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Warp That Aesop / Web Original

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WELCOME, ladies, gentlemen, and tropers, to... screw it, my throat hurts.

Web Original Round. Just go. I'll be back after taking a cough drop.

Visit entries from: Main Page || Anime & Manga || Comic Books || Fan Works || Film - Animation || Film - Live Action || Literature || Live-Action TV || Music || Music Videos || Professional Wrestling || Tabletop Games || Theatre || Toys || Video Games || Webcomics || Web Original || Western Animation || Tropes

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    Websites 
  • 4chan:
  • Anachronauts: It's okay to break the rules and be a busybody, as long as you do it for the right reasons. (That one's near verbatim.)
  • Babylon Bee: Conservative Christians are the only sane, intelligent, and moral people in America. Everyone else is incapable of rational thought, and probably doesn’t even have a functioning sense of empathy.
  • Bogleech: Parasites deserve the same respect as other animals, unless it's an animal you hate (like dolphins), in which case their parasitic reproductive methods will reinforce what vile creatures they are.
  • Buzzfeed:
  • Cracked:
    • Can't beat the competitors? Don't worry, after they finally force you out of the competition you can succeed at doing something completely different, then smugly act like you finally beat them.
    • Using the word "mind-blowing" really grabs people's attentions!
    • Reading surprising information will literally cause your head to explode.
    • Article titles don't have to be accurate to the content of the article in question.
    • David Wong: The wicked are incapable of redemption because they honestly believe that what they're doing is right. For this reason, everyone who disagrees with you must die.
      • Greedy, selfish, and amoral capitalists are the paragons of virtues.
      • If you're not attracted to women (even if you're gay, asexual, or even a straight woman), you will never accomplish anything of note.
    • True feminists believe that women are perfect and deserve more than men, who are evil, horny and stupid.
      • All forms of fiction are misogynistic and you're evil if you enjoy them.
    • You are dumb. You will never be as successful as anyone else. Anyone who aims to be otherwise is clearly an idiot.
    • Unrelated pictures with funny captions are the best way to get your point across.
    • Any form of societal problems or bigotry can be fully explained with 5 simple points.
    • Don't do any research if it increases humor.
    • Racism is bad! Unless it's towards Australians and Japanese, the former because of said racism!
  • Creepypasta:
    • Digital piracy will save your life.
    • Garage sellers are never to be trusted.
    • The color red automatically makes anything scary.
    • A kichen knife is an efficient enough tool to kill all of the police during a raid.
    • Video games cause violence. And TV. And Paintings. All media causes violence, including this aesop.
    • Children's entertainers are EVIL!
  • "CWCiki: Stalking, catfishing, extorting, hacking, etc? It's alright to do it - it's Chris Chan. Chris is a dozen and a half acceptable targets rolled into one.
  • Darwin Awards:
  • Das Sporking: If a fictional protagonist does anything even slightly unheroic, even if it’s nothing more than being unintentionally mean to someone, then they’re a horrible person who represents everything wrong with the world and doesn’t care for the feelings or welfare of anyone but themselves. And that’s just if the character is intentionally written as an Anti-Hero. If the writer wanted them to be a pure hero and they lack any social graces, then the writer is a horrible person who thinks kicking puppies is okay if done by their own side, and their work deserves nothing but vitriol and scorn. And if a fictional character is pure, loves everyone, and everyone loves them back, then the character is too perfect to be allowed to exist or even relatable, so the work still sucks and the writer still is worthy of only derision and scorn.
  • DeviantArt: Yellow aliens are fair game to mock.
    • You can only draw anime; or anthro art if you want to be successful.
    • Nude women with maggots crawling in an out of every orifice is art.
    • If your art isn't fandom-related or has at least 1 fetish, no one will care to look at it.
    • Prior to DreamUp, using art generators made you an artist of high skill. After DreamUp, posting AI art is just as morally reprehensible as murder.
    • "Best/Worst Mothers/Fathers memes: Good parents should be judged by how lenient or "cool" they are. Bad parents are parents act too overprotective or annoying or with any character flaw that doesn't relate to their brand of parenting.
    • And if you're a member of the site: Even if you can prove that the majority of art on the website is actually art and not just creepy fan-nudity-stuff, trying to do so makes you their sympathizer.
    • Quantity over Quality.
    • The lesson to take away from all this is: Fetishes deserve to be shamed and purged from existence.
  • Encyclopedia Dramatica: Everything should be exposed to criticism - and by that we mean everyone should regularly be insulted. If you post something the internet deems cringeworthy, you deserve to be ceaselessy mocked for it, have a record made of everything wrong with you, and have your name be used as a warning for future generations. Don't like it? Here's some gore pics.
  • Equestria Daily: There's absolutely no conflict within the Brony fandom. If anyone actually dislikes an episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, they're a very small, insignificant minority. And everyone loves the EQUESTRIA GIRLS movies.
    • If one opinion wins a poll, even if by a slim margin, none of the other opinions count.
    • The Sonic crossover artwork ban: The Brony fandom is far superior to the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom. That fandom is full of people creating cheap Mary Sue recolored OC's and terrible shipping Fan Fiction, is splintered into various sub-groups that all hate each other, and is seen as really annoying by people outside of the fandom. Obviously the Brony fandom is nothing like this.
  • Facebook:
    • You can only like things, not dislike. If your relative announces on Facebook that they have cancer, better to say you like it, lest they think you ignored the post.
      • As of February 2016 it became possible to have five different emotional reactions besides just liking things, but it is still impossible to dislike anything.
      • Having a dislike button would spread too much negativity. But having a laugh reaction that basically amounts to a troll button for any post that isn’t a joke is fine.
    • Anyone with an unusual or funny sounding name is obviously lying about their real name.
    • Liking or reacting to something that saddens or angers you is a perfect substitute to actually doing something about it, like donating or signing petitions.
    • Likewise, using the laugh reaction is a perfect substitute for an actual counter-argument.
    • Contradicting anything a stranger says on the internet until it devolves into a flame war is a worthwhile pastime. Especially on a website where it’s extremely easy to dox someone.
    • Any time you merely mention a product it must mean you want to buy it.
  • Wikia/Fandom:
    • If you make an unpopular name change or layout design change to your website slowly and gradually enough, people are going to learn to love it! It’s the “frog in the boiling water” effect in action.
      • Perhaps if Twitter/X had rebranded itself “X: Powered by Twitter” for a couple years that name change could have been more well-received.
    • No one who uses a wiki actually wants information, they only desire to consume as many ads as humanly possible.
  • The First World Problems Meme: You don't have a right to complain about anything ever. Car broke down? First world problem. Lost your job? First-World Problems. Cancer? Some kids would kill for cancer. Unless you're the poorest, sickest, most pitiful third world orphan ever, shut up.
    • The original form was "White Whine", until someone realized the Aesop was that only white people were privileged enough to have these problems.
  • GoAnimate:
  • Heartless Bitches International: Sociopaths, especially violent ones, are ideal role models.
  • Kickstarter: "Just give me your money, so I can make my dreams come true."
    • Fifty dollars for a two-bit trinket? What a deal!
    • Investors are useless.
  • Kiwifarms:
    • Stalking is GREAT.
    • Anyone who isn't a cis-straight white christian or atheist is a freak who needs to be stalked and mocked so they can start acting normal.
    • It's okay to stalk, bribe, threaten, harass, or even extort someone as long as they fit into the range of acceptable targets.
    • It's not harassment or stalking - it's "Lulz".
    • Who cares that most of the people we've hurt are actually decent people - we've stopped a few pedophiles.
    • Comedy takes precedent over all. Nothing is immoral if it is funny enough.
  • The Mary Sue: Motion pictures peaked with Avengers: Endgame. No other movie is worth talking about unless you're trashing it.
  • Mindfuck image macros: Black people are terrifying. They just are.
  • MySpace: If your website is spiraling toward bankruptcy and users are leaving in droves, there's no need to listen to what your users want when rushing in unpopular changes, you obviously know what you're doing.
    • Friendships must be ranked in order of importance.
      • If someone isn't in your Top 8 they must not be important to you.
    • 14 year-olds are terrific web designers.
  • NewGrounds: Edgy = funny.
    • There is nothing creepy about making games where you maim and kill real people.
  • The "no girls on the Internet" thingy: Misleading people as to your true identity and intentions is perfectly sane and normal.
  • Not Always Working: Don't piss off the homeless-looking customer. Not out of basic decency or because they can rightfully press charges for assault, mind. Only because they are actually filthy rich and will use their money to take it out on the whole company you work for. Not like that would get them in trouble for unprofessionalism if the customer's own company is used for personal revenge, or anything.
  • Overthinking It: Any attempt to write a strong female character is doomed to failure. Authors are better off ignoring feminism entirely.
  • Patreon: Don't have anything better to do than post YouTube videos about people and things you hate? There's a market for that!
    • If a site that you produce content for and help to make money refuses to pay you more for it (despite being owned by a multi-billion dollar corporation), then don't fret! Crowdfunding to the rescue! Isn't capitalism grand?
    • Making content all about how Capitalism Is Bad is the perfect get rich quick scheme. Capitalism is really is grand...
  • Quora: Random strangers are totally unbiased and trustworthy when it comes to answering difficult and uncomfortable questions. Especially if they have the if they have the credentials to prove it.
  • Reddit:
    • Low karma and downvotes are a Fate Worse than Death.
    • The whole point of internet discourse is to correct anything someone says and make yourself sound smarter than they are.
    • rAntinatalism:
      • Not wanting to drive your own species to extinction is morally inexcusable.
      • If you don’t have kids, people nag at you every second of the day to have them and society victimizes you profusely. It’s worse than being a racial minority.
      • Killing every child you see is a moral obligation.
      • Because life can be difficult sometimes, no one should ever be born.
      • The entirety of humanity is at fault for the environmental crisis (except for the people that dump carbon emissions into the air or pour their metric tons of trash into the ocean, they're cool).
    • rAskWork:
      • Hard work is never rewarding and doing so is shaming and embarrassing.
      • No one should be allowed to work ever even if they want too.
    • rAskReddit: Always trust the opinions of random strangers.
    • rAutism:
      • Autism is when you’re picky about spoon sizes.
      • Autism is basically a fandom, and anyone who objects to self-diagnosis is just an elitist gatekeeper.
      • Being autistic has no downsides whatsoever. To imply that it does is ableist, even if you’ve been diagnosed with it yourself.
    • rAtheism:
      • Religious people are undeserving of empathy.
      • If Belief Makes You Stupid then Disbelief Makes You Smart.
      • Every religion is exactly like Christianity in every way and deserves the same criticisms.
      • Every religious person takes the stories in their belief system completely literally, and has no understanding of symbolism.
      • The only time Christians speak the truth is when they’re bashing other religions.
    • rChonkers: Whatever health problems come from fattening up your pet, it's less important than Reddit karma.
    • rCinemassacreTruth:
      • Seeing your favorite show take a drop in quality should be viewed with the same moral gravity as murder.
      • Making fun of someone’s baldness is a valid critique of their work.
    • rCollapse: We’ll all be suffocating from wet bulb or drowning from rising sea levels by next week, if we don’t get nuked in World War III first, might as well just give up on life.
    • rDecadeology:
      • The best indicators of worldwide cultural shifts are not world events like the fall of the Soviet Union or the Iraq War, but things like the debut of a new game console or Cartoon Network changing their logo.
      • History began sometime in the 1960s.
      • The years you just so happened to be a child or teen were the best years in all of history, despite what anyone who was over 18 at the time might say. Things started to suck immediately after you graduated High School.
    • rDrama: Intentionally spreading misinformation is funny.
    • rGoth: There are only about ten actual goth bands, all from before 1993. Mentions of bands that do not meet this narrow criteria must be censored at all costs, no matter the context.
    • rGrandpaJoeHate: Screw the eccentric jerkass who's funny candy factory is a literal deathtrap that would make Jigsaw hide his head in shame, it's the main character's grandpa we should direct our hate towards!
    • rReddit_Island:
      • Buying an island (private or government-owned) is easy.
      • If someone claims to own an island, you should believe every word they say.
    • rNissan_Drivers: Being poor, a single mother or having a low credit score is a Fate Worse than Death.
  • Rotten Tomatoes:
    • The overall response from critics equals Word of God. Anyone who disagrees is an idiot, and that includes other movie reviewers. All critics should be a Hive Mind that universally pan or praise movies. Anyone who disagrees clearly is either a hack or a troll.
    • You should not watch or enjoy anything rated below 60 percent "fresh" on their site. Actually, you might as well just quit the internet altogether if this happens. You'll Never Live It Down.
    • If you post something on a publicly available site, then no one should be allowed to criticize it at all (no matter how qualified they are to do so).
    • Creative media that comes in a wide array genres and whose viewing experience depends on which outlet it's viewed from can be judged on a binary. Anyone who complains about this can be written off as a toxic fandom so that you may continue to avoid any self-reflection.
  • Smack Jeeves: All good comics are either Boy's Love or Sprite Comics. No exceptions.
  • Television Without Pity: Our opinions matter; your opinions don't.
  • That Other Wiki™: You must never, ever say anything negative about a person who is still alive, or they will bite you in the ass!
  • TikTok: The only genres of music Gen Z'ers listen to are rap and dance-pop. Rock music doesn't exist unless its Pop Punk or Fleetwood Mac.
  • Tumblr:
    • Regularly bullying people off your platform for fun isn't concerning behavior at all, it's funny and quirky!
    • Don't like something? Dedicate a hate blog to it!
    • "Being critical" of media obviously means you should be obnoxiously over-negative about it 110% of the time.
    • REDEMPTION ARCS ARE THE WORST THING EVAR AND IF YOU DISAGREE, YOU SUPPORT BAD PEOPLE!
    • Putting people into societal boxes is bad... That is unless we do it.
  • Twitter / X:
  • TV Tropes: Analyzing TV shows is an addiction that will ruin your life, but go ahead and do it anyway.
  • Underthinking It: Anyone who enjoys a show without having to write a thesis on it's academic merits is an idiot.
  • Wikileaks: If you're a public official, or a big company, or anyone they don't like, really, you have no right to privacy.
  • YouTube:

    Web Original Fiction 
  • Sailor Nothing: Emotionally unstable teenage rape victims are society's only hope.
  • The Salvation War: God hates everyone.
  • SCP Foundation: Humanity is doomed to die at the hands of monstrous beings, but it's okay because humans are just as monstrous themselves and deserve to die.
    • The laws of physics are more like guidelines than actual laws.
    • The universe has it in for humanity, and so whenever people discover something about how one of the above monstrous beings works, a different monstrous being will be created, so that the number of things that humans don't understand remains constant. For this reason, humans should study those monstrous beings instead of destroying them.
    • If, at some point in your life, you come across anything that you don't immediately understand and/or which encourages you to look at the world in a different way, you should lock it up and let everyone else think it doesn't exist because ordinary people find the things they don't understand to be just too unpleasant and frightening.
    • SCP-2112: Cover bands are a threat to society and require strict surveillance. Left unchecked, no one would listen to anything else.
  • Trinton Chronicles: Even if you beat every single villain or Big Bad up, more always come out of the wood work to *** you up, best to keep your head down and let the city get taken over.
  • Worm: Being a bully is ok as long as you can claim it's for a good cause!
    • Specifically, using someone's personal insecurities to emotionally abuse them is unforgiveable if you do it to cope with trauma, but cool and likeable if you do it to get away with committing felonies!
    • Illegal, unethical, bizarre science experiments on cancer patients are totally okay. It will make them celebrity superheroes!

    Web Video 
  • The Angry Video Game Nerd:
    • It's okay to throw screaming fits of rage just because you don't like something.
    • The best way to drive your point home is through immoderate profanity, nauseating To the Pain descriptions, and in general being an unpleasant person.
    • Using multiple variations of "shit" is the same as wit.
    • Any long term fan who dislikes when a content creator loses all interest in what they’re doing, hires a team to write their scripts for them, and starts going bald is merely a Troll who wants the creator to suffer.
  • The Backrooms:
    • Forests are liminal spaces.
    • The Backrooms are literally just a parallel dimension.
    • You can leave from any location if you repeatedly run into the right wall.
    • Birthdays parties are to be avoided at all costs.
    • Never walk around carrying a VHS camcorder. Instances of people no-clipping through reality reduced greatly when they were discontinued.
    • Deliberate VHS Quality is superior because it covers up the imperfections of mediocre CGI.
  • Barney Bunch:
    • Being a depraved madman will get you what you want.
    • If the manager of an establishment tries to kick you out for causing widespread chaos, don't spare them from your brand of punishment.
  • Bob Chipman: Anyone who likes something you don't is either stupid or lying about it. Anyone who doesn't like something you do is either stupid, lying or morally deficient.
  • Channel Awesome: Anyone who dislikes Cross Overs is the worst kind of Troll.
    • Anyone who dislikes any of Doug Walker's videos is a nit-picking troll who can't handle even the slightest change. Anyone who likes any of Doug Walker's videos is an ass-kissing fanboy who worships the ground Doug walks on. There is no in-between, but the two groups are not mutually exclusive.
    • "The Review Must Go On". Don't even bother trying to be nice. You'll either end up erased with your tragic life not mattering, Your kind You Are Better Than You Think You Are speech twisted around to get yourself abused, or your Died Happily Ever After Heroic Sacrifice retconned to be a paradox.
    • The "Commercials" sub-series: one or two frightening Public Service Announcements produced within a country is proof that the entire country is sick in the head.
    • The best way to deal with an annoying Vocal Minority in the fanbase is to pull a Take That, Audience! at the fans as a whole.
    • "Dragonbored": Playing video games for any amount of time will ruin your real life.
      • Yes, taking any time out of your day for yourself to play a video game will put your job and your relationships in jeopardy.
    • Trying to expand from just reviewing to doing storylines is the most evil thing any human being has ever done and makes you worse than Hitler.
      • On the other side of the coin, people only watch a review for the stories tacked onto it. Who watches a review for what the person has to say about the movie/show/game?
    • Goading a mentally ill person into snapping at you is perfectly okay, so long as you can convince fanboys to fight on your side!
    • It's perfectly OK to tell everyone that nobody likes movies that you personally hate and speak on behalf of fanbases that you don't belong to.
    • If a movie is more than a day old it's nostalgic.
    • According to Chad Rocco and his fans: If you like a show, you're not allowed to change your opinion on it. Ever.
    • Usage of abstract clips, memes or sketches is the best way to convey your critique and not in anyway distracting.
      • In the case of The Cinema Snob, making obscure references is clearly humorous.
    • Have a funny joke? Then run that sucker to the ground throughout the review until it pops out in China.
    • People watch movie reviews to have the entire plot of the movie explained to them with jokes, not to know if the movie is good before watching it.
    • Movies and tv shows aimed at kids should be as inoffensive as possible. Even one scary scene or racy joke is enough to come across as traumatic to kids who in all likelihood never noticed until the Nostalgia Critic said so.
    • Being a fangirl makes you a creepy annoying Stalker with a Crush.
    • Alternatively, a message for fans: it's okay to stalk, kidnap, and torture your favorite creator, because if he yells at you, just put on a pouty face and walk away sadly. Eventually he'll feel bad enough to become friends with you.
  • CinemaSins: Films should be judged by a tally and not from an overall experience, and nitpicking is a totally healthy thing for nerds to do.
    • Context within the movie is totally irrelevant. Intentionally getting things wrong makes you a comedic genius!
    • A general observation about a movie is the same as a deep thoughtful analysis, and both count negatively against how good a movie is.
    • Exposition is pointless and never effectively serves to further the story's lore... except this pointless thing I just thought of that has nothing to do with the story is important and it's the movie's fault for not explaining it!
    • Spreading misinformation about something is fine - you're just joking after all!
    • We're just joking. It's not like anyone takes us seriously after all.
The Critical Drinker: Movies and Tv Shows are never bad because of bad writing. It’s always the Culture War’s fault.
  • Cruel Logic:
  • Daniel Thrasher: The Piano is so lame, you need to bury it under cheap jokes about how lame it is.
  • Dhar Mann:
    • Don't bully others because they may help you/you will suffer because of it.
    • Everything is black and white in any given situation. There's no such thing as a grey zone or morally blurry areas like the real world has. You're either a pure angel or the epitome of evil. If you're the latter, you can change into an angel later on, but never the other way around.
    • Don't be mean to poor people, because they might turn out to be secretly rich. Either that, or they'll get rich later on. You only deserve an apology or respect if you're rich.
    • If someone is openly racist towards you, like accusing you of theft because you're black, you owe it to them to explain yourself why you don't fit into that stereotype, such as telling them your entire backstory. Any percieved slight against you might be taken back only then. If you don't want to say anything about yourself, their prejudice is justified.
    • You can only adopt outside of your race if you have a sob story to justify it, like a close friend's Dying Wish or the child having Abusive Parents.
    • Gaslighting someone as a prank to teach them a lesson is a good thing to do. And that everyone's totally going to go along with it, and that the ringleader is in the right, and the victim trying to call them out is turning things around to avoid taking blame.
    • You can only sympathize with disabled people if you have been disabled yourself.
    • If you don't look conventionally attractive, comfort yourself with the fact that beauty on the inside is what counts. You're still repulsive as hell on the outside, though.
  • Epic Rap Battles of History:
    • Fictional characters such as Darth Vader and the Ninja Turtles count as historical figures, and were just as real as William Shakespeare or Albert Einstein. Weren't you paying attention in history class when they went over The Doctor?
    • Even when there is a clear winner in a confrontation, let the audience choose the winner. This allows you to avoid the wrath of fans of the losing party.
    • We should bring back fascist dictators from the dead - twice! - because they entertain us.
  • Every Frame a Pause: Preferences don’t exist. If something’s unpopular it’s objectively bad, and anyone who likes it deserves to be insulted and mocked until they realize just how wrong they are.
  • Feminist Frequency: Everything is sexist and everything is racist, and that fact must be pointed out at all times, so as to browbeat creators into making art that is more in line with your sensibilities. Anyone who says otherwise is probably a racist, sexist troll who wants nothing more than to rape and murder you.
  • Food Theory: Everything you know about food is a lie, major food companies are trying to scam you, sometimes your food is not actually what they say it is...and you can also make a Mountain Dew pizza.
  • Game Grumps:
    • User error does not exist. It's always the game's fault that you're too stupid to pay attention to things that're right in front of you or that you keep trying the same thing and expecting different outcomes.
    • Repeating the same action and expecting different outcomes is not at all the definition of sanity.
    • Antisemetic jokes and Those Wacky Nazis are funny.
  • Game Theory: If you want to explain the science of video games, use questionable research.
  • GameXplain: Nintendo games are the only video games that exist.
  • Gaming Wildlife: Everyone who plays video games fits into neat little stereotypes.
  • Honest Trailers: Ranting about various films/fanbases in the effort of changing a member of said fanbases' minds, making personal comments about celebrities and going off on long-winded tangents that needlessly pads out a video is a great way to express your "honest" opinion about a project, especially an opinion that apparently everyone else shares.
  • Jreg:
    • Being a nazi is preferable to being a fence-sitter.
    • Your principles are stupid if violence isn't involved.
    • All pacifists are just cowards.
    • Queer people are really annoying.
    • You either have to have unflinching faith in the free-market or want the free-market liquidated. Anything in-between makes you a filthy centrist!
    • All ideologies are equally terrible. Including the ideology that all ideologies are equally terrible.
  • Kid Farm:
  • LegalEagle:
    • Any media that doesn't 100% know or understand the notoriously complex system that is United States Law is deserving scorn and ridicule.
    • Any lawyer who’s knowledgeable and charismatic enough can legally, if not morally, justify anything.
    • All lawyers (real or fictitious) should be judged by the standards of American-style Common Law. Even if they’re not from America or a country practices common law.
  • ＬＯＣＡＬ５８:
    • Never watch overnight television. Supernatural broadcast signal intrusions went the way of the dinosaurs when TV networks began airing infomercials overnight.
    • Want to fill in time on your schedule and don't have any syndicated programming to throw on? Air a classified government film that tells people to commit mass suicide in the event of an invasion!
    • The night sky is full of Eldritch Abominations, especially the moon. So, when the sun starts to set, close all curtains and go to bed, pronto.
  • Marble Hornets: If someone is mad at you, post their medical records online and all will be forgiven.
  • The Mysterious Mr. Enter:
    • Cartoons are Serious Business.
    • Cartoons must be as stale and inoffensive or sickening sweet and tear-jerking as possible. If one person acts like a jerk, then "Worst. Series. Ever!" Everything should just pander to the mainstream.
    • Cartoons should be deep, meaningful and teach important life lessons. Any show's formula focusing chiefly on comedy deserve to be hated.
    • People who review cartoons on the internet are always right and should be worshiped.
    • The “Homer Badman” review: All rape accusations against celebrities are false; rape accusers are just petty opportunists and accused celebrities are innocent victims Convicted by Public Opinion.
    • While shitting on the left non-stop, make sure you take a few potshots at the right and you won't be favouring sides at all. It worked for South Park after all!
    • Using blatant straw man arguments to vilify and generalize your political opponents is wrong... but only if you’re a liberal. Center-right libertarians, on the other hand, are allowed to do so all they want!
    • Always response to your critics. No matter much in bad faith their arguments are.
    • Comedy shows are never allowed to tackle serious topics. Either you're a comedy show or you're not, and must remain in that field at all times, no matter how one-note and repetitive it'll get.
      • Don't ever experiment with different ideas or expand your creativity. Why? Because an angry man not working in the cartoon industry said so, and he obviously knows best what everyone else wants.
    • It's not okay to review something based upon what the reviewer wanted it to be. That's bad. But doing so for cartoons? A-Okay!
    • You can make apolitical games, but you can't make apolitical cartoons.
    • Children should never go to school. In fact, it's better to make them disillusioned with school at an early age.
    • Popular voice actors should be used once and only once. Otherwise, it's too distracting.
    • "Mixed Messages: Swearing" video: It's also good to teach kids to swear at an early age.
    • "Top 11 Worst Animation Clichés" video: The only good parents are those who have no flaws whatsoever. Otherwise, any parent who has any flaw, no matter how tiny that flaw is, is the worst parent ever!
    • Turning Red review: When you want to make an animated Period Piece, make sure the art style perfectly reflects the time period, or no one will know when your cartoon is supposed to take place.
      • And for that matter, your Period Piece needs to include every single disaster that happened during the time period in question, no matter how incongruous it is to the story. Escapism? What's that?
      • Hey, kids! It's May 2002! What are you doing behaving like the 13-year-olds you are? It's just a few months after 9/11, dammit!
      • You hate a character who is intentionally designed to be unlikable? That's not an Intended Audience Reaction - that's bad writing.
    • His critics have their fair share of warped Aesops:
    • Growing Around in general:
  • Neel Kolhatkar:
    • If you're white and you feel that racism is bad, you're as evil as Stalin. If you're also a woman, then you're Stalin on crack.
    • Progressive views are stifling freedom of speech, comedy and dissenting viewpoints. Don't believe me? Just look at all these videos satirising left-wing ideology that have been up on the internet for several years with no penalty-hang on, I need time to rephrase that.
  • React: Trying to copyright a word is a great way to endear yourself to your audience. They'll just love having to pay you royalties for making any video at all similar to yours.
    • The average teenager will just stare on in disbelief when a Walkman is placed in front of them, and take a half hour trying to get it to work. This means you are old.
      • Today's technology will always be in style. Of course future teens won't be just as baffled by iphones in 15-20 years.
    • Teens live in a constant myopic bubble and haven't heard of anything over ten years old. Meanwhile for old people, time seemed to stop when they reached 30.
  • Patrick (H) Willems:
  • Real-Time Fandub:
    • "Sonic Adventure 2":
      • The moon is not made out of cheese? Blow it up!
      • The world is being threatened by a Super Villain? Steal The Sims 4 from the president!
      • Your surrogate brother farted? Launch him to earth!
      • A scientist saved you from cryostasis? Have sex with his wife!
      • Your wife got peed on? Blow up the moon!
    • "Marvel's Spider-Man":
      • Leaking nudes is acceptable if said victim is a villain.
      • Stealing a wig is more terrifying than death threats.
      • Making evil illegal is so offensive that it will cause a previously benevolent man to undergo a Face–Heel Turn.
    • "Sonic the Hedgehog 2006":
      • If you're a gamer, then you'll get friendzoned all of the time. If you're not a gamer, then that just makes you a beta cuck.
      • Trap anyone who disrespects gamers in hell.
      • Twinks are emos that deserve your contempt.
      • If you have a son, don't tell him that you're his father. It's not like he'll end up having sex with his own mother...
      • Your kingdom is being invaded? Just think about the ocean.
      • Fake cosplayers deserve to die.
    • "Shadow the Hedgehog":
      • Assassinating the president and destroying military property are noble acts and will guarantee you a spot in Heaven. Would Satan lie to you about that?
  • Retsupurae: It doesn't matter how much effort you put into your Let's Play, how much you enjoy doing it, or any kind of humble fanbase you may have built from it. If two established people in the field say you're doing it wrong, you must admit your worthlessness or else face the wrath of the Internet.
  • Sam & Mickey:
    • It's customary that you receive an invitation to your own wedding.
    • Dead people don't have dreams.
    • If a Barbie doll mates with a Bratz doll, it will produce a My Scene doll.
    • The only reason a person still owns a Nokia phone is to play the game Snake, not because they're too poor to afford anything better.
    • The Red Power Ranger has anger issues.
    • Juniper and Krypton are viable planets that are kept secret by the government.
    • You can microwave yourself.
    • It's considered strange to want to spend Christmas with your spouse.
    • Consuming cooking wine will cause you to hallucinate.
    • Your rebellious child hating you is bad, but said child loving you is even worse.
    • Barbie, Queen Elizabeth, Oprah, and the Kardashians are all part of an elite group of people who can receive rare goods at the snap of the fingers.
  • Smosh:
    • General: Acting like an idiot is the easiest way to win internet fame.
    • Food Battle: Winning competitions are worth everything. Lives, friendships, everything.
  • StacheBros: Death Is Cheap.
  • Stampy's Lovely World:
    • According to this series' antagonist, if you're a Nice Guy, you should be attacked dozens of times and have your pet dogs nearly stolen or nearly killed plenty of times in a persistent attempt at making an evil dog army because someone who is out to get you thinks The Hero is a bad guy.
    • Don't protect your vulnerable pets from a delusional villain; instead, let them get captured multiple times and then blame someone else for refusing to actually protect them.
    • Theme parks are better than towns, though be sure not to keep your theme park a theme park and instead convert it into a place for Minigames even though that wasn't the initial reason it was built.
    • Workplace safety doesn't matter.
  • Steve Cutts:
    • Alcoholism is an easy vice to get over, anyone who says otherwise is just being lazy.
    • The common man is just as responsible for destroying the environment as the billion-dollar oil CEOs.
    • Only prevent others from being harassed if it means it'll bring you fame and praise.
    • PHONE BAD, BOOK GOOD.
    • A disease that killed millions of innocent people is actually good because then the animals can dance in the street.
    • Adding sad music to anything instantly makes them more meaningful.
  • Super Mario Bros. Z: It's okay to not update in years as long as you make a joke about it.
  • Third Rate Gamer:
    • No one bothers to test video games before releasing them to the public.
    • Good graphics are the only thing that makes a game worth playing.
    • Naming your child after yourself makes you an egotistical jerk.
    • If you can't pronounce the word "melee", say "brawl" instead.
    • There's nothing wrong with having a bomb lying around your home.
    • Video game characters will always show up at random to beat you up.
    • It's clearly a game's fault if you suck at it.
    • Game review shows on the internet need to have a rating system and Content Warnings.
  • A Very Special Episode: So what we have learned from this series, kids? To cave into peer pressure by doing coke in 1987, if your hot female teacher seduces you, do it or else you are a pussy and that if you only see somebody once they probably killed themselves and that is hysterical.
  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.:
    • If your cable company's experimental AI gains sentience and runs amuck, causing all kinds of broadcast "anomalies", don't take it offline and order a recall of the cable boxes it controls, just hope it'll stop it eventually!
    • Never use a VCR to record television shows. Instances of "broadcast anomalies" declined greatly when they stopped manufacturing them.
  • Wizards with Guns:
    • "The First CANNIBAL Astronaut": Fat people have no self-control or basic perspective.
    • "This Christian Batman Knockoff is Worse than You Think": All Christians are violent crazy-people.
  • YouTube Poop: Nonsensical Toilet Humour, Overused Running Gags, Sensory Abuse, vulgar language, and copyright infringement are hysterical.
    • Meta: It makes sense for YouTube Poops to be taken down for copyright infringement because obviously everyone is going to watch the YTP instead of buying the original work it's based on.
  • Mr. Beast:
    • Just watched A series where people compete in a Deadly Game for life-changing amounts of money? Why... replicate it! Sure, nobody actually dies or get hurts, but hey, a Deadly Game sounds like a fun thing to do in real life for views on YouTube, eh?
    • Charity is great... as long as you can exploit it for views!
    • Why use the millions if not billions of dollars you have in solving problems? Because videos where you're giving shoes to people in Africa or paying for surgeries give you more money.
    • Look how good Mr. Beast is. Anyway, make sure you buy his merch, donate to his channel, watch his ads, dine at his fast food place(s) he never actually visits, and do it to help pay for these tax break videos.
    • If you're going to run a contest for a big shopping spree? Don't enter unless you have a sob story - you ain't gonna win.
    • Showing how poor someone is when you give them a shopping spree is most important.
    • Annoying challenges like loitering inside a store past closing is good... as long as you use the revenue from those videos to subsidize your charities! Which you don't pay taxes on anyway.
    • Don't do good deeds anonymously.
    • Don't ever do anything nice for those less fortunate than you, because others will automatically accuse you of only doing it for selfish reasons.

    Web Animation 
  • Angel Hare: Remember kids: If the characters on TV start talking to you, it's because they're guardian angels, and not a result of some mental psychosis you may have!
  • “Common Sense Soapbox”: There’s nothing wrong with referring to your economic views as common sense. Look at all this cherry-picked evidence you have to back it up!
  • DarkMatter2525: A religion is best represented by its worst members.
  • DEATH BATTLE!:
    • How good a character is can be judged based on whether or not it would be able to kill a vaguely similar character from another work.
    • Not just kill, they must be able to BRUTALLY MURDER the other character.
    • If your favorite character loses, it has nothing to do with the massive amount of research put in toward finding out who would realistically win in a fight, it's because Screwattack is run by fanboy trolls who hate your favorite characters and want to piss you off.
    • On the flipside: Doing some research automatically makes your arguments air-tight and everything that disagrees with you is a whiner. Nevermind some glaring inaccuracies that seep through said research!
    • Healing Factor = Victory.
      • Unless you're diced up into bite-sized pieces.
    • Turning Technical Pacifists, Martial Pacifists into murderous sociopaths and have them attempt to murder each other for the pettiest of reason is awesome.
    • You absolutely cannot win a battle and prove yourself the better combatant unless your opponent is dead. You hear that, Ryu? You'd better take a page out of Sub-Zero's book if you're ever going to be taken seriously as a fighter.
    • If you are a Dragon Ball character, you will win. Unless your opponent is Superman.
    • It all comes down to who can survive more tons of TNT.
    • All fictional universes have the exact same laws of physics as our own. Especially the ones that demonstrably don't.
    • Senseless violence is AWESOME!
  • Extra Credits:
    • There's absolutely nothing wrong with lootboxes and microtransactions. At all. It's totally not gambling.
      • Lootboxes get you to pay more than you would have - and that's good!
    • People with psychological conditions that make them prone to blowing more money than necessary are actually a good thing because they subsidize the game for you. In other words? They do pay your sub!
    • The Industry does not do anything wrong to you. You just need to be persuaded to accept that it's alright.
    • Video games do not cause violence. They do however cause people to be nazis.
      • Playing as a character automatically means that you support every action that the character does and every belief that the character has.
    • All JRPGs suck. Except Persona. Which we didn't play.
    • Playing with a Trope is the same as deconstructing a trope. And there is a right way and a wrong way of deconstructing them.
    • If a tough guy with a feminine side is gay? It's awesome. A tough guy with a feminine side who isn't? Cliche.
    • If a character is trans, even when Word of God says they aren't: They're Trans.
    • Scientists have faith in their theories and this is no different than religion.
    • A game developed by a Polish studio based off of a series of novels that were by a Polish author is actually a hard-boiled detective game!
    • Spreading misinformation via games or even about games is bad... except when we do it!
    • The 6th-century Roman emperor Justinian I the Great was — and we say this without any qualifications or limitations — MORALLY. FLAWLESS.
  • FreedomToons:
    • All leftists support censorship and hate freedom of speech.
    • The best to make fun of people for having simplistic worldviews and overusing Strawman Arguments, is to portray them as a bunch of immoral idiots who just can’t understand that your opinions are objectively correct.
  • Happy Tree Friends: Anything could possibly kill you at any moment, from lollipops to straws, so just… don’t do anything, really. Though you could die not doing anything too.
  • Helluva Boss:
    • Emotionally manipulative, self-destructive assassins from Hell deserve all the happiness.
    • Swearing is funny, dammit!
    • No one wants to see main characters actually do their job, even if they’re assassins, that’s too boring. If you were misled by the pilot episode that’s on you, everyone knows pilots don’t have to be anything like the rest of the series.
    • Murder is the best way to solve all of your problems.
    • Killing children is completely fine if they are annoying enough.
    • You can physically assault your friends and stepfather, murder children, and generally just be an absolutely massive bitch to everyone around you and never grow as a person, and all will be forgiven and justified so long as you have a convenient sob story to tell.
      • It also helps if you're a sexy hellhound girl.
    • You can coerce someone into a Sex for Services deal, talk down to them, never care for their associates, and never once consider their feelings on the matter or grow and change as a person as long as you're in a loveless marriage.
      • It also helps if you're a sexy owl guy.
    • The best way to punish your spouse for being selfish, bratty, and condescending is to cheat on her with someone else. Who cares if it puts an even harder strain on your relationship with said spouse, and it leads to the spouse putting a hit out on you, and it strains your already rocky relationship with your daughter, and the person you're cheating with thinks you just talk down to them and not care for them as a person, and ruins your reputation?
    • “Unhappy Campers”: It is perfectly fine and acceptable to have sex with your wife on stage in public as long as your wife is pretending to be a celebrity and as long as people are oddly fascinated by it.
      • It’s totally normal for a grown adult to seek validation from teenagers, and if you disagree you’re just being mean.
    • With a few exceptions, the only good relationships are between two men.
    • Not all straight people are evil but all evil people are straight.
    • No one wants to sit through a dramatic moment in an adult cartoon for more than a minute, better pad it out with sex jokes.
  • Homestar Runner:
    • Strong Bad Email:
      • Reading e-mails all day is a valid career choice.
      • "virus": The best way to get malware off a computer is to shoot the computer.
    • Teen Girl Squad:
      • If you're a teen girl, never have a friend group. You may suffer a painful death at the hand of an arrow-spitting abomination dressed in a business suit.
      • Routinely calling someone "ugly" is okay and isn't a form of bullying at all!
  • JaidenAnimations:
    • If you're a self-deprecating Nervous Wreck with an out-there thought process who lives in America, the one thing you should do is pretend these issues are normal and not try to fix them at all.
    • "Being Not Straight": It is completely logical to bluntly say you don't trust your audience with certain details about you even if your entire career revolves around literally animating your life for your audience to see.
  • Jaltoid
    • "Girl" Gamers: Women (especially if they're a Girly Girl) that use the label of Gamer Chick are fake geek girls that only want attention from men and the only good Gamer Girls are tomboys, that is it!
  • Mighty Magiswords: Hoarders will save us all! ...For a small fee.
  • Minilife TV:
    • Watching people with physical disabilities suffer is hilarious!
    • "1-800-MINIDIAL": Someone is making fun of you over the phone? Teleport over to their house and beat them up!
    • "That's So Gay!": The best way to put an end to offensive phrases is to encourage others to use them until they lose all meaning.
    • Babies can survive being frozen in ice for over 4000 years.
    • Just because you're the mayor of a city doesn't mean you need to be committed to your job. You can always give the responsibility to someone else.
  • The Most Popular Girls in School: Teenagers are just a bunch of vulgar, caddy bitches who are obsessed with popularity and tearing other people down.
  • My Little Pony: Tell Your Tale:
    • "Secret Canter": The best gift of all is pushing your hobbies on all of your friends.
  • RWBY:
    • The best way for an underage girl to get a bartender's aid in finding someone is to physically assault them and destroy their bar if they suspect you. And just for fun, goad them into getting close enough to you so that you can attack them again.
    • Naïve, impulsive teen girls make excellent combat leaders.
    • Bully who clearly overpowers you, and has assaulted and manipulated you many times? Throw a jar of jam at them, and before they get to really retaliate, the opportunity to prove that you're the real man will surely arise.
    • True heroes can overcome a lifetime of racism after a single argument and 12-hour missing person hunt for the team-mate that fled their racism.
    • Heroes are allowed to exploit racist housecat stereotypes of their Cat Girl team-mate if their intention is to help them overcome their anxiety.
    • Trust is for losers, betrayal is awesome!
    • Having your arm taken makes you more heroic, but sacrificing your own arm makes you more evil.
    • To sum up Volume 9's themes around Ascension: Suicide is the solution to all of your problems.
      • If someone's trying to prevent you and your community from getting hurt, that means you should all try to kill yourselves! Even if they're suffering from grief of witnessing their friends and loved ones die, they need a reality check that they can't control everything, and you and your community can reincarnate into something much better anyways.
      • Having trouble figuring out your life, feeling neglected by your friends, struggling from the guilt of your past mistakes or the loss of a loved one? Just kill yourself! You can get some therapy straight from a god, learn the comforting truth of people you've long since lost, and it makes for a convenient method of self-discovery before you DEFINITELY come back to life and the problems between you and your loved ones are automatically solved.
  • Sheriff Hayseed:
    • Who needs strategy when you can just punch the bad guys in the face?
    • When you are a sheriff, being good with your weapon of choice is a preferable quality over doing the necessary procedures during the arrest of an outlaw.
  • Supermarioglitchy4's Super Mario 64 Bloopers: You can shift the tone and the progression of your story constantly, nobody will mind it one bit!
    • Meta: When the idiot does something stupid, blame everyone except the idiot.
  • Terrible Writing Advice:
    • Willing Suspension of Disbelief is for children and stupid people. Any work of fiction that isn't a brutal, unrelenting deconstruction of some kind is objectively terrible.
    • Adding depth to your story via any sort of deconstruction makes you a pretentious Know-Nothing Know-It-All only for teens and stupid people. Really, if you write anything at all, it's objectively terrible.
    • Every piece of advice that JP spouts out in his videos? It's genuinely unironic good advice!
  • Zero Punctuation:
    • If you have a British accent and can talk really fast, your YouTube video will get noticed immediately by a large company that will pay you tons of money to make videos. If you copy him, it'll work for you too!
    • It's alright to not even get past the tutorial of a game or prove you've only played maybe an hour before declaring it "shit".
    • User error doesn't exist. That's nonsense. It's therefore okay to blame the game for having poor design simply because you're too stupid to poke around the menus or listen to the tutorials.

    Web Magazine Stories 
  • 1619 Project: White Americans are Always Chaotic Evil and therefore unable to really co-exist with any American who isn't purely white, and the best solution to this is segregation.
    • It's a good idea to shame modern whites about their ancestors' involvment in slavery and/or racism against blacks. So what if slavery was abolished before their ancestors even immigrated to the area the first place? They should be shamed anyway. If even one of their ancestors lived in America before the Civil Rights Act was passed, then their sole desire in life was to oppress other races.note 
    • The backlash against it has its own warped Aesop: Even if the overwhelming majority of individuals in a system did evil things, but a few did not, then the whole institution is blameless for the deeds of its bad actors, and no changes are needed.

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