Humor of a more civilized age...
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- Unskippable's take on the Stock Characters in the Return trailer:Graham: "Listen to Not-Alec-Guiness and run to the Not-Millenium-Falcon and join Not-Han-Solo!"
- And of course;"I'm the Old Republic... get off my damn space-lawn, you rebels!"
- And of course;
- "Weapons, name-calling, and cheating are all encouraged!" From the trailer for "Huttball"
- Also, "These Huttball Obstacles are provided by Czerka Corporation. Czerka: Brilliant solutions for a Brighter Tomorrow.
- Rapidly going memetic, at least on some servers, is the announcer's amazing and unprecedented observation, "Hutts don't have feet!"
- The new Huttball arena on Quesh comes with a new intro by Baron Deathmark: "Murder? Encouraged! Cheating? Of course! Cannibalism? You can be the first!"
- A reoccurring, but not overly common in the initial release, bug causes an NPC during a cutscene to appear to be less than a foot tall. Can be made funnier if it happens to be somebody trying to be intimidating, or Jedi Master Satele Shan leading the council when you can't even see her in her chair. It helps that the engine has other characters look down on them during conversation, so that it doesn't actually seem like a bug unless you know the character isn't supposed to be a foot tall.
- All the classes regenerate health by performing a specific, in-character "rest animation", no matter how absurd the injury. This means characters can jump off 4-story balconies, then mend their shattered bones by reloading, thinking hard, pacing in frustration, or shooting a coin. You can literally Walk It Off.
- It gets better: As of 1.2, lingering damage-over-time effects no longer interrupt your healing. This means it's entirely possible to be calmly meditating, pacing about, or whatever, while on fire.
- Several of the species-class-appearance combinations are amusing. How about a Miraluka Sniper? Or a Sith Pureblood Jedi? Maybe a waifish Sith Juggernaut, or a Chiss Smuggler flirting with everything in sight and unable to make a single serious comment?
- The loading screen will sometimes tell you that "During space combat, press the SPACEBAR to do a barrel roll!"
- Sometimes when you walk by two or more NPCs in the game, you'll overhear them conversing. One such group of NPCs is located on Nar Shaddaa on the outdoor part of the Promenade. It's a human, his protocol droid, and an astromech droid that the human is angry at. To really understand where this is going you need to know that this is taking place on a walkway many, many, many stories above the ground.Droid Owner: I'm onto you, short stuff. I've seen you Free Droid Enclave wackos puttering about. I'd better not catch you filling my droid's head with mutinous nonsense!
Astromech Droid: [in beeps and whistles] Loudmouthed organic = problematic // Violent "accident" = advisable
Droid Owner: What did he say?
Protocol Droid: Nothing subversive, master. Shall we go for a walk?
- Some of the later droid drops include vendor trash called an "Apathy Unit."
- HK-51 is as hilariously sociopathic as his KOTOR predecessor. Whether horrifying Republic PCs with his one-track approach to solving problems by "deleting troublemakers" or impressing Imperial PCs with his ruthlessness in "liquidating undesirables", he's always good for a laugh.
- The Trooper resorts to some impressive verbal gymnastics in order to not refer to what HK-51 is doing as assassinating people because "using the a-word makes the Brass nervous". HK is less than impressed with the arrangement.
- On the fact that his pre-programmed target list is woefully out of date:HK-51: [The targets] have succumbed to natural causes, various misadvventures, and random homicides.
- The Imperial Agent and HK-51 are a match made in the Maker's heaven. When the Agent asks if he left any witnesses to his latest assassination:Agent: I don't need to be seen with the galaxy's most hunted droid. I trust you eliminated all witnesses?
HK-51: [indignantly] Query: Really, master... can you honestly imagine me leaving survivors?
- Bring HK-51 to the Shrine of Healing on Voss, get this:HK: Complaint: the Shrine of Healing... so this is where the Voss undo all my hard work!
- Treek's entrance. The droid hypes up her badassitude, and it cuts to her, and... she's an Ewok. She then proceeds to walk through a group of people and knock them all over for no reason.
- The new Bounty Brokers Association has this unexpected gem of character action when accepting a kingpin contract:*Activate: Kingpin Contract**Channel: Reading Contract. Time: 240 seconds**interrupts itself after 10 seconds**Channel: Sighing. Time: 1.5 seconds**Channel: Signing Contract. Time: 2.0 seconds*Player: Uggh...
- The April Fools 2015 blog post, introducing Mega Mounts, which are far too big to pilot, Micro Mounts, which are too small to pilot, and Stationary Mounts, which as their names imply don't move at all.
- The log mount later became an in-game mount in Knights of the Fallen Empire; of course, it's a log, so while it's listed under your mounts in your collections, it's actually a health regen toy.
- During the Rakghoul Resurgence event, the Imperial fleet will periodically play announcements over the intercom about the situation. They include asking infectees to arrange for their own death by incineration, encouraging others to dispose of infectees via airlock, and the Empire being willing to engage in orbital bombardment of the infested planet (itself a Running Gag harkening back to the bombing of Taris).
- Within the Legacy achievements, there exists a branch for killing enemies with 2V-R8. The names of the achievements are giggle-worthy:I'm Not Designed For This!But I'm Getting Kind Of Used To It!In Fact, It's Strangely Compelling!
- The fact that Revan and Kyle Katarn have shared two different voice actors is certainly amusing.
- Playing through the Tarisain Imperial story line as a bounty hunter can lead to a bit on unintended hilarity as—while you're standing there in full beskar'gam and with the current Mandalore's blessing—an Imperial general runs down the Mandalorian mercs that have been hired and that you will be able to do what they can't.
- Life Day. Seriously. The fact that BioWare not only acknowledge the deranged mess that was The Star Wars Holiday Special, but decide to actually roll with it. Complete with a snowball fight item you can dust other players with (queue dozens of players gathering on Hoth and Ilum to pitch snowballs at one another), but dancing revelers (including a Santa Claus Expy) on the Fleets wearing those red robes from the special (and said robes being available for purchase).
General Republic Storylines
- On Ord Mantell, the PC can encounter Lamalla Rann, a gleefully amoral reporter who asks them to find and retrieve the footage shot by her assistant Waxx. The whole sidequest is an exercise in "what the hell is wrong with you?" comedy, especially when, after the PC reports back to a completely unsurprised Lamalla that her assistant has joined the separatist cause, Lamalla drops this gem:Lamalla: Once when we were on Tatooine he ran off and lived with the Jawas for three months. Said they were his spiritual kin.
- His over-the-top enthusiasm extolling the virtues of the separatists is full Face Palm territory.
- As you finish up, Lamalla cheerfully informs you that if you get wounded, she'll do a story on you.
- Another priceless line from Lamalla if the PC responds positively to the prospect of being bribed:Lamalla: Fantastic! Good to see someone with the complete lack of scruples needed to protect justice and freedom in the Republic!
- When recruiting you for the job:Lamalla: Think of it as an adventure! Wait, no, don't do that - you'll wander off aimlessly. Think of it as a job.
- On Ord Mantell, you can report a couple of soldiers to a Republic ethics officer for letting refugees run a minefield as an "obstacle course" and betting on the results. Said ethics officer is currently melodramatically drowning his sorrows from having to be the moral compass of an entire army of degenerates, leading to some poignant feedback from the PC.Ethics Officer: Every day it's the same scrag, day in and day out. Why me?
PC: Because it's your job?note
- The officer then protests that he shut the gambling ring down weeks ago, providing an opportunity for priceless snark:PC: Nope. Refugees blowing up everywhere.
- Even more hilarious is his reaction if you, instead, ask him if he's sure about that?Ethics Officer: Positive. I'd go over there to show you myself, but there have been reports of major explosions in the area... Oh...
- The officer then protests that he shut the gambling ring down weeks ago, providing an opportunity for priceless snark:
- On Tython, the PC is asked to investigate a pair of Padawans whose masters think are, well, "giving in to their passions". When you find them:Padawan: I swear, this isn't what you think it is!
PC: I think you two are romantically involved.
Padawan: Okay, maybe it is what you think it is.
- Right before that, the PC will witness the female about to kiss the male, and can interrupt with this:PC: (if male) When you're done with him, I'll take one too.
PC: (if female) Go ahead, plant one on him. I would, he's cute.
- Right before that, the PC will witness the female about to kiss the male, and can interrupt with this:
- On Coruscant, you have to deal with the Migrant Merchants Guild's plan to blow up the Senate. Jedi comment that they cannot allow innocents to be harmed. The Trooper and the Smuggler, on the other hand:Trooper: Nobody's torching Garza's office. Not while I'm around. Time to frag some criminals.
Smuggler: Sure, the Senate Tower is a little gaudy, but that's no reason to burn it down...
- On encountering a battered security agent:Officer Anstiss: I'm seeing double, but you both look as you can handle yourself.
- The quest she gives you involves arresting the thug who beat her up. He's not inclined to go peacefully, but a Jedi can be rather persuasive. His guard's not amused.Zooki: That's a dirty Jedi trick!
- The quest she gives you involves arresting the thug who beat her up. He's not inclined to go peacefully, but a Jedi can be rather persuasive. His guard's not amused.
- If you look at the extras dancing in the background while you're talking to Nizkif, you can see that some if not most of them are terrible dancers.
- During their stay on Taris, Republic characters will run into Co'overma and her assistant Liefer. The quest to aid them in their valiant efforts to save the poor, innocent endangered nexu is short and easy, but the dialogue is pure gold.Co'overma: I am the voice of the voiceless, protector of the nexu, the most beautiful, intelligent, adaptable-
Liefer: Giant, drooling cat monsters with big pointy spikes...
- On the Republic's version of Taris, at the end of a quest requiring you to contract the Rakghoul plague, the medical droid that ends the quest asks if you 'have any of the following symptoms: dizziness, fever, shortness of breath or an inexhaustible hunger for sentient flesh?'PC: Well, I could kind of go for a Nerf burger. Does that count?
- More on the quest to contract the rakghoul plague. The doctor tells you what she has in mind after you bring her some three-hundred-year-old serum which was effective against the plague back then but which, unfortunately isn't enough by itself to immunize against the mutated virus. She does, however, speculate that an extraordinarily healthy individual protected by the serum might be able to produce antibodies that can be used to create an effective vaccine. If the PC realizes where she's going and chooses to say "Uh-oh," the doctor will elaborate:Dr. Ianna Cel: I need someone with proven recuperative powers. Someone who gets injured almost on a daily basis. Ideally they would have survived stabbings, shootings, poison, infections...maybe all of the above. I understand your profession exposes you to...physical punishment. Do you think you could survive infection?
- Conversely, if the PC sees where she's going with this and agrees right off the bat, she starts to launch into the above speech before realizing you already agreed, and is actually kind of disappointed because she had the speech all ready and everything.
- Responses to this last question include "I guess I'm pretty unkillable," and "No, no, no!" If you agree to it, she tells you to get out there, find a rakghoul, and get it to bite you. No, she doesn't have the virus in a needle, sorry.
- The whole quest is rather amusing in a meta-sense because the player can buy a rakghoul vaccine from every medical droid. While you do the quest you cannot help but think about the giant waste of time that it is.
- While dealing with a Pirate doctor:Doctor Ryamn: No, the stuff is down there. I swear on my medical licence. The real one.
Remember that time you shot your way into a Death's Claw pirate camp and met the local medic? Remember how he convinced you not to subject his patients to a horrible rakghoul-y death by stealing his vaccine supply?
- His indignation if a Jedi character shakes him down for the serum:Doctor Ryamn: What is this? I'm getting robbed by Jedi? I thought you guys were allergic to credits or something!
- If you can manage to have a Smuggler on a team with Jedi, and get control of the response, you might get the chance to reply:"Oh, they like credits just fine ... it's charm they're allergic to."
- If the PC agrees to leave Dr. Ryamn his batch of rakghoul serum and go looking for the alternate source he promises is there, he eventually sends an email titled "Doctor Death's Claw Says Hi," which begins thusly:
That was me. How's things with you?
- His indignation if a Jedi character shakes him down for the serum:
- An overheard conversation in Anchorhead on Tatooine. If it doesn't remind you of a couple of things, you aren't paying attention.Customer: This droid you sold me is a hunk of junk! I want a refund!
Jawa Vendor: No refunds!
Customer: Come on, the thing's vocabulator went out within 20 minutes of my getting home!
Jawa Vendor: Vocabulator not broken! Is feature!
Customer: How is that a feature? Honestly, what good is a protocol droid that can't even talk?
- By the time you get to Tatooine, you will generally have had enough 'interaction' with your ship droid that the prospect is quite attractive.
- Andra Cressen in Alderaan when you rescue her. Depends on your class, she will make funny comments and snarks at the interrogator. You can also snark at him too, making him say that both of you have gone crazy.
- At one of the Republic bases on Hoth, two soldiers discuss the food that the Ortolans have been making. One prefers to stick to his field rations, while the other loved tauntaun stew, and is looking forward to eating wampa... if only to return the favor.
- For Republic players arriving at the Axial Park Tram Station, you can overhear a parent complaining to a soldier how animals at the zoo had escaped from their cages and traumatized his daughter (the daughter disagrees). Remember that Corellia is in the middle of a war right now.Father: Everywhere I looked, there were beasts bursting out of cages!
Daughter: We got to pet the animals! Tell him, daddy!
Republic Soldier: Sir, we're in the middle of a ground war.
Father: The Zoo is supposed to be safe, officer. This was very traumatizing!
Daughter: It was great!
Republic Soldier: Sir, for the safety of your girl, please evacuate Axial Park.
- Overheard in Outpost Thorazan, situated out in the ass end of nowhere (aka the Dune Sea) on scenic Tatooine:Militia Guard 1: You know, some planets don't have to put up with this all the time. The heat, I mean.
Militia Guard 2: Yeah?
Militia Guard 1: Yeah. Most planets have these things called "seasons". Sometimes it's hot, sometimes it's cold, but most of the time it's downright tolerable.
Militia Guard 2: Huh.
- One quest on Tatooine, The Geonosian Offensive, has this little exchange with the quest giver:Jawa: Maybe you make Bug-people leave so Jawa can go home?
Player: I'm sure I can persuade them to move along one way or another
Jawa: Renishi thinks maybe grenades work better than words on bug-people.
- A quest on Tatooine seemingly involves helping a local hero recover his loved ones from pirates. His "loved ones" turn out to be his collection of miniature toy droids. If you read the quest item's description in your inventory, you'll find that your character already feels the urge to smash them. His friend is in disbelief when you take the light side option to finish the quest, begs the guy to tell him this is a joke, then facepalms as the hero thanks you again.
Jedi Knight Storyline
- After completing the Jedi Knight class quest on Nar Shaddaa, which culminates in your killing a Sith Lord, you get a letter in the mailbox... from a rival Sith, thanking you for paring down the competition.
- After Master Orgus dryly remarks that he thought the Knight would have arrived sooner on Alderaan, the Knight can sarcastically comment that it's what happens when you're forced to walk everywhere.
- On Alderaan, an ambush (and subsequent boss fight) by an absolutely huge Killik causes Orgus to dryly remark:Master Orgus: If this thing eats us, you're fired.
- Right before that, Orgus is impressed that the Knight managed to get past the aforementioned giant Killik. The Knight's (paraphrased) response is a confused "What giant Killik?" Naturally, it chooses that moment to appear.
- When facing Lord Nefarid, basically a Sith Assassin who is all about being sneaky and invisible, you are given the option to say "I don't need to see you. I can smell you." The response from the Sith suggests he thinks that was Actually Pretty Funny.
- Some of Kira's random lines when you talk to her are certainly worth mentioning:Kira: Know what I learned from my first Council meeting? I can sleep standing up.
Kira: If you mashed Hoth together with Tatooine, would it make a decent planet with nice weather?
- Which can also be said of some of her natter when she accompanies you in the field:Kira: Dear Czerka, please stop discovering horrible ancient things. Love, Kira.
Kira: Blasted Imperials. Their architecture really clashes with the rest of Alderaan's decor.
Kira: I'll never understand Tatooine settlers. "We live in a giant wasteland. Let's build everything really far apart!"
- Her astute assessment of how Republic fashions pale in comparison to those in the Empire (this cut deeper before the Cartel Market and Outfit Designer were added, when Republic characters had very limited "cool" wardrobe choices compared to Imperials).
- Which can also be said of some of her natter when she accompanies you in the field:
- If you pursue the Jedi Knight romance path with Kira, she actually researches marriage amongst the Jedi. Her findings are... not encouraging.
- More of an Offscreen Moment of Funny, but on one occasion, you walk in on Doc reminiscing about his past failed relationships. He mentions that he went to chat up Kira, and then suddenly felt the urge to go think about his past lovers - the implication being that she Jedi Mind Tricked him, which you can point out to him if you like.
- A romance with Doc is similarly amusing when marriage comes up. The proposal is hilariously awkward at first, and then, when the Jedi Knight accepts, he yells out that things are a go... and out of nowhere comes a protocol droid authorized to marry them. One of the possible responses is a literal "where the hell did you come from?" moment. Apparently, it's been on the very small ship for weeks without anyone noticing.
- Kaliyo makes a cameo while Doc goes off to heal Nem'ro the Hutt. Doc's paying her to be his hostage in case Nem'ro decides to keep him - apparently, they're old friends. And she gives the female Jedi Knight romance advice, of a sort.Kaliyo: Every girl is allowed one indiscretion. Doc counts as two.
- And then Doc returns to the ship and starts angling for a threesome. Cue epic eyeroll from Kaliyo.
- Gains an extra layer if you've played an Imperial Agent. This is "twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound sack" Kaliyo and she's calling him the bad idea.
- Doc requests time off to go save a female friend from gangsters that want a return investment on the spice money he swindled from them a few years ago to (unknowingly to his friend) fund her refugee hospital. If the Jedi Knight offers to come along to help, he dramatically declares that "there are some things a man has to do himself," and heroically walks out... Cut to Doc informing you that the gang turned out to be smarter than he thought, but luckily Republic hostage negotiators managed to talk them out of killing him.
- After Doc has gone off to help a female friend from gangsters and when she contacts him afterwards he says he loves her new hairstyle. When the game finally lets you see her, she's a Twilek.
- It gets better. Right after that cut, Prudy angrily reveals that he left her at the alter two years ago. The Jedi Knight's potential response?Jedi Knight: Wow, this conversation got entertaining in a hurry.
- Cue Doc trying desperately to sweet-talk her out of staying mad at him, with Prudy naturally not buying it. This eventually culminates in Doc trying to bring up the one way he hasn't screwed her over:Doc: But hey, at least you still have that hospital I bought you.
Prudy: The gangsters burned it to the ground. (hangs up)
- The cincher?
- It gets better. Right after that cut, Prudy angrily reveals that he left her at the alter two years ago. The Jedi Knight's potential response?
- A romanced Doc discovers the joys of sex with a Jedi:Doc: I swear everytime we're together, it's different. You're not using Jedi mind tricks on me, are you?
Jedi Knight: Would you be excited if I said "yes"?
Doc: Sure. I mean, no. I don't know. Are you doing it right now? Don't answer that.
- In the Hoth storyline, you can use Force Persuade on the mercenaries guarding the generator. The leader appears to be unaffected. Not so with his goons, however, as they immediately put their blasters on the ground and ran, leaving the leader in confusion since he had no idea what you just did.
- In a meta sense, the leader then talks a big game for several minutes before attacking... but mechanically he's a standard mook and goes down almost immediately.
- The situation at the end of Chapter 2 is dire, but bringing T7 along is good for a giggle, if only at the droid's optimism.T7-01: (when confronted by Lord Scourge) Emperor's Wrath + Emperor = two targets // T7 = taking Emperor?
- While infiltrating an Imperial space station, Lord Scourge transmits some false IDs which makes the station thinking a Grand Moff is arriving:Imperial Security Officer: You'll find our security airtight.
Lord Scourge: (to himself) That is unlikely.
- After the completion of the final mission, in which the Knight and their crew assault the Emperor's base on Dromund Kaas, Scourge will reprimand the protagonist if they chose to take a detour and save one of their trapped crewmates, deviating from Scourge's original plan. Choosing the bottom dialogue option leads to this.Scourge: You gave the Emperor time to gather his strength. We are all lucky to be alive.
Jedi Knight: Are you seriously criticizing me for not following your stupid plan? I just saved the galaxy, you idiot!
- For bonus points, choosing this option results in a massive influence gain from every other crew member.
- The triumphant nature of the storyline finale is deflated a bit when Grand Master Satele refuses to make the Knight a Jedi Master if they're dark sided. Even better, the Knight can act very pettily about it, claiming they're going to sign up with the military as the Jedi obviously don't appreciate their way of doing things. Add Satele's, and Scourge's, displeasure at Scourge becoming a Hero of the Republic and it's probable she'd prefer to forget the whole ceremony.
- After the Jedi Knight's class quest on Rishi, to help the people of Rishi with simple matters, the Knight gets an email from one of the people they helped thanking them. It ends with a nod to all the Red Hull nonsense, declaring the Knight the nicest pirate the person's met, to the point where it's hard to believe the Knight's actually a cannibal.
Jedi Consular Storyline
- The Jedi Consular doesn't get many of these, as they have an extremely low-key and deadpan sense of humor. This makes the infiltration of the Imperial Facility on Nar Shaddaa even funnier, as they will suddenly come out with a outrageous British accent and start throwing their weight around like a stereotypical Sith Lord. This comes totally from nowhere, and most amazingly actually works.Imperial Captain: Stop right there. This is an Imperial control station. I'm authorized to use deadly force protecting Cartel-Imperial interests. State your business or get out.
Consular: (shows stolen ID card) You dare impede a Sith in his/her duties? I should cut you down where you stand!
Imperial Captain: (panicking) An inspection? I'm—Please forgive me, I meant no disrespect! P-productivity is down, but w-we'll drive the workers harder! Double our quota next month!
Consular: The wealth of the Empire is at stake! Incompetence will be punished!
Imperial Captain: I-I'll see to it personally that matters improve!
Consular: (disdainfully) You're a disgrace to the Empire. Your mere presence offends me. Leave!
Imperial Captain: (obviously relieved) Y-yes, my lord! At once. (bows and gets the hell out of the Consular's sight)
- By the same token, on Ilum, they can express their dismay at being sent back out into the freezing temperatures—already funny, made a thousand times more hilarious by the fact that it's being said in the Consular's voice:Do you know what the temperature is out there? I've got frostbite on my... somewhere you really don't want to get frostbite.
- When you are first introduced to the Trandoshan, Qyzen Fess, in the Jedi Temple you can say you're honoured to meet him. Or you can ask if he's also a Jedi. Or you can just throw tact to the wind and respond like this:Master Yuon Par: Padawan, come in. This is Qyzen Fess, an old friend. He's here on a hunting expedition, a sacred Trandoshan tradition.
You: It's a freaky giant lizard.
- On Nar Shaddaa you confront Master Fain, he comments how he and Master Yuon Par actually had a fling.Consular: You and Master Yuon? That's...not an image I needed.
- On Alderaan, when approaching a mercenary general serving House Ulgo on behalf of House Teral, when he asks if House Teral is trying to recruit him, the Jedi Consular can show him what happens when you Ask a Stupid Question....Jedi Consular: No, they'd like you to put on a dress and do a jig. Of course they want you to join them!
- Conversely, if the Consular asks if House Teral has tried to recruit him before? He responds that every Alderaan House but Teral has made him offers, and he was starting to feel slighted.
- After boarding Lord Vivicar's ship using your own, and cutting your way through some of his guards, he communicates with you while you're hacking a door.Vivicar: I wasn't sure if you'd be foolish enough to come aboard, Jedi, but I can sense your presence.
Consular: (without bothering to look up from the console) Did the docking starship clue you in as well?
- One of the moments that delves into pure hilarity in the Consular story is, during the 3rd chapter on Belsavis, the Consular is confronted by a Rehabilitation droid who was told by a defector that the Consular is actually a prisoner who believes he is a Jedi. Even the Consular can't help but chuckle (some slight paraphrasing here):Droid: You match the patient's description perfectly.
Consular: I am a member of the Jedi Order.
Droid: The first step to being cured is admitting to your sickness.
- Iresso also gets in a hilarious line if he's with you:Droid: Greetings, and welcome to the psychiatric ward.
Iresso: Somehow, I always knew this was how I would end up.
- Iresso also gets in a hilarious line if he's with you:
- If you help out a Jawa tribe on Tatooine, they give you a Jawa cloak, making you a member of the tribe. There's just one tiny problem:Consular: It's a little small, don't you think?
Tteek Tlek: Um. Is hood for Jedi?
- On Hoth, Iresso stops a mutiny from his troops by subduing the dissenting trooper and then assigning him a week of chipping off the ice on the comm aerials. Later on, you get a chance to talk to him again.Private Kree: I know I screwed up, but...have you seen the ice on those aerials?
- On Makeb, as you walk into a town hit hard by a groundquake, and then overrun by mercenaries, the rest of your party expresses dismay over the conditions. Iresso's reaction...differs.Iresso: Now this is living! All we have to do is kick the Regulators around a little, and we're good to go.
- One of your conversations with Tharan Cedrax and his sentient female hologram companion Holiday goes like this if you pick a particular response to the first words out of his mouth.Tharan: Jedi, Holiday and I have an announcement to make.
Consular: Then I hope it's a lovely wedding, and you have a dozen holo-children.
Holiday: [delighted] Oh Tharan, that's a thought.
Tharan: [perturbed] Moving along!
- Tharan is the healer companion, and like most of these, he has a crowd control ability. However, whereas every other healer companion either sprays carbonite or zaps the target to paralyze them, Tharan summons Holiday to dance in front of the target, which puts them into a trance. What makes this extra funny is when you consider that it works on everything - women, droids, beasts, and even the abominations on Voss.
- A little Getting Crap Past the Radar:Tharan: I have a little something to handle that.
Holiday: (flickers to life, with her usual flirty voice) A little something? You're so modest, Tharan. (disappears)
- If the male Consular romances Nadia, one of his conversations with Qyzen will actually address that; namely, through the Trandoshan offering the Consular the skinned pelt of a Wookiee—something that is considered an exceptional courting gift amongst his people—to give to Nadia. It's mostly the tone in which they say the following that makes this little exchange so funny:Male Consular: [completely deadpan] Nadia's not the sort of woman who truly appreciates a Wookiee pelt. She's funny that way.
Qyzen: (sighs) Is so hard to please females.
- The female Consular is also similarly deadpan regarding Qyzen's offer.Female Consular: I think Felix prefers women who don't surprise him with Wookiee pelts.
- The female Consular is also similarly deadpan regarding Qyzen's offer.
- The climax of the Consular's Tython storyline occurs with a highly dramatic cutscene of the Consular using the Force to assemble their first lightsaber, holding it proudly aloft against the setting sun. Then, with the storyline's antagonist waiting menacingly outside, the Consular returns to player control to descend the steps of the Forge and meet their would-be nemesis... but since the stairs down from the Forge are long, steep, and very narrow, it's entirely possible to misjudge the path and send the Consular stepping off the edge of the staircase and crashing unceremoniously to the ground below in a prime moment of unintentional slapstick comedy. (Doubly funny if the Consular is a Miraluka.)
- On Balmora the Consular has the chance to give an inspiring speech. If he chooses to use a Jedi proverb, it comes out as an impenetrable metaphor about gardening. The troops are less inspired than confused. (Also a Continuity Nod to Knights of the Old Republic II where the player had to do a similar thing on Dantooine.)
- On Coruscant the Consular is trapped in a mental prison and offered a riddle game to escape. In the third question they are challenged with a hypothetical scenario about being attacked by many enemies. If they ask for clarification on the size and power of the attacking force the questioner panics that she doesn't know and lets them out immediately rather than finish the game.
- Two words: Sticky Grenade. Toss it on someone and watch them fumble around trying to grab it, then go off flying. Even droids immediately panic when one gets thrown on them.
- Garza's response when she tells you there's a problem with a Republic senator, and you ask if she wants you to shoot them.Garza: As tempting as that would be in this situation...
- On Coruscant, dealing with the Cyborg Sleeper Agents becomes very amusing if one plays as the Cyborg Trooper. In particular, their nervousness upon being convinced to open the door gains a new layer of subtext, making them appear embarrassed that their rescuer was one of those... how did they put it, "cyborg freaks?"
- During a mission on Taris, you can flirt with Elara Dorne:Trooper: I might be hurt, Sergeant — you'd better come rescue and search me.
Elara: Flirtation and other non-critical communication over priority holochannels are strictly forbidden by procedural guidelines, sir.
Jorgan: I'm pretty sure that was a "No", Lieutenant.
- M1-4X is very enthusiastic about the Republic, as he demonstrates in his very first appearance failing to realize that he's been activated by a group of defectors:M1-4X: But I've been operational for days now! Imperial vermin across the galaxy should be cursing the Republic ingenuity that created me!
- On Nar Shaddaa you end up raiding a penthouse in a casino housing Imperial officers leading to this exchange:Imperial Soldier: Impossible! Throw down your weapons. Republic Scum! You have no idea what you've done, breaking in here.Trooper: I'm sorry, the guy at the front desk must have made a mistake.
- Again on Nar Shaddaa, Agent Balkar sends the Trooper to raid a warehouse in order to flush out their targets. Both Jorgan and Elara comment that the mission was perfect for the Lieutenant.
- Also, any time Fem!Trooper flirts with Balkar while Jorgan is the active companion.
- Other companions sometimes get in on the fun as well. When Balkar suggestively remarks that the prospect of taking orders from the female Trooper is enough to make him think about joining the Army, M1-4X takes him literally and enthusiastically offers to direct him to a recruitment officer.
- After the Nar Shaddaa mission, you are sent to infiltrate Harron Tavus's ship while it's stranded out in space. The bonus objective for that mission is to avoid getting burned by a tripwire trap. If you get burned too many times and botch the bonus, the in-game text will keep saying "Never going to live this down" every subsequent time you get burned by the trap.
- For one mission on Tatooine, you're protecting victims of a bombing attack from more bomb-carrying protocol droids. However, they swarm you 5 at a time, and explode quickly enough that it's nearly impossible to kill them all, all while greeting you and asking how they can help. The blast will also send you flying dozens of feet each, leading to the player being tossed like a ragdoll. What's best is that after waiting to be revived, you can talk to the people who you just exploded next to, who will thank you for protecting them.
- When you finish the story mission on Tatooine, there are Republic troops that dance with joy and cheer you as you walk out of Gorik's base.
- While you are trying to recover parts of an Imperial cipher machine from a pirate, Imperial troops burst in and try to arrest everybody involved.Imperial Soldier: Halt in the name of the Empire! You are in possession of stolen Imperial property!
Trooper: Sorry, we are in the middle of a business transaction, let me get back to you later.
- Attacking Tavus's secret warship leads to some interesting conversations:Tavus (via holo projection): I have to thank you for working this little meeting into your busy schedule. It took me some trouble to arrange.
Trooper: In the name of the Republic I order you to surrender!
Tavus: Ya know... you're so threatening over holo that I might even consider it. Let me get back to you later.
- A little later:Tavus: They were heroes, Lieutenant!
Trooper: If you need a moment to cry, I can call back.
- A little later:
- On Balmorra, you are given a recording by Tanno Vik stating that he took the security teams in accordance with Regulation 235-R. If you ask Elara what it is, she states it dictates the size and positioning for improvised field latrines.
- On Voss during the quest chain, you eventually beat an arrogant Sith Lord, he lie injured and incredulous that a mere grunt matched him. If you execute him, and have Elara in your party:Elara: He's dead, sir. In case you were wondering.
- The pure Mood Whiplash if you handing over the citybuster bomb to the Voss for study at the end of the Voss quest chain. Senator Evran starts off by angrily yelling at you for handing over a 50 billion credit piece of equipment. The light-sided response is literally, "I'm sorry. It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time." Two sentences later, he calls you "the best representative of the Republic yet." Apparently, he's an amnesiac.
- M1-4X's Stop Poking Me! quote: "Do not worry, sir! My armor is impenetrable to your touch, no matter how repetitive!"
- Tanno Vik's Stop Poking Me! quote is also rather humorous: "What? You better say what you have to, or I'll give you a grenade without the pin!"
- If a male Trooper and Elara are romantically involved, how do they get some alone time for intimacy? Elara gives the rest of Havoc Squad paperwork to fill out. She even has it calculated how long they have until the first squad mate (always Jorgan) comes back.
- The smuggler's very first class quest sets the tone for the adventure to come. A separatist targeting computer needs to be shut down, but resists attempts at finesse. What does our hero do? Channel pure Han Solo and shoot the thing, of course. The scene is entirely silent, but the character's body language says it all.
- Smuggler hilarity is encapsulated in a single attack: Dirty Kick. Extra fun when used against arrogant Sith Lords who made you listen to their Evil Gloating before the fight started! The Gunslinger may have lost the ability to kick people in the family jewels (now exclusive to the Scoundrel) with the Eternal Throne class update, but to compensate, they now have the attack, Below the Belt, which shoots them in the family jewels instead.
- Made even better when you get your smuggler through the third story arc, and Dirty Kick becomes available to all your characters on that server. A smuggler doing it is amusing, an uptight Jedi Consular doing it is hilarious. A Sith Warrior doing it in between two lightsaber swings is downright sidebreaking.
- After breaking into a separatist base, killing all the guards and hacking into their computer, you are discovered by a lone guard and his droid. Cue the Smuggler's shock and terror at the thought of a dangerous Republic spy inside the base, and insistence that the guard should go and sound the alarm immediately! Hilariously you are even able to convince him that his droid's deadpan insistence that theres something odd about you is due to him being faulty, and that he should get him down to maintenance immediately.
- Trymbo on Ord Mantell. His delivery and body language is part of what makes it so funny, so a simple transcript does not do this guy justice. You really need to watch. But here's one of the dialogue choices and responses that isn't in the video link:Smuggler: Just hand that thing over, Captain Crazy.
Trymbo: How DARE you! I'm a colonel.
[He stands at attention upon the conclusion of this declaration.]
- After being red-flagged by customs on Coruscant, the Smuggler has Corso distract the droid while they subtly rewire a nearby console. Cue it happily greeting them again as "Admiral Numinn" who, as we find out in the Trooper storyline, is the head of the Republic Navy's Fifth Assault Fleet.
- During the Esseles, when the final boss approaches, if a Jedi gets the first word in and the Sith foams at the mouth at the opportunity, your Smuggler gets the opportunity to deliver this line:Smuggler: If you just want my friend here, I'll... just be going then.
- Some of the Smuggler's class-specific dialogue to general Republic quest-givers is extremely hilarious, especially during the prologue on Coruscant, and especially when you compare it to the more serious Jedi and Trooper dialogues in a parallel playthrough:
- When approached by a Senator's page, before he can even begin his spiel:Smuggler: Whatever it is you think I was doing, I promise I had no involvement in it.
- When informed of a domestic terrorist's attempt to blow up the Senate Tower. Made funnier when you consider that the Jedi classes' response is moral horror that anyone would try to destroy the building that symbolizes the freedom and ideals the Republic stands for; and the Trooper expresses seething rage at the same. Our Smuggler?Smuggler: Sure, the tower's a little gaudy, but that's no reason to try to blow it up.
- When approached by a Senator's page, before he can even begin his spiel:
- During the prologue on Coruscant, the Smuggler ends up crossing paths with a Sullustan cop on several occasions. The Sullustan's insistence on addressing the Smuggler as "upstanding citizen" (in the face of mountains of evidence to the contrary) never fails to make our hero twitch.
- When hunting Skavak, getting Kixi to restore his criminal record to how she found it... and then troll him by inserting a bunch of fake records registering him as a plague carrier, suffering from the highly virulent STD, "Bothan Nether Rot".
- When the Smuggler meets three young bounty hunters sent after them, one of the dialogue options is them mocking one of the members' shaggy hairstyle:Smuggler: Is that a hairstyle, or did a womp rat die on your head?
Scorch: Did you just... what... who do.... shut up!
- Also funny if you decide to be nice and try to talk them out of trying to kill you instead of just attacking them. If you tell them Skavak has a way better price on his head, they start to consider killing you and then going after him... Until you mention he's with the Justicars. Then the leader realizes he has a contact in the Justicars who'll let 'em in, and he and his buddy rush out whooping about how much money they're going to make, completely forgetting about you. Cue the one girl angrily yelling that they forgot about the other expensive bounty right here!Girl: Ugh, men... Wait up, you attention-spanless idiots!
- Also funny if you decide to be nice and try to talk them out of trying to kill you instead of just attacking them. If you tell them Skavak has a way better price on his head, they start to consider killing you and then going after him... Until you mention he's with the Justicars. Then the leader realizes he has a contact in the Justicars who'll let 'em in, and he and his buddy rush out whooping about how much money they're going to make, completely forgetting about you. Cue the one girl angrily yelling that they forgot about the other expensive bounty right here!
- When you are invited to be part of space missions this pearl comes out of the Smuggler's mouth:Smuggler: I wanna be "Crackerjack!" No, wait, that sounded better in my head. Wait, I want to be "Ace"!
- During a quest on Taris:Scientist: I'll make sure you're amply compensated!
Smuggler: "Amply compensated" is my middle name.
Scientist: Your parents must have been fascinating people.
- During the Nar Shaddaa storyline, you confront a member of an Animal Wrongs Group looking for a rare beast that they stole/"liberated" from a Hutt. After shooting your way through about a dozen of her goons, you can tell her that "This was all just a terrible misunderstanding." She immediately jumps to the conclusion that you were the one her superior had hired to transport the beast offworld, and hands over a holorecording with information about where they took said beast. Her sudden change in tone is what really sells this scene, along with Corso's reaction:Corso: Unbelievable! One of these days you have to teach me how you do that?!
- Shortly after, on Nar Shaddaa, when facing a bounty hunter sent by Rogun, one of the dialog choices leaves Corso feeling a bit left out:Smuggler: This wookiee's all I need to finish you off.
Corso: And me. And my blaster. I call her Sparky.
Zank Herlott: There's something unwholesome about a man who names his weapons.
- When the bounty hunter boasts he shined his armor just for this occasion, the smuggler can note:Smuggler: Not to be rude, but, ah, that spot, right there, near your elbow? Kinda dingy.
- When the bounty hunter boasts he shined his armor just for this occasion, the smuggler can note:
- At one point, the smuggler and Risha are discussing what they're gonna do when they find Nok Drayen's treasure. You see Bowdaar walking by in the hallway, then Corso running up, out of breath. What exactly was going on back there?
- A dingbat freighter captain (and ex-girlfriend of Skavak) discovers that her nifty little ray shield only has a few minutes of operation on battery. Naturally it fails right after this is pointed out to her.Smuggler: Awwww... the manual have too many big words for you?
- The entirety of that part is a funny moment. It has to be seen to believed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLNtwbwV2aoFeylara: Just so you know, this isn't personal. I have to kill you. But...it's for love!
Smuggler: Nobody's ever tried to kill me for love before.
Feylara: *giggles* It's romantic, right?
- Also, you have the option to just walk away before her stupidity makes you lose brain cells.
- The entirety of that part is a funny moment. It has to be seen to believed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLNtwbwV2ao
- One conversation with Risha brings up comparing someone to a Padawan
- Bowdaar gets one on Tatooine if you take him to meet with a shady character.Bowdaar: He smells like bad luck.
Smuggler: If he tries anything, tear his arms off.
Bowdaar: Then he will smell worse.
- Conversely, if the Smuggler is female and has Corso in her party, that same shady character opens the conversation by heaping really thick and slimy praise on her beauty. Corso's response?
- On Tatooine there's a great one after the smuggler helps train a local militia.Smuggler: If you come across any contraband contact a professional! Here's my holofrequency number.
Militiaman: I don't think I'm supposed to do that.
- On Tatooine, successfully playing the Jedi and the Sith against each other will lead to them breaking into Diago's base. When you walk in, Diago is growing increasingly vexed by their presence and only becomes moreso at your arrival. A four-way argument ensues with everyone trying to get a word in. It's finally ended by Diago screaming at his droids to "kill everyone!" in a way that puts every other Large Ham in the game to shame.Diago's Bodyguard: But I didn't do anything!
Risha: (over holo) Haven't heard from you in awhile. Everything alright?
- Right before the fight starts, the Sith will try to mind-trick you into attacking the Jedi, who instantly tries to mind-trick you into not attacking, making it come off like they're playing tug-of-war with the Smuggler's mind. The best part, though, has to be how the Smuggler just shrugs them both off.Smuggler: Stop waving your hands around, it just makes you look stupid.
- The whole interaction is hilarious. Diago very much values his privacy and hates being around people. His lieutenant — not the one he allows to contact him normally — is present, as is a Jedi he's never met before. Then the Smuggler and their companion walk in. Then a Sith. Diago has just about had enough of people dropping in unannounced, and rambles about how annoying all these voices that aren't his are, when Risha calls up on the holo. Diago is promptly Distracted by the Sexy. And if your Smuggler happens to be the flirty type:
Smuggler: I've got a Jedi and Sith fighting over me, but I only have eyes for you.
Nariel: (the Jedi) Nothing you say makes sense.
Zare: (the Sith) Poor Nariel. She's never been kissed.
- Right before the fight starts, the Sith will try to mind-trick you into attacking the Jedi, who instantly tries to mind-trick you into not attacking, making it come off like they're playing tug-of-war with the Smuggler's mind. The best part, though, has to be how the Smuggler just shrugs them both off.
- During the Alderaan storyline quests, the Smuggler delivers an old labor droid to some local nobles. During the conversation, the Smuggler is casually leaning on the droid, that is until the noble lady mentions the explosive booby-trap within it.
- The noble lady in question is quite beautiful, her noble brother is a bit dim. Their interactions are amusing on their own, but a male smuggler can (of course) flirt with the lady, and she readily returns his interest. Hilariously, her brother (and Corso, if you bring him along) can see where this is going, and quickly find excuses to be elsewhere before the leadup to the Sexy Discretion Shot. Twice.
- Also during the Alderaan storyline, after Skavak escapes with the hyperdrive you need by trading in a fake head of a Darth who killed the current king's ancestor for it, you can return to the librarian who turned you away the first time, and he goes on about why the head is important to house Alde:
- There's a little gem on Alderaan, where the smuggler must deliver Darth Bandon's severed head to House Alde's museum. The curator accuses them of bringing in a counterfeit head. A possible response is this:Smuggler: Maybe this Darth Bandon had two heads.
- On Alderaan, a nobleman rival to the client challenges them to a duel, which the Smuggler can accept in their stead. The nobleman insults the Smuggler, which they can either respond, or start the duel immediately, shooting him in the shoulder. He whines and complains about a preemptive shot, before the duel had started...which the Smuggler can again respond with a second, non-lethal shot, getting the challenger to immediately surrender.
- A male smuggler is asked to rescue a wayward daughter (who fancies herself a spy):Smuggler: Rescuing damsels in distress is my specialty. She is a damsel, right?
- Our hero's scheme for what to do with Nok Drayen's fortune (and Risha's comeback to it) is priceless.Smuggler: I was thinking I might hire myself an army of Wookiees.
Risha: What you lack in practicality, you make up for in style.
- During a conversation on your ship, a completely hammered Corso asks why can't they have "more fun on this ship". A female Smuggler can coyly tease him about the two of them enjoying some private time together. A male Smuggler, on the other:Male Smuggler: What about the time Risha gave Bowdaar a bath?
- There's something very humorous about the female Smuggler flirting and then sleeping with Skavak, while on a ship falling into a black hole, at the end of Act I. Might be Corso's reaction.Corso: (disbelief) Are you people out of your minds?
- And Skavak's response to that.Skavak: Go stand in the corner, kid. Your captain and I need a moment.
- And then the female smuggler can tell him afterwards that "after all this build-up, I was expecting you to be...more." Or she can just deck him in the face. It's hilarious either way.
- And Skavak's response to that.
- When getting briefed on the mission to Balmorra, and told about "Project Nebula," the dialogue option "Okay, I'll bite" has the Smuggler drop this gem (it's all in the delivery)Smuggler: (voice thick with weary resignation) What's Project Nebula?
- The smuggler has trouble apologizing to Rogun:Smuggler: I'm s... I'm sor... I am... incredibly good-looking! Nope. Can't.
- The following exchange happens if you choose Risha to accompany you on Balmorra, and the two of you are working with Akaavi Spar in order to break somebody out of prison.Akaavi: When we're in, meet me at cell 665. My clan brother is there. Help me free him, and I'll assist you with whatever you need.
Smuggler: (flirting) I never argue with a woman with a plan.
Risha: (incredulous) Since when?!
- In Corso's companion quest in chapter 1, you have to smuggle a shipment of what you're told are medical supplies inside your body so it can get through security. If you pick the dialogue option saying that you've seen crazier, you get this:
- After doing Corso's big chapter 2 companion quest, which involves cannibals, you have a fun chat back on the ship.Corso: What makes a person desperate enough to start seeing his fellow man as... meat?
Smuggler: If we ever resort to cannibalism, I've got dibs on Risha.
Corso: Captain! That's horrible! You're gonna share, right?
- One flirty conversation with Akaavi has a good moment:Smuggler: And what do Mandalorian women do with a "worthy foe"? Rahr...
Akaavi (deadpan): Usually, they kill him.
- Corso starts talking about happier times, before all the problems the smuggler and he go through, and this pearl is part of the conversation:Corso Riggs: Ah, for Ord Mantell. Where separatists were bad and guns were good, and we could just run in shooting.
Smuggler: If you haven't noticed, we never really dropped the shooting. Or the running.
- When accused of smuggling (or indeed anything else), the Smuggler can respond:Smuggler: I sincerely have absolutely no idea what you're talking about—honest.
- A female Smuggler will get quite a few giggles out of hitting on anything even vaguely male, simply for the hilarity that is a fluffed-up and indignant Corso ("I can swoon! You never said you wanted me to swoon!").
- One funny moment from her flirting that doesn't come from Corso: on Balmorra, after she coyly asks Numen Brock what he has in mind for a "date", the nearby protocol droid will, sounding vaguely horrified, pipe up with:Droid: Oh, my gracious! I don't think I should be hearing this! I'm a family-friendly model!
- Flirting with the Voss makes Corso want to jump to a whole different sci-fi franchise.Corso: Don't we have some kind of rule about not interfering in alien cultures? Well, we should!
- Another from flirting with the Voss is that the Smuggler has a minor freakout when she realizes he's married. The Voss gets incredibly confused that she didn't know (Voss only sexually mature if they're married), and one way or the other the whole thing dissolves into awkwardness.
- One funny moment from her flirting that doesn't come from Corso: on Balmorra, after she coyly asks Numen Brock what he has in mind for a "date", the nearby protocol droid will, sounding vaguely horrified, pipe up with:
- One dialogue option during the briefing on Hoth:Smuggler: I can't promise not to accidentally blow up the planet in the process. You wouldn't believe my luck.
- During your first meeting with him, Guss introduces himself as a Jedi Master and tries -and fails— to act accordingly. If the Smuggler chooses the cautious approach to his questioning:Guss: I, ah, assume you're here from offworld, seeking the poor late Major Panin?note
Smuggler: No offense meant, Master Jedi, but I don't discuss my missions with just anyone.
Guss: (to a male Smuggler) A wise move, my son. The Force, uh, tells us not to release our secrets easily.
Guss: (to a female Smuggler) A wise move, miss. The Force, uh, advises us to keep our secrets close to our hearts.
Corso: It does?
Gus: Absolutely. You ever met a Jedi who answered a question straight? We're all about secrets.
- Alternatively, you can ask Guss what happened to your contact. His response is... not appropriate of a Jedi:Smuggler: The "late" Major Panin?
Gus: Yup. Blown to jelly. I, ah, hope you weren't close.
- Alternatively, you can ask Guss what happened to your contact. His response is... not appropriate of a Jedi:
- Guss Tuno's battle quotes:Guss: Wheee!!! (Healing)
Guss: I heal you with my Jedi powers! (Healing)
Guss: Oh no! I am not going to be bait this time!
- During the romance arc with Risha, Count Merritt Rineld calls in an attempt to ask for her hand. The smuggler makes a less than compelling argument for his case. The fact that it works only serves to show how much Risha loves him.Smuggler: C'mon, this is a no brainer. Sure he's rich, handsome and popular but I'm...me.
Risha: I'm sorry Merritt. But I can't argue with logic like that.
- Corso has some interesting opinions on the reliability of the Captain and himself:Rikka: It's really dangerous down there. You won't last five minutes.
Corso: We're pretty good. I bet we last ten!
- At one point when confronting Darmas Pollaran after he's betrayed you, he accuses the Smuggler of being an Imperial traitor in front of a crowd of Corellian rebels. As the crowd is about to attack the Smuggler, it's possible to accuse Darmas of only pretending to be a patriot for the "hot lady rebels." The Smuggler can continue the accusation by claiming Darmas is kidnapping girls from across the galaxy for his "shipboard harem" and justifying it by saying they saw him with a young Drall, a species of humanoid rat people, girl just the other night. Despite the first dialogue option being marked as a 'Lie' option, this immediately works and the crowd turns on Darmas, one girl saying he tried to lure her away the other day, and another man saying he disappeared with his daughter. The crowd readies to tear Darmas apart before he panics and summons droids to defend himself, sounding utterly confused at the situation being turned on him in such a ridiculous manner.
- The straight option is also hilarious; after a bit of he-said-she-said somebody in the crowd asks if anybody there actually knows who either one of you are. Cue everyone rather shamefacedly saying they thought he was there with someone else.
- The preceding lines aren't too bad either. When Darmas first accuses the Smuggler, the Smuggler asks, "Why does everyone always believe the worst of me?" The companions' reactions sell it further.Corso: I've been trying to figure that out. I think it's got something to do with the hair.
Risha: Do you need to ask?
Akaavi: Have you done anything to dissuade them?
Guss: This isn't the worst. Now if they found out you've been accidentally working for the Voidwolf all this time... (Imperial spy explains he told the Corellians the Smuggler stole for the Voidwolf) Oh. Okay, it's the worst.
- When recruiting the Smuggler for the Oricon missions, the Supreme Chancellor notes "You solve more problems than you cause."
- During your class quest on Rishi, you re-encounter Beryl Thorne, who will eventually ask the Smuggler why they keep doing what they're doing. If you choose the "for the thrill of it", answer, she responds with this:Beryl: So basically you're a crazy person.
Smuggler: I've been called worse.
- When Risha gets an invitation to a meeting with Count Rineld, the Smuggler can express concern that it's a trap. She responds that that's not possible, because "nobody puts that much effort into a trap".Risha: Look at all that embossing. That took sincerity.
- There are no class-specific missions in the Rise of the Emperor content, but as is often the case, the different classes get unique lines of dialogue. Crossing over with funny, only the Smuggler, when first confronting the Emperor, who is in possession of Master Surro's body, can flirt with the biosphere-devouring monster, to his face. Regardless of the smuggler's gender, too (which makes some sense, as the Emperor still identifies as he but is possessing a female body. That, and this is a BioWare game). He actually shuts up his evil ranting for a moment and just glares. The Smuggler then manages to top it; at the end of the arc, the player character and Lana set a trap that requires them to get the bad guy's attention on them and only on them. The other classes? Badass Boasts about their skill, statements of professional intent to take him down, or calling him a coward. The Smuggler? Nah. They just accuse the planet-corrupting Big Bad of having a small "equipment" size and announce to the whole planet that he's just Compensating for Something. Refuge in Audacity, thy name is Smuggler.
- Would not be the first time the Smuggler (particularly a male one) decided to hit on something well over their pay grade. A male smuggler gets the option, early on in the game, to blatantly make a pass at Grandmaster Satele, who reacts with flustered embarrassment.
- The Smuggler is trying to quietly smuggle a woman named Shariss off-planet in a cargo container, when a nosy Republic customs agent comes poking around. You can bribe him, bluff your way through... or kill him.Shariss: You killed a customs agent? Just like that? You want to follow that up by kicking some puppies?
Smuggler: I, uh, guess I got a little overzealous.
- Alternatively: if you try to bluff your way through he'll call you on it, drop all pretense, and straight-out tell you that if you bribe him he'll go away.
- In an early conversation with the Voidwolf, he mentions that he's been keeping close track of the Smuggler's career and achievements, and is not impressed. The Smuggler can respond as though he's talking to an obsessive fanboy.Smuggler: Okay, this is getting creepy. Do you have my picture on your wall?
- On Belsavis, you meet Ivory's henchmen: Buzz, a Geonosian, and Squarg, a Gamorrean. When they're ordered to kill you Squarg threatens you and Buzz sasses him in response, and one of your options is to convince Squarg to stand up to Buzz, which leads to you killing them while they're fighting. When Squarg snaps back at Buzz:Buzz: I'm sorry. Are you afraid I'll use words with more than one syllable?
- Also on Belsavis, if you have Risha as your companion as you try to find Sulkhaz, as you run into the prison she says "I've never known anyone who spends so much time running into prisons as you."
General Imperial Storylines
- In a mission on Hutta, you end up in a dispute between two smugglers.Smuggler 1 (to PC) I trusted you! What's this galaxy comin' to when criminals can't count on each other?
Smuggler 2: Keep it up and I'll make you eat your eyeballs.
Smuggler 1: That's disgusting! You people are crazy!
PC: I thought you said you wouldn't kill him.
Smuggler 2: He'll live, he'll just be blind with a bad case of indigestion.
- In Nem'ro's palace, one of the background conversations is a guy bragging to a girl about how he's a rising star in Nem'ro's organization, with her only giving a rather bored sounding "Uh-huh" response.
- There's also a little Mythology Gag in the palace cantina involving a Wookiee and a gold protocol droid playing a board game. Apparently, the droid did not let the Wookiee win.
- The Black Talon flashpoint. Regardless of what you may or may not think about Yadira Ban, at least one of the lines delivered to her is pure hilarity.Yadira Ban: Facing a Sith in combat is my last trial before becoming a Jedi Knight.
Sith Inquisitor: Your master sent you? Funny, my first master tried to have me killed, too.
- At the start of this event, a crewmember will tell how he's honored that *organization for which you work for* sent you. However, as the event is meant to be played by four people, he'll say only one organization, and if your character's not it you can insist on recognition, which if you win the conversation roll can result in:Crewman (to a party of 1 Sith Warrior, 1 Inquisitor and 2 imperial Agents): I'm really honored that the Sith Academy of Korriban sent you.
Imperial Agent: A-hem.
Crewmember: And that Imperial Intelligence sent someone too.
- At the start of this event, a crewmember will tell how he's honored that *organization for which you work for* sent you. However, as the event is meant to be played by four people, he'll say only one organization, and if your character's not it you can insist on recognition, which if you win the conversation roll can result in:
- For Imperial players on Tatooine, there is an achievement you can earn for killing 100 Jawas while you have the Party Jawa, a summonable cosmetic item, active. It's called "That's Just Wrong!"
- On Alderaan, a heroic mission has you attacking an Organa installation as a distraction, so that Imperial operatives can kidnap an Organa general. After you fight off the last wave, the quest-giver calls you.Sergeant Tegan: "We've taken Padrus, so feel free to fall back. We'll meet you at—ow! He bit me!"
- The main Taris questline has a few opportunities for giggles. Specifically, cheerfully antagonizing Thana every step of the way. Especially fun if the player character is a Force-blind grunt. During the hunt for Bashun, Thana's Leeroy Jenkins tendencies end up getting her tossed into a cell. You're free to leave her there to "reconsider her attitude". Her fury when she catches up with you again is a thing of beauty worth remembering forever.
- Better yet, when she finally gets free (while you are talking to the quest giver), she calls in ranting, and he fakes comm trouble to cut her off.
- Another option to the same situation has the character saying "The Emperor is calling, Thana. I really should take this."
- For Imperial players on Belsavis during the quest "Last of the Law" you can answer the holocom on behalf of the Republic marshal you just defeated. The option "Imitate Ruger's voice" is pure gold, especially when done by female characters, especially ones who normally have a British accent trying for Ruger's Southern one.PC: Hello, this is Ellis Ruger and I'm busy dying for a hopeless cause. Please leave a message.
- First place award for the Sith Inquisitor whose voice actress actually does a reasonable approximation of a low-pitched gruff American accent, leading you to wonder if the (utterly insane) Inquisitor might actually think the Warden would be fooled for real.
- The response is just as hilarious.
- While on Belsavis you can overhear this little exchange between an Imperial officer and an escaped prisoner:Imperial: Next! Name, please.
Imperial: Let's see... Ah, there you are. "Killer" Kateo, butchered an entire squad of Republic soldiers with... a shiv?
Prisoner: That's me.
Imperial: Someone get this man a blaster! Welcome to the Imperial Army, Kateo. If there's something else we can get you, maybe something dull and rusty? Just ask!
- Doctor Olkav, a quest giver for Imperials on Voss, has to take care of a deranged Imperial trooper named Lem. During the quest-giving conversation, the deranged trooper will mimic the doctor's hand motions in the background.
- In one of the missions at Lord Grathan's compound on Dromund Kaas, the player is sent to retrieve plans for Grathan's defense turrets, which are stored in the databanks of a protocol droid who's being forced to make turrets against his will. When you meet the droid, he laments about the horrors he's being forced to commit:PO-12: I'm programmed to understand over one hundred languages and dialects and in not one is the phrase "on fire" positive when referring to a person!
- The quest giver also describes Lord Grathan unflatteringly:Bryn: Grathan's trouble, big trouble, you see. Mad scientist type: Likes weapons, cyborgs, droids, ergonomic chairs...
- The quest giver also describes Lord Grathan unflatteringly:
- One of the dialogue options from a quest where you have to repair a lightning spire to prevent the explosion from destroying Kaas City:
- In one quest on Dromund Kaas, you meet a paranoid officer who killed his own men who turned out to be holding a surprise party for him. The player can reassure the officer that it was an honest mistake.
- On Hutta, the player meets an Ugnaught quest-giver. When the Ugnaught is explaining the mission, the player (if they're a Bounty Hunter) can reply:"I lost you right about the time you started talking about the things and the stuff."
- An Imperial Agent, however, can surprise the Ugnaught by recognizing that the quest involves sabotaging the rival Hutt's factories, prompting the Ugnaught to remark that the Agent, who's currently undercover as the Red Blade, is a very smart pirate.
- If you refuse a heroic mission on Alderaan involving slaughtering padawans and their guards, you get this great exchange:PC: How can you just stand there and ask me to commit war crimes?
Questgiver: Would you rather I pace back and forth?
- On Corellia, you can overhear the following conversation between two Imperial lieutenants near the Incorporated Islands Tram quick travel point:Imperial Lieutenant: I told you, sir. The rocket tram—
Frustrated Imperial Lieutenant: Is useless if it can't run on schedule!''
Imperial Lieutenant: Sir—!
Frustrated Imperial Lieutenant: I've got a platoon of combat-starved grunts due in Axial Park days ago. What'm I supposed to do with them now?
Imperial Lieutenant: Calisthenics?
Frustrated Imperial Lieutenant: Don't get smart with me.
Sith Warrior Storyline
- Although the Warrior's skill-set is focused around brutally killing your enemies, there's one attack that manages to be both awesome and hilarious: "Backhand", a skill acquired when one progresses far enough down the Sith Juggernaut's Immortal discipline. As the name implies, the Warrior slaps the target (with an audible *slap* sound effect, no less!), stunning them for a short time. It's mostly referred to as the "bitchslap".
- Trying (and failing!) to bluff your way through the Sith code the first time you meet Darth Baras.Sith Warrior: Well, let's see. There's the light side, the dark side and stuff in the middle.
- Early in the story, before leaving Korriban, you're confronted by the daughter of Overseer Tremel who, as far as she knows, you killed.Eskella: My father was a staunch traditionalist and he was especially hard on me. But he's my blood. Did you think you could kill him and get away with it?Sith Warrior: Uh, refresh my memory. I kill many people's fathers.
- Twice in the storyline Baras is talking about the Emperor and you can respond with lines such as "Tell the Emperor I said hi" and "Yeah, the Emperor, my kind of guy". Baras' reactions (including the closest the game gets to an outright facepalm) to both lines are priceless.
- The first time Vette appears, you walk into the Korriban Academy's prison just as the jailer's trying to intimidate her.Jailer: One more chirp from you, little bird, and you'll regret it.
Vette: [cheerfully] Chirp, chirp chirp?
[He activates her shock collar, she convulses, and when he turns off the juice...]
Vette: Ow! Jerk. If you don't like that, just say so. I can do other animals too. Dire cat, frog-dog, Kowakian monkey-lizard, you name it.
- In the first conversation with Vette after taking her collar off the Warrior can give a pretty sarcastic over-the-top response to Vette's So What Do We Do Now? question that throws her for a loop:Vette: Well, I'm not in prison or collared, and it's sort of miserable weather, so I guess we should...uh, what happens now?
Sith Warrior: You and me, working together. Taking down the galaxy. What do you think?
Vette: What? Er, well, of course...me and my buddy the Sith. Nobody's going to pick on me at school!
- On arriving at Dromund Kaas, you can kill Baras' messenger, for no real reason other than:Vette: You sure started the Dromund Kaas death toll early.
Warrior: It was a long shuttle ride...
Vette: You were going through withdrawal. I get it.
- Not a Sith Warrior mission, but a dialogue option Warriors get in Kaas City:Weng Wrightsyn: I demand justice!
Warrior: Why are you yelling at me?
Weng Wrightsyn: (speaking quickly and in a quiet tone) I apologize for raising my voice, my lord.
- During a 3-way confrontation between you and 2 groups of bandits trying to make off with a man frozen in carbonite, you can end the confrontation peacefully in an unexpected way:Sith Warrior: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AND EAT YOU ALL RAW!
One of the bandits: Do you really mean to eat us if you kill us?
Sith Warrior: Sure! Don't you eat what you kill?
- Based on her initial influence loss and how she jumps slightly when you first make this announcement, even Vette was fooled.
- Afterwards, you can tell the Imperials transporting the man that you weren't joking.
- Or you can slyly convince both sides into attacking the other, leading to a massive gunfight breaking out, the Imperial Troops taking the opportunity to quietly sneak the cargo to Darth Baras... while the Sith Warrior smugly watches the fight from the sidelines.
- While on Dromund Kaas, Darth Baras attempts to extract information out of a captured agent. His frustration is rather palpable.Darth Baras: RAAAAAAGH! I cannot break him!
Warrior: Is there some problem here?
Darth Baras: Who would ask such a stupid question?!? Clearly, there's a problem here!Or...Warrior: I feel your anger, master.
Darth Baras: A blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could feel my anger!Or...Warrior: Nice lungs you got there.
Darth Baras: Mind your tongue, or I will cut it out!
Vette: Okay, I'm officially scared.
- The conversation with Ensign Durmat on Balmorra. Several of the dialog options during it are pure gold mainly because Durmat is A) stupid and B) scared to death of you.Durmat: Okay, I ain't proud. My dad is an Imperial agent.
Jailer Zixx: What did you say? Your dad is a what?
Warrior: Yes, could you please repeat that, Junior, maybe a little louder so everyone can hear you.
Jailer Zixx: Who are you? How did you get in here?!
Durmat: It's—it's not a who, it's a what... a S... Si... Sith....
Warrior (looking closely at Durmat): He's going to need a new pair of pants.
- And then a little later:Warrior: You must think I'm an idiot.
Durmat: Okay, you're an idiot! I'll think whatever you want!
- And then a little later:
- On Balmorra, if the Warrior is female, Quinn will comment that he's excited by the destruction she's going to cause.
- Upon encountering your opposite-alignment reflection on Tatooine, the first thing you can say to it is:Warrior: I knew I was good-looking, but this is ridiculous.
- During your first (well, actually second) holo conversation with Nomen Karr you can have this little exchange:Nomen Karr: I shall honor Hirosho and his men's lives by dedicating myself to thwarting you and your master.
Warrior: I'm sure they feel better about dying now.
- During the Nar Shaddaa bonus series, you'll have to infiltrate the Republic and Czerka's labs.Vette: I've always liked science. It would've been my favorite subject in school. If, you know, someone had let me go to school.
- During the final mission of Taris, making some of the "wrong" choices for crew assignments is good for a laugh. If you bring Vette along and have her try to talk down the Republic troops:Vette: Me? I'm supposed to somehow find out which are the conscripted men? All right, here goes nothing. [she steps forward]
Vette: All conscripts of the Republic get to... uh... be spared. So... show of hands?
[long, awkward pause - nobody responds, and the troops continue pointing their weapons in your general direction]
Vette: Sorry, I tried.
- The voice acting throughout the whole thing really sells it. For extra laughs, the Light-side response has the Warrior sincerely praising Vette's "valiant effort."
- During one of Vette's own missions, you are searching for her sister on Nar Shaddaa. There you meet a Twi'lek dancer and the Sith Warrior (of either gender) can answer this when she questions if Vette is searching for work:Sith Warrior: I would look fantastic in your outfit! Am I hired?
- If you do the quest during Chapter 3, the line changes to reflect the Warrior's current status.Sith Warrior: Men come here for the exotic. Have you considered having a Sith Lord on staff?
- Even better, the Twi'lek actually considers it if the Sith Warrior is female, before Vette steers the conversation back on track (and Vette's general air of having dealt with the Warrior's brand of crazy entirely too long is worthy of mention in and of itself). If the Warrior is male, however, the Twi'lek turns his offer down by saying that they've tried "that sort of thing" before, but it didn't work.
- If you do the quest during Chapter 3, the line changes to reflect the Warrior's current status.
- In pursuing Quinn's questline, you eventually speak (well, listen to) the now quite senile Moff Broysc. One wonders how Quinn keeps a straight face through the whole tirade.Moff Broysc: It was you, Sith, wasn't it? You dared to liberate the Admiral! Have you lost your mind!?
Quinn: He calls me Admiral Malcontent. He seems to think that's my actual rank and name.
Moff Broysc: Don't you know he's the one who lost the Battle of Talay?
Quinn: Broysc's earliest command. Before I was born.
Moff Broysc: It was his blunder that allowed the escaped Jedi targets to flee Taris before the bombardment!
Quinn: Ancient history. Broysc wasn't even born.
Moff Broysc: He sabotaged the Glory Space Station for crying out loud!
Quinn: I have no idea what that is.
- When you reach Hoth, both Quinn and Vette immediately express their dread of the cold and their hopes to avoid going down with you.
- When Darth Baras berates you for looking into things you shouldn't be, one response is this:Darth Baras: You need to keep your nose out of Darth business!
Warrior: I'm about to stick my lightsaber in a Darth.
- Eventually you and Lt. Pierce call one of his former squadmates, Lt. Tanido, stationed on Hoth on the holo about attacking the Bastion on Corellia. Pierce naturally asks his buddy how's life treating him:Tanido: They have me thawing rations and chipping ice off blaster barrels.
Warrior: On Korriban, we use certain officers for target practice.
Tanido (now visibly nervous): Then again, Hoth has its charms. The ice crystals form some marvelous patterns.
- On Corellia, you're tasked with hunting down one of Darth Baras' secret agents. His first attempt to convince the Warrior to spare him goes... poorly:Colonel Senks: Don't strike. I'm a secret Imperial agent working directly for Darth Baras.
Warrior: That's worse than being Republic.note
- Should you decide to spare Senks, he sends you a message assuring you that he has cut off all ties with Darth Baras. He's also added an excerpt from Darth Baras' memoirs as a sign of his gratitude. The portayal of the conflict between Baras and his apprentice (read: you) is a little inaccurate, to say the least:"Voice of an Empire: The Memoirs of Darth Baras"
Only the most powerful, well-respected and influential Sith stand a chance of becoming the Emperor's Voice. I was the perfect candidate.
But when the Emperor chose me, my apprentice grew jealous. In a fit of heretical treason, my former apprentice challenged me to a duel.
Through me, the Emperor judged my apprentice unworthy. Humbled, my apprentice bowed to my superior power and accepted death.
The next day, the Dark Council recognized me as the Voice of the Emperor.
- Should you decide to spare Senks, he sends you a message assuring you that he has cut off all ties with Darth Baras. He's also added an excerpt from Darth Baras' memoirs as a sign of his gratitude. The portayal of the conflict between Baras and his apprentice (read: you) is a little inaccurate, to say the least:
- At the end of Act 1 Baras calls to tell you that his rival has finally been drawn out of hiding and challenged him to a showdown. While two of the responses are variants on how eager the Warrior is to come to grips with the Jedi, the third one is just rather cheekily wishing Baras luck. When he weasels around it, two of the following options are variants on calling him a chicken.
- The fact that, depending on dialogue choices, the reason Darth Baras decides to have you killed can be interpreted less as "you know too much" and more "I'm tired of all the sass".
- YMMV here, but while he used to be fairly challenging; thanks to the addition of planet level caps a few years in, the Final Boss fight is arguably this. If you decide to not make a Badass Boast that you're not his slave, Baras will make one of his own, claiming that "You have no idea of my power". What proceeds because of the level cap is a literally 10-second long fight that ends with you curb-stomping Baras even without a companion. Yes Baras, such power to make the galaxy tremble.
- It was just as bad at release. When the game first came out he was a fairly standard "Elite" enemy... but he came right after the fight with his apprentice Lord Draahg, which was a nightmare of a fight at the time (compared to other storyline bosses).
- Every time Draahg reappears, one of the options will be to claim you don't remember who he is. This is transparently just the Warrior taunting him and the first few times he dismisses it, but by the final fight with him it's clearly getting under his skin.
Sith Inquisitor Storyline
- Perhaps something of a Establishing Character Moment for some inquisitors, acolyte Kory assures you that Harkun cannot kill all of you. The inquisitor can quickly put her worries to rest and bluntly suggest an ambush.Inquisitor: I'll attack from the front, you attack from behind, and we'll see how he fares.
Kory: Uh... yeah. Looks like you can handle yourself.
- The Sith Inquisitor gets many, many options for snarkery in their prologue alone, especially when it comes to cheerfully pissing off Harkun and Ffon at every turn. Not to mention using Khem Val's mere presence to scare other Force-users into submission. Expect many dialogue options on the theme, "Khem, can you eat him?" You get to pull this on a freakin' Dark Lord practically the first thing you do after leaving Korriban - that he doesn't kill you on the spot is rather sporting of him.
Khem: It is more machine than man. I think. Bad for the digestion.
- Khem's response to the Inquisitor's question is just as priceless:
- Really every line out of the Inquisitor's mouth is sheer, unadulterated sardonicism. They're basically Blackadder in space!
- Case in point, during training on Korriban...
- In the prologue, one of your missions is acquiring some information out of an Acolyte. While the light side option is befriending him, the dark side path involves torture and provides a nice example of Comedic Sociopathy. If you electrocute him, he'll agree to anything if you'll stop. One of your choices: Make him sing. Then shock him to make him sing louder.Inquisitor: You want to live, then sing!
Acolyte: Sing? Um, uh, okay. What song?
Inquisitor: I don't know, something uplifting.
Acolyte: Uh....alright....dum dee dum deh dum dee it's a beautiful day to be aliiive duh dee dum in-uh, I forgot the rest.
Inquisitor: You really need to learn to project your voice! (Force Lightning)
- Another alternative is:Inquisitor: You want to live, then sing!
Acolyte: Sing? Um, uh, okay. What song?
Inquisitor: I don't know, how about something in the higher ranges! (Force Lightning)
- Another alternative is:
- The first time you meet Lord Zash, she asks how you managed to retrieve an old holocron from inside a tomb's vault after so many others had tried to get the vault to open and failed. All you did was shock the vault with lightning, but you have the option of lying to her about what you did.Inquisitor: I had to sacrifice seven tuk'ata and eat their hearts.
Lord Zash: Really? How strange. It didn't work when I tried it.
- Her reaction if you tell the truth, that your ingenious solution to a millennia-old riddle was to simply throw lightning at it, is pretty good too.
- When Darth Skotia asks the Inquisitor if they are insane, the Inquisitor can reply with:Inquisitor: If you think this is bad, you should meet my other personality.
- When one of the Sith asks the player how Lord Zash managed to kill Darth Skotia. The player can reply:Inquisitor: Well first she got a droid, and then a wig...
- Slightly less funny, but still entertaining reply is if the Inquisitor chooses to tell them you were the one to do it. The other Sith don't believe you, and ask could you please be serious and tell them already? If the player chooses the "I just did" option, the Inquisitor handles the situation... less than maturely.Inquisitor: How many times do I have to say it? It was me, me, me, me, me, me!
Sith: Clearly, s/he's not going to tell us.
- This may actually be the Inquisitor's way of giving the investigator a tip. Only moments earlier, Lord Zash commented that a party was "Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull." the Inquisitor is mimicking Zash's speech pattern.
- Slightly less funny, but still entertaining reply is if the Inquisitor chooses to tell them you were the one to do it. The other Sith don't believe you, and ask could you please be serious and tell them already? If the player chooses the "I just did" option, the Inquisitor handles the situation... less than maturely.
- At one point in the Inquisitor storyline, they can respond with a truly bizarre-sounding "I love surprises! :D". It's hard to tell if their sheer enthusiasm is sarcastic or heartfelt, given the circumstances.Zash: I have a surprise for you, my apprentice!
Option 1: Understood.
Option 2: Surprise?
Option 3: Oh boy!
- They can have a similar reaction when told they're going after a pirate. (Dialogue option: "Oh boy! A pirate!")I've always wanted to meet a real pirate!
- They can have a similar reaction when told they're going after a pirate. (Dialogue option: "Oh boy! A pirate!")
- On Balmorra, after being told that the local scientists may have intentionally engineered the Colicoids to be resistant to toxic waste.Lieutenant Ilun: The toxic waste resistance may have been an unintended result... or the Balmorran scientists were insane!
Sith Inquisitor: I personally prefer the term, "Differently rational".
- Alternatively, the Sith Inquisitor can wonder aloud how to become a Colicoid. The Straight Man and Wise Guy reactions that this illicites is nothing short of hilarious.
- If you choose to kill Bessiker's son, he will be furious at you and ask why you did it. One dialogue option is:
- Second story line quest has you going after an Imperial scientist who defected to the Republic, Iannos Tyrek, after you dispatch his guards and meet him face to face he gets kind of uppity.Iannos Tyrek: So, are you going to kill me, or torture me first?
Sith Inquisitor: Oh, thank you for reminding me. (Force Lightning)
Iannos Tyrek: AAAAAH!
Sith Inquisitor: Don't worry, I know just when to stop. (more Force Lightning)
- Later on in the Balmorra questline Tyrek is forced to help and you gets rather pissed when he finds out what you needed his help with. A couple of the dialog options here are pure gold.Tyrek: Let me get this straight, you dragged me away from my research just so you could go skinny dipping in a pool of toxic waste?Sith Inquisitor: A Sith has to find some way to unwind.
- Also on Balmorra, when informed by Iannos Tyrek that the serum has been made for Colicoids and hasn't been tested for humans:Sith Inquisitor: How do you know I'm not a Colicoid?
- The above possibly counts as a Call-Back, since earlier in the questline, there was the option to ask this:Sith Inquisitor: How do I become a Colicoid?
- The above possibly counts as a Call-Back, since earlier in the questline, there was the option to ask this:
- Really, all the conversations with Iannos Tyrek are potentially pretty damn funny. He is also being completely freaked out by the Light-Sided Inquisitor keeping their word about letting him return to the Republic, despite being a defector. If you look closely, you can see his brain implode as it tries to comprehend the idea of a reasonable Sith;Iannos: What? You're not serious? I mean... you're Sith! You can't be serious?!
- Undertaking the quest to rewire the reactors for Revan's vault on Nar Shaddaa, leads them to let loose this Stealth Pun, which actually works on three different levels. Wicked Cultured indeed.
- Another Nar Shaddaa mission has the Inquisitor overthrowing a cultist and taking his students away. One of the options is to force them to give you credits, the line is just,Inquisitor: (Hamming it up) I want to wear robes of solid gold!
- What's gold about it is that for the male Inquisitor, you can hear him Corpsing after he says it.
- Really, the Nar Shaddaa missions are pure gold for the Sith Inquisitor. You're sent there with overthrowing Darth Palladius's cult in mind and usurping his artifact. The light sided options involve helping the people of Nar Shaddaa and not having them worship you...and the Dark Sided ones treat the Cult like the Cultists are supposed to be a group of Santa Clauses who are only supposed to bring presents to you.
- Khem Val is probably the last companion you'd expect to have one of these. But, enter the Cantina on Tatooine, and he'll sometimes say 'I have an excellent sabacc face. That was a joke. I hate sabacc.'. A joke coming from him is so unexpected that it's hilarious.
- When the Inquisitor first teams up with Andronikos, Khem Val reacts to being left behind like it's a break up. And the Inquisitor just goes along with it.Khem Val: My master, what is this? Would you abandon the great Khem Val, servant of Tulak Hord, for some weak human?
Inquisitor: (if male) We've had our fun, Khem, but I'm afraid this relationship is over.
Inquisitor: (if female) Nothing personal, Khem, but Andronikos is cuter. Khem Val: Be wary: I will not easily be forgotten. The bond between us is strong, but it can be broken.
Inquisitor: (regardless of gender) I'm sorry, Khem. We just weren't meant to be.
- At the end of the Sith Inquisitor's mission on Tatooine, they reunite Andronikos with his old flame (who's helped you through the planet). Our intrepid Inquistor can say this line with hilarious, singsong delivery:Inquisitor: (like bringing a present) I brought Andronikos back!
- Which prompts a hilarious response from the two parties involved, especially if the Inquisitor in question is female.
- Earlier, when Andronikos complained about being unable to get revenge on the thieves who stole the artifact;Andronikos: Doesn't it bother you that they got away?
Inquisitor: They were killed and quite possibly eaten... There's a difference.
- When confronting Whilkes he taunts Andronikos by saying how cute it is that he brought a Sith along to help. One response is hilarious due to how the inquisitor sounds legitimately hurt.Inquisitor: I am not cute. I am deadly.
- When Andronikos first talks to you on the ship, there is option to say this about your backstory:Inquisitor: Some Imperial thought it would be funny to shoot my kind for sport. I shot back. They wanted to kill me, but made me a Sith instead.
- In one conversation with Andronikos:Andronikos: Need something?
Inquisitor: I do have this knot on my back...
Andronikos: There's got to be a Twi'lek you can pay to take care of that, huh? I'm not your slave.
- Gyl Rosen, beginning to end. Toward the end of Chapter 1, Kallig sends you to recover his lightsaber, which has fallen into this Nar Shaddaa gangster's hands. After seeing you slaughter your way through his hideout, Master Rosen decides the best course of action is to stand his ground, and attempt to intimidate and blackmail you. Three guesses how that works out for him.
- Even funnier is how Rosen boasts about his mercs making "the Sith look like school teachers". The Inquisitor shocks him, he screams at the mercs to get you...and the mercs decide they'd rather live than piss you off even more.
- If Dark-sided, the Inquisitor can promise to "make it quick", and actually looks a little disappointed when the guards politely decline before hauling ass.
- If Light-sided, the Inquisitor instead calmly says:"Just walk away, boys. No one needs to die here."
- If Light-sided, the Inquisitor instead calmly says:
- Either way, the funniest of all has to be Rosen's panicked reaction when he realizes he's Alone With the Sith.
- On Alderaan:Urtel Moren: We captured and "chatted with" a chamberlain of House Organa.
Inquisitor: How dare you torture someone without me?!
- On Alderaan, learning that one of your class quests involves Killiks, the dialogue wheel's top prompt is "Bugs?" and the bottom prompt is "Bugs!" Selecting the latter option, you say, "Ah, bugs! My favorite!" which Lady Rist finds a bit unsettling. (Your character can show a lot of fondness for insects on Alderaan, and not just in class quests.)
- When talking to a minor Thul noble who expresses disgust that Killiks have overrun his ancestral home, notice the dialogue option "I love bugs." The completely cheerful and unironic way the Inquisitor utters the next line, coupled with how visibly uncomfortable it makes the noble, is pure gold:Inquisitor: Thousands of little eyes glittering in the dark, terrifying the unwary—what's not to love?
- When talking to a minor Thul noble who expresses disgust that Killiks have overrun his ancestral home, notice the dialogue option "I love bugs." The completely cheerful and unironic way the Inquisitor utters the next line, coupled with how visibly uncomfortable it makes the noble, is pure gold:
- While accessing the House Alde library to find a way to get to Nomar Organa, there's a sidequest to corrupt their historical archives, which have display holograms attached. The first five change to show busts of people, presumably historically important Sith or Imperial officials. The last? A badly animated hologram of a stripper poledancing.
- On Alderaan again: If the Sith Inquisitor has Andronikos in their party while convincing Lady Rist to arrange a meeting with her old flame Nomar Organa, eventually she'll agree with, "Fine, but I'll travel on my own. You'll have to take that surly fellow with you." The Inquisitor then turns to glare at Andronikos, who shrugs innocently as if to say, "Whaaat?" Without a word, their body language just sells it.
- Darth Zash trying to pull a fast one and take over your body to continue living? Expected. Seeing what happens when Khem decides to pull a Spanner in the Works? Even better! Watching her stamp about in Khem's body, utterly pissed that her well-laid plan quite literally exploded in her face at the last second is comedy gold.
- One of the first companion conversations after that makes it clear that she realizes and does not appreciate the irony.Inquisitor: I think Khem's body rather suits you.
Zash[deadpan]: Yes, yes, "Zash is a monster," very clever.
- On Taris, when the Inquisitor is contemplating what a padawan like Ashara would be interested in:Inquisitor: Money, power, knowledge? A handsome young smuggler?
- When they talk to Ashara via holocommunicator, the Inquisitor can admonish her when she threatens to cut them in half:Inquisitor: I'm not overly familiar with the Jedi Code, but I don't remember the part about bisecting people.
- When they talk to Ashara via holocommunicator, the Inquisitor can admonish her when she threatens to cut them in half:
- When Ashara tries to form an aliance with a famous Jedi hermit and comes back upset because he refused on the grounds that she isn't a Jedi, one of the options is stands out for the sheer Brutal Honesty.Inquisitor: Well you're quick to anger, stubborn, and you left your training to follow a Sith. I don't think you are a Jedi.
Ashara: Shut up.
- When romancing Ashara, one of the conversations involves her talking about how she was raised, eventually turning to her parents. At one branch of the conversation, one of the dialogue options is "I'm very sorry to hear that". The actual line?Inquisitor: You must have had terrible parents.
- While it lacks the same punch, the Andronikos romance has a few amusing moments too, mostly from Andronikos taking himself too seriously despite being with one of the snarkiest protagonists in the entire game. The one time he does try to playfully tease a female Inquisitor, he can find himself quickly outmatched by the snark master herself.Andronikos: Used to be all I wanted to do was fly and fly and fly, didn't matter where. But I like working with you. Ship's nice, and the company's not bad either.
Sith Inquisitor: Granted, I'm no lunk-headed pirate, but I think I deserve better than "not bad."
Andronikos: I'm teasing—Hey, who're you calling "lunk-headed"? Crazy Sith.
- In one of his post-game letters, Andronikos sends a gift along with a letter that starts out as such:Andronikos: It's not like I never got something for a girl before. Necklaces, fancy dresses, exboyfriends in stun-cuffs.
- In Act 2, you return to Korriban...
- While searching on Hoth, they encounter Talos Drellik, a quirky scholar. Later, they find a distress beacon and Talos' engineer, Sorrell, shows up and comments on the tracks, calling Talos to identify them, which turn out to be a species known as Ortolan. The way Talos describes how he can identify them is hilarious:Talos Drellik: Ortolan. I'd know them if they were six days old and covered in jam. Those are Ortolan tracks.
- The response "Covered in jam? Good to know." is equally hilarious:Inquisitor: I'll be sure to look for you next time my ship's galley is invaded by a pack of Ortolans.
Talos Drellik: Ha! That's a good one. I'll have to remember that next time the Imperial Reclamation Service trackers' committee meets.
- The response "Covered in jam? Good to know." is equally hilarious:
- At the beginning of Act 3, right after incapacitating Darth Thanaton with an uncontrolled release of Force-ghost-powered lightning, you head to Thanaton's private library and are held up by the library captain. The way the conversation goes makes it clear that the library captain's next order will be "Bring My Brown Pants".Captain: Halt! Sorry, my lord, but you're not allowed in here.
Sith Inquisitor: I just exploded and rendered your master unconscious. You don't want to test my patience..
Captain: R-right.. s-sorry my lord, just don't mess anything up in there! Darth Thanaton would have our heads if he knew we let you in.
- On Voss, an Imperial asks what are you doing on the planet when Thanaton is after you. One possible response:
- A part of the mostly serious Battle in the Center of the Mind on Voss. The Inquisitor confronts nightmare visions of important figures in their story, including a minor love interest, their former master, a hypocritical and self-righteous Jedi, the powerful figure currently trying to kill them...and, inexplicably, a Wampa, which just roars in their face. Later explained; one of the spirits causing the vision just thought it would be funny.
- On Corellia, when asked if you're ready to continue with the world quest, one of your options is...Inquisitor: I've got a pazaak game later, then a lunch with the Emperor... lucky you, I'm free for now.
- On Corellia, deciding to use zoo animals to fight Thanaton's guards at the museum! Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.
- Eventually, you reach your much-anticipated final showdown with Thanaton on Corellia - only to have him run away once you beat him. Your companions will have an opinion on this. Talos is, as always...special.Talos: He's running away. That can't be a legal move!
- You and Talos can have an....interesting conversation about dreams:Inquisitor: Actually, I was having the most wonderful dream. There were these artifacts, and each one produced a different flavor of ice cream.Talos: You get all the good dreams. Mine are always flesh-eating Jawas or Hutts in bikinis.
- During Directive 7, you meet cyborgs who represent Mentor's previous attempts at dealing with organic/synthetic issues. They failed, so Mentor decided extermination was the only solution. Or, as the Inquisitor puts it:Inquisitor: You fail at a few science projects, then decide to wipe out the galaxy? Pathetic.
Bounty Hunter Storyline
- In one of the first class quests on Hutta, your target, Vexx, claims that he can shoot your ears off so fast that you wouldn't even hear yourself scream. Pointing out how ridiculous his claim sounds will leave him at a loss for words before suddenly attacking you.Bounty Hunter: That's not how ears work.
Vexx: (stunned) What do you—shut up!
- As the Bounty Hunter collects on their last paid gig from Nem'ro after learning that he gave his sponsorship token to someone else, the player is treated to a Funny Background Event of Mako rushing into the room while the Hunter's back is to the door. She then collapses on her knees and pants with exhaustion, having obviously just run over from across town. She then slowly catches her breath, composes herself, and leans into a Rebel Relaxation pose just as the Hunter turns around. She then proceeds to act cool as a cucumber and pretend like she'd been casually waiting for you a while, which the Hunter can then act impressed that she learned what you just learned so fast.
- In one of the class quests on Hutta, Mako and the Bounty Hunter fail pretty hard at this whole "being reassuring" nonsense:Mako: Short version, lady: There's a bounty hunter coming to take you to the Empire - where you'll probably die, or at least be tortured. We want to kill this bounty hunter, so it's your lucky day. Just sit quietly and be bait-like.
Bounty Hunter: We'll try not to splatter any blood on you, ma'am.note
- On Dromund Kaas, the foppish Lord Altaca. Particularly when the truth comes out that the supposed captured Republic slave, was actually part of a bizarre plot to smuggle him to his Sith lover, whilst masquerading as her "brother". Mako and the Bounty Hunter are still laughing about him several missions later, especially when Mako reveals that he's been asked to tour and speak about his harrowing experience as a "slave" of the Imperials.
- Also on Dromund Kaas, while on your way to speak to Admiral Frabaal, you get stopped by his stuffy secretary, Lieutenant Petrak, who demands to know why you're here. If you're female and choose the "You're cute" dialogue option, this exchange follows:Fem!Hunter: (in a low, sultry voice) Can't I just...be here to talk to you?
Petrak: (flabbergasted) Um, well, yes, I suppose you could, but I don't... (suddenly throws his arms up in the air) Oh, I see! You're making fun of me!
- During "Firestar" on Balmorra, whilst the Bounty Hunter and Mako storm the compound to retrieve the access codes for a Kill Sat, Mako lets out this bit of snark at the Resistance's choice of elaborate interior decoration;Mako: They certainly have a lot of flags, don't they? Maybe if they had some soldiers we'd actually have a problem.
- Recruiting Gault. The last conversation you have with him before he joins your team has you standing over the cloned body of Tyresius Lokai. Gault tells you that you need to make the death look convincing. The dialog options are to make him shoot Lokai's body, fire a couple of shots yourself into the head and heart or:Dialog Option: Certainly! (Peforate the Corpse.)
Hunter actual dialog: We'll tell everyone Tyresius Lokai went out in a blaze of glory! (BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM)
Gault (shielding his eyes): Oh my stars....
- It's the circumstances and delivery that makes the scene shine. After all the frustrating cat and mouse crap Gault has put them through on Tatooine, one gets the impression that murdering the hell out of Lokai's corpse (who, being a clone, looks exactly like Gault) is pure catharsis for the Hunter.
- When you reach Alderaan, Mako fills you in on the three-way civil war between Houses Ulgo, Organa, and Thul, in addition to the regular briefing about your target:Mako: Organa wants Alderaan back in the Republic, and Thul came back from exile with the help of the Empire [notices the Hunter drifting off] —hey, you getting all this?
Bounty Hunter: Our mark is with Girard at House Thul and the rest are target practice. Anything else?
Mako: That pretty much sums it up.
- Flirting with a noblewoman on Alderaan:Lady Aitalla: Oh my, yes. Such an abundance of masculinity has me in palpatations. Your feeble attempts to woo me are refreshingly bad, my thanks for a momentary chuckle.
- Speaking of Lady Aitalla, the Bounty Hunter later comes across her equally politely declining an Arranged Marriage with a very dim and very overweight suitor. On seeing you, she promptly barks at you to get "this thing" out of her presence. If a Female Bounty Hunter, you can give a number of hilarious comebacks.
- You can refuse outright on the grounds of not being her bouncer, or demand pay only to refuse her anyway, both of which force her to tell her suitor off herself.Lady Aitalla: And you! If I ever see you again, I'll have the cooks baste and roast you. (walks away)
Suitor: Does this mean I should cancel the ceremony?
- If you agree, you can fire some pretty snappy insults at her suitor ("Move it, fats" or "Time to kiss the curb, tubby"), followed by literally kicking him out the door.Female Bounty Hunter: Move it, fatbag, she ain't interested.
Suitor: (Camera shows the outside) T-this must be some kind of mistake—(kicking sound effect) Oof! (Suitor flies outside and lands flat on his face)
- You can refuse outright on the grounds of not being her bouncer, or demand pay only to refuse her anyway, both of which force her to tell her suitor off herself.
- Another incident where House Girard needs assistance, this time from an insurgency that's trying to drill up from under the floor. The noble is panicking, but the Hunter (and Mako, if she's with you) have their priorities straight.Bounty Hunter: Revolutions cost extra.
(Mako greatly approves)
- Similarly, on Nar Shadaa when told about an alien who is apparently immortal (he has been killed twice already and keeps coming back)Bounty Hunter: If he has nine lives, you pay for each one separately.
- Similarly, on Nar Shadaa when told about an alien who is apparently immortal (he has been killed twice already and keeps coming back)
- On Alderaan, after being annoyed too many times by a particularly irritating noble, the Hunter's employer will ask them to kill him for double the pay. If the Hunter complies, then the completely casual way they do so is darkly funny.Hunter: (shrugs and shoots the noble without looking) They're your credits.
- On Alderaan, during a milk-run mission you encounter a particularly smug and insufferable noble who has the codes you need, yet refuses to hand them over to someone without rank, the Hunter's patience can run thin very quickly. Even Mako approves of the way you can convince him to hand over the codes.Hunter: You're a slow learner.
- At the conclusion of the Alderaan storyline, your contact with House Girard has been murdered. His son is accused by his uncle, and it's suggested that the Hunter, having served as House Girard's advocate, has the authority to name a successor. The Hunter, upon hearing this, has to option to simply walk away and leave them to it, refusing to name an heir.Noble: Come back! You haven't named me Baron yet!
- The Bounty Hunter mocking a Jedi Knight who tries to use Jedi Mind Trick on them.Jedi Knight: You will drop your weapons and surrender to me.
Bounty Hunter: [glances at their partner, then imitates the Jedi Mind Trick] You will realize what a complete idiot you are.
- Made even funnier by the fact that said Jedi Knight had already done the same trick to Tarro Blood. And it worked!
- During the Nar Shaddaa bonus missions the Empire has managed to arrange matters so they can essentially hijack the HoloNet and broadcast a message across every channel. Your character is hired to protect the man delivering the speech. Of course, he's killed before he ever gets the chance, and so it's up to your character. You can go ahead with the plan and give a stirring patriotic speech, or a message of peace... or you can just go "Ah, screw it." The Bounty Hunter makes the most of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:Bounty Hunter: Have you ever wondered how well the HoloNet is protected? Ray shields, battle droids, corporate mercenaries—they're all here. Everyone in the galaxy wants Network Access secure, so the Hutt Cartel spends whatever it takes. But some things can't be protected no matter how much you pay. If you want to be safe, don't hide from your enemies. Go after them. I got inside Network Access. I can get to anyone in the galaxy. All it takes is a contract and a fee. Put the word out. I'll find you. Guaranteed.
- On Taris, you get ambushed by Torian, who mistakenly thinks you're here to attack him. You can talk him out of it... or, if you're female, you can pick the [Flirt] option, which does this:Fem!Hunter: I was just so eager to see you again after Dromund Kaas.Torian: You what?(Fem!Hunter judo flips him over her shoulder and onto his back, plants her boot on his chest, and points her gun in his face)Fem!Hunter: Men. Time to tell me what you're doing out here.(Beat)Torian: Ow. I deserved that.
- And Gault just adds to the fun:
- After being ambushed by Jicoln Cadera, the Bounty Hunter is knocked out, and Gault proves he is a man who has his priorities straight:Gault: Holy—hey... hey, if you want me to steal your ship and run, then just lie still and don't move...
- Bringing Gault to Taris is practically a requirement, he gets so many good lines. Among the best is this gem:Gault: (after hearing he and the Bounty Hunter have to cover themselves in rakghoul guts) Oh no, no way. I'm not getting that...whatever, all over...this is my best shirt!
- Bringing Gault to Taris is practically a requirement, he gets so many good lines. Among the best is this gem:
- When the Bounty Hunter gets invited to a fancy party held by other Great Hunt winners, they can opt to bring their love interest as their date while the rest of the crew stays behind to dock the ship. The female Bounty Hunter can very graciously and charmingly invite Torian to be her honored date as such:Fem!Hunter: (barks) Torian! You're my arm candy.
Torian: [Torian Greatly Approves] Ma'am.
- Towards the end of Act 2, when you get the ten million credit bounty placed on your head, your crew is rightly concerned. Which is when Mako takes the time to remind you exactly how bad the situation is.Mako: They're offering a ten million credit bounty for your capture.
Bounty Hunter: Mom would be proud.
- Made even better by the fact that Blizz is going on in the background about how you can hide out with a Jawa tribe.
- Also, Mako's comment on the accusations:Assassinating the Senator of Ithor, sabotage resulting in the destruction of the ecosystem of Vo... it just keeps going. Half of this stuff we didn't even do!
- Blizz's enthusiasm and child-like curiosity make him a gold mine of funny:Bounty Hunter: I'll keep Blizz out of your hair.
Blizz: Aw, Blizz like Mako's hair! Blizz no get to touch?
- While calling on Izak, Mako has had enough of being confused for CoralMako: Okay, before we get started, my name is Mako. M-A-K-O, got it? Call me Coral and so help me, I will find a way to punch you through the Holonet.
- You meet Darth Tormen before the Corellia quest line as he is fighting off a Republican boarding party on his battlecruiser. During which he wipes the floor with the remaining Republic troops and simultaneously Force chokes three of his officers for failing him. If you bring Gault along during this incident you get this little comment from him:Gault: Wow, hey if I ever sell you out, it's gonna be to that guy. (Pointing at Tormen)(Dirty look from the Hunter)Gault: I'm just saying.
- The Supreme Chancellor is voiced by Robert Clotworthy, who also voiced Jim Raynor. Now, he calls the Bounty Hunter a threat to all the Republic and considers them the Republic's Most Wanted. The entire third act of the Bounty Hunter is them going under and seeking to get to the Supreme Chancellor, and making this even funnier is the fact that the only companion that you get in this act is voiced by the same person that voices Tychus Findlay. Anyone who knows anything about StarCraft lore knows how bizarrely funny this is. Since the female Bounty Hunter is voiced by Grey DeLisle (i.e. Nova), one suspects it may be intentional.
- After killing the Green Jedi Council and receiving the Medal of Imperial Glory from Darth Decimus, the hunter is allowed to make a speech. And instead of a powerful and inspiring one to the citizens... they can use the chance to advertise their services.Hunter: Corellia's all wrapped up. The Empire is a happy customer. I could do the same for you. Rogue Sith Lords, crime syndicates, kings, queens—I hunt 'em all. Don't be afraid, it only takes a call.Darbin Sul: Better hire this hunter before the enemy does!Darth Decimus: A sales pitch wasn't quite I had in mind.
- After the culmination of her romance, Mako offhandedly mentions in one of her messages that she may have vandalized the ten highest traffic sites on the Holonet. "Hearts were involved. Kind of a lot of them. Don't judge."
- The start of the Makeb story for bounty hunters has the hunter and crew scanning through available bounties. The third one is Gault; the real Gault seeing his hologram startles, then shrugs at the hunter. Extra funny because Tyresius Lokai had faked his own death and become Gaunt in order to avoid being killed by bounty hunters. Looks like he'll have to do it again.
- During the "Korriban Incursion" flashpoint, if the Hunter is the first one to speak to the boss, they drop this gem:Hunter: You the one in charge here? Before you answer—I was told to kill whoever's in charge here.
Imperial Agent Storyline
- At the beginning of the story, you meet a fellow agent who directs you to the skill trainer. She pretends to be an old friend, and at the end, tells you to "pretend we're all caught up and leave. Casually." One of your choices is "So you're a spy?":Agent: Ohhhhhh, I get it. You work for Keeper, too!
Linh: You are an idiot. Get out of here.
- Kaliyo is sarcastic by nature but some of her comments on Nar Shaddaa really take the cake. For example, you have this little gem:Kaliyo (yelling at random passerby): Hey ugly! I'll give you twenty credits to lick my boots! (Then to you) He says he'll go for it, spare twenty credits?
- And later she says this:Kaliyo: Hey, you gonna buy me a droid? Some rich guy trying to impress me bought me a serving droid once. Lasted twelve hours before I tore it apart and sold the parts. Was kind of fun while it lasted.
- Taking Kaliyo into the Star Cluster Casino generates this little comment:Kaliyo: No weapons allowed. Bit a guy's ear off here once. Security bootlegged the footage, not a big fan of casinos.
- And later she says this:
- Not so much a story moment, but definitely something restricted to the IA: At one point, you must disguise yourself as a droid with some holographic projector implants. The sequence lasts all of a few minutes, and yet the droid character model is perfectly capable of many of the normal player actions, such as dancing, flexing, cowering, and belching.
- During the Nar Shaddaa class quest, you create a poison and an antidote to use for interrogating a defected company employee. However, if you look in your quest items list and look at the poison and antidote, it is actually possible to use both on yourself. Yes, you can poison yourself, and the text indicating that you can doesn't recommend it.
- When introducing yourself and Kaliyo to the Alderaanian nobility you get this little exchange.Cipher Nine: Allow me to present Kaliyo Djannis, my loyal and trusted associate.Peyar Cortess: Such an exotic young woman... how is it you come to be here?Kaliyo: I slid out of mama's womb and picked up a blaster. Now I'm your new friend's bodyguard. Course, you and me could be friends, too. You've got a nice place here; I could stick around awhile.
- And when seeing the Thul palace she says this.Kaliyo: About the only time in my life I am going to be in a palace like this. Makes you just wanna kick out the nobles and run around naked.
- And when seeing the Thul palace she says this.
- At the climax of Act 1, if you've talked Darth Jadus into giving up on his plans:Watcher Two: You just talked down a Lord of the Dark Council, Cipher. I didn't think that was possible...Cipher Nine: I'd rather not do that again.note
- During one of Kaliyo's personal missions, you run into one of her old partners, a Wookiee named Rholl. Rholl has a grudge against her for two reasons: one, betraying him, and two, breaking his arm.Agent: How do you break a Wookiee's arm?Kaliyo: Leverage. Come on, look tough!
- On Taris, the Agent needs to find Doctor Ianna Cel, a scientist holed up in an abandoned lab, whom they've arranged a meeting with. When they arrive, Ianna bursts out of her hiding spot, trying to shoot them. All of her point-blank shots miss as the Agent informs her they're the ones she's supposed to be meeting. And the last stray shot even blows up a droid in the background. All of this while the Agent continues talking, unperturbed.
- The whole scene is actually rather humorous, as Ianna says she survived on things even the Rakghouls won't eat, and Doctor Lokin reveals he's totally been following you all along without so much as missing a step, then suggests, quite happily, a plan that puts his own life in danger.
- Later in the Taris arc, the Agent finally comes face to face with Ki Sazen, a rather short-statured rogue Jedi who is leading a group of Nikto.Ki Sazen: Funny. When the Nikto said someone was after me, I figured (s)he'd be smart enough to keep his/her distance.Agent: And when I heard a Jedi was leading a Nikto cult I thought she'd be older than twelve.
- The first time Lokin uses his transformation power. After reverting back to human from rakghoul form the next thing we see is Lokin putting his clothes back on, still acting very cheerful and optimistic...while the Agent is pointing their rifle at Lokin's head, visibly mulling over whether they should just shoot the doctor.
- One of Doctor Lokin's random lines is: "I have a confession to make- my qualifications as a medical doctor have... lapsed."
- On Taris, one of Kaliyo's random comments is this little gem (bear in mind that she is Rattataki, who look like bald humans with chalk-white skin and tattoos):Kaliyo: Reporting for duty, sir! Rakghoul stole my helmet, sir! Scared me white!
- Dealing with a particularly loopy Sith on Taris, you get to demonstrate a very low opinion of her order:[Dialogue option: I should've expected crazy] "You really are Sith, aren't you?"
- If romanced, there's a scene where Kaliyo cheats on you, on your own ship. When the guy walks on the screen, the Agent gives him a once-over that manages to be both disdainful and hateful at the same time.
- Also, there's this dialogue option:Dock Worker: I, uh, I guess I should go...?
- Also, there's this dialogue option:
- On Hoth you can flirt with Raina, one of the operatives you're working with. Doing so elicits this response:Kaliyo (to the assembled team): If you catch those two making out on this mission, just shoot them both, they're dead weight.
- Really, Kaliyo is the gift that keeps on giving. When talking about weddings you get this little gem:Kaliyo: Last wedding I was at? Black dress, heels, groom looked fantastic but I looked better... Slipped on that ring and ran.
- And earlier you get this little exchange:Agent: What can I say? People just fall at my feet.Kaliyo: They do. Me? I have to push men down there. But hey, it all works out.
- And earlier you get this little exchange:
- Dr. Lokin is pretty good at telling other people how much they suck:(while captured and watching the agent being tortured) "Ha! Oh, I've—" (gets punched by his captor) "I've done far worse than that to family."
- On Corellia, when the Keeper (former Watcher Two) gives you a quest for Faking the Dead by blowing a building you're in:
- Agent: How long have you been wanting to plot my demise?Keeper: Since the day you landed on Hutta. On and off.
- Bringing Kaliyo around on Ziost shows that not even impending doom and the threat of the Emperor will stop her from snarking.Kaliyo: Guardsmen! I am the Emperor! I have possessed this awesome body! Strip and kneel before me!
Rise of the Hutt Cartel
- When a Republic player gets to Makeb and has to rescue a researcher from the imminent ground-quake related collapse of a ground-quake shelter note , you can be as snarky as ever:*looks around at the collapsing structure* "Who built this? The lowest bidder?"
- After defeating the builder of a massive starship you are trying to claim for the Republic:Veedrig: Never let it be said I'm not generous in defeat. You can have this incredible marvel of starship design at a twenty-percent discount.
[Large chunk falls off in the background]
- One particularly blunt dialogue option a Republic player can say when they confront Toborro the Hutt:Player: How do you plan to kill me, Toborro? Your awful breath, or rolling over?
- Dr. Juvard Illip Oggurobb calling Toborro a churlish nincompoop when the latter proves to be unreasonable.
Shadow of Revan
- When starting the expansion as a Sith Warrior, there's Vette addressing them after their grim vision of the future:Vette: Whoa. You look like Jaesa did that time she tried exoboar soup.
- Starting it as a bounty hunter has Mako admitting someone sliced thier navicomputer to take them to Rishi. When the Hunter demands to know how she let that happen, if you married her, her response is, "I don't know, maybe because you've been keeping me...busy?" Cue Torian snickering to himself.
- Many of the interactions between Jakarro, a Wookiee Smuggler, and C2-D4, a mostly dismantled protocol droid strapped to his chest.C2-D4: And next time you headbutt somebody, use your own skull!
- During the "Prelude to Revan" storyline, Jakarro and C2-D4 are rescued. While a lot of the interactions between them are amusing, this gem happens in the Trooper version:Jakarro: [In Wookiee growls] It's our lucky day, droid! Convince these saps to let us out of here!
C2-D4: Uh... Greetings! My master compliments your impressive skill, and would like to share his appreciation for this noble rescue!
Trooper: Most people don't realize just how broad the SpecForce language training really is. Want to try that again?
C2-D4: Oh, dear. Please let us out of here! We beg you!
- The Smuggler version is also hilarious, as they'll point out that Jakarro isn't the only Wookiee they know. It can turn outrageous if the "Depths of Manaan" flashpoint is played solo and the Smuggler has Bowdaar accompanying them.
- If you look closely, one of the dancers in the bar on Rishi is doing the Gangnam Style dance.
- If the Player Character is a Jedi and romanced Theron in Shadow of Revan, then the part where Satele praises them for being a fine example of Jedi ideals becomes unintentionally hilarious, since she says it right after you sleep with her son. One can only imagine what she'd actually say if she knew the truth...
- When landing on Rishi, a Republic player is immediately greeted with a mix of awe and fear—apparently someone's been spreading rumors that they're a bloodthirsty pirate and cannibal, much to their confusion.Merchant: Oh! Uh, hello! You're from the Red Hulls, aren't you? Welcome to Raider's Cove! Nothing but fellow pirates here, you and your crew don't have to kill or maim or eat anyone! ...Right?Player: Kill or...what? What are you talking about?Merchant: It's what you do, everyone knows! And it's no big deal! I'm sure those people your crew ate on Taloraan had it coming.
Bartender: You're, uh...not going to eat him, are you? Because that's the last thing I need people saying about my place.
- After killing one Too Dumb to Live idiot who attacks you in a cantina, the owner's only concern is this:
- Meeting a droid that's apparently a fan of yours:Crier Droid: Greetings, gentlebeing! Let me regale you with the tale of the Red Hulls and their monstrous, flesh-eating captain! (gasps) Oh, my! You are the monstrous, flesh-eating captain of the Red Hulls! What a singular pleasure to meet you!
- While following a lead, one guy utterly panics when he sees you, pretending not to speak Basic and, when that doesn't work, rapidly begging you to please don't kill and eat him, he'll pay you off, he swears!
- What makes all this even better is that, no matter what you say or do, everyone is utterly convinced that you are a violent, flesh-eating pirate, and that by saying you're not you're just testing them.Player: Please listen to me! I am not a cannibal! I am not a pirate! I just came for information!(long Beat in which everyone stares at you, then goes back to babbling about how fearsome you are)
- The ultimate payoff occurs when you finally track down the source of the rumors - Republic SIS agent Theron Shan and actual Sith Lana Beniko, still operating off the grid after your last collaboration, needed a way to get you to their safehouse without the Order of Revan catching on to their presence. So they put out the word that you're a cannibal pirate leader, with the full expectation that the sheer degree of "WTF?" would inspire you to investigate and follow the bread crumbs back to the source.
- When you finally meet up with your comrades, they're complaining about the jungle creatures and pirates...Player: Don't forget cannibals. I hear that's actually a problem around here.C2-D4: Well, I certainly don't have anything to fear on that front... I hope.
- While not as funny as the Republic version, the Imperial one can still be quite amusing, depending on your character. While there is no cannibalism involved, people are also utterly convinced that you represent a notorious pirate gang. The Bounty Hunter and his crew could reasonably pass for that, perhaps even the Imperial Agent, but the others...?C2-D4: I do hope we get to kill a lot more Revanites. Not as satisfying as when I'm fully assembled and can do it myself, but still. Dead Revanites.
- Most of the companions are unwilling to face She-Who-Greedily-Devours (a giant Kel Dragon) on Rishi. You get some hilarious bits of dialogue when you approach her cave:
- Elara discourages you from entering the cave because "unecessary elimination of native predatory species is discouraged by the Unaligned Worlds Protocol Handbook".
- Iresso comments that while Qyzen would be drooling at the chance to take on a dangerous beast, he's not so keen on getting more "points".
- Quinn draws your attention to the cave's entrance, which much correspond to the size of the beast hidden inside.
- When it seems like Theron, Lana, and the Republic Player have the Revanites on the run, they decide to throw together a party to celebrate and unwind. Jakarro, being Jakarro, bluntly declares the party sucks since there are no drinks. C2-D4 retorts that he wanted to stop for decorations, so now it's their fault the party's awful as much as the others'.
- Later, when the gang invite Satele Shan, Darth Marr, and their forces to your safe house to talk neutral ground, it turns out Lana and Theron threw that party after all... with pitiful streamers and an astro-droid serving drinks that no one will partake in. Republic and Imperial forces alike stand around in awkward silence, with tensions so thick you can cut it with a knife.Theron: Well, off to a good start...
- Later, when the gang invite Satele Shan, Darth Marr, and their forces to your safe house to talk neutral ground, it turns out Lana and Theron threw that party after all... with pitiful streamers and an astro-droid serving drinks that no one will partake in. Republic and Imperial forces alike stand around in awkward silence, with tensions so thick you can cut it with a knife.
- When the smuggler player is asked to infiltrate the Revanite camps, one dialogue option is:Smuggler: "I've got this, all I need are some stilts and a giant Revan mask..."Lana Beniko: "Please feel free to take a more direct approach as well."
- The non-flirt option bounty hunters get at the end of the mission involving the Battle of Rishi flashpoint has this conversation:Theron Shan: Isn't there...anything else you wanted first?Lana Beniko: Yes, will that be all?Bounty Hunter: What good are all the credits I've earned if no one's alive to watch me spend them? We need to stop Revan.Theron Shan: That's certainly one way of looking at it.Lana Beniko: Hunter, you almost made me laugh out loud.Theron Shan: Now wouldn't that be a sight?C2-D4: Have you ever heard a Tatooine Sand Person laugh? Terrifying! I love it.Jakarro: Shut up, droid!
- The Agent has a more pragmatic reason they want to stop Revan:Agent: We're wasting valuable time. Revan's about to unwittingly destroy the galaxy, and I rather like living.
Theron Shan: Good news. You've got a fellow spy, a Sith Lord and a dead-shot Wookiee who feel the same.
- The Agent has a more pragmatic reason they want to stop Revan:
- The Rise of the Emperor patch is both serious and horrifying, with a pivotal moment where each class taunts Vitiate into coming after them, leaving the remaining citizens of Ziost alone. Most classes have badass or professional declarations of intent which is enough to turn Vitiate around. The Smuggler?Smuggler: Now see here's my thing. You go around acting all big and scary, but look at what you're scaring! Slim pickings, you ask me! Even I'm not scared of you. How pathetic is that? I dunno... maybe you're overcompensating for something?
- It's hilarious that, with all of the unlimited power the former Sith Emperor has, he gets just as angry at his finest Sith turning on him as he does to a dick joke.
- Of course, in an earlier conversation the smuggler had the option of flirting with him...
- During the war council on Yavin 4, Darth Marr comments on the difficulties of making the assembled Republic and Imperial forces work together, couched in typically mystical and portentous Sith speak regarding the moon's history. Theron, utterly unimpressed, sarcastically asks the Darth who could Force choke him to oblivion with a thought if there was a tactical suggestion in there somewhere, prompting Satele Shan (of all people) to step in and provide a helpful translation.
- More comedy from Theron: once the combined Republic and Imperial forces have set up shop on Yavin 4, Saresh calls to bless Satele out for running off with the Republic fleet without official authorization, only to find Satele unfazed by her complaints. After the holocall ends, Theron chimes in with this observation:Theron: I guess ignoring the boss runs in the family.
Knights of the Fallen Empire
- The Sacrifice trailer is a pretty sober affair, particularly the part showing Arcann's morals plummet after losing his arm. However, since the trailer is mostly wordless aside from the narration Thexan's concern for his brother is shown by him giving Arcann this hilarious "WTF" look as they leave Korriban.
- Due to a Good Bad Bug, when the expansion launched, the companion overhaul removed all previous companions' pants and sent them to your inventory and/or mailbox.
- This little dialogue from when the Outlander first meets Prince Arcann.Arcann: You didn't even know whose territory you were invading?Outlander: (This wasn't an invasion) We didn't "invade" anything. We were looking for someone.Arcann: In an armed warship?Outlander: We weren't looking for a friend.
- The Smuggler's dialogue throughout the dream sequence with Valkorion is pure gold.Smuggler: My brain isn't big enough for the both of us.Valkorion: Then we must expand it.
- Valkorion tells the smuggler that he is a far superior leader to any Chancellor. The Smuggler can respond by asking if he's applying to be his campaign manager.
- When Valkorion speaks to the Smuggler about how his children must be stopped, the Smuggler replies:Smuggler: "I take the fall for your kid's tamper tantrum. Figures."
- Vaylin somehow manages to see the Smuggler in the dream sequence and ignites her lightsaber. The Smuggler can ask if she can help them...Smuggler: "Your father isn't much help. Maybe you can get me out of the carbonite..."(Vaylin stabs the Smuggler)
- When Valkorion compliments the Outlander for being a victor during the dream sequence of Chapter 2, they can respond with this:
- In Chapter 2, Valkorion shows the Outlander a vision of their crew fighting against an army of Skytroopers who end up defeating and killing them. The first time you play through it, it's tragic. Subsequent playthroughs, not so much: due to a bug, all companions lose their pre-KOTFE outfits but don't update to their post-KOTFE ones, resulting in them being in their underwear during the cutscenes.note The results range from hilarious and fanservice-y, to the exact opposite.
- An accidental one in the same chapter. Valkorion sets the player against a boss to prove they need his power. Unfortunately, the boss has so few health points (lower than the regular mooks on the same level) that it will probably go down to the first hit it takes even if you turn him down. This was eventually fixed in a patch.
- Koth and his habit of only needing "three more minutes".Outlander: (while dodging blaster fire) You said that three minutes ago!
Koth: This time I mean it!
- Moments after being jailbroken and escaping, two Knights of Zakuul show up to arrest you for killing their Immortal Emperor. You can point out the Logic Bomb in that, and the Knights will look dumbfounded at each other in a 'Uh.. (s)he's got a point' kind of way.
- In a more subtle bit, Lana gives these two Knights a Stealth Insult by saying they were never trained to channel their anger properly. On the surface, it seems like a standard Sith insult about their combat skills... unless you know that Lana was taught to channel her anger by Harkun. Yes, Lana just said these two Knights are more pathetic than Harkun.
- During the first exploration of the Gravestone, HK-55 keeps announcing his current Kill Count on the intercom. It goes from sixteen to seventeen, then a large explosion is heard in the background and the tally jumps straight to twenty-two.
- In Chapter 4, we get a Hard-Work Montage set to cantina music of the player character and their new allies working to fix the Gravestone. Except for HK-55, who's too busy blasting wild animals, leading to a Funny Background Event where Koth is making repairs while HK is seen chasing a small creature back and forth. Then he finally does blast the creature, only to be confronted by a horde of them. Koth can't see the horde from where he's standing, so we get to see his bemused reaction to what he assumes to be ludicrous overkill as HK fights them off.
- Start of Chapter 6, approaching Asylum:HK-55: Demand: Are. We. There. Yet?
- When Lana and Koth get into an argument over what Emperor Valkorion is really like, Senya jumps in with "None of you know him like I do!" Koth looks at her in disgust and tells her that he did not need that mental image, thanks.
- If you bring Koth with you to visit the Lady of Sorrows, you will have this gem when you encounter the Zakuul Knights:Balisk: Koth Vortena. Treason. Sedition. Gross incompetence.
- Near the end of Chapter 9, the Outlander and their allies finally get a chance to relax and party at a cantina. When the Outlander shows up:Lana: You made it. I wasn't sure you'd come.
Outlander: ...do you really think I'm that boring?
Lana: (to Koth) Should I tell the truth?
Koth: Lie. Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie.
- When the party's winding down, you'll see that nearly everyone is some level of drunk. Even Koth. Even Lana. Hilarity Ensues.
- If you choose the option of talking to Theron instead of Lana or Koth after initially coming into the cantina you'll eventually end up coming back to the main floor overhearing Koth begrudgingly admitting to Lana that he tried the roasted gorak,with Lana hilariously surprised that he would even consider trying it.
- Also near the end of Chapter 9, when you meet with the head of your research team, the conversation option can go:[Let him continue speaking]
[Let him continue speaking]
[Let him continue speaking]
[He's on a roll, why stop him now?]
- One of the Alliance missions has you recruiting Nico Okarr. To prove your worth, you have to mix him a drink using ingrediants nearby. Selecting a specific ingredient will prompt him to remind you to not forget the little umbrella. Once you've mixed the drink, you'll receive the standard "Character approves/disapproves" note, but you'll also get an extra one saying "Nico is disappointed that you forgot the little umbrella." Alternately, if you remember the umbrella, you'll get a note saying he's impressed.
- On Asylum, there's a twi'lek selling roast gorak, offering 3 wings for 1 credit, but also 10 wings for 5 credits and 20 wings for 20 credits. A nearby customer doesn't realize how much of a scam the latter two deals are.
- Also on Asylum, you're tasked with rescuing a loudmouthed engineer from a street gang. Killing the gang leader leads to this:Tora: Where have you been all my life?
Outlander: (Gleefully) Stabbing/shooting [as appropriate for their weapon] things.
- In Chapter 7, when the Outlander and Senya walk into a cantina to interrogate a lead, choosing to introduce oneself as Sith leads to the following hilarious exchange.Mona Gale: If I knew where to find my most lucrative, reclusive, and dangerous meal ticket, I wouldn't give that up for one Knight and... whatever you're supposed to be.Inquisitor: I am a Dark Lord of the Sith.
Bartender: (chuckles) I have no idea what that is. Sounds made up, don't you think?
- The Smuggler's reaction is equally hilarious.Smuggler: I am shocked and offended. Really.Mona Gale: You have any idea?Kam Wenden: Maybe a stage performer?
- She says the same thing if the Outlander introduces themselves as a Jedi.
- The whole thing quickly becomes hilarious, however, as right after saying that a holo of Arcann pops up with a public service announcement: the Outlander is out and about Zakuul, is a very dangerous individual, etc, and then posts a picture of them. Cue the Outlander turning back to the woman, who, upon realizing she's been Mugging the Monster, has quickly dropped the smug bravado.Mona Gale: S-So, um, what was it you wanted again?
- The Smuggler's reaction is equally hilarious.
- When you return to Asylum in Chapter 8, you pass by this couple deciding on what planets they could go to and they end up checking off Dantooine. Later, when the Eternal Empire attacks, they can be seen panicking and spot a freighter heading to Hutta and decide to take it. What could've been for them...
- During Chapter 9, you receive a quest to recruit one of the Trooper's companions, Yuun. Upon meeting him, he is polite and level-headed to the player as he's been expecting them. However, if the player is a Trooper, he will instead panic and frantically check his breathing equipment in the belief that he is hallucinating, despite receiving signs that the player was coming.Trooper: [Wait for his reaction]
Yuun: This is not good... [Yuun urgently checks his breathing equipment]
- At the end of Chapter 8, Tora is not very sympathetic to the Outlander's injuries after a duel with Arcann. A Force-sensitive Outlander can Force Choke her in response.Tora: Are you dying? Can I have your stuff?
- Given that you can redo all the companions' roles on the fly, there's something humorous about making characters known for being somewhat violent (like Kaliyo, Broonmark, Khem Val, Skadge, Xalek, and Zenith) into healers... or the utterly pacifist and weak looking characters (like Mako, Doc, Tharan, and Talos) into damage dealers or even tanks.
- On Odessen, guess who are two of the companions you encounter again? The ship droids! The Player Character is given the option to respond with groans of "not you again...", likely mirroring the player.
- That's only for Republic Outlanders, however. Imperial Outlanders will find their ship droid boasting to a bunch of other droids how he finally got sick of you and told you to go screw yourself. All the while you're patiently standing behind him, waiting for him to notice you.Astromech: Insufferable organic = behind you?
- That's only for Republic Outlanders, however. Imperial Outlanders will find their ship droid boasting to a bunch of other droids how he finally got sick of you and told you to go screw yourself. All the while you're patiently standing behind him, waiting for him to notice you.
- When meeting Hylo Visz, a smuggler Outlander can object to her calling herself the Republic's greatest outlaw hero. Visz is happy, because she apparently had a bet with Oggurobb about whether you would.
- When the Outlander officially takes on the role of Commander of the Alliance, at Lana and Theron's prompting they mark the moment by making a speech to the personnel gathered at the Odessen base. Afterwards, you may get a letter from Theron filling you in on how the speech was received, which begins thus:One of my jobs around here is monitoring morale. I intercept every comm channel in the camp (except yours - I respect the chain of command), and I know how to avoid being noticed by people who think they're having a private chat.
That all sounds terrible when I write it down. Let me start over.
- Even better, if the Outlander is the Imperial Agent, when they meet Firebrand (who is actually their companion Kaliyo) and complete the chapter with her, you find out that she...well, decided to be Kaliyo and "befriended" what counts as a Zakuulan police chief in the city. The first dialogue option is priceless.Agent: Tell me, Tayvor: did she come into your life, convince you you were special, take everything she could, and then abandon you?
Kaliyo: You know me too well.
- When the Outlander first meets Firebrand on Zakuul, there is this exchange:Kaliyo: About five levels down, there is this one Skytrooper. Totally wrong program-likes to give back-rubs. Best thing Zakuul ever did.Theron Shan: Well, now I know where I am going next.
- Another Good Bad Bug when early access for Chapter 11 launched made it so Jorgan's armor and blaster both disappear during cutscenes unless you reset the mission. It's impossible to take anything seriously when he's in his underwear and holding an invisible gun like a Bowdlerisation in a dubbed anime gone wrong.
- Both the Smuggler and Bounty Hunter's interactions with Jorgan result in reminders of why some players nicknamed him Grumpy Cat.Jorgan: You, with me. We're covering the retreat.
Smuggler: And who's going to cover our retreat?
Smuggler: That's what I thought.
Jorgan: You, with me. We're covering the retreat.
Bounty Hunter: It'll cost you.
Bounty Hunter: Joking, Major.
- On the topic of Chapter 11, there is a point in the story where, if you've romanced Jorgan, the conversation goes:Trooper: Any last words?
Jorgan: Can that garbage! ... And, I love you.
- In Chapter 12, if you try to flirt with Satele during your first dialogue together:Satele: (in response to you asking if she's real) Whatever you believe this is, I'd rather not know.
- Also in Chapter 12 when you first meet Satele, she makes a non-sequitur remark apparently to thin air that yes, she's going to offer the Outlander some food, just give her a moment. To the Outlander, especially one who's not Force sensitive and may or may not have any previous acquaintance with Satele, it likely just seems like she's not quite all there. Once you learn that she isn't as alone at her camp as it first appeared, though, you realize that none other than the Force ghost of Darth Marr himself was sassing Satele about her lack of hospitality.
- After you've recruited Ak'ghal Usar, a Dashade who previously laid dormant on Yavin 4, Oggurobb suggests that you get him to open up by sating his hunger for Force-users with one of Sana-Rae's apprentices.
- In Chapter 13, Vette trolling Gault when she pretends to be the computer voice of a giant missile he was using to threaten a pirate crew.
- When reminiscing with the Bounty Hunter, Gault mentions that their entire crew went searching for them, even Skadge, who Gault refers to as an "angry tumor".
- Gault can force Dretcher to come out of hiding by threatening to use sonic amplifiers in Dretcher's safe room.Gault: So unless you want to spend your final moments being shaken to death by the dulcet tones of the Kashyyyk Life Day Choir, I'd reconsider.(The Outlander and Gault can imitate Wookiee noises to scare him out of hiding)
- Special mention to the female Sith Inquisitor, who doesn't even try at a Wookiee impression. She just says "Rarr."
- Gault's justification for abandoning a former partner named Kai in his time of need? He was an idiot. Even Vette agrees.
- Upon entering the Gilded Star, Vette and Gault have this argument:Gault: My last partner didn't complain nearly this much.Vette: Your last partner was crushed to death!
- At the conclusion of the raid, you find out that Gault and Hylo are married, though it's been rough since he made off with the entirety of a mutual haul.
- A force user can ask how Gault managed to beat Lana at cards. Gault explained that he knew Lana would be able to read his thoughts so he made sure she got an eyeful. The player can try and look into Gault's mind...Outlander: Gah! What is wrong with you!?Gault: When you make your living in the galaxy's cess pits, it never hurts to sink lower than the competition.
- Really, Chapter 13 is 90% funny moments. And then you realize why when they hit you with the end scene.
- After Chapter 13's completion, you find two messages in your mailbox from one Avus Dayne, addressed to Vette. It is a hilariously awkward effort at courting her, complete with a terrible poem. As a Warrior who has romanced Vette, you get a second message from the same Avus Dayne, begging you not to read the first message, apologizing profusely and pleading you not to crush his windpipe.
- If the PC hadn't romanced Vette or isn't a Sith Warrior, the second message has Avus asking you not to read the first one... but if you did read it, do you think he has a chance with her?
- If you're playing a Sith Warrior who romanced Vette, she is very eager to get some private time. Gault starts bitching loudly about it.Gault: You want 'private time.' I want to never know what happens during your 'private time.' Win-win. Meet you back at the hideout."
- Speaking of which, during her reunion with a romanced Sith Warrior, Vette jumps on him, kisses him, then apologizes but tells him to say whatever he has to say fast before he gets interrupted again.Sith Warrior: I have crossed the span of stars and time for this mome-
*Vette pounces on him again and kisses him into shutting up*
- Speaking of which, during her reunion with a romanced Sith Warrior, Vette jumps on him, kisses him, then apologizes but tells him to say whatever he has to say fast before he gets interrupted again.
- Chapter 14 is mostly comprised of awesome moments, but there are a few funny ones here and there, mostly due to Torian's deadpan sense of humor.Torian: (about the Mandalorian death ceremony) Rough battle. Probably a rough party. Not many outsiders celebrate with us.
Agent Outlander: Give me an hour, you'll think I was born Mandalorian. Give me two, you'll think I'd make a good Mandalore.
Torian: You'll fit right in when the bragging starts.
- Chapter 15 features a hilarious dialog option wherein, with the enemy that had the party split with half of them on one side of a blast door and the others forced to wait for any news, Theron Shan investigates.Theron Shan: (tensely) Is everything all right in there?
Outlander: (in dramatic fashion) I...think...my time's finally come... I'm at the end...of my life...
Theron Shan: (flatly) Wow. Good thing you're not a stage performer.
Lana: Ready to commandeer, Commander?
- After a few comments from the GEMINI Captain (built with the same programming as SCORPIO), the Commander gets a chance to comment on SCORPIO's... people skills.Outlander: This is what it sounds like listening to you, if you're wondering.
SCORPIO: I almost feel the need to apologize.
- The very first thing Lana says after the party has boarded the Eternal Fleet ship:
Theron: Did you really just say that?
- After a few comments from the GEMINI Captain (built with the same programming as SCORPIO), the Commander gets a chance to comment on SCORPIO's... people skills.
- In Chapter 16, Major Jorgan (if he's still alive) volunteers to protect the base while the Outlander is off to fight Arcann. Naturally, Kaliyo (if she's still alive) doesn't want to get upstaged by him.Kaliyo: I'll hang back as well. Major Paws would be lost without me.
Jorgan: (flatly) You done?
Theron Shan: (to the Outlander) Might want to leave someone else to mediate.
Outlander: (looking at Torian) If anyone can keep these two in line, it's a Mandalorian.
Torian: I've wrangled bigger beasts. Leave it to me.
Outlander: Wish me luck.
- It's Theron's exasperated Facepalm and Torian's little smirk that make this exchange comedy gold.
- Alternatively, you can appoint Vette or Gault to act as mediators between Jorgan and Kaliyo — though noone involved is thrilled by the arrangement.
- If the Outlander is a female Bounty Hunter who has resumed her romance with Torian, he offers her some Mandalorian words of wisdom before she departs for Arcann's flagship:
- If the Outlander is in a relationship with Lana, they have the following exchange:
Lana: Luck has nothing to do with it. Arcann may have bested you on Asylum, but Valkorion's training changed you. You're powerful. More powerful than-
Outlander: Lana, you're missing the point.
Lana: I'm what?
Outlander: *kisses Lana*
Lana: Oh... I see...
Outlander: When you're done blushing, we have an Emperor to kill.
Lana: ...Don't look so pleased with yourself.
- When recruiting Blizz, he mentions "shiny Jedi man." Said "shiny Jedi man" turns out to Guss Tuno. Blizz was referring to Guss's bald moist head when calling him "shiny."
- When recruiting Blizz's crew, a mouse-over on one of the Jawas reveals flavor text on their weaponry. The flamethrowers they carry are listed as "ridiculously overpowered" and ask "who thought it was a good idea to carry these?"
- The quest culminates in the Outlander leading a raid on a camp of Ugnaught scavengers, accompanied by Blizz and a pack of screaming Jawas, and yes, one of them is packing a flamethrower. The more gravitas you normally play the Outlander with, the funnier this whole sequence becomes.Some Jawas just want to watch the world burn.
- The quest culminates in the Outlander leading a raid on a camp of Ugnaught scavengers, accompanied by Blizz and a pack of screaming Jawas, and yes, one of them is packing a flamethrower. The more gravitas you normally play the Outlander with, the funnier this whole sequence becomes.
- In the HK-55 bonus chapter, HK can briefly ally with a Zakuul exarch (or fry her into atoms, whatever). As they ride the elevator, the exarch becomes convinced it's her moment of destiny and prepares to meet whatever test awaits at the other end of the ride. When the doors open, she's sucked out into the open vaccuum.HK-55: Do you think she passed her test?
Z0-0M: According to my sensors... no.
- The entire chapter is pure humor, with nothing in it played remotely seriously. A few other examples:
- A self-destruct that uses the wording "In five minutes the base will no longer exist".
- Z0-0M; a temporary companion that suffers from periodic memory reset and has an incredibly fun, quirky personality.
- Yet another conspiracy that was secretly manipulating events behind the scenes. Played for laughs this time in that they never actually achieved anything significant, due largely to the Outlander's actions countering their plans by sheer chance. Cue a series of Unknown Rival rants in log entries.
- A blinded janitor (using a mouse droid as a service animal!) in the evil lair. He knew about the blinding in advance as a necessity for employment, and had to go through a grueling 20-interview process to get the job. (He claims there's an amazing benefits package.)
- Yet another cameo by the original HK-47, where it's finally explained that his multiple appearances (and subsequent deaths) were simply due to his memory being copied (and the memory of the copying itself deleted) several times.
- HK-55 gets increasingly frustrated at the ludicrous plot, and at the end gives the droid version of I Need a Freaking Drink.
- The Shroud has gone through multiple agonizing sessions of plastic surgery.Z0-0M: You look great!
The Shroud: I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE!
- Z0-0M's catchphrase is "Nooo, I think I'd remember that!" Naturally, with how ridiculously convoluted the plot gets, it's used constantly.
- Some of HK's responses to his restrictions when choosing to kill various characters. For instance, when choosing to kill the Shroud while forbidden to kill surrendering enemies, HK may instead decide to liquidate offensive materiel, such as the Shroud's clothing. With him in it. When sparing the above janitor, he can claim that the janitor's laughable attack was so pitiful that he's been re-designated a non-combatant.HK-55: Pun: I will now cancel your life.The Shroud: What? That's not a pun-
- The Coil is purposefully built to be the most ridiculously overdone Bond villain lair ever, with an underground volcano section (complete with lava flows), an underwater biome (complete with sharks), a space elevator and an open space section on an asteroid's surface. Reality (and hilarity) ensues as the player characters constantly note and in one possible case observe how half of the surrounding environs would kill any unprotected human.Z0-0M: The Shroud spared no expense.
- After the mission, Theron sends an email with names for the base that the Shroud rejected (blithely noting that there is absolutely nothing useful in this find and implying that he's forwarding it on purely for the laugh):The Eye
Secret Lair II (R.I.P. Secret Lair I)
The Shroud of Death
Galactic Post Packaging Center (inconspicuous I like it...)
- The entire chapter is pure humor, with nothing in it played remotely seriously. A few other examples:
Knights of the Eternal Throne
- If the Outlander decides to punch Koth for installing a bomb on the Gravestone without their permission and, as a result, nearly getting everyone in the immediate area killed, Lana thanks them for it. It can be more amusing if you decide to punch Koth if he attempted to steal the Gravestone:Koth: "Can't we just move on?"
(Outlander punches Koth)
Lana: "Consider yourself moved."
- When the party is trapped in Iokath and at the mercy of a homicidal A.I., they come across a Humongous Mecha that they — eventually — have to use to create a distraction. Naturally, the Outlander can respond with pure childish glee at the opportunity to wreak havok while piloting that droid.Outlander: (when asked if they're going to be okay) Are you kidding? I'm a walking tank! It's payback time.Vette: Now we know what to get you for Life Day.
- A bit of dark humor, but if the Outlander executes Former Chancellor Saresh, Theron quietly wonders if it's wrong that he enjoyed that. He's also deeply amused if you decide to punch her instead of responding to her question. For the record, both are dark side actions.
- On that note, Theron gets the same approval boost whether you decide to kill Saresh or imprison her. He's that glad to see her finally taken out of power.
- If you kill her, the current Chancellor sends a letter apologizing for decrying you over it. And also for the names he's going to call you in his next speech. If you choose to lock her up, the current Chancellor thanks you, assures you that the Republic did not authorize her stunt, and suggests solitary confinement and a liquid diet.
- The whole experience Crosses the Line Twice several times over for the Bounty Hunter class, who are responsible for the downfall of Saresh's predecessor, Janarus. It can even be harder to not shoot her as one.
- First, light side Bounty Hunters took down her predecessor non-violently, recognizing he was a good man who was manipulated by Seros to slander their name and who was willing to sacrifice his career to see that wrong set right. She, however, tried to kill you over a petty powerplay. A little caving to the dark side suddenly doesn't seem so bad...
- For dark side Bounty Hunters, you killed her predecessor for something he was manipulated into doing. She's acting like the man who set that Chancellor up. And worse, at least both the current Sith Empress and the previous Emperor who is now living in your head, and once devoured an entire planet's life both treat you with genuine respect, while she is trying to kill you for a petty powerplay because she doesn't get to command an army anymore. You've already made a statement killing one Chancellor, you think a second is really gonna cross their mind?
- Then to top it off, she literally asks for it. Straight up saying that killing her is what she'd do. If you choose to do it, the player response is Sure, Why Not.Saresh: "You're gonna kill me, right? That's why I'd do in your place!"The Outlander: [Kill Saresh] "If that's what you want. Sure!"Saresh: [Oh, Crap! face]
- And lastly for Bounty Hunters, Gault is waiting near the exit you need to leave. If you stop and talk to him, he'll inform you that he had taken out a life insurance policy in your name. One that just paid out. And you should tell the claims adjuster you don't know who did that. All in all, it's a typical Tuesday.
- Theron is quick to let Empress Acina know that even though the Outlander may have expressed willingness for the Alliance to work with the Sith Empire, that doesn't mean they won't be keeping a watchful eye on her.The Outlander: ["He's not kidding."] Knowing Theron, not even your HoloNet activity is safe.
Acina: Remind me to change my access codes.
- When the Outlander calls out Vaylin during her invasion of Odessen, she shakes her fist at the Outlander, unconsciously Force choking one of her men.
- In chapter VII, Arcann's forces invade the party Vaylin is having and a large fight breaks out. The clueless guests' reaction towards the battle is quite amusing.Guest 1 "What excitement! The Empress knows how to throw a party!"
Guest 2 "I can't imagine how she'll top this next year."
- If you choose to kill Minister Lorman in Chapter 2, Empress Acina will send you this mail message.Thank you for disposing of Lorman. Our new, more productive Minister found this datapad message while moving into his old office. It is quite amusing, and I figured you would like to know the ridiculous promise Saresh made to turn Lorman:Possible New Titles (For When I Rule the Sith Empire):Grand Emperor LormanTHE NEW EMPEROR—*MUST BE ALL CAPS*Emperor Lorman, First of His NameImperial Emperor of the Sith Empire—too redundant?THE BEST EMPEROR—*ALL CAPS TOO*
- If the Warrior romanced Vette and threatens to use her as a battering ram when they are trapped in a facility on Iokath:Vette: "Me? You're the hard-headed one in this relationship."
- On Iokath, during a cut scene, Vaylin is throwing a temper tantrum, smashing the remains of a droid over and over. Her last surviving officer and a Gemini droid share a look and the Gemini just shakes her head. The effect is hilarious.
- When Lana asks how the Outlander is able to stand having Valkorion in their head:Outlander: "Valkorion and I have an arrangement. He rambles like a blowhard, I shower him with insults."Lana: "I'm sure he loves that."
- A possible reaction to the Outlander having their body taken over by Valkorion and thrown into the abyss of their psyche, only surviving due to assuming Valkorion's appearance. Doubly so due to the fact that you say it while you look and sound exactly like Valkorion.Outlander with Valkorion's appearance and voice: ["I'm going crazy."] It's finally happened. I've gone insane.
- At the very end of the expansion, if you play your cards right, you can totally ruin Valkorion's Famous Last Words.
- Valkorion: <Long winded speech about how much better he is than you>Outlander: "... Whatever lets you sleep at night, old man."Valkorion: <Realizing he's being played with, and pissed off> "Oh! Just get it over with!"Outlander: <Stab>
War For Iokath
Jedi Under Siege
- If you're an Imperial character and you didn't kill or exile Theron, he notes he probably shouldn't accompany you on your mission to aid or infiltrate the Empire on Ossus. Lana agrees it's good to make a first impression...which he takes as a knock on his hair from when he had infiltrated the Order of Zildrog.
- The Go Ye Heroes, Go and Die speech you make as an Imperial character if you're working as a Republic double agent. It pretty much sums up as "a lot of people on our side have already died fighting the Republic, and a lot more of you are going to die! :D" Jonas Balkar (your SIS contact) especially likes the "Empire! Empire! Empire!" chant you try to get going at the end.
- Meta: The sheer audacity Bioware has to make Khem Val a romance option.
- The Smuggler subverting the Episode I reference:
- Gnost-Dural: Disruptions like this can only mean one thing.Smuggler: That you haven't been paying your bills?
- If the Commander is a Consular, Doc will struggle and fail to properly pronounce "Barsen'thor", mangling it into "Bar-room-door".
- At the end of the Imperial flashpoint you get to meet Tharan Cedrax, one of the Jedi Consular's companions. If Theron Shan is still alive, one of your current companions can mention that this is the second 'Tharan' they've met, to which Tharan (Cedrax) will reply that this other Tharan "probably spells his name the stupid way."
- Both female and male toons can flirt with Darth Malgus, much to his annoyance.
- Imperial characters get to meet and get to know the King of Onderon, a man so full of himself and his importance that he is unable to tell when people are making fun of him. You get two opportunities to 'Mock the King,' and in both he's completely unaware of the sarcasm.
- Sith Inquisitors can get their Dark Council seat back—but to do so they have to threaten Darth Anathel, who holds the seat now. Then, at the end of the expansion when they return to the Dark Council, the SI can pull a Not So Fast and kill Anathel, fulfilling the threat. What makes it hilarious is that Anathel clearly forgot and is not prepared to defend himself, basically crapping his pants right before he gets lightning'd and force slammed to death.SI: "What did I say, the last time we were in this chamber, Anathel?"
Darth Anathel: <Panicked look> Aaaaaaaaah! <is Force Lightninged in the face>
- Even better, the other councilors don't try to stop it. They're still quietly walking out the door when it happens, at most looking on with mild bemusement, if they react at all. Clearly the Dark Council are just jaded at random deaths at this point. Acina/Vowrawn are annoyed but not terribly put out by it either, even saying, like a judge giving a lawyer a bit of leeway, that they'll allow it.
- Possibly the crowning piece of funny: you don't actually have to rejoin the Dark Council and take your seat back to do this. You can kill Anathel because he had the temerity to hold the seat without your permission...and then stay with the Alliance.
- When a Republic player takes Tau Idair's new padawan, Arn, to meet with Lana, she does her upmost to play the part of the scary Sith Lord, entirely for her own amusement.Lana: I so rarely get to menace innocent young Jedi anymore.
- When asked if she's been doing the same thing to Tau, Lana notes that they haven't been introduced, but have seen each other across the marketplace.Lana: Rest assured, I did my best to appear sinister while browsing the produce.
- This works best if you change Lana's costume from her default (very subdued) outfit to a more typical over-the-top Sith armour.
- When Tau and Arn finally meet, their initial exchange is... less than stellar, which you can comment on.PC: ["This is awkward"] I'm really glad I could help bring the two most awkward Jedi in the galaxy together.
- For Imperial players, Lana gets a similar scenario meeting Major Anri after killing Vowrawn and/or his right hand.Anri: "What the- You know what? I don't need to know."Lana: "Wise choice. You're just as sharp as I've heard."Anri: "Are you one of the ones where I back-talk and get killed?"Lana: "You think that's what got them killed? Backtalk?"Anri: "Them? No, probably had to kill 'em to just get a word in at all."Lana: "Oooh, I like this one."
- This is followed up by Anri and Lana apparently having become fast friends after Corellia. Specifically: drinking buddies.
- When asked if she's been doing the same thing to Tau, Lana notes that they haven't been introduced, but have seen each other across the marketplace.
- In the loyalist ending of the Mek-Sha storyline, Narlock will thank everyone for saving his ships. All the classes have the option to give a wordless response: Knights and Consulars bow respectfully. Troopers salute. And Smugglers? They have "Play it cool", which causes them to give Narlock two thumbs-up while flashing a really goofy grin. Narlock actually laughs at that.
- Imperial side, after meeting Akoru, Jakarro and C2-D4 have a disagreement...Commander: They can't decide who's more foolish, Petryph or Akoru.note
Savik: [amused] Really, now?
[Petryph walks in, wearing golden armor that clanks with every step.]
Petryph: Onderon, your conquering king returns! After this day, none will question my power!
Jakarro: Alright. You win.