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Fanfic / Partially Kissed Hero

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Partially Kissed Hero is a Harry Potter story by longtime fanfiction writer Jared Ornstead, otherwise known as Skysaber. In order to start fresh without reader preconceptions about his work, though, he released it under a new identity with the name Perfect Lionheart.

The story is set at the very beginning of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and immediately deviates from the storyline when Harry is partially kissed by the Dementor aboard the Hogwarts Express, prompting his soul to absorb the Horcrux Voldemort created inside him. Oh, and Dumbledore is evil.


From there, things get... complicated.

This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Adaptational Job Change: Or past job change, in this case. This fic claims that Voldemort worked in the Department of Mysteries as an Unspeakable at some point, which was never even implied in canon.
  • Adaptational Wimp: In canon, Amelia Bones is such an excellent witch that Lord Voldemort feels the need to take her on personally, and she still puts up a valiant fight before being killed. Here, she gets captured by Bellatrix in a mission internally described as having “gone flawlessly”.
  • A Lady on Each Arm: Harry and his wives.
  • All Gays Are Pedophiles: Seriously, just read chapter 53.
  • Alternate Universe: It starts with an evil Dumbledore and far more abusive Dursleys in the Back Story, and many other characters are drastically different from their canonical selves based on whether they side with Harry or do not. However, much later on in the story, time travel is used to create an alternate universe within the story, rewriting the past so as to give Harry a happy childhood, interspersed with time at the Dursleys, with the memories of each being suppressed while he experiences the other so as to appear to preserve the timeline.
  • Anachronism Stew:
    • Harry shows some students The Lord of the Rings, saying the movies are about magical history as a joke. Quite the accomplishment, since the first movie wouldn’t be released for another eight years.
    • In a later chapter, Harry mentions eBay, a website that wouldn't be around for two years and wouldn't be named that for another two.
    • Hermione is said to dislike her birthday because it falls on Talk Like a Pirate Day. But that holiday wouldn't exist until two years after the story is set.
  • Anti-Hero: Harry becomes the “extremely unscrupulous” kind, courtesy of Voldemort’s soul fragment mutating his personality.
  • Artistic License – Biology: Hermione describes herself as "nearly done" with puberty in her inner monologue at one point. She's thirteen years old at the time. Puberty in girls generally doesn't end until at least the age of sixteen, and since Hermione is a. very intelligent and b. the daughter of two dentists, she should know that.
  • Author Appeal: All of the women are easily won over with really shiny things, immortality, eternal beauty or power. For all that, they don’t mind being forced into anything, and happily accept Harry as their Dark—er, I mean, Light Lord and master.
    • This seems to be a theme for PL. His earlier fic Chunin Exam Day has essentially the exact same things used for wooing women, just replace “really shiny things” with “really great massages, hand-made clothes, and really good food”.
  • Author Filibuster: Every chapter has at least one of these. Some chapters are nothing but these. This is a trademark of Skysaber/Lionheart’s writing.
  • Big Brother Is Watching: Dumbledore knows everything that goes on in Hogwarts and can see any possible threat to him... except for the attempts on his life and the culprits behind the constant attacks and inconveniences caused by Harry and company.
  • Butt-Monkey: Dumbledore, Snape, Draco, most of the Slytherins, and Ron are the main ones:
    • Dumbledore is crushed, mutilated, fooled into believing Colonel Sanders is the Dark Lord, dipped in Malaclaw venom too many times to count, and has his testicles placed into Bludgers and kept alive to feel the pain.
    • Snape is put under the Imperius Curse and subsequently boils his head in acid, rips Draco Malfoy apart, and is trapped in a cycle of despair which causes him to tear out his own brain.
    • Draco is turned into a woman and forced to bear children to the fathers of Crabbe and Goyle.
    • Ron has his failings pointed out in front of the entire Divination class.
  • Cannot Tell Fiction from Reality: The entire Wizarding World, apparently, as Harry and Hermione have no difficulty convincing their classmates and even their teachers that The Lord of the Rings and Ghostbusters are recordings of real events. Even though Hermione isn’t the only Muggle-born in the school. And even though wizards do have their own fiction.note 
  • Chekhov's Gun: To something in canon that is never later referenced: the scar on Dumbledore’s knee that provides a perfect map of the London Underground, referenced as a throwaway joke in his first scene in Philosopher’s Stone, is actually his reference and control system for his multiple underground black-market warehouses.
  • Contrived Coincidence: Malaclaw venom causes these due to it being bad luck in a bottle.
  • Crack Fic: At times can match Thirty Hs in sheer weirdness. One example would be the incident in which Harry is inadvertently transformed into a flower garden, which allows Luna to excise his remaining personality flaws (or rather, the ones that the author notices) by going weeding.
  • Dastardly Whiplash: As a side effect of his repeated resurrections and of losing the ability to adjust his physical age to a nonthreatening grandfatherly look, Dumbledore starts reverting to his appearance (and wardrobe and behavior!) from his physical prime—which is that of the classic mustache-twirling, tophatted villain.
  • Death Is Cheap: Thanks to Dumbledore’s and Snape’s Horcruxes, as well as copious overpowered transformations on Harry’s side, no deaths ever stick.
  • Deconstructive Parody: Unintentionally so, but the series can easily be seen this with regard to bad Harry Potter fanfiction clichés.
  • Defiled Forever: When Narcissa joins Harry, she has apparently managed not to be spoiled by the touch of her husband. Even though she has a son. And even though her husband is a rapist.
  • Dehumanization: Dumbledore’s narcissistic personality disorder causes him to think of everyone but himself in this way:
    “It really was only fair. To his mind, the rest of wizard-kind were nothing more than bugs, deserving of pity perhaps, for not being as magnificent as he, but certainly no empathy.”
  • Department of Redundancy Department: The author has a tendency to repeat the same thing multiple times with similar but slightly different wording, leading to chapters of 5,000 or more words that could easily be 500 words or fewer.
  • Door Stopper: Somewhat longer than Gone with the Wind.
  • The Dragon: Snape is this to Dumbledore, being a willing accomplice to his master’s world domination schemes and even trusted enough to be allowed his own Horcrux.
  • Eunuchs Are Evil: This story claims that Voldemort sacrificed his sex organs in a dark ritual to make him ageless.
  • Evil Is Petty: Dumbledore, in spades. For just one example, he buys his clothes using money he steals from orphans, despite being ludicrously wealthy in his own right.
  • Evil vs. Evil: A not uncommon interpretation of the central conflict between Dumbledore and Harry. Voldemort and his crew, for what it’s worth, oppose both sides at different stages in the story, although they’re rather sidelined throughout.
  • Exotic Extended Marriage: Wizards are permitted multiple wives. However, the practice has been rare in Wizarding Britain for quite some time, partly due to social stigma, and partly because of the legal difficulties that result.
  • Expo Speak: Most of the story’s length consists of Harry or Luna lecturing Hermione on whatever inane topic they desire, apparently because she doesn’t understand even basic facts of the wizarding world.
  • The Fair Folk: Harry, Hermione and Luna become the champions of the Fairy Queen who seeks to defeat Dumbledore and bring magic back the way it used to be. Fairy magic is “more magical than magic.” Whatever that means...
  • For Science!: The Trio discovers that Dumbledore comes back every time they kill him so what do they do? Use him for morally dubious experimentation, since it’s not like they won’t be killing him for good once his Horcruxes are gone.
  • Good Girls Avoid Abortion: Also boys, since casting a castration hex is apparently punishable by ten years forced pregnancy, along with a permanent sex change if the offender were not female at the time he cast it. Apparently our “heroes” endorse this.
  • Gorn: The many unpleasant demises of the story’s antagonists are this whenever they are described in detail.
  • Hate Fic: Aspects of the fic can stray into this—it’s obvious that the author has some grievances with the canon, as he puts it in the note to the first chapter:
    “Every so often the entire Harry Potter universe offends me so deeply that I just have to react by folding, spindling and mutilating it.”
  • Heel–Face Brainwashing: Because Harry is “good” it strikes him and his minions as moral to use a mind control potion on a hundred different women that makes them join the protagonists’ side. It also doubles as a Love Potion.
  • Hollywood Acid: Snape ends up getting bewitched into putting his head into a bucket full of it at one point.
  • Hollywood Tactics: Pretty much the entirety of chapter 99, but the grand prize has to go to Russia invading Canada by marching an army across the North Pole.
  • Honor-Related Abuse: When Draco gets on Harry’s bad side, Narcissa just lets Harry do whatever he wants to her own son, because he shouldn’t have gotten on the wrong side of someone higher up on the family hierarchy.
  • How Unscientific!: Chapter 72. Trelawney pushes for the space programs of Earth to colonize the Moon, Mars, and other worlds in the solar system with dryad trees to make them effectively invulnerable (because as as long as their trees are safe, they can’t die) with Orion-type nuclear pulse propulsion ships that can get out to Pluto and back within a year.
  • Humiliation Conga: Dumbledore gets this throughout the entire story, especially because he repeatedly gets killed by gruesome and embarrassing death traps that he never sees coming despite his Orwellian control of the magical world and of Hogwarts.
  • Idiot Ball: Everyone aside from Harry and his thralls is forced to hold this, making for an Idiot Plot.
  • I Just Want to Be Beautiful: The motivation of any and all female characters, except maybe Bellatrix.
  • Info Dump: At any given time the plot may be halted for several chapters to deliver (largely unnecessary) information about some place, object, or person.
  • Informed Ability: Dumbledore, who is supposed to be a greater threat to Harry than Voldemort and the most powerful, dangerous and informed wizard on the planet, is fooled into believing that a “Colonel Sanders”, among other Muggle advertisement icons, are actually dark wizards working to undermine his power. He is stated to be incredibly intelligent, but even when not under the influence of Malaclaw venom acts like a moron.
  • It's All About Me: All of Dumbledore’s acts are motivated by a belief in his own perfection and superiority to other people. All of Harry’s acts are also motivated by a belief in his own perfection and moral superiority, though there is one singular point where he recognizes that he has crossed the line.
  • Just Between You and Me: There is one scene of this in chapter 79, wherein Dumbledore’s simulacrum captures Harry and his wives in his office and gloats a bit as he waits for Snape or Filch to arrive to help with the interrogation and torture, pausing only to open a piece of Harry’s mail... which blows up in his face. Literally.
  • Joker Immunity: If Dumbledore were defeated, there would be no story. There are over 100 chapters of story.
  • Love Potion: Used by Luna as part of a potion called “Bride’s Delight”, which turns a hundred witches into Harry’s immortal dryad sex slaves who are only hot for him thanks to the fact his hair is dropped into the potion. This is combined with the Unctuous Unction which makes them all believe that Harry is the source of all goodness, light, and truth, so that even if there were a technical way out they wouldn’t ever take it.
  • Madonna–Whore Complex: When Narcissa is forced to join Harry’s group, she is apparently still a virgin. This is actually brought up as a plus, because it wasn’t good enough for a fighting, competent, impressive and desperate witch to join their cause, as virginity is more important than anything else.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Dumbledore accidentally blows his own arm off while resurrecting Snape in Chapter 10. He barely seems to react.
  • Men Are Strong, Women Are Pretty: All women in the story want beauty, cosmetic products, better complexions, etc. These all motivate them to a huge extent, whether Hermione or Bellatrix. Men prefer dung bomb recipes.
  • Men Act, Women Are: All Harry’s wives care about making his actions better rather than taking their own. Apparently the hero saving a damsel so she has to marry him is mostly out of vogue, but only because too many guys died that way.
  • Monstrous Cannibalism: In this fic, goblins have no problem eating their own dead.
  • Moral Dissonance: Harry’s actions include Mind Rape and enslavement. Despite this, he is portrayed as the unquestioned good guy. Though he does throw up in disgust and have to be comforted by Luna after he had a particularly thorough torture session with the Dursleys, he makes no attempt to lessen their suffering or even tone down his actions, suggesting he learns nothing.
  • More Than Mind Control: Arguably for Hermione, who is (figuratively) charmed by Harry, who now has Voldemort's memories and power, and then convinced that Dumbledore is a Dark Lord and becomes completely devoted to Harry and Luna for the inevitable long, long, long streams of exposition that they tell her.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Every woman in the main cast. If they don’t start out pretty then they get there quickly, and if they do start out pretty, they become sex goddesses. Moreover, every girl on Harry’s side wants nothing more than to service him sexually, even if not always before mind rape.
  • MST: Done by members of The Fanfiction Forum. Viewing requires registration.
  • Never a Self-Made Woman: Every major woman in the story, with the debatable exception of Hermione, is special because of... her relationship to Harry.
    • Luna (who is actually the most active female) explains it to Hermione thus:
    “We are Harry’s friends and we are helping him, but we are also much more than that. Our bodies, and thus ourselves, were literally made to serve him by the author of our transformation. Harry is the hero.”
  • Not-So-Well-Intentioned Extremist: Dumbledore admits to being this in his Inner Monologue. Whenever he justifies something as being "for the greater good", he's talking about his own greater good.
  • Negate Your Own Sacrifice: The Cauldron of Blood can be purified, but it requires somebody to knowingly and willingly sacrifice themself by jumping into it, resulting in their immediate death. Trelawney does so, but because she has become a dryad she cannot die permanently unless her tree is destroyed.
  • Obfuscating Insanity: According to this story, Luna pretends to be a dotty eccentric so people will underestimate her.
  • Only Sane Man: In one of the story’s better bits, Luna is apparently this compared to the rest of her family, particularly Grandmother Alice who at this point operates more under Wonderland logic than Earth logic. This is kind of awkward, too, because from an objective standpoint Luna is by far the most merciless and vicious character in the entire story, more so than any of the Designated Villains or Harry himself. Her first important act after tagging along with Harry is committing the premeditated murder of her uncle in cold blood without any remorse or second thoughts, all while making it look like a suicide. She is twelve years old, and has not absorbed a soul fragment from a mass murderer. The one time Harry thinks that he has gone too far and begins to feel a little remorse, Luna talks him out of it and convinces him he did nothing wrong in defiance of all common sense.
  • Pay Evil unto Evil: The story's central tenet. Absolutely any cruelty is permitted as long as the victim harmed Harry or his friends first.
  • Polyamory: Harry has four wives, in addition to the aforementioned sex slaves.
  • Protagonist-Centered Morality: Certainly Harry does fewer horrible things then Dumbledore’s ridiculous list of villainy, albeit only because he hasn't been around as long and Dumbledore’s crimes are so over-the-top as to seem like parody. That doesn’t mean that the moral course of action is to use torture on helpless people for the sole purpose of revenge just because one uses it on fewer people then the other side. Except the story treats it as fine and he even learns a moral lesson from it. This does not mean he stops the torture at any point despite the fic making a big point of Harry arranging it so he can kill the victims at any point with little more then a thought. Nor does it justify the (wholly unrelated) mind rape. Or the effective slavery. Or the initiation of the end of human civilization.
  • Race Lift: Fred and George come up with a product called “Caucasian Cream”note  which was supposed to allow users to temporarily change their ethnic features. The beta test reveals the effects are permanent. Within days, every student in Hogwarts who is a racial minority uses it to become white. And Lionheart thinks he’s taking a stand against racism somehow.
  • Retcon: Dumbledore starts out with one Horcrux. As of Chapter 88, he has thirteen.
  • Revenge Fic: Mostly against Dumbledore and Snape, but other characters feel the author’s wrath as well.
  • Rouge Angles of Satin: Remarkably absent, given both the size of the story and the fact that it’s a fanfic.
  • Same Face, Different Name: Ornstead did not reveal his identity as Perfect Lionheart until several years after he began the story. At that time, he explained that his motive for publishing under the Lionheart name was to prove that the alleged cabal of haters who he believes lives to denigrate his work would not find fault with Partially Kissed Hero because the “Skysaber” name wasn’t on it. Naturally, Perfect Lionheart’s identity was debated strongly in many fora before this announcement, with the two main camps settling on “Oh, yeah, it’s Skysaber” and “Nah, it’s a Skysaber tribute band”.
  • Shout-Out:
    • Early in the story, Harry pulls a prank on Professor Binns’ first-year class by tricking them into thinking that The Lord of the Rings is about the history of the wizarding world.
    • Hermione’s parents are fans of Star Trek.
    • Draco, Crabbe and Goyle are Confounded into thinking they were attacked by Colonel Sanders, Barney the Dinosaur and the Pillsbury Doughboy.
  • Show, Don't Tell: A common criticism, in particular of the frequent Author Tracts.
  • Showy Invincible Hero (or villain as your mileage on Harry): It is incredibly obvious as early as chapter 15 that Dumbledore is going to be no match for Harry and Co.—the rest of the story is just seeing how it plays out.
  • Smug Snake: Dumbledore, in private or before he Obliviates someone. Harry as well, though this is ignored because he’s the “hero”.
  • Sneeze Cut: Moody gets one in Chapter 17. After his sneeze, he immediately starts taking disease-prevention potions and trying to figure out who spoke of him.
  • Species Loyalty: Wizards have apparently made it illegal to use contraception charms. The Trio is planning to have a lot of children to help repopulate the fairies. Keep in mind that they’re young teenagers.
  • Staying Alive: Dumbledore and Snape, who are repeatedly killed by Harry, Luna and Hermione in a variety of really sadistic ways, but come back each time because Dumbledore is Crazy-Prepared and has at least thirteen Horcruxes to ensure his immortality.
  • Take That!: Lots:
    • There’s a whole chapter devoted to how absolutely disgusting vampires are, and how people who think they are sexy are Too Dumb to Live, mostly because the author has read the Dracula novel and is fed up with Twilight.
    • After introducing bows and arrows, there were apparently a lot of reviews bringing up the superiority of guns, which caused the main characters to realize how useless guns are. This is justified by the author in the note at the end, and YMMV on whether you agree:
    “I'm tired of anonymous jerk-offs telling me ‘bows suck, guns are better.’ That may even be true, but it’s not what I want to do with my story. So I slapped down some rules to make it physically impossible for my heroes to use them. Just because I’m tired of listening to the blind ‘the way we do things now is the only true and perfect way to do ANYTHING’ crowd.
    “I want a fantasy story, not Rambo, the Fairy Blood.”
    • At one point the narration exposits on how there are a number of “Boy Who Lived” books in-universe, which are clearly a dig at Possession Sue Harry Potter fics. The irony appears to be lost on the author. It has also been suggested that the same sequence incorporates shots at the actual Harry Potter books, because some of the complaints are similar to those in the author’s notes. The irony of that is something well beyond merely lost on the author.
  • Vanity Is Feminine: All girls want to be pretty and will stare at themselves for hours if they get prettier somehow.
  • Villain with Good Publicity: Dumbledore, who has near-total control over the Wizarding world while being perceived as a paragon of virtue.
  • Virgin Power/Virgin Sacrifice: It comes up that virginity is highly prized among witches because of various rites.
  • Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Madam Pomfrey loses her lunch in Chapter 10 after she comes into Snape's classroom to see that Snape's head exploded.
  • Your Head A-Splode: Happens to Snape in Chapter 9.


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