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alt title(s): Parental Favouritism
Datz when i knew i wuz not favourite.

"Mom always liked you best!"

"I am gonna lose my mind — my parents just brag and brag about my brother! 'Oh, he's in a room above the garage!' BIG DEAL! He's an ex-con!"
—Pickles the Drummer, Metalocalypse

It's tough being a kid in Fiction Land. Bad enough when you're an only child, but if you're among a pack of siblings, this particular trope is nearly guaranteed to raise its head at some point in order to make life even more difficult.

Parental Favoritism is just what it sounds like — one child is given preference over their siblings. In order to qualify, this has to be consistent. One child being asked to do the other's chores because their sibling is sick is probably not favoritism, although that probably won't stop the kid lumbered with the extra work from grumbling. One child having to do all the chores on a daily basis, while their brother/sister sits and plays video games, however, is.

It may show itself in a variety of ways. If there is an argument or fight, the parent(s) will always take the side of one particular sibling, and the other(s) will be blamed for it/punished. The parents may brag about one child in particular and be dismissive of the others, regardless of the achievements of their brothers and sisters. There may always be one particular kid who gets out of doing their chores, even if the other kids get pulled up for forgetting to tidy their room.

Sometimes, there may be more than one "favorite," or the mother and father will have different "favorites," making life even more of a headache for their siblings.

There are a few different versions of the trope, and a few different "explanations" as to why one child is preferred over the other. These divisions can be by:

  • Birth Order
    • The oldest child is favoured because they are the firstborn/family heir. Tends to apply more to sons than daughters, since old inheritance laws favour boys over girls. This is found more often in fantasy or historical literature, where these laws have a real impact on how the family is run. Sometimes, the oldest child may have a huge set of standards thrown on them, but other times, an overachiever will set other standards for the younger ones.
    • The youngest child is favoured because they are the "baby" of the family, and the parents will protect them from being "bullied" by their older siblings even when they are big enough to defend themselves/started the trouble in the first place. This is popular in more modern literature, especially with teen novels and children's TV.
    • Middle children get a rough deal; very rarely are they the family favourite, unless they do something really outstanding to explain it. Middle Child Syndrome, as it's known, is a real life phenomenon, that some psychologists are studying today.
  • Gender
    • Preference by gender often relies on the boys:girls ratio within the family. If there are several of one sex and only one of the other, the sibling with a different gender from the others will probably be "the favorite." This can backfire though — they may instead be the "ugly duckling" of the family if the parents prefer one gender over the other, a preference that often hinges on the culture the story is set in (i.e, the solitary sister who's expected to clean up after, and cook for, her brothers).
    • If there is one son and several daughters, the son will probably acquire the title of "heir to the family." His parents may believe him to be "more important" than his sisters, and they might be expected to obey him/take care of him.
    • If there is one daughter and several sons, she will probably be the "baby" of the family regardless of birth order (possible exception if she is the oldest sibling, in which case she'll be de facto babysitter). Strangely, brothers are seldom shown as resenting their sister — in fact, they'll "defend her honor" more ferociously than their parents will. Any potential boyfriends are in for a hard time.
  • Personality
    • Sometimes, one child is funnier, more gregarious, or more talented than the others, making them "the favorite" almost automatically. Very often, this sibling will be sweetness and light to everyone else, but the Devil In Plain Sight to their brothers and sisters. Alternatively, a Dead Little Sister situation might occur with the parents...or parent, since this applies especially if a spouse has died. In this case, one child will be favoured because of their resemblance to a particular person. Particularly narcissistic parents however, tend to favour the child that most looks/acts like him/herself.
  • Biological vs. Adoption
    • It hardly needs mentioning that dozens of fairy tales (notably Cinderella) involve stepchildren mistreated by their parents in favor of their biological children. This is pretty much a Discredited Trope today; more commonly, you have an adopted child who suffers some perceived slight from his stepparent and must be reassured that he is loved just as much as the parent's natural children.
    • This is also commonly inverted - the adopted child will be well behaved, the biological child will be spoiled and jealous, and when the inheritance or the call to adventure is passed down to the adopted child instead of the "true" inheritor, expect the biological child to start a Cain And Abel situation rapidly.

Any of these criteria can backfire. For example, one child might be the favorite because they look and act just like their saintly, deceased mother. Another might be just the opposite — The Un Favourite — because of their resemblance to the mother that walked out on the father — or even because they remind the father of the saintly mother. If the saintly mother died in childbirth, then that child's usually got a hell of a lot of resentment to get over, no matter what the physical similarities.

Occasionally, parents have a child that natually requires more care and attention than the others, because they're very young, disabled or psychologically damaged. This will still seem unfair to the other kids who get less of their parents' time, but it's necessity rather than favoritism...usually. This is a favourite plot for children's books and television, where the lead character is jealous of a new baby sister or brother only to be reassured that "we love you just as much." On the other hand, if the favorite is Too Good For This Sinful Earth, the parents may never learn to appreciate their living children.

Sometimes, the parents are reasonably handing out the privileges and responsibilities with age. When the older child looks only at the responsibilities and the younger at the privileges, both can come to the view that they are the Unfavorite. Or they may responsibly differentiate, but the musically untalented child may resent the lessons as favoritism, and the talented one, the other's free time as favoritism; or the child who must do all the chores resents the sickly child's confinement to his bedroom and inability to play. Cue Sibling Rivalry.

In fact, the obligatory "talk with the parents" is normally part of a Parental Favoritism plot...but don't expect it to solve anything. If the writer is trying to Hand Wave the glaring bias of the parents, there will be a scene where mum and dad will give a long speech on how they value all their kids equally, and will tell the un-favorite child that making them live in the basement and forcing them to bow whenever their little brother enters a room is really a mark of their esteem. The words "you're the responsible one" will probably be mentioned in some form. A more realistic version is where the big talk is honest, and the parent doesn't bother trying to justify what they've done, but attempts to make amends. This is regularly done to "humanise" the hitherto antagonistic parents — but it's probably too late. By the time of the talk, most of the audience will already be set against the parents, and it'll take a hell of a lot of good writing to redeem them.

Parental Favoritism can have a huge impact on characters even when they become adults. The Favorite will probably be spoiled and throw a tantrum if (s)he doesn't get his or her own way; kids at the bottom of the pecking order will usually be bitter and cynical about relationships and family life, or have serious self-esteem issues.

This is all too often Truth In Television.


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