Unless it's Hot Space, which you're not allowed to like.
Except for "Under Pressure".
NO! Nothing by Queen is bad. Nothing!
TheBeatles' Come Together: No matter what, everyone's the same in the middle of bukkake.
"Maxwell's Silver Hammer": There's a psycho murdering people with a hammer out there? Just make sure you don't do anything about it until he kills a sizeable amount of people.
"Please Please Me", "Day Tripper", "Norwegian Wood": If your girlfriend doesn't give into your sexual demands, she's not worth it.
"Norweigian Wood": So, this girl you just met refuses to have sex with you and decides to go to bed early since she has work in the morning? Burn her house down while she's gone!
"Run for Your Life", "You Can't Do That": A good boyfriend is an abusive and controlling boyfriend.
"Eleanor Rigby": The death of a lonely old lady is no big loss.
"Yellow Submarine" (the song): A submersible vehicle is the perfect place to live.
"Octopus' Garden": Octopi are the friendliest sea creatures around and will even invite you to tea if you let them.
"I Saw Her Standing There": Seventeen year old girls will be always willing to have sex with you.
"The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill": A Momma's Boy who shoots unprovoked wild animals for no real reason other than bragging rights is a truly ideal human being to be looked up to.
"Think For Yourself": There is no conceivable circumstance in which it would be advisable to consider another person's opinion.
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Happiness is a Warm Gun, Got to Get You into My Life: Drugs made The Beatles into transcendent visionary messiahs, and they can do the same for you!
"Fuckin' Perfect" by Pink: loving yourself means believing you have no problems whatsoever and don't need to strive for self-improvement at all. Don't listen to anything negative anyone says about you. They're all just haters. No criticism of you could possibly be valid.
Beyoncé's "Single Ladies": If a man likes you enough to dance with you in a club, he should be willing to marry you immediately. Never mind the fact that he likely wants you only for your body.
Beyoncé's "If I Were A Boy": Remember, only women are sensitve beings who are capable of having their hearts broken. If a man breaks up with you, it's because he's a self-centered jerk who doesn't care about your feelings!
"Poker Face": Women are mysterious, and too good for you. And stuttering is good.
"Paparazzi": Stalking is okay when it's female on male. (Coincidentally, the Archie Comics taught this exact same lesson with Ethel on Jughead vs. Reggie on Midge.)
"Telephone": Leave your girlfriend alone! She's trying to forget you exist at a local club. Plus she doesn't have free weekend minutes.
Oingo Boingo's "Only a Lad": We should reinstate the death penalty for minors. If we don't, we'll have an army of sociopathic Karma Houdinis who will wreak havoc because milquetoasts will get them off by blaming society and claiming they are too young to know any better.
"Dead Man's Party": Being dead is awesome! You should kill yourself so you can join in on the festivities!
"Time": If you want to be a true Englishman, you should hang on in quiet desperation.
"Another Brick in the Wall": Education is evil and akin to brainwashing. Let your kids do whatever they want and eat their dinner in any order they please.
"The Trial": If you become a cold person, it's not because of your unfaithful wife, your abusive teachers, or because you father died in a war; it's ALL your fault.
Timbaland's "Carry Out": Girls love it when you compare their bodies to pancake restaurants and restaurant chains that have the "supersize" option.
Tom Jones' "Delilah": Homicidal maniacs with stalking tendencies have awesome singing voices.
Chris Brown's "Deuces": If you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, the best thing to do is to act like a total jerk towards him/her.
Beat the living daylights out of your ex-girlfriend? It's ok! It was clearly her fault in the first place!
If she ever tries to defend herself, it only further proves how she's the one in the wrong. Remember that time when Tina hit Ike?
Band Aid's "Do They Know It's Christmas?": One of the concerns of people in an impoverished country (and therefore without good clothes, central heating or possibly even a roof over their heads) is the lack of snow!
No matter how much your life sucks, if you know it's Christmas, you'll be fine!
Who cares about the other religions on the continent and what they celebrate! They need to be taught about Christmas!
Lily Allen's "Smile": If your boyfriend cheats on you, it's perfectly excusable for you to pay a bunch of thugs to break into his house, wreck the place, scratch the records he uses for his gigs as a DJ and block up the toilet after slipping a packet of laxitives into his coffee. It's something to smile about.
Electric Light Orchestra's "The Diary of Horace Wimp": If you're socially awkward, God will divinely intervene in your life to help you get married in a week.
"Do Ya": Nothing sets a woman's heart ablaze like telling her you'd like to save her for a rainy day.
"Telephone Line": If someone doesn't answer the phone the one time you call the person, it's a clear sign that you mean nothing to that person.
Chuck Berry's "Roll Over Beethoven": Rock music is just better than classical music.
The Who's Tommy: Being a deaf, blind mute automatically exponentially increases your gaming prowess.
From Bye Bye Birdie, "Put on a Happy Face": Don't be a downer. If you are at all sad about anything, no matter what, just think of sunshine and rainbows and lollipops and stop moping around, lest you end up "a mean old thing."
The Temptations' "Ain't Too Proud to Beg": If someone tells you it's over, don't listen—make a pathetic show of yourself and the person will very likely take you back.
Simon & Garfunkel's "Fakin' it" and "The Dangling Conversation": Staying in a dead-end relationship is much easier than saying anything about it, so just suck it up and move on with your life.
Bruno Mars' Grenade: If a girl won't kill herself over you she doesn't love you.
If she's got her eyes open during your first kiss, she's evil. Of course, it doesn't matter if you've got your eyes open.
The song from Earthbound (and theme for the Sugar Wiki) Pollyanna is a woman saying she believes in you, but then again she also believes in all kinds of crazy shit.
People who believe in other people are deluded, rose-glassed manchildren.
Backstreet Boys' "As Long As You Love Me": You are a six-fingered man from Florin who killed my father. I don't care because you love me.
Nickelback's "If Everyone Cared": Being less of a dick will extend human life expectancy. Screw biomedical research, politeness is where it's at!
The Lonely Island's "Dick in a Box": Sexually assaulting your girlfriend is a great gift idea for any occasion!
"I Just Had Sex": When you engage in sexual intercourse, don't even think about whether or not your partner enjoys it, all that matters is that you get yours.
"Baby, It's Cold Outside": (Out of context) Date rape is a catchy, memorable subject for a Christmas song.
(In context) A woman who insists that she should go home is really just playing coy to keep up appearances of being respectable, and really doesn't mean it when she says no. Even if she makes the request repeatedly.
Robbie Riverra's "Let Me Sip My Drink": Functional alcoholism is a good reason to ignore anyone who tries to talk to you. Socializing? At a social function? Who does that?
