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Ladies and Gentlemen, the Tropers of the World! Yaaaaaaaaaay! slides off backwards stage left with arms flailing

  • In the second episode of Season 1, Animal hasn't got the hang of ballroom dancing.
    Animal: One, two, three, DIP! One, two, three, DIP! One, two, three, DIP!
    • Animal's dancing partner does it to him in one sketch to show him what she has to go through. He ends up enjoying it.
  • In the special, Muppets Go to the Movies, Sam the Eagle presents a tribute to Ingmar Bergman with "Silent Strawberries." Oh, and Beaker portrayed the Angel of Death.
    • It was written by a distant family member of Ingmar Bergman, given the unusual, yet hilarious, name of Gummo. (Also a reference to The Marx Brothers.)
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  • Another atypical episode (starring Loretta Lynn). Because the theater's being fumigated, they're forced to do the show (complete with improvised sets and cards) from the train station Lynn arrives in. Most of the humor is in all the improvisations. Even the closing theme is off-key:
    Rowlf: No wonder this sounds bad. We're playing a timetable!
  • The tone for John Cleese's episode is set by The Teaser, in which Scooter's usual "X minutes to curtain!" message is delivered to a Bound and Gagged Cleese, whom Scooter says cannot leave until he's done the show. The laughs follow thick and fast from there...
    • John complaining about having to work with pigs in the opening, especially the part where a monster eats his agent.
    • John's attempt to help Gonzo after he stretches out his arm while catching a cannonball. Thanks to an extended series of Comically Missing the Point and Exact Words moments from John, the sketch ends with all of Gonzo's limbs stretched out several feet, and Cleese slipping into Basil Fawlty mode as he screams "WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?"
      [John is brushing his moustache as Gonzo, one of his arms five feet long, enters his dressing room]
      Gonzo: Mr. Cleese, what am I gonna do?
      Cleese: Er, which one are you?
      Gonzo: I'm the ugly, disgusting one who catches cannonballs.note 
      Cleese: Ah, yes.
      Gonzo: [sighs] Look at me.
      Cleese: Yes, it's horrible, isn't it. Still, not to worry, I know a plastic surgeon who can fix you up, [folds Gonzo's nose back] give you a little Roman number, something like that?
      Gonzo: [shakes his head] Nnnno, Mr. Cleese, it's not my nose, it's my arm!
      Cleese: Is it? Well, why's it in the middle of your face?
      Gonzo: [sighs again] Mr. Cleese, just forget about the nose, please.
      Cleese: ... well, I'll try, but I can't promise anything. [stretches out Gonzo's elongated arm] Now, er, what's wrong with this arm of yours?
      Gonzo: It's about five feet long.
      Cleese: Isn't that enough?
      Gonzo: Well, look at the other one!
      Cleese: [looks at Gonzo's other arm] Yes. Well, there's a problem.
      Gonzo: [sighs yet again] Look, all I want is both my arms to be the same length again.
      Cleese: [clearing his grooming kit off his dressing table] All right. Once, when I was in the Himalayas, Gonzo, I met a wise old man who taught me the ancient art of Gao-chu chin-gua.
      Gonzo: Were both his arms the same length?
      Cleese: As what?
      Gonzo: As each other.
      Cleese: [thinking] Well some of them were, yes. [picks Gonzo up and sets him down on his side on the dressing table, arm stretched out] Now, er, lie down, please, and I want you to keep repeating something over and over again. [puts his foot on Gonzo's torso] You understand?
      Gonzo: Something, something, something, [John takes Gonzo's un-elongated arm and begins pulling on it] SOME-THING... something, something, something... [continues as John checks the length against Gonzo's other arm, then stretches it further until they are the same length] Are you done?
      Cleese: There you are, Gonzo, both of your arms are the same length.
      Gonzo: [groans] Oh, no, I wanted them both short.
      Cleese: What?
      Gonzo: SHORT!
      Cleese: [impatiently] Oh, picky, picky, picky! Stand up! [sets Gonzo back on the floor] Are those your legs?
      Gonzo: Yes.
      Cleese: Right, sit. [sits Gonzo on the table] Now, get your arms out of the way - oh, Gonzo... [pushes Gonzo's arms aside, then grabs his right foot and begins stretching his right leg, causing his arms to shrink back, then stretches his left leg; Gonzo groans in pain as John coughs in exasperation until finally, Gonzo's arms are their usual size, but his legs are five feet long] There. Happy?
      Gonzo: No, I can't tie my shoes!
      Cleese: What!?
      Gonzo: SHOES!
      Cleese: [frustrated] Oh, GOD!- [he places the flat of his hand against Gonzo's torso, grabs both of his arms, and begins stretching them back to their previous length]
      Gonzo: YAHHH! Ugh- ahhh! [pants with exhaustion as John finishes stretching his arms so that all four of his limbs are now five feet long]
      Cleese: There. All right?
      Gonzo: Well-
      Cleese: [with his trademark eye-bulging fury] WHAT!? WHAT?! DO YOU WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING ELSE!?
      Gonzo: [immediately thinking better of pushing John further] NO, NO, I'M FINE! Fine! No problem!
      Cleese: [picking up one each of Gonzo's arms and legs and hurling them down again] Good, well just pull yourself together!
      Gonzo: [looking over the tangle of five-foot limbs attached to his torso, then at the camera] I wish I could...
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    • musical number at the end of the episode, in which the Muppets coerce John into performing a Broadway-worthy rendition of "The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha, and in particular the Muppets' response to Cleese's complaint that Kermit is failing in his duty to his guest.
  • From the Roger Moore episode, Pig Vikings ransacking a village while singing "In The Navy"!
  • Speaking of pigs singing songs by the Village People, their rendition of "Macho Man" featured such hilarities as Gonzo in a ruffled shirt, ballistic chickens and policeman Fozzie repeatedly getting things dropped on his head.
  • The entire Vincent Price episode is priceless, but by far the best part is where he gets chomped by vampire!Kermit.
    • In the same episode, Vincent plays a nobleman who is accompanied by a beautiful assistant and a hideously deformed monster.
      Fozzie: Oh, hideously deformed is right!
      Uncle Deadly: Watch it! I'm the beautiful assistant!
      • Fozzie and Gonzo later find out the hard way that Price undergoes a horrific transformation at the stroke of midnight...
        Uncle Deadly: Because, every night at the stroke of midnight, the master turns into a screaming, maniacal, raging, blood-lusting animal!
        Vincent Price: And then I get mean!
        Uncle Deadly: No, something's different! Oh, quick; what night is it?
        Fozzie and Gonzo: New Year's Eve?
        Uncle Deadly: Oh, no! This is too cruel! Too inhuman!
        Fozzie: What?! What?! What is?! What?! Tell! Tell! What?! What?!
        Uncle Deadly: On New Year's Eve...the Master turns into...Jack Parnell!
        [Vincent turns around, revealing that he's wearing a New Year's cap and blowing a noisemaker while conducting an orchestra playing "Auld Lang Syne." The Muppets run away screaming.]
      • For those who are baffled, Jack Parnell was the leader of the in-house orchestra at the ATV/ITC Elstree facilities, composing much of the music for The Muppet Show, as well as the bombastic tune from the ITC "Spinning Diamonds" logo; the first recording used Guy Lombardo note , with "Jack Parnell" looped in for the UK version, but the UK version has been used since the mid-80s and the Lombardo version is now considered lost.
    • In the same episode, Kermit meets a new actor.
      Scooter: Hey boss, there's someone here wanting to audition.
      Kermit: Okay. Who is he?
      Scooter: Well, it's not exactly a he.
      Kermit: Okay. Who is she?
      Scooter: Well, it's not exactly a she.
      Kermit: Scooter, this rather severely limits the possibilities. Would you please explain yourself?
      Scooter: Well, it's sort of a they.
      Kermit: Ah, you mean there's more than one.
      Scooter: Not really.
      Kermit: This go-fer's about to become a gone-fer. SCOOTER, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!
      Scooter: Uh, that.
      (Kermit sees that it's a three-headed monster)
      Monster: (in unison) Hi, Mr. Frog. Can we be on your show?
      Kermit: Good grief. It's a triple-header!
  • Rita Moreno's performance of "Fever" accompanied by the Electric Mayhem, and her efforts at keeping Animal in line long enough to get through the number. . . leading ultimately to her squashing him between a pair of cymbals.
    Animal: That's my kind of woman!
  • The Swedish Chef, Animal and Beaker's performance of Danny Boy. Oh boy, oh boy. Especially because it's the clear inspiration for their use as a trio in the Muppet Viral Videos.
  • The end of Miss Piggy's 'wedding sketch' in the Marisa Berenson episode.
    Priest: Do you take this pig to be your lawful wedded wife?
    Kermit: (Looking for an escape) I... I... I wanna introduce the amazing Lew Zealand and his boomerang fish!!!
    [Chaos ensues]
    • Afterwards, Kermit offers Statler and Waldorf free tickets for the next show to let him hide in their balcony from an irate Miss Piggy. Naturally, they throw him out.
  • The Glenda Jackson episode, when even the Only Sane Frog can't take any more:
    Kermit: The show must not go on...because I quit! I give up! Our guest star's a pirate, the theater's sailing out to sea and I'm losing my mind!
  • From the episode with Loretta Lynn, the Rhyming Song, the Rhyming Song/Will Make You Smile, the Rhyming Song!
  • Christopher Reeve's episode, largely because he was willing to place himself in the hands of the show's producers and go along with the chaos. Also, he got to riff on his most famous role, spending much of his time hanging around a phone booth backstage, "In case something comes up."
    Kermit (when Reeve agrees to recite Hamlet's soliloquy): You'll have to wear tights.
    • The actual soliloquy is a blast as well; at the beginning, Reeve forgets how to finish "To be or not to be, that is the...", but the real fun is when the skull used starts talking! Then Reeve, Fozzie, Link Hogthrob and the skull sing "Brush up your Shakespeare"!
    • At the end of the show, Reeve makes a joke about how heavy Miss Piggy (who had been shamelessly flirting with him all episode) really was, at which point she tries to give him one of her patented karate chops - except he's unharmed and she's shaking as if she just hit a wall.
      Kermit: He really is the Man of Steel!
    • When Miss Piggy is having a conversation with Reeve in his dressing room, she nearly loses her train of thought when Reeve takes off his costume from the previous sketch revealing a skin tight shirt, showing off his muscles.
      Miss Piggy: How did you get a job as Superman? Did someone see you lifting weights or... WHAA-HAHA!!!
  • The "Pigs in Space" episode where the Swine Trek is boarded by the mysterious Dearth Nadir:
    Piggy: Who are you behind that mask?
    Dearth Nadir: (turns, revealing Gonzo's distinctive profile) And well you might ask!
    Piggy: (aside) Oh, good grief...
    • Similarly, his dramatic entrance as the Black Knight:
      Black Knight: The world will forever wonder who I am!
      Kermit: Though some may harbor suspicions.
  • The Muppets' version of ''"The Cat Came Back". Be careful, it's terribly catchy.
  • Paul Williams, in a private moment, stated that he chose to be on The Muppet Show for one reason; Since Muppets are 'tiny things', no one will make fun of how short he is. He gloats about how for the first time, he is the tallest person on the show...when Sweetums, Thog and a Mutation, three full-body Muppets that easily dwarf him, step up.
    Paul Williams: For the first time in my life I will cry in front of millions of people...
  • In the Peter Ustinov episode, Kermit tells Ustinov that anything can be a Muppet, and one of the show's writers is a hat rack. During that episode's credits, the hat rack appears under 'Writers'!
    • Ustinov gets another moment when he assumes an Alter Kocker attitude and joins Fozzie in telling a rambling tale that turns out to be the setup for a terrible pun.
  • Gilda Radner asks Kermit to send for a 12-foot talking parrot to do a medley of songs from The Pirates of Penzance with her. Due to bad handwriting, Kermit books a 12-foot talking carrot. Veggie puns abound.
    Carrot: Watch it, lady. I'm a star. I sang the hit song from Cole.
    Kermit: Cole? Cole Porter?
    Gilda: Cole slaw. They paid him a huge celery.
    Carrot: Now she's stealing my jokes.
    • From the same episode, "Tap Your Troubles Away." The Muppet Lab's latest creation, a super-powerful adhesive, gets out of hand. Hilarity Ensues in the best possible way.
    • The adhesive wreaks havoc throughout multiple acts, really. Zoot and Rolf's piano-saxophone duet is interrupted when they become completely entangled with their instruments, Kermit finds himself stuck on the phone and then to Miss Piggy, which she interprets as a sign he loves her until she finds she can't move away from him. Gonzo has his eyes literally glued to a TV screen, and the episode's closing ends with a huge crowd of Muppets, including Kermit, Miss Piggy, and the aforementioned 12-foot carrot, all stuck together and forced to try to cooperate so that Kermit can make it on stage, bow, and thank their guest star. Who, incidentally, is glued to the back of the crowd and has to poke her head through everyone to be seen. And the Statler and Waldorf stinger, all too appropriately, has them go to leave, only to find they're glued to the balcony rail. Cue their cries of dismay.
      Statler: [to Waldorf] Good night!
      Waldorf: [to Statler] So long.
      [they both turn to leave, only to discover their hands are glued to the rail]
      Both: ... OH, NO! [they begin struggling to free themselves]
  • Sandy Duncan spoofing her own perkiness, in a skit where she's so relentlessly upbeat that a disgusted Muppet ends up giving her a Pie in the Face.
  • Sam the Eagle wants to know what will be on the show's program. One of the events will be Lady Wrestlers... Sam reacts poorly.
    Sam (with contempt and horror): Lady wrestlers?!
  • Animal gets a lesson in meditation... from James Coburn. "SUH-REEEEEEENNNNEEEE!!!"
  • In Bob Hope's episode, during the closing cowboy number set to ''Don't Fence Me In, Hope has this exchange with Paul Revere the horse:
    Hope: Are you ready to do a song?
    Paul Revere: Sure, why not?
    Hope: But wait a minute! We're in the middle of the desert! Where is the music coming from?
    Paul Revere: There's a tape deck in the saddle.
    [Hope ejects the cassette from said tape recorder, looks at the cassette, then to the audience]
    Hope: A stereophonic horse!
    • Also when Kermit plays up how great the cowboy sketch will be, and Hope agrees to do it, only for Gonzo to spill the beans:
      Gonzo: Just because my bread impersonations are canceled, don't think that you can talk me into doing that lousy cowboy sketch, OK?
      [Kermit stammers and hurriedly pushes Gonzo out of the room.]
      Hope: You know how it feels to be conned by a frog?
    • There's also the Running Gag of Hope not being able to stay for more than a few seconds with the Muppets because of his busy schedule. He always passes by dropping the name of some other show he's arranged to be part of. As Kermit put it, "There goes our guest star. In fact, there goes everybody's guest star!"
  • In Leo Sayer's episode, Kermit gives Annie Sue, a young performing pig, a kiss on the cheek, for helping Fozzie out in his act. Unfortunately, a very jealous Miss Piggy sees them. Piggy launches herself off the balcony, and body slams into Kermit.
  • Two words: Spike Milligan. Every sketch he did was a bizarre yet hilarious exercise in surrealism. This is unsurprising, as he wrote several of them himself (most notably "The Intergalactic Brotherhood of Man").
    • For a sketch without him in that episode, there's the first one. Taking place in "The Land of the Rising Sun", it starts with some stereotypical Japanese music and dancing — before Fozzie bursts on stage singing "Oklahoma" (" I in the right show?"), which the Japanese Muppets soon turn into "Yokohama."
    • The "It's a Small World" finale manages to last through the end credits because the international puppets just won't stop! Even Statler and Waldorf make like Disney Audio-Animatronics up in the balcony (yet another moment funnier in hindsight thanks to Disney now owning the characters).
    • There was also his turn as a Quintessential British Gentleman, in which he does things like drop his pants to reveal a Union Jack. He's also wearing a rather dapper hat...and has a cup of tea underneath it.
  • The Helen Reddy episode which introduced Beauregard, who confused elbow grease with axle grease to clean the floor and everyone is slipping around and falling, especially Fozzie's precision dancing act on stage.
  • Up, Up and Away!
  • Every time Kermit bugs/freaks out or says "Will you get outta here?!" while flailing his arms. Hilarious!
    • Also, that thing — often just before the above — where his mouth crumples inward in total frustration/aggravation. Most. Adorable. Freakout expression. Ever.
  • One of the few episodes in which Rizzo the Rat had a significant speaking role (Episode 503, with Joan Baez as the guest star) had the rats trying to take over the show and Rizzo taking the opportunity to try landing himself a job as a regular on Pigs in Space (even wearing a rat-sized version of the Swinetrek crew uniform). It led to the following hilarious exchange between Rizzo, Link Hogthrob and Miss Piggy:
    Link: Listen, rat — you could never be in the crew of Pigs in Space!
    Rizzo: Why not?
    Link: Well... you're... you're too short!
    Piggy (in Link's ear): Why didn't you just say he wasn't a pig?
    Link: Well, I didn't wanna hurt his feelings.
    Rizzo: Okay, wait a minute, you guys! I can do anything that a pig can do!
    Link: Oh yeah?
    Piggy: Oh?
    Rizzo: Sure, I can say "oink, oink," I can wallow in the mud...
    Piggy: What?!
    Rizzo: ...I can eat garbage...
    • No prizes for guessing what Miss Piggy's reaction is.
  • One At The Dance exchange between Boppity and a female muppet.
    Female: But, don't you see? You've got to stand on your own two feet!
    Boppity: But that's the problem! I've got three feet!
    Female: Don't you feel silly with three feet?
    Boppity: Sure, but the other one didn't come back from the cleaners!
    (Later still...)
    Female: Do you really have three feet?
    Boppity: Sure! (Raises feet) One! Two! Three! Ahh! (Falls) Ohh...three feet, and one broken back...
  • Milton Berle takes over for Fozzie Bear, and Statler and Waldorf rip into him. But they've got a fight on their hands. (Behold!)
    Berle: I have been a successful comedian half of my life.
    Waldorf: How come we got this half?
    Statler: You want to know what you're doing wrong?
    Berle: What am I doing wrong?
    Statler: You're too close to the audience!
    Berle: Oh, I am? (moves back a step) How's this?
    Statler: You're still too close.
    Berle: Oh, I'm sorry. (moves back again) Is this okay?
    Statler: A little more.
    Berle: ...How far back do you want me to go?
    Statler: You got a car?
    (later still)
    Berle: You know, I got a good mind to punch you in your nose.
    Waldorf: Please, not while I'm holding it!
    Berle: That's pretty funny...
    Waldorf: You can use it!
    • At one point, Gonzo shows up on stage and asks Berle how things are going. Berle complains about how Statler and Waldorf have been doing nothing but heckle him since he came out. Gonzo offers to help him out... then asks "Which way did you come in?" Berle grabs Gonzo by the nose and flings him offstage.
    • Berle's musical number with Fozzie ("Top Banana") is also amusing. It's set up as though it's going to be a deep and meaningful number, with reflective piano music...then the cheery music starts up and Berle emerges on stage, his suit and tie having magically transformed into a baggy clown outfit, and the slapstick begins.
  • In one Vet's Hospital sketch, the patient is a telephone. Not a Muppet-telephone, just a regular phone with a rotary dial. Hilarity Ensues as the cast makes one telephone pun after another, until...
    Rowlf: Nurse Piggy, do you have the next line?
    Piggy: (Trying to control her laughter) Y-yes, but I can't say it...
    Rowlf: How come?
    Piggy: THE LINE'S BUSY!
  • In the Pearl Bailey episode, the final sketch is the jousting scene from Camelot, but due to licensing issues, the Muppets can't use the official score. So they use songs from other musicals.
    Bailey: You know, Rowlf, this don't make much sense at all.
    Rowlf: I know, but we're stuck with it!
  • Statler and Waldorf's interaction is always good for a laugh.
    Statler: Did you get your hearing aid fixed?
    Waldorf: No.
    Waldorf: I don't.
    • When Waldorf gives Statler the "evil eye"!
    • Also, when Statler calls Waldorf "stupid"! (In the Lorreta Lynn episode)
    • After a rendition of "Teenager in Love" in Season 1: "I remember being a teenager in love!" "Yeah, but Queen Victoria wouldn't have you."
    • Similar to the adorable look of a frustrated Kermit, the "scrunched-in" appearance of Statler after Waldorf smacks or humiliates him is very laugh-worthy.
  • Alice Cooper getting berated by Sam the Eagle:
    Sam: Let me come right to the point. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric..naughty..freako!
    Sam: ... Freakos one, civilization zero.
    Cooper: [makes a "one point for me" mark in the air]
  • Kermit suckering Miss Piggy into agreeing to go to dinner with Gonzo in the Mummenschanz episode, ending with Gonzo pressing his nose into her face and sheepishly saying, "Kissy kissy?"
    • Followed by Miss Piggy forcing an apology from Kermit while Gonzo is still trying to hug her. "YOU'RE BREATHING ON ME!"
      Kermit: Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you.
      Gonzo: Oh, good, then can I have her?
      (Piggy is standing between Kermit and Gonzo during this time, and she gives them both a karate chop at once, one in each hand.)
      Miss Piggy: (to audience) That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.
  • Floyd informs Kermit that Animal has gotten bored with wrestling alligators and has switched to bowling, a move Kermit heartily approves as "much safer."
    Floyd: I don't know, man. Animal bowls overhand.
    [Cue barrage of flying bowling balls from offscreen.]
    Animal: STRIKE!
  • Danny Kaye digging himself deeper after saying he first met Miss Piggy a long, long time ago, and their subsequent musical number, which Piggy aptly says beforehand will be a "battlefield."
  • Sam's Critical Research Failure when Rudolph Nureyev guests. He forces everyone to wear formal clothes and decorate the theater, thrilled that the show finally has a guest that meets his standard of "culture" - only to reveal that he thinks Nureyev is an opera singer rather than a ballet dancer. ("Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Culture is culture.") Then when Nureyev arrives wearing street clothes, Sam doesn't recognize him and throws him out, thinking he's a beatnik.
    • At the end of the episode, Rudolf gets him back - his last number isn't ballet, it's "Top Hat, White Tie, and Tails:" a tap number. Sam can only Face Palm.
  • Kermit's frustration when he tries to help Fozzie with a joke ("Good grief, the comedian's a bear!"), and Fozzie keeps giving him the wrong cue.
    Kermit: Good grief, the comedian's a bear!
    Fozzie: No, he's-a not! He's-a wearing a neck-a-tie!
    • Frank Oz has said this was the sketch where he finally "got" Fozzie, and he thinks you can see a big improvement from the earlier episodes.
  • Statler and Waldorf get so horrified when they discover they tossed a (fake) knife into Liza Minnelli's chest that they run into the scene frantically and admit that the knife was meant for the Muppet cast. Cue Liza breaking character: "Ah-ha!" The two are amazed at Liza's performance... then after the credits, we see them condemned to their box, in jail suits and metal bars surrounding the balcony.
    Statler: How long are we here for?
    Waldorf: Twenty years.
    Statler: If I'd have known that judge was giving us the box, I'd have asked for the chair!
    • Kermit's utter failure to sell any of his hard boiled private eye dialogue in the same episode.
  • The original pitch for the show is this. "Sheer unrelenting hyperbole" doesn't even begin to describe it!
    Announcer: And God will look down at us, and smile at us, and say "Let them have a 40 (percent) share!"
  • Every single second of Marty Feldman as Scheherazade. "It's fantasy. You've got to suspend your disbelief."
    • Plus, at the end Marty declares that Cookie Monster (this episode has a guest appearance by Sesame Street characters) is his favorite Muppet, though he doesn't know why. Next thing we see is a close-up of their two faces, with Feldman's famous bulging eyes next to Cookie Monster's. Then a bunch of googly-eyed Muppets come out on stage, and Kermit declares that Marty's had an influence on the whole cast!
    • The Statler and Waldorf closer in this one has the Sesame Street Muppets up in the balcony with them. "How should we know the way to Sesame Street? We don't even know the way out of this theater!"
  • In one episode, Fozzie needs five dollars from Kermit to pay his joke writer, the legendary Gags Beasely. For once, Kermit's Not So Above It All:
    Kermit: The legendary Gags comes pretty cheap, doesn't he?
    Fozzie: I worked out a good deal with him.
    Kermit: You pay him by the line?
    Fozzie: No, by the laugh.
    Kermit: Oh, then he owes you money!
  • When Kermit lets Statler & Waldorf run the show for the Hal Linden episode, the two old grumps end up having as much trouble as the frog. When Linden tries to do a musical salute to the duo's favorite holiday, he discovers that Statler's is the Fourth of July while Waldorf's is Christmas. Cue Linden singing patriotic songs while Gonzo & his chickens sing Christmas carols.
  • The extended digression on the proper method of 'cavorting' from the Robin Hood episode, as led by 'Little John' Fozzie. "Cavort, cavort, cavort!"
    Robin Hood (Kermit): Hi-ho, my Merry Men! What have you been doing? Cavorting, right?
    Fozzie: Uh, cavorting wrong, actually...
    Scooter: ..the Jabberwock, with eyes of flame, came whiffling through the tulgey wood, and burbled as it came!
    Jabberwock: Burble burble! Burble burble!
  • The first episode (featuring Juliet Prowse) has a skit with Rowlf and Fozzie as cowboys. Fozzie plays the outlaw and attempts to do a stick-up... with pickles. Loaded Pickles. He also has a carrot knife and an already lit apple bomb.
    Rowlf: (slaps carrot away) Would you stop with the vegetables?
  • In the Bernadette Peters episode, a dramatization of "The Ant and the Grasshopper" has an ending narrator Sam the Eagle wasn't expecting: "The grasshopper drove his sports car to Florida, and the ant got stepped on. What?" He's so upset by this that he even turns up in the balcony to chastise Statler and Waldorf for finding it funny!
  • Whenever Statler and Waldorf heckle Fozzie! They're like a comedy trio!
    • A particularly funny one is when Fozzie gets so tired of it he turns around and tells the audience that when he turns around, he wants to see nothing but real Fozzie fans. Everybody leaves. Even his cousin.
  • This exchange from the Star Wars episode:
    Statler And Waldorf: (After watching Rama Lama Ding Dong) Boo! Boo!
    Sheep: (pokes its head through their spot) Baa! Baa!
    Statler And Waldorf: Humbug! Humbug! Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
    Sheep: (with Statler and Waldorf) Baa-ah-ah-ah-ah!
    • Later on, Scooter is rehearsing for his 'Six String Orchestra' number. When wondering if he'll be any good, a sheep pops its head through his window to say, "Baa! Baa! Humbug! Humbug!"
      Scooter: Everyone's a critic.
  • Close to the end of the Jean Stapleton episode, Jean approaches Kermit and says she'd like to do a duet with her favourite Muppet. Kermit automatically thinks she's referring to him and proudly says that it's a wonderful idea... At which Jean promptly asks where Crazy Harry is. Cue Kermit's stunned expression.
    Kermit: And now, here she is, once again taking her life into her own hands — and throwing it away — ladies and gentlemen, Miss Jean Stapleton!
    • Speaking of Crazy Harry, any time another Muppet mentions an explosive related word, Harry will usually appear and blow something up—as Ben Vereen found out the hard way.
    • This is defied in one episode after Statler and Waldorf make their usual comments:
    Statler: That's better than opening it with a bang.
    Crazy Harry: Heheheheheh! Did somebody say " bang"?
    Statler and Waldorf together: NO!!
    (Both Dope Slap him in unison)
    Crazy Harry: Well, you can't win 'em all...
  • In the Andy Williams episode, Kermit tries to imitate Miss Piggy's karate chop but fails miserably and she demonstrates the correct way to him and sends Kermit flying across the room until he hits the desk.
  • Seaon 5, episode 14 (guest starring Mac Davis) with the Attack of the Beaker Clones. The result of a Muppet Labs copying machine accident, the clones chase Bunsen throughout the episode, crossing over into other skits like the Swedish Chef. The last bit of the joke comes at the end, though, when the Beakers completely take it over, replacing the band playing the theme and Statler And Waldorf for the "last laugh".
  • The following episode starred Carol Burnett, only problem is Gonzo had arranged a dance-a-thon to occur at the same time so there's plenty of room for Carol's brand of comedy. Espceially at the end, where instead of Statler and Waldorf's stinger, Carol rushes on stage to try to do her "Lonely Asparagus" skit, only for the orchestra's finale to indicate time's run out. You then hear her in the background, "Oh, rats..."
    • Also her rant to Kermit about how when Julie Andrews was on the show, she didn't have to put up with all this crap. (Burnett and Andrews are actually life-long friends.)
  • In the Alan Arkin episode, Bunsen & Beaker carelessly handle a Jekyll & Hyde potion. Floyd foreshadows the incipient hilarity: "This could be a very different kind of show tonight."
    • The bunnies hovering near Kermit throughout the episode after getting attacked by Alan Arkin during the 'Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah' number and this exchange:
      Kermit: Would you guys stop following me?
      Bun-Bun: Oh please, Mr. Kermit, protect us from your guest star Alan Arkin!
      Kermit: Uh, listen, guys. I know that Alan Arkin accidentally drank the Ultra Powerful Jekyll-Hyde potion, but he really is a sweet, sensitive gentleman. (Monster!Arkin roars from inside of the guest star room, scaring Kermit and the Bun-Buns.) And I'll protect you from him!
    • Also, one bunny tries hiding in Statler and Waldorf's booth;
    Bunny: You look like two kindly old gentlemen. Can I hide here?
    (Statler And Waldorf exchange looks)
    Statler: Hey, Alan! Here's one you missed!
    (Waldorf throws the bunny back down.)
    • Monster!Kermit attacking Alan Arkin.
    • Arkin's closing number is "Pig Shuffle". Miss Piggy happens to overhear and is not amused. She decides to criticize Arkin's performance with a chop to the gut. Arkin doubles over... then stands up again as Monster!Arkin! Exit Miss Piggy stage left.
    • The episode ends with Kermit saying how they all had a great time, besides himself and Arkin periodically transforming into monsters. Then they find out that the bunnies have drunk the Jekyll-Hyde potion and promptly are mobbed by them. The episode closes with Arkin, looking completely serious, karate-chopping and tossing the bunnies offstage.
  • In the Petula Clark episode, there's a Moose running around backstage. His name is Mickey Moose. Kermit is not amused. It helps that they milk this gag for all its worth, even having the muppets run around with Mickey Moose hats and parodying the Mickey Mouse Club... and the moose being picked up by a duck named Ronald at the end. And let's not forget how Hilarious in Hindsight this is, considering Disney owns the Muppets now!
  • "Gonzo fiddles while George Burns!"
    George Burns: It's a pleasure to hear something that's older than I am.
  • In the Steve Martin episode, Gonzo tries to pitch his new act during the auditions: Dancing Cheese. Whereupon the next act to audition is called Gonzales and Yolanda. Cut to a staging similar to the dancing chicken act of the Rich Little episode, with Gonzo in Mexican attire, spitting out a rose with a block of cheese next to him.
    Gonzo: (As the cheese dances) Arrrrrreiba! Ole! El toro! Enchilada! Dance you little firebrand, dance!
    • There's also a Running Gag involving a sweet, innocent-looking girl who tries to audition an act with a frog. Her act consists of singing various songs, while the frog substitutes words starting with "R" with "ribbit" ("Waaaaaay down upon the Swanee..." "Ribbit!" "...Far, far away...") Each time, a cane comes in from offstage and yoinks her off, as the frog laughs. It turns out it's Miss Piggy, pissed at the thought of there being another female singer on the show.
  • Anything involving the news anchor.
    • News Flash sketches involving groundbreaking British absurdist comic Spike Milligan. It's all a Visual Pun.
      The Newsman: Good evening, and welcome to Muppet News International.
      Spike: Yes, you're welcome to it.
      The Newsman: Simultaneous translations bringing you news infused across the language barrier.
      Spike: (pantomimes previous statement in "sign language" - the Newsman looks at him) Hello.
      Newsman: (to Spike) Are you going to tell them what I just said?
      Newsman: Alright, here is the news: Things look grim (Spike looks to the audience sternly) in the Outback (Spike reaches for his back), as Rebel Leaders continue to fight amongst themselves. (Spike starts to punch and gag himself repeatedly, surprising the Newsman) Uh, first one side seems to be winning–
      Spike: Yes, yes! (Pulls himself to one side)
      Newsman: And then the other side gets on top (Spike pulls himself to the other side), and casualties have been very heavy (Spike drops heavily to the floor) as strong ties between the two factions (Spike grabs the Newsman's tie) have been permanently cut (Spike cuts off the tie). Uh... eyebrows were raised today at the auction rooms (Spike removes his eyebrows and places them on his forehead), where a priceless antique vase came under the hammer. (Spike smashes a vase with a hammer) Uh, rumors of a cover-up have affected prices (Spike places a blanket over the Newsman, who valiantly continues anyway)... affected prices on the Stock Market where woolens were hit badly... (Spike picks up a sheep and hits it) ...eventually plunging to an all-time low. (Spike knocks the Newsman down) Augh! The search continues for a missing man (Spike looks around) said by the police to be dangerous and more than a little screwy. (Spike looks crazy and whistles) The man was known as the inventor of the Deep Pop-Up Toaster. (Spike slams his fist onto the desk, causing the Newsman to fly up.) Uh, next we have–
      Spike: Fall fashions!
      Newsman: (While falling to the ground) Augh! (Spike starts to attack the Newsman. Newsman gets up and struggles) A Newsman today was attacked by a mad English comic!
      Spike: Really?! We must find him! (Knocks the Newsman out with a hammer and runs off)
  • In the Robin Hood episode, the Newsman is a town crier:
    Newsman: (ringing bell) Five o'clock and all's well! Five o'clock and all's well! Except that Maid Marian has been kidnapped, the Sheriff of Nottingham is up to no good, that dog is stealing the cheese, Kermit is mad at Miss Piggy, and it's really only 4:30!
  • One particular Statler and Waldorf bit involves them talking about the spirit of Thudge McGerk, supposedly still haunting theaters. Cue the monster: exactly as described. Statler is literally scared out of his seat, falling to the gallery below.
    Waldorf: Listen, on your way back up, bring some popcorn!
    Thudge: (Gibberish)...butter!
    Waldorf: With butter!
  • From the first episode:
    Statler: Say, Waldorf, I was wondering if you...(mouth keeps moving though no sound comes out)
    Waldorf: Darn, I better get new batteries for my hearing aid.
    Statler: Hahaha! I fool him every time! Hahaha- (Waldorf smacks him and his face gets scrunched in)
  • The George Burns episode has an excellent medley wherein Burns gets a bunch of the muppets to act as a chorus. After they do a song with the line "Didn't wanna do it" repeated several times in the chorus, Gonzo keeps interrupting each song coming after that by singing "Didn't wanna do it" at the wrong times. It seriously has to be seen.
  • In several At The Dance sketches, Animal 'dips' his partner by dropping her on the floor.
    Whatnot girl: They shouldn't allow his kind in here!
    Rowlf: You're right, he's a lousy dancer!
  • Kermit firing Piggy in the Loretta Swit episode after spreading rumors of the two being secretly married in Las Vegas.
    • Kermit's anger at Piggy finally boiling over is as hilarious as it is intense:
      Piggy: [running up to Kermit backstage] Kermie! Kermiiie! I have a surprise for you!
      Kermit: Yeah? What's 'at?
      Photographer: [appearing with a camera] Hold it! [Piggy stands next to Kermit and smiles as the photographer takes their picture] Thanks! [leaves]
      Piggy: Thank you! [giggles]
      Kermit: Uh, what was that all about?
      Piggy: Um.. uh... nothing! Bye! [leaves with another laugh]
      Kermit: [shrugs it off] How can I run a show with people pulling dumb stunts like that all the time?
      Scooter: [entering] Congratulations, chief!
      Kermit: On what?
      Scooter: Well, that photographer said you were gonna be on the cover story of that big gossip paper, Tongue magazine! [Kermit gasps in horror] Yeah, they found out that you and Miss Piggy were secretly married last year in Vegas!
      Kermit: What!? [Scooter leaves] Piggy! Piggy?!
      Piggy: [entering] Y-y-yes, mon chéri?
      Kermit: Piggy, have you been planting items about us in the gossip papers again!?
      Piggy: Um - well - what would make you think a thing like that?
      Kermit: The photographer who was just here! He was from Tongue magazine!
      Piggy: [mumbling sheepishly] Oh. Oh, him. [louder] Well, he... it was just a little teeny-tiny item-
      Kermit: It was a cover story about us being secretly married!
      Piggy: [stammering] It was a slight exaggeration-
      Piggy: [trying to protest over Kermit's tirade] That was not dumb!...
      Piggy: [sputtering defiantly] Well, what are you going to do!?
    • Insisting that Piggy can be replaced as the show's star, Kermit sends the Snorers' Chorus onto the stage in her place, but mere seconds into their act, Scooter tells him the audience are falling asleep, so Kermit orders them off the stage again and goes out to introduce Loretta Swit performing "I Feel the Earth Move".
      Piggy: [as Beauregard and Beaker carry the bed with the Snorers' Chorus back offstage again] You must be kidding. How can he fire me?
      Snorers' Chorus Member: Don't ask me, I was asleep!
  • The John Denver episode has Denver and Kermit inviting the whole gang to the swamp for a camping trip. Miss Piggy doesn't quite realise what this means exactly, so John starts to describe swamp living in great detail, up to and including safety measures against snakes and alligators. As he further explains that Piggy should shake her boots in the morning to get the spiders and other creepy-crawlies out, Piggy starts this high-pitched, nervous whine... and Denver absolutely loses it, laughing his ass off for the rest of the scene. See it here and remember to breathe!
    • It gets even better. When Piggy confronts Kermit and calls him crazy for wanting to go on the trip, he offers the alternative of going to Piggy's home, the pigsty, "where pigs eat swill and wallow in the mud". No points for guessing what happens next.
  • The Judy Collins episode has Sam the Eagle talking to Statler while both of them are unaware that Waldorf is hanging on the edge. He tries to make his way back up while making jokes based on their conversation and the skit ends when Sam unknowingly slams his fist down on top of Waldorf's hand, causing him to fall to the ground.
  • You want to play tennis with meatballs (courtesy of the Swedish Chef), Statler and Waldorf will be more than happy to oblige from the comfort of their balcony.
    Waldorf: Fifteen-love!
  • Speaking of the Swedish Chef, there's the time everyone thought he was going to do Chocolate Mousse. Of course, this being the Swedish Chef, something's not quite right. In this case, it's the fact he's actually planning to make Chocolate Moose. As in the Chef starts brushing chocolate on a moose. Unfortunately, not everyone gets to see Kermit's panicked reaction to this.
    Kermit: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Cease! Enough! Stop! Curtain!
  • Bunsen Honeydew's demonstration on fire-proof paper goes awry, as usual. Things only get worse (for Beaker) when he reveals what next week's demonstration is: flammable water.
  • In the Phyllis Diller episode, Hilda claims she's 35. Scooter asks Fozzie if she could really be 35, and Fozzie, without missing a beat, says "Only around the waist." There you have it: the one time Fozzie was actually funny. Too bad he wasn't on stage.
  • In the Roger Miller episode, there's a disease that's turning people into chickens. Kermit doesn't want to worry Miller, so he tells Robin not to let him know they're turning into chickens. At which point Miller turns up.
  • In the Charles Aznavour episode, Gonzo, dissatisfied with the way that his career is treated on the show, hires Scooter as his manager. The two of them present their first idea to Kermit, a "rock act." Kermit incredulously states that Gonzo can't sing, so they offer to clarify.
    Gonzo: (hitting a rock with a mallet repeatedly) ART! ART! ART!
    Kermit: Out! Out! Out!
  • One of the best moments of Self-Deprecation was from the Señor Wences episode.
    Statler: Personally, I don't care for puppets much. I don't find them believable.
    Waldorf: I don't believe you!
    Both: Doh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
    • The Stinger is of them playing with puppets of their own and humming the show's theme song. They then look at each other and throw the puppets over the side.
  • In the Kaye Ballard episode, the orchestra gets into a dispute with Kermit over the show's theme song, and eventually quit, leaving Nigel (the song's composer) conducting Rowlf playing solo on the piano as the credits roll:
    Rowlf: You must admit, Nigel, this does sound kind of square.
    Nigel: Play, hound, play!
  • From the Star Wars episode, which had Mark Hamill alternating between playing himself and Luke Skywalker; Angus McGonagle launches into his performance - gargling Gershwin - only to have Hamill come up behind him, with a GLORIOUSLY goofy grin on his face, and join in for a duet. And then Kermit sics Animal on them and chases them off the stage.
  • The Running Gag where Fozzie keeps saying he has a letter, or a note, or a wire, or some other form of message for Kermit, only to present him with a literal interpretation (a single letter, a musical note, a wire hanger). The best part is probably when Kermit admits it's Actually Pretty Funny and tries it on Scooter, who obliviously says he doesn't have time to read the letter right now. Fozzie returns and rubs it in Kermit's face with a simple "Haaaa!" At the end, Kermit tries to get Fozzie back with a Pie in the Face. In what is clearly a Throw It In! moment, the pie doesn't land the first time, and the second time it splashes on guest star Candice Bergen, leading Fozzie to say "Look what you did!"
  • When Scooter first joins the crew, Fozzie comes up to inform Kermit that 'there's some weird looking kid roaming around backstage."
    Fozzie: ...he keeps giving me jokes! And they're awful.
    Kermit (after a moment's thought): Fozzie... How would YOU know??
  • When Miss Piggy meets Big Bird, she's miffed when he has no idea who she is. When she tries to explain that she's the singing star of the show, Big Bird laughs incredulously at the idea of a singing pig. Enraged, Piggy attempts to karate chop him, but just as she takes a swing, Big Bird doubles over with the hilarity of it all, causing Piggy not only to miss but fall over the railing on the second floor.
    Big Bird: Oh, and you do acrobatics too! (to the audience) She's very versatile.
  • The Swedish Chef making a banana split, being disrupted by a line of hat dancers every time he said, "split." His solution? Throw a Banana Peel in front of his counter. The dancers take the bait and THEY ALL GO DOWN!!!
  • During the Candice Bergen episode, the Bouncing Borsolino Brothers, an acrobatic act made up of six pigs, are arguing backstage.
    Kermit: We got to get organized down here. Will somebody tell those pigs to knock it off?
    Hilda: Knock it off!
    Zoot: Knock it off!
    Wayne: Knock it off!
    Kermit: Now will we knock off the knocking-it-offs?
    Hilda: Knock off the knocking-it-offs!
    Zoot: Knock off the knocking-it-offs!
    Wayne: Knock off the knocking-it-offs!
    Kermit: Knooock iiit ooooff!
  • In the Edgar Bergen episode, Bergen's dummy Charlie McCarthy mistakes Kermit for a toad loose in the theater.
    Edgar Bergen: Charlie, Kermit is supposed to be here.
    Charlie McCarthy: Yeah?
    Edgar: Yes. And besides, don't you know the difference between a frog and a toad?
    Charlie: No, I guess not.
    Kermit: Well, you see, frogs are handsome, debonair and charming, while toads are ugly and give you warts.
    Charlie: I see. I guess the toad is supposed to be here.
  • In the Nancy Walker episode, Sam gives an editorial about nudity, claiming that everyone is going around naked... under their clothes. Sam then continues to include animals being naked under their fur. And then he gets to birds... at which point he covers himself up and runs off the stage.
  • Statler and Waldorf's opinion of the medium sketch from the James Coco episode. "It wasn't rare, and it certainly wasn't well done."
  • The "Pig Calypso" number, where Miss Piggy sings about her love for Kermit. Kermit is given a chance to sing the last verse:
    Kermit: "The frog has come to have his say. The pig will never get her way. Bib and napkin, knife and fork is the only way that I'll touch pork."
  • This exchange between Sam the Eagle and his dancing partner during one of the "At the Dance" segments.
    Sam's Partner: What's the difference between immoral and illegal?
    Sam the Eagle: "Immoral" is doing bad things. "Illegal" is me with a tummy ache. [Collective Groan] I didn't write it.
  • The Elton John episode took place at the time of Elton's career where he wore those crazy costumes,note  and naturally had fun with this.
    • At one point, Sam expresses his dislike of Elton to Kermit, namely, that he dresses "like a stolen car". He's also outraged when Kermit claims Mozart wore high heels, wigs, and silk stockings, and states that if it's proven true, he'll eat his hat and introduce Elton's next number. Right then, Scooter comes in with a painting of Mozart, wearing period heels, silk stockings, and a powdered wig.
      Sam: (Looking at the painting in horror) What?
      Scooter: Hey, Sam, you'd look great in a powdered wig!
      Sam: (To the audience) Good grief. I've been hornswoggled.
    • Two "Whatnot" muppets promptly show up with a changing screen and shove Sam into an elaborate costume - and, at Kermit's prodding, he starts eating the hat after introducing Elton and Miss Piggy performing "Don't Go Breaking My Heart".
    • At the end of the episode, the Muppets are all dressed in flamboyant costumes. When Kermit introduces Elton for the final goodbye, the guest star comes out in a plain brown suit.
    Scooter: Boy, Elton, you look weird!
    Elton: Well, you're all dressed like stolen cars.
  • Any musical number where Animal gets bored with the tempo and decides to speed things up. He always does it gradually until by the end of the song, everyone else is desperately trying to keep up. Most famously in the "Row Row Row" number in the Elke Sommer episode. By the end, they were going so fast, the boat ended up sinking from all the rocking.


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