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Season 1

     Episode 1 - Pilot  

  • The very first scene: Lucifer gets pulled over for speeding, he's asked for his license and registration, so he pulls out a wad of bills and starts counting them.
    Cop: Are you trying to bribe me, sir?
    Lucifer: Yes, of course. [continues counting]
  • Lucifer realizing that Chloe is immune to his charms.
    Chloe: Lucifer Morningstar. Is that a stage name?
    Lucifer: God-given, I'm afraid.
  • Lucifer walking into Delilah's ex-record producer's wedding to get information.
    • Jimmy Barnes' WTF face when he finds out that his bride doesn't want to get dirty with him after the wedding.
      Lucifer: Let's be honest here, I mean, you're not marrying this human stain because you're actually in love with him, right?
      Bride: God, no. (Beat)
      Lucifer: ...Right, well I should get going. Oh, best of luck with you crazy kids.
  • As Lucifer's dangling Two-Vile off the balcony.
    Lucifer: The heart's mysterious. (Beat) ...so I'm told.
    • After Chloe shows up for her own questions.
    Lucifer: That's a waste of time, detective. I've just threatened his life, he's not our guy. He would've said, trust me.
    Chloe: [Briefly closes her eyes] You did what?
  • Lucifer and Trixie's first interactions.
    Lucifer: That's a hooker's name.
    Trixie: What's a hooker?
    Lucifer: Ask your mother.
    • In the very next scene:
    Trixie: [To Chloe] What's a hooker?
    [Chloe glares at Lucifer. Lucifer looks away innocently.]
    Chloe: Daddy'll tell you.
  • Lucifer getting Dr. Martin to easily crack and tell him and Chloe who Delilah is seeing. He even compares himself to heroin.
    • Lucifer promising to pay Dr. Linda in sex for her help.
    Linda: I do yoga. Hot. Yoga. I'm freakishly flexible.
  • Lucifer using his powers on Grey Cooper.
    Lucifer: So you were sleeping with her?
    Grey: [With a huge grin] Oh yeah. (Beat) Crap. I just said that in front of people.
    • When Grey's girlfriend revealed she already knew and was already sleeping with Grey's bodyguard. Cue Oh, Crap! look from Bobby the bodyguard.
    • A fight takes place between Grey Cooper and his bodyguard after Amanda admits that she's having an affair with him. Chloe decides to arrest them both.
  • Lucifer trolls Chloe when she wakes up after getting shot.
    Chloe: How long have I been out?
    Lucifer: (Sigh) Three years...

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     Episode 2 - Lucifer, Stay. Good Devil  

  • Lucifer comes upon a fire and brimstone street preacher, except it turns out he's just a performance artist, and wants Lucifer to leave because he's interrupting his show. Lucifer then shows him his real face, causing him to run away screaming.
  • Chloe is still baffled as to how Lucifer survived being shot, not buying his explanation of being immortal.
    Chloe: I'm going to figure out your secret.
    Lucifer: It's not a secret when I'm telling you!
  • Chloe finds Lucifer smoking a joint he found at the crime scene.
    Chloe: You're smoking evidence!
    • Also when she takes the joint from him.
      Lucifer: Wait, it's 'puff, puff, pass', not 'puff, puff, stomp angrily.'
  • The way Lucifer trumpets when talking about Chloe's assets.
    Chloe: I never want to see you doing that ever again.
  • Lucifer tossing Trixie's doll for her to fetch, treating her like she was a dog.
    Lucifer: Is this too advanced for her?
    Trixie: You're funny.
    • Lucifer's reaction to her glomping him:
    Lucifer: (somewhat awkwardly) Hello again, small human.
  • Lucifer charms his way past an attractive desk officer in order to speak to a suspect. Later, a much older and more matronly officer is at the desk (implied to deter further attempts), but apparently fell for Lucifer's charm in the exact same way.
    Chloe: Where did [he] go? Did someone get him?
    Desk sergeant: Why yes! It was that tall, handsome British fella. (Beat) ...Oh no. I did it too, didn't I?
  • Chloe finally deciding she should tell Trixie about her Old Shame movie. Only for Trixie to reveal she's already seen it.
    Trixie: I have the Internet.
    Chloe: Oh. Right.
    Trixie: This isn't even in HD.

     Episode 3 - The Would-Be Prince of Darkness  

  • Lucifer gleeful at meeting a star football player who's a virgin.
    Lucifer: A celebrity virgin in Los Angeles! It's like a four-leaf clover and a unicorn had a baby! You know, without having sex.
    • Lucifer uses his powers to ask Ty what he truly desires
    Ty: I want to skip my morning workout sometimes.
    Lucifer: Boring.
    Ty: Just... chill on the couch and watch Masterchef.
    Lucifer: This is the fantasy life of a post-menopausal housewife!
    Ty: I uh... I want to get laid so damn bad.
    Lucifer: And there it is!
  • After seeing Ty making out with his one-night-stand, his girlfriend goes to an all-night frozen yogurt shop to cry and eat bowl after bowl of fro yo... for three hours. All captured on camera.
    Dan: This is the saddest thing I've ever seen.
  • Lucifer hears about his impostor.
    Woman: He performed at a rap battle last week in the Valley.
    Lucifer: Every single part of that sentence horrifies me.
    • Hearing more of the imposter's antics "diluting the Lucifer brand".
      Lucifer: I'd rather return to the fires of Hell than spend a night in Tarzana!
    • Maze: And then somebody with your name and credit card skipped out on a 2000 dollar tab... at Zany Wings. [Bursts into laughter]
    • And when the imposter turns out to be some random hipster:
    • Apparently Justin is a bit of a "two-pump chump". And cries after sex.
      Justin: ... that happened one time.
    • And Maze's reaction to Lucifer yelling at Justin.
      Maze: This is so hot. It's like you're punishing yourself.
  • While looking at suspect photos.
    Lucifer: Ginger lad. Soulless bastards, give even me the creeps!

     Episode 4 - Manly Whatnots  

  • Hearing a noise as she exits the shower, Chloe finds Lucifer in her kitchen and is startled into dropping her towel, ending up buck naked except for a gun.
    • And then his reaction.
      Lucifer: Good morning, detective!
  • Lucifer meeting Dan.
    Dan: What in God's name are you doing here?
    Lucifer: Nothing in His name at all.
  • Chloe kicking Lucifer out.
    Lucifer: Never been thrown out of anywhere in my life! Except Heaven, of course.
    • As he's leaving he asks someone to flip the omelette, "if it's not already ruined".
    • He's so upset about it that he goes right to Martin to complain about Chloe having a "genetic disorder" and interrupting another appointment by her. He goes on for quite a bit before realizing there's someone else in the room already.
  • Chloe is adamant that she and Lucifer will never sleep together.
    Chloe: When Hell freezes over.
    Lucifer: I can arrange that, actually.
  • Lucifer tries to pull the "deepest desires" trick on a security guard to ask him who among the bevy of beautiful women he's interested in. The man's answer: Lucifer himself; the guard's gay. Lucifer is surprised but also flattered by it as he sends the guy off.
  • Lucifer gets the number from the woman handing out name tags and then hands it off to an attendee who is shocked.
    Attendee: Whoa, did you just numbers close the name tag girl?
    Lucifer: *Puts the number in the attendee's pocket* Lose it wisely.
    • And the It in question ain't the number.
  • Lucifer's complete inability to understand why Chloe isn't attracted to him is hysterical.
    Lucifer: Were you hit on the head when you were small?
  • Lucifer interrupts the speech of the pickup artist "expert" to openly ask the crowd why he can't get Chloe to sleep with him, even getting a spotlight on them as Chloe can't believe this is happening.
  • Coming to his club, Chloe finds Lucifer is providing "equal measure" by standing naked before her. She hands him a coat to his disbelief.
    • Chloe is thrown to see the scars where Lucifer's wings were.
      Chloe: My God.
      Lucifer: Yes, I suppose it is His fault.
  • Chloe comes to a party at the club in a dress Lucifer gave her at the last minute, when he said the outfit she was wearing previously made her look too much like an undercover cop. After she puts it on, Lucifer reveals it was left behind by one of his conquests.
    Chloe: What was she wearing when she left?
    Lucifer: [cheerily] A smile!
    Chloe: If I get an STD from this, I'm going to kill you.
  • A guy tries the old "Ten-I-See" line on Chloe.
    Lucifer: Oh, you poor soul. Does that actually work?
    Poor Soul: [Sadly] No...
    • And then Chloe trying to get information on the case by flirting with the aforementioned poor soul.
      Chloe: That's cute. You're cute.
      Poor Soul: Really? That's ne-
      Chloe: Say, were you at the party last week?
      Poor Soul: No, this is my fi-
      [Chloe turns away without another word]
  • Lucifer giving Chloe a sexy dress to disguise the fact that she's a cop only to have random men come up and hit on her.
    Lucifer: I think the dress may have backfired, actually.
  • Lucifer chuckles that tails, hoof and horns are "all the stuff of TV and movies."
  • Lucifer and Carver discover that not only is Carver's love, Lindsay, in on her own "kidnapping" but she's a woman Carver slept with two years ago and he didn't even remember meeting her before.
    Lindsay: I met you at the library. Good place to score desperate babes. That's in Chapter Eleven, I believe?
    Lucifer: Oh, that's bad.
    Lindsay: I was a virgin, Carver.
    Lucifer: That's worse.
  • Lucifer getting shot in the leg by Chloe.
    Lucifer: Good for you! See? Hardly hurts.
    Chloe: I can't believe...
    Lucifer: Gah. Actually, no, it's hurting a little bit. It's...Gah! It's hurting a lot. Son of a bitch. That really hurts!
    *beat*
    Lucifer: I'm bleeding.
    Chloe: You're bleeding.
    Lucifer: I'm bleeding.

     Episode 5 - Sweet Kicks  

  • Lucifer asks a model what her deepest desire is: "A cheeseburger."
  • Lucifer explaining how he got onto the case.
    Lucifer: She gets what she wants and I get what I want, a nice juicy gang war.
    Chloe: You mean you offered to prevent a gang war.
    Lucifer: Tomato, toe-mah-toe.
    • Also...
      Lucifer: When do I get my own gun?
      Chloe: I wouldn't trust you with my kid's lightsaber.
  • Chloe refuses to drink on duty.
    Lucifer: You are the youngest old person I've ever met! And coming from an immortal, that's saying something.
  • Maze likes hanging out at a coffee shop because it reminds her of Hell.
    Maze: Torturing themselves with dreams they know, deep down, they will never achieve. Reminds me of home.
  • Speaking of the coffee shop, the barista has no idea how to spell "Mazikeen." When she asks how, Maze just smirks and says "surprise me." A few minutes later, we see that the barista settled on "Mike."
  • Lucifer breaking into a suspect's house.
    Lucifer: I prevented an immediate danger. He was about to leave this poor woman totally unsatisfied.
    • The suspect turns out to be the victim's cousin and is deeply broken up about her death.
      Lucifer: This is our bad guy? No wonder he can't get it up..."
      Lucifer: I was promised a gang war, instead I get a crybaby. This is boring.
    • And later, the notorious criminal Yellow Viper is found teaching graffiti to young people.
      Lucifer: Teaching art to youngsters? I mean, this bad guy thing is getting on to be a joke now. What's next, cuddles and ice cream?
  • Chloe gets a text.
    Lucifer: Anemic sext from St. Douche?
    Chloe: Benny. Someone else is dead.
    Lucifer: Ooooh, less boring!
    • Benny Choi's pet pig is found dead. Lucifer's response?
      Lucifer: Bacon for dinner, I guess. [Benny shoots him a look] ...and my deepest condolences.
  • Lucifer distracts the gangsters by giving a vaguely insulting ramble.
    Lucifer: And those trousers, I mean, you wear them so low that, well, your ass is exposed to other naughty men, and we all know what kind of danger that can bring, don't we?
    Paula: You making fun of his pants, yo?
    Lucifer: Wait, I'm confused. Are we talking about trousers or pants? note 
  • Watching Maze kick the asses of a gang.
    Chloe: Your bartender's a ninja? Of course she is.
    • Lucifer gleefully lists off the injuries the gangsters receive with medical terminology, throwing in comments such as "I love that move!" All the while, Chloe has a "What's wrong with this guy?" look on her face.
  • Lucifer's Hypocritical Humor
    Lucifer: If there's one thing the Devil knows, it's that people need to take responsibility for their own bad behavior.
    Chloe: [Looks at Lucifer meaningfully] Yes, people do need to take responsibility for their own bad behavior.
    Lucifer: I just said that. Are you hearing impaired?
  • Lucifer informs Chloe he is now an "official civilian consultant for the LAPD."
    Lucifer: Not that there's anything civil about the Devil, what fun would that be?
  • Lucifer gets a taste for being mortal and wants to feel new things. So Chloe slaps him.
    Lucifer: Bloody hell, that hurt. Do it again.

     Episode 6 - Favorite Son  

  • A close-up of Chloe saying "this will go easy on you if you just fess up." It then shows she's talking to Trixie, who's denying eating any of her birthday cake despite chocolate all over her mouth.
  • Lucifer checking out a dead body.
    Lucifer: This poor sap is either already in Hell or in the Silver City enduring Uriel's welcome speech—which is far worse than Hell if you ask me.
  • Lucifer offers his help again.
    Chloe: I need your help like I need a third boob. Wait, don't say a word, knew it was a mistake the minute it came out of my mouth.
  • A Freeze-Frame Bonus: the sign on Trixie's door states, "No boys allowed except Lucifer and Dad".
  • Dan waking up naked in Chloe's bed.
    • He then dons Chloe's clothes to sneak out of the house and enters the club to confront Maze dressed in pink sweatpants and top with an N*Sync t-shirt. He says he's going to arrest her for assaulting a police officer since she knocked him out, stripped him naked, and snuck him into Chloe's house. Maze points out that he can't arrest her, either because no one will believe that it actually happened, or because nobody will be able to take him seriously anymore.
    Dan: Why would you think that putting me in her bed naked would get us to have sex?
    Maze: [Sigh] Always works for me.
    • Dan has to bribe Trixie to get her to get clothes. The deal, on her part, is chocolate cake from Dan on every visit. Meta-funny is the series in later episodes often call-backs this subtly by showing him indeed bringing her chocolate cake every time. Also, that Chloe will never find out about the "naked in bed" incident, and never starts to wonder / ask Dan "What's will all those chocolate cakes lately?".
  • All of Maze's interactions with Dan. The best part of the "drop him naked in Chloe's bed" plan is that she wasn't being a troll—she genuinely thought that would solve their relationship issues.
    • What's even more funny is that actually does help their relationship, since he happened to overhear something important while hiding from Chloe.
  • Lucifer and Chloe working together to get information.
    Lucifer: We were like fish and chips! Salt and pepper! Hipsters and condescension!
  • Lucifer asking the biker gang leader what his deepest desire is. The answer? To own a clothing line. The man then goes on to complain about how exhausting riding a bike is at his age and how it's bad for his prostate.
  • Lucifer chasing the thief through the workshop.
    Lucifer: That tingling sensation running up your spine? Inevitability. And that bit running down your leg? Fear.

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     Episode 7 - Wingman  

  • Maze's absolutely giddy face when she's torturing the guy at the beginning. Followed by her pouting when Lucifer tells her to let the guy go.
  • Lucifer warning Amenadiel to watch his temper at the auction. "Honey, not vinegar."
  • "I love being the bearer of bad news."
  • "If you truly worship the dollar, then I'm your ticket to divinity."
  • Lucifer asks that Chloe help him look for his missing wings.
    Dan: Did you really put out an APB for ...angel wings?
    Chloe: ...Maybe.
  • Amenadiel and Lucifer bonding at the "holy relics" auction over the obvious fakes. They especially note that the manacles supposedly worn by Saint Paul would never have fit him.
    Lucifer: Never one to pass on dessert, that one.
    Amenadiel: He should have been the Saint of—
    Both: Honey cakes. [they laugh, then fade into an awkward pause as they realize they're actually getting along for once]
  • Lucifer annoyed at how Amenadiel and Chloe are getting along.
  • Amenadiel enjoys getting a few digs in on Lucifer for a change.
    Amenadiel: Aren't you going to chase after her? Perhaps I can ask Father for some rain and make it a moment.
  • Lucifer trying to fist bump Amenadiel, only for the latter to merely stare at his outstretched fist.

     Episode 8 - Et Tu, Doctor?  

  • Lucifer spends the entire episode completely unable to see his jealousy over Dan getting close to Chloe, despite Linda repeatedly pointing it out to him.
  • Lucifer apologizes to Linda for his behavior last time.
    Lucifer: I did send flowers. And chocolates. And now myself, so save the best gift for last.
  • When Lucifer finds out they need a therapist to help look through the files, he suggests Dr. Linda. Chloe says it doesn't work like that; a judge makes the choice. Lucifer promptly sleeps with the judge to get her to pick Linda.
    Chloe: What did you do?
    Lucifer: I think who I did would be the operative question.
    • And then Chloe and Linda get along surprisingly well, to Lucifer's annoyance.
    Chloe: And here I thought you were sleeping with him.
    Linda: Oh, I am.
  • Linda shows up at Lux, and Maze insults her. Linda calmly picks apart her motivations, saying people tend to be rude and aggressive when they're feeling defensive or powerless. "But I'm sure that's not you at all." Maze just smirks and says, "I like you."
  • Sandy reveals how she's kept bags of poop in her car to throw at a cheating patient.
    Lucifer: I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed.
    Sandy: My friend owns a horse.
    Chloe: That's oddly comforting to know.
  • Lucifer barges into a group-therapy grief session to force them all to help him with his problem. It cuts away, and when it cuts back, he's explained his situation. Turns out he recapped the entire show.
    Lucifer: There's so very much to discuss. So let's start with the most important thing, shall we? Me.
    (later)
    Lucifer: So... what do you think? Yes?
    Patient 1: So... you're the Devil?
    Lucifer: Yes yes, try to keep up! Anyone? You.
    Patient 2: When you say you burned your wings, is that like a metaphor?
    Lucifer: Not focusing on the right details!
    Tiffany: She was really going to throw poop at me?
    Lucifer: God, this isn't about you, Tiffany.
  • Lucifer's undisguised glee at finding the killer.
    Lucifer: Solved it, haven't I? Haven't I?!

     Episode 9 - A Priest Walks Into a Bar  

  • Linda suggests Lucifer is attempting to "fill the void" left by Maze.
    Lucifer: Attempt? I filled five voids last night.
  • Lucifer muses on Father Frank Lawrence's name.
  • Lucifer & Chloe go into a church.
    Lucifer: Knock, knock!
    Chloe: Stay here while I look for Father Frank, and don't get into any trouble.
    Lucifer: It's a church! What are we gonna do, pray too hard? (sees woman enter confessional box) Heee...llo!
  • Lucifer trolling by hanging out in the confession booth.
    Woman: My last confession was three hours ago.
    Lucifer: Ooooh, a speedy sinner...For your penance, ten Bloody Marys and a good shag.
  • In an otherwise sad scene, as Lucifer tends to the shot Frank:
    Frank: I'm not afraid to die.
    Lucifer: Well you should be, it's really boring where you're headed.
    Frank: Hope so, I've had enough excitement for one life.

     Episode 10 - Pops  

  • Lucifer seducing a clerk with a tasty strawberry as "The Devil Inside" by INXS plays. When she utters "Oh, God!" the music immediately cuts with a scratch.
    Lucifer: Really? You had to bring Him up now? I mean, we were having a moment!
    • And then the camera pulls back to reveal Chloe and police around a body, revealing Lucifer was trying to pick up a woman at a murder scene.
  • Chloe is at first surprised Lucifer is upset about the murder of a chef, then realizing it's because he'll never enjoy the man's food again.
    Chloe: So this isn't about the man, this is about your stomach.
    Lucifer: This is about a crime against good taste, Detective!
  • Discovering the chef's staff (all suspects) saw him as a father figure, Lucifer is delighted.
    Lucifer: This is patricide! A tale as old as time! Oedipus, the Menendez Brothers, Voldemort!
  • Penelope actually trying to pass herself off as Chloe's sister and the look of horror on Chloe's face when she realizes how huge a fan Lucifer is.
  • Lucifer pleased Penelope knows the chef.
    Lucifer: A woman of refined taste as well. (To Chloe) What happened to you?
  • Maze asking if she needs to sleep with Linda too to get her help and Linda just replying "I'm good, I'm good."
    • Not just asking, she was already climbing across the table. The look of disbelief on Linda's face that turns into almost-amusement just sells it.
  • Chloe and Lucifer check out a suspect's home.
    Lucifer: Board shorts. I don't know what further proof you need that he's deranged.
  • Lucifer annoyed hearing a couple in a hotel yelling "oh, God" while having sex.
    Lucifer: You're not the one being taunted all the while! "Oh God" this and "Oh God" that! He's popping up everywhere and spoiling my favorite things!
    Chloe: I'd really hate to be in your head.
  • Maze seeing Trixie enter the bar. "His friends get worse and worse."
  • Trixie on the fighting between Chloe and Penelope.
    Maze: Which one wants you to look like an old drag queen?
    Trixie: Grandma, I guess.
  • What Trixie wants to be: "The first President of Mars. Or a zookeeper."
  • To get Trixie out of the room, Dan tells her she gets to eat chocolate cake in bed. When she asks why, he asks, "Does it matter?" She cheerfully concedes the point and takes the cake.
  • The killer starts a fire in the restaurant to escape.
    Lucifer: This place cannot possibly be up to code.
    • Followed by his noting the irony of the Devil burned by fire.
  • Chloe invites Lucifer to get them out of the burning restaurant, with the implication she expects an awesome display of supernatural power. Gilligan Cut to Lucifer carrying her out with a blanket over her head.
    Chloe: (muffled) You can put me down!
  • Lucifer tries to comfort Chloe that she won't become like her mother because he certainly isn't his father... only for Chloe to snore and for Lucifer to realize he turned down drunken sex to cuddle with a woman. He looks up and whispers, "Oh God" as a heavenly choir sings.

     Episode 11 - St. Lucifer  

  • Chloe is of course horrified to find herself waking up naked in Lucifer's bed.
    Chloe: Oh, God.
    Lucifer: Don't worry, my father's the forgiving sort. Well, except when it comes to me. Triple espresso or hair of the dog?
    • He then proceeds to troll her with the idea that they had sex, saying "I'm pretty sure we made Rosemary's baby," and that she had "moves that would make the Devil blush."
  • Lucifer's imitation of Chloe yelling "It's too hot in this five-star hellhole!"
  • Lucifer, as usual, thinks first about how the victim's death relates to him.
    Chloe: Only you could turn a tragic death into an excuse to talk about you.
    Lucifer: [confused] Well, who else would I talk about?
  • Lucifer chastising a man for selling a championship ring at a pawn shop. "The Dark Web has much better margins."
  • Lucifer strips naked in a pawn shop to give his shirt and pants to a man and adding "Yes, the Devil really does wear Prada" and "Dry clean only."
    • Chloe turns around after her phone call to find that Lucifer's given his clothes away.
  • Chloe and Lucifer discussing the case.
    Chloe: It's hard to change your nature.
    Lucifer: Look at me.
    Chloe: No, thank you. I've seen plenty.
    Lucifer: Cheeky.
  • Lucifer thrown to find a man is gay.
    Lucifer: The Devil usually has impeccable gaydar.
  • Lucifer gives Lux a makeover for the charity event.
    Lucifer: You'd never know Lux was a den of iniquity, would you? Unless you looked at the floor.
  • Lucifer warning Chloe about pressing a suspect.
    Lucifer: This is a woman who hasn't eaten carbs since the '90s and stayed married to a gay man. If she doesn't want to talk, she won't.
  • Lucifer finds Malcolm coming to face him with a gun.
    Malcolm: I'm here to murder you.
    Lucifer: ...Well. That is a buzzkill.
  • Lucifer laughing over how "my holier-than-thou brother has hired someone to kill me? This really is Opposite Day, isn't it?"
  • Amenadiel proving to Maze that he can be spontaneous, by telling her that he is responsible for the goat thing with Lucifer.

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     Episode 12 - #TeamLucifer 
  • Lucifer tests his immortality by having Maze throw knifes at him.
    Lucifer: Demon daggers don't count, we know those prick. And speaking of, how's my brother?
    Maze: (indicates herself) Three weeks of a whole lot of this? How do you think he's doing?
    • Maze misses with one of the knives when Lucifer ducks and the two watch the sharp, pointy object whirl off the balcony into LA traffic.
    Maze: Oops.
  • Malcolm tries to get on Lucifer's good side.
    Lucifer: It's the wink with the porn 'stache that's sending the wrong message.
  • The running gag of Lucifer constantly annoyed at what cultists think about him.
    Lucifer: Why do people always associate me with goats? I don't even like their cheese!
  • When Chloe discovers a secret room, Lucifer yells "Hello, bad guys?!". Chloe slaps him on the shoulder for doing it.
    • Lucifer not liking the sacrificial chicken on the grounds of getting salmonella.
  • Lucifer and Chloe trying to get into a cult. After initial denial, Chloe offers up the real Lucifer.
    Lucifer: I get that a lot.
    • How they get in is even more hilarious. Lucifer asks Chloe to get his ID in the car, and once she's distracted, Lucifer shows the cultist his real eyes and the guy runs away screaming.
  • Lucifer losing it at the cult meeting and the cultists just dismissing him as another one of their members.
  • A cultist issuing what could be seen as a Take That! on those who were mocking the show's premise.
    Cultist: Oh, the Devil's a cop now, is he?
  • Mike admitting he doesn't believe in the whole devil worship thing.
    Mike: The Devil ain't going to buy me an Aston Martin.
    Lucifer: Well, not with that attitude, he won't.
  • Lucifer and Chloe looking at a painting of a red-skinned and horned Devil
    Chloe: Looks just like you.
    Lucifer: I manscape.
  • Lucifer wants to talk to Trixie but Chloe tells him not to wake her up. The moment Chloe walks up the stairs, Lucifer kicks open Trixie's door and throws a stuffed animal at her.
    Trixie: Did you just throw a toy at me?
    Lucifer: Oh good! You're awake!
  • Suspecting Chloe might be an angel, Lucifer does the logical thing: He interrogates Trixie.
    Lucifer: There's some chocolate cake in it for you.
    Trixie: I want cash.
    Lucifer: Oh... I like your style.

     Episode 13 - Take Me Back To Hell  

  • Lucifer on Amenadiel being sorry for his actions.
    Lucifer: You know, I think this side of you is actually scarier than the other one.
  • Amenadiel and Lucifer in joint therapy with Dr. Linda is about as amusing as you'd expect it to be.
    Linda: Are you even a real doctor?
    Lucifer: Of course he isn't! If he knew anything about human nature, we wouldn't be in this mess!
  • Linda moaning about the ethical position she's in regarding Lucifer and Amenadiel, Lucifer opening his mouth...
    Linda: Let me guess, you were going to make a joke about putting me in a position, correct?
    Lucifer: That's true, yeah.
  • And then there's this:
    Linda: And you continue to insist on these ridiculous metaphors! Heaven! Hell! Angels! Demons!
    Amenadiel: They're not met-
    Lucifer: *interrupting* You do NOT want to pick this fight. Just don't.
  • All through the episode Lucifer introduces Amenadiel as his brother, and pretty much gets the reaction you'd expect when a white guy with an English accent introduces a black guy with an American accent that way.
    Lucifer: I know, shocking, isn't it, he's much less handsome than I am.
  • Lucifer and Amenadiel crash a funeral to talk up an informant and both note that the thing is "just a show" as the actual corpse is far beyond their cares.
  • Lucifer trolls Chloe by pretending to be a cop.
    Lucifer: (in an American accent) Put your hands in the air and walk towards me peacefully. If you do not - I repeat, if you do not - we will have no choice but to shoot you... with our new bazooka. (Chloe's face goes from "oh shit I've been caught" to "WTF?")
  • The only thing better than Lucifer and Amenadiel teaming up? Chloe and Maze teaming up.
    Maze: Wish I had my knives.
    Chloe: You don't need them.
    Maze: I never need them.
  • Maze noting "to think I almost killed you in your sleep that one time" and Chloe doing a great "wait, what?" double take.
  • Lucifer and Amenadiel take a time out in front a large group of heavily armed goons and huddle to discuss how they're going to handle this, deciding a literal Bash Brothers strategy would be the most fun.
  • Lucifer asking why they don't just go right after Malcolm.
    Chloe: Because it's incredibly impulsive and short-sighted.
    Lucifer: Have you noticed that's my jam?
  • Lucifer put out to find Dan has proven his innocence.
    Lucifer: Can I rethink my surrender?
  • When Chloe pulls her out of the way of gunfire and lands on top of her, Maze looks down at their breasts pressing together, grins, and tells Chloe she understands why Lucifer likes her.

Season 2

    Episode 1 - Everything's Coming Up Lucifer 

  • Lucifer and Amenadiel confront a bank robber who they believe to be possessed by their mother, only for it to turn out he's just a normal criminal with debts. He is confused and tries to shoot them, so they stop time, argue a bit, and leave. But not before Lucifer takes the opportunity to put a tiara on him, steal his gun and clothes, and tie his shoelaces together.
  • Lucifer tells Linda his mother is going to kill him and quickly adds "that's not a metaphor."
  • Lucifer explains how his mother and God created the universe by having sex.
    Linda: The Big Bang?
    Lucifer: Never knew how appropriate that term was, did you?
  • The new CSI, Ella Lopez, assumes Lucifer is a method actor. She seems far more creeped out by that idea than the possibility that he might actually be the devil.
  • After finding a pack of cash in the victim's home, Lucifer and Chloe exit to the yard packed with plastic flamingos.
    Lucifer: Maybe she needed the cash to fund her flamingo army.
  • Amenadiel is upset when he learns Chloe is going to test Lucifer's blood.
    Lucifer: I'm sorry, am I supposed to answer that?
  • Lucifer mistakenly believes a teen actress with a (false) reputation for purity is possessed by his mother. When he rants about how he knows what she is, she rips off her shirt and jumps on top of him. He starts freaking out, because even though he realizes she's not his mother, he can't get the idea out of his head. Then Chloe walks in.
    Lucifer: Detective, for once, this is not what it looks like.
  • Lucifer reacts to the symbol on a bag of drugs:
    Lucifer: A devil emoji? That's it, I'm speaking to a copyright lawyer, today.
  • Chloe is naturally dubious of Lucifer's explanation of his mother inhabiting a human body. "You're making less sense than you usually do."
    • When Lucifer says his mom has to be behind the drug dealing as it's like her, Chloe gives him a look. "What, you think I took after my dad?" Lucifer replies.
  • Lucifer pushes for Chloe to test his blood.
    Lucifer: Scared of what you might find?
    Chloe: I'm not scared of anything except discovering what STDs you might have.
  • Lucifer describes Maze as "a bad penny...in tight leather pants."
  • Lucifer stands up before an AA group and offers money for drugs, listing a slew of ones to use. Chloe just sits there with a "Oh, God..." look.
  • Asked about his "lowest point," Lucifer fires back. "Hell, I suppose. Can't get lower than that."
  • The actress's boyfriend tries to stab Lucifer out of jealousy. Maze appears out of nowhere and beats him up, while Lucifer just casually finishes his drink.
    Lucifer: Oh, there you are, Maze. I was wondering where you had got off to.
  • Lucifer's look when Maze starts singing the theme song of the actress' TV show, revealing she's a fan.
  • Lucifer accuses Maze of letting his mother out. When she demands to know why she would do something like that, he says "Desperation makes for odd bedfellows. ...and now I just pictured you and my mother in bed. I can't unsee that."
  • Maze explains she was doing some "soul-searching."
    Lucifer: What, like hunting down and killing them?
    Maze: I wish. That would be a lot easier.
  • After Lucifer and Maze have a long conversation about Hell in front of the boyfriend (who's hanging from the ceiling with a gag Lucifer keeps grabbing on and off), Maze says she'll let him go... after she's had her fun. Next time we see them, he's running out the door, having been tarred and feathered, and Maze is watching him go grinning in satisfaction and armed with a cattle prod.
    Boyfriend: What the Hell is wrong with you people!?
  • Lucifer finds himself being strangled by the killer (a burly nurse) and gasps "Don't...tell anyone... I died like this!"
  • Chloe rescues Lucifer by hitting the woman with a taser. Lucifer just groans "nearly had her."
    • On his way out, Lucifer grabs the taser and sends another charge through it, causing the unconscious woman to twitch on the floor. This causes a full on Face Palm from Chloe.

    Episode 2 - Liar, Liar, Slutty Dress on Fire 

  • Lucifer's mother went through two bodies before she got to Tricia Helfer. The first man died of a heart attack; after she possessed him she immediately wandered into traffic and got hit by a bus. The second was a gang banger in the middle of a shootout; the second she wakes up, someone looks at her, says "Man. I thought I'd killed your ass," and shoots her between the eyes.
  • Lucifer's mom shows off her new body.
    Lucifer's mother: I apologize for my human form but at least this one has supreme hindquarters.
    Lucifer: You're lying.
    Lucifer's mother: No, they're quite sturdy, feel it. [Turns around and points her butt at Lucifer's face]
    Lucifer's mother: Now I'm just trapped in this stinky human with the exceptional ass.
  • Lucifer and his mother go back to the hotel where her body was murdered with Lucifer's mother in a very short and very revealing dress. Then she bends over to pick up the "Do Not Disturb" sign and Lucifer cringes.
    Lucifer's mother: Yes, half my hind is exposed. Human attire is very impractical. They're morons, aren't they?
  • When Lucifer says they need to escape a murder scene, his mother jumps into his arms and tells him to fly. He rolls his eyes and leads her out the fire escape. Once they're outside the building, he explains that he cut his wings off.
    Lucifer's Mother: Why would you...? I mean, come to Earth and get a haircut or something, but that's a little extreme!
    • When a guy hits on his mom, Lucifer mutters "him you can kill." He then has to stop her from taking him seriously.
  • Lucifer being the Straight Man when he tries to make her mother understand human rules, such as not taking your clothes off in public. (Plus, she managed to get the dress off in about two seconds. How?!?!)
    • Even better when Lucifer sees his mother naked.
    Lucifer: Traumatized for eternity now, so thank you very much for that.
  • Dan is waiting in an interrogation room as Chloe enters with a stern expression. She sits at a table, glaring before revealing a doll that's been mutilated. It then cuts to Trixie just shrugging.
    • Lucifer interrupts and Chloe makes a frustrated face, prompting him to say, "Ooh. You know, when you make that face, you look a bit like the doll."
    • He also clicks the lights for the room on and off, while making "untz-untz-untz" noises. "Oh, look. You can disco a bad guy into confessing."
  • Lucifer insisting a killer has to be a woman because of the small hands.
    Ella: I've seen some guys with some pretty tiny man-hands.
    Lucifer: Dan doesn't count.
  • Lucifer tries to give Charlotte's husband a wake-up call by going through his wardrobe.
    Lucifer: (holding up a pair of Crocs) There is only one body part rubber should be worn on. Not that you'd know, you've clearly castrated yourself. Hawaiian print? The eighth deadly sin. Dave Matthews tribute tank? Now I'm doubting your sanity.
    • He unzips a bag which explodes cocaine onto his face. Lucifer is downright giddy as he notes "the good stuff as well!" He then welcomes Chloe to "the party."
  • Left alone with a table piled with kilo packages of cocaine in the crime lab, Lucifer furtively looks around, counts "eeny, meeny, miny, moe", and grabs a package to stuff under his coat before casually walking out.
  • Lucifer's mother sees a black and white commercial for mac and cheese and asks Maze about the "strange, gooey substance that this boy is cooing about". Maze's response?
    • She is later seen at the supermarket, her cart filled to the brim with cheese wheels. And then at the end of the episode, she presents Lucifer with a dish of melted cheese mixed with noodles—and covered in about two inches of charcoal. It seems she didn't so much cook it as set it on fire.
  • When Lucifer's mother escapes from Maze, Lucifer tries to reassure himself that there's no way his mother could have gotten very far because she was so unfamiliar with the human world and didn't have anyone to help her.
    Lucifer: How far can a celestial being trapped in a feeble human body for the first time get?
    Maze: Well let's see... She's stupid hot, wearing my clothes, and she's got a corporate credit card.
    Lucifer: (Beat) ...bollocks.
  • After Lucifer's mother convinces Lucifer not to send her back to Hell, she spends a few moments on the balcony gasping in relief, then looks up and gives an absolutely smoldering look of smugness up at her husband before strutting back inside.

    Episode 3 - Sin-Eater 

  • Lucifer is engaged in some kinky waxplay with a new paramour... only for his mother to walk in and politely ask to be introduced. The girl is excited for a threesome.
    Lucifer: That's my mum you're talking about.
    Girl: ...this just got too weird.
  • Dan shows up at the police station, seemingly begging Chloe to give him a second chance and he'll make it up to her. Cut to Trixie (in sunglasses) sitting at the desk as Dan gives her a cake. "You're lucky I like you."
    • Also, Lucifer intones "Good gracious, great balls of fire" and Chloe lets out a "should have seen that coming" sigh.
    • Lucifer goes on a tear, and Ella joins in.
      Lucifer: I've heard of hot pants, but this really brings new meaning to the term fire crotch, doesn't it?
      Chloe: Lucifer!
      Lucifer: Wait, I have more. Smokey Bobinson, Weekend at Burnie's.
      Ella: His burning bush?
      Lucifer: Oh, very good. That was actually me, by the way, so don't tell anyone.
  • The first victim was immolated, with the fire starting at his crotch. Chloe has to repeatedly tell Lucifer "Do not touch the charred crotch."
  • Lucifer notes such a burning is something he reserved for the worst offenders in Hell: "Pedophiles, Nazis, people who put their seats back on a plane."
  • Lucifer and Chloe talk to the victim's ex.
    Lucifer: Things just flame out or go up in a blaze of glory?
    Chloe: Lucifer.
    Lucifer: You're right, too subtle.
  • Lucifer finds his mother at the police station surrounded by a horde of male admirers, to his absolute horror.
    Lucifer: Why are they all being so... chummy?
    Chloe: Well, she used to be a cop and oh yeah, cuz she's a knockout. Personally I'm surprised that you haven't tried ...
    Lucifer immediately leaves her hanging and walks over
    • Lucifer: How did you even find your way here?
    Charlotte: Well it wasn't difficult. I simply smiled at a male human and asked him to take me.
  • Lucifer tells Chloe that her fight with Dan is "hurting those caught in the middle."
    Chloe: You mean Trixie.
    Lucifer: No, I mean me! You know how bored I am hearing all this?
  • When Chloe goes to get the second victim's cell phone out of his pocket, Lucifer says, "Careful, Detective! It might be a booby trap." Chloe makes the same face that in the last episode caused him to notice that she looked like Trixie's mutilated doll.
  • Lucifer notes people should be careful with the phrase "Judgement Day" as "that's not due for a couple more years."
  • Lucifer's mother decides to try and learn about humanity by dancing provocatively in a short dress in Lucifer's club.
    Charlotte: But I have to admit, when I started dancing, rubbing up against the other humans, I got a tingling sensation... [Gestures toward her crotch]
    Lucifer: Okay! That's enough! [Hoists her away in a fireman's carry]
    Charlotte: I don't understand! I thought you'd be pleased by my efforts.
    Lucifer: Disturbed is more like it.
  • At the end of the episode, Lucifer's mother gets attacked by a mugger:
    Mugger: Your money or your life, bitch.
    Charlotte: (very confused) I... choose money. (beat) Does anyone choose life?

    Episode 4 - Lady Parts 

  • Lucifer is happy to finally have a cell phone.
    Lucifer: A thousand Tinder dates and Sex Words With Friends? Gosh, it's more addictive than a whore's navel cocaine.
    • His password for the phone? "Carnal. Capital C."
  • Maze and Lucifer's mother discussing "Charlotte's" new living situation.
    Maze: And how's that human husband?
    "Charlotte": I discovered a trick with him. Whenever he asks a question, I just have sex with him. Seems to render him mute.
    Maze: [impressed] Hm. Took me a while to figure that one out.
    Charlotte: They breathe through their mouths and they won't shut up about something called "gluten".
  • Chloe complains she can't afford a house in a nice neighborhood. When a man comes out in a seemingly blood-stained apron with a butcher's knife, Lucifer states "If this home is the site of a recent massacre, you may well be in an excellent negotiating position."
    • Apparently the man had been harassed by "militant vegans".
  • Lucifer wants Maze to take Chloe out to have fun to get her out of his hair, so he bets Maze his convertible.
    Lucifer: Three drinks should do the trick.
    Maze: [grinning] Sucker's bet! Easy.
    Lucifer: Yes, but you're not allowed to tie her up and pour booze down her throat.
    Maze: [not grinning] ...Less easy.
    • Followed by Maze yelling at somebody off-camera.
    Maze: I said GET NAKED. [To Lucifer]...wanna watch?
  • Amenadiel runs into Linda and mentions his "physical problem" (meaning his decaying wings, but he can't outright mention that because he knows Linda is sceptical about him being supernatural). She, of course, assumes he's talking about erectile dysfunction.
    Linda: It's very common.
    Amenadiel: I doubt that.
  • Apparently, Lucifer isn't a cat person.
    Lucifer: I detest cats. Want an animal to stare at you in contempt? Get a cat. Open box of excrement in your house? Cat.
    And the moment he utters that last sentence, they are walking into the apartment of the girl they're looking for and her cat, and he immediately follows it up with that he's indeed smelling cat excrement in this apartment—to which Chloe immediately corrects him that that's not cat excrement smell, it's a human dead body decaying smell—and she's right.
  • When Maze drags Chloe to girls' night for the bet with Lucifer, Ella pretty much just invites herself and comes along, to Maze's intense confusion.
  • Chloe interrupts Lucifer picking up two girls to talk the case.
    Chloe: You have a finger on the pulse of this town...
    Lucifer: Not the appendage I hoped to have pulsing by now...
  • After Linda shows up for girls' night (Maze invited her), she suggests everyone shares something from their past. Linda paid her way through med school by being a sex caller, Ella used to steal cars (Chloe gives her a look), and Maze just loudly says she was forged in the bowels of Hell to torture the guilty for all of eternity. Chloe is still focused on the case, so they ask her what's on her mind besides the case.
    Chloe: Um... a little divorce... uh... single parenthood... possible homelessness and... most likely, many, many cats in my future.
    Maze: Or things that require batteries.
  • Lucifer is embarrassed to find Amenadiel at Lux drinking a cosmo. When Lucifer takes the drink away to give him something harder, Amenadiel says with an absolutely straight face: "Cosmos are yummy."
  • When Maze suggests taking Chloe and Ella out, she mentions pina coladas, to which Ella, with a Squee! voice, answers "I love pina coladas!". Gilligan Cut to Ella finishing a pina colada (presumably having consumed it very quickly), Chloe not having touched her pina colada at all, and Maze pointedly drinking a beer (instead of a pina colada) with a bored/annoyed face. Then Ella notices that Chloe's pina colada is untouched, and tries to grab it to drink it herself.
  • The girls drunkenly singing karaoke. Including Maze.
    Maze: I wish I had my knives, we could have made a blood oath.
    Chloe: Oooh, next time!
  • Chloe's drunken impression of Lucifer's British accent.
  • Chloe drunkenly wanders toward a good-looking man to the approval of the rest of the girls. She then pushes the man aside to reveal a less-good-looking man behind him. The girls immediately voice their disapproval.
    Maze: NO. Abort!
    Linda: Oh. Don't do that.
    • Even funnier is that Chloe was drunk beforehand, but the moment she addresses the second man, she suddenly seems her sober, serious detective self again. It's as if the "cop part" of her brain immediately took over from the "drunk part" as soon as she noticed she had a new clue in her case.
    • The fact that the other three girls, and the viewer, initially think Chloe's straight walk with a determined face towards those men means she is going to pick them up/flirt with them, but it then turning out she is adressing the second man in a dead-serious way in her role as a LAPD detective, because she noticed a clue involving her case on him.
  • The girls engage in a full on brawl in the bar.
    Maze: No one calls my skank a skank! [Turns to the rest of the girls] I'm hurting her.
    • Chloe and Linda hold Maze back, but Ella throws in with an unhelpful "Wipe that smile off her face!"
    Linda: Clearly, this woman is having some serious trust issues. Or maybe she's just a raging bitch.
  • Which prompts a bar fight. Ella immediately delivers a headlock, Linda dives for cover, Chloe tries to calm everyone down with her badge before she gets tackled, and Maze... well. Even when drunk, Maze effortlessly takes down four large men in about 8 seconds.
  • Dan's This Is Gonna Suck face when Chloe suggests he and Lucifer go undercover at a sex party.
    Lucifer: Then again, if you're me, every party is a sex party of sorts.
    • Dan also reacting when Lucifer drags Amenadiel along to the party.
  • Dan refusing to accept he "looks like a cop."
    Dan: I do not look like a cop.
    Amenadiel: Cop.
  • Dan telling Lucifer and Amenadiel to "keep everything low key." Gilligan Cut to Amenadiel howling and dancing crazily.
  • And as the party's winding down, Lucifer goes to find Amenadiel, sprawled, semi-conscious, in a chair with a glass of wine in his hand. He hauls him to his feet, in time for him to spill it on Dan. Lucifer's response?
    Lucifer: Oh, I wish I'd got that on camera. Oh wait! I can! *whips out phone and starts following Dan* Douche cam!
  • The photo of a drunken Chloe Maze sends Lucifer.
    • A pissed off Chloe walks out on Lucifer. Naturally, he asks what Dan said to her.
  • Chloe using a rolled up yoga mat to lay a beatdown on the murderer.
    Chloe: There's a special place in Hell [Whack] for women who fake [Whack] friendships [Whack] as a way of manipulating [Whack] other [Whack] women [Whack] !
    Lucifer: She's right, you know.
  • Lucifer points out how the apartment is now vacant.
    Chloe: Are you seriously suggesting that I should move into a dead girl's apartment?
    Lucifer: No no no, the killer's place is much nicer. I mean, just look at this view!
  • Chloe asks how Maze got into the police station.
    Maze: Let's just say Samantha at the front desk is no longer into men.
  • Maze claims she wasn't faking being Chloe's friend.
    Maze: Like when I strangled psycho chick for the win. That was genuine. You know, I wouldn't just kick ass for anyone. Okay, fine, I would...
  • The idea of Chloe and Maze becoming roommates.
    • This includes Chloe's My God, What Have I Done? face when she realizes she agreed to this when she was blacked out the night before.
    • Then Maze pointing out to Chloe that she (Maze) would be the ideal roommate for Chloe because she would never steal/borrow Chloe's clothes because in Maze's words "[Chloe] wears terrible clothes".
  • Lucifer reacts to the idea with about ten "nos."
    Lucifer: Dad forbid you manage to have sex with her before I do. Oh, actually, can I interest you in another wager?

    Episode 5 - Weaponizer 

  • After talking of Chloe's accident, Lucifer mentions she's now getting into "another disastrous wreck that is avoidable..." Living with Maze.
    Lucifer: Potential for sexy pillow fights non-withstanding, you and Maze are like snow pants and elephants. You don't mix.
  • While Chloe is talking to Trixie about the dangers of the job, Lucifer is pulling things out of Maze's box of "toys." Some are sex toys. Some are not.
  • The victim was known for being a drug user.
    Chloe: He had a drug problem?
    Lucifer: Well, only if you consider it a problem if you habitually stuff your face with millions of dollars of cocaine. For me that's Tuesday, but apparently it's frowned upon.
  • Lucifer tries to take a selfie with the corpse before Chloe stops him.
  • Ella says she needs to ask Lucifer something. He sighs, says he will have sex with her, and offers the mangy bed in the next room. Of an active crime scene. Ella actually says yes before stopping herself at the last second and asking her actual question.
  • Lucifer repeats he's not a "method actor" and Ella points out that's "so method" to say.
  • Lucifer welcomes Uriel.
    Lucifer: Clearly, I got the fashion sense in the family. Word of advice, I'd lose the trench coat because as it stands, it looks less cool brooding angel and more pedophile chic.
  • Lucifer tells Chloe to be careful because of Uriel.
    Lucifer: Just do the opposite of what you had planned.
    Chloe: Too bad. Because I was planning on having sex with you today.
    Lucifer: Really? Oh, well played.
  • Dan and Lucifer bonding over the movies the victim was in.
    Dan: I actually skipped some of our wedding planning to wait in line for Bodybags 4, remember?
    Chloe: That was the big emergency?
    Dan: Well... yeah... but it was totally worth it.
  • The Running Gag of Lucifer trying to get his own catchphrase. "It's Devil Time." He tries to use it, bringing weird looks from Chloe, Dan and the witness.
  • We first see "Charlotte" struggling at work, on phone with the school, who are mad at her for bringing the children in late. And, apparently, pantsless.
  • Lucifer pays the Weaponizer's bail just for his image.
  • Dan taking a selfie photo with Van Zant's mugshot. Chloe just goes up to him afterwards.
  • The actor's manager explaining why he's broke.
    Manager: You know what costs more than an albino tiger? The upkeep on an albino tiger.
  • When we actually see Charlotte's children, her son is barking like a dog, and she has responded by giving him a "time out." Which means she chained him to a soccer goal. Maze rolls her eyes and barks at him—once. He immediately apologizes.

    Episode 6 - Monster 

  • Chloe outraged to find Trixie swinging on Maze's sex swing.
  • Chloe ripping into Lucifer showing up drunk at a crime scene.
    Chloe: You look like a homeless magician.
    Chloe: You look like hell.
    Lucifer: [mimics rimshot] Never heard that one before.
    • Lucifer successfully hits on one of the zombie bridesmaids, leading to the two making out at an active crime scene.
      Chloe:
      Lucifer: Detective, I found you a lead!
      Chloe: Where? In her mouth?
      Lucifer: Yes, actually!
  • The fact that Lucifer knows what cankles are and nonchalantly points out that the bridesmaid's dress doesn't flatter her at all.
  • Lucifer trying to get snacks out a vending machine with a $100 bill.
    • After getting his money eaten, he just pries open the machine and steals food from the vending machine. In the middle of the police precinct. Chloe doesn't even bother anymore.
    • Rather than outright stealing the food, he just takes two bags and stuffs the $100 dollar bill into the vending machine in their place.
  • Trixie's babysister left early because she looked into Maze's room and ran away screaming. Trixie found it hilarious.
    Chloe: What did you do to the babysitter?
    Maze: Me? She's the one who didn't knock. I didn't have time to hide my toys.
  • The talk between Chloe and Maze.
    Maze: Sure, I'll take your offspring out for a walk.
    Chloe: She's not a dog but thank you. Take her out early, by 3.
    Maze: Great, late after-parties don't start until three.
    Chloe: Not 3 am, 3 pm!
    Maze: Lame.
  • While Lucifer's downward spiral is mostly depressing, the fact that he is more effective than ever is pretty funny. Like when he gives Dan a big hug, then returns a few moments later to reveal that he stole the files they need using Dan's badge.
    Lucifer: At least I didn't have to use this. [reveals Dan's gun]
  • Dan's awkward attempt at pronouncing of "lymphangioleiomyomatosis".
  • Chloe gets Maze to take Trixie trick-or treating. First, while Chloe got Trixie a princess dress, Maze lets her dress up as what she really wants—president of Mars. Then, when they actually go trick-or-treating, Maze keeps glaring at the people until they give up more candy. And money.
  • A very dark example: Lucifer shields the target from the sniper with his own body. Or, to be more specific, he tries to get the sniper to shoot him and the target hides behind him. The sniper keeps firing warning shots, to Lucifer's intense annoyance.
    Lucifer: (shot misses) Seriously? I'm standing right here! (shot misses) Alright, you're just embarrassing yourself now! I mean, can you be any worse of a shot! (shot misses, and he turns to the woman cowering behind him) It's like he's not even trying! (shot misses) Not her, you idiot! Me!
  • When Chloe confronts the sniper, he tries to bring his gun to bear on her... only to bang it against the construction frame he was using as a stand. He just kind of sighs and gives up.
  • While at Lux, Lucifer extinguishes a cigarette in his own drink. A few minutes later, he goes to drink it, only to remember the cigarette.
  • Chloe comes home and finds her living room floor liberally covered with candy wrappers.

     Episode 7 - My Little Monkey 

  • Lucifer figures he needs to be someone "more boring..." Enter Dan.
  • Lucifer on following Daniel. "I'm going to learn how to douche... I may have to rephrase that."
  • Maze knocks on Linda's door but she doesn't answer. Inside her office, Linda turns to find Maze standing there. She gasps and asks if Maze can teleport; Maze answers that she just came in through the window.
  • Lucifer driving Dan insane by acting like him and even dressing like him. Yes, Lucifer in something other than a nice suit.
  • The two check out a spa in just towels with Lucifer dropping his accent to imitate Dan's voice.
  • Dan turns it right back on Lucifer by imitating him at an improv comedy place.

     Episode 8 - Trip to Stabby Town 
  • Lucifer explains how Azrael's blade works.
    Lucifer: It takes any reason someone might want to hurt another and...
    Amenadiel: Amplifies it a thousand-fold.
    Maze: So someone leave the toilet seat up...
    Lucifer: Trip to stabby town, yes.
    Maze: Huh... that's one angry-ass knife.
  • Quite a few sex jokes
    • Lucifer and Chloe go to investigate the victim at the yoga studio.
    Chloe: I'm sorry, the glory- what?
    Lucifer: The glory hole.
    Instructor: The glory way.
    • Ella defends her listening to music while working.
    Ella: That's why great ideas come in the shower.
    Lucifer: For me it's usually women.
  • Lucifer in his session with Linda. He's explaining about what happened between him and Chloe in the previous episode...while she's silently staring at him, eyes comically wide, with her pen tapping repeatedly against her notebook.
    • She then interrupts him to ask how he tortured Hitler in Hell.
    Lucifer: I suppose it was futile of me to think that you wouldn't want to discuss the whole "I'm really the Devil" thing.
    • The conversation leading up to Linda asking about Hitler, as Lucifer goes on a tangent about the sandwich Chloe made him in the previous episode.
    Lucifer: I believe this is the part where you tell me it's much more than just a sandwich. (Linda just stares at him) For example! Maybe it was a gesture of intimacy. You know, the slices of bread representing perhaps the detective's trust? Or... was it a mistrustful sandwich? Doctor, please, what delicious message was she sending me?
    Linda: (Beat) What about Hitler?
    Lucifer: (extremely confused) ...the sandwich is Hitler...?
    • Linda asks about her uncle Edwin being down there as he was "a bad mammajamma."
    • Returning to the session:
    Lucifer: So, we can you know, talk about Caligula, Stalin, Trump. I mean, I know he's not dead, but he's definitely going.
    • Later, Linda is on the couch, babbling about all this while Lucifer sits in her chair trying to get her to focus.
    • Linda is surprised that the angel of death is "a chick".
    • She also has a My God, What Have I Done? reaction when it hits her that she had sex with the Devil.
  • Lucifer complains about "breaking" Linda.
    Lucifer: Now she's somewhere to the left of totally useless and to the right of babbling lunatic.
    Chloe: So, she's you in a skirt.
  • Lucifer asks Ella to run a test. When she asks if it's paternity, he complains if he looks that irresponsible. The look on her face is priceless.
  • Lucifer asks for a favor.
    Ella: Favors are based on faith.
    Lucifer: Please don't ruin favors for me.
    • Lucifer asks Ella for help in analysing Uriel's disinterred grave and promises her a favour. She whispers her favour in his ear, wiping the smile right off his face and making him frantically backtrack - but he eventually agrees. At the end of the episode, it turns out that Ella... gets Lucifer to go to church with her.
  • Lucifer's mom apparently read all the law books in a weekend. And taught her husband some new sex positions...
    • Lucifer's mom is pretty happy that Lucifer is "sexually prolific". Turns out he got it from her. Yet another brain bleach for Lucifer.
  • Lucifer is less than pleased that his mother led hapless mortals to Azrael's blade.
    Lucifer: Why in the world would you tell people?? What's wrong with you?
    Charlotte: Me? If you didn't want the blade found, you shouldn't have left it in a hole in the ground.
    Lucifer: A filled-in hole in the middle of nowhere, which nobody would have possibly found if not for you!
    Charlotte: Yes, well... there's that.
  • Dan spends almost a minute complaining about how his pudding's gone missing.
    Chloe: Wow. Do you want me to schedule a stake-out?
    Dan: I'm just saying, a man's snacks: they're sacred, okay?
    • In the midst of Dan's Azrael's Blade-induced rage against Lucifer, otherwise a not-very-funny moment, Dan voices a particular complaint: Lucifer has been stealing his pudding.
    Lucifer: Okay, I have been known to lay waste to the department fridge, but how was I supposed to know they were yours?
    Dan: Because it was labeled!
  • Chloe is so obviously jealous that Lucifer and Ella are spending more time together, but keeps denying that it means anything. Dan isn't buying it.
    • Then Lucifer walks up behind her when she's talking about it.
    Lucifer: Not like Lucifer would...what?
    Chloe: ...likes...poker.
    • What's funnier? Dan clearly saw Lucifer coming, and knew he was standing behind Chloe. He didn't stop her from talking.
    • Chloe and Dan then begin whisper-arguing the moment Lucifer turns his back on them.
    • Then later, when Chloe, Lucifer and Ella are analyzing the crime scene of the massacre, Ella begins to re-enact what most likely happened with Lucifer's help...and they both unintentionally end up in some very suggestive positions. Chloe's reaction throughout is a sight to behold.
  • Lucifer starts heading to the suspect's office, only for Chloe to start coming with him. He holds her off by saying he needs to make a personal phone call. Cut to Amenadiel and Maze ransacking the suspect's office.
    • Lucifer was in such a rush to make sure Chloe didn't see Maze and Amenadiel that he apparently jumped out of her car before she finished parking.
  • Amenadiel's less-than-stellar comeback to Maze calling him a mama's boy.
    Amenadiel: Well, your whole skin-tight leather hot-body everywhere thing? It's really not that... it's not that... it's not that great...
    Maze: Yeah, it is.
  • Lucifer does the "deepest desire" trick on the fitness guru who confesses he wants a flavored muffin. He then tears off the girdle he's been wearing to show off a large belly.
    Suspect: I backslid a little bit. Carbs are the devil's spawn, man.
    Lucifer: Don't blame your weaknesses on me!
    • When the man asks for a lawyer, Lucifer snaps "don't eat him."
  • Maze and Amenadiel raid the guru's house and Maze takes all of his stashed-away Poptarts, which were apparently kept in a safe.
    Maze: I figured it's win-win. I'm saving the evil guru from future fat, and you know ... Poptarts.
    • Lucifer criticizes their theft of the Poptarts as patently ridiculous - only to wait until they leave to pick one up, clearly intending to eat it before Ella interrupts them.

     Episode 9 - Homewrecker 
  • Lucifer takes over the tour bus with his own unique style.
    Lucifer: See that building? The owner came to Los Angeles with ten dollars to his name. Today, he owns the biggest sex club in the city.
  • Lucifer explains Hell was never his home.
    Lucifer: I was sent there as punishment. Like the DMV, only less screaming.
  • Lucifer watches Ella piecing together shards of glass.
    Lucifer: I'm pretty certain that there are people in Hell doing exactly that at this very moment.
  • Lucifer explains he has to get to Maze before she "fixes the problem herself, which usually involves knives."
  • Ella celebrates putting the bottle back together with a Klingon oath.
    Ta' vonlu!
    Ta' von what?
    It's Klingon for "the king is trapped". In Star Trek, they play three-dimensional chess.
    (Chloe just responds with a flat "okay.")
  • Chloe warns Lucifer not to hang a suspect out a window. Lucifer responds "I solemnly promise the man's feet will not leave the ground." Cue the guy falling out a window onto a car behind them.
    Lucifer: ...Just to be clear, that wasn't me.
  • Cooper's fiancée tells him she doesn't need the money, just him.
    Lucifer: What a day. Potentially homeless and definitely nauseated.
  • Checking a suspect out...
    Lucifer: Detective, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    Chloe: I doubt it.
  • An outraged Lucifer sees workers moving his piano and snarls about "you have no idea who you're facing. Let me show you..." We expect a horrible moment... and cut to a raging party.
  • Linda meeting Lucifer's mother is as fun as it sounds.
    Linda: So... you're God's wife.
    Charlotte: Ex-wife. I don't want to be defined by Him.
    Linda: Right. Thank you for... all this. Existence.
  • Charlotte telling Dan what he does not realise is the literal truth.
    No, I understand. I went through a bad breakup, myself. Honestly, I was in Hell for what felt like forever. (chuckles) I've only recently come back.
  • Maze has to take a selfie of Amenadiel's disgusted reaction when he sees his mother and Dan kissing.
    • She then proceeds to troll him about following them in order to watch them "do it".
      Amenadiel: I'm not gonna go watch my mother make out with Dan!
      Maze: They're not gonna make out. They're gonna... (starts making loud sex noises)
      Amenadiel: I know what they're gonna do, Maze!

     Episode 10 - Quid Pro Ho 
  • For black comedy, Charlotte casually tossing the detonator over her shoulder in disgust when Amenadiel talks her out of blowing up Chloe. Cue his frantic scramble to catch it.
    • Later, he stops by Chloe's place in order to get rid of the bomb, and meets Maze outside. He tries to lie and say he's there for her...but not only does she already know about the bomb, but she managed to attach said bomb to his car when he wasn't looking, steals the detonator, and blows it up. We later see Amenadiel in Linda's office for a therapy session, with the steering wheel on his lap.
  • Again, Chloe is dismayed at how her mom and Lucifer get along so well.
  • Lucifer pretends that he remembers why today is special by repeating what Chloe says after her.
    Today is - the first day - of trial of - my dad's killer.
    Lucifer My dad's killer! Nietzschenote  No, wait. Your dad's killer. Yes. No. I knew that.
  • Lucifer claims to be around to support Chloe during the trial of her dad's killer.
    Lucifer: Consider me the emotional jock-strap to the Decker family jewels.
  • Chloe hears the key witness in the trial has been murdered and "This is the worst thing that can happen right now." Cue Charlotte waltzing in to sit at the defense table.
  • Lucifer taking the stand is sheer gold.
    Lucifer: I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Dad.
    • Lucifer flirting with the female judge and jurors.
    • Lucifer shown acting out the entire "bust" with Dan, which gets the entire court applauding.
    Lucifer: Well, you want the full story, don't you? I mean, the Devil's in the details.
  • Ella pretends to have figured out Dan slept with Charlotte by various details like a longer blonde hair and lipstick. She then admits she "just noticed your butt pucker" when Charlotte showed up.
  • Lucifer discovers that Dan slept with Charlotte. Cue Lucifer tackling Dan through a wall.
    Lucifer: YOU SLEPT WITH MY MU- ARLOTTE?!
    • Before that, Maze tries to get Dan to admit it with a number of lame sex puns.
    • On the other side of the wall, the two are surrounded by men all pointing guns at them.
    • When Dan reaches for his gun...
    Lucifer: Ah, ah, ah. Don't be a Dan. I'll deal with this.
    • Lucifer reveals he can speak Chinese ("I'm the Devil. I speak everything.") and talks with the leader of the syndicate.
    Dan: What's he saying over there?
    Maze: No idea.
  • Lucifer explains that in order to get the information they need, they need to defeat a rather intimidating martial arts expert. When Dan asks how they're supposed to do that, Lucifer gestures to Maze...but Dan thinks he's pointing at him.
    Dan: Oh, hell no!
    Lucifer: No, no. As much as I'd like to see Crouching Tiger, Hidden Douche, I'd actually like to win this. I was pointing at Maze.
    Maze: (gives Dan a friendly shoulder punch) Why not?
    Dan: OK, fine. She's terrifying. But what happens if we lose?
    Lucifer: They kill us. Well, you. Because I'm immortal.
    • Kang begins the fight by waving his swords around, showing off. Maze asks, "You done?" and he nods. Cut to her throwing him out the hole in the wall.
    • The end of the fight qualifies too. Maze has both of Kang's swords to his neck when Lucifer whistles for her to stop. She just looks at him like, "Are you kidding me?"
      Maze: Are you serious?
      Lucifer: Well, I mean, you did get two new toys.
    • This is followed by the woman in charge - who looked utterly serious and intimidating before, and seemed to only speak Chinese - taking one look at how the battle turned out and saying in perfect English, "Well, that sucked."
  • Dan describing his new love interest, Charlotte, as "a Goddess", to praise her—without having a clue that she literally is a Goddess.
  • Dan and Ella receive a severed human head in a box; Dan reacts, as you'd expect, with disgust and shock, but Ella only casually says "I wish that was my first".

     Episode 11 - Stewardess Interruptus 
  • Maze shows off the front page story on Perry Smith getting killed. Chloe tells Trixie to get her bag but Trixie reads the paper with "no, I'm good." Chloe then proceeds to glare at her until she wises up and leaves the table.
  • A severely irate Maze pouring vodka over a bowl of sugary cereal and eating it.
  • Lucifer asks Chloe to understand the flight attendant coming between them "and not in a good way."
    Chloe: Lucifer, I'm homicide, not the slut police. Meaning you, not her.
  • Lucifer reading texts sent to Jahna's phone.
    Lucifer: "Ditch the loser from Lux?" That's terrible, she was seeing someone else at Lux?
    • He also takes offense at being called a "DJ."
  • Lucifer and Chloe discuss their different personalities.
    Lucifer: Well, as a wise man once said, "opposites attract."
    Chloe: I believe that was an animated cat in a music video.
    Lucifer: A wise animated cat.
  • Maze interrupting Linda's lunch break to rant to her.
    Maze: You ever do something awesome for somebody and they just don't care?
    Linda: I'm a therapist, being taken for granted is in the job description. Like, for example, when a friend uses your lunch break for free therapy and doesn't say "thank you".
  • Linda tells Maze that she finds her to be more human than a lot of people she knows. Maze's response is to sit bolt upright and demand "Take that back."
  • Chloe asks Lucifer to list everyone he's slept with in the past eight weeks. He looks down at her notepad and tells her she'll need a much bigger one.
  • Chloe's reactions when listening to all of Lucifer's past lovers. Dan's reactions count, too.
  • Lucifer's past lovers going into detail about their sexual exploits, involving plenty of Noodle Implements.
    Woman: He even did this thing with a pan flute and a butternut squash...
    Lucifer: I was improvising. I didn't have any zucchinis.
  • Lucifer's deranged stalker, Suki. At first he's pleased that someone cares about him, before becoming increasingly disturbed by her.
  • Lucifer's attempt to apprehend a suspect trying to flee the country on a private plane... by driving his car at full speed down the runway, while the plane is attempting liftoff. While Chloe is in the passenger seat screaming in terror the entire time.
  • Amenadiel's hilariously squicked look makes a triumphant return when his mother slaps the rear of her assistant, and talks about sex.
  • Maze captures the suspected killer (actually a patsy) and places him in an arm lock on a bed. When Chloe and Dan burst into the room, Maze cheerfully asks if she can keep him.
  • When Chloe asks Lucifer what happened in the 5 minutes that Jana was with him right before she was murdered, he reacts very insulted that Chloe might be suggesting that they might have had sex for only 5 minutes, instead of worrying that he might become suspect of a murder because he was the last person who saw Jana.
    Lucifer: You can't be suggesting...
    Chloe: ...that you slept with her?
    Lucifer: No, that I'm a two pump chump!

     Episode 12 - Love Handles 
  • Chloe wakes up from having a sex dream about Lucifer...to find Maze sitting in her room, watching her and eating popcorn.
    • The comical devil horns that Lucifer has in the dream. He calls them his "love handles".
  • Lucifer talks with Linda about being with Chloe.
    Lucifer: Only if she didn't have that wretched dependent at home. Two, if you count the child.
  • Chloe slaps Lucifer's rear. Lucifer stares at her like she's grown a second head.
    • Chloe continues to flirt - terribly - with Lucifer, who is extremely weirded out by it.
  • Dan tells a surgeon not to worry over a missing girl as "we have some of our best people on it." Gilligan Cut to Lucifer chugging beer out of a tube at a frat party.
  • Charlotte goes to Linda for advice... and does the exact opposite of what Linda says she should do.
    Linda: Now I see the resemblance.
    • Before leaving, Charlotte attempts to manipulate Linda into telling Lucifer information on her behalf, who is having none of it:
    Linda: I'm not going to tell him this information for you, if that's what you're asking.
    Charlotte: (smiling sweetly) What if I say "pretty please", hmmm?
    (Linda just glares at her)
    Charlotte: (smile immediately fades) Apparently that's supposed to do something.
  • Dan, Charlotte, and Lucifer all running into each other in the police station.
    Charlotte: (cheerfully) Detective.
    Dan: (awkwardly) Counselor.
    Lucifer: (annoyed) Douche.
    Dan: (angry) Dick.
    Charlotte: I think that's my cue to leave.
    • Just before this, Lucifer — thinking that Chloe's recent awkward behavior is his mother's doing — calls her up, only to realize she's a few feet away behind him. He then marches up to her and demands an answer:

     Episode 13 - A Good Day to Die 
  • Ella showing up late when Lucifer and Chloe call. "You're lucky I remembered to put on pants... eventually."
  • Lucifer and Dan go undercover at an art auction, and Dan tells Lucifer "follow my lead and don't do anything unless I say so". So Lucifer lets them get captured and tied up, simply because Dan didn't tell him otherwise, which leads to this exchange:
    Lucifer: Right, I'm not sure what 'lead' I'm following here, but am I supposed to let them punch me, too?
    Dan: (bloodied and beaten up) What? No! I screwed up, OK, Lucifer? I let my anger get the better of me, and now Chloe's gonna pay for it!
    Lucifer: What, so this isn't just some elaborate game of bloody possum?
    Dan: Of course not!
    Lucifer: Oh. Well, in that case... (breaks free of the handcuffs with no effort whatsoever)
    Dan: (stares in disbelief) Are you kidding me?! You could've gotten out of those this whole time?!
    Dan: Why the hell didn't you stop them from beating the crap out of me?!
    Lucifer: (while still beating them up) Because I promised you I wouldn't do anything without your permission!
    • What does the dealer and artist truly desire? For someone to appreciate his (terrible) artwork. Lucifer just rolls his eyes and buys a painting in exchange for the ingredients list.
  • Lucifer announces to Maze, his mother and Amenadiel that he intends to die, go to Hell and get the formula from the Professor. They all think he's crazy, so he turns and asks another opinion... from Linda, who's sat watching in the corner, overwhelmed.
    Lucifer: What do you think?
    Linda: I think... that I followed... about half of that.
    • "Do you...guys do this a lot? Like...celestial planning session?"
    • Amenadiel expresses his annoyance that Lucifer told Linda about who they all are... and that Linda never told him that she knew. Her response? "Well, turnabout's fair play." Amenadiel's response is priceless.
    • When they finally agree to go through with the plan, Lucifer asks for volunteers to kill him. Both Amenadiel and Maze immediately raise their hands.
  • Maze complains about her nurse scrubs and how even she can't make them work. Then a hot doctor checks her out, and she grins. "I can make anything work!"
  • Ella and Dan make a great team.
    Ella: I can't find anything with my illegal contacts.
    Dan: Wait, you have illegal connections?
    Ella: Don't you?
    • Ella adds that she also used to steal cars. "It's no fun if you don't drive them fast."
  • When Linda says Lucifer needs painkillers, he responds "I have it covered, thanks" and takes a swig from a bourbon flask. He then hands it to Maze who also takes a swig.
  • When the Mother volunteers to go and get Lucifer out of Hell, Maze - who actually refused to kill Lucifer despite volunteering, which lead to him killing himself - doesn't waste any time in killing her mid-sentence. Linda's WTF?! look is hysterical.
    Maze: (clearly not meaning it) Oops.
  • Dan can't believe that Ella's gang leader contact who has them at gun point just happens to be her "idiot" brother.
    Ricardo: I'm not an idiot.
    Ella: Sorry. My thieving, cowardly, neglectful brother.
  • Lucifer's cruel and unusual threats throughout the episode:
    • To Amenadiel: "I'll rip out your spine and beat you to death with it!"
    • To the artist: "Take one swing with that bat, and I'll shove it so far up your arse you'll have splinters in your stool!"

     Episode 14 - Candy Morningstar 
  • Candy's entrance, stumbling down the stairs in her high-heels.
    Lucifer: I told you to wait in the car.
    Candy: But it's so stuffy in there.
    Lucifer: It's a convertible.
  • The glorious WTF?! faces of everyone when Lucifer introduces Candy as his wife.
    • YMMV on this one. While Dan's reaction is pretty funny, Chloe's reaction is more heartbreaking than it is funny.
  • Lucifer and Dan watch Chloe talk about her horribly immature partner.
    Lucifer: Ouch. I wouldn't take it too personally.
    Dan: Yeah, right. I'm pretty sure it's not me she's talking about.
    Lucifer: Who else could she be talking about?
  • Charlotte still has issues with the Internet as Amenadiel talks about finding Lucifer pics on Candy's page.
    Amenadiel: #MrsLucifer, #Hottiehubbie...
    Charlotte: Are you speaking in tongues?
  • Candy attends Lucifer's meeting with Linda.
    Candy: I got fired once. I just kept showing up until I made myself expandable.
    Linda: You mean indispensable?
    Candy: No, I got a boob job and it totally expanded my horizons.
  • Maze knows Chloe is upset.
    Maze: You've got that vein in your neck. The same one that pops when I dump dishes into the trash instead of washing them.
  • Chloe's impersonation of Candy (pink streaks in hair and accent) to take shots at Lucifer at a meeting is glorious.
    Chloe: You picked an idiotic bedazzled tweener as your partner.
    Mediator: Candy, there's no name-calling here...even if it's to yourself.
  • Charlotte meeting Candy is absolute gold.
    Candy: Someday I wanna open my own juice bar. Or a tanning salon. Or a combo juice bar and tanning salon!
    Charlotte: You’re speaking and yet I don’t understand a single word.
    Candy: I get that a lot. Why don’t you talk and I’ll listen. I’m a great listener. Like right now, I know exactly what you’re trying to say.
    Charlotte: But I didn’t—
    Candy: You want what’s best for your son, and you’ll do anything to make sure he’s happy. I want you to know, I got Lucifer’s back. And yours. ‘Cause, you’re my mom now too. We’re family!
    • Followed by...
    Charlotte: She’s a sinister genius.
    Amenadiel: Mother. Come on now.
    Charlotte: Here I thought this Candy was an insipid dullard. But she may be the most formidable opponent I’ve ever faced. I came away with nothing! Not a single crumb of information about Lucifer’s real agenda.
  • At a club, Lucifer sings a version of "Eternal Flame" seemingly for Chloe. Chloe just stands with a look of total annoyance. A woman next to her is waving a lighter back and forth and Chloe pushes her arm down.
    • And it turns out Lucifer was doing this just to flush out a suspect, who gets body-surfed to the stage after Lucifer claims the song was for her.
    • When Lucifer dedicates the song to "a woman who says she doesn't need [him] anymore," a woman in the far background yells, "I need you!" Lucifer certainly does have that effect on people.
  • Lucifer playing the show's theme on Marla's bass. Complete with lyrics he just wrote!
  • The revelation that Candy has been faking all her stupid behavior as part of an act with Lucifer just makes all her antics in the episode even funnier. Especially the part where Charlotte thought she was a "sinister genius," because she was right.
  • Maze blatantly checking out Candy's behind. "Awesome. Lucifer has outdone himself."

     Episode 15 - Deceptive Little Parasite 
  • Lucifer can't believe that Azrael's blade is the Flaming Sword. "But it's so...small and...not flaming."
    • He punches open a wall to get at the blade and Amenadiel can't believe it's been in Lucifer's apartment this whole time. Lucifer then wipes the dust off the blade on his jacket.
    • When Charlotte is giving Lucifer encouragement, Amenadiel can be seen in the background rolling his eyes.
    • "What am I supposed to do, dip it in some whiskey and light a match?"
    • When Lucifer can't light the blade, Charlotte says that he needs to get angry. Cue Amenadiel punching him in the face.
      Lucifer: Bloody hell!
      Amenadiel: It's worth a shot.
      Lucifer: Right. Maybe Amenadiel should try it? Here, why don't you hold it... (hands him the blade, before taking several steps back) ...and I'll kick you in the-
      (goes to kick Amenadiel in the balls before Charlotte intervenes)
  • Lucifer tells Linda about his plan to use the Flaming Sword to cut open the gates of Heaven and go home. Linda proceeds to ask about the gates, describing how they're shown in movies. Lucifer isn't impressed.
  • When Linda says "you can't control emotions," Lucifer protests that's her whole job.
    • Linda makes a point on Lucifer avoiding his feelings.
    Lucifer: Right, you've got that look on your face when you're saying something insightful and waiting for me to figure it out.
  • Chloe and Maze's morning routine: apparently, Chloe makes Maze breakfast as if she's the child in the house.
    • Then, when Chloe starts talking about her problems, Maze puts headphones in and pretends to listen. Chloe figures this out by saying she's "gonna adopt a dozen puppies and let them sleep in [Maze's] bedroom". When Maze doesn't react, Chloe leans forward and yanks out the headphones.
  • Ella reveals she's seeing a therapist. "I know, I'm so upbeat all the time but up here? A lot of darkness." Lucifer gives a wicked smile of "Really?"
  • Chloe pulls a framed picture off the wall where a pair of scissors are missing. However, the shape left behind just happens to resemble a certain sex toy. When Lucifer chuckles and opens his mouth, Dan just points at him to shut him up right off.
  • Lucifer reading a children's book: 'Your Feelings and You'. Right in the middle of Lux.
    • Then, three women approach him, dressed as Detectives, ready to give him the time of his life. When Lucifer notices their resemblance to Chloe, he immediately realizes that his mother is behind it.
    Charlotte: Since anger didn't work, I wanted to incite a... different emotion.
    Lucifer: A foursome isn't an emotion, Mum!
    • Lucifer then sends the ladies away, stating it'll be hard for him to enjoy a "Triple Decker" with his mother's hands all over it.
    • Then, before he leaves, he gives his mother the book about feelings, saying that she could "learn a few things".
  • After getting off the phone with Ella, Chloe turns around...and jumps when she finds Lucifer standing in the middle of her apartment, smirking. What's funnier is that we saw the spot where he was standing moments before, and it was completely empty.
    Chloe: I am gonna tie a bell around your neck at some point.
    Lucifer: Oh, sounds like a fun bit of foreplay.
  • Lucifer convinces Chloe to let him take Trixie to school...and then he takes her to the private school, having convinced her to pretend to be his daughter for the day.
    Lucifer: I can take the little shhhh...sugar plum fairy to school.
    • There's something about the way she so smoothly introduces herself as Trixie Morningstar.
    • During the tour, Trixie takes Lucifer's hand. Lucifer tries to subtly shake her off.
    Lucifer: Do we have to touch? Don't you have a leash, or something, for when you go out?
    Trixie: Do you want to sell this or not?
    • During the class about emotions, Lucifer wants to ask a question, but the teacher wants one of the children to ask. Lucifer quickly sticks Trixie's hand in the air.
    Lucifer: Hmph, so much for being progressive, they're horribly ageist!
    • What did Lucifer promise Trixie in return? She gets to drive his car. When Chloe puts her foot down, Lucifer quietly suggests to Trixie that the driving lesson will have to wait until her mother's not looking.
  • Amenadiel tries to make the sword light up by waving it around. Of course, he has his back to the elevator, and when Lucifer walks in it looks like Amenadiel's doing something else entirely...
  • Maze playing the part of Chloe's wife while she investigates Starford. She gets a little too into it for Chloe.
    Maze: She has a gun and everything. REAL pistol in the sack.
  • When they find the culprit, there's a long emotion scene, and they manage to talk said culprit down... right before Maze tackles the culprit mid-sentence from off-screen.
  • The ditzy PE teacher realizes he's the father of one of the students... several minutes after it was stated outright.

     Episode 16 - God Johnson 
  • Linda is hoping that Lucifer has reconsidered his plan of having God and his mother duking it out:
    Linda: God and his ex, having a fight to the death? Sounds kind of bad for, you know, humanity.
    Lucifer: (dismissively) Oh, you'll probably be fine.
  • Amenadiel reveals that he enjoys watching cat videos.
  • Lucifer has doubts God Johnson is in fact his father.
    Ella: Come on, guys. Is it really so crazy? I mean, what if God was one of us?
    Ella: Exactly. Or just a—
    Chloe: Just a stranger, on a bus.
    Lucifer: My father would never use public transport. That song is completely unrealistic.
    • Later, Ella is singing along to it when Chloe interrupts her:
    Ella: Oh my God, Chloe, this song is so good!
    Chloe: Yeah, yeah, people really seemed to like it in 1995.
  • Wanting to have another talk with God Johnson, Lucifer goes to the asylum and asks for a room for the night, preferably one with a view.
    Receptionist: Are you joking? This is a psychiatric hospital.
    Lucifer: Apologies, I'm skipping ahead. Uh, I am the one and only Lucifer Morningstar.
    Receptionist: (stares blankly at him)
    Lucifer: The Devil. Dark Lord? (beat) Oh, for goodness sake, Beelzebub!
    Receptionist: (continues staring)
    Lucifer: (frustrated) Look, I clearly need to be committed right away!
    Receptionist: Yeah, we're at near capacity, pal. So unless you're a danger to yourself or others—
    Lucifer: (sighs, grabs the receptionist by the collar, and smushes his face on the window pane) How's that?
    Receptionist: (muffled) Great.
    Lucifer: (beaming smile) Lovely.
  • Maze tries to get Chloe on a friendly side.
    Maze: You and I are flowing, Chlo. Same page.
    Chloe: Nope, different books altogether.
  • Lucifer is introduced to one of the patients when the latter's underwear lands on his face.
  • Lucifer's hilariously childish drawing of Chloe, complete with Gag Boobs.
  • Linda is bowled over with the realisation that she's just met God... to the extent that Lucifer has to wheel her out of the room in a wheelchair while she breathes into a paper bag.
    Linda: Okay, so that was "God" God back there? As in capital "G"? I didn't bow. I should have bowed.
    Lucifer: You should have spit in His face.
    Linda: Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.
    • Later, Linda's absolutely starstruck expression when she shakes God's hand.
  • Linda realizes that Lucifer is trying to "Parent Trap" Charlotte and God.
  • Charlotte musing humanity isn't all bad.
    Charlotte: They did make vodka. Rollercoasters. Triple creme brie.
  • Lucifer talks to the patients about "Operation Help Lucifer Escape."
    God Johnson: A little on the nose, son.
    Lucifer: You are literally the judgiest person in the universe right now, Dad!
  • Lucifer and God Johnson calmly strolling through an asylum riot in slo-mo, set to "Blackout".
  • Chloe makes the mistake of letting Maze make reservations for a "dinner" with the doctor.
    Chloe: Here?
    Maze: Your bedroom's here. Where else are we going to have sex?
    Chloe: Maze, for the last time, we are not having a threesome!
    Maze: I'm OK to watch.
    • Maze opens the door to find Amenadiel there.
    Chloe: Oh, an orgy? Definitely off the table.
  • Amenadiel's awkward attempt at socialising with Dr. Garrity.
    Amenadiel: ...I like the shape of your head.
    • Before that, Amenadiel asks Dr. Garrity if he's going to eat the remains of the pizza slice left on his plate. While there are three more slices inside the box. You get the feeling that he's intentionally messing with the doctor.
  • Dan's pudding gets stolen. Again.
  • Charlotte knees God in the balls. That is all.

     Episode 17 - Sympathy for the Goddess 
  • Amenadiel comes an warns Lucifer that he might be in danger.
    Lucifer: What is it? A Nephilim? One Million Moms? note 
  • Lucifer is keeping an eye on Charlotte while she strikes a deal with one of her clients. Amenadiel doesn't think she needs help.
    Amenadiel: She seems to be doing just fine.
    (Charlotte brings out a brief case and puts it on the table)
    Lucifer: That's not the money, is it?
    Amenadiel: Of course not. She wouldn't bring it to their meeting.
    (Charlotte opens the case, revealing the money)
    Lucifer: Oh no! Course not! I mean, that would be absurd, wouldn't it?
    Amenadiel: She's just showing it to him. I mean, it's not like she's gonna hand it to him before she... (sees her handing her client the case) ...gets the piece. That's great.
    • Charlotte just looks so pleased with herself, and doesn't understand why Lucifer is worried.
    Charlotte: He's a client of mine, darling. I don't think he'd be that foolhardy. (the client doesn't return, and she looks around) I'm sure he'll be right back.
    • When they find the client dead in the back room, Lucifer and Amenadiel just look annoyed...while Charlotte looks pleased that he didn't con her.
  • Maze enters Linda's office to find her with a man. She instantly pulls out her knives until Linda tells her to put them away. At which point, Linda informs her the guy was the Chairman of the Ethics review board. Maze naturally pulls the knives back out as Linda tells her stop.
  • Finding a clue in an ancient language, Charlotte gives it to Lucifer, only to have him claim not to read it.
    Charlotte: But you speak every language!
    Lucifer: Speak, not read! I've always found tongues more useful than books.
  • When Lucifer finds out that Charlotte told Chloe the truth about their relationship, he awkwardly tries to work out exactly what Charlotte said without admitting to anything.
    Charlotte: Children always find new ways to test us.
    Lucifer: She's talking about Amenadiel.
    Charlotte: Put us through Hell.
    Lucifer: That one's me.
  • Lucifer playing with his chair at the precinct next to Chloe's desk.
    Lucifer: You know, I should get my own desk.
    Chloe: Not happening.
    Lucifer: Right next to yours will probably be best.
    Chloe: Definitely not happening.
    • Chloe suggests that he helps her with paperwork. Lucifer loses his smile, and thinks that maybe a desk in the far corner would be better.
    • Charlotte trying to lie to Chloe with Lucifer standing behind the latter, coaching her on what to say...and Charlotte completely misunderstanding his signals. It must be seen to be believed.
  • Just the expression on Lucifer's face when his mother insists on staying and helping them with the case.
  • When they find the killer's phone, the home screen is two circles with dots in them.
    Ella: The home screen is...two eyes?
    Charlotte: Human female breasts?
    Lucifer: No, that is a woman's perfectly freckled rump.
    Chloe: So our lead on the killer is a pair of...butt boob eyes? It's a great start.
  • The entire sequence of Charlotte and Chloe is gold.
    • Charlotte claiming Chloe's outfit is like "pajamas."
    • On why Chloe needs her:
      Charlotte: Because I'm the best.
      Chloe: At getting criminals off.
      Charlotte: Well that's not true: I haven't slept with any of my clients.
    • Checking on a suspect...
      Chloe: I'm not going to sleep with him, Charlotte.
      Charlotte: Not with that posture, you're not. Fine, I'll do it.
  • Maze ranting on Lucifer.
    Maze: He is a backstabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil. He’s greedy—
    Chairman: Is there a point to this?
    Lucifer: Yes, I'm wondering the same thing.
  • Lucifer and Maze finally have it out and ready to fight as the show cuts to commercial. When it gets back, they're both bloody as hell and need to "take a break" by sitting amid the smashed up stone outdoor furniture for a chat.
    • They then go to see Linda, both still bloodied up and Linda asks if they killed the Chairman. "Not that he didn't deserve it..."
    • Linda then takes advantage of no longer being a therapist to outright tell Lucifer how Maze is pissed at him.
  • After they find out that Charlotte is Lucifer's "step-mom", Chloe proceeds to tease Dan that "he'd be like Lucifer's dad" if he married Charlotte.
  • Ella attempts to hug Charlotte, and Charlotte stops her by pressing her palm against Ella's head awkwardly.

     Episode 18 - The Good, the Bad and the Crispy 
  • Linda fixes Charlotte's hole with...duct tape.
    • Before she actually fixes it, she holds up a first aid kit, looks at it, and then tosses it aside.
  • Lucifer talks to Chloe.
    Lucifer: You've worked with emotionally fragile men, right?
    Chloe: You're self-aware today.
  • When told that the victim had all his hair shaved, Lucifer notes that the killer probably had a 'fear of hair'.
    Lucifer: Lots of fun whenever they get to Hell, plenty of wigs involved.
  • Trixie giving Lucifer and Maze "check-ups" and wrapping Maze's head in a bandage.
    Trixie: Did you slip on a banana peel, too?
    Lucifer: What?
    Trixie: I'm afraid you're gonna need surgery.
    Maze: Don't fight it, the kid's fierce.
  • Lucifer and Maze discuss the plot while Trixie plays doctor.
    Lucifer: Then we can get the pendant, assemble the sword before Mum spews light everywhere.
    Trixie: You don't have to speak in code. I can handle adult stuff.
  • Trixie gives Maze a lollipop as a reward for being a good patient.
    Lucifer: Love me a lolli.
    Trixie: Sorry, wussies don't get any.
    (Trixie & Maze fist-bump).
  • Lucifer saying "Good..." when Ella tells him that she can't find evidence on Chet's murder. And when Chloe steps in, he adds "...ness me, that is awful".
  • Lucifer and Chloe find two people (The Lyon sisters) dressed in bright yellow rubber overalls and gas masks carrying a corpse on a stretcher.
    Ava Lyon: This is not what it looks like.
    Lucifer: What? Minions' day out?
  • Dan's reaction when Lucifer comes up behind him with Azrael's blade is possibly the funniest thing in the entire episode.
    Lucifer: (comes up behind Dan, the blade in full view) Hello, Daniel.
    Dan: (turns to him, sees the blade and freaks out, jumping several steps back, offscreen) Whoa! Whoa! She [Charlotte] kissed me!
    Lucifer: Literally have no idea what you're talking about.
  • Maze tazers Amenadiel mid sentence.
    Amenadiel: You see, I thought I had fallen, and I - (Taser crackles, Amenadiel falls)
    Maze: I don't get paid by the hour.
    ...(later)
    Lucifer: Where's your pretty necklace?
    Amenadiel: Oh, I've put it in a safe place.
    Lucifer: Ah. Keister it, did you?
    Maze: Nope. Already checked. Not there.
    Lucifer: Lovely.
    • Its actual location is in Dan's pants. Amenadiel put it in his pocket while they were at open mike night. Oh, and how Lucifer finds it is by waving the knife around trying to get the two to attract to one another. The way the piece moves around almost makes it seem like something else.
  • The way Lucifer and Amenadiel stammer and stumble over their suggestion that their mother find someplace else to go, like two kids trying to awkwardly suggest how Mummy and Daddy maybe should have separate bedrooms so they don't have to hear them fight all the time.

Season 3

    Episode 1 - They're Back, Aren't They? 
  • The opening scene is comedy gold. Lucifer stands directly in the middle of the road, and the guy driving the van only manages to stop in time.
    Lucifer: Are you blind?!
    • Lucifer then tries to get in the van...only he can't get his wings through the door. He tucks them away again, while the driver just stares blankly. Then Lucifer asks for a ride back to LA.
    Lucifer: (looking in the mirror) At least I'm healing fast... Do you have any aloe vera?
    Driver: I ain't going back to LA!
    • The fact that Lucifer is asking for a ride home, when he can probably just fly back.
    • Then Lucifer figures out that not only did the guy steal the van and is on the run from the cops, he's also the jewellery thief Lucifer confronted in the first episode of season 2.
    Driver: You got me put in jail!
    Lucifer: I think that one's on you, sir. I wasn't the one with the gun and the ski mask.
    • This:
    Lucifer: I know you don't want to shoot me, Mr... What's your name?
    Driver: Said "out", bitch!
    Lucifer: Mr. Said Out Bitch, tell me...
    • How does the scene end? With Lucifer returning the van to the cops...after having stolen the man's clothes, leaving him running around the desert in his underwear.
    • Also, when the cops ask Lucifer for Chloe's name and badge number, he doesn't know the latter.
    Lucifer: She's a 34B if that helps!
  • Lucifer invites Linda back to his penthouse for a meal. He says he feels guilty for what happened to her, but Linda sees right through him.
    Lucifer: I just want to take care of you. Is that so hard to believe?
    Linda: Yes. Out with it. What's going on?
  • Lucifer asks Linda to cut off his wings.
    Lucifer: Come on, snip, snip, Bob's your uncle!
    Linda: And God's your father.
  • Lucifer arrives at the precinct, loudly announcing that the search party for him can be called off...but no one, not even Chloe, questioned his absence, because it was only two days long.
  • Marcus is the embodiment of The Comically Serious.
    • His first meeting with Lucifer. When Lucifer holds out his hand to shake:
    Marcus: There was an investigation last year. We interviewed, what was it? Ninety-two of your sexual partners? I think I'll refrain from physical contact, if you don't mind.
    • Then:
    Marcus: You don't seem reckless. Narcissistic, hedonistic, that I see.
    Marcus: Not a compliment. Your file's as long as my Johnson.
    Lucifer: Quick read, then?
    Marcus: Hardly.
    Lucifer: Well I for one don't need a file to ascertain that you haven't even had a snog in ages, have you?
    Marcus: ...Accurate.
    • The fact that Ella is clearly fan-girling over him.
    Ella: Isn't he amazing? We just had the best conversation over the doughnuts I bought him. (Lucifer, Chloe and Dan all stare at her) ...Everyone... Not just him. I'm not...kissing ass, or anything... Doughnuts for everyone. Doughnuts... (quickly leaves)
    • He keeps getting Dan's name wrong, and outright says that Dan is expendable. He even tells him to go get himself kidnapped.
  • Lucifer informed Amenadiel of their mother's final fate in a text. A text filled with nothing but emojis.
    • Then, when Lucifer leaves and says he'll text Amenadiel some info later, Amenadiel yells after him, "Words this time, please!"
  • The expression on Amenadiel's face when Ella gives him her typical "hello" hug.
  • Lucifer hears Chloe mention a suspect having gotten written up for buying a tiger. "Those are illegal? Too bad."
    • The two then check out the man's hotel:
    Lucifer: Imagine, buying your own establishment just to justify your decadent lifestyle. That's absurd.
    Chloe: Yeah. Absurd.
  • In a scene long overdue, when a suspect meets our heroes, a woman claiming to be a cop but recognizable as an actress from a memorable movie nude scene and a guy calling himself Lucifer, he naturally assumes it's some sort of prank.
  • The way Lucifer matter-of-factly corrects Josh's apparent mis-naming the movie Chloe once starred topless in, while Chloe does an eye roll in the background because to her it's Old Shame.
    Josh:... the girl from Hot Tub Hotel
    Lucifer:Hot Tub High School; she wasn't in the sequel.
  • Lucifer purposely gets himself kidnapped. The taser just tickles him, and when the two guys walk away to check the taser is working, Lucifer unties himself off-screen and appears directly next to the guys, scaring the crap out of them.

    Episode 2 - The One With The Baby Carrot 
  • While seducing a woman and taking her to his bedroom, she takes her top off and Lucifer suddenly has what can only be described as "a wingboner."
    "For the record I usually don't suffer from premature... unfurling."
    • His partner is into it, thinking it's cosplay, and offers to dress up as the Devil in return, which further spoils his mood. "I have no desire to have sex with myself. Not right now, anyway."
  • From his session with Dr. Martin:
    Linda: It's not like you invented the concept of giving away favors.
    [Lucifer gives her an "Oh, really?" expression]
    Linda: Ha! Yep, forgot who I was talking to. I suppose you did.
  • When Chloe talks about the Sinnerman used as blame for bad actions, Lucifer complains "another thing he stole from me!" He then backtracks and states that the Sinnerman can keep that part of him.
  • Lucifer reads the comic's notes.
    Lucifer: "Avocado? How about avocad-ont?" Is it rude to throw tomatoes at a corpse?
  • Dan is offended when Lucifer compares stand up comedy to improv and starts a monologue on how they are completely different things.
  • Ella's Fangirl over Bobby Lowe, even when she sees what a Jerkass he is.
    Ella: God, he just called her honey, that's so sweet.
  • Chloe and Lucifer's utter bafflement at Bobby Lowe's show of him talking to an imaginary friend turned puppet.
  • Lucifer grabs a puppet and waves it about. Suddenly, a gun shot goes off as Lucifer stares in disbelief, realizing a gun was inside the puppet.
    Lucifer: Don't worry, everyone! No one was hurt!
    (Bobby collapses on the ground with a gunshot wound in his arm. Lucifer looks at him and holds up the puppet.)
    Lucifer: He did it.
  • Ella's Broken Pedestal moment when Bobby confesses to stealing his entire act.
    Ella: I defended you! Jaccuse Bobby Lowe! Jaccuse
  • During a session with Linda, Lucifer repeats something the killer of the week said during her Motive Rant, but without any context.
    Lucifer: Everyone has itchy butts.
    Linda: (confused) What?
    Lucifer: It's something a woman said before I punched her in the face.
    Episode 3 - Mr. & Mrs. Mazikeen Smith 
  • An episode about Maze going to Canada to collect a bounty. Naturally, the whole thing goes off the rails, dragging the rest of the cast into the mess. Including Dan (who's supposed to be on vacation), and if Trixie had her way, she'd be along for the ride.
    • When a worried Lucifer finds out that Dan tagged along, his immediate response is, "That's worse!"
    • The fact that Chloe is tracking Maze the entire time, and tells both Trixie and Lucifer without any humour that she's more worried about Canada than Maze.
    Chloe: (to Lucifer) You're the reason Canada is in danger?
    • Chloe's tracking Maze by following police reports about violent incidents, and comments that she's pretty sure a "bear attack" is actually Maze's work.
    • Lucifer says later that Maze is probably trying to prove that she can scare an entire country.
  • The opening flashes back to Maze and Linda sharing drinks.
    Linda: How do you do this all the time?
    Maze: How do you not?
    Linda: Fear of liver failure, mostly.
  • Maze complains about her life.
    Maze: Nothing but fighting, drinking, sex all the time, you know how it is.
    Linda: Oh. Yes. I know.
  • Trixie literally putting herself into Maze's luggage to try and go along.
  • Maze is jarred that the niceness of Canadians undermines her threats.
    Maze: I can break your fingers.
    Clerk: Well, gee, I can't give my wife backrubs then.
  • Lucifer and Chloe question the crook's lawyer who claims to have no idea where the guy is. Chloe gives Lucifer a look, he frowns then goes "oh, really?" with a wave of his hand. Chloe gives a nod and Lucifer smiles to do the "deepest desire" trick to get the lawyer to talk.
  • Maze tries to get more information on her bounty by taking the place of a masseuse and massaging the bounty's newest girlfriend. The girlfriend is happy to chat about her newest boyfriend, who is apparently secretly a prince, all while complimenting Maze on her amazing massage.
    Girlfriend: ...are you supposed to be massaging my boobs?
    Maze: I can stop if you want me to.
    Girlfriend: I didn't say that.
  • Maze does a video chat to Linda to get advice on a gunshot wound for her mark.
    Maze: How do I keep this human from dying?
    Linda: Take him to a hospital, that's how! How many times do I have to tell you I'm not that kind of doctor?
    • Linda asks if the bullet went through. Maze figures it out by sticking her hand into the wound.
  • Lucifer is enjoying the show.
    Maze: I'm good at dismembering humans, how hard can it be to put one back together?
    Lucifer: Maybe you should listen to him, Maze. Everyone has the right to refuse treatment.
    Episode 4 - What Would Lucifer Do? 
  • Lucifer asks his conquest what her deepest desire is. Her answer to "have sex in the ball pit of a Chuck E. Cheese" throws even him.
  • Lucifer confronts the husband of said conquest.
    Lucifer: Relax, not a thief. Your valuables are untouched. Well, unless you consider your wife a valuable in which case I've touched her a lot. Twice this morning.
  • Lucifer excuses not knowing this was a judge's house as "I was blindfolded by your wife's underwear."
  • The judge's deepest desire? To no longer be with a hot, nubile, hard-partying, sex-loving younger woman but rather to get back with his much smarter ex-wife.
  • All episode, Decker wonders why Lt. Pierce won't make her the representative for the police union, as he turned down her request immediately, and declined to give her an explanation when she asked. He eventually tells her that the position is for has-been, useless cops with no hope of advancement... and then the two of them have to keep a straight face when Dan shows up to thank Lt. Pierce for the opportunity, and tries to make Chloe feel better about not getting it.
  • Lucifer riding on a horse. Nuff said.
  • Amenadiel's attempts to act like Lucifer. His pick-up lines leave much to be desired, and no one will give him the time of day. Then a girl takes interest in him... and the next day, he's in jail. Turns out the girl was a prostitute, and he didn't know that. Dan has a good laugh at his expense before bailing him out.
    • Amenadiel eventually figured out that the woman was a prostitute, but it took Dan pointing it out for him to realize that her "cousin" was actually her pimp. ("Hardly any familial resemblance...")
  • Lucifer gives a lecture to the young delinquents that turns into a lesson on drug dealing. Amazingly, this leads him to the discovery of a weed farm on the camp grounds, which eventually leads to the true motive behind the murder.
    • Before long, Lucifer is helping the group figure out how to pull their drug operation off with helpful lessons.
    • When one of the girls is questioned by Chloe, she refuses to speak without a lawyer present. Lucifer happily says he taught her that.
     Episode 5 - Welcome Back, Charlotte Richards 
  • Lucifer thinks a swear jar means Chloe pays Trixie every time the latter swears. When Chloe clarifies it, Lucifer is more impressed that she "extorts money from your own child."
    • Lucifer then teaches Trixie some "loophole" swear words.
    Lucifer: In my defense, she came up with "Motherflunker" on her own, sharp little minx.
  • While also a bit sad, it's also funny how Dan doesn't grasp Charlotte literally has no idea who he is whenever he tries to hit on her.
  • Lucifer follows a hot model into a shoot designed to look like Heaven with scantily clad ladies wearing fluffy wings amid clouds.
    Lucifer: Not at all accurate. But I approve.
  • When Chloe and Lucifer first arrive at the studio, Lucifer is distracted by trying to reach Charlotte Richards on his phone. With a little mixing-up of the studio stage they're heading for, Chloe finally gets Lucifer's attention elsewhere.
    Lucifer: Sixty-nine?! W-.. Where?!
  • The director assumes Chloe is one of the models.
    Director: Why are your clothes still on?!
    Lucifer: I ask myself that all the time.
  • Lucifer does the "deepest desire" trick on the director who admits she wants to stop this shoot.
    Grace: It distracts from how my pudding tastes like crap!
    Lucifer: Well, that's an odd choice of flavors.
  • Completely misunderstanding Dan's talk of how "close" she and Lucifer were, Charlotte tries to seduce him. Hilarity Ensues.
    Luficer: What in Dad's name are you doing?!

     Episode 6 - Vegas With Some Radish 
  • Lucifer and Ella going on a road trip to Vegas to save Candy. Hilarity Ensues is the least of it.
  • Chloe is about to blow out a birthday cake in the station...and out comes a huge cake with a male stripper. Naturally, Dan assumes Lucifer was behind it but he insists he can't take credit. Instead, it's Ella.
    • Meanwhile, Lucifer is holding up a pair of red and blue police lights at his chest.
    Ella: What can I say? (gestures to herself) Big surprise, little package!
    Lucifer: (checking out stripper) Big package, by the looks of it!
  • Lucifer's idea of a fond goodbye to Chloe.
    Lucifer: Just concentrate on getting older!
  • Ella tries "Pig Latin" to get Lucifer to be quiet on the victim not being Candy.
    Lucifer: I'm sorry, is that German? Because if so, it's awful and I should know. Hitler was a talker. Well, a screamer.
  • We find out how Lucifer and Candy met: She robbed him of his wallet and ring while singing to him. Instead of being upset, he's actually proud of her. Then he shamelessly pulls the ring from her cleavage.
  • Ella enters a home.
    Lucifer: They teach lockpicking in forensic class?
    Ella: No, middle school.
  • Lucifer is appalled at Louis's decorations.
    Lucifer: Even if he's not guilty of murder, this collection alone warrants execution!
  • Ella notes Louis' suicide has been staged.
    Lucifer: Typical Vegas, even the suicides are fake.
  • Ella's attempt at a Brooklyn accent pretending to be a statue seller.
  • Chloe and Linda getting completely hammered on Lucifer's stash of drink and dancing around wildly, Chloe in shirt and panties and glasses, mocking Lucifer's accent.
    Chloe: Ah'm Lucifer Morningstar, and I can play da piano, and I'm a fancy British man! (plays several random notes)
  • Linda is examining Lucifer's bookshelf and notices an unusually old book, which turns out to be a copy of Hamlet autographed by William Shakespeare with a note: "Thanks for the punch-up. Will."
  • Lucifer's sheer delight when he learns Ella is a legendary card-counter in Vegas, which is the reason she hates being there.
  • Lucifer pulls the "deepest desire" trick on the victim's wife who confesses she wants the pro golfer at his table. She's hoping to get "a hole in one."
  • Chloe and Linda rationalizing breaking into Lucifer's safe. Cut to Dan, who wasn't there before.
    Linda: Maybe "ravishing", I mean, "radish" is code for "Help!"
    Chloe: Yes! Maybe...Maybe that's why he skipped town. 'Cause someone's after him, and it'd be irresponsible for us not to open this thing.
    Dan: Or...maybe you two just had too much to drink, you're too curious to leave well enough alone, which is why you hauled my ass out here.
    Chloe: Does that mean you're not gonna help us?
    Dan: I didn't say that. [starts up drill with an eager look on his face]
  • Lucifer in a red blanket sharing ice cream with Candy. He then "proposes" to her, causing her to spit in his face.
  • Lucifer tells Candy that Louis' wife didn't kill him as "the woman has as much passion as a protein bar."
  • Lucifer's plan to flush out the killer at a nightclub? Him doing "Luck Be a Lady" on the piano while Ella is among his "Morningstar" showgirl dancers.
    • Ella does a high kick and instantly moans in pain. She also ends up smacking her boa into Lucifer's face while dancing.
      • This did not go unnoticed by Candy.
      Ella: Any suspicious behavior?
      Candy: Nothing except your high kick.
      Ella: Hey, you try dancing with a .22 strapped to your thigh!
  • Lucifer's gift for Chloe: The bullet she shot him with.
    Lucifer: Well, I thought since I'd never likely penetrate you, I'd commemorate the one time you penetrated me.

     Episode 7 - Off The Record 
  • Lucifer introduces himself to Reese saying he's noticed Reese staring at him, and he knows why: Reese wants to sleep with him.
  • Lucifer giving Reese advice on how to destroy the man he hates (not knowing it's Lucifer himself).
    Lucifer: Spoons to his eye, ants inside his urethra — the Urethra Franklin, as I like to call it.
  • Reese finds a woman tied up and gagged on Lucifer's bed and makes to free her, removing the gag — of course she's not there against her will, she and Lucifer were about to have some fun. Before Reese and Lucifer leave, she asks Reese to put the gag back.
    • Then serves as a Brick Joke shortly after when Lucifer goes for the Jack Bauer Interrogation Technique on a suspect because he doesn't want to waste time talking while he has his lady friend waiting for him back at Lux.
  • Reese puts a picture of Charloette Richards/Goddess on his whiteboard, suspecting she's Lucifer's lover. Later in the episode we see he's expanded his guesses to "Lover", "Sister" and "Step-Mom" and then just writes "WTF?" under those three.
  • Lucifer complains that comments he's posted on article about roosters of unusual size on the local newspaper's website keep getting pulled because he was posting pictures of his...yeah.
  • The fact it takes Lucifer an entire year to figure out he's the guy Reese wants to destroy.

     Episode 8 - Chloe Does Lucifer 
  • The opening of Lucifer and Chloe talking as if they're having sex...and it turns out they're playing Monopoly with Trixie.
    • Lucifer mistakes the thimble for a shot glass.
  • Lucifer teaching Chloe how to be like himself is comedy gold.
    • He uses Ken and Barbie dolls and has his Ken "die" of boredom by her talk.
    • Lucifer chastises her laugh as "not like a demented witch on crack!"
  • A suspect sighs "Thank God" Chloe is a cop and not paparazzi.
    Lucifer: The things Dad gets credit for.
  • The suspect pleads he's innocent.
    Lucifer: Well, you're an overpaid DJ so that's up for debate.
  • Linda quotes Oscar Wilde...and Lucifer groans about how "I'd have never fed Oscar that line if I knew how often people would quote it back to me."
    • Linda naturally wants more details on Oscar and Lucifer starts with "He was straight when I first met him."

     Episode 9 - The Sinnerman 
  • Lucifer trolling Dr. Linda
    Linda: Okay, so, how do you angels work? I know Amenadiel can slow time, and your other brother Uriel could predict patterns. So why is your gift desire?
    Lucifer: Well, that's a good question, actually, I suppose. When I first went to angel school, they sorted us into different houses for different powers.
    Linda: There's a school for angels?
    Lucifer: No. There's no Hogwarts in the sky.
  • Lucifer defending being back in the "favor" business.
    Lucifer: Granting favors defines me! You wouldn't ask Superman not to fly or a Kardashian not to selfie?
    • The "Superman" is also a Shout-Out to Smallville, which starred Tom Welling (who plays Pierce) and had a "no flights, no tights" rule.
  • Asked if he got a kid into the mob, Lucifer claims he "may have gotten him an internship."
  • Maze didn't rescue Lucifer...she just tracked him down to scream at him about ignoring her earlier. And then she locks him right back into the freezer again.

     Episode 10 - The Sin Bin 
  • A massive party is at Lux's.
    Lucifer: Nothing screams weekend like tequila and scantily-clad women. And tequila.
    Maze: It's Wednesday.
  • Ella is still a Fangirl for Pierce.
    Ella: It's like a master class in ass-whup with a minor in whatevs.
    • Her reaction to hearing the Sinnerman killed Pierce's brother is that "he needs a hug." Chloe has to literally hold her back.
  • Lucifer takes in the female roller derby.
    Lucifer: Ladies to go, I'll take two.
  • Chloe takes in a move called "the sausage."
    Lucifer: Oh, not ladies then?
    • Better is that rather than turned off, he just looks more intrigued.
  • Chloe tries to question a suspect on the track.
    Suspect: Eat me!
    Lucifer: Yes, please!
  • Dan is calling up Trixie's babysitter.
    Dan: Oh. I see. My condolences. (hanging up and looking to Trixie) Well, sweetie, you won't be staying with Mrs. Baczynski today. Or ever again.
  • Chloe's method to distract Pierce? Sic Ella on him. Her attempts at soothing/seduction have to be seen to be believed.
  • After Lucifer and Chloe execute their plan, Pierce appears in the driver's seat of their getaway truck.
  • Lucifer makes a big show of waving to Maze, who makes a hot entrance...then realizes the Sinnerman is blind.
  • Dan upset about the entire thing.
    Dan: Lucifer plants a bomb at my desk and I’m the creepy one?
    Chloe: Um, actually, that was me. Sorry. The bomb was fake.
    Dan: Wow. Okay. Human heads, explosives. Can someone send me, I don’t know, a muffin basket next time? That’d be nice.
  • Maze is Hell's most brutal torturer. The first thing she tries when torturing the Sinnerman? Play Nickelback on repeat.
  • At the end, after Lucifer has stabbed Pierce, he just sits down at the bar and has a drink while he waits, looking only mildly annoyed that it's taking so long.
  • And once Pierce pulls the knife out of his chest, he just sits down next to Lucifer with a sigh.

     Episode 11 - City of Angels? 
  • Lucifer walks the streets in a 1970s disco outfit, happy how he looks...until a young woman says "my grandfather wore something like that."
  • Lucifer is having a blast with a half dozen ladies until Amenadiel shows up to freeze everything.
    Lucifer: How can someone who can control time have such atrocious timing?
  • The Running Gag of people calling Amenadiel's robe "a dress."
  • Amenadiel warns Lucifer not to "expose humanity to divinity."
    Lucifer: Then don't sit on the couch, I left plenty of divinity lying there.
  • Amenadiel's absolutely hilarious idea of "blending in" on Earth: A loud open shirt over a "rich and single" t-Shirt, shades and an Anaheim Angels baseball cap.
  • Amenadiel initially tries to get the cops to help with his stolen necklace, while wearing a too-small shirt from one of Lucifer's conquests that says "If you're rich I'm single." He finds Officer Chloe Decker, and gives her all the information she thinks she'll need for her "quest" (including insisting on pronouncing the street name correctly using a language that's at least a few centuries out of date).
    Chloe: Estimated value of the necklace?
    Amenadiel: Well, it's not of this world... let's just say "priceless beyond measure."
    Chloe: I'm gonna put down forty dollars.
  • Chloe muses on the Jack 'O Lantern mask the man was wearing: "Where can I find this Mr. O'Lantern?"
  • Lucifer is delighted upon hearing a piano player, leading to this exchange
    Amenadiel: What, is there no music in Hell?
    Lucifer: Only for torture and played out of tune. Lately we've been playing songs by this chap named Bieber. God, you should hear the screams.
  • Lucifer identifies a woman that is connected to the case he and Amenadiel are pursuing based solely on a picture of her cleavage.
  • Lucifer picks out a car.
    Amenadiel: Don't you need a key?
    Lucifer: You know me, I can turn anything on.
    • Lucifer then tries driving and nearly smashes the car going into reverse. He thought "R" stood for "Really fast." The look of shock on his brother's face being in a car for the first time is priceless.
  • Apparently there aren't many porn stars in Hell, which Lucifer attributes to "the good work" they do on Earth.
  • Amenadiel gets mistaken for a costar of the porn shoot he and Lucifer wandered into, and gets roped into shooting a scene.
  • Lucifer reminds Amenadiel that he needs to act like a normal person during the workout montage since using his celestial strength is going to make people inquire into his life.
  • When Tio asks Lucifer and Amenadiel where they're from, Lucifer says "down south" at the same time Amenadiel says "up north".
  • The Training Montage, complete with Amenadiel chasing a chicken...which Lucifer appears to later eat.
  • Lucifer is watching a hot movie and about to take off his pants. The movie? Hot Tub High School aka the movie Chloe did her infamous nude scene in.
  • Maze gets called up to torture someone for information. In Hell, she has to torture someone in a manner specially designed for them, to cause them maximum suffering, but up here on Earth she can do anything she likes. The thought of complete freedom in how to torment her victim turns her on so much she ends up having sex with him: he confesses when she's done with him.

     Episode 12 - All About Her 
  • Chloe realizes the reason Maze puts up slews of Trixie's artwork is to hide the holes made by her throwing knives.
  • Linda tells Lucifer he needs to understand Chloe better. Lucifer takes that to mean making things about Chloe...so she can then turn around and "make it all about me!"
    Linda: Should have seen that coming...
  • Amenadiel goes to a doctor and is told he has...chlamydia.
    Amenadiel: That's impossible, I'm an angel!
    Doctor: ...Uh huh...
    • Amenadiel admits he slept with a prostitute "although I didn't know she was one at the time."
  • Chloe and Dan think they've gotten the suspect to confess to killing...but he thinks they're talking about a seal he accidentally hit. Chloe shows a picture of the victim and the guy sighs "he's dead too?"
  • Charlotte realising in a second too late that her big "I didn't get where I am today by letting people walk all over me" speech isn't quite as compelling anymore now that she's resigned her position as head of her own law firm to become a low-ranking lawyer at the district attorney's office.
  • The fact that Charlotte is able to intimidate the world's first murderer who's been walking the Earth for thousands of years.
  • Maze's idea of a "gift" to Linda is a deadly hunting knife...right after giving a scary speech about "getting what you deserve."
  • Maze's ring tone is the theme from Psycho.
  • Maze mentions to Linda how Amenadiel has chlamydia, causing a glorious Spit Take.
  • Lucifer's new file folder labels: OBVIOUS KILLERS, TEDIOUS EVIDENCE, HOT SUSPECTS, RIDICULOUS ALIBIS, BORING DETAILS, GRAFFITI, and BORING CRIMES.
    • He also leaves a new screen saver of himself in his underwear lying in bed (The picture comes from a real photoshoot Tom Ellis did for Attitude magazine).
    • And he pours out his flask of alcohol onto a wilting potted plant. Because that will certainly perk it right up!
  • Trying to take Charlotte's advice on toughening up, Ella ends up snapping at Lucifer when he barges into her lab. All she does is leave him mildly confused.

     Episode 13 - Til Death Do Us Part 
  • Pierce shows up at Lucifer's loft as Lucifer comes out with a chainsaw and mask. Rather than be afraid, Pierce just sighs that "if it was that easy to kill myself, I'd have done it long ago."
  • Lucifer is talking to Pierce on all the ways the man has tried to end his life, checking off a list as he does.
    Lucifer: Have you tried grenade down your throat?
    Pierce: Yes.
    Lucifer: Acid bath?
    Lucifer: Devoured by wolves?
    Pierce: Yep.
    Lucifer: Dropped into helicopter blades?
    Pierce: (nods)
    • The bored tone Pierce has is what sells it like how it was "a rough six months" after he jumped into a volcano.
    • Lucifer brushes over it all as "Wolverine rules."
  • Lucifer attempting to get to know Pierce by pretending to be Dr. Linda and giving him a therapy session. Pierce isn't happy when he discovers that Lucifer re-arranged his entire office to do this.
    • Lucifer throws a box of tissues at Pierce...and it bounces off his chest. The noise it makes as it does shouldn't be funny but is somehow hilarious.
  • Maze reunites with a human Charlotte.
    Maze: You were a monstrous bitch and I hated you.
    Charlotte: Yeah, I get that a lot.
  • Maze smells Charlotte, who clearly has no idea how the hell to handle this.
  • Chloe meets Lucifer at the bar with the bartender putting down some pills.
    Chloe: Your bartender is a drug dealer.
    Lucifer: Well, I certainly didn't hire him just for his abs.
  • Chloe says they need to get a team together to raid a drug house and can't just have Lucifer "strolling in a suit and saying 'Hello drug dealers!'" (complete with mocking his accent). Lucifer claims he'd never do that. Gilligan Cut to him coming into the place and saying it...in Korean.
  • The leader of the Korean gang is strangely cooperative, confessing to several felonies and seemingly unconcerned about being arrested. Chloe's face when Lucifer explains why is great; in exchange for cooperation, he provided the gang with the formula for the high-quality ecstasy the victim of the week created.
  • After Lucifer discovers a hidden note with a stash of pills, they go to Pierce.
    Pierce: So you can take the girl out of the ecstasy biz, but you can't take the ecstasy biz out of the girl.
    Lucifer: Well, actually, it's not ecstasy. It's more sort of a home-brew Adderall. It's very smooth. [sniffles]
    Pierce: [to Chloe] Did your partner just admit to snorting evidence?
    Lucifer: The only thing I admit to is being very focused on this case.
  • Lucifer and Pierce go undercover as a married couple. Lucifer is enthusiastic. Pierce...is not.
    • Just the sight of the duo in sweaters (Pierce with his tied around his neck) and having dinner with neighbors.
    • Lucifer claiming they "met through my father."
    • Pierce downing his entire glass of champagne in one long drink.
    • When Pierce tries to retire for the evening, Lucifer stops him by saying, "I cook. You clean."
    • While undercover, Lucifer plays for being the world's most annoying neighbour. He does this by throwing a front lawn party in nothing but speedoes and loose bikini-clad women with a DJ in his garage
    • Lucifer and Pierce argue over putting onion skins down the garbage disposal during a suspect interrogation.
    • Chloe listens to the two bicker about setting up a party in a way that makes all the neighbors totally believe they're Like an Old Married Couple, complete with Lucifer walking off hurt after accused of "not being a man of your word."
  • Dan and Charlotte are on a date when Maze sits right next to Charlotte.
    Charlotte: You two know each other?
    Maze: We killed a guy together.
    • Charlotte realizes Maze is suggesting a three-way...and Dan actually seems ready for it. Charlotte just looks like she wants to run off.
  • Charlotte relates she's "been through Hell" recently, not grasping Maze is taking it literally and that's why she's so interested. Charlotte is thus thrown that Maze was more attracted to "her old life" than Charlotte herself.
  • A suspect confesses to taking pills from the victim and is happy about it as it got him to lose 40 pounds, learn Mandarin and plenty of free time.
  • Lucifer tricking folks into signing stuff which includes him rubbing a kid's head then wiping it on his shirt.
  • Just the sight of a suspect (actually the real killer's husband defending his wife) trying to hold everyone off with...a pair of hedge clippers.
    • Lucifer asks if Pierce has tried those to kill himself and Pierce confirms it didn't work.
  • Lucifer says that he and Pierce have to be more "committed" to killing Pierce off.
    Pierce: We've already been married, I'm not sure how much more committed we can get.
  • The utterly bored sigh Pierce gives with "fine, go get the chainsaw."

    Episode 14 - My Brother's Keeper 
  • Maze has made Trixie pink toy versions of her hell blades. Not only that, but she's teaching her how to use them on various dummies; which the little girl does with relish.
    • After threatening Ella, Trixie realizes they have the same shirt and they yell "Sushi shirt!"
  • Maze is tearing up a dummy (one that looks a lot like Amenadiel) when Ella (who she calls "Ellen") shows up. She lets Trixie go at the dummy.
    Maze: Sever their achilles first. If they can't walk...
    Maze and Trixie: They can't betray you.
    • Then Trixie is in the background cutting up the dummy while Ella and Maze talk.
  • Lucifer, Chloe, Dan and Maze all marveling at the sheer and utter stupidity of Jay. And then at how Ella can not only be in total denial of it but actually look up to him.
  • Lucifer claims to have "researched" the Mark of Cain...and it turns out his "research" was just reading The Da Vinci Code or as he calls it "The DVC."
  • Maze berates Ella.
    Maze: I can't believe you called the cops.
    Chloe: Maze, for the last time, stop telling people not to call the cops.
  • Ella insists there's no proof that Jay was in this room. Maze immediately pipes up she found his wallet.
  • Linda just sitting in silent terror as Charlotte comes to her for therapy.
  • Lucifer sizes up the diamond industry.
    Lucifer: Truly the greatest trick someone besides me played on the world. Thousands of dollars for lumps of coal. Incredible.
  • Chloe and Lucifer pose as a couple with Chloe showing a diamond from the crime scene and claiming it's "so cheap." Lucifer is more insulted by how he's being called cheap than "buying" a stolen diamond.
  • Lucifer asks the owner of the jewel shop her deepest desire. Her answer: "To punch every millennial in the face" for ruining the business. Lucifer actually seems to agree with her.
  • Maze says she and her siblings "torture" each other and Ella, naturally, assumes that's just roughhousing.
  • When Chloe and Dan say "she" (Ella) is lying, Lucifer asks Dan, "Who's lying, your stylist?"
  • Dan and Lucifer try to "think like Ella" on where she would go.
    Lucifer: Strip club.
    Dan: Comic Con
    Lucifer: Bar.
    Dan: Forensics convention.
    Lucifer: Strip club.
    Dan: Dude, you already said that. Why would Ella take her brother to a strip club?
    Lucifer: For the free buffet.
    • During this, we see Chloe giving an epic eye roll for the ages.
  • Chloe tells Ella she knows Maze helped her. "She's my roommate, I recognize her knife."
  • Pierce asks Lucifer how he found out Amenadiel was God's favorite.
    Lucifer: It's a long story involving a flaming sword and a space vagina.
  • When Pierce is trying to goad Amenadiel into confessing he gave him the Mark, he threatens to shoot up Lux. He says he'll start with the guy wearing a scarf indoors, since "no one will miss him".
    • Before this Pierce tells Amenadiel that there is nothing left to surprise him. Amenadiel asks if he's tried watching Game of Thrones.
  • Linda comes to Charlotte's office, now ready to see her for therapy. She says she needs something first and proceeds to prick Charlotte's finger. Seeing her bleed and realizing this isn't Lucifer's mom, Linda just grins while Charlotte stares like she's a lunatic.

     Episode 15 - High School Poppycock 
  • Lucifer shares a dream of Chloe being terrified of his wings and falling off a balcony to his death.
    Linda: I think you know what it means.
    Lucifer: That I need sturdier guardrails?
  • Finding a corpse with ice cream on her head, Ella cracks "I know, you think she's a synthetic." Chloe, Dan and Lucifer just stare.
  • Lucifer seeks advice.
    Lucifer: Dan, your head is mostly empty.
    Dan: What?
    Lucifer: Exactly.
  • Lucifer tries to follow Dan's "yes, and" advice from improv classes.
    Chloe: But you're literally just saying what you would normally say, with the words "yes, and" in front of it.
    Lucifer: Yes, and it's clearly not working.
  • Dan encourages Lucifer to pose as a former student with a picture of the guy with bad hair, overweight and glasses.
    Dan: He looks just like you!
    Lucifer: Has all that masturbation finally caught up to your brain?
  • Lucifer notes high school reunions "are a very popular torture in Hell."
  • Lucifer making no effort at all to impersonate the student.
    Classmate: Do you have a British accent?
    Lucifer: Well, I've had many accents over the years, but this one is clearly the best.
  • Chloe finds herself hooked on the books and matching them to the real-life counterparts and Lucifer naturally gets a kick out of it.
  • Maze talks to Trixie about her problems with Amenadiel and Doctor Linda, and refers back to how she used to be the "most brutal torturer in Hell". Another example of how angels and demons on the show misunderstand advice from humans.
    Trixie: Mommy says that sometimes, people are just scared to tell the truth. Maybe they need a little help.
    Maze: That's not a bad idea, kid. Helping people tell the truth is kind of my thing.
  • In a beautiful Brick Joke, Todd, the loser Lucifer was supposed to impersonate, is Maze's pick for Linda's blind date.
    • It's a true date from hell with Todd offering up how he wets the bed and his hobby of making toothpaste.
  • Linda and Amenadiel realise that the double date is Maze's way of punishing them for lying about seeing each other.
    Linda: Of course we lied, Maze. Look at you. You have a tendency to overreact.
    Maze: (Sticks large knife into restaurant table) I do not - overreact.
  • The way not just Chloe but the other high schoolers soon are getting back to their old ways inspired by the books.
    Lucifer: Look at me, being the responsible one.

     Episode 16 - Infernal Guinea Pig 
  • Lucifer summing up Cain murdering Abel via some ridiculously done stick figure drawings.
    Lucifer: Now the part where Dad condemns you to walk the Earth for eternity is a bit trickier to draw...
    • Cain criticizes Lucifer's stick drawings for not telling the full story from his perspective.
  • Pierce hearing Abel is in Hell.
    Pierce: I knew it! I kept telling people Abel was the ass-hat and no one believed me!
  • Lucifer asks how much Pierce hates his brother.
    Pierce: One thousand infinity plus one.
  • The duo refuse to put Abel into a young body at first. Not because it's a woman but because "we'd be stuck with her for another 70 years."
  • Peirce thinks Lucifer must know Abel from Hell, but Lucifer brushes it off as "I was more a big picture guy."
  • Charlotte tells Linda how she's been working to get her memory back, like a horrible drink.
    Charlotte: I've also tried meditation, Sudoku, a lot of broccoli, but no recovered memories so far. Just a lot of flatulence.
  • Maze imitates Pierce with a hard walk.
    Pierce: I don't walk like that.
    Maze: Yeah, you do.
    Lucifer: Yes, you do.
  • Yes, Maze dated Abel.
  • A classic Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap! as Maze mentions how Abel learned a lot in Hell on his "loops".
    Lucifer: So what you're saying is Hell made him multi-lingual and completely adaptable?
    Pierce: And we put him in the body of a young woman.
    Maze: Smooth move, boys.
  • Abel, in the body of Bree, hits on a couple of young ladies. This being Los Angeles, they just give eye rolls before walking off.
  • It takes Amendadiel showing her reflection in a mirror for Abel to finally realize why men are constantly hitting on her.
  • Bree/Abel's joyful dance of victory after shooting Pierce. Then, her shocked look when she sees him sit right back up.
  • Bree/Abel with Chloe and Charlotte. Hilarity Ensues.
    Charlotte: Do you waive your right to counsel?
    Bree: Honey, I will waive whatever you want me to waive.
    • She tries to impress them with her "sheep amount" and "who wants to lay with me first?
    • When she talks of "escaping Hell," Chloe assumes she's talking about her office job.
  • Lucifer and Chloe bring Bree to the office.
    Chloe: So you worked her for two years, this isn't ringing any bells?
    Bree: No, but your backside...
    Lucifer: Ah, ah, we just need your finger.
    Bree: My finger goes where the lady wants it to go.
  • Chloe refuses to leave Bree with a bomb.
    Bree: My flock is your flock, this I swear!
  • Pierce blames popular culture for giving Chloe the idea of cutting wires on an IED she found.
  • After Chloe defuses the bomb.
    Chloe: I think that means you can take your thumb off now.
    Bree: All right.
    Lucifer: And don't tell us where you want to put it next.
    (cut to)
    Maze: UP YOUR BUTT! That's where I want to shove this.
  • Pierce stating that as long as Abel still lives, he has hope for removing his curse. Cue Abel getting creamed by an ambulance.

     Episode 17 - Let Pinhead Sing! 
  • Ella tries to cheer up Pierce with a "compliment box." It goes as well as you'd expect.
    • She also encourages Dan to talk to Pierce.
    Ella: If anyone knows what it's like to have their life in the crapper, it's you!
  • Whenever Lucifer talks about how unimportant Chloe is, he glances up at the sky, because he's trying to get God to pay less attention to her.
  • The fact Axara is actually more self-centered than Lucifer.
  • Linda leaves a "peacemaking gift" for Maze on her doorstep: A giant battle-axe, complete with wrapping and ribbon.
  • A suspect has a lawyer, a transsexual in a dress.
    Lucifer: I always knew Cher was a fiesty one.
  • Lucifer gives Ella a "World's Greatest Forensic Scientist" t-shirt.
  • Ella's overly dramatic reading of a suicide note.
  • Dan takes Pierce out for a drink.
    Dan: Come on, we're friends. (Pierce stares at him) Friendlier.
    • Pierce does a long talk on the horrors of eternal life that leaves Dan speechless.
  • Linda and Maze try to settle things by... going to Charlotte for mediation.
  • Lucifer and Axara's performance of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive," during which they spend half the time fighting over the microphone.
  • Charlotte is very proud of her moral progress, as shown by - her having spent a long moment talking to a coworker who had bad breath!
  • Axara tries to seduce Lucifer. Lucifer declares, with obvious astonishment at what he's saying, that for possibly the first time in history, he's not in the mood.
  • Lucifer shares his problems with Axara.
    Lucifer: I defied my father. He's big about that. Eye for an eye and all that.
    Axara: So? You're a cop, sort of.
    Lucifer: Yes, well I'm afraid the LAPD can't protect me from Him.
    Axara: He's in government?
    Lucifer: He rules the universe.
    Axara: Ugh, politicians...

     Episode 18 - The Last Heartbreak 
  • In 1958, Pierce tells his partner to stop calling the murderer "the Broken Hearts Killer" as it might stick and the man scoffs at "it'll never stick." Cut to the present and Pierce reading a headline using that very name.
  • Ella claims Pierce and Chloe "boned."
    Lucifer: Ms. Lopez, don't be vulgar. The detective doesn't "bone".
  • Amenadiel once again misunderstands the gravity of a question.
    Amenadiel: What would I like? Well... Sometimes the answer to that is no so simple, is it? I mean, I would like to know what my Father's next test is. I feel pretty confident that I passed the last one, but... what's next? And what am I supposed to do in between? Or is that, in itself, a test?
    Barista: ...Okay. How about a large mocha with extra whip?
    Amenadiel: Sure. Sure.
  • Charlotte's utter bafflement at Amenadiel hugging her and calling her "mom."
  • Lucifer tells Chloe they're a great unit and Pierce can never get between them. Pierce instantly pushes right between them to get to the crime scene.
  • Chloe wants Lucifer to be the "jilted lover" on a radio show. His expression says it all.
  • Lucifer once more attempts to "bond" with Dan.
    Lucifer: How did you move on from the Detective when I showed up and replaced you? And please, don’t say improv.
    Dan: You didn’t replace me.
    Lucifer: Well, true, true. I suppose that would imply we’re on the same level.

     Episode 19 - Orange is the New Maze 
  • Lucifer tries to call Linda and Amenadiel "AMENINDA” and “LINDADIEL."
  • Charlotte trying to figure out the entire Lucifer/Amenadiel dynamic:
    Charlotte: You have to hear how crazy it was. He said Lucifer was his brother. Which, I guess is possible if one of them were adopted. And raised with a different accent. … Then he said I was his stepmom. But he’s a grown man. I mean, his father would have to be ancient. … I mean, as if I would go running around marrying old men and then forgetting all about it. Would I?
  • Ella moaning over hating "beach murders. So mean. It's like, just let people swim."
  • Lucifer, Chloe and Ella react to seeing the video of Maze seemingly killing a guy.
    Chloe: You told her to blow off some steam?
    Lucifer: Well, I was really hoping she'd pick Catalina!
  • The Black Comedy in that Chloe and Ella (who think Maze is just a rough human) are convinced she's innocent while Lucifer (who knows she's a demon) totally believes Maze did it as a way to get him to send her back to Hell, giving the entire case a bizarre air.
  • Lucifer's automatic assumption that Chloe throws away the trash for Maze. Chloe doesn't correct him, so he was probably right.
  • Pierce asks if it's really that shocking if Maze killed a guy. Answering all at once...
    Chloe: Yeah.
    Ella: There's no way.
    Lucifer: Not at all.
  • Ella is worried about Maze.
    Ella: You guys, I’m really worried about her. She’s hurting. When I hugged her just now, she hugged me back.
  • Maze poses as Ella to fool a new lab tech.
    Tech: Miss Lopez! I’ve heard so much about you. I’ve only been here a couple weeks, and everyone said you’re just an absolute ray of sunshine.
    Maze: Yeah, that’s me. Rainbows. Science. God.
  • The montage of some of Maze's past bounties, including one she terrorized for an unpaid parking ticket.
    • but she also showed him how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush. In fact, all of them actually like Maze.
    • Lucifer and Chloe have to laugh at the guy who's breaking out in tears (apparently because Maze ate his pet goldfish).

     Episode 20 - The Angel of San Bernardino 
  • Chloe and Pierce go at it in the evidence locker. It ends up knocking some supplies off the shelves in Ella's lab, with her just grinning and saying, "Go get some, Decker!"
  • Lucifer tells Chloe she has "DNA on your shirt." She starts looking for some obvious fluid only for him to tear off a "DNA" tag from the evidence locker.
    • Funnier given that, with all his "experience", Chloe thinks it's possible Lucifer could recognize DNA on her clothing.
  • Lucifer, of course, scoffs at the idea of an "angel" saving the woman.
    Lucifer: The only thing my siblings ever chase away is a good time.
  • The sight of Lucifer chaining himself up to a huge metal sculpture before lying into his expensive bed...and adjusting a sleep mask.
  • Amenadiel wakes up Lucifer.
    Lucifer: Thanks, Brother, but on the list of things I'd like to wake up to, your face falls somewhere between a horse's head and Coldplay tickets.
  • Chloe suggests Lucifer not sleep. Cut a montage of Lucifer drinking, partying, bare-knuckle prizefighting, having lots of sex, binge-watching TV, ingesting loads of pills and coffee, building furniture, pottery and riding a bicycle across his home.
  • After a week, a messy Lucifer shows up claiming that he just saw all 12 seasons of Bones and it's "quite clearly a documentary" on him and Chloe. And she's Booth.

     Episode 21 - Anything Pierce Can Do I Can Do Better 
  • Ella tells Chloe she won't interfere with her and Pierce. Three guesses where she immediately heads to...
  • Lucifer annoyed to find Pierce hasn't killed himself.
    Lucifer: Shouldn't you be having tea with Hitler by now?
  • Lucifer and Dan bonding over their mutual hate of Pierce.
    • Dan eagerly eats a lemon bar in the squad room. As soon as he's told they were from Pierce, he spits it out.
  • The first suspect in the murder is the rival ballerina who's now the lead.
    Lucifer: Respect for going full Tonya Harding but next time, get your stories straight.
  • Charlotte's idea of succumbing to the inevitability of her damnation is drinking straight out of a wine bottle while reading vapid magazines in a crappy hotel room.
    Charlotte: I'm a terrible person that's led a terrible life, so I'm preparing myself for damnation.
    Amenadiel: In a three star hotel?
    Charlotte: It's what I deserve.
  • Charlotte brushing off setting up a meeting with a fence and stealing a motorcycle with "It's for God."

     Episode 22 - All Hands On Decker 
  • Lucifer gives Chloe a "personality test" as a way to figure out why she'd marry Pierce.
  • Maze comes to the station, all excited...as she thinks Pierce wants her to murder him right there.
  • Even Maze can't believe Chloe planning out her wedding on a huge board.
    Maze: Is that a wedding murder board?
  • For the case, Lucifer takes on the Chloe role while Dan acts like Lucifer. Hilarity Ensues.
  • Lucifer finally meets someone absolutely content in their life, a vet to the richest animals in Los Angeles. When Lucifer tries to draw out her desire, she eventually replies with "I'm really all good!". When he doubles down on attempting to draw something out of her, the woman standing behind her ends up accidentally confessing to the dog-napping.
    • In order to capture Lucifer’s essence, a person has to be "clever, unpredictable, handsome, and sexual." He calls Dan “one of the four.”
      Dan: (beat) ...Which one?
    • Lucifer dresses up in jeans, leather jacket and shades.
      Lucifer: I'm committed, Daniel.
    • Lucifer insists on driving about ten miles below the speed limit to be as "by the book" as Chloe is.
    • Lucifer's reason for needing a "him" around? So he can do the dull boring things while someone else does the rash and impulsive stuff "that actually solves the case!"
    • Lucifer tries to give Daniel incentive to be like him by pushing him into a bar of thugs with no ID but a wallet of cash.
      Dan: I'm here for your money. And your women.
    • Dan is just about to get somewhere when Lucifer bursts in with a SWAT team as this is usually the part he's in trouble.
      Dan: The suspect was just about to give incriminating evidence!
      Lucifer: Stop making it all about you, Daniel!
    • Lucifer orders the cops to get a suspect with "Bag her and tag her."
    • Lucifer drives a dog in the passenger seat, saying Chloe "would never let a dog sit in the back of a filthy police car!" Guess where Dan is sitting.
    • Lucifer decides the dog in the case should be their "Trixie." It goes as well as you'd expect.
      Lucifer: At least the Detective's human dependant can be tempted by chocolate and cash!
  • No one can believe Maze's completely out of character party for Chloe: In her home decked out in pink balloons and decorations with non-alcoholic drinks. And Maze dressed like a housewife.
    • Ella looks decidedly less than thrilled to be there.
      Ella: Maze is totally hijacking my bachelorette party!
      Charlotte: You mean Chloe's bachelorette party.
      Ella: That's what I said.
  • Ella is rummaging around Chloe's place.
    Charlotte: Looking for booze?
    Ella: Yeah. And Maze’s bong. And decent music. And a strapping naked dude with student loans and a dream.
    Charlotte: Not on Maze’s itinerary.
    Ella: Maze has an itinerary?
  • Maze is thrown when Charlotte gets the Malibu Water Polo team off on charges in exchange for hanging on the bus. A drunk Linda is jarred when Maze throws them off.
    Linda: He smelled like Chlorine and butterscotch fudge! I am five feet of nothing but coiled live wire, Maze. This. Means. War!

     Episode 23 - Quintessential Deckerstar 
  • Lucifer is outraged at a messenger mistaking him for Dan. "How DARE you?!"
  • Lucifer tells Chloe he believes Charlotte's theory that the victim's husband is the real killer, and when she asks why he tells her all about how Charlotte died and went to Hell, and that she saw the husband's face in her Hell loop because of an incident that happened years ago. Charlotte's expression during the entire explanation is priceless.
    Lucifer: Don't worry, she won't believe a word of it.
    Chloe: [glares at him, clearly not believing a word of it]

     Episode 24 - A Devil of My Word 
  • Chloe, Dan, and Lucifer find the guy Pierce is framing before the guy knows he is being framed. He's therefore very confused when they walk right up to him, explain they have a whole bunch of evidence pointing at him, but they know he didn't do it. He thinks it's some kind of reverse psychology, and then they find the murder weapon in his desk.
    Suspect: I-I have no idea how that got there. I swear, I—
    Dan: You're being set up. We know.
  • Chloe notes a charity event is filled with crooks for the Sinnerman.
    Lucifer: Which means the Sinnerman isn't very good at what he does. He should leave this to the professionals. Which means moi.
  • Chloe calls Pierce in order to trick him into revealing information, and mentions that Lucifer told her he was Cain from the Bible. Behind her, Dan gives Lucifer a WTF look.

Bonus Episodes

     Boo Normal 
  • Ella being totally upbeat with song playing...as she shows up at a crime scene, giving a high five to the cops around the place.
  • Ella finds Lucifer using her camera to take a photo down his pants.
    Lucifer: I'm sorry, the resolution is so much better!
  • Chloe announces she's going to check with the girl who found the victim. Meanwhile, Lucifer is sliding the doctor's prescription pad under his jacket.
    Lucifer: And I'll check with the nearest pharmacy.
  • Ella's attempts to brush off Ray-Ray in various ways with folks just thinking her stranger than usual.
  • Lucifer can't help but mock Dan losing a witness.
    Dan: I wouldn't be here if I wasn't desperate. So are you going to help me or not?
    Lucifer: Of course, Daniel.
    Dan: You're gonna make fun of me all day?
    Lucifer: Of course, Daniel.
  • Chloe has to dress up in a fox outfit to infiltrate a furry convention. The sight is priceless. And that's before a woman dressed in another outfit attacks her for a brawl.
  • Lucifer and Dan hit Six Flags Magic Mountain to hunt Beckett, the missing witness. Dan is forced to admit he hates theme parks even since he got sick and threw up on a date at one when he was 12.
    • Dan finds Beckett in the front row of the scariest roller coaster in the park. She manages to escape with Lucifer catching her but Dan has to go on the coaster and clearly horrified. Lucifer, of course, just has a massive grin watching.
    • And when Dan gets off the coaster, he finds that Lucifer is wearing a t-shirt with a photo of Daniel's horrified expression. And he's gotten 200 copies for everyone at the station. Plus, hats.
  • Dan can't help cracking up at Lucifer also losing Beckett...then realizes "oh, you lost her."
  • When a masked figure enters the crime scene, Ella and Ray-Ray hide in the closet.
    Ella: Why are you hiding? No one can see you!
  • Maze laughs at Lucifer and Dan losing Beckett.
    Dan: Annoying, isn't it?
    Lucifer: It is when she does it!
  • The toast Lucifer and Dan share when they silently make a Let Us Never Speak of This Again pact over never telling Chloe that a 14-year old girl took them both for a ride.
  • Lucifer unfolds a huge poster of Dan on the coaster at the station.
  • Just the idea that Ella has secretly been long-time friends with The Angel of Death.
  • Lucifer's response upon learning that Azrael sent Ella to LA in order to meet him. Keep in mind that God sent Chloe to Lucifer, too.
    Lucifer: Why does everyone think I need help meeting women?

     Once Upon a Time 
  • Lucifer as baffled as Charlotte at how he oddly is "not in the mood" to sleep with her.
  • Lucifer and Dan's relationship is even harsher with him snapping "you interfere and I swear to God it'll be bad."
    Lucifer: Must you drag my father into this?
  • The sight of Ella as a tattooed garage mechanic and street crook.
  • Lucifer shows up at a crime scene and is surprised he's welcomed in. Cue him finding Chloe pretending to be a cop. Here, his "Detective" is sarcastic as he knows full well she's not a real cop.
  • Lucifer trolls Amenadiel on not being in the Silver City for a while.
    Lucifer: I hear Uriel has grown a mustache.
    Amenadiel: He has?!
    Lucifer: I wouldn't know.
  • Chloe offers a partnership.
    Chloe: We both want the same thing.
    Lucifer: Oh, very forward of you, Ms. Decker. Yes, I will have sex with you, but we probably should solve this murder first.
  • Chloe's dad finds her outside the trailer of a co-star and says he hopes he's not "working with that delusional club owner, what's his name...." Cue the trailer shaking as an actress cries out Lucifer's name over and over and Chloe's dad glares at her.
    • When a disheveled Lucifer comes out, he's surprised to find Chloe meant for him to do the "deepest desire" trick rather than simply sleep with the woman. "Should have said so."
  • Ella at first is upset Lucifer bring someone to her garage...then turns total Fangirl at Chloe and claims her movie characters "inspired" Ella to become a street mechanic who steals cars, not a crime lab tech.
    Chloe: You know Bonnie joins the police at the end of that movie, right?
    Ella: Oh. I guess I never saw the whole thing.
  • Chloe's father mentions that he was once chased by a naked man wielding a harpoon. Cue a hilarious WTF look from Lucifer.

Season 4

     Episode 1 - Everything's Okay 
  • Lucifer finishes a song to find himself surrounded by armed men.
    Lucifer: What do you want?
    Gunman: Revenge.
    Lucifer: I don't know that one but if you hum a few bars...
  • Lucifer is stunned when Chloe shows up and all business. He lets out a "what the f----" before the show cuts to credits. Which is funnier given that, since it's Netflix, there would have been no censor anyway.
  • Lucifer point blank tells Ella he's the Devil and all of it and she still thinks it's a character bit.
  • Lucifer goes to Dan.
    Lucifer: Dan, I need your help in a category I believe you have some expertise in. What does it mean when a woman recoils from your touch?
  • Linda presses Lucifer.
    Lucifer: Oh, role play? It has been a while, Doctor. We don't have the clown masks but I'm still game.
    • Linda presses Lucifer on how he's projecting his issues onto Chloe. Obviously, Lucifer assumes Linda is talking about Chloe projecting onto the case.
  • Linda then meets Maze.
    Linda: Maybe it'll help if I speak your language.
    Maze: Oh, you speak Lilim? (talks in a deep and freaky language)
    Linda: What? No, I meant violence.
    Maze: I only fight when I'm angry. Or horny.
    • Amenadiel enters just as Linda punches Maze. He assumes they're fighting over him which amuses both women.
    • Some Bilingual Bonus here, too. Lesley-Ann Brandt was - being South African - speaking Afrikaans, commenting on how Linda couldn't understand her.note 
  • Lucifer and Maze's reconciliation after their quarrel in season three basically boils down to them shrugging it off as "that's just how Hellspawn are sometimes."
    Maze: (asking why he didn't call her about the crooks attacking him) What? Are you still upset about me trying to betray you and kill you? It was a month ago.
    Lucifer: No, of course not. What do you think I am, human?

     Episode 2 - Somebody's Been Reading Dante's Inferno 
  • Ella is exceptionally happy to be on the set of a reality TV show that she binge-watched all 27 seasons in just two weeks.
    • When she offers to watch the hundreds of hours of unedited footage, she's ecstatic about it.
  • Maze's idea of caring for Linda after she passes out during a workout is waking her up to a glass of gin and referencing a fourteenth century medical book.
    Maze: (handing a glass to Linda) Here, drink.
    Linda: (gulps it down only to immediately spit it out) Okay, that's gin.
    Maze: Yeah. Only top shelf for my girl.

     Episode 3 - Oh, Ye of Little Faith, Father 
  • Lucifer sums up the business card.
    Lucifer: Vatican investigator? Sounds like a soon-to-be-canceled TV show.
  • Lucifer tries to get back on Dan's good side...by giving out his phone number on posters for a Chewbacca sound-alike contest.
    Dan: It's like he exists to torture me.
  • Lucifer is about to talk about Chloe and the priest. When Amenadiel reveals Linda is pregnant, Lucifer declares it "a tie."
  • Amenadiel says that if angels can impregnate humans "how has this not happened to you?" Lucifer can only acknowledge the point.
  • Naturally, Lucifer has to ask if the murder victim had any drugs left lying out.
  • Linda is not happy to hear her client's rant on how "children are sociopaths."
  • Chloe asks if Lucifer has given money to charity.
    Lucifer: I've put many a nubile law student through college, thank you very much. Several of whom were named Charity.
  • Maze's knowledge of human child birth is...questionable.
    Maze: In hell, tortue via birth was a favorite. If half of what we did was accurate, your sex holes are never going back to normal.
  • Maze also asks Trixie what knife would be best for a baby.
    Maze: At what age did your parents teach you to hunt?
  • Lucifer literally laughs at the idea of being sent back to Hell.
    Lucifer: You really need to remove End of Days from the Vatican movie list. Not one of Arnold's best.

     Episode 4 - All About Eve 
  • Ella asks where Lucifer is and Dan makes a "cut it out" motion with his hand at his neck.
    Ella: He was decapitated?!
  • The idea of Eve, the first woman, being just so bored by Heaven that she had to come to Earth for some fun.
  • Lucifer finds the man who shot him in the face while posing as an Uber driver at a crime boss' home.
    Goon: I shot you in the face!
    Lucifer: And I gave you a terrible rating!
  • Linda brings Maze and Amenadiel for her first ultrasound. It goes as well as you'd expect.
    • Linda's talking to the doctor about how she's been feeling, and mentions that she's got a truly supernatural support team. Pan out to Amenadiel and Maze giving the doctor a Death Glare.
    • Maze nearly rips the doctor's arm off just for putting on gel.
    • Amenadiel up front on how he's looking for the wings. Linda laughs it off for the doctor before yanking Amenadiel in as she realizes he's serious.
  • Eve is ecstatic to watch Lucifer in a Bar Brawl. She even joins in by smashing a bottle on a guy's head. He's about to punch her only for a female bartender to grab his hand, knock him out and high-five Eve.
  • During the Bar Brawl some glass gets on the counter next to the old man that has been drinking behind Eve the entire time. He nonchalantly brushes it off and goes back to drinking.
  • Lucifer is impaled through the shoulder by a pool cue. Just the fact it happened was enough to tip him off to the presence of...
  • Maze moving in with Linda and already calling herself "Auntie Maze."
    Maze: Good, it's settled. Now, where do I put my knives?
  • Linda and Amenadiel covering all of the ceiling area and handrails of her house in bubble wrap after they realize just how challenging a hybrid angel/human child's care may be.

     Episode 5 - Expire Erect 
  • The opening scene: Lucifer is sipping wine while bleeding from a gunshot wound, Ella and Eve are making out and Chloe is looking at a sandwich and gasping "This is the answer!" Then the title card of "36 hours earlier."
  • Lucifer's mental freak out over Eve calling him her "boyfriend." It's so unsettling, they only have sex two more times after that!
  • Ella is less interested in the murdered victim than his classic Mercedes-Benz 300SL Gullwing.
  • Amenadiel enters the loft with a small box.
    Amenadiel: Lucifer? I got your baby present...but I don't think those are teething rings.
  • Amenadiel meets Eve.
    Amenadiel: Did you hurt Lucifer?
    Eve: Only when he asks me.
  • Lucifer makes a big show of pointing out cops from one who put a siren on his car to the evidence locker clerk who let him get first shot at any cocaine.
  • Eve and Ella. All of it.
    Lucifer: (watching Eve calm Ella down with a kiss) Ladies... Oh, it's a comfort to know I'll expire erect. (raises glass) Cheers.
    • Also Ella on drugs.
    • And Lucifer "sobering her up" by...giving her cocaine.
  • Chloe stunned to realize this is "the Eve from Adam and Eve?"
    Eve: I never understood why they put his name first. I thought we were living in progressive times.
  • Maze taking in the hackers in a small room.
    Maze: Shared office work space? Even I find this a bit cruel, torture wise.
  • Lucifer spending twenty plus minutes of the episode calmly bleeding out from a bullet to the gut on the floor of his nightclub, always with a glass of alcohol on hand and a sex joke at the ready.
    • Furthermore, Lucifer using what may be the last moments of his corporeal life to drag himself over and mock the criminal who shot him after his colleague shows up and stabs him in the gut, leaving him to also bleed out from a gut wound on the floor. The level of petty is incredible.
  • Eve mentions that Adam was always boring because he thinks paradise should just be lounging around all day. This got worse once Heaven got ESPN.
  • Lucifer happily telling Eve he bought a snake costume to swear when they have sex.

     Episode 6 - Orgy Pants to Work 
  • Maze's anger over Lucifer throwing an orgy while she's out of town, referring to it as "fifty shades of betrayal."
  • Eve entering in leather outfit with a tray of drinks.
    Eve: Everyone hydrates!
  • Eve and Maze face off tensely...then Eve realizes who Maze is and fangirls over her.
    Eve: This world is so full of dumb-ass rules. You know, "no drugs for breakfast" or "put on some clothes". But you...For years you have been the keeper of Lucifer's devilish flame. He just forgot to mention you were so damn hot!
    Maze: I like her.
  • Having been gone for months, Maze is jarred to find her "knive shelf" has been replaced by a baby seat and Linda is heavily pregnant (naturally, she can only declare "you're fat!")
  • Chloe and Dan talk of Lucifer late for a crime scene.
    Dan: Maybe he'll show up with another kilo of coke. Or a Mexican wrestler.
    Chloe: That was a scheduling issue.
  • The Title Drop comes from Lucifer showing up at a crime scene in assless chaps.
    • Which he then covers up with scores of red crime scene tape.
  • The archangel Remiel shows up on Earth because she senses the presence of a new celestial (Linda and Amenadiel's unborn child). Of course, the person she actually assumes responsible for fathering it is Lucifer.
    Remiel: Our brother Lucifer is a...what do they call it here? (pauses) A slut!
  • Lucifer wakes up from a nap.
    Lucifer: Fetch me the goat!
  • Lucifer tries to buy apology gifts for Eve and Chloe only for them to get mixed up. Thus, Eve gets a copier printing out an apology at Lux while Chloe gets the sex doll delivered to her office.
    Chloe: There's a card.
    Dan: You really need a card to know who this is from?
    • And Lucifer pitifully attempts to act like it's the real gift.
  • Discovering the murder victim was at a nudist club, Chloe is told no one enters with clothes. Of course, Lucifer is already naked and Chloe is chewing him out for being unprofessional...only for Ella to also step out buck naked.
    Ella: Bucket list?
  • The fact that a Netflix show goes overboard on Scenery Censor at the nudist club.
  • Remiel is absolutely horrified at the clothing Amenadiel has forced her to wear in order to blend in.
    Remiel: How do mortal woman deal with these torture devices... what did you call them?
    Amenadiel: Jeans.
  • Maze joins Linda at birth class which has them watching a video of a woman giving birth. Linda stares in horror while Maze munches on popcorn.

     Episode 7 - Devil Is As Devil Does 
  • Eve's eagerness to find someone to punish, going over wanted posters at the station.
  • Lucifer shows Dan to Eve.
    Lucifer: That's Daniel. He's a douche again.
    Eve: Oh, can we punish him too?
    Lucifer: Believe me, his existence is punishment enough.
  • Maze speaks to Linda's stomach...with stories of her murderous past.
    Maze: Why would you want to hear a story not about graphic murders?
  • Linda is more than slightly worried to realize Maze is taking her "aunt" role seriously by following Linda everywhere, including work.
  • Ella drinking coffee from a mug plastered with her own face.
  • Trixie enters Lucifer's loft and goes wild admiring everything from the hot tub on the patio to a horse that was a "gift from Napolean!" Eve can only giggle in delight.
  • Trixie interrogates Eve.
    Trixie: Ever been married?
    Eve: Once. It didn't work out.
  • Linda point blank asks if Maze is in love with her. Maze laughs "you have that good things come in small packages vibe" but no and Linda lets out a laugh of relief.

     Episode 8 - Super Bad Boyfriend 
  • Lucifer asks a plastic surgeon if he can "dress up" his terrible wings somehow.
  • Amenadiel shows up and Lucifer mutters he "really needs to lock that elevator."
    Lucifer: Hit another bridge whilst flying?
    Amenadiel: It was one time, Lucifer!
  • Ella and Dan's wonderfully awkward meeting at the crime scene after being together.
    Lucifer: Whatever is happening here is undoubtedly my fault.
  • Lucifer tries to use the prophecy to break up with Eve. Her take is merely that it means he loves her.
  • The look of resigned annoyance on Chloe's face as Lucifer starts asking the witness they're interviewing for breakup advice. You can see her thinking, "ah, so that's the personal issue he's going to be making everything about this week..."
  • Amenadiel starts to ask random people at Lux for advice.
    Amenadiel: Do you have a good relationship with your father?
    Dancer: I'm dancing half naked in an ice bucket for money. What do you think?
  • Maze hits on a female prison guard who responds with basically one-word sentences. Maze declares she's "too clingy" and calls it off.
    • And then she gets dumped by a chubby overweight man with glasses who says they won't work as "we're both alphas."
    Maze: I know this might sound crazy, but I'm starting to think that maybe...I'm the problem.
  • Lucifer telling Linda how Eve is "coming off a long-term relationship."
  • Lucifer's horror at realizing Eve and Linda are bonding over his many flaws.
  • Lucifer playing up every single "bad husband" cliche in the book from having guys over watching football to playing video games.
    • And then Eve gets back at him by beating him at the games, more popular with the football guys and making out with the exact same woman Lucifer was.
    • Just the fact that the former King of Hell resorts to such mundane attempts at being a bad boyfriend, rather than doing anything truly malicious.

     Episode 9 - Save Lucifer 
  • Maze is out to hurt Lucifer for hurting Eve but has trouble finding her weapons in the new baby-proof apartment.
  • Ella does a goofy dance for "Hammer Time" due to the victim killed by a hammer. She complains on how "I've been waiting years to do that!"
  • Chloe and Lucifer joining together in sheer bafflement at Maze and Eve becoming a bounty hunting duo.
  • Eve and Maze are making out in an office just as Lucifer and Chloe show up. They all just stare at each other while the guy tied up and gagged in a chair groans for attention.
    Man: Thank you! These two maniacs barged in here and tied me up!
    Lucifer: Yes, I can see you've had a most unpleasant time here.
    Man: Well...it wasn't all bad.
  • Eve's Chloe impression is a sight to behold.

     Episode 10 - Who's da New King of Hell? 
  • The entire opening dance dream sequence.
    • The best part? Dan leaping out so Lucifer can do a Dirty Dancing lift of him.
    • Also, don't miss the blink-and-you-miss-it and Funny Background Event of Ella's strange face and movements looking at this.
  • During a crime scene with Ella and Dan, Chloe sees Dan of all people being silly and reenact a goofy hip-hop song.
    • Which is then made better as the camera moves to some knocking only to show Lucifer smacking the recording booth glass like a child shouting "DETECTIVE, DETECTIVE! WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?!".
  • Dromos complaining how bad Hell has become and Lucifer pointing out it's Hell.
    Dromos: Lucifer, Hell has been really bad since you left.
    Lucifer: Oh, well that's a shame because it was a real vacation destination before.
  • Dromos stating that Kinley "talked like a pirate."
  • Chloe and Maze wake up Lucifer.
    Lucifer: Am I dreaming? No, I can't be, you're both still dressed.
  • A bystander gets killed by a priest possessed by a demon. When the former gets possessed by one of Dromo's demons, they got to do a brofist.
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