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I will not start a betting pool to see how long the new recruits will last before they end up in Psych.
Rule #94

Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at the PPC is an offshoot of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum community. It consists of a list of thing various employees of the PPC are not allowed to do, in the style of Skippy's List.

Working non-stop to uphold canon throughout the multiverse is a tough duty. It only makes sense that agents would sometimes do very silly things — either as stress relief or just because they can. Some of these things, however, are Very Bad Ideas, and thus a list of these things has been made so people don't attempt them.


TIANATDATPPC contains examples of the following tropes:

  • Ambiguous Syntax: Rule 558 prohibits bringing "a Trojan" into the tech department. The next sentence clarifies that "Trojan" means a Greek warrior from Troy and mentions that the ambiguity will scare the technicians about the possibility of the computer virus of the same name being present instead.
  • Berserk Button: Deliberately riling up Pumbaa and Scar by respectively calling him a pig and mentioning Mufasa in his presence is not allowed, with the latter action being said to create far too much attention.
  • Buffy Speak:
  • Caltrops: Death Valley is bad enough without agents sprinkling caltrops all over the place.
  • The Cameo: Agents are not allowed to dress up as Stan Lee and pretend to be him making a camo.
  • Can't You Read the Sign?: Rule 339 is a reminder to never ignore signs reading "Spatial Rift: No entry", regardless of where they're posted.
  • Charity Workplace Calendar:
    89. Creating a swimsuit calendar for the PPC by superimposing Mary Sues over the Flowers is not funny.
  • Chase-Scene Obstacle Course: Since PPC HQ runs on Rule of Funny more often than not, any chase scene that happen within its halls tend to come across objects that get in the way of the participants. Rule 1883 specifically mentions not complaining about running into any fruit carts or plate glass windows.
  • Continuity Nod: Rule 99 and its addendums discuss making Daleks out of art supplies and hyping them up as an invasion force. Two months prior, an article published in the Multiverse Monitor described someone doing exactly that, sending HQ into a panic until people realized the Dalek was tiny and made of pipe cleaners.
  • Deal with the Devil: Attempting to sell your soul to agent Doom will only annoy him, as the deal won't go through due to him only being half-demon.
  • Department of Redundancy Department: Rules 1895 through 1898 all say "I will not spam the Things I Am Not Allowed to Do list with repetitive entries", with the last instance being cut off midsentence and having an addendum about not letting an Agent Orinoco (who works for the in-universe Department of Redundancy Department and has a tendency to repeat himself) access the List.
  • Die for Our Ship:invoked Used in-universe by rule 403, which discusses scenarios where an agent might find only one of the people in a canon pairing attractive. It goes on to say that just because the other person in the pairing happens to be in a relationship with whoever the agent thinks is attractive doesn't make them a Mary Sue that needs to be killed to "preserve canon".
  • A Dog Ate My Homework: Rule 304 prohibits teaching pets to eat assignments, under threat of death or being sent on a mission to a truly nasty badfic.
  • Double Standard: Rape, Divine on Mortal: Discussed in rules 559 and 560, which instructs agents to avoid getting caught alone with Zeus or Aphrodite. The rule about Zeus states that the matter is to be taken seriously, even though Zeus engaging in hanky-panky with mortals is perfectly in-character for him; the possibility of a demigod being raised in HQ, where everybody has a tenuous grasp on sanity, would make for a very bad scenario.
  • Do Wrong, Right: Rule 457 bans baiting newbies into letting cesium come into contact with water, but permits agents to weaponize doing so against Sues.
  • Duct Tape for Everything: Duct tape is not to be used for keeping Headquarters together, especially the parts that should stay separate. Claiming duct tape is the Force is also out.
  • Expospeak Gag: Sweeping one's partner into "a passionate osculation"note  if they don't want you to do that isn't allowed. Trawling through the dictionary just to find obscure words to confuse people with is allowed, but people won't like you for doing so.
  • Flat World: While World One isn't actually flat (due to it being Like Reality, Unless Noted), there's a rule against telling newcomers that it is.
  • The Glomp: It's against the rules for agents to tackle-hug anyone who qualifies as a "ridiculously hot elf".
  • Hollywood Voodoo: Rule 229 prohibits using Mary Sue hair for voudoun rituals due to the lwa not liking Sues.
  • Insistent Terminology: Regardless of how much people insist otherwise, graffiti, bloodstains, stick-on sparkles, and paper chains made out of paperwork won't be reclassified as being "community service art project(s)".
  • Kazoos Mean Silliness: Rule 115 bans traversing Headquarters while playing the Imperial March, and has an addendum stating, "Especially on kazoo".
  • "Kick Me" Prank:
    • The act of placing signs reading "DePetal Me" on the agents' Plant Alien bosses is described as being cruel.
    • Rule 376 bans sticking overly gothic Mary Sues in The World of Darkness with signs reading "dust me" taped to their butts.
  • Lame Pun Reaction: Rule 558 bans bringing a Trojan into the Department of Sufficiently Advanced Technology; "Trojan" can either refer to a computer virus or a Greek warrior from Troy. The rule specifies that the Trojan in question is the latter kind and comments that the pun is a lousy one.
  • Loud of War: Someone once made someone else's computer play ""it's a small world"" on loop.
  • MacGyvering: Rule 256 is a subversion, reminding agents that they aren't MacGyver and thus can't repair their consoles with items such as ballpoint pens, rubber bands, sweat socks, and knitting needles. Then it says Gadgeteer Genius Makes-Things is likewise incapable of similar feats.
  • Mundane Utility:
    • Rule 504 simply states that lightsabers aren't can openers.
    • Rule 557 bans visiting the Island of Lotus-Eaters for the purpose of taking extended vacations.
  • Mystery Meat: Agents aren't allowed to ask what the cafeteria food is made of, especially if it looks like something recognizable.
  • Never Heard That One Before: As Agent Stormsong is an anthropomorphic weasel, constant jokes about the Weasley family or him "weaseling his way out of something" are noted by the rules to have never been funny.
  • No Man of Woman Born: Attempting to bait Macbeth into fighting people who don't qualify as being "of woman born" is forbidden. The rule about it specifically mentions Boba Fett, Shinzon (clones), and Pinocchio (puppet brought to life).
  • Noodle Incident:
    • Rule 207 is a ban on using the Redneck Trees from Something*Positive as an execution method ever again, or even discussing the last time they were used. Given that said trees tend to rape people unfortunate enough to come across them, there is likely a very good reason why the "Redneck Trees incident" is not elaborated on.
    • It is never explained what happened the last time Dafydd Illian was nominated for an award.
    • Permitting a Mary Sue to have a last request somehow resulted in a previous partner of Agent Cole retiring.
    • The rule against storing Suvian ammunition due to its inherent instability mentions that everyone knows "what happened to Agent Thorpe last weekend" and consequently doesn't say what happened to them.
  • Oh, My Gods!: Somebody makes a comment about Rule 1875, which bans making jokes capable of standing on their own under punishment of getting your arms cut off, that replaces "God" with "Steve Irwin" ("OH STEVE IRWIN MY ARMS"). The next rule bans swearing on Steve Irwin and threatens cutting off the arms of anyone who does it, only for (presumably) the same commentor to switch to Winston Churchill.
    OH WINSTON CHURCHILL MY OTHER ARMS.
  • Phallic Weapon: Rule 3 prohibits agents from using lightsabers as phallic metaphors, specifically mentioning not asking to see if someone else's lightsaber is bigger than their own.
  • Real Joke Name: Rule 476 is an order to quit making fun of Stiffener Medick's name while at the Official Fanfiction University of Redwall, mainly for personal safety reasons.
  • Red Shirt: Attempting to invoke the phenomenon of expendable extras by having people go to the Star Trek continuum while wearing red shirts is banned, even as an April Fools' Day prank.
  • Reference Overdosed: Since the Protectors of the Plot Continuum are a group that writes Recursive Fanfiction about most forms of media in existence, their equivalent of Skippy's List is likewise packed full of pop-culture references.
  • Scooby-Dooby Doors: Recreating Scooby-Doo chase sequences in Escher Rooms is a bad idea due to the rooms' dimensions and gravity defying the laws of physics.
  • Self-Deprecation: One rule states that people should not show the List to the PPC's resident Obstructive Bureaucrat because while she's the most capable person to organize and clean up all the redundancies on the List, there's a decent chance its contents will make her head explode.
  • Shapeshifter Mode Lock: Using the Imperius Curse to mind-control a morph-capable agent into staying shapeshifted longer than two hours and getting stuck as whatever they turned into is not allowed.
  • Shout-Out: Skippy's List has a rule about Skippy not being allowed to do any given action if the thought of doing so makes him giggle for longer than fifteen seconds. The PPC version of the rule opens with an instruction to "Forget 15 seconds" before saying that if thinking about doing the thing makes you giggle at all, you're not allowed to do it.
  • Side Bet:
    • Rule 50 bans setting up a betting pool on who's going insane next, along with forbidding influencing the result by stalking a given person.
    • Agents aren't allowed to run a betting pool on how long it'll take for new recruits to need a psychiatry appointment.
    • Taking bets on what would happen if the Borg met the Killiks or the Daleks is forbidden. Actually trying to get any of the three species to meet is considered a Very Bad Idea.
  • Skinny Dipping: Rule 352 bans swimming in the Fountain of Bleepka while nude. The rule also applies to the HQ pool in the event that it actually exists.
  • Skull Cups:
    233. Sue skulls make great paperweights. They suck as drinking vessels.
  • Slipping a Mickey: Rule 120 forbids slipping Love Potion into the meals of anyone living in PPC Headquarters.
  • Snipe Hunt:
    • Rule 22 forbids hazing new recruits via giving them good fanfiction and instructing them to find the Mary Sue.
    • Rule 1869 is about not asking new agents to retrieve electricity powder from the Building Maintenance department. Its addendum suggests electricity powder is something that actually exists, but people still aren't allowed to get it from Building Maintenance.
  • Source Music: Playing your own background music is frowned upon at the PPC; rule 115 bans walking around Headquarters while playing the Imperial March.
  • Stuff Blowing Up: Rule 457 bans pranking newcomers with blocks of cesium disguised as things likely to come into contact with water, as cesium reacts violently and explosively with the stuff.
  • Trail of Bread Crumbs: Rule 598 initially forbids using trails of breadcrumbs to navigate Headquarters, then gets sidetracked with forbidding the usage of specific other substances before placing a blanket ban on leaving trails of anything for navigational purposes.
  • A Wizard Did It:
    • Defied by rule 627, which forbids using "Because it's magic" as an excuse.
    • Rule 1888 explicitly bans using the phrase "a wizard did it" to answer questions, along with aliens, magnets, the number 42, and "quantum".
  • Your Mom: A few rules ban making "your mother" jokes around certain canon characters, such as people who lost their mothers in tragic circumstances or Norman Bates.

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