Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!)

I really didn't think of much flawes, mostly I would say that other then short temperet when it comes to insolting his race, he is slightly slower, and he doesn't realy have any fighting style he just delivers brutal beatdown , either using weapons, or own fist, He is supposed to be strong, brutal , and blunt while heroes are generly fast, subtle and physicly weak .

He doesn't aspires to be boss as he is absoltuly loyal, and if anything would happen to his boss, or his family he would probobly went on mother of all revanges. And same things , goes if something would happend to him, as they are genuine True Companions, whole theme with organization was group of people who started with good intentions, and in a way still have those intentions in mind, but noneless have crossed Moral Event Horizon

Toss in Even Evil has loved ones, since he has the boss are total bros. Heroes can't fathom why the "hired gun" or "next in line" is so loyal until one of the other heroes or sidekicks points out the obvious, that his loyaly itsn't bought, it was earned. Could either be a "we need a new plan" moment for the heroes or an Oh, Crap! moment when they realize the Big Bad and The Dragon ain't goin' down without a fight.

“In a galaxy, where the United Earth Government has fought a civil war, losing several worlds to the Southern Cross and had a war with the Alien Cay Union, hope rides in a ship called Victory ” *cue theme music*

Name: Enodi Dren

Age: Thirty-three

Personality: She's affably evil, consumed with a desire to find her father's killers. In private she does let her guard down to those she trusts. Abilities: Trained from the age of 10 as a soldier and operative. She is a qualified pilot, mechanic and officer. She's a Cultured Badass, she was offered a scholarship to several art academies.

Weaknesses: Obsessed with vengeance. Genre Blind, can't see that she's making enemies in the Cay Union and that the political situation has turned against working with aliens. Former Child Star, was a teen genius but as an adult she doesn't really stand out amongst the other operatives, but acts like she does. And Then What? What will she do after she proves that her father was betrayed?

Goals/Motivation: What does she want to accomplish? Why find her father's killers of course. She's a “Guardian” sworn to defend the Cay Union, she takes whatever missions the High Command send her when she's not chasing her “white whales”.

Role in the story: A recurring Big Bad for the crew of the Earth StarShip Victory

Backstory: She was born the child of a “Warmaster”. Her father served with distinction in the Cay Union's military. He earned the title of Warmaster after fighting humans and the various alien races that share borders with the Union. Enodi would have secured an appointment with the Union's arts academies, but instead of a life of academic study she decided to follow her father's footsteps.

Her father was a supporter of the Southern Cross in it's rebellion against the United Earth Government. Given that many Cay fled the Union to the SC, he was a natural spokesman for the Union and their chief adviser to the South Cross Mustered Citizenry. However many in the Union hate all aliens and he was seen as a Category Traitor for supporting any aliens and Cay who escaped the Union's grasp.

When she was 13, her father's warship was bombed by the Earth Defense Force Intelligence, killing her father. Her father's friends and loyal officers suspect that someone in the High Command and the Southern Cross helped Earth get that close to him. Over the years she's gathered proof.

A child prodigy, at the age of 10 she attended their best military academy. She graduated the year after her father was killed. She became a “guardian”, the Union's elite operatives given carte blanche to attack it's enemies. Over time she amassed enough information to suspect that the Union's Highest ranking Warmaster betrayed her father.

Her quest has made her many enemies in the Union's Military. Many see her as obsessed with finding traitors when the humans were to blame. Others see her as soft on humans and others who are enemies of the state. While she has a good record on paper, she has been to Earth controlled space many times and lost against Earth's Military Intelligence. Some in the High Command see her as a liability and want to send her off to her doom. Others wonder if there is something to her quest, but figure that if she gets herself killed, so be it. She's sworn to destroy all who murdered her father. Her chief suspects are Warmaster Nau'Theri Arrads Bespidor, The human governor of the Southern Cross world where her father was killed and the bio-android Colonel Mai Taira Craft. She's vowed to kill them all.

Relevant Tropes:

• Evil Genius: Strives to be this.
• Intelligence Equals Isolation: Dedicated her life to academic pursuits then to military training so she tends to get Tsundere around those she likes.
• Military Brat: Daughter of a Cay Union command officer.
• You Killed My Father : she has three suspects in the death of her father and has vowed to kill them all.
• Category Traitor: Other Cay in the Union view her as this because she freely associates with humans and non-Cay in the Southern Cross. She views humans as Worthy Opponents and the UEG as a legitimate military power.
• Curiosity Causes Conversion: How can Humans not surrender when faced with several defeats? How can humans and aliens work together? Her father favored studying other species over outright conquering them.
• Defector from Decadence: The Union could slide into anarchy as various factions want to seize power and several worlds want to leave the Union. Clampdowns by the Union haven't helped matters, nor have the actions of the military. Many Union leaders and solders are getting fat off corruption.
• Proud Warrior Dark Action Girl
• The Determinator: It's taken her 20 years to track down the information on her father's murder. She gave up the life of a sheltered academic to become a Guardian, training and fighting in some of the worst border worlds to get what she needed.
• I Did What I Had to Do: Her mantra and her excuse when called to task for her actions
• Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Prone to do this to anyone see sees standing in her way
• Implausible Deniability: Claims that it's not personal, she's just doing what she can to find enemies of the state.
• Even Evil Has Standards: won't fire on non-combatants or escape pods, will take POW's, but is vicious like all Cay Union solders. She still has friends in the Union and the Southern Cross Mustered Citizenry
• Even Evil Has Loved Ones: her late father, her mother took ill and died a few years after his death, she has a sister who's a doctor and a brother who serves on a frigate.
• The Exile: Her fate if she keeps her quest up
• Enemy Mine: willing to work with humans to hurt Earth and those in the Union who hate her but hate Warmaster Bespidor even more.
• Wicked Cultured: was studying to be an artist.
• Be All My Sins Remembered : she believes that her actions as a Guardian are beginning to define her.
• Realpolitik: What she wants the Union to go back to. Ally with the Southern Cross and force Earth to make a peace treaty and then fight the various aliens that the Union borders with.
• Fantastic Racism : against humans and Martissans. She's getting over it slowly, having been beaten by humans and seeing the Cay who live in the Southern Cross work with humans has begun to change her mind.
• My Country, Right or Wrong: still a supporting of the Union, despite seeing better living conditions outside of it.
• Revenge Before Reason , and it's staring to cost her allies and that leads to..
• I will kill your children to avenge my father, and Mae Craft is the new doctor on the Victory...
• Berserk Button : her father's death, Earth's bio-androids, those who question her quest for vengence

edited 11th Mar '13 5:57:38 PM by TairaMai

She seems like a solid, interesting character with many facets to explore [Affably Evil, You Killed My Father and all]. But oddly enough, I feel like I'd enjoy her more on the side of the heroes for some reason.

Now for some german evil goodness [For some further clarification, the setting is steampunk-ish, looking roughly like WWI europe].:

Name: [Former] Chancellor Amadeus "The Maestro" Von Starksten.

Age: He's on his seventies and aging.

Personality: A deeply hatred-ridden old man, Starksten is a manipulative old man determined to fulfill what he sees as his mission on earth: To see the great german empire commanding Europe. He is grumpy, deeply resentful [of ''everything'']and mostly a jerkass to his friends and subordinates. He also never smiles.

Abilities: A brillant politician and strategist [he fought in this world's equivalent of the Franco-Prussian War] who has a entire network of friends in many high spots of this world. he is rarely outmatched in strategy [and even if he is, he is quick on his feet]

Weaknesses: He is wheel-chair bound [a wound acquired in this world's equivalent of WWI], and his deep hatred for some people can cause him to lose sight of his goals. [for instance, focusing more on destroying the hero than actually finishing his plan].

Goals: In this world, the German Empire [in fact, all european nations] were dissolved in the aftermath of WWI and became a bunch of unconnected city-states [it's a long story], he seeks to re-unite German once more and avenge their disgusting defeat at WWI.

Motivation: Patriotism for the fatherland and Revenge against all those who opposed the great german empire.

Role in the story: Big Bad of some storyarcs, but in the larger scheme of things, Big Bad Wannabe.

Backstory: Once a young and patriotic soldier of the german army, Starksten always had a interest in politics. He proved his bravery in battle as well as his cunning when he did the most innovative tactics to circumvent how badly-armed his squadron was. He rose through the army ranks as a legendary commander and was eventually appointedas the successor of Otto Von Bismarck, he leaded the great german empire all the way through WWI, serving as Wilhelm II's right-hand-man througout the conflict, and the two became friends.

There was an attempt on his life by the british in the early years of the war, he survived, but was bound to his wheelchair by the rest of his life. This made him twice as ruthless and machiavellian, now driven by hatred.

When the war ended, the german state was dissolved in city-states [alongside the rest of europe], and Starksten was despised by the german people for his acts in the war. Starksten went into hiding, using what was left of his fortune and authority to create a large network of spies, assassins and political allies across Europe.

Now he is putting his plans into practice.

Relevant Tropes:

• Above Good and Evil: "If our Nation is to rise from the ashes, no foundations of the morals of old must be left!" Says the man himself.
• Authority Equals Asskicking: Before losing his legs.
• Badass Grandpa: Despite his misfortunes.
• Bad Boss: Do not fail The Fatherland.
• Bald of Evil
• Beard of Evil: He was clean-shaven in his Chancellor days. A scraggly beard represents How the Mighty Have Fallen.
• Berserk Button: Offending his country is not the sharpest of ideas.
• Big Bad Wannabe
• The Chessmaster: Oh boy. People don't call him Starksten "The Maestro" for nothing.
• Chewing the Scenery: He has a tendency to. His life mantra being "GERMANY, ARISE!" [or variations of thereof] should make it pretty clear.
• The Dragon: To Wilhelm II in the WWI days.
  • Dragon-in-Chief: Obviously.
  • Dragon Ascendant: Currently.
• Even Evil Has Standards: He has a remarkable hatred for terrorists.
• Evil Chancellor: Used to be.
• Evil Cripple: And Genius Cripple / Evil Genius along the way.
• Evil Is Petty: Since he is basically fueled by hatred, he tends to do this.
• Expy: Definitely not a evil-er Otto Von Bismarck [which is funny, since he was his successor in this 'verse].
• From Nobody to Nightmare
• Guttural Growler: Due his tendency of raving like a lunatic so often, he sounds like someone shot him in the throat.
• Grumpy Old Man
• Hates Everyone Equally: Except germans.
• How the Mighty Have Fallen: Once a proud Chancellor, now essentially a glorified crime boss.
• I Control My Minions Through...: Patriotism and money.
• Jerkass: His defining trait.
• The Man Behind the Man: To a lot of politicians who are still loyal to him.
• Manipulative Bastard: To a tenth.
• Man of Wealth and Taste: "The Maestro" is his nickname for two reasons: Besides orchestrating conflicts like a Maestro conducts his opera, he also had a famous taste for classical music. He makes numerous references to The Ring Of The Nibelung in his Theme Naming ways.
• Meaningful Name: Starksten means "the strongest".
• Pet the Dog: Asshole as he may be, he actually cares for the germanic people.
• The Power of Hate: It's what keeps him going.
• Red Baron: "The Maestro".
• Revenge Before Reason: He will make britain/france pay. This, of course, despite the fact neither state exists anymore in this universe.
• Villainous Breakdown: Often.
• Villainous Valor: He never even flinches in the face of danger, despite the fact he can't walk.
• Wicked Cultured: See Man of Wealth and Taste.

Taira - I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't reading the profile of an anti-hero, but it seems like the concept of your story would leave enough room for her to establish herself firmly as a villain when compared to her adversaries. This would especially be true if it's made apparent that her father was not a very nice man when we was alive. On the flip side, if you're going for a Grey-and-Gray Morality type of story, it also pans out pretty well since her motives seem believable and realistic.

Gaon: Another realistic villain. The fact that he reads like someone out of an alternate history book definitely works in his favor, I think, especially because he's not completely evil.

Name: Arktivus Brevon

Appearance: (Link)◊

Age: In human years? No idea.

Personality: Selfish, aggressive, pragmatic, cunning, indifferent

Abilities: Extensive military experience (especially with space warfare), access to incredibly advanced technology, high intellegence, high physical strength and endurance, solid understanding of what motivates his enemies

Weaknesses: Poor experience with ground/terrestrial warfare, poor charisma, grotesque appearance makes it difficult to form alliances, must rely on Mind Control or Mecha-Mooks for the bulk of his forces

Goals: As a Galactic Conqueror, his goal is fairly obvious. While he's fully aware that one individual cannot directly control entire star systems, he still fully intends to sway intergalactic politics and events in his favor.

Motivations: He lies about his motives and backstory to toy with people, such that only educated guesses can be made about what drives him. A common theory is that he has a personal vendetta with the Coalition of Planets and is trying to demonstrate the futility of diplomacy by uniting more worlds under his brute force than they ever could through politics. Less intellectually-minded folks believe him to simply be an Omnicidal Maniac in disguise.

Role in the story: He's the Big Bad of Freedom Planet.

Backstory: Undisclosed... at least in the game where he makes his debut.

Relevant Tropes:

• Big Ol' Unibrow: It's bigger than his head.
• Brought Down to Normal: The plot of the game revolves around his careful attempts to steal the Kingdom Stone, use it to repair his crashed starship, and return to space to continue his campaign.
• Dangerously Genre-Savvy: When he captures Lilac, the first thing he does is cut off her Prehensile Hair. He also demonstrates an understanding of Heroic Resolve when he waits until she's not around before ordering the execution of her friends.
• Divide and Conquer: His main strategy when dealing with the locals of planet Avalice. It helps that the planet is already divided into three rival kingdoms.
• The Dreaded: Anyone who doesn't fear him in the beginning of the story has pretty much signed themselves up for a solid breaking later on.
• Implacable Man: His personal shielding is so advanced that it's impossible to inflict any real harm on him without using his own technology against him... which he's smart enough to avoid. The best way to survive against him is to physically remove him from the battle. Or run.
• Knight of Cerebus - Compared to other characters in the story.
• Large and in Charge / Genius Bruiser: He's a Genre Savvy warlord that also towers over the main cast. Most of the heroes are only as tall as his eyebrows are wide.
• Mangst: One of his few humanizing moments comes when he takes out a small piece of rock - presumably from his homeworld - and examines it when he's alone.
• One-Winged Angel: Inverted. He first has to be fought in a Humongous Mecha, and once it's destroyed he fights the heroes on his own. It's no cakewalk either.
• Red Eyes, Take Warning
• Vile Villain, Saccharine Show - The setting he invades is full of Petting-Zoo People with Cute Monster Girls as some of the main protagonists. Granted, Avalice is more of a Crapsaccharine World than a fuzzy Sugar Bowl, but there's still some noticeable Mood Whiplash between his scenes and the rest of the game.

Thanks for the compliments, Strife.

And I must say, I am hooked on this villain. He is so simple, yet so complex. Classic villainous traits on a new image to revitalize the tropes. Specially liked the bit about him lying about his motivations to screw with people's heads. That could be interesting, never knowing what motivates such a monster. Also thanks for letting me know about that project. I'll check and support out Freedom Planet if it is the last thing I'll do.

I wasn't going to post a profile, but since I don't like having the chain broken, here's a minor Sky Pirate villain:

Name: Bartholomew "Scourge of Scotland" Bowes.

Age: Thirty-five years old.

Personality: Bowes is a vicious and cruel thug who seeks to make a life on easy money, he is threatening, violent, hard-drinking, constantly sarcastic man.

However, he is not dumb. It must also be noted Bowes has a distinct code of honor and it even appreciative of people who put up a good fight.

Abilities: Excellent swordsman, very good aim, tougher than a tank, agile, fast. He's also a very charismatic leader.

Weaknesses: Good fighter as he may be, he isn't a tactic genius. He isn't dumb or anything, he just relies on brute strength alone because that's his style. A smart man can outwit him [and Hell, it's not like he's the terminator, you can best him physicall as well].

Goals: A easy life of vice on Piracy. He's not a very forward-looking man.

Motivation: He's been in abject povertry since his youth. Piracy was his way out.

Role in the story: Basically? A One-Scene Wonder villain in the first book. He later returns as a recurring Wild Card.

Backstory: Bowes was a scottish orphan and Street Urchin in his youth. When the this world's equivalent of WWI came around, he saw his chance to prove his worth and become the hero he always read about in books, so he lied about his age and entered in the army.

He returned with an arm missing and no support was given to him. They called him and his comrades "The Lost Generation" and his povertry only became worse. Now, with the fall of all nations, piracy acquired a new golden age. And so Bowes fell in the world of piracy.

[All of the above is Word of God, funnily enough]

Relevant Tropes:

• Alliterative Name: Bartholomew Bowes.
• Anti-Hero / Anti-Villain: He has a rather sad backstory. But even when he's on the hero's sides, he's a vicious thug.
• Authority Equals Asskicking
• Badass
  • Badass Beard
  • Badass Loncoat
• Brave Scot
• Child Soldier: Backstory-only.
• Deadpan Snarker
• Even Evil Has Standards: His crew is a democracy, as he has a disdain for tyrannies [and specifically sides with the heroes against a tyrant]. His crew also will not comit rape, won't harm children nor the poor [at least directly not].
• Guttural Growler
• Hook Hand: Steampunk swiss knife hand would be more accurate.
• Homage: To Alestorm. He has the same surname as the vocalist, shares his nationality and is a pirate.
• One-Scene Wonder
• Pirate Parrot: The monkey variation.
• Red Baron: The Scourge of Scotland.
• Sky Pirates
• Shell-Shocked Veteran: WWI was not kind to this man.
• Wild Card: He's on whichever side benefits him the most.

I like his alliterative name. Bartholomew Bowes just rolls of the tongue and is certainly recognizable even for a small-time pirate. I guess for as far as what's equivalent to an early boss, he fits the needs of the story nicely. I'm curious if this code of honor of his actually comes into play during his appearances. You said his backstory was Word of God, which I think is a shame, it'd be nice to flesh him out in the story itself rather than keep it all to outside material.

Name: Amelia Dex Ducis

Age: 18

Personality: Gentle and kind, Amelia is reserved with people she is unfamiliar with but people close to her know she is highly intelligent and can read people like a music sheet. Strong when it counts, she lacks a forceful personality but a polite firmness usually gets her what she wants. Amelia tries to see the best in people but never forgets when someone wrongs her.

Abilities: Physically she is nothing special, not being much of an athletic or outdoor type of person. Mentally, though she has a vast array of knowledge thanks to expensive tutors, she's slightly above average. Politically, Amelia is the Queen of the Verandi Empire, an old and powerful interstellar nation. As the absolute monarch and supreme ruler (in theory), she wields the power of over 30 inhabited worlds.

Weaknesses: Or she would if Revolutionaries didn't control almost half of them. That same lack of firmness made her incapable of preventing rebellion by dissatisfied subjects who had grown frustrated with the corrupt and oppressive nobility and to the indifferent monarchy of her father or keeping it from spreading. Easily swayed by those close to her, she is often unwilling to abandon a plan, even if it is clearly a bad one. Her feeling get hurt easily and this is something that makes her bitter, petty, and judgmental as time and war weariness drag on.

Goals: Defeating the rebellion. Preservation of her empire and her throne.

Motivation: The last direct member of the royal family, with its pure bloodlines (though possibly genetically tampered with) and heavenly charge, she believes it is her right and her duty to rule over the empire and will not allow commoner rebels to destroy the system that has governed the nation for over half a millennium.

Role in the story: One of the viewpoint characters and the primary antagonist for those she has labeled insurgents. Initially just the rubber stamp for the military leaders and figurehead for certain nobles, she increasingly takes a more active role, directing military campaigns and implementing oppressive wartime policies.

Backstory: The third child and second princess of the last king, Amelia was never meant to be Queen. Of her immediate family she was last in line for the throne and because her mother died giving birth to her, Amelia's father, the King, shunned her. Tragedy took both of her older siblings shortly before she turned 17 and suddenly it was a scramble to turn her into a proper heir, especially when it was discovered that the king was dying. That death came a year later and thanks to decades of misrule and corruption under her family, the nation was beginning to grow restless. Amelia sympathized with those who called for reform, but having to deal with conservative nobles who weren't eager to give up their power over the normal citizens made change difficult. The situation turned out to be worse then Amelia or anyone expected as reformers and conservatives began clashing and clashing despite her efforts to bring about compromise, which she made harder by refusing to relinquish any of her own power. Eventually open rebellion erupted and the reformers who she had tried to please were openly calling for her to be deposed. Feeling betrayed, and on the advice of her uncle, Amelia gave the the self-labelled Revolutionaries one month to lay down their arms or face dire consequences. When they refused to back down, she sent the military to their planets and attacked, triggering the start of civil war.

Relevant Tropes: -Figure Out Later-

I like the kinder, gentler personality traits of her, contrasting to her drive to keep the old ways going, no matter how unjust they are. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with the way things are. Her morality is different from ours. Its fascinating. I would love to read how she acts and reacts.

• Name: The Black King Jake Thames

• Age: Physically 2.

• Personality: The Black King seems at first like a typical Evil Overlord, except that as he conquers, he drains all of the External Mana from the area, leaving entire areas "dead" and horribly deformed into wastelands and Death World type areas. He has a nihilistic personality and philosophy in that he claims his unique life cycle has given him insight into the innate pointlessness of human life. He has a deep hatred for people who feel love for their fellow human, and wanted at one point to destroy the human conscience. He considers random acts of deadly malice "acts of glorification of me." He has a tremendous A God Am I complex. As covered, he views humans in a very similar way to What Measure Is a Non-Human?; in that he sees them as things that he can kill very easily, almost like cattle meant for a slaughter in a festival. This ties in with an utterly disturbing facet of his personality; he likes warping and changing the human body. He likes that a lot. As he puts it "the human body, wracked with pain as it warps and thrashes...that is the height of the lowly human's beauty."

Abilities: The Black King is one of the very few technically mortal villains of New Dawn who can use Heavens Law. This extremely high level of Telekinesis lets him alter things on a molecular level. He is also extremely talented in the manipulation of The Eternal Black, a substance from a different dimension that gave him his title. This substance lets him draw people into a state where they forget their senses and even their very existence as he pries apart their psyches and minds, to try to give them his perspective. His magical talents are also extremely high.

He resides within the chest piece of a massive, 20 foot tall black suit of armor with red glowing eye pieces, so many spikes and thorns that Stryfe would tell him to tone it down, and what appear to be magic staffs jutting out of his shoulders, tipped with red crystals. It appears he constantly leaks something red from across his armor, and it looks like blood. This is Warp Fluid, and if ingested, it lets him afflict you with just about anything he pleases. One final strength is somewhat of a double edged sword; he can release an aura which lets him turn hatred into pure mana he can absorb to strengthen himself. However, this seems to result in him becoming less lucid.

Weaknesses: The Black King's human self is just a two year old baby. He cannot do much beside try to infiltrate your mind once his armor is destroyed. He is also extremely immature and actively plans out how he is going to kill his own side's generals and soldiers. He tends to pull You Have Failed Me and You Have Outlived Your Usefulness on incredibly trivial stuff. If he wasn't pants wettingly terrifying, he'd be utterly alone. He also tends to overestimate his own powers, and underestimate how cunning and strong his enemies might be. He is also viciously petty, and tends to crush things with his mind when upset.

• Goals: The Black King...the most terrifying thing about him is he has no real goal besides achieving a measure of satisfaction in afflicting humanity in general with as much horror and degradation as possible.

• Motivation: The Black King was driven insane with pain and hatred when he was sabotaged and forced into the body of a young child. He then stumbled upon an insanely powerful Vesper Core via Wolfang Richler, who shoved it into the child's stomach, driving him even crazier with pain. He became the Black King shortly after, creating his suit of armor and empire in short order.

• Role in the story: Big Bad of four interquels.

• Backstory: The Black King came from a very, very competitive magical family, and was the son of his womanizing father and his mistress. His step-mother detested him for being much the same as his father, and wanted her much kinder, younger son to be the heir. So she used water from the fountain of youth she purchased from one Wolfang Richler to turn him into a child and send him off to be adopted, and made up a story to cover for it. His father, not the brightest bulb, fell for it. His mind, however, remained 23, and he became angry, spiteful and inwardly full of hate. That was when Wolfang met him and "introduced" him to the Vesper Core. Despite the pain, he managed to construct an entire suit of armor using Heavens Law, and then began to force together groups of magic using mercenaries and warlord groups, with himself as the head. His ultimate goal is not told to these men, though they just know he's probably insane and devoted to causing as much carnage as possible.

• Relevant Tropes:
• Ax-Crazy: Oh so fucking much. When your response to learning your lieutenant is sexing up his childhood best friend is to pulp her and say he's next if he ever thinks of her again, you're nuts. This actually counts against him because he is so freaking crazy his minions are only loyal out of fear, and would love nothing more than to escape the Black King.
• Body Horror: He loves this trope. His idea of punishing one lieutenant was to trap him in between the genders, and then have him grow four more arms, one of which belonged to a spider. That is one of his tamest punishments.
• The Bully: If you analyze him from a certain viewpoint, all his actions could be construed as him basically just bullying everyone weaker than him into doing what he wants, and then "smashing the sandcastle" when he realized they did not want to do what he wanted.
• The Caligula: Rules over a realm where the reward for service provided and the punishment for failure are exactly the same.
• Card-Carrying Villain: Played ruthlessly straight at first, but then subverted, when he has a Heel Realization, realizing "evil" that he chose was ultimately just petty revenge and raging about his own problems and insecurities, and that he was never anything more than The Bully. It resulted in him almost destroying the universe.
• Demonic Possession: He can possess other infants. When he is found out, the kid simply gets empty, black hole looking eyes, ditches most of his body temperature, and starts firing off black energy hands...from his eyes and mouth.
• Evil Is Petty: Oh yes it certainly is. Black King is basically The Bully to his own side, and not even counting failures or outliving usefulness, he is just incredibly mean and nasty to his own people.
• Evil Overlord: A petty, vindictive example, and one played brutally straight, and without many comedic quirks. And deconstructed to some level. Nobody wants to be on his side, and he damn well knows it. Too bad about how insane he is, in regards to that.
• Evil Laugh: He indulges himself in this very often, mostly when he's sure he's got someone where they cannot do anything to him.
• Faux Affably Evil: He gives a pretense of being polite, and treats guests well...just don't ask what is in the wine. And his politeness and lack of cursing belies the fact he is an angry, spiteful monster.
• Freudian Excuse: His past, his "making", and his current, crippling loneliness. He cannot help himself but be violently insane, and drive people away. How effective it is...even I don't know.
• Gambit Roulette: he sees no problem with plans so circuitous and gratuitously complicated that they often fail, mostly caused by his insanity.
• Heel Realization: After confronting the heroes the final time, he is forced in various ways by various people to realize what a monster he is. The usual effect is subverted, because he immediately goes into a Suicidal Cosmic Temper Tantrum.
• Heteronormative Crusader: Due to his immature perspectives, he has very, very little tolerance for LGBT people. Given what we know about Black King, its really not a good idea to give him the idea you might be "different".
• Moral Event Horizon: If it wasn't massacring everyone in an entire section of Columbia, it was his "proclivities" in regards to teenagers. There are just some things too disgusting to say.
• Nightmare Fuel: In universe, the Black King is the last person, post the breaking of the Masquerade, that you want in charge. Insofar, he's stuck to South American areas where there are not many laws and government resistance to warlords, but he is very steadily moving up, and Mages, Vampires and Demons are getting the hell out of dodge to get away. Out of universe, you decide.
• Omnicidal Maniac: "I WANT THE STARS TO GO OUT! I WANT DARKNESS ETERNAL! I WANT TO SEE THIS FESTERING WORLD BOIL AND ERUPT! I WANT MEN TO SHRIEK IN PAIN IN THEIR LAST MOMENTS AS THEY ARE FLAYED AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN!!"
  • He became a very, very different kind of Omnicidal Maniac later, namely, an Omnicidal Death Seeker.
• Orcus on His Throne: He does not do much. More because he's spreading himself pretty thin eating all the Mana than out of laziness.
  • As soon as he was able, he entered the field himself and curbstomped his side, the good guys, and an entire naval unit from Britain.
• Physical God: A very spiteful, petty one. And one made by another one in an act of random, meaningless boredom.
• Psychopathic Manchild: His trip into an infantile state did absolutely nothing good for his mental state.
• Suicidal Cosmic Temper Tantrum: When he realized his older brother wants nothing to do with him, he got hit with Mind Rape, and has a reason you suck speech done to him, basically telling him his problems are his own fault, and he's far past irredeemable. His Ax-Crazy-ness went up to eleven, and he could be said to have utterly lost any vestige of sanity.
  • ...For letting someone like me live...this long...this world, then, is beyond forgiveness. It...and I...will perish. (sets Mana Reserves to self-destruct)

edited 10th Apr '13 9:21:32 PM by NickTheSwing

Name: Nigel Black aka the Quiet Bard

Age: apparently 16, actually 256

Personality: Gotta get back to u later

Abilities: As a human he learned to avoid attention and take care of himself; as a demon he gained the ability to become [[Main/Invisibility invisible and inaudible]] at will. He is a magnificent cellist and one of his demonic powers is the ability to control sinners's emotions by playing music. He can transform into any animal or [[Main/Humanshifting human]] whose soul he has eaten.

Weaknesses: If he spends too much time "being ignored" he can become intangible and presumably cease to exist. He is as susceptible to musical mind control as any of his victims. If he spends too much time in certain forms he may "get stuck". Like all demons he is allergic to angelic powers.

Goals: he wants total control over the peninsula so he can feast on the souls he corrupts, establishing a "soul farm".

Motivation: Well...he's really hungry and doesn't like to share with anyone besides his demon-daddy (the Laughing Dancer).

Role in the story: He's the Villain Protagonist in the first story, the Big Bad in the second, and he makes a cameo in the third story in the Quiet Bard Trilogy.

Backstory: As a human he was abused by his father and ignored by his mother, so he learned to avoid attention and take care of himself - as a demon, he can make people forget him at will and adapt to changing situations quickly. He is ambitious and cunning, an unscrupulous fiend who hates to lose.

EDIT: tropes added

edited 8th Apr '13 8:56:41 PM by nekomoon14

I find Nigel's backstory to be a key part of his character. He's had a sucky life so far in his human form, and it ties in well with his caddle-like treatment of us.

Here's mine.

• Name: Klaus Krieger
• Age: Eighteen.
• Personality: Affable, sophisticated. Has a taste for the theatrical, and loves to play games with people. In regards to "business matters", he is ruthless and efficient, seemingly displaying little conscience. Somewhat effeminite, as indicated by his fashion sense, well-manicured hands, and soft voice. A cutting analyst and snarker. Passive-aggressive.
• Abilities: Genetic alteration and physical conditioning prior to and after birth have turned him into a physical and mental specimen; all of his faculties have been boosted to the highest levels any human can achieve. At eighteen, he has already graduated from a Swiss university. He is an expert in gene therapy, psychology, and corporate affairs. Extensively studies the "players of (his) games", and is prone to using their faults to his advantage.
• Weaknesses: Passion in his work. Also, his ego.
• Goals: Through his corporate-sponsored gene therapy project, dubbed Catharsis, he intends to "redesign" society into a superhuman utopia.
• Motivation: Let us break it down— 30% out of disillusionment with mankind's stunted progress, 30% for scientific adventure, 30% out of a sincere desire for a happier world, and 10% because he's an existentialist.
• Role in the story: The antagonist, and nemesis of Eva Elliot.
• Backstory- The short version: Child is created and raised to be a superman. Lady scientist (Eva's dead mother) wanted him to be someone people can look up to. Father, a Mad Scientist through and through, emotionally abused him as a means of making him as fucked up as he was. Father gouges out his right eye with a scalpel. Lady scientist, realizing her dream of a new Eden was perverted, commits suicide, driving Eva and her husband Holden into serious depressions. Paralyzes father as vengeance for the woman he called his "mother", and years later, returns from Europe. Gets further redesigned, achieving a sort of ideal physical and mental form. Assumes control of the project, gathering many believers in his "inherited" cause.

Relevant tropes include:

• Affably Evil
• Anti-Villain: Type I or III, with hints of Type II.
• Blonde Guys Are Evil
• Clasp Your Hands If You Deceive
• '80s Hair: A blonde mullet.
• Eyepatch of Power
• Kubrick Stare
• Hannibal Lecture: He very frequently gives these.
• Mad Scientist: Downplayed.
• Magnificent Bastard
• Man of Wealth and Taste
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: If Macaulay Culkin◊ and Anthony Michael Hall◊ had a love-child...
• Scary Shiny Glasses
• The Sociopath: Subverted in that he is capable of showing empathy. Others describe him as this for lack of a valid diagnosis.
• The Unfettered: On his bad days.
• Well-Intentioned Extremist

edited 8th Apr '13 4:23:09 PM by ConnorBible

I like it. Klaus certainly seems like a well-rounded villain to me. Having glanced at the story overview linked from your profile, Redesigning Eva definitely sounds like something I'd read, not least since I have similar stories of my own in the works.

Anyway, here's mine. This whole series, of which the villain described below is the Big Bad of the first book, is a work in progress, so there's a lot of details yet to be filled in.

• Name: Norah Carpenter.
• Age: About 45.
• Personality: Fairly cold and distant with her children, often working long nights as a nurse at the hospital in Great Falls, Montana. A compulsive smoker, a habit that she's been trying to break (with frequent reminders from her teenage daughter, AJ, and less frequently, AJ's younger brother Aaron). Of course, after becoming a vampire halfway through the story, she stops caring about her children altogether and stays a full-time smoker.
• Abilities: After becoming a vampire, the standard: superhuman strength, fangs, ability to turn others (or just drink from them).
• Weaknesses: Again, the standard: wooden stake through the heart, crosses (and other holy symbols), holy water. But, because my vampires are different and I want to harken back to the traditional vampires like Dracula, sunlight is not one of those weaknesses.
• Goals: Kill AJ, who is rapidly becoming a leader in the fight against the vampires, and anyone that fights alongside her.
• Motivation: First, she's soulless and therefore lacks the morality she retained while still alive and fully human. Second, the no-name vampire that turned her informed Norah of AJ's prophesied role in future events, so she and the other vampires invading Great Falls have AJ high on their most wanted list. (Note that I personally find prophesies an overused plot device, so this latter point may change as my story continues to develop.)
• Role in story: Primary antagonist, mother of AJ.
• Backstory: Still filling out the details, but prior to the story beginning (in November 2000) she's been divorced from her ex-husband John, a naturalist for the National Park Service, for several years.

Relevant tropes (so far):

• Big Bad
• Blondes Are Evil
• Daywalking Vampire
• Evil Matriarch
• Face–Monster Turn / Transhuman Treachery: By way of vampirism.
• Must Have Nicotine
• Offing the Offspring: Attempted with AJ, succeeds with Aaron.
• Parental Neglect: Prior to becoming a vampire.

edited 8th Apr '13 8:44:11 PM by shrikecatcher

A nice character idea IMO. I always find the idea of the main villain being a known parent to the protagonist a fun premise. Could use a bit more spicing up though the make the character herself more intriguing.

And now, for yet another vampire. This one is from a series of Dark Fantasy short stories I've been writing lately.

Name: Count Anthony De Rosiers, aka the Fat Count

Age: 40 apparent

Personality: Darwinistic, machiavellian, and overall a pragmatic prick. He’s an egotistical aristocrat who seeks to benefit himself in the best way he can at all times. He loves to indulge in the rich qualities of life - whether that joy take the form of food, art or bloodshed. Due to his hedonistic attitude he often displays a jovial yet snobbish demeanor. Although he appears to be little more that an indulgent slob, he is exceptionally wise and intelligent.

Abilities: Despite looking like a beached whale, most of his apparent fat is in fact muscle. He possesses inhuman strength and endurance. In addition to his brawn, he had an incredibly capable brain containing much knowledge regarding occultism and forbidden lore. Being a vampire he can utilize the talents his Vesperian kin are famous for, most notably blood magic. Has the power of influence expected from a nobleman.

Weaknesses: Extremely proud of himself and easy to anger should he be insulted. He is also widely disliked among the Vesperian nobility for having been born a commoner and his disgusting appearance. Due to being a vampire - fire, salts and redwater are very dangerous to him.

Goals: Wants to devour an artifact heart containing the essence of a Fire God, which is naturally in the hands of the protagonist. Seeing as how vampires are extremely vulnerable to fire, he requires the assistant of an occult ritual to achieve such a task.

Motivation: Believes that if he could consume not only flame, but the burning heart of a God, he would become the most feared and respected vampire in the lands.

Role in the story: Main antagonist during the first act. Continues to be a major villain throughout the story.

Backstory: Was born a peasant and later sold into slavery by his father. Due to suffering from a physical abnormality resulting in excessive muscular growth, was put into pit fights where he was force into bloody fights at a young age. Through both brawn and cunning, he managed to survive through youth and became a bit of a celebrity brawler. Having earned quite the sum of wealth from his victories, he decided to make the investment of a lifetime. After spending a night of indulgence and buying his own freedom, he still had enough money to afford a horse, some armour and arms. He offered his service to the local Vesperian nobility, gaining a reputation for being an absolute brute on the battlefield. After crushing enough skulls he impressed one among the aristocratic vampires enough to earn a recommendation for ascension. Though reluctant, enough of them found him worthy of holding such a title. He was raised to a Baron, given power and allowed to partake in a blood ritual which granted him vampirism. It wasn’t long before he quickly exploited his new privileges to the fullest, earning him overtime the title of Count and the distrust of those who granted him such power.

Relevant Tropes:

• Aristocrats Are Evil
• Asskicking Equals Authority: How he earned his nobility.
• Bare-Fisted Monk: His vampiric strength combined with naturally excessive mass allows him to kill most without need for weapons.
• Berserk Button: Don’t make insults about the fact he was a slave or commoner.
• Big Bad: In the first story arc.
• Big Bad Wannabe: Demoted to this later on, when villains far more dangerous and threatening begin springing up.
• Big Eater
• Blood Knight: Claims to have been this during his younger years.
• Blood Magic
• Dude, Where's My Respect?: Feels this way with the other Vesperians, who regard him poorly due to his common birth and grotesque appearance.
• Fat and Proud
• Genius Bruiser
• Genius Slob
• Great Big Library of Everything: Most of which consists of either long-forgotten eldritch lore codices, illegal occultist ritual tomes or cookbooks.
• I'm a Humanitarian
• Keeper of Forbidden Knowledge:
• Large and in Charge
• Meaningful Name: Rules over the Rose County.
• Pride
• Rags to Riches: Was born a pit-brawler slave and ended up as nobility.
• Royals Who Actually Do Something: Of the evil variety.
• Self-Made Man
• Smug Smiler
• The Social Darwinist
• Villainous Glutton

edited 9th Apr '13 3:57:53 PM by RedEyesNegroDragon

Interesting. Veeery clever and deep for a mere major antagonist.

Anyway, the second of Phantasmic's team, and it should be noted that I embraced the World Of Darkness inspirations here; each member is themed after a gameline in the system and setting.

Though, not the racial backstories...

Dr. Thrope, the Beast of Science (Full name Dr. Theresa Thrope. In retrospect, her superpower was a given.)

Age: 25

• Personality: Depends which form she's in, though it defaults to The Baroness. Her human form is cold, stoic, and aloof, with her focus entirely on her work and intellectual pursuits, to the point of seeming utterly emotionless except for sarcasm and irritation when people interrupt her. Her beast form, on the other hand, is seductive, forceful, and passionate, hitting on everything male and not, both because she likes the attention and because it sets heroes off-balance (both because of her weaponized sexiness and because of all the Furry Fandom jokes). Both sides of her, however, are incredibly intelligent, with her humanity being a Mad Scientist and her beast a Genius Bruiser. It should be noted, however, that this is not a Split Personality; Dr. Thrope simply more mind-affecting hormones in her beast form...not to mention a soap opera's worth of repression and emotional dysfunctions that prevent her from showing most of her actual emotions in human form. Indeed, the feelings of pure, unrestrained freedom in her beast form is what set her on the path to becoming a Mask.

• Abilities: A pseudo-werewolf created through occult chemistry and arcane medical techniques, Dr. Thrope's beast form is strong, fast, and tough, and heals incredibly quickly, not to mention the ridiculous cutting power of her claws, sense of smell, and boobs. Even outside of beast form, however, Dr. Thrope is a force to be reckoned with thanks to her mind-even before her initial transformation giving her an incredible ability to focus, leading to The Madness Place, she was already a biochemical genius, and with her newfound beastial focus she's become an outright Evilutionary Biologist capable of using her newfound inherent understanding of life to create powerful Mutant soldiers and warbeasts, not to mention Combat Stims. She's also an applicant to the Obsfucating Stupdity school of acting, quite able to invoke the hapless victim of her animal side or the scared lab assistant to trick a Cape (naturally, she thinks becoming a werewolf was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she's the mad scientist, albeit a pretty one).

• Weaknesses: Besides the psychological barrier to her own emotions she has in human form, Dr. Thrope doesn't have the focus in beast form to do real science (this isn't a contradiction-her hyperfocus in human form comes from residual instinct), hence she has to spend a lot of time out of it to get anything not related to combat or partying done. That wouldn't be so bad, except her powers depend on a Super Serum (or more accurately, a Super Salve)-it's easy enough for her to mix, but she can't always access it all the time, meaning that she's vulnerable when surprised (which is another reason she learned to play dumb). That and she's Unskilled, but Strong, and can't use (obvious, instant) magic in what is essentially an Urban Fantasy supers setting. She's also blind without her glasses in human form, and never completed formal medical training, though you shouldn't mention that around her.

edited 11th Apr '13 10:02:25 AM by Leliel

With recent edits about the Black King, and some additions, I'd like to see thoughts on him.

He was initially a played straight "Evil Overlord" type meant to be a bit corny, but the reveals later were intended to make him either tragic, or more monstrous.

(on the Black King) Interesting. He's very much an insane child when it comes down to it-pity him, hate him, doesn't matter, he's too crazy and powerful to live.

Also, TIME 4 BACKSTOORRY! For Dr. Thrope, obviously.

Backstory: Another of the themes I'm going for in the story is that nobody who was happy being "normal" becomes a supervillain, since part of the metaphysical rules requires you to recognize you are not "good" if you're using The Dark Arts; black magic doesn't tolerate self-deception, and won't work for you if you do happen to be lying to yourself about what you're doing. The Bavarian Club, the Nebulous Evil Organization of which she is a part, does not accept people who do not use The Dark Arts. Do the math.

Originally, Dr. Theresa Thrope was a shy, easily frightened and nerdy social outcast, even in her home. She was smart, yes, but not pretty (not ugly either, but a genuine Plain Jane, rather than Hollywood Homely. Freckles), and in the age she grew up in, she was, let's put it nicely, "not needing to worry about all that silly little stuff like math and science, a good hubby can take care of that". Unlike the archetypal Meganekko, though, she wasn't at all okay with this-especially as she grew into her teen years, the young Theresa grew to increasingly resent the world that didn't want a girl with brains instead of looks, a growing, savage bitterness towards the rest of the planet gradually taking over her mind. It got worse when her father left, and her mother, a grown-up Seemingyly Wholesome Fifties Girl (after being thrust through a Deconstruction; she wasn't a very happy lady due to her self-loathing) came to at least subconsciously view her offspring as the reason (the truth was that while they were blamed by the father, it was mainly because he was, frankly, an Adult Child pathologically afraid of responsibility). She became extremely passive-aggressive and cold, fueling Thrope's cold anger even further, to the point where it began to warp her mind: She developed an increasing disconnect between her "shell" and "soul", viewing the former as a weak, emotionally vulnerable carapace to protect her real thoughts. Of course, nobody noticed this, and she quietly went through high school and then moved to her college dorm, as far away from her family as possible.

In a normal world, she would just be another miserable person (or, as she puts it, "the target for a romance novel lead to seduce and in so doing finally convince to let go of her anger, and thus restore order to the gender roles"), but here's where her Urban Fantasy world began to truly influence her; her college was attacked by Balor One-Eye, seeking to steal an obscure Tome of Eldritch Lore in their possession, and due to a combination of bad luck and his own need to hog the spotlight, he ended up taking the entire library and hostage, including her. Trapped, she bore full witness to the obvious power and devil-may-care attitude of a Mask, in comparison to the rather dim, smug, and hypocritical Cape sent to stop him, and immediately decided that she liked the Mask better (the fact that the Forces of Good were completely creamed due to Balor actually having made a plan B just in case and his opponents apparently eating an Idiot Ball helped this impression). Originally, she was just content to wait on the sidelines, being a Mask Fangirl...

And then, during her medical training, she had the gall to call out a professional doctor for sexual harassment of his nurses. He, as it turns out, was her teacher's brother. Oops.

But let it not be said that Dr. Thrope isn't a Determinator-if her dreams of making a positive impact on society were shot, she could always choose the path of infamy and illicit fortune...

And as it turns out, she was more than brilliant enough to track down information on the legendary "lunar salve", the potion by which a man could become a "lupine beast, free of humanity of decency, to work the Devil's art upon the world and indulge his darkest appetites" (the guy who wrote that particular Renaissance bestiary really wanted to be a poet), and then figure out mix it herself, supplanting her novice Ritual Magic abilities with sheer force of scientific knowledge. Then tested it.

When she came to, sans top and with the blood of the doctor she accused drying under her fingernails, she was more than a bit upset. Nobody told her it only lasted a few hours!

Dr. Thrope, who quickly began to view her beast form as her "real form" due to her well-developed emotional repression not existing in it, quickly made a name for herself in the C-List Fodder as a Mask who could serve two roles for any enterprising Corrupt Corporate Executive or Diabolical Mastermind looking to hire her-both muscle and mind, even in her more impulsive beast form. Best of all, she was fairly cheap-whereas most Masks have quirks that cause them to seek rare-and expensive-forms of pay, all she sought was money, a standard Mad Scientist Laboratory, and common enough plants to make the lunar salve. Soon, her promising adventures into the more biological side of things got the attention and later membership of the Collegia Obscura, an interdimensional guild of mad scientists united by their desire to learn as much as possible about the relationship between raw science and raw magic, and force people to appreciate their genius. Using her newfound connections in the Collegia (and their mutual pact of "you scratch my back...", since none of them is a Omnidisciplinary Scientist and need each other's help a lot), she began to really hit the big time, graduating from the ranks of the obscure and starting to really enter the public consciousness.

By the time the story begins, Dr. Thrope is just hitting her prime as a Mask, gaining the fear of the Capes and being looked at for becoming part of a famous one's Rogues Gallery. Which is, of course, why the Bavarian Club invited her-besides having that Hammer Horror aesthetic they like, she's also a genuinely fun person to be around in beast form, so long as you don't mind her aggressive tendencies. Excellent for their cabaret.

(will continue with trope page)

edited 11th Apr '13 9:58:05 AM by Leliel

Good concept and well-thought-out backstory

Here's mine from the draft I'm doing, which is a story based on Finnish folklore.

Name: Tähetär (aka Unangik, Qevlialria), the Maid of the North, Maiden of Pohjola

Age: 32

Personality: Very complicated. She has a tendency to be genuinely nice and hospitable to most people, but has a serious Hair-Trigger Temper, which can be set off by anything. She is also vindictive, spiteful, and has a slight prejudice against mixed-race people despite the fact that she's in a mixed marriage herself. Most of the time, she is genuinely kind and compassionate, concerned with people's wellbeing, including that of the hero, her slave.

Backstory: Is the eldest daughter of Louhi (Cikayak, Kegluneq),a powerful shaman and the wife of Iraleqítaq, a chieftain of a tribe in the region of Pohjola, which was colonised by the people of Kalevala (Fantasy ancient pagan Finland) some centuries before. She has two sisters named Kuutar (Kangrilnuq) and Otavatar (Qilangaq). Due to being named after her dead uncle and her father's choice, she was raised unconventionally, learning male (hunting, fishing, archery) as well as female tasks such as sewing parkas and gutting fish, becoming proficient in both and famous for her beauty as she grew older. When she was 13, the Kalevalan blacksmith, fur trader, and noted warrior Ilmarinen asked to marry her, but her father had already arranged a marriage for her with Joukahainen (Paniaguaq) who was training to be a shaman.

Two years later, the sorcerer and shaman Väinämöinen was shipwrecked on the coast of the tundra. While in Tähetär's family's sod house, Louhi offered to let him stay until the storm had passed, but he said he wanted to get home as soon as possible. He revealed that he had arrived on an errand from Ilmarinen, who had asked him to make an offer of marriage to Tähetär on his behalf. Louhi told Väinämöinen that Ilmarinen could marry her daughter if he could forge the Sampo, a magic mill that would make her tribe prosperous, and work for her family for a year. Iraleqítaq agreed to the idea, seeing its advantages, and Ilmarinen went to Pohjola to forge the Sampo. Eventually he, Joukahainen, and Väinämöinen, (who had also fallen in love with Tähetär) all worked for her family for the year for the chance to marry her. She chose Ilmarinen, who she preferred and was able to perform the tasks with her help, and went to live with him in Karelia. A year later, she fell pregnant but lost the child, causing her to become bitter and depressed, as she believed she had failed her family and now had nothing. She originally "adopted" the mixed-race slave boy Kullervo out of pity, but became abusive and malicious as he grew older, because he reminded her of what she'd lost.

Goals: Get rid of her slave and foster son, the "unlucky" and mentally disturbed Kullervo.

Strengths: Her beauty and mostly-compassionate nature, as well as shamanic abilities inherited from her mother.

Weaknesses: A Hair-Trigger Temper.

Tropes that apply to Tähetär:

• Abusive Parents: Borderline physically, but mostly emotionally towards Kullervo.

• Anti-Villain: Her greatest flaws are her temper and vengeful nature.

• Arranged Marriage: To Ilmarinen.

• Dead Guy Junior: "Qevlialria" was her uncle's name. A part of actual Eskimo cultures, including the Yup'ik and Yupik.

• Engagement Challenge: Three men work for her family for a year in order to have a shot at marrying her. This is a Real Life Siberian Yupik marriage custom.

• Grim Up North: Her home country

• Hair-Trigger Temper

• Happily Married

• Indian Maiden: Is from Pohjola, a country based off the Central Alaskan Yup'ik and Siberian Yupik peoples of the Arctic Circle.

• Meaningful Name: "Qevlialria", her Pohjolan name, means "one who sparkles" in the Central Alaskan Yup'ik language. Her Kalevalan name, "Tähetär," means "daughter of the star," or "female star spirit" in Finnish. Her father's name is Iraleqítaq, the Central Siberian Yupik (and Standard Pohjolan) word for "star."

• Politically Incorrect Villain: Shows prejudice against mixed-race people in spades.

• The Chief's Daughter

• Theme Naming: Tähetär, Kuutar, and Otavatar are the daughters of the North Star, moon, and Great Bear in Finnish mythology.

• Unlucky Childhood Friend: Joukahainen.

• World's Most Beautiful Woman: Her region's most beautiful woman.

edited 12th Apr '13 1:25:24 AM by MorwenEdhelwen

OK, here's the deal. I have what I think is a really great villain. He's smart without being a genius, he's planning to do evil with a reasonable justification, he has strengths and weaknesses as a person that almost anyone could relate to. he's a Middle Eastern terrorist planning to nuke New York City.

But— I don't do character templates. I just don't think that way, so I cant write them and don't ever use them. Yet I would like to solicit some feedback from people who can tell me what works about him and what doesn't. Would it be ok to post an excerpt from the story? Maybe a page or two? Or would that be inappropriate in this thread?

Intriguing. I've never seen a racist Native American before, should be a nice change of pace.

I don't think any of us mind.

And now, the conclusion:

Dr. Thrope's Tropes

• Affably Evil: Genuinely fun and charming in beast form, since she relaxes a little bit in it. She also isn't a killer by nature, although she will happily send people to the emergency room if they're in her way. This is actually a fairly common trope among Masks, due to the fact that self-honesty is not very far from self-restraint.
• Animorphism: Not...really since her beast form is only a Little Bit Beastly with a tail. Still, she seems to regard herself as a wolf, so it really doesn't matter.
• Anti-Villain: Since the story is about Phantasmic's team, I pretty much have to do this since the story itself is serious. For Thrope, that takes the form of her not being that malevolent out of her job and role; she already has the power she wanted, and the respect. She's greedy and selfish, not diabolical.
• Berserk Button: Mentioning her lack of a medical degree was already mentioned, but rape apology (and actual rape) is tantamount to walking into a lion den wearing only steaks for protection around her. While she is a walking stereotype of the whore side of the Madonna-Whore Complex (something she embraces, since she wants to remain as far away from her childhood as possible), the simple fact is that she is fully aware that, had she been less lucky, she would be another victim. Indeed, that's how she gained her initial fame-after a Sleazy Politician in Hyperion City (the place where the story takes place) made a version of the "legitimate rape" defense (ie "durr, women can't get pregnant from rape durr"), she was able to outiwit the Dangerously Genre-Savvy Eagle Guard team of superpowered bodyguards (its their job to prevent elected officials from being assassinated by Masks) in order to deliver a retrovirus to him that caused him to mutate into a mentally-challenged ''homo erectus'' on national television, then ransomed the cure for a nice some of over 5 million, though she neglected to mention that it would cause his testicles to fall off. And used her brief pulpit to showcase all the things he did in college and his illicit affair with his secretary.
• Big, Badass Wolf
• Boisterous Bruiser: In beast form.
• Broken Bird: As much as she hates to admit it, her childhood left some lasting scars. There's a reason she can't emote in human form.
• Card-Carrying Villain: Like Count Strige up above, she's aware she's on the dark side, does not really care either.
• Deadpan Snarker: More in human form than in beast form, but still.
• Evil Feels Good / Evil Is Sexy: It isn't just her addiction to the salve talking-she's been less stressed and even a bit prettier in human form even since she started using it.
• The Evil Genius
• Fur Against Fang: Inverted. Strige and Thrope get together over the course of the story, though it is When a Jerk Loves a Tsundere, which Phantasmic jokes is they doing the trope while still sleeping together.
• Gorgeous Gorgon: An interesting mix of both types-she's a genuine supervillain who enjoys the reputation, but at the same time not as malevolent as her reputation suggests.
• Invoked Trope: Is fully aware that she can be seen as an archetype of a particular version of female monsters (the gender deviant), and goes out of her way to rub it in the faces of Capes, resorting to Straw Feminist dialect when taunting their weaknesses. In reality, she's just a normal "equal pay, plz" feminist.
• The Lad-ette: Beast form, although her human form still lacks many feminine traits.
• Meganekko: Human form only, her glasses don't fit on her beast ears.
• Ms. Fanservice: Invoked in beast form-her hormones also bring out the part of her lizard brain that wants sex and social dominance, and thus she becomes slightly histronic. Thus, she deliberately dresses for the revealing and provocative when wolfed out. Still doesn't mean you'll get any, since she's also aware wolves mate for life, and thus wants someone she won't murder.
• Noble Demon: She wants freedom, not bloodshed, and she doesn't seek out bloodshed or violence.
• Pettanko: Human form, does not care since she has a nice pair in beast form.
• Power Perversion Potential: Lampshaded. "I'm a nerdy young lady who uses a magical lotion to turn herself in a furry with a nice rack and a tail, and during said transformation my senses of touch and smell are amplified. You can sure as Void bet I'm going to use it to add some passion!"
• Tempting Fate: She makes a rather pithy remark about romance novels, as seen above. Finding love and learning to let go of the anger in her past is exactly what happens when she and Strige start dating, although it's a Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy situation.
• Villainesses Want Heroes: No, she doesn't. As much as Beagleman thinks otherwise (to be fair, that's an understandable impression), she isn't attracted to Capes in the least.

Also, you may have noticed that was primarily about Dr. Thrope in her beast form.

This is deliberate-part of her problem is that she doesn't really have a noticeable personality when human, only a purpose. She's grown to view Human!Thrope as little more than "the time I am not the real me." It case it needs to be said, this isn't really a healthy way of looking at the world, and a sign of her own mental dysfunctions.

In a metafictional sense, she's a walking metaphor for "functional" drug addiction, and how it still ruins lives even if it isn't obvious. In fact, later in the story I plan on her eventually realizing this, and trying to break through her repression to prove she doesn't need the salve to feel alive. When she succeeds, it causes her power to mutate so she can access beast form at will.

Can I re-post a profile of a villain I posted earlier to be critiqued again? I felt that in the first time my description of him was very incomplete, so I'd like to have a chance to describe him better.

Sure!

(just do mine first)

{Okay then!)

On Thorpe: Pray tell, were you inspired by Batman Returns Catwoman with Doctor Thorpe? She reminds me a lot of her [mild, but not ugly woman who is reborn as a evil-lovin' The Baroness after a near-death experience and who has a Madonna-Whore Complex]. With a dash of Poison Ivy.

And much like Batman Returns Catwoman, I find a lot to like in this character. It's always fun to have a villain who is teetering on the edges of sanity in a way you can never be sure what part of him is batshit insane and what part is not, so Thorpe, with all her..Issues, should be very fun to watch and analyze.

On some flaws, I would say I am not fond of The Baroness trope in general, but I am fine with it in this particular case because you used to empathize the whole duality of the character. That said, I'd take care not to focus on the sexuality and Freudian psychology of this too much.

Name: Leviathan (yes, the biblical demon)

Age: Older than time, physically on his mid fifties to early sixties, already bald and with a few wrinkles.

Personality: Leviathan is a man (well, demon) seemingly without consciousness, has a profound lack of empathy for the world at large, regardless if they helped him in the past or not. He sees all as mere pawns to achieve his goals and will use them as such.

He has a fondness for sarcasm, and loves Lampshading the tropes and events happening around him as they happen. He is cultured, sardonic and almost pointlessly cruel.

Abilities: He's a master psychological manipulator, knowing everyone's precise weakness and strength, skilled politician (Let No Crisis Go To Waste could be his motto) and public speaker, a absolutely brillant strategist (he always has a back-up plan) and can teleport faster than Nightcrawler.

Weaknesses: He is absolutely useless at physical combat (in this 'verse, most demons can punch through walls, and the stronger ones can take down buildings: He is as strong as a common person, if more resilient). So he always has to rely on his Mooks and dragons to do his job, as facing the protagonist one-on-one is suicide.

Goals: Seeks to replace God himself as the head honcho of the universe, then reshape the universe to his own will and command.

Motivation: Mostly, he has one Hell of a God Complex and thirst for power. But for him, there's the thing that in the Apocalypse, he's bound to become the the actual biblical beast [the giant irrational monster that wrecks everything], he seeks to avoid such fate as well. Role in the story: The Big Bad to end all Big Bads, even when he's not the major villain of that particular story, he backed up the events in some shape

Backstory: From the beginning, Leviathan was one of the major players in Hell, and due his lack of physical strength, he focused on his brains. Through manipulation and engineering of events, Leviathan made himself a General of Hell [the highest rank in Hell, there are five other Generals, sort of as a inverted Council of Angels].

Relevant Tropes:

• Arch-Enemy
• A God Ami: A demon who seeks to replace God.
• Ambition Is Evil
• Bad Boss: Failure is a one-way street for him. You Have Outlived Your Usefulness is also to be expected.
• Big Bad
  • Bigger Bad: Occasionally.
• Card-Carrying Villain: Well not exactly [he doesn't believe in good and evil, just in himself], but he likes to play up the image to mess with people ["I'm a demon, son, you should have seen that coming." when he backstabs someone, for example]
• The Chessmaster: His most defining trait: No matter the event, Leviathan will alwyas have fourteen different back-up plans. Also literally, one of his favorite past-times is playing chess, and he often makes metaphors with chess ("I, much like God, don't play dice with the universe...I'm much more fond of chess." is one of his quotes). To put into perspective, his main foe here is God.
• Classic Villain
• Chronic Backstabbing Disorder: Everyone is disposable in his worldview. Curiously, this never backfires on him.
• Corrupt Politician: He is a demonic politician, but he is corrupt by demonic standards [as demons have vowed not to interrupt with the human realm in this story, a rule that Leviathan is blatantly breaking].
• Deadpan Snarker: Good God is he ever.
• Evil Old Folks
• Evil Genius: The smartest of all Six Generals.
• Despotism Justifies the Means: A rather extreme version, as he seeks to rule all of reality.
• Faux Affably Evil: He is seemingly friendly with his sarcasm and sardonic manner of speech but he'll snap your neck without batting an eyelid.
• Foil: Both him and the protagonist are clinical Sociopaths, but the protagonist is a Implacable Man while he is a Non-Action Big Bad, and he is Machiavellian lunatic while the hero is trying to save everyone. His Faux Affably Evil and Large Ham tendencies also directly counter the protagonist's Good Is Not Nice and The Stoic ways.
• Genre Savvy / Dangerously Genre-Savvy: One could almost say he's a Troper.
• Jerkass
• Large Ham: Ooooh yeah.
• Laughably Evil: His sarcastic quips can veer into this.
• The Man Behind the Man: Be assurred, 98% of all evil that goes on in this 'verse can be [in]directly traced back to him.
• Man of Wealth and Taste: Plays up this image, with his suit and whiskey-drinking habits.
• Manipulative Bastard
• Meta Guy: His commentaries sometimes approach this level. "I suppose I should start my megalomaniac speech now, yes, Cross? Or would you prefer the "You have no chance to win" speech? I like both, myself."
• Narcissist
• No Celebrities Were Harmed: He takes his appearance and voice from actor Leon Russom [a clip for your consideration]
• Non-Action Big Bad
• Psychotic Smirk
• Smug Snake: All the smug. None of the incompetence.
• The Sociopath: He is practically a textbook description [sees people as tools, discards them without batting an eyelid, superficial charm and politeness that only hide the true monster, e.t.c]
• The Spymaster
• Troll: He just loves messing with people.
• Wicked Cultured: Truly a man of the arts.
• What Is Evil?: "Some old fairy tale God wrote in stone in a rainy day." would be Leviathan's answer.

You might want to change the name if you want to stay true to Judaeo-Christian lore.

The Leviathan was not a demon per se so much as the pinnacle of all animals: A creation of God so vast, powerful and alien that God himself feared for what would happen to the Earth were it to propagate a race of its own. According to Jewish lore, God killed the Leviathan's mate to prevent this very eventuality, yet gave it immortality and his own friendship and return—he supposedly plays with it in the depths of the ocean every Sunday, which is sort of adorable. However, it is also said that at the end of time the Archangel Michael will finally end the Leviathan's life and feed its ample flesh to the righteous of the Earth at the final feast of judgement. It is implied that the Leviathan is aware of this fact, but basically fine with the idea of dying, perhaps because he still pines after his dead mate. If anything, the Biblical conception of the Leviathan leans more toward a tragic interpretation than anything else: A creature of unspeakable power and incredible age that is simply unimaginably lonely.

This all being said, what you have there is a decent demonic antagonist, although I would prefer that you flesh him out a bit more beyond how much of a power-hungry and resentful bastard-cum-genius he is. Otherwise, what you're left with is an above-average example of a fairly common stereotype, and being slightly above-average is nothing to aspire to.

I don't think I mentioned, but I have said once that, despite being catholic myself, I am following the Judeo-Christian lore in Broad Strokes at most [Other characters include: Asmodai who is a heavy-drinking, irish-accented brawler, Sammael who is a five-foot tall musclebound man with a scar on his eye, Belphegor who is a soft-spoken sociopath, Uriel who is made of lava and is world-weary, Nahash who wears a trenchcoat and brainwashes people, e.t.c] so the name really isn't an issue. The only trait I've carried from the original was the fact he was to become a beast of armageddon in judgement day.

And on him being generic, I suppose that's a fair judgement [though I disagree with it], though you failed to mention his more sarcastic and Troll traits, which for me were the fun thing on him.