Warp That Aesop / Rocko's Modern Life

• "No Pain, No Gain":
  • If your friend is fat and out of shape, you should be too if you want to be a good friend to them.
  • Gym equipment will rip your arms off.
• (Concerning Heffer): People who are young adults and still live with their parents are nothing but spoiled man-children who are simply too lazy to make it on their own.
• "Leap Frogs": If your wife has been trying to cheat on you with your neighbour, it's your fault for not giving her enough attention. She shouldn't be held accountable for anything because the poor lady was too thirsty for affection.
• Rocko's Modern Life: Static Cling: Nostalgia is bad. Stop it. Get with the present time. Now watch this continuation of a 90's cartoon from your childhood loaded with Call Backs to the original series, but don't you dare be nostalgic.
  • People who claim They Changed It, Now It Sucks! never have a valid point and are always wrong.
  • Being angry that a show you used to love was changed is the same as being transphobic.
  • Being angry that your favorite TV show was changed is bad, but believing Only the Creator Does It Right (an arguably more extreme viewpoint) is okay.
• "Schnit-Heads": Never trust anyone who sells sausage. They can and will forcibly convert you to their religion.
• No one wants to watch an episode of Sweatin' In Your Undies.
• "Ed Bighead" can easily be misheard as "Ded Bigfed".
• Being a secret clown, wearing frilly panties and sleeping with a baboon heart underneath your pillow are perfectly acceptable quirks, but liking rainbows and dolls? Shame on you!
• Don't get the fat guy!
• The Wedding March is an appropriate song to hum at a funeral.
• Only the most loving of couples chase each other around in a giant hamster ball.
• Videotaping your friend in the nude without his knowledge is funny and artistic, not perverted or illegal.
• Never state outright that you wish that all sea mammals could be sank to the bottom of a ocean, or else.
• Turn the page, wash your hands.
• Falling face-first into a blender will only result in you becoming average-looking/ugly rather than killing or badly disfiguring you.
• Never have a tour guide while on vacation.
• A shadow puppet of a running deer looks just like a radiator hose.
• If you don't have the ability to rhyme, you'll be fired.
• A jackhammer is the perfect item to use to get stuck food out of your teeth.
• Being a cashier at a small independent comic book store should allow you to afford a large two story house. (Even in the 1990s this was a stretch.)
• The cheese is the best character on the show. He is better than both the salami and the bologna combined.
• Garbage day is a very dangerous day.
• Never flush your dead goldfish down the toilet or else it will clog.
• Ding-dong-ditch is one of the worst crimes you can commit.
  • The term "under seas" sounds suspiciously like the term "under siege".
• If your friend wishes to give you a high-five for apparently no reason, beware.
• A disgruntled postal worker on a subway isn't about to get violent; he just acts that way so he can get some swinging room to play on the bars.
• You can't fight City Hall; you can't fight corporate America. They are big, and you are small. You can't fight City Hall.

---