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Recap / One Thousand Ways To Die Season 3

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     Episode 25: Death on a Stick 
  • #354: Blood Bath & Beyond: A pervy building manager drills holes in his apartment in order to spy on all the beautiful female tenants. In particular, he drills a bunch of holes in the ceiling of the apartment above him so he can spy on a female tenant as she's about to take a bath. The excessive holes in the ceiling, along with rot from water damage, cause the bathtub to come crashing down on the Peeping Tom's head. The woman in the bathtub is okay.
  • #418: Easy Slider: A couple goes pool hopping in a neighbor's new pool while he's on vacation. After dodging electric wires near the water, the man nearly shoots his girlfriend with a nail gun.note  When the man slides on a makeshift Slip'N Slide, he dies when his stomach is ripped open via a long nail that is in the middle of the plywood.
  • #337: Mine Over Splatter: Three former Viet Cong with severe PTSD as a result of the horrors of the Vietnam War now spend their days playing Russian Roulette and arguing over what is the best aphrodisiac. All of them survive the game and stomp on the ground in jubilation, which sets off a landmine that had been buried in the ground since the days of the war and blows them all to meaty bits.
  • #261: Gum's the Word: A skeevy male nurse who seduces old women and swindles them out of their money rushes to the bathroom for breath fresheners after getting kissed by an old woman who has bad breath from wearing dentures. The male nurse mistakes denture whitening tabs for breath mints and gags, but his fate is sealed when he drinks some water, which also has denture cleaner in it, and his entire GI tract and red blood cell supply is destroyed.
  • #378: Bird Brained: A conservative girl turns into a Hard-Drinking Party Girl when one of her friends gives her Absinthe.note  She sticks her head out of the limo's sunroof to hoot and holler, only to get a pigeon lodged in her windpipe.
  • #919: Inquisi-Torn: A priest invents a new way of executing heretics for the Spanish Inquisition: the Spanish Donkey note , only to be deemed a heretic himself and executed with his own invention.
  • #87: Boys 2 Dead: A washed-up one-hit wonder Boy Band from the 1990s performs for a less-than-enthusiastic audience at a bar. The egotistical lead singer suddenly has a flashback of how famous he used to be and tries to dive into the crowd but misses and breaks his back when he hits the floor. His band continues performing.

     Episode 26: Putting a Smiley Face on Death 
  • #400: Fat-Ality: A lazy, overweight man wants to be as cut and ripped as a professional bodybuilder, but he is too lazy to exercise and eat right and doesn't have the money for professional plastic surgery, so he talks his Extreme Doormat friend into performing amateur liposuction with a shop vac, some freeze spray, and some painkillers. The vacuum accidentally gets his intestine and sucks out his innards.
  • #608: Catch and Decease: A slave driver bullies some Brazilian locals into helping him find gold in the Amazon while he goes swimming. During his swim, he urinates and gets a candiru stuck in his penis. He yanks the infamous groin attacking fish out, causing him to bleed from his urethra and attract a school of hungry piranhas that eat him alive.
  • #278: Gas Holed: A proctologist with a booty fetish operates on a stripper who injured her rectum during a porno film shoot. Unfortunately, the doctor didn't tell her to fast for 12 hours and the stripper has a chili dog before the operation. Her flatulence ignites on the doctor's cauterizer, creating a fireball that incinerates his lungs.
  • #869: Back Stabbed: While his brother, a Viking king, is off raiding, a young Viking sexually assaults his brother's wife after she horns in on his drinking and general debauchery. The king returns in time to catch his brother with the queen and, enraged, sentenced him to death by "blood eagle", wherein the condemned is stabbed along the back, their ribs are removed, and the lungs are pulled out.
  • #617: USSR-Dead: A Ukrainian immigrant hooks up with the Russian mob. After bumping off three men who went against the mob, the immigrant's fingertips are burned off with acid so he can't be identified by the cops. To celebrate his joining, the mobsters order a round of drinks. Unfortunately for them, the senile barkeep couldn't tell the difference between vodka and the acid used to burn the immigrant's fingerprints and all three of them die from internal damage.
  • #55: Cardiac A-Breast: A horny woman shows off her brand-spanking new metal-lined bra at a party in the hopes of getting a date. Not a good idea when there's a lightning storm in the area...
  • #303: Road Killed: A hippie accidentally hits a raccoon while on her way to a hemp convention and tries to revive it with mouth-to-mouth. As she's trying to revive the dead animal, a truck runs her down and decapitates her.

     Episode 27: Stupid is as Stupid Dies 
  • #444: Jaw Boned: A promising chemist turned meth addict/dealer working on making some new meth takes to dipping an old piece of gum in citric acid to keep it fresh. He accidentally dips the gum in red phosphorus (used in meth and fireworks) and blows his jaw off. He dies from exsanguination and his brain getting slammed into his skull from the blast.
  • #412: Hair Today, Dead Tomorrow: A hippie painter dies of digestive problems. An autopsy reveals she had a massive hairball in her stomach as a result of her compulsive need to chew on her own hair (trichophagia).
  • #620: Mudder-Sucked: An Alpha Bitch sorority pledge master and military brat bullies her pledges while prepping for a mud wrestling match. When one of the pledges knocks the alpha bitch into the pit, the two get into a fight until the pledge is dragged out after nearly drowning. The alpha bitch gloats over her victory, but soon sinks into the mud pit and dies from suffocation. Turns out the mud pit was built on top of an underground cave ceiling that collapsed and turned into a sinkhole.
  • #223: Offed The Hook: Bait-and-Switch at its finest. A survivalist with a meat hook and a shotgun dies from tripping in a ditch and impaling his throat on his hook, not from a gun accident (since he's actually skilled at shooting), electrocuting himself while trying to steal electricity for his TV, or from hanging himself while trying to hoist an elk carcass.
  • #672: Erecto-Phobia: A cheating man develops wood that just won't quit. He dies of a heart attack while getting it on with other women. Turns out, priapism is a side effect from the venom of the Brazilian wandering spider, which was found in some bananas he bought from the grocery store from one of the three women he was dating simultaneously.
  • #299: Fansicle: A hardcore football fan goes to a football game in freezing weather dressed in only shorts and body paint. He succumbs to hypothermia, with no one being any wiser since (a) he was a drunken Jerkass fan that alienated others, and (b) the blue from his body paint covered up the fact that his actual skin was turning blue.
  • #517: Tongue Tied: Two pierced teens try a stunt that calls for them to make out in moving cars. Their tongues get caught on each other's piercings, and the two are beheaded by a passing forklift.

     Episode 28: Dead Wrongs 
  • #179: Pam Caked!: An Alpha Bitch cheerleader captain, jealous that a new recruit is becoming more popular than her, botches a human pyramid to hurt her. The new recruit survives, but the captain doesn't when she steps in front of the banner the football team is supposed to run through and ends up taking on the entire team (and not in a sexual way — they trampled her like the bulls of Pamplona do to slow Spanish runners).
  • #124: Bibli-Killed: Two conmen posing as preachers get it on with the Farmer's Daughter. When her grandmother sees one of the preachers coming out of the barn, she goes after them with a shotgun in hand and chases the duo into a grain silo. One conman tries to use a lighter to see if the coast is clear, only to set off a dust explosion.
  • #779: Eel Effects: After enduring a sushi chef teacher's abuse at a prestigious culinary school, two of his pupils, as a prank, put an eel in his pants when he passes out after drinking sake. The eel finds its way into the teacher's rectum and eats it out, leaving the man to die from internal bleeding.
  • #207: Glow Job: A drug dealer samples his own stash at a rave and, while high on ecstasy, tries injecting glow stick liquid into his veins. Not his best play: glow stick liquid contains phenol, which shuts down the nervous system and causes kidney failure.
  • #557: D-Parted: A horny divorcée hits on some construction workers and asks one of them to put some sun lotion on her back. One of the workers gets Distracted by the Sexy and loses control of his concrete saw, causing the blade to fly off and cut her in two.
  • #746: Pornicated: A middle-aged man's porn addiction costs him his marriage and his life when he goes days without eating or drinking and becomes so disoriented that he can't find his way out of his crowded attic (which is packed with boxes of X-rated magazines and videotapes). He ends up buried by boxes and dies of dehydration and starvation.
  • #156: Hard Balled: A Jerk Jock lacrosse player bullies some nerds and band geeks by hurling lacrosse balls at them, but soon gets distracted when the hottest girl in school walks by and the ball he launched at his victims hits him in the chest, causing cardiac arrest as the ball hit him in just the right time and spot to knock his regular heartbeat out of rhythm.

     Episode 29: Fatal Distractions 
  • #507: Golden Die-Angle: A machete-happy guard who works for a drug lord (and also decapitates intruders) in the Golden Triangle (the area between Laos, Burma/Myanmar, and Thailand, infamous for its opium-based drug trade) gives chase after a bunch of wannabe drug dealers try to steal the poppies he uses to make opium. He pursues them on an ATV, but dies from one of his own anti-escape traps, a barbed wire that cuts off his head, just like he had done to his previous victims.
  • #243: Clay Achin': Two stoners enlist the help of a friend to help bake a homemade clay bong in a kiln. When they check in on it and find that the kiln went out, one of them tries to re-ignite it with a lighter. With the propane gas inside the kiln, it blows up and turns the bong into deadly shrapnel.
  • #159: Death of Sum Young Guy: An unabashed glutton raids an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet. He survives choking to death on some food thanks to the owner. However, he later succumbs to MSG poisoning.
  • #239: Crib Your Enthusiasm: A man with a fetish for being treated like a baby (infantilism) builds a nursery with a life-sized drop-gate crib. During one session, he throws a tantrum when his wife leaves to take a break. His shaking the man-sized crib causing the sliding gate to come down and break his neck.
  • #929: Turtle Waxed: A couple of Asian poachers find a rare turtle, but an eagle snatches it up. The eagle later drops the turtle to break its shell to feast on it, causing it to fall on the husband's skull and crack his skull open. Miraculously, the turtle survives the fall and walks away.
  • #282: Potty Mouth: An executive of a failing savings and loan begins suffering from stress-related geophagia (compulsively eating dirt) and partakes in her hippie neighbor's compost pile. Unbeknownst to her, it has his feces in it, which gives her E. coli, meaning the woman literally eats shit and dies.
  • #342: Die-Brator: A hardcore man-hating Straw Feminist and leader of a borderline terrorist women's rights group receives a vibrator from her lesbian lover, only to learn too late that it's a taser that looks like a vibrator.

     Episode 30: The End is Weird 
  • #723: Bot-ily Harm: A basement-dwelling, robot-obsessed nerd builds a killbot with his mother's Roomba, a microprocessor, some edger blades, and motion sensors. When he bends over to pick up a screw, the killbot slices his fingers, then when he falls on the ground, his guts.
  • #121: Hertz So Good: A couple of exhibitionists have sex on a defective transformer. The man's Prince Albert piercing touches the transformer and shocks him to death. His girlfriend is spared since her feet weren't on the ground and the worst she got was a mild tingle from the electric shock.
  • #14: Harry He-Done-Y: Famed magician and escape artist Harry Houdini claimed to have an invincible abdomen that can take any blow. Not so true, as he was suffering from appendicitis, and a good punch to the gut caused his appendix to burst and him to die.
  • #323: Vom-Ate-Dead: A woman with emetophilia (sexual desire for vomit) goes to a hot dog eating contest to seduce a contestant modeled after Takeru Kobayashi. She ambushes him after the contest and forces him to puke into her mouth, inadvertently causing her to choke to death on his hot dog...chunks.
  • #506: Die-Drant: An idiot prankster (who, despite being raised right in a loving, caring family with no severe physical, social, or mental disorders, still turned out to be an immature asshole) uses a mirror to blind a driver, causing him to hit a fire hydrant, which flies through the air and brains him.
  • #284: Hang Dunked: In the 1980s, a bullying basketball player pulls off a slam dunk and hangs from the rim for a moment, putting his head through the hoop to rub it in. He inadvertently hangs himself on the rim by his chunky, hip-hop necklace.
  • #873: Bad Max: In this "what if" tale (based on an actual death, but the death happened to a child and, for legal and ethical reasons, had to be modified), a loud, violent, sexist, anti-Semitic actor based on Mel Gibson yells at his girlfriend (who is recording his rants so she can prove to her friends that he is verbally abusive to her) and tries to force her to give him head in his Jacuzzi. He accidentally sits on the suction pump and his GI tract is sucked out through his anus.

     Episode 31: Hurry Up and Die 
  • #957: Drunk Die-er: After being released from prison for vehicular manslaughter, a drunk driver gets in a wreck and is pronounced dead on the scene. Thing is, he's not dead, but no one knows as they take his organs since he's an organ donor, and he is forced to remain conscious as each one of his organs are removed from him.
  • #523: Jersey Gore: Nicky "The Predicament", an obnoxious Jersey resident, works on his car while listening to loud music. He doesn't die from smoking near gasoline or getting strangled by his necklace getting caught in the fan belt of his car, but he does eat it when he slides out from under the car just in time to have his body ravaged by a street sweeper.
  • #132: Cast Offed: A drunk Southerner breaks his arm on a wood splitter and, unwilling to part with his "hard-earned" welfare money with a hospital visit, makes his own cast. Some time later, he invites his illegitimate daughter over to help him use a table saw to get the homemade cast off. He miraculously doesn't get cut, but he does die of cardiac arrest because he didn't set his broken bone in place and made his cast too tight, which caused fat from the marrow to get into his bloodstream and clog his heart.
  • #412: Lesboned: A bisexual real estate agent and a prospective female buyer get it on in the laundry room. Their bumping and grinding knock a gas pipe loose, causing the room to fill with natural gas and ignite when the water heater turns on.
  • #596: Tapped Out: Two backyard wrestlers go at each other with fluorescent light bulbs and weed whackers, but the man whose chest was torn open by the weed whacker survives. So who dies? The one who was hit with fluorescent light bulbs. You see, fluorescent light bulbs have mercury in them, and when they break, mercury vapor gets released in the air and the victim breathed it in. To add injury to insult, the man who died of mercury poisoning also had glass and mercury seep into his skin from the open sores he got from stapler wounds.
  • #284: Mail Order Fried: An obnoxious mailman takes up a second job as a dunk tank target, goading customers on with insults he came up with by reading the townspeople's mail. Repeated misses cause a fuse box for the water heater to have a wire fall in the water, so when a professional baseball player who just came from a two-year stint in Japan finally hits the target, the mailman falls into the electrified water and is shocked to death.
  • #330: Fecal Attraction: A drug-addicted rock star who so totally isn't Keith Richards freaks out when he finds himself out of drugs and in Provo, Utah (which is a dry town because of its Mormon population). His roadie turns him on to experimenting with jenkem (fumes created from fermented crap). When he's unable to poop himself, the rock star gets high in a porta-potty, but suffers a brownout and falls unconscious, dying from a lack of oxygen in the toilet from all the fumes from its contents.

     Episode 32: Death Puts on a Dunce Cap 
  • #959: Tenta-killed: An overprotective Korean dad tries to chase off his daughter's Korean-American suitor by making him eat all sorts of gross native Korean dishes, including a live octopus, which the dad eats and suffocates on after the octopus latches onto his windpipe.
  • #268: Orspasm: A woman suffering from persistent genital arousal disordernote  knocks her boyfriend, who likes to trigger her orgasms for sadistic fun, down a flight of stairs after he sets off another orgasm with a back massager.
  • #61: Furdered: A survivalist hunter manages to avoid dying by his own traps (a spike pit and a bear trap), but is shot by another hunter who mistakes him for wild game due to his animal pelts.
  • #398: Vuvu...Whatever, He's Dead: Remember the vuvuzela, that obnoxiously loud plastic horn from soccer games that was a thing in America for a while? One guy blew so hard and so long into one, he gave himself a fatal aneurysm.
  • #930: Injecti-cide: A former beauty queen who doesn't have enough money for real Botox injections tries to rejuvenate her fading looks with corn oil injections. The oil causes her to bleed from her eyes and mouth while destroying her heart and lungs.
  • #220: Scratch 'n' Snuffed: A politician drops dead after he's voted out of office on the same day his mistress from Brazil sells her story to the press about their affair and the politician's wife finds out and leaves him. Apparently, during one of his trips to see his mistress, he got stung by a native bug and he wiped the feces into the bite, which gave him Chagas disease, which finally killed him ten years later.
  • #503: Implo-dead: Two murderous crackheads hide out in an abandoned building and fight with each other over who smoked the last crack rock, unaware that the building is about to be demolished.note  Just as they find another crack rock and light up, the two get crushed by thousands of pounds of falling rubble.

     Episode 33: Young, Dumb, and Full of Death 
  • #396: Onesie & Donesie: A clumsy home-shopping network salesman survives getting a samurai sword in the chest and a ladder falling out from under him, only for a onesie he wears to catch fire on an aromatherapy candle and burn him alive. The stagehand would have saved him, but he didn't know how to work a fire extinguisher.
  • #203: Hillary Snuffed: A deluded, D-list celebrity (whose only claim to fame was that she was voted off a canceled reality show) goes to a coke party with people who suck up to her and believe it when she says she's famous. When a partygoer takes a picture of her snorting cocaine, the celebrity calls in her bodyguard who punches the would-be paparazzo. The celebrity dies when the would-be paparazzo falls on her, causing her platinum cocaine straw to go up her nose and stab her in the brain.
  • #704: Cruci-Fried: A fake faith healer cuts the ground off of a three-pronged plug for his mic to get rid of an annoying buzzing sound. Turns out, that ground had a purpose...which he discovers when he steps in a water-filled baptismal pool and grabs the ungrounded mic.
  • #742: Hammer Head: A pervy janitor of a prepatory high school uses a video camera to film some sexy women's lacrosse players. He dodges the ball aimed for his head — but not the hammer from some nearby hammer-throwers.
  • #478: Board Stiff: A talented skateboarder (who totally isn't based on Tony Hawk) who blew his fame on drugs and now spends his days harassing rent-a-cops and other passersby, hits a rock while skating and falls facefirst into quick-drying cement. Since he was unconscious, all he could do was let the cement seep in and harden in his nose and mouth, causing him to suffocate.
  • #47: Sumowned: A corporate leader (who only got the position because his dad owned the company) holds one of those cheesy seminars set up to try and build trust and morale between him and his coworkers. After botching a trust exercise where an employee was suppose to fall in his arms, the same employee knocks him down a cliff during a sumo match. The padded sumo suit cushions his fall, but does naught to cushion him against a collision with a Smart Car.
  • #345: Bush Whacked: A TV junkie gets hooked on those "how to survive in the wild with nothing but the clothes on your back and what you can catch to eat" reality shows and tries his hand at doing the same, throwing together a makeshift salad from stuff he found in the forest. Said salad contained a deadly trifecta of heart-stopping oleander, vomit-inducing foxglove, and one of the most deadly plants in nature, hemlock.

     Episode 34: Today's Menu: Deep Fried Death 
  • #129: Lawn of the Dead: During a picnic in the 1970s (which shows just how dangerous that decade was, from faulty cars to people thinking cocaine and the sun's UV rays were healthy to women who believed that smoking and drinking while pregnant wasn't bad for them), a man playing lawn darts (which were sharp and always handled by those who were drunk or high, which is why they were recalled) gets stabbed in the head when a woman in a halter top flashes him.
  • #438: Tongue Died: A man goes around stealing scrap metal from foreclosed houses. During one of his heists, he gets the fuzz on his tail but manages to outrun the fat cop until he falls down a manhole, the same one that he stole the cover from before. As if the impact from the fall breaking his neck wasn't bad enough, he also bit his own tongue off from the fall.
  • #119: Tube Snaked: After kicking her musician boyfriend out when his chance at a record deal fell through, a young woman clad in only her bra and panties almost gets strangled by the pet boa constrictor he left behind. She throws the snake out before it can kill her, then gets drunk. The snake works its way into an exhaust pipe for the house's heater, causing the house to flood with carbon monoxide and asphyxiate her.
  • #673: R.I.P-PED: A bodybuilding-obsessed old man overworks his juicer, causing it to overheat and explode, turning one of its blades into deadly shrapnel that pierces his neck.
  • #145: Mary-Nated: A rich old couple in the 1900s contract typhoid and die. They should've known better than to hire Mary Mallon (a.k.a Typhoid Mary, the first healthy human carrier of the typhoid bacteria) as their live-in cook (especially with her bad habit of scratching her ass and never once practiced good hygiene while she prepared meals). Mary Mallon, on the other hand, died of pneumonia some time later when she was finally caught and quarantined.
  • #802: Gooed Riddance: At a 10-year reunion sleeping party, the Alpha Bitch of the group (who nearly died drowning in a lake during summer camp) wins at a game of Chubby Bunny (the objective is to cram your mouth as full of marshmallows as you can and say "chubby bunny"), but ends up choking to death on the marshmallows.
  • #259: De-Throned: A slovenly biker treating a bar maid as his personal slave over a huge debt gets blown to bits when he throws a lit cigarette down a toilet while dropping a deuce. The maid had been dumping gasoline that the biker made messes with into the toilet (and never flushed the gasoline), and the cigarette ignited the fumes and caused severe trauma to his pelvic arteries and rectum.

    Episode 35: Cure for the Common Death, Part 2 
  • #414: Hydrau-licked: An obnoxious lowrider enthusiast wins a bouncing contest with a man his girlfriend had been eyeing, only for a spring to come loose from his car, which sends him right under his opponent's car as it is coming back down from a bounce. It crushes his head like a grapefruit.
  • #188: Nun F***ed: In the hopes of getting a human girlfriend, instead of the blow-up doll in his garage, a scrawny nerd tries to do some karate moves for a viral video. After failing to break a plank of wood and a cinderblock with his head, he tries wielding nunchaku (nunchucks), only to hit himself in the head, fracturing his skull which had already been weakened by the aforementioned wood plank and cinderblock.
  • #158: Myth Busted: Pissed off at joggers running by his shack, an angry redneck who moved to the woods to be away from people dresses up as Bigfoot to scare them off. A park ranger who believes in the Bigfoot myth, and sees capturing him as his chance at a promotion and fame, sees him and hits him with a tranquilizer meant for large animals, which is so strong on humans that it shuts down "Sasquatch's" heart.
  • #304: Radioactive-dead: A Russian expatriate selling state secrets to the U.S. government is assassinated by his former employers via a liberal dosing of polonium-210 in his coffee. Remember, kids: in the spy game, never follow a predictable routine (this extends to going to the same coffee cart every day).
  • #389: Jelly Belly-ed: Some American students take a trip to a beach in Australia. One of them, an Alpha Bitch starved for attention due to being bullied as a teenager, scares the other students with a fake shark sighting. When she goes swimming, though, she gets a small jellyfish down her esophagus, stinging her insides and swelling her windpipe shut. Her cries for help go unheeded: shouldn't have gone around Crying Wolf.
  • #276: Die-Arrhea: A jockey trains to win one last race as a parting "Up yours!" to the other jockeys. He wins the race, but he keels over dead from a combination of renal failure, potassium deficiency, and dehydration caused by going bulimic from taking Chinese laxatives so he can be light enough to ride.note 
  • #122: Balloon-a-Tic: An X-rated party clown at a bachelorette party tries to deepthroat a balloon. It pops and seals his windpipe, choking him to death.

    Episode 36: Sudden Death 
  • #435: Coffin to Death: An egotistical lead singer for a J-rock band comes up with a stage gimmick of emerging from a coffin filled with steam from dry ice, right after a big fight with the band's just as egotistical lead guitarist. The gimmick goes awry, though, when the guitarist goes into a crazy-long solo, keeping the singer trapped without oxygen long enough to kill him.
  • #194: Poker Face: In the 1930s, a death row inmate gets playing cards (which, back then, were coated in nitrocellulose, which was explosive) to use for a pipe bomb to escape from prison, which he tears up, puts in a broken bed leg with water, and puts on a heater. When the bomb doesn't go off, he picks it up to inspect it, suddenly mixing the water with chemicals from the cards and setting it off in his hand.
  • #415: Bed Buggered: After getting kicked out of his dorm repeatedly when his Jerk Jock roommate uses it for sex, a nerd finally meets a nice girl and takes her back to the dorm for sex. The jock taunts him while they get it on on the top bunk, which comes crashing down on the jock from the sex.
  • #578: Corset Killed Him: An arrogant, vain ballroom dancer who gained weight from eating doughnuts uses a corset to make himself thin. He ends up tying the corset so tight that it breaks his ribs and punctures his heart.
  • #692: Gone Fission: Two wannabe terrorists attempt to replicate the "demon core" experiment, building a bomb with tungsten carbide bricks focusing radiation from a plutonium core. One of the bricks accidentally touches the core (caused by one of the terrorists belching and his fingers slipping), causing a massive burst of radiation that ravages their bodies and kills them with pneumonia days later.
  • #63: Falling Down On the Job: A construction worker's rope elevator snaps when he uses it to give himself a lift (despite that the rope elevator isn't meant to hold a human) causing him to fall to his death.
  • #888: Ex-Squeezed: When the torture rack proves unable to kill a particularly tall death row inmate in the Tower of London, a new device is invented to kill him: the Scavenger's Daughter, which crushes his ribs and lungs while forcing him in a fetal position.

    Episode 37: Dying to Tell the Story 
  • #794: African't: Two rich spoiled brats go on a trip to the Serengeti. Bored of the safari, and against the warnings of their guide, they go off on their own, get dehydrated, and pass out under a tree. The tree turns out to be home to ravenous driver ants that eat the brother from the inside out. The sister is spared, because her perfume has a chemical in it that's used in insect repellent.
  • #645: Amish-Tinguished: A young Amish man on Rumspringa (where he can experience mainstream society so he can choose whether to stay with his congregation or live on the outside) goes to a Halloween party and gets drunk. Despite being a very fun drunk and the life of the party, he dies because he was born without an enzyme that processes alcohol.
  • #416: Trucked Up: An obnoxious asshole shows up his cousin (who recently bought a car that he saved up to get, while his own truck was a gift from his wealthy parents) with a massive truck. He accidentally shifts the truck out of gear and, when he turns it on remotely, gets run down by his own truck.
  • #212: Handi-Crapped: An able-bodied surfer parks in a handicapped spot. A Vietnam vet who lost his leg and hates it when able-bodied people take handicapped spots confronts the douchebag, but the surfer tries to drive away — and ends up with a fatal broken neck from his surfboard slamming into the back of his head after hitting a "Handicapped Parking Only" sign.
  • #169: Chess Pain: A Soviet chess master, who is totally not Garry Kasparov, challenges a computer using metallic pieces on a magnetic board to a game. Sweating because the computer is beating him, he accidentally shocks himself when grabbing a defective metal piece.
  • #315: Little Chop of Horrors: After swindling some crooks out of an alleged car with a very valuable engine, a chop shop mechanic dies when the "Made in China" chain holding the engine snaps, and the engine crushes his chest and flattens his heart and lungs.
  • #452: 'Dis Still Killed 'Em: In the midst of The Great Depression and Prohibition, two West Virginian hillbillies become moonshiners so they can be rich and glamorous like the city folk. They sample their product, not knowing that the first batch is actually pure methanol, which causes blindness and organ failure.


    Episode 38: If You're Dead - Leave a Message and We'll Get Back to You 
  • #501: Hat's All Folks!: You know that old expression "Mad as a Hatter"? Well, it turns out it's based on a real phenomenon. In the 1800s, hatmakers used mercury to felt hats, and the long-term exposure led to psychosis and organ death. To illustrate this, a hatmaker (who eerily looks like Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter from that live-action Alice in Wonderland movie that Tim Burton did) is shown going insane from prolonged mercury exposure, which caused his business to sink and the man himself to be found dead in his shop from mercury poisoning.
  • #937: Tone Death: A man who makes and deals in auditory drugs (binaural beats) uses military-grade sound equipment to make a new i-Dosing tune called "Satan's Jackhammer". He ends up creating a literal Brown Note, which causes him to lose all control of his bowels and bladder and his organs to malfunction from subsonic sound waves.
  • #877: Caulk Blocked: Hoping to hook up with a rapper who likes big butts and cannot lie, a white, wannabe hip-hop queen gets cosmetic surgery for her buttocks from a quack surgeon, who uses bathroom caulk instead of silicon to make her booty-licious. She ends up dead after the bathroom caulk gets in her bloodstream and clogs her lungs and heart.
  • #130: Deaf Jammed: A carjacker gets his head caught in the window of a car he was hoping to jack. He tries to scream for help, but even if he could speak, the driver wouldn't hear him because she's deaf.
  • #448: Homie-Cide: A pretty boy method actor survives his initiation into a gang while studying for a role in a B-movie, only to have his skull cracked open when a rival gang dumps a corpse on him from an overpass.
  • #320: OMG! SUV! RIP!: A Con Man hoping to make a killing on insurance fraud (after defrauding a food truck for serving tacos with rat pieces in them — rat pieces that he planted in the taco he bought) lets himself get hit by a van. When the ditzy blonde driver goes to get help, she accidentally knocks the van out of gear, causing her van to crush him between two bumpers.
  • #172: Dead-dy Dearest: A Jerkass Overprotective Dad scares off his daughter's boyfriend with a gun loaded with blanks. When trying to demonstrate how harmless the gun really was, he puts the gun to his head and fires. Unfortunately for him, he gets shot in the head — not from a forgotten bullet in the chamber, but because the empty shot still had enough force to blast him through his temple and kill him.

    Episode 39: The One About Dumb People Dying 
  • #331: Wet Dream: A coke fiend from The '80s celebrates New Year's 1986 by doing lines, dressing in drag, and having sex with several women. He awakes to find himself half-naked, smeared in make-up, and cuffed to a waterbed. In a panic, he punctures the waterbed with his stilettos. He drowns when he can't keep his head above water.
  • #755: Mary Lou Rectum: An Alpha Bitch gymnast who blew her chances at being in the Olympics and is practicing for a sleazy Vegas show with her put-upon partner dismounts from a trampoline, only to get a parallel bar shoved up her body through her perineum because she didn't listen to the maintenance man who told her that the parallel bars weren't set up yet.
  • #365: Kung Pao Pow!!!: A thieving crematorium worker in China who steals valuables from corpses gets hit in the head by a defective weather rocket lodged in the chest of a man who allegedly died of a lightning strike, which then blows up from the heat of the furnace and decapitates him.
  • #513: Hot Shot, Part D'uh: A couple of thieves swipe baggage from an airport. One of them finds a bottle of designer rum while taking stock of their loot and takes a swig. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't designer rum, but liquid cocaine laced with kerosene. He dies of a fatal overdose causing his heart to practically explode.
  • #701: Steward-Death: An apathetic stewardess on her last flight before retiring really should've heeded the "buckle your seat belts" sign on a plane. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been sucked out of the plane when the fuselage ruptured, dying of hypoxia and hypothermia before she even hit the ocean.
  • #274: Squirreled Away: A redneck taxidermist suffers a slow, painful death from rabies after eating the meat of a rabid squirrel he shot and stuffed.
  • #870: Fatally Gourd: A group of good ol' boys with a pumpkin cannon they made themselves (which should have killed them, but didn't, since they were drunk and a lot can go wrong when you make machines yourself if you don't have the skills and know-how) test it out — and inadvertently stop a pumpkin thief when one of their pumpkins hits him in the chest.

    Episode 40: Getting a Rise From the Dead 
  • #298: Sign Offed: Two sign-spinners get into a spin-off for the affections of a cute barista. One of them narrowly avoids getting hit by a car, only to accidentally slice his jugular on a sharpened point on his sign.
  • #512: Chef Boy-R-Dead: A sous-chef tries to swipe her head chef's PDA to get his recipes. She ducks into an industrial dishwasher to avoid detection, only to get scalded to death when a dishwasher assumes there's a full load and turns the machine on.
  • #209: Par For the Corpse: A jerkass cemetery groundskeeper who treats a graveyard as his personal mini-golf course has a bad reaction to fungicide (which he accidentally ingested because he chewed on his golf tees...ew), causing him to look like a shambling zombie (and the first part of the segment to play out like a trailer for a low-budget zombie flick) in the moments before his death.
  • #206: Dip N' Die: An immigrant-hunting Arizonian with a love of chewing tobacco patrols the border. He hits a bump and accidentally bites down on his tongue, causing it to swell and block his airway (as he was born with erectile glossitis, which sounds like a sexual disease, but really means that his tongue has a nasty reaction when he bites down on it — moreso when he gets chewing tobacco in the bite).
  • #178: Dead Fella: Two mobsters try to gun down a third who is on his way to testify against the Mafia. The car the witness is in turns out to have bulletproof glass put in by the government. A bullet ricocheting off of it and hitting one of the would-be assassins in the carotid.
  • #555: Double-O-Severed: A corporate spy tries to sneak in through an air duct to plant a listening bug, only for his idiot nephew to accidentally turn on the fan, pulling the spy back up into the fan and slicing off his legs, causing him to bleed out.
  • #441: Snakenstein: A real life Mad Scientist experimenting with reanimation tries to resurrect a rattlesnake using an electric current. The snake has a sudden muscle spasm which causes it to bite the scientist in the neck, fatally poisoning him.

    Episode 41: Ready or Not, Here Comes Death 
  • #231: Asphyxi-Asian: The announcer does some channel-surfing and happens upon a Japanese game show, in which a bitchy contestant tries to take down her opponent in a bizarre contest involving gathering cantaloupes and swimming through hula hoops in a pool. Just as the opponent quits, the bitchy contestant ends up drowning because her oxygen tank had truck exhaust in it and no one bothered to filter it out. Before the show announcer goes to sleep, he adds that a story like that would make for a great segment for 1000 Ways to Die.
  • #246: Par-Gore: A Jerkass parkour enthusiast determined to win a race jumps from one roof to another, rolls to recover, and impales himself through the neck on a pipe.
  • #149: Dill D'Oh!: A former chemistry teacher is placed in a nursing home by his cruel kids despite still being of sound mind and not suffering from any mental conditions. Despite being abandoned by his family, he still continues to experiment to keep his spirits up, on one occasion making a lamp out of a Dill pickle and the wires from an old lamp. A jerkass home aide tries to put the kibosh on his fun, snatching the pickle lamp while it was still hooked up and shocking himself to death.
  • #671: Boobicide: A vain stripper with great honking tits (from string implants, which are now illegal in America due to health concerns) drinks booze and takes oxycodone to ease her back pain. She lays back on a reclining rack and ends up suffocating on her own massive rack while too wasted on booze and pills to notice.
  • #677: Boweled Out: A Jerkass softball player tries to fix his own abdominal hernia during a game, unknowingly rupturing an artery in doing so. When he swings his bat, he ruptures it again and bleeds out internally.
  • #412: Goon Interrupted: A hitman who copped an insanity plea to avoid jail time plots an escape. He tries to sneak through a laundry chute, but a worker dumping soiled laundry down the chute causes the hitman to plummet 50 feet to his death.
  • #428: Doggie Styled: Two drunk duck hunters try to flush out some ducks with a stick of dynamite. Their dog, who's telling the story, fetches it and brings the dynamite back to them. The dog then gets distracted by a squirrel. You can almost hear the Looney Tunes theme playing knowing what happens next.

    Episode 42: Grave Errors 
  • #786: Curl Up and Die: A hairstyler from the 1970s who likes to sleep with his female clientele and "enhance" the experience with booze and Quaaludesnote  passes out after botching the hair of one of his clients. When the client returns the next day, she finds him dead — not from the vodka-Quaalude combo, but because he passed out on his very hot hair curler and burned his trachea to a crisp.
  • #281: Who Ded?: Two college-aged thieves posing as Hurricane Katrina relief workers go into a church basement to swipe its valuables. Divine retribution comes in the form of a live wire in the flooded basement electrocuting them.
  • #151: Crack Piped: Back in the 1920s, two robbers try to exploit a pneumatic tube system in a New York bank to make a killing. They block up the pipe to steal the money capsules coming through it, but pressure builds up in the tube and causes it to explode, ripping them up with shrapnel.
  • #753: Thanks a Clot: A Con Man from The Philippines makes a living as a psychic surgeon to a village of superstitious peasants who pay cash and believe it when the man allegedly heals them by touch. When he encounters a local leper, his hand brushes the leper's snotty nose and the charlatan ends up with leprosy and a lung clot that kills him.
  • #594: Odds Are You're Dead: A loan shark tries to chase down a construction worker who owes him money from betting on sports games by cutting the line of a scissor lift. It comes crashing down and decapitates him.
  • #405: Chemi-Killed: A jilted lab assistant goes nuts in a laboratory and wrecks the place after her boss ends their affair. She hurls a flask of sodium azide into a sink of water, which causes it to explode and burn her face and respiratory system.
  • #327: i-Boned: A movie patron who just won't put her damn cell phone away dies when a defective battery turns her favorite gadget into a deadly grenade that was practically glued to her head.

    Episode 43: Killing Them Softly 
  • #894: Scam Eye Am (Dead): A Nigerian scam artist hides out from a man who finds out he had been taken in a "wash-wash" scam. When his victim comes barging in, he accidentally jams the door's coat hook into the scammer's eye and brain.
  • #270: Contact Die: A college student taking advantage of a nerd's crush on her to get ahead in chemistry class accidentally mixes ammonia with hydrochloric acid. The gas created from the mixture melts her contact lenses to her eyes. She flees in terror and pain, slips, and cracks her neck on a corner.
  • #427: Six Feet Plunder: A guy, angry that his parents left the family fortune to his older brother and his brother left the family fortune to his dog when he died (and was buried with the family's jewelry), decides to do some grave-robbing to get the jewelry that he thinks is rightfully owed to him. Just as he's about to get his brother's ring, the brother's gravestone falls on the man.
  • #465: Guns N' Noses: An African warlord who employs diamond smugglers enjoys mixing his cocaine with gunpowder (known as "brown-brown"). He unknowingly also mixes it with diamond dust from his latest bag of loot he unloaded onto a scale, which slices up his lungs from the inside.
  • #95: Frequent Dier: A horny couple on an airplane try to have some fun in the Mile-High Club after the stewardess tells them to knock off their PDA in the cabin. The plane hits some turbulence, causing them to break their bones and skulls against the lavatory's walls and each other.
  • #180: Suck & Blown: Two thieves try to siphon gas from a car using an industrial vacuum. A spark from the vacuum sets off the gas fumes and blows the thieves to kingdom come.
  • #744: Master E-Raced: A Nazi soldier gets shot in the head by an American soldier during the final days of World War II. Unfortunately, the bullet doesn't kill the Nazi and he lives on for another 50 years, hidden in the USA thanks to the Odessa Network. While yelling at his wife for not making his oatmeal right, the bullet finishes the job when he hits his head on the fridge, causing the bullet to sever an artery in his brain.

    Episode 44: Better Them Than Us 
  • #615: Macdeath: A self-absorbed dot-com millionaire-turned-theater owner tries to inject himself into a play. A cord used to hoist his fat ass up for a flying scene snaps and flies so fast that it slices clean through his jugular.
  • #368: Cloudy With a Chance of Pain: A Russian pimp finds himself locked out of his car when his prostitute locks herself in to protect herself from cement chunks from a cloud-seeding operation gone awry. He tries to get back in, but is killed by a chunk of concrete to the head.
  • #895: Pop Goes the Cholo: An injured gangster is brought by his homies to a back alley doctor (if they went to a real hospital, they'd get busted, as medical staff is allowed to call the police on you if you're injured while committing a crime). The doctor is uncooperative and gets pistol whipped. The gangsters try to operate themselves, but accidentally put an oxygen tube into his stomach, inflating it and popping it like a bloody balloon.
  • #205: Flame Retard-Ant: A pyromaniac lurking in the woods tries to light a tree on fire, but sets his pants on fire instead. He jumps into a lake to put himself out, but his muscles and cartilage melt, causing paralysis and drowning.
  • #245: Rocky Roadkill: A drug dealer using an ice cream truck to sell his stuff gets mugged at gunpoint by a tweaker. In his haste to escape the jumpy meth-head, he makes a sharp turn that causes the coolant in his truck to leak. The vapors cause the dealer to black out, hit a tree, and die from bleeding out due to his aortic valve getting ruptured.
  • #404: Straight to DVDead: A low-level actor with a rap sheet bigger than his acting credits has been hired for a 1700s-style pistol duel in a historical flick. The actor decides to kill his costar by loading his prop flintlock pistol with a real bullet so he can make the death look like an accident. The would-be murderer dies instead when his pistol blows his hand off from being overpacked with gunpowder, causing him to bleed out.
  • #348: My Big Fat Greek Death: Perillos of Athens invents a new way of executing prisoners: the Brazen Bull, a brass bull used to pressure-cook convicts. The cruel King Phalaris decides to use Perillos to test this new execution device.

    Episode 45: Dead Before They Know It 
  • #317: SP-Effed: A kleptomaniac college roommate swipes what she thinks is moisturizer for tanning, but is actually medical cream for psoriasis. A chemical in the cream reacts with the UV radiation from the tanning bed (which also isn't hers) and causes second-degree burns and deadly dehydration.
  • #127: Ji-Had it Coming: An American journalist goes native and joins the Taliban. While firing her AK-47 in celebration of her marrying a terrorist leader, a bullet ricochets off a metal pitcher and hits her square in the head.
  • #264: Crate and Buried: In Darfur, two Sudanese warlords steal crates of supplies badly needed for the war-torn country. Is it any wonder that these two monsters got what was coming to them in the form of another supply crate crushing them to death because the parachute didn't work?
  • #458: Lost in Transfusion: A crane worker hooked on cocaine needs to pass his drug test to keep his job. His girlfriend, a hospital cook, gives him some blood from her job and tells him to warm it up before he injects it in himself. The crane worker doesn't listen and dies when he injects himself with blood that was left in the refrigerator overnight, due to the chilled blood causing irregular fibrillation and tachycardia upon entering his heart.
  • #678: Arriva-Deadci: A mob-connected parolee on work release believes a co-worker is speaking ill of him to his parole officer and goes to confront them, but forgets to put the brakes on his dumpster. The dumpster pins him to another one, killing him by a sharp end of his dumpster puncturing his abdomen.
  • #402: Miss-ur Head: A French criminal is executed by guillotine, and a doctor uses his death to see if a severed head shows signs of life after being decapitated. Turns out that, outside of some involuntary blinking, it doesn't.
  • #247: Eye-Sick-Kill: A pervy stoner Mall Santa gets fired for sexually harassing his female elves and smoking pot on the job. After getting kicked out of the mall, the man goes to his manager's office to demand his job back, but an icicle falls from the roof and gets him through the eye.

    Episode 46: Stupid is as Death Does 
  • #219: Chairway to Heaven: A deadbeat dad who abandoned his family to "find himself" is building a man cave with his Fat Idiot friend. The deadbeat dad buys a military-grade pilot's seat to use as a video game chair — and (literally) hits the ceiling when he finds that the ejector mechanism on it still works.
  • #623: Eye Swallow: A man with a fetish for amputees has sex with a woman who has a glass eye and a missing arm from a car accident. While his partner goes into the bathroom to shower, the man drinks some water — not knowing that the glass has his date's fake eye in it — and chokes to death.
  • #255: The Depart-dead: Some Boston kids play a game of Edward Fortyhands, where bottles of malt liquor are taped to their hands and they can't do anything with their hands until they finish their drinks. During the fun and games, a lit cigar lights the stuffing of an old couch and releases hydrogen cyanide into the air. The kids can't escape because their hands are taped up and they end up dead from inhaling the toxic fumes.
  • #621: Spyanide: An incompetent American turncoat in World War II meets with a Nazi agent stateside. Someone finds his notebook and tries to give it back to him. Thinking he had been outed as a spy, he kills himself by swallowing a cyanide tablet.
  • #126: Game Stopped: A gaming addict gets Beaten By A Girl in an online tournament and stands up in a fit of rage. In doing so, he causes a deep-vein thrombosis to clog up his lungs, the blood clot having formed from 60 hours of playing video games, eating junk food, and using his gaming chair as a toilet.
  • #305: Moving Violation: Two former convicts scam a woman by posing as moving men. One of the men nabs a crystal flower and sticks it in his shirt. The moving van lurches forward suddenly, causing a cabinet to fall on the man who stole the crystal flower and the crystal flower to pierce his heart.
  • #193: Art Attack: A Casanova Wannabe who gets women by faking a French accent and posing as an artist gets rejected by a woman who is actually interested in art and not in the lech. In frustration, the man punches a piece of trash art that turns out to be a butterfly bomb.

    Episode 47: That's "Mister Death" To You 
  • #275: Any Given Gunday: A jersey chaser, a woman who sleeps with rich athletes, bags a football player who has memory loss from a concussion and keeps guns in the house due to his paranoia. When he finds that he slept with the jersey chaser, he's relieved that it's not a robber — until the jersey chaser opens the oven. Turns out the football player also kept a gun in the oven and guns can still fire and shoot you when overheated.
  • #592: Descent of a Woman: An extreme germophobe with OCD falls from a ladder and hits a mirror while cleaning. She survives, but later finds a glass shard stuck in her armpit. Removing it turns out to be a bad idea, as that shard severed her axillary artery and was keeping the blood from spilling out.
  • #646: Scarf-Face: A terrorist escapes prison by starving himself until he's skinny enough to slip through the jail bars. He dies while gorging on a celebratory feast due to extreme electrolyte balances from starving himself (a condition known as refeeding syndrome).
  • #174: Dog Dead Afternoon: A man sneaks onto the property of a pit bull owner, tranquilizes the pit to steal for dog fights, and hides out in the dog's cage. By the time the coast is clear, though, the tranquilizer wears off and The Dog Bites Back (literally), ripping out the thief's trachea.
  • #213: Crappy Ending: A man tries to enjoy Southeast Asian sex tourism, but all that sex tourism leaves him unable to get it up when he goes to a massage parlor where the sexy masseuse starts with a happy ending. What's worse, a buzzing noise causes the frustrated masseuse to pull out an electrical wall panel, bringing out a giant Asian hornet. The man kills it, but the pheromones attract a swarm that sting him to death.
  • #439: Chain Gang Banged: Two chain gang prisoners try to escape by jumping into the bed of a truck, but their chain gets caught on the truck's hitch and they are dragged to death.
  • #715: Withdrawn: A bank robber places a bomb collar on himself to trick tellers into believing that he's being used as a pawn for bank robbing. When the police got called to the bank, he tries to tell the police about his situation in order to avoid possible jail time. Just as a teller leaves and unlocks her car with a remote control, she accidentally set off the C4 on the robber's collar as the collar used the same frequency.

    Episode 48: Death, the New Black 
  • #147: Splat-Formed: We go back to that dangerous era known as the 1970s, where a coke dealer hits the disco and does some lines. He trips over his platform shoes and slices his jugular on a pointy end of his male symbol necklace, bleeding out quickly due to an accelerated heart rate from cocaine.
  • #325: Who Fart-Dead?: A group of sorority pledges enters a contest to see who can stay in a boiling hot sauna the longest (the winner gets to skip Hell Week). One of the pledges eats broccoli and beans beforehand, chasing the others out with her rampant flatulence. Her victory is cut short, however, by a trifecta of second-degree burns, hyperthermia, and dehydration.
  • #237: Him-Paled: A skeevy perv who takes upskirt photos tries to get one from a a long-legged girl who isn't wearing panties under her skirt. Bad thing: he does it near a construction site, so he gets caught by a construction worker who actually has respect for women and is about to kick his ass. Worst thing: a piece of rebar falls from above when another construction worker fumbles, and it swiftly pierces the pervert's chest.
  • #309: Jablowni: Did you know that tire sealant is flammable? Well, this jackass bodybuilder who abuses his girlfriend by hitting on her friends didn't. After his girlfriend tries to blow up a pool raft, the bodybuilder decides to do the job quicker by inflating it with tire sealant. It goes off when the meatheaded jerk puts his lit cigarette on the raft, which burns a hole in the plastic and causes the entire thing to go up in flames.
  • #213: Ass-Hoppered: Two stoners try to start their own marijuana farm, but end up smoking it. They get the munchies, leading one to eat a grasshopper. Too bad he had a previously unknown allergy to a protein in a grasshopper's exoskeleton, causing fatal anaphylaxis.
  • #497: Ball Sacked: A Jerkass football coach whose career is on the toilet after getting caught cheating and people protesting over his abusive training methods gets a well-deserved kick in the balls from one of his players, who had a lead insert in his cleats per his orders. He is hit with enough force to crack his pelvis and send a bone shard into his kidneys, causing sepsis and internal bleeding.
  • #306: Big Boned: Two drunks crash a beauty pageant for plus-sized women and one of them mocks the contestants. When the three finalists walk down the runway to tell him off, it collapses, and all three women (each one weighing a little over 300 pounds) fall on him and crush him to death.

    Episode 49: Death Be a Lady Tonight 
  • #745: Half-Offed: A Jerkass tries to bully a woman out of a taxi cab. During the confrontation, a tow truck's loose cable catches on the cab's trunk, pins the man to the cab, and bisects him.
  • #459: Smoke Stalked: A man and his wife go on vacation to escape the man's psycho ex-girlfriend who can't get it in her head that her ex-boyfriend is married to another woman. When the couple comes back, they find the ex-girlfriend's body in the chimney. Turns out she tried to sneak into the house a la Santa Claus, but ended up stuck in the cramped space, slowly dying from dehydration and starvation.
  • #619: Sudden Death: A fantasy football fanboy starts a barroom brawl when he tries to change channels on football games. One of the patrons breaks a glass mug, sending a shard through the fanboy's jugular and carotid.
  • #271: Raiders of the Lost Narc: A junkie makes a bogus 911 call to sneak into the ambulances' garage and swipe some morphine. She drops a bottle of drugs while leaving and tries to get it, only to be crushed by the garage door as its safety shutoff switch malfunctions.
  • #324: Bats All Folks: A tomb raider swipes a statue in a Chinese cave, but accidentally sets off a flock of bats, getting bit by one and contracting SARS (Sudden Acute Respiratory Syndrome), succumbing to the illness weeks later.
  • #257: Pimp My Death: A miserably married man goes to a bar and meets a woman who wants to date him. Before they have sex, however, she reveals that she's a hooker who charges $2000 a night. When the man refuses to pay, the hooker calls her Scary Black Man pimp. During the scuffle between the pimp and the john, the hooker tries to swipe money from the john's wallet, only to get accidentally shoved into a marble sink and split her head open on a corner.
  • #370: Drone Boned: Two Middle Eastern terrorists are dispatched by a soldier (and former gamer) in Nevada and his trusty predator drone.

    Episode 50: Today's Special: Death 
  • #406: Weld Done: When a woman is fired for lying about her welding credentials and incompetence on the job, she welds her boss's car doors shut, then runs for her van to make a getaway. She accidentally left the welding gear's nozzle open, flooding her van with gas that ignites when her car's electric battery sparks on.
  • #450: That's a Morte!: An Italian noblewoman from the Renaissance has a chastity belt placed on her by her husband to preserve her fidelity, after he catches her cheating on him for the umpteenth time. She and another suitor manage to slip it off in a tub of oil and water, but each time she slips it off and back on, she scratches herself on the belt's rust, eventually contracting tetanus and dying from it.
  • #412: Gang Banged: The son of a bootlegger goes to confront his father's killers in a bathhouse. As he's about to shoot the assailants, though, he slips and fires into a steam pipe which scalds him in the face and cooks his brain.
  • #326: Smother-in-Law: A jealous mother-in-law gets into a spat with her daughter-in-law over her cooking, and slaps the younger woman across the face. The daughter-in-law seriously considers stabbing her with her kitchen knife, but then she storms off. The mother goes to get a frozen pizza out of the freezer, but when it gets stuck and she tries to wedge it out, she accidentally tips the fridge over on top of her, crushing her while the freezer door pierces her neck.
  • #618: DWI: Dying While Intoxicated: A divorcee gets drunk with her equally divorced and equally drunk friends and, unable to drive due to a DUI, takes a riding lawn mower to the store instead (never mind that driving any vehicle under the influence of any drug is considered a crime). She gets into a low-speed chase with the police and tries to lose them by driving on someone's lawn, but hits a rock, falls off, and can't get back up before the mower runs her over and shreds her.
  • #73: Vertigo, Going, Gone: An incompetent office worker who just got fired tries to get revenge on his boss by hiding in a tree, preparing to kill her with a sniper rifle. The would-be assassin suffers a bout of vertigo caused by an allergy from oak tree pollen, misses his former boss, and drops to the ground, fracturing his skull.
  • #440: Tea Bagged: A highly-inexperienced female conservative politician who so totally isn't Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann holds a Tea Party rally in her campaign for mayor, but all of her shouting and rabble-rousing gives her a stroke. She passes out on the sharp end of her musket's bayonet, piercing her brain.

    Episode 51: Eat, Pray, Die 
  • #500: Ich Bin Ein Stoner: During the Dark Ages, a medieval witch hunter eats grain infected with ergot and goes insane. The other villagers suspect him of being a witch and, when a mole on his back they prick doesn't bleed (an ancient indication of witchcraft), stone him to death.
  • #449: Another Up the Butt Story: At a bachelor party, a horndog tries to rape a stripper who was just used as a human sushi bar. The stripper pushes the man off, he backs into a toilet (which was having some plumbing problems), and causes it to explode by flushing it. In an inversion of the old "hooker gets killed at a bachelor party" scenario note , the man slips and gets a broken piece of porcelain stuck in his ass, causing him to bleed out and die.
  • #189: Poly-Ass-Turd: A self-help guru/con artist has a fire-walking seminar. While showing how he can walk on hot coals, he slips, falls on the coals, and ignites his polyester suit, burning him to a crisp.
  • #79: Shoots & Ladders: An angry old man silences his neighbor's dog with a slingshot. When he goes to put the slingshot away in his attic, his leg gets caught on a ladder and he falls and cracks his skull.
  • #478: E-I-E-I-Oww!: Two teen delinquents on work release on a farm tease a Farmer's Daughter with a milker. One of them puts it to his chest to show how harmless it is, despite the girl's warnings...only to realize it wasn't a milker, but a cattle bolt pistol that punches a hole in his heart.
  • #769: Bush Defeated: A woman decides to get rid of her overgrown pubic hair once and for all by cutting it, shaving it, and waxing it. She really should have sprung for a professional wax job, because the amateur job caused a tear in her labia majora that gave her necrotizing fasciitis (the flesh-eating virus). She would have gone to a doctor about it, but she had no medical insurance.
  • #419: Skid Marked: Some car thieves play a game of "ghost riding the whip", where they perform tricks on a car as it drives itself. One thief tries car surfing, but falls off when the car hits a speed bump, gets his leg broken, then has the car run up his body, crushing everything including and splattering his brains on the pavement.

    Episode 52: Wait, Don't Tell Me - You're Dead 
  • #804: Fire In the Hole: An idiot gets arrested as part of his Neo-Nazi older brother's escape plan, carrying a grenade in his anus. The Neo-Nazi tries to pull the grenade out, but only succeeds in pulling out the pin. Whoops.
  • #65: Somewhere Over the Railing: A prankster tries to trick a friend into sitting in a recliner rigged with an airbag for a live-streamed web show. In a scuffle, the prankster falls in the chair, gets thrown into the air by the airbag, falls off the second floor, and hits the first floor, breaking her back.
  • #329: Muffed Dive: A washed-up Olympic diver takes a job as a pool bodyguard, using his job as a hunting ground for cougars, MILFs, and middle-aged divorcees. While on a date with one, he dives into the pool, hits his head on a chlorine dispenser and dies from the head trauma.
  • #328: Treadkill: An overweight Peeping Tom spies on his good-looking neighbor while running on a treadmill. He accidentally cranks up the speed, falls, and gets his hoodie's drawstrings caught in the treadmill, choking him.
  • #86: Bush Whacked 2: South of the Border: Two drug workers steal money from their boss and duck into a bush to evade capture. Too bad the bush was really firestick, an irritant that blinds them and inflames their skin, causing them to run out and get gunned down.
  • #173: Leave It to Seizure: A pickpocketing stripper doing a cage dance under strobe lights suffers a grand mal seizure, bites off her tongue, and chokes on it.
  • #318: Dia de los Morons: Two teenaged Halloween pranksters who had finished playing with silly string decide to light a bag of dog turds on a victim's front stoop. One of them accidentally ignites the silly string on him, as well as his polyester costume, and goes down in flames.

    Episode 53: Death - The Gift That Lasts Forever 
  • #591: Trip to the Maul: A cuckolding man goes to have sex with his mistress in the woods when he suffers from vasoconstriction in his eyes, rendering him blind. Panicked, he runs into the waiting paws of a hungry bear.
  • #826: Gory Holed: An old geezer having cybersex in the mid-1990s (back when the Internet was somewhat new and the only way you could get it was through dial-up, which was painfully slow) with what he thinks is a girl but is really another guy bounces excitedly on his computer chair, which eventually explodes underneath him and shoots a piece of the chair up his ass.
  • #468: Died-Zilla: A bride-to-be fresh from rehab goes on a days-long bath salts bender. When she finally gets on the altar, she collapses and dies of hyperthermia.
  • #334: U.P.F'D: A former mailman starts stealing packages from people's houses — until he swipes one from a judge's mailbox that turns out to be from a terrorist who targeted the judge with a package of anthrax due to their stance on immigration. The former mailman gets a faceful of it and dies a few days later.
  • #992: I'll Sleep When I'm Dead: A man with fatal familial insomnia (a rare genetically-inherited brain defect that makes it physically impossible for the sufferer to sleep) accidentally kills a man with his car. Rather than turn himself in for vehicular manslaughter, he goes to a sleep clinic for help, but guilt from killing the man only make his insomnia worse. He eventually succumbs to a stroke from staying awake for months on end.
  • #325: Kitchen Sunk: A Dreadful Musician with a huge beard reluctantly goes to fix a clogging sink at his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend's insistence. Not knowing what to do, he tries turning on the garbage disposal, which catches on his beard, pulls his face into the sink's water, and drowns him.
  • #460: Blast Call: A construction worker looking for quick cash dares bar patrons to hit his chest with darts. He proceeds to get so drunk that he falls to the ground, knocks loose a blasting cap on a stick of dynamite in his pocket, and blows up.

    Episode 54: Death: One Size Fits All 
  • #190: Handi-Crapped: A Jerkass office worker rides around in a scooter and a neck brace threatening to sue the company for an accident he incurred on the job. When one coworker discovers that he's been faking his injuries, she goes to the boss to rat him out. The man gives chase, tries to get into an elevator before it closes, fails, tries to ram into the elevator, and only succeeds in falling down the elevator shaft.
  • #293: Frost-Dead: An incompetent cryopreservationist buys the farm after breathing liquid nitrogen from a tube he knocks loose.
  • #242: Slippery When Dead: A hot-headed hot-oil wrestler who shamelessly cheats in her match defeats a challenger, slips, falls, and pierces her brain on the pointy end of an old-timey boxing ring bell.
  • #163: Driver's Dead: An angry driving instructor scares a student into reporting him. Frustrated, he hits the steering column hard enough to deploy its airbag, hitting him in the neck with enough force to cave in his windpipe.
  • #881: Slayer Cake: An incompetent baker is fired by his sister-in-law. Before he leaves, he vandalizes several cakes with crude and shocking messages. As he heads out, he slips and falls on a cake-decorating syringe that pumps his heart full of frosting and gives him a heart attack.
  • #240: Miner Injuries: A mining foreman with no sympathy for his workers is left alone when they smell methane and flee. The boss tries to mine, by himself, but the sparks he creates sets off the methane, causing rocks to fall on him.
  • #785: My Chemical Romance: A couple of con artists swipe a barrel of toxic waste. The boyfriend feels uneasy with dumping it, so the girlfriend dumps it instead, but trips over an old toilet and gets a face (and lungs) full of waste.

    Episode 55: Death by Request (The Deathies) 
This episode is a special parody award show-cum-Clip Show, picking out the best deaths seen on the show so far. The winners were as follows:
  • Sexiest Death: "Washed and Fried" (Episode 20)
  • Best Historical Death: "Back Stabbed" (Episode 26)
  • Best Death During Sex: "Ass Phyxiated" (Episode 14)
  • Cosmic Karma: "Steward-Death" (Episode 39)
  • Worst Sexual Pervert: "Vom-Ate-Dead" (Episode 30)
  • Best Sports Death: "Dead Eye" (Episode 5)
  • Dumbest Druggie: "Em-Bear-Assed" (Episode 4)
  • Dumbest Death: "Boys 2 Dead" (Episode 25)
  • Most Painful Death: "Bad Max" (Episode 30)
  • Deathiest Death: "Titty Titty Bang Bang" (Episode 13)

    Episode 56: Deadliest Kitsch 
  • #642: Bull-Heavia: A dictator who denounces the United States due to its decadence is actually the country's number one fan and has a secret playroom filled with American memorabilia, including a mechanical bull. He tries to ride it, but his assistant doesn't know how to work the controls. The dictator gets thrown off and impaled on a model of the Washington Monument.
  • #241: Hose Whipped: A security guard who wants to be a cop (but failed the police academy exam) uses a hose to break up a protest outside of a pharmaceutical company that does animal-testing. As he's getting the sexy protesters wet, the hose slips from his fingers, knocks him to the ground, and clobbers him in the head, killing him with a fatal head injury.
  • #820: Suffer-Cated: A bicyclist (who totally isn't Lance Armstrong) uses an altitude tent to oxygenate his red blood cells and give himself more endurance for an upcoming race. His ex-girlfriend's neglected dog takes his water bottle, accidentally shutting off the oxygen in the process. The bicyclist awakes in terror, tips the tent over with the door down, and suffocates to death.
  • #307: Rocked Out: A lecherous rock-climbing instructor who likes to grope and ogle skinny female climbers has to help an overweight man climb a wall. He gets Distracted by the Sexy and fails to notice a cord going around his neck until it's choking him. He cuts it off, but causes his fat student to fall on him and crush him.
  • #917: Chicken Boned: A group of teens play a game of chicken (where two or more people do something dangerous and the one who pulls out first is "chicken." Usually, the game is played with cars). One challenges the others to hold a lit firecracker in their mouths. The kid issuing the challenge accidentally swallows his firecracker and blasts a hole in his windpipe.
  • #508: Toe Jammed: A janitor with a fetish for unconscious women's feet uses his night shift to give sleeping, sedated, and comatose women pedicures. He accidentally lets a tray hit a coma patient's knee, causing a literal knee-jerk reaction, kicking him in the face and jamming a foot-shaped lollipop he had in his mouth into his throat.
  • #260: Down With the Clown: A birthday party clown who has been sending hate mail to horror-core group Infernal Clown Posse plans to crash one of their concerts. One of the members of ICP hits him in the head with a bottle of pop and knocks him out. He recovers and tries to pull the plug on ICP's equipment, but ends up electrocuting himself (soda is very conductive of electricity, thanks to its high salt content).

    Episode 57: Grave Decisions 
  • #819: Sneeze Bag: A campaign manager working for a candidate who is running for mayor drugs him and plots to destroy his good name by claiming that he had sex with her. When she drags him out in front of the press, however, the flashing lights of the cameras triggers her photic sneeze reflex (she suffered from a condition called "A.C.H.O.O. Syndrome"), causing her to sneeze so much she bursts blood vessels.
  • #273: As-Capped: An angry former record producer (who totally isn't Phil Spector) tries to murder his former employees who now play in his nursing home (because he cheated them out of royalty money in their glory days and now have no money to live on), but his palsy acts up, causing him to accidentally shoot his own oxygen tank and blow himself to bits.
  • #295: Cat Fight on a Hot Tin Roof: A woman with a hair-trigger temper yells at another woman who allegedly took her parking spot. When she goes to attack her, she trips and stabs herself in the stomach on the other car's pointed hood ornament.
  • #109: Heart Beatdown: In the 1950s, a mentally unstable killer is given electroshock therapy to curb his psychosis while doing time at a psychiatric hospital. He pretends to be catatonic and holds a nurse hostage while making an escape, but the repeated electric shocks have taken a toll on his heart and, before he can get out, he dies of cardiac arrest.
  • #244: Chain on You: A motocross racer sabotages her rival's bike chain. During the race, the chain snaps and digs itself into the saboteur's neck.
  • #700: This Just In...My Chest: A vain news reporter tries to make a name for himself by reporting out in the middle of a hurricane, only to get Impaled with Extreme Prejudice by a mailbox.
  • #548: Therm-Assed: A teenager who's very bored at a Christian summer camp (which her parents forced her to go to because of her behavior) spikes her group's dinner with ecstasy as a prank. While everyone's tripping balls, the girl chokes on some soot from a campfire. She tries to clear her throat with water from a thermos, which turns out to be boiling hot and scorches her epiglottis, causing her to choke and die.

    Episode 58: Dirt Nap 
  • #350: Harmored Car: Two robbers take over an armored car and get into a gunfight with the police. One of the robbers is shot by the police, but survives due to the bulletproof vest he was wearing. However, he stumbles backwards and causes his momentum to hit the backdoor of the armored car just as his partner peaks his head out. The door breaks the partner's neck.
  • #915: Bush Whacked 3: Waxed Off: An angry spa patron is offered a free bikini wax. A waxing strip on her snatch catches fire and sets off an emergency sprinkler, which causes the angry patron to die from a rare, allergic reaction to water, which causes her to break out in hives and her throat to swell shut.
  • #294: You've Got Dead Male: Two vandals taking whacks at mailboxes with a bat from a car come across a reinforced mailbox (from an old metal shop worker who was terrorized by the teens before) that won't break. One of the vandals keeps taking whacks at it until the bat breaks and sends a splinter right into his heart.
  • #634: Shop 'Til You Drown: A personal shopper who shills counterfeit clothes is kicked out by a client's husband (who lost a substantial amount of money because of the current economic slump). As the personal shopper leaves, she falls into the backyard pool, gets trapped in its tarp cover, and drowns.
  • #290: De-Faced: A deadbeat husband warms up a brand-new snowblower in his enclosed garage, passes out from a lack of oxygen (and being drunk), and gets his face shredded by it.
  • #630: Ex'd Ex: A couple enjoying a hayride are surprised by a stalking ex dressed as an ax murderer. The new boyfriend punches him off, and he gets crushed by the tractor's wheels.
  • #730: Colon-Gross-Opy: A Lad-ette living with two other guys tries to get an edge in a farting contest by spraying a can of whipped cream up her ass. The nitrous oxide gas in the can freezes and destroys her intestines.

    Episode 59: Death Takes a Vacation 
  • #272: Velvet Dope: An ex-con bouncer fights with a patron he refused to let into a club because he wasn't rich or sexy. He shoves the patron into a support pole for an awning, causing it to snap and fall, impaling the bouncer's head.
  • #965: Bull-Shido: Disgraced over the death of his bandmate from episode 36, and the realization that he's an untalented loser, the Japanese rock star who killed his bandmate commits seppuku: he slices his abdomen open with a dagger while another bandmate finishes the job with a decapitation.
  • #899: Batter Upped: A food vendor at a carnival gives chase after a woman he tried to seduce, but gets batter dumped on his head. He hits a pole and falls face-first into a deep fryer.
  • #771: Caught in a Lye: A chemical plant worker in the Czech Republic tries to bamboozle safety inspectors into thinking his plant is up to code, but they spot a leaky pipe. He tries to close it, but the pipe bursts and covers him in toxic waste.
  • #614: Dead on Arrival: A drug runner (who eerily looks like Russell Brand) tries to sneak LSD through an airport by absorbing it into his tie-dyed shirt. His perspiration causes the acid to get absorbed into his system, enough to fry his brain, but not before rambling and making a scene at airport security.
  • #211: Dead Mime ☺: An obnoxious mime chokes on a pickle he eats for lunch. No one helps him as he dies because they think it's part of his act.
  • #556: Her Own Damn Fault!!!: A horny housewife tries to seduce her husband's boss when he and his wife come to visit. The boss's wife sends a tennis ball at her head, knocking her dizzy, causing her to accidentally release the tennis net and braining her.

    Episode 60: Wild Wild Death 
  • #644: Teller She's Dead: A bank teller performs an inside job with a friend, and locks herself in a vault to make it look like the robber put her in there. The friend sets off the vault's fire extinguishers so the police can rescue the teller. Unbeknownst to them, the extinguishers are rigged with CO2, snuffing out anything inside, from fires to human life.
  • #106: Super Zero: An overzealous nerd takes to being the town superhero and tries to apprehend some potheads on a roof. However, he ends up tripping over his cape, causing him to fall and crack his skull on the pavement.
  • #520: Branched Out: A guy tries to go viral with videos of some girls with guns. A shell casing falling into one girl's cleavage causes her to freak out and fire her uzi all over the place, shooting off a branch that falls through the dude's heart.
  • #726: Dough!!!: A pervert baker who's been sexually harassing a coworker challenges her to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon (the infamous "cinnamon challenge"): if she can do it, he'll stop harassing her, but if she can't, then she has to go on a date with him. She coughs it back up in his face, causing him to stumble towards a dough mixer. His tie gets caught in the machine, and his head is pulled into the mixer's blades and crushed.
  • #593: Cham-Pained: An art thief kicks off an auction for her loot with some champagne. The bottle's cork hits her in the eye, causing her to fall into a pyramid of champagne glasses, fatally lacerating her body (including her brachial artery).
  • #105: Backseat Die-er: A grossly incompetent paramedic trips balls on nitrous oxide, then shocks himself with a defibrillator.
  • #443: Blogged Artery: A blogger who blogs about sex-capades with rock stars fails to net a rock star and, desperate for stuff to share with followers, uses a vacuum cleaner to make a hickey. The vacuum causes a blood clot to form and give her a fatal stroke.


    Episode 61: Death Penalties 
  • #496: Recep-Shunned: A groom attempts to confront a Jerkass wedding singer, who has been acting inappropriately throughout the wedding reception. The best man tries to defuse the situation. In the scuffle, the best man accidentally shoves a microphone down the singer's throat.
  • #874: Dyin' Maiden: A spy in the French Revolution is discovered by a magistrate whom she tried to rob, and is sentenced to death by iron maiden (an iron casket with spikes on the inside).
  • #358: Teri-Yucky: A busboy at a Benihana-style restaurant plays around with the head chef's knives after hours, tossing one up into the air and accidentally cutting a rope holding up a giant Buddha head. The head falls on him and pins him to a hot grill, grilling him alive.
  • #950: No Guts...All Gory: A mugger tries to hold up a diving equipment vendor and gets stabbed. When the mugger tries to pull it out, his guts explode. While it's not wise to attack an armed mugger, in this case, it saved the vendor's life, as the knife was a Wasp Knife, normally used to stab sharks during deep-sea explorations and filled with carbon dioxide, which causes the victim to fill with gas and burst like a balloon.
  • #24: She-Manned: A female bodybuilding dominatrix partakes in muscle relaxers and booze while bathing. On this occasion, she almost drowns, but survives. When she goes to crush a watermelon between her thighs for her best customer, she succumbs to dry drowning as a result of her earlier brush with death.
  • #445: Apocalypse Harley: In a what if scenario, an actor who so totally isn't Charlie Sheen is targeted by a hitman (who so totally isn't Marlon Brando as Colonel Kurtz). When the assassin confronts the actor, the latter snorts cocaine and breaks out his machete. He ends up doing the assassin's job for him, though, when he fell on his own blade.

    Episode 62: Die-abestic 
  • #215: Spit-ill: A thieving kissing booth worker jumps at the chance to lock lips with her high school crush, who was the star pitcher of the baseball team. Too bad for her, he's been chewing sunflower seeds, which she's fatally allergic to.
  • #462: Tow F. U.: A scheming tow truck driver sets up no parking signs and overcharges people who park near them. On this occasion, he hooks up the tow hook to a victim's steering rod instead of the car's tow link, snapping it off and causing the flying tow hook to brain him.
  • #296: Tipping Point: Two waitresses at a failing sports bar fight over who gets to serve the town softball team after a big game. One falls onto a spiked receipt holder and punctures her breast implant and heart.
  • #554: Dead Fixe: A caustic food critic bites off a piece of a toothpick while partaking of a martini olive. The toothpick piece gets stuck in his stomach and kills him days later from perionitis.
  • #280: Dead Necked: An obnoxious kid throws a hillbilly themed party for his country cousin (despite being from Alabama, the country cousin is a law school valedictorian) and tries to deep fry a frozen turkey. Steam under the turkey causes it to shoot out of the barrel of oil like a cannonball and hit the kid in the face, causing cartilage from his nose to get jammed in his brain.
  • #366: Strang-Girled: A cheating wife swipes her husband's neck massager for herself. The massager catches on her necklace and strangles her.
  • #94: Pop and Lox: During a 1980s dance battle, a white breakdancer succumbs to SADS (Sudden Arrhythmatic Death Syndrome) from the deep bass from the boomboxes knocking her heartbeat out of sync.

    Episode 63: Star Death: The Last Generation 
  • #453: Cat Got Your Life: A Crazy Cat Lady makes her cats mate so she can drink their milk. Too bad for her, the cats had been eating white snakeroot in her garden, which is toxic to humans.
  • #182: Homie Invasion: A burglar breaks into a house. The man of the house goes to fend him off, but he gets clocked with a baseball bat. His wife tries to save him with CPR, but it's too late: he's dead...BUT!, just as the story ends with the "Way to Die #" screen, the announcer goes back and reveals that the man who allegedly died has a condition called "Lazarus Syndrome," which causes him to come back from his short time of being dead. He goes to confront the burglar and the burglar, scared shitless by the supposedly dead man, falls off the balcony and cracks his skull open on the cobblestone path below.
  • #446: Kara-Chokey: A Yakuza boss severs an underling's finger for botching a karaoke song, and swallows it whole, which causes him to choke on it. Another lackey saves him with the Heimlich maneuver...for all of a moment or two: his incorrect use of the maneuver causes a rupture in the oyabun's aortic valve.
  • #152: Photo-Dead-Ick: A supermodel on a photo shoot passes out from a combination of anorexia, cocaine use, and heat exhaustion from her body paint preventing her from sweating. She falls and impales her eye on a light post.
  • #330: Paper or Spastic: A Jerkass grocery store shopper (suffering from "Little Emperor's Syndrome" as she was an only child in a Chinese family and was spoiled rotten) throws a tantrum when the clerk and manager tells her that they don't take checks for purchases. When they finally relent, the scarf she planned on shoplifting gets stuck in the checkout conveyor belt and strangles her.
  • #529: Hydrate-Dead: A hyper-competitive marathon runner chugs water and exercises hard in order to beat a rival, but collapses and dies from fatal encephalitis caused by drinking too much water.
  • #232: Nine Inch Nailed: Three goofballs fooling around when they should be working at a trash dump roll downhill in an old tire. When one of them tries to launch off a ramp, it collapses, causing a nail to poke the tire and pierce his spinal cord.

    Episode 64: Death - Putting the "Fun" in "Funeral" 
  • #711: Spastic Surgery: A woman who had gastric bypass surgery forces her husband to divorce her, as she doesn't love him anymore and she wants to use her new, slim look to get a new man. During the spat, a pair of forceps that was left in her after the surgery comes bursting out of her gut.
  • #191: Rhymes with "Rich": A gold digging personal trainer trying to seduce an old retiree out of his money (to his wife's chagrin) tries to lift a heavy barbell clean-and-jerk style. She ends up collapsing, with the barbell falling on, and breaking, her neck.
  • #258: Less is Mormon: A polygamist and his cult members gives chase after a runaway bride. The polygamist triggers a trap that shoves a bed of spikes into his body.
  • #689: Wine and Die: A Swedish exchange student goes with a nerd to a vineyard (which has been shut down for the season) for drinks and fun. The two go swimming in a fermentation vat and asphyxiate on carbon dioxide.
  • #420: Die-Rect TV: A squatter tries to steal his neighbors' cable after he could no longer watch TV when the signal switched from analog to digital. He falls down the fire escape and impales himself through the mouth on a screwdriver he held between his teeth.
  • #944: Dead Light Green Light: A scalper is chased by an angry customer after he gave the latter fake tickets. He runs out onto the street and gets hit by a SUV, even though the light was green. The traffic light got short-circuited by a slug.
  • #346: Extinguished: An angry dodgeball player who never made it big in sports due to failed drug tests attempts to hose his teammates with a fire extinguisher. The extinguisher is faulty, though, and explodes, jamming the handle in his heart.

    Episode 65: Sor-Dead Affair 
  • #911: Penis de Milo: A sex-starved sculptor has sex with a statue he made after his wife leaves him. When he finishes up, though, he finds he can't pull his penis out because he made the statue's vagina too small. In his struggle to free himself, he falls off the table, as does the statue, right on his chest.
  • #143: Bad Laps: A former drill sergeant teaching swimming to plus-sized women cranks up the pool's temperature and promises to turn it back down if any of the students can outrace him. He succeeds in beating the students, but dies of hyperthermia due to his wetsuit trapping his body heat.
  • #181: Pris-un-done: An inmate takes a prison guard hostage with a shiv during a prison riot. When one of the guards fires tear gas at him, the canister hits the inmate's throat, collapsing his windpipe.
  • #225: Xmas-turbator: A Christmas-hating blowhard sets up a large, obnoxious Yuletide light display on his house, which includes a massive stereo player. When he turns it on, he slips off his roof and gets caught on a wire. With his sound system drowning out his cries for help, he tries to free himself, but the swinging causes him to hit his head on the house repeatedly and damage his brain.
  • #571: Polly Want to Crack Your Spine?: While making out her boyfriend, a housesitter attempts to feed a cockatoo in order to keep it from squawking. She inadvertently sets the cockatoo free and it flies onto the roof. When she tries to retrieve it, she falls off the balcony and through a glass table, breaking it and severing her carotid.
  • #393: Deep Sleep (Walk): If you suffer from sleepwalking, maybe a houseboat isn't a good place to live (especially if you can't swim). One woman finds this out the hard way when she sleepwalks to get chocolate, falls off the pier, and drowns before she can wake up.
  • #1000: Premature Endings: In a hospital filled with idiots, Jerkasses, and perverts all suffering from fatal injuries and illnesses caused through no fault other than their own, an unharmed woman blithely strides through the chaos and visits her father, who has had a rich, full life, was an upstanding citizen, and had the love of his friends and family, as he passes away from natural causes. The narrator closes out by saying that a Sadist Show like this does have An Aesop underneath all the Family-Unfriendly Death: you can either be like the losers on the show who become victims of their own stupidity and die prematurely, or you can be like the old man being visited by his daughter for the last time and live a good life with old age/natural causes as your cause of death.

    Episode 66: Locked and Low Dead 
  • #612: Gone Green: A socialite hosts a St. Paddy's day party to show off a fancy green dress she swiped from a vintage shop. During the party, everyone gets drunk, pukes on her, douses her in booze, and passes out. The following day, everyone awakens to find she's turned green (literally). She then pukes green sludge and dies of organ failure, due to the toxic Paris Green dye seeping into her body (the dress she had on was made during a time when Paris Green dye — mostly used in rat poison — was also used to make green dresses bright and vibrant).
  • #374: Dead Kacynski: A conspiracy theorist goes off the grid and lives in a forest shack, using car batteries as a power source. When he uses the batteries to power a mimeograph, the poorly-grounded batteries explode, causing several fractures and acid burns.
  • #228: Die Jump: An actress doing a commercial shoot for the Olympics has to show she can do a high jump to her boss. She succeeds, but misses the mat and hits the ground. She seems okay as she gets back up, but gets knocked over by a track runner, breaking her weakened back from missing the mat and severing her spinal cord.
  • #107: Cop Out: A corrupt cop supervising delinquents doing community service gets high on paint thinner fumes and goes nuts. He threatens the teens with a gun, but drops it, causing it to fire off into his brain.
  • #914: Lazy Bumday: A Fat Bastard pretending to be a Gulf War vet (riding around in a rascal to sell his story, as well as because his ankles broke under his weight) finds that he has maggots in his infected bed sores. He freaks out and dies, not from the maggots, but from his poor diet and slovenly lifestyle.
  • #246: White Wetting: A druggie enjoying cigarettes laced with PCP is chased through a grocery story by a security guard. He slips into a stack of beer kegs and gets his skull crushed.
  • #631: Sun Burnt: A jerkass geek builds a laser out of a satellite dish covered in tin foil to incinerate bugs. He tries cooking a can of beans with the laser, but it explodes and knocks him out, his head falling in the path of his homemade laser, burning a hole in his skull and liquifying his brain.

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