Here's my thoughts on him. Please, do not take anything I say here personal. We're all here to help each other.
From his profile, the first thing I noticed is that Matthew sounds to be VERY powerful, like, TOO powerful. There's no problem having a powerful hero, but keep in mind that the opposition must be equally if not stronger than he is. The hero can have a superb Magitech Sword and be the one of the very few humans able to control both light and darkness with ease. However
, he must be up against someone who can take him on, like a Magnificent Bastard
Fallen Angel who wants to destroy the world, master at Xanatos Speed Chess
, with a army of angelic-like monsters at his disposal (and this isn't half the list). Otherwise your story will get boring, because there's no one to really oppose the hero and he will reach his goal too easily.
Also, I noticed the only flaw he apparently has is being "very likely to do very, very stupid things because he thinks they are the right thing to do". Didn't he have (or at leats he thinks so) an abusive father and a dead mother? Such troubled past, even if didn't really happen, should have a deep impact on Matthew's personality, and in such cases, it generally goes for the worse. OK, he has a dark side, but personally, I think it shouldn't be up to his dark side being active for him to have more flaws. If he's got more personal flaws to overcome, this can spice the story in interesting ways... Give this a thought.
Overall, I believe your character has potential, specially regards his backstory. I don't know your setting, the whole story, or even the other characters, and they definately influence how the audience will percieve and react to Matthew, but I think he needs some spicing. Having the audience like and cheer for a overly-powerful, handsome, little flawed hero can be something hard to pull off.
As for my character, here goes nothing:
: 21 years old.
: Generally is shy and introspective. He is not used to have friends around and claims to “not being good with people”. Has a very distrustful nature, more than necessary to the place where he lives, being controlled by a dictatorship. He is quite literate, since his parents left him a small collection of fiction books from the past centuries (XX and XXI). Considerably self-centered, he wishes to achieve a better life for himself and his grandfather, who he likes and respects very much, even if he has to work with what he hates most: Mechanical Engineering. He can be a nice and polite man, as long being so doesn’t involve going against the authorities that will put him under the police’s attention. Seeing himself as a weak guy and not being used to fights, he avoids any kind of confrontation, mostly out of fear of getting beaten up.
Having been raised in a system where people are not taught to think by themselves and told to obey the system, he tries to be the perfect “good citizen” of New Delzen (the fictional country where the story takes place in), the only way to join the elite for a better life… Until one day, the finds a keycard leading into the forbidden section of his university’s library. Taken by his intense curiosity and a fever for new books, he commits his first –and serious – infraction, which will lead to his grandfather being arrested in his place, leading him to run away with a classmate when they mutually dislike each other. From there on, Daniel’s world and values will continuously be shaken to the core, having to learn to trust people he never thought he would side with and to finally open his eyes to everything that is wrong with the nation, and he will go from alienated bystander to the pivotal figure of a national uprising
: At first, he can run notoriously fast and be somewhat sneaky. After reading a book called “Tropes: Conventions in TV and other Media” (unknown author) and associating it to all other stories he read through his life, he will become Genre Savvy
. Later, after being subdued to some dangerous experiments, becomes the first successful genetically enhanced human.
: No combat training, little knowledge about machinery, and even less courage to face both personal problems and the social disasters New Delzen is submerged in.
: Free his grandfather and escape with him to abroad… Only realize the only way to truly be free is to confront President Rebald and take him down.
: He really likes and respects his grandfather, and seeing that soon he will be the only who can provide livelihood, he wishes to deliver the best possible for both of them, as he promised to his parents when they left. As he travels around the country and encounters all kinds of people with all kinds of stories of suffering and attempts to escape misery, he decides that President Rebald must be stopped for the common good. And especially after he learns 1) his grandfather is working with the President 2) he used Daniel to try to destroy La Résistance and 3) his parents are not living abroad in the USA, they were arrested and executed for working with the rebels.
: Daniel always had a pretty ordinary life, always more worried to attending his own wishes and not caring much about the rest of the world. He suffered some bullying while in school, and ever since he never had many friends and is not inclined to change that anytime soon. When he was 12, his parents left the country claiming to have to take care of family business in the USA, and promised to take care of his grandfather when he grows up. Now he strives to achieve money and social status by becoming an Engineer and ascending to the New Delzen’s elite.
Role in the Story
: As the protagonist, he is ordinary college student who needs to escape the government’s secret police alongside a distrusting classmate. Later revealed to be an Unwitting Pawn in President Rebald’s plan to destroy the rebels from inside out.
edited 2nd Jul '13 12:12:38 AM by NightChaos
"......Huh?" Myself, 2014.