Murder is wrong, unless it's a random mook off-screen. In which case, fling them off tall walls to your heart's content.
It is wise to choose love over power, especially when it's at the expense of many countless innocent people. You'll find some other way, and you don't even have to actively work for it.
Or rather love is completely worthless as it's only holding you back from to saving the world.
Climbing into a giant bison's mouth is perfectly safe! It's not like he'd accidentally swallow you or anything.
Not only is it okay to betray someone who loves you, but then later visit them in their prison cell, beg for advice then throw a hissy fit when you don't get it. They'll hug you and forgive you without a moment's thought in the end if you cry enough Manly Tears!
Punch people to show your love for them. It's endearing!
Fraud is both fun and profitable, and anyone who says otherwise is just being an old stick-in-the-mud.
It's OK for 12-year-old kids and only 12-year-old kids to fight on the front lines of a world war.
Killing a man to take his throne is a power grab that will taint your reign, but killing a woman to do the same is A-OK.
Throwing away the sacrifices of thousand, if not tens of thousands, of your countrymen's lives is perfectly acceptable if it's your son that dies this time.
Retiring after a lifetime of imperialist generalship to serve tea to the enemy nobility of the peasantry you tired your best to kill or enslave is in no way tacky.
The Legend Of Korra: Its perfectly logical to raise The Messiah away from society so that she has no clue how modern world works.
The Simpsons : You can be a stupid, childish, obnoxious jerkass who abuses his kids, and takes no notice of your wife, but you won't be dumped unless you cause a huge dome to go over your city. Even that can be fixed.
Feel free to be an arrogant, narcissistic, self righteous bitch who severely overestimates her intelligence as long as some of your ideas are correct.
If you're a wife and mother, stay in the kitchen, as any attempt from your part to get a job or even a hobby will end in catastrophe.
Never (and this applies to a lot of shows out there) try to change your job, attitude, eating/drinking habits, religion, marital status or any aspect of your life, because nobody likes it when you change for any reason.
Want to look like you're in your 30s even when you're in your 60s? Follow every law of The Bible to the letter (and even make up a few letters of your own), never make any impulsive decisions, and become so predictable it's like people can see into your future.
If food at a supermarket has a toothpick in it, it's free.
ROTF: Even if you have a smoking hot girlfriend that wants to be with you always and a cool car that can turn into a robot, none of that matters as long as you leave them behind and go to college to study astronomy.
When a conflict you have nothing to do with suddenly drops onto your world, your only hope for survival is to immediately run to the less aggressive side of the war and beg them for protection.
Family Guy: Cocking your head to and fro while making nonsense sounds before, during and after sex is a surefire method of contraception and STD prevention.
When did they say that? Quagmire is implied to have diseases and have gotten girls pregnant.
Why bother trying to be Closer to Earth? If your husband's a whackjob, you have no choice but to go along with it. Doing drugs and shoplifting are two of the best coping mechanisms you'll ever have!
Keep in mind: your daughter is a woman, but she's the kind of woman you don't want to have sex with. (Unless you do.) Therefore, she's not really worth much as a person.
Showboating after scoring a touchdown will get you transferred to a weaker team.
If your idiot husband decides to take a vow of chastity, don't bother talking it over with him. Just rape him. Also, abstinence is bad because people will do stupid things because they don't understand it.
Religion is the only thing keeping mankind from progressing.
Feel free to hand out weed by the truckload in public. As long as you have a catchy tune, you'll get off scot-free. Heck, you might even get it legalized.
It is perfectly okay to hold the town mayor at gunpoint because your cousin can't get married to his boyfriend. Under no circumstances should they just head a few states over to Vermont and get hitched there.
Captain Planet: Kids, all large corporations are run by scumbags who pollute not just to make money but for fun and the only way to stop them is through vigilante action, because cops are worthless and the lady who claims to be a pagan goddess tells you so.
Conversely, if you're a giant corporation, you should pollute as much as possible because the odds are those people will be after you anyway and pollution is the only thing that weakens your magical nemesis and, thus, your only hope of running a successful business.
Conversely even with that, all polluters are polluting not because they're greedy or stupid but in some reality are all long term OmnicidalManiacs that are actively trying to kill all forms of life on Earth and leave nothing not even buildings standing or water left in the oceans and if they had their way would gladly personally put 2 bullets in the brains of the last Adam and Eve Couple left on Earth so they could go spend all their ill gotten monetary gains.....Where exactly??
Just because you're a goddess doesn't mean you shouldn't put kids at risk to teach them aesops about pollution.
Pollution is wrong unless we, the studio, are doing it.
Tired of not being taken seriously because you're African, Russian, Japanese or South American? Stick a White American kid in the group and that way you'll always be right because White Americans are just that stupid! Whoever heard of being right on your own merits anyway, that's just silly.
If you have a pollution-free, solar-powered airplane, the best way to use it for the good of Earth is not to market the technology, but keep only one prototype and use it to ferry a bunch of adolescents around beating up the same few rich eccentrics week after week.
Eco-Terrorism is always the answer! Remember, kids; Green Peace are pussies.
No company pollutes by accident. Every company that's doing it is run by a Card Carrying Villian who's doing it for the Evlulz. Also AIDS scares are a plot by rat people to take over the world. OF COURSE!
Even if your the chosen one, you cant actually do anything to help the planet. All you can do to help is summon a super hero with a bad haircut who will fix all your problems. Trying to do anything on your own or with a group of other people will fail and likely put you in danger.
Said superhero can easily by stopped by some litter on the floor, a natural resource spilling in the sea or Hitler staring at him.
If you have a power that lets you charm or command people, and control/befriend animals into doing your bidding, use it the least effective and limited ways possible so that people can continue to bitch about how lame it is.
Futurama: You Suck and the only way to gain any friends is to time travel to the future.
Also if you don't even try to go somewhere even remotely more interesting then where you live now you'll be there for the rest of your life where you wind up with no real friends or family and either they'll just ending up hating more over the decades, or simply abandon you leaving you Forever Alone with no hope of interacting with another kind living human being for the rest of your natural life.
Ladies: Please ignore that guy who so obviously wants to be with you, has pined after you for years, stayed by your bedside and encouraged you when you might be dying and wrote an opera for you despite having no previous talent. You are indeed too good for him, even though you've traveled all over the universe and still never seen anyone that treats you better.
Orhow about: Girls - your feelings don't matter for shit! If a guy throws himself at you, it doesn't matter what you think of him - you are REQUIRED to give him a chance or you are a coldhearted, selfish bitch. You may be considerably more intelligent and capable than he is, but who needs standards anyway? Good women learn to settle.
Following on from the two previous examples: If there's a possible romance between a sweet but functionally useless person and an amazingly capable but insecure person, people on both sides will take exception to it.
The Beast with a Billion Backs: If your rapist proposes to you with a pretty diamond ring, marrying them is the right thing to do. After all, they've apologized.
A romantic relationship can only work between one man and one woman.
Into the Wild Green Yonder: All living species must be protected from extinction at all costs. Except the Always Chaotic Evil one that is the cause of extinctions in the first place. That one can be obliterated without a second thought, even when it poses no physical harm to anyone.
And introducing uncounted trillions of random species from different planets into a single ecosystem will result in a perfectly balanced ecology. Even if those species died out for good reasons.
A single DNA sample is enough to recreate a species. (Not an aesop exactly, but twisted nonetheless)
There's nothing wrong with murder. Just as long as Bender gets to whet his beak.
Accept your lot in life or you will endanger the world.
Actually the main warped aesop should be: Never even try to improve yourself either personally or socially nor should you have anyone else even remotely try to help you improve yourself. Because if you do any even small speck of whatever made you happy or better in the first place will be automatically Ripped away from you and/or any attempt in improvement will almost always lead to excessive Disproportionate Retribution via either a Fantastic or Space Whale Aesop that not only will effect you but possibly the entire world right along with you. So you should really just accept both yourself and the world around you even if the world around consists of mostly extreme Physical and Mental abuse from people who aren't even related to you. For the Real lesson is that life (even your own) is not to be changed but simply endured and by enduring it will you become a better person later in life....Wow that kinda sounds like Extreme Buddhism actually.
Racism is always correct and the people you are racist against will act the way you think they will.
Getting bullied by an Evil Babysitter is OK because you can keep your magical friends.
Being miserable gets you fairies and you shouldn't try to end your misery.
Slavery is acceptable if it's human on genie since genies are tricky, evil and have good singing voices.
You can do anything if you're The Ditz and you won't get punished.
Insulting the Token Girl is OK if you are a main character.
Keep romantically pursuing the Rich Bitch you have a crush on even when she flat-out admits she doesn't like you.
Enslaved minorities should feel Happiness in Slavery. Anyone that doesn't is evil
Don't try to achieve your freedom if you are a minority
If your true love becomes attractive and you develop feelings for her you didn't think you had before, she is definitely gonna be willing to forgive you for all the crap you put her through when you didn't find her attractive.
And let's not forget, even if your parents are neglectful or borderline abusive, you WILL NOT show them the slightest disrespect and if you do, you're a bad kid!
Not thanking your friends for the things they do is horrible and you're a jerk for not doing it. However, wanting thanks and a little recognition for the things you do makes you selfish.
The Powerpuff Girls episode "The Rowdyruff Boys": Hey, young girls! Boys are evil sociopaths who will do nothing but try to kill you, and the only way to get rid of them is to kiss them. Don't be afraid to use your sexuality to get what you want, even if you're underage!
Episode Mime For A Change: Criminals should be beaten to a bloody pulp as punishment for their crimes upon apprehension, even when they're not so much as resisting arrest. Also, doing bad things is always punishable, even if the perpetrator didn't do them under his own volition.
Speed Demon: Never take a holiday/vacation. Ever! Being away from your home for several days will result in everyone you've ever known and loved suffering or Dead, and the evil people in the world will win. Or, if you're really unlucky the devil will take over your city!
Isn't that both intended and what young boys think? Try on: Mindless obedience to authority figures is the only way to avoid disaster, unless You Suck so much that you can't even do that right!
Aesop of the above justification: Boys should be encouraged to believe Girls Have Cooties! Why bother trying to correct kids on something they believe in the first place, no matter how wrong and insulting it is?
Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends: It's perfectly okay to be an insensitive butthead, because your best friend isn't smart enough to abandon you.
Despite the fact that, in this universe, imaginary friends are living, breathing, self-aware creatures just as intelligent as humans, it's perfectly acceptable to dump them on the streets to fend for themselves once you bore of them.
Or come of age, whichever comes first.
Gumby episode "Pigeon in a Plum Tree": Be a blithering idiot who constantly takes credit for other people's good ideas, and everything will somehow work out in your favor.
Codename: Kids Next Door: If adults and teenagers are putting restrictions on the things you can do and being unfair about it, it is only because they are evil and plotting to take over the world. Don't listen to a word they say.
Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog: Episode "Sonic is Running" - Just because you're the hero and your opponent in a presidential election is your archenemy, that makes it okay to sabotage his campaign.
As long as you are cocky and annoying enough, the laws of physics, logic, and common sense will bend to your will.
Looking at the setting and characters of the show, do you think any of those laws even exist anymore?
The "Sonic Says" at the end of the very first episode: - Remember kids, dialing 911 is for real emergencies. And being surrounded by a group of thugs who are about to beat the living hell out of you isn't a real emergency.
Venture Brothers has already reached the Warping Event Horizon on its own, no further warping is possible.
Actually the main warped aseops in this show can be explained..
1. No matter what you do in life (earn a masters degree in college, gain super powers, invent gadgets beyond anything in Real Life science) you will never get any real respect from anyone...Ever and will continue to be treated as a failure. Also you may never get any real money earning jobs from your achievement(s) either.
2. Any wrong you may have done at any point in your life (Including Infancy) will eat at you to the point of mentally or socially effecting you and will not go away until you come clean with what you did. And even then even if you tell anyone about it they might not make you feel better about or they'll make it worse.
Wallace & Gromit: the most responsible member of any family is the dog.
It is okay to steal food if you look cute and loveable while doing it.
It's okay to torture someone who's done nothing to you, as long as you don't like them
Doug: It is perfectly okay for one person to own almost everything in your town, and for his child to get whatever she wants because of it.
Popeye: Anabolic steroids are illegal, and you should never use them. Eating spinach, despite causing the same effect, is A-OK, because, you know, it's a vegetable!
Or rather, ahem, an HERBAL SUPPLEMENT. (Back when Popeye was first created, "Spinach" was slang for good old marijuana—which was obviously associated with sailors by way of hemp rope, and believed, erroneously, to make you into a deranged berserker with superhuman strength.)
If your girlfriend will constantly lust after your mortal enemy and dump you at the drop of a hat, you should always forgive her, but only after pummeling your enemy to a pulp first.
Phineas and Ferb: Trying to stop your brothers from doing dangerous and potentially harmful/inappropriate things is wrong and means you want to eradicate their imagination.
On the other side of the coin, if you have the ability to build gigantic constructs that could revolutionize humanity all within a summer afternoon, doing so is unsafe and therefore BAD.
The nerd's place in life is to suffer under the heels of his betters. Any attempts to upset this balance will only end in disaster.
Promise people a party and they'll cheat to help you win!
Girl trying to get into a Guy's pants, even though he doesn't like her and she's too ignorant to know?, Wrong!. Guy trying to get into a Girl's pants, even though she doesn't like him and he knows that she doesn't like him that way?, Right!
If you stop being bitchy and actually be nice to the girl you accused of stealing your boyfriend.... they will make out behind your back after all.
You know that crazy Stalker with a Crush that obsessively wanted to marry you? Don't bother with restraining orders! Just tell her you want to be her best friend and everything will be A-OK!
Alternately: That cute guy whom you have a crush on? Yeah, just obsess over him to the point of stalking and he'll eventually give in...somewhat.
Anyone who plays to his/her advantage in a competitive gameshow deserves to be struck by karma.
Never fall in love. If you fall in love, chances are you'll simply get your heart stomped on and crushed brutally.
The only person who could ever love a fat guy (no matter how nice said fat guy is) is someone who is completely and utterly insane.
Homeschooled kids are losers.
Also, homeschooling is ineffective at teaching social skills. If you try it, your kid will become a sexist and an outcast.
If the girl of your dreams chooses another, don't move on, punch out the S.O.B. who stole her from you!
A one-in-15-or-22 chance at winning a large cash prize is totally worth having to endure mind-grueling, body-taxing, possibly fatal challenges at the hands of a sadistic Reality Show host, even if those challenges include diving of a 1000 ft. cliff into what is believed to be a safe spot in shark-infested waters, or scaling a active volcano.
King of the Hill: Hank is supposed to be who you should really be. You will always be right, no matter what happens!
Likewise-"If you're a college-age female, don't bother to work hard to fulfill your dreams or try to avoid being like the rest of your trailer-trash family. Instead, just marry the local hillbilly and you'll be perfectly happy."
In a disaster put a complete dope in charge of the shelter.
Anything new and different is evil. The best thing to do is to embrace traditional values!
Conversely with that: Accept everything that is new even if what is "new" is sold/operated/controlled by borderline Jerk Asses who are doing those new things for at times their own greedy needs.
You can be a Spanish teacher without knowing how to speak the language because White Texans are just that Dumb and/or gullible!
Likewise, accidentally kidnapped a little girl when you were taking your students down to Mexico for a field trip? Don't worry, just say some random words in Spanish and they'll let you go free! It's not like there's other evidence to look at.
Tradition is always important. Even when it involves entertaining people by being beaten to a pulp!
Dogs are the only pet to have! Anything else will just make you miserable!
Hey, ya know that snake your cousin's husband spent a lot of money on and got you for a pet? If it escapes, the best thing to do is to cause a city-wide panic over it and then kill it in the most inhumane and painful way possible.
It's okay to cheat on your husband/wife. They're too stupid to notice the baby looks nothing like him and that you clearly have a sexual attraction towards the attractive man/woman you've known for years!
Anyone who is into Tarot cards, Dungeons & Dragons, or has a general interest in witchcraft in general will force you to drink dog's blood.
Likewise, nerds are weirdos and you should never make friends with them.
Likewise with that, If you try to make friends with anyone with dramatically different personal activities then you, all you get is a lifetime of misery and extreme abuse from others by just being around them.
The Animals of Farthing Wood: Hey kids! Never, ever go outside, or you'll DIE — outdoors, children die the first, the most, and never with any chance for their parents or any other trusted adults to rescue them!
Kiwi! You will never reach your dreams, they are just sad, sad illusions hiding the fact that you are about to hit the ground. Or maybe that is the real Aesop...
Only commit suicide if you can do it in an awesome way.
Also for 90% of Western Animation: if you are larger/fatter than average and are generally optimistic, you're an idiot who can't do anything right.
The Godzilla Power Hour: "Don't bother trying to solve problems for yourself. Just get the giant monster to do it for you."
Danny Phantom: "Hey, kids! Going into the dangerous and highly unpredictable inter-dimensional portal your Mad Scientist parents built will give you superpowers!"
Hurt the enviroment and your girlfriend will cosplay as Poison Ivy.
Hey Kids!! It's better to just eat anything else natural on the ground like Mud, weeds, and grass instead of Any other naturally edible thing on the entire Earth (this includes fruits and vegetables) because even pulling a potato out of the ground or picking a apple from a tree is the same as torture and murder.
And how can we forget the epic one: "If you cheat some stupid exam, your family will die, you'll turn into a Complete Monster and bring The End of the World as We Know It!!!" And it's entirely your fault, not the JerkassSadistic Teacher who called your family to a dangerous, bombed place to make a scene and accuse you with no proof or logic's fault, and he was entirely right to do so and can get away without getting so much as a head slap! Also, said stupid exam will determine the REST OF YOUR LIFE, and you will be a complete loser, working on a lunch shop if you fail, in spite of the fact you're 14 years old and still in high school!
SpongeBob SquarePants (episode "Just One Bite"): No one likes individual opinions. No one.
From that same episode No one HAS individual opinions, anyone who does are just misinformed.
Also, it's perfectly fine to debase yourself for food, no matter how disgusting, your colleagues will happily agree you should.
Also also, gluttony is not a sin, it's the social norm. But watch those thighs, they'll explode.
From "Can You Spare a Dime": You should never leave your crappy minimum wage job and overbearing paranoid boss. If you try to live out your dreams, you'll inevitably become homeless.
If you have an evil archnemesis bend on stealing your secret formula for delicious burgers, you are justified to use self-defense in protecting that secret... as well as making it your life's goal to not only make sure he doesn't get a single customer if its actually legit business (Plankton's Regular, The Chum Caverns) but also to scare and harass him to the point of suicide by pretending to be a monster (read: whale) that can eat him (One Coarse Meal).
Angela Anaconda: if someone wrongs you, don't bother trying sensible courses of action to deal with it. Instead, you should just devise an elaborate if implausible revenge fantasy. When you return to the real world, karma will bitchslap them into the ground for you, and you won't even have to lift a finger unless it's a special occasion.
Daria: Being a Jerkass to everyone who isn't as smart as you and your small circle of friends is the best way to get through high school, even if those people have never said or done anything bad to you.
The Boondocks: No matter how successful you are, if you're a black man who avoids all negative stereotypes associated to your race, you're a loser who deserves to be mocked and abused.
Furthermore, it doesn't matter if R. Kelly recorded himself peeing on a preteen girl and you're showing it to the jury; if you're a black man married to a white woman, you have no credibility whatsoever.
Likewise, a strong Fan Dumb is a good thing as they will proudly let you get away with any crime. Also, it is A-OK to engage in sexual activities with an underage girl so long as it is consensual. At least, that what the aforementioned Fan Dumb will say.
Always be disappointed with everything because even if you see a genuine wrong in the system, public, or family and friends and manage to successfully correct it all that means is that now either the problem is the same only more well hidden or another worse problem has arisen and cannot be easily seen so the cycle of having to correct the problem is most likely never ending.
Ben 10: Wandering off alone and messing with unknown and strange objects that fell from the sky will make you into a superhero!
Responsible adults like your grandfather won't do everything they can to get a danger magnet of unfathomable power of your wrist, even though he has some knowledge of the dangers you may face. And don't worry about things like serious or fatal injury when fighting crime; your are indestructible and can handle anything, and any damage will go away once you turn back to normal.
It's perfectly acceptable for you to have sexual tension with your cousin. People will think it's cute.
(Oddly Enough) Likewise to that: It's perfectly normal for any child to have a Sibling Rivalry relationship with almost any other child even with other similar aged relatives they rarely ever see. Because all kids do that.....RIGHT??
All aliens are awesome, meanwhile humans don't have any power and suck.
Ben 10 Alien Force: After five years in a harsh and merciless environment, that sociopathic kid who always tried to kill you will have a change of heart and join you when you meet him again for the first time, and eventually become your best friend. Your cousin, who once risked her life to save you from him, will want to hook up with him after just a few days of meeting him again, even though you both know he still takes part in illegal activities. You should fully support this decision.
You can have a history of being an unbelievably immature idiot, and you'll still be the only one worthy of wearing the most powerful item in the known universe, even more so than your grandfather, who was known as the greatest member of his organization.
Ben 10: Ultimate Alien: Trying to do the right thing will only end up making things worse.
It's okay for your friends to use their special abilities while playing a game, but you shouldn't because it upsets your over competitive girlfriend.
Turning evil can help you defeat other villains.
Listening to that little voice in your head can suck you into an alternate dimension.
ReBoot: Kids at home, you should not play video games. They literally are Murder Simulators. Countless civilians are killed with each game won. Great Gamers are Mass Murderers. Boy I must sound like Jack Thompson right now.
Regular Show: If you work hard you can get what you want out of life. However, you'll be too tired by then to enjoy it.
Any problem, no matter how absurd or insane, can be solved by asking the old guy whom you work with for help.
"Think Positive" might be the champion for this show. It goes along the lines of: "It's okay to yell at people, because if you don't, you'll destroy everything and everyone around you." Your Mileage May Vary whether or not this doubles as a Broken Aesop.
"It's Time": You're obligated to drop anything you've previously had planned if your friend wants to do something with you.
Gargoyles: If you try to reach out to people, they will attempt to kill you in cold blood
KaBlam!!: Beat up your best friend when you're mad. It's fun!
My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic: It's entirely possible that your friends aren't quite right in the head. Especially the one that randomly throws parties and bursts into song at the drop of a hat. Embrace it, because that's what makes them special, and it will liven up and enrich your life.
Are you the only one who knows of an impending apocalyptic event? Well, you shouldn't worry about that; you really need to get out more.
Nature should be controlled and bent to the whim of your society at all times. A place where it's allowed to take its natural course? Scary as hell and to be avoided except as a last resort.
You are born with one talent and one talent alone. Attempts at trying to be good at anything but that one single talent will always fail.
And if you don't know what your true calling in life is by the time you hit puberty, there's something wrong with you.
If you don't seem to be good at anything, go into management! (Just like in Dilbert!)
If someone takes your pet away to try and treat them, feel free to troll the fuck out of them and worry them to death.
It's okay to take land away from native Indians as long as you throw pie at them.
If your sister is being obnoxious and won't compromise, seal her away in the moon. And if she tries to take revenge, use six inexperienced and quirky teenagers to stop her.
Don't argue with your rival when trying to win a race, otherwise you'll lose to the nonathletic nerd.
In a world with magical unicorns, it's completely ridiculous to assume they could curse you. Or zebras dressed like wizards chanting strangely. Everyone knows FLOWERS lay curses on people.
The plebeians cannot manage themselves and require the nobility to organize them into being effective at their tasks.
Meta example: An attempt at making an engaging cartoon for little girls will end up attracting primarily adult men.
Don't throw surprise birthday parties for Bipolar ponies or they may bake you into cupcakes.
Having severe mood swings at the drop of a hat is no big deal. IT'S QUIRKY AND CHARMING.
It's perfectly normal to expect that your special talent will always work, and if it doesn't you're allowed to do anything to force it to. Even going insane and trying to capture things.
Hard work never pays and people don't appreciate it anyway so just stay out of the way if you feel like doing any useful work.
Loners Are Freaks. It's right there in the title - if friendship is magic, then lack of friendship makes you unimportant and unspecial.
It is perfectly fine to kick someone out of their rightful dwelling, because their vicinity causes you inconvenience. It is definitely not your problem where and how are they going to find shelter now.
If you are attending a formal event and you act like an obnoxious party crasher (or if you really are one), it's the fault of those snobby, upper crust people for not loosening up.
Your friends are worth fighting for... except when they're not.
When a girl uses her charms to get a boy that she knows has a crush on her to give up his most prized possession to her, it's charming. When the boy similarly nags people to give him gifts, it's a shameless display of Greed.
It doesn't matter if the performance is free, the attendance optional and everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. If you don't like it, heckle and try to upstage the performer instead of just leaving. If they put you in your place, they're the ones in the wrong.
If a friend does not want to talk about a touchy subject, the best thing to do is to repeatedly nag her until she fesses up.
Technological progress and men in management positions are evil! Oh, and so is capitalism. If two guys show up with a perfectly effective means of fostering industrialisation and increasing overall productivity, it's your duty to humiliate them and permanently run them out of town, even if they're technically just doing their jobs.
When your teacher tells you to "make some friends", she really means "make exactly five friends, whom you will learn to love as if you've known them for your whole life within a day, and proceed to spend all your time with them forever." Because friendship is a privilege for a chosen few— all others are unnecessary and unworthy of your time!
Stalking, harassment and accidental vandalism will make you friends.
Friendship is worth fighting for - especially against gods of Chaos.
Toying with people is A-OK, as long as you pay them afterwards.
Sellers rising their prices? How dare they! If something is offered for a higher price than you think it's worth, don't bother going to another vendor; just cheat to get it on your terms.
If your slave runs away, chase after them
It's okay to use racial slurs, as long as you ensure afterwards that any member of the target race that could hear you is okay with this.
For girls growing up means finding your one calling in life and pursuing it. For boys, however, it means becoming a greedy monster. The only way for a boy not to be a Complete Monster is to grow up around lots of girls, and then reject his own kind and decide to become just like one.
People from out of town tend to be jerks, or people tend to be jerks to people from out of town.
Never praise anything. All you're doing is ensuring that someone will steal it.
If you fail at real work because you're too accustomed to using resources inherited from your noble bloodline, it's not because you're spoiled, it's because you're naturally gifted in being in a position of authority.
Being manipulative is awesome! Especially when you use it to cheat others out of their livelihood and effort.
Being a whiny spoiled brat is the best way to escape kidnappers who want to enslave you.
Xiaolin Showdown: It's perfectly okay to take preteens from their families to a remote temple in China and teach them martial arts.
It is equally okay to send these same kids out to fight the forces of evil all around the world, even after only a day or so of training.
If the enemy is annoying enough, it is perfectly acceptable to beat them up for fun. Trying to befriend them is crazy. Even if they sincerely turn good, they should be rejected. Feel free to call it "your hobby." Stealing their clothes and ripping out their hair is also A-Okay! If magical means turn them into the epitome of good, they will be even more annoying then before and you should change them back so you won't feel even the smallest hint of guilt as you continue to beat them up.
Being an insane sociopath is entirely okay, just as long as your not a creepy old guy or evil.
The best way to resolve issues with your father is to seal him in another dimension.
Its perfectly normal to stalk your friends.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Is the apprentice to whom you are a mentor, commanding officer and a father figure giving you back talk, undermining your authority, charging into battle without listening to you or just plain blatantly disobeying your direct orders? Don't discipline her! She is always, always, always, absolutely right in every conceivable way and you're a jerk for doubting her!
MegasXLR If it ain't right, smash it with you giant robot car. Also, as it turns out, in real life, chicks do not dig giant robots.
Spending your life playing video games will turn you into a godly mecha pilot and earth's only hope.
X-Men: Evolution: Remember guys, if you suddenly develop a crush on a girl, act like a creepy jealous stalker, try to reveal their biggest secret, nearly get them killed from a riot YOU caused and then save them at the last minute, they'll forget everything you did and start dating you.
Alternatively, If someone whose like a little sister to you starts dating someone you know is bad news, and has tried to kill you and her in the past, show them nothing but trust and kindness, even when they act as suspicious or lazy as possible, because otherwise people will think you're a bossy jerk who needs to die.
Don't get torn between two guys, people will think you're a WHORE!
Act as sociopathic and egocentric as possible, and date multiple girls at the same time, people will think you're hot for it.
Don't have a stupid haircut or a rivalry with someone who betrayed you beyond reason, people will think you're a complete idiot.
If you're a bullying jerk, pretend to be nice to get a girlfriend, maybe do one or two good deeds, women will forget/deny you were anything but a perfectly pure cutie who just got misunderstood.
If you have a talent that others don't, do not try to test it to its full potential, giant, bloodthirsty reptiles from HELL will come to eat your face.
Dora the Explorer: The best way to get anyone to listen to you (even when they're inside the TV) is to scream louder. Louder!LOUDER!!!*
Sadly, this really is the aesop that this troper's niece gets from the show.
Diving headfirst into a ridiculously dangerous situation is a good way to convince your elders to see you as an adult.
Child Soldiers are the perfect secret weapon. Send them out to fight the worst of the worst and be amazed at how they solve all your problems for you.
If you have serious personal issues about your cloned child-by-proxy-rape, then you're being an unreasonable asshole.
Behind every capable black leader is a white guy everyone expects to step up and do a better job.
A boy with two Dads will eventually abuse drugs.
ThunderCats (2011): Don't worry if you're still too young and arrogant to take on a position of leadership. If you can wield a magic sword, people will follow you.
Twas The Night Before Christmas: Don't bother trying to discover how the world around you works. It's much better to just make shit up and pass it off as the truth. Become upset with anyone who no longer believes, because anyone trying to seek the truth is a troublemaker who's too smart for their own good.
TSST: Friendship and a proper parent-child relationship are two separate things. If you are being "friends" with your child, he/she will become the worst kind of Spoiled Brat possible.
Rugrats: Parents, go ahead and leave naive toddlers unattended in large places such as malls and plant nurseries. Even though they don't understand the nature of their surroundings, they're still resourceful and lucky enough to avoid any bad outcomes.
Gummi Bears: Bouncing is an awesome superpower that will make your enemies tremble in fear before you.
Scooby-Doo: Courage is for losers. If you possess some courage then you'll Become so hated you'll get the trope named after you.
Stealing people's food will make you a lovable comedy relief.
Animaniacs: It's OK to be a jerk if the person you're being a jerk to is a larger jerk.
Chicken Boo: Any effort to evade prejudice against you is doomed to failure.
Mindy and Buttons: All loyalty will do is get you pulverised on a regular basis.
Dan Vs.: Revenge is often (but not always) hollow and fleeting... So make sure you keep finding new things to get even with when the buzz starts to wear off. After all, it's not like you or your friends have anything better to do. And if your friends say they do have something better to do, their priorities are obviously skewed. Drag them into your petty, convoluted schemes anyways.
You're always justified as long as the other guy started it.
