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Partially Kissed Hero is a Harry Potter story by longtime fanfiction writer Jared Ornstead, otherwise known as Skysaber. In order to start fresh without reader preconceptions about his work, though, he released it under a new identity with the name Perfect Lionheart.

The story is set at the very beginning of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and immediately deviates from the storyline when Harry is partially kissed by the Dementor aboard the Hogwarts Express, prompting his soul to absorb the fragment Voldemort created inside him. Oh, and Dumbledore is evil.

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From there, things get... complicated.


This fanfic contains examples of:

  • Adaptational Badass:
    • The fairies of this story are considerably more powerful than the pretty but mostly unintelligent fairies in canon. Granted, they're largely ripped from another series.
    • Moody in canon is an icon for old, tough, incredibly powerful Aurors, but he certainly isn't invincible and it's implied that age is catching up with him. In this story, he's a ruthless assassin for Dumbledore, but also an even abler fighter than before—not only is he said to be a wizard of Dumbledore and Voldemort's caliber, he duels Bellatrix and actually succeeds in dealing her fatal damage, despite being forced to retreat by a basilisk.
    • Alice now has the power to warp reality as she sees fit wherever she wants. Though Wonderland doesn’t follow logic in the book, this only applies within its boundaries, not outside them.
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  • Adaptational Dumbass: Pretty much everyone, else Harry and company wouldn't be able to run rings around them—in fact, Harry calls most of the wizarding world morons in his internal narration more than once. However, poor Minerva McGonagall deserves special mention here. She appears to be one of the few characters Ornstead likes but could not justifiably pry out from under her canonical Undying Loyalty to Dumbledore. As such, she is hoodwinked and fooled by Harry's schemes and pranks an innumerable number of times, and ultimately brainwashed and turned into one of Harry’s dryad slaves.
  • Adaptational Job Change: Or past job change, in this case. This story claims that Voldemort worked in the Department of Mysteries as an Unspeakable at some point, which was never even implied in canon.
  • Adaptational Wimp:
    • In canon, Amelia Bones is such an excellent witch that Lord Voldemort feels the need to take her on personally, and she still puts up a valiant fight before being killed. Here, she gets captured by Bellatrix in a mission internally described as having “gone flawlessly”.
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    • Canonically, Horcruxes protect against death from any means, including old age, albeit reducing one to a wraith were one to be mortally injured. In this story, they only protect against unnatural death, and the soul fragment will disappear when the body dies of old age. This leads to the bizarre conclusion that Dumbledore actually benefits from being repeatedly killed, since it slows down his aging. (Despite this, they are also stronger in some respects because they can bring someone back to life even when their body lost their soul to a Dementor.)
    • Voldemort in canon is the Big Bad. Here, he is easily defeated by a villain less competent than his canonical self.
    • This fanfiction has probably the weakest vampires in any media. They can die by any type of light or water, among other things. Even amputation of their legs by common axes can stop them with ease, despite them being undead, and their sole purpose is as cannon fodder.
    • Snape in canon could get away with lying to Voldemort's face for years, beat Harry in a fight, and was overall pretty competent. Here, his only role is to be brutally tortured by Harry, who can also dig through his mind without any difficulty. While Dumbledore gets similar treatment, Snape doesn't even get the few moments of competence and informed abilities of the Headmaster.
  • All Gays Are Pedophiles: Apparently all pureblood men are fond of pederasty, bestiality and even worse perversions, such that they still didn’t bed their wives even after a potion was developed that vastly amplified a woman’s sex drive for her husband and her husband only. Not only is Dumbledore a pedophile, but he even hung out with Lucius Malfoy and the Lestranges over their common love of raping little boys.
  • Alternate Universe: It starts with an evil Dumbledore and far more abusive Dursleys in the Back Story, and many other characters are drastically different from their canonical selves based on whether they side with Harry or do not. However, much later on in the story, time travel is used to create an alternate universe within the story, rewriting the past so as to give Harry a happy childhood, interspersed with time at the Dursleys, with the memories of each being suppressed while he experiences the other so as to appear to preserve the timeline, at least until the author drops such pretense.
  • Always Chaotic Evil: Unlike in canon, goblins are depicted as being, without exception, inherently cruel and malicious.
  • An Arm and a Leg: Inflicted by a time-traveling Trelawney on Tobias Snape, accidentally.
  • Anachronism Stew:
    • Harry shows some students The Lord of the Rings, saying the movies are about magical history as a joke. Quite the accomplishment, since the first movie wouldn’t be released for another eight years.
    • In a later chapter, Harry mentions eBay, a website that wouldn't be around for two years and wouldn't be named that for another two.
    • Hermione is said to dislike her birthday because it falls on Talk Like a Pirate Day. But that day wouldn't exist until two years after the story takes place. Then they change the past so that it existed since the 1970s.
  • Artistic License – Biology:
    • Hermione describes herself as nearly done with puberty in her inner monologue at one point. She's thirteen years old at the time. Puberty in girls generally doesn't end until at least the age of sixteen, and since Hermione is both very intelligent and the daughter of two dentists, she ought to know that.
    • Snape being castrated as a young boy in an alternate timeline is said to have resulted in him becoming fatter than he did originally. While eunuchs are widely stereotyped as fat, being castrated before puberty usually actually results in a human male becoming thin and androgynous.
  • Artistic License – Economics:
    • Chapter 97 establishes that the entirety of the British magical economy relies on Dumbledore's smuggled goods to function, because his laws have put so many restrictions on manufacturing or importing goods that it is literally impossible to buy, sell, or otherwise acquire literally anything. Somehow this utter stranglehold on supply hasn't encouraged a single other smuggler to go into business nor created a black market.
    • If that’s not enough, after Dumbledore flees and Voldemort takes over the Ministry, these regulations cause the economy to tank so bad that Death Eaters, the wealthiest wizards in Britain, have to trade away their manor houses for loaves of bread. Yet the common folk can buy goods from Harry’s fiefdom with real money no problem.
  • Artistic License – Physics: The narrative claims that the Soviets forced through a treaty banning the Orion Drive out of pure spite, and thus when Trelawney time travels and cripples the Soviet government, mankind is able to not only colonize the entire solar system, but even send manned missions to other stars. In reality, the drive was banned because it didn’t work as advertised, and the risk of it breaking down and scattering nuclear fallout over an inhabited area was too great. Moreover, most futurologists calculate that interstellar travel won’t happen any time this millennium, even if the treaty prohibiting the Orion drive were rescinded.
  • Author Appeal: All of the women are easily won over with really shiny things, immortality, eternal beauty or power. For all that, they don’t mind being forced into anything, and happily accept Harry as their Dark—er, I mean, Light Lord and master.
  • Author Filibuster: Every chapter has at least one of these. Some chapters are nothing but these. This is a trademark of Ornstead’s writing.
  • Big Bad: Dumbledore. Though he is too ineffective for this role in practice, it is definitely intended.
  • Big Bad Wannabe: Voldemort. He is resurrected by Dumbledore to be used as a scapegoat. He fights Dumbledore but loses badly, being forced to submit, and when he seizes political power, he can't keep what he conquered and his followers start turning on him.
  • Big Brother Is Watching: Dumbledore knows everything that goes on in Hogwarts and can see any possible threat to him... except for the attempts on his life and the culprits behind the constant attacks and inconveniences caused by Harry and company.
  • Big Good: The Fairy Queen is supposed to be this. However, she rewards Harry with a happy childhood in thanks for him turning women into breeder machines.
  • Big "NO!": Trelawney does this when Harry’s grandparents are about to meet with McGonagall and ask if the accusations against Dumbledore are true, tackling her and knocking her down. It’s exactly as Narmful as it sounds.
  • Black-and-White Morality: Harry and his harem are supposed to be pure good, while Dumbledore and his allies pure evil, to the point the Headmaster is a mustache-twirling villain. In practice, many see it as Evil Versus Evil.
  • Brainwashing: Harry does this to the entire mental damage ward at St. Mungo's to make them loyal to him. This is never criticized in-story, despite Dumbledore being ruthlessly villainized for doing the same.
  • Butterfly of Doom: Harry “growing a spine” leads to global thermonuclear war.note 
  • Butt-Monkey: Dumbledore, Snape, Draco, most of the Slytherins, and Ron are the main ones:
    • Dumbledore is crushed, mutilated, fooled into believing Colonel Sanders is the Dark Lord, dipped in Malaclaw venom too many times to count, has his testicles placed into Bludgers and kept alive to feel the pain, and eventually unwittingly sabotages his plans by himself, without Harry's involvement or even knowledge.
    • Snape is put under the Imperius Curse and subsequently boils his head in acid, rips Draco Malfoy apart, and is trapped in a cycle of despair which causes him to tear out his own brain. Then he gets castrated, and Eaten Alive by Buckbeak. (He survives this.)
    • Draco is turned into a woman and forced to bear children to Crabbe and Goyle. And then their fathers.
    • Ron has his failings pointed out in front of the entire Divination class.
  • Cannot Tell Fiction from Reality:
    • The entire Wizarding World, apparently, as Harry and Hermione have no difficulty convincing their classmates and even their teachers that The Lord of the Rings and Ghostbusters are recordings of real events. Even though Hermione isn’t the only Muggle-born in the school. And even though wizards do have their own fiction.note  And despite a later chapter revealing that not only do wizards publish their own fiction, but the writers are fans of Muggle action movies.
    • Later, even the Muggles start to showcase this. When Trelawney shows up on Mars and says “Live long and prosper” while giving the Vulcan salute as a joke, scientists all over the world assume Star Trek is real and consult Trekkies in the hopes that they will know enough of the Vulcan language to translate, instead of coming to the much more sensible conclusion that Aliens Steal Cable.
  • Casual Interstellar Travel: Due to Trelawney’s meddling, the world’s space programs are able to send people to Alpha Centauri and Barnard’s Star like it’s nothing. Then they inexplicably stop, so that the “heroes” can force the collapse of civilization without a remnant off-world.
  • Chekhov's Gun: To something in canon that is never later referenced: the scar on Dumbledore’s knee that provides a perfect map of the London Underground, referenced as a throwaway joke in his first scene in Philosopher’s Stone, is actually his reference and control system for his multiple underground black-market warehouses.
  • Clap Your Hands If You Believe: The fairies’ greatest weakness is that if enough humans believe something about them, it becomes true regardless of whether the fairies want it. Naturally, Harry and company abuse this to turn him into an even bigger Gary Stu than he already is.
  • Composite Character:
  • Continuity Snarl:
    • Dumbledore's endgame is confusing, to say the least. In one chapter, his plan is to have Harry die fighting Voldemort, so he can inherit Lily's protection; in another, he was counting on the Dursleys killing Harry before the latter can die fighting Voldemort. It all makes about as much sense as everything else.
    • Due to the constant (ab)use of Time Travel, it's pretty much impossible to keep track of when anything after the first encounter with the fairies takes place in relation to pretty much anything else. Not helped by Ornstead's constant Retcons involving time travel being used to set up whatever he just came up with.
  • Contrived Coincidence: Malaclaw venom causes these due to it being bad luck in a bottle.
  • The Corruption: Fairy magic causes the environs to turn into a World of Chaos by its very presence. When Hermione returns to her hometown in order to see her parents, the laws of physics and logic are repealed in her presence without her ever intending it, and indeed, against her will. Surprisingly, the Muggle bystanders (including kindergarteners and the police) take this all in stride, with the kids even being amazed and thinking Hermione is really pretty and that the creatures which the playground equipment turn into are cute. Before this, the Trio’s presence in the Forbidden Forest turns the Weasleys’ Ford Anglia into a Catbus rip-off, but this takes a much longer time for reasons which are not explained.
  • Cosmic Retcon: Pulled off several times. The most notable is when Queen Alice uses her powers to give Harry the personality traits and powers of the in-universe "Boy-Who-Lived" books. This has the side effect of making everything else from those books real as well - which includes giving Harry property on every habitable piece of land in the world, rewriting Lily's past so that she's descended from every famous witch or wizard who ever lived, and getting Harry engaged to the Patil sisters.
  • Crack Fic: At times can match HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in sheer weirdness. One example would be the incident in which Harry is inadvertently transformed into a flower garden, which allows Luna to excise his remaining personality flaws (or rather, the ones that the author notices) by going weeding.
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: All battles in the story, except the duel between Moody and Bellatrix and the fight against the Acromantulas.
  • Dastardly Whiplash: As a side effect of his repeated resurrections and of losing the ability to adjust his physical age to an unthreatening grandfatherly look, Dumbledore starts to revert to his appearance (and wardrobe and behavior!) from his physical prime—which is that of the classic mustache-twirling, tophatted villain.
  • Dead Fic: Came to an abrupt halt after 103 chapters with no resolution, with no updates since 2012.
  • Death Is Cheap: Thanks to Dumbledore’s and Snape’s Horcruxes, as well as copious overpowered transformations on Harry’s side, no deaths ever stick.
  • Deconstructive Parody: Unintentionally so, but the series can easily be seen this with regard to bad Harry Potter fanfiction clichés.
  • Defiled Forever: When Narcissa joins Harry, she has apparently managed not to be spoiled by the touch of her husband. Even though she has a son. And even though her husband is a rapist.
  • Dehumanization: Dumbledore’s egotistical nature causes him to think of everyone but himself in this way:
    “It really was only fair. To his mind, the rest of wizard-kind were nothing more than bugs, deserving of pity perhaps, for not being as magnificent as he, but certainly no empathy.”
  • Department of Redundancy Department: The author has a tendency to repeat the same thing multiple times with similar but slightly different wording, leading to chapters of 5,000 or more words that could easily be 500 words or fewer.
  • Did Not Do the Bloody Research: Harry gets a crup and names him Spaz, Ornstead apparently being unaware that in the UK where the story is set, the word "spaz" is considered extremely offensive to the point of being an ableist slur.
  • Dirty Communists: The author believes this trope to be Truth in Television to an extent that even Whittaker Chambers likely would have considered extreme, and as such makes the entire Soviet population, including the civilians, Always Chaotic Evil. They ban a technology that would (according to the author) permit cheap and easy space colonization purely out of spite that they lost the Space Race. A nameless Russian wizard (implied to be Dolohov) assassinates Prince Charles at his wedding for no reason. But naturally, it is taken way too far. It’s one thing to oppose the form of government of the Eastern Bloc; it’s another thing entirely to justify nuking the Soviet Union's capital and killing every member of their government, condemning the survivors to decades of anarchy. Naturally, he also believes the Western Bloc to have been perfectly innocent of any foul play, to the point where he says that the best thing that could ever happen to the people of any Third World state is for their country to be invaded by the United States.
  • Door Stopper: Somewhat longer than Gone with the Wind.
  • The Dragon: Snape is this to Dumbledore, being a willing accomplice to his master’s world domination schemes and even trusted enough to be allowed his own Horcrux.
  • Dropped a Bridge on Him: Crabbe and Goyle are casually killed off when a magically enlarged bundimun breaks into their common room. They had only made a single, minor appearance beforehand, scores of chapters earlier.
  • Due to the Dead: Thoroughly averted: Harry casually walks into Voldemort's flooded cave and, after taking the fake locket stored there, sets all of the Inferi to work on his farmland, rather than destroying them. If this doesn't seem so bad, keep in mind that these are all but explicitly stated to be Voldemort's cache of murder victims.
  • Eldritch Location: The River Styx, which fully envelops the castle of Hades in all three dimensions, making it impossible to approach even by magical means except for Charon's ferry and the spell cast by the Peverell brothers. Anyone who touches the water is stricken with total amnesia, and it has the properties of all the other Underworld rivers as well, being pain, lamentation, sorrow, and fire. The last wizard to come there seeking its power got turned into a Dementor and caused the Black Death.
  • Eunuchs Are Evil: This story claims that Voldemort sacrificed his sex organs in a Dark ritual to make him ageless.
  • Everybody Hates Hades: Hades was not only a Dark wizard, but heavily implied to be the Darkest wizard ever to live: his castle, surrounded by the River Styx, is an Eldritch Location that Dumbledore and Grindelwald are wary of even millennia after it was abandoned.
  • Eviler Than Thou: Voldemort's first appearance involves him being absolutely trounced by Dumbledore and made to serve him.
  • Evil Is Not a Toy: Almost always subverted. No matter what dangerous magic Harry uses to gain power, it never backfires on him. This extends to his allies, and sometimes even his enemies. Vampirism is the sole exception, as even though vampires help Voldemort conquer magical Britain in a day, conquering Britain and keeping it are two totally different things, and the vampires fold quickly once their enemies start fighting back.
  • Evil Is Petty: Dumbledore, in spades. For just one example, he buys his clothes using money he steals from orphans, despite being ludicrously wealthy in his own right.
  • Evil Only Has to Win Once: Ornstead used this as his excuse for having the "heroes" constantly beating the supposedly stronger Dumbledore. Unfortunately for him, this is an Informed Ability.
  • Evil Versus Evil: A not uncommon interpretation of the central conflict between Dumbledore and Harry. Voldemort and his crew oppose both sides at different stages in the story, although they’re rather sidelined throughout, as Voldemort is not revived until Chapter 77.
  • Exotic Extended Marriage: Wizards are permitted multiple wives. However, the practice has been rare in Wizarding Britain for quite some time, partly due to social stigma, and partly because of the legal difficulties that result.
  • Expo Speak: Most of the story’s length consists of Harry or Luna lecturing Hermione on whatever inane topic they desire, apparently because she doesn’t understand even basic facts of the wizarding world.
  • Failed a Spot Check: Harry buys Godric’s Hollow and tears all the buildings down so as to build his fortress, but somehow misses Dumbledore’s house. What’s more, Dumbledore rigged it so that one of his respawn points is in the basement. Had it not been for overpowered dryad archers, he could have done major damage.
  • The Fair Folk: Harry, Hermione and Luna become the champions of the Fairy Queen who seeks to defeat Dumbledore and bring magic back the way it used to be. Fairy magic is “more magical than magic.” Whatever that means...
  • Fix Fic: Lionheart makes no secret of his disdain for Rowling and her work, to the point that he seems to think he is correcting grand flaws in the Harry Potter universe.
  • Fluffy the Terrible: At one point, the trio acquires a pet basilisk... and names her Blinky.
  • For Science!: The Trio discovers that Dumbledore comes back every time they kill him so what do they do? Use him for morally dubious experimentation, since it’s not like they won’t be killing him for good once his Horcruxes are gone.
  • For Want of a Nail: Like many fanfictions, this attempts such a scenario, where the nail is that Harry is exposed to corrupting magic early on. However, it ultimately averts this trope as a myriad of other factors are changed that are irrelevant to Harry's experience. It also attempts to justify the nail so hard that Harry has already undergone a personality overhaul, power upgrade, and friendship reassessment before the nail even happens.
  • Freudian Excuse Is No Excuse: In Chapter 71, Trelawney's Inner Monologue states (and the author's note agrees) that Snape's less-than-stellar background doesn't give him license to bully his students.
  • God Guise: The gods of Classical Mythology were actually just wizards deceiving Muggles. They went so far as to hire replacements when the individuals pretending to be gods grew old and died, and somehow the Muggles didn’t notice this.
  • Good Girls Avoid Abortion: Also boys, since casting a castration hex is apparently punishable by ten years forced pregnancy, along with a permanent sex change if the offender were not female at the time he cast it. Apparently our “heroes” endorse this.
  • Gorn: The many unpleasant demises of the story’s antagonists are this whenever they are described in detail.
  • Groin Attack: Doubly subverted: Trelawney thinks of castrating Snape with a waffle iron when he is three, but doesn't go through with it because she realizes that would be wrong. However, after encountering him again when he's eight, she actually does it. We are supposed to root for her.
  • Hate Fic: Can stray into this—it’s obvious that the author has some grievances with the canon, as he puts it in the note to the first chapter:
    “Every so often the entire Harry Potter universe offends me so deeply that I just have to react by folding, spindling and mutilating it.”
  • Heel–Face Brainwashing: Because Harry is “good” it strikes him and his minions as moral to use a mind control potion on a hundred different women that makes them join the protagonists’ side. It also doubles as a Love Potion.
  • Historical Hero Upgrade: According to Luna, Rapunzel's, Snow White's, and Cinderella's princes were all the same person, who was a malicious and greedy rake with a good reputation.
  • Historical Villain Upgrade:
    • Rasputin is said to have actually been a Dark wizard widely feared by the Russian magical community.
    • Napoléon Bonaparte is said to have deliberately used tall soldiers as Cannon Fodder due to due to insecurity at his small stature. Not only was Napoleon probably not as short as he's often thought to be in the UK and US, there's also absolutely no credible evidence that he ever did anything like this.
    • In-universe, Rapunzel's witch and Snow White's Wicked Stepmother were, allegedly, trying to protect them from the aforementioned greedy rake of a prince.
  • Hollywood Acid: Snape ends up getting bewitched into putting his head into a bucket full of it.
  • Hollywood Tactics: Pretty much the entirety of chapter 99, but the grand prize has to go to Russia invading Canada by marching an army across the North Pole.
  • Honor-Related Abuse: When Draco gets on Harry’s bad side, Narcissa just lets Harry do whatever he wants to her own son, because he shouldn’t have gotten on the wrong side of someone higher up on the family hierarchy.
  • How Unscientific!: Chapters 71 through 76. Trelawney pushes for the space programs of Earth to colonize the Moon, Mars, and other planets with dryad trees to make them effectively invulnerable (because as as long as their trees are safe, they can’t die) with Orion-type nuclear pulse propulsion ships that can get out to Pluto and back within a year.
  • Humiliation Conga: Dumbledore gets this throughout the entire story, especially because he repeatedly gets killed by gruesome and embarrassing death traps that he never sees coming despite his Orwellian control of the magical world and of Hogwarts.
  • Idiot Ball: Everyone aside from Harry and his thralls is forced to hold this, making for an Idiot Plot.
    • Nobody sees through the enemy bluffs. Ever. Dumbledore fails to realize that there is no Dark Lord Colonel Sanders even after he unmasks Harry. Which, by the way, takes way too long. However, Harry fails to see through a decoy Dumbledore uses the one time he is a threat. Finally, Voldemort fails to see through the bluffs of James.
  • Ignorant of Their Own Ignorance: Hermione believes that the feminine form of the name Draco is “Draca”, with the narration even saying “she knew her Latin.” Therefore, the writer himself thinks this is accurate. In reality, Draco is a loanword from Greek of the third declension (for irregular nouns). The feminine would thus be “Dracaena”.
  • I Just Want to Be Beautiful: The motivation of all female characters, except maybe Bellatrix.
  • Info Dump: At any given time the plot may be halted for several chapters to deliver (largely unnecessary) information about some person, place, or thing.
  • Informed Ability: Dumbledore, who is supposed to be a greater threat to Harry than Voldemort and the most powerful, dangerous and informed wizard on the planet, is fooled into believing that a “Colonel Sanders” and other Muggle advertisement icons are actually Dark wizards working to undermine his power. He is stated to be incredibly intelligent, but even when not under the influence of Malaclaw venom acts like a moron. Only once does he display that informed competence.
  • Insurance Fraud: Harry takes out some (implicitly very expensive) life insurance policies on the Dursleys, then uses a combination of fake documents and the Confundus Charm to make the insurance company believe they've had them for years. After that, he fakes their deaths so that he can collect on the policies.
  • It's All About Me: All of Dumbledore’s acts are motivated by a belief in his own perfection and superiority to other people. All of Harry’s acts are also motivated by a belief in his own perfection and moral superiority, though there is one singular point where he recognizes that he has crossed the line.
  • I Want My Jetpack: The author blames the failure of the Orion drive on those meanie Russians, who allegedly banned it out of envy, rather than because it was Awesome, but Impractical (and dangerous). Once the USSR is nuked, interstellar travel is achieved in the 1960s.
  • Joker Immunity: Were Dumbledore to be defeated, there would be no story. There are over 100 chapters of story.
  • Just Between You and Me: There is one such scene in chapter 79, wherein Dumbledore’s simulacrum captures Harry and his wives in his office and gloats a bit as he waits for Snape or Filch to arrive to help with the interrogation and torture, pausing only to open a piece of Harry’s mail... which blows up in his face. Literally.
  • Karmic Rape: Luna honestly believes this can apply to children.
  • Kick the Dog: While in the past, Trelawney arranges for Petunia to give birth to a second son, whom she and the other dryads experiment on, and permanently Transfigure into Harry’s likeness, then change the Dursleys’ memories to make them think their child never existed and believe him to be Harry, whom they then abuse to a far greater extent than Harry suffers in the books. Though everyone involved had crossed the Moral Event Horizon long before, if any reader still believed Harry to be the hero at this point, the sheer gratuity of this act would shatter this notion. It isn’t even necessary for the overall plan, since they had previously used simulacra made of enchanted snow to stand in for people, including Harry.
  • A Lady on Each Arm: Harry's wives cling to his arms like simpering bimbos, despite this not jibing with their canonical characterizations.
  • Love Potion: Used by Luna as part of a cocktail of potions which turn a hundred witches into Harry’s immortal dryad sex slaves who are only hot for him thanks to the fact his hair is dropped into one of the ingredients: Bride’s Delight. This is combined with the Unctuous Unction which makes them all believe that Harry is the source of all goodness, light, and truth, so that even if there were a technical way out they wouldn’t ever take it.
  • Ludd Was Right: Queen Alice starts pushing hard for a complete regression into agrarian society (and feudalism) when she sets off a nuclear war, acting as if nothing made after the Middle Ages was worth saving. Before that, there's a lot of talk about how the longbow is superior to firearms.
  • Madonna–Whore Complex: When Narcissa is forced to join Harry’s group, she is apparently still a virgin. This is actually brought up as a plus—in their world it isn't good enough for a fighting, competent, impressive and desperate witch to join their cause; virginity is more important than anything else.
  • Major Injury Underreaction: Dumbledore accidentally blows his own arm off while resurrecting Snape in Chapter 10. He barely seems to react.
  • Massive Multiplayer Crossover: Downplayed, as it's mostly in Luna's backstory, but her family apparently has ties to (among other stories) The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and The Hundred and One Dalmatians (the last of those following an earlier mention that the Evanses were related to Cruella De Vil). And on top of that, a throwaway line in Chapter 54 shows that Batman apparently exists in this universe.
  • Massive Numbered Siblings: Every family aligned with Harry fulfills this trope if it is remotely plausible, to the point where one may suspect the author of having a pregnancy fetish:
    • In order to repopulate the fairies, our “heroes” plan to kidnap women and force-feed them a potion that turns them into dryads eternally loyal to Harry, and another potion that will cause the women to give birth to twins every ten months for a decade. The only silver lining is that It Only Works Once; however, Draco Malfoy also tries to acquire the latter after being forcibly turned into a girl and married off with a breeding contract, not because he wants it, but just to get the obligation over with as fast as possible. Harry ensures this doesn’t happen, apparently just to be a dick. A weaker version of this potion exists that forces a single twin pregnancy, even if the drinker is already pregnant.
    • After Trelawney meddles in the past, Harry’s maternal grandparents have four more children, giving them six in all. All of them are magical except for Petunia.
    • Furthermore, Lily starts having kids immediately after graduation, so that Harry (who was born when she was 20) has two older sisters, and after she and James are saved, she has even more kids. By the present day of the story, she has seven kids including Harry, and told her husband that if he wants sons, he had better impregnate her before then because after then, she will take the dryad potion and only be able to conceive daughters, meaning she is not done yet. It is implied that having babies and being Harry’s mother are her only desires in life.
    • This also causes Sirius to marry Amelia Bones and Remus to marry an unnamed woman, with Sirius’s wife bearing five children, and Remus’s wife having more kids than both other families combined, meaning at least thirteen, even though only twelve years have passed since the failed attack on the Potters.
    • Exaggerated when Voldemort takes over the Ministry, as he passes a law requiring every witch of childbearing age to have as many children as possible, and, amazingly enough, despite this requiring mass rape and despite Voldemort ordering it, everyone does it willingly. In fact, they wanted to do so even before it was forced on them, but no one took the initiative until it was mandatory.
  • Men Are Strong, Women Are Pretty: All women in the story want beauty, cosmetic products, and better complexions. These all motivate them to a huge extent, whether Hermione or Bellatrix. Men prefer Dung Bomb recipes.
  • Men Act, Women Are: All Harry’s wives care about making his actions better rather than taking their own. Apparently the hero saving a damsel so she has to marry him is mostly out of vogue, but only because too many guys died that way.
  • Misplaced Retribution: Two instances in succession. First, Iran nukes Europe because of The Masquerade breaking even though wizards don’t control the government, and then the West nukes Turkey instead of Iran, solely because they have a religion in common. Only the first of these is condemned.
  • Monstrous Cannibalism: Goblins have no problem eating their own dead.
  • Moral Dissonance: Harry’s actions include Mind Rape and enslavement. Despite this, he is portrayed as the unquestionable good guy. Though he does throw up in disgust and have to be comforted by Luna after he has a particularly thorough torture session with the Dursleys, he makes no attempt to lessen their suffering or even tone down his actions, suggesting he learns nothing.
  • Moral Myopia: Draco and the Dursleys are condemned to horrific, torturous futures for crimes largely invented on the part of the author and whose only canonical misdeeds would include being jerks. Dumbledore gets it even worse, being ruthlessly villainized for keeping Snape on his job and believing, with good reason, that Harry must sacrifice himself to stop Voldemort for good. Bellatrix, however, has her actions excused with the reasoning that she did them to sate a misguided love to Voldemort she hoped would be returned.
  • More Than Mind Control: Appears to be the case for Hermione, who is (figuratively) charmed by Harry, who now has Voldemort's memories and power, and then convinced that Dumbledore is a Dark Lord and becomes completely devoted to Harry and Luna for the inevitable long, long, long streams of exposition that they tell her. It is absolutely the case for Susan and Hannah, who hardly go a chapter without being condescended to by the other three, and just agree to everything they hear when they do speak.
  • Ms. Fanservice: Every woman in the main cast. If they don’t start out pretty then they get there quickly, and if they do start out pretty, they become sex goddesses. Moreover, every girl on Harry’s side wants nothing more than to service him sexually, even if not always before mind rape.
  • MST:
  • Nausea Fuel: Snape’s head exploding and the aftermath. In-universe, it makes Madame Pomfrey throw up; considering she’s the school nurse, and has inevitably seen some gruesome and disgusting stuff, it really says something about how revolting it is.
  • Negate Your Own Sacrifice: The Cauldron of Blood can be purified, but to do so requires somebody to knowingly and willingly sacrifice themself by jumping into it, resulting in their immediate death. Trelawney does so, but because she has become a dryad she cannot die permanently unless her tree is destroyed.
  • Never a Self-Made Woman: Every major woman in the story, with the debatable exception of Hermione, is only special because of her relationship to Harry.
    • Luna (who is actually the most active female) explains it to Hermione thus:
    “We are Harry’s friends and we are helping him, but we are also much more than that. Our bodies, and thus ourselves, were literally made to serve him by the author of our transformation. Harry is the hero.”
  • N.G.O. Superpower: It’s outright said that Harry outranks Alice, Queen of Wonderland, who herself is so much more powerful than the United Kingdom that they can do nothing to stop her.
  • No Sense of Humor: A consequence of making a Horcrux is the inability to appreciate art or humor, so Dumbledore is unable to judge the quality of an innocent joke, or tell the difference between that and a story of a man being brutally raped and murdered. Yet the narration says that he would actually think the latter is funny, meaning that he does have the ability to judge aesthetics, just the wrong way.
  • No Such Thing as Wizard Jesus: After explaining that the pagan gods were just wizards on a power trip, the narrative goes out of its way to mention wizards being disturbed by stories of Jesus’ miracles, which they are unable to replicate, implying that He is really God and Christianity is the one true religion. The part about Jesus is never brought up again, though the Greek pantheon actually being wizards does turn out to be relevant to Dumbledore's scheme towards the end.
  • Not-So-Well-Intentioned Extremist: Dumbledore admits to being this in his Inner Monologue. Whenever he justifies something as being "for the greater good", he's talking about his own greater good.
  • No Woman's Land: In this version of the wizarding world, forced marriages and breeding contracts are the norm and can be inflicted even upon children. It gets even worse once Voldemort takes over, and passes a law requiring all women to be pregnant at all times. Incredibly, this passes with overwhelming popular support, despite a clause stipulating that if a family lacks daughters, one of their sons can be turned into a girl and made a Breeding Slave anyway, meaning that even a hardcore misogynist would be insane to support this initiative.
  • Obfuscating Insanity: According to this story, Luna pretends to be a dotty eccentric so people will underestimate her. However, even after that reveal, Luna continues to spout seemingly nonsensical comments, hinting that either her eccentricity is a little more genuine than she thought, or Ornstead forgot what he wrote.
  • Only Sane Man: Luna is apparently this compared to the rest of her family, particularly Grandmother Alice who at this point operates more under Wonderland logic than Earth logic. This is kind of awkward, too, because from an objective standpoint Luna is by far the most merciless and vicious character in the entire story, more so than any of the Designated Villains or Harry himself. Her first important act after tagging along with Harry is committing the premeditated murder of her uncle in cold blood without any remorse or second thoughts, all while making it look like a suicide. She is twelve years old, and has not absorbed a soul fragment from a mass murderer. The one time Harry thinks that he has gone too far and begins to feel a little remorse, Luna talks him out of it and convinces him he did nothing wrong in defiance of all common sense.
  • Panty Thief: This is Potter family tradition, and apparently how the men in the line propose marriage. Already that sounds incredible that the women they court are never disgusted by this, but the final chapter before the story was abandoned reveals that the requirement is not to steal knickers from a girl's panty drawer, but instead to take them while she is wearing them.
  • Pay Evil unto Evil: The story's central tenet. Absolutely any cruelty is permitted as long as the victim harmed Harry or his friends first.
  • Plot Armor: Quite a baffling example. The fic spends 70-odd chapters buffing up its protagonists with every defense imaginable, going above and beyond what would be reasonable, and then sharing those buffs among its entire heroic cast, in preparation for a final confrontation with Dumbledore the author does not ever actually write.
  • Politically Incorrect Hero: Harry believes women should be brainwashed to give him kids, all Goblins are evil, and everyone should turn white. His minion Alice nukes the Muslims. In spite of being a Nazi in all but name, Harry is supposed to be the hero.
  • Politically Incorrect Villain: However, this is how Harry comes off in practice. His enemies are barely better, both Voldemort and Dumbledore enforce prejudice against Muggles.
  • Polyamory: Harry has four wives, in addition to the aforementioned sex slaves. Had the story continued, he would have had at least six wives, since a Cosmic Retcon makes the Patil twins betrothed to him in the very last chapter before the writer gave up, but the story ends before they and Harry meet.
  • Power Perversion Potential: In Chapter 98, McGonagall gives Harry a magic lamp that allows him and his harem to enter a palace on the inside, where he can spend up to twelve hours satisfying his wives (and sex slaves) individually (with a copy of him created for each one). Susan also points out that she and Harry's other wives (along with Harry himself) are enhanced with Nemean Lion abilities, which (allegedly) would enable him to copulate up to forty times in one day. So, in short, a spell to make a lamp Bigger on the Inside, Self-Duplication, and Animorphism are all put towards slaking Harry's lust. Bear in mind that Harry is thirteen, and his wives between fourteen and twelve.
  • Protagonist-Centered Morality:
    • Certainly Harry does fewer horrible things than Dumbledore’s ridiculous list of villainy, albeit only because he hasn't been around as long and Dumbledore’s crimes are so over-the-top as to seem like parody. That doesn’t mean that the moral course of action is to use torture on helpless people for the sole purpose of revenge just because one uses it on fewer people than the other side. Except the story treats it as fine and Harry even learns a moral lesson from it. This does not mean he stops the torture at any point despite the fic making a big deal of him arranging it so he can kill the victims at any point with little more than a thought. Nor does it justify the (wholly unrelated) mind rape. Or the effective slavery. Or the magical creation of a child who will know nothing but suffering. Or the initiation of the end of human civilization.
    • Just after The Masquerade is broken and Queen Alice causes havoc in downtown London, the story lectures the reader about how civilization was on the verge of collapse for decades due to its corruption in order to justify the protagonists intentionally tipping it over the edge and one of the examples cited is the decline of the nuclear family. But Harry is in a polygamous relationship, so are non-nuclear families fine when he does it, but not anyone else?
    • Once the nukes start flying, Queen Alice talks about how the only nukes that she didn't deactivate are going to hit Muslim countries. The only one she mentions by name is Turkey, and that's only to discuss how the loss of oil is going to destroy modern civilization. Apparently the only bad thing about wiping out an entire stretch of the planet is how it will inconvenience the white people.
  • Pyrrhic Victory: In Chapter 79, Harry manages to kill Dumbledore once more, but gets a lot of damage in the process. In fact, the actual battle is lost, Harry only succeeds during his escape later, having been unmasked and with his forces weakened. He considers it an utter defeat.
  • Race Lift: Fred and George come up with a product called “Caucasian Cream”note  which was supposed to allow users to temporarily change their ethnic features. The field test reveals the effects are permanent. Within days, every student in Hogwarts who is a racial minority uses it to become white. And Ornstead thinks he’s taking a stand against racism somehow.
  • Reality Is Out to Lunch: As the story goes on, fairy magic becomes more and more potent until Hermione’s mere presence in a Muggle town causes technology to mutate into Mix-and-Match Critters and trees to be made of candy canes. For some reason, Hogwarts and its grounds are not affected despite the Forbidden Forest being the fairies’ base. It can’t even be because Hermione was in a place with no magic, since not only does Harry sneak into Muggle towns to frame Kentucky Fried Chicken for a plot against Dumbledore, even after becoming a fairy, with no ill effects, but Trelawney later spends just as much time in a Muggle park as Hermione while leaving it untouched, and co-opts the Muggle space program to bring dryad acorns along without the fairy magic tampering with the instruments in the slightest.
  • Related in the Adaptation: Lucius Malfoy is said to be Luna's uncle (with Pandora Lovegood, Luna's late mother, apparently being his sister), which supposedly justifies Luna inheriting Lucius's status as head of the Malfoy family instead of Draco, Lucius's son, after she murders him. In canon, while all of the pureblood families are interrelated to a degree, there is no evidence that Luna is that closely related to the Malfoys (and while she's not a Muggle-born and both her parents are magical, it's not stated whether she's a pure- or a half-blood).
  • Retcon:
    • Dumbledore starts out with one Horcrux. As of Chapter 63, he has thirteen.
    • The point of the time travel is to do this to Harry's backstory. As a reward for making women sex slaves.
  • Revenge Fic: Mostly against Dumbledore and Snape, but other characters feel the author’s wrath as well. This is noticeably a staple of Ornstead's work, even when it isn't meant to be the focal point, and tends to descend into Torture Porn uncomfortably often.
  • Rouge Angles of Satin: Remarkably infrequent, given both the size of the story and the fact that it’s fanfiction. The number of mistakes increases drastically in the last third of the story.
  • Same Face, Different Name: Ornstead did not reveal his identity as Perfect Lionheart until several years after he began the story. At that time, he explained that his motive for publishing under the Lionheart name was to prove that the alleged cabal of haters who he believes lives to denigrate his work would not find fault with Partially Kissed Hero because the Skysaber name wasn’t on it. Naturally, Perfect Lionheart’s identity was debated strongly on many message boards before this announcement, with the two main camps settling on “Oh, yeah, it’s Skysaber” and “Nah, it’s a Skysaber tribute band.”
  • Shout-Out:
    • Early in the story, Harry pulls a prank on Professor Binns’s first-year class by tricking them into thinking that The Lord of the Rings is about the history of the wizarding world. Later when Dumbledore defeats Harry and his harem in combat easily he is compared favorably to Sauron.
    • Hermione’s parents are fans of Star Trek. Later, Dryad Trelawney makes the Vulcan symbol and pretends to be a Vulcan. The Muggles buy it.
    • Draco, Crabbe and Goyle are Confunded into thinking they were attacked by Colonel Sanders, Barney the Dinosaur and the Pillsbury Doughboy. Barney actually appears later and attacks with his music, while the Doughboy appears later to push Dumbledore's minions into the River Styx. It is likely that Colonel Sanders would have appeared for real had the story reached its intended conclusion.
    • The narration references Paranoia at one point by comparing the surveillance systems at Hogwarts to those of Alpha Complex... while taking the perspective of Dumbledore, who's noted to have never even heard of the game. You figure that one out.
    • There is also a mention of Star Wars when Dumbledore finally fights back and it's explained that the Empire strikes back.
    • When Hermione's fairy powers go out of control and corrupt the park where she is visiting her parents, Totoro is given life, and a small child calls him by name. In addition, the Ford Anglia absorbs enough ambient fairy magic to slowly but surely turn into the Catbus.
  • Show, Don't Tell: A common criticism, in particular of the frequent Author Tracts.
    • The descriptions of some characters don't match their actions:
      • Harry is supposed to be pure of heart and have more backbone than in canon. In practice, he is a sadist who puts himself before others and prefers to hide from enemies who can fight back, unlike his canonical self, thus showing less of a spine.
      • Luna is supposed to pretend she is insane. In practice, she sees no difference between things and people.
      • Dumbledore is supposed to be a very threatening enemy, worse than Voldemort. In practice, he is a Butt-Monkey.
  • Shown Their Work: Attempted. This is the visible reason for the habit of long Author Filibuster segments, but the dedication to holding the reader's hand through all of the information given means that it's obvious when the research wasn't very deep or is contradicting previously established lore. It also runs into the trope directly above.
  • Showy Invincible Hero note : It is incredibly obvious as early as Chapter 15 that Dumbledore will be no match for Harry and company. The rest of the story is just seeing how it plays out.
  • Smug Snake: Dumbledore, in private or before he Obliviates someone. Harry as well, though this is ignored because he’s the “hero”.
  • Sneeze Cut: Moody gets one in Chapter 17. After his sneeze, he immediately starts taking disease-prevention potions and trying to figure out who spoke of him.
  • Snowlems: Harry and his team create body doubles of themselves out of Transfigured snow, which have no self-awareness or intelligence other than their programming, in order to deceive their enemies and to Trick Out Time.
  • Somewhere, a Mammalogist Is Crying: Bellatrix thinks that a simple Shrinking Charm will allow her Animagus form — a white tiger — to pass as an ordinary housecat. In reality, there are many more differences between the two animals than just size, and quite a few of these differences can easily be seen.
  • Species Loyalty: Wizards have apparently made it illegal to use contraception charms. The Trio is planning to have a lot of children to help repopulate the fairies. Keep in mind that they’re young teenagers.
  • Start X to Stop X: Our “heroes” know that Dumbledore is a Villain Stu after their Pyrrhic Victory against him, and that they have no chance of beating him, so they use fairy magic to make Harry into an even bigger Stu, specifically the fictionalized version of him from the “Boy-Who-Lived” books.
  • Staying Alive: Dumbledore and Snape, who are repeatedly killed by Harry, Luna and Hermione in a variety of really sadistic ways, but come back each time because Dumbledore is Crazy-Prepared and has at least thirteen Horcruxes to ensure his immortality.
  • Stay in the Kitchen: It is considered ideal that James is the superordinate partner in his marriage to Lily, such that the dryads would break them up and give James exclusive custody of Harry, and let Lily be killed by Voldemort if she ever stopped loving James unconditionally, and James is not held to the same standard. Lily is happy being a Baby Factory, and all of James’s canonical character flaws are completely erased, retroactively.
  • Sudden Name Change: At first, Luna’s mother is named Pandora, but in her next mention dozens of chapters later is called Selene. Considering the gap, the author probably forgot what he used as her name the first time.
  • Take That!: Lots:
    • There’s a whole chapter devoted to how absolutely disgusting vampires are, and how people who think they are sexy are Too Dumb to Live, mostly because the author has read the Dracula novel and is fed up with Twilight.
    • After introducing bows and arrows, there were apparently a lot of reviews bringing up the superiority of guns, which caused the main characters to realize how useless guns are. This is justified by the author in the note at the end:
    “I'm tired of anonymous jerk-offs telling me ‘bows suck, guns are better.’ That may even be true, but it’s not what I want to do with my story. So I slapped down some rules to make it physically impossible for my heroes to use them. Just because I’m tired of listening to the blind ‘the way we do things now is the only true and perfect way to do ANYTHING’ crowd.
    “I want a fantasy story, not Rambo, the Fairy Blood.”
    • Ironically, the story would use androids with guns (and nukes) later.
    • At one point the narration exposits on how there are a number of “Boy-Who-Lived” books in-universe, which are clearly a dig at Possession Sue Harry Potter fanfiction. The irony appears to be lost on the author. It has also been suggested that the same sequence incorporates shots at the actual Harry Potter books, because some of the complaints are similar to those in the author’s notes. The irony of that is something well beyond merely lost on the author.
    • The rampant demonization of goblins has been suggested to be at least partly a shot at fanfiction in which Harry or some other character befriends them and gets loads of stuff as a result. As opposed to this Harry befriending fairies and getting loads of powerups as a result, which is apparently fine.
    • The author's notes take shots at the Draco in Leather Pants trope, as applied to characters like Snape or Draco. The fact that the same trope is applied to Bellatrix in this story is very likely lost on the author. invoked
  • Too Clever by Half: Dumbledore is fooled by the "Colonel Sanders" bluff because he thinks the perpetrator is a Dark Lord just like him, hiding behind a fast food mascot and just being very subtle. He also thinks of too many possibilities before he acts, becoming vulnerable to biltzkrieg tactics. While in practice that makes him a fool, he is intended to be this trope with these excuses.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: Harry in Chapter 2. He complains to Dumbedore that he never helped him, because he keeps Snape as a teacher, even though Dumbledore helps save him from the Dementor in this very chapter.
  • Vanity Is Feminine: All girls want to be pretty and will stare at themselves for hours if they get prettier somehow.
  • Villain with Good Publicity: Dumbledore, who has near total control over the Wizarding World while being perceived as a paragon of virtue.
  • Virgin Power: It comes up that virginity is highly prized among witches because of various rites.
  • Vomit Indiscretion Shot: Madam Pomfrey loses her lunch in Chapter 10 after she comes into Snape's classroom to see that Snape's head exploded.
  • Voodoo Shark: During the "Trelawney in The '60s" arc, Trelawney uses the Imperius Curse to make Soviet nuclear testing personnel nuke Moscow. To explain why this doesn't lead to retaliatory nuclear attacks on the West, it's said in the following chapter that Trelawney managed to Imperius the KGB into eliminating everyone with access to the nuclear launch codes. Not only does this raise further questions (like how did they get to them in time), it also raises the question of why she couldn't just Imperius the Soviet government into backing down instead of nuking Moscow.
  • We Have Reserves: Harry uses this rationalization when he recruits the Death Eaters. Yes, we are still supposed to like him.
  • The Worf Effect:
  • Worf Had the Flu: This trope might as well be called "Dumbledore Has Malaclaw Venom". Without the venom, he actually manages to beat Harry and his harem and capture them for a little while. Ironically, he is still defeated by pure luck when he does so.
  • Your Head A-Splode: Happens to Snape in Chapter 9.


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