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1 - Winter is Coming
- The moment when Arya hits the bullseye that Bran's clearly been struggling to hit all morning. It's done so brilliantly; you don't realise she's the one who made the shot until the scene pans back, showing Bran's still taking aim. There's the wonderful look on all four of her brothers' faces as if saying "WTF just happened?" and the bow she takes as if to say "Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience!". Robb and Jon crack up laughing at this point, and then egg Bran on when he starts chasing Arya, annoyed at being upstaged by his older sister. Even Ned and Catelyn are laughing at that point.
- Jon's look as he's getting a haircut; he looks like he's being subjected to the most painful and humiliating experience of his life. Robb and Theon joke that "he's never met a girl he loved more than his hair".
- The scene where Ned agrees to let the Stark children keep the direwolf pups is actually a little funny. His children are looking at him with pleading faces and after a long moment he gives in with the declaration "You'll feed them yourselves, you'll train them yourselves, and if they die...you'll bury them yourselves." And sounds so SALTY about it.
- Catelyn of all people gets one when they're preparing for the royal family's arrival. Maester Luwin warns her about Tyrion's reputation for drinking wine and suggests they should get extra just in case. Catelyn notes Tyrion's size and wonders "how much wine could he possibly drink?"
- The first line that King Robert says to his old friend Eddard Stark, after not having seen him for years:"You got fat."
- Ned's reaction to this does not only amount to "I beg your pardon?" but "Look who's talking!" with just a quick glance and raised eyebrows. And you can see Ned struggling not to crack up, which both he and Robert promptly do a few seconds later.
- Catelyn is in the middle of giving Robert a very ladylike greeting. She hasn't even finished saying "your grace" when Robert Glomps her.
- Jaime talking about Robert "fucking boars and hunting whores, or is it the other way around?"
- Made funnier by Robert's line about how when he was 16 and he only knew to crush skulls and fuck girls, but Jon Arryn had to tell him which is which.
- Almost every single Stark and Lannister is not only drinking heavily in an attempt to get through the coming feast without punching someone in the face, but also cheerfully admitting to their opposite numbers that that's what they're doing.
- When the royal party arrives at Winterfell and Robb catches Sansa making eyes with Joffrey, he gives a subtle Death Glare combined with a What Does She See in Him? in Joffrey's direction.
- Catelyn asks Sansa where Arya is and gets a tiny shrug and "how the hell should I know?" look in response. Sansa clearly couldn't care less.
- As Catelyn continues to worry, Arya rushes in literally in the nick of time wearing a battle helm of all things and apparently planning to greet the King dressed like that. Jon, Robb and even Maester Luwin can be seen grinning and trying to restrain their laughter.
- Ros talking about all the unfavorable things she's heard about Tyrion, first leading the viewer to think she doesn't know who she's in bed with. Turns out she knew all along and was happy to troll him.
- Tyrion says he'll be too busy fucking his way through several whores to go to dinner. What does Jaime do? Bring in 4 more so his brother will be done in time to keep him company. And comes this hilarious line.Tyrion: (as Jaime is leaving while Tyrion is being smothered by the whores) Close the door! (Jaime doesn't)
- At the feast, Sansa and Jeyne are giggling and checking out Joffrey, and a bored Arya starts flicking food at her. Catelyn looks disapproving and looks over at Robb to do something...only to find him cracking up at his little sister instead. She gives him a Death Glare and he sobers up with a pretty blatant "oh crap, yes I'm a grown up aren't I" moment and hastily carts Arya off to bed.
- "Dothraki weddings without at least three deaths are considered a dull affair."
- The first time Viserys drops the F-bomb. It's shockingly funny because one, it's in a medieval fantasy setting where you don't expect it (maybe from earthy types like Robert but not from evil princes) and two; he says it in a soft, tender sort of way to his innocent little sister even though what he's describing is something absolutely horrible.
- Before the hunting party assembles, Tyrion shares a moment of innuendo with The Hound (who doesn't fail to notice that Tyrion is barely up after a rough night), of all people:Sandor: Never took you for a hunter.Sandor: It's not a hunt if you pay for it.
2 - The Kingsroad
- Joffrey saying he won't talk to Catelyn because he "can't stand the wailing of women." He looks at the Hound all "amirite, bro?" and the Hound, suffice it to say, does not respond with a high-five. Tyrion responds with a high-five across Joffrey's face.
- Tyrion repeatedly slapping◊ Joffrey across the face for not showing sympathy to the Starks over Bran's fall, while Joffrey's bodyguard Sandor Clegane just stands there, uncaring.
- After Joffrey has stormed off, the Hound warns Tyrion that Joffrey won't forget getting slapped around. Tyrion shrugs it off, basically saying that if Joffrey does forget, for the Hound to be a "good dog and remind him."
- Unlike the book, where he joins Joffrey in making fun of Tyrion, the Hound's reaction here is "Yep, he's a little shit like that".
- Arya trying to show Jon her direwolf (Nymeria) helping her pack.Arya: Jon, watch this. Nymeria! Gloves!
Nymeria: (ignores her)
Jon: ... Impressive.
Arya: (Indignantly) Shut up. (clears throat and speaks firmly and clearly) Nymeria! Gloves!
Nymeria: (tilts her head and looks at Arya quizzically)
- Robert gives us this little gem when he hears about Joffrey and Arya's fight.King Robert Baratheon: You let that little girl disarm you?
3 - Lord Snow
- Jorah and Rakharo have a friendly conversation comparing Dothraki and Westerosi weapons, which moves on to a discussion of their parents. Jorah remarks that he betrayed his father, a man of great honor. Rakharo's resulting facial expression is priceless.
- In the previous episode, Tyrion said he wanted to stand atop the Wall and "piss off of the edge of the world". Guess what happens in this one?
- Even funnier, the scene this cuts from is Littlefinger implying that Tyrion is the person who sent the assassin after Bran, creating Mood Whiplash like no other.
- A small one; when Rakharo asks Dany if she wants him to take off Viserys's ear to teach him respect, Dany says no and that she doesn't want her brother harmed. Irri translates this for Rakharo, and he basically gives her a look that screams "Say what?" She in turn gives him the tiniest shrug that clearly says "Yeah, I know, I don't get it either." Meanwhile Viserys is still lying on the ground being choked until he turns red.Viserys Targaryen: (petulant, bawling) Mormont! Kill these Dothraki dogs!
- Littlefinger is very pleased to see Catelyn when she arrives at the brothel he owns, but she makes her displeasure at being escorted to such a place very clear. As he's trying to find words to defend himself two topless whores saunter into the room, and he makes frantic gestures for them to get out again; it's probably the only time (apart from when Ned's choke-slamming him and the brief moment when it looked like Ser Barristan was going to cut down everyone in the Red Keep) that we see the man flustered.
- Catelyn's specific words? "You take ME for some Back Alley Sally!"
- Ned choking Littlefinger. The fact that Littlefinger's eyes bug out makes seeing the Manipulative Bastard be caught off guard extremely satisfying.
- When Littlefinger explains through the chokehold that Catelyn is in Kings Landing, Ned doesn't believe the man for one second. After Catelyn sticks her head out the window and tells Ned to stop choking Lord Baelysh, Ned gives the other man a look that screams [My God, You Are Serious]. Priceless.
- Just watching Littlefinger, who always acts so sly and above it all, freak out and claw feebly at Ned's hands when he starts choking him is quite funny. The body language when Ned dismissively casts him aside is remarkably similar to that of a meek kid getting bullied in high school.
- Littlefinger's probably having flashbacks from getting his ass kicked by Ned's older brother a couple of decades prior.
- In his first few appearances, Littlefinger is quickly established as amusingly slimy and gets stuff thrown at him by Catelyn and choke-slammed by Ned for it. After the latter happens, he gets a great Shakespearean villain aside where he comments, "Ah, the Starks — quick tempers, slow minds..."
- When Dany's handmaid is trying to find something other than horse for her to eat now that she's pregnant, Jorah cuts into her suggestions with an utterly deadpan: "I don't think she wants to eat dog."
- Robert asks Jaime if the first man he ever killed had any Famous Last Words.Jaime: I cut his head off, so no.
- Jon vs the other Night Watch recruits ends up in a Curbstomp Battle in his favor. Afterwards this exchange occursGrenn: You broke my nose, bastard!Jon: It's an improvement (smirks)
- Jaime responds to Cersei asking about what would happen if Robert found out about their relationship, Jaime replies, "I'll go to war with him if it comes to it. Maybe they'll write a song about us: The War for Cersei's Cunt. Cersei slaps him once... and then when Jaime grins at this, she tries to slap him a second time, perhaps giving an indication of where Tyrion picked up the habit.
4 - Cripples, Bastards and Broken Things
- Hearing King Robert roar "YOU SMELL LIKE BLACKBERRY JAM!" (at a prostitute he's with) from inside a bedchamber.
- Grenn's overacting when he gets Sam to hit him. And we use that verb operatively. "I yield! I yield!"
- Jon bares his soul to Samwell about being unable to sleep with a prostitute at the thought of fathering a bastard of his own. Samwell's response: "So... you didn't know where to put it!"
- Hilarious in Hindsight: Jon Snow is actually Aegon Targaryen, the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, which would have meant he would have essentially sired a king, not a bastard.
- King Robert Baratheon becoming impatient during the tourney.Robert: We've been sittin' here for DAYS! START THE DAMN JOUST BEFORE I PISS ME-SELF!
- Also the look of disgust Cersei gives him before storming off.
5 - The Wolf and the Lion
- King Robert about to walk out of his tent wearing most unkingly attire, before Ned stops him.Ned: Robert...
Robert: What? (Ned gestures to his attire) Oh. (guffaws) An inspiring sight for the people, eh? Come, bow before your king! Bow, you shits!
- Tyrion and Bronn having a little conversation on the defenses of the Eyrie, hinting at a beautiful friendship to come.Tyrion Lannister: They say it's impregnable.
Bronn: Give me ten good men and some climbing spikes and I'll impregnate the bitch.
Tyrion: ... I like you.
- Bronn sees that Tyrion has killed one of the marauders that attacked Catelyn's party, and brings up the fact that you always need a woman after a kill. Tyrion looks over at Catelyn (who is out of earshot) and comments, "I'm willing if she is."
- Littlefinger and Renly at the tournament. You can almost suspect Littlefinger of intentionally losing the bet just to have a chance to say it.Renly Baratheon: Such a shame. It would have been so nice for you to have a friend."
Petyr Baelish: And tell me, Lord Renly. When will you be "having" your friend?
- During Bran's lessons with Maester Luwin, and with Theon practicing archery nearby, they come to the Greyjoys.
- Baelish and Varys's practice of Passive-Aggressive Kombat.
- Loras, on Renly's older brother: "Stannis has the personality of a lobster!"
- The petulance/double entendres (from both sides) all throughout Renly and Loras' conversation.
- Renly: Robert is rather tasteless about it [assassinating Daenaerys]. Every time he's talking about killing her, I swear the table raises six inches.
- Renly's tremendously snarky description of the Lannisters:Renly: You have to give it to the Lannisters. They may be the most pompous, ponderous cunts the gods have ever suffered to walk the world, but they do have an outrageous amount of money.
Loras: ... I have an outrageous amount of money.
- Loras' response counts too, if only for how petulantly he says it:
- When Catelyn first brings Tyrion to the Vale and finds Lysa breastfeeding her son, who is obviously too old for it. Catelyn is clearly disturbed, but maintains her composure. Tyrion, on the other hand, is standing there the whole time with a look of pure WTF? on his face. (The expression could also read something like, "And I thought my family was fucked up."
- Even better, throughout the conversation as Lysa becomes more overtly crazy, Catelyn and Tyrion keep exchanging "what is this I don't even" glances with each other.
- Catelyn's expression is even funnier in all her interactions with Lysa, a slow realization, "All of a sudden this wasn't such a bright idea after all."
- Arya's exasperation at being repeatedly mistaken for a boy.
- Catelyn takes Tyrion prisoner for the attempt on Bran's life and drags him to her sister's domain to stand trial. When they get there, Lady Arryn accuses him of being involved with Jon Arryn's death as well. Tyrion's response?
- When Loras proclaims Sandor Clegane the winner of the jousting, and the crowd is cheering, the Hound gives everybody an adorably awkward little nod, like he's not sure how he's supposed to behave in such a situation.
- Ned pulls away when he thinks Loras is about to give him a rose meant for Sansa. But then he isn't pleased anyway by this.
- A brief moment of dark humor in an otherwise dramatic scene during Robert's conversation with Cersei.Robert: We haven't had a real fight in nine years. Backstabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight and that's all the realm is now. Backstabbing and scheming and arselicking and money grubbing. ... Sometimes I don't know what holds it together.
Cersei: Our marriage?
*both crack up laughing*
- The small council meeting is tragic because the politicians of King's Landing are so corrupt they're willing to kill an unborn child, and because of the fallout between Ned and Robert, who were best friends for life. But it begins with Robert doing his best BRIAN BLESSED impersonation."The WHOOOOOORE is pregnant!"
"A TARGARYEN AT THE HEAD OF A DOTH-RRRRRRAKI ARMY, WHAT THEN?!"
- According to the comments for this YouTube video, Ser Gregor Clegane can say a lot of things with one word.
6 - A Golden Crown
- Tyrion's "confession", and Robyn being completely enraptured by it. The best part is that his "confession" starts off somewhat serious sounding, and it isn't immediately obvious that he's winding everyone up. It isn't until he gets to the anecdote about the servant girl, specifically the bit about her tits, that it's evident he's not taking the trial seriously.Tyrion: I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel—
Robyn: What happened next?
- Tyrion's Hurricane of Euphemisms.Tyrion: When I was twelve, I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage, I made the bald man cry!
- Accompanied by massively overdone hand gesture, to boot.
- "... into the turtle stew, which I do believe my sister ate. At least, I hope she did." And everyone's reactions to that as well.
- Tyrion's Hurricane of Euphemisms.
- After Catelyn reminds Tyrion that he stands accused of conspiracy to murder both Jon Arryn and Brandon Stark, Tyrion replies with hilariously perfect cherubic innocence "Oh I'm very sorry. I don't know anything about all that."
- Tyrion channeling Basil Fawlty while trying to explain the concept of notional debt to the dimwitted Mord. "Sometimes possession is an abstract concept—" *thunk*
- Tyrion, having spent half an episode's worth trying to tell Mord he has gold to pay with, and getting whacked with a cudgel for his efforts, eventually gets a foothold with Mord knowing the phrase "rich as a Lannister". Nothing quite matches the pained look on Tyrion's face as he tells Mord, not believing himself for a second, "You're a... Smart... Man."
- Bronn's brilliant Deadpan Snarker response to Lysa's criticism of his fighting style:
- Syrio explaining to Arya that fighting doesn't happen when you're "dancing in the field with your dolls and kittens" and Arya indignantly insisting that she does not like dolls and kittens.
- Sansa being snarky with Septa Mordane.Sansa Stark: Where are you from, anyway? The north or the south?
Septa Mordane: (clearly pleased to be asked) I come... from a very small village in a—
Sansa: Oh wait... I just realised... I don't care.
- Septa Mordane gives as good as she gets. She comments on the fact that Sansa wears her hair like a Southern woman, and the girl tries to be sassy with "do you even have hair under there?" - and Mordane happily says yes and asks if Sansa would like to see it. Sansa gives her a "no" with the best dumbfounded expression on her face. You don't foil a teenage girl's attempt to give you attitude!
- Ned broaches the topic of leaving King's Landing to his daughters. Upon Sansa's reaction to not wanting to leave Prince Joffrey:Sansa: I don't want to go, I love him! I'm meant to be his queen and have his babies...!
Arya: (looks at her sister with disgust) ...Seven hells.
Eddard: When you're older, I'll make you a match with someone who's worthy of you. Someone who's brave and gentle and strong.
Sansa: I don't want someone brave and gentle and strong, I want him!
Arya & Ned: (exchange smirks)
- All of Ned's reactions during the scene, from his open befuddlement when Arya asks if he's dying because of his leg and how much he shares his younger daughter's opinion of Sansa mooning over Joffrey.
- Not to mention while Sansa is freaking out about losing her future husband, Arya's only concern about leaving Kings Landing is whether her sword master can come with them. Then she's good to go.
- There's one truly hilarious moment in the otherwise dark hunting scene before Robert is killed. The king is loudly re-living the good old days, boasting about how he's slept with eight girls, one from each of the Seven Kingdoms and one from the Riverlands, and how you're not a real man unless you've "made the eight". He's really rubbing it in Renly's face, and Barristan Selmy and Lancel are getting more and more uncomfortable. Renly finally snaps and calls into question the so-called nobility of the old days. He then flounces off, leaving behind the most awkward silence imaginable. Lancel's response?Lancel: More wine, Your Grace?
- Jorah confronts Viserys as he attempts to steal the three dragon eggs from his sister.Viserys: If I sell one egg, I'll have enough to buy a ship. Two eggs, a ship and an army.
Jorah: And you have all three.
Viserys: I need a large army.
- Beforehand, while Viserys is watching Daenerys trying to eat a whole horse heart, he snarks under his breath "I hope that wasn't from my horse".
7 - You Win or You Die
- Maester Aemon's utterly serious warning to a new steward about his assigned master: "Make no comment about his nose."
- After Jon Snow is appointed a steward:Jon Snow: I just, I always wanted to be a ranger.Samwell Tarly: I... I always wanted to be a wizard.Jon: (Beat starts cracking up)
- As Littlefinger instructs Ros and Amerca on how to properly pleasure a man including faking their own pleasure, he launches into a Motive Rant, interrupted by him casually tossing out "play with her arse" and then continuing on without breaking stride.
8 The Pointy End
- Cersei's reaction when Sansa says she'll be a good, trustworthy queen just like her.
- "Your meat... is bloody tough!"
- The second time Robb speaks in a deadly calm tone to the Greatjon, the Greatjon backs down. It may be an editing error, but it sounds like Grey Wind makes a faintly disappointed noise. I guess he's tasty.
- When Tyrion is asked how he'd like to die, he responds with: "In my own bed, at the age of eighty, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my cock."
- Tyrion introducing his "unwashed" allies to Tywin, whose poker face and unamused stance resembles a father who is meeting the completely inadequate suitor of his daughter. The introductions are done in the usual X, son of Y manner, until it's Bronn's turn.Bronn: (to Tywin, in all seriousness) You wouldn't know him.
- Also Kevan Lannister's little smile at that.
- Shagga's earnest nod of agreement when Tyrion finishes his Catchphrase for him.Shagga, son of Dolf: Shagga, son of Dolf, will chop off your manhood -
Tyrion: - and feed it to the goats, yes.
- Barristan Selmy quitting the Kingsguard.Ser Barristan: (strips his cape and gloves off and casts them down) I am a knight. I shall die - a knight!
Littlefinger A naked knight, apparently.
9 - Baelor
- Tyrion inventing "I Never", and Shae kicking his ass at it.Tyrion: It's fun! Look at all the fun we're having!
- Bronn's suggestion of a game:Bronn: There's a Braavosi knife game I could teach you.
Tyrion: Does it involve the potential for losing fingers?
Bronn: Not if you win.
- When Shae starts kissing Tyrion, Bronn just gets up and walks out, with "Well, I think I'm outstaying my welcome here," written all over his face.
- Tyrion gives a Rousing Speech to the hill tribes and they run off to battle... and then one of the tribesmen accidentally hits Tyrion in the head with a war hammer, knocking him out cold.Bronn: You're a shit warrior.
- Bronn's advice to Tyrion before the battle: "Stay low."Tyrion: (incredulous) "Stay low"?
Bronn: If we're lucky, no-one will see you.
Tyrion: I was born lucky.
- When Tyrion meets Shae, he asks "what kind of accent that is". Her answer? "Foreign." Tyrion's face after she says it is priceless.
- Catelyn and Robb's discussion of his being betrothed to one of Walder Frey's daughters. Specifically when Robb asks for his mother's assessment of Lord Frey's daughters and she says, "One was..." and trails off, clearly unable to think of anything complimentary that wasn't a bald-faced lie. Well, Theon found it hilarious, at least.
- The start of Tyrion's Rousing Speech."Stone Crows! Black Ears! Burned Men! Moon Brothers!"
"(and Painted Dogs!)"
"And Painted Dogs".
- Tyrion never fails to amuse, even when he learns his father is sending his mercenaries (and therefore himself as well) to the front lines:"Surely there are better ways of having me killed that are not so detrimental to the war effort!"
10 - Fire and Blood
- The Mood Whiplash moment when Samwell Tarly hits a tree branch and falls off his horse chasing Jon after he deserts. It breaks the tension neatly for the reveal that it's actually Sam, Pyp, and Grenn.
- Varys giving as good as he gets in a fantastically passive-aggressive argument with Littlefinger. Anyone who can out-snark Petyr Baelish deserves a medal.Varys: I must be one of the few men in this city who doesn't want to be King.
Petyr: You must be one of the few men in this city who isn't a man.
Varys: Oh, you can do better than that.
Petyr: When they castrated you, did they take the pillar with the stones? I've always wondered.
Varys: Have you? Do you spend a lot of time wondering what's between my legs?
Petyr: I picture a gash, like a woman's. Is that about right?
Varys: I am flattered, of course, to be pictured at all.
Petyr: Must be strange for you, even after all these years a man from another land, despised by most, feared by all.
Varys: Am I? That is good to know. Do you lie awake at night fearing my gash?
- Pycelle stretching vibrantly after sleeping with a whore, and then pretending to be frail and slouching before he leaves his chambers.
- Lancel, Cersei's newest lover, thinking that she actually wants political advice from him, while she sees him as little more than a boytoy/Jaime substitute.
- Yoren's warnings to Arya as he takes her away to a pack of prisoners bound to join the Night's Watch are funny in a morbid sort of way, especially the last part."Half of them would turn you over to the king quick as spit for a pardon, and the other half would do the same except they'd rape ya first. So keep to yourself, and when you piss, do it in the woods, alone."
Gendry: "We've got rapers, pickpockets, highwaymen, murderers..."Arya: "Which are you?"
- On the same note Gendry menacingly listing off the dangerous men in the Night's Watch only for Arya to ask what he is and the response is...rather less intimidating.
- When Catelyn goes to see Jaime to find out what happened to her son, Bran, the first thing Jaime does is troll Catelyn by offering to sleep with her. Catelyn is already angry because Ned just died, and this just infuriates her even more to the point of beating him with a rock. It gets even funnier when Jaime seems to enjoy being beaten with said rock, offering that she should do it again and again because he likes "a violent woman".Jaime: You look lovely tonight, Lady Stark, widowhood becomes you. Your bed must be lonely... Is that why you came? I'm not at my best, but I think I could be of service.
- When Jaime admits to Catelyn that he pushed Bran off the window and she asks why, his delivery of the line: "I... hoped the fall would kill him." is hilarious (in a dark way).
- When the northern lords are arguing which king they should pick in the war, Galbert Glover shouts: "Renly is not right!" apropos to nothing. The show creators underline this in the commentary track, and say it was an ad-lib which they kept as a joke because of its ridiculousness.
1 - The North Remembers
- Cersei and Littlefinger's verbal pissing contest, where they both passive-aggressively tell each other that they know each other's secrets, and then to one-up him Cersei has her guards seize him and order them to cut his throat, but then changes her mind, has the guards turn around, step forward and back and close their eyes, all to tell Littlefinger that while he has the knowledge, she has the power.
- The "Warrior of Light" ceremony, in that it centers around Stannis, who has "this has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life" written all over his face.Melisandre: For the night is dark and full of terrors.
(paaaaause, and then Melisandre gives Stannis a look)
Stannis Baratheon: (unenthusiastically) For the night is dark and full of terror.
- Stannis redacts his claim to the throne:
- He's passive listening, but suddenly comes to life and snaps to amend Robert being referenced to as his "beloved brother" because, as he points out, he didn't love him; and Davos's tiny "Oh my gods" look in reaction to this.
- On the other hand he insists that Jaime (whom he's accusing of committing incest and adultery with the king's wife) be called Ser Jaime Lannister the Kingslayer, because, well, "whatever else the man is, he is still a knight."
- Tyrion's left field comment about Cersei's only redeeming qualities being her love for her kids... and her cheekbones.
- Ros bossing around other whores with the exact same lines Littlefinger gave to her the previous season.
- Daenerys insulting her late brother without really trying: "My brother didn't know anything about dragons." (beat) "He didn't know anything about anything..."
- Tyrion's entire arrival in King's Landing: subtly mocking Joffrey to his face before walking away followed by a bunch of hill tribesman, and thoroughly pissing off Cersei by springing on her during a small council meeting that Tywin appointed him acting Hand. Particular mention to his outraged reaction to learning that they only have one Stark left to bargain with.
- Sam hitching a ride on Grenn's sledge, to which Grenn says that he "killed" it.
- Seeing Joffrey getting slapped again is more than satisfying, but the one doing it makes it even better: his own mom. His outraged expression right after the fact is absolutely hilarious.
- Craster to Jon Snow: "You're prettier than half my daughters." It's funny because it's true.
2 - The Night Lands
- Tyrion inquiring about Bronn's boundaries:Tyrion: If I told you to murder an infant girl, say, still at her mother's breast, would you do it without question?
Bronn: Without question? No. I'd ask, "How much?"
- Sallador Saan's first scene, in which he agrees to help Davos and Stannis in their assault on King's Landing with his pirate fleet on the condition that he'd get to plunder the city and "fuck the blonde queen Cersei and fuck her well":Mathos: (eyes wide in complete disbelief) This war isn't about you! We're not attacking King's Landing so you can rape the queen!
Saan: I'm not going to rape her! I'm going to fuck her!
Mathos: As if she would just let you?!
Saan: You don't know how persuasive I am, boy. I've never tried to fuck you...!
Saan: (when Mathos starts preaching about the Lord of Light) The one true god is what's between a woman's legs, and better yet a queen's legs.
- And Mathos jumping back a foot every time Saan goes near him after this comment.
- And Davos, his father, chuckling quietly at him about it.
Saan: (to Davos) You Westerosi are funny people, man chops off your fingers and you fall in love with him!
- (Which is directed at Davos, but also a Call-Back to the North's Greatjon Umber becoming Robb's most loyal bannerman after the latter's direwolf bites off half his hand during an altercation.)
- And Mathos jumping back a foot every time Saan goes near him after this comment.
- The whole argument between the 'lads' about whether having armour on makes a fight a battle and a man a knight. Here's a hint from Gendry; it doesn't in either case. How does he know. "Because I sold armour."
Gendry: You know you shouldn't insult people who are bigger than you.
- For that matter a lot of the dialogue between Arya and Gendry in The Night Lands:
Arya: Then I wouldn't get to insult anyone.
- Maisie Williams' utterly deadpan and despondent delivery of this line makes this scene hilarious.
Gendry: I should be calling you milady!
- In a darkly hilarious way Gendry's anxiety when he realizes he's been pissing in front of a highborn lady and - shock horror - used the word cock around her. Arya has at this point been present at her own father's execution, traveled with murderers, thieves and rapists and in a few episodes will watch countless people being tortured. You peeing in her presence is the least of Arya's worries Gendry.
Arya: Do not call me milady!
Gendry: As milady commands.
Arya: *shoves Gendry*
Gendry: Well, that was unladylike.
Arya: *pushes him to the ground*
- When Varys meets Shae, he comments on Tyrion's alibi that she worked in Tywin's kitchens, and mentions that he finds it suspicious. Tyrion responds with this:Tyrion: You should try her fish pie.
Varys: How can you tell?Shae: I can always tell.
- Then Shae responds that Varys doesn't seem like the type who'd enjoy fish pie.
- A disgruntled patron of Littlefinger comes out and says he barely touched Ros. At that moment, Aremca comes out of another room with "fluid" still on her lips. (The Patron doesn't see her) Littlefinger says "One moment" and just wipes off the "fluid". He then introduces the two and she begins to make-out with the Patron right there, despite only wiping off her lips and not having a chance to wash out her mouth with some wine.
- Theon's expression, when he realises that sassy blonde he fingered on the way up to the castle is his SISTER.
Old man in Lordsport: What you carrying?
- There's also something humorous about the fact that every inhabitant of Pyke that Theon meets either trolls him or treats him with utter disdain... yes, even the Iron Islands hates Theon.
Theon: Myrish oranges, wine from the Arbor and the heir to Pyke and the Iron Islands! (old man stares at him completely unimpressed) The only living son of Balon Greyjoy! (old man keeps staring) Me!
Old man: Don't like wine, woman's drink.
Balon: (commenting on Theon's choice of attire) Was it Ned Stark's pleasure to make you his daughter?
Balon: I'll not have my son dressed as a whore!
Theon: I told you to wait outside! How'd you get past the guards?
Yara: Anything with a cock is easy to fool.
Theon: She can't lead an attack!
Balon: And why not?
Theon: (gesticulates at her) You're a woman!
Yara: You're the one in skirts.
- Davos seems to excel at dropping snarky comments to his stoic king Stannis:Stannis: How's it fare with your pirate?
Davos: Sallador Saan will join our fleet. Thirty ships; his men know how to fight.
Stannis: In my experience pirates prefer fighting unarmed men.
Davos: It does seem the wiser choice.
Stannis: You defend these men who insult you behind your back.
- And later when discussing the highborn not respecting lowborn Davos:
Davos: Well, some are happy to do it to my face.
- Tyrion, in a conversation with Lord Janos Slynt, implies that he's corrupt.Slynt: Are you drunk? I'll not have my honor questioned by an imp!
Tyrion: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.
- It's the tone and the body language that really do it — as if he's saying something placating and friendly.
- "I hope you enjoy the Wall. I found it surprisingly beautiful... in a brutal, horribly uncomfortable sort of way."
- After Cersei gives a speech feeling sorry for herself and lamenting how she must be the responsible Lannister sibling:Cersei: You've never taken it seriously! You haven't, Jaime hasn't! It's all fallen on me.
Tyrion: (Beat) As has Jaime repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon.
- When Sam brings Gilly to Jon. It's all in the face and the voice, which don't change at all throughout but still manage to scream, "You are such an idiot."Jon: (To Sam) What are you doing?Sam: This is Gilly. She's one of Craster's (Beat) daughters.Jon: Hello, Gilly. (To Sam) What are you doing?
Jon: You know that we're not supposed to..Sam: She's pregnant.Jon: ... [eyeing Sam with an expression as if he's thinking "well, that was quick"]
- And only seconds later:
3 - What Is Dead May Never Die
- Renly's flabbergasted expression and his delivery of "What?!" when Margaery reveals that she knows full well about him and her brother, and is even willing to let Loras share their bed if it helps Renly get her pregnant.
- Plus, when she first offers herself, Renly's reaction is pretty much "Eww, boobs!"
- And the moment before that when she came in, a clothed version of Ready for Lovemaking, and he compliments her dress. Talk about a Transparent Closet!
- There's something comical and cute about Renly's attempt to slow things down by quoting philosophy ("Although some say that the beauty most desired is the beauty most concealed.") Oh Renly, your vast intellect isn't going to help you now.
- You half expect Renly to run out of the tent screaming about cooties.
- Shae is complaining about going stir-crazy cooped up in Tyrion's chambers, and when he shushes her because he's reading, she replies "why, you think your father can hear me? He's three hundred miles away!!"
- "HO! Get up, you lazy sons of whores! There's men outside that want to FUCK YOUR CORPSES!''"
- Becomes even funnier after Clegane's "rousing speech" before the battle at Blackwater where he promises to do exactly that to any one of his soldiers who dies with a clean sword. Apparently Yoren knew something...
- Varys on being asked to keep a secret from Cersei: "I love conversations that begin this way."
Tyrion Lannister: ... cut off his manhood, and feed it to the goats.Pycelle: Wha-no, no, no!Timett: There are no goats, halfman!Tyrion: Well, make do!
- What adds to this is that Varys knows that this entire conversation is bullshit and goes with it anyway. Even funnier is that Tyrion can't hold back smirking.
- Tyrion's subsequent hazing of the one revealed to be Cersei's snitch, Grand Maester Pycelle. Tyrion and his henchmen are obviously having way too much fun tormenting the guy.
Tyrion: I don't like his beard.
- Of particular note is the way that Timett looks around, as if he actually expects to find a goat just lying around the Grand Maester's chambers.
- There's also Tyrion's hilarious roll of the eyes after that, along with a look on his face that just screams "Do I have to do everything around here?!"
- Also amid all of this:
(Pycelle's beard is promptly cut off by Bronn)
Bronn: Filthy old stoat. Almost hate to interrupt.
- Tyrion leaving a second coin for the whore propels this scene to the top of this list.
- Bronn reporting on Pycelle:
Tyrion: No, you don't.
Bronn: ... No, I don't.
4 - Garden of Bones
- Two of Stafford Lannister's men playing "Who would kick whose ass" like a pair of fanboys.
- "How good could he (Ser Loras) be? He's been stabbing Renly Baratheon for years, and Renly ain't dead!"
- Tywin's unintentional Big Damn Heroes moment, largely for the utterly deadpan way he sees through and calls attention to Arya's disguise.Tywin: (to Polliver) This one's a girl. You idiot.
- Renly snarking on Stannis throughout their parley.Renly: Whose banner is that?
Stannis: My own.
Renly: (smiles) I suppose if we used the same one the battle would be terribly confusing... Why's your stag on fire?
Melisandre: The king has taken for his sigil the fiery heart of the Lord of Light / He's the Lord's chosen. Born amidst salt and smoke.
Renly: "Born amidst salt and smoke?" Is he a ham?
- Immediately after the ham comment, we cut to Catelyn looking incredibly disapproving... and Loras laughing merrily in the background. Even Melisandre is clearly trying not to laugh.
- Upon seeing Melisandre, Renly snarks that he's relieved and now understands that his brother is not a fanatic and the reason that drove Stannis into the arms of a new religion at such old age.
- The way Renly greets Littlefinger: "Well, if it isn't my favorite whoremonger!"
Renly: I don't like you, Lord Baelish. I don't like your face. I don't like the words that come oozing out of your mouth. I don't want you in my tent one more minute than necessary.
- Then there's the moment he drops all niceties and tells his fellow politician exactly what he thinks of him.
- Dany trying to convince Qarth's council to let her people into their city and mis-pronouncing it "Qwarth" and being politely corrected by their leader.
- Especially as it's based on Qarth being one of the names that George RR Martin has received the most requests on how to pronounce.
- The "WTF?!" reactions by non-book readers on Twitter to what happened at the end with Melisandre giving birth to a shadow demon. Including comments like "Did she just give birth to Venom/Hexxus/the smoke monster from Lost?" and "Her vagina is 'dark and full of terrors'" and "Why did Game of Thrones end with the most vile queef I have ever seen?" Carice van Houten's reply was equally hilarious.
- Tyrion has a few excellent lines while calling out Joffrey and Ser Meryn for their brutal treatment of Sansa:Joffrey: You can't talk to me like that! The king can do as he likes!
Tyrion: The Mad King did as he liked. Has your Uncle Jaime ever told you what happened to him?
Ser Meryn: No one threatens his Grace in the presence of the Kingsguard!
Tyrion: I am not threatening the king, Ser. I am educating my nephew. (to Bronn) Bronn, the next time Ser Meryn speaks, kill him. (to Meryn) That was a threat. See the difference?
Bronn: (regarding Joffrey) There's no cure for being a cunt.
- And, naturally, Bronn's input afterward.
- Tyrion blackmailing Lancel into spying on Cersei for him, then saying that he'll let Pycelle go as Lancel initially ordered as a complete afterthought. "I could say I hadn't harmed a single hair on his head, but that would not, strictly speaking, be true."
- Also Lancel's puzzled look at that comment.
- Davos and Stannis have a conversation discussing Davos's backstory, and Davos comments that because Stannis chopped off his fingertips, he now has four less fingernails to clean. Stannis corrects Davos' grammar and tells him he means four fewer fingernails.
- Stannis objects to Davos using the term "the Red Woman", only to playfully use it himself a few phrases later.
- A Mood Whiplash moment considering what happens next, but the part where Davos is rowing Melisandre into shore allows them to get some nice digs in at each other. "I am a knight myself, of sorts. A champion of light and life." "That must be very nice for you." Made better by the fact that Carice van Houten and Liam Cunningham are Vitriolic Best Buds in real life.
- Davos' face when Melisandre is birthing the shadow is also pretty hilarious.
- A bit of Gallows Humor from Dany, on their greeting at Qarth and what's left of her followers:Dany: I thought we were welcome.
Jorah: If you heard a Dothraki horde was approaching your city, you might do the same, Khaleesi.
5 - The Ghost of Harrenhal
- That awkward moment after Jorah told Dany, "There are times I look at you and still can't believe you're real."
- Rickon endlessly smashing nuts on the table as Bran holds court. And note that this is the first time he appears in the entire Season.
- After Lancel tells Tyrion about Cersei's stockpile of wildfire, Tyrion screws with him a bit before lamenting that it's boring, then makes him ask Bronn to kill him if anything happens to Tyrion.Lancel: Please kill me if anything should happen to Lord Tyrion.
Bronn: (smugly) It will be my pleasure.
Cersei: Always so clever, with your schemes and your plots.
- Another Tyrion moment, this exchange from his conversation with Cersei:
Tyrion: Schemes and plots are the same thing.
- Tyrion's reaction upon finding out from Bronn that the "Demon Monkey" controlling Joffrey that the people are talking about is in fact him.
- Tyrion talking to the alchemists about their wildfire stockpile:Tyrion: I remember reading an old sailor's proverb. "Piss on wildfire, and your cock burns off."
Wisdom Hallyne: Oh! I've not conducted this experiment...
Bronn: If I could tell you how many crazy old men I've seen pushing carts around army camps making grand claims about jars full of pig shit... (to Hallyne) No offense meant.
- This is followed by:
Hallyne: Our order does not deal in pig shit!
- Two of the Dothraki casually discussing the best way to loot Xaro's palace, starting with an enormous golden, bejeweled peacock, while Jorah just looks like he'd like to watch. And Dany's reaction, which can be summed up as "No! No stealing!". Then Kovarro takes a cup from a waiter just to empty it and keep it as a consolation prize.
- While we are at Dany's entourage, her two handmaidens obviously fighting over her attention and approval.
- Jorah wearing a bright blue ascot/scarf underneath the dirty shirt he's worn since episode eight of the first Season. It looks like the sort of thing he had to be coaxed into wearing. (he continues to wear it until he loses it in the smoking sea in Season Five!)
- Tywin's war council at Harrenhall showing him hopelessly Surrounded by IdiotsReginald Lannister: We've worked through the night, my Lord. Perhaps we'd profit from some sleep.
Tywin Lannister: Yes, I think you would, Reginald. And, because you're my cousin, I might even let you wake from that sleep! Go! I'm sure your wife must miss you.
Reginald Lannister: My wife's in Lannisport...
Tywin Lannister: Well, then you'd better start riding. (pause) Go, before I change my mind and send her your head! If your name wasn't Lannister, you'd be scrubbing out pots in the cook's tent. Go!
- Also during that war council he points out to his officers that, "We've underestimated the Stark boy for too long" is kinda funny when you remember no "we." "HE" underestimated Robb Stark while Tyrion (who actually met Robb before) was actively warning him NOT to underestimate him.
6 - The Old Gods and the New
- When Theon storms into Bran's room and tells him to surrender Winterfell, Bran confusedly asked why, Theon clarifies his men are taking Winterfell for themselves, and Bran's casual "No I won't." response. Just the look on Theon's face when he says that is priceless. He invaded Bran's castle with an army and is standing in the crippled boy's room with armed soldiers and he still doesn't get any respect. He has to sit down on the bed like an annoyed older brother and cajole Bran into surrendering the castle. Very few people can remain such total losers even when heading up a conquering army, but Theon is a very special case.
- In general the utter lack of respect Theon gets from all of Winterfell's residents as he's conquering them. Despite it being a horribly dark situation and the atrocities he commits, the fact everyone there - who are mostly the old, women and children - basically responds with eye rolls and "fucking Theon Greyjoy man" makes it darkly hilarious and satisfying.
- There's something hilarious about the look on Theon's face when Osha takes off her clothes in front of him. The combination of the wide eyes and the way he's still chewing on the apple makes him look surprisingly goofy considering the situation.
- Robb watching Talisa walk away and being caught by Catelyn (who has a hilariously knowing spark in her eye).Robb: I've missed you.
Catelyn: Yes, you looked practically forlorn.
- The scene where Sansa is about to be raped goes from absolute, teeth-clenching horror to pitch-black humor the moment Sandor Clegane arrives. Specifically the moment he grabs the leader of the thugs and lifts him up, and the expression on the guy's face as he realizes he's face-to-face with a none-too-happy Hound invokes the kind of dark "Heh, that guy is so screwed" sense of schadenfreude.
- Shortly before that, the moment where the rioters tear apart the fat priest comes so unexpectedly and is so over the top it just ends up being funny, not to mention comparisons to a Zombie Apocalypse.
- That one rioter who actually manages to hit the Hound with a rock... and ignores his exposed head in favor of his armored chest. What was he thinking?
- The Spice King constantly taking the wind out of Dany's sails as he refuses her his ships.
- Tywin casually insulting Littlefinger:Petyr: It is my belief that a moment of chaos affords one opportunities lost soon after.
Tywin: You say that as if you were the first man alive to think it. Yes, a crisis is an opportunity. What other brilliant insights have you brought me today?
- When Littlefinger first walks in and loudly addresses "Lord Tywin", Tywin just rolls his eyes and mutters, "Baelish."
- And of course: "Daaahhhhk forces."
- Yet again, Joffrey gets Imp-slapped.Tyrion: We've had vicious kings and we've had idiot kings, but I don't know if we've ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king!
- Tywin bollocking Amory Lorch: "My cup-bearer can read better than you."
- Jaqen H'ghar letting his emotionless front drop with an exasperated sigh when Arya insists he kill Amory Lorch immediately. It's also almost dark slapstick, when Lorch slams the door of Tywin's chamber open to inform his lord of Arya's crime, only to drop dead on the spot without saying a word.
- The shift on Tywin's face from surprise to annoyance as he calls for the guards. He seems less concerned with the fact that one of his officers got assassinated and more that he has to find another idiot to replace him.
- Jon's growing exasperation with Ygritte, not to mention her grinding against him, just to screw with his head.
- Ygritte providing Jon Snow with the words that will eventually be his new Great House's motto: "You're brave. Stupid, but brave."
- It's Black Comedy, but when the Lannisters are saying farewell to Myrcella, Cersei tells Tyrion that she wants him to know what it's like to love someone and have them ripped away from you. Tyrion's expression of disdain is priceless, it's like he's just thinking, "Seriously?"
- In the same scene, Joffrey insults his younger brother Tommen for crying as their sister sails away, stating that "princes don't cry." Sansa, without missing a beat, flatly states that she has seen Joffrey cry. When he turns to confront her on it, she instead claims that she said that she had seen her little brother cry when she left Winterfell.
7 - A Man Without Honor
- The hilarious conversation Ygritte and Jon have, concerning men's "stones" and "bones", and whether or not they "get all swollen and bruised when you don't use them". Of which the crowning moment is definitely:Ygritte: Aren't there any girl crows?
Jon: There are no women of the Night's Watch, no.
Ygritte: So the lads just do it with each other?
- And after being told that they don't:Ygritte: (Beat) Are there sheep at the Wall?
- And after being told that they don't:
- Theon tries to keep up his leader act by punching one of his men who talks back to him. The man goes down, but Theon's hand doesn't fare much better.
- Luwin then snarks at him while they're trying to hunt down Bran and Rickon, pointing out that "So far, hunting seems little different from riding". Having remained a complete loser in front of a crippled boy in the last episode, Theon now has to endure helpless old men snarking at him, despite holding all the cards both times.
- When Tywin tells Arya the story of how Aegon Targaryen and his dragon burned Harrenhal and its king she reminds him that his two sisters also were responsible and proceeds to name them, the dragons they rode and their swords. An impressed Tywin tells her most girls prefer to be like the pretty maidens of songs with flowers in their hair. True to form, Arya retorts without missing a beat...Arya: Most girls are idiots.
- You know you've dropped a good one when you manage to make Tywin bark out a laugh.
- Jaime's endless river of snark, intermixed with his biting assessment of Catelyn. Especially his reaction to Brienne."Is that a woman?"
- Even better, her presence seems to confuse him so much he interrupts one of his speeches to ask about her again.
- The crowning moment comes when Catelyn orders Brienne while Jaime tries to remember Jon Snow's name. Catelyn first says "Brienne," to which Jaime responds without missing a beat, "No, that's not it," and continues trying to remember the name.
- This little bit when Cersei and Tyrion discuss how they plan to defend King's Landing from Stannis Baratheon's forces:Cersei: We have strong high walls. We'll rain fire down on them from above.
Tyrion "Rain fire on them from above?" You're quoting father aren't you?
Cersei: And why not? He's a good mind for strategy doesn't he?
Tyrion: (Sotto-voce) We call it tactics, not strategy, but yes, he does have a good mind for it!
- Jon's horror on waking up in a certain position with Ygritte — which she then proceeds to milk for every single bit it's worth:
Ygritte: Do you have sheep at the Wall? ... With your hands then? No wonder you're all so miserable...
- Pretty much every scene with Jon and Ygritte. She needles that vow of celibacy relentlessly:
Ygritte: I swear it old Master King Crow sir! We were only close together for warmth, and then, I felt it! Right up against me backside like a club! I can show you the bruise on me tailbone. And before I knew what was where his... his... Well it was all out in the open all angry as you like and I didn't want to want it, but ohhh! I did! And he spread me legs and... ruined! The shame of it! Now I can never marry a perfumed lord! What will me poor savage father say?
- Her threatening to lie about Jon breaking his vow is epic and hilarious:
Jon Snow: Turn back around.
Ygritte: And I thought we were done but he said: (deep voice) "Turn back around."
- Best part about the whole thing is the expression on Jon's face. He's caught somewhere between being embarrassed, laughing, and pissed off, and doesn't know how he should feel while she's mocking him.
8 - The Prince of Winterfell
- Jaime and Brienne's entire interaction, with Jaime constantly needling Brienne and her constantly verbally slapping him down (and also taking the opportunity to force him to his knees for the 'horses' comment as well as the need to hide.)Jaime: Have you known many men? I suppose not. Women? Horses? Ahh...
- "Are you the dumbest cunt alive?" Why, yes, Yara. Yes, Theon is.
- Yara mocking Theon by wondering who gave him the tougher fight: the six year-old or the cripple?
- And this is after she arrived at Winterfell by riding a circle around him, having her men totally ignore him, and start scoffing down his food without, apparently, any sort of greeting or invitation.
- Honestly the entire What an Idiot! speech Yara gave Theon after he revealed that he got tricked by Bran and company.
- Tyrion, Bronn and Varys planning how to combat Stannis' forces. Well, Tyrion's trying to; Bronn and Varys aren't exactly helping. They do give us some great quips, though.
- Specifically, Bronn just wants to clean his nails, much to Tyrion's frustration. And when Tyrion asks him to wear the goldcloak, Bronn argues it incessantly until Tyrion gives up. Then, when Varys arrives, he goes right back to picking his nails.
- Also, even Tyrion can't pronounce all of George R.R. Martin's elaborate names! What makes it especially funny is that Bronn and Tyrion go back and forth for a few moments trying to figure out how to pronounce this particular author's name, and then Varys comes and (naturally) pronounces it correctly without a second thought, as if were the easiest thing in the world. Tyrion and Bronn exchange an exasperated look. "Of course you'd know how to pronounce it, smartass."
- Also:Varys: If Stannis does attack the Mud Gate, what is our plan?
Bronn: We can throw books at his men.
Varys: We don't have that many books.
Bronn: We don't have that many men either.
- And again, when Bronn explains how he secured King's Landing's food supply against theft in the event of a siege:Bronn: Me and the lads rounded up all the known thieves.
Tyrion: For questioning?
Bronn: Ah, no. It's just the unknown thieves we need to worry about now.
- After Joffrey boasts that he'll kill Stannis:
- This is after Joffrey has declared that "now is the time to strike", and Tyrion is trying to politely get him to understand that they are in fact preparing for a siege, as evidenced by all the men around them loading catapults and shoring up the walls.
- Incidentally, if you look closely, you see Lord Varys himself struggling not to laugh as Tyrion makes those sarcastic comments to Joffrey.
- When Joffrey states that "now is the time to strike" while all the men are preparing for Stannis' siege you can quickly see him open-mouthed looking at Tyrion as if he is in disbelief of how stupid their king is.
- An insightful discussion on theology in Westeros:Tyrion: The Lord of Light wants his enemies burned. The Drowned God wants them drowned. Why are all the gods such vicious cunts? Where's the god of tits and wine?
Varys: In the Summer Isles they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats.
Tyrion: We should sail there immediately!
- Cersei explaining what makes Varys so dangerous:Cersei: He doesn't have a cock.
Tyrion: Neither do you.
- A recollection of the dire moments during the defense of Storm's End has some oblique funny bits thanks to Stannis' deadpan, monotone delivery.Then we ate the cats, never liked them, so fine... I do like dogs, good animals, loyal, but we ate them.
- Stannis recounting how when Davos got through the siege at Storm's End with food:Stannis: You slipped right through in your little black-sailed boat with your onions.
Davos: And potatoes, and some salted beef, I believe.
Stannis: Every man on Storm's End wanted to kiss you that night.
Davos: I was relieved they did not.
- When Arya sees Jaqen after failing to get him to kill Tywin and furiously asks him where he's been:Jaqen: A man has patrol duty.
Jaqen: A girl lacks honor.
- "Unname me." "No." "Please?" You know things are getting a little out of hand when a full-fledged master assassin is begging a little girl for his life.
- The above exchange leads to:
(Arya shrugs as if to say "Yeah, so?")This becomes even funnier if you watch the episode again after season 5, considering how their relationship changes.
9 - Blackwater
- Tyrion's understated "Oh, fuck me" when he sees the men he's just defeated were only a small part of Stannis's Stormlanders charging up the beach at his little force.
- Sandor's brief but memorable Rousing Speech to his men as he bulls out of the gates"Any man dies with a clean sword, I'LL RAPE HIS FUCKING CORPSE!!!!"
- "Any of those flaming fucking arrows come near me, and I'll strangle you with your own guts."
- Many of Sandor's lines after retreating behind the lines:(being given water as a refreshment, he spits it out) "Fuck the water, bring me wine!"
"Eat shit, dwarf."
"Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the king."
- Sansa's entire pre-battle exchange with Joffrey, doubling as a Moment of Awesome as she tries to goad Joffrey into fighting in the much more dangerous vanguard position by saying that of course he'll ride in the vanguard, since Robb does and he's "only a pretender."
- Sansa's conversation with Tyrion, in which she subtly lets him know exactly what she thinks of the Lannisters.Sansa: I pray for your safe return.
Tyrion: (pleased) Do you?
Sansa: Yes. Just as I pray for our king.
- As they're preparing for the battle, Bronn asks Tyrion if he knows how to use the axe he's armed himself with. Tyrion's response?"I chopped wood once. No, wait, I watched my brother chop wood."
- A moment that manages to be both funny and heartwarming; Tyrion calls Bronn his friend.Bronn: Oh, are we friends now?
Tyrion: Of course we are. Just because I pay you for your services doesn't diminish our friendship.
Bronn: Enhances it, really.
Tyrion: Ooh, 'enhances'. Fancy words from a sellsword!
Bronn: Been spending time with fancy folks.
- After Bronn and some soldiers sing The Rains of Castamere in a tavern before the battle, one of the men asks Bronn where he learned "the Lannister song". Bronn's reply? "Drunk Lannisters."
- Then someone compliments Bronn on his singing ability. Bronn's response? Thank you very much!
- The exchange between Joffrey and Tyrion on the ramparts just prior to the battle, where they pass comments and insults to each other via the Hound and Lancel.Joffrey: Hound tell the Hand that his king asked him a question!
Sandor: (sighs) The king has asked you a question.
Tyrion: Ser Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the king that the Hand is extremely busy.
Lancel: (to the Hound) The Hand would like me to tell you, to tell the king—
- Varys' comment about the bells.Varys: Always hated the bells. They ring for horror. A dead king. A city under siege.
Tyrion: A wedding.
- Approaching this scene after viewing the rest of the series so far, it almost becomes a mix of Foreshadowing and Black Comedy. Something awful happens to someone at or shortly following every wedding depicted in the series.
- Even worse when it got to the actual episode The Bells. Those bells certainly precluded horror for the people living in Kings Landing....
- Approaching this scene after viewing the rest of the series so far, it almost becomes a mix of Foreshadowing and Black Comedy. Something awful happens to someone at or shortly following every wedding depicted in the series.
- Cersei's reaction to Sansa leading prayers.Drunk!Cersei: (amused yet incredulous) What are you doing?
Drunk!Cersei: (voice dripping with contempt and bile) You're perfect aren't you?
- Cersei lamenting Stannis's rigidness: "I'd have a better chance of seducing his horse."
- The disinterested yet gloating way Cersei delivers the line: "I'm afraid these fine ladies are in for a bit of a rape".
- Drunk Cersei complaining bitterly about how when she and Jaime were young not even their father could tell them apart but that they were still treated differently as they got older.Drunk!Cersei: Jaime was taught to fight with sword and lance and mace and I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to Casterly Rock and I was sold to some stranger like a horse to be ridden whenever he desired.
Sansa: You were Robert's queen!
Drunk!Cersei: And you will be Joffrey's. Enjoy.
- Tyrion's quips to Joffrey:Joffrey: I could tell the Hound to cut you in half!
Tyrion: That would make me a quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it...
- Tyrion's inspirational speech to rally his men before taking the fight to Stannis.Tyrion: Those are brave men knocking on our door. Let's go kill them!
- Tyrion waddling onto the screen and hacking a man's leg off with an axe and killing him is darkly humorous.
- Stannis suddenly realizes that the men are looking up to him so he has to say something... so he produces a straightforward one-line-speech: "Come with me and take this city!"
- After a whole season Cersei finally notices that there's a new handmaiden in Sansa's service. And despite Tyrion stressing the importance of Shae preserving her cover, neither of them thought a bad curtsy would make Cersei suspicious. And a very drunk Cersei gives Shae an impromptu lesson on how to do it properly.
- She also notices Shae's accent, correctly identifies it as Lorathi and muses that she made it from the Free Cities to the Red Keep in ten years "all without learning how to curtsy" - presumably she was so drunk at this stage that she didn't remember any of this later.
- When he takes off his helm, Loras should be covered in blood, sweat and grime after slaying a large number of Stannis' soldiers, yet he looks like he just stepped out of a hair salon or a teen magazine! In addition to being clean, not a single strand on his curly head is out of place (and he even performs a mild Hair Flip). A popular animated gif on tumblr◊ pokes fun at this highly improbable moment.
- Loras' pristine condition becomes even more ridiculous when Tywin walks in moments later because the old man is covered in blood, sweat and grime.
10 - Valar Morghulis
- Tywin's horse taking a dump in the Red Keep.
- A very small moment is Sansa's reaction to her engagement to Joffrey being revoked. She acts like she's heartbroken and depressed about it, but when she turns and walks out of the court, she smiles and giggles to herself in sheer relief at the prospect of being free at last! And seeing as we hadn't seen Sansa smile or laugh in a long time, it's very pleasing as well.
- Joffrey's reaction to being persuaded to abolish his marriage to Sansa in order to marry Margaery is a disappointed grunt, like his favourite toy was taken away. Cersei's demeanor is that of a frustrated mother taking said toy from said spoiled child.
- Varys's "Bitch, please" look when Ros feels between his legs.
- Jaime is completely gobsmacked at Brienne's swift massacre of the rapists — and he even partakes in a Quizzical Tilt as she finishes off the last one.
- Everything involving Theon and the Bolton hornblower in the Season Two finale.Theon: (while trying to sleep) I will kill that man. I don't care how many arrows they feather me with, how many spears they run through me, I will kill that horn-blowing cunt before I fall!
(later) I will kill that man. I swear it to the Drowned God, the old gods, the new gods, TO EVERY FUCKING GOD IN EVERY FUCKING HEAVEN, I WILL KILL THAT MAN!
Theon: (in the middle of giving a Rousing Speech) AND WHOEVER KILLS THAT FUCKING HORNBLOWER WILL STAND IN BRONZE ABOVE THE SHORES OF PYKE!
- It takes a sharp turn into morbidly hilarious when the hornblower in question is revealed to be Ramsay Snow himself in Season Three.
- After Season Six, it seems Sansa gets the statue.
- Theon and Maester Luwin discussing his situation:Theon: Send more ravens!
Luwin: (tiredly) You killed all the ravens.
- Theon's speech as a whole as he tries, once more, to be pretty awesome and just falls flat. Not necessarily because the speech itself wasn't completely kickass, but right at the end, when he gets whacked on the head by his own man."Thought he would never shut up."
"It was a good speech. I didn't want to interrupt."
- Varys asking Tyrion why he would suspect him of lying.Tyrion: To create strife between my sister and me.
Varys: Where before there was nothing but love?
- Varys explaining to Tyrion what he missed while he was out.Varys: The Gold Cloaks are now firmly in the hands of your father. Or your sister. ... It varies from cloak to cloak.
- It turns out, the Dothraki actually can carry that golden peacock statue out.
- Ygritte's Punctuated Pounding of Jon on the back of the head with the flat of Longclaw, and his growing look of annoyance every time she does it.
- Dolorous Edd's ever-growing annoyance with Sam. "Before I die, please stop talking."
- Edd has a wonderful ongoing commentary of these.Sam: If you step back and think about it, the thing about Gilly that's so interesting is...
Grenn: (sotto voce) Just bloody kill me.
Sam: No, truly. The thing about her I that find so interesting is that after all that Craster's done to her, she still has hope life might get better.
Edd: The thing about Gilly that you find so interesting is that she said six words to you.
Sam: And the thing about you that I find so interesting is... absolutely nothing.
- Edd has a wonderful ongoing commentary of these.
- When Arya, Gendry, and Hot Pie find Jaqen, we get this exchange:Arya: How did you find us?
Jaqen: After all the things you have seen, this is your question?
- Before this, Arya sees Jaqen disappear over the cliffs. When he appears behind her, she looks more exasperated and annoyed than surprised.
- Some of the History and Lore DVD extras is comedy gold, especially Ygritte."If a man wants a woman, he has to prove he can give her strong and cunning sons. If she tries to slit his throat, he don't let her."
1 - Valar Dohaeris
- When Tywin chides Tyrion for "bedding harlots and drinking with thieves" in the middle of one of his storms of insults, Tyrion still has the spirit to insert one of his classic retorts:
- He then is going to say something but shuts himself up and seems to be about to laugh (before Tywin continues to chide him). The gesture is often theorized by serious fans to imply Tyrion almost accidentally said "bedding thieves" but managed to stop himself.
- When Tywin recriminates Tyrion for bringing a whore into his bed, the little lion retorts with the aside but confident technicality that it wasn't Tywin's bed at the time.
- When Jon's in the Wildling camp, he sees a rather interesting sight — a frickin' giant. Ygritte casually asks if it's the first time he's seen one; all he can do is nod with the most amazing pole-axed expression on his face.
- Tormund Giantsbane's amused reaction when Jon mistakes him for the King Beyond the Wall.Tormund: "Your Grace?" You hear that? Now all you better kneel every time I fart!"
- Bronn's look of complete and utter irritation at being called away by Podrick with an urgent message from Tyrion, just as he was about to remove his prostitute's remaining undergarments with his teeth.Bronn: I will murder you, boy!
- Bronn trolling Meryn Trant and his fellow Kingsguard mook.Bronn: Ah! Look at these two shining warriors! Ser Taryn Mant and... Ser Whosit of Whocares.
- Bronn asking for his wages to be doubled since he's now a Knight.Tyrion: I don't even know how much I pay you now.
Bronn: That means you can afford it.
- The entire back and forth between Kraznys, the owner of the Unsullied slave army, and his translator Missandei as Dany looks over the soldiers, as she has to invent most of his entire side of the conversation off the top of her head, as he's spent most of it insulting Dany and Jorah. In particular, the bit after she translates Jorah's comment about all men fearing death.Kraznys: Tell the old man he smells like piss.
Kraznys: Of course not! Are you a girl or a goat, to ask this?
- Davos asks Salladhor Saan a favor as a friend, saying Saan was at his wedding. He replies that Davos was at four of his.
- The dinner scene with Cersei, Joffrey, Margaery and Loras. Just witnessing two of the most loathed characters in the series be in such an uncomfortable and awkward position (while still seeing fit to spew snark and contempt for each other) simply because the Tyrells are smugly playing up their Incorruptible Pure Pureness image for all its worth, as well as the fact Cersei and Joffrey are both majorly in their debt, is just epic.
- Joffrey having to think for a moment before saying "charitable works" like the concept was completely foreign to him!
- Joffrey squirming in his tiny litter (which resembles an undersized medieval TARDIS) at being back where he was nearly lynched and his utter terror of being near to his subjects again is hilarious, as is his Oh, Crap! face when he realizes his new fiance is going to be far less submissive and easy to push around.
- The Dothraki traveling by boat for the first time and getting seasick.
- When Cersei makes the same joke as Pycelle last season: "You must be proud to be as funny as a man whose balls brush his knees." Cersei seems so proud of herself for saying what she probably thought was the most ingenious jab against her brother ever. Tyrion's unimpressed reaction sells it.
2 - Dark Wings, Dark Words
- Joffrey trying on wedding suits in a scene that appears more like something from Project Runway, plus Cersei saying a rejected fabric sample should be enough for Margaery's dress.
- As Loras walks away, Sansa is so distracted by his cute butt that she almost forgets that Margaery is there.
- Olenna Tyrell is a nonstop source of this, tossing off bon mots worthy of the Dowager Countess of Grantham, including calling her son an idiot for getting them involved with Renly, and only reacting with mild disappointment when Sansa reveals what a monster her soon to be grandson-in-law is.Olenna: Loras is young, and very good at knocking men off horses with a stick. That does not make him wise. As to your fathead father...
Olenna: (to Sansa) Come sit with me, dear, I'm much less boring than these others.
Olenna: We should have stayed well out of all this, if you'd ask me. But, once the cow's been milked there's no squirting the cream back up her udder, so here we are, to see things through.
Olenna: (to a servant) Are you going to bring the food, or do you mean to starve us to death?
Olenna: Do you know my son? The lord of Highgarden?
Sansa: I haven't had the pleasure.
Olenna: It's no great pleasure, believe me. Ponderous oaf. My husband was an oaf as well, the late lord Luthor. He managed to ride off a cliff whilst hawking.
Sansa: The king is as brave as a lion.
Olenna: Yes, yes, all Lannisters are lions. And when a Tyrell farts it smells like a rose.
Olenna: Tell me about this 'Joffrey.' Has this boy mistreated you?
Olenna: Has he ripped out your tongue?
- Thoros of Myr and Anguy speaking in reaction of Hot Pie:Anguy: (looks at Hot Pie attempting to climb a small wall) Half the country is starving and look at this one.
Thoros: (looks at Hot Pie and chuckles) Maybe he is the reason half the country's starving.
- Gendry playing the Audience Surrogate for how badly Arya played Jaqen's deal of three deaths.
- Margaery: "The subtleties of politics are often lost on me."
- Mance Rayder describes the impossibly complicated enmities between the Wildling tribes, including that all the others hate the Cave People (apparently the equivalent of the Greyjoys).
- Jaime's snark almost reaches critical mass when he's needling Brienne about Renly having been gay:Jaime: It's a shame the throne isn't made out of cocks, they'd have never got him off it.
- Jaime also says he knew Renly was gay ever since they first met as little kids.
- Funny enough earlier, when Jaime noticed that Brienne fancied Renly, he comments that Renly wouldn't have been interested in her, since she looks too much like a man, and Renly prefers curly-haired little girls like Ser Loras Tyrell.
- An unusually flustered Tyrion struggling to explain that just because he thinks Sansa is objectively attractive, that doesn't mean he's attracted to her.
- And earlier when Shae realises how and why Tyrion knows Ros.Shae: (Death Glare) She's a whore.
Tyrion: Yes well, we shouldn't be judgmental about these things...
- And earlier when Shae realises how and why Tyrion knows Ros.
- Jaime trying to negotiate with a Bolton commander (Locke) who clearly knows how lords deal with subordinates:Jaime: Let us go, my father will pay you whatever you want.
Locke: Enough to buy me a new head?
- There's something darkly funny about Joffrey acting like a schoolboy with a crush around Margaery due to her talking about murdering things.
- Also Margaery hinting/explaining to Joffrey why she and Renly never had sex because he was gay. She first says that Renly always made excuses to avoid sleeping with her... except one night when he got drunk and "suggested something that sounded very painful and couldn't possibly result in children."
- Also hilarious is watching Margaery pretending to be eating out of Joffrey's hand, after seeing how politically-savvy she is. After several seasons of him abusing Sansa, it's satisfying to watch his next betrothed play him like a violin. Especially funny is the fact that while Joffrey is someone who is horribly misogynistic, he's completely willing to let Margaery go on a hunt with him (and says that women hunting "is not unheard of") just because she expressed interest in going with him. Also murder.
- Listening to Cersei Slut-Shaming Margaery is hilarious because really, what's some cleavage next to cheating on your (admittedly even more promiscuous) husband with your twin brother and then cheating on your twin brother with your first cousin whenever he's out of town?
- There is something funny about Jojen never losing his affable tone of voice even when he has a spear on his neck, without shame admitting he's a Non-Action Guy and his sister was a much better fighter and continuing his conversation with that same friendly tone.
- Later Meera's fondly amused look on her face when she sees Bran and Jojen talking and her glib snarky "why don't you ask them" answer to Osha's question of what where Jojen and Brann talking about. She seems quite aware her brother comes of as mysterious and a bit of a Creepy Child at first glance and is fully capitalizing on it.
- Lord Commander Mormont's succinct and successful method of getting Sam back on his feet, when he hears from his cohorts how Sam's struggling to go on.Mormont: Tarly, I forbid you to die.
- Tyrion wonders "Is there an idiot in any village that trusts Littlefinger?" Oh, Ned...
3 - Walk of Punishment
- Tywin's first small council meeting is both funny and interesting because it's a psychological portrait of the various characters. First Varys, Littlefinger, Tyrion, and Pycelle all step into the chamber and see that Tywin has rearranged the seats: whereas before they were all spaced fairly evenly around the table, now there is only one chair located at the head of the table (Tywin's), and all the rest are arranged in a single line down one side of the table. Tywin takes his seat and stares at them intently, while they all remain frozen, unsure what to do. Finally Varys seems about to make a move, but before he can act Littlefinger suddenly darts forward, and takes the seat nearest to Tywin. Varys and Pycelle follow, taking the next two seats. Cersei now enters the room and observes the situation. She wordlessly strides over to the table, picks up the fourth chair, carries it around the table, and sets it down next to her father on the other side, and takes her seat. All eyes now turn to Tyrion. He too wordlessly strides over to the table, and slowly and methodically begins to drag the last chair to the opposite end of the table, making a hideous racket all the while, and sets it up directly facing his father. Finally, Tyrion speaks:Tyrion: Intimate. Lovely table. Better chairs than the old small council chamber. Conveniently close to your own quarters, I like it!
- When Littlefinger starts talking about his plan to wed Lysa Arryn, Varys does his trademark "Oh my god" eye roll.
- Even funnier, after Littlefinger's words "positively predisposed towards me" you can see Varys making a "blowjob" gesture with his tongue against his cheek at Tyrion and Tyrion supressing a grin.
- Tyrion points out that sending out Littlefinger, the Master of Coin, right before the most expensive event of the season (the royal wedding), is troublesome at best, to which everyone responds with silent, annoyed agreement. Then, Tywin one-ups Tyrion by naming him the new Master of Coin to his son's utter perplexion — since everyone in the room, including him, know that considering his liberal attitude towards money he is the worst possible candidate. They smugly wish him luck, with Pycelle ending it with a "hear, hear".
- At Lord Hoster Tully's Viking Funeral his son Edmure attempts to fire a flaming arrow to set the boat on fire and misses. Three times. While the boat is getting further and further away. After the third time Blackfish just shoves him out of the way and hits with the first shot, and then tosses the bow back at his nephew with a look of utter disdain. Hilarious and a great Establishing Character Moment for both of them.
- Blackfish doesn't even wait to see the boat catch fire. As soon as he fires his arrow, he turns around and tosses the bow to Edmure, proceeding to walk off, an Unflinching Walk without the explosion.
- Robb could barely keep from laughing during Edmure's failed attempts. And Catelyn shoots him an absolutely perfect Death Glare when he does and gives a massive side eye to her brother. It's also a great reminder that despite being King Robb is still only a teenager.
- It's not only Robb, as you can hear several people in the background desperately trying not to laugh.
- When Mance sees the spectacle made by the White Walkers with the re-arranged corpses of their victims, he remarks, "Always the artists."
- Littlefinger's advice to Tyrion on becoming the new Master of Coin? "Keep a low profile."Tyrion: If I had a gold dragon for every time I heard that joke, I'd be richer than you are.
Littlefinger: You are richer than I am.
Tyrion: (beat) Good point.
- Bronn calling Littlefinger "Twatbeard."
- That's Lord Twatbeard, thank you very much!
- Tyrion trying to explain the concept of borrowing money to Bronn. When it comes to explaining how he'd possibly force his badass sellsword to pay his debts, Tyrion just gives up and says with irritation, "This is why I don't lend you money."
- Tyrion gives the virgin Podrick a night with three prostitutes as a reward for loyal service. Pod returns later, coin-purse in hand.Tyrion: (as Podrick walks into the room) Ah, the return of the conquering hero. Does he have a bit of a jaunt in his step?
Bronn: The lad's practically skipping.
Tyrion: You were gone a long time. I trust you got your money's worth. Or should I say my money's worth.
*Podrick places the purse of gold Tyrion gave him on the table.*
Tyrion: (confused) It was a gift, Podrick. This is more than I give you in a year.
Bronn: He's a squire. You don't pay him.
Tyrion: Oh. Then it's much more than I give you in a year.
Podrick: They wouldn't take it, my lord.
Bronn: Maybe they're trying to curry favor with the new master of coin.
Tyrion: Have you ever known a whore to turn down gold? They're happy enough to take it when I give it to them.
Bronn: What did you tell them?
Podrick: I didn't tell them anything.
Tyrion: What did you do to them?
Podrick: Lots of things.
Tyrion: (overly patient) And they seemed to like these things?
Podrick: Yes, my lord.
Bronn: Of course they seemed to like it, they're paid to seem to like it.
Tyrion: Only they weren't paid.
Bronn: What are you saying? That these ladies enjoyed him so much, they gave him the time for free?
Tyrion: Is that what you're telling us?
*Podrick giving Tyrion a magnificently satisfied little smirk; Tyrion looking at him in disbelief.*
Tyrion: Sit down, Podrick. *pours everyone a cup of wine* We're going to need details. Copious details.
- And one of their techniques is called the Meereenese Knot. Anyone familiar with George R.R. Martin's posts while writing A Dance with Dragons laughed their asses off.
- It's the look that Bronn and Tyrion exchange just before Tyrion tells Pod to sit down that really sells it: a combination of stunned disbelief and intense curiosity on both sides.
- Also some Hilarious in Hindsight when you recall that Littlefinger once instructed his hired girls to make each customer think that he was such an amazing lover that sex with him was rapturous pleasure instead of business. He further said that this was possible because every man secretly suspects it to be the case. Turns out, there is one man who is right about it, and it's about the last one you would have guessed...
- Anguy the Archer taunting Sandor, one of the deadliest killers in the land.Anguy: [Placing a bag over his head] Sorry about this, but you're an ugly fucker, and I don't want to see you no more. [Smacks his head against the frame of a door] Watch your head.
- Though the scene as a whole is a big Tearjerker or Moment of Heartwarming, Gendry and Hot Pie's incredibly awkward goodbye is hilarious.Hot Pie: Don't get stabbed.
Gendry: Don't you...burn your fingers...
- Also Hot Pie's goodbye gift to Arya — a piece of bread shaped (somewhat) like a wolf.
- For once it's Brienne who's getting in some digs at Jaime, who gets rather petulant: "I've been sitting in a muddy pen wrapped in chains for the past year!!!" Also, "You were not beating me!". Jaime gets so irritated by being one-upped by Brienne his only retort is to mutter that she will be raped by the Boltons tonight... and at that point all humor decidedly leaves the scene.
- Reverse Mood Whiplash when a metal cover of The Bear and the Maiden Fair is played over the credits after Jaime's hand is chopped off.
4 - And Now His Watch is Ended
- Olenna continues to snark at everyone and anyone in sight over everything.Olenna: Are you here to seduce me?
Varys: A little obvious perhaps...
Olenna: Oh no please, seduce away! It's been so long. But I rather think it's all for naught; what happens when the nonexistent bumps against the decrepit? (Varys looks down at his groin and up again in shock) ...A question for the philosophers.
- Olenna's off the cuff burn of Sansa.Olenna: Why shouldn't I take an interest (in Sansa)? She's an interesting girl.
Varys: Is she?
Olenna: No, not particularly.
- Olenna's rant about Sigil Spamming, especially since the Tyrell sigil and motto isn't as badass as that of Houses Stark, Greyjoy or Lannister.
- Even funnier for readers of the book who know that Olenna before marrying into House Tyrell was born Olenna Redwyne, The sigil of House Redwyne is a cluster of grapes and is famous for their wines not exactly a banner that strikes fear into the heart. She just can't catch a break with getting terribly wimpy sigils.
- A discussion of Mace Tyrell's military prowess:Cersei Lannister: I seem to recall he laid siege to Storm's End for the better part of a year.
Olenna Tyrell: All he laid siege to was the banquet table in the command tent.
- Dolorous Edd sadly remarking about how he "never knew Bannen could smell so good."
- During Bannen's send-off, Joer has to pause and sheepishly ask where it was Bannen was actually from.
- The fact that Varys, the spymaster/spider, and Ros his confidant prostitute double agent are discussing Pod's prowess in bed is hilarious in a way.
- During dinner, Cersei is trying to convince Tywin that the Tyrells are a threat to their power, pointing out how easily Margaery is manipulating Joffrey. Tywin responds with a "The Reason You Suck" Speech, pointing out that Cersei has done a terrible job at trying to control Joffrey, and that she's not nearly as smart as she thinks she is. It's just the way he so bluntly explains it to her which makes it so damn funny.
- Joffery excitedly giving Margaery a tour around the sept while giddily telling her about how various Targaryens died there.
- Cersei tries to reign in Joffrey's enthusiasm, suggesting that maybe Margaery would find it all "a bit macabre". And of course Margaery replies that she'd love to see all the tombs, describing it "like taking a walk through history."
- Grenn and Dolorous Edd shoveling pig shit.
- And joking that after joining the Night's Watch, they thought their pig shit shovelling days were behind them.
- Partially a Moment of Awesome, but the look on everyone's faces when it's revealed that Dany speaks fluent Valyrian, and knew exactly what the slaver was saying was rather amusing.
- And as she sacks the city the looks Jorah and Barristan give each other. They look like a couple of adoring fanboys gushing over their Khaleesi, especially when you contrast their behavior around each other previously. Fan art has naturally run with this.
- When the Unsullied bang their spears in allegiance to Dany, we see Jorah begin bobbing his head◊ to the beat, with a look of "Oh hells yeah!"
5 - Kissed by Fire
- Some of Jaime's old self starting to return, when he decides to annoy Brienne by sharing her bath.
- After insulting Renly once more, Jaime's utter shock when Brienne furiously stands up in front of him, completely stark naked. What makes it funny is that his eyes go completely wide and he honestly doesn't appear to know where to look!
- Littlefinger being able to completely destabilise a Tyrell plot, seemingly in less than a day. He sends an attractive man to seduce Loras, who then manipulates the Knight of Flowers into joking about his engagement to Sansa. Littlefinger then passes the information back to Tywin and Cersei. Also doubles as a CMOA.
- Tyrion's comment on the plot to marry Sansa to Loras. Based on their interaction in "The Climb", Tyrion's joke is actually an accurate assessment of the kind of marriage Loras and Sansa would've had.Tyrion: She's a lovely girl. Missing some of Ser Loras' favorite bits, but I'm sure they'll make do.
- Cersei's Oh, Crap! moment when she finds out Tywin plans to wed her to Loras Tyrell, especially since it's a complete 180 from her smug expression at Tyrion being forced to marry Sansa.
- A Youtube commenter put it best:Cersei: You should be thanking the gods for this, this is more than you deserve.
Twyin: YOU JUST ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD! ARRANGED WEDDING!!!
- A Youtube commenter put it best:
- Stannis's conversation with his daughter, Shireen, is an odd mixture of funny and sad. Starting but not ending with his awkward inability to return the favor when she hugs him.Shireen: Mother said you fought in a battle. Did you win?
Stannis: No. [[Sighs]]
- When Stannis bluntly tells Shireen that Davos is "rotting in a dungeon for his crimes", Shireen looks visibly saddened by this and Stannis, of all people, gets this expression of, "Oops, maybe I shouldn't have told her that?" before awkwardly attempting to soften the blow by telling Shireen "best forget him" and leaving. Oh, Stannis...
- Jon and Ygritte's sex scene starts out with some Self-Deprecation, mocking the show's previous tendency to only have the women naked during sex scenes with Ygritte asking why Jon isn't taking off his clothes.
- Ygritte mocking Jon with her catchphrase just as she receives the "Lord's kiss" from him: "You know nothing, Jon Sno-oh-ohhh!"
- Jon acting incredibly cocky upon realising he's impressed Ygritte with his bedroom prowess, despite being a virgin... only for his smugness to quickly disappear when he inadvertently leads Ygritte to list all of her previous lovers, in copious detail.
- In a darkly funny way, Roose Bolton trolling Jaime about the fate of King's Landing and Cersei."You haven't heard...? Stannis Baratheon laid siege to King's Landing. Sailed into Blackwater Bay. Stormed the gates with thousands of men. And your sister... How can I put this... your sister... *agonizingly long pause* ...is alive and well. Your father's forces prevailed." [[Jaime collapses to the ground]]
- Beric muses that he's now been killed by a Clegane twice. Thoros comments to Arya, "You'd think he'd learn."
- Ser Jorah recalling how his Knighting ceremony took over 16 hours and he desperately needed to pee. Ser Barristan says it was the same with his Knighting ceremony.
- The battle took 16 hours, not the knighting ceremony. Not that it makes the punchline less funny.
- Before it becomes utterly emotionally-wretching, there's a part where Cersei smiles smugly at Tyrion who snaps at her and tell her to stop it because she's making him uncomfortable. For a brief moment, Cersei and Tyrion are five year olds, bickering at each other, despite being children of one of the most powerful Houses on Westeros and holding direct power over the entire country.
- After a few moments of exposure to Olenna Tyrell's usual manner, Pod and Tyrion exchange mortified looks at having to deal with this cranky old woman. When Olenna demands figs to eat as "they help move the bowels", Tyrion sends Podrick off with a nod that comes off as meaning "Get the bloody fruit, quickly" and "Get out while you still can"
6 - The Climb
- Olenna even gets some great barbs on Tywin, cheerfully admitting that Loras is "a sword swallower through and through" and asking if he didn't dabble with other boys even once in his youth, which almost causes Tywin to lose his composure.
- After hearing various people use various euphemisms to describe Loras' homosexuality, hearing her finally come out and call it "a discreet bit of buggery" is hilarious.
- Loras and Sansa making awkward small talk about brooches and pins, as well as talking about their wedding and the clothes and food... while almost forgetting to mention the most important part, the bride. How is anyone surprised that he's gay?
- Only Sansa... which is both funny and sad.
- It also doubles as a Tear Jerker when you recall that Renly wore a cloak of green brocade while watching Loras joust. Since they cannot openly express their love for each other at the tourney, Renly dressed himself in one of the sigil colours of his boyfriend's family as a subtle romantic gesture. In Loras' imagination, Renly as his "bride" would be decked in the green and gold of House Tyrell.
- Tyrion's comment to Cersei on Tywin's plan to marry them to Sansa and Loras respectively: he has no idea which of the four is getting the worst end of the deal.Tyrion: Probably Sansa, but Ser Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery.
- After Tyrion rhetorically asks what they can do about their situation, Cersei (watching Loras and Sansa from a window) answers tonelessly "We could have them both killed". Her wistful expression clearly says "Don't I wish..."; Tyrion ignores her.
- The start of Tyrion's very awkward and apologetic explanation to both Sansa and Shae about the marriage situation:Tyrion: [sighs] Where to begin...
- Tyrion's indignation that Joffrey's plan to kill him was to simply order a member of the Kingsguard to attack him during the siege, when others would surely see, rather than being discreet with something like poison. He sounds more annoyed with Joffrey's stupidity in his methods than the fact he tried to have Tyrion killed.
- This exchange:Arya Stark: (about Melisandre) I don't like that woman.
Anguy: (he and Gendry leer at Melisandre) That's because you're a girl.
Arya Stark: What does that have to do with anything?
- The scene where Jaime frowns because Roose refuses to drink any of the wine offered when Jaime offers to pour it for him. Olenna refuses Tywin pouring her wine in the next scene. In both cases it's because it might be poisoned.
- Note that in the books it is explained that Roose only drinks medicinal wine (hippocras); this is not explicitly remarked upon in the TV show though but he does say "I don't partake."
- As they are climbing the Wall, Ygritte asks Jon if he is staring at her ass.
- Roose commenting on Jaime having overplayed his... (beat)... position (i.e. overplayed his hand).
- Jaime also trying to cut his meat with one hand wielding a knife. Brienne looks on exasperated till she helps with her fork, bringing it down very hard to hold the meat steady with a definite air of 'Oh, for god's sake.
- When Roose suggests executing them both right now, Brienne grabs her knife as if she intends to gut him then and there, and Jaime, without missing a beat, reaches over and pushes her hand down again like he knows ''exactly'' what she was thinking.
- Jaime also trying to cut his meat with one hand wielding a knife. Brienne looks on exasperated till she helps with her fork, bringing it down very hard to hold the meat steady with a definite air of 'Oh, for god's sake.
- Varys and Littlefinger are looking at the Iron Throne and agree it is an "ugly old thing" yet has a certain attraction. Varys then calls it "The Lysa Arryn of chairs".
- The fact that Littlefinger used a king to get rid of a prostitute is a pure Black Comedy.
- Edmure declares that no law can compel him to marry someone he hasn't chosen, then Blackfish says, "The Law of My Fist is about to compel your teeth!" Edmure is forced to agree.
- Osha and Meera's childish bickering over who is a better hunter and nearly starting a catfight over the subject.
- Also the tired and mildly annoyed "Hodor?" when their argument wakes up the big guy.
- Bran attempts to settle the argument with a weary resigned, "You're both good skinners", and reminding Osha after she complained that when she met Meera, Meera had a knife to her throat, that this is exactly how Osha met Bran. And she sort of shrugs like she's resisting the urge to say "that's different!"
- Thoros and Melisandre's first meeting and their snarking off about each other.
- Melisandre's complete invasion of Beric's personal space while she and Thoros chat like he's not even there.
- While a truly nasty and horrifying scene, Theon's Torture scene opened hilariously with Ramsay Bolton proving what a troll he is by waking Theon by way of Westeros's answer to the vuvuzela."The Boy": Sorry! Were you sleeping?
- Ygritte telling Jon Snow that she is with him until the end... but if he ever betrays her, she will chop off his cock and wear it on a necklace.
- When Edmure is reluctant to marry Frey's daughter, and Robb reminds him that he wanted to make amends for the failure at Stonemill, Blackfish leans to Edmure and asks in a loud dramatic whisper if Edmure recalls that "heroic engagement". Then everybody just stares at Edmure, while he stutters, babbles and finally conceeds to the marriage.
- "I had something less permanent in mind."
- Tyrion's perfect definition of his otherwise gloomy situation. Greatly delivered: "Jaime or not, I'm truly fucked."
- Cersei referring to Margaery as "the little doe-eyed whore." Like she can talk!
7 - The Bear and the Maiden Fair
- Margaery explaining to Sansa what it takes for a man to please a woman.Sansa: How do you know all this? Did your mother teach you?
Margaery: (gives Sansa a long look) Yes sweet girl, my mother taught me.
- Did her brother teach her?
- Presumably, Margaery has been gaining practical experience for some time. When Renly dubiously asked Loras whether his sister was a virgin, Loras replied that she was "officially". Given Olenna's later bragging about how she won her own husband, it's likely that the Tyrells tolerate or even encourage young women practicing such useful skills.
- Did her brother teach her?
- Margaery's experimentation in general. As someone on Tumblr put it:[monotone] gentle men, rough men, ugly men, pretty men
[enthusiastically ecstatic] PRETTY GIRLS
- Osha is so pissed off at having to do all the work at camp that she's driven to ask Hodor why the Reeds aren't helping. Hodor gives the inevitable response, but is also as irritated as we've ever heard him, like he's trying to say "yeah, I guess...?"
- More like "Seven Hells, woman! I only say one thing? Can't you people go five minutes without asking me for my opinion?!"
- Blackfish telling Catelyn that "I've seen wet shits I've liked better than Walder Frey". He then promptly apologizes to Queen Talisa who's in the tent with them for his foul language.
- After Robb and Talisa have sex, Robb tries to plan a war strategy, then asks her to put some clothes on or else he will "attack" her again. She stays as she is and says playfully, "Attack. Attack." whilst wiggling her butt.
- Robb's Delayed Reaction to Talisa announcing her pregnancy. You can see him going, "That's nice, honey, now about the wa—wait, WHAT?"
- Ygritte mistaking a windmill for a castle, then revealing she has no idea what it means to "swoon". When Jon explains:Ygritte: [dramatically] Oh, a spider! Save me, Jon Snow! [collapses into his arms] My dress is made of the purest silk from Tralalalala-li-day.
- After Joffrey complains that Tywin has moved the Small Council Meetings nearer to him so he cannot attend (even though he never bothered before) and making veiled threats about making a King climb a tower to attend a meeting, Tywin totally deflating his ego in seconds, but politely suggesting that if it's that much of a problem, they'll have him carried there! Embarrassed, Joffrey immediately tries switching the subject to Dany and her Dragons, which Tywin mocks him for being worried about... again.
- Then on his way out, Tywin feels the need to add a last-second pleasantry, so he turns back and utters a condescending "Your grace" which sounds like "here endeth the lesson, puppet king."
- This scene would be funny if not for the fact that Tywin keeps dismissing his grandson's orders to look into the whole "Daenerys Targaryen having dragons" thing. For once, viewers are on the side of the boy king.
- It becomes funny again after watching Season 4, where it's made clear that Tywin is taking Daenerys and her dragons and army seriously as a potential threat. He just doesn't trust Joffrey one bit to be able to help.
- Tormund Giantsbane giving Jon sex advice while they're on a guerrilla mission, that he should wait until a girl's "as slick as a baby seal" before he fucks her.
- Bronn's "helpful" advice for Tyrion is to just accept having both Sansa and Shae.
Tyrion: I don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. The ones already there don't need company
- After Bronn suggests that Tyrion secretly does want to "Fuck that Stark girl", we see Tyrion's eyes briefly glaze over for a second as he ponders this, before quickly jumping back to his senses, a little disconcerted at the thought.
Bronn: You pay me to kill people that bother you. The evil notions are free.
- Jaime, being Jaime, just couldn't resist that last snark at Locke after he snatched Brienne away from under his nose.Jaime: Sorry about the sapphires.
- What makes it better is that Jaime noticeably hesitates before he makes that snark almost like he tried to resist making one last smartass remark and just couldn't. Maybe it's a Lannister genetic impulse...
- Locke gets two rather hilarious lines in "The Bear and the Maiden Fair".Locke:(to Jaime whose attempting to bribe him into releasing Brienne) So go buy ya'self a golden hand and fuck yourself with it!
- As Jaime rushes to the edge of the pit, Locke chimes in with a disappointed shout of: "Well, this is one shameful fuckin' performance. Stop runnin' and fight!" in an utterly side-splitting tone as he already grows bored with the entertainment.
- Made more hilarious when Jaime finally gets back to King's Landing and....
- And this one when Steelshanks wounds the lumbering beast with a crossbow bolt to help Jaime escape.Locke: (Rounds on Walton as he loads another quarrel) DA FACK YOU DOIN' TO MAH BEAR!?!
- And then this gem.Jaime: You gave her a wooden sword?!
Locke: We've only got one bear.
- The similarity to the bear fight in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy has quickly become memetic.
- As Jaime rushes to the edge of the pit, Locke chimes in with a disappointed shout of: "Well, this is one shameful fuckin' performance. Stop runnin' and fight!" in an utterly side-splitting tone as he already grows bored with the entertainment.
- Despite once again veering sharply into utterly horrifying Nightmare Fuel, the scene where "The Boy" once again trolls the almighty fuck out of Theon by first having two beautiful women seduce him in a scene reminiscent of a stereotypical porno, and then interrupting him mid-orgy with a blast of his Troll-horn before apologizing profusely for the "bad timing" is almost farcical... until the aforementioned nightmare fuel happens with him using this as an excuse to castrate Theon.
8 - Second Sons
- Olenna trying to figure out the new ways Loras, Margaery, Tyrion, Cersei, and Sansa will be related to each other thanks to the three weddings Tywin has planned.Olenna: (To Loras) So their son will be your nephew. After you're wed to Cersei, of course. And you will be the king's stepfather and brother-in-law. (To Margaery) When you marry the king, Joffrey's mother will become his sister-in-law and your son will be Loras' nephew? Grandson? I'm not sure. But your brother will become your father-in-law.
- Loras' expression is equally hilarious since he clearly wants her to just shut up, but doesn't have the guts to tell her to.
- Loras instantly getting shot down when trying to make small talk with his bride-to-be.Cersei: No one cares what your father once told you.
- Becomes even funnier in Season 4 when Lord Mace Tyrell appears in person, confirming that, indeed, no one cares what he has to say about anything.
- Loras being teased by Olenna (see above example) and Cersei giving him the cold shoulder is made even funnier when we remember both women have every reason to be mad at him. If he could have just kept his mouth shut, none of them would have got caught in Tywin's trap.
- It's Cersei's fault as well, so the idea of her and Loras making each other miserable is quite a bit funnier than it probably should be.
- Mero's douchebaggery knows no bounds when he is invited to parley with Daenerys. Dany's deadpan reactions and blunt rejoinders to the flurry of vicious innuendos that the Titan's Bastard hurls at her are so stoic that she evokes laughs of admiration. No other ruler has her unflappable reserve.Mero: In the Second Sons we share everything. After the battle maybe we'll share you.
Dany: (amused smile, checks out the Lieutenant, Daario)
- Plus Dany's loyal Bear delivering a fabulous Take That! to the SOB.Mero: The Second Sons have faced worse odds and won.
Jorah Mormont: The Second Sons have faced worse odds and run.
- Plus Dany's loyal Bear delivering a fabulous Take That! to the SOB.
- Crossed with a crowning moment of awesome and a tearjerker, Tyrion gets extremely drunk and bitter after his wedding, and when Joffrey threatens to rape Sansa as part of the wedding ceremony...this happens:Tyrion: There will be no bedding ceremony.
Joffrey: There WILL be if I command it!
Tyrion: (slamming his knife into the table and deadly serious) Then you'll be fucking your own bride with a wooden cock. (cue mass stunned silence)
Joffrey: ... What did you say? (utterly enraged) What...did you...SAY!!!!???
- Such a threat, of course, is immediately punishable by death, which makes this all sail straight into awesome territory when, thanks to an intervention by Tywin, Tyrion gets away with it scot free. And Tyrion's cover is hilarious on its own: He passes his threat off as a bad drunken joke by laughing like an idiot, then he leaves with Sansa, crashing into furniture on the way and telling a loud story about throwing up on a girl during sex.
- Missandei correcting Daenerys' Dothraki, making it clear that Khal Drogo's praise of her ability to speak it was at least partly him flattering his new wife, which is actually quite cute.
- Made funnier by the Call-Back; they use the same "Ath Jahackar" phrase Dany was taught by her handmaidens, and in the first season they told her she'd gotten it right, even though her intonation was audibly different from theirs. Presumably, they were just fed up trying to teach her but couldn't say so because they were her attendants, since Missandei keeps repeating it until her intonation is correct.
- Davos having problems with his tangled first book :V-v-visenya Targaryen rod— rode Vhagar— Vhag—... (looks at the ceiling, frustrated) Fuck me.
- Possibly some Self-Deprecation at the difficulty in pronouncing some of Martin's names. Made funnier when he actually manages to read the damn thing and shows a very brief glimpse of satisfaction. He's so incredibly proud of himself, as if he almost won the entire damn war by finishing that phrase.
- Sam's failure over the course of several episodes to light a fire, and his exasperated "how hard can this be?" reaction to it.
- Daario's answer when Daenerys asks him if she's supposed to be in awe of his killing abilities when he rolls out the severed heads of the other leaders of the Second Sons.Dany: And this is supposed to impress me?
- Tyrion's relentless trolling of his father when the latter confronts him about being too drunk during his wedding feast.
- When Tywin is asked if he remembers calling Tyrion "a drunken little lust-filled beast" (a suddenly advantageous trait in a wedding day), Tywin simply growls "more than once."
- And when this Snark-to-Snark Combat is over, Tywin can't help glancing at the Queen of Thorns to see if she's witnessed this embarrassing father/son confrontation. She has of course, and has a big smirk on her face.
- In order to defuse the tension after he threatened to castrate Joffrey in a moment of anger, Tyrion pretends to be even more drunk than he actually is, falling over and admitting to having thrown up on a woman during the act. Leading to this gem as he quickly escorts Sansa out of the room;Tyrion: Come, I'll tell you all about it, to put you in the mood!
- Shae tormenting a very hungover Tyrion by slamming doors and making a huge racket with a serving tray. Plus, her yanking his pillow away from under him so his (presumably pounding) head thumps unceremoniously onto the divan he collapsed on during the night.
- Look again, Tyrion's impromptu cushion is actually Sansa's new nightgown balled up! Shae promptly relieves Tyrion of it for the early bird.
- And after Shae exchanges a look with Tyrion when she realises that he didn't consummate the marriage with Sansa, the look Tyrion gives her is essentially boiled down to "Yes, I can be a decent guy sometimes. Don't make a big deal out of it. And return my unconventional head support!"
- Though it quickly suffers from Mood Whiplash, Sam explains the difference between a Family Name (Tarley) and Birth Name (Samwell), mentioning that his father's name was Randyll. Gilly comments that Randyll's a handsome name, resulting in a beat, and Sam saying "Please don't name him Randyll."
9 - The Rains of Castamere
- The Hound's face after Arya knocks out the pig trader with a chunk of wood. This was right after he accused her of being 'too kind.'
- Walder Frey's "You could have been tapping that" look at Robb after the beautiful Roslin is revealed, followed by the Blackfish looking hopefully towards the other Frey women... only to immediately turn away upon realizing that Roslin is the only pretty one of the bunch.
- And with that smirk he flashed at Robb, one might wonder if he had intentionally saved the best girl for last to surprise Robb and Edmure, considering he only brought out unattractive daughters and granddaughters earlier.
- Walder struggling to remember one of his granddaughter's names.Walder: ...My granddaughter Wertha. Walda. Waldina?
Girl: I'm Mary.
- There's also Walder's comments about two of his granddaughters (Who happen to be twins) to Robb:Walder: You could have had one. Could have both for all I care.
- Edmure's increasingly miserable expression upon seeing the various daughters and grandaughters introduced. You can practically hear him wondering which of them he'll be forced to marry.
- Later when he finally sees his bride's face, the look of surprise and delight that she's beautiful! Quite a change of behavior for a groom who "complained the entire ride from Riverrun".
- Edmure wasn't the only husband to be surprised. Later within earshot of his wife Robb (teasingly) pondered "Perhaps I've made a terrible mistake".
- Finally, Edmure's "I'm getting laid!" facial expressions during the bedding ceremony.Careful now, ladies! Once you set that monster free, there's no caging him again!
- In fact, most of Walder's comments during that little meeting:(About the twin grandaughters) You could have had either. You could have had both for all I care.
(About his youngest grandaughter) She hasn't bled yet... clearly you don't have the patience for all that.
(About Talisa) Prettier than this lot, that's for sure.
Your king says he betrayed me for love. I say he betrayed me for firm tits and a tight fit! (Robb tries to move forward, Catelyn holds him back) And I can respect that!
- During Robb's apology to the Freys, he assures said daughters and grandaughters that "any man would be lucky to have any of you"... and in the background the Blackfish can be seen giving Edmure a dubious look.
- The look Jorah and Grey Worm exchange in response to Daario Naharis bragging about his whistling proficiency. It all but outright shouts "What in seven hells have we done to get stuck with this guy."
- Keep in mind, we don't actually know that Grey Worm speaks Westerosi, so it's possible his look of confusion and irritation was directed at both of them, because they're stopping to have a dick-measuring contest when they're supposed to be waging war.
- Jorah (caked in blood) hoping to gain the admiration of Daenerys with the good news that Yunkai has been successfully taken. The bashful grin on his face when she favours him with a small smile slides straight off his beard when she asks worriedly after Daario; a younger — arguably handsomer, and certainly more deadly man.
- Hilarious in Hindsight because poor Mormont puts everything he has into that battle in order to impress his queen, competing with Daario for better kills while his young rival made it seem so — effortless.
- This got to the point that people meshed an old clip from The Simpsons when Bart slo-mos Lisa's rejection of Ralph, saying "You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half" to this scene.
- Rickon's comment about how, according to Old Nan's stories, the Wildlings make people drink blood from their own skulls. He says this while Osha's standing right next to him. Osha's expression is priceless.
- Later, when they are heading to the tower to wait out a storm, Osha suggests that they might drink some blood, while they are in there, pats horrified Rickon and cheerfully assures him that she only needs a little.
- Arya berating the Hound for only having the guts to kill helpless little boys and weak old men and how she knows a real killer who could kick Clegane's ass seven ways from Sunday. Sandor's brilliant comeback is to point at the star-seeing farmer he's recently clobbered and ask:Sandor: That him?
Arya: (Glances back) ... No.
Sandor: Good. (Moves to kill him)
- Bran's attempts to keep Hodor quiet before he accidentally wargs into him instead:"Hush, Hodor! N-no more Hodoring!"
10 - Mhysa
- Tyrion's opening salvo at a (madly grinning) Joffrey during the Small Council meeting.Tyrion: Killed a few puppies today?
- Disturbingly accurate in hindsight.
- How Tyrion feels about Walder Frey's coded message about the Red Wedding:"Is this bad poetry, or does it actually mean something?"
- The (admittedly very dark) humour of the following exchange; the fact that Joffrey is such a twisted little bastard that even Cersei is trying to rein him in is pretty hilarious. Also, Joffrey's "mwa-ha-ha" grin as he delivers the lines.Joffrey: ... Command Lord Frey to send Robb Stark's head. I'm going to serve it to Sansa at my wedding feast!
Varys: (in a desperate attempt to bring this whole discussion out of Psycho-land and back to the real world) Your Grace, Lady Sansa is your aunt by marriage.
Cersei: A joke. Joffrey didn't mean it.
Joffrey: (slightly confused) Yes I did. I'm going to have it served to Sansa at my wedding feast!
- Speaking of Varys, just look at his exasperated look when Joffrey said "I am! THE KING!" and his priceless Disapproving Look when Joffrey insulted Tywin. You can practically see him thinking, "I'm so done with this childish king."
- After Joffrey's line "Everyone is mine to torment!", Cersei rolls her eyes and Tywin glances sideways, sharing the silent sentiment of being fed up with his petty cruelty. And when Tyrion starts to retort, Varys smirks to himself. No one other than Tyrion snaps back at Joffrey, but their reactions speak louder than words.
- The whole "I am! THE KING!" debacle. Punctuated! For! Emphasis! and followed by "I'll punish you!" which sounds like Joffrey is failing terribly at playing dom.
- When Joffrey attempts to call Tywin out for "hiding under Casterly Rock" during Robert's Rebellion, everyone in the room (Cersei included) immediately gives the same "Oh no you didn't" look towards Joffrey (Tyrion looks like all he's missing is a tub of popcorn to enjoy the impromptu entertainment of his two most hated family members squaring off). Made even more hilarious by the background music swelling as if to let everyone know that Joffrey pushed Tywin's Berserk Button. And instead of losing his cool, Tywin calmly tells Joffrey to go to bed. Followed by Cersei holding Joffrey's hand and bringing him upstairs to more or less tuck him in, all the while talking to him like he's a six year old.
- After Tywin sends Joffrey to bed and asks Grand Maester Pycelle to give him essence of nightshade, only Tywin, Tyrion, and Varys remains. Varys, without being asked or bidden, immediately stands up to leave as if to say "Screw This, I'm Outta Here!".
- Joffrey's final screeching outburst as he tries to assert his authority in the most pathetic way possible after being sent scuttling to his room by Tywin.Joffrey: I AM NOT. TIRED!!!
- A Call-Back to Season 1: after Joffrey challenges Tywin at the Small Council meeting, everyone turns to leave. The last one to do so is Tyrion, and he is once again stopped by Tywin's "Not you". It's the "you know the drill" tone of Tywin's words that makes it hilarious.
- Tyrion describing how Tywin acts to Joffery in the meeting.Tyrion: You just sent the most powerful man in the kingdom to bed without his supper.
- Also, his sassy eye-rolling before he said that.
- Tyrion's face after Tywin mocks his sympathy to the slaughtered Starks.Tywin: You want to write a song for the dead Starks? Go ahead, write one.
Tyrion: (Looks to seriously be considering it)
- Nearly the entire discussion between Walder Frey and Roose Bolton, in the aftermath of The Red Wedding.:Walder Frey: The late Walder Frey, Old Tully called me — because I didn't get my men to the Trident in time for battle. He thought he was witty... Look at us now, Tully! You're dead! You're daughter's dead! Your grandson's dead! Your son spends his wedding night in a dungeon... And — I'm Lord of Riverrun.
- This exchange:Walder Frey: Must have been torture, following that stupid boy all over the country.
Roose Bolton: He ignored my advice at every turn. If he'd been a trifle less arrogant...
- Frey and Bolton's (almost horribly fond) recollections of Robb Stark.
- In an extremely dark funny scene, Ramsay eats a sausage in front of Theon, who he has castrated not long before, as he continues to talk about the deed. When he figures out what's being assumed of his meal by Theon, his reaction can be summed up as "Oh come on, I'm not that evil!" (Granted, he absolutely is that evil, but he isn't actually a cannibal... as far as we know.)Ramsay: What? ... No...! Pork sausage! Do you think I'm some sort of savage?
Ramsay: Next time you think about naked girls, will you feel an itch?
- There's also Ramsay's hilarious [[Troll]] face while waving a large sausage in front of Theon and taunting him bout his emasculation.
Ramsay: [contrite] Sorry, I shouldn't make jokes. My mother taught me not to throw stones at cripples... [drops the facade and grins like a loon] But my father taught me to aim for their heads!
- Also this darkly hilarious example of Bait-and-Switch:
- Ramsay trolling Balon Greyjoy by sending him Theon's "Dick in a Box". That scene is about as dark and horrible as it gets but still remains funny due to Ramsay's wording in his letter:"In the box you'll find a special gift — Theon's favorite toy. He cried when I took it away from him."
- —>"Leave the north now, or more boxes will follow...with more Theon".
- This zinger.Ramsay: Sorry, I shouldn't make jokes. My mother taught me not to throw stones at cripples... But my father taught me — aim for their head!
- Sam realizing he just said "I know how this must look" to a blind man.
- Sam's barely restrained skepticism upon hearing that Bran's group is going up against the White Walkers.Jojen: The Night's Watch can't stop them. All the kings of Westeros and their armies can't stop them.
Sam: (surveys the group of Bran, Meera, Jojen, Hodor, and Summer) But you're going to stop them?
- Hodor shouting "Hodor!" into a well to hear the echo.
- Hodor's joyful reaction to Sam recognizing him from Jon's stories. He sounds as if he wanted to say "Oh you...".
- Seeing the group preparing to be attacked by something horrifying... only to crash into one of the most generally nonthreatening pairs in the show. And while they all are trying frantically to cover up who they are, for fear that this strange dude might sell them out, Sam's reaction can be summed up as "Hey, aren't you Jon Snow's little brother? Fancy meeting you out here!"
- When Sam looks at Summer and says "I've been around Ghost enough to know a direwolf when I see one", you can see Summer visibly (and hilariously) hang his head.
- When Podrick meets up with Tyrion and Sansa, some girls can be seen giggling and gossiping about him. Tri-Pod strikes again!
- Gilly calling Maester Aemon "Master" despite Sam trying to correct her.
- As Sansa and Tyrion walk through the garden, they notice two men laughing at them. Sansa notices Tyrion muttering their names to himself, and asks if he plans to have them killed. Tyrion's response? "Do I look like Joffrey?"
- Little does Sansa know that not Joffrey, but her sister has a list of people to kill.
- Sansa and Tyrion conspiring to put dung in the beds of some nobles who were mocking them. Followed by Sansa once again displaying her naivety by revealing she believes that "Shift" is the rude way of saying dung.Tyrion: Anyone named Desmond Crakehall has to be a pervert.Sansa: I hear that you are a pervert.Tyrion: I'm the Imp, I have certain standards to maintain.
- The Onion Knight has learned to read, but still has a little trouble. His suspicious tone and expression are perfect, as if he suspects that someone is playing a trick on him.Davos: Why is there a 'g' in "night"?
Shireen: I don't know, there just is.
- Gendry and Davos briefly discuss Melisandre's "female attributes". And both of them try not to giggle like little boys over the comment on how Melisandre "knows her way around a man's head."
Gendry: So how'd you become a lord?Davos: Oh, that's a long story.Gendry: [Glances around at his empty cell]] Better not, then. I'm a bit busy.
- Also the pair comparing who lived in the crappier part of Flea Bottom with Davos joking that Gendry's street where the smith's worked was the "fancy" end of town. Really their whole exchange of two very weary, dry-humored souls snarking about the world.
- There's something darkly funny about the Frey soldier who put Grey Wind's head on Robb's body bitching about how hard it was to pull off, discussing how he did it as if desecrating the body of someone whose right to Sacred Hospitality your lord just violated in the worst way possible was the most normal thing in the world.
- Arya killing a grown man for the first time and looking at the coin that Jaqen gave her is a pretty chilling scene, but at the very end it turns funny when you see that The Hound is sitting down at the campfire of the dead soldiers in the background and eating their food. Between this and the salted pork scene, the Hound is slowly turning into a Big Eater. While the Hound clearly is disturbed over Arya stealing his knife, without even himself noticing, and using it to kill some soldiers, all he does is give a bemused "Next time you do something like that, give me some warning first."
- Davos' advice to Gendry on handling a boat:Davos: Do you know how to swim?
Davos: Don't fall out.
- Davos' blunt rebuttal over Gendry's concerns over being considered a fugitive in Westeros.Davos: Do the Gold Cloaks know your face?
Davos: Then I'd be more worried about the Red Woman.
- Davos lampshading that the Goldcloaks are ridiculously incompetent, since they've been after him for most of his life.
- An unflappable Davos counseling against his own death sentence:I understand, but since you have not un-named me Hand of the King, it is my duty to advise you against it.
- Fridge Brilliance and extra funny in that Stannis is the one person in Westeros who would have accepted that logic at face value.
- The irony of Melisandre/R'hllor saving Davos' life makes Stannis laugh. If you look closely when Stannis starts laughing, you see Melisandre shortly tilting her head in his direction. This is probably the closest thing to a "Wait, what?" we have seen from her so far.
- Tyrion instructing Pod in the art of getting sloshed. "It's not easy being drunk all the time. Everyone would do it if it were easy."
1 Two Swords
- Hey, remember back in Season Three when Locke told Jaime to "buy himself a golden hand" to replace the one he lost? Well guess what Qyburn attaches to Jaime's hand in the first episode.
Qyburn: A work of art, really. The craftsmanship is exquisite.
- When Jaime is trying out his new golden hand. If you didn't know he was trying it out for the first time, you would swear he was doing 'the robot'.
- Plus pointedly waving goodbye to Qyburn with it.
Jaime: You like it so much, you're welcome to chop off your own hand and take it.
Cersei: You're such an ingrate. I spent days with the goldsmith getting the details just right.
Jaime: (Incredulous) Days?
Cersei: ...Better part of an afternoon.
- Tyrion realizing that he's been literally anxiously waiting for hours at the outskirts of King's Landing in hope of defusing a volatile situation; cordially welcoming an enemy of his family... Who in truth arrived early that morning. Worse, Tyrion learns it's not Prince Dorannote who came to the capital but his Hot-Blooded Blood Knight brother, Oberyn. His fake smile drops instantly:Tyrion: We must find Prince Oberyn before he kills somebody. Or several somebodies...
Bronn: How do you plan on finding a single Dornishman in a city this big?
Tyrion: You're famous for fucking half of Westeros, you just arrived at the capital after two weeks of bad road, where would you go?
Bronn: I'd probably go to sleep. But I'm getting old.
- During the Red Viper's Establishing Character Moment...Oberyn: The two girls can leave.
Olyvar:: (snaps his fingers to dismiss the women)
Oberyn: You stay.
Olyvar: I'm afraid I'm not on offer, my Lord.
Oberyn: Everyone who works for Littlefinger is on offer. (gazes directly at Olyvar)
Olyvar: (looks down at the floor)
- Rather dark humor, but Tyrion and Bronn managing to walk in on Oberyn right when he's ripping a dagger out of a Lannister minion's wrist, complete with blood spurt and agonized scream.Tyrion: Prince Oberyn, forgive the intrusion, we heard there might be (Oberyn pulls the dagger out of the man's wrist) ...trouble.
- Bronn's cheerful response to Oberyn's little dig about his being a hired killer:Bronn: Started that way, aye, now I'm a knight.
Oberyn: How did that come to pass?
Bronn: Killed the right people, I suppose.
- Naturally Oberyn thinks this is Actually Pretty Funny.
- Oberyn suggests that they bring in more prostitutes to accommodate Tyrion and Bronn (and apparently inviting them to have an orgy with them). Bronn just nods in agreement, while Tyrion shakes his head.◊Oberyn: You don't partake?
Tyrion: Oh, I partook. Now I'm married.
- The best part is that Oberyn has a puzzled frown, as if to say, "Huh? What does marriage have to do with it?"
- A grand piece of Mood Whiplash as Tyrion tries to comfort Sansa in the wake of the Red Wedding, talking about how much he respected her mother... despite that whole falsely arresting him and trying to have him thrown off a mountain thing.
- In a blink-and-you-miss-it bit, Janos Slynt scoffs at Jon talking about giants, but is shut up by one look at Alliser's face.
- Olenna's dismissal of all the potential bridal jewelry she and Margaery are presented with, including throwing one off the balcony.
- It gets better, her line before tossing it away? "Your grandfather gave me a necklace for my 51st nameday, just like this one." And the necklace goes over the railing.
- How she ensures that Margaery will get the absolute best necklace available in King's Landing, as well as proving herself to be a tough, but awesome boss: she sends out their troop of handmaidens with instructions to milk the Tyrell name for all it's worth, with the promise that whoever brought back the best necklace would get to keep the second-best.
- Jon Snow putting Janos Slynt in his place.Janos Slynt: I commanded the City Watch of King's Landing, boy.
Jon Snow: And now you're here. You must not have been very good at your job.
- This hilarious reminder from the Maester of Castle Black.Aemon: If we beheaded every ranger who lay with a girl, the Wall would be manned by headless men.
- Later, Alliser Thorne asks Aemon how he "acquired [this] magic power" to tell when someone is lying.Aemon: I grew up in King's Landing.
- This hilarious reminder from the Maester of Castle Black.
- The statue of Joffrey standing triumphant over a slain direwolf, especially the obnoxious way the shot lingers.
- Could also count as a Tearjerker or Crowning Moment of Hatemongering. Especially because he's holding the damn crossbow...
- "Yes yes, one guard at the...thing."
- The cut from the statue to him standing almost the exact same way minus the crossbow.
- Barristan Selmy and Missandei exchanging smirks when Daenerys asks for Daario Naharis...again.
- Jaime sarcastically asking Brienne if she's a Lannister (because she was annoying him after he was also annoyed by Tywin and Cersei). Given the UST between Brienne and Jaime, this seems to be an Ascended Meme of a joke to the effect that Jaime's version of a pick-up line is to tell a woman that she reminds him of his sister.
- Daario and Grey Worm's competition to see who could hold their sword out the longest and have been doing it the entire night, all for the honor of riding at Daenerys' side. Then Daenerys, who is not amused, tells them that they'll be riding at the back of the convoy for making her wait. She also jokingly adds that the last man to be holding his sword would have to serve a new queen, prompting both men to immediately drop their swords at the same time so as to not forfeit. Ser Worm wins though, as he doesn't elicit a groan of pain from the night's repetitive strain injury like Daario does!
- The very fact that a stoic, utterly badass killing machine like Grey Worm happily engages in such immature and pointless yet humanising antics when off the job is both hilarious and heartwarming especially given how his backstory was basically him getting the Ramsay Snow treatment (and all the unspeakable horrors this implies) as a child.
- When Daenerys walks away, Missandei raises her eyebrows at Grey Worm in a silently snarky "I told you so" way.
- It's a nasty Kick the Dog moment that pushes a range of buttons, but Joffrey taunting Jaime about his poor record as a knight is funny thanks to Jack Gleeson perfectly nailing the mock look of concern when he says:"Someone forgot to put down all your great deeds!"
- Daario needs to talk to Daenerys about something important...Dany: Alright, what is this matter of strategy?
Daario: (flourishes flower) A Dusk Rose.
Dany ... Would you like to walk at the back of the train instead of riding?
Daario: And this one's called Lady's Lace.
Dany: Would you like to walk without shoes?
- The Hound's laconic disdain for Named Weapons and those who name them.Sandor: Of course you named your sword.
Arya: Lots of people name their swords.
Sandor: Lots of cunts.
- Fridge Brilliance makes this even funnier; the Hound would know all about this, given where he's spent the last several years of his life.
- The Hound's conversation with Polliver at the inn is like something out a medieval Pulp Fiction, complete with the Hound drinking Polliver's ale.Sandor: ... You're a talker. Listening to talkers, makes me thirsty. (Drains Polliver's tankard in one long draught.) And hungry. Think I'll take two chickens.
Polliver: (Checks his friends have his back.) You don't seem to understand the situation.
Sandor: I understand that if any more words come pouring out of your cunt mouth, I'm going to have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.
- And he does get that chicken after the fight.
- And Arya gets her pony.
- The Hound and Arya bickering before their arrival at the inn, is just golden.Arya: (about Polliver) He captured us at Harrenhal. He killed Lommy.
Sandor: (completely deadpan) What the fuck's a Lommy?
- Moments later:Arya: He killed my friend.
Sandor: I don't care if he ate your friend, we're not going in there.
- Sandor has a rather odd version of Even Evil Has Standards:Arya: So you murder little boys, but stealing is beneath you?
Sandor: A man's got to have a code.
- This becomes even more darkly hilarious given the outcome of their next adventure in the third episode...
- Moments later:
- As usual, Tywin has the need to criticize anything and everything and contemptuously defines Ned Stark's sword as absurdly large.
2 - The Lion and the Rose
- Tyrion's summation of his family.
- After Joffrey gets up from his seat to inspect his new Valyrian sword, Mace Tyrell raises his eyebrow at Tywin, and the expression on his face reads like a mixture of "Are you sure it's wise to give that maniac a deadly weapon?" and "Damn, my gift looks super-lame now!"
- Joffrey tears apart Tyrion's wedding gift (a book) with his new Valyrian steel sword and surprises everybody◊, including the 67 year old Tywin. Joffrey then asks the guests a name for the cool weapon. The names proposed are pretty cool: Stormbringer, Wolfsbane, Terminus, and finally (possibly joking) Widow's Wail. Guess which one Joffrey picks...
- Also funnier if you remember Arya and the Hound's discussion about Named Weapons from the previous episode.
- And also an amusing bit of Foreshadowing for Joffrey himself later in that same episode, although slightly subverted in that upon becoming Joffrey's widow, Margaery pointedly ''doesn't'' wail...
- A subtle Brick Joke set up one episode before: Olenna set up a minor competition among the Tyrell handmaidens about who would bring her granddaughter the best necklace for her wedding. The winning one is so unadorned it's barely noticable.
- Olenna and Tywin walking hand in hand to the reception, with Olenna attempting to get the normally grumpy and stoic Tywin to lighten up for the occasion.
Olenna: Not now, Mace. Lord Tywin and I are talking.
- And when Mace tries to butt into the conversation, Olenna's response is basically "Quiet sweetie, the grown-ups are talking."
- Olenna's comment to Sansa, simply for its Refuge in Audacity considering what happens next:Olenna: War is war, but killing a man at a wedding... horrid. What sort of a monster would do such a thing? As if men need more reasons to fear marriage!
- Olenna's teasing of Tyrion, which is a reference to his request for her financial assistance in paying for the royal wedding last season.Olenna: Perhaps if your pauper husband were to sell his mule and his last pair of shoes, he may afford to bring you to Highgarden for a visit.
- Olenna's last line in that conversation is the cherry on top:Olenna: Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time I... et... some of this food I paid for.
- When Jaime threatens Loras by telling him that Cersei would murder him if they married, but Loras would never get to marry Cersei anyway, Loras smugly replies with one of the snappiest comebacks on the series:Loras: And neither will you.
- Patting Jaime's arm and leaving like a boss afterwards make Loras' Stealth Insult that much more hilarious!
- Jaime's own bewildered reaction is also funny, as he has become the Butt-Monkey of King's Landing since his return. He tries to regain some of his old swagger by insulting and snarking at Loras, only for it to backfire spectacularly. He clearly thought Loras would be easy pickings, and is astonished that the young knight has taken a level in Deadpan Snarker. Yup, Jaime's still not back to being top dog.
- Earlier in their exchange, Jaime cracks an amusing joke at the expense of their dads.Jaime: Our fathers are both very keen on the prospect.
Loras: They certainly are.
Jaime: Perhaps they should get married.
- Tyrion figures Oberyn is saying hello to him. Turns out it's to the contortionist.
- Blink-and-you'll-miss moment. When Tyrion walks past, Pod stares back◊, recognizing her as one of the whores Tyrion paid for him. His face, torn between following Tyrion and talking to her, is priceless.
- While Oberyn talks with Cersei, he takes every opportunity to remind her that she's the former queen regent.
- Oberyn then subtly points out that Cersei is a hypocrite for judging Ellaria due to her bastard status because Cersei herself has mothered three of them.Oberyn: Bastards are born of passion, aren't they?
- There is also this little gem:Oberyn: I expect it is a relief, Lady Cersei, giving up your responsibilities. Wearing a crown for so many years must have left your neck a bit crooked.
- Oberyn then subtly points out that Cersei is a hypocrite for judging Ellaria due to her bastard status because Cersei herself has mothered three of them.
- In a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment, when the guests at the Sept of Baelor are clapping for Joffrey and Margaery, Oberyn turns his head slightly to the left so that he can catch a glimpse of Loras. Oberyn swings both ways, and Margaery is a gorgeous woman, yet he clearly thinks that her brother is more attractive. This is a Mythology Gag, as some of the characters in the novels consider the Adonis-like Loras to be prettier than his classically beautiful sister.
- Oberyn and Loras eye-sexing each other at the wedding feast; their Erotic Eating leaves zero doubt over the two men's desire to "eat" the other for dessert. Loras, who is normally reserved, isn't even trying to hide it anymore, is he?
- The pink rose patterns on Loras' sleeves and Oberyn's wrap around belt◊ are identical. The only difference is the fabric's background colour (teal vs. green — it's odd that the Dornish Prince is dressed in one of the House Tyrell colours that is missing from Loras' outfit). They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery; did Oberyn talk to Loras' tailor and decide to copy a part of the Knight of Flowers' style?
- Let's not forget that the five-petal floral design on Oberyn's necklace◊ is a simplified version of the embossed/enameled five-petal flowers on Loras' armour◊. Most likely a Mythology Gag, as the Red Viper's nickname for Loras in the books is "Renly's little rose," and TV!Oberyn is subtly indicating through his fashion accessories that he wants a piece of the pretty knight's ass...
- While the "Dwarf War of Five Kings" is a cruel joke from Joffrey, there are some Actually Pretty Funny bits:
- "Stannis'" mount is actually a dummy Melisandre (with large cleavage to boot) bending over on his crotch.
- "Renly's" mount is Loras, and Renly has an exposed backside which gets rammed.
- "Joffrey's" mount is a lion with stag antlers on its head.
- "Balon Greyjoy" has a kraken mount.
- After "Robb" smacks down "Balon", the latter yells, "I'm drowning, I'm drowning!"
- After "Joffrey" shoots "Stannis" with a fake arrow, a "spray" of green wildlife emerges from "Melisandre." "Stannis" then cries like a baby ("Not Wildfire!") as he leaves the stage (which is something the real Stannis would never do).
- After◊ getting accidentally hit on the head by one of the riders, the normally unflappable Lord Varys closes his eyes in complete exasperation for a moment, his expression practically screaming "Oh, for fuck's sake... why didn't I help Ned Stark escape when I had the chance?"
- Though not as funny, Tywin's facial reactions are also something to watch. He seems amused but trying to hide it to keep up appearances, and at other points looks confused and not sure what to make of what he's seeing. By the time "Joffrey" is jousting with "Robb", Tywin is grinding his teeth in a way that would make Stannis proud and glaring like he wants to say "that little shit". Probably something to do with the fact that this is the portrayal of the war he won for Joffrey, and that he had some respect for Robb Stark.
- Bronn reassuring Jaime that no one will hear them practicing by telling him that he comes down there to sleep with another knight's wife — and she's a screamer.Bronn: If they don't hear her, then they won't hear us.
- A subtle one from the same scene: Bronn says to Jaime, "[Tyrion] tells me you shit gold, just like your father." Almost on cue, Jaime removes a coin pouch from inside the back of his pants to toss to Bronn. He is literally pulling gold out of his ass.
- And also his blunt and simple response when Jaime complains about him attacking a man when his guard is down.
- The eternally glum expression on Varys' face throughout the reception. He is definitely NOT enjoying the festivities.
- Melisandre's completely awkward expressions as Selyse tries to include her in the already completely stilted dinner conversations.
- The whole dinner scene is hilarious in its awkwardness. Stannis barely speaks to Selyse and only to remark that the meat is stale. The mood seems to improve once Selyse tells Melisandre about how Stannis kept her fed during the siege of Storm's End... until she suggests to punish Shireen for being "heretical" and affected by greyscale. Stannis's Death Glare, as usual, is priceless.
- Joffrey declaring he wants to knight the person who killed Renly. Would that be before or after you gave him that red smile?
- Tyrion's retort after his nephew tells him to join the dwarf battle is so good that some guests try hard not to laugh.Tyrion: Climb down from the high table with your new Valyrian sword and show everyone how a true king wins his throne. Be careful, though. This one is clearly mad with lust. It would be a tragedy for the king to lose his virtue hours before his wedding night.
- Jojen and Meera are helpless to wake Bran up after hours of Warging. So what does do the trick? "HODOR!"
- Joffrey's death is this as evident by quite a many reaction videos on Youtube. All other feelings aside, the scene was insanely satisfying.
- On a meta level: remember the musicians that Joffrey heckled for their performance of The Rains of Castamere (a funny moment in its own right)? They were played by an Icelandic post-rock trio... who can be said to have snuck back into the Purple Wedding right after Joffrey's death to reprise it for the end credits! Sigur Rós sends their regards.
- Just before Ramsay sets his dogs on Tansy, there's a bit where he explains that she has to die because she made his girlfriend jealous. Said girlfriend angrily asks "Me, jealous, of her?" Ramsay's facial expression manages to beautifully convey 'Oh shit, I fucked up'.
3 - Breaker of Chains
- Tyrion dismissing Cersei from his list of suspects.Tyrion: She is the only one I'm certain had nothing to do with this murder. Which makes it unique as King's Landing murders go.
- Tyrion taking some intellectual indignation to being held as suspect of a very half-assed assassination.Tyrion: I would like to think if I were arranging a royal assassination, I'd plan it in such a way that I wouldn't be standing there gawking like a fool when the king died.
- Pod smuggling in various items among his clothing including parchment, bread and cheese. And apologizing that the guards took the ale.
- Arya trying to hide her and Sandor's identity from a pious farmer. The Hound does not cooperate.
- Before that, The Hound snapping at Arya to let him know when they see the nearest map shop, like they're in a video game.
- Also the Hound once again showing his obsession with meat by physically perking up when the farmer mentions his daughter's rabbit stew during their first meeting.
- And as they're waiting to eat said stew, the mock-indignant way Arya remonstrates her 'father' for getting impatient during the dinner prayer. Meanwhile both of them are hungrily eying the stew, then scoff it down while their hosts look on in bemusement.
- The Hound interrupting the very long and thorough prayer with a contribution of his own: "May the stranger not kill us in our beds tonight for no damned reason at all."
- The Hound's shock at "How can a man not keep ale in his home?"
- Tywin's Comically Serious no-nonsense nature creates some unexpected moments of humour. The scene in the Sept of Baelor after his incredible speech to Tommen, ends with a sudden segue towards Tommen's knowledge of "The Talk". Especially the way he tells Tommen, "It's actually quite straightforward". Moments like that, you get a sense that Tywin really is Tyrion's Dad.
- Telling Tommen what wisdom is and then saying "Your brother was not a wise king, your brother was not a good king. If he had been, he might still be alive." Normally this would be a Kick the Dog moment, but 1) Everybody agrees with Tywin that Joffrey was a horrible ruler, and 2) His delivery of the line is laced with such great snark it becomes awfully entertaining. Plus it seems to be a not-so-subtle way of telling Cersei, "Gods, you suck at parenting."
- That cold look of disgust that he gives Jaime as he passes him and Tommen is also funny. His body language is essentially, "This kid is the last best hope this family has for sanity."
- His slowly eroding dignity when he goes to a whorehouse to see Oberyn, and orders everyone else out. Oberyn doesn't help matters when he asks Tywin to take a seat on the very same bed that he and Ellaria had just had a bisexual orgy in. Tywin's reaction to this is a simple deadpan, "No, thank you."
- The suicidal overconfidence of Meereen just continues getting worse; as they send a champion out to insult Dany, who has already since been driven to homicidal Tranquil Fury by their mass child slaughter of two episodes prior. He starts by taking out his penis from a few hundred feet away (Dany's expression is, "WTF?"), pissing in her general direction before then launching into a tirade, which poor Missandei once again has to go translate for her bemused queen."He says that we are an army of men without...man parts. He claims that you are no woman at all but a man who... (gulps) hides his cock in his own arsehole." (Dany struggles to keep from laughing.)
- Dany's reaction is just to roll her eyes and quietly discuss who gets to kill him with her inner circle, while the idiot's loud speech continues ignored.
- Considering that Dany lived among Dothraki and had a Horselord as her husband, her reaction could also be seen as her dismissing the champion as small time both in terms of insult and his "size".
- It gets better. According to linguist David Peterson, what the champion is actually saying is "a Low Valyrian translation of the French guy's insults in Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
- Dany's reaction is just to roll her eyes and quietly discuss who gets to kill him with her inner circle, while the idiot's loud speech continues ignored.
- The scene between Davos and Shireen is packed with this:
- Shireen being the schoolmarm to poor tardy Davos. "You are your father's daughter, make no mistake. Bloody relentless, the both of you."
- Shireen crossly reminding Davos that he thinks "knight" is pronounced "kuh-niggit" after he is late for his reading lesson, which Davos claims, "That happened once, weeks ago."
- Davos on the difference between pirates and smugglers: "If you're a famous smuggler, you're not doing it right."
- And his general indignation about being called a pirate. He has standards, thank you very much!
- And his brief story about how he was nearly beheaded by a First Sword of Braavos who failed to appreciate the difference.
- Which for all we know, that could have very well been Syrio Forel.
- And finally:Shireen: My father says a criminal is a criminal.
Davos: Your father lacks an appreciation of the finer points of bad behavior.
- Stannis contemptuously hails Davos with the line "You are a literary man now", and when Davos relates he has recruited some minor houses to the cause, Stannis complains that "they don't have enough men to raid a pantry."
- In the same scene, Davos accuses Stannis of being a hypocrite because he doesn't want to hire sellswords, but he has no problem using magic. The truth is, Stannis doesn't have the money to pay sellswords. But the blink-and-you'll-miss-it Death Glare Stannis has on his face when Davos is accusing him of being a hypocrite is pretty priceless if you can catch it.
- In an otherwise grim and foreboding scene, wherein Jon discusses the looming threat of the Wildling army (which is 100,000 strong at this point), we have this exchange:Jon: Even if every one of us kills a hundred Wildlings, there's still not a thing we can do to stop them.
4 - Oathkeeper
- Littlefinger's casual throwaway line about his "new friends" who wanted Joffrey dead, in which he informs Sansa precisely who they are without spelling it out (even though it is spelled out for the viewer afterwards with a Gilligan Cut).Littlefinger: As for what happened to Joffrey, well, that was something my new friends wanted very badly. Nothing like a thoughtful gift to make a new friendship grow strong.
- Margaery's attempt to seduce Tommen is this and a Heartwarming Moment given how adorkable and obliviously innocent (and terrified) poor Tommen is. Especially when his pet cat "Ser Pounce" interrupts them; the knightly feline appears to be defending his young master's virtue!
- Podrick, desperately trying to impress in his new role as Brienne's new squire, is confused as to whether he should address her as a knight or as a lady.
- Brienne, after Pod correcting himself, gives Jaime a 'You're kidding me, right?' look.
- Jaime foisting Pod off to Brienne, like a salesman trying to sell a used car.
- The gigantic goofy grin he wears when the scene changes to him is just adorkable incarnate.
- Jaime visits Tyrion in his prison cell. Levity ensuesJaime: To tell you the truth, this isn't so bad. Four walls. A pot to piss in. I was chained to a wooden post covered in my own shit for months.
Tyrion: The Kingslayer brothers... you like it? I like it.
- Tyrion's opinion on his trial and one particular judge:"I know that one of my three judges has wanted me dead more times than I can remember. And that judge is my father."
- Bronn cheerfully referring to Joffrey as a twat that no-one is going to miss, to his "Uncle" Jaime of all people. Doubles as yet another moment of Refuge in Audacity from him, since there is absolutely no way that Bronn is the only person in Westeros not to have heard the rumour, and even less than he doesn't believe it to be true.
- There's also his practice session with Jaime, where Jaime grows very cocky at how good he's getting with his left hand and even bring Bronn into a Blade Lock, only for him to take off Jaime's fake golden hand and smack him down, with Jaime lying on the floor with a "How did I not see that coming?" expression on his face.
- Olenna Tyrell talking about how she seduced her late husband; it involved "accidentally" stumbling into his room when she was "lost" one night, and doing something that meant he couldn't even walk the next morning.
- She reveals she was originally slated to marry a Targaryen — "Marrying a Targaryen was all the rage back then!" — and soundly mocks the Mystical White Hair look the family was known for. Apparently, she finds silver hair ludicrous.
- The idea of marrying into a certain family being on the same descriptive terms as a fashion trend. Plus, the fact that the "trend" ended because said family was brutally slaughtered.
- Locke training with Jon at Castle Black, after which he guesses Jon is high-born. When Jon confirms it, Locke says he thought at the Wall he'd be done sucking up to "highborn cunts". Jon laughs, and it takes Locke a moment to join in because he clearly wasn't saying it as a joke. Also, Locke had to pick being threatened with hand amputation for a story of how he joined the Watch.
Ser Alliser: Get on with it! What are you waiting for? Summer?
- Meanwhile behind them Ser Alliser urges the brothers to work:
- Olenna isn't exactly broken up about leaving King's Landing.Olenna: If I have to take one more leisurely stroll through these gardens, I'll fling myself from the cliffs.
5 - First of His Name
- Robin nonchalantly throwing Petyr's gift out the Moon Door.
- Everything about Lysa and Petyr's wedding... just everything. Lysa's insanity is finally played for laughs...at first.
- Lysa wants to marry immediately, and Petyr agrees, just let bathe and dress appropriately for the ceremony. Lysa walks to the doors and swings them open to reveal a Septon waiting.
- As the Septon walks her back to Petyr, Lysa unashamedly says she's going to scream when they make love that night.
- Petyr's facial expressions are "This Is Gonna Suck" incarnate as he realizes yes, he is going to have to marry her right now, and yes, he is going to have to have sex with her that night.
- Poor Sansa lying horrified in her bed as she hears her aunt shrieking in orgasm.
- Before the wedding takes place, Petyr plants a big kiss on Lysa, who obviously sees it as romantic. But to the audience, it's more than a little likely that Petyr did it just to shut Lysa up! Considering that she was going over the plan that led to the War of the Five Kings in the throne room of the Eyrie , it's plain as day that Petyr was terrified that someone could overhear Lysa talking about the plan - his plan - that had let to tens of thousands of deaths, untold destruction and unimaginable suffering by simply walking in through the front door!
- The conversation between Sansa and Lysa about Petyr is also funny, when Lysa tells Sansa that she should be very grateful to him, Sansa pauses before agreeing, clearly thinking, "Yes, grateful for putting me in this situation to begin with."
- Pod failing at riding a horse, to Brienne's utter irritation.
- Pod failing at cooking a rabbit, to Brienne's continued utter irritation.
- Brienne herself failing to remove her own new armor, to more of Brienne's irritation, before delighting the Shippers by asking Pod to remove it for her. Though this may also be Heartwarming, as she may have been faking her inability to remove it after Pod relates how he'd saved Tyrion's life, wanting to give him a confidence boost.
- Pod failing at cooking a rabbit, to Brienne's continued utter irritation.
- Locke telling Grenn "he has no idea what he can do with a knife".
- It's violent as hell, but there's something darkly funny about a Valyrian Steel sword like Longclaw going straight through Karl's mouth. At first it looks like Karl is showing his tongue but then it's revealed to be a sword driven through the back of his head. Interestingly, Karl's death pays homage to Biter in the books who was killed by Gendry with his spear in a similar way.
- Margaery saying she'll have to ask her father about arranging a marriage with Tommen, followed by her POV shot of Mace clearly making a complete tit of himself even without our hearing what he's saying.
- Tywin reminiscing about Robert patting him on the back, which Tywin finds extremely condescending.
- Tywin impeccably mixing contempt with a pseudo-smirk as he makes sure that the next wedding will have zero nonsense.Tywin: No jugglers, no jousting dwarves, no 77-course meals...
- This part of their conversation is also pretty funny, mostly because of how serious they are.Tywin: When will the wedding take place, in your mind?
Cersei: As soon as decency permits; after we've allowed Tommen the proper time to mourn his brother and Margaery to mourn her husband.
Tywin: A fortnight?
Cersei: That seems reasonable.
- This can be read either as a typical Tywin "I-don't-give-a-shit-about-your-feelings" answer, or an acknowledgement that no one, least of all Tommen or Margaery, is sad to see Joffrey gone.
- This part of their conversation is also pretty funny, mostly because of how serious they are.
- Arya's prayers keeping the Hound awake.Sandor: Are you going to say the names of every fucking person in Westeros?
- The Hound waking up the morning after Arya says his name in her prayers. Arya is nowhere to be seen, and his frantic looking around for her is priceless.
- The Hound delivering Take Thats to Joffrey and Meryn Trant while making fun of Arya's recollections of Syrio Forel, even if counts as a Tearjerker because we still love Syrio as much as Arya.Sandor: I bet his hair was greasier than Joffrey's cunt.Arya: It was not!
- And this.Arya: He was killed.
Sandor: Who by?
Arya: Meryn Trant. That's why Ser Meryn—
Sandor: Meryn Trant! The greatest swordsman who ever lived killed by Meryn fucking Trant?
Arya: He was outnumbered!
Sandor: Any boy-whore with a sword could beat three Meryn Trants.
Arya: Syrio didn't have a sword. Or armor. Just a stick.
Sandor: The greatest swordsman who ever lived didn't have a sword? Hee hee!
- And this.
- Bran Stark unwittingly avenges Jaime Lannister, the man who crippled him in the first episode of the series, by killing Locke, the man who crippled Jaime last season.
6 - The Laws of Gods and Men
- In the opening credits, the model of Braavos is a coin-rolling toy.
- When Dany asks how many people there are left for her to see, she is told "212".
- Even funnier, after a long pause and awkward facial expression exchanges, "send the next one in."
- Very dark humor, but the whole exchange where she learns that she crucified Hizdahr zo Loraq's father. The smile falls right off her face and you can practically hear 'AWKWARD' .
- Even funnier, after a long pause and awkward facial expression exchanges, "send the next one in."
- Salladhor Saan's disappointment that the two women he's in a hot tub with have already heard the joke he's telling, plus telling Davos they're not friends anymore for pulling him away.
- Before the start of the Small Council meeting, Oberyn bitches about being tired, because he was "up all night." Yeah, knowing him, we totally wonder why that is.
- When Varys and Oberyn are talking in the throne room, and Varys mentions that even before he became a eunuch he was never very interested in sex, Oberyn makes this hilariously perplexed "does not compute" expression.
- Tyrion's facial expression throughout much of his trial are funny until they're, you know, not anymore.
- Oberyn is clearly bored and apathetic throughout the trial to the point that when Shae is called to witness, Oberyn is more interested in the details about Tyrion and Shae's sex life than the trial itself.
- Close-ups of Margaery and Loras' reactions during the trial are actually quite amusing in a very dark way because they know their grandmother is the murderer, and thus they are well-aware that some of the testimonies are absolute bullshit.
- When Pycelle says that poison is unquestionably the cause of death, the Tyrell siblings become a little tense.
- When Pycelle holds up the necklace, Margaery and Loras intensely stare at it. They're clearly thinking, "Oh, so that's how grandma did it."
- After Mace thanks Cersei for her "courage," the Tyrell siblings have an "Oh please, this is utter crap" expression on their faces. Mace's own children believe he's a doofus for buying into Cersei's nonsense!
- After Shae claims that Tyrion stole the poison from Pycelle, Margaery exhales and Loras has a look of disbelief at how unfairly everything has been stacked against the accused.
- When Shae states that Tyrion offered to kill Joffrey for Sansa, the Tyrell siblings are mildly shaken by the Blatant Lies. Both have interacted with Sansa, and they know she's too innocent to contemplate an assassination.
- After Tyrion announces that he wants a trial by combat, Margaery and Loras' body language is a mixture of nervousness and a bit of guilt. Margaery's face actually screams "Well... shit... that hasn't gone well..."
- Plus, Loras looks like he's falling asleep during the end of the trial, and only appears to wake up after Tyrion demands a trial by combat.◊
- Jaime points out to Tywin that if he executes Tyrion, Jaime is still sworn to the Kingsguard and cannot father children, so who's going to carry on the Lannister name if Tywin's sons can't? Lancel? Other cousins whose names Jaime can't remember?
- Jaime puts his role as Kingsguard, and life's dream, on the line to try to save Tyrion's life... and is clearly put out a bit when his father replies with a prompt "Yeah, alright then".Jaime: I'll leave the Kingsguard, I'll take my place as your son and heir if you let Tyrion live.
Tywin: [immediately] Done.
[Jaime's face echoes a sentiment of "Huh, didn't actually think that'd work."]
- Jaime starts his conspiratorial chat with Tyrion, about his plan to save his life, a little too bluntly:Tyrion: Not going well, is it?
Jaime: You're going to be found guilty-
Tyrion: [mock aghast] Oh, you think so!?
- Meryn Trant's monumentally petty statements against Tyrion and his indignant tone when talking about how Tyrion slapped Joffrey around and called him names. As serious the situation is, seeing the brutal git is still seething from Tyrion's insults is rather amusing.
- What's funny is how Meryn admits with a straight face that Tyrion threatened to kill him. Trant is a big man, wears full plate armour and a large sword and is in the elite Kingsguard. He has no sense of shame in admitting to being threatened by a dwarf.
- Davos's subtle yet perfect Take That! to Melisandre's line about onions and morality in Season 2's "Garden of Bones"Saalador Saan: Last I heard you were rotting in a dungeon in Dragonstone.
Davos: Nah, only half rotten.
- The Small Council meeting:
Tywin: What would it take to make a common soldier stupid enough to try his luck with The Hound?
- Mace Tyrell's Butt-Monkey status is well confirmed, showing that his mother is very right in considering him an idiot.
- Oberyn loudly wonders what he will be the "master" of, and Mace Tyrell quickly and defensively says that he's already been appointed the Master of Ships as if it's something he is proud of. note Oberyn's expression of surprise is also funny because he was being sarcastic, and Mace took it seriously.
- Then Mace tries to suck up to Tywin when he arrives, with Tywin completely ignoring him.
- Near the end of the meeting, Mace happily acts as Tywin's errand boy, running off to fetch quill and paper when Tywin asks him to. His body language can safely be summed up as, "Stand back everyone! I have a quill and parchment to fetch!"
- The reaction on Oberyn's expression is amazing, that look of wonder, "Man, this guy is a real dolt!" Tywin also looked surprised, perhaps thinking that Mace might have taken offense, but no, he took that very, very seriously.
- Varys reaction might be the best of them all. His facial expressions go from "Did he really just say that?" to "Gods, he is actually doing as he is told."
- The greatest and funniest Irony of this is that, as Tywin noted the episode before, the Lannisters probably need the Tyrells more than the other way around at this point. If anything, Tywin should be the one kissing Mace's ass.
- When Tywin, the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms, enters the room, everyone rises from their seats and stands at attention. Everyone except Oberyn. He continues to sit comfortably, his knee on the table, not a care in the world. The defiance is not lost on Tywin, who enhances the scene when he gives one of his contemptuous looks as he silently passes by.
- Varys' report of Sandor Clegane being sighted ending with this line.Varys: He killed five of our soldiers in a Tavern. I believe the phrase "fuck the king" was uttered.
- Mace's rather exaggerated body language practically exclaims, "Oh my!" when he hears the vulgar insult.
- On the subject of Barristan Selmy defecting to Daenerys' side, Tywin loudly points out that the decision to dismiss him was shortsighted and stupid, and glares directly at Cersei.
- Oberyn pointing out that the [eunuch] Unsullied are impressive on the battlefield, but not so much in the bedroom. He turns a bit and finishes the phrase looking at Cersei, who averts her eyes away in disconfort.
- Varys gives a breakdown of Dany's forces, ending with three dragons. Cersei replies "Baby" dragons, unaware that they are bigger than a mule at this point.
- This small question can get a chuckle, despite being a bit of dark humor.
- Mace Tyrell's Butt-Monkey status is well confirmed, showing that his mother is very right in considering him an idiot.
- Pycelle spewing out probably the biggest piece of bullshit ever uttered on the show, and maybe even beyond.Pycelle: The strangler, a poison that few of us possess and used to strike down the most noble child the gods ever put on this good Earth!
- Look around at the facial expressions on everyone else in the room. There is not a soul in the Red Keep that buys it.
- Stannis and Davos meet the Iron Bank
- Stannis impatiently walks around while being left to cool his heels before the Iron Bank representatives deign to see him.
- When Davos tries to illustrate Eastern's sense of time with a story about some back in the day smuggling exploit, a righteous look from Stannis stops the tale and Davos altogether. Davos stays paralized like a statue of stone for a moment.
- Davos once again points out the difference between "smuggler" and "pirate" when the Iron Bank representatives accuse him of stealing from them. Technically, he never stole anything, he just moved around the stuff the pirates stole.
- Davos explains to Tycho the obvious problems with backing the Lannisters; Tywin is 67 years old and likely doesn't have long left, Tommen is a Puppet King, Cersei has a 0% Approval Rating, and Jaime is famous for betraying his oaths. As Davos spells out that backing the Lannisters is not a good idea if the Bank wants its money back, Tycho's eyes dart down as he realizes "Oh, Crap!, he's right."
- They key line is when Davos gets them to admit, "That's a problem for another time", he managed to make them confess that yes that is a problem and they have been thinking about it. That's expert negotiation there.
- Tycho Nestoris, as played by Mark Gatiss, gets in a few laughs with his first appearance. He keeps Stannis and Davos waiting for hours and then he and his colleagues materialize through ominous doors, take their seats in massive ominous chairs and Tycho looks at Stannis with a big smile and says, "Welcome to the Iron Bank!" and then humiliates Stannis further by gesturing for him to take a seat on one of the tiny stone stool before them.
- Tywin's trademark delivery of the line "You are not on trial for being a dwarf." Very deadpan, and as usual, annoyed that he has to state what he considers obvious.
- Tyrion's spiteful denunciation of all and sundry has a disturbing yet delightful humor."Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores!"
"I wish I had enough poison for the whole lot of you! I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it!"
- Pycelle slowly reading out the lengthy list of poisons. Also, it seems that either he is short sighed, or he has trouble deciphering his own writing. Eventually he gets rudely interrupted with a comment to the effect of: "Yeah yeah, we get it, many poisons have been stolen!"
7 - Mockingbird
- Brienne and Pod happen to stop at the inn where Hot Pie is now working. After an off-hand compliment about the meat pie, he sits down and starts rambling about how much work goes into making them. After the two share a look to the effect of "what is he doing?", they resume their meal and ignore him while he continues on ignorant of it.
- Not to mention how, as they're leaving, Pod nervously tells Brienne that since the Starks have been declared traitors, it might not be a good idea to openly tell people how they're searching for the Stark girls (Brienne had just told Hot Pie about her quest). Almost immediately after, Hot Pie comes out and tells them in great detail how he'd been travelling with Arya Stark and where she probably went. After he leaves, Brienne turns to Pod and asks, "You were saying?"
- Selyse's discomfort as Melisandre nonchalantly walks around completely nude. And a bit earlier, Mel tries very hard to keep her composure when Selyse almost grabs a very dangerous potion rather than bath salts.
- Also Melisandre's efforts to lighten the mood with a joke bouncing off Selyse's fanatical shell.
- Sansa slapping Robin is a nice Call-Back to another Royal Brat being slapped, by her husband nonetheless.
- Ser Jorah bumping into Daario just as he's walking out of Dany's bedroom, the look on Jorah's face more or less amounts to "Are you fucking kidding me?"
- Before that, Daario's courtship gets its unexpected culmination when, after Daario has performed several ridiculously life-threatening chivalric feats; Dany reclines on a divan with some refreshment and...Daenerys: Take off your clothes.
Daario: (Lazy smile)
- Jorah snarking about how he's later than some when arriving at the war room.Daario: Jorah the Andal. Are you here to see our Queen?
Daario: (Slaps him on the back) She's in a good mood.
- Jorah snarking about how he's later than some when arriving at the war room.
- Before that, Daario's courtship gets its unexpected culmination when, after Daario has performed several ridiculously life-threatening chivalric feats; Dany reclines on a divan with some refreshment and...
- Tyrion and Jaime joking that if Jaime fights for Tyrion and dies, they would at least spite their lord father.Tyrion: Imagine the look on father's face if you lose (they chuckle) . Our family name snuffed out with a single swing of a sword.
Jaime: It's tempting.
- Oberyn tells Tyrion that when Tyrion was born, there were many rumors about his monstrous appearance, including possessing both male and female genitalia. Tyrion responds by commenting how much easier that would have made things for him.
- Tyrion's request for details about Oberyn's sex life is also great: "They have every kind of filth down here except the kind I like."
- When Cersei meets Gregor and tells him he'll be killing someone for her, Gregor first asks who it will be and she replies if it even matters. Gregor's expression is really funny as if he's contemplating the philosophical implications and only now realized his purpose in life before shaking his head dumbly.
- The way Cersei approaches him, ignoring the carnage and bloodshed and speaking to him with her usual poise, not showing the slightest fear. This is the woman who raised the holy terror, Joffrey after all!
- The swift manner in which Arya dispatches Rorge. The Hound asks why he wasn't on her famous list, she merely tells him that she never knew his name. After a quick introduction, Arya stabs him in a prompt, "Right, off you go!" fashion.
- And the Hound adds a pithy, "You're learning..." before the two continue on their way, just another day in the Riverlands for the dynamic duo.
- A dark example, Oberyn describing a young Cersei pinching a baby Tyrion's cock.
- Tyrion and Bronn discussing the latter's newly arranged marriage to Lollys Stokeworth.Tyrion: She's dim-witted!
Bronn: If I wanted wits, I'd marry you.
- During the conversation, Tyrion tries to get Bronn to fight for him by bribing him with large amounts of Land in The North should he win. Bronn however doesn't want to as The North is Hard and Cold, whilst Lolly is Soft and Warm.
- Sansa's smirk when Robin boasts that he will throw the people she dislikes out of the Moon Door. There's the slight pause before it, and you know she's thinking, "First Joffrey and now this one, I sure attract the crazies."
- Alternately, it could be read as, after all the shit she's been put through by so many people, she's considering taking him up on the offer.
8 - The Mountain and the Viper
- The Mole's Town prostitute burping a tune and scolding the guy who always guesses "The Rains of Castamere".
- And it's actually "The Bear and the Maiden Fair," leading to plenty more jokes about how those seem to be the only two songs that exist in this world.
- Sandor and Arya learning that they've arrived at the Vale just days late after Lysa's death. Sandor's face slowly falls as his ransom goes swirling down the drain, while Arya just laughs her head off. Notably, this is moments after they've had a conversation about what brings them joy.
Waynwood: Who would approach the Bloody Gate?
- Of course, this may lose its humour when you compare Arya laughing to a certain other man laughing after receiving some very bad news.
- Or maybe she's finding it funny that every time she's about to be reunited with family, said family winds up dying. As she has no emotional attachment to her aunt, her initial expression isn't even shocked or hurt, but practically an eye roll of "Typical, of course she's fucking dead, I should have expected this."
- The Hound's misfortune of constantly having his precious ransom money constantly being taken away from him. It's hysterical.
- The Vale knight's reaction was pretty funny too. As he turns to his fellow guards you can almost hear him whispering, "...The fuck?" They're clearly all nonplussed that they've told a little girl her aunt is dead and her only reaction is to shrug her shoulders and start laughing at the irony.
- Before that, the Hound and Arya are bonding in the most awful ways as they walk along through the Vale, with Arya casually talking about how awesome it is when you look someone in the eye and they know you're going to kill them. The Hound agrees that there's nothing quite like that.
Clegane: The bloody Hound!
- The look Sansa gives Littlefinger after her lies get him out of his trial at the Vale. She is crying on an elderly woman's shoulder and just opens her eyes and gives him a look saying, "Two can play this game."
- Sansa's Evil Costume Switch, donning a black dress with feathered shoulders and a matching necklace and a plunging neckline, looks so silly and overdone it becomes Narm. It's like a teenager trying to dress up like a cartoon villain.
- Daenerys referring to cock and balls as "Pillar and Stones".
- Grey Worm sinking under the water after admiring a naked Missandei.
- Tyrion and Jaime's conversation before the trial is simultaneously tragic on multiple levels due to what they are talking about, and yet hilarious due to how dismissive and jocular the two are about everything they talk about in it. After Tyrion muses for a few moments about all the different words for different kinds of murder (suicide, homicide, patricide, regicide...) Jaime casually asks for the word for cousin killing in a hilariously dismissive Call-Back to the scene in Season 2 when he murdered his own cousin in an effort to escape captivity, which Tyrion confesses he does not know. They then begin a thoroughly dickish discussion about poor brain damaged cousin Orson whom both happily mock including horrible yet hilarious impressions of him crushing beetles with a rock, with Jaime pointing out how Tyrion should have some sympathy for the disabled which Tyrion dismisses as he felt that laughing at the even more unfortunate made him feel like everyone else. When Tyrion reveals he went on an almost philosophical quest to find out why Orson hated beetles so much, he mentions the library of their old Maester (which causes Jaime to casually drop the fact said maester attempted to molest him once) and talks about all the efforts he went to in order to find the truth and how obsessed he became until Orson was killed by a mule. While the conversation becomes tragic towards the end, hearing these two snarkers casually joke about the most godawful things is just hilarious. Furthermore, the line about the mule comes absolutely out of nowhere, making the entire story almost seem like a long wrought-out joke.
Tyrion: Do you think Oberyn has a chance?
- While trying to decipher Orson's beetle smashing at the library, Tyrion laments that there is countless books about the ways of great men... and not a whole lot devoted to morons.
- This priceless exchange:
Tyrion: 'The Red Viper of Dorne', you don't get a name like that unless you're deadly, right?
Jaime: Never seen him fight.
Tyrion: Oh, he's going to die! I'm going to die!
- And this one:Tyrion: And I had to know, because it was horrible that all these beetles should be dying for no reason.
Jaime: Every day around the world, men, women, and children are murdered by the score. Who gives a dusty fuck about a bunch of beetles?
Tyrion: I know. But still it filled me with dread.
- Ramsay and Roose's meeting is fraught with subtly funny moments in body language. The way Ramsay is trying so hard to play the deferential son and Roose looks at him with wariness and disdain. When he says, "Walk with me", the voice and body language essentially says, "Yup, I'm stuck with this one."
- The scene where Roose tells Ramsay how the North is now theirs, which feels taken straight from The Lion King (1994), and all the memes that followed.
- This exchange from just before the start of the duel, when The Mountain strolls onto the scene:Ellaria: You're going to fight that?
Oberyn: I'm going to kill that.
Ellaria: He's the biggest man that I have ever seen!
Oberyn: Size does not matter when you are flat on your back.
Tyrion: Thank the gods.
- What more is, Tyrion is obviously distracted and ready to shit his pants, not even glancing over when he opens his mouth. That quip is completely reflexive.
- Tyrion telling Oberyn to wear a helmet is hilarious if you've heard George R.R. Martin's commentary on "Blackwater," where he endlessly bitches about Helmets Are Hardly Heroic.
- As Oberyn and Gregor's duel is beginning, Grand Maester Pycelle is doing a prayer for the Seven to guide the trial to a just verdict in various ways. After he's been going a few seconds too long, Tywin looks to the hornblower and gestures for him to blow. What really sells it is that Pycelle immediately takes the hint and shuts up and walks off the field.
- Particularly with how reminiscent it is of an Oscar winner getting played off when their speech is too long.
- And funnier because this is standard procedure. Tywin cut him off purely because it's Pycelle.
- And Pycelle using his fake-senility act to be a petty shit to Tyrion again. "We gather to ascertain the guilt or innocence of this err...umm...man."
- Tyrion's stunned expression when Oberyn loses and he is sentenced to death. He doesn't seem afraid of dying so much as amazed that his renowned champion could lose in such humiliating fashion.
9 - The Watchers on the Wall
- The three different conversations about sex the characters have before the shit starts hitting the fan.
- Sam nagging Jon for details as to his tryst with Ygritte.Also Sam picking apart the Night's Watch vow (about taking no wives and having no children) saying nothing about... other activities.
- The conversation starts with Sam and Jon keeping watch in a deep, brooding silence before Sam speaks up to ask what Ygritte was like. Jon just says she had red hair. Sam gives him a priceless look of annoyed disbelief at the uselessness of that reply before sarcastically asking Jon how big her feet were. You can see him thinking, "look, I'm trying to have a deep, pathos-filled conversation at what might be our last night alive here. Could you maybe make a little bit more of an effort?"
- Ygritte furiously interrupting Tormund's tale about fucking a bear, whilst sharpening a huge pile of arrows meant for Jon.
- Styr (the Magnar of Thenn) mocking Ygritte's Woman Scorned-on-overdrive mode, suggesting her tough talk of killing Jon is really just her raring to "serve him up a nice juicy slice of ginger minge" (which definitely pisses her off even more).
- Aemon's irritation that Sam didn't think how he could ever be interested in girls due to his age.
- Aemon and Sam's "no I don't", "yes you do" over the latter's love for Gilly in all its childish glory.
- Sam nagging Jon for details as to his tryst with Ygritte.Also Sam picking apart the Night's Watch vow (about taking no wives and having no children) saying nothing about... other activities.
- Maester Aemon snarking about how ironic it is that he knows his way around the library without having to look, but can't read any of the books
- And lest we forget this priceless exchange:Sam: PYP, OPEN THE FUCKING GATE!!!!
Pyp: Never heard you curse before.
Sam: Yes, well, best get used to it!
- Sam invoking Crows Before Hoes to Gilly before going off to battle and how this may be the moral of the entire episode.
- Alliser Thorne's Brutal Honesty about the Enemy Mine situation he finds himself in with Jon. "You were right, I hate to admit it but you were right. Now, let's do our duty and defend the wall together so we can live and go back to hating each other."
- His Surrounded by Idiots face when one of the men drops a barrel off the wall when he tells them to hold. He immediately switches from the Badass leader figure to a nagging teacher. Simultaneously a Crowning Moment of Funny and Awesome. His expression can be summed up as "I'm going to die tonight, and it has to be next to these incompetent idiots. Well, fuck."Ser Alliser: "Archers nock! Everyone else, hold!"
Grenn slips and drops a barrel over the wall.
Ser Alliser winces.
Ser Alliser: "I said nock and hold you cunts! Does nock mean draw?"
Everyone else: "No, Ser."
Ser Alliser: "Does fucking hold mean fucking drop?"
Everyone else: "No, Ser."
Ser Alliser: "You prepared to die here tonight?"
Everyone else: "No, Ser!"
Ser Alliser: "That's very good to hear!"
- His Surrounded by Idiots face when one of the men drops a barrel off the wall when he tells them to hold. He immediately switches from the Badass leader figure to a nagging teacher. Simultaneously a Crowning Moment of Funny and Awesome. His expression can be summed up as "I'm going to die tonight, and it has to be next to these incompetent idiots. Well, fuck."
- It quickly becomes a Tear Jerker, but Sam and Pyp's earlier interactions during the battle are amusing.
- Especially Pyp's excitement at having hit someone with an arrow.Pyp: I hit one!
Sam: Is it over?
Sam: Well, then!
- Especially Pyp's excitement at having hit someone with an arrow.
- Janos Slynt running from the fight to hide in the larder, only to be met by Gilly giving him a WTF expression.
- Plus, Gilly attempting to ward off unexpected visitors with a leg of ham while Slynt cowers pathetically behind the door.
- Which, according to what Sam said earlier, makes her more of a man than Janos Slynt.
- Plus, Gilly attempting to ward off unexpected visitors with a leg of ham while Slynt cowers pathetically behind the door.
- When Sam steps out onto the battlefield to fight, the Thenn warg sees him and immediately starts chasing him down. Guess he was really looking forward to some fat Sam crow meat after the battle.
- One moment delivers a triple-whammy. First, one of the wildling archers attempts to fire up at the defenders at the top of the Wall... and it doesn't even make it halfway up. Then, a giant lines up next to him, draws a massive bow of his own - as if to say "this is how it's done, kid," - and fires a shot that takes out a huge chunk of scaffolding. The giant's next shot hits one of the defenders, and it doesn't just impale him; it blasts him clean through the roof, over the battlements, off the Wall, and down into Castle Black's courtyard 700 feet below! The "where the hell did he come from?" reaction of the defender he lands next to is just icing on the cake.
- Upon being put in charge, Dolorous Edd's first words are essentially "Come on, you apes! You want to live forever?"
- Janos Slynt's ridiculous denial of giants....as he looks down at two of them storming the wall.
- Tormund's admirable but impotent attempts to continue fighting in spite of the fact that he's the last Wildling standing and surrounded by about a dozen Night's Watchmen with crossbows and spears. Jon's flat tone when addressing him makes it sound less like a soldier confronting an enemy combatant and more like someone trying to get their wildly drunk friend to calm down.
10 - The Children
- Jaime's entrance to Tyrion's prison:Tyrion: Oh, get on with it, you son of a whore.
Jaime: Is that any way to speak about our mother?
- Tywin Lannister dies on a privy, proving Littlefinger quite right — some people do die squatting over their chamber pots.
- Better yet, this episode aired on Father's Day.
- It very quickly becomes not funny, but Shae and Tyrion's first reaction to seeing each other is stunned silence. Then they attack each other.
- Better yet, this episode aired on the evening before Sibel Kekilli's birthday.
- Pod continues being the world's worst squire, and Brienne continues fuming about it. This time he's managed to fail to hobble their horses properly so that they've run off during the night. Brienne icily informs him that that means he'll get to carry their saddle bags while they walk the rest of the way to the Vale.
- The extremely long fight between Brienne and the Hound. They're probably the two strongest characters in the show after Ser Gregor, and watching them beat the ever-loving crap out of each other and keep on kicking is like watching the infamous fight scene from They Live — only with swords.
- Before that, Arya crossly demanding Sandor stop taking a shit when she notices Brienne and Pod.
- When Stannis and Davos are walking over to Jon and Mance, one wildling decides to run and attempt to kill Stannis, only to have a Baratheon cavalryman cut him off and cut him down, without Stannis and Davos even breaking stride.
- Though the context is sad, Tormund lampshades the Slap-Slap-Kiss nature of Jon Snow and Ygritte's relationship.Tormund: Did you love her? She loved you.
Jon: She told you?
Tormund: No. She never talked about anything but killing you. That's how I knew.
- Mance tells Jon Snow that the giant who died in their tunnel was Mag the Mighty, the last of the bloodline of a great king. Jon tells him that his friend Grenn killed him. Grenn was a farmer.
- It also adds to Grenn's Dying Moment of Awesome in the previous episode.
- Varys' "Fuck this, I'm outta here" face once he hears the bells ringing (itself a Call-Back to his and Tyrion's conversation about bells heralding terrible things two seasons ago) in response to Tywin's death being discovered.
- Also, his "cunning plan" to smuggle Tyrion out of Kings Landing. Unceremoniously packing him inside a crate and literally shipping him off to the Free Cities (Which also serves as a Call-Back to Season 2, in this case Cersei's repeated angry rants about Tyrion shipping Myrcella to Dorne in a crate).
- The still of him sitting beside that crate is hilarious, Varys is all "Move along nothing to see here, just an eunuch beside a crate that is just the right size for a small child or a small man, nothing special."
- Also, his facial expression as he sits there: "I'm so starting to regret this..."
- Mance Rayder gives Jon Snow a taste of proper Northern booze. Jon has troubles keeping it down.
- Cersei's scene with Tywin is hilarious. Especially that long pause where she slowly smirks and taunts her father about the worst kept secret in Westeros, which he is the last person to discover is true.
- Well there is no one more blind than the one who doesn't want to see. It's pretty clear through the series that he does know, but is too prideful to admit it to himself. It's still hilarious to see Tywin losing his cool, shaking his hands, and answering "I... I don't believe you..." just after the confirmation comes out of Cersei's own lips.
- Before that, her bluntly cutting him off as he's launching into another one of his self-congratulatory stories about how he made his kids do something they didn't want to do when they were young is just soooo satisfactory.
- What's also funny is how Cersei's threat is yet another instant showing her complete lack of the ability to consider the consequences of her actions. Sure Cersei, you go ahead and reveal the truth to everyone so you won't have to marry Loras Tyrell and leave King's Landing. Of course, once you've made it public knowledge that you've not only committed incest but also high treason, and knowingly put two boys on the throne who had no lawful claim to it (thereby committing treason again, in keeping the rightful heir Stannis from the throne), Tommen will be removed from the throne and might consider himself lucky if he isn't executed along with yourself and Jaime. Brilliant plan!
- It's appropriate that the partnership of our favorite Badass and Child Duo ends with a moment of Black Comedy. Arya Stark crouches down next to Sandor Clegane as if to give him a Mercy Kill...then she pinches the bag of silver he stole and walks off without a word. Her not killing Sandor sets his Came Back Strong plot in Season 6, where he becomes The Atoner, where he repents for all the shit he did as Joffrey and the Lannisters' stooge. So, yes, Arya inadvertently set him right.