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Fanfic / Those Lacking Spines

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Once upon a time, in The World That Never Was, at an indeterminate time of day, Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus encountered a monster that was destroying the Organization by taking their... you know. Immune thanks to them being "ugly" (a teenage fanbrat is in control and clearly doesn't realize that Lexaeus is MANLY), these three nobodies embark on a world-hopping journey to save their comrades, battling the gutless and countless pop culture references, in an attempt to restore logic, sanity and good humor to the fanfiction universe, all while protecting their groins from assault by the Semes. Who are kind of like The Heartless, but instead of hearts, are disembodied, um... you know.

Yes, really.

Those Lacking Spines is a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction written by Gexegee of Organization VI. As a Meta Fic, it parodies just about every aspect of bad fanfiction. Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus race through alternate universes, and encounter a wide variety of Fanfic Tropes, including Slash Fics, High School AUs, Self Insert Fics, Song Fics, Cross Overs, Crack Fics, Wangst, and Canon Defilement, while keeping the plot of Gutless changing the remaining members of Organization XIII into shadows of themselves. Along the way, it viciously lampoons several other franchises, lovingly mocking everything under the sun in a brilliant, hilarious (and sometimes long-winded) romp through fanfiction itself.

A 4th anniversary Dramatic Reading of the fanfic has been started by the author.

A 10th anniversary re-upload of the fanfic has been posted to Archive of Our Own here complete with author's commentary and historical context.

Those Lacking Spines contains examples of:

  • Added Alliterative Appeal: The V for Vendetta reference, which starts as many words as possible with the letter V.
  • Animate Inanimate Object: Xaldin's sideburns, which are rumored to have a life of their own. They do. One protects him from the Ukefication Beam.
  • Anti-Climax Boss: Invoked. Our three heroes prepare themselves to face the Grand Master Fangirl at the top of the Tallest Tower in the Darkest Corner of Fandom Hearts and she proves to be a formidable foe, only to ultimately be defeated by Fanfiction.Net's terms of service due to her being a year younger than the minimum age requirement.
  • Apathetic Teacher: Ms. Larxene. She spends almost all of her screen time flirting with the class' parents, or explaining to the class why they will never amount to anything.
  • Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: The heroes have landed on the City of OC, subverted the Mary Sue's intimidation power, easily destroyed Marly-dono's prospective army, and are about to storm his lair. "Agh! And they're throwing their unconscious bodies into my beautiful rosebushes! THOSE WERE RAISED BY HAND, YOU BASTARDS!"
    • "Organization XIII was not a nice group of sort-of-kind-of-former people. They toyed with minds, they twisted relationships, they used lives as tools, they manipulated innocents, they spread chaos, they captured hearts, they lengthened the lines at the DMV and they commanded Heartless."
  • As Long as It Sounds Foreign: Parodied; a lot of characters have vaguely Japanese-sounding gibberish for last names. Sora's is Wanahakaruugi.
  • Attack Pattern Alpha: “Let’s attempt Maneuver 35, shall we?”
  • Author Filibuster: Our three heroes will often speak at length about the different shortcomings and merits of different tropes of fanfiction. As with all tropes, they hang a lampshade on their tendency to do this.
    Vexen: My, wasn't that heavy-handed?
  • Author Avatar: All of Organization VI appear at some point. Gexegee does deserve special mention, as she appeared on the GSS Existentialist completely randomly, shouted from the ship's bedroom for Xaldin to bring in the whipped cream, and then got thrown out into space.
  • Badass Boast: Jeffiroth's, though lampshaded by Xaldin and Lexaeus.
  • Ballroom Blitz: Aku-chan interrupts Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School's Spring Fling Formal Prom Hop to create Gutless out of the student characters. The protagonists interrupt his plan right back.
  • Beauty Equals Goodness: A justified inversion: Vexen, Xaldin, and Lexaeus are seen as "ugly" (read: not Bishōnen) and are more-or-less immune to Ukeification because of it, since their supposed ugliness means they're often ignored by some. The Semes, who were created by a teenage Fangirl, actually are Bishōnen and are working as the villains.
  • Berserk Button: As Vexen clearly enunciates, “Nobodies. Do not. Have. Hearts.
    • Zexy-poo does NOT listen to Savage Garden!
  • Best Years of Your Life: Vexen wants to know who "they" are that say that, because he'd rather jump in front of a train than live knowing they were the pinnacle of his existence.
  • Big Bad: The Grand Master Fangirl.
  • Big Damn Heroes: Xaldin, Vexen and Lexaeus are rescued from the Mary-Sue Gutless by the revived Larxene.
  • Big "NO!": Happens fairly often. Riku does this, not once but three times in the High School AU chapter.
  • Big Red Button: The button to the BETA.
    • Xuxastell also pushes one, thinking it would make her the first Nobody with a heart in Chapter 5. It turns her back into Larxene instead.
  • Bizarrchitecture: The floating second darkest tower in Vacillating Heights has a basement... despite the lack of earth to house such a basement.
  • Blackmail: After being restored to their normal selves, Axel and Larxene gleefully set up a tea party for their currently-Ukeified comrades and record the entire thing.
  • Bland-Name Product: Mostly averted by giving the actual names of products, but one chapter has a computer with a 'Macrohard Exceed' program.
  • The Body Parts That Must Not Be Named: When the Semes take the protagonists' male friends' genitals, the testicles are referred to as the "you know" and the penis as the "that".
  • Bold Inflation: Doubled, with Jeffiroth (JEFFIROTH). "He was so badass his font was bolded."
  • Bowdlerise: Parodied with the Gutless' name. Vexen "was going to call them the Nutless, but Disney put their foot down. Some nonsense about not scaring the children and lawsuits, something about a VHS cover or something."
  • Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs: Almost all of which are in a single, long paragraph. See Long List below.
  • Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick: "The Saïx we recruited is stoic, collected, and mildly psychopathic with a sadistic twist."
  • Breaking the Fourth Wall: Too many times to count, but to put it into perspective, in the first chapter alone, not only do Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus bemoan the fact that they're in a fanfic as well as how the chapter seems to be going nowhere, the author even yells at the readers to stop giggling and close their word processors when Xaldin trailed off after nearly gave anyone a terrible fanfic idea.
  • Brick Joke: The time of day in The World That Never Was, Jeffiroth's choir, pages of blank verse, all of these get set up early to have massive payoffs later.
  • Brown Note: "I can't see. I cannot see. My retinas have committed suicide."
  • Camp Gay: Marly-dono and almost all of the Ukes.
  • Cerebus Syndrome: The first ten chapters poked fun at all of the clichés and themes in the Kingdom Hearts fandom while having what is little more than an Excuse Plot; the next two ramp up the seriousness of the plot (if there was any to start with) while keeping numerous pieces of snark.
    • In a different manner of speaking, the fic was originally a Troll Fic. After a while, the readers and Gexegee realized she had a real gem in her hands and actually started writing it to be a good fic.
  • Character Filibuster: Parodied, and then subverted. Sakura-Rose Sunblossom Orange Juice Annie Marie McFate, as well as all the OC Keyblade wielders all attempt to make really grandiose The Reason You Suck Speeches, but every time, someone interrupts them. It's a Running Gag within The City of OC arc.
  • Chekhov's Gun:
    • Paris Hilton's new single
    • Fishy crackers
    • Xaldin's sideburns
    • "A betta." (Beta)
  • Cliché Storm:
    • A good portion of the worlds in Fandom Hearts the protagonists visit invoke the extremes of fanfiction genres for humor.
    • All of the Semes the Nobodies come across invoke the fandom stereotypes everyone uses for each Nobody in fanfiction.
      • In the first world, Xigbar is a Totally Radical Surfer Dude, Axel is a slick snarker who says "Got it memorized?" after every line of dialogue.
      • The second world features Marluxia as a Camp Gay creep who pleasures himself to a bee pollinating a flower. Larxene, being a woman and lacking... you know, doesn't get directly invoked and instead is used to portray the "I can make a Nobody love me!" trope, though in the previous world, that world's invocation of Larxene plays up the Alpha Bitch qualities to the maximum.
      • The third world plays up Luxord's portrayal of a pimping gangsta all about the munny, and turn Saïx's obsession with the moon into making him a (wannabe) werewolf. They also throw Vexen as an uberwhite cowboy, but this only tips off the protagonists that it isn't actually Vexen's Seme, as he is never portrayed as such.
      • The fourth world has Zexion being a massive Emo Kid in his teen-aged years, and Demyx as a Manchild with the attention span of a teaspoon as the representation for a Crack Fic.
      • Finally, there's Xemnas, playing up the unfortunate anagram of his name, by making him all about sexualization and innuendo. And evil henchman tropes.
  • Cliffhanger: The end of chapter eight has one, and various events in the following chapter lampshade the pointlessness of these expectedly dramatic buildups.
  • Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Demy-kins, who fittingly rules over the Crack Fic half of Vacillating Heights.
  • Confusing Multiple Negatives: Prominent from the author trying to explain a Nobody's lack of existence/non-existence, not to mention coupled with a bit of Who's on First?.
    "Ah, grammar jokes."
  • Cool and Unusual Punishment: Vexen is tortured by listening to the LazyTown cake song. Originally they tried It's a Small World After All, but one of the Required Secondary Powers of a "Part-Disney" character includes an immunity to Disney songs.
    • It may also qualify as a Mind Rape for Vexen.
  • Couldn't Find a Pen: The inscription of the second-darkest tower and the extremities of the Pyramid Head expy in Vacillating Heights is actually written not in red nail polish, but in magic marker.
  • Crack Fic: Vacillation Heights changes between this during the day and Dark Fic at night.
  • Creator Cameo: All of Organization VI appear in some fashion, but Gexegee (the actual writer) deserves special mention. She wrote herself in as calling for Xaldin from the bedroom, asking him to bring more whipped cream, and then being thrown out into space.
  • Curse Cut Short: “Oh shi-”, despite the prevalence of non-cut curses.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Lexaeus takes this role, despite the fact that Vexen is one in canon. Then again, this fic isn't known for its adherence to canon...
  • Death Is Dramatic: Zexy-poo asks for a dramatic death. He doesn't get to complete his speech before he is turned into a purple blob of you-know.
  • Deconstruction Fic: It's hard to wonder what this fic doesn't deconstruct.
  • A Degree in Useless: Ms. Larxene has a doctorate in philosophy, but learned too late that all it qualified her for was teaching language arts at Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School.
  • Department of Redundancy Department- Coupled with Purple Prose, descriptions of Copycat Sues describe colors as cornsilk yellow platinum amber blonde and sapphire cobalt aquamarine cornflower silk lily midnight blue.
  • Designated Villain: invoked In Inept Crossings, Lexaeus meets Inuyasha, who is baffled as to why Lexaeus doesn't want to antagonize him, and in fact, orders him to do under the fear of Inept Crossing's ruling Semes.
  • Deus ex Machina:
    • The DEM engines, literal engines that create deus ex machinae, which the Nobodies repurposed for a specific gummi ship because it made things too easy, and said gummi ship just happens to be the one our heroes use to journey into Fandom Hearts.
    • And later, the BETA.
  • Diabolus ex Machina: The only reason everyone turned against Riku in the High School AU was because a little bit of spittle lodged itself in his throat when he tried to explain that he would give Sora a kick ("In the ass. I'll kick your ass") if he failed to make Kairi prom queen, as it made him sound like he said "kiss."
    • It's worth pointing out that Riku was already a transparent case and did actually intend to make it a kiss if he won, but had to preserve his reputation and his relationship with his girlfriend.
  • Dissonant Laughter: Lexaeus and Xaldin ask Vexen to tone it down. Not because of the laughter troubles them, but rather because the laugh is extremely effeminate and high-pitched, referring to Tatsuya Kando's high-pitched laughter in the original GBA versions of Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories prior to being recast and his laughter dropping significantly.
  • The Dragon: Mansex. The uke actually spends time reading a book called "Toadying for the Final Boss For Fun And Profit".
  • Dramatic Wind: Lampshaded in the text, describing it as improbably slow-falling and dramatic.
  • Duck!: Inverted, as The Llama Song reference ends one verse with the animal, though when applied to the giant, shapeshifting llama-thing the protagonists encounter, Vexen exclaims "duck" to warn of the giant blade that is just about to swing over their heads.
  • E = MC Hammer: Vexen scribbles on a chalkboard in this manner to explain his two theories of how Xaldin and Roxas remained safe after the Reset Button.
  • Emo Teen: Zexy-poo.
  • Evil Duo: Each world has two chief Ukes for the trio to take down. Destiny High has Xiggy-Kun and Aku-chan, The City of OC has Marley-Dono and Xuxastell, Inept Crossings has Homie G Luxory and Secks, Vacillating Heights has Zexy-poo and Demykins, and finally, Los Machosexos has Mansex and the Grand Master Fangirl herself.
  • Evil Tower of Ominousness: The darkest tower in Fandom Hearts.
  • Fake Brit: Brought up in-universe in a discussion on Xaldin's English and Vexen's Japanese voice actors. The main trio go off figuring that arguing about their voice actors is silly.
  • Failed Attempt at Drama: Xaldin and Lexaeus both attempt to provide dramatic exposition once. The other two members of the trio are not impressed.
  • Fan Art: Yes, Fan Art of Fan Fic. There are fan comics, a fan book cover, and a fan cosplay Shout-Out to Those Lacking Spines.
  • Fauxlosophic Narration: Mocked in The City of OC. Keyblade Wielder applicants are limited to only one drug-induced opening sequence, and people who get two are skewered mercilessly by The Voice.
  • Flanderization: Each of the Semes is based on a common badfic depiction of the Organization XIII members taken up to eleven. Aku-chan and Xiggy-kun abuse their Catchphrases, with Xiggy-kun becoming a literal Surfer Dude; Marly-Dono is ridiculously feminine, and obsessed with flowers to the point of having a private moment with a video of a bee pollinating a flower; Demykins is a Psychopathic Manchild Cloudcuckoolander; Zexy-poo is an Emo Teen; Secks is a literal werewolf (at least, a Little Bit Beastly variation, because God forbid he be unpretty); and Mansex...well, he lives up to the unfortunate anagram. In addition, each one is a Pretty Boy, and all of them are gay thanks to the Grand Master Fangirl. The only ones who are different to their usual interpretations are Homie X Luxory, who adds being a pimp to Luxord's gambling portrayal, and Vexen himself, who is portrayed as an ultra-white cowboy. This becomes a plot point, because the real Vexen is able to verify his identity by pointing out that his fanfic portrayals are absolutely nothing like that one.
  • Gay Guy Seeks Popular Jock: In the High School AU world, Riku, thoroughly in the closet, seriously has the hots for Sora, the lovable but dumb-as-bricks jock. He make a bet with Sora that Sora can't turn nerdy Kairi into the prom queen, and if Sora fails, Riku would give Sora a kiss.
    Sora: *double-take* What?
    Riku: I mean... a kick. In the ass. I'll kick your ass if you don't. Because I'm not gay or anything.
  • Glamour: How Mary Sue Gutless work. They don't actually have special powers, but they can make others think they do. It's strong enough to make three emotionless veteran Nobodies fear for their lives, but it doesn't work on other Sues (a trait which the protagonists use to create a countermeasure).
  • Gratuitous Japanese: Pence's lines, which deviates into Gratuitous Spanish.
  • Great Big Book of Everything: The DEM engines installed in the GES Existentialist get the Nobodies where they need to go and tell them everything they need to know.
  • Groin Attack: The M.O. of the Gutless, though here it results in Ukefication rather than pain. It's also the weakness of a Seme.
  • Hand Wave: Many events that would seem otherwise illogical or unbuilt are subjected to this, or ignored for the purpose of plot.
    • Well, it is a fanfic, snarking about the sheer stupidity of other fanfics. Just go with it.
  • Heartbreak and Ice Cream: Zexy-poo comforts himself by eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream after an exaggeratedly melodramatic fit toward Demy-kins.
  • The Heartless: The Gutless are an unsubtle parody of the Trope Namers. There's also the Semes, which are born from the... you know... of the Gutless's victims and embody their worst fanfic interpretations.
  • Heel–Face Turn: The Semes, at the end.
  • Heroic Sacrifice: Xaldin performs this (instead of previously severing the Gutless-infected part of his body) as a result of activating the BETA.
  • High School AU: Parodied, along with everything else.
  • Hilarity Ensues: Frequently (mostly to Vexen's chagrin).
  • Humanoid Abomination: A few of the Gutless the protagonists encounter are very human-like and in some cases used to be human due to being living fandom/fanfiction cliches. The Semes take this a step further, being created by taking know... from Organization members (who as Nobodies are an example of this trope already).
  • Hypocritical Humor: Gexegee lambasts people who insert their Nobody OCs in ways that completely contradict the rules of the Kingdom Hearts universe, especially on the matters of love and romance. She then inserts herself trying to seduce Xaldin and then getting thrown into space.
  • I Broke a Nail: Marly-dono, when he slams his fingers on a keyboard, exclaims this.
  • I Need a Freaking Drink: By the end of the fic, Xaldin asks for “Vodka. Top-shelf. Straight. On the rocks.”
  • If I Had a Nickel...: Lexaeus laments over the idea that fanfic writers get the idea that he can’t talk in first person, muttering about a dime for each instance.
  • Impact Silhouette: Mansex escapes the blast of the combusting Yaoi Cannon through one of these.
  • Impossibly Cool Weapon: Jeffiroth gets a seven-foot-long katana. As per usual, this is lampshaded.
    Unfortunately, a seven-foot katana, while cool-looking and certainly intimidating, is just not all that practical for a battle. Jeffiroth was able to attack with it, mostly by spinning around in a circle with his arms stretched out and hoping it would nick Xaldin, Vexen or Lexaeus enough to make them give up their unceasing barrage of wind, ice, earth and stabbity-type attacks.
    • It's even impractical for self-use.
    Unfortunately, a seven-foot long katana, while badass and certainly intimidating, is just not all that practical for seppuku. What followed was a ten minute display of Jeffiroth trying in vain to impale himself on a sword that was taller than he was, in full view of his choir and Nobuo Uematsu.
  • In Medias Res: Chapter 10 starts this way, goes back, and ends the chapter at the same time where it originally started.
  • Incessant Chorus: Speaking of Jeffiroth, his chorus sings "Jeffiroth!" every time someone says his name. It even continues many chapters later.
  • Inconsistent Spelling: Invoked to get a horde of Otaku Gutless to tear each other apart over whether to use Aeris or Aerith (or Vincent/Binsento).
  • Insistent Terminology: Xaldin has braids, not dreadlocks. Do you know what you have to do to your hair to get dreadlocks?
  • It Was a Dark and Stormy Night at Castle Midnight Moonraven McGee. Then again, it usually was.
  • The Joy of X: Final Bossing For Fun and Profit, written by Ganondorf and Yu Yevon.
  • Interactive/Lemony Narrator
  • Little Professor Dialog: Lampshaded by Lexaeus on the Grand Master Fangirl’s speech.
  • Large Ham: Zexy-poo has quite a few moments out of the Semes, who overall act like this during the twelfth chapter.
  • Lemony Narrator: The narrator is, perhaps, the highlight of the entire story. He will routinely lampshade redundancies, interact with our three heroes, snark and generally complain about the ride he's on, and go off on tangents. Special mention goes to the time he talks about the dark figure standing darkly in the Second-Tallest Tower in Fandom Hearts, and decides that with all the uses of "dark" and "black" that he wants to spice up the prose, and tells the readers to just assume every other color means "Dark".
    ...he thought pinkly.
  • The Long List: In Inept Crossings... note 
  • Lovable Jock: Sora Wanahakaruugi in the High School AU world.
  • Lower-Deck Episode: The point of having Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus be the protagonists is because they are obscure enough by fanfiction writers to be ignored by the Gutless.
  • The Man Behind the Man: Rather, the fangirl behind the seme.
  • Meaningful Name: Xuxastell's Other name. While she's undoubtedly Larxene, she was stuck into a machine that Sue-ifies everything, including turning her into a fangirl for Axel. Her anagram minus one X? Axel Slut.
    "It's Axel Lust, thank-you very much."
  • Middle School Is Miserable: In the High School AU world, Xaldin, Vexen, and Lexaeus already get a good number of complaints and potshots at high school in general, but their real vitriol for the world comes out when it turns out that the high school they're prowling around in search of their missing colleagues' know is actually a 7th-12th school, with Vexen in particular ranting about how Even's life in high school was full of bullies, cheaters, thieves, and sports teams taking all of the academic funding.
  • Morph Weapon: Out of all things, Demykins’s razor-sharp ukulele.
  • Most Common Card Game: In the first chapter, Demyx finds himself losing to Luxord at Go Fish.
  • Never Say "Die": Xaldin actually states himself that "the Organization never says die!"
    • Which makes it even more hilarious when Larxene appears and (literally) does say "die" just seconds later.
  • Nominal Importance: Francesca, who out of all the Moo Gutless, survived.
  • Noodle Incident: Apparently Marluxia dumped herbs in the castle's water supply once, leading to a week of psychedelic hallucinations, referred to as "Luxord in the Sky with Diamonds". What led to that name and anything else that happened in that week is never elaborated on.
  • Not in the Face!: Marly-Dono asks this of Larxene and the main trio after they corner him. She reassures him that it won't be in the face.
  • No Fourth Wall: The three protagonists regularly are aware of what goes on in the paragraphs above, as well as the fact that they're in a fanfiction and that the author has it in for Vexen.
  • The Nothing After Death: Present as a White Void Room, unlike the Cessation of Existence as the Nobodies think.
  • Oh, Crap!: The three protagonists' reaction to coming face-to-face with a Mary Sue. It's actually caused by her powers; once they back far enough away, they revert to being emotionless and rational.
  • Oh, Crap, There Are Fanfics of Us!: Let's say it's the motif.
  • Ominous Floating Castle: In Los Machosexos, a carbon copy of The World That Never Was, which is where the Grand Master Fangirl resides. Also, the Tallest Tower in Fandom Hearts, and the Second-Tallest Tower in Fandom Hearts.
  • Ominous Latin Chanting: Jeffiroth's 100-piece orchestra includes this in its music, followed by an echoed “JEFFIROTH!”
  • One-Handed Zweihänder: Thoroughly averted by none other than JEFFIROTH, because despite looking and sounding like the main man himself, he possessed none of Sephiroth's actual strength, and thus his attempts to wield the Masamune amounted to little more than exhaustively flailing it around in the hopes that it would somehow nick one of our three heroes.
  • One-Winged Angel: Jeffiroth, in his second form, turns into a seven-winged one (though he's easily beaten).
  • Only Sane Man: Xaldin, Vexen and Lexaeus all qualify.
  • Ordinary High-School Student: Gexegee points out this trope as being all too prevalent in fanfiction.
  • Original Character: An entire city of them.
  • Otaku: As a type of Gutless.
  • Overly Long Fighting Animation: As part of Jeffiroth's second form transformation.
  • Overly Long Name: x-x-Marley-dono CrImSoNfLoWeR-x-x''. (sic)
  • Parody Sue: Sakura-Rose Sunblossom Orange Juice Annie-Marie McFate. Actually a type of Gutless.
    • Also Xuxastell, who was created by putting Larxene in a machine that sueifies everyone and everything.
  • The Password Is Always "Swordfish": The password in the factory isn't simple, but it is stupid (as described in-universe), being a list of all of the Semes.
  • Perverse Sexual Lust: Gexegee for Xaldin, in her brief appearance in one chapter.
  • Pimp Duds: Homie X Luxory wears them.
  • Playing the Heart Strings: Coupled with Sorry, I Left the BGM On.
  • Plot Hole: The story seems to span the length of a day (or at least, some short period of time), yet one of the Semes says that he and the Grand Master Fangirl had been conspiring for months to spread the Gutless to the canon world.
  • Power Gives You Wings: The remaining energies of the Yaoi Cannon, when the Big Bad unlocks them for Mansex, gives him wings among... other garish outfit changes.
    • And Jeffiroth. While it is true that he went through a machine that turns him into a Mary Sue and that made him look like Sephiroth, he still got a one wing resembling Sephiroth's when he first came out. When he ascends to his second form, he gets six more one wings. Don't ask us how this is possible.
  • Power Makes Your Hair Grow: Inverted with Jeffiroth: Hair Makes Your Power Grow. And when one attacks said hair...
  • Precision F-Strike: Vexen executes one in chapter 12.
  • Prepare to Die: Against Xuxastell:
    “Nevertheless,” Lexaeus still had his fierce gaze locked on the imposter Nobody as he pulled his tomahawk up out of the ground. “Larxene is our comrade-in-arms and we will not stand for what you have done to her. In the name of the real Organization XIII—prepare to die.”
  • Pungeon Master: Demykins, with highlights such as 'give peas a chance', 'liver let die', and bringing up a betta (beta).
  • Real Men Wear Pink: Marluxia was an example of this in canon (and maybe here too before getting ukefied). Marluxia's Seme, x-x-Marley-dono CrImSoNfLoWeR-x-x'', is most certainly not.
  • Reference Overdosed: It is impossible to list all of them.
  • Rage Breaking Point: Vexen loses it after listening to Xuxastell talk about making Axel fall in love with her. A weird example, since Vexen, as a Nobody, technically can't feel rage, which he even points out in his tirade towards her.
  • Relax-o-Vision: Double-subverted. Right when the protagonists are about to test their theories on Xiggy-kun, the narrator announces to switch to a description of kittens, but since she has no kittens, she switches the plot to the second line in-waiting.
  • Riddle Me This: In the basement of Zexion's floating tower.
  • Rule of Funny: If anything breaks the rules of the Kingdom Hearts universe, it's explicitly for this.
  • Running Gag:
    • Vexen's phobia of cake.
    • “Did you just go there?”/“I rather think I did."
    • Xaldin was wrong.
    • The little known facts about Demyx the pizza boy.
    • Xaldin's sideburns.
    • The time of day in The World That Never Was at the beginning of the fic. It becomes a Brick Joke by the end, though.
  • Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness
    [Vexen said], “Don’t be so worried, gentlemen. We can utilize a Gelatinous Confectionary Transportation Vehicle.”
    “You mean a gummi ship,” Lexaeus nudged him in the elbow.
  • Seven Minute Lull: In Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School, Riku accidentally flubs and reveals his bet with Sora after a song finishes in a party. Melodrama ensues.
  • "Shaggy Dog" Story: There are numerous cliffhangers and buildups that ultimately don't pay off. One prime example is when Vacillating Heights goes through the transformation to darkness, and the heroes panic, but then remember they don't have hearts and thus cannot be affected.
  • Shout-Out:
  • Shut Up, Hannibal!: Several times.
    [Sakura-Rose:]“You’ll never defeat me, you hideous beast, because I represent all that is pure and good and light in the world, and YOU are an evil creature with no heart and I have a heart and it holds nothing but love for ALL LIVING THINGS! And you’ll never be able to scare me, either! My will is as strong as stone!”
    “Really?” Lexaeus asked lamely, and with the slightest movement of his hand, Sakura-Rose was crushed to death beneath two tons of irony and a gigantic summoned slab of rock.
    • Also twice with Jeffiroth: the first time with a 'get on with it' and the second by snapping his Badass Locks off.
  • Significant Anagram: Xuxastell, which, as Xaldin quickly figures out, unscrambles to "Axel Slut," or "Axel Lust," if you insist.
  • Slept Through the Apocalypse: Roxas, though not out of pure chance.
  • Solve the Soup Cans
  • Sssssnaketalk: Sssssecks ssssspeakssss thissss way.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: The Riku from Destiny Sanctuary Peak High School Academy Grammar School totally isn't gay or anything.
  • Take That!: It's a fic written to mock bad Kingdom Hearts fanfiction trends. It would be easier to list what wasn't a Take That!.
  • Teen Hater: Our three heroes. More specifically, Vexen, Lexaeus, and Xaldin all vent their frustrations about how obnoxious they find teenagers to be while running around the High School AU world of Fandom Hearts, with middle-schoolers receiving Vexen's particular ire.
  • Tempting Fate: Quite often on behalf of the protagonists, and lampshaded all the time.
  • That Came Out Wrong: Quite a few of Mansex’s lines give this effect to the protagonists.
  • Third-Person Person: Jeffiroth.
  • 30-Sue Pileup: Invoked with The City of OC. Nearly everyone is a Keyblade wielder or prospective Keyblade wielder (including some OCs which actually are Sues). It's to the point that Dive into the Heart has a queue and both Traverse Town and Twilight Town are at maximum occupancy. The few that don't have Keyblades are interviewing to join Organization XIII actually a ploy by the Semes to create more Mary Sues. Unfortunately for them, none of them are as badass as the real thing; even their Keyblades are apparently fake. Being turned into an army of Elite Mook Gutless did nothing to make them more powerful, as Larxene easily demolishes all of them.
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: After suffering through the cake running gag for the majority of the fic, Vexen gets to kick back and relax in a comfortable lounge in Chapter 10 instead of having to fight hordes of Bishonen Gutless like Xaldin and Lexaeus.
  • Time Bomb: Xaldin's sideburns, as well as the Gutless epidemic unleashed through Sora. Both are stopped with the Beta.
  • Title Drop: “Nine Organization members, whole and lacking spines, shouted in unison.”
    • Also (kinda) in chapter 10:
    It was unfortunate for the Grand Master Fangirl that this sickly little idea was not any ordinary idea—it was a being that lacked a brain, a heart, a spine and most importantly, it lacked… you know.
  • To Make a Long Story Short: Twelve chapters too late.
    • Averted slightly in Chapter 1. Gexegee, when describing where they found Vexen, uses the phrase, "To make a long story shorter" instead.
  • Trade Snark: Overly Detailed Purple Description Mode
  • Transformation Sequence: Our three heroes let JEFFIROTH have a transformation sequence as he changes to his second form. They're well aware they could just take him out easily, but he's beyond pathetic, so they continue attempting to take down Marly-dono in the meantime.
  • Transparent Closet: Riku. Everyone at Destiny High except for his girlfriend Namine and his dumb-as-bricks best friend Sora are aware that, in the narrator's own words, "he, his parents, his friends, and their respective grandparents all knew that [Riku] was a flaming closet case."
  • Traveling at the Speed of Plot: Courtesy of the DEM engines.
  • Troll Fic: Originally intended to be one, but completely subverted after.
  • Unusual Euphemism: " know" isn't very unusual, but its absolute pervasiveness throughout the fic makes it stand out. Especially considering the... you know is also introduced as being separate from the that by Vexen.
  • The Very Definitely Final Dungeon: They have a checklist of tropes that fall under this category:
    "Let's go through the checklist," Xaldin suggested, one eyebrow raised high over the other as he examined their surroundings quizzically. "Dark skies?"
    "Check," Lexaeus nodded.
    "Indeed," Vexen confirmed.
    "We have stepped into the Haven of Wasted Epiphanies," Vexen announced, reading from a convenient nearby sign. "Up ahead is the Village of Twisted Thoughts and the Subdivision of Broken Endings. Triple check."
    "Yes. I thought so," Xaldin sighed. "This is a Final World if ever I saw one."
  • Viewer-Friendly Interface: Lampshaded, naturally, with the MacroHard Exceed appearance.
  • Wackyland: The day half of Vacillating Heights is described this by name.
  • Wall of Blather: Jeffiroth's poetry rants in this comic.
  • Who's on First?: "Nobody or no body?"
  • Why Did It Have to Be Snakes?: Vexen is terrified of cake after being tortured with the LazyTown cake song.
  • Word-Salad Humor: DemykinsOMGWTFBBQVCR's dialogue, when he's not spouting Shout Outs.