Parental Favoritism - Television Tropes & Idioms

alt title(s): Parental Favouritism

Datz when i knew i wuz not favourite.

"Mom always liked you best!"
—Tom Smothers, The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour

It's tough being a kid in Fiction Land. Bad enough when you're an only child, but if you're among a pack of siblings, this particular trope is nearly guaranteed to raise its head at some point in order to make life even more difficult.

Parental Favoritism is just what it sounds like — one child is given preference over their siblings. In order to qualify, this has to be consistent. One child being asked to do the other's chores because their sibling is sick is probably not favoritism, although that probably won't stop the kid lumbered with the extra work from grumbling. One child having to do all the chores on a daily basis, while their brother/sister sits and plays video games, however, is.

It may show itself in a variety of ways. If there is an argument or fight, the parent(s) will always take the side of one particular sibling, and the other(s) will be blamed for it/punished. The parents may brag about one child in particular and be dismissive of the others, regardless of the achievements of their brothers and sisters. There may always be one particular kid who gets out of doing their chores, even if the other kids get pulled up for forgetting to tidy their room.

Sometimes, there may be more than one "favorite," or the mother and father will have different "favorites," making life even more of a headache for their siblings.

There are a few different versions of the trope, and a few different "explanations" as to why one child is preferred over the other. These divisions can be by:

Birth Order
- The oldest child is favoured because they are the firstborn/family heir. Tends to apply more to sons than daughters, since old inheritance laws favour boys over girls. This is found more often in fantasy or historical literature, where these laws have a real impact on how the family is run.
- The youngest child is favoured because they are the "baby" of the family, and the parents will protect them from being "bullied" by their older siblings even when they are big enough to defend themselves/started the trouble in the first place. This is popular in more modern literature, especially with teen novels and children's TV.
- Middle children get a rough deal; very rarely are they the family favourite, unless they do something really outstanding to explain it. Middle Child Syndrome, as it's known, is a real life phenomenon, that some psychologists are studying today.
Gender
- Preference by gender often relies on the boys:girls ratio within the family. If there are several of one sex and only one of the other, the sibling with a different gender from the others will probably be "the favorite." This can backfire though — they may instead be the "ugly duckling" of the family if the parents prefer one gender over the other, a preference that often hinges on the culture the story is set in (i.e, the solitary sister who's expected to clean up after, and cook for, her brothers).
- If there is one son and several daughters, the son will probably acquire the title of "heir to the family." His parents may believe him to be "more important" than his sisters, and they might be expected to obey him/take care of him.
- If there is one daughter and several sons, she will probably be the "baby" of the family regardless of birth order (possible exception if she is the oldest sibling, in which case she'll be de facto babysitter). Strangely, brothers are seldom shown as resenting their sister — in fact, they'll "defend her honor" more ferociously than their parents will. Any potential boyfriends are in for a hard time.
Personality
- Sometimes, one child is funnier, more gregarious, or more talented than the others, making them "the favorite" almost automatically. Very often, this sibling will be sweetness and light to everyone else, but the Devil In Plain Sight to their brothers and sisters. Alternatively, a Dead Little Sister situation might occur with the parents...or parent, since this applies especially if a spouse has died. In this case, one child will be favoured because of their resemblance to a particular person. Particularly narcissistic parents however, tend to favour the child that most looks/acts like him/herself.
Biological vs. Adoption
- It hardly needs mentioning that dozens of fairy tales (notably Cinderella) involve stepchildren mistreated by their parents in favor of their biological children. This is pretty much a Discredited Trope today; more commonly, you have an adopted child who suffers some perceived slight from his stepparent and must be reassured that he is loved just as much as the parent's natural children.

Any of these criteria can backfire. For example, one child might be the favorite because they look and act just like their saintly, deceased mother. Another might be just the opposite — The Un Favourite — because of their resemblance to the mother that walked out on the father — or even because they remind the father of the saintly mother.

Occasionally, parents have a child that natually requires more care and attention than the others, because they're very young, disabled or psychologically damaged. This will still seem unfair to the other kids who get less of their parents' time, but it's necessity rather than favoritism...usually. This is a favourite plot for children's books and television, where the lead character is jealous of a new baby sister or brother only to be reassured that "we love you just as much."

Sometimes, the parents are reasonably handing out the privileges and responsibilities with age. When the older child looks only at the responsibilities and the younger at the privileges, both can come to the view that they are the Unfavorite. Cue Sibling Rivalry.

In fact, the obligatory "talk with the parents" is normally part of a Parental Favoritism plot...but don't expect it to solve anything. If the writer is trying to Hand Wave the glaring bias of the parents, there will be a scene where mum and dad will give a long speech on how they value all their kids equally, and will tell the un-favorite child that making them live in the basement and forcing them to bow whenever their little brother enters a room is really a mark of their esteem. The words "you're the responsible one" will probably be mentioned in some form. A more realistic version is where the big talk is honest, and the parent doesn't bother trying to justify what they've done, but attempts to make amends. This is regularly done to "humanise" the hitherto antagonistic parents — but it's probably too late. By the time of the talk, most of the audience will already be set against the parents, and it'll take a hell of a lot of good writing to redeem them.

Parental Favoritism can have a huge impact on characters even when they become adults. The Favorite will probably be spoiled and throw a tantrum if (s)he doesn't get his or her own way; kids at the bottom of the pecking order will usually be bitter and cynical about relationships and family life, or have serious self-esteem issues.

This is all too often Truth In Television.

Examples:

Mercilessly deconstructed in Leaving Poppy by Kate Cann. The heroine, Amber, has a younger sister that is so favored by her mother it reaches ridiculous levels. At the start of the story, the heroine is due to go on holiday to celebrate her exam success. But Poppy — who her mother describes as "fragile" — suddenly becomes "ill," crying all the time and throwing tantrums. Their mother guilt-trips Amber into staying...and Poppy "miraculously" gets better.
- In later chapters, it is revealed that Poppy is not sick — she's psychotic, partly as a result of being spoiled, but it's also suggested that she was "born bad." Even as a child, she slashed another kid with scissors — and planned the whole thing meticulously.
Fudge, in Judy Blume's series of young adult novels beginning with Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, was the family favorite, getting away with murder while big brother Peter got repeatedly whacked over the head with An Aesop about loving his brother. The fact that Peter Cant Get Away With Nuthin' doesn't help.
- In fact, this is one of those odd instances where it's not clear whether Fudge is the parent's favorite, or the author's. Peter's parents seems as if they're supposed to be the wise, sensible, benevolent types, and they do make up for some of Fudge's excesses, but the fact that Fudge never gets called on his bad behaviour suggests that either he was given serious preference by his parents...or Blume didn't want to let such things as "discipline" get in the way of Fudge's antics.
- In the latest book in the series, Double Fudge, Fudge's latest "phase" is that he's obsessed with money. His parents are actually somewhat worried about this, and Anne, the mother, is positively mortified when Fudge's excessive greed results in him getting evaluated by the counselor and she's told that maybe she should try to stress that "the best things in life are free," etc. The problem is never solved, per se, in order to allow for hjinks and because Warren and Anne really have no idea what to do about it, but it does seem to lessen. Slightly. Fudge books are only published once every ten years, so we might have a bit of wait to find out what happens next, if anything.
Paula Danziger is another teen writer who was fond of this, although in Can You Sue Your Parents For Malpractice? she turns the trope on its head — big sister Melissa is the family favourite until she defies her draconian father by moving in with her boyfriend. Rather than choosing a "new" favourite, her father takes his annoyance out on his two younger daughters.
Biblical example: The story of Joseph and his brothers. Jacob favored Joseph because of his resemblance to Jacob's favourite wife (he had two, as well as both of their maids, all of whom he'd had children by), who had died. The multi-coloured coat (actually a translation error — it reads "long-sleeved" in most modern translations) was proof of Jacob's favor. All things considered, it's probably not surprising that his brothers wanted to teach Joseph a lesson, especially when he bragged about dreams in which his brothers were made to bow down before him. Benjamin, Jacob's other son by that wife, was second-favorite, but his position as the youngest meant all the other brothers protected him. This makes the trope Older Than Dirt.
- Of course, Jacob had been his mother's favourite, and his rivalry with with Esau (his father Isaac's favourite) was fuelled by this, and led to his fleeing his homeland...
  - Then there's Isaac, who was born to Abraham and Sarah very late, and after Sarah (in despair at a total lack of children) had told Abraham to have a child by her maid Hagar. Once Isaac was born, Sarah told Abraham to banish Hagar and her son Ishmael...which is the Biblical basis for the Arab Israeli Conflict.
Jacqueline Wilson has used this a few times:
- The Diamond Girls involves a mother who is desperate for her fifth child to be a boy, after having four daughters. She obsesses over it to the point of planning her new life around her son — demeaning the value of her daughters (probably unintentionally) as she does do. This is one of the few cases where Parental Favoritism has started before the kid is born. It doesn't work out so well for the fifth Diamond child when "he" turns out to be a she, however...
- Girls In Love has one character, Nadine, with a younger sister who is the favourite of their superficial and snobbish mother. Natasha is a Devil In Plain Sight, but she looks cute, and later starts a career as a child model, so of course she's "Mummy's favourite."
Another older example: The Bennett sisters, in Pride and Prejudice. Tearaway Lydia is Mrs. Bennett's favorite daughter; sensible and witty Elizabeth is Mr. Bennett's. Oldest sister Jane, however, is loved by everyone thanks to her sweet nature, but bookish Mary and second-to-youngest Kitty get the short end of the stick.
Major part of Zuko's and Azula's Back Story in Avatar The Last Airbender. Azula was daddy's little girl, while Zuko (the eldest son and heir) was hated by his father just for being alive.
- Also, Azula, due to her raising by Ozai (whose favoritism toward Azula means he hates Zuko), mistakingly believed that her mother's favoritism toward Zuko meant that she didn't love her. As a result she became evil and ultimately insane.
Why Ken partially resented his older brother in Digimon Adventure 02. Not only was he the younger sibling, and thus overlooked for the firstborn, Osamu was also a child prodigy and a media darling. This ensured that Ken never got the kind of attention he desperately wanted from his parents. It didn't help matters much when Osamu died in an accident, and his parents were too caught up in their grief to notice Ken even after that.
Ootori Kyouya is victim of a subtle version in Ouran High School Host Club. As the youngest of three sons in a rich family, he is expected by his father to perform at respectable standards, but never to do anything to one-up his brothers, who will inherit the Ootori business empire.
- His sister also seems to get this treatment to some extent. She's admonished for returning home when she is happily married and has no real business to be there. This has the Ootori family fulfill two of the criteria. She, however, seems to ignore it and act cheery nonetheless, going out with Tamaki on occasion to explore the world of commoner cuisine.
- A similiar fate befalls Azuma Yunoki in La Corda d'Oro, who is forced to give up playing piano by his grandmother because he's better at it than his two older brothers; as he says, "My place is always below my brothers". Most probably a result of Japanese cultural values, and seems wildly unfair to Western readers. Azuma develops a bit of a psychological problem as a result (which probably means it's supposed to seem unfair to the original audience, as well).
A major part of the plot of Jacob Have I Loved: Sarah Louise's younger twin, Caroline, received all the attention as a baby because she was always weak and ill. She grew up beautiful, popular, talented at singing and the piano, sweet, and perfect, while Sarah Louise became a hard-working tomboy who "never gave her parents a moment's worry." Sarah Louise's mission in the novel is to find a life outside her sister's shadow.
Subverted in many ways on Frasier — brothers Frasier and Niles were each convinced that the other was their parents' favourite, which resulted in the intense and petty sibling rivalry that they each suffer from in adulthood — it's often made clear, however, that their parents didn't play favourites (and in fact their father Martin in many ways considered both of them his least favourite, as they were so completely different from and diametrically opposed to him) and that this was all just their own insecurities acting.
- The female 'baby' of the family is also subverted slightly in Daphne's relationship with her mother — despite Daphne's endless, thankless sacrifices over the years, her mother is nothing less than hyper-critical and demanding of her, whilst doting upon her boorish, obnoxious, feckless and ungrateful older brother.
Taken to extremes in Saiyuki. Gojyo is a 'child of taboo,' raised by his stepmother and half-brother. She eventually attempted to kill him, but her biological son killed her first.
Katie Nolan of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn knows when she gives birth to her son Neely that she'll love him more than her daughter Francie, but promises she won't show it. She rationalizes much of her favoritism by saying that Neely needs more encouragement, while Francie is strong like her and get what she wants somehow. For example, when she can only afford to send one of the kids to high school, she says it should be Neely because he won't go unless she makes him, but Francie will get an education because she wants it.
In the world of the Fighting Fantasy gamebooks published by Puffin in the 1980s through to the 1990s, the wealthy ruler of the city of Fang blatantly favors his elder son Sukumvit over his younger son Carnuss, making Carnuss develop a searing hatred for his brother. When Sukumvit becomes ruler of Fang on his father's death, he constructs the deadly Deathtrap Dungeon as a private hobby, challenging adventurers to try and survive going through it for a 10,000 gold piece prize. An embittered Carnuss sees a chance at getting revenge on his hated brother, and begins kidnapping people to test them until he can find someone tough enough to send as his champion to penetrate the dungeon and humiliate his brother.
Played with on Supernatural. Throughout Season One, Sam thinks that John hates him (when he left for college, he told him to never come back) while Dean is the one who obsessively follows his Dad's orders and can't seem to comprehend not following an order. But it's slowly revealed that Sam is the one who John cares the most about (although this could just be through the eyes of Dean) while Dean is the one who had to grow up too fast and was treated, well, more like a soldier than a son. Although John tried to make it up by doing a deal to save Dean's life, Dean's Daddy Issues (the fact that he still thinks he wasn't good enough for him and that he still thinks he's the one who should have died) continue to this very day.
A Song Of Ice And Fire has a few:
- Tywin Lannister "loves" his oldest son Jaime, who's tall, handsome, a ferocious knight and generally regarded as the ideal son. (For awhile) His second son, Tyrion, is a malformed dwarf whose birth killed Tywin's beloved wife. Tyrion's not the popular son.
- Warrior-like Randyll Tarly bypasses his heir, the cowardly, compassionate, bookish and weight-challenged Samwell, for his younger son Dickon (and by "bypasses" I mean chains him up for three days, all but threatens to kill him, and then has him forfeit his birthright and be exiled to the ~~Foreign Legion~~ Night's Watch rather then let him become a *gasp* academic).
In Awesome Video Games of Far From Subtle productions, the father obviously prefers Chet over Ace. Whether this has any lasting effects is yet to be seen.
In The Order Of The Stick, Eugene Greenhilt favored his daughter Julia over his son Roy, because Julia became a wizard like him, while Roy became a fighter. ("I can tell because you never use the phrase, "crashing depression" when talking about her.")
Harry Potter endured some pretty extreme abuse at the hands of his aunt and uncle, while his cousin was extremely pampered, owed at least in part to a long-held jealousy his aunt held of his mother.
In Steven King's novel The Eyes of the Dragon, Gary stu protagonist Peter is the King's favourite son. This leads younger brother Thomas to build a deep jealousy and hate of his older brother that the villain Flag takes advantage of.
An unusual case in Misfile, Ash Upton manages to be on both sides of the Parental Favoritism divide thanks to Rumisiel's little filing mishap. As a boy, she had no contact with her mother and her relationship with her father was distant at best (his plans for Ash's summer vacation apparently involved re-roofing the house). As a girl she has a close relationship with both parents who are much more involved in her life. For some reason she feels this sucks.
- Also a subversion, as the change was due completely to Ash's actions. In Ash's past (s)he wrote a letter to his/her mom. As a boy, masculine pride made him throw it away. As a girl, the letter was sent.
In The Lord Of The Rings, Boromir (the elder son) is heavily prefered to Faramir by their father, Denethor. It's especially emphasized in The Movies, where Denethor is shown as blatantly unfair.
Any time Pickles' parents get any screen time in Metalocalypse, it's made abundantly clear that Seth, Pickles' older brother is the favorite child. To put it into perspective: Seth is an ex-con who lives with his wife (of questionable virtue) in an attic above their garage in Wisconsin. Pickles is the drummer for the most successful band in the entire damn world.
Repo! The Genetic Opera has a subversion. Rotti Largo is utterly disappointed with all three of his grown-up children, and starts looking among the children of his employees for a worthy heir.
In Naruto we see in the flashbacks that Fugaku Uchiha preferred his older, genius son Itachi to the younger Sasuke, saying several times to Sasuke that he wanted Sasuke to become a shinobi like Itachi.
- The situation eventually turns around completely after Itachi is suspected of murdering Shisui which he did. After Sasuke masters the fireball technique, Fugaku tells him not to follow Itachi's footsteps.
- Likewise, Hiashi Hyuuga preferred his younger daughter Hanabi, as he believed Hinata lacked any real talent, especially when compared to her genius cousin Neji. After Neji loses his fight against Naruto, Hiashi's attitude starts to change and he softens up to both Hinata and Neji.
Warhammer 40000 backstory has Horus being the first son found by the Emperor, who was later made Warmaster above his nineteen brothers and generally treated as the Emperor's eldest son.
Zach from the Quebecois film C.R.A.Z.Y is the fourth son of five and manages to be a case of both Parental Favoritism AND the Un Favorite - his religious mother believes he has the power of healing and defends him from his father's scorn. Meanwhile his dad, having suspected him of being gay from an early age, lavishes most of his praise on the three older brothers, who are respectively a genius, a jock and a macho lady's man. Meanwhile the youngest just seems to get ignored.
Much drama is wrung out of this question in Heroes: Just who is Angela Petrelli's favorite son? Arthur says it's Peter, much to Sylar's disappointment.