Exterminatus Now: The greatest hope for any planet lies in the hands of its four least competent defenders.
Also, if you can't solve a problem with violence or more violence, solve it by nuking things.
Fans!: Science fiction fans are the only people on the planet who are equipped to solve the problems of the world. If you don't like science fiction, you have no imagination whatsoever, and are mostly useless.
If someone tries to kill you over a man, there's a good chance you'll end up in a three-way with them both.
Gunnerkrigg Court: Everything made by nature is good and pure deep down, everything created by science is cold and soulless. Also follows of nature are fun free-spirits, followers of sciences are jerks and monsters or insane unless they often come into contact with nature daily.
Jack: Women are only useful as a man's sex toy. Even when women are trained FBI agents or Action Girls, they cannot accomplish anything whatsoever and will get killed in the process, unless a strong male arrives to save her, defeat the bad guys and make her his own.
Keychain of Creation: If you have received divine empowerment, anything you do is by definition the will of the gods.
Kit 'n' Kay Boodle: The world would be a much better place if people would just walk around naked and have sex when and wherever the mood strikes.
How is that "warping the aesop"? It sounds like the exact message of the comic.
Ok I got it: If you try to have sex with some one and they resisted that person is a horrible person and only an orgy can fix them. Also the God of sex only sees Married, heterosexual couples of the same race as the only worthy ones, anyone else? Screw you're not God's chosen.
I would say "raping a woman with the mind of a child and an aversion to sex is a perfectly acceptable way to frame people you don't like," but I think that's intentional, too. How about "If you're raping someone and they ask you to stop, keep going and they'll eventually enjoy it"?
Miho: It's perfectly fine to manipulate anyone who takes an interest in your wellbeing; as long as you have a vague dark past and are enigmatic enough, people will naturally assume that you're justified.
Largo: Don't worry about getting an education! Break the law whenever it suits you! Your CR4Z1 AW3S0M3 L33T H4X0RZ1N SK1LLZ (combined with mooching off of your friends) will get you through anything, or at least get you enough cash to satisfy your thirst for b33r!
Not having an education, knowing the local language, or even being able to stay focused on what it was you were hired to teach is no barrier to teaching at the local school!
Piro: If you are a sensitive artsy type, you are not manly enough to warrent attention from the opposite sex. Instead you should either live out an ecapist fantasy, wallow in self-pity, or become a cynical Jerk Ass to everyone around you (preferably that last one; remember, there's no difference between being an ass and being a Bad Ass!)
Yuki: Abducting your teacher's chronically ill ex-girlfriend from her hospital bed is a great way to get them back together.
General: If something seems like a good idea at the time, go ahead and do it and drag your friends along. If you find love while trying to fix any consequent problems, stop trying to fix them.
Remember kids, wholesale genocide is perfectly fine if one or two of the species is a prick. Also, having a stick up your ass gets you loved by the fans!
Don't worry about the growing instability, paranoia, and isolation of your strongest warrior, 'cause she's a bitch. Instead, send her on dangerous missions for months at a time and then socially isolate her even more when she comes back.
If people tell you you're super-ultra special, you are! Why should you compromise with anyone, or see their side of things? Anyone who disagrees with you is evil, and probably secretly plotting against you and the ideals you stand for. You should kill them at your earliest convenience for their evil, treasonous ways.
Even if one of your party members is a sociopathic bastard who gleefully admits that he would kill you and the rest of the party if he ever gets the chance, and even if you would kill him if you met him as an NPC, the fact that he's in your party means that killing him is ethically unjustifiable, no matter how easy he would be to replace or how much trouble he is for you and the party on an hourly basis.
This being Belkar we're talking about, it's probably because it was already lost.
Killing an evil creature that was threatening your family is considered wrong, but murdering a defenseless woman in cold blood is a-ok.
But killing said evil creature is ok, since people are going to forget you just committed genocide and just focus on the fact that she (and her kind) were black therefor evil (and ok to kill) even if she just more or less became evil because her husband and son were murder by people like you, because they were black.
Being a victim of Fantastic Racism gives you the right to Take Over the World, even if you know you're Evil and make no effort to change your actions. This is what the GITP forum members actually believe.
Remember, kids, some people mean nothing in the eyes of the Gods, and were actually created so that you could be mean to them!
No matter, how good you were in your past life nor how bad you'd feel if you had to suck blood in order to survive before the process. You're undead now and need to kill living creatures in order to survive now and therefore will become evil instantly, no exceptions. What kind of sick creature feeds off other living creatures to survive, anyway?
Giving your underage daughter wine with dinner will turn her into a Depraved Bisexual with a death fetish!
Peter Is the Wolf: Sex will keep your lovably innocent (werewolf) girlfriend from killing everyone in town.
pictures for sad children: Nobody's special, you will never be fulfilled, the universe is out to get you, and then you die. And that doesn't end it.
...You mean that isn't the intended Aesop?
Questionable Content: Stand by your psychiatrist, even if your OCD has gotten steadily worse, not better or at least manageable, over time. Oh yeah, and get drunk often; that's sure to interact well with your meds.
Raine Dog: Bestiality is just like homosexuality/transexuality, and minors should be allowed to have sexual relations with animals!
Red String: Be a complete doormat for the ones you love, especially your abusive parent. He'll eventually love you back. Right?
Being even slightly flamboyant about anything ever makes you gay.
Blackmailing an abusive sociopath into being your boyfriend is a good basis for a stable relationship.
Andnote accounting for later revelations someone who would start a relationship with you by planting the idea to blackmail them in your brain is totally someone you'd want as a boyfriend.
Let an abusive sociopath move into your house without paying rent. That's totally a good idea.
Value your job with your life because there's no way in hell you'll ever find another one.
You can't sue for sexual harassment on the job. The best thing you can hope for is convincing your stalker you're gay so he'll give up.
Slightly Damned: Trying to adopt war orphans of the enemy side is a terrible idea. In the long run, you'll only ruin their lives, leaving them permanently depressed at best or permanently intoxicated (presumably to avoid being depressed) at worst. Oh, and they'll probably become elite soldiers for the enemy when they grow up, killing dozens of your kind. In fact, the only way to have them end up remotely normal and happy is to abandon them when they're still too young to remember you afterwards.
Sluggy Freelance: Hanging out with two idiots and a magically obsessed girl and their insane pets, all of whom have endangered your life multiple times, is a sane and normal thing to do. Embrace the insanity. And it's wrong to make money by telling detail-obscured stories of all the times you ALMOST DIED.
Only bad guys try to save the whole world. Good guys put their friends first and damn the consequences.
Something Positive: Being an insufferable Jerk Ass is not deserving of karmic punishment. Thinking you are beautiful, on the other hand, will result in you suffering all the karmic punishment that the rest of the cast deserves.
Girls, if you ever find one of you're male friends unconcious, feel free to rape him. Not only will he be totally cool about it, he'll even help you get a cool job working for one of his friends.
Treading Ground: Being unwilling to have sex with an underage girl makes you a prudish asshole.
TwoKinds: If two sides are fighting, don't try to understand their reasons, choose the side your girlfriend is on. Also women are useless in all but one thing. Also if you question your gender don't worry someone will come and fix you. Also modesty is wrong.
Also redemption is for losers, everyone knows it's your memories that makes you evil, not your actions, just get rid of those.
Oh by the way if your girlfriend gets hurt even a little kill massive amount of people, I'm sure she'll be turned on by this.
When you discover that your girlfriend may only have a few years left to live, don't try to use your extensive magic knowledge to amend that. Just have sex with her, while you still can.
Live in the now man, things like growing old together and love being more than skin deep is for losers, like redemption and taking responsibility for the Evil Army you made and used to start a massive genocidal race war.
Refuse to accept that some things are inevitable - even if that refusal will cost you your current happiness and/or sanity.
Umlaut House: Marriage is an institution between one bisexual and one non-bisexual. Both under thirty.