Jake: Because if you did, you could eat the toast, and the police would never find the murder weapon. It's the perfect crime.
Food used as melee weapons. Be sure to take note of the fact that a smart criminal will realize that they can Eat the Evidence if the weapon was used to commit a crime without having to suffer horrific indigestion as a result.
Sub Tropes include:
- Bad with the Bone: Bones used as weapons and weapons made from bones.
- Baguette Beatdown: Long, French-style bread used as bludgeoning weapons.
- Edible Ammunition: Abnormal Ammo where food products are used as ammunition.
- Food Slap: Indignation at someone else's actions displayed by throwing food or drink in the offending party's face.
- Fork Fencing: Kitchen silverware used as improvised melee weaponry.
- Produce Pelting: Audiences showing their displeasure with a performance by pelting the performer with fruit and vegetables.
- Shamu Fu: Fish and other sea life used as weapons.
- Swordfish Sabre: Fish or other sea animals with long, pointy projections on their heads used as fencing weapons.
Not to be confused with Large Ham, even if a piece of ham is used as a weapon.
- In Digimon Data Squad, Raramon uses Sausages as Nunchucks in the movie.
- In Love, Chunibyo & Other Delusions, Canon Foreigner Sanae Dekomori's "Mjolnir Hammer" bags on the ends of her hair are filled with candy.
- In Ranma ½, foods, such as Okonomiyaki, Ramen, and Takoyaki, are used as a weapon a number of times.
- In The Batman And Robin Adventures #5, The Joker attempts to beat a henchman to death with a bunch of bananas for welshing on a bet. He later regrets this — not for any moral reason, just the fact that bananas aren't sturdy enough to be an effective truncheon. The next time he attempts this, he uses plantains instead.
- Deadpool beat up Bullseye (who was dressed as Hawkeye) with a giant ham. While decked out in a meat armor.
- In And the Giant Awoke, Tyrion Lannister successfully kills Gregor Clegane, in part due to a cunning strategy involving a shield made of toffee.
- Kazuma V Tanya: After massacring a group of thugs who were stupid enough to threaten his sister, Kazuma notes that he caved in at least one skull with a loaf of skaa bread and likely gives his mother a concussion with another loaf of bread at a later date when he comes home to a crying Vin with a red handprint on her cheek.
- In The Killer Dame (a parody of the Voyager episode "The Killing Game") Neelix has been brainwashed by the Hirogen into thinking he's a Gestapo agent, so proceeds to beat up a captive Harry Kim with the contents of his kitchen.
"I ASK THE QUESTIONS!" Neelix roared, picking up a bowl of sauerkraut with diced pork and breaking it over the ensign's head.
- The MLP Loops: In one Loop, Twilight comes into Mac's bar sporting a huge grin after having beaten a robotic Tirek with a six-foot party sub. Even the ever-stoic Mac gets a laugh out of that one. (Word of the Loop's author is that it's a Shout-Out to the Insecticomics.)
- In Neither a Bird nor a Plane, it's Deku!, Santa Claus wields a giant candy cane while clashing with All For One.
- Batman: Mask of the Phantasm: during his fight with the Phantasm, the Joker reaches a cutting board behind him. He ignores the knife laying there, and instead grabs the giant hunk of salami.
- Disney's Sleeping Beauty has a brief scene played for laughs when an offended and mildly drunk King Hubert tries to attack his host King Stefan with a very large fish. However, since the fish isn't frozen it goes all floppy in a few hits against a metal serving tray used as an improvised shield. The absurdity of the situation makes them engage in some tension-lifting laughter.
- In Beverly Hills Ninja, where Haru wields two large tuna.
- During one of the slapstick sequences in The Fearless Vampire Killers, Rebecca Shagal mistakes Professor Abronsius for her husband sneaking up behind her and hits him over the head with a garlic sausage, knocking him out.
- In Law Abiding Citizen, Clyde shivs his cellmate with the bone from his T-bone steak.
- Mrs. Doubtfire: Daniel Hillard, under the guise of Mrs. Doubtfire, does not take kindly to his ex's boyfriend Stu Dunmeyer calling him a loser, and pelts him in the back of the head with a lime.
Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh, sir! I saw it! Some angry member of the kitchen staff! Did you not tip them? Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way! It was a run-by fruiting! I'll get them, sir! Don't worry!
- During the fight in the grocery store in My Bloody Valentine 3D, Sarah clubs the miner in the head with a lump of frozen meat.
- In Serial Mom, Beverly follows Mrs. Jensen home and bludgeons her to death with a leg of lamb while she sings along to "Tomorrow" on her rented copy of Annie.
- Smith from Shoot 'em Up uses carrots almost as much as guns, most often for stabbing.
- Swashbuckler: After jumping off the roof and crashing through the awning of the butchers' stall, Nick emerges clutching a leg of lamb that he uses to belt some of the pursuing soldiers.
- Thanks to Bowdlerization, we have Michelangelo in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze using a couple joints of sausage in place of his nunchaku.
Michelangelo: (Grabs sausages) Combat coldcuuuuuuuts!
- In Trick 'r Treat, Sam attempts to stab Mr. Kreeg with a sharpened lollypop. He later (or rather earlier due to the Anachronic Order) uses it to murder Emma.
- The Shaw Brothers film The Young Rebel has a fight scene where the titular rebel beats the crap out of a group of robbers with a frozen lamb leg. And winning.
- Several examples of Conan the Barbarian using a leg/joint of meat to bludgeon someone in a pinch, typically because he's been stripped of weapons after being imprisoned.
- In Discworld, Dwarf Bread is well known to be a backup weapon. It's fairly good at this, because it's not required to be so much actually edible as theoretically edible (if you're hungry, just think about eating some dwarven bread, and you'll start thinking of all the other things you'd rather eat...such as mountains, raw sheep, and your own foot).
- They also make their chocolate in the same manner. It's technically more edible since it (eventually) melts, but it's also set out in triangular spikes perfect to pierce both enemy skulls and your palate if you bite it and somehow don't lose your teeth. And it contains nuts. Similarities to Toblerone bars are entirely intentional.
- It's also mentioned in passing that a young Nanny Ogg, when she was working as a servant in the Royal Palace, dissuaded the King of Lancre from forcing himself upon her with "a large leg of lamb wielded in both hands, ending her career below stairs and putting quite a lengthy crimp on his activities above them." (And yes, it is pointed out that all he had to do was ask nicely.)
- Cohen, an Affectionate Parody of the below, bites his shield because it's made out of chocolate.
- The Trope Codifier is Roald Dahl's Lamb to the Slaughter, in which a frozen leg of lamb is used as a murder weapon. The killer gets the police investigators to eat the evidence.
- In 1000 Ways to Die, a pervert flashes a group of Action Moms and they reply via squirting him with their baby bottles full of breast milk. The perv grabs one and drinks the contents... too bad that the lady had eaten peanuts (so the milk had some traces of peanut in it) and the pervert had a peanut allergy, which ends up killing him.
- Classic example is the leg o' lamb from Alfred Hitchcock Presents, adapted from the aforementioned Roald Dahl story. Executive Meddling forced Hitchcock to give an addendum after the episode saying the wife got caught when the tried to do it again with her second husband, but forgot she already thawed out the meat.
- Discussed with Jose Jalapeno on a Stick in Controlled Chaos.
- CSI: In "The Gone Dead Train", the Victim of the Week in the B plot is murdered with a pork chop; stabbed in the neck with the bone, to be precise.
- DCI Banks: In "What Will Survive", DI Morton subdues a suspect in a fishmonger's by clocking him with a bag of frozen cockles.
- The Doctor Blake Mysteries: In "The Call of the Void", the Victim of the Week is bludgeoned to death with a frozen leg of lamb in a restaurant freezer.
- The Goodies
- The ancient Lancastrian martial art Ecky Thump featured in "Kung-fu Capers" involves just hitting people over the head with a black pudding. It's devastatingly effective.
- "Invasion of the Moon Creatures". Super-intelligent rabbits from the Moon are launching an Alien Invasion, including turning Bill and Tim into giant rabbits whereupon they dress up like droogs from A Clockwork Orange and go around beating up people with giant carrots.
- I'm Alan Partridge: Whilst judging the vegetable show at the county fayre, Alan Partridge comments on how you can beat someone to death with an onion and then eat the evidence.
- Kaamelott has an entire episode dedicated to Those Two Guys discussing their latest ingenious martial art: Improvised Weapons made from food. The high point is the extended demonstration on how to fight using fennel.◊
Karadoc: Step one, learn to recognize punt objects.
Perceval: Punt objects, ones that do damage. Is that the right word?
Arthur: No, no, sorry, I misheard, punt objects. Carry on.
Perceval: So, sire, do you think a fennel is a punt object?
Arthur: Well, I'm not an expert on fennel combat, but instinctively, I'd say it's not.
Karadoc: Trick question.
Perceval: In this case, the answer is yes and no.
Karadoc: The newbie sees it, he grabs it by the stem and tries to hit you with the sporadic part, right?
Arthur: The sporadic part.
Perceval: Yeah, sporadic, when it's ball-shaped.
Arthur: Uh huh.
Karadoc: You'd have taken it by the stem, right?
Arthur: This is still in the event that I find myself having to fight with a fennel, yes?
Arthur: Possibly, yes.
Karadoc: And that's where you're wrong, because if you look closely, the sporadic part has no prosperities, and therefore, is smooth.
Perceval: So, you need to grab it by the ballian part-
Karadoc: -Or sporadic-
Perceval: -and fight with the stem.
Karadoc: The stemian part.
Perceval: Whose tip can be considered punty.
Karadoc: You still following, sire?
- Midsomer Murders: In "Schooled in Murder", the first Victim of the Week is pinned beneath a set of shelves and has a large wheel of cheese dropped on her head.
- Monty Python's Flying Circus:
Drill Sergeant Nasty: Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against the banana fiend. First of all, you force him to drop the banana, next, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless.
- The sketch "Self-defence against fresh fruit" must fit somewhere.
- The Fish-Slapping Dance. Light slaps to the cheek with mackerel (or some similarly sized fish) are replied to with the piscine equivalent of a truncheon, knocking Michael Palin straight into the river. No-one actually eats any of the fish, but they could have.
- In an episode of Murder, She Wrote, a frozen fish was the murder weapon (the murder took place in a restaurant; the restaurant's accountant confronted a stealing employee and ended up using the fish in self-defense). And yes, it got eaten, but not intentionally.
- In one episode of QI, Bill Bailey suggests a prisoner on death row should request a stale baguette and a pineapple as part of their last meal, then craft them into some sort of medieval mace and use it to fight off the guards.
- In one episode of Sliders when trapped in a Virtual Reality world, Rembrandt asks asks the ally hacker for a hammer to fight the bad guy's empowered minions. He gets a ham. Still useful as he throws it hard enough to knock the minion out.
- The Suite Life of Zack and Cody spoofs this in "The Ghost in Suite 613" by having a thuggish man show up with a club at the door to the titular suite... who then takes a bite out of the club. The thug is actually Arwin, and his "club" is actually a sub.
- Perhaps inspired by the "Lamb to the Slaughter" example in the Literature section above. There was an episode of Wings where Brian was staying for a short time a Fey's house. While there he was watching an "America's Most Wanted" TV show and saw a story about a woman who years before took in boarders then murdered them. One such was beaten to death with a frozen leg of lamb. The aged composite photo shown looked very much like Fey and Brian spent the rest of the episode convinced that she was a murderer who was now out to get him for discovering her secret. She even had a leg of lamb in the freezer that was "for him", and ends up accidentally flooring Joe with it during the climax.
- Wishbone: In the Odyssey episode, Odysseus's son uses a large ham as a club while driving the freeloading suitors out of Odysseus's home.
- In "Benny The Bouncer" by Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Benny uses a frozen meat pie in his fight with Sid The Greaser.
- The song "Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)" by Benny Hill features a fight between Ernie and his rival Two-Ton Ted who drives the bakers van using wares from their vans. Ernie is killed by rock cake underneath his heart followed by stale pork pie in the eye.
- The Sega Genesis game ALF has the eponymous character get a salami sausage and uses it as a blunt weapon for most of the game.
- In the boxing game ARMS, Min Min's arms are made of Ramen noodles.
- In Banjo-Tooie, pink and blue Flatsos use sausages and candy canes, respectively.
- Chrono Cross has Janice, a half-rabbit monster trainer that attacks enemies with a giant carrot.
- Dark Cloud: The Frozen Tuna.
- Disgaea 3 and Disgaea 4 have "fun" weapons that include edible things like lollipops, shish-kebabs, and baked potatoes. Their actual equipment stats are generally close to non-existent, but they all possess useful secondary abilities.
- In Don't Starve, you can make a Ham Bat, which is exactly what it sounds like. Unlike all the other tools and weapons in the game, it has unlimited durability. Also unlike all the other tools and weapons in the game but very much like foodstuffs, it slowly spoils over time.
- Elona has equipment that can be either candy or raw, that can then be eaten.
- Some of of the joke weapons in Fire Emblem Fates include candy bars, daikon radishes, stale bread, etc.
- In Gobliins 2, the protagonists need to steal a rich man's sausage (specifically, a saucisson). The owner will smack them strongly with that very sausage if they try to steal it openly, and later, they use it to hit a chicken over the head to make it lay an egg.
- The trolls in Heroes of Might and Magic 3 hold big thigh bones with the meat on them for bludgeon weapons, scrolling the mouse cursor over them makes them take a bite out of the meat.
- A few of the joke weapons in Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days are food-related as well. Zexion gets an enormous sandwich, Axel gets a pair of pizzas with one slice missing from each, and Saix can swing around a giant unpeeled banana in place of his usual sword.
- In Mario Super Sluggers, Baby DK uses a banana instead of a bat to hit the baseball.
- Monster Hunter has the Frozen Speartuna and its upgrades. Unusually for a swordfish, it is held by the nose.
- One of the melee weapons available in Naughty Bear is a whole ham. It packs a mean wallop...
- All of the weapons in Video Game/Ninjala are created by blowing bubble gum.
- In Phantom Brave, bread and fish are among the items you can use as weapons.
- PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale has several examples, including Sir Daniel tossing a drumstick of chicken at his enemies, Sackboy launching a cupcake as a projectile weapon, and the sturgeon from the market scene in Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception being used as an item pick-up.
- In the Pokémon games, Farfetch'd uses a leek as a weapon. Galarian Farfetch'd take it further not only by having leeks so large they can beat things into submission, but also by evolving into Sirfetch'd, which uses said leek as a lance.
- In the Rune Factory series, there are weapons like the Veggieblade (A carrot), the Yam Spear (a roasted yam on a stick), the Dekash (a tuna), the Dual Leeks and the Daikon Staff. The only materials to craft them are produce you've grown or caught, meaning you are literally just grabbing them and using them as weapons. They're also surprisingly effective.
- Sengoku Basara:
- Some of the improvised weapons used by Joachim and Frank in the Shadow Hearts series are technically edible. Specifically, a tuna, a swordfish, and a shish-kebab.
- In Smite, Bacchus carries a leg of lamb that he wields like a club.
- Several of the joke weapons in the Soul Series are foods, such as shishkebabs and a giant sausage.
- Team Fortress 2:
- The Scout has a mackerel wrapped in newspaper. He also has a candy cane — the description notes that while it's not practical, it sure is humiliating.
- Subverted with the Pyro's Lollichop, which looks like a lollipop to... them, but is actually an axe.
- The Ham Shank melee weapon is a whole ham that's held by a bone at one end.
- The Warriors have certain levels that have various foods (donuts, ice cream, raw chicken, etc) can be used as projectile weapons in the same way as bricks and bottles. The foods can also be used to smash your target in the face with if you're in melee range.
- There are several weapons that look like food items in World of Warcraft. They tend to be quest items rather than actually good, so most players don't walk around with them for long. There is also a chef's hat and apron available as non-armor clothing though, so you'll often see people use these items in roleplaying. Other people will also use them in humorous outfits, since the game allows you to change the appearance of your weapons and armor to that of anything else you've collected.
- Yakuza: Like a Dragon: One of Adachi's weapons for his Detective job is the Rock-Hard Kielbasa, which gets pressed into service as a fairly high-damage baton.
- In Little Busters!, one of the possible Improvised Weapons that can be used in a fight is an eel pie the characters use to whack the other battler. It isn't very good, though, and after each attack, it has a random probability of bending in half, which weakens its damage potential for the rest of the match even further.
- In Girl Genius, one cook was threatened by his own granddaugh—Aaah! Not with the schlognwurst! It's expensive!. It promptly is used against the Jäger. Other implements include a barrel of pickled herrings and a jar of olives. Bilingual Bonus too: "schlogn" is Yiddish for "hit".
- In Insecticomics, Prowl tells a class of would-be ninjas that anything can be used as a weapon; smart-ass Lazorbeak picks a six-foot party sub. Prowl promptly assembles one and takes her down with it.
- In Not Quite Daily Comic, characters use carrots for dagger practice. Then eat them.
- In the pilot episode of Adventures of the Gummi Bears, Kevin clubs an ogre in the head from behind with a ham leg.
- In the Season 3 episode of The Amazing World of Gumball, "The Nobody", Gumball is examining various kitchen implements to use as a weapon against Rob, before being warned by Darwin that they may be used against him. With this in mind, the weapon he finally chooses is a sausage.
- In The Batman, Joker sets up an ambush for a vigilante targeting super-villains. His henchmen are armed with pies. Granted it's silly, but since this is the Joker we're talking about, chances are they aren't safe for consumption.
- Batman: The Animated Series: Harley Quinn once knocked out a thug with a cod. While telling him to grab his own hostage.
- Broadway uses one in an earlier Gargoyles episode.
- An episode of Phineas and Ferb had Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry dueling with hotdogs and bratwursts. Doubles as a homage to Star Wars.
- Rocket Robin Hood featured fight scenes in which a hambone and a sack of flour would be used as weapons.
- The Simpsons:
- Bart once tormented Principal Skinner with peanuts (Skinner has a peanut allergy). Skinner eventually retaliates when he discovers that Bart is allergic to shrimp. They end up fencing each other, with Bart wielding a peanut on a stick and Skinner wielding a shrimp on a stick (as if they were lightsabers, complete with Duel of the Fates playing). They both wind up falling into a vat full of peanut shrimp.
- The Season 29 premier High Fantasy episode "The Serfsons" has Homer convince the peasants to revolt against the rich. Everyone takes up the nearest weapon they can find. Nelson grabs a couple of baguettes, which he uses to easily decapitate one soldier and stab a giant gaping hole through another's armored chest with zero effort.
- An episode from the 90s cartoon adaptation of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles involves a battle between the heroes and the Shredder in the kitchen of a pizza parlor. Hilarity Ensues.
- In the beginning of X-Men: Evolution's third season, Wolverine and Rogue evade capture by authorities by using a small convenience store's grocery items to blind and disorient, but not hurt them...too much...before making their getaway.