Critical Role Shades Of Black / Funny

Critical Role 's funny moments
Campaign 1 (Vox Machina): 1-23 | 24-38 | 39-83 | 84-99 | 100-115
Campaign 2 (The Mighty Nein): 1-25 | 26-47 | 48-69 | 70-91 | 92-112 | 113-141
Campaign 3 (Bell's Hells): 1-22 | 23-38 | 39-51 | 52-64 | 65-80 | 81-
Critical Role One-Shots

As a Moments subpage, all spoilers are unmarked as per policy. You Have Been Warned.

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Episode 1: The Draw of Destiny

As usual, the plug for Hitpoint Press by Sam is amazing, but it's clear that an extended break has had him hold in a few too many plugs. His plug doesn't take the usual form of his comical shenanigans, but instead takes the form of a one-scene musical number asking to be sponsored by anyone who wants an advertisement. Crosses over with awesome.
- The musical number is a duet between Sam and Mary Elizabeth McGlynn. Despite Mary Elizabeth playing the beleaguered spouse, the portrait on workaholic Sam's desk is of Liam.
From a meta standpoint, the fact Sam made his character a Wide-Eyed Idealist Warrior Therapist, giving him the perfect excuse to ask the rest of the party about their backstories from day one.
- When Ashton first asks where Fresh Cut Grass is Matt shoots a look at Sam and says "You motherfucker." Throughout the character's introduction Travis and Liam can be heard laughing offscreen.
- Sam finally has a character who can't have a kid that gets killed, and the party knows his "mother's" name this time — Dancer.
- Additionally, the party asked F.C.G. for their backstory the first chance they got — possibly to forestall the shocking reveals similar to what happened with Scanlan and Nott.
Laudna's outfit is accessorized by a dead rat hanging from her belt with a bird skull. She says she made it herself and Matt quips with, "Gross".
- Laudna is rather creepy, but also loves children. This combination ends poorly when she spies some dwarven kids watching her and decides to play hide and seek — she ends up scaring them off, in addition to accidentally freaking out an old woman who overheard her saying "I will find more children".
F.C.G. cheerfully telling someone "Fuck off!" But since it comes off so innocently it's hard to take seriously.
F.C.G. sincerely telling Ashton that he thinks he has a heart of gold deep down: wholesome. Continuing the metaphor by saying that it might be buried so deep that F.C.G. wants to take a pickax and hack his way down to find it: hilariously grotesque. The fact that Ashton is an Earth Genasi and it might actually be physically possible to "mine" for his heart: hilariously creepy.
As Ashton and F.C.G. go to a bar for a morning beer, F.C.G. informs his bartender Ishir that he can't drink, so Ashton suggests Ishir just offer up whatever scrap metal he has. Initially, Ishir thinks they're joking and Ashton responds with, "Dead serious". Ishir changes the silver coins into copper and slides them to F.C.G. who admits to a dilemma: "I wanna eat those, but Ashton really likes money."
Ashton: Copper's not really money.
F.C.G.: Really?
Ashton: Copper's more of an insult, you can totally eat that.
- After F.C.G. takes a bite and starts crunching, Ashton winces and immediately admits that it does hurt a bit. Ishir is just enthralled as he watches F.C.G. eat, suggesting him to come around the bar and have people pay to watch him eat.
- Ishir then flicks F.C.G.'s head and stares on in fascination.
  Marisha: Rude.
  Taliesin: True, but I'm drinking right now, so...
- The innocent excitement of F.C.G. as he wonders if others will greet him if he becomes a regular, with Ashton quipping he may even be able to get into his first bar fight.
Fearne, Dorian and Orym stare at the machinery and gondolas in awe, wondering how they operate. When they get to the gondola, Dorian sounds concerned about the safety of it while Fearne assures him it must be safe.
Fearne: It's held up by a thin string.
- Orym does his best to calm Dorian's anxiety, though what would otherwise be an assuring pat on the shoulder becomes "a soft fist on the hip" because of his stature. You can spot the exact moment Laura realizes what Liam just said and cracks up.
Fearne's kleptomania strikes on a gondola ride with a follower of the All-Hammer, with hilarious results.
Dorian: I told you a story about someone picking my pocket 30 seconds ago and then you go and pick someone's pocket?
Fearne: Don't get on my ass about it! All I know is that it's pretty easy to do here. That's all I took from what you said. It's beautiful. It's for the God of Arts and Crafts.
- Even funnier, Matt describes the object as about two-feet long as the wearer was a humanoid elephant. So when Dorian hisses at Fearne to hide the earring, she puts it on her ear and her head is tilted slightly to the left a bit.
Later on, Orym's statement that Fearne's thefts will come back to bite her is proven true sooner than he expected when, after the battle, Taliesin's character Ashton tries to pickpocket her while offering her a glimpse of his opal brain. He succeeds. Fearne may have met her match.
- Funnily enough when Orym pulls Dorian to the side so they can discuss their strategy of how to keep Fearne's sticky fingers from causing more trouble, Fearne notes that they're talking right in front of her. After they finish talking Orym notes, "We're done talking in front of you."
The various parties get into battle with a variety of normally inanimate objects, which leads to this gem:
Marisha/Laudna: I'm slower than a rug?!
- One of them even gets decked in the face by a broom.
During the battle with the various objects, Marisha says "fuck that knife!" Everyone then counters that fucking a knife is a bad idea. Moments later, Laudna announces she is going to "fuck that rug", to a similar reaction.
Sam: "Critical Role endorses knife-fucking!"
Matt: No!
- Later as Laudna tries to curse the knife, it fails.
  Laudna: I can't even curse a knife?!
  Imogen: [stroking her "creepy head"] It's all right.
During the battle with the animated objects, Travis' character makes an entrance worthy of Don Quixote.
Sir Bertrand Bell: Yes... For the good of Jrusar, I will enter the fray with you!
As Laudna goes into her Super Mode and creeps out a majority of the characters nearby, Bertrand also remarks out how nervous her appearance makes him.
Bertrand: I'm immediately concerned... about this creepy-ass bitch... forty feet away... dripping with goo...
- Doesn't help when she creepily declares she's here to help, whatever bystanders are left immediately scream and run for it.
- Then she uses her powers to stare into the rug's eyes as she turns it into crimson sludge. Or at least where she perceives its eyes to be.
  Laudna: I want you to know it was me.
F.C.G. tossing out a holy tomato at the knife, calling it a "free spiritual tomato".
- Sam's logic for the tomato is that it's something a kitchen knife would hate, because cutting a tomato is just really hard. The entire cast immediately sympathizes with the knife and agrees that cutting a tomato is really hard.
Laudna saves Dorian and the two thank each other, before Matt points out that they're both forty feet away so they'd have to be yelling at one another.
- After the fight Laudna still has black goo on her hands. She quickly turns to Dorian and wipes her hands on his clothes. The disgust on Robbie's face truly is priceless.
The reveal of Sam's comically-oversized drink container of choice for this campaign: a steampunk-themed gas canister fitted with a chalkboard and the message "I HAVE GAS" on it.
- The big selling point being Matt's drawn out stare of utter disbelief as he tries to come to terms with what Sam has done.
- Taliesin is not to be outdone. When Sam attaches the chalkboard to the canister, he takes one look at it.
  Taliesin: We knew that already.
When Bertrand asks the group if any of them have outstanding warrants or are being pursued by anyone, Fearne quickly jumps in with a Suspiciously Specific Denial.
Fearne: Definitely... not... here.
F.C.G.'s creator named all of her automatons after her favourite smells.
F.C.G.: There was me, there was Oatmeal, and there was Apple Pie, there was Pussy, there were a lot of us!
- Marisha and Matt Face Palm, and soon after everyone starts corpsing.
  Fearne: It was just thrown out there so fast...
- As Sam said that they were named after favorite smells, Matt eyes Snap to the Side in a beautiful Oh, Crap! moment.
- Sam sits there smugly looking around while the entire table collapses, halfway between in-character naivete and out-of-character pride that no-one escaped the joke.
  Ashton/Taliesin: So nice to see other people having to hear this, it's really just bringing everything into sharp perspective.
- Robbie cracked up so badly he squeaked out a desperate "Send help." Travis, seated next to him, heard it clearly and asked him if he really said it. That sent the table into a second round of laughter.
- This moment was played in theaters. Just let that sink in.
This episode's ad break features the one and only President Gale, persuading people to subscribe to the Twitch channel with Operation: Gag Me with a Spoon. She then follows it up with a Q&A that ends with one of the "reporters" getting kicked out, with bees.
Dorian tries to play at the bar, and rolls the first Natural 1 of the campaign. He snaps a string of his lute and becomes an unintentional comedy act. Then Fearne comes in and badly pretends to be a fan of his, and he tries again with his flute for a 13, leading to a So Okay, It's Average performance. He ultimately makes one gold, from a fellow musician who felt sorry for him.
- Earlier after his string breaks, he gets flustered as he tries to collect his items. Robbie describes it as Dorian's items falling out of his arms right after he picks them up and has to scurry to recover them. The table gives out sympathetic looks.
- The roasting he gets from the patrons is fantastic.
  Random Guy: (obviously tipsy, cackling) The great Dorian Storm, feared by all twangy things!
- When he pulls his flute out and starts playing, Robbie immediately makes the disclaimer he's not doing some other activity as he plays.
Thanks to some very bad rolls, Ashton loses a lot of gold at cards even when Fearne and F.C.G are cheating for him.
- Doubly ironic, given that Ashton is played by Taliesin Jaffe.
Orym goes to Bertrand's room to ask him some questions, and finds out the old man is asleep. Once Bertrand wakes up and goes to the door this conversation ensues.
Orym: Oh, I'm sorry, it's seven thirty, were you asleep?
Bertrand: .... seven thirty in the morning?
Orym: No, it's still — it's barely... We just saw each other thirty minutes ago downstairs.
Bertrand: Yes... Who are you?
- As Travis plays Bertrand as a forgetful senior, the others immediately hop onto the "future Travis" jokes.
  Taliesin: It's his final form.
  Matt: It's like a snapshot of the future.
- Before Orym leaves he compliments Bertrand's sword work in their last fight, and then finds out Bertrand has started to fall asleep during their conversation. After leading Bertrand to his bed he calls Orym "Oryn" to which Orym just nods and allows him to go to sleep.
- Keep in mind that Bertrand, who Travis plays like he's starting to go senile, is the most intelligent party member.
The Cliffhanger being the group may have to possibly fight a senior, some notably say how excited they are for that.
The sheer number of possible puns embodied in the F.C.G.-and-Ashton duo.
- Ashton the Earth genasi is a Punk Rock.
- Ashton is made of earth and stone; F.C.G. is made of metal. Together, they are Heavy Metal.
- F.C.G. moves using one wheel: they are Rock & Roll.
- F.C.G. is an automaton cleric, making them a literal healbot. ^note Twitch chat immediately dubbed him "Heals on Wheels".

Episode 2: Trial by Firelight

For this year's Halloween, the cast are dressed as each other. (Matt as Laura, Travis as Sam, Robbie as Matt, Marisha as Taliesin, Sam as Marisha, Ashley as Travis, Laura as Robbie, Liam as Ashley and Taliesin as Liam) Naturally, this makes things incredibly confusing, with the pre-show announcements alone descending into chaos.
- Travis-as-Sam even includes a "shirt-ception". Not one of Sam's, but a new one of Travis-as-Sam.
- Special mention should also go to Ashley-as-Travis, whose costume consisted of a muscle suit that made the rest of her look tiny, a Strongjaw Ale t-shirt and a fake beard she had to keep holding up to her chin because it wouldn't sit still.
- The players are all eagerly anticipating what Fearne's voice sounds like coming out of a Travis cosplay. They are not disappointed when it happens.
- Robbie is Matt, which he demonstrates by drinking a bottle of water and doing sound effects for it.
Sam's sponsor ad for the week is for the tabletop game based on Gargoyles with some help from his side of the table. Marisha and Travis leap into playing ridiculous "Noo Yawk" accents while Robbie, as a guest, is completely lost as to what's going on.
- Sam has them all say their favorite thing about being a gargoyle. Robbie's answer is ripping the wings off a pigeon which leads to him being dubbed a "pigeon hater".
- Special mention has to go to Marisha referring to Gargoyles as a "Diz-uh-nee" cartoon.
- When the announcements are over:
  Marisha: Badabing!
  Matt: Bada— oh, god, no.
Laura gloriously misspeaks during her merch corner in an attempt at saying something positive about their new sweatpants.
Laura: They're sweaty— They're not sweaty!
(everyone starts laughing)
Matt: Every pair comes pre-sweated!
[...]
Liam: Travis personally wears each pair for five hours.
Travis: Just smell the crotch and you can figure out who it is!
Sam's gas can has a candy box attached to it, seeing as it's Halloween. On the box there are two signs which say "CANDY! Limit one per person" and "TRAVIS, I'M TALKING TO YOU!" A mock-incensed Travis refuses to take any candy. Ashley, dressed as Travis, takes two.
In the fight that starts the episode, Bertrand promptly heads over to the fireplace and pours himself a shot of brandy, shouting encouragement. The one time he tries to get involved, it's by throwing his glass of alcohol at Eschteross to try and spread the flames from Fearne's Burning Hands. Instead, he rolls a nat 1. The glass misses and hits Fearne in the back of the head, covering her hair in booze. She is unamused.
Fearne: Did you just ... throw your bottle at the back of my head?
Bertrand: (beat and looks around behind himself) Who?!
- As the group leaves, Ashton pats Fearne on the back in order to lick the brandy from his fingers afterward. Fearne offers to let him suck it from her hair, to gagging reactions from Sam and Liam.
  Ashton: I don't know how to handle the dare. Fuck!
- Later in a tavern, Fearne gets payback by way of Imogen casually using Mage Hand to pour whiskey onto Bertrand's clothes. As a crestfallen Bertrand muses on the luxurious fabric that was just ruined, Ashton helpfully suggests that soaking the velvet in alcohol should only add value. Laudna then uses Prestidigitation to squeeze it out into Ashton's glass.
  Ashton: Wasn't mine, but I'll take it!
- When the fight ends, Ashton chucks one of his knives... at Bertrand. Which hits.
  Ashton: Hey, look. You participated.
Laura describing Imogen's attack as a rush of white-hot fury "after seeing what he did to Laudna" is pure heartwarming...except that Dorian and Orym just almost died mere feet away from her in far more brutal fashion.
- Dorian having to log roll across the floor to get to Orym and try to heal him.
Bertrand is disappointed that the others are aware of Vox Machina but have never heard of him. He claims to have been with the party during their "heyday".
Bertrand: Rescuing...uh...Frog — Grog! Strong...Strongbone! Large fellow, beard! I think he's in Whitestone now, actually.
Orym: Some of that's familiar.
Fearne: I thought I remember it Stonejaw^note or something like that.
Travis (mouthing): I'm going to fucking... (making choking motions)
Ashley: Try it!
- There's just something so funny about hearing Taliesin call the De Rolo's the De Lolo's. Especially when Bertrand brings up Vox Machina's name.
  Ashton: Weird band name.
As they arrive back at Lord Eshteross to bargain for their contracts, Bertrand says the others could speak for themselves.
Fearne: We've come to kill you.
Bertrand: No! No, no, that's not—!
- Matt then describes them reaching for something at their side, hidden from view.
Those with high enough passive perception quickly notice Eshteross's entire room is filled with hidden weapons. Ashton is delighted.
Orym: (nudges Ashton) That umbrella has a knife in it.
Ashton: Fuuuck, that's cool! I want one!
F.C.G.: (nudges Laudna) That knife is actually nunchucks.
Ashton: Fuck! I want it even more!
Fearne sees a shiny object she wants hidden among the books of Lord Eshteross. It's a stiletto knife, and Fearne attempts to steal it. What results is a comedy of errors. She tries a Sleight of Hand check to take the knife and gets a 4, knocking over the books. She tries a Deception check to convince Eshteross she wasn't stealing it and gets a 5, so he sees right through her. She then tries to convince him to let her "borrow" the knife with a Persuasion check, and gets a nat 1. An incensed Eshteross just angrily tells Fearne to put it back on the shelf and leave at once, telling her that if she really wants one, she can buy one with the advance he just have them.
Dorian and Laudna's attempts at a joint perception check while huddled under his cloak on a rooftop are an extended comedy of errors. Marisha sums it up very well:
Marisha: [as Laudna] WHAT DID YOU ROLL? I CAN'T SEE IT!
F.C.G. asks about the rat-with-a-bird-skull that Laudna has hanging off her belt. She explains that Pâté de Rolo, as she named it, was something she made to keep herself company and distract from "the voice in my head". She then uses her magic to animate Pâté's limbs like a puppet. Robbie and Travis are visibly freaked out by the whole demonstration.
Travis: (quietly to Matt) The fuck happened when she was making this character?
Matt: A lot.
- Laudna explains, in-character as Pâté, that he was made to keep Laudna from going insane in her loneliness.
  Orym: Great job, Pâté, you did it.
- In between the conversations of Ashton giddily saying he never wants this to end, Imogen can be heard admitting that in the two years she's known Laudna, she's never gotten used to Pâté. Earlier when Laudna brought up Pâté, Imogen is quick to try and steer away from that conversation by saying that, "It doesn't matter".
  Orym: How often did this happen?
  Imogen: Too often.
- F.C.G. then wonders if Laudna's head piece could "talk" too. Laudna teasingly grins at him and tells him "You'll find out!", which excites F.C.G.
  Liam: I'm Hammie!!
This episode has the debut of Sam attempting to do ASMR for their Twitch subscription ad. Key word is attempt. He then ruins the vibe when he gets a call from proctologist^note, referencing the infamous "teeth in butt" meme.
As Laudna once again enters her Super Mode, Marisha describes all the sound of her limbs either stretching or cracking, and her face contorting and sinking into her skull. Travis meekly squeaks "No" in fear.
- The fact that throughout this episode it becomes increasingly clear that, by coincidence or design, Marisha has created a character that repeatedly terrifies Travis with very little effort on her part.
F.C.G. tries not to boast that they were actually one of his master's more special creations compared to their siblings. They start explaining that their siblings had specialties: for example, Oatmeal's primary function was to cut firewood. Laura, who can see the joke coming a mile away, winces and whispers “No” over and over. Taliesin tries to head it off by claiming in character they don’t have time for this, but:
F.C.G.: If you're interested in Pussy, I can talk about it.
Taliesin: God damn it. (Table breaks out into laughter)
Laudna hitches a ride on Dorian so they can both take advantage of the latter's winged boots. The cast has a lot of fun talking about how this creepy skin-and-bones girl is now being bridal carried by Dorian.
Robbie: I feel her dead rat press against my hip.
Matt: It's like carrying a scarecrow.
Taliesin: She's like 20 pounds when wet.
- Robbie then says he clicks his boots together like Dorothy as they rise up in the air.
As Fearne and Bertrand are on watch together, their discussion shifts to family matters. When asked, Bertrand says he has no children he is aware of. After a moment's consideration, Fearne replies that she also has no children she's aware of. Only Robbie seems to notice how odd the reply is.^Note
As the groups split up into two, one group calls themselves "Team Backdoor".^Note Cue laughter, with Matt hopping in when addressing the other team.
Matt: Team Missionary? What do I call you? ^NoteThey decide on "Team Full-Frontal."
When Imogen is the target of a Message spell^Note, Laura starts to ramble her response, before stopping and trying to figure out a proper length for her reply because Imogen, unlike her previous character Jester, would know of the 25-word-limit.
First, Laudna Messages Orym, freaking him out with her creepy delivery. Then, Travis improvises, repeating her words in a demonically bassy voice. Soon, half the cast are echoing Laudna's message in various unsettling whispers.
Laudna: Is it fun? (Is it fun? Is it fuuun? Is it FUN?)
Orym: Less and less so!
- Liam's startled reaction to Laudna's creepy message is priceless, especially when you imagine poor Orym all alone in the dark. Quite apropos for a Halloween episode!
- Then Fearne decides it would be a good idea to try and knock on the door to signal to Orym and whisper through the wall. Her words don't make it through, so all Orym hears is faint whispers. Cue him taking out his sword and shield as he looks around anxiously.
  - Fearne tries to talk through the crack beneath the door with Matt saying "There is no crack". Which prompts Sam to say this:
    Sam: This back door has no crack.
    Everyone: (bursts out into laughter)
    Matt: (after recovering) Well done. Yeah, well done.
- When F.C.G. tries to get in contact with Orym by sending him feelings of "curiosity", Orym is nearly overtaken by utter confusion and can only twist and turn in the dark, not knowing or quite understanding what in the hell is going on.
As Laudna messages Orym and he tells her the others are out in the front, Laudna laughs at how wrong his impression is of the entire situation. Keep in mind that what Orym reported was that his friends were still waiting for him out front:
F.C.G.: What did he say?
Laudna: Oh, he's totally out of the loop, it's quite adorable.

Episode 3: The Trail and the Toll

Sam does another ad for Hitpoint Press, and he does a Call-Back to how he remembers the musical being received. He remembers a standing ovation. Marisha gives her version of events, where she mocks him mercilessly and he calls her one of the funniest people alive. Robbie gives his version, where he saves Sam from ninja assassins and has a serious Ho Yay moment with an awestruck Travis. Travis promptly agrees that Robbie's version is how he remembers it as well.
Ashton's attitude to how nobody else in the party has ever "crimed" before, while they try to break into a building.
Ashton: Does anyone know how to make things quiet?
Laudna: I can summon an image that makes no noise.
Dorian: I can make a lot of noise.
Laudna: (gasps) So can I!
Ashton: So can I! Holy shit!
As the players are trying to remember where they left off at the end of the last episode, Sam reveals that he's written the names "Team Backdoor" and "Team Full Frontal" on the chalkboard attached to his novelty flask. He attempts to fill out one of the checkboxes by the names but the chalk screeches against the board, causing the entire table to yelp in horror.
Team Backdoor takes the better part of ten minutes to have a long, in-character discussion trying to figure out what the original plan was, why they thought it was a good idea, whether the party was behind the robberies this entire time in a complicated Stable Time Loop situation, whether maybe Fearne should just burn down the warehouse for no apparent reason, what they're even trying to accomplish in the first place, and why they're all standing around an empty warehouse waiting to see if anything happens when all the workers have left and they could just be searching the warehouse to find the evidence they were hired to produce.
Laudna continues to send messages to Orym, cue the echoing voices that accompany her... along with a few flourishes. Even Matt was joining in this time.
Laudna: Should we try the front door?
Everyone: Door. The door. The door.
Sam: Kill...
Orym: .... Wait, what was that last one?
Laudna: What?
- Laudna offers to help Orym out by continuing to send him messages. Orym just meekly tells her to freak him out if anything goes down.
Matt picking the perfect time to cut between the split parties.
Laudna: Imogen can handle herself, alright? Imogen's great. She's got everything totally in control.
Matt: Speaking of which—
Imogen: Where the fuck am I?
Bertrand trying to be undercover at a bar. Emphasis on "trying".
- Bertrand, an elderly upper-class twit, entirely earnestly tells Imogen, an absolutely gorgeous young woman in her early-to-mid twenties to "try not to look like" she's hitting on him.
  Laura/Imogen: You just... you just hear me sigh in your head.
- Imogen is slow to get it when Bertrand tells her not to call him by his name.
  Imogen: I don't have a disguise, Bertrand...
  Bertrand: Did you just use my name?! (whole table melts down and Liam fights back a Spit Take)
  Imogen: ... Barry.
  Bertrand: The same letter?!
The first and greatest undefeated enemy of the legendary Vox Machina returns to haunt the next generation: The group, upon hearing a suspicious conversation in an inn room going downhill, tries to get through the door.
- Orym and Ashton team up to break the bedroom door down. It takes far more hits than you'd expect a simple inn door to take when being assaulted by a barbarian and a fighter.
- In the middle of this, as the door is being broken down, Fearne reaches over and knocks on it, claiming to be room service.
- Matt even hangs a lampshade on the whole affair, saying "It's always the fucking doors, I swear to God."
Sam pointing out that Laudna's happy reactions are the same as her sad ones.
When rolling for initiative, both Laura and Taliesin rolled a 16. The usual course of action in such a case is to go for whoever has the higher Dex modifier, right? One problem: both Ashton and Imogen not only have the same modifier but the same Dex score. And so they rolled again...and both received Natural 1s.
Liam: That was the hottest game of Rollies ever!
- Made even funnier after Ashley observed and noted that if Laura's die hadn't shifted on the next roll to a different number at the last moment, she and Taliesin would have rolled the same number again.
In their panic, Dorian and Ashton briefly slip into caveman speech.
Dorian: Ashton, what's going on?!
Ashton: Thing! Kill! Argh!
Dorian: Me kill?! Alright!
Laudna and the Pale Dwarf locking eyes with one another during the fight, prompting Matt and Marisha to growl creepily at each other. Taliesin tells them both to, quote, "get a coffin."
F.C.G. shooting one of the Pale Dwarf's shade creepers with its grapple cannon and dragging it toward its death. How is that funny? Cue the Scorpion comparisons.
F.C.G.: (in a cheery southern drawl) Get over here!
Imogen's suggestion for seeing if Danas has turned invisible by wildly swinging their arms around. Laura can't even make it through the suggestion without Corpsing, and the in-universe patrons all just randomly turn away when they see it happening.
A late-session combat has a sphere of magical darkness encompass an area, with none of the gang able to see inside it. Dorian charges into the darkness to try and rescue Orym and fight the enemies; Bertrand runs in swinging blindly and hits Dorian for 10 damage before sheepishly backing away.
Liam: [to Robbie] Take your attack of opportunity!
Matt: ...I'll allow it.
- Robbie rolls a 4 on the attack of opportunity. So Matt gives him advantage just to make it work, allowing Dorian to give Bertrand a sharp backhand across the face.
  Bertrand: [stumbling out of the darkness clutching his cheek; to the others, pointing] Dorian's over there...
- The way Matt describes the slap. He specifically compares it to an anime, with everyone going quiet and gasping at the hit. Including the enemies.
- Later in the round, Bertrand repeats pointing out where Dorian is, prompting a reply of "Stay away from me!"
Imogen and Dorian pulling off a Show Some Leg act so the innkeeper doesn't go into Danas's desecrated room. Just the awkward giggles and Dorian telling the innkeeper to let the other tenants know "There's room for a third" is glorious. The innkeeper himself is even slightly flustered at the comment as Dorian and Imogen wave him goodbye.
- Then later as Imogen apologizes for dragging Dorian in, he says he had fun and it reminded him of when he took theatre classes. Cut to Ashton's reaction at realizing Dorian is a theatre kid.
Ashton: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
Betrand is somehow on the bannister rail of the inn, and Laudna decides to toss him over.
As they walk, Dorian decides he'll trip Betrand. It succeeds, with Imogen slightly chiding Dorian in his head, but is clearly stifling her giggles.
Lord Eshteross wishes to celebrate the founding of his new adventuring party in a unique way: he serves them cake. Moreover, he made the cake himself. While being generally decent for an average carrot cake, Eshteross neglected to actually ice the cake, much to his embarrassment.
Matt suddenly realizing that he forgot a very important bit of scene-setting narration.
Laudna: That was fun! I had fun.
Fearne: It was very good cake.
Imogen: It was great cake.
[beat]
Imogen: It was a little weird eatin' that whole dinner with [the brutally murdered body of] Danas just sittin' there on the table like that—
Matt: [wide-eyed] No no no!
Sam at one point refers to Bertrand and Fearne as "Bert and Fearnie." Predictably, the entire cast breaks down.
Robbie: (to Sam) No, what have you done?!
Liam: (moments later) The art's gonna be wild!
The numerous suggestions for what to call their group, including "Bertrand Bell and His Sorcerous Swords," "Bertrand's Bells" and..."The Bellends."^Note All of these were suggested by Bertrand, by the way.
Hilarity erupts when Taliesin describes Ashton throwing a sack of 150 gold coins directly into Milo's face (and Milo returns the favor shortly after). Laura jokes about Imogen doing the same to the elderly woman she and Laudna have been staying with; Travis calls it the "Gold Sack Murderers", with some of the cast wondering if they should start calling themselves that.
Bertrand getting attacked in an alley and seemingly fatally stabbed is incredibly shocking and dramatic. But there's a bit of comedy in the fact that this attack happened because he stepped in to take a piss, with Travis noting that given Bertrand's age, there was no way he was going to try holding it until he got to an inn.
- Travis also finds a way to twist the knife one more time after Bertrand is wounded.
  Travis: And as the vision fades, I just say, "Lieve'tel..."
  [horrified laughter erupts]
  Laura: You fuckin' dick!
  Matt: You asshole.
  Liam: [triumphantly] Says who?!^note

Episode 4: On the Trail of a Killer

Laudna is clearly spooked out by Imogen's dream about Bertrand (possibly), and they head to his inn to find him, but the obstructive front staff can't just give out his room number even to his comrades, so Laudna starts knocking on all the doors and harassing all the tenants. First of all, it's an effective threat on its own but Laudna goes through with it regardless; secondly, the implications end up getting glossed over as the guys realise something.
Liam: (to Matt) 15 NPCs! Get them ready!
- Laudna loudly knocking on one door calling for Betrand and a guest steps out.
Laudna: (beat) You're not Betrand. (shoves them aside)
After finding the other half of the group, Imogen tells them why she woke them up, which comes off as unintentionally hilarious. She says, "I had a dream about Betrand", followed by a long awkward pause from the others. Laudna quickly informs them that Imogen's dreams provide her a vision of events. What sells it is Sam clearly eye-brow wiggling at Laura who tells him he (F.C.G.) isn't there with Sam replying, "But Sam is".
When the group finds Bertrand's dead body, Fearne almost immediately starts going through his pockets.
- Offscreen, Travis texts Ashley to inform her what Fearne would find in Bertrand's pockets, listing a number of items such as: peanuts, Werther's Originals, a TV Guide and... a thirty-year old condom. Marisha can barely keep in her laughter as she giggles throughout the conversation. As the rest of the cast take a peek at the list, they all burst out into giggles with Matt even mumbling, "Dammit, Travis". Travis even confirms it on twitter what he sent over to Ashley.
  - Before they address what was in Bertrand's pockets in character, the cast has clearly seen the text and start laughing.
- And when the group tries to transport Bertrand's body by slinging his arms over their shoulders so he just looks drunk to bystanders, Matt calls it "Weekend at Bertrand's", which was then shortened to "Weekend at Bertie's".
After the group is allowed to stay at Lord Eshteross' manor, he goes to "clear a room" of booby traps for them. Cue the group getting startled as a ton of swords suddenly slam into the floor above them, poking through the ceiling over their heads. The group panic and wonder if they're going to have to deal with a second body but Eshteross is revealed to be fine.
- Laudna offers to fix the damage, and starts to cast Mending on the ceiling, but forgets Mending is a touch-spell. The cast immediately asks how she got up there, the consensus being that she crawled up the wall like a spider.
The next morning, in a surge of generosity, Ashton decides to buy breakfast sandwiches for the group before going to meet up with them. He chooses not to buy one for Bertrand, reasoning that he can just buy his own, completely unaware that Bertrand is dead anyway.
Ashton: [muttering to himself] I should've gotten him a sandwich. I should've gotten him a sandwich...
- When Ashton and F.C.G. meet up with them, Laudna just blurts out "Bertrand's dead." She sounds almost happy when she says it, throwing everyone totally off-guard.
- F.C.G. asks if it was old age. Imogen replies that it was "old stabbing".
Laudna: They haven't changed it in two thousand years!
- As the group is talking, Fearne apparently snatches Imogen's sandwich right from under her nose.
Mister makes an official reappearance meeting Pâté...it doesn't go down well. Matt describes it as Mister holding fiery "seed" at the ready for Pâté.
- What make his reappearance so funny is Matt telling Robbie that Dorian's sandwich is gone:
Robbie: What happened to it? Did I eat it?
After Mister steals Dorian's sandwich, both Laudna and Imogen offer him theirs to which he exasperatedly cries "Why does everybody think I need so much sandwich?!"
Dorian telling the group that he's seen Orym eat a whole lot before. Orym mutters, "That happened one time."
- He then splits his sandwich with Mister and breaks his remaining meal into thirds to save for later. Liam jokes that due to Orym's size he's basically dealing with a foot-long sandwich.
  Ashley: [laughing] That'll be enough food for the week.
Orym even seems to lampshade everyone's varying reactions to Betrand's death.
Orym (muttering): This twenty-four hours has a lot of range.
Imogen (quietly eating): Yeah. Mhm.
Matt telling Fearne that "You can now say that you've tasted a clawed wall."
After Orym drops a magical delver's coin down a hole and discovers it's ridiculously deep, Laura points out (and Matt confirms) that due to the way the magic works, anything at the bottom of it will know there's someone up there dropping things down the hole. Marisha immediately blurts out, "Fool of a Took!"
- Later on, the table discuss ringtone noises with Robbie quipping, "Yeah, it makes the same sound as the coin you threw away". Cue the entire table bursting into laughter.
Ashton bribes a bartender to get the (supposed) name of the dwarf they're after, and after giving 20 gold, he gets it. Going outside, he excitedly tells the party that bribing worked, and talks about how cool it was, with Laudna even asking if he did the "cool push" of pushing the money over, which Ashton proudly says he did. When the group finally thinks to ask what the name he got is, Ashton actually has to take a minute to remember, that information having apparently taken a backseat to the moment itself.
Dorian tries to get some information at a tavern and the male tiefling he's talking to becoming enamored with him under Charm Person. Dorian quickly tries to get as much information as he can as he sees he's running him dry.
Dorian: What if I said one word to you? Ready? Guess what it is, guess at what it is.
Man: "Yes".
Dorian (dramatic pause): Brumestone.
Man: ...'kay, not what I was expectin'. What is it?
- Then as Dorian tries to sneak away without letting the man know, he accidentally waves back to him, prompting the Imogen to tell him to just get the hell out of there. The man starts to follow Dorian who tells him he'll be right back.
Imogen (in Dorian's head): Nonono, just ghost, just ghost, Dorian, just ghost!
- Earlier when talking about the group Dugger's with stealing from the rich and redistributing to the poor, Dorian laughs and says, "Right! We hate the rich, don't we? Ugh! Horrible!" Becomes funnier when in Exandria Unlimited he was implied to be Secretly Wealthy.
Even though they never met her, Imogen and Laudna throw a little shade at Keyleth, including the latter—who played Keyleth—calling her a bitch, mocking meta complaints about her.
- Laura then mockingly says the woman in charge of Whitestone (Vex, who she played) is much cooler and not as much of a bitch.
  Taliesin: This isn't even metagaming at this point. We're Inception-ing.
When paying their last respects to Bertrand, a few people come across as Innocently Insensitive. Fearne hopes he learns to like jazz in the afterlife, while Ashton just says "thanks for the work" and nothing else.
- F.C.G.'s eulogy starts off as quite decent for Bertie's send-off, but then he ends it with: "You know, they say that the word 'goodbye' is the hardest word to say. But it's not; it's 'Worcestershire'," with Sam mispronouncing Worcestershire as he says it (he says it as 'worsh-ter-sure'). Then, at a later point in the episode, he is still having a little trouble trying to say it. And so is Ashley.^Note
Fearne tries to lift up F.C.G., but can only get him a few inches off the ground, so F.C.G. picks up Fearne. He starts wheeling her around as she covers his face with her dress.
Liam: So she's just Esseking around?
Ashton talking about one of his informants Advick who they can meet, but isn't all keen on the idea. Everyone then jumps in to ask if Ashton had once dated him since he was acting so weirdly about Advick, leaving him a nervous mess as he tries to avoid the topic.
Dorian: Did you kiss him?
Orym loses F.C.G.'s magic Delver's Coin, with Sam bringing it up on occasion and how he definitely "won't miss" the coin he lost. Orym can only look at F.C.G. apologetically.
- At the end of the episode as the group is surrounded, Sam jokes that the coin's powers included the ability to paralyze up to 30 people.
The group meet a mysterious baker and find out the goods he sells are actually quite delicious. Then Orym jumps in to ask if the baker was selling any pies. The group then get into a discussion about how pies are technically not pastries, with Liam as himself saying that "pies are better than cakes". However, this is taken in character with the seller getting offended by Orym's words. Later in the bit Liam plays like Orym has been elaborating on this idea at length.
- Makes it funnier when the last time Orym ate so much pie he couldn't stomach the idea of it when Daryx said he had bought a whole week's worth for their trip.
- Said baker introduces himself as the Shadowbaker, carries around his goods in a trench coat, and when the party comments on his poor business model he insists that his clients will find him. From start to finish the whole scene is hilarious.
Fresh Cut Grass runs into the natural enemy of all mono-wheeled beings: a flight of stairs. Being the only one strong enough to lift him, Ashton has to resort to using his maul to drag the little guy up the stairs.
The party deciding to send Bertrand's body to Whitestone, where people (i.e. Vox Machina) will know him, is mostly played out somberly. The day after the episode airs, though, Laura tweets a different perspective...

Episode 5: The Threat Between the Walls

Sam does the Hit Point Press ad... as a cat (as he frequently reminds everyone). His antics include taking a nap on Marisha, messing with her papers, asking if they want to see his butthole, and declaring he left a dead mouse in the bathroom.
Liam: We're finally getting that Pussy backstory.
- One of the producers noted on Twitter that Sam had somehow managed to simultaneously portray a cat and every boyfriend he’d had in college.
Yash, the speaker for the Corsairs, tells the group that he requires "collateral" from them to ensure they don't betray him; specifically, he chooses Imogen, Laudna, and Dorian, and says they have to tell him the location of one of their loved ones; then, if they betray him, he can... get even.
- Imogen tells him where to find her father, which isn't really funny.
- Ashton just directs Yash to F.C.G., who's right there in the room. F.C.G. is less concerned about potentially being targeted and more just happy Ashton implicitly cares about them. It even funnier with it being implied the Yash doesn't even realise F.C.G is in the room with them, due to the statement below.
- Dorian comments that, as a traveler, he doesn't have any such collateral. So Yash tells Laudna to give collateral in his place, but she says the same thing. When Yash gets annoyed at how this is going nowhere, Fearne tries to offer "collateral" in the form of just saying where Dorian is. Yash finally gives up and just decides the two he's gotten are good enough.
Yash gets more and more frustrated as the group continues asking him questions while not answering any of his own. The group realizes this and, not wanting to anger him, tries to stop... but continue to ask "one more question" over and over until finally they're told calmly but firmly to leave.
- Yash also asks who sent the group. They don't want to name Lord Eshteross, but then drop his name numerous times while talking to each other. It's never confirmed if Yash heard them, but as the group leaves they just accept that he probably did.
Fearne mentions to Yash that "we know someone, and he's just great," completely losing the thread that Lord Eshteross wanted them to mention his admiration of the Corsairs. Narrative Telephone Ashley seems to have crossed over into the mainline campaign!
Before the group leaves, Imogen offers Yash a pastry she bought from the Shadow Baker, though Yash respectfully declines on the grounds that he doesn't eat phantom pastries^Note. Imogen's response? "It's real..."
Orym trying to use the Sending Stone without knowing how to invoke it. Advik explains that they need to place their finger on the sigil and think of the person they're Sending to.
Laudna: Try it again, but finger the symbol! Go like "MMMM" and then think about Dorian!
Orym: Okay, diddle the sigil...
Laudna is asked for her last name. She says "Laudna." She then clarifies that it's not like Mario, she's just Laudna.
Laura: "Laudna Laudna Just Laudna".
The message on the giant can Sam drinks out of: "Dear Werther's Original. We're very sorry. Peace + Love, Sam Riegel (Emmy Winner)." Although he adds an addendum below his apology around five or ten minutes later: "Dear Werther's Original. We're very sorry... that your candy is inedible."
Sam: I'm taking them down. I'm gonna single-handedly destroy their company. You know what you did, Werther's.
Laudna strikes again with her Message cantrip shenanigans, this time directed at Imogen...who is completely unfazed by the creepy whispers.
Laudna: (singsong) Imogen~?
Everybody Else: IMOGENNN...
- And when Laudna casts Message to Imogen again, Sam whispers, "Hit Point Pressssss..."
  Matt: (chuckling) Fucking dick.
Once again, the cast is thwarted by a door. Twice. First, Fearne wild shapes into a rat and tries to slip under Dugger's door...only for her head to get stuck in the gap. Then Ashton tries to pick the lock...and gets their thief's tools stuck in the tumblers.
F.C.G. hits Dugger with the Command spell and tells him to 'Alphabetize'. Dugger wastes his next turn naming his weapons in order.
Dugger: Dagger. Rapier. Shortsword.
F.C.G. gets stuck in a puddle of goop in Dugger's house and has to resort to using their grapple cannon to pull themselves free. They manages to get free... only to get stuck in another puddle of goop.
Dorian, after psyching himself up, slays one of the shade creepers, then excitedly exclaims, "Ha! I fucking knew—" before the shade creeper explodes in his face.
The "white goop" that hinders the group's fight against Dugger is promptly called jizz by the players. Matt goes between a wide range of emotions, from exasperation to laughter to apologizing to the viewers, before he finally just accepts it.
Matt: I knew what I did as soon as I said it!
- When Laudna flavors her use of Eldritch Blast as taking some of the goop and blasting it at an enemy, Matt calls it "Eldritch Bukkake". The players are torn between laughter, being grossed out, and remarking that Matt is now complicit.
F.C.G. gets knocked out in combat, which gives Sam the excuse for his trademark trolling. First, he acts like healing spells don't work on automatons. Then, when F.C.G is woken up, they pretend not to recognize the others before revealing it was a joke. This is still in the middle of combat.
Afterward, debriefing with Lord Eshteross, the party clarifies that the "holes" they left in their wake this time are the preexisting passages dug into the core of the Spire.
Fearne: They're very small so if you send someone to investigate, you know, they should probably be children.
Eshteross: I'll pull in some favors, and— what?"
Imogen: No. Just...just small.

Episode 6: Growing Bonds and Teasing Threads

Laura shows off the new merch item, cup insulators, repeatedly calling them "Koozies". Sam then confirms that "Koozie" is a brand name, and they need to stop calling them that immediately.
- Then they show off the Gilmore statue with Laura saying he's "12 inches". The cast start laughing and chat quickly talks about how Gilmore is 12 inches. Another highlight is Matt gazing at the Gilmore figurine with some saying, "Get you someone who looks at you the same way Matt looks at his 12 inch Gilmore statue."
There's a Running Gag throughout the episode where the group is trying to come up with a name. The closest they get on their own is that it should probably include the word "Bell" in it somewhere as a tribute to Bertrand Bell. However, Laudna keeps asking various NPCs that they meet what the first word that comes to mind is when they look at the group. They get "trouble", "eclectic", and "sweet". This gets everybody no closer to figuring out a name, as they can't make any of that fit together. In fact, two of the three NPCs outright tell them not to use it.
Laudna gifts Dorian a Bertrand doll, made of chicken bones and the hair she cut off from his head styled the way Bertrand's hair was. Dorian is clearly disgusted but politely accepts the gift. When asked if the Bertrand bone doll also had puppet strings Laudna starts to offer to give Dorian some who quickly says he's fine staring at it. Matt then comments that the doll's neck gives an audible crack sound.
Ashton's game: "What The Fuck Is Up With That"? When asking if they have to say "fuck", F.C.G. points out that given it's Ashton, they're bound to say "fuck" one way or another.
- Laudna revealing she did in fact die, causing F.C.G. to turn to her in shock. She then has them feel her heartbeat, with Marisha describing it as beating every twenty seconds.
  F.C.G.: You're... very athletic.
- F.C.G. isn't quite sure what happens if they drink alcohol, and when they do, it just kind of sloshes around inside them. The conversation soon starts derailing into how F.C.G. "relieves" themselves with Fearne asking if he had a flap. Later on, Fearne even tips F.C.G. like a flask so they pour out the liquor for her to drink.
- Dorian finally admitting that he is pretty wealthy, but not going too much further on his family name. This leads to the party asking if he's a lord or a prince. Cue them calling him "Prince Dorian" which leaves him slightly annoyed.
  - The entire game is made even more hilarious if it is now canon that the characters of Exandria naturally carry dice in their pockets to play games with.
  Matt: "It's like pogs."
Laudna says not many people go on vacation with swords. Orym responds, "Really? I know plenty."
Fearne constantly being fascinated by F.C.G. and saying how much she wants to look at his insides.
F.C.G.: I'm not sure I like the look of your eyes.
- Later on, FCG offers to act as a thermos for some coffee that Yash has made for Fearne to see what happens, resulting in some curious glances from the group.
- This sets up a Brick Joke that pays off when they're back at Lord Eshteross's mansion and FCG offers to "top [Lord Eshteross] off" before leaving. Cue synchronised "oh no," from Laura and Taliesin as they realise what's about to happen and the cast breaking down in laughter.
Dorian trying to rest on Laudna's shoulder. Marisha says he can feel her shoulder dislocate after he places his head down.
Ashton uses a large string of profanities in a rather simple question. Laura reminds everyone her parents also watch the show.
Ashton: I thought at first that he just wanted the Brumestone for some fucking Crazy-eyed reason, was doing some crazy fucking shit because he was all fucked up. But since it wasn't there, what was he doing with all that fucking money?
Laura: Hi, mom! Hi dad!
Taliesin: Glad you're fucking watching!
Liam prodding Laura to get her attention as he's trying to set up an IC conversation. "Hey, I'm trying to roleplay with you!"
During a musicial duel against Ashton's friend Anni, Robbie rolls a Performance check with advantage and gets a Natural 20 on his first role. Liam goads him into trying to get double 20s.
Robbie: That would never happen. [He rolls] HOLY SHIT!!!
Anni ends up losing the showdown with Dorian and tries to swallow her pride. Imogen then worriedly asks, "Are you okay, Anni?" causing the other to storm off in a huff, slamming the door behind her. However, she does come back a moment later to yell at Ashton that he received a package before slamming the door closed again.
- Also, as soon as Imogen says "Are you okay, Anni?" the rest of the cast starts singing "Smooth Criminal". The chat also spams the "Are you okay, Anni?" for quite some time afterwards.
- Matt when he goes to answer it, nonchlantly answers yes, then when he hears Taliesin was laughing realized what he answered and facepalmed, getting most of the table to laugh at his plight.
Dorian bribes an employee at the theater for box seats with ten platinum. Laura — and to be clear, not Imogen, but Laura Bailey — is outraged that he would pay that much for a minor bribe.
- Then Fearne mentions how nice the halfling's jacket is and goes to touch it, and everyone else just goes "oh no".
- Makes it doubly funny when Fearne manages to successfully swipe back six of the platinum, the halfling none the wiser.
  Fearne: I wasn't going to take all of it.

Episode 7: Behind the Curtain

The new Title Sequence is completed! Much like the one at the start of campaign 2, it has zero indication of the plotline itself... apart from Marisha in Laudna mode freaking out Travis.
Fearne's choice of snack for the show? Werthers.
Like in campaign two, the cast once again mishears "Flying Lauders" as "flying otters". Cue jokes about otters being thrown around the stage. Liam claims that they said "l'otters" because it's French. Matt decides to Throw It In!, and some patrons exclaims, "I thought it was going to be otters!"
As the show quickly comes to an end after the one of the performers hurt themselves a half an hour in, an announcer tells everyone to leave. They then quickly add that there would be no refunds for the show.
The Running Gag of the group asking other people to describe them continues, with this week's words being: "patchwork" and "lucky".
Laudna deciding to try and get rid of the straggling audience by using thaumaturgy to create the sound of someone shouting "There's a fire in the theatre!" Then Marisha tries to add smoke effects and the smell of smoke. Cue Matt pausing for a beat telling her thaumaturgy can't really do all of those things, but says people could hear the word "Fire!" being yelled out at least.
Laudna's Message spell comes with creepy whispers. Keeping with the theme, the group starts joking that when Imogen does it, it's accompanied by banjos.
- Laura at one point protests this, and Liam remarks that yeah, they don't want to go deciding things for other peoples' characters, like deciding they smell bad. Sam promptly backs Laura up on that one by pointing out that Liam had directly introduced Caleb last campaign as being The Pig-Pen.
As they look around the theater, Laudna asks where most people would go to be intimate. Taliesin jokingly tries to cast "Black Light" as a cantrip. Matt tells him to put it out since the evidence wasn't pretty.
- Later Ashton and Laudna split off from the others to investigate other parts of the theatre. They end up investigating the toilet... to find exactly what one would expect to find in a toilet area.
As Orym and Imogen look around Orym jumps six feet into the air to get a better look of their surroundings. A kid sees Orym and looks up to him in awe, with Orym saluting in response.
Of the many posters Stuvan had on the walls, Matt describes one as an interpretive dance of a catastrophe that occured in Exandria. The other is a one man show called, "To Kill A God" by none other than Scanlan Shorthalt.
The group's tendency to keep asking questions crops up again when questioning the head of the theater, Stuvan, regarding recent disappearances. It starts with Ashton saying he has two questions, then changing it to three, at which point Stuvan sarcastically says "Add a fourth one, why not?". After answering questions, Stuvan asks the group to leave; F.C.G. then asks how one would get into acting, starting to annoy him. Imogen says she has a question - and has to explicitly say it's important before Stuvan listens - then Fearne and Dorian get their own in before the group finally leaves.
Liam: Just seventeen more questions!
- Bit of meta humor as F.C.G. asks Stuvan how to get into acting, apologizing if Stuvan got this question asked a lot with Stuvan replying, "I do, please leave".
F.C.G.: People say I sound really cool. And I think that's all I really need!
Stuvan: (facepalming) Get out.
Taliesin: I slowly grab Fresh Cut Grass and drag them out of the room.
- Taliesin jokes that as Stuvan closes the door Ashton leaves his headshot on the way out. The other cast members start joining in by adding in their own skills with Matt groaning in the background saying, "It hurts..."
Stuvan using an intercom like device to let the theatre know the group have his permission to walk around as they please and to help them with their investigation. Unfortunately, he can't quite remember the group as a whole.
- He calls Orym Borym and refers to him as "the small child-like one". Laudna is "a creepy lady one" that he can't remember.
Being a bunch of Nerdy-Ass Voice actors, the cast has several jokes and references to theater, theater class, and acting in general during their investigation of the theatre.
Taliesin:(After Matt finishes describing the clashing props in the storage room as pure Nightmare Fuel) I have never been so comfortable anywhere in my entire life.
- Matt then describes a now once white dress being yellowed with age and Fearne immediately calls it the most beautiful dress she's ever seen. Naturally, she nabs it.
- F.C.G tells Laudna they found a box of cat costumes, and that they all look very Jellicle. Some of the party comment that a few have strangely prominent buttholes, while others have had their buttholes removed. Ocampo is quick to add that was not his artistic vision and was Stuvan's attempt to rebrand the show, which wasn't very good.
One of the workers at the theater take a liking to Orym and start to flirt with him. You can only imagine Imogen's discomfort at whatever the lady's thoughts were.
The group meet their newest and greatest enemy: a wall.
Taliesin: Next enemy is the ground.
Laudna attempts to don her Form of Dread but rolls low. Matt describes it as "Form of Discomfort".
- When Ashton manages to free Laudna from the creature's tendrils, Laudna looks up to Ashton and creepily says, "My hero".
F.C.G. trying to stay positive throughout the fight and insisting that the group can use this as an opportunity to break down the "metaphorical walls" around them.
While half the cast don't take the time to be baffled, you can only imagine what their reactions are when they see Mister set himself ablaze while throwing flaming seed at the wall monster.
After the group kills a strange wall creature, some guards hear the commotion and come over (which Fearne sarcastically calls "great timing"). Ashton suggests they poke the creature to make sure it's dead. One of the guards does so, and Ashton makes a shrieking noise as if the creature is still alive. The guard, startled, angrily tells him not to do that while Ashton is laughing his ass off.
- Ocampo comes out to check after the ruckus is over and asks what happened. Dorian explains.
Dorian: We found your patron gobbler... thing, it's hard to explain—
Laudna/Imogen/Ashton: It was a wall.
Dorian: --Not so hard to explain.
- Sam has this to say after they beat the monster.
F.C.G.: We broke the fourth wall.
Everyone: (breaks down into laughter)
Robbie: How dare you!
Ocampo: Fuck you! (beat) That's actually pretty good!
F.C.G.: Maybe I'll use it in auditions!
The group keeps being asked if everyone is alright. Half of the party answers with a tired, "no".
Orym's absolutely trashed after the battle as he keeps saying he just needs to rest for a minute, or sixty. Liam then describes it as Orym planking face first on the ground and tiredly asking if he could stay there for an hour. He groans in pain when Ashton helps him up and F.C.G. ferries him around like he's on a Segway.
As F.C.G. sorts through the monster's insides for any identification of the missing victims, he picks up some jewelry and bones. Laudna holds her hands out and asks F.C.G. to give the bones to her while he holds the jewelry.
Fearne deciding she'll try and nab some teeth, successfully swiping seven before she's caught. She argues with the cop who tells her they need evidence to identify the creature:
Warden: This is a crime scene.
Fearne: Yes, a crime scene I made!
- Fearne then counters by saying they don't need all of the teeth.
Fearne: (huffily after being told off) I'm leaving!
Matt getting annoyed at the table joking about his slip up with the words "quiver and shift".
Matt: I'll never live that down, you motherfuckers. Keep telling the DM that. A lot more things can spit acid.
Travis' new character is Chetney Pock o'Pea, a gnome rogue who bears a striking resemblance to Chutney Chocolatecane from the 2018 Christmas oneshot.
- Travis describes his height with "I'm short, motherfucker!" It turns out that Chetney is actually an inch taller than Orym — but he might also be standing on his toes.
- Also just the fact that, after all the old man jokes about Bertrand, Travis' next character is even older at 100-120.
Fearne asking if Chetney saw them fight and why he didn't run over to help. He immediately points out how the monster's tendrils shot out and dragged the party around, and how Orym was planking on the ground for half of the fight. The party can't help but agree with Chetney's decision not to join the fight.
- Travis's first appearance as Bertrand had the character wildly and immediately jump into the fray. Chetney, in contrast, seems to have more common sense.
When Chetney meets the group, Travis does a Call-Back to Bertrand by jokingly having him offer the group a job.
As the group try to get Chetney to talk about himself with Imogen wondering if she should Insight Check, he shoots back with saying that he should be the one doing Insight Checks on them. He does tell Imogen she can still peek into his head and "see what you like".
As this week's episode ends, Liam warns the group that Chetney may not mesh well with them, with Sam adding in that Chetney could likely die in three episodes, comparing Travis to a drummer from Spinal Tap.
Meta example: after the episode's premiere, someone tweeted at Matt asking if Travis's character confirms the Christmas oneshot as being canon. Matt replies that Travis's new character, Chetney, is "entirely different" from his character in the aforementioned one-shot, Chutney.

Episode 8: A Woodworker's Quandary

This week's episode is sponsored by Old Spice, who want to promote their partnership with The Witcher (2019). They sent Sam samples of the six scents, and he has the cast review them. There are seven other players, so Marisha didn't get to review a scent. She got to review Sam's scent instead.
- Laura nearly throws up at her scent, which ironically makes a worse Product Placement than Sam ever did. Then Robbie does something that makes his scent fill the room.
- Sam did not, in fact, make up any of the names for the scents. They are all official names.
Chetney's slightly weirded out by how friendly the others are.
Chetney: Why are you so friendly? I might be armed to the fucking teeth!
Laudna: Are you?
Chetney: Yes.
Chetney is freaked out by Laudna, just like his player.
Chetney: Don't touch me! I'll cut you!
Laudna: (beat) That tracks, that tracks.
- He then asks for Laudna to raise her hand when she speaks, leading the group to tell him he doesn't want her to do that. Laudna demonstrates, with her entire arm contorting and cracking as she raises her arm.
Chetney: Oh, you're all sorts of fucked up.
- Chetney would like their help finding his contact Gurge. This gets mispronounced as "Grog" several times.
The group asks what Chetney does and he tells them he's a rogue and can pick locks. Everyone immediately points out how useful that skill is, given their luck with doors thus far.
F.C.G. has an observation about going to the Spire By Fire with Travis' characters.
F.C.G.: We keep going here with old guys who end up dead.
Chetney demanding the group introduce themselves, hilarity ensues.
- Dorian attempts to start with Chetney blowing up at him asking why Dorian goes first.
- He then half-heartedly moves to Laudna who's touched he remembers her name, but he grumbles it was only because he knows two so far. As Laudna says her name and tries to move down the line, Chetney huffs he spilled his story and gets nothing from her. Dorian tells Laudna to give Chetney the "book jacket" summary of her story. Afterwards, she introduces Pâté, with varying reactions from Chetney.
  Chetney: Hello, Pâté! (under his breath) Oh... shit.
- F.C.G. introduces themselves and Chetney waves at Dorian to scoot back a bit, to which he grumpily complies. Chetney takes a great liking to Fearne and suggests she lead during introductions because she's so nice.
- Chetney calls Imogen "mind reader" and she speaks into his head, causing him to jump up slightly. He asks her if she does that all the time or whenever she wants to.
  Imogen: Whenever I want to.
  Travis: You hear in your head, "Balls!!"
  Imogen: (beat) Okay.
- Imogen suggests Chetney be kinder to Dorian, leading him to yell out loud, "Who's Dorian?!" Dorian looks back and forth along with everyone else and replies, "Me, I was first!" When Dorian explains he already introduced himself and relays their conversation Chetney turns away and says, "I tuned it out, sorry."
- Ashton saying he "hits things for money". Chetney tries to politely bring up Ashton's exposed brain and asks if it's not like a clock that's ticking.
  Ashton: Aren't we all?
  Chetney: ... That's so deep.
As much as Laudna's character scares Travis, he can't help but make the jokes about Laudna taking out her hammer to Chetney along with strands of her hair and scalp.
F.C.G. trying to play Bad Cop when questioning Chetney, but he keeps forgetting and slipping out of character. Meanwhile, Laudna is supposed to be the "good cop," but Chetney is too freaked out by her appearance for her to be able to effectively be very empathetic with him.
Sam: I spin my saw blade.
Chetney: Do you use that on living things or for manufacturing purposes?
F.C.G.:' They aren't living for long! (keeps spinning his blade with his other hand)
Chetney: Did you cut yourself? You keep checking the palm of your other hand for damage. Do you bleed?
F.C.G.: No I don't, actually.
Laudna: Tsk tsk, you're supposed to-
F.C.G.: I mean... None of your business, old timer!
Chetney: Sorry for asking, shiiiiiit. Fresh Cut Grass don't play.
F.C.G.: How do you know my name?!?
Chetney: ...You told me on the way here...
F.C.G.: Oh, sorry. (beat) I mean KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!
- At one point Chetney starts giving F.C.G. pointers on how to interrogate him, specifically instructing them to jam their sawblade into the table. F.C.G does so despite the fact that the blade doesn't work like that, forgets he was supposed to ask a question, then realizes his sawblade-hand is stuck and starts yelling for Ashton while sounding like he's about to cry.
- F.C.G. forgets he introduced himself to Chetney and is confused that he knows his name.
Chetney. Just Chetney in general. His antics consistently have everyone in stitches, the cast as well as the audience.
- Chetney immediately dubs Dorian his Sitcom Archnemesis, taking umbrage at almost everything he says. When he finally learns that Dorian is named Dorian...
  Chetney: You look like a Dorian.
  Dorian: Joke's on you.
- Chetney and Orym follow a person who has been following the group, who asks to speak to Dorian.
  Chetney: I got a bad read from that guy.
  Stranger: Really!?!
  - Note that, as we learn later, the stranger is Dorian's brother.
- His insistence that he is a master craftsman, or MC for short. Later F.C.G. suggests the party could direct him to a job, or be "DJs".
Chetney: I suppose a couple DJs for an MC could work...
- Imogen asks if he's ever seen furniture come to life, and he waxes poetic about the process of creating furniture and making it "come alive." Imogen explains that she means in the literal sense, that she and the party were attacked by animated furniture. When Chetney's response makes it clear he thinks they've all got a screw loose, no one manages to keep a straight face.
- At one point Imogen and Orym have a telepathic conversation. When they turn their attention back to the party, Chetney's got a knife (or chisel, or something) held to Dorian's throat while telling him not to judge people for stealing.
The gang decides that in lieu of gold from Chetney, they'd much rather be paid in wooden toys.
- Laudna in particular wants a girlfriend for Pâté. Chetney hesitates but promises to make sure it's anatomically correct and "girlfriend material".
  Pâté: I'm quite horny, you see.
  - Matt's entire reaction to that. The one time he doesn't brag about being married to Marisha and looks conflicted for the rest of the conversation.
- Fearne then claims she'd seen a puppet show like that, causing part of the table to laugh.
- Dorian asks for Chetney to make him a ship with real brumestone, but the moment he says that, Chetney heatedly points out that he makes wooden toys. He then goes through Dorian's order while adding that everything would be wood. When Dorian asks why he can't make the toy fly if he's such a "master craftsman", Chetney shoots back:
  Chetney: It's a children's toy! So you make it fly with your imagination!
F.C.G. drinks the rest of the bottle of booze they'd bought, just to store it inside "for later." This draws a few jokes.
Liam: "First you had a flask, now you are the flask."
Matt: "It's the natural progression of Sam Riegel.
Taliesin: "One of the many talents of D.J. F.C.G."
- Later on, Fearne takes out her straw and sips some alcohol from F.C.G., with Sam quipping it was like "reverse baby bird".
Laudna messages someone and assures them the group would not harm them in any way. One of her voices says otherwise.
Sam: She's lying, I will kill you.
Orym's response during the chase to get their suspect to stop running?
Orym: (throwing his arms up) Come on, man! He's like super old!
Dorian had apparently run away from his family, who are oracles. Ashton quips that he's surprised they didn't see that coming. ^note
As Laudna becomes interested in Chetney's work, she asks if there's a convention for Chetney's line of work. He suddenly looks up thoughtfully as he repeats what Laudna had said, as if he will sincerely make that come to life one day.
- Chetney asks if there's such a thing as a toy convention. Dorian replies "Not lately."
As Dorian's brother Cyrus continues to talk to the group, he starts to show he's not the sharpest tool around. Many in the chat were quick to dub him a himbo. Comparisons to Verin Thelyss (campaign two NPC Essek's brother) also flew, as Verin was also described by Matt as "the himbo of the family".
- Among other things, Cyrus explains that the Corsairs have been sheltering him and have taken care of a few people who were looking to collect his bounty. It quickly becomes clear to the group that Cyrus has no idea what this actually means.
  Ashton: Did you ever have a puppy that had to go up continent?
- Cyrus apparently killed his pet rock, named Rocky, and hasn't gotten over it. (Or he was just yanking Dorian's chain.)
Laura describes Imogen being incredibly uncomfortable being in the airway tram. Fearne gives this some thought and then "accidentally" starts swaying the car.
After learning that Chetney spent the night in a chair in the tavern, Fearne offers to let him share her bed next time.
Fearne: You're a little small for me, but I'll make it work.
While searching Gurge's trashed house, Laudna and Chetney mourn the loss of his beautiful mahogany furniture. While the others search the home, Laudna uses Mending to fix the table.
- During their search they get confronted by the landlady, who seems more concerned about Gurge not paying his rent than she is about him being missing. As the group is heading out, Ashton declares he didn't like her and uses his hammer to smash the table and leave a massive dent in the floor. Laudna and Chetney are wounded.
Imogen informs Laudna that Fearne turned into a rat and will be spying for the group.
Pâté: Oh, look at that sweet hunk of fresh meat~.
Imogen: Pâté, that is so inappropriate...
Laudna: Look at you, you're offending Imogen!
Fearne turns into a rat again to sneak around - and this time she's found out when a guard steps on her. Rat Fearne has a measly 1d4-1 hit point. There's severe Mood Whiplash after going from the prospect of another Character Death to the shapeshift simply breaking, and the guards finding themselves suddenly standing over a 6-foot goat-woman.
Matt: And that's where we'll end for tonight!
- The entire emotional rollercoaster leading up to that moment. First, Fearne has to make a 50-50 roll to avoid taking 1 point of damage as the guard steps on her. She fails, but then remembers rats have 4 hit points! Actually, 1d4, so another tense roll ensues. She rolls a 2, so she's fine! Except, looking more closely, her rat form's hit points are 1d4 minus 1, putting her at 1. Exactly enough for the stomp to revert her.

Episode 9: Thicker Grows the Meal and Plot

During this week's Nordiverse segment, Marisha reveals that Robbie was possessed last time because she had to choose between protecting the set with NordVPN or keeping Matt's subscription to his Vest of the Month club, and she chose the latter.
Laudna attempting to help with the door by using the hammer she wears in her hair. As it cuts back and forth between the group and Fearne, Laudna keeps announcing how much longer it will take for her to unhinge the doors.
Meanwhile, Fearne is being interrogated by the wardens, and justifies her interest in Gurge by claiming she was in a torrid relationship with him, and is attempting to find him after he left and stole some of her things.
Warden: ...You were in a relationship with the wild man. The hermit on the outskirts of the city.
Fearne: Well, he was a wild man...
Later on, having used Charm Person to placate the warden, she further distracts him with details about just exactly what they supposedly indulged in on their Wild Nights.
Fearne: I mean, that's why I just love maple syrup, so.
When trying to break Fearne out of the custody of the city watch, Chetney gets a Natural 20 to pick the lock. But it ends up as a moot point since everyone else smashes down the door the moment he gets it.
In order to pay off a very expensive bottle, Fearne successfully snags the All-hammer off of Ashton and claims it was from "her great grandfather".
"Your great-grandfather was a pachydan?"
Chetney sneaks into the kitchen by turning himself invisible. The first thing he does is smack Dorian in the face before scurrying away.
Chetney: Peace out, bitches!
- When he comes back with his report, he talks into Dorian's ear, still invisible, unsettling Dorian. His weight causes Dorian to lean to the side to accommodate him as the old gnome crawls up his arm and latches onto his shoulder.
Chetney starts monologuing to himself before pausing and asking who he's talking to.
- Imogen then briefly speaks into his head, asking if he was talking to her. Chetney hisses and wonders how to sever the connection, believing he achieved it when Imogen politely cut him off.
  Chetney: I have more power than I realized.
Chetney and Ashton both tell Fearne to not eat the food, especially the ham.
The group try to come up with ways to distract the chef as well as Preio.
- Laudna suggests she can set the chef on fire by messing with the stove, which the others tell her not to do.
  Laudna: I'm not judging, but I'm down for murder.
- Fearne says she can order a meal and call the chef out to give her compliments. When the large ogre chef does come out of the kitchen, he lumberly strides towards Fearne, pushing away half of the patrons trying not to get crushed. He starts welling up with tears and blubbering at hearing Fearne say his meal was the best she's ever eaten. As she asks for his name, he says it's "Pretty".
- F.C.G. goes over to distract Preio who took a liking to him with Ashton handing him a bottle and suggests he do "the bottle trick". Unclear of what that meant, F.C.G. awkwardly tells Preio they want to perform a bottle trick and balances it on his head. Ashton is face-palming in the background while Imogen tries to hype up F.C.G. Funnily enough, Sam rolls a Nat 20, so everyone becomes enamored by the performance.
The bookcase Chetney saw? It was a dining cart. When Dorian realizes how skewed Chetney's perspective was, he has a look that just screams, "Give me a break."
- Then Orym simply walks by and moves the cart with one hand.
  Chetney: You, sir, are a man of unparalleled strength.
As the others are held at crossbow point, Ashton hisses at Chetney to say something since they were the ones asking around for Gurge. Chetney says nothing, causing Orym to nearly get a bolt to the neck and Dorian to get a warning shot. Afterwards, an annoyed Ashton makes sure to hit wherever he heard Chetney's voice from.
- During the conversation, he puts gold onto the table for the bribe, which makes it seem like the coins appeared out of nowhere and even adds a small rocking horse to it.
Ashton pausing for a beat and admitting he and the others didn't exactly think that far in advance for what they were going to say or do.
The others haven't fully left the kitchen as Pretty is making his way back, so Imogen panics and makes a desperate attempt to keep his attention. She shouts, asking Pretty when he gets off and if he wants to go on a date with her and the others. The pained look on Imogen's face as she practically forces those words out of her mouth really sells how much she doesn't want to use this card but has no other choice.
Dorian suggests since they were short on time for the girl's to make their date with Pretty a speed date. Ashton tells the girl's to get their date with Pretty over with so they can go back to the bar at some point, but gets oddly specific about the dating experience.
Ashton: You'll just slowly get banned from every single bar within the Towers. Just because you'll get awkward with a cook in one, you'll get awkward with a bartender in another. You'll start a fight in another, you will accidentally start making out with somebody's sister — things get weird.
Fearne: But what if we fall head over hooves for him?
F.C.G. sounding like a concerned parent advising their child who's about to go on a date.
F.C.G.: Are you gonna fuck this guy?!
Laudna: What the fuck are you talking about?!
Fearne: Isn't that what you do on a date?
- Ashton being flabbergasted at hearing F.C.G. swear.
  Ashton: What the fuck, Grass? What have you been reading?!
As F.C.G. asks if any of them have been on dates before, Laudna admits to having a crush on a boy when she was younger who threw dirt in her face. When Orym asks his name, Marisha has to improvise something and panics.
Laudna: ...Andy.
[The whole table breaks]
Taliesin: Not Whitestone Andy? Have you been reading my fuckin' notes?!
Matt: You can read all about Whitestone Andy in the Tal'dorei Reborn Guide!
- Liam asked in the first place because he really wanted it to be Percy. Marisha quickly confirms that no, impoverished farmer's daughter Laudna did not go to school with actual nobleman Percy de Rolo.
  Travis: Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III... and Andy.
Chetney and Imogen have another telepathic communication where he messes with her by saying he wants to wear her skin as a hat. Marisha thinks he said it aloud, leading her as Laudna to say Imogen has nice skin. But Chetney said it in his head, so Laudna just randomly decided to say that Imogen has nice skin out of the blue.
The party makes small talk with a guard while his partner is away. The guard answers their questions in the most monosyllabic, bordering on noncommittal, way.
Imogen: "How's your night going?"
Guard: "Okay."
Fearne: "Do you like working here?"
Guard: (shrugs) ('meh' grunt)
Ashton: "Does it pay well?"
Guard: (another shrug) (another 'meh' grunt)
Orym: "What are the hours like?"
Guard: "Long."
Dorian: "Do you get bathroom breaks?"
Guard: "Yeah."
Ashton: "You ever see some shit? Some shit go down?"
Guard: "Maybe."
Orym: "You get along with the other guy?"
Guard: (nods) "Okay."
Fearne: "Is this fence to keep people in, or keep people out?"
Guard: "Both."
Laudna: "Ever punch someone in the face?"
Guard: "Once."
Ashton: "Do you have your own armor, or is there just a locker full of them that fit everybody?"
Guard: "That."
Chetney: "Would you like a wooden coin?"
Guard: "Sure."
(Chetney hands him one.)
Guard: "Thanks."
Fearne getting shocked by a book. Ashton takes this opportunity to swipe a precious item off of her.
- Ashley decides that the item Ashton stole would be the chamber pot she took from Duggar's house. Talisin has her role a die to determine what Ashton grabbed in a more fair way but he ends up getting the chamber pot anyway.
- Then F.C.G. pretends to be affected and starts sounding like an updating computer, sound and all. He also starts acting like he lost his personality in the process.
Chetney jumps out a window, while invisible, to avoid being found by an NPC whose office he just robbed. On his way falling down, he takes a tomato he swiped earlier and throws it back up toward the window, where it flies in and splats on the office floor. The NPC goes from being shocked and ready to fight, to just sounding outright exasperated and offended.
NPC: Are you fucking kidding me?!
- This exchange when Travis says he's throwing the tomato:
  Matt: Roll an attack.
  Travis: Oh, I'm not throwing it at him.

Episode 10: Ghosts, Dates, and Darker Fates

The latest installment of the NordVPN saga sees everyone (save Marisha, Robbie and Sam) in their Hacksonas again, including the return of Ultra Kodex as an ally against "Setty" (the virus in the set). Once the skit is done Matt tells Sam the bits are getting way too long. Sam claims he thought people were getting upset about not being included, and now he's being left out because BlackWillo69 is currently "dead".
Sam: Some of you get mad that you're not in the bit!
Matt: Never been mad about that!
Taliesin: No one gets mad!
Sam: I think that you're mad. Maybe it's me projecting?
Orym attempting to help out Chetney as he hides behind a shrub. However, he keeps peeking in and out occasionally to see what was going on before ducking back out of sight.
Chetney pretending he was a ghost.
Chetney: I died in that room. Let me be freeeee...
Laudna coming in with her Form of Dread, with the rain plastering her veil against her face. Dorian accentuates the creepiness by casting Levitate, having Laudna float three feet from the ground.
- As she approaches Vali, Matt asks if Marisha was going to do anything else, jokingly saying she was going to stab him.
  Liam: Laudna, what do you have? A knife!
  Matt and Laura: No!!
- Vali ends up becoming terrified of Laudna, dropping his sword and fleeing back to the house. Fearne picks up his saber and says she will "definitely" return it.
As some guards appear, Laudna hides behind Fearne, who puffs up to cover as much as she can.
- One of the guards are apparently superstitious and believe the other's claims about ghosts. F.C.G. however asks if that person "sees" ghosts due to the fact they might have stressors in their life or at home. The guard starts to talk about some trouble he's having with his missus before his partner elbows him to shut him up. As they leave, Ashton wishes him luck with the missus.
The group decide that they split the sending stones so they know when and where to meet up. Dorian meekly reveals he gave the other stone to his brother. Fearne laughs as if Dorian told a joke with Laudna joining in, and Dorian has to tell them he did give Cyrus the other stone. So the group can't contact each other.
Fearne: The reason it's funny is now it doesn't work.
- Ashton then quips, "I'm not disappointed, I'm just angry."
The group starts to split up, with Chetney asking Imogen to give him a "kiss for good luck". Imogen obliges, and so does Laudna. Chetney immediately puts as much distance between himself and Laudna as he yells at her to not do that.
F.C.G.: Is this dating?
They get back on the gondola, and Imogen stares at Fearne saying, "Don't you do it...", leading to Fearne to not only shake the cable car yet again but shake the rainwater off herself like a dog in the process, spattering the clothes of an older pachydan gentleman sharing the car with them. Imogen uses Prestidigitation to dry his clothes as he leaves the car... but since it's still pouring rain, he's immediately soaked again.
- Still invisible, Chetney nearly gets squished by the doors as he tries to rush out, after trying to play dead to prank Dorian and Orym... only for Travis to remember that they were waiting for him somewhere else.
Chetney and Dorian discuss death.
Chetney: Do you think about death? Cause Laudna's fucking terrifying.
Dorian: Why, do you think about death?
Chetney: No, Laudna's just fucking terrifying. (...) If that's what death looks like, I've got a whole other, perspective.
The girls didn't get a gift for Pretty, so Laudna attempts to make something out of the trash pieces she found. Marisha rolled a 1 and when presenting the gift to Pretty, the only phrase Matt can use to describe it is, "Oh, honey".
- Despite the metal pieces soon falling apart due to the chicken bones, Pretty still sets it on the shelf for all to see. Preio attempts to persuade him to stop, but then politely allows it. However, they do tell Pretty through their teeth they will have to throw that gift into the trash.
- Pretty apparently made a Side Bet with the other patrons, when the girls do appear for the date he yells, "Told you!" A few patrons grumble but relinquish some money to Pretty.
Imogen and Laudna put the cauliflower and artichoke Pretty gave them on as accessories. Fearne merely sticks her pumpkin onto her horn.
As Imogen asks Pretty if they could get a private table, Pretty lumbers to a group of patrons in the corner of the inn and growls at them to get out. Soon, he yells for everyone to get out, leading to a rush of people trying to finish up their drinks and stumble out.
- Imogen points out F.C.G. who says he'll just be in the back like a robot on the wall.
The girls eventually take Pretty to the theater. While he admits he's prefers narrative plays more, he enjoyed the abstract show for its own merits.
F.C.G.: (genuinely disappointed) Still didn't have any otters.
Pretty ends up turning the girls down, but tells them they're all still wonderful and amazing women whom he hopes finds their special someones.
Laudna: Who would have guessed that we would be the ones that were stood up in the rain?
Imogen: Me. I could've guessed that.
F.C.G. shares some wisdom from his creator, Dancer, "Love equals friendship plus alcohol." Fearne looks puzzled for a moment and then can be seen trying to do the math in her head, complete with tracing in the air as if she were carrying the one.
Imogen mentions that there was a boy she had a crush on in her past. F.C.G. immediately asks for more detail.
F.C.G.: What was his name?
Imogen: Sam. Samuel.
F.C.G.: Stupid name.
- We then get a nod to the Nord VPN saga.
  F.C.G.: Samuel, the only man you've ever loved.
Laudna asking Ashton what he did with his time and he replies he shook some trees and didn't get a whole lot.
Laudna: Apples.
Ashton: Apples... come from trees, and so do leaves.
Laudna: Bananas.
Dorian, of all people, takes the opportunity to mercilessly roast the girls when they admit that Pretty turned down a second date. Even better, his Sitcom Archnemesis Chetney joins in, and they end up performing in-unison mockery that would put Statler and Waldorf to shame!
Chetney: He probably talked about your "adventurous spirit".
Dorian: Yeah oh sure! How's it go, "it's not"...
Dorian and Chetney in unison: "...you, it's me"? (howling with laughter)
Trying to get the guard away from Vali's house, the group try to convince him it was haunted. Laudna then casts a silent image so it looks like a ghost pushing its face and hand through the walls. The guy immediately books it.
Laudna: HAHAHAHA!
Everyone: Shhhhh!! (Laudna covers her mouth)
- Inside when another guard seems to suspect something, Laudna casts another silent image of a little flower girl who rushes him. Matt describes the guy fainting on the spot since there was so much at once. She later brings the little girl with them, to Travis's and Orym's discomfort.
- Ashton then suggests Laudna leave the girl by the door so she could act as an alarm,and give whoever comes in a fright. Laudna agrees.
The session ends on a very tense moment as the party is left face to face with some... thing that leaves them all horrified. With one exception.
Laudna: I love him.

Episode 11: Chasing Nightmares

Ira creepily tells the other that his kind of work needs "volunteers". Laudna immediately has her hand up with an eager look on her face, leading Imogen to quickly tell her no.
The cast joke around as they ask Matt, amongst Ira's description of being extremely long-limbed, if he has a tiny top hat. Matt responds with a flat "No", but the others still joke around and start singing, "Hello My Baby".
Matt: (laughing) Not yet!
As Ira initiates combat with the party by animating some furniture in the room, the cast practically cheers in vindication at finally finding out what caused the furniture to come to life back in the first episode.
Taliesin: I knew it!
The Running Gag of singing "A Thousand Miles" takes a new wrinkle when Taliesin says Ashton's going to "slowly make [his] way—" and Sam and Marisha start singing it in slow-motion. Everyone (bar Taliesin) cracks up at it, and even Matt has to hide his face in a full double Face Palm to keep from losing his composure.
Taliesin: You guys are adorable.
Matt rolls a Dexterity save for one of the animated tables. In his own words: "It gets a 10. It's a table."
In a meta example, Ashley has some trouble with her character sheet on her tablet as her turn in combat starts. Somehow, as she tries to figure this out, she ends up with Imogen's character sheet instead.
When Chetney goes to attack an animated chair, he holds up his mallet and wood chisel with a Pre Ass Kicking One Liner, "the woodshop's open." Travis's warbling elderly-man voice really tries hard to fail to sell it, and succeeds!
As Matt notes that Ira was taking off some weights, Liam comments that he was like Rock Lee.
- Then as Ira stretches to his full height (of about 11 feet) with his hands nearly grazing the floor, Liam describes Orym and Chetney looking upwards in slight awe and horror. Chetney then holds Orym's hand for support.
Ira tries to attack Chetney and F.C.G. with his claws, but is blinded. As a result, Matt has to re-roll, and so the attacks miss. Liam describes it as the claws whiffing overhead, and Matt goes with it, as if Ira had forgotten to adjust his blinded aim.
Ira: (frustrated sigh) Oh, right, right. That's on me.
Travis: Maybe we let him live, he's funny.
Chetney reveals he's a Blood Hunter werewolf, but is still gnome-sized.
Sam: He's a tiny werewolf?!
Liam: He's a terrier!
Sam then says after seeing Chetney turn, "Let's make this a party." He then describes fur coming out of F.C.G's parts — before dropping it and admitting he was just pulling everyone's leg.
Sam: (in a robot voice) I — am — Were-Bot 2000.
In the Mighty Nein campaign, Jester and Shakäste both loved conjuring up truly absurd Spiritual Weapons. FCG continues this tradition, summoning up one in the form of "the thing tables fear most": a condensation-wet beer stein with no coaster! He even obligingly attacks the tables by cheerily wishing them health, "L'chaim!"
F.C.G. gets turned into a turtle, because the Nightmare King polymorphs him into one. To which Matt uses a rat as a stand-in, since he didn't have a turtle mini.
- Dorian after getting a saving throw grabs F.C.G. as a turtle as he rolls across the ground. Robbie later describes Dorian tucking F.C.G. turtle into the front of his clothes.
Orym manages to get back up, with Ira's attention off of him and stabs him in the butt.
Liam: I stab him in the Fae-nus.
Ashton gets up and close to Ira, dropping a few liners.
Ashton: We haven't actually met yet.
Ira: No, but I feel like I'm getting a feel for your capabilities.
Ashton: Love the outfit.
Another poor guard has a bad time, as when he comes to see what's going on, werewolf-Chetney roars at him and sends him screaming into the night.
While escaping from the Moon Tower, Marisha checks to see if they can spot Ira nearby, asking, "Do I see Crispin Glover anywhere?" to general laughter.
Matt: You figured out my plot so easily!
As Matt is describing the Pre-Explosion Buildup of the Moon Tower, some of the party turn to watch, including Ashton. When there's a moment of quiet after the buildup, some of the party looks puzzled, but Ashton says, "Wait..." and when the explosion finally happens, nods and says, "Yeah, there we go."
Dorian gets knocked out, causing him to fall on F.C.G. who turns back into his robot form due to the impact. After bringing back Dorian, he has Dorian drive him like a segway.
As the party recovers on a gondola, Matt interrupts their dialogue to ask them where they're headed. Sam riffs on it as if they were in a taxi and talking to the driver. "Just drive, all right?!"
- As they're getting on, the gondola driver asks the party what that loud sound was. The party — beat to shit and covered in their own blood — tell him they didn't hear anything. Ashton chews them out for this afterwards.
  Ashton: When you leave the site of an explosion, covered in blood, there is nothing more suspicious than saying "I didn't hear or see anything!" Just say "Yeah, that shit was crazy, and I don't know what the fuck happened, but we're bleeding and going home!" We're gonna get caught! Motherfuckers!
  Fearne: Well, for as far as they knew, we just had a wild night.
Gurge being sarcastic to the group, that even shocks F.C.G. who was just trying to politely start a conversation.
Fearne seemed very.... keen on having Gurge or Chetney bite her.
The gang has to share one room at the inn where they're staying, and Matt notes some may have to share bed space, and then Laura decides to crack a joke.
Laura: We're ten games in, I think it's time for an orgy.
Ashley: Yeah.
Robbie: Is that the rule? I'm new here, I don't know— how many games does it take?
Sam: Turn off the cameras!
Matt: Roll some constitution saving throws here, guys...
Marisha: There's still one more lighting mode [for the set] we haven't tried yet~!
While going over the group's To-Do list, F.C.G. brings up the upcoming ball and asks why they need to go. Imogen — or possibly Laura — answers quite bluntly: "Because it seems like we could dress up." Matt promptly loses it while Marisha/Laudna just nods in enthusiastic agreement. Dorian also joins in by barely hiding the fact he wants to attend the ball so he could dress up.
In their meeting with Eshteross, Dorian gets very excited at the prospect of having the group officially presented at the ball, Laudna once again ponders what their team name could be, Eshteross is gently trying to urge them on their way, and then Orym speaks up.
Orym: I have a head wound, so...
Dorian being absolutely insistent that the group do a spa trip before they pursue anything else.
- Dorian is sitting by Laudna in the bath area where she cheerfully comments that the steam has eased up her joints enough where she could easily pop her shoulder out. She demonstrates, and Dorian looks like he's trying not to throw up as he asks her what was floating in the water. It was her fingernail, which she retrieves and eats. Dorian promptly starts scooting over towards Chetney as Imogen is in the back laughing.
- Ashton, while taking full advantage of the baths, declines any massage treatments.
  Spa staff: We can... okay.
  Ashton: Don't fucking touch me.
- Dorian and Chetney go to get a massage with Chetney hiding his expression in his arms. Dorian happily tells Chetney to just "let it all out" as Chetney continues to whimper.
- Fearne getting herself pampered up like the Cowardly Lion. Even funnier is that she had to be looked after by a tiefling who cleaned up the guests pets and admitted this would be an experience for her as well. Ashley asks if Fearne got the bandana's pets get after spa treatments, which Matt jokingly confirms.
During the spa trip, Orym takes advantage of the beautiful view of the city and takes his sword out to do a little training while enjoying said view. Laura then says that Orym is doing all of this with his dick out (and Liam agrees!).
Ashton and Jiana Hexum's doorman having a Snark-to-Snark Combat with one another, with Ashton even mimicking the doorman's derisive accent.
Doorman: (beat) A letter has been, received, and I can tell you are mocking me.
Ashton: (with the same accent) It's not hard.
- When the door slams in his face, Ashton beats his fist against the door again, gives his message and flips off the doorman.
Laudna attempting to smile and practice announcing the group as the new "Nobodies", with Dorian coaching her. Despite his best efforts, Laudna still comes across as creepy and terrifying. Dorian still politely claps and then motions for everyone else to do the same.
In a conversation, Orym mentions Keyleth, the Voice of the Tempest. Laudna — or rather, Marisha — says that Keyleth sounds "unfathomably awesome".
When Imogen finally has access to the library, she's told that the grounds "are hers". Fearne mistakes this as meaning that Imogen has literally been given the library and university and she actually owns them now.

Episode 12: Make It Fashion

In this episode's ad marks the return of Bob Matthews, younger brother of Dave Matthews, along with Dave's second-cousin Rick Matthews (played by Robbie). Sam's accent starts off vaguely Southern but quickly migrates to old man with digestion problems.
Laudna and Imogen decide to check on Zhudanna, briefly wondering if she's alright. Matt turns this mild worry into a huge scare by having them make perception checks upon entering her room, and they see Zhudanna sitting in her chair. When asked if she was awake or asleep, Matt's choice of words is that she "appears to be unconscious".
Laura: Why is he making it sound like she's dead?!
Marisha:: I know!
Sam: You can't tell if she's awake, because she doesn't have a head.
(everyone cracks up)
The whole party assuring F.C.G. that they don't *have* to have Chetney craft legs for them to wear pants for the ball, but encouraging them to go for it if they want to, is adorable. Then Chetney casually suggests that they could use Imogen's newly-acquired student access to the Starpoint Conservatory to raid a cadaver lab and borrow a face for F.C.G. to wear, setting off a round of "Jrusar Chainsaw Massacre" jokes.
In a big, elaborate clothing store, Chetney is picking out some clothes. When he asks for something to cover his head, the (slightly creepy) seamstress invites him up to the haberdashery floor.
Taliesin: (ominously) No-one comes back...
Marisha: And that was it for Travis's second character!
(everyone starts laughing)
Travis: (mimes presenting something to Sam/F.C.G.) Your face.
- Then when he asks how much his outfit would cost, the seamstress replies that it would be eighty-five gold. Chetney politely excuses himself as he runs back to the group and makes it sound like he's trying not to be overheard.
  Chetney: It was eight—five fucking gold!!
  Ashton: (beat) I mean, didn't we know this would be crazy stupid expensive?
Laudna picks out a dress with a taxidermied fox around the neck. Matt gives Marisha the option to choose whether it's a good taxidermy job or not, and she chooses the less expensive option with a poor taxidermy job, prompting the seamstress to ask with mild concern if she's sure this is what she wants. Laudna, of course, adores it.
Dorian asks Imogen if she can go find Chetney, but she misinterprets this as him asking her politely to leave. The two of them begin awkwardly stammering at eachother, trying to correct the social faux pas, until Ashton has enough.
Ashton: Oh, for fuck's sakes. (walks outside) You done with those legs yet, old man?!
Chetney: I mean, the general shape is there, I left room for detail—
Ashton: No one cares. (grabs the legs and walks back inside)
The seamstress is so enamoured with F.C.G. asking for an outfit, she asks Fearne if this is an untapped market she should invest in, which Fearne confirms. After F.C.G. gets his free outfit, the seamstress has Fearne sign a contract to say that F.C.G's outfit design belongs to the seamstress, which she does without much hesitation or thought.
The group try to come up with some names that isn't the "New Nobodies". One of them is "Bell's Hells" and then there's "Focus Group". The table starts laughing as they emphasize the comma, pointing out that the party can barely focus, so the name would be "Focus Comma Group".
Marwa's introduction. Ashton is so thrown off by her he can't even come up with a good fake name.
Ashton: Aaron.
Marwa: Really? My name is Aaron, too!
- Ashton's bad luck continues as he tries to steal the saber off of Fearne, but she notices and he has to bashfully turn away after being spotted.
  Fearne: (sweetly) What are you doing?
  Ashton: (beat) Nothing.
Marwa accidentally triggers an avalanche of stuff while pulling something down from a high shelf, and has to juggle to avoid dropping several items. Imogen uses her telekinesis to catch some of it, prompting a bewildered reaction from Marwa. When Imogen tells her that she did it, Marwa says, "Oh, that was you! I was like, 'I can do this?!'"
Marwa casually mentions that an item in her shop used to belong to Harold, a former adventuring partner of hers, who was killed by some creature out in the wilds. F.C.G. curiously asks about it. Marwa seems entirely nonchalant about it.
F.C.G.: Did you see the creature that did it?
Marwa: No, no, we just found what was left of him. There was just pieces, it was crazy!
(later)
Marwa: I haven't thought about that in a long time. (suddenly thoughtful)
Imogen: How long have you been here?
Marwa: (at the same time) I haven't processed... that's probably trauma— (to Imogen) What?
Marwa shows off an old, weathered, yellowed glass eye. Ashton comments, "I don't know if I've ever meant this quite as much, but that thing has seen some shit, jeeze." The rest of the table groans at this, and Taliesin defends himself by stating he'd been sitting on so many puns that one had to get out.
Fearne manages to snag an item, but then as they leave decides to return it as she goes.
Laura: I feel like we've witnessed some...growth?...in Fearne?
Ashley: No, no, heavens no!
Imogen's struggles with the rocking gondolas continues, this time because of a mischievous little boy rocking back and forth. She puts some fear into him with her telepathy, telling him "I can find you in your dreams." When the boy looks terrified, she feels guilty ("Laudna does that shit all the time!") and tries to apologize, but fumbles over her words. Just before they disembark, Orym looks up at the kid and tells him, "She'll haunt you forever." As they walk away, they can hear the kid starting to wail and cry, and his bewildered mother's reaction. ("What's wrong, Daniel?!")
Imogen returns to the library with F.C.G. to research the Briarwoods, but rolls an 8, so she only finds publicly available historical records. Sam then asks if there are pictures of them in the books, and whether or not they're sexy.
Matt: No. You rolled too low to find the sexy photos. A 15 at least to find the sexy photos.
Taliesin: (mimes flipping through a magazine) Legend of Vox Machina — Swimsuit Issue?
At one point, Laudna is running between locations eating a pastry because she's in a hurry. Matt asks if she's doing the Anime Girl run, which Marisha plays into. Robbie makes a joke about "Sailor Laudna." The entire table breaks at the image, as well as Robbie's look of instant regret.
- Made even funnier because nearly half the table is made of Sailor Moon alums: Liam (Nephrite), Matt (Prince Dimande) and Robbie (Mamoru), with the latter two playing people attracted to the titular character! Robbie is the best person to make the joke, given that Mamoru is Usagi (Sailor Moon)'s partner.
Laudna tries to bargain with Marwa, who doesn't take kindly to that. As Laudna explains she wants to get an outfit for Pâté, Marwa asks who Pâté is. The way the table starts breaking out into giggles as Laudna slowly reveals Pâté who greets Marwa. She's so fascinated and stunned she immediately gives Laudna what she wanted, but also asks she bring a pastry every time she visits.
Marwa: Isn't friendship pastries?
Laudna: (beat) Yes, friendship is pastries.
- Laudna also snags a creepy doll's head.
Robbie built a couple of dice towers during an RP moment. Travis noticed and nudged his arm just as Robbie finished the second one, knocking it over. Cue Travis silently doubling over with laughter while Robbie shot him an amused Death Glare, and Marisha and Ashley also trying not to laugh. (Everyone else was RPing or taking notes, and didn't notice because they kept it quiet)
The group's craft day as a whole.
- Chetney finally gives Dorian his toy ship, which Fearne immediately snags. Then plays with it in the water, forgetting it was an airship. Orym then nabs the ship and throws it up in the air attached to rope so it sticks to the ceiling. When asked if it was permanently up there, he pulls it back down.
- Imogen having some difficulty with her mask. As Chetney admires Orym's work and praises him, this conversation ensues:
  Orym: I learn from the best.
  Laura: You hear in your head, "Fucking piece of shit!"
- Robbie jokes the "c" for F.C.G. is "Christ".
  Matt: Don't ruin the story twist later!
- When Laura rolls low, Matt tells her that it's fine, the DC for making masks is not high at all, the only reason he's making anyone roll is to see if they get a natural 1 and royally fuck up theirs. Someone does in fact roll a natural 1... but that someone is Orym, who immediately re-rolls it using Halfling Luck.
  Matt: Dammit, that was my one chance!
- At the end of the arts and crafts session, Laudna dresses Pate in the little doll's suit. Milo, who was helping them with their projects, whispers to Ashton that they both love and hate it... though it's mostly hatred.
  Milo: There's no lower form of comedy than ventriloquism.
Laudna worries about how Dorian is taking the plan.
Laudna: I just don't want to like...cause undue trauma.
F.C.G.: Then don't look at anybody! [Everyone laughs, Marisha hardest of all!]

Episode 13: A Dance of Deception

NordVPN are back as sponsors, to Matt's complete dismay. BlackWillow69's data ghost informs Travis that the only way to restore him is for Travis to "earn" his hacker name of "Number 2", which apparently requires Travis to poop out BlackWillow69 somehow.
Matt: (after Sam ends the bit) I hate this place.
As half the team is fumbling all over trying to figure out how to steal the ring, Matt cuts away to Lord Eshteross and the rest of the team in the other carriage, confidently asserting that they're certain the rest of the team has their part of the plan well in hand.
- Then Dorian's group get way off track as they wonder who will play Dorian's number two. Imogen then asks if she can't just also be the date since it would be awkward if she were there as well. Orym adds they could if they "went that way".
- Marisha as Laudna repeating what their main goal for the night was so the other team remembers with Sam adding in the pigeon noises.
  Chetney: (looking at carriage ceiling) Fucking... flying rats!!
Ashton discribes Lord Eshteross as 'Mysterious, badass and rich, he's like Owlbear-Man'. To which Lord Eshteross replies that Owlbear-Man doesn't exist it's just a folk tale.
Chetney decides to sneak his chisel in by having F.C.G. swallow it. Travis and Sam proceed to start acting out the whole scene, with Sam saying "relax the throat".
Matt: You don't... have to act it out.
When Dorian's group are asked how they would like to be announced, Imogen and Dorian have a telepathic conversation with Imogen asking Dorian for his full title. He balks and asks why they weren't using the cool team name they'd planned to try out. Imogen ignore that entirely as she repeats Dorian's title to the announcer.
Dorian introducing his servants, Orym as Copernicus, and Imogen as Maude. Laura visibly purses her lips when she hears that.
- Imogen really wasn't happy with the entire arrangement.
  Laura: "I guess I'm just a servant." You hear in your fucking head!
  Dorian: I knew it! I knew you were mad about that! I knew you were mad!
  Imogen: It's fine.
F.C.G. rolling around and pretending to talk in a stilted robot speech.
F.C.G.: Shall. I. Get. Master. Some. Wine?
F.C.G.: Perhaps. A. Rosé?
Professor Grys becomes enamoured by F.C.G. and Laudna attempts to get some information out of him. She asks him about "weird ass dreams", and then he starts going on about where he had a dream he was a mango. Laudna's frozen expression immediately shows how much she regrets picking this guy for conversation.
Marisha: Oh fuck, he's gonna tell me about a dream.
Taliesin: You did this to yourself.
- Then Ashton comes along, and Laudna looks to them to rescue her from the conversation. Nope. He encourages the guy to talk more about his dream in fascination (though likely just to make the conversation stretch out more).
  Ashton: How does a mango perceive time?
As much as the crew was concerned that they would draw too much attention, General Ratanish and his group from the Paragon's Call look even more out of place, like "somebody tried to dress up some Mad Max extras."
Just as Fearne seems to be getting a lady as her partner, the lord she'd spoken to earlier pushes between them and takes the dance with Fearne.
Lord Preston: It seems luck has brought us together.
Fearne: (in a sweet tone) Not so much as brought together, but more like you cutting in line.
- Who is this guy, by the way? Lord Preston Drodelon, of Eos, and formerly the Lord of the Quad Roads in Vasselheim... that is, the once-beggar who became a nobleman by drawing two wishes from Grog Strongjaw's Deck of Many Things. The mix of recognition, elation, and horror that spreads across the table as it dawns on the players (except for Robbie) is funny in and of itself.
- Fearne asks Lord Preston "Do you ever wish for anything more?", prompting a Spit Take from Taliesin.
As Robbie explains his plan to toss the fake ring to Fearne Laura is having a meltdown. Taliesin can be heard muttering, "No one crimes well".
- When F.C.G., who's holding a couple of drinks, questions them about their plans, he gets so frustrated he mutters, "God, I wish I could drink." He then hands the drinks off to Fearne, who drinks one and then hands it to Dorian who drinks the other. F.C.G. ends up with two empty glasses in his hands.
As the group is mingling, Orym notices something, and whispers to Dorian that Cyrus is here. You know, the guy with the massive bounty on his head? The exasperated panic from the players is palpable.
- As the dance starts, Chetney approaches Cyrus and pulls him to the side to yell at him.
  Chetney: You're supposed to be keeping a low profile!
  Cyrus: I am! I'm... Lord Durtanya.
  [...]
  Chetney: Your brother is here, and he's on a very important mission.
  Cyrus: Can you please not tell him I'm here?
  Chetney: ...What's it worth to you?
  Cyrus: (fumbles off to the side) 60 gold?
  Chetney: What did you say? 70 gold?
  Cyrus: 70 gold.
  Chetney: ...Just keep your damn money. Come with me.
Fearne trying to meld into the crowd with the ring in hand, with one of the dancers noticing. She quickly says, "He proposed!!" with the man congratulating her. Fearne then says she has to "tell my girlfriends" as she rushes off, leaving the guy to awkwardly shuffle until he gets a partner.
- As Fearne is trying avoid several admirers trying to draw her into their dance, she uses Primal Savagery to evoke a Nightmare Face while snarling, "I don't wanna dance with you!" to get them to back away.
  Ashley: I'm fucking done!!
After managing to recover "his" ring (actually the fake), Armand Treshi glares at Fearne and calls her a "clumsy" dancer.
Fearne: Yeah? Well...... Rude!
(The other players burst out laughing)
Ashley: I sure fucking told him!
- Then as he storms off a guest tries to calm him down by telling him to be nicer to Fearne because she just got engaged.
Matt then cuts to Laudna asking what she was doing.
Marisha: (beat) I was dancing with Ratanish, but that doesn't seem important right now.
Laudna notices Vali Dertrana in the dance crowd, prompting a brief Oh, Crap! from the players— as he had met some of them before getting frightened off in Episode 10. Vali is looking at Ashton. Taliesin tries to No-Sell it by noting that his costume and mask hide all of his features... and then the others point out that he's wearing a Nightmare King mask. Taliesin goes, "Oh, yeah, that's right!" ... and then promptly leans into it, "All right. I'm in. Bring It."
Matt revealing that the whole ring mission was actually only five minutes in game time, to the others' stress and shock.
Chetney sneaking past some guards and lets out a "silent but deadly" fart. The two guards start asking if the other did it.

Episode 14: In Too Deep

Ashton and his opponent have the same initiative roll and seem to be headed towards "rollies", but Ashton has a higher dexterity. Cue the table being disappointed there will be no rollies tonight.
Matt: I am beyond rollies!
Mid-fight, F.C.G. uses Ardent Armor to give Ashton some temporary hitpoints. They do this by grabbing someone's drink and throwing it right into Ashton's face, because they know how much he likes boozing.
Ashton: Ow! Ow, that burns! I'm bleeding, you threw alcohol on a bleeding person!
F.C.G.: It'll staunch the bleeding, I'm not that kind of doctor!
A meta one: after Ashton loses the fistfight to Ratanish, the leader of the Paragon's Call, he rolls a death save, and it's a Nat 1. It's obvious that Ashton is coming close to death, prompting the entire table to flash back to Mollymauk — both are at Level 5 and facing an enemy way above their weight class, and Molly was brutally murdered during that encounter. Taliesin immediately yells at Sam to hurry up and heal him, because "this is not how I want to spend my weekend!"
As the party finds out the captain was using Ashton as an example and advertisement to demonstrate the strength of Paragon's Call, Laura who had written him down as "hot", can be heard crossing that word out.
When F.C.G. is healing Ashton, they ask them how many fingers they're holding up. Ashton asks how many fingers F.C.G. has, and Sam realizes that he doesn't actually know.
Sam: I've never actually thought about that...let me check my character art.
Ashton, still beat to shit and leaning on F.C.G. for support, tries to start some rumors by looking a nearby nobleman in the face and whispering "Father?" Matt gives him advantage, but Taliesin still manages to roll a 0 on his Deception check. The nobleman walks away convinced Ashton got his ass kicked so hard he was asking for his dad.
Imogen, still annoyed by having to pretend to be Dorian's servant, contacts him telepathically:
Imogen: Oh, mah lord? Oh, mah fuckin' lord?
Chetney telepathically talks with Imogen and begins to accidentally mimic her accent much to Travis's own surprise.
Ashley: [Laura] is too powerful.
Travis: It's like a black hole, man. You hit the event horizon and go (zoom).
- What does he say to get in touch with his inner Chetney? "Fuck Santa!"
Dorian and the others discuss what they should do after Imogen contacts Cyrus. She replies that he told her to tell Dorian not to worry and he was "paying off his debts".
Dorian: In the bathroom?
(Entire table falls into laughter)
Sam: I will only call taking a dump "paying my debts" from now on.
- Then Imogen tells Dorian that Cyrus sounded like he wanted to be left alone, leading back to the laughing.
  Marisha: Such a departure from, "Are you pooping?"^note
Eshteross anxiously tells the group to get rid of Armand Treshi's real ring somehow. F.C.G. offers to eat it while Fearne offers to wear it. As she slips the ring onto her finger, the entire table breaks out into terrified "no's". Eshteross sighs and asks the group to at least not flash that ring out in public.
Fearne: It's for safe-keeping! You put it in your pocket, and there's a hole in your pocket and it could fall out!
Chetney suggests that he convince the guards that there's someone attacking the Chandei Quorum, and when they go to check, Dorian goes with them to ostensibly use the bathroom because it's in the same direction. Chetney opens the conversation with an elaborate and convincing improvised lie, and Dorian adds a flat "Also, I have to pee."
- Robbie describes Dorian walking to the "potty", which Travis and Laura both snicker at. Robbie replies in singsong "I have children!".
  Robbie: I'm sorry—to walk to the PISSER! Pisser, bro!
While the fight with Lady Emoth is happening, Matt cuts back to the other group with Ashton admitting to Imogen he's really tired and just wants to turn in for the night.
The two guards are really close to death (and Fearne accidentally set them on fire) leading to the table joking that one of them was gonna be promoted next month. They then dub them "Russ". Sam jokes that F.C.G. looks up on the wall to see Russ made "Guard of the Month".
- F.C.G. comes upon a burnt Russ and decides to use "Sacred Flame" to douse the fire.
  Marisha: We killed the NPC we made up!
F.C.G. attacking Lady Emoth with his Spiritual Weapon, which takes the form of a cordial invitation to an "Ass-Whoopin".
- With his first attack, Sam rolls low, so the invitation ineffectually flops against Emoth's chest like a poorly-thrown piece of paper. Everyone starts telling Sam to angle the envelope in order to get a paper cut.
Ashton, who's still low on health and bottlenecked behind the rest of the party due to a bad initiative roll, can't really do much besides activating his rage and holding it. As he rushes into the room to see he missed most of the action, he walks over to the nearly-dead creeper pinned under the bookcase and slams the bookshelf on top of it.
As everyone is quickly leaving the party, Ashton attempts to swipe a few things before heading out. When Ashton sees one of the hosts, they say, "Great party" and tips them a gold piece before walking out.
Fearne tries weakly to defend Dorian's decision to bring a fugitive into Eshteross' sanctum with "But...wrongly accused...we think."
The party's farewell to Dorian, equal parts sad as it is awkwardly hilarious.
- All of the party warning Cyrus to watch himself since he's the reason Dorian has to leave. Laudna sweetly tells Cyrus to never return to the city while Chetney threatens him at chisel-point. Everyone agrees that Cyrus shouldn't really be making any decisions unless Dorian is present.
  - Even funnier as the group remark on Dorian having to leave to take care of family business.
    Ashton: To Dorian, who's leaving us for his stupid brother. What the fuck is up with that?
- Dorian bidding farewell to his EXU gang, but not without pointing at himself, Fearne, and Orym and calling them "Big spoon, medium spoon and little spoon". Fearne gently corrects him that she's the big spoon, and he agrees.
- Dorian asks Chetney how much he'd get selling his toy ship and Chetney sits and glares at Dorian. He sheepishly says he will treasure it always. Then Robbie reveals that Dorian actually left the ship behind using a Levitation spell. A random kid plucks it out of the air and makes off with it.
- Pâté asks for a hug good-bye which Dorian is almost hesitant to give...before he pulls out his Bertrand doll. He and Laudna then make it look like the two are making out. It only stops when Eshteross comes back into the room and the two stop playing around like children being caught by their parents past bedtime.
- Robbie and Matt get sent into hysterics when Travis jokingly describes the party looking on as Dorian's carriage explodes in the distance.
  Chetney: Gotcha, motherfucker!
Fearne asks for the sending stone so she and the others can keep in contact with Dorian. She then keeps using it with the table remarking she was acting like a mother who's sending their kid off to college.
- Imogen even asks Dorian if he can call them everyday. He assures her that definitely won't be happening, but promises he'll answer their calls if they need him.

Episode 15: The Tunnels Below

Sam's bit at the start of the episode promoting this week's sponsor, Quip, is very...weird, even by Sam's standards. First, he breaks up with his old electric toothbrush with a speech that sounds as if he was breaking up with a girlfriend — only with toothbrush puns. Then he brushes his teeth with his old toothbrush then acts as if he'd just cheated on his new toothbrush. Then by the end of the bit, he goes off to brush his teeth with his new toothbrush.
Sam: I'll be back in two minutes!
Travis: (Beat) It only takes two, huh?
- Sam's old toothbrush also had a piece of string tied to it, with someone at the ready to pull it offscreen when Sam tells it to go.
- Liam later mentions that was the same speech he got from Sam two years ago — with the Quip discount code included.
Chetney gifts Ashton his order, a hand with moveable fingers. He initially brings it out with its middle finger up, but changes it to "number one" to cheer Ashton up after being beat up by Ratanash. Orym has one question:
Orym: Is there a practical application for that?
Ashton: If you haven't thought of it you probably don't wanna know.
Orym: I have, I just....
The group finally decide what to do with Armand's ring: feed it to F.C.G.
- Ashton laments that he hasn't been feeding evidence to F.C.G. all along.
Laudna asks after the goo the party collected from Dugger. Lord Eschteross has indeed had it looked at — turns out it's an excretion utilized by aberrations to facilitate unnatural movement through hard tunnels. And the rest of the cast breaks into Contagious Laughter as Matt slowly realizes just what he's saying.
Matt: [laughing] I fucking hate you all so much.
The Green Seekers seek out the group and ask them to talk. It quickly devolves into the group asking if they could join the two, since they were the only members.
Olly: Don't forget the kids we allowed into the group. (The whole table awws)
- Laudna asks if they get pins or badges, while Ashton requests he gets a cloak.
- The Green Seekers ultimately decide to trust them.
  Olly: I like to think we can trust you. You've got faces that say... I don't know-
  Chetney: Run?
  Laudna: (Slasher Smile)
  Olly: ...In particular. You haven't been crushed by the cynical realities of the world yet.
  Imogen: Oh, well then you're reading us all wrong.
Gus, the half-orc Green Seeker, explains that they've been contracted to find out "what—and pardon the Marquesian, the fuck is going on around here." Ashton immediately perks up.
Ashton: Oh, I speak Marquesian! Which fucking problem, specifically? Because there's a lot of weird shit going on. So, you actually would have to be a little fucking specific. [aside to Orym and Imogen] I think I said that right.
Imogen pokes a chair to see if it'll come to life.
Matt: The dust settles a bit further, but it does not come to life. Though I do appreciate that I've instilled you with a deep fear of furniture.
The group come across Gus's ex-boyfriend, who was none too happy about them splitting up after ten months of a relationship. F.C.G. tries to act as a therapist while Olly is just happily watching the whole thing go down with Matt describing it like you can see the popcorn in her eyes.
Laura: This is like watching reality tv.
- The whole party are watching the entire conversation go down like it's a tennis match to boot. Liam notes Orym awkwardly drawing on the ground with his sword as he tries to ignore the arguing.
- A bit of Black Comedy: Imogen makes an insight check on Gus's ex, and Matt explains that he's still feeling hurt, as it can be hard to get over someone who burned you. Taliesin nods in an "I feel that" kind of gesture... then looks over to see Liam doing the exact same thing right next to him, causing both of them to collapse into hysterics.
Laudna approaches the worker at the mines and rolls a Nat 20 at intimidation. The poor man is so terrified he falls backwards and hits his head, knocking him unconscious. The group make sure to rob him first before having F.C.G. heal him.
The mine's foreman is reading a book, and the players keep asking Matt more and more details about the book that Matt hasn't prepared.
Matt: It's just a not very well-written fiction piece about people at sea, searching for a new world.
Laura: What's the name of it?
Matt: ... The New World Searchers.
The group manage to get everyone to squeeze inside of the elevator, but Orym has his face squished against the wires.
Fearne of course, takes the opportunity to try and shake the elevator to freak out Imogen or "casually" wonder aloud if they'll fall to their deaths. Laudna tries to drown it out with a motivational speech.
Laudna: You've got this. You're super capable. You're the most capable person I know.
Ashton: What if it breaks down while we're down there and we can't get back up?
Laudna: Wh- Ashton!
The revelation that Fearne, a Druid, has a negative modifier to Nature skill checks!
In battle Laudna is doing terribly and missing all her Eldritch Blast attempts. Her solution? Have Paté fire them off for her! Even funnier is that it works.
Ashton angrily yelling at everyone to stop grouping up to attack the Shade Creepers, which explode when killed.
Sam has some trouble deciding on what healing spell to use after the battle. Laura, naturally, can't resist the vindication:
Laura: C'mon, cleric! Do your job, cleric! Just heal the party, cleric!
This hilariously meta exchange as Chetney is about to go scouting a dangerous cavern:
Imogen: If you see something troublesome, you come back.
Chetney: Why? Do you care for me?
Imogen: Yeah, Chetney. You're my one true love!
Chetney: Don't tease me! I live for this stuff! All right, we'll meet up topside. [singing] Think of me, think of me fondly...

Episode 16: The Shade Mother

As Chetney is sneaking in, the Shade Mother starts speaking to him in his mind.
Chetney: (to himself) That's fucking terri- NO, don't think anything. Think nothing. Balls!
Shade Mother: (creepy whisper) Are you called... Balls...?
Chetney: (corpsing) Yes. Mighty Balls.
Shade Mother: Well... Mighty Balls... Have you come for the anointment?
(the whole table starts laughing)
Chetney: Are you going to anoint my mighty balls?
Worried about what the Shade Mother is going to do, Chetney asks Imogen if she has any spells that could create a "mind condom". Liam recalls Caleb, putting on Caleb's accent to say "Mind Condom is a very high-level spell". Cue the other's asking whose voice that was.
FCG gets poisoned by the Shade Mother, which allows her to use him to attack one of his allies. FCG doesn't quite understand what's happening to him:
FCG: I need NordVPN!
As they're escaping from the Shade Mother, Ashton decides to make a parting shot that leaves the players laughing.
Ashton: Lick salt, fucker!
After Sam makes a comment about Fearne's "backwards knees", the party tries to school him on the mechanics of unguligrade legs with little success.
After working with the Greenseekers investigative duo, the party is insistent they get honorary member badges. Eventually, the pair relents and say they will have some sent over. When questioned if they will SAY Greenseekers, Ollie is insistent they will not for plausible deniability, that anyone could make up a Greenseekers badge. "People can make all sorts of off-brand bullshit out there[...] What was his name, eh... Emerrett Red Bublé? Over there in the Hellcatch valley?"
Chetney flirtatiously suggests he might have company that night. Ashton snarks that he probably won't, "unless you've hired a nurse to make sure you don't die in the middle of the night".
After Bell's Hells makes it back to Jrusar, the group starts making numerous sex jokes. At one point, Travis mishears Matt asking "how hurt are you?" with Sam interpreting it as "how hard are you?". This prompts the entire table to break into Contagious Laughter. Matt gets so fed up with the sex puns that he literally says "Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies" when he can't take it anymore.
Matt: (face in hands) I hate you all so much.
When Chetney gloats that Fearne was recognizing the alpha, Matt can be seen examining his nails and muttering, "That's not a thing."
Ashton telling Laudna to go outside and howl to scare some people. When she does just that but sees no one, she yells a "fuck you" at Ashton who has already left.
Having spent several episodes flirting back and forth, Fearne sets Chetney the challenge to howl at exactly 3 AM, and if he does, she will come to his room and sleep with him. Travis being Travis announces that he slept through the night and woke up feeling all the regret. Made funnier by Ashley telling Matt that Fearne was waiting by his door from 2:59 AM to 3:01 AM. Then the episode finally comes to an end.

Episode 17: Heart-to-Heartmoor

As they wake up, Matt goes to describe what happened to the bag Laudna had tied down. Marisha looks at him dead in the eyes and challenges him to troll the group again. He doesn't.
Of course the first thing Chetney does when he wakes up and realizes he missed his nightcap with Fearne? Let out a Big "NO!". The others wonder if he was actually alive or maybe got someone else to visit him.
Chetney: (weeping to Laudna) I slept in...on that ass!!
- Laudna tries to console him and tell him he'd have other chances since people get "horny on the road".
- He tells the party that he was out running a 10K that morning and lost track of time.
  Chetney: Sometimes, you just gotta take care of yourself before the sun comes up.
  Orym: Took care of yourself, did you?
Fearne casually saying she was hoping to someday sleep with the entire party. The table breaks out into laughter as they think that's the first truth Fearne has ever told the group.
Laudna and Fearne are sent to give Eshteross the recap of what went down with the Shade Mother. They both start getting so sidetracked in retelling their story that Matt describes Eshteross starting to glance back at his half-eaten breakfast.
- While that's happening, Sam turns to the camera and tells the audience to go get some popcorn. It's also a meta joke, as this episode was aired in movie theaters in celebration of the show's seventh anniversary. (Given what happened to them in the previous episode with the Shade Mother's brown "shart", Liam suggests that the audience not get the caramel popcorn.)
- When they ask for cookies for the road, Fearne apparently eats most of the plate, leaving only two cookies left. Eshteross, who wanted to save a few for himself, lets the girls take the rest of the cookies.
  Laudna: Can we keep the tray?
  Eshteross: I want my tray! Thank you very much.
While Eshteross is about to leave, Fearne thanks him and adds in a "We love you". Eshteross pauses for a moment, letting that sentence sink in, shakes his head and continues on.
Travis: (in his Chetney voice) Now Eshteross has to die.
Liam: Hey, why limit yourself to the PC characters?
Chetney reveals that his tattoo stands for "Recognize the Alpha". Matt scoots his chair off screen in exasperation. (He also makes a hilarious impression of the :< emoticon.) When he comes back, he has Laura roll a low DC Intelligence check in order to lecture the audience on the flawed science behind the concept of Alpha and Beta Wolves. After finishing his speech, he looks straight at the camera deadpan, as if daring someone to object.
- As an aside, Matt tells Travis to get his third character ready during this exchange. His response?
  Travis: Got him in locked and loaded. (he and the entire table laugh) This one lasted much longer than I expected!
  - He then suggests that the next one will be an elven great-grandfather and does an impression of a man one foot in the grave wanting to go on adventures.
F.C.G. tries to shop for spell components, including a piece of flesh, bone shards, and blood. When he explains that he needs it for spells, the rest of the Hells immediately offer to donate some blood to him.
F.C.G.: You seem a little eager to share your blood with me.
Ashton: It's your shopping list that's making everything weird, everyone else is just trying to be nice.
Marisha catches Sam trying to draw Fearne on her horse, and the party realizes that he still doesn't know how her legs work. It's also revealed that he didn't know that Fearne wears clothes.
Ashley: You didn't look at the art?!?
- Later, when Sam identifies an item that can only be used by sorcerers, he laments that they don't know any and is shocked to learn that TWO party members are sorcerers.
The party naming their horses:
- Chetney calls his "Loonch", Orym names his "Rabbit", Fearne calls hers "Sir Floppers", Laudna comes up with "Escargot", Imogen calls hers "Heart", and Ashton calls his "One Way" (since "that's as far as he's gonna get"). This leads to the group realizing their problem and yelling, "Why do we have six names for five horses?!"
  Matt: Roll for initiative!
- When the group realizes they have six names, Orym, who's sharing a horse with Chetney, immediately glares at the old man.
  Orym: If you take "Rabbit" from me, I will kill you.
After Orym manages to snag the shard from the rabbit, he actually licks it and says he knows what rabbit saliva tastes like. Cue Laudna and Ashton trying as well.
While it was after an incredibly saddening heart to heart between Orym and Laudna, Liam asks Matt to give him one hitpoint of exhaustion because he knew for Orym there was "no fucking way" he was going to sleep after Laudna's story.
When Imogen and FCG take watch together, they decide to simultaneously cast Detect Thoughts on each other for insight into their conditions. This being Laura and Sam, it doesn't take long for it to devolve into innuendo.
Laura: You want to do it? Oh my gosh, it'll be like—
Sam: Let's do it.
Laura: Okay.
Sam: Let's do it. I'm going to go deep.
Laura: Me, too.
Sam: All the way.
Laura: Hard.
Sam: Deep and hard.
Laura: Deep and hard.
Sam: No one else is awake, right?
Laura: How many attachments you got?
Sam: How many what?
Laura: Never mind. What are you talking about?
Toward the end of the session, after Marisha already rolled high enough to notice the fairy light in the rainy night, Taliesin teases at Ashton getting ready to open up on more of his backstory before noticing Laudna isn't paying attention.
Ashton: I never told anybody this before, but I just wanted to—hey, what the fuck are you looking at?
The table is curious about the fairy creature, but keep rolling too high to cause anything to happen. Their solution? Have Ashley go and investigate. As she rolls, Sam even chants, "Roll bad!"
- As Laudna and Imogen wake Fearne up and tell her about the fairy, she's more annoyed than interested.
Fearne: What's happening?
Laudna: We think there's a pixie, or a fairy, or a fey...
Fearne: Oh, bitches! No, leave it alone, go back to sleep!
Matt reveals that the fairy was actually a lure connected to a large plant-like creature, and that's where he decides to end the episode.
Marisha: (nervously) ♪ We probably should have left it alone~! ♪
- Matt even comments that nothing would have happened if the party left it alone since they kept rolling too high, and the creature was about to give up. A couple of them refer to it as a button they have to push.
  Matt: I rely on the button pushing.
- Ashton's closer inspection reveals that from up close, the lure only vaguely resembles a humanoid fairy.
  Liam: I like that, with a closer look, it had all the fine detail of a gummy bear.
  Taliesin: I would wander into a forest for a flying gummy bear! Fuck yes!

Episode 18: A Hungry Jungle

Taliesin's bad luck with Ashton continues as Ashton not only gets eaten by the lure-plant, he's also being slowly digested in its stomach.
Taliesin: (in a small voice) Help.
Travis: It's again?
Taliesin: It's fucking again. Help.
Laudna helpfully summarizes the situation for F.C.G.
Laudna: It just ate and then shat out Ashton! Its metabolism is off the fucking charts!
Laudna gets knocked out but manages to come back. Her reaction is a shocked and slightly annoyed, "I died again?!"
When the Plant Monster goes to take two legendary actions, the cast goes nuts over the fact that a creature like this can make one much less two. This was emphasized by Sam calling time out. Matt then took the time to explain that it was their fault because it was one creature vs 7 player characters.
Wanting to take a piece of piece of pre-Calamity ruin with her, Imogen asks Laudna if she could borrow her hair (Laura actually meant the rock hammer tied to Laudna's hair), and Laudna rips out a piece of her hair for her.
Imogen somehow gets turned blue due to triggering a Wild Magic Surge while using the Feywild Shard. When the party makes it to Heartmoor Hamlet the following evening, the guards eye her suspiciously, and the party needs to hastily lie that she wandered off the trail and got into a Noodle Incident.
A Firbolg has trouble taking off his bracelet. Fearne offers to help.
Liam: Orym is trying to catch Fearne's eyes, and is silently trying to communicate, "Please don't steal anything."
Ashley: (as Fearne, with a smile) Let me help you.
Laura: In Fearne's head, you hear, "Please don't steal anything."
An NPC talking about jewelry refers to "uncut gems" as "uncut jams," causing everyone to corpse. It was a reference to a viral video of actress Julia Fox mispronouncing the title of her movie.
Marisha: We just officially dated this episode.
Liam: Some jokes stand the test of time.
Taliesen: Not this one.
As the group are investigating some plants, Matt asks for the table to make a history check. Reminder, Fearne has a negative stat for nature, which means no one really has any skills for nature.
Sam sneezes, and while everybody else is saying "Bless you" and "Gesundheit," Ashley instead tells Sam, "Stop it," prompting everyone else to burst into laughter.
Travis: We're going to get to a live show one day, somebody's going to sneeze and the whole place is going to go,
Travis and Marisha: (simultaneously) STOP IT.
Matt: I hope so.
The topic of Whitestone Andy comes up, and if Laudna's seen him since she died.
Liam: Yeah, he was on the next rope over.
Laura: (smacking Liam on the shoulder) Fucking terrible!
So, what does Sam have written on his gas can this time? Exandria themed pseudoscience "facts", possibly inspired by the Alpha and Beta Wolves incident last session.
- FACTS:
  - Exandria is flat.
  - Satyr knees are backwards.
  - RUIDUS = 5G

Episode 19: Omens Above

During the ad read for Thorum wedding rings, Sam prepared a skit reenacting the night that Travis proposed to Laura back in 2010. Travis and Laura weren't allowed to read the ad copy beforehand; the skit is instead Ashley as Travis and Liam as Laura in a skit loaded to the brim with period references to 2010 and hilarious dramatic irony regarding the direction that their careers would take over the following decade.
Estani offers the party some drinks, letting them choose between water, tea, and lime juice. When the party tells him to surprise them, he brings out several mugs with a hot water and lime juice mixture. It's surprisingly good when combined with the cookies, though Taliesin/Ashton does pull the faces you would expect from someone with a mouth full of lime juice.
Ashton: (slurring) My tongue is numb.
The party are trying to estimate the depthness of this odd pot with Ashton growling at Orym over losing the rope. Cue F.C.G. adding in that they could have used the coin too.
At a toy store, Imogen and Ashton find a Creepy Doll. They add the doll to their list of purchases, and present it to a delighted Laudna. She names her Sashimi. Imogen mentions that she thought Pate could use a girlfriend, and sure enough the dolls seem to hit it off.
- Chetney sulks about the whole thing because another doll was his planned gift for Laudna. He mutters that he has to make a dollhouse now. Cue Travis angrily crossing out something in his notebook.
- Afterwards as Laudna walks away with Sashimi and Pate, she has Pate grabs Sashimi's ass. Cue the table joking that Pate went in "instant heat".
Imogen: I'm going to start regretting this purchase.
Ashton: I'm not.
Imogen: You're not the one who'll be sleeping next to it!
Ashton: (cheerfully) Nope.
Laura accidentally references Imogen needing glasses, prompting general laughter and Matt asking if she's finally giving in to the power of fanart (which frequently depicts Imogen with glasses despite her not having any in the official character art).
Matt: The sheer force of fandom!
Ashton and Imogen show off the music jack box they purchased to Chetney, who's not entirely pleased. As he winds it up, he mutters at how the metal handle on the box was going to slowly poison him. Then Ashton screams to scare Chetney, leading Chetney to yell at the other and then pause, pretending his heart was giving out.
- Following that, he makes suggestive eyes at Fearne that the should do it since he's already so old, but she suggests they not test his heart anymore.
Chetney: It's called conditioning!!
Liam's description of how Orym sleeps: He gets on the bed, circles three times like a dog, and curls up "in a little pill-bug ball" behind Fearne's knees.
When shopping for supplies, the group come upon a the seller offering limes. They decide to buy a small bunch of it.
- This comes up later as the party attempts to convince a tavernkeeper to "keep quiet about them" after failing to get any information from him about a rival adventuring party. After offering a comically small 1 GP bribe to the tavern keeper, Laudna offers to "sweeten the deal" with...a lime. After an excellent Persuasion check, it even works!
- As they look for caltrops and other times, Ashton comments, "I love a choking hazard".
Laudna's idea for how to ease Imogen's mind after her nightmare: Have Pate and his new girlfriend Sashimi perform a burlesque routine for her.
Matt briefly misplaced his notes on the Verdict, causing him to have to hem and haw while searching for their team name.
Laura: They had trouble thinking of a name too, huh?
Matt, IC: "We call ourselves the...ah...."
Taliesin: Focus Group!
Laura: Ain't easy, is it?!
- This leads to a bit of meta humour when the episode is released on YouTube. The episode was released without a title, and stayed up for a few hours before being updated with "Omens Above".

Episode 20: Breaking and Entering...

The heist begins and shenanigans ensue, with Ashton grabbing the rope of their rival team and shaking it so they fall off. When the goblin attempts to charm him, he manages to not be affected.
Ashton: I don't make friends!
- Then as Ashton helps him up, he quickly kicks Ashton in the groin.
Marisha: Why did you help him??
Taliesin: I thought he'd be cool!
There are portraits of Lord Hytroga where it looks like he's a tourist cheerfully posing in different areas.
As Chetney trails the other two, he quickly jumps off the rope so the goblin below him wouldn't realize he was there. Cue the goblin and his partner blaming the other for moving the rope moving around.
- As he continues his stealth mission, the table breaks out singing the Mission Impossible theme, with them adding in "Pock-o-pea" for flourish.
The two hear the Bell's Hells below and talk about "that creepy one". Cue Laudna below suddenly smiling and priming at the ceiling for some reason.
Chetney follows the separated rival party members who enter a bedroom and find a hidden button. Turns out it just opens up a hidden mirror on the canopy of the bed. The rival team look at each other for a beat before hitting the button again to close it up. The goblin in the group actually chuckles at it before his partner snaps at him to return to the burglary.
- The two end up entering a room where some dark goo grabs them from the ceiling and sticks them up there. They try to use their hands to get rid of the goo, only to make their hands stick to their chest.
Goblin: (Beat) That's your fault.
- Then when Chetney hears F.C.G.'s voice, he hesitates for a moment, looks up at the two arguing and flips them off before skedaddling away.
After hearing F.C.G. call him, Chetney descends a staircase where he slips onto some ball bearings and gets zapped by armor. Cut back to: Earlier, the main group discovered the armor trap, disarmed then re-armed it, and Laudna created the ball bearing trap as well hoping to catch the opposition with both/either.
The first door the Hells open is trapped, and everyone but Chetney is webbed to the floor. Chetney's plan to get them out is to piss Ashton off enough to trigger a rage.
Chetney: Hey. I'm gonna need you to get outta this. Bitch. (slaps Ashton across the face)
- Ashton then rips the others out of the webs, while shouting at Chetney to keep slapping them to keep the rage going.
- While still raging, Ashton tries to break the door down with a Reckless attack.
  Taliesin: So if the door attacks me, it has advantage.
  Matt: You laugh, but for three campaigns, it's still your biggest enemy.
The group fall into a trap where they trigger an illusion to make it seem like they're falling. Fearne and the others continuously scream while F.C.G. flails around. He even shoots out his hook and accidentally spears Imogen on it.
Imogen: (in F.C.G.'s head) What the fuck are you doing?!
- Imogen casts Calm Emotions. This stops the screaming (though not for Fearne and F.C.G., who saved), but doesn't dispel the illusion, meaning the others think they are now very calmly falling down a bottomless pit.
  Ashton: I should not be okay with this.
- How does the group escape the trap? Most of the party end up slapping one another. Ashton doesn't do it as he doesn't trust himself to "hit soft" enough.
The next trap they trigger is them facing marionettes that laugh, causing most of the other party to devolve into uncontrollable fits of laughter. The group continue to fail their saving throws, and when they leave, Imogen is still the only one laughing.
Laudna: (in confused laughter) I don't get the joke!!
During the above fight while Laura was rolling she put down a ring pop she was enjoying. Liam seeing it, casually took it, a Nat 20 in all but name, because no one even saw it cause they were dealing with the puppets. When Laura looked for it again, she panicked that she accidentally put a licked ring pop in an area that could get messy.
Chetney checks a door and finds no traps. He unlocks it and steps inside, cue him failing a dexterity check and falling into a pit like a Looney Tunes cartoon. Travis also lets out an overly long scream as Chetney falls.
Matt points out to the party that all of the plaques for Lord Hytroga's exhibits end with ellipsis, he seems to think it makes them sound more profound and mysterious. As a meta Brick Joke, not only does Matt end the episode on a Cliffhanger, the episode's title also ends with an ellipsis.
Sam: You mean, you're ending the whole episode with a dot-dot-dot?
Matt: I believe I am, Sam.
Taliesin: Or is he...?
- Earlier on, Ashton makes this comment:
Ashton: So this place is just full of stuff that he doesn't understand?

Episode 21: Fight at the Museum...

Sam's gas board shows off a new spell called "Yassify", with different pictures of the table members yassified. Most of the group were more horrified at Sam's creations than they were impressed.
- Marisha is especially impressed with what the app did to her cleavage, but Sam says that it only changes the face.
  Laura: You got some good tots.
  Matt: I ain't complaining.
- Cue a bit of Mood Whiplash as Matt notes that the party has now leveled up.
- When Matt sees his yassified portrait, along with a tired sigh has this to say:
  Matt: That is a man who has not been working 70 hours a week for seven years.
The gang has one door un-opened on the other side of the room, and the team is split between exploring the final room of the museum or escaping from the fight with the clay golems. After they decide to run away, Ashton finds that the other team has found Bell's Hells' own immovable rod and blocked the door they entered through, meaning they have to cross the room with the golems and open the mystery door anyway.
Rewatch bonus: Marisha, Sam, and Laura have a nearly inaudible conversation about how to hide the earring from the other team. Laura suggests hiding it in Imogen’s vagina.
Sam: Matt, we... we need to know how to roll for...
When the golems go after Fearne, Laura mentions they shouldn't kill her because Ashley wasn't there due to COVID. Matt is appalled at that insinuation; Sam meanwhile suggests they shut off their phones. All of this gets doubly funny when Marisha makes the Nat 20 on the Grapple check and also dodges two attacks.
Liam using Orym's Halfling ability to get under Fearne's and Ashton's legs counts as awesome and funny. Its funny because Matt was trying to explain that the ability would only work with a good roll, only for Liam to cut him off with a Nat 20 Acrobatics check, which was a 28 total. Matt's Stunned expression adds to it.
Imogen gets one that Triples as Awesome and Nightmare Fuel. The funny part was that after they planned to ambush the Verdict, she gently pressed one of the pressure switches after the Verdict were careful to not touch the switches which lead to the comedic screaming by Matt. She did it twice more, to more screams and laughter by the chat. The awesome part was that they took down the group without fighting. The nightmare fuel is the fact they could have lead to them burning alive. Which leads to the moment where they stabilize the other group in Heartwarming.
- Taliesin, in a tone of awestruck horror, refers to systematically roasting the Verdict alive as Bell's Hells going "full Keyleth".
Ashton is so pissed off at being tricked that he tells the Bell's Hells he wants to steal more from Hydroga, offering his room as one of their ransacking options. When asked what he'd want to steal, Ashton initially says he wants to take the coat off of Hydroga, saying he'll give it to him. The group end up snagging a book and some papers.
When they see Hydroga waiting for them, he tells them he doesn't like loose ends and orders his guards to kill them.
Hydroga: (Beat) Just kidding!
As they make it out, Hydroga asks for the item they were supposed to steal. Cue F.C.G. hacking up the bag like a cat and handing it to Laudna.
Hydroga tells the Bell's Hells they'll have a reward and basically takes a photo of the group and framing it. He tells them it's to show off that they were the first group to ever rob his museum. However, given the current state of the party being ragged, burnt and bleeding, that likely just added more salt to the wound.
When the group ask about the other stuff they didn't see, Hydroga suggests they come back during the usual hours for a tour. He adds that they'd have to pay for it of course, which they object to.
Hydroga: I'm running a business here!
Chetney finally reverts back to his gnome form and sighs in relief. When asked if shifting is painful for him, he say's it's just an "in and out" motion. Cue the table holding back some giggles.
Chetney: Get your head straight!
Chetney finally confronting the lady at the toy shop, and the group finds out she's not on good terms with Oltgar either. The two have a stare down and Chetney eventually backs off. It's only when they're leaving does he show how terrified he actually was, as Orym awkwardly drags him along.
Estani approaches Orym and Chetney to talk to them under the guise of feeding the birds. However, every time he throws a piece of bread, Chetney picks it up and tries to hand it back to him. When he and Orym are about to leave, he grabs a piece off the ground, eats it, then immediately spits it back out.
Laudna offers F.C.G. some ball bearings after Chetney asks if they're hungry. F.C.G. eats them right out of her hand like a horse, then starts wiggling back and forth to hear them rattle around inside their metal body. Matt interjects to tell them they have disadvantage on Stealth checks for the rest of the day.
When they get back to Jrusar, the Hells sell their horses back to their original stable. Travis and Taliesin feel so weird about the fact that they managed to keep them all alive that they debate killing one just to make things right.
- They also have a conversation with FCG about whether or not horses have souls, as he believes they don't. A horse then promptly takes a dump on him.

Episode 22: Promise and Potential

For this week's ad, Sam debuts a new character: lounge singer Ludo McGillicuddy, who sings the praises of Quip toothbrushes, implies that Matt has bad breath while standing beside/behind Matt, and keeps getting Matt's name wrong, ^noteMark, Max, Myron, Marco, Maverick, Mewtwo while singing public domain versions of oldies. Matt is unamused.
Matt: Wrap it up, Riegel...(later) I need to burn this shirt now.
- Sam's costume? A gold bathrobe, and no shirt underneath.
Ashton telling Fearne not to steal anything from Jiana Hexum as a suggestion, but if she wanted to steal something, she had better not get caught. Fearne ends up trying to nab a bust of a statue with Ashton helping her out by carrying it out themselves.
Chetney's back to his Casanova Wannabe ways when he declares (within earshot of Fearne) his bed is open to anyone. Ashton immediately takes him up on the offer and basically body-slams Chetney into the bed, with a body made of solid rock.
Chetney: (muffled screaming)
Ashton: (casually) I warn you, I toss and turn, and I'm a snorer.
Chetney: (more muffled protests) Your body is hard!
Ashton: I can also sleep anywhere!
- Adding insult to injury, Matt describes that, as a carpenter, Chetney can hear the sound of load-bearing wood beginning to crack under Ashton's weight. He decides to sleep on the floor.
F.C.G. decides that they will stare at Imogen while she sleeps. He adds that it wasn't in a "creepy way".
- Mirroring this, Fearne decides to stare at Ashton during her watch, emphasizing that it is absolutely in a creepy way. She spends a large portion of her watch messing around with the glass patch on Ashton's head, running her fingers across it to see the way it sparkles and fogging it up so she can draw a smiley face on it. Ashton remains dead asleep for all of this.
During a discussion of their impending payment, Imogen points out that Chetney has a lot of money, which he defends by claiming to have earned it selling his toys. The Hells seem dubious.
Chetney: (defensively) Do you know a lot of people that make wooden toys of an expert nature? I don't think so!
F.C.G.: We've met several, just in the last week and a half.
Matt's slightly awkward emphasis on a certain word makes the group think that Etheross's retainer, Evelyn, is Christian.
Evelyn: I'm just looking out to make sure you weren't followed. General protocal for the lord.
*Laura makes a prayer motion*
Matt: Not "The Lord".
When the group reports to Estheross and their unique personalities show, the older man is reminded how eccentric they all are.
The party receive a letter from Vex'ahlia de Rolo. They ask Imogen to read it. Cue a spectacular scene of professional actors trolling each other. Laura eventually gives up and reads the letter in Vex's voice despite the fact Imogen has never met her.
Orym: How are you at voices?
Imogen: I don't know, we'll find out.
Eshteross deciding to bake is treated as Serious Business.
Eshteross: Evelyn.
Evelyn: Yes?
Eshteross: Go to the market. Get me my supplies. Tonight...I bake.
After many complaints from Travis in previous episodes that from his viewing angle he never gets a good look at Sam's flask, this week it displays a message to Ashley, Laura, Liam, and Talisen telling them to laugh and pretend that Travis is missing out on the joke. Predictably, Travis is quite upset when the other table starts laughing at it.
The Hells start discussing how to deal with Chetney losing control of his wolf form. The conversation that follows is so laden with sexual innuendo, specifically surrounding edging, that everyone is in stitches by the end of it. The suggestion that Chetney should start thinking about baseball if he ever reaches the edge of that desire causes Liam to start choking on his own spit.
F.C.G.: Well, I'm glad we had this conversation at this school for children.
Ashton: You've said a lot of inappropriate things in front of kids this last couple of hours.
Matt: The door is open and there's a small child—
Liam: No, no, no, that is a dwarf who's 400 years old.
Marwa apparently got a new friend while the Hells were away, a pet rat she named "Jay". Laudna sounds like she would have combusted out of pure happiness.
Marwa apparently had bargained for a few things since the group last met. Each one more suspicious sounding than the last. It doesn't help how she constantly remarks that some of these items may contain dead bodies.
- She pulls out a whistle that works by blowing into it and thinking of a person, so only they can hear it.
Marwa: (grinning) Perfect for annoying neighbors.
- The next item is a bleeding apron. Yes, an apron that bleeds. She's not as enthused on this object as she had tried to clean it previously, but it just kept bleeding. After she receives her croissant Marwa hasn't noticed her hands had blood all over them. As she bites into the croissant, she notes with faint curiosity about the new flavor. Throughout her discussion with the Hells they even notice rubbing her hand around her face, leaving red streaks behind, and her left none the wiser.
  - The party isn't entirely sure what they would want of need the apron for, with Imogen attempting prestidigitation it in hopes of it not ruining Ashton's clothes. They end up adding that onto their shopping cart.
- Then Marwa pulls out her next object:
Marwa: A hole.
The party: (beat) What?
Fearne, of course, is the one who decides to jump into the hole with everyone on the other end panicking for her. As Marwa demonstrates she can take the hole away, it leads to the Hells panicking more and yelling at her to put the hole back.
- After being told that while in the hole she can see them but they can't see her, Ashley silently mimics Fearne flashing the rest of the group. Appropriately, no one notices.
- Orym noting how despite the possible dangers of the hole, it would've been helpful to have when they nabbed that statue bust.
Marwa's decision on giving the Hell's a discount? Just so long as they did not mention they were from her, or how they were possibly murder weapons, they could buy the items at a discount.
Laudna likes Marwa and keeps trying to make friends, but Marwa either doesn’t feel the same way or is too socially inept to notice. Laudna’s heartbreak when Marwa doesn’t have an orange slice for her is hilariously tragic.
Laudna: (quietly) But I brought you a pastry...

Funny / Critical Role Shades Of Black

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