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(singing) "Sure, you're weedy, and kinda shy, but some girly out there must be needy for a weedy shy guy..."
People are already big enough jerkasses without tossing in things like Poor Communication Kills. Then, miracle of miracles, you have the rare people who honestly want to compliment someone else.
It fails horribly, of course.
There may be a few reasons for this: Suppose Julie wants to compliment Alice, but goes wrong because...
- The compliment reflects an aspect of herself Alice dislikes.
- It reveals that Alice has traits she dislikes, like the above but rather than treading on old wounds, it cuts a fresh one.
- The compliment wasn't strong enough.
- Similar to Ma'am, the compliment comes with the implication that Alice is old. Usually comes in the form, "I've admired you since I was little!"
- It's unfeminine, or implies that Alice isn't much of a woman.
- She ends up digging herself into a hole.
- They make a comparison to someone famous that has unwelcome implications.
- The form it takes has Unfortunate Implications: see You Are A Credit To Your Race, or any instance of "you're as strong as a man," though that one doesn't come up so often lately.
Julie means well, of course. How Alice takes it, however...
Many Tsunderes do not take compliments well. Compare The Pesci, to whom any and every compliment is a Compliment Backfire. Contrast Your Approval Fills Me With Shame. This is the inverted form of an Insult Backfire.
Examples
Anime and Manga
- Jesse of Pokemon gets a lot of the third one, but it's often a slip-up by James and Meowth. Harley secretly turned heel on May because of the second.
- In the second Sound Stage of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A's, Nanoha and Fate tell Chrono about how the Lieze Sisters believe that Nanoha should become a Combat Instructor, and he agrees. Chrono then gives his own thoughts on the matter which leads to the following exchange:
Chrono: Nanoha's combat ability is considerable. Your irresponsible reliance on your magic power complements your basic true character.
Nanoha: Er...
Chrono: You're extremely solid and quick to recover too.
Nanoha: Er... Are you praising me or are you insulting me?
Fate: Oh, he's praising you, really.
- Akari a character in the Ranma One Half manga loves pigs and complimented Ryoga repeatedly by comparing him to a pig. He did not see this as a compliment, in part because he turns into a pig.
Comic Books
- A Running Gag in Empowered. It seems Thugboy finds Emp's backside one of her most alluring features, while Ms. Powers herself often finds it disgustingly oversized (along with the rest of her). You can see where this is going.
Film
- The captain of the Enterprise-B in Star Trek Generations, to Admiral Kirk: "I read about your missions when I was in grade school."
- And in the 2009 movie Spock is complimented by his elders on overcoming the "disadvantage" of being a Half Human Hybrid. Spock's response, while unflinchingly calm and polite, is very clear on where they can stick their praises. It is a Credit to Quintio's performance in this scene that his "Live Long and Prosper" comes off clearly as "fuck off and die" without any obvious expression of emotion.
- In Igor, Eva tells Igor he's a good person, but since they live in a country where being evil is celebrated, Igor asks her not to say that.
Live Action TV
- Farscape had Aeryn compliment Zhaan on being "a true warrior" after she almost singlehandedly defeated the episode's Big Bad when she and D'argo failed. Zhaan just looks shocked and quietly leaves. D'argo explains to Aeryn that Zhaan is a priestess and a fervent Actual Pacifist, who had seriously bent her ethics to beat the baddie. Essentially, "You could not have cut her more deeply."
- The Muppet Show, where newcomer Annabel Sue Pig tells Miss Piggy of her lifelong admiration of her.
- Similarly, Vicki in The Jim Henson Hour told Kermit that she'd been a huge fan of The Muppet Show since kindergarten.
- Frasier and Niles read a new manuscript by a reclusive novelist. They lavish compliments on him, including how brilliant it was to mirror Dante's nine levels of Hell in the nine rooms of a bordello. The author hadn't intended this, realizes he ripped off the entire structure from Dante, and throws the manuscript into the fireplace.
- Similarly to the Farscape example, the Doctor Who episode "The Doctor's Daughter" has Jenny complimenting the Doctor on his skill as a soldier.
- Not to mention the episode "Dalek", in which the (supposedly) last surviving pepperpot compliments the Doctor on his ruthlessness, claiming that he would make a good Dalek...
- A common problem with Simon Tam from Firefly in regards to Kaylee.
- And then there's this:
Mal: The management here don't take too kindly to sightseers, [which is] why we're posin' as buyers. There ain't-a one of us looks the part more than the good doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over—
Simon: All right! Fine, I'll go. Just… stop describing me.
- Though, being Mal, those weren't necessarily intended as compliments.
- From That 70s Show:
Kitty: And Jackie, you're such a doll. I don't even mind your bad-handed compliments.
Jackie: Oh, Mrs. Forman, you're my favourite old lady!
- Star Trek Voyager. The Emergency Medical Hologram has a tendency to do this, even when he's not trying to be his usual Dr Jerk self.
KES: Neelix and Tom Paris had a physical fight over me.
EMH: How delightful.
KES: Delightful?
EMH: You should consider it a high compliment. Throughout history, men have fought over the love of a woman. Why, I can quote you autopsy reports from duels as far back as 1538.
KES: That's not funny.
EMH: It's not meant to be. You've always been interested in autopsies.
- Spaced has Twist, who constantly makes backhanded insults in the guise of compliments towards her friend Daisy. For example when Daisy appears on the scene of her birthday party at a restaurant with a brand new dress and make-up in an attempt to impress, Twist comments that she looks nice and follows that with "I wish I could dress down like that". This is particularly grating in that everyone else at the table hasn't even noticed the way Daisy looks and the atmosphere is already extremely tense for a multitude of reasons.
- In an episode of Murder She Wrote, Jessica is doing a book-signing at a police station and one of the cops comments "My grandmother will be thrilled. She's been reading your books since she was a girl." The fact this can't actually be true (Jess isn't that old, and she only started writing after she retired) is lampshaded by her Friend On The Force, who drily comments "I remember my great-great-grandfather telling me he read your books by candlelight."
Newspaper Comics
- In the Redeye comic strip, the incompetent brave tried to butter up his chief with the line, "You don't sweat much for a fat guy." The brave intended it as a compliment. This is a gender-reversal of a real life line Alex Karras originally said to a girl he was dancing with, with the same intention.
- A Dilbert comic listed one of "The 7 Habits of Highly Defective People" as "use compliments to show your prejudices". The corresponding picture showed the Pointy Haired Boss telling Alice "Ooh, nice crisp photocopy, Alice. I don't think a man could have done it better!"
- A Garfield strip shows Jon telling Vet Liz that because animal medicine is a difficult field, she must "have a great mind for a woman." She, offended, responds, "I have a great mind for a MAN." He attempts to flirt by telling her she has "a great body for a man too."
Theater
- The bridesmaid Zorah has a line like this in Ruddigore: "Dame Hannah, you're a nice old person..." Play it right and it always gets a laugh from the audience.
- Set up and then subverted in Mary, Mary. Bob, at a loss at how to win back Mary, says she doesn't know he believes she's pretty. He never got to tell her that she was as beautiful as "a lovely piece of white porcelain," because he knew what she would say: "White porcelain? You mean like the kitchen sink?" Indeed, in their final reconciliation scene, he gives her that compliment, and her retort is as predicted, except that she catches herself in mid-sentence and goes sweet.
Video Games
- Assassin's Creed has the bureau leader of Damascus, who is basically a pleasant, slightly dim Altair fanboy. He delivers the following in complete Sincerity Mode, without registering the backfire of his compliment. Surprisingly, the prideful and quick to anger Altair seems to take it with a pinch of humor, signs of his ongoing Character Development from a Jerk Ass to a principled man.
Bureau Chief: "I envy you, Altaïr. Well, not where you were beaten and stripped of your rank. But I envy everything else! Oh, except for the terrible things the other Assassins say about you! But yes, aside from the failure and the hatred, yes. Aside from those things I envy you very much!"
Altair: "If you are quite finished..."
Western Animation
Real Life
- Mary Whitehouse, patron saint of Moral Guardians in the UK, once praised The Goodies as the sort of decent, wholesome television she'd like to see more of. The boys were horrified, and rapidly produced an episode called "Sex and Violence", featuring Beryl Reid as "Mrs Desiree Carthorse".
- Under Tony Blair, the UK government drew up a list of celebrities to be encouraged as good role models for children. One woman on the list told the press her immediate reaction had been "Wanting to go out and buy a load of cocaine as a rebellion"
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