Your shy friend should be forced into terrifying things, or completely changing themselves, and you're an awesome person for dragging them into a life-threatening situation without any sort of consent. And if they turn into a complete bitch because of the stress, it's totally their fault or the person trying to help them improve their lives; not you.
Meta example: An attempt at making an engaging cartoon for little girls will end up attracting primarily adult men.
Throwing temper tantrums and dishing out personal attacks is a great way to show that you appreciate your show.
It doesn't matter if the performance is free, the attendance optional and everyone else seems to be enjoying themselves. If you don't like it, heckle and try to upstage the performer instead of just leaving. If they put you in your place, they're the ones in the wrong.
There will be minimal negative ramifications, for you, for heading into an Eldritch Location to lure an uncontrolled giant monster, say, a celestial ursine to your populated and unsuspecting village for something as petty as finding out if someone has accomplished a feat before, on the grounds of if they could do it before, regardless of possible unknown circumstances involved, she can do it again. And if she can't, well the safety of you and your neighbors is someone else's problem.
The appropriate punishment for such property-damaging and life-threatening stupidity is to give the offenders mustaches.
Being a jerkass and a braggart means that you deserve to have your life and possessions destroyed.
It's completely fine to laugh at the misfortune of others if you're the protagonist.
If you see a problem imminent that nobody else does, it's perfectly okay to not even bother informing anybody of it beforehand; instead, start preparing to fix the resultant disaster yourself, singlehandedly, and you will win praise and admiration from people who'll completely ignore that you could have stopped this before anyone went wrong.
If you don't seem to be good at anything, go into management! (Just like in Dilbert!)
The plebeians cannot manage themselves and require the nobility to organize them into being effective at their tasks.
If you fail at real work because you're too accustomed to using resources inherited from your noble bloodline, it's not because you're spoiled, it's because you're naturally gifted in being in a position of authority.
Always stick with your traditional ways, even if those ways mean you fail in your annual task each and every time.
Allowing two races to work at optimum efficiency while forcing a third one to ignore their natural talent (of having a magical horn) is not racism, it's tradition.
If you let rivalry interfere with your performance in a race, you'll lose to the nonathletic nerd.
You can be crowned winner of a sporting event if you use a blatantly unfair advantage against an opponent you couldn't beat without said advantage. You keep the winner's title anyway, and no one besides the loser will question it.
Alternatively, using your natural talents is absolutely wrong. You must always bring yourself down to other people's level.
Some people are inherently more advantaged than others.
It's okay to take land away from native Indians as long as you throw pie at them. It's not like they were using the land for anything, not properly.
If the Native Americans had been more reasonable and had seen things from the white settler's point of view, they wouldn't have lost all their land. Both parties are equally to blame for the genocide of the Native Americans.
If you go insane over some silly detail, it's your friends' fault for not taking your baseless, self-imposed, and idiotic freakout seriously enough.
Brainwashing an entire town pales in comparison to ignoring a friend or being a bad student. Seriously, it's not like your selfish and ethically ropey misuse of magic was heinous, creepy, or downright dangerous, or anything like that.
Technological progress and men in management positions are evil! Oh, and so is capitalism. If two guys show up with a perfectly effective means of fostering industrialization and increasing overall productivity, it's your duty to humiliate them and permanently run them out of town, even if they're technically just doing their jobs. Oh, and that applies even if they're only filling an economic niche you can't due to inadequate production. Free market competition is bad, kids!
Gamble your livelihood recklessly; even if you lose, events will conspire to help you get back into business anyway.
Singing traveling salesmen are evil. If any show up, destroy them.
Stalking, harassment and accidental vandalism will make you friends.
Unfriendly people are really just hiding their inner pain. Pester them until they reveal it to you.
Being friends with people is a thing you must do because you always make friends with people and this one will be no exception! It's not because you genuinely have their best interests at heart, or anything like that. You just want to prod them until they do what you want them to do.
Putting a note in an awkward place, or not looking for one, is romantically tragic rather than pretty stupid.
Everyone has to like you and be your friend. If someone doesn't want to be friends with you, something is definitely wrong with him or her.
Remember, it's perfectly okay to enjoy the pain and humiliation of others. Gossip is only a terrible crime when you're the one being gossiped about. Everyone else is fair game.
It's okay to hate and shun a few children for being involved in a gossip column in a school newspaper instead of explaining to them that what they did was wrong.
The bad guy is always the editor behind the trashy paper. No one thinks to blame the readers for buying and reading the trashy paper, and thereby handing the editor an excuse to keep selling it.
"It's okay to gossip, but when you gossip about me, I'll ostracize you, and everyone else should, too!"
Writing, editing, and distributing a trashy gossip column is wrong and you will be punished for it. Now taking the pictures to accompany that trashy gossip column is a-okay and will get you a reward in the end.
Just give in and let your friend finish your test for you, surely your teacher won't mind.
Completing a test given by a Princess - who doesn't even have the decency to explain what it is beforehand - is clearly so important when the stakes are hundreds of innocent lives. This is why it's OK to worry about the test even when an entire empire is being consumed while you waste time thinking about it.
The best way to reward someone for saving your life is to not invite them to your empire, but invite all of their friends (who did nothing) instead.
Apologize for saving an entire empire if you didn't follow someone's instructions to the letter.
Don't ever take your kids to Equestria. If they're bullied, no one will even notice, much less lift a hoof to help them.
Just stand there and watch when your younger sibling is being bullied, they'll sort it out themselves.
An apologetic bully gets no punishment, no matter how nasty she's been, so long as she has a sympathetic enough sob story which isn't too different from the sob story of her victims (i.e. getting bullied for their lack of something).
Your bully will be your best friend if you save them from the trap that you originally built to humiliate them completely.
If you have a Freudian Excuse for your bad actions, everybody will forgive you easily.
Bullies are just covering up their own insecurities and should be treated with kindness, except when they shouldn't.
If you attempt to get revenge on a bully, you're the bad guy, not the bully.
Recklessly endangering the life of your bully isn't a major overreaction to being bullied.
Warping the warp: Throwing food at your victims, stalking and tormenting your victims, and destroying their property aren't cruel actions of bullying. Especially if you have a Freudian Excuse.
Missing the point warping: Potentially murdering your bully is a perfectly valid response to being bullied.
If you don't forgive your bully, something's wrong with you.
Your victims of your bullying will forgive you easily, no matter how bad you treated them. They won't be traumatized or hold a grudge against you for it, not at all!
All schoolyard bullies deserve sympathy if they have a tragic backstory, despite the fact that they threw food at you, destroyed your property, stalked you and humiliated you every chance they got. Victims who don't forgive their bullies easily are just jerks.
When you realize just how horrible things you were doing in order to get a revenge on your unwilling rival, you should seek her forgiveness. But feel free to ignore all those other people you've been tormenting along the way.
Don't bother trying to improve yourself. You'll only turn evil.
If someone tells you something you're trying to buy is dangerous, then meh, someone will come and save you later, and you can just say sorry. That gives you instant amnesty.
You can spend your money to buy victory.
Not to mention cheat your way to it too. But don't worry, it's completely justified if your friends are part of the whole thing.
Torturing children, enslaving an entire town, and downright being mean is no big deal if you apologize afterwards. Don't forget to pratfall on your way out!
If you actually expect money in return for watching over a pet and aren't just doing it out of the kindness of your heart you're being a greedy, careless bastard.
The universe will hate you, even if you did a good thing and saved a lot of people.
Of course you're frustrated that you weren't invited back to an empire you helped to save from the clutches of evil, and one of your friends completely understands how you feel. You're still not going, though. No one else cares.
Brainwashing your enemies to join on your side is morally ok, as long as you or your leader have a "good use" for him.
An unapologetic sociopath is damaging your home and threatening to drive a wedge between you and your best friends? The only solution is to put all your trust in friendship being enough to change him. If he still takes actions that hurt you or others, you're not being friendly enough.
The best way to attract people to your town is to get a group of people from another town far away who've only visited once before to do it for you.
If your visitor turns out to dislike fancy fanfares, but nevertheless is annoyed at not getting any kind of welcome at all, she'll be perfectly happy upon hearing that there was a fancy fanfare (but it was accidentally given to somepony else), so happy ending. Yeah, us neither.
If you're not sure how something works, the best way to find out is by ignoring vague warnings and using it. And if you can fix whatever problems your curiosity creates, your ingenuity will be rewarded, giving you even more power and responsibility.
Accidentally mind-raping your friends is sure to work out in your favor!
Your destiny is EXACTLY one vague interpretation of a picture on your butt, and there's no variation. That includes the smiling flowers meaning you should be a teacher.
If you hate what you do for a living, but are told it is your destiny, don't question it and don't try to find something else you enjoy.
If you have a tattoo of something tangentially related to a job on your thigh, it is clearly your destiny, regardless of how completely incompetent you are at it.
It's not okay to mess with the lives of others... unless you're a god.
"Destiny" and "creating a new magic" both make good qualifications for being promoted to what seems to be a leadership role. All the previous things that clearly demonstrated your mental instability, semi-reclusive nature, tendency to freak out under pressure, and habit of using unknown magic recklessly (including the incident that led to this)? The possibility that at least one of your friends has learned just as much about this magic as you have? Or that little thing called the informed consent of the pony — you — who's having this destiny handed to her so suddenly and unexpectedly? None of that matters at all. Slap on the wings and crown!
Only royalty deserve to be members of the Alicorn master race. And only members of the Alicorn master race deserve to be royalty (otherwise they're evil). The plebeians all have to get by stuck on the ground without opposable thumbs, much less magic, to interact with the world.
Most of your leaders are missing and you only have one left to rule the land if you fail your potentially suicidal mission? Don't send her away to look after the town, bring her with you! If you really think a person in a position of high authority shouldn't be out on the front lines, you're just not a very good friend.
Your friend is the only one who knows what your goal even looks like, has the knowledge and skills to fix the problem, wears a key to making your superweapon work, and can not only fly or teleport out of danger but has more power than all of you combined? Never mind all those times you learned to stick together; send her away because she'll only be a liability.
It is always a good idea to wander around the ruins of a castle in the middle of the night, even when you've seen that it is literally falling apart, because there is little to no chance of something actually falling on and injuring or killing you.
Similarly, upon discovering it is actually littered with still-functioning booby traps, it's probably still a good idea to keep exploring anyways. If you're lucky enough to know the people who once lived there and who know where all the traps are, how to avoid them, and may even be nice enough to provide a map, don't go and talk to them. Just keep wandering around; it'll be fine!
If you obsess over and stalk a celebrity, eventually you'll get to become their best friend! They'll in no way find it strange that you've invaded their home, they just might need some time to warm up to you.
All fantasy authors are really writing true stories about themselves.
If you use hair spray regularly, you either go crazy or end as an Minion to an Villain
If you know everything about a scenario but have no fighting abilities, you shall not provide intel. Instead, wait until you hear a speech about how you can fight.
Tell the boy how important he is to you and your friends, then prove it by walking off and abandoning him while laughing about it.
The name of a store declares what it sells in the most literal sense possible. Therefore, the House of Enchanted Comics sells comics that are enchanted, Footlocker sells locks for your feet, and K Mart sells K's. If you don't realize this, you're an idiot.
When an expert on farming and an expert on animals are having an argument about the destruction of a crop by animals, your best bet is to pick a third option that completely ignores and disregards their opinions.
Even if your hair-brained attempts to use one massive fix-all spell have failed everysingleothertime you've used one with rather disastrous results each time, go ahead and try one again! It's not like you'll forcibly change one of your dearest friends into a monster that practically obliterates another of your dearest friend's entire crops or anything.
Given the choice between accommodating animals in your crops and chasing them out, do the ethical thing and mindrape them into avoiding their natural food source. Bonus points if said animals are clearly sentient.
The animal rights activist knows absolutely nothing about farming, but her opinion on an infestation must be considered with equal weight to that of the farmer whose livelihood is directly threatened.
Meta Example: Applejack is boring and Fluttershy is cute. That means Fluttershy was completely right and Applejack was being sadistic.
It's okay to use your friends if you talk louder than them.
Even high-ranking government officials can't flag down a cab in New York, so don't feel bad.
Never show an ounce of generosity to anyone you'll later be competing against or they'll backstab you.
The person who allowed the one who stole your work to get ahead apologized to you, so she should be rewarded by giving her the extremely lucrative job you were planning to take.
A job isn't any sort of commitment or responsibility, it's something you as an employee can freely pass on to whomever you like, even if you have no idea of their ability level. This holds true even if you've already accepted a highly valuable, nonrefundable payment.
Don't like your job? Betray your employer to a rival and you'll get a better one!
Lying and backstabbing is the way to win, but only if you make sure your assistant won't betray you in turn.
Remember, kids... if you're faced with a difficult decision between supporting your friends and following your dreams, don't ask your friends for advice or support. They will only judge you.
When your friend comes to you with a difficult decision, tell her that you refuse to help her decide, but then spend the rest of the day guilt-tripping her, glaring at her, and needling her until she does what you want. Even (or especially) if it's not in her best interests to do so.
Because the real reason to stay with a losing team and (possibly) throw away your dream has nothing to do with the teammates who would be directly affected by your actions, but rather because your friends who aren't competing might feel bad.