Not Wanting Kids Is Weird

This trope occurs when one character criticizes, pities, or disapproves of another (almost Always Female, though there are exceptions) for not wanting to have children. The targeted character may have actually announced her intention of never having children, or she may simply not be visibly eager to start a family, or even (if the means are available) decided to be made infertile. This trope does not apply to those who want children but can't have them for some reason.

The critic typically believes that there's something unwholesome, selfish, or at best tragically misguided about not wanting kids. Besides, everyone knows Babies Make Everything Better—unless you're some kind of Child Hater, that is. May take the form of an I Want Grandkids speech if the critic is the target's parent or parent-in-law.

Not to be confused with Mandatory Motherhood, which is about fate or the law forcing pregnancy even onto unwilling women. This trope is about characters exerting social pressure that may be uncomfortable but can be resisted.

This does have some Truth in Television, but at the same time global fertility rates are plummeting and childless families are becoming more common. Some sociologists and scientists argue that traditional family raising methods are becoming outdated to modern culture and that many families don't have the time nor want to put up with the stress or financial costs of raising kids.

Applies specifically to in-universe statements and attitudes of characters. If the author seems to share the critic's opinion, it overlaps with Writer on Board or Author Filibuster. If the author makes sure that the targeted character learns An Aesop about how wonderful it is to have children, it overlaps with Author Tract.

See also All Lesbians Want Kids, Family Versus Career, Good Girls Avoid Abortion, and Law of Inverse Fertility. The opposite situation, where a woman is criticized for wanting children, is Real Women Don't Wear Dresses.

Examples

    open/close all folders 

     Film  

  • At one point in Happy-Go-Lucky, Poppy goes to visit her married and pregnant sister, who berates her for not yet settling down.
  • In Jurassic World, during a conversation between Claire and her sister, Claire declares that she's unlikely to have children. Her sister insists that she will, concluding with, "It's worth it."
  • The previous trilogy managed to subvert it. Jurassic Park has a minor bit of friction between Ellie and Grant, since the former wants kids while the latter doesn't. Naturally he's the one who gets separated from everyone else with the children. By the third film, they have since split up, and Ellie has married and had children of her own. However they remain good friends.
  • Reversing the Always Female trend, the film of About a Boy has main character Will's relatives insisting that he is in some sense "broken" because of his lack of interest in fatherhood.
  • Amy Schumer's character in Trainwreck gets chided by her settled sister (who is a stepmom and expecting a child) for partying and sleeping around, when she can start a family.
  • The Five-Year Engagement contains a scene where Tom says he doesn't want kids, prompting shocked reactions from his fiance. She then gets them to babysit her niece in an attempt to show him how great kids are.

     Literature  

  • In Graceling, Katsa has no desire to marry or have children, simply believing the role is not for her. Other characters criticize her opinions, most notably Giddon, who flips out when she refuses to marry him and says that one day she will grow to want children, despite her denial.
  • The nonfiction book I Can Barely Take Care of Myself by Jen Kirkman is all about this. In fact, the intro starts out with arguments people give her when she mentions she doesn't want kids (and gives her counter-arguments).
  • In The Red Tent, Tabea mentions that she wants to be a priestess, rather than to be sold into marriage and used as a Baby Factory or risk Death by Childbirth. This is because Tabea has seen a lot of the adult drama in her family, and witnessed Oholibamah suffer in childbirth for days before dying a horrible death. (But the only option open to her besides marriage and motherhood is becoming a priestess.) Because although her family is not without its problems, it is (at least at this point) much more stable than Tabea's, Dinah can't fathom why she (or anyone else) would want to pass up motherhood (which is placed on a very high pedestal in their culture, and especially among the women of Dinah's family.)
  • In the Ender's Shadow series, a scientist states (as part of an Author Filibuster) that all people instinctively desire to be connected to the "web of life" through having children, and that those who can't do so feel a sense of loss about the subject. So not wanting kids isn't just "weird," it's literally impossible to not want kids.

     Live Action TV  

  • This becomes a plot point in an episode of Seinfeld in which Elaine is looked down on by her female friends, all of whom are mothers, who feel she needs to "move to Long Island and have a baby already."
  • On The Big Bang Theory, Bernadette's fiancé Howard almost breaks up with her because she is (initially) against the idea of children. Her soon-to-be-mother-in-law is also not shy about wanting grandchildren. Bernadette's discontent is due to having to help raise her siblings when she was young. It is still a point of tension due to Howard always wanting kids (perhaps connected to his own father having vanished when he was a pre-teen.)
  • Referenced in Community. When calling out his friend's cruel and distant father, Jeff tells him that there's an emptiness in him that can only be filled by having a kid (implying that wanting to have and raise kids is the natural course).
  • Robin in How I Met Your Mother openly doesn't want to have kids and doesn't like them. This causes friction with the child-happy Ted, who at one point during an argument on the matter tells her that it's good that she doesn't want kids, because they'd get brainfreeze from nursing on her (since she's such an ice queen).
  • House of Cards (US): The fact that the ruthlessly pragmatic Underwoods have consciously decided not to have children get in their way of climbing the path to power leads into a major plot point of season 2. The topic is brought up in a CNN interview with Claire in an effort to paint their marriage as cold and calculated. She reveals to the public that she had an abortion (she actually had three) because she was raped by a military officer in college. Frank is a Child Hater.
  • A rare male-on-male example: in Star Trek: The Next Generation, Wesley Crusher thinks the reason Captain Picard doesn't have kids is because he's a Child Hater. And no, it's not just Wesley he can't stand; it's actually more because Captain Picard is Married to the Job, although it's definitely true that he has very little idea how to interact with children and is acutely uncomfortable doing so. Over the course of the series, he gets better at it and becomes more comfortable around them, and eventually moves past it much more thoroughly in the canon of the post-series novels. He also ends up becoming Wesley's stepfather, but he was already his surrogate father-figure starting early in the series.
  • In Veep, Amy Brookheimer (a single career woman working for the White House) is criticized by her family for not wanting children.

     Newspaper Comics  

  • Thérèse from For Better or for Worse was criticized by both other characters and the creator for not wanting children. It is one of the main reasons many fans found her Unintentionally Sympathetic. Much of the story of her marriage to Anthony was communicated to readers via a week of New Year's party bathroom gossip, with a group of young women clucking over how awful Thérèse was for having a job and not wanting a baby.

     Radio  

  • In one episode of Susan Calman is Convicted, Susan goes into a rant about how no-one seems to believe she doesn't want kids; they assume she means she can't, and ask if she's considered adopting, or a sperm-donor.

     Stand-up and Recorded Comedy  

  • Israeli comedian Adi Ashkenazi once joked about Ultra-Orthodox Jews in Israel, saying that a young woman can have two children before turning 20 and still have people ask her if she doesn't want kids.

     Theater  

  • In Table Manners (part of The Norman Conquests by Alan Ayckbourn), Housewife Sarah criticizes her sister-in-law, career woman Ruth, for not wanting children:
    Sarah: It's no business of mine if you choose to deny yourself one of the greatest satisfactions in a woman's—
    Ruth: There you go again! "Deny myself"? What's the matter with you all?
    Sarah: I might well ask, what's the matter with you?

     Webcomics  

  • Cartoonist Nina Paley had a cartoon where she's criticized as being "immature" for not wanting kids. She mentally compares these people to a caveman saying "Look what Og make!"

     Western Animation  

  • The Simpsons episode "Marge vs. SSCCTG" has Marge going up against a group of Springfield adults who want the town to stop spending for family care. It portrays every adult without a child as a Child Hater.

     Real Life  

  • This can often happen to women in more patriarchal cultures, especially if the critic is a Female Misogynist.
  • Israeli writer A. B. Yehoshu'a was the target of fierce criticism when he claimed that women who don't want kids are "sick".
  • Attitudes to unmarried, childless Australian politician and ex-Prime Minister Julia Gillard are riddled with this on both sides of politics, resulting in remarks like: "I mean anyone who chooses to remain deliberately barren ... they've got no idea what life's about", "an unproductive old cow", "she has chosen not to be a parent... she is very much a one-dimensional person", "Anyone who chooses a life without children, as Gillard has, cannot have much love in them."
  • Annette Funicello mentioned she once believed in this trope in her youth, according to her autobiography, only to change her mind when she witnessed many kids being emotionally neglected by workaholic or self-absorbed parents and cringing at jokey bumper stickers saying that Motherhood is a jail sentence without parole or even just a basic Education Mama.


http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NotWantingKidsIsWeird