hundred and two percent African! With a two percent margin of error! Why? WHY, LAWD, WHY?!
- Ruckus attempting to mimic what he thinks are African American lifestyles. It does not go well.
- Ruckus trying to commit suicide and the camera team not realizing they were supposed to STOP the star of the show from killing himself until Wedgie Rudlin barges in and spells it out for them.
- After the aforementioned suicide attempt, Wedgie kidnaps the geneticist who revealed Ruckus' ancestry, and tries to force him to "correct" the test. However when Rudlin tries to turn on the torture machine, there's a sudden power blackout, which he complains about.Wedgie: Shit! Why does this always happen when we try to use the goddamn torture machine?! Can someone please get the power back on so we can use a torture machine.Assistant: I think someone forget to pay the bill, Wedgie.Wedgie: WELL SOMEONE PAY THE FUCKING BILL!!!!
- Whenever Werner Herzog delivers ridiculous lines in his typical deadpan:
- "I felt my sphincter clench and my scrotum contract in shock at his response."
- What prompted this? Huey bluntly and nonchalantly declaring (in response to Herzog asking what Huey thought Obama's win meant) "The end of America."
- "I felt despair so terrible, that I briefly consider slitting my own wrists, or bludgeoning myself about the head with a steel pipe or baseball bat. But I brought no blade, no pipe, no bat."
- "In Bavaria, we have a saying: 'Der junge ist ja total bedient.' It means, 'This is the most depressing fucking kid I've ever met in my life.'" note
- "I cannot tell if Robert is either a pathological liar, or merely suffering from the early symptoms of dementia."
- "I felt my sphincter clench and my scrotum contract in shock at his response."
- The song "Dick Riding Obama". ESPECIALLY when they show a random shot of George Clooney dancing. Though the entire thing needs to be seen to be fully appreciated.
- Thugnificent's appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher, which ends with Thugnificent getting humiliated on national television.Maher: What are the three branches of government?Thugnificent: Uh, lets see... the main branch?(Awkward pause)Maher: You're a black leader? I'm glad I'm a white man!
- Jeremiah Wright's rant.Jeremiah Wright: I say, motherfuck America! Motherfuck America's mommy! Motherfuck America's daddy! America can eat a dick! America can lick the balls!
- It's even funnier when you hear the mic reception.
- Herzog's conversation with Tom after Sarah leaves for the inauguration.Herzog: Are you afraid your wife will have lusty sex with the president?Tom: What? That's not even possible.Herzog: I didn't ask if it was possible. I asked if you were afraid. I cannot help but notice that you seem to be a less powerful, less wealthy, and less attractive version of him. Truly, it is understandable if you are concerned.
- Also, when Granddad gets to the Inauguration, only to find out that Obama gave everyone a VIP ticket. When he tries to get in anyway, he recites the epic Real Life Memetic Mutation "Don't tase me bro". He then gets tasered by the riot police anyways for all his trouble.
- Huey's and Ruckus' plan to leave America for Canada is foiled after the Secret Service arrest Ruckus (who had been throwing bricks at Obama-styled targets).
Bitches to Rags
- The songs "Crank That Artichoke" and "Bitches to Rags."
- Leonard saying, in all seriousness, that he would have to work 82 hours a day to pay the bills on Thugnificent's house, "so I asked my manager for some overtime."
- Thugnificent's shifting reactions to the video of one of his fans badmouthing him.
- "Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!"
- Thugnifcent trying to deal crack cocaine. First, he makes crack using instructions from a music video and Wikipedia. Then his first customer is a stereotypically British-accented black crackhead. This alone is one Funny Moment, and then it's followed up by a fanboy who spots him for who he is. Hilarity Ensues.Thugnificent: I'm not Thugnificent. I'm an ordinary crack dealer.
- The confrontation near the end, where Ed III gets shot and hits the wall, and Thugnificent and Leonard haul ass away from the guy shooting at them, screaming all the while.
- In general, Thugnificent's Humiliation Conga throughout the episode, from his mansion falling into disrepair because he can't afford the upkeep, to Riley offhandedly dissing his new Auto-Tune album, then getting hype over a music video of [[The Rival
The Red Ball
- The little girl that Huey thought he injured for life revealing herself as all fine and dandy by busting out various dance moves.
- Gin Rummy assassinating the crooked referee.Ed Wuncler Sr.: Tragically, we just received word that the ref strangled himself, jumped off a bridge, then overdosed on amphetamines.
- Afterwards, the referee is replaced with the "impartial" Uncle Ruckus. Let's just say Ruckus likes Asians about as much as he likes black people.
The Story of Jimmy Rebel
- During the montage that plays over the reading of Uncle Ruckus' letter to Jimmy Rebel, we see a scene of Uncle Ruckus happily playing Jimmy Rebel's music while driving the school bus, and some nuns driving over to reprimand him for it.Nun: Shut off that goddamn shit, you fat racist fuck!
- This conversation.Granddad: I think I miss Ruckus. Does that mean there's something wrong with me?Huey: Yeah.
- When Ruckus asks Granddad for advice regarding lies, he specifies that the lie is he told Jimmy that he's a white man without revitiligo. Granddad's uncontrolled hysterics and Ruckus' reaction are both amusing.Ruckus: Y'know what, Robert? Fuck you and everybody who live in your house.
Granddad: Okay, whitey!
- The ending: Jimmy, tired of just writing songs about hating black people, tells Ruckus there's other things to sing about: brews, good friends, good times, love. Cut to the two singing a racist song against Mexicans.
Stinkmeaner 3: The Hateocracy
- During the Cold Open parodying 28 Weeks Later, in which Robert is having a nightmare about an army of Stinkmeaner clones attacking his house. Robert abandons and sacrifices everyone else, in order to save his own ass.Stinkmeaner: My name is Colonel H. Motherfucking Stinkmeaner! And this time, I'm rolling deep, nyukka! note
- When the Stinkmeaners grab Sarah:Robert: Tom, we gotta get out of here!Tom: But Sarah!Robert: You'll find you another white woman, just run!Sarah: TOM! You punk-ass motherfu— (screams while getting pulled away by the Stinkmeaners)
- While everyone is running upstairs:Robert: This'll slow them down. (throws a screaming Jazmine downstairs at the Stinkmeaners)Robert: Look out behind you! (kicks and trips Tom downstairs as well)
- Huey and Riley try to block the door:Huey: Hurry up, lock it!Riley: I'm trying! What we gonna do?!Robert: Boys! Uh, you stay here and hold the door!(Two Stinkmeaners burst through and grab the boys)Stinkmeaner: Ha-ha! I got you, little nyukka!Huey and Riley: GRANDDAD, HELP!Robert: Sorry boys, cheers! (jumps out through the window)Huey: Granddad, where you going?Riley: Why you punkin' out on us?!
- While the Stinkmeaners chase Robert through the neighborhood, Stinkmeaner's Catchphrase "BITCH-ASS NYUGGA!" gets remixed into a rap song that plays in the background.
- Robert swims through a lake and climbs onto Ruckus' motorboat:Robert: Ruckus! Ruckus, help!Ruckus: No, no! Y'all niggas get away from me! Leave decent non-nigga folk alone!Robert: Dammit, Ruckus! Help me, help me, you fat, black, one-eyed motherfucker!Ruckus: No, Robert, no! You brought these niggas on yourself!(While Robert struggles with Ruckus, Ruckus accidentally falls into the water, where the Stinkmeaners drown him. Robert then triumphantly makes his escape on the motorboat.)
- And then when Robert wakes up:Huey: Granddad, were you having a bad dream?Robert: Shoot, heh. Bad for y'all. (sing-song voice) I lived, you died! I lived, and you diiiiiiied!
- When the Stinkmeaners grab Sarah:
- Stinkmeaner gives an overly-verbose lecture on Nigga Synthesis (like a Nigga Moment, but with bonding instead of conflict), then summarizes it up with this equation:
- After the Hateocracy's beatdown of Uncle Ruckus sends him to the hospital, Ruckus describes his attackers. He emphasized their black features (big noses and thick lips), so the resulting police sketches of the suspects look like caricatures.
- Apparently Esmeralda Gripenasty shares Stinkmeaner's love of Adding Insult to Injury, since she makes Riley's already brutal ass-beating ten times worse by spewing all kinds of Trash Talk.
- Bushido Brown being an entitled asshole when he stays with the Freemans. Such as when the toilet breaks and Bushido hints at an unfavorable consequence if it is not repaired soon, resulting in this hilarious quote from Robert.Robert: Nigga, did you just tell me to wipe yo' ass?
- While Bushido Brown is fighting the Hateocracy, he knocks off Esmeralda Gripenasty's wig.Esmeralda: OH, MY WIG!
- Rufus Crabmiser beheading Bushido Brown with the flying crab-trap, followed by Stinkmeaner bringing up his earlier equation:Stinkemeaner: It's a beautiful day to fuck shit up! (Evil Laugh)
- Followed by the reaction to Bushido's death.Huey, Riley, and Robert: (in unison) OH SHIT!
- Followed by the reaction to Bushido's death.
- After the Hateocracy is arrested, Robert asks the police to remove Bushido Brown's corpse and the Japanese toilet.Robert: Clean up that headless dickhead off my lawn! And get that ass-spraying toilet out of my house.
- The episode's credits feature this rendition of the show's ending theme. Yes, Stinkmeaner somehow managed to hijack the credits.
Smokin' with Cigarettes
- The crimes of Lamilton Taeshawn, who was based on a real kid. Yes, the fact that he hijacked his Grandma's car, and later beat her up for refusing to buy fried chicken for him, actually happened! Although the real one got better.
- Riley's complaints while Lamilton is driving his grandmother's car.
- Lamilton's interview by Dr. Doomis in the teaser. At one point, he asks for a cigarette, only for Doomis to say "No!" before continuing with the interview.
- After Lamilton crashes the car, Riley gets out and says to the shocked crowd, "Anybody see the black guys who did this?"
- "LA-MIL-TON! TAE-SHAWN!"
- Huey calmly eating popcorn and working on his laptop while we can plainly hear Granddad beating the hell out of Riley in the background.
- Robert finishes beating Riley and orders him to think about "how stupid you are" before adding "I'm going to sleep" and walking away.
- Huey limping downstairs to sit down near Huey, and then telling his brother "That ain't hurt."
- Huey's response when Lamilton's grandmother says that Riley is the best friend Lamilton's ever had.Huey: Man, that kid is more trouble than I thought.
- Riley's Death Glare after Granddad forbids him to hang out with Lamilton.
- Granddad yelling for Huey to bring his shotgun with the silver bullets and the stake when he finds out Lamilton is loose.Huey: Granddad, Lamilton is not a werewolf.
- Huey IMMEDIATELY appears with said shotgun after Granddad asks for it.
- The bit towards the end where Uncle Ruckus bursts in right as Lamilton is strangling Riley.Ruckus: Hey hey, what's goin' on here, what's goin' on!? Oh It's just two niggas killing each other. Proceed. (leaves)
- World's Ultimate Chocolate sends hired thugs to muscle Riley's staff out of business. Except Cindy, who just knees a guy in the crotch.WUC thug: OW, FUCK! ME KNACKERS!
- Riley renting the Scarface suite at a hotel which is still being cleaned after being used as a crime scene.
- Riley's Cluster F-Bomb rant at Alistair Ripley, the British chocolate kingpin:Riley: Look... fuck you, fuck the plane you flew in on, fuck yo shoes, fuck them socks with the belt on it, fuck yo gay ass fairy faggot accent, fuck them cheap ass cigars, fuck yo yuckmouth teeth, fuck yo hairpiece, fuck yo chocolate, fuck Guy Ritchie, fuck Prince William, fuck the Queen. This is America. My president is black, and my Lambo is blue, nigga. Now get the fuck out my hotel room, and if I see you in the streets, I'm slappin the shit outta ya.
- Huey's breakdown of the plot of a typical play by Winston Jerome.
- The whole "no homo" discussion between Robert and Riley.
- The whole The Rocky Horror Picture Show number, and not to mention Robert's priceless "What the fuck am I looking at?!" reaction to it.
- "These niggas iz too glistenin'." Said by Riley when his punches just slide off the lotion-ed up actors.
A Date with the Booty Warrior
- The opening is a thing of beauty that takes Black Comedy Rape to an art form. The "Booty Warrior", a character based on real-life criminal Fleece Johnson, enters a house posing as an Internet pedophile. When Chris Hansen shows up like in a typical To Catch a Predator episode, the Booty Warrior proceeds to tell Hansen that he's actually here for HIM, and then proceeds to rape him on camera.Booty Warrior: Oh, I know who you are, Chris Hansen. But see, I calls ya Chris Handsome. I watch your TV show all the time. So you go ahead and bring them cameras and them polices waiting outside. It don't make me no difference. Now, I tell you what: I like ya, and I want ya. Now we can do it the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours.
- The end of the otherwise rather serious discussion between Tom and Sarah.Tom: My anus is gonna be fine and I'm gonna make sure those young boys' anuses are gonna be fine too!Sarah: Pause.
- The inmate's reaction to Huey's infodump about the prison system:Huey: The prison industrial complex is a system situated at the intersection of government and private interests. It uses prisons as a solution to social, political, and economic problems. It includes human rights violations, the death penalty, slave labor, policing, courts, the media, political prisoners, and the elimination of dissent.
Inmate: (beat) Nigga, did you just say what I was tryin' to say, but smarter?!
- One of the inmates, while giving a lecture, gets an offscreen hype man who responds to everything he says in a weirdly enthusiastic manner.Inmate: I been here 10 years, and I ain't never gettin' out!
Other Inmate: Never!
First Inmate: I ain't do much; just killed somebody!
Other Inmate: That's all!
First Inmate: It ain't like the nigga ain't have it coming!
Other Inmate: He sho' did!
- The inmates describing anal sex and rape in prison. One thing that stands out is an inmate being attracted to Tom.Inmate: Now me? I'm more of a romantic type. I'll still rape you, but I'll definitely stroke your head lovingly while I do it. Cause you see, I want you to like it. Now you don't have to like it, but I—(Beat as inmate stares at Tom)Tom: O_OInmate: Sorry. I was distracted by that fine motherfucker right there. What's your name, fine motherfucker?Tom: I, um, don't think that's—Riley: Tom! (smiles and waves at tom)
- There is also Fleece Johnson describing prison rape and speaking to Tom.Booty Warrior: When you go to prison, the most important thing in your life is gonna be booty. A man's butt. Booty, getting some booty is more important than eating food. It's more important than drinking water. If I see a man I like, I tell him like this here: *Looks at Tom* I likes you, and I want you. Now, we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours. What's it gonna be? I asked you a question, Tom. I can't hear you.Tom: I- I don't want to answer.Booty Warrior: Uh, excuse me I didn't hear you, Tom.Tom: I said I-I don't want to answer. I don't wanna I don't wanna do this anymore.Booty Warrior: Sound like to me you want it the hard way. (Booty Warrior wraps his arm around Tom and places the shank up to his neck. Guards run in)
- This dialogue while the prisoners are discussing the prison riot:Inmate: We can't just be acting like a bunch of wild, ignorant niggas out there, just be shouting out demands and shit. We got a motherfucking black president now!Ruckus: Ha, good luck! Baboon-bama will be in here soon too.Inmate: Hey, hey! You ain't too fat and ugly to get raped, motherfucker!Ruckus: I apologize for my outburst.
- Also this dialogue:Inmate: It's my God-given right, to get bitches!Huey: I don't think that's a God-given right to an inmate. Or anyone for that matter.Inmate: Okay. But it IS my God-given right to ask for bitches!
- And this line:Inmate: All in favor of adding white bitches to the list of demands? Motion carried.
- When Sarah answers the phone:Voice mail: You have a collect call from a correctional facility. (Whimpering from Tom) Do you accept?
The Story of Lando Freeman
- Robert orders Huey to help him cut the grass after Ruckus is late. Huey asks why he always got to cut the grass, and Riley sneezes, causing Robert to say Riley has allergies. After Robert leaves, Riley winks at Huey, who replies by kicking Riley's chair, sending him to the floor.
- Granddad introducing Lando to the kids:Granddad: And I hope this'll teach you kids to always wear a condom. I know I will. In fact, I'm wearing one right now.(The kids squick)
- Lando moving in with the Freemans. Even though, if he really is Robert's son, that would technically make him an uncle to Huey and Riley, but instead he's treated like their little brother.
- All of the scenes involving The Steve Wilkos Show.
Steve Wilkos: YOU'RE A PUSSY PUNK BITCH!
- First, we have Wilkos angrily confronting Robert over the possibility of him being Lando's father, abusively accusing the old man of being a deadbeat dad, and Lando fighting with Wilkos to defend Robert's honor.
Riley: You shoulda stuck with your story!Granddad: There was a DNA test!Riley: Well, study next time!(Huey gives Riley a Dope Slap using a book)
- And this conversation about the above incident:
- Next, we have Wilkos doing the same to a black man who supposedly fathered a white woman's child... even though the baby looks completely white. Cue the look of confusion on the man's face.
- Given the above logical discrepancy, Lando and the Freemans read the disclaimer, which reveals that the real results of the paternity test were hidden. So Robert isn't Lando's dad after all.
The Lovely Ebony Brown
- There's the montage of Robert's crazy ex-girlfriends: A drug lord from the Dominican Republic who brought her own armed guard to the table, a woman who kidnapped Riley because she was obsessed with his cuteness, and a psychopathic doctor who put Robert in a bathtub filled with ice and tried to harvest his kidneys (but not before Huey and Riley tackle her). No wonder when Robert tells them that he's got a new girlfriend, the boys' first reaction is to grab some weapons and make a break for the car.Huey: Your dating habits have been a serious threat to the safety of you, the people of this house...Riley: ...and really the entire neighborhood.
- The whole of this episode, from Ruckus' usual views being amusing to her, to the boys' polarized reactions to Granddad wanting to dump Ebony out of paranoia that she is just as crazy as his other exes:Huey: Don't be a hypocrite, Granddad.Riley: Be a hypocrite, Granddad!
- Robert watches a commercial for Zortafrinex, which lists many terrible side effects, Afterwards, he throws his bottle of Zortafrinex pills in frustration.Women, pregnant women, and most men should not take Zortafrinex. Known side-effects include dry mouth, upset stomach, mild death, blindness, massive heart attack, difficulty breathing, and rectal fungus. Almost all men who took Zortafrinex experienced a severe loss in sexual performance. This is normal. Please stop taking Zortafrinex immediately if you feel mild discomfort on or in testicles as this can be a sign of a rare and extremely unpleasant side-effect known as Total Scrotal Implosion. If Total Scrotal Implosion should occur, call your doctor right away. If you cannot move or talk due to the debilitating pain of Total Scrotal Implosion, please have a loved one call your doctor. There is no cure for Total Scrotal Implosion. Zortafrinex: Always the right choice.
- Granddad munching Cheerios while high.
- When Granddad gets addicted to smoking weed, one of the special varieties he smokes is called "Skywalker." We then see him literally floating in the air the next scene.
- Jazmine seeing Granddad naked and proceeds to scream in terror several seconds later.Tom: You scarred my baby for life, Robert!
- Granddad then covers up his genitals with a framed picture of Barack Obama.
- Riley laughing hysterically at the fact that Granddad was smoking weed.Tom: Riley, this isn't funny.Riley: (still laughing) Yeah, it is! Granddad was smokin' weed! Smoke it! Smoke it!
- "Granddad! Stop snitchin'."
- Robert's reaction when Officer Douche's name is pronounced exactly the way you'd think.
The Fried Chicken Flu
- The overreactions to KFC's chicken shortage: riots all over the country!
- Obama's ridiculous speeches, which fail to reassure anyone about the crisis by emphasizing how the White House will be okay, compared to the rest of the nation.
- Jazmine and Granddad responding to the bad news by crying.Riley: Is [Jazmine] gonna be crying like this all night, 'cause I vote we just kick her out!
- Jazmine and Granddad responding to the bad news by crying.
- The title of Huey's survival plan: "I Told You So."
- Tom and Sarah ask for entrance into Robert's house:Tom: Guys, it's us, Tom and Sarah. We are your neighbors and dear friends. We've had so many hilarious adventures together. Come on. (Tom and Sarah frown angrily) YOU'RE NOT REALLY GONNA LEAVE US OUT HERE TO DIE?!
- Tom's and Sarah's faces when Huey scans them for signs of the virus.
- Everyone shoving Ruckus out of the house, not wishing to deal with his annoyances while trying to survive (along with the fact that they already had too many people with them).
- After Tom contracts the fried chicken flu, Huey learns that Thugnificent's friend Leonard brought some buffalo wings. Apparently Leonard thought that buffalo wings weren't chicken, but real buffalo meat.
- Robert kicking Thugnificent, Leonard, and Tina out of the house:Thugnificent: I thought we were gonna tag-team on that [Tina's] ass!Robert: That's disgusting!
- Uncle Ruckus revealing Robert's secret supply stash:Ruckus: They've got a cup that you pee in and then it makes the pee drinkable. It still tastes like pee but you get the picture.
- Robert shoving an ill Tom inside the car trunk:Robert: Don't be dying in my trunk!
- Thugnificent after he shows up all of a sudden to save the day:
The Color Ruckus
- Robert's reaction to the Ruckus family visiting their house.Robert: Maybe we could get some hounds to get them out of here. Riley! Google "hounds"!
- Ruckus' unhappy childhood Crosses the Line Twice:Father: Nigga, did I just catch you [doing something]? (SLAP)Mother: OH SWEET JESUS! LORD HAVE MERCY, MY BABY!
- The flashback where Uncle Ruckus gets thrown out by his father when he was a little kid is one-third Tear Jerker, one-third Narm Charm, and one-third Black Comedy. Let's count the ways:
- While Uncle is being dragged out of his house, he sustains several injuries from various objects on the way. First, he gets his face slammed into a tree. Then he gets his face slammed again by stepping on a rake. Then he steps in a bear trap. Even worse, he gets his shirt stained with leaded paint! THEN, he's carried off to the roadside by his wicked father, who is also dragging his wife desperately clinging to his leg, while Uncle's two crying brothers also cling to her.
- Huey racing to restrain Robert from fighting with Ruckus' grandmother, who has decided that she wants to die while sitting on Robert's living room chair.
- Ruckus getting chewed out by his father isn't that funny. The fact that his father later decides to call Ruckus a "Professional Mexican", however, is.
- The montage of Mister getting the hell beaten out of him by white men. Especially the part where he's lifted into the air and gets his back broken over a white man's knee after opening a car door for him. The fact that it was done for absolutely no reason somehow makes it even more darkly funny.
- Ruckus' mom, after her husband dies.Momma Ruckus: Finally! Now I can marry my white lover!
- And while Ruckus greets everyone goodbye:Ruckus: Bye, Momma. Bye, Momma's white lover.
It's Goin' Down
- It opens with Jack Flowers interrogating a detainee via Groin Attack.
- The fates of all of Jack's girlfriends."He tied her to a missile? What kind of deranged Wile E. Coyote shit is that?"
- "BIO-NUCLEAR ANTHRAX!" (Scare Chord)
- The scene where Jack Flowers repeatedly asks Huey if he wants to be stomped in the nuts and Huey keeps answering "No".
- Uncle Ruckus' interrogation of Dan the Security Man:Ruckus: Now, what's the password to open the door?Dan: Eat my ass.Ruckus: Sir, do not make me use enhanced interrogation techniques.Dan: Eat my ass!Ruckus: ARGH! (Ruckus stomps Dan in the nuts once) GIVE US THE PASSWORD!Dan: (moaning in pain) EAT MY ASS! EAT MY ASS!Ruckus: ARGH! (Ruckus stomps Dan in the nuts several more times) GIVE US THE PASSWORD!Huey: Ruckus, wait! (types E-A-T-M-Y-A-S-S into the computer, unlocking the door)
- Bonus points for the song "Stomp Em In The Nuts" playing while this happens.
- It's amazing how much humor Ed Asner can cram into a single word....Jack Flowers: Don't you have enough money?!Ed I: (bluntest voice possible) No.
- Ed III getting dragged off by Flowers and the authorities, and yelling for his grandfather.Ed III: HEEEEEEEELP!!! Somebody, shoot this muthafucka! You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am?! GRANDADDY!!
- Ruckus' tirade against blacks when the news reporter confirms the title character will be at Woodcrest, which culminates in this statement:Ruckus: Who keeps giving these high-yellow felons record contracts?! "Oh, it's just a record," you say— well, white folks, you won't be saying that when the nigga that's singing on that record comes to town and impregnates all the white women of child-bearing age—and that is exactly what he plans to do! Just think of all that government money and food stamps that go to those mixed race, quadroon nigga children will be consuming, and they consume a whole lot than regular children 'cause they'll be eating for TWO races!
- Sarah hurling a pillow at Tom after he makes the mistake of apologizing. note For extra points, the pillow hits Tom with the force of something much harder than a pillow.
- After Sarah kicks him out of the house for the night, Tom tries to find shelter at the Freemans' residence, but Granddad gets Huey and Riley to set the house up as if no one's there, forcing Tom to sleep on their lawn. He wakes up to Huey parachuting a Pop-Tart (and toilet paper) down to him, with Huey asking to keep it a secret.
- Tom trying to call Sarah out for her attempts at asking Tom to get Flizzy to perform at Jazmine's birthday:"You want to meet him, and do him!"
"You want to go unh on him! You want to unh on him all night!"
- "YOU'RE A SELFISH BASTARD, ROBERT FREEMAN!" Yelled by Tom as he drives past the Freemans' house after leaving his own home.
- Flizzy's excuse to every single crime he is accused of.Flizzy: I was fucked up!
- Everything involving "I Will Do Your Wife."Tom: Oh no, I know where this goes. I'm not going to let you do my wife!Flizzy: Tom, I'd never do your wife.Tom: You have a song called "I Will Do Your Wife"!
- And the scene that calls back to it:Huey: You know he's got a song called—
Tom: "I Will Do Your Wife," I know.
Huey: But he's also got a song called "White Wife Booty."
- The scene with Flizzy and the Freemans having dinner at the Dubois house.
- Tom's extremely sour expression while a drunk Sarah chats it up with Flizzy.Sarah: (slurring) I know sometimes bitches step out of line. Lord knows I do!
- Sarah mimicking Tom after he tells her to stop, and then mockingly asking him if he's going to hit her, at which point Tom, fed up with Sarah's behavior, declares he's going to leave her, stands up, and gives Jazmine a quick peck before storming out the room.
- After Tom and Sarah leave the room, Granddad and Riley start commenting on what just happened, only for the both of them to belch. Riley then ends up laughing.
- Tom's extremely sour expression while a drunk Sarah chats it up with Flizzy.
- After Tom learns Flizzy faked the robbery, Tom questions him on if all the other shenanigans Flizzy had since indulged in had been faked.Tom: What else was fake? Were the Nicaraguan guns fake? Did you really even beat Christianna?!
Flizzy: Don't you ever question whether or not I beat Christianna. (proudly) I whupped that bitch's ass!
- The episode ends with Tom carrying Sarah upstairs for some lovemaking...only to collapse from the injuries he sustained while fighting Flizzy.
- The auto-tune of "I Will Do Your Wife" playing in the credits.
- The Good Times theme song playing throughout the episode, always at the most ironic moments. Made even better when the Freemans start hearing it and are trying to figure out where the hell it keeps coming from.
- We finally meet Ed Wuncler II along with his assistant Mr. Vanderbilt. The scene ends with this hilarious bit.Vanderbilt: (under his breath) Everything will NOT be fine. You want to get out of this. Fake your deaths. You hear me? Fake your deaths!
- Vanderbilt's increasing disdain every time Granddad signs something without reading it.
- We find out that between Season 3 and 4, Uncle Ruckus has not only started running for mayor, he ran for president and almost won. Then again, he was being backed by Ed Wuncler I and his son Eddie...
- The cold open, and the scene in the episode proper, in which Granddad comes out of a mobile home with no pants, pistol in his hand:Granddad: (having told Huey and Riley to flee the scene) I'ma stand out here in the middle of the road, in my drawers, with this gun until the man comes. And then I'ma go out like a motherfuckin' G!
Riley: (turning to face Granddad before leaving with Huey) 'Ey, Granddad! ... you look gay.
- When Huey explains his wave cream is actually an explosive compound as part of a plot to kill Ed Wuncler II, Granddad calls him out on it.Robert: "Boy, for a smart nigga, you sure got some dumbass ideas."
- The explanation on the hazardous materials in popular hair products for women of color:Willona: "This one turns your brain green. This one contains plutonium. This one is acid. Just acid."
- The hairstyles of the two women who were detained at the airport. The one that looks like a palm tree was the more sensible one. The other one looked like a helicopter.
- Granddad's exasperated Freak Out! at the episode's climax. Especially:(Unintelligible screams) "I wish I'd died in Korea!!" (More screaming.)
Early Bird Special
- The opening exchange when Granddad and Riley come to a disagreement over the new clothes he and Huey are supposed to wear:Huey: (in response to Granddad taking out his belt to whoop Riley) Granddad, you're just beating him as an excuse to vent out your own unhappiness!
Granddad: That's what kids are for!
- Granddad's brief stint as airport security, in which he tackles a man to the ground and strangles him over a full bottle of shampoo.
- Geraldine's rant about life in a retirement home, starting with a woman being mugged over a cookie and containing gems such as:"I asked my son if he could come visit and he told me, 'I can't, ma; I'm busy.' Yeah, he was busy alright, snatchin' a purse!"
"Our boys, age 30 to 50; stuck on stupid and fastened to fuck up!"
"(handing Granddad a contract) Make sure to read the part that says we get to cap yo' ass if you don't bring us our money at 4:30 on the dot."
- Granddad getting his groin run over by the woman in the motorized wheelchair.
Freedom Ride or Die
- The reason Robert was on the bus in the first place: He was running from an angry bus station attendant for messing up the white men's room. And "messing up," in this case, means taking a huge dump in the bathroom.
- Sturdy Harris, the borderline suicidal leader of the Freedom Riders who drives Robert up the wall.Robert: You can't get prepared to get lit on fire!
- This quote, which is said in a completely serious tone.Julian Bond: In defense of Robert, the strategy of non-violent direct action when you actually think about it, is completely insane.
- One of the Freedom Riders noting the random slurs they were called.Harold: "Nigger," "nigger lover," "moon cricket," "freelance honey badger"..."freelance honey badger?" I think they were just making up words after a while.
- Robert and Ruckus' reactions to finding out the other was at Birmingham.Robert: Wait, you mean Ruckus was at the Birmingham station? All this time, I didn't know that! That black son of a bitch! Boy, I'm going to have to kick his ass when I see him.Ruckus: Robert Freeman was there? (wistfully chuckles) Ain't that somethin...small world.
- Ruckus cheerfully calling the moment Bull Connor called him to help attack the Freedom Riders "The happiest moment of my life."
- Ruckus somehow inverting the plot from Speed decades before the film was made.
Granddad Dates a Kardashian
- The very apt warning the Woodcrest Health Board put up for the ass procedure:Y'all Hoes Gonna Die
- Robert and Bench arguing over who the sidekick is while beating up the doctor.
- Robert and Kardashia's confessional.
- Huey's confessional, where he just glares at the camera while Riley enters the shot, wearing toy gear and wielding a toy gun, and trolls him by saying the following:Riley: Hater alert. Hater alert. Hater alert. Nigga just mad he didn't get toys. (laughs)
- Huey then glares at his brother.
- After giving up on Kardashia on her sickbed, Robert just shrugs and says she might as well stay there for all he cares, since even if she ever wakes up she's going to be disfigured for life. Cue the camera turning around to a blonde little girl with what appears to be a newly amputated arm who's been standing behind him the entire time, bursting into tears and running off.
- Uncle Ruckus comes to the Freemans to make them see Wuncler Jr., showing that he's ready to handcuff Granddad and take him by force. Cut to Granddad tossing Ruckus' handcuffed ass out of the house.
- After the Freemans and Tom and forced into living at Freedomland against their will, Tom makes a big speech about how they're all in this together...until Ruckus comes and says that Sarah bought his freedom, Tom then immediately runs off.
- When the slaves finally rebel.Uncle Ruckus: "Mr. Wuncler, this is worse than Planet of the Apes!"
I Dream Of Siri
- Nearly everything Siri does to make Granddad's life a living hell.
- She recognizes Huey as the "the visionary domestic terrorist."
- Granddad submits to Siri completely with one of the reasons being that she controls his Facebook.
- Uncle Ruckus' speech at Robert's and Siri's "wedding".
- The text epilogue at the end.
Stinkmeaner: Begun the Clone War Has
- Clone!Stinkmeaner outright admitting that this episode's basic premise has been done.Stinkmeaner: Hey, kids. Welcome to the Nigga Moment Reboot! This is where we're gonna do some shit we already did, and just pretend you didn't see that shit the first time! Hahahaha! That's right, nigga! We don't respect your intelligence!
- Clone!Stinkmeaner explaining the recipe for a Nigga Moment in a cooking show format.Stinkmeaner: After that, add 25 years of Thug Rap, the movie Scarface which teaches irrational thinking, and don't forget to tie it back to crack.
- Grandpa slowly turning into Stinkmeaner during his training.
- Stinkmeaner meekly surrendering at the end of the fight, pointing out that as a clone, he has no actual personal animosity towards Grandpa Freeman.
- Stinkmeaner reducing his harassment of Robert to standing on the curb outside and yelling at him from the sidewalk.
The New Black
- The various special interest groups reveal that they essentially exist solely to leech money from each other.
- Rollo Goodlove noting how "fag" is censored on TV, but they can say "nigga" a lot.Riley: Thank God for uncensored DVDs.
- Philbert Slowlove, leader of the mentally disabled interest group, not only being an absolute mountain of a man, but is able to whip up an amazing pencil drawing in-between scenes.
- Riley complaining that "specially abled" applies to ninjas or Luke Skywalker, not people with disabilities.