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Blackmail Is Such an Ugly Word
Ed: Are you bribing me?
Yoki: "Bribe" is such an ugly word. Let's call this a gift from me to you.
[later in the episode]
Yoki: You swindled me!
Ed: "Swindle" is such an ugly word, let's call it a gift from you to me.

This trope dates back to movies in the 1930s (and possibly earlier). A character discovers that she is the target of blackmail and confronts the blackmailer who, while not denying their actions, would rather call it something prettier like a "comprehensive insurance policy". The line is virtually stock dialogue now; as a trope it is at the very least discredited, since it's only used for laughs (or period flavor) these days.

A subtrope of No, Except Yes and Insistent Terminology.


Examples

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    Anime & Manga 
  • In Mayo Chiki!, Kanade threatens to do things to Jiro if he ever leaks out the secret that her butler Subaru is actually a girl. She then also promises to cure him of his gynophobia (fear of women, thanks to his sister and mother doing "wrestling training", or rather beating him up, every day), although she largely just does it because she finds teasing him funny.
    • In episode 5, Jiro is forced to pretend being Usami's boyfriend during the school festival, or she'll leak a photo she took of him and Subaru dressed up as a regular girl out. Naturally, this occurs just after he promised to take Subaru, who's not happy with the sudden change of plans.
  • Subverted in an episode of Mazinger Z. The Dragon Baron Ashura hijacked a plane and threatened The Professor Yumi with killing all passengers if he didn't hand over the plans for the Mazinger's Mid-Season Upgrade. Yumi protested that was theft and blackmail. Ashura languidly replied: "OF COURSE it is. What else did you expect from me?"
  • In WORKING!!, Hiroomi Souma is a master of this trope. When he learns about a character and their secrets, he will talk to them and start casually mentioning said secret(s). Which then causes them to immediately do his work for them so as to not have him reveal their secret. Of course, it doesn't always work, and some characters are immune to this, such as Jun Souta.

    Card Games 
  • Inverted in the Z-Man Productions card game Bell-Bottomed Badasses on the Mean Streets of Funk. "Extortion is such an ugly word. Me & the brothas prefer blackmail"

    Comic Books 
  • S.W.O.R.D: Abigail Brand lets Gyrich know that his attempted coup of her organisation nearly led to Earth's destruction, she has all the evidence needed to prove it, and the only way she'll keep it to herself is if he quits and tells the higher-ups that she has no need of a co-command.
    Gyrich: This is blackmail.
    Brand: I prefer "squeezing your unexplored hairy planetoids in a vise".
  • In one early Dilbert storyline, an abusive skunk shows up at Dilbert's doorstep.
    Skunk: Don't worry. Skunks only spray musk when scared.
    Dilbert: Then why is your tail twitching?
    Skunk: I'm scared you won't fix me a big bowl of strawberry ice cream.
    Dilbert: This is blackmail!
    Skunk: No it's not. I'm just easily frightened...Now I'm scared you won't sing the entire score from Cats while I eat.
  • Used by Countess Invidia in Les Légendaires: Origins:
    Kasino: You want to.... murder Jadina?
    Invidia: Oh, let's not use such words! I am merely talking about luring her in a situation that will result in her death.
    Kasino: THAT'S EXACTLY THE SAME THING!

    Fan Works 
  • The Family Guy fanfic Wipe The Slate Clean has this mild subversion on the trope, between Brian and Stewie when Stewie plans to blackmail Brian:
    Brian: So... it's blackmail, is it?
    Stewie: Blackmail is such an ugly word. How about the word "extortion"?
    Brian: Extortion's a good word.
    Stewie: But unfortunately completely inaccurate. Extortion is when I just... beat you until you give me what I want!
    (Stewie pulls out a baseball bat and starts whacking Brian on the back and shins)
    Brian: Damn! Ow! Stop that! Okay, okay, blackmail it is!
    • It is also a shout-out to every show that ever said blackmail was interchangable with extortion - and by this page you can see there are quite the number of them.
      • Basically, extortion is generally when someone threatens to do harm that would be illegal in and of itself, and blackmail is when someone threatens to do harm by revealing information that they can otherwise legally reveal, but becomes illegal when threatened in exchange for money. (It is not illegal to reveal someone is having an affair, for example. It is merely illegal to threaten to do that unless paid.) And threatening to reveal information can be extortion if it's illegal to reveal that information. (I.e., threatening to reveal stolen trade secrets, or sealed court records.)
      • These terms, however, can vary widely by jurisdiction.
  • From Looming Darkness we have Dark Link quoting this almost word for word in chapter 9.
  • In An Unepic Pony War In The Nondistant Future, to keep Shining from taking sides in her little war with Cadance, Twilight writes him a letter threatening him with humiliating pictures (though they would be equally humiliating to her) and ends it with:
    Postscript: Brother, blackmail is such an ugly word

    Films — Live-Action 
  • Played straight in The Bad and the Beautiful.
  • Dial M for Murder
    Tony: I was hoping sooner or later I might catch you at something and be able to...
    Lesgate: Blackmail me?
    Tony: Influence you.
  • In The Freshman, in a variant of this trope, the following dialogue occurs near the end:
    Clark: So this whole thing as been a scam?
    Carmine: This is an ugly word, 'scam.' This is business. If you want to be in business, this is what you do.
  • Hilariously subverted in It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World:
    Chief Aloysius: (on the phone with the mayor) Now you know the word for this your Honor: it's called blackmail!
  • From The Loved One:
    Joyboy. That's blackmail!
    Dennis. My dear sir, blackmail is not a word to be bandied about by gentlemen.
  • In Kind Hearts and Coronets, Louis sees through one of Sibella's schemes: "Not only are you trying to blackmail me — an ugly word, but the right one, I think — but you're trying to bluff me as well."
  • Played straight in the Stanley Kubrick film Paths of Glory.
  • Inverted for great effect in They Call Me Trinity when the title character threatened to tell people his brother wasn't a real sheriff.
    Bambino: That sounds like blackmail.
    Trinity: Yeah, it does.
  • Inverted in Entrapment, where Gin is shown the evidence of her theft of the Rembrandt by Mac. She claims it's "entrapment". Mac counters that entrapment is when a cop does this to a thief. When a thief does it to another thief, it's just blackmail. Then it turns out that Mac is an FBI informant.
  • Kevin Flynn almost says this word-for-word ("embezzling" instead of "blackmail") in TRON.

    Literature 
  • From Hugh Laurie's novel The Gun Seller:
    "You followed me here."
    "Tut. Followed is such an ugly word. I prefer 'blackmail'."
    "What?"
    "But, of course, it means something completely different. So all right, let's say I followed you here."
  • In Lolita, Humbert corrects himself when fantasizing on how he will "blackmail" his wife Charlotte into letting him spend more time with Lolita, saying that "blackmail" is too harsh and suggesting "mauvemail" as a lighter term.
  • Subverted in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged:
    Rearden said calmly, "In my youth, this was called blackmail."
    Dr. Ferris grinned. "That's what it is, Mr. Rearden. We've entered a much more realistic age."
  • The horse is not yet completely dead: played 100% straight in the 2009 John Grisham book The Associate.
  • Terl of Battlefield Earth has an obsession with finding "leverage" over his opponents that rivals J. Edgar Hoover.
  • In the novel Foundation's Triumph, the Three Laws Compliant robots must use this type of phrasing when they tell human mentallics it may be necessary to seriously harm Hari Seldon to stop what they view as another robot group's interference.
    "It may become necessary..."
    "To kill?"
    "Persuade."
    "But it is deeply embedded within Hari. To change it may cause him serious harm."
    (Beat) The robot said "Regrettable." Then it croaked out "Necessary..." and left the room.
  • Lord Peter Wimsey himself engages in a little blackmail in one of the short stories, but he would of course not use that word.
  • In the Tamora Pierce novel Lady Knight, Kel has decided to commit treason to save refugees and is angered when she finds people willing to help - they'll get charged, same as her. One of them teasingly says she won't get to use the potentially very helpful maps he brought unless they come with her.
    "That's blackmail," Kel said through a thick piece of bacon.
    "Actually, it's extortion." That was Lofren, whose father was a magistrate. "Blackmail implies—"
    His squad-mates dragged him to his feet and took him to saddle their mounts. Kel was grateful. Lofren was happy to talk about matters of law at length, in detail, to anyone who would listen.
  • Eric Idle's Rutland Dirty Weekend Book contains a letter to critics in which Idle explicitly states they will be paid bribes for a good review of the book, and subject to physical violence for a bad review, and notes that blackmail is an ugly word, "but in this case, it's also a very accurate one."
  • The novel And Here's To You has main female character Alicia Mitchell use this exact line on a co-worker at an office party. Partially Justified by the character's internal monologue revealing that she was directly quoting Bender from Futurama (see the second page quote above) when she did so.
  • Variant: In the Lord Darcy novel Too Many Magicians, when the Marquis of London pressures Darcy to take a case, Master Sean calls it blackmail:
    "'Blackmail' is perhaps too strong a word," Lord Darcy said thoughtfully, "but I will admit that no other is quite strong enough."
  • Inverted in The Culture novel The Player of Games. The protagonist is blackmailed by a drone and the drone actually says something like "What I'm doing to you is called blackmail." Presumably, since The Culture is a utopia, the protagonist might not actually know what blackmail is.

    Live-Action TV 
  • Lampshaded or subverted or something in Brass, when one character sets out to blackmail another, and they hold a conversation in which each suggests what the other would be likely to say next — starting with this line.
  • From Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
    Xander: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
    Amy: I didn't say blackmail.
    Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up.
  • Subverted in the M*A*S*H episode "The Price".
    Klinger: Bribery is such an ugly word. Ugly, but fitting.
    • Also:
      BJ: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
      Hawkeye: We prefer extortion.
  • In Diff'rent Strokes, Arnold gets into a fight with the bullying son of the landlord's brother who is subbing for a short time. This leads to a loud confrontation where the brother confronts Mr. Drummond, threatens to evict the family and provokes Drummond to punch the blowhard out. Later, the Landlord comes to the Drummonds saying that he approved of his dumb brother being put in his place. He also exploits a lease violation that the brother found to raise the rent on the Drummonds, with a veiled threat of eviction to convince them to give in. When Drummond protests that this is blackmail, the landlord responds "I prefer to think of it as plea bargaining". The punchline is after the Drummonds cave in to this threat, the father tells the kids that this is the result of his act of violence. However, when asked if it was worth it, Mr. Drummond immediately remarks it was for having the pleasure of shutting a bully up.
  • Inversion: After Reese destroyed a new fridge in Malcolm in the Middle via a hand grenade given to him by his grandfather, Hal sits down with his in-laws and asks for money to repair the damages and then some. His father-in-law believes this is a loan to be paid back. Hal calmly informs them that they endangered the children by bringing live munitions into the house and that he could have them arrested for that. He then proceeds to tell them "Don't think of it as a loan. Think of it as blackmail."
  • Subversion: In Jeeves and Wooster, Bertie gets blackmailed by Stiffy, and sets her up for the line as such: "Are you blackmailing me?" Even though most of the characters can be rather verbose, she just looks at him for a moment and replies with a simple "Yes."
  • Creed Bratton uses the trope name directly in the webisodes for The Office.
  • Alias Smith and Jones:
    Heyes: This is blackmail, Georgette. You know that.
    Georgette: I hate the word blackmail.
    Curry: You like extortion any better?
  • In the K9 episode "The Custodians", a Misplaced Kindergarten Teacher is demanding ten million credits to shut down his mind-control once it proves to have horrific side-effects that even the Department don't like:
    Inspector Thorne: You're blackmailing me?
    John: That's a very non-wonderful word, Inspector. But yes, I am.
  • Also used by Sam Axe in Burn Notice's prequel, The Fall Of Sam Axe:
    Admiral Gregory Maitland: That's blackmail!
    Sam Axe: No, actually, sir, I believe this form of extortion is known as greymail. It's much nicer than blackmail.
    • In another episode:
    Wayne Meyerson: Wait. Are you blackmailing me?
    Jesse: Yeah. But... let's not call it that. Let's call it 'a potential win-win'.
  • Yes, Minister gave us a version of this, when the black, male revolutionary leader of a small African nation threatens to give a strongly nationalist speech in Scotland unless the Government gives him £50 (50 GBP = 82.9 USD) (50 GBP (50 GBP = 82.9 USD) = 82.9 USD)m.
    Sir Humphrey: It's blackmail!
    General Selim Mohammed: Are you referring to me or my proposal?
    Jim Hacker: Your proposal, obviously! No, wait, not even your proposal!
  • 24:
    Allison Taylor: What you're proposing is blackmail.
    Jonas Hodges: Well, that's putting it in the worst possible light.
  • 3rd Rock from the Sun episode "Alien Hunter":
    Caryn: You know, Dr. Solomon, this could be interpreted as blackmail.
    Dick: No, Caryn, it's extortion.
  • In Hannibal, the title character manipulates Abigail Hobbs into silence after she accidentally murders someone. He prefers to call it "keeping each other secrets".
  • An episode of The Good Life ("The Pagan Rite" in series 1) has Margo on the telephone giving her choir mistress a long list of reasons why she should be allowed to stand in the front row for their upcoming performance. She gets her way:
    Margo: No I have not finished, Miss Mountshaft. Furthermore, let us remember that it is I who supply the gingerbread men for rehearsal teas. (pause) Ha ha ha ha ha, blackmail is an ugly word, Miss Mountshaft."
  • On I Love Lucy, Ricky accuses Lucy of trying to blackmail him.
    Lucy: Let's not call it that.
    Ricky: That's what it is!
    Lucy: I know, but let's not call it that.

    Puppet Shows 
  • Lampshaded and subverted on Greg the Bunny:
    Leo: ... and I thought, what a coincidence! Your show is hiring a Singing Mailman and I... have your dirty tape?
    Dottie Sunshine: You're blackmailing me?
    Leo: (as Jack Nicholson) Blackmail is such a dirty word.
    Leo: (as himself) Jack Nicholson, Chinatown. And yes.

    Radio 
  • A spoof of this trope, from the British radio series I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again:
    John (Cleese): So... it's blackmail, is it?
    Graeme (Garden) : Please. Blackmail is such an ugly word.
    John: All right. How about... fishpaste?
    Graeme: Much better.
    John: So... it's fishpaste, is it?
    Graeme: I'm afraid so.
    • Were those the guys who gave us this exchange?
    Blackmail is such an ugly word.
    You think so?
    It's the transition between the 'k' and the 'm' that does it for me. "Blackmail", ugh, it's an ungainly word.
    Well, what word do you prefer?
    Caterpillar.

     Stand-Up Comedy 
  • In one of her routines as Ernestine the telephone operator, Lily Tomlin tells a customer, "Blackmail is such an ugly word. Let's just call it a vicious threat."

    Video Games 
  • Metal Gear Solid
    Snake: So, you're blackmailing me?
    Col. Campbell: I prefer to think of it as helping to make you come to a decision more easily.
  • In Borderlands 2, Handsome Jack became president of Hyperion by threatening the previous president. At first, Jack doesn't want to use an ugly word like blackmail...until he decides that blackmail is actually an awesome word.
    Jack: C'mon, say it with me! Blackmail!

    Web Original 
  • When Ayla and Jadis confront some would-be extortionists in the Whateley Universe:
    Jadis: Ooh. That sounds like blackmail. And blackmail is such an ugly word.
    Ayla: I prefer "intentional torts". At least it sounds like some deliberately tasty desserts.

    Web Comics 
  • Schlock Mercenary. Petey pulled this one:
    Kevyn: That wasn't blackmail. That was, I don't know... passive extortion?
  • Played entirely straight in this Narbonic strip. There's a slight twist, in that due to Artie's self-image as "the good one", he's trying to convince himself what he's planning isn't blackmail.
  • From Soap on a Rope:
    Max: Joe, you're blackmailing people!
    Joe: "Blackmail" is such a negative term. I prefer "mail of color".
  • Goats:
    Scroggs: Blackmail is such a negative term. Let's call it Proactive Synergy Reallocation.
    Ix: Let's call it Susan. Ix always like that name.
  • Exterminatus Now has a wonderful scene:
    Lothar: You're blackmailing someone, aren't you?
    Virus: (with hurt expression) We prefer the term "extortion".
    Eastwood: Hey, it's not our fault if Commander Schaefer leaves videos of his secret chicken fetish lying around. Anybody could've broken into his apartment and found them.

    Western Animation 
  • From Futurama:
    Bender: There's nothing wrong with murder. Just as long as you let Bender wet his beak.
    Leela: You're blackmailing me?
    Bender: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The "X" makes it sound cool.

Examples of a different Ugly Word

    Anime & Manga 
  • From FAKE:
    Dee: So you are in cahoots with Berkeley after all, aren't you? I knew something was up.
    Diana: Awww, cahoots is such a mean, ugly word. We're more like childhood friends, if anything. Swear to God.

    Comics — Books 
  • Joker's Asylum: The Riddler:
    Jessica Duchamp: The painting. You're stealing it.
    Riddler: "Stealing" is such an unpleasant word. I prefer "acquiring". It's much more aesthetically pleasing to the tongue.
  • Simpsons Comics:
    Lisa: You fake the Mars missions here?
    Lindsay Neagle: "Fake" is such a harsh word. Accurate, but harsh.

    Fan Works 
  • The Bleach fanfic Uninvited Guest, when it is claimed that Yumokin is being murdered rather than sacrificing his own life, he says "Murder is such a harsh word. Accurate, but harsh."
  • Nilvac and Sebboh, from Calvin & Hobbes: The Series, react this way to being called "evil". They prefer "dark".

    Films — Animation 
  • In Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Milo accuses the others on the expedition of being mercenaries, only to be told they "prefer the term 'adventure capitalist.'"
  • In sequels to Aladdin, it's nearly Iago's catchphrase to say "Hate/traitor is such a strong word".
  • Robin Hood:
    Little John: You know sump'n, Robin, I was just wonderin' — are we good guys or bad guys? You know, I mean, uh, our robbin' the rich to feed the poor...
    Robin Hood: "Rob?" Tsk tsk tsk tsk — that's a naughty word; we never "rob." We just... sort of borrow a bit from those who can afford it.
    Little John: "Borrow?" Huh. Boy, are we in debt!

    Films — Live-Action 
  • Chinatown:
    Gittes: She was cheating on him. Were you?
    Mrs. Mulwray: I dislike the word "cheat".
    Gittes: Did you have affairs?
    Mrs. Mulwray: Mr. Gittes.
  • Parodied in TRON, when Alan Bradley goes to find out what Flynn knows about the hacker in ENCOM's system, figures out it's him, and asks if he's been embezzling. Flynn's response is a sarcastic, "Embezzling is such an ugly word, Mr. Bradley," followed by the actual explanation, that he was searching for the evidence that Dillinger's hit arcade games were, in fact, Flynn's.
  • In Back to the Future Part Three, as Doc Brown is unveiling his plan of returning Marty back 1985 (as he went to 1885 to presumably rescue Doc), he starts to say "We're going to hijack...", before freezing, immediately correcting himself and placing emphasis on new terminology with a wide, toothy grin, "BORROW... the locomotive..."
  • Accepted:
    Bartleby Gaines: Eh, Stalking's an ugly word. I prefer obsessively shadowing.
  • From Spider Man:
    Peter: Spider Man wasn't trying to attack the city...he was trying to save it. That's slander.
    Jameson: It is not! I resent that!
    [beat]
    Jameson: Slander is spoken. In print, it's libel.
  • Inverted in Entrapment, when Mac explains to Virginia how he can frame her for a theft.
    Virginia: I said this is called entrapment.
    Mac: No, this is blackmail. Entrapment is what cops do to thieves.
    • It's hardly framing when one is actually guilty of the theft.
  • Doubled-up in Thor:
    Thor: if... you return the items you have taken from Jane.
    Jane Foster: Stolen.
    Agent Coulson: Borrowed.
  • In Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Will & Jack have this exchange:
    Will: We're going to steal a ship? [looks at the Endeavour] That ship?
    Jack: Commandeer; nautical term. We're going to commandeer...that ship. [points at the Interceptor]

    Literature 
  • In fantasy settings, the thief may prefer a title like "Expert Treasure Finder". Especially if they are grouped with paladins.
    • In The Hobbit, Glóin tells Bilbo, "You can say 'Expert Treasure-hunter' instead of 'Burglar' if you like."
  • David Eddings uses this several times in his various book series. Silk is the patron saint of this trope.
  • In the first Kingdom Keepers book, Wayne says that Finn would only "borrow" Walt Disney's pen, as oppose to stealing it. Possibly inspired by the exchange in Robin Hood, above.
  • From "The Movie They Said Could Never Be Made" in The Joy of Clichés by Nigel Rees:
    Dr. Big: You're just like all the others. You think I'm mad, don't you?
    Side-Kick: Not mad, but how about geisteskrank?
    Dr. Big: Geisteskrank is such an ugly word.!
  • Informed by Harry Dresden that there've been two attempts on Harry's life since he was hired to follow him, a private investigator opts to discontinue his assignment, remarking that "accomplice" is an ugly word, as is "penitentiary".
  • Reacher Gilt, anticipating his co-conspirators' thought processes in Going Postal, contemptuously muses that (at least for them) "embezzlement" is such a difficult word.
  • In one of Ernest Bramah's "Kai Lung" stories, what most fantasy stories would call the thieves' Guild refers to itself as the "Joined-Together Band of Excrescence-Removers and Superfluity Adjustors".
  • In Spock's World, McCoy insists on his hacking being called "borrowing" rather than "stealing."

    Live-Action TV 
  • In Farscape when Rygel is accused of "snurching" (Farscape-ese for "stealing"), he responds "I don't snurch, I... procure."
  • Who's the Boss?, "Not With My Client You Don't": Angela's assistant calls "hooker" an ugly word and prefers "call girl".
  • In the Blackadder Goes Forth episode "General Hospital", during a discussion of spying, Melchett becomes so concerned with what's "a dirty word" and what isn't that he loses touch with the actual subject entirely.
    Melchett: "Security" isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. "Crevice" is a dirty word, but not "security".
    [later]
    Blackadder: Well, good thing your jobnote  is also your hobby.
    Melchett: Now there's another dirty word: "job".
    [even later]
    Darling: We've found a leak.
    Melchett: Now "leak" is a positively disgusting word.
  • M*A*S*H had this in the episode where Hawkeye and BJ were named morale officers and Klinger shook them down for a 3-day pass to go on an errand for them.
    Klinger: "Thief" is such an ugly word. Shall we say "entrepreneur"?
    • A little later, when they find out Klinger was going where they wanted him to anyway:
    Hawkeye: You just stole a 3-day pass from us.
    Klinger: "Stole" is such an ugly word. Shall we say "creatively acquired"?
  • In the finale of Boston Legal:
    Carl Sack: Fired is such an ugly word, Alan. An accurate one, but...
  • Burn Notice:
    Michael: You're forcing me to break into a weapons manufacturer?
    Brennen: Forcing is such an ugly word. Encouraging. Incentivizing... No, you're right, let's go with forcing.
  • Two nonsensical examples in A Bit of Fry and Laurie:
    Stephen Fry: I dislike the word brothel, Mr. Jowett. I prefer to use the word brothels. Yes, this is a brothels.
    (Note that it was a shoe shop.)
    and
    Hugh: You certainly came prepared, didn't you?
    Stephen: I prefer to put it this way: I certainly came prepared, didn't I?
  • An episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air:
    Will: You hustled me!
    Pool Shark: Hustled is such an ugly word. I like to call it creative money management.
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer: In the third season finale, when Buffy informed Wesley that she was through taking orders from the Watchers Council...
    Wesley: This is mutiny!
    Buffy: I call it "graduation".
    Buffy: So...am I crazy?
    Willow: Well, "crazy" is such a strong word...
    Giles: Let's not rule it out, though.
  • In Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Garak isn't pleased with Siskos' encouragement to help him with a rescue misson.
    Garak: Commander, this is extortion!
    Sisko: Hm... yes, it is.
  • In "The Scarlet Letter" episode of The Mentalist, the line is fairly self-explanatory.
    Minelli: You abused a corpse to get a confession.
    Jane: Used. Used a corpse. There's no "ab".
  • On an episode of Life, Charlie Crews abducts the Big Bad by waylaying his chauffeur and picking him up in his own car. When the victim points out that "this is a kidnapping," Charlie parks the car and begins to explain why he doesn't like that word and doesn't feel it applies in this case. The villain then says, "No, detective, you misunderstand me. This isn't a kidnapping. This is a kidnapping." Cue a tire iron smashing through Charlie's window.
  • Castle has a suspect in one episode who isn't fond of the word "stalking". But he did follow the victim around for a few days....
  • 100 Deeds For Eddie McDowd:
    Justin: I hate you!
    Eddie: Justin, hate is a very strong word.
  • The Comic Strip Presents episode "Space Virgins from the Planet Sex" has alien women needing human men to get them pregnant. They shy away from the term "sex slave" in favour of a description of being forced to have sex.
  • The MacGuffin in one Hogan's Heroes episode is a collection of artwork taken from occupied France for a high-ranking German official's private collection — described as "not 'stolen'... 'confiscated'".
  • From the Frasier episode "The Devil and Dr. Willly":
    Babe: I'm just talking about having a little fun. After all, when I'm having fun, I'm happy. When I'm happy, I work harder. When I work harder, you become famous and powerful. Isn't that what you want? Fame and power?
    Frasier: I like to think of it more as "influence", really, but...
  • From the Yes, Prime Minister episode "A Conflict of Interest":
    Hacker: You mean he's indiscreet?
    Humphrey: That's such a pejorative word. I prefer to say he's obsessively honest.
  • Combined with Brief Accent Imitation in Lovejoy when some former soviets ask if an official is "Coorv-ed"
    Tinker: I think he means "Bent"
    Lovejoy: I prefer "Coorv-ed".
  • Subverted in Haven:
    Duke: Lying is such an ugly word...but yeah, I lied.
  • Used on The Big Bang Theory, about a robot belonging to NASA that Howard brought with him to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment.
    Penny: Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder?
    Howard: Are you kidding? They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL.
    Penny: You stole it?
    Howard: Borrowed! The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it.
  • Person of Interest: Finch, to Carter in "Baby Blue":
    Carter: You hacked into his company?
    Finch: 'Hacked' is such an ugly word.
  • In Sherlock, Magnussen subverts this by using an even uglier word: ownership.
  • Doctor Who: In "The Big Bang", the Doctor, saying goodbye to a young Amy, mentions, "Did I tell you that I stole the TARDIS? Well, borrowed." His subsequent description of the TARDIS as "ancient and modern at the same time and the most brilliant blue ever" allowed Amy to remember it at her wedding to Rory as "Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue."
    • Brought up again, in "The Doctor's Wife":
    Idris(the TARDIS in a human form): Then you stole me. And I stole you.
    The Doctor: I borrowed you.
    Idris: Borrowing implies the eventual intention to return the thing that it was taken. What makes you think I would ever give you back?

    Video Games 
  • In the German version of Kingdom Hearts II, Demyx responds to Goofy accusing him of being a thief with "Dieb – was für ein hässliches Wort!", meaning "Thief – what an ugly word!".
  • Final Fantasy VI with Locke, and his insistence that he's not a thief, he's a "treasure hunter". Naturally, he often "hunts for treasure" in other people's homes. But press the issue and he might rip your lungs out. Or at least steal your clothes.
    "Bah! Semantic nonsense!"
  • In Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates
    Aleria: She's a sacrifice to your god?!
    Chaspel: "Sacrifice" is such a harsh word. "Catalyst" sounds so much nicer.
  • This exchange is brought up in Jak II when the words "forced labour trade" are mentioned:
    Jak: You mean the slave trade?
    Krew: Uh, I prefer "freedom challenged".
  • From Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2:
    HK-50: Clarification: "Assassin Droid" is such a crude term, master, reserved for durasteel drones with only the most archaic kill-programs. The function I perform has been referred to as "wanton slaughter". I prefer to see it as a means of facilitating communication, resulting in the termination of hostilities.
  • From Star Wars: The Old Republic:
    NPC: You're insane!
    Sith Inquisitor: Insane is such a harsh word. I prefer differently rational.
  • God Hand:
    Gene: This arm makes me popular among the hellish set.
    Conchita (a demon): Hellish?!? We prefer "supertropical".
  • Thief, while looting a ruined city:
    Garrett: Archaeologist sounds so much more dignified than Thief.
  • In Geneforge V, a bandit argues over semantics.
    Emogene: I object to the word "extort". It is an ugly term. We are helping them. If they are so tight with their coins that they can't pay us for this service, it is a good thing we are here to teach them manners.
  • In Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, after we find out the real reason of CAPTAIN GORDON, DEFENDER OF EARTH!'s mission to the Netherworld, this conversation takes place:
    Kurtis: Hmph. They're nothing but pawns to you, huh...
    General Carter: What an ugly way of saying it, Kurtis. I prefer to call them the "heroes who sacrificed their lives for the earth". Muhahahahaha!!
  • Fallout: New Vegas has Mr. House
    Courier: In the meantime, you'd rule Vegas as some kind of dictator?
    Mr. House: I prefer the term 'autocrat'.
  • In Persona 3, when SEES confronts Ikutsuki and learns of his true intentions:
    Yukari: You used both me and my father!
    Ikutsuki: "Used" is such an ugly word. It was for the sake of the world, so how could it be wrong?

    Web Comics 
  • Mr. Butch from Chopping Block is not a "serial killer". He prefers another term.
  • Inverted in Intragalactic:
    Captain Glee: "Unofficial incentive" is such an ugly... pair of words. Let's just say I bribed you with full knowledge that I'm violating the law.
  • Much like Haley, Mordekai from Irregular Webcomic! is a "Loveable Rogue".
  • Revolver Ocelot in The Last Days Of FOXHOUND:
    Revolver Ocelot: "Torture" is such an inelegant word. I'm an artist. Their testicles are my canvas.
  • Gav in Nukees, in a way illuminating his character.
    Gav: "Better" is such an ugly word...
  • The Order of the Stick
    • Haley Starshine dislikes being called a thief. She prefers "Freelance Wealth Redistribution Specialist".
    • Also, when Vaarsuvius' mate questions where V got a massive power boost:
      Vaarsuvius: I negotiated an exchange with three gentlemen from... other planes of existence.
      Inkyrius: Which planes?
      Vaarsuvius: Those in the ventral position.
      Inkyrius: You sold your soul to fiends??
      Vaarsuvius: Technically, it is more of a fixed-term lease with an occupancy date yet to be determined!
  • This ''Pibgorn'' strip:
    Stan: These creatures you treasure, they are as good as dead unless you follow my instructions to the letter.
    Pibgorn: So they're hostages!
    Stan: "Hostage" is such an ugly, sordid word ... yes. They're hostages.
  • Schlock Mercenary is in this category too:
    Petey: "Spy" is such a short ugly word. I prefer "espionage". Those three extra syllables really say something.
  • In this Sluggy Freelance strip, the Evil Chancellor doesn't like the term "bad guy", prefering to be called "morally challenged".

    Web Original 
  • Similarly, this post on the (now disused) old NationStates forums, memorialised in someone's signature:
    Extortion is such a nasty word.
    I much prefer "magnolia". "Magnolia" is a much nicer word.
  • This demotivator. They're not pirates, they're preemtive nautical salvage experts.
  • Genocide is such a harsh word...

    Western Animation 
  • On Invasion America, this exchange takes place:
    Cale Oosha: TREASON!
    Dragit: Revolution.
  • Codename: Kids Next Door, "Op LEADER": Chad calls "traitor" an ugly word. Which he isn't.
  • In The Venture Bros., the Guild of Calamitous Intent also don't like morally charged phrases like "good guys" or "bad guys", and insist people use "protagonist" and "antagonist" instead. In all fairness, with guys like Brock Sampson running around, it is a legitimate complaint.
  • The Simpsons:
    • Homer posing as 4th-grader:
    Homer: (to Sherri) C'mon, why won't you go out with Bart?
    Sherri: He's a smelly, ugly dork!
    Homer: Ugly is such a smelly word.
    • Another Simpsons example:
    Lisa: You're replacing me?
    Homer: Now, Lisa, "dumping" is such a harsh word. Let's just say I'm replacing you.
    • And another:
    Marge: Did you jimmy open Mr. Burns' liquor cabinet?
    Homer: Jimmy is such an ugly word. Unless you're talking about Jimmy Smits. Mrrow!
    • In the Treehouse of Horror Bartificial Intelligence
    Bart: Did you replace me with this tinker toy?!
    Homer: Replace is such an ugly word. We upgraded.
  • SpongeBob SquarePants includes a variation in "Bucket Sweet Bucket".
    Mr. Krabs: (takes the safe out from his throat) And I bet you tried to steal this, too.
    Plankton: (chuckles) Well, steal is such a strong word.
  • Metalocalypse: The band members don't like talking about dying (when it's them); they prefer the term "hamburger time".
  • Subverted in Dan Vs.
    Amber: "Extortion" is such an ugly word. I prefer..."extortion".
    Dan: That's the same word.
    Amber: I said it nicer the second time.
  • In Danny Phantom when Danny calls Vlad a Green Bay Packers fanatic. Vlad openly admits it.
    Vlad: Fanatic is such a negative word... but yes.
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