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Funny / Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

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    The Exile 
  • You'd be surprised what people can be persuaded into doing by a Dark Exile. And you don't even need to be a Dark Exile; even if you're going for light-side mastery, it's worth it.
    Exile: [Force Persuade] Give me all your credits and jump into that pit over there.
    Exchange Mook #1: B-but...can't, take the credits...I have to go.
    Exchange Mook #2: Jumping into the pit is a good idea. Get to ground faster that way.
    • Funnier still, some followers will react to this with a light-side style Influence gain, since you still technically saved the guy the thugs were shaking down.
  • On Nar Shaddaa, after tampering with a droid causing it to explode violently, an alien asks what's going on. Two conversation options open up: "Your droid exploded.", and "I believe your droid had a minor malfunction."
  • The male Exile would perhaps prefer a little excitement.
    Vossk: There are the Twin Suns, two Twi'lek slaves from Ryloth, slaves who killed their masters and developed a taste for it. They have mastered a dance of death. Very beautiful, very dangerous.
    Exile: Two beautiful Twi'leks are hunting me? How is that bad?
    Handmaiden: (rolls eyes)
    • Or...
      Exile: What if I wanted to kill the other bounty hunters but still have the Twi'leks chase me?
      Handmaiden: (bristles)
  • When talking to the Handmaiden on the Ebon Hawk while you're both in your underwear.
    Exile: Do you think you could put some clothes on?
    Handmaiden: It does not seem to bother you.
    Exile: Yeah, well, I can walk around like this if I want to. This is my ship.
  • Early on in Telos, you'll come across Exchange thugs. This exchange then takes place.
    Thug: Ah, so you must be the Jedi everyone's been whispering about. No more trouble with the TSF, I hope?
    Exile: Can I help you?
    Thug: Perhaps you don't know who I am?
    Exile: (one of the following) Can't say I do. / Someone with an inflated view of himself? / You seem to be of the opinion that I care.
  • Before the battle on Dantooine, you can choose to give a Rousing Speech to the defending forces. One of your options is "Tell them they're doomed," resulting in the following address:
    Exile: Nothing hurts more than a blaster shot to the groin. If you've never been shot, there are no words to describe how much pain you're going to feel... and there are many other ways you can get maimed and seriously injured. I expect most of us are going to die today, so you might want to think about all the things you care about. It won't matter soon. Uh... That's it, really.
    • What makes it even funnier is that after you get done speaking, every single one of the troops starts doing the "panic/cower" animation where they tremble and cradle their heads in their hands. Zherron informs you that he doesn't think your speech helped all that much, and also that the men react pretty much the same way to his speeches.
  • Speaking of Dantooine, if you side with the settlers, the colony administrator will offer you a 4000 credit reward. You can choose to accept the money, demand more, tell her to keep it so they can use it to rebuild the colony, or tell her to keep it—and use it to commission a giant statue of you in recognition of your deeds. If you pick the last one, the administrator's reaction is priceless.
  • This hilarious exchange when you first encounter the Mandalorians on Dxun:
    Mandalorian sentry: We claimed this moon decades ago when we reforged ourselves after Exar Kun's defeat. Some of us call it home. Why are you trespassing here?
    Exile: I was thinking of starting a Czerka office here. I sense a lot of untapped potential.
    Mandalorian sentry: That was a joke, right? It'll be interesting to see how long you keep your sense of humour - here.
  • In the tomb of Ludo Kresh, when reaching the vision of Kreia and the companions, the Exile catches on to the fact that it's just another vision. As the hallucinations of the companions gang up on the hallucination of Kreia...
    Exile: Why do I even bother?
  • After Kreia warns a male Exile about their relationship with Visas and not to get intimate;
    Exile: Just because I saved her doesn't mean I want to charge up her loading ramp!
  • This conversation between the Exile and the Handmaiden:
    Handmaiden: I have heard that Jedi sometimes renounce the code by loving another, and fall from the Order. And there are others who keep such unions secret.
    Exile: I think it's called "pulling a Bindo".
    Handmaiden: Pulling a... Bindo?
    Exile: Bad joke, bald guy, long story.
  • During a sidequest on Nar Shadaa female Exile is one of the potential candidates who can wear a slave Leia-esque "dancers outfit". Unless you've been following the dark side path, in which case the following exchange can happen:

    Exile (visibly corrupted by the dark side): What about me?
    Twilek recruiter: Er I think you might a little bit too "imposing" for Vogga's tastes.
    Exile: (Force Persuade) You will let me dance for Vogga.
    Twilek recruiter: But perhaps Vogga will appreciate the variety.
  • In the restored content, if you find the love interest's message from the first game, Kreia will later attack T3 screaming, "BETRAYAL!" It's so incongruent, it's hysterical.
  • The restored content reveals that Kreia used her powers to give Disciple Laser-Guided Amnesia about her presence, so he's completely unable to notice her. The game chooses to show this by having Kreia walk past the medbay, repeatedly, which looks either creepy or (more likely) hilariously petty and trollish.
  • This conversation with Atton.
  • And earlier on, Kreia very quickly establishes how her working relationship with Atton is going to be.
    Atton: I'm guessing that Republic ship that just docked isn't carrying friends of yours.
    Kreia: I hope your talent for understatement is offset by your skill with a blaster. If not, then I fear our time together will be short indeed.
    Atton: Yeah, and I'm also good at running and drinking, your majesty.
  • At one point Kreia mentions how reading another's mind is not something done lightly. You can ask her if she did it, and she will deny it, but the context (she just commented on how the Handmaidens' minds are trained to resist the Force) and her tone make it come off as an Implausible Deniability.
    Kreia: (with what can best be described as an incredulous voice tone) Invade the mind of another? That is not something done carelessly... or when there is nothing to be gained.
  • "Are you an angel? Aw, I'm just kidding. That's the worst line I've ever used. Hope some poor kid doesn't start using it."
  • "Nice outfit. What, you miners change regulation uniform while I've been in here?" Depending on your gender, this is delivered curtly or in a 'How you doin'?" manner, seeing as you're in your underwear at the time.
  • "Look, not that your half-naked interrogation isn't a personal fantasy of mine..."
  • (regarding Kreia, who's just got her hand cut) "Are you blind? If I were her, I'd be screaming like a stuck mynock. Well, I mean a very strong, manly mynock."
  • "I knew it! That stupid T3 unit stole our ship! It's probably joyriding through the system right now, laughing at us... laughing at me."
  • "Well, it is isn't the one who stole the Ebon Hawk. Not so smug now, are you, you little thief?"
    • It gets expanded if Kreia's in the party at the time.
      Kreia: (disparagingly) Don't be a fool. Atris stole the ship and the droid.
      Atton: Says you.
  • Regarding Force users' love of Cryptic Conversation:
    Atton: Just so you Jedi know, the whole "cryptic routine" isn't mysterious, it's just irritating. If you really can see the future, you should be at the pazaak table.
    Exile: But to know the future, one must know yourself.
    Atton: What was that, some kind of joke? That's what I'm talking about. "Jedi talk". You two should start your own little Jedi Academy.
    Exile: But to teach, one must be willing to learn.
    Atton: All right, all right! Cut it out, I get it, I get it! The last Jedi in the galaxy, I get the comedian who runs around in her underwear. Not that I'm complaining. Most Jedi wouldn't know a joke if it crawled up their lightsabers.
  • (after the Exile tells him she's found some clothing) "Dammit. I mean...good, good to hear it. No sense in you running around half-naked. It's... it's distracting. I mean, for the droids."
  • (after being told he just entered a ship full of Sith Assassins) "You two are the worst Jedi I've ever met!"
  • (on Nar Shaddaa, regarding Kreia) "Uh... yeah. If you want to stay on the ship and meditate some more, don't let us stop you."
  • The exchanges between him and Kreia can occasionally elicit some laughs.
    Kreia: I have had enough of this – I will be in my chambers.
    Atton: Yeah, me, too. I'll be in my chambers. But since I don't have any, I guess I'll just go to the cockpit like I always do.
  • If the Disciple asks if Atton needs a hand while working on the Hawk...
    No, I don't. Go back to your training. I'll call you if I need someone useless.
  • With the Restored Content mod, the Exile's Jedi party members will try to attack Kreia in the end-game, with everyone uttering rather badass lines. Atton instead gets this:
  • After ending the game with the Restored Content, Atton might be waiting for the PC at Malachor, and accompanies him/her while they leave Trayus Core.
    Atton: Need any company? I mean, I'm not doing anything. Besides, if I'm not around to bail you out of trouble, who knows what might happen. [the Exile walks past him] All right, then. Where are we going again? I mean, because last time, we were heading towards this mining colony on the edge of space, and there was this Sith Lord, and...
  • Really, Atton is a fountain of these. This video has many of them.
  • Bao-Dur may not have as many shots in as others, but he does get some good zingers.
    Atton: Did anybody here catch that? All I understood was 'very.'
    Bao-Dur: I think he wanted us to give up the General to his poorly-trained collection of bounty hunters.
    Atton: Ah, well that should explain it. Which one do you want?
    Bao-Dur: I'll take the stupid one who decided to threaten us rather than shoot us when he had the chance.
    Handmaiden and Disciple 
The Handmaiden and the Disciple share several dialogue moments due to their status as Mutually Exclusive Party Members.
  • The T3-M4 part of Nar Shaddaa, mainly because, due to the way his "dialogue" is written, we have no idea of what it might be saying. And, if you've got the Restored Content mod, you meet T1-N1 and B4-D4 again and T3 and T1 have a "discussion" that ends with T1-N1 attacking you.
  • "Mockery: Oh master, I love you, but I hate all you stand for, but I think we should go press our slimy, mucus-covered lips together in the cargo hold!"
    • Which may be the funniest line Jennifer Hale has ever delivered. And that's saying something.
  • HK defines love. The best part about this line (that people always forget) is that, in context, it becomes almost sweet... or at least as sweet as HK can ever be.
    "Definition: 'Love' is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope. Statement: This definition, I am told, is subject to interpretation. Obviously, love is a matter of odds. Not many meatbags could make such a shot, and fewer would derive love from it. Yet for me, love is knowing your target, putting them in your targeting reticule, and together, achieving a singular purpose, against statistically long odds."
  • The pacifist package. The result freaks the Exile out so much that s/he removes it.
    • Should T3 be in the party (outside the Hawk) or passing by (inside the Hawk), we get this exchange (paraphrased):
      HK: Oh hello there, little T3 unit. I am HK-47, protocol and translation droid.
      T3: Beep? Beep deet? (Roughly, "Are you all right?")
      HK: Of course I am all right. Why wouldn't I be?
  • HK's treatment of G0-T0 is nothing short of hilarious.
    HK: (after G0-T0 regards him as if they've met previously) Query: Have we had the misfortune to meet before? I believe I would remember one as large as you.
    HK: (in a later conversation, after he pulls a Big Damn Heroes moment and saves Bao-Dur's remote from G0-T0's interference in Malachor V) Correction: One could rust listening to your speeches, fat one. Perhaps it is the large, unwieldy vocabulator within your moon-sized frame that prevents your calculations from taking me into account.
  • A vision of him in the tomb on Korriban:
  • The HK-50 unit on Peragus has a few gems on the Faux Affably Evil side, given that it can't quite keep itself from gloating about how it managed to slaughter every member of the facility's crew. Then there's this moment.
    HK-50: Mocking query: Coorta? Coorta, are you dead yet?
  • It's a shame that the Droid Factory was Dummied Out, as it seems there would have been a number of amusing moments. This particular one comes right after HK-47 asks a group of HK-50's why the facility was built.
    HK-50 #1: Dismissive Answer: We do not know. It is not important.
    HK-50 #2: Timid Theory: Perhaps the humans simply liked being underground. They are strange that way.
    [the rest of the HK's turn to look at the HK that just spoke]
    HK-50 #2: It is merely a theory.
    HK-50 #1: Irritated Statement: That is the least probable theory in the galaxy. Perhaps it is time you received a memory wipe.
    HK-50 #2: Defensive Statement: The theory is no less valid than your theories. In the lack of evidence, I defend my position.
    • Downloading the TSLRCM adds all the HK-47 and HK-50 conversation back to the game, allowing you to experience the factory in all of it's Ham-to-Ham Combat glory. Just one of the funniest events includes 47 walking up to the usual trio of 50's, realizes that his programming prevents him from attacking "himself", realizes their programming prevents them from attack "themself", and proceeds to simply walk past them.
      HK-50: Inneffectual Command: We command you to stop!
    • While playing through the Factory as HK-47, whenever an HK-50s group stays silent for a while, the interface displays the following line if you're playing with subtitles on.
      :: Diagnostic Silence ::
  • When asked about the way Mira dresses she slides into Double Standard: Rape, Female on Male territory.
    Mira: Easy. When they look down it leaves them open to an uppercut that knocks them flat.
    Exile: That could work, I guess.
    Mira: It's simple. When you want a man, jab him with a bothan stunner, then when he's screaming in pain slap some stun cuff on him. Then starve him for two or three days until he becomes open to suggestion, before double checking if he's worth anything.
    Exile: That sounds more like hunting.
    Mira: Call it what you want. Me, I love my targets.
    • If you're male, you get a cutscene where Mira pulls the Handmaiden aside and gives her the same advice on getting men; the Handmaiden's reply is the exact same as the Exile's.
  • Mira doesn't like grenades, but if asked will explain that she does use them.
    I don't use them unless they're the ion grenades, or gel packs. Sonic screamers are good too, just don't use them on a Bith, cause it makes their head explode. While we're at it don't use them on a Sullastan either. It bursts their eardrums and makes them jibber twice as fast.
  • While training her as a Jedi:
    Mira: But if... if I become a Jedi, I'll have to turn myself in for the credits.
    Exile: Well, all the more reason to start. Gotta let that bounty build up.
  • G0-T0's haggling with a salvager in the ruins of the Jedi Enclave shows the dangers inherent in building a droid that knows every law of every planet in the history of ever:
    G0-T0: Amendment 1695-30 of the Khoonda Civil Code allows us to sell you into slavery.
    Jorran: What?! That's ridiculous!
    G0-T0: Paragraph 12: Salvageable items include organic matter incapable of leaving the boundaries of the salvage area.
    Jorran: You wouldn't!
    G0-T0: A male human such as yourself would fetch approximately 500 credits on the auction block on Nar Shadaa. Therefore, I suggest you sell your goods for a sum 500 credits less than your initial figure.
  • The Exile needs to break into Vogga the Hutt's vault to get parts to rebuild their lightsaber. To do so the idea is to have either them or another party member dance for him, then sneak in when he falls asleep. Try and get Mira and we get this exchange.
    Mira: You want me to do it? Why can't you do it?
    Exile: You're right. You're probably not Vogga's type.
    Mira: Oh, so it gonna be like that? Fine. I will do it. I'm not gonna back down from a challenge like that.
    • There's also the option of suggesting Kreia.
      Twi'lek: No offense, but Vogga generally likes his dancers younger.
      Kreia: [in a voice that combines snark with irritation] None taken.
  • An unintentional meta-example from the endgame, while attempting to talk Sion to death:
    Sion: You seek to erode my will. You will not succeed.
    [You have eroded Sion's will, reducing his Will saves, Constitution, and Wisdom.]
  • On Telos, if you take the light side path and help the Ithorians, you get a quest where you control Czerka's protocol droid. And that quest is full of pure fun, first in tricking the high-and-mighty Czerka officer Jana Lorso, and then, there is this exchange with the maintenance droid T1-N1:
    B4-D4: Farewell, T1-N1. Please, do not abuse my trust and fire on the personnel while I'm occupied, thereby creating a diversion that will allow me to escape with the stolen files.
    • The follow-up is no less good. It must be seen to be believed.
      Czerka employee: T1-N1? What are you doing out here? You're not supposed to leave the mainframe. I think someone makes a memory wipe.
      T1-N1: [while shooting the man] Yeaaaargh!
      Czerka employee No. 2: What the...? [is gunned down too]
    • Also, you can talk to the Duros who maintains B4-D4, and what follows is B4-D4 pointing out that it undergoes memory wipes a lot more than normal. Almost as if he had something to hide... But of course, B4-D4 could "forget" to mention it to Jana Lorso, in exchange for, oh, let's say... 20 credits? The best part? IT WORKS.
    • If you go back to your residential apartment as B4-D4, and try to interact with the bed, you get what is, quite possibly, the bluntest tooltip in either KotOR game:
  • After returning to Telos, you can question Lieutenant Dol Grenn why the Republic decided to let you get away, even though they had specifically requested you to stay during the duration of their investigation regarding Peragus' destruction.
    Lt. Grenn: [shrugs] Why does the Republic do anything? The head doesn't know what the feet are doing, the hands don't even know they have fingers, let alone where they are.
  • There is a protocol droid on Dantooine that will recognize the Exile and call them a Jedi. The Exile can insist they are not a Jedi:
    Exile: You are mistaken, droid. I am not a Jedi and I've never been here before.
    Protocol droid: My apologies, Jedi.

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