Abhorrent Admirer, Beautiful All Along, Fat Girl, Vanity Is Feminine: There is nothing more important to women than appearance. If you fail in that department for one reason or another, reconstruct your body and face. If you don't, your whole life will be a failure so you can as well start thinking about committing suicide.
Any man who loves a woman who doesn't fit the standards of beauty is either insane or an idiot. Or just too poor and too ugly to get a decent woman.
Abuse Mistake: If you're doing something to people that doesn't look abusive, it is abuse and you should be ashamed of yourself! However, if people do something to you that's seemingly abusive, it's not abuse, so suck it up.
Abusive Parents: If you're a parent who's got some serious issues, take them out on your children to make yourself feel better.
Children, if your parents weren't nice to you, respect them anyways. Otherwise, you're bad for not doing so.
Accentuate the Negative: You don't really have any legitimate arguments against whatever you're talking about. You're just a complainer, and you know what we say about them...
Badbutt: Do you think you're awesome just because you talk smart, hold your own in a fight, regularly save the day without batting an eye, and don't care about being anyone's role model? Sorry. Unless you routinely spout explicit profanity, womanize, and find other ways to piss off Moral Guardians, you're worthless.
Because Destiny Says So: If the prophecy is fact, then you should always accept it and fulfill it without question.
Because I Said So: Good parents should always give nonsensical reasons (or no reasons whatsoever) why a child shouldn't practice immorality.
Being Good Sucks and Knight in Sour Armor: Doing the right thing means that your life sucks. But you should buck it up and continue doing it anyway, because, whether you like it or not, it's always worth it, even if you have to lose your family, friends, and lover because you did the right thing.
Best Years of Your Life: Teenagers, if you're being tortured by many people in high school in many ways possible, then that means it's, without question, the best years of your life. If you can't accept this fact, then high school will suck for you even more, and it's your own fault for not making it the best that it should be.
Parents, if your child is having a bad day in school, give them this line to stop their justified complaining. Doing so will make them believe it even if they will never see it.
Beta Couple: They're there to remind you what you'll never be.
Be Yourself: You don't have to change for anyone. Be what you want to be, especially if it's something that your family, friends, and other respectable members of society see as disgusting, offensive, immoral, or etc.
Black Best Friend: Interracial friendships are never genuine. They are there as plot devices to make white people seem progressive and let black people feel important. The friendship must be rated by how high of a pedestal the white friend is put on.
However, if you're get bullied, something is wrong with you. It's your fault for being a target.
But Not Too Black: If there is a light-skinned person of color in any work, it's because the casting directors are racist, Or the casting directors think the viewers are racists. There is no way they could have been cast on talent. No, not even when there are major dark-skinned characters in the same series.
White men like Halle Berry because they hate dark-skinned black women with prominent African features. And for NO OTHER REASON.
People only superficially accept gay people for their stereotypical campness, never for actually being attracted to the same gender. You'll never really be out of the closet.
Black Sheep Hit: If you only know one song by an artist or band, don't even think about liking it. You only know that song because it's completely different from the rest of the creators' work. At best, you are only appreciating them for their cheap sell-out phase. At worst, you're the reason why none of their other songs have ever been successful.
Can't Get Away with Nuthin' : If you do something bad, even though it's nothing compared to heinous crimes such as murder and rape, our great moral enforcers will find you and will punish you!
Never say anything nice to another or you will regret it.
Conspiracy Kitchen Sink: Television producers shouldn't be promoting skepticism and critical thinking. Instead, they should say that the Crazy Homeless Person on the street is right about everything, and bring fringe theories into the mainstream.
The US government is the most evil organization of our time.
Contractual Purity: To family-friendly actors, if you're doing normal adult activities, you're jeopardizing your own career.
Beating people up is a perfectly acceptable way to form friendships, and will often solve all their mental problems.
A Degree in Useless: The only thing that matters when you want a job is experience. Intelligence, skills, and determination don't. If you don't have any job experience, you're useless.
...and thus will never get any job experience because you don't have the experience required to get more experience. So don't even bother looking, you might as well as become homeless and then die just as the way nature intended.
Determinator: If you ever fail, it's because you just don't care enough.
Dogged Nice Guy: Guys, how many times do we have to hammer it into your thick skulls that women are masochistic deep down and enjoy being treated like shit? If you want her, insult her to her face, contempt her, humiliate her and ignore her. She will want you if you do that. Don't be nice and don't take care of her, it never works.
Don't Make Me Take My Belt Off: The best way to discipline your children isn't giving them time outs, but to bring a belt and whip them in their butts to show that you're the parent and you're not going to let them do what they want. And don't hold back because they're smaller and weaker than you. Show the little brats no mercy!
Fan Dumb: Being a good fan of your favorite type of media means throwing temper tantrums and being overly posessive of your favorite show. Any other fan who tries to correct you for your behavior is childish and stupid.
Fan Hater: If someone watches a show you utterly despise, bash them for it.
Fanon Discontinuity: Don't like something? Pretending it never happened will solve your problems!
Fantasy-Forbidding Father: If your parents want you to be somebody that you don't want to be, go along with it. If you don't, then not only you're a rebellious, ungrateful bastard, but you're also setting yourself for failure.
Foe Yay: That person who hates/competes with you just wants to have sex with you. If you want them off your back, then you need to get on yours.
Forgiven But Not Forgotten: It's okay to forgive others and still give them shit for screwing up. On another spin, if you want to make amends, don't expect others to go easy on you while forgiving you for your bullshit. After all, you still deserve their cold treatment.
Hot Guy, Ugly Wife: Hey ladies! If you're homely and you find a nice looking man, you don't deserve him.
Housewife: If you're one of those and are happy about this, you're actually a Stepford Smiler in heavy denial. No exceptions.
Ho Yay: Heterosexual? What the hell is wrong with you?
Any affection two people of the same gender feel for each other means they want to sleep together.
Die for Our Ship: If there is a woman anywhere near a potential male Slash Fic pairing, she has to die, get Put on a Bus, or the relationship has to be ended in a fashion that makes her look bad. It is impossible for such a relationship to end in a healthy, mature manner. Women, however, feel no qualms about cheating on their boyfriends with another woman.
Ho Yay and Les Yay are strictly for straight people of the opposite gender only, why would bisexuals or homosexuals ever want to see something like that?
Humans Are Bastards: No matter what anyone does, and no matter if they're good or bad, the whole world is filled with unlikable, unpleasant, and unrepentant Jerkasses.
Humans Are Morons: The same as the above, and in addition, people are so stupid that nobody can ever change this situation.
Humans Are White: White is automatically the default race in any situation or setting.
If you aren't white in the future, odds are you won't exist.
I Have No Son: If your child (or children) has morally screwed up, kick them out of the house and never let them back in.
Innocently Insensitive: If you find out that you're unintentionally annoying others and ruining things for them, don't try to correct your behavior. It's the other person's fault for being the victim to your obliviousness and obnoxiousness.
Insufferable Genius: If you're smart, act like a unlikable jackass to other people just to prove your point.
Invisible to Normals: If you can see things that no one else can see, then don't worry, you aren't schizophrenic. Indeed, you should rejoice, because this means that you have super-special-awesome magic powers.
It's Popular, Now It Sucks: What do you mean, you don't have to go in the middle of nowhere to find it and now you can have a decent conversation about it? Why would someone want that?
Jerkass: In order to make up for your lost self-esteem, act like an obnoxious, arrogant prick.
"Just Joking" Justification: It's okay to offend or insult people as long as it's a part of a joke. If they take you seriously, then they're are sensitive crybabies who just don't know what a good joke is.
Last Minute Hook Up: Want to have a character go through all the trouble of having their love life practically fall apart on them (regardless if they actually deserve it)? Then come up with some new character and claim they went with them, that totally makes your previous actions A-OK. And for characters whom are receiving this treatment, feel lucky if Word of God gives your new love interest a name and more than one sentence worth of a character summary.
If you're dumped or left standing at the alter, you should hook up with the first person of the sex you're attracted to. Entering a long term relationship or marrying someone you've spent little to no time with before is better than being single.
Life Isn't Fair: What better way to rationalize cruel and abusive behavior than to say that life sucks?
If something bad happens to people, tell them this.
Lonely at the Top: Don't be a successful person otherwise you will lose your loved ones.
Loners Are Freaks: If you're a loner, then that's because you're a loser, a weirdo, a sociopath, or a serial killer.
Also, if you enjoy being alone, you're NOT normal. Having friends is mandatory in society, and you MUST have friends in order to be a normal person, even if you won't enjoy it.
If you, your friends, and other extroverted people see a loner, treat them like crap because of it. That way, it'll make them realize that they are wrong for living this socially unacceptable lifestyle and they have no other choice but to make friends and socialize.
Magic Feather: It's okay to lie to your friend or protege if it raises their self-confidence. Especially if it means sending them to their death or possibly humiliating them for life.
The reason it's ok to risk your friend's death or humiliation is because it always works. Every problem is caused by a lack of confidence.
Mandatory Motherhood: Because Babies Make Everything Better, everyone ought to have kids. If you don't want kids, then you're either Child Hater or a selfish prick unwilling to give life just as your parents have done the same to you. So you better get some kids if you want to be a productive member of society.
Mary Sue: Women should never have flaws, ever. Because they were born to be perfect.
Mediation Backfire: The best way for people reconcile their differences is letting them beat you senseless for wanting them to reconcile.
Men Act, Women Are, Chickification: Girls are only special because of their inborn qualities and how they present them; they should make no attempt to improve themselves intellectually or athletically.
Death of the Author: On the other hand, if you are going to think of your own meaning for the book, you must completely throw the Word of God out the window and assume that the Author doesn't understand anything about their own work. There is no middle ground between these two tropes.
If a fan of a work did not understand an aesop correctly, it's the fan's own fault an the fan is an idiot for not agreeing with the message.
Never make mistakes, EVER. If you're constantly pestered about your past mistakes, it's your fault for making them.
No matter how much you changed as a person, people will always remember that one time you screwed up and how you were out of character, so don't bother trying to improve yourself because people will only remember your past mistake(s).
Never My Fault: If you do wrong, NEVER take responsibility for your actions. Blame it on everyone else.
Nostalgia Filter: Everything you ever enjoyed watching when you were younger was actually terrible and you didn't know it because you were just a stupid child. If you still enjoy these things, you are an idiot.
Oh, and reminiscing about your happy non-pop culture related childhood memories is bad too because of all the horrible stuff that was going on around you. Seriously, how dare you spend your childhood being a child! What do you mean you weren't born with the knowledge of the horrors of the world and you actually miss... *gasp* not having to worry so much and having FUN? SHAME! SHAME ON YOU!
In other words, looking back on ANYTHING that ever made you happy is just plain wrong!
No Sympathy: If someone is telling you about their problems, berate them for complaining, making excuses, unwilling to deal with their problems, or that they brought it upon themselves.
Never tell anyone about your problems, because they won't care a bit.
Not Allowed to Grow Up: Fictional characters that don't age at the same time as their audiences are an abnormality. Never mind that some story arcs can span an entire month or that a season finale and a season premier might be set within the same day despite being months apart.
No Transhumanism Allowed: It is both bad and wrong to try to improve your station in life. Your destiny and psychology are determined by your race, and divinely ordained. Wanting to be something better, or even just other, than what you were born as is fundamentally immoral and anyone who is "uppity" enough to want to challenge this is an utterly reprehensible human being.
Oblivious to Love: Apparently you didn't notice a person's kindness as affection this it's your fault.
Occidental Otaku: Only Japanese people can be fans of Japanese media. Any fan who isn't must be a creepy basement-dwelling weeaboo racist against his own country because it isn't Japan, and convinced that Imperial Japan were the good guys in World War II, because it is obviously impossible that anyone can be a fan of a work from a foreign country and not at the same time be convinced that country can do no wrong.
Off the Table: If you change your mind about an offer that you previously refused, chances are that you will never receive it, and it's your own damn fault.
Old Shame: It doesn't matter how proud you are of your work, in a few years you'll realize that it's complete crap and want nothing to do with it. Your happiness with something you made won't last.
Omniscient Morality License: If a deity does things that are unquestionably dick-headed, it's only for a good reason. Also, if the deity does whatever he wants with us mortals, they will make things better for us in the end, so stop complaining.
Only Cool People Matter: Anyone who is cool has the privileged right to be an outright dick to those who aren't cool.
Ordered Apology: If someone wronged you, you should always demand an apology from them, even if they're not truly sorry.
You should always apologize even if you don't really mean it.
Politically Correct History: If you aren't a white, straight, cisgendered male, you did nothing noteworthy in any part of history regardless of all evidence to the contrary. All historical narratives must be written from only a white perspective because that is clearly the only one there is. If one white man didn't see it happen, it must not have happened. Therefore any non-white person or woman must be written out of existence or regulated to demeaning roles.
Everything you've been told about history or fiction you've seen set in history is all a big lie cooked up by a Strawman Political of one variety or the other, so don't even bother studying it.
Positive Discrimination: Any minority cannot be truly competent, or genuinely skilled in anything. It must be because the creator wants to avoid looking racist. It' can't be because the minority character actually earned anything or the white character is actually worse at the job.
It's only okay for characters to be competent if they're a white, straight, cisgendered man.
Punished for Sympathy: Being nice and sympathetic to your enemy will give you a swift, well-deserved karma.
Rape Is a Special Kind of Evil: You can organize a genocide, torture innocent people to the death, kill children and babies, rob poor people or enslave them, kidnap the homeless to gut them open and steal their organs, as long as you don't commit rape, you're not a bad person at heart and should have a chance at redemption.
Real Women Don't Wear Dresses: Weakness and utter incompetence are the quintessence of femininity. Therefore, if you're female, don't behave like a woman, lest your credibility as a competent and useful character be destroyed forever with no chance of coming back. Ever.
Real Women Have Curves: Women having a little shape in their body is more attractive. If you're a woman and don't have any curves, no guy would ever want you!
Reformed, but Rejected: It doesn't matter if you've had a change of heart, no one will ever forgive you for your wrongs, so get used to the mistrust and hatred that you rightfully deserve!
If you're a hero, the best way to express righteous indignation is to be an insufferable douchebag to a reformed villain. Never forgive and never forget!
Heel Face Door Slam: And don't even try to change your ways, because you will get killed at that very moment if you do (and rightfully so).
Reformed Rakes: Only male criminals are redeemable through the love a caring woman. A female criminal will never be reformed to good through the love of a good man because good men would never give her any time of the day.
The Scrappy: If someone shares a different opinion of a character that the majority of the fandom doesn't like, something is wrong with him or her and that person isn't a good fan for liking said character.
Characters deserve hatedoms for having the same exact flaws as other characters. If they don't live up to the standards that fans have, they are awful characters.
Serious Business: Anything that isn't that much of a big deal to everyone SHOULD be taken seriously (like getting the last word).
Sex Is Cool: Remember kids, touching waste-disposing organs and possibly even risking your health and your goals in lifenote S.T.D.s, S.T.I.s, teenage pregnancy, etc. is the most important thing in life, especially if you're male. If you don't do it, at least before you reach 23, you're a loser. Don't worry, if you're a female virgin, you're much better off than the males. But You Still Need to Get Laid and if you're not interested in playing with waste-disposing organs, then there's probably something wrong with you.
Sex Is Evil: Two consenting adults engaging in a premarital safe sex that is of absolutely no importance in order to receive physical pressure or even express love. FOR SHAME!
Ship Sinking: A creator of a work should always be as cruel as possible when trying to stop fans from shipping non-canon pairings, even if it means humiliating them at a public convention.
Conversly, any creator must be out to get the shippers. They couldn't possibly just not want character A with character B.
Slash Fic: There is nothing wrong with objectifying people who are attracted to the same gender.
Enjoy the idea two good-looking homosexuals of the opposite sex having intercourse? Clearly there's something wrong with you. How dare you fantasize about a same-sex couple having sex like couples often do! FOR SHAME!
Straight Gay: heterosexuality owns being non-campy and masculine and this is how gay men should be, so the straight viewers won't have to deal with these people flaunting it.
Sturgeon's Law: That story, picture, show, movie, or song that you worked hard to make and are very proud of? It probably sucks, and You Suck for making it. Chances are, your work is not in the 10% that is actually worthwhile, so just give up.
It's awesome to create a character to reflect on your disdain for these low-life and pathetic humans.
Token Minority and The Smurfette Principle: The best way to show how not racist and not sexist you are is to collect people of other races, genders, and sexualities like they were items in a scavenger hunt!
Alternatively, anytime a body of work has one minority character, it is clearly there to appear not racist or sexist, not because the character might deserve to be there.
Too Dumb to Live: If you just happened to make a stupid decision or mistake at the wrong time, you deserved to die and your death should be seen as nothing but a big joke.
Tough Love: Parents, to show how much you truly love your children, treat them like shit in many ways possible (usually beating them).
In general, treating others like crap will make them better.
Tsundere: The only true way to be a perfect match for the person you you love is to have a rude temperamental streak a mile wide. If any other person seems to be openly kind and caring for the person your pining for then don't worry, Happy and Friendly relationships are doomed to failure anyway.
Alternatively, if you are a Tsundere, you're automatically an irredeemable, abusive bitch. It doesn't matter if you win or not, some fans won't forgive you for not being as sweet or cheerful as the other girl(s).
The best way to write a female character is to make her annoying as possible, and give her a lot of bad redeeming qualities that overshadow her good ones. Only make her develop into a kinder person when it's too late.
Turn the Other Cheek: You're a bad person for not being nice to that asshole who made your life miserable.
Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: If you are an ugly guy and you meet a wonderful girl who is smart, kind, successful, who shares your interests, and is also hot, STAY AWAY because you're awful, she's too good for you. Don't even think of proposing. It's disgusting, a match made in Hell. That marriage could never should never exist in Real Life.
Alternately, if you're a girl, don't dare to expect a romantic partner to be equally attractive. You're the eye candy, he gets to be funny and personable.
Underdogs Never Lose: You're fated to win any contest you enter, no matter how good you are - especially if your opponents are rich and snotty. (If you actually lose, it means that you are a villain and thus are doomed to fail in everything you do, ever.)
Values Dissonance: If you see evil and speak out or take action against it, you're being ethnocentric.
Villain Song: You need to be the villain if you want the best song.
Vitriolic Best Buds and With Friends Like These...: You can tell they're truly friends because of their constant bickering, heaping insults, and tendencies to kill each other. If your friends don't do things like that, then they were never your friends in the first place.
Vocal Minority: If a small group of a people are also more vocal, that's the only part of the group. No exceptions.
The War on Straw: If you can't think of a good reason why your opponent is wrong, treat them as though they held a completely different position that is, in fact, wrong!
Wangst: If you genuinely feel traumatized by something small, make a big fuss about it.
Lamenting on your troubles makes you a horrible person worthy of scorn.
Well, Excuse Me, Princess!: Women, if you have a male love interest who is terribly flawed, never hesitate to make him feel like crap about it. Don't worry, he won't break up with you, but if he does, then you don't deserve that loser excuse of a love interest anyways.
What Measure Is a Non-Cute?: Being outraged at some asshole killing dogs or cats for shits and giggles is just wrong and hypocritical because a lot of other animals you don't like as much are also dying/being abused in several ways and you can't do anything to stop it.
And in case you're wondering, White man + Black Woman = Not possible. Ever. Doesn't exist.
Like the White/Asian counterpart, the reason why White man/Black woman doesn't exist in the media is based solely on alleged genital compatibility. And for those who still don't get it, big penis + small vagina = good / small penis + big vagina = bad. Simple as that.
Who Shot JFK?: It is impossible for a lone nutcase to kill the President of the United States unassisted, even if he has a sniper rifle and is out of range of the President's bodyguards. Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley weren't assassinated; they just laid low for the rest of their lives. Anybody who tells you otherwise is part of the evil cabal to deceive you.
For the specific theory that the Mafia killed Kennedy: It makes perfect sense that the government knows who killed the President, and will let them get away with this and pin all the blame on somebody else, even though the government was not actually an accomplice to the crime.
For the theory that it was the CIA: Bosses should do whatever their employees tell them, because their employees are secretly plotting to kill them.
Wimpification: Becoming the Uke in fan-fic is demeaning, and horrible, and utterly derails your character. Who could possibly like that?
Straight men: If you have features or show interest in anything less than Testosterone Poisoning, you'll get screwed by a Seme and be forced to Flanderize yourself into a super-effeminate waif who's a complete doormat.
With Us or Against Us and Neutrality Backlash: Not choosing a side (specifically, not choosing the "right" side) is just as bad a siding with the enemy. In fact, not choosing a side makes you worse than any villain committing crimes and you deserve to be severely punished. So here's some friendly advice: choose a side (the good one, specifically)!
Women Are Wiser: Women are more mature, competent, and morally grounded than men. Accept it.