Warp That Aesop / Captain Planet and the Planeteers

• Kids, all large corporations are run by scumbags who pollute not just to make money but for fun and the only way to stop them is through vigilante action, because cops are worthless and the lady who claims to be a pagan goddess tells you so.
  • Conversely, if you're a giant corporation, you should pollute as much as possible because the odds are those people will be after you anyway and pollution is the only thing that weakens your magical nemesis and, thus, your only hope of running a successful business.
  • Conversely even with that, all polluters are polluting not because they're greedy or stupid but in some reality are all long term Omnicidal Maniacs that are actively trying to kill all forms of life on Earth and leave nothing not even buildings standing or water left in the oceans and if they had their way would gladly personally put 2 bullets in the brains of the last Adam and Eve Couple left on Earth so they could go spend all their ill gotten monetary gains.....Where exactly??
  • And yes, this warped aesop includes Adolf Hitler.
• Just because you're a goddess doesn't mean you shouldn't put kids at risk to teach them aesops about pollution.
• Pollution is wrong unless we, the studio, are doing it.
• “Ozone Hole”: Using Air Conditioners of any kind especially ones made after the 90’s are wrong because they all damage the ozone with CFC’s. If you want to cool down then go get out the garden hose instead.
• Tired of not being taken seriously because you're African, Russian, Japanese or South American? Stick a White American kid in the group and that way you'll always be right because White Americans are just that stupid! Whoever heard of being right on your own merits anyway, that's just silly.
• If you have a pollution-free, solar-powered airplane, the best way to use it for the good of Earth is not to market the technology, but keep only one prototype and use it to ferry a bunch of adolescents around beating up the same few rich eccentrics week after week.
• Eco-Terrorism is always the answer! Remember, kids; Green Peace are pussies.
• All CEOs are evil. Except for Ted Turner, of course. He is Jesus.
• No company pollutes by accident. Every company that's doing it is run by a Card-Carrying Villain who's doing it For the Evulz. Also AIDS scares are a plot by rat people to take over the world. OF COURSE!
• Even if you're the chosen one, you cant actually do anything to help the planet. All you can do to help is summon a super hero with a bad haircut who will fix all your problems. Trying to do anything on your own or with a group of other people will fail and likely put you in danger.
• Said superhero can easily by stopped by some litter on the floor, a natural resource spilling in the sea or Hitler staring at him.
• If you have a power that lets you charm or command people, and control/befriend animals into doing your bidding, use it the least effective and limited ways possible so that people can continue to bitch about how lame it is.
• It's better to be an Affably Evil villain who pollutes than to be a conservationist bigot.
• AIDS stinks!
• Nuclear power, which doesn't produce carbon emissions, is worse for the environment than natural gas, which does.
• The Troubles, the Arab–Israeli Conflict, and The Apartheid Era are all just a result of small disagreements, and can easily be resolved.