- Riker's reaction after seeing the footage of the encounter with Q.Picard: We'll first bring you up to date on a little adventure we had on our way here, Commander.
[Riker watches the footage]
Riker: [shell-shocked look] ............He calls that "a little adventure"?
- It's a small and innocuous thing, but Riker gently teasing by lampshading Data's desire to be human.Riker: Nice to meet you, Pinocchio.
- That and helping Data finish "Pop Goes the Weasel". Also counts as a CMOH.
- Some fairly Black Comedy: Tasha loses her shit and beats up one of the guards. Judge Q then says, "You are out of order!"...to the guard. Another guard comes over and shoots him.
- Picard points out that Q's Kangaroo Court assumes the defendants guilty until proven innocent. Q's response is a pitch-perfect casual delivery of Black Comedy.Q: Of course. Bringing the innocent to trial would be unfair.
The Naked Now
- On the note on Data, after he *ahem* shows Tasha Yar just how fully functional he is, he comes up to the bridge and Picard - seeing his 'I just got laid' look, assumes he's trying to imitate the human crew being drunk (funny in its own right) and then gets called elsewhere.
- Data, after Picard leaves, tries to lean against something...and topples over. The man sitting in the chair looking over his shoulder with a look of total bewilderment cements it.
- Especially because that man is Worf.
- Data quoting an afflicted background character: "There was a young woman from Venus, whose body was shaped like a--"Picard: Captain to Security, come in!
Data: Did I say something wrong?
Worf: I don't understand their humor, either.
- Riker and the Chief Engineer are working on disabling Wesley's repulsor beam when Worf calls Riker to let him know that both Picard and Data are infected.Riker: Thank you, Lieutenant. I'm on my way. (to the Chief Engineer) You'll have to handle this.
Chief Engineer: (incredulously) Are you saying you're going to handle that?
- Beverly Crusher coming onto Picard. He acts stoic like he usually does until he gets the infection too. Later, he went to sickbay, skipping as he comes in (that's right, skipping) and returned the favor.Picard: I'm still not thinking straight.
Beverly: Likewise. Where the hell was I headed?
- Doctor Crusher hitting on Picard is also worth a note on its own:Beverly: Captain, can I see you in your Ready Room? It's a private matter. [Shaking Her Hair Loose as she quickly bolts from the Turbolift to the Ready Room] No actually it's an urgent one.Picard: [Not getting it] But... Dammit. [follows Beverly into the Ready Room]In his Ready Room...Beverly: Sorry... [shaking her labcoat off] it is definitely like alcohol intoxication... the same lack of judgement... for example... right now I find you extremely... [cut to Picard not getting it] extremely... of course we haven't time for that sort of thing!Picard: [still not getting it] What sort of thing?Beverly: Oh god would I love to show you... [gets nearly nose-to-nose with Picard]Picard: [in all defiance of science and biology, still somehow not getting it] Doctor, there must be a cure... some formula... [suddenly gets it] [incomprehensible harumphing sound as he suddenly struggles to keep it together]
- At the end...Tasha: Data, I'm only going to tell you this just once. It never happened. *walks off*
- Sadly, this comes across as rather mean when we learn in "The Measure of a Man" that the event was special to Data. note However, given Tasha's troubled past, it's very likely this isn't the first time she's had sex "under the influence", which could hold very unpleasant associations in her memory.
Code of Honor
- Picard asks if they have had any luck at tracing the Ligonian transporter beam.
- Picard has been recapping the morality of the situation...Picard: I'm sorry, this is becoming a speech.
Troi: (trying to hide a smirk) You're the captain, sir. You're entitled.
- When Tasha is brought out after Lutan has kidnapped her. Picard asks her if she's being treated well. Tasha replies that she's fine, but "they're showing some signs of wear" while pointedly looking at the guard that just dragged her out. The poor guy is sporting a fresh, swollen left eye.
The Last Outpost
- Data gives a briefing on the thing that is destroying their ship while playing with a Chinese finger trap. Halfway through the discussion, he pauses, upon finding that his fingers are stuck, and the briefing doesn't resume until Captain Picard leans over and frees him.Geordi La Forge: (snickering) My hero.
- The crew concludes their encounter with the comparatively primitive-minded Ferengi by gifting them a box of finger traps.
Where No One Has Gone Before
- Captain Picard cursing under his breath in French.
Lonely Among Us
- Data doing a Sherlock Holmes impression, complete with a pipe in hand, as he explains his findings after investigating the two sets of delegates.
- Riker tells him to stop smoking the pipe after Data gets smoke in his face.
- This bit after Riker gets attacked by one of the Selay delegates (a snake-like alien) in a dark hallway (One of many occasions this season in which Number One is assaulted or otherwise attacked.), being mistaken for one of Anticans (a canine-like alien and the Selay's rivals).Selay delegate: Sorry. Wrong species.
- This exchange, when the ship is being invaded by an unknown force:Communications Officer: Intruder alert, sir! I don't show a location.Data: The Away Team signal has been cut off, Captain. We've lost contact with our people.Communications Officer: Intruder relays do show something.
- A blooper from the episode has Brent Spiner, in a flawless imitation of Jimmy Stewart, read the dedication plaque of the USS Stargazer and comment, "For God's sake, Mary! They built this thing in Bedford Falls!"
Hide and Q
- When Q takes Riker, Data, Tasha, Geordi and Worf with him, he offers everybody drinks, but Worf silently pours his out while glaring at him.
- When Q appears, dressed as a priest:Q: "Let us pray for understanding and compassion."Picard: "Let us do no such damn thing!"
- Troi gets sick of her mother and mother-in-law-to-be sniping at each other, snaps at them to stop the petty bickering, and storms off.Data: Could you please continue the petty bickering? I find it most intriguing.
- Three words: Homn is drunk. Throughout the whole dinner scene, he can be seen visibly swaying and grinning like an idiot. Almost every other cut to him shows him taking another drink. He also keeps striking that little gong and bringing everybody's conversation to a stop (although that's a Betazoid tradition), only for Troi to knock it off the table when she leaves.
- When Data tries to ask whether he might be part human, Homn sticks his nose in the air. Data, unsure what this is all about, attempts to follow his gaze.
- And what's his only line in all six appearances?"Thank you for the drinks."
- Picard stating that it's illogical that he should be carrying Mrs. Troi's bag instead of Homn, because "if [Homn is her] valet, then he should valet".
- Mrs. Troi telling Deanna to talk with her "mind, not [her] mouth"....but using her own mouth a lot.
- When the in-laws decide to make only some of the wedding party go nude, and not the guests, Troi notes that Picard will be relieved.
The Big Goodbye
- Picard is describing his first time on the holodeck to his staff and says, "when that woman kissed me...", Riker just stops rocking in his chair and clearly gets an... idea.
- This exchange:Troi: But you spell knife with a 'k'.
Picard: I spell 'knife' with an 'n', but then I never could spell.
- (This ends with Troi laughing, if you couldn't tell.)
- The implication that Picard called a full staff meeting just to gush about his new piece of technology that amounts to a video game.
- The Adorkable reactions of the crew as they experience mid-20th century San Francisco. Crusher in particular has a very giddy reaction to the thought of being interrogated, gets hit on by the desk sergeant, and mistakenly swallows a stick of chewing gum.
- Data's attempts to imitate human bodily functions. Namely, in which he continuously practices his sneezing technique, only to fail miserably.Data: Aah! Aah! *too-long pause* Chooooooooooooo!
- Three classic words from Picard: "Shut up, Wesley!"
- Also Beverly saying it after taking issue with Picard saying it.
- Data not knowing why the word "sweet" applies to "home, sweet home".
- Riker's outfit is bound to have you laughing along with Deanna and Tasha. Ditto Picard getting hit by a snowball.
- Speaking of Riker's outfit, when Deanna and Tasha tease him for it, his response basically boils down to "You're just jealous 'cause I got laid".
- Data not getting what perfume could have to do with sex, and Riker being the one to define "aphrodisiac".
Too Short a Season
When The Bough Breaks
- Alexandra, the sweet little girl no older than four, was almost always wanting hugs from Picard (who admits he's not exactly good with kids). He always accommodates her in spite of his discomfort. At the end of the episode she gives him flowers and sticks a cuddly Tribble to his back, much to his crew's (and the audience's) amusement.
- The aliens genuinely wonder why the kids' parents want them back, rationalising that they could just have more.
- The non-organic lifeforms calling the humans (plus Troi and Worf) "ugly bags of mostly water".
- After the crew analyze the microbrain's component substances, and identify how each one serves a function:Worf: But is it alive?
Computer: Probability positive.
Worf: (clearly annoyed) I wasn't asking you!
Coming of Age
Heart of Glory
The Arsenal of Freedom
- The Minosian Echo Papa defense system is imitating Paul Rice, the captain of the ship it's already destroyed and an old friend of Riker's. Having been informed by the Enterprise that there's no one else down there aside from Riker's away team, when the hologram starts asking questions about the capabilities of Riker's ship...Hologram: Tell me about your ship, Riker. It's the Enterprise, isn't it?
Riker: No... the name of my ship is the... Lollipop.
Hologram: I have no knowledge of that ship.
Riker: It's just been commissioned. It's a good ship.
- How do they stop the Echo Papa defense system before it kills the away team? Picard tells the automated system that's showing it off that they'll buy it and the demonstration can end.
- Picard trying to deal with an alien captain who doesn't know anything about how to fix his ship. (The fact that he's pretty much stoned doesn't help.)Picard: Captain, we are beaming over a replacement coil.
T'Jonn: That's great! And that'll fix us up?
Picard: Yes, once it's installed.
T'Jonn: Great...and how do we do that?
Picard: ("You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!" Aside Glance to Riker) What is the matter with these people?
- When Wesley says, "But it's artificial!" when wondering why people do drugs, Data looks up.
Skin of Evil
We'll Always Have Paris
- When Picard's fencing partner asks what technique he used, he replies, "The technique of a desperate man."
- Picard, Worf, and Data meeting their temporal doppelgangers in the Turbolift.
- Data (attempting to laugh at Geordi's joke) breaking into a creepy and highly inappropriate forced giggle that goes on far too long than it should, before going back to his duties as if nothing happened.
- The Running Gag of Data explaining something and rattling off synonyms and various examples until the listener forces him to stop is always worth a few chuckles. "Conspiracy" does one better and has the ship's computer tell him to stop. Data's face is priceless.Data: Startling. Quite extraordinary, in fact.
Computer: Directions unclear. Please repeat request.
Data: That was not a request. I was simply...talking to myself. A human idiosyncrasy, triggered by fascination with a particular set of facts. Or sometimes brought about by senility. Or used as a means of weighing information before reaching a conclusion. Or, as a—
Computer: Thank you, sir. I comprehend.
- Dr. Crusher is on the comm with Picard, giving him advice on how to deal with the parasitic creatures, telling him that stun setting has little effect and that he needs to set his phaser to kill. This just causes Picard to point out to her blandly that "Doctor, one does not beam down to Starfleet Headquarters armed."
The Neutral Zone
- Picard's line: "But Data, they were already dead. I mean, what more could've happened to them?"
- "Welcome to the 24th century", indeed, Picard. Poor Claire. Frozen after she died. Awoken in the 24th century. The first person she sees? Worf! She promptly faints. Picard delivers this line in bemusement while Worf appears a little put-out by her reaction.
- After Claire recovers, she asks about Worf to the other crew by asking about the one "with the head" with Beverly clarifying to crew. That's funny by itself, but consider her question from the crew's perspective; Star Trek is the series that practically invented Rubber-Forehead Aliens. 99% of the species other than humans are bipedal, humanoid-looking creatures (even the a lot of the ones created by computer later in the franchise). Considering Claire's question from that perspective and you realize how incredibly VAGUE her question is to them. Reading their thoughts would've been hilarious.
- Sonny compliments Beverly. While patting her ass. The look on her face is priceless!
- When Picard asks Sonny what he meant by "hooey", he parrots, "Hooey?" in Sonny's voice.
- Wesley has just asked to stay on the Enterprise after Dr. Crusher leaves for Starfleet Medical and Picard is complaining about it:Riker: [sarcastically] And who will tuck him in at night?
Worf: [deadly serious] I will accept that responsibility.
Where Silence Has Lease
- Worf and Riker use one of Worf's combat programs on the holodeck. When the enemies have been dispatched, Worf's bloodlust causes him to nearly attack Riker, but he snaps out of it.Riker: [wide-eyed] You do this every day?
Worf: No, Commander. Usually, my calisthenics are more...intense. But those sessions are too personal to be shared.
Riker: .........I'll bet they are.
- Facing the episode's Negative Space Wedgie, Picard and Riker compare it to Age Of Sail superstitions. When Picard mentions that a crew would sometimes threaten to hang its captain from the yardarm if he refused to turn away from the "edge of the world," Riker gives him a look like he's not sure how serious he's being, and reassures him that no one is thinking of doing that here. In perfect captain form, and without looking at him, Picard simply replies, "How comforting, Number One."
- When Picard cancels the self-destruct and the computer asks for Riker's concurrence:Riker Yes! Absolutely! I do indeed concur wholeheartedly!
Picard: [turns to him slowly] A simple "yes" would have sufficed, Number One.
Riker: I didn't want there to be any chance of misunderstanding.
Picard: Of course.
Elementary, Dear Data
- Geordi and Data are in the holodeck LARPing a Sherlock Holmes novel. Data has memorized them all and so reveals who the villain is in the first scene, so Geordi tells the holodeck to generate 'an adversary capable of defeating Data'. Cut to the bridge.Worf: What was that?
Worf: An odd surge of power, sir. It's gone now.
- On hearing what, exactly, La Forge asked the computer to create, Picard just says under his breath, "Merde." Yes, he said "Shit," and it got through the censors because it was in French.
- Not for the first time, either. He first used that expression in "The Last Outpost".
- Dr. Pulaski was kidnapped by Moriarty, and when the crew finally rescues her, she's just fine. . . aside from being "crammed full of crumpets."
The Outrageous Okona
- When Data is being a comedian, he parodies one of the Stock Shticks by saying, "Take my Worf, please."
- Through the episode, Data had been trying hard to be funny but lacked the necessary sense of humor. However, as they see Okona off, he accidentally made a funny:Wesley: Say goodbye, Data.
Data: Goodbye, Data.
(cue chuckles from the bridge crew)
- In the scene between Data and the holographic comic (played by Joe Piscopo), Data is having a hard time imitating the comic's exaggerated gestures. It's astoundingly unfunny—until you realize that Data isn't badly imitating the holo-comic, Brent Spiner is making fun of Joe Piscopo.
- The end of Data learning humor from Piscopo. There's a sudden jump-cut from Data being his usual, stoic, studious self to an exaggerated, fast-talking 'funny-man' that's kind of surreal. It helps that the joke he's telling is pretty funny, too.Data: So the patient goes "Can I get a second opinion?" And the doctor goes "OK, you're ugly, too!"
- Picard takes being threatened by a primitive interplanetary vessel in good humor:Riker: Regulations do call for a Yellow Alert.
Picard: A very old regulation. Well, make it so, Number One. And reduce speed. Drop main shields as well.
Riker: May I ask why, sir?
Picard: In case we decide to surrender to them, Number One.
- For some context, the ships threatening them are so primitive that the shields the Enterprise uses to move interstellar dust away from the ship would be enough to protect them.
- When Guinan says, "Do you know what a joke is?", Data recites the dictionary definition.
- Guinan suggests that Data has bad (comedic) timing. He responds that his timing is digital.
Loud As A Whisper
The Schizoid Man
- Riker Growing the Beard? Awesome. Data Growing the Beard? Hilarious.Data: It is a beard, Geordi. A fine, full, dignified beard. One which commands respect, and projects thoughtfulness and dignity. Well? Opinions?
Troi: (trying not to laugh) It's very.... different.
Data: When I stroke the beard thusly... [begins to do so], do I not appear more intellectual?
Troi: [Holding in laughter] I-I'm sorry. I have to go now. Goodbye.
- There was another scene left out of the episode in which Data tried a bald head to emulate Picard.
- "Data's" eulogy for Ira Graves and the incredulous reactions from the others are bizarrely hilarious.
- At the end of the eulogy, "Data" tells Picard that he is almost finished.Picard: You are finished, Data.
- When Data turns back to normal after being possessed.Data: May I ask a question?
Geordi: I think you just did.
Data: Quite correct. Then may I ask another question after this one?
Geordi: You can ask me anything you want.
Data: Why am I lying on the floor in this undignified position with the four of you standing over me, displaying expressions of concern?
Picard: I've heard more than enough. You're you again.
A Matter Of Honor
- The scene where Riker eats with the Klingon crew and discovers Klingons have a sense of humor. Especially with the attention he receives from the two female crew members.Female Klingon He is not very attractive. But I will have him. [grins wickedly]
- One line from this is "If Klingon food is too strong for you, then maybe we should send one of the females to breastfeed you!"
- Riker looks offended when the Klingon lady calls him "not very attractive".
- The two female Klingons are looking very frankly at Riker.Klag: They are inquisitive. They wonder how you would endure.
Riker: Endure what?
Riker: [gives women an appraising look] One, or both?
* After realizing by his grin that he's joking, everyone present breaks out in laughter*
Female Klingon: (later; playfully as she leaves) I may be back for you...
Riker: (genuinely concerned now; to Klag) Is she serious?
The Measure Of A Man
- The very surprised look on JAG Officer Louvois' face when Data admits that he and Tasha Yar were "intimate" during his trial to determine his rights as a sentient being.
- All of Louvois' and Picard's Snark-to-Snark Combat. She literally calls him a pompous ass and a "damn sexy man" in the same breath. Belligerent Sexual Tension isn't often this much fun.
- Really, you can tell how much fun this is going to be the moment she and Picard greet each other.Picard: My God. Phillipa Louvois. And back in uniform. It's been ten years, but seeing you again like this makes it seem like fifty. If we weren't around all these people, do you know what I would like to do?
Louvois: Bust a chair across my teeth?
Picard: After that.
Louvois: [chuckles] Ain't love wonderful.
- Really, you can tell how much fun this is going to be the moment she and Picard greet each other.
- A great little Brick Joke: In the first half of the hearing, Picard, defending Data's rights as a sentient being, insists on all his awards and honors being read by the computer just to underline his point, even after Riker tries to skip it. Later on, the computer tries to read Commander Maddox's awards and honors, only for Picard to skip that and start grilling him. It's so petty but it's great.note
- The Gilligan Cut to Worf's explanation of the Klingon female's role makes the episode.Worf: (Mighty Roar) That is how the Klingon lures a mate.
Wesley: [Beat] Are you telling me to go yell at Salia?
Worf: No. Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects... [smiles, lost in thought] and claw at you...
Wesley: What does the man do?
Worf: [still smiling] He reads love poetry... [regains his stoicism] He ducks a lot.
Wesley: Worf, sounds like it works great for the Klingons, but I think I need to try something a little less...dangerous.
Worf: Then go to her door. Beg like a human.
- Wesley asks Riker for some advice on talking to women. Riker requests Guinan assist him. The two get more caught up in role-playing than actually helping Wesley.Wesley: I don't think this is my style.
Guinan: Shut up, kid. [to Riker] Tell me more about my eyes.
- When Salia first comes aboard, an awestruck Wesley asks Riker who she is. Riker's response is "I think she's a governess" referring to the older woman with Salia, knowing damn well who Wesley's talking about and taking the opportunity to troll him.
- Apart from the romantic subplot, all of the scenes involving that episode's aliens of the week are swimming in so much Stylistic Suck that you can't help but laugh. This scene with the chaperone is the stand-out, but there's another scene where Wesley's love interest goes to her quarters and finds the chaperone in the form of a short, hairy Ewok-like creature who communicates by unintelligibly squeaking...and proceeds to have a serious, straight-faced conversation with said creature.
- The Enterprise is infected with a computer virus that is rewriting the ship's systems. While facing down a Romulan warbird, the weapon systems can't decide if they're up or down.Riker: If it should become necessary to fight, could you arrange to find me some rocks to throw at them?
- Around the same time, the shields keep turning off and Deanna says that it would be funny if they weren't in danger.
- While Geordi and Data are in Engineering trying to sort out their computer problems, Geordi gets electrified by a work station. Data grabs him and flings him backwards. Data visibly cringes before going to check on Geordi, who remains on the floor completely still during the following exchange.Geordi: Data?
Geordi: What happened?
Data: Any answer would be mere speculation. This is yet another example of how our actions have random results.
Geordi: Thanks, Data, I noticed.
- Data analyzes the Iconian computer based on his best guess approximation to similar languages, and finds what he believes to be manual override. On touching it, the computer launches an energy bolt past the team to open a portal on the other side of the room.Data: (As sheepishly as possible for an emotionless android) ...That was not manual override.
- Picard explains his plan: trigger an overload of the Iconian gateway's power source, then go through the gate before the explosion. Worf raises the question of where he'll end up. Picard notes, with wry humor, "Very shortly, anywhere will be preferable to this room."
- The episode comes from 1989, not long but still before computers were mundane household objects. As a result, Technology Marches On makes the ultimate solution to the Iconian computer virus hilarious: It's the 24th century, and no one thought to re-format the hard drive?
- In the final scene:Picard: Well, Number One, I can see why you want to keep the away missions to yourself. That's where the excitement is. So, what's been happening here? Same old routine, I suppose?
[Riker gives O'Brien a "You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!" look]
- An away team is stuck on a planet, having to live out the events of a novel. Picard and Troi look up the novel in order to see if they can find anything that might help the away team out.
- Worf giving a blunt "No!" to the woman who asks if they want room service.
- The absolutely miserable expressions Picard keeps making as he listens in on the characters' cheesy dialogue.
- Riker notes that Colonel Richey appeared to die peacefully in his sleep. Worf, being from a Proud Warrior Race, remarks "what a terrible way to die."
- Riker decides to treat several members of the crew to homemade omelets, using some eggs he picked up on a random space station they stopped at. The crew are all appreciative, except for Worf who is being... well, Worf. A single bite, and it's clear from everyone's expressions how horrible they are. Not even Riker can stand the taste. Then they all look at Worf, who is eagerly snarfing his portion down and, when he sees them all staring at him in disbelief, politely asks for seconds.Worf: Delicious.
- Data's too scared of the eggs to even try them, poking at them with his fork instead.
The Icarus Factor
- When Riker's father runs into Dr. Pulaski in Ten-Forward, they greet each other like old lovers reunited after many years, with warm words and a kiss and hug. At a nearby table, Riker and O'Brien are looking on.
- Worf yelling at Data, his superior officer, to leave.
- As Data beams down to meet with the girl Sarjenka, Riker tells O'Brien to take a nap, that he didn't see any of this and is not involved. O'Brien doesn't miss a beat, moving off to the side and saying that he'll be standing there dozing off. He then gets called back to the Bridge.O'Brien: I just woke up, sir.
- Despite much of the dark tones, this episode had some of the best Q lines of any episode.
- Like when, after bringing Picard back to the Enterprise, he meets Riker and Worf again.Q: Ah, the redoubtable Commander Riker! ...And Microbrain! Growl for me; let me know you still care!
- That and poor Ensign Sonja Gomez splattering her new captain with hot chocolate. Then digging herself deeper while trying to apologize. Meanwhile, all Geordi can do is cringe behind her while she's blabbing.Gomez: [turns to Geordi with a dejected look on her face] First impression. Isn't it what they say? First impressions are the most important?
Geordi: I'll tell you this, it's a meeting the captain won't soon forget.
- Like when, after bringing Picard back to the Enterprise, he meets Riker and Worf again.
- Wesley's reaction when Picard informs him that he'll be accompanying him on his journey to Starbase 515.
- Picard explains why he has to visit Starbase 515, and we discover that he was a bit of a hellraiser as a new officer (and holder of an Idiot Ball):Picard: ...I stood toe-to-toe with the worst of the three [Nausicaans], and I told him what I thought of him, his pals, his planet, and I possibly made some passing reference to his questionable parentage...
- "They used their Crimson Force-field!"Pakled: [happy, and completely oblivious] We have destroyed them!
- "They used their Crimson Force-field!"
Up The Long Ladder
- The whole episode, and the evacuation of a long-lost Earth colony of Irish farmers.
- O'Brien's "WTF?" face when he beams up the first batch of Bringloidi — and their livestock. And this is before he finds out that they're straight from Oireland.
- Picard realizes he's not going to have a typical day when O'Brien reports in from the transporter room...and the sounds of farm animals can be heard in the background. And then, as if to accentuate the point, as he and Worf are approaching the transporter room, a chicken flies out the door. The anachronism of the bird standing in the middle of a hallway on a 24th century starship like that is very amusing.
- Picard's reaction to the chaos is quite possibly the best part. His back is to the camera, so Riker assumes that Picard has reached his limit, but then the captain turns around laughing with the biggest grin on his face. Coming from Patrick Stewart just makes it adorable as well as hilarious.Riker: [somewhere between amazement and relief at Picard's reaction] That's the last thing I expected.
Picard: [still chuckling] Sometimes, Number One, you just have to... bow to the absurd.
- Danilo asks Worf about the "lightning bolt" that came from the ceiling.Worf: Automated fire system. A force field contains the flame until the remaining oxygen has been consumed.
Danilo: Ah, wh-wh-what if I'd been under that thing?
Worf: You would have been standing in the fire.
Danilo: Yeah, well, leaving that aside for the moment, I mean, what would have happened to me?
Worf: You would have suffocated and died.
- The look of pure horror on the uptight Prime Minister's face when Danilo spits into his hand and attempts a handshake.
- Worf introducing Danilo to Klingon booze. But, to Danilo's credit, he complimented the drink and managed to go through the rest of the scene with nothing but a wheeze in his voice.
- This exchange between Worf and Brenna:Worf: Madam, have you ever considered a career in security?
Brenna: Well if it's anything like babysitting, then I'm an authority!
- The episode turns up the funny even before Lwaxana Troi shows up - after other visitors, the Antedians (tall fish people who look nothing like humans or Klingons) are beamed aboard, some of the main crew explain some of their weirdness and Wesley cringes at their food (the aliens themselves are catatonic to avoid space travel "trauma"). Worf just stares in quiet fascination and when everyone else is done commenting, he says, softly: "What a handsome race." He continues to fawn over them (and get annoyed by Wesley's revulsion) - until Lwaxana casually reveals their true colors (they're assassins/terrorists).
- The understated way she reveals their assassination attempt can't be... well, understated. In the last two minutes of the episode, she walks into the transporter room and asks why the Antedians are still doing there. Picard starts to explain that, after spending much of the episode standing in the transporter room catatonic, they're simply going down with her, and she cuts him off, announcing their intentions as if they had blinding neon signs pointed at them saying "assassins!" Which, to a telepath, they pretty much are. Again, this is in the last two minutes of the show, having had no real build at all. It plays much like a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, but it works.
- In hindsight, the build-up to the reveal of who's coming aboard.Deanna: [stands up suddenly] Oh, my god.
Picard: What's the problem?
Deanna: What's she doing here?
Wesley: On screen, Captain.
Ensign: Starship Enterprise, come in.
Riker: We have you on viewer, pilot.
Ensign: Enterprise, I have a passenger. A VIP passenger who I—
Lwaxana: [crowds into the screen] Oh, let me talk to them. I'm sure I'm more articulate than that.
- Lwaxana's actual appearance is a rapid succession of them: harassing her pilot, making insinuations about Picard's "naughty thoughts" to draw priceless faces from the captain as well as Riker and her daughter; asking where her own legs are upon being transported; her fright at the Antidian delegates...
- Picard's reaction when Deanna explains her mother's condition (she's sexually hyperactive and attempting to focus on him as her only mate and eventual husband) and Riker's congratulations: "I'm not amused, Number One." He's terrified.
- Also funny is Riker's reaction to the news. Troi had downplayed how much the condition amplified a Betazoid woman's sex drive back when the two were dating. He explains to Picard what Troi had told him, and when Troi corrects him (by stating that the increase is even more than he thought) he first appears shocked, then a slow, sly grin appears on his face as he contemplates the implications, staring at Troi the entire time.Troi: [apologetic] I didn't want to frighten you.
- When Picard realizes that the 'diplomatic dinner' Lwaxana has invited him to is a dinner date for two, he reacts by summoning Data to her quarters and giving him carte blanche to babble incessantly.Picard: [to a confused Data] You'll never know how much I owe you for that.
- Just as good was his Dixon Hill experience in "Manhunt". He goes there trying to relax and hide from Lwaxana Troi's escapades. The first man through his door ends up pulling a pistol on him after accusing "Dix" of not finding his sister in time to save her life.Picard: (stumbling out of the way) Computer, freeze program! ... I came here to relax, not to dodge bullets. Reconfigure... more ambiance, less substance.
- The next man through the door is a sinister figure who, after delivering some veiled threats, reaches over and grabs Picard by the lapels.Picard: Computer, freeze program! This is just substituting one form of violence for another. Reconfigure.
- The third man to come into Dix's office does so brandishing a Tommy Gun and screaming bloody murder!Picard: Freeze program! Computer, I don't think I'm making myself clear.
- The next man through the door is a sinister figure who, after delivering some veiled threats, reaches over and grabs Picard by the lapels.
- Just as good was his Dixon Hill experience in "Manhunt". He goes there trying to relax and hide from Lwaxana Troi's escapades. The first man through his door ends up pulling a pistol on him after accusing "Dix" of not finding his sister in time to save her life.
- After Lwaxana sizes up Wesley and Worf, Wesley says, "What was that about?" That isn't so funny in and of itself, but Worf's look at Wesley clearly says, "How old ARE you, kid?", which is very funny.
- Lwaxana hitting on anyone and everyone, including Worf, Wesley, (offscreen) Geordi, and Riker. Riker and Troi get a funny scene right after she leaves:Troi: Why did you stop me? Someone needs to set her straight!
Riker: I think I'll leave that to the captain.
- TNG episodes tend to have a underlying hint as to the theme or a term which is relevant to the latter half of the episode, often serious or grim in nature. However, once Troi explains "the phase", it is quite clear what the titular "manhunt" really is.
- Picard brings a bottle of... something blue to the dinner and gives it to Mr. Homn. Homn immediately pops off the cork and downs the bottle. Picard can't even bring himself to explain that the bottle was meant for the diners, mesmerized as he is by Homn's ability to imbibe.
- There's this amusing exchange between Troi and K'Ehleyr (who have already bonded a bit over their shared experience of having parents from different races and cultures) when Troi comes into K'Ehleyr's quarters to see that she's punched out a glass table:Troi: You're upset.
K'Ehleyr: Your finely-honed Betazoid sense tells you that?
Troi: [smiles] Well, that and the table.
- Worf has to pretend to be in command of the Enterprise to fool some time-displaced Klingons. When Riker asks him how it felt, he answers: "Comfortable chair."
- Data loses to Kolrami in a strategy game and withdraws from the bridge. Troi and Pulaski tell Captain Picard that he is their only hope of getting Data back in action.Picard: I'm less than one hour away from a battle simulation...and I have to handhold an android.
Pulaski: The burdens of command.
- When Riker goes to recruit Worf for his ship: Worf's trying to build a ship-in-a-bottle, but the sound of the door causes him to snap the wood he's holding. When Riker comes in, he sees what Worf is doing and asks "Is this a bad time?" Worf simply sweeps everything off the desk into a garbage can and says "No, I'm finished" like that was what he was trying to do all along.
- He then decides that, since you can't win or lose, building it was a waste of time.
- As Riker prepares to play Strategema against Kolrami:Worf: I have wagered heavily in the ship's pool that you will take him past the sixth plateau.
Riker: And if I don't?
Worf: I will be... irritated.
- On the Hathaway, a young ensign asks where Worf where she can get the cable to carry out her assignment. Worf looks around the derelict ship, then reaches up into the ceiling and yanks out a length of cable.Worf: Anywhere.
- Data's Strategema rematch against Kolrami. Unbeknownst to Kolrami, Data has decided not to try to win as he did before, but to stalemate indefinitely. As he does so, he is nearly expressionless, except for the tiniest of smiles creeping across his face. This gets under Kolrami's skin badly enough that he quits in a rage, shouts at Data for making him look like an idiot, and petulantly storms off.
- Data's closing line in the episode: "I busted him up."
- Data euphemistically calls the outcome if the plan doesn't work (the destruction of the Hathaway) "unfortunate." Worf snarks, "Very unfortunate. We will be dead."
Shades of Gray
- Troi mentions that her ninety-year-old grandmother had a thirty-year-old lover to Picard. As he leaves, he lets out a horrified whisper: "Thirty!"
- This from Will Riker:"As a matter of fact, my great-grandfather once got bit by a rattlesnake. After three days of intense pain, the snake died."
- While the situation is supposed to be dire, there's something inherently hilarious about John Philip Sousa's "Stars and Stripes Forever" being played on all of the ship's intercoms.Riker: Somehow we'll silence Sousa if he decides to play an encore.
The Ensigns of Command
- Picard gets even with the Sheliak for being Rules Lawyers and constantly hanging up on him. Doubles as a Moment of Awesome.Riker: You enjoyed that.
Picard: You're damned right.
[hailing signal sounds]
Worf: Captain. They are hailing us.
- While the Sheliak are frantically hailing him, Picard leisurely strolls across the bridge and inspects the ship's dedication plaque for dust, before leisurely strolling back to the viewscreen and finally deigning to answer the hail.
- Riker, Troi, and Worf are smirking with glee as they watch Picard waste the Sheliaks time.
- While the Sheliak are frantically hailing him, Picard leisurely strolls across the bridge and inspects the ship's dedication plaque for dust, before leisurely strolling back to the viewscreen and finally deigning to answer the hail.
- Data's use of Reverse Psychology to induce doubts in the colonists' desire to stay on the planet.Data: You know of the Sheliak threat. Starfleet wishes to evacuate you for your own protection. Yet Gosheven has decided otherwise. That is his right, And I will not waste time trying to reverse that decision. I admire your conviction in the face of certain defeat. Though doomed, your effort will be valiant. And when you die, you will die for land and honor. Your children will understand that they are dying for a worthy cause. Long after the battle is over, their courage will be remembered and extolled.
Ard'ian: Remembered by who?
Data: Yes, that is true. There will be no one left alive to remember.
- Data's back-and-forth hand movements after he "wakes up" are pretty funny to watch.
- When Data meets the woman who's interested in androids, she excitedly says, "I have a million questions!" to which Data says apologetically, "I do not have the time to answer a million questions."
- Picard heads into the engine room to check on Geordi's progress re-configuring the transporter. He's so flippantly blase about their inability to solve the problem that you can tell he expected their answer before he got it and just came by to make sure.Picard: [enters] Now, are we progressing, Mr. La Forge?
Geordi: About like you'd expect, sir.
Picard: [turns and leaves] Splendid, splendid, carry on.
Wesley: He really wants the impossible.
Geordi: [knowingly] That's the short definition of 'Captain'.
- Worf's idea of small talk during a social call."Good tea. Nice house."
Who Watches The Watchers?
- Troi describes the proto-Vulcans as she and Riker go to see them in disguise.Troi: Mintakan emotions are quite interesting. Like the Vulcans, they have highly ordered minds. A very sensible people. For example, Mintakan women precede their mates. [walks ahead of Riker] It's a signal to other women.
Riker: "This man's taken, get your own"?
Troi: Not precisely. More like, "If you want his services, I'm the one you have to negotiate with."
Riker: What kind of services?
Troi: All kinds.
Riker: They are a sensible race.
- When Troi says "Mm-hmm" instead of talking so that the Mintakans wouldn't hear her.Data: "Did she mean that as an affirmative?"
- The proto-Vulcans think Picard is a god and call him "The Picard".
- Picard likens an adrift vessel to a ship in the bottle, saying beaming down will be like going into the bottle. Riker completely misses the context, but then so does almost everyone else.Picard: It is exactly as they left it, Number One. In the bottle.
[Worf and Data stare at him, puzzled]
Picard: Ship in the bottle. Oh, good Lord, didn't anybody here build ships in bottles when they were boys?
Worf: I did not play with toys.
Data: I was never a boy.
O'Brien: I did, sir.
Picard: Thank you, Mr. O'Brien.
- Blatant Lies on Worf's part, considering "Peak Performance" above (though he didn't play with one when he was a boy).
- And after they beam over, Riker gives O'Brien a look that screams "no-one likes a suck-up, Chief".O'Brien: I did. I really did. Ships in bottles, great fun.
- There's a Gag Reel where Michael Dorn flubs his line, saying "I did not play with boys", instead.
- Even better is how Dorn keeps a completely straight face, while Patrick Stewart and Brent Spiner both corpse.
- Another blooper from the scene where the crew discuss their situation. Stewart-as-Picard asks Dorn a question, Dorn delivers his line, and the scene continues, albeit with the camera staying on Dorn. After Stewart finishes his lines, nobody says anything, and Dorn takes a moment to lean back and do the Picard Maneuver. Then-Stewart: (still in-character) That means you, Mr. Worf! Why are you just sitting there?!
- DaiMon Goss' entrance, firmly putting the "Ass" in Ambassador:Goss: My name is DaiMon Goss. These are my consuls, Kol and Doctor Arridor. We'll need chairs.Picard: I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise. I'm serving as host for these proceedings.Goss: Good, then see to it that we get chairs.Picard: Let me explain.Worf: I am in charge of Security!Goss: ... Then who gets the chairs?
- The Ferengi aboard their shuttle are so busy being smug that they ignore Geordi and Data's warnings. The wormhole appears and they're smiling about how they outsmarted our heroes. Then the wormhole zips away and in a split second their expressions change to open-mouthed surprise, dismay, and shock.
- Troi talking to Crusher about her new relationship, and whether she might be moving too fast.Crusher: I fell in love in a day. It lasted a week. But what a week. Then I met Jack. It took months to figure it out with him.
Troi: Well then, maybe I should slow down, catch my breath. Not let this get out of control.
Both of them: *pause* ...Nah.
- Geordi remarks that, if their exploration of the other side of the Barzan wormhole suffers some kind of mishap, he does not look forward to spending the rest of his life in a shuttlepod. Data offers that at least Geordi would have him to talk to. Geordi looks up from his console and gives Data a very long and skeptical look.
The Vengeance Factor
- "Your ambushes would be more successful if you bathed more often!" Doubly funny coming from Worf, who doesn't like to swim because it's "too much like... bathing."
The High Ground
- Probably the funniest episode of TNG is "Deja Q", where Q is kicked out of the Continuum. (It's also the episode that brought us the iconic, memetic Picard Facepalm.) Here are just a few moments:
- Worf's deadpan is as great as ever.
- Just before that, Troi reading Q's mental state, and characterizing it as "terrified".
- This one's a bit more chilling than funny.Data: The captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
Guinan: Really? (grabs a sharp fork and stabs Q's hand)
Guinan: Seems human enough to me.
- During Q's attempted Heroic Sacrifice, Picard orders the shuttle he's on beamed into a launch bay. Riker gives him a skeptical look.
- "He's BACK!"Q: I'm immortal again! Omnipotent again!
Riker: (utterly deadpan) Swell.
- Look at Worf in the background, and you'll spot his slumping over the console and his head drop, resigned and sullen. He's not even mad at this point, he's just done with Q's crap.
- That and Picard's hand-on-hips retune.
- Q conjuring up two attractive women for Riker, who isn't moved by the gesture. And Q replying "Oh, you're so stolid! You weren't like that before the beard!" The look on Riker's face after that is priceless. Combine this with the cigar that has manifested in Riker's hand, and it makes for a hilarious out of context image.
- THEN Q transfers the women to Worf, leading to this exchange in which Picard makes it clear he's tired of Q's shit:Picard: Q!
Q: But I feel like celebrating!
Picard: I DON'T!
- Note that from Riker's bit onward, everyone on the bridge in this scene is holding a Q-ban cigar.
- Q's "going away present" to Data is part heartwarming, part funny, as Data just starts laughing uproariously for no reason.
- When Q feels pain for the first time, he says, "What are you supposed to say? 'Ow'?"
- Q thinking that the solution to the space anomaly is simple—change the gravitational constant of the universe.
A Matter of Perspective
- "A warrior's drink." That is to say, prune juice. Which sets up another Brick Joke on DS9 when he gets into a Bar Brawl with a Klingon who doesn't appreciate the obvious manliness (well, warriorliness) of the beverage.
- Guinan figures that Worf's main problem is that needs...companionship. When he tries the excuse that Earth women are too fragile, Guinan argues that some of them would consider Worf tame. Hilarious in Hindsight that he later ends up in a relationship with Counselor Troi, meaning that either Worf learned to be gentle, or that Troi didn't need him to be.
- Most of "The Offspring" was made of Heartwarming, but when Lal spends time in Ten-Forward learning about human interaction, we get her attempts to understand things like hand-holding and kissing. ("He's biting that female!") The funny comes when Riker (who's unaware of her nature) enters, and she tries to test what she's seen and been told... by hauling Riker over the bar and planting a kiss on him, just in time for her father Data to come in.Data: Commander? I must question what are your intentions toward my daughter?
Riker: Your daughter?! [Beat] Nice to meet you. [quickly leaves]
- There's also the reflex training.◊ Wesley tosses a ball for Lal to catch. It passes right by her and a few seconds later, she holds up her hand as if to catch it. Then she turns to Data, who, for supposedly not having emotions, gives her a very pained smile.
- Wesley, at one point, suggests Lal be allowed to attend school. Data doesn't see why at first, since she has the same total sum of human knowledge as her father. Then she begins to ask all manner of difficult questions, such as "Why is the sky black?". Data puts her to rest and wryly decides to send her to school the next day.
- Wesley also comments on Data's secrecy before unveiling Lal, saying that Data's kept his lab locked at all times. Geordi, of course, asks Wes how he knows that, at which point Wes silently walks a little faster.
- When Data asks Guinan to give Lal a job at Ten Forward, Lal adds: "Father says that I would learn a great deal from working with someone as old as you". Guinan gives Data a bit of a look before hiring her.
- When Lal is choosing her gender and species:
- First, she wants to be just like Deanna Troi in terms of appearance. Troi says that, no, that'd be too confusing.
- When she tries out being a human boy, Troi outright calls him attractive to Data.Troi: (admiring voice) "Very attractive! He'd have no problem finding a social life there!"
- The famous Picard double-facepalm, especially the curious way Data looks at Picard as he's doing it, like "What is this human expression?"
Sins of the Father
- Geordi's brief "nuh nuh nuh" when he doesn't know the lyrics to "Heart of Oak."
- Geordi eventually joins in, only for Worf to shoot him a "What the hell are you doing?" look.
- Picard's uncharacteristically childish stubbornness in refusing to take a relaxing holiday, and the fact that Riker, Crusher, and Troi respond by getting everyone in the crew to pitch in and help pester him non-stop about it ("I think there are two ensigns on Deck 37 who don't know about it, sir") until he caves. Even better, the thing that finally pushes him over the edge is Troi "innocently" bringing up that her mother might be staying on the Enterprise over the next week.
- Riker and Picard are together on a turbolift. Riker asks Picard if he's decided where he's going.Picard Yes, I have, Number One. [addresses the computer] Bridge.
- Riker tricks Picard into toting around an idol on his vacation that, as it turns out, is a cultural sign that the person holding it wants to engage in some kind of never explained and vaguely sexual act. This leads to Picard getting constantly pestered by women while he tries to read. The look on his face when he realizes Riker essentially tried to push him into getting laid is hilarious.
- And then he still manages to not have sex with the local women (despite that being half the point of going to Risa) just by being his usual grumpy self.
- In the background, you can see a Vulcan woman who's the only one not wandering around in her bathing suit.
- Barclay is so disliked among the crew that Wesley started to derisively call him "Broccoli", which La Forge lets slip when he and Riker are discussing his less-than-satisfactory performance.Picard: ..."Broccoli"?
Riker: Young Mr. Crusher started that. I guess it's caught on.
Picard: Let's just get that un-caught, shall we?
- Then later, Picard starts doing it, himself.
- Then, once Barclay's scurried off, Data helpfully tries to point out how anyone could've made that mistake... until he sees Picard's expression, and suddenly gets very interested in the console next to him.
- Riker, La Forge, and Troi found their way to Barclay's... um... special holodeck program, where Picard, Data and Geordi are the Three Musketeers! Then later they introduce a fourth: a facsimile of Riker that's a good two feet shorter than the real one. The real Riker is pissed and deletes the character, and Troi tries to settle him down, commenting about how it would provide an insight into Barclay's mind. And then she meets her misappropriated image.Deanna: You know, there's nothing wrong with a healthy fantasy life as long as you don't let it take over.
Riker: You call this healthy?
Deanna: You're taking it so seriously! It's not without its element of humor...[fails to notice the sudden smirk on Riker's face]
Fantasy Deanna: I am the Goddess of Empathy. [Deanna gasps and stares in horror] Cast off your inhibitions, and embrace love, truth, joy.
La Forge: [amused] Oh my God.
Fantasy Deanna: Discard your facades and reveal your true being to me.
Deanna: Computer. Discontinue image—
Riker: [in full Troll face] Computer, belay that order. We want to get more insight into what's been troubling this poor man, remember? [to Geordi] Quite a healthy fantasy life, wouldn't you say?
La Forge: [still amused] Mmm.
- And Troi's final words to the "Goddess" as they leave?Deanna: [fuming] Muzzle it.
- The absolute topping to this bit is only a split second, but the moment Deanna notices the "Goddess of Empathy", her mouth drops. Geordi's drops as well, though not quite as far, but Riker sports an utterly priceless look of amusement that simply reads as "Now THIS is more like it!". It's the various looks of all three that sells this scene.
- And Troi's final words to the "Goddess" as they leave?
The Most Toys
- Although it shows how unstable the character is, Kivas' reaction to being told some annoying business news is pretty funny:Varia: The Andorians wish to make a bid on the shipment of Telurian spices you offered.
Kivas: THEY HAD FOUR DAYS TO DECIDE! WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DECIDE RIGHT--all right.
- Just before that in the same episode Kivas Fajo is showing off all the priceless artifacts in the room, including the Endling of an extinct species (which is adorable in an Ugly Cute kind of way), a bunch of "historical artifacts" that don't exist in our times, The Persistence of Memory (one of the most important artworks of Earth which he brushes off casually as "Dali") and one of his crown jewels... the last surviving Roger Maris card from 20th century Earth. He even preserved the scent of bubblegum.
- When Data resists against Kivas Fajo and doesn't move or speak so that Fajo's guests think he's a mannequin.Fajo: Mr Data, I'm delighted to see that you dressed for the occasion. Say hello to my very good friend Palor Toff.
(Data stays still and silent)
Fajo: Data, say hello. No need to be shy.
(Data stays still and does not reply)
Toff: It's a mannequin of some sort.
Fajo: It's not a mannequin. This is Data. This is formerly Lietenant Commander Data of the Federation Starfleet. The only sentient android in existence.
Toff: It doesn't seem particularly sentient right now.
Fajo: That's because it's playing a stupid little game with us.
Toff: Well, someone has certainly played a game on you, Fajo.
Fajo: I don't find this amusing. I demand that you behave normally. (Data remains silent and still) Behave...(snaps his fingers) normally! (Data doesn't) I know you can hear me! (the proximity field knocks over Data and he falls over but still doesn't move or speak)
- Kind of creepy, but also funny, Data trying to make Baby Talk to Fajo's pet.
- This exchange between Riker and Worf as they walk to Ten Forward:Riker: Is it my imagination, or have tempers become a little frayed on the ship lately?
Worf: I hadn't noticed.
The doors to Ten Forward open, revealing an all-out Bar Brawl in progress.
Worf: [deadpan] ...I see what you mean.
Ménage à Troi
- Picard pretending to be madly in love with Lwaxana, quickly moving from reciting Shakespeare to insane jealousy.Lwaxana: And you can't keep killing all my lovers, now that simply has to stop.
Lwaxana: (matter-of-fact) Oh, he's insanely jealous. (to Tog) Don't let him threaten you, you can defeat him. (to Picard) The only way you'll ever get me back is over Tog's dead body.
- And extra laugh on realizing that the Picard "What is this?!" screencap comes from that speech.
- The expressions on Riker's face are absolute gold. Even when the camera isn't focused on him, you can still see him struggling not to laugh (hell, even Troi's having a grand old time).
- Worf looks like he was to criticize Picard for damaging the original Klingon.
- After getting Lwaxana back:Picard: Mr. Crusher, set a course for Betazed...(whispers) Warp 9.
- Despite being an excellent actor, Patrick Stewart's (or at least Picard's) act falters for brief moments (it's not easy to spot and can't be called Corpsing); he was having too much fun in that scene even for THE Bald of Awesome to hide it perfectly.
- As noted above, Riker is doing this in-universe.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard, captain of the Enterprise, hero of the Federation. Utterly awful liar, as seen when trying to dodge Lwaxana again. He claims he and Data are going to show the ambassador the Enterprise's doors. The doors, Picard?
- Accidental Funny. Geordi is pointing out the hot woman across Ten-Forward.Geordi: Don't stare!
Worf: Why not?
Geordi: Because she'll see!
Worf: Good. You must let her see the fire in your eyes.
Geordi: [gives Worf a WTF look, then lets it go] But what would I say?
Worf: Words come later. It is the scent that first speaks of love.
Geordi: [Beat] Thanks, Worf. That helps a lot.
- Then she comes over herself, and we watch Geordi stumble his way through talking to her, while Worf (poorly) hides his disgust with Geordi's performance.Worf: I have much to teach you about women!
- Another one later, after Geordi gets zapped by some alien energy that has the unanticipated effect of making him a lot more confident and smooth. While in Ten Forward with Worf and Data, he sees the same woman, strikes up a conversation that goes well, and they leave together. Data is puzzled. Worf is ready with an explanation:Worf: [proudly] I have been tutoring him. He learns very quickly.
- Another one later, after Geordi gets zapped by some alien energy that has the unanticipated effect of making him a lot more confident and smooth. While in Ten Forward with Worf and Data, he sees the same woman, strikes up a conversation that goes well, and they leave together. Data is puzzled. Worf is ready with an explanation:
- Then she comes over herself, and we watch Geordi stumble his way through talking to her, while Worf (poorly) hides his disgust with Geordi's performance.
The Best of Both Worlds
- Wesley getting spanked at his first poker game — first being admonished by Data, then being outbluffed by Riker.
- Even Geordi gets in on the snarking.Geordi: Wesley you may get straight A's in school but you have a lot to learn about poker.(after Wesley folds) with 3 Jacks?! Are you crazy?!
- Even Geordi gets in on the snarking.
- Troi finds Picard's choice to go back to his home village for his leave to be revealing.Picard: If you wish to believe that my going home is a direct result of being held captive by the Borg, be my guest.
Troi: Is that what you believe?
Picard: ...I hate it when you do that.
- Picard and his brother Robert, after having a knockdown fight in the mud, sitting in a couple of chairs drinking wine and singing Auprès de ma Blonde like a pair of old sots.
- Then Robert's wife comes in, immediately demanding to know what happened between the two that brought them to track an impressive amount of mud into the house. The best that Robert and Picard could give her was that they both "fell down", being too snockered to say anything else and repeating themselves to her because they keep stumbling over each other's words. Even after she notices that one of them has a black eye.
- Worf's adopted father Sergey bugging everyone, even Captain Picard, about how he's studied the Enterprise and has all the design plans at home.
- Sergei hinting that Worf might be able to pull some strings and let him see the parts of the ship that are currently being renovated and off-limit to civilians. Then Helena shuts him down hard with just a stern tone of voice, and Sergei backs down.
- Jack Crusher's holo-recording to Wesley, while mostly a heartwarming Tear Jerker, also has a few moments of Self-Deprecating Humor regarding Jack's skills (or lack thereof) as a father.
- Lore's goofy voice when he's mocking Data's repeatedly saying "I am not less perfect than Lore."
- Picard is trying to get out of taking care of Jono and summons Troi to patiently explain to her why he shouldn't:Picard: You're probably not aware of this, but I've never been particularly comfortable around children.Troi: ...Really.Picard: For some reason, they just don't seem to respond to me.Troi: [nodding] I see.Picard: Frankly, I think that my time would be best served carrying out the duties and responsibilities of a Starfleet officer.Troi: [Beat] Seldom have I heard an explanation so well-rehearsed.
- Banana Split to the face, look under slapstick.
- Doubly funny because it's Wesley getting the banana split to the face.
- Like Wesley and don't find that part funny? The scene can still be doubly funny, because when Data realizes it's a variation on the Pie in the Face gag and Riker asks if he sees why it's funny now, Data just says, "No, sir. But I will take your word for it — this is very amusing."
- Dr. Crusher finds herself on an Enterprise that's continuously losing crewmembers, and nobody notices, or seems to care. It gets really funny when it's down to just her and Captain Picard on the bridge.Crusher: It's all perfectly logical to you, isn't it? The two of us roaming about the galaxy in the flagship of the Federation. No crew at all.Picard: We've never needed a crew before.
- There's also her description of Worf when he disappears and no one remembers him.Crusher: The big guy who never smiles? The KLINGON?!
- Her back-and-forth with the computer has a few gems as well, mostly with the computer as the straight-man to her working her way to a solution that, in her words, means there's "nothing wrong with [her and] something wrong with the universe."Crusher: If this were a bad dream, would you tell me?Computer: That is not a valid question.Crusher: Like hell it's not.
- A short time later, this exchange:Crusher: What is the primary mission of the starship Enteprise?Computer: To explore the galaxy.Crusher: Do I have the necessary skills to complete that mission alone?Computer: Negative.Crusher: Then why am I the only crew member?Computer: Takes several seconds to process an answer.
- The computer eventually answers "that information is not available" as Dr. Crusher walks away, giving a flippant hand wave.
- A short time later, this exchange:
- Riker is guiding Data through a card trick, using "magic" to find Data's card. One command is "throw them away", referring to a portion of the cards. Instead of simply tossing it into the reject pile like the others, Data tosses them over his shoulder without changing his facial expression in the slightest. Troi smiles and face palms.
- When Riker is confident Data has no idea how he did the trick, Data just proceeds to instantly deconstruct how it was performed.
- K'Ehleyr to Worf: "Not even a bite on the cheek for old times' sake?"
- The fact that K'Ehleyr has such clear disdain for much of the trappings of Klingon rituals, society, and attitudes is greatly amusing, considering that her official position is the ambassador from the Federation to the Klingon Empire.
- Duras expressing his contempt for Worf by being a passive-aggressive Captain Obvious, just to troll him.Worf: What did your investigations reveal about the explosion?
Duras: (sarcastically) It was a bomb.
Worf: (gives him a "Seriously?" look before turning to Gowron) And was your analysis just as "insightful"?
- Riker realizes the future he's been experiencing is a fake. An attempt to get him to calm down leads to:Riker: SHUT UP!
"Picard": I beg your pardon?
Riker: I said "Shut up!" As in "close your mouth and stop talking!"
- When Riker tries to comfort a sobbing Deanna after she has temporarily lost her empathic abilities.Troi: (sniff sniff) Is this how you handle all your personnel problems?Riker: Of course. You'd be surprised how far a hug can go with Geordi and Worf.
- Yes, even the big Klingon man requires his comfort hugs once in a while.
- Note that Troi finds the above Actually Pretty Funny.
- The ghastly◊ 'smile' he pastes on while practicing dancing in the holodeck.
- Or how about Data's attempt to keep up with good-natured jibes and insults between crew members? As Geordi points out, he'd probably better not try that on the captain.Data: [as deadpan as ever] My hair does not require trimming, you lunkhead.
- After digging up Crusher's history as "the dancing doctor," which she swears him to secrecy about, Crusher proceeds to run Data through a lesson on tap-dancing... only for him to reveal he was looking for lessons on dancing for O'Brien and Keiko's wedding.
- Then followed by Data needing to see Crusher's feet moves to learn... while they're embraced in a waltz. Crusher's annoyed expression at having Data stare down a few inches from her breasts is hilarious.
- Data and Worf are looking through the catalogue of possible wedding gifts, and Worf pauses on a crystal dish shaped like a swan. Data remarks that he thought that gifts should reflect the personality of the giver (crystal knick-knacks are so unlike Worf that it's hilarious). Cue Worf and Data looking awkwardly at each other before moving on to another topic.
- Gets a good Brick Joke later at the reception, when you can see a bat'leth among the gifts. Worf apparently took Data's advice.
- Data's Insane Troll Logic is the best: Keiko thinks that cancelling the wedding will make her happy. Chief O'Brien wants Keiko to be happy. Therefore, telling him the wedding is cancelled will make Chief O'Brien happy.Data: Keiko has made a decision designed to increase her happiness. She has cancelled the wedding.
- When the Enterprise starts heading for the Neutral Zone, Data's monologue says that if he were human he'd be nervous about such a thing. Then he notices that his finger has been tapping nervously on the console, and his expression changes to one of surprise and confusion (or at least as close as "emotionless" Data gets to those emotions).
- "Devil's Due" is full of them, being rewritten from an unused script from the unproduced Phase II series which originally featured the TOS crew, and, as a result, is far more offbeat and campy than a traditional TNG episode (and the villain of the piece, Ardra, is played as campy as humanly possible). Notable, however, is this line.
- Captain Picard gets beamed into a lab in his pajamas, which leads to:Picard: Just have Mr. Data fetch me in a shuttle, and have him bring along a uniform.Worf: Did you say uniform?Picard: Yes, I did.
- During the arbitration of the Contract of Ardra, the Enterprise manages to capture "Ardra's" ship and use the same technology in the courtroom to prove the contract invalid. "Ardra" calls Picard out on using the same powers against her, prompting Picard's final display of changing into Fek'lhr (Impudence is pretending to be Fek'lhr...OF KLINGON!). Data, the arbitor of the situation and the one who gave Picard leeway to use said powers, adopts an amused and intrigued expression and looks about ready to comment before remembering his duty as arbitor, returning to deadpan and telling Picard that his leeway has run out now. The whole exchange is ridiculously funny.
- Ardra, for all her skill as a con artist, can't figure out what would tempt Picard. She tries to seduce him by appearing as Troi, whom he never once shows romantic interest in throughout the series, rather than Crusher.
- Picard's Dixon Hill holodeck program makes a triumphant return. Highlights include Patrick Stewart's wildly inconsistent American accent, and Guinan not getting it at all.Guinan: (After crawling over to the body of the mook who was holding her and Picard at gunpoint before he himself was turned into swiss cheese in a drive by shooting) And this is what you do for fun?!
- Geordi wondering why, if they really have been unconscious for a whole day, his and the other men's beards haven't grown.
- Riker finally admitting to a nurse, Lanel, that he's an alien, in an effort to convince her to help him escape the hospital.Riker: Now, will you help me?
Lanel: If you make love to me.
Riker: *Beat* What?
Lanel: I've always wanted to make love with an alien.
- And one cut-away later Riker is attempting to slip out...
- The aliens' confusion towards Riker having "digits on his terminus" (foot), and a heart where their digestive tract should be.
- This little gem:Data: Sir, is the appellation "Junior" to be the lifeform's official name?Picard: No, it is not!
- The conversation between Guinan and Geordi about Leah Brahms:Guinan: Computer problem, huh?Geordi: Must have been.Guinan: Maybe it was your old visor.Geordi: What are you talking about?Guinan: The visor you wore on the holodeck with her.Geordi: This is the same visor!Guinan: Really? I figured you were wearing the one that lets you see what you want to see.
- When the baby alien is born, Dr. Crusher says she would like to "announce the birth of a very large baby something".
- The baby alien is feeding on the Enterprise's energy, which the crew compare to nursing. When they do something to make the energy unpalatable...Picard: Mr. La Forge, Dr. Brahms, congratulations. You've weaned the baby.
- Geordi trying to set up his quarters for Leah Brahms.Geordi: "Okay, computer. Subdue lighting. (the quarters go dark) No, that's too much. I don't want it dark. I want it... cozy."Computer: "Please state your request in precise candlepower."Geordi: "See, it's not a matter of precision, computer, it's a matter of mood. Brighter than this. (it brightens slightly) More. (it brightens slightly). More. (it brightens slightly, Geordi thinks for a bit). A little more. (brightens slightly) Hold. Right there. Perfect. Now some music. Maybe a little soft jazz. No, that's not right. Let me think here. Oh, I got it! Some Brahms! A piano etude. Nah, that's too corny. Probably everyone thinks of that."
- Later on in the series, Geordi talks about this episode a couple of times (like to Scotty in "Relics"). It seems to have become his go-to tale, and he seems to get a real kick out of explaining having to wean a gigantic baby creature off the Enterprise.
- Guinan's version of Two Shots from Behind the Bar (into the ceiling). Also a Moment of Awesome."That was setting one. Anyone want to see setting two?"
- While searching for clues Geordi takes a brief pause in frustration. From out of frame, Data walks up silently to within inches behind him.Data: GEORDI...Geordi gasps.
The Nth Degree
- Among the list of events that cause the crew to be concerned about Barclay's new confidence and intelligence? He made a pass at Deanna. "A GOOD one." Riker asks her how successful it was. As an answer, Deanna smiles and just walks away.
- Dr. Crusher's facial reaction to Deanna 'A GOOD one' comment is priceless.
- When Barclay tries to just pretend like his new intelligence is normal (he'd been talking to a holographic Einstein).Geordi: "You just spent the entire night arguing grand unification theories with Albert Einstein!"
- Right from the beginning, when Q appears in Picard's ready room at the end of the teaser.Q: Jean-Luc, it's wonderful to see you! How about a big hug? ... Well don't just stand there, say something.Picard: GET OUT OF MY CHAIR!
- The "big hug" line was just before the commercial break, so if you picture Picard standing there speechless for three minutes straight, it gets even funnier.
- Q explaining his motivation to do Picard a favor:Q: I would've taken my own life if not for you.
Picard: We all make mistakes.
- Q tells Picard "Tell me what is you wish, and I'll be gone."Picard: Just be gone. That'll do nicely.
- After Q has vanished again, Picard calls Riker in:Picard: He wants to do something nice for me.Riker: I'll alert the crew.
- "Sir, I protest! I am NOT a merry man!" (It's aided by Worf's ridiculous costume.)
- Worf smashing Geordi's lute in a perfect Homage to Animal House
- Troi tries archery and ends up accidentally shooting Data. He assures her that all she damaged was his epidermal layer. He then says that her aim is improving and, since he doesn't tend to lie, this implies that her aim was even worse in the past.
- In a rare moment of irrationality from Picard, he mounts a one-man rescue of Vash who refuses to go with him since it's dangerous for them to escape by themselves, plus she's still mad at him. Then they bicker until the guards arrive.
Half a Life
- For being such a serious episode, "Half a Life" has perhaps the funniest moment of any Lwaxana episode. Troi makes the opening log entry, short and simple, in a voice full of dread: "My mother is on board." Then we cut to Picard timidly poking his head into a hallway to make sure the coast is clear.note
- Later, she barges into engineering with food (the man she's interested in is down there, so she brought lunch) and Mister Homn.Lwaxana: Mister Homn is my valet. He doesn't say much.Geordi: (aside to Data) How can he?
- Beverly and Odan are sharing a tender moment...and Data enters, wanting to discuss the mission details, completely oblivious to the subtext and the pair's attempts to get rid of him. Their attempt to get rid of the oblivious Moment Killer without offending him, combined with Data's genuine cluelessness presents a hilarious beginning to a soon-to-turn-dark episode.
- When Beverly finally manages to think up a task to keep him busyBeverly pulls Data down the corridor at a good clip.Data: I do not believe much time can be saved from that estimate by exhibiting such haste now...Beverly: (out of breath from the pace) Data... there are times... when every second does count.
- When Beverly finally manages to think up a task to keep him busy
The Mind's Eye
- In the beginning, on a three-hour shuttle to Risa, Geordi requests a game from the computer to pass the time.Computer: List the resonances of the sub-quantum states associated with general relativity.Geordi: :D That's easy.Computer: In alphabetical order.Geordi: D: Uh... well, uh...
- You can just hear her implied 'OK, smartass'.
- One of Geordi's fake memories is of an Andorian waiter who kept getting his orders wrong.
- In the opening scene, D'Sora tells Data that her ex invited her to dinner, and she said she'd think about it. Turns out she and Data had previously agreed that, whenever it seemed like she was considering getting back with him, Data was to reel off the list of reasons she broke up with him in the first place, which he does.Data: This is the third time I have refreshed your memory. Do you wish to rescind our agreement?
- Picard's contribution to Data's quest for romantic advice: "I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know."
- Just the Oh, Crap! look on his face when Data first calls for him.
- Worf's contribution from the same episode also counts, where he mentions that "Klingons do not...pursue relationships. They conquer that which they desire". Funny enough when you consider who he is giving it to, but then Worf makes an addendum:Worf: However, Lieutenant D'Sora serves under my command. If she were...mistreated, I would be VERY displeased...Sir.[Data turns to walk down the hallway, stops, turns back around to Worf]Data: I understand.
- And then there's Riker's advice, which basically amounts to high-fiving Data and saying "Go for it, dude!"
- Geordi's advice is to ask someone else who's better at giving advice.
- Data modeling his behavior as a partner on things he's seen and read, including lines like "Honey, I'm home!" and "You're not my mother!".
- The invoked Mood Whiplash of Data snapping at D'Sora to calmly asking her if he's doing it right.
- In Part 1, Guinan visits Worf on the practice range and asks to join him. Worf tells her he practices on Level 14.Guinan: I guess I could come down to that level for a little while.
- She then proceeds to never miss a shot as she casually converses with him. When it's over and she's won, she says, "Good game. Don't feel bad. I was doing this long before you were born."
- As part of the Duras' Sisters attempted seduction of Picard one of the sisters opens her hand and run her fingers over Picard's bald head.
- The alien saying, "Shaka when the walls fell" to Picard in a mocking voice when Picard cannot light the fire.
- Keiko and Worf are trapped in Ten Forward and she's about to give birth. Worf is not the best nursemaid.Keiko: I'm going into labor.Worf: You cannot. This is not a good time, Keiko.——Worf: I must urge you gently but firmly to push harder.——Worf: My computer simulation was not like this. That delivery was very orderly.Keiko: Well, I'm sorry!
- And, of course, the kicker.Worf: Congratulations. You are fully dilated to ten centimeters. You may now give birth.
- This sets up a Brick Joke when they meet again on Deep Space Nine. When he learns Keiko is due to have another child, Worf's first reaction is to ask, "NOW?" When informed that it will be in several months, he tells O'Brien that he will be far away from the station then.
- And, of course, the kicker.
- And then there was this gem:Data: Yes.
- Later, when Data's head needs to access the warp containment field to stop it collapsing....Data: You must now change the input matrix of my secondary optical port and then connect the O.D.N. conduit. [Riker does something, and Data involuntarily makes a weird face] That is not the correct port, sir.
- Later, when Data's head needs to access the warp containment field to stop it collapsing....
- Picard orders the kids to climb out of the shaft and leave him behind, as he'd slow them down with his broken ankle and the turbolift won't be safe much longer. The kids universally refuse to leave him, defying direct orders from their captain. Picard acquiesces, but warns them this would be considered mutiny.
- Picard tries to order the kids to stop crying. They, of course, cry anyway.
- Another from this episode, when Troi and O'Brien are discussing the "quantum filament" that has damaged the Enterprise, feels like a Suspiciously Specific Denial from the writers:Troi: So it's like a cosmic string?O'Brien: No. That's a completely different phenomenon.
- And then there's the final scene:Troi escorts the children to the side, then walks towards Riker.Riker: "You just can't stay away from the big chair, can you?"Troi: "I don't think I'm cut out to be captain... first officer, maybe; I understand there aren't many qualifications!"Riker [shares an incredulous look with Worf, then taps his communicator] "Captain Picard to the bridge... please."
- When Picard says "You have the bridge, Number One" and both Riker and Marissa, the girl who Picard had appointed his "number one" during the crisis answer in unison, "aye sir". Cue Riker's trademark grin!
- Even better, Picard stops dead, turns to her, and flashes a grin of his own.
- Patterson wants to be an officer, but there's no job for him. Picard half-jokingly appoints him "Chief Executive Officer in Charge of Radishes", since he did a science project about those.
- Jay Gordon is a very morbid little boy, speculating that the crew are all dead when the comm lines are down, and talking about how some animals he studied have short lifespans.
- One idea the kids have for a song is "The Laughing Vulcan and His Dog".
- When Crusher asks Data if his ears are removable, he says, "No, Doctor. They are fully integrated components." His expression actually seems a bit...wary, as if he's worried Crusher might try it.
- When dealing with the aloof and uncooperative supply yard quartermaster, Riker suggests that Troi try to sweet-talk him. When she attempts it, the quartermaster responds with this:Quartermaster: He [Riker] probably figures that we don't get to see a lot of handsome women out this way and someone like you might get a little more cooperation from me. He's probably right.
- The Klingons have stuck Picard and Data in a single room with a single "bed", that is, a shelf with no blanket or pillow. Data says that he doesn't need to sleep, so Picard should take the bed. But at the last second Data pauses as the word "bed" refuses to come out. Data does not lie unless it's required to complete a mission, and calling this thing a "bed" would definitely be a lie. So Data awkwardly finishes with "shelf."
- As Picard tries to lie down, he opens his eyes and rolls over to see Data standing in place, and questions what he is doing. Data turns to him and explains he's going over his files on their mission, and apologizes if this disturbed him. Picard accepts this and rolls back over, while Data is still looking at him. A moment later Picard rolls over again, obviously complaining about Data watching him. Data apologizes and slowly turns away, keeping eye contact with Picard until the last moment. At this point Picard gets up because obviously sleep is not an option.
- Klingon opera.
- And Omag's reaction."What is that dreadful noise?! It sounds like a Bardakian pronghorn moose!"
- And Omag's reaction.
- The four-armed pianist offers some good zingers, most amusingly when Riker offers to play with her.Amarie: Just what I need, another set of hands.
- In Sela's office, she announces airily that she's finishing a speech that she will force Spock to deliver, then says "I rather enjoy writing. I don't get to do it very often in this job." Data helpfully suggests, "Perhaps you would be happier in another job." Her response is as close as one can get to a silent Flat "What".
A Matter of Time
- When Timothy is pretending to be an android, he says that androids don't need food, but when he sees an ice cream sundae, he adds, "But we do sometimes like to taste things."
- Timothy pretending that he yawned because he has servo-mechanisms in his mouth. Then, Data imitates a yawn.
The Masterpiece Society
- Troi's boyfriend comparing said society collapsing to Humpty Dumpty.
- Worf sitting in Picard's chair or in his office pretty much the entire time that everyone thinks he's in command of the Enterprise. The strangeness of it for the audience is amazing.
- Also, the reason why they think he's in command: because he has that spiffy sash.
- Data, thinking he's the ship's bartender.
- After the crew regains their memories, Riker comes into Ten-Forward to find Ro and Troi chatting at a table. This wouldn't normally be frightening, but given that he and Ro spent the night together during the memory loss, the look of trepidation on his face when he sees them is priceless. As is the subsequent scene where the two of them proceed to torture him.Ro: [deadpan] Commander, don't worry about it. As far as I'm concerned, you and I have shared something that we will treasure forever. [leaves]
Riker: Well, I'm a little confused.
Troi: Well, if you're still confused tomorrow, you know where my office is.
- Even with amnesia, Riker is still Leaning on the Furniture.
- The patient in Sickbay not knowing her job is, and noting that she was in Sickbay in her bathing suit.
- This otherwise Unexpectedly Dark Episode has a moment of levity when Alexander asks if Worf's wanting to be put down is more of that "dumb Klingon stuff".
- When Soren asks Riker, "Are you a male?" he briefly looks down at his crotch before saying, "Yes".
- And then, she/they asks Riker what makes him male.Riker: Snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails.Soren: You have a dog's tail?Riker: No, it's an old-fashioned rhyme that represents an ancient way of looking at the sexes: females are made of sugar and spice and everything nice and males are made of snips and snails. It's ridiculous.Soren: That makes it sound like it's better to be female.
- And then, she/they asks Riker what makes him male.
- When Soren notes that men typically don't wear makeup, she wonders if only women want to be attractive. Dr. Crusher replies, "Men want to be attractive, too, believe me."
- Soren asks Riker to tell her/them about his sexual organs.Riker: "Did you just say tell you about my sexual organs?!"
Cause and Effect
- "Sometimes I wonder if he's stacking the deck." Turns out in the final loop, that's exactly what Data does!
- Geordi wonders if maybe he and Dr. Crusher just have deja vu... but then Crusher points out the unlikeliness of that.Crusher: "Both of us? About the same thing?"
The First Duty
Cost of Living
- Early in the episode, Troi is attempting to provide father-son counseling to Worf and Alexander. It's... not going too well.Worf: (angrily) My instructions were clear.
Alexander: (yelling) They were not!
Worf: Before he was allowed to play, he was to place his soiled clothing in the garment reprocessor.
Alexander: I was not!
Troi: I sense a touch of hostility here, gentlemen.
- Just after Deanna tells Alexander that most children come to appreciate their parents, she gets word that her mother has beamed aboard.Deanna: On the other hand....
- Lwaxana Troi's reaction upon hearing Alexander's name and the plan for a contract to establish household rules with his father Worf, and subsequent dismantling of the idea of it.Deanna: Alexander, this is my mother.Lwaxana: Alexander? What a wonderful name! You know, I once knew a tall, handsome warrior named Alexander; oh, he utterly adored me. We went everywhere, simply everywhere! Haha... Have you been anywhere ye-CONTRACT? What contract?
- Picard is annoyed that Lwaxana keeps disrupting ship's business because her daughter is one of his officers. But that's only one reason.Riker: She thinks the honor of giving away the bride should fall on you.
Picard: [Beat] Permission for an onboard wedding is granted, Number One. Nothing would please me more than to give away Mrs. Troi.
- Worf's total impatience with cutesy stuff leading him to pop the clown bubble.
- Also the last line of the episode:Worf (in the Holodeck mud bath with the Trois and his son, immersed up to his neck): You're just supposed to sit here?
- Alexander trying to laugh by going, "Ha!".
- One of the holodeck clowns is a juggler who calls his juggling balls his "worlds". At one point, he gets distracted and eats them. He then tells Alexander, completely seriously, "If you ever have charge of a world, plan ahead. Don't eat it."
- Mr. Homn opens the door and finds Alexander on the other side. We cut to Alexander's perspective going up Homn's robe to his face, just in time for Homn to throw him a Fascinating Eyebrow.
- Mrs. Troi showing up to her wedding in the nude.
- This one doubles as CMOA for both her and Alexander, as well as Heartwarming. Upon meeting Minister Campio, she found out that unfortunately, he was very much a stickler for certain rules and regulations, and she was very much willing to wear a wedding dress (Betazoid weddings are all done in the nude) and compromise her culture and beliefs so as to not be lonely anymore. Her friendship with Alexander reminded her of staying true to herself and compromising when necessary, not by force.
The Perfect Mate
- Most everyone falls for Kamala's charms instantly, Picard resists by (in his own words) being as "dull as possible".
- Data and Kamala's day out.
- When the Ferengi (who is naturally bald) who'd been snooping around the cargo bay gets caught, his first attempt to weasel out of trouble is rather pathetic.Ferengi: I was looking for the barber shop...
- Riker's reaction after escorting Kamala to her quarters.
- Data and Guinan are looking out of the Ten Forward windows at a nebula, and Guinan starts picking out shapes.Data: It is interesting that people try to find meaningful patterns in things that are essentially random. I have noticed that the images they perceive can sometimes suggest what they are thinking about at that particular moment. (Beat) Besides, it is clearly a bunny rabbit.
- Engineering debates on what to name the nebula.La Forge: So, what are we gonna call this nebula? FGC-47 just doesn't have the proper ring to it.
Daniel Sutter: Why don't we call it Sutter's Cloud?
La Forge: No, I was thinking about something more along the lines of the La Forge Nebula. It has sort of a majestic sound, don't you think?
Data: Given the selections, I prefer FGC-47.
- While Clara and her friend Isabella are having a race through the corridors, they run straight into Worf. Worf turns out to be a softie and lets them off with a warning. Only Isabella has been startled to the point of being petrified, so Clara has to drag her along when they leave.
- One of the pretend dishes Clara made up is "purple omelettes".Troi: "Purple omelettes?!"Clara: "You put grape juice in with the egg. Isabella doesn't like them; she says they taste funny."Troi: "I can see her point."
The Next Phase
- Ro and La Forge attend their own 'funeral': "They think we're dead and they're having a party?"
- To which Geordi just says, "Yeah!".
- And when he comes back, he says, "Nice party. Mind if we join?"
- To which Geordi just says, "Yeah!".
- Ro is not particularly devout, so the idea that the crew would put on a traditional Bajoran funeral for her isn't particularly appealing or comforting to her:Ro: Please, not the Death Chant.
- It should be noted that the traditional Death Chant is over two hours long.
- Ro has been wondering what Riker is going to say about her at her funeral for half the episode, especially since he implied in the turbolift that he had something really poignant to say. When he arrives at the party, he immediately picks up the trombone and starts playing happily. Ro, who is firing a phased disruptor to create a signal, walks up to him and says, "Now I'll never know what you were going to say about me," before firing the disruptor straight through his head.
- Geordi wondering if he's some sort of "blind ghost with clothes".
The Inner Light
- After Jack just barely lugs the anvil Data asked for into the room, Data absently picks it up with no trouble. Until he remembers he's posing as a Frenchman, who aren't known to have the strength of twenty men.Data: (quickly lets the anvil fall, and holds his arm in "pain") Ouch.
- A 19th century guy wonders if "the missus" kicked Data out in his pajamas.Data: "I can understand how you would have arrived to that conclusion, but these are not sleepwear and I do not have a 'missus'."
- Samuel Clemens' (aka Mark Twain) awe and befuddlement upon coming aboard the Enterprise.Clemens: (spots Worf) Werewolf!
- Clemens' reaction upon meeting a Bolian.
- When Clemens returns to the past and finds Picard, we learn that the Ophidian dropped him right in the middle of market street.
- Every scene with Mrs. Carmichael, but especially the Titania "audition".
- And the way she pronounces Picard's name as "PICK-erd".
- Mark Twain saying that a world without despair or poverty "might be worth giving up cigars for".
- Picard's ending monologue is both an Awesome Moment and a Funny Moment:Picard: "Everyone who should be in the 19th century is safely there, and those who should be in the 24th are here. Mr. Data has been restored to us, head and all, and Samuel Clemens will write the books he was to have written after our encounter."
Realm of Fear
- In a meta way, Geordi telling Reg that "transporting really is the safest way to travel". A thousand Trekkies would love to provide a few counter-examples (and, of course, there are plenty to choose from).note
Man of the People
- Deanna's advice while under the (negative) influence of another empath:Janeway note : Well, yesterday I was running routine diagnostics on the sensor pallets. They checked out, but Lieutenant Pinder questioned me because I'd allowed a point oh two three variance. That's well within specifications. He goes out of his way to criticize me.Troi: Do you know of any reason why he might do that?Janeway: No, that's why I'm here.Troi: (bored and blunt) Well, maybe he's just tired of hearing you complain.Janeway: Pardon me?Troi: I know I'm certainly tired of it. How do you think it feels to sit and listen to someone whine about themselves all the time?
- Deanna then threatens, in the most casually evil way possible, to have Janeway transferred off the Enterprise if she can't cope with the pressure.
- Scotty's look of amazement when he meets Worf. Remember, the last time we saw Scotty (at this point in the franchise) was Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, when the Federation had just made peace with the Klingon Empire. Even better, the Klingon who acted as Kirk and McCoy's defender was actually Worf's grandfather.
- When Dr. Crusher is treating Scotty's injuries, he briefly attempts to flirt with her by saying Chief Medical Officers have gotten a lot prettier since his day, likely a jab at Dr. McCoy.
- Data and Scotty are in Ten Forward, looking for a drink:Scotty: What is this? (holds up a glass)Data: It is... (sniffs the drink) It is... (sniffs it again) It is green.
- Later in the episode, Picard earns Scotty's respect by taking a massive belt of the green liquor. The look on Scotty's face is priceless. It gets better when Picard identifies the liquor (as Aldebaran whiskey) and reveals he brought it on board himself.
- There's also some Fridge Brilliance here: Picard grew up on a vineyard. He's probably one of the few crew members on the Enterprise with a good tolerance and appreciation for real alcohol.
- And the exchange between Scotty and Geordi regarding Geordi's estimated time of completion to the captain.Scotty: And how long would it really take?Geordi: An hour!Scotty: Och, you didn't tell him how long it would really take, did ye?Geordi: Well of course I did!
- As the Enterprise is buffeted by solar flares, Picard tells Data to find them a way out of the Dyson Sphere.Data: The interior surface area is over ten to the sixteenth square kilometers. It will take seven hours to completely scan the surface, sir. [the Enterprise is rocked by a particularly bad flare] I will endeavor to speed up the process, sir.
- "Schisms" is largely a serious episode, but the teaser is hilarious just for Data's reading of Ode to Spot, a poem in iambic heptameter he'd written for his cat.
- Data's poetry is what you'd expect from him - technically perfect, but no feeling. And everyone in the audience of his recital have looks on their faces like "where's a Romulan invasion when you really need one?'
- When Riker nods off, Troi elbows him. Riker hastily wakes up and starts applauding, to which Data patiently explains that he hasn't finished the poem yet.
- Q and Beverly are arguing about how they are treating Amanda Rogers. While Beverly is talking, Q turns her into a barking (female) dog mid-sentence. Amanda turns her back and Beverly keeps going without noticing. Q even acts likes he didn't notice.
- Q calling eating a "nasty habit".
- Amanda using her powers to make a date with Riker, who she had a crush on... but then stopping because it felt too weird.
- Picard, Ro, Guinan, and Keiko are turned into 12-year-olds in a transporter accident, though they kept their adult memories, knowledge, and skills. When the ship is hijacked by Ferengi, the "kid" crew stage a revolt to get the ship back. In order to get Riker to turn over computer control to the schoolroom computer so Picard and company can corral the Ferengi, Picard accosts one of the Ferengi guards and demands to see his "father", throwing a spectacular tantrum:Kid Picard: "I want to see my father! I want to see him NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW—"
- What makes it even better is the preceding moment where someone points out that Picard has to find a method of getting the message to Riker with the Ferengi running loose. Picard ruefully says he can only think of one way, which leads into the tantrum scene.
- "Rascals" also involves Chief O'Brien being very awkward around his now-adolescent wife, resulting in her giving a Full-Name Ultimatum while grabbing him by the collar and yanking him down to her eye level, reminding him that she is still his wife. You can see him trying to think of a way to tactfully point out the obvious and failing horribly. And then he digs himself deeper by saying "technically, yes"...
- Also, Molly not recognising Keiko.
- No slight intended to the generally excellent child actors, but many of these scenes (like Picard's tantrum) get even funnier if you imagine, for example, Patrick Stewart petulantly stamping his feet or giving his "Number One Dad" a big fake hug.
- When the Ferengi threaten to kill all children on board if Riker doesn't restore computer access and teach one of them how to operate it, Riker agrees to do so but then proceeds to distract him with longwinded Techno Babble (which he may or may not have made up on the spot: considering this is Star Trek, it's impossible to tell) while he gives full access to the classroom computer where the kids are being held, including Picard and co.
- Picard on the bridge giving commands after being transformed. Everyone else is bewildered at taking orders from a 12-year-old.
- When Picard is restored to normal, one of the first things he does is regretfully reach up and feel his bald head. Either that or - and even better - he's making sure he's back to normal.
- The opening of the episode has Guinan and Keiko struggling to hold their laughter as Picard gushes over his archeological findings culminating with a poker faced Guinan having this exchange with Picard,:Guinan: "You were on the most beautiful planet in the quadrant, and you spent your entire shore leave in a cave."Picard: "It was a very rewarding experience."
- It also has Ro Laren trying to amend her Hidden Depths outburst from Keiko:Ro: [indicating a plant in a basket Keiko is holding] Is that a draebidium froctus?Keiko: Draebidium calimus actually. You can tell by the shape of the leaves. [beat] I didn't know you were interested in plant biology.
- Picard getting frustrated by the classroom computer that has limited functionality and an A.I. that comes off as patronizing to adult ears ("Can you spell 'Enterprise'?"). It's satisfying when Picard deletes the audio.
- Guinan trying to convince Ro that she's a "jumper" (someone who likes jumping on furtniture).
A Fistful of Datas
- Pretty much the entire episode, but especially Data as the barmistress, and the Enterprise flying off into the sunset. Some of the odder things:
- Worf and Alexander are walking down the street when Worf sees a prostitute posing at an upper balcony. He is surprised, as he thought Alexander had programmed the whole thing. Alexander admits that Reg Barclay helped. Worf growls that he will have to have a talk with Mr. Barclay. You can only imagine the results of that little chat!
- Poor Troi (a lover of Westerns) can't get Worf to stay in character around her!Worf: Counselor, I would appreciate some support in this matter!Troi: Durango! I'm called Durango!Worf: Ah yes, err... Counselor Durango.Troi: (rolls her eyes and heaves a sigh)
- Troi continually calling the time period the "ancient West".
- Dr. Crusher's play is replaced with Ode to Spot.
- Data himself lapses into a Texan accent without even realizing it.note He lapses again in the observation lounge, and as he leaves, he walks with a cowboy swagger and uses a potted plant as a spittoon, causing Picard and Riker to look at each other in puzzlement. He also uses cowboy slang like "I reckon" and "in time for supper".
- Six decks of replicators are limited to producing cat food.
- The teaser has Picard in his quarters, playing his Ressikan flute. Or trying to, with increasing annoyance. First, Data and Geordi stop by, asking to do some modifications with the computer. Then Crusher stops by, trying to get him to join her play - as the butler. Then Worf comes by, wanting to run security drills.
- When Worf arrives, Picard doesn't even have to wait for the notification someone is at the door; he plays one note, then pauses the recording and calls for Worf to enter. He just knew he was going to be interrupted again.
- Worf's sheer irritation at being forced to take a day off and play on the holodecks with Alexander.
- After Worf has agreed to a hostage exchange with Eli Hollander, Troi tries to warn him that Hollander won't keep his word. Worf expresses confusion, pointing out that they have "an honorable agreement".
- At the end Worf puts on his cowboy hat and plays a bit with his reflection in the mirror. One almost wonders if this is a homage to Back to the Future Part III, which was released a few years before this.
The Quality of Life
- Riker's reaction to Crusher on his facial hair.Riker: My beard is not an affection!
Chain of Command, Part I
Chain of Command, Part II
Ship in a Bottle
- At the end, Picard makes a comment about how, for all they know, the Enterprise-D is a simulation in a box on someone's table. This prompts Reg Barclay to look around nervously and say, "Computer? End Program." Roll credits. (But not before seeing Barclay leave the observation lounge with a look of relief on his face.)
- Patrick Stewart's expression during the "simulation in a box" speech. He's almost winking at the camera.
- This is the second time Geordi's falling for a woman he doesn't know.
- Lt. Unari trying on a crazy wig.Geordi: (watching the log) "Definitely not you."
- Geordi trying to make light of the dog chewing his shoes by saying, "At least she's chewing them in pairs."
Face of the Enemy
- Q greeting Picard:Q: Welcome to the afterlife, Jean-Luc. You're dead.
Picard: No...I'm not dead...because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed!
- And Picard's incredulous reaction:Picard: [laughing] You are not God!
Q: Blasphemy! You're lucky I don't cast you out or smite you or something.
- Picard's reasoning on why he isn't dead.
- And Picard's incredulous reaction:
- Q shows up disguised as a delivery boy:(shuffling into room) "Flowers! Is there a 'John Luck Pickard' here?"
- And after Picard's less-than-successful date with a woman named Penny:Q: Penny for your thoughts.
- Pillow talk, the morning after:
- After Picard tells Q the story of how he got his artificial heart, Q tells him it's beautiful:"It gets you right here, doesn't it?" [puts a hand to his chest, over the organ in question]
- Also, when he greets him earlier in the scene: "You seem unimpaled so far."
- Just as Picard has received an Armor-Piercing Slap, he asks Q if him being here will disrupt the timeline.Q: Oh, you won't cause galaxies to explode or civilizations to fall. To be blunt: You're not that important.
- Riker and Troi trying to be fair to Lt. (j.g.) Picard about his qualities as an officer:Picard: How would you evaluate me as an officer?
Troi: Well, er, your performance records have always been good. You're thorough, dedicated.
Riker: Reliable, steady... [trying to think of anything at all notable about Picard] ...Punctual.
Birthright, Part I
- In Part 1, Geordi and Worf are having lunch on Deep Space Nine. They each get Pasta al Fiorella, but Geordi doesn't like it, whereas Worf gobbles it up.Geordi: Worf, I don't see how you can eat that. It tastes like... liquid polymer.
Worf: (Beat) Delicious.
- Likely a Call-Back to "Time Squared", above.
- And continuity to DS9. The replicators across the station were terrible for the first year or so, from bad tasting to nearly getting everyone killed.
- Worf is doing meditation exercises in his quarters after a tense moment on the bridge and accidently knocks over a table. Troi pays him a visit to see if he's all right and immediately notices the broken table.Troi: [completely deadpan] Did the table do something wrong?
- She then asks if he wants to talk about his feelings or break more furniture.
- In Data's "dream", Spot appears on Picard's chair.Data: "My cat is present."
Birthright, Part II
- The young man who Worf taught to hunt joking that he'll get rid of the dead animal... once it's cooked.
- Practically the entire first ten or so minutes of the episode is a riot. Socially awkward Picard is the best.
- The beginning of the episode has Worf asking to be allowed out of the reception that no one wants to attend. Picard gives him permission, remarking that he wishes he could excuse himself as well. Geordi pipes up to ask the same, only for Picard to give him a stern, authoritative explanation that he can't have the entire bridge crew absent from the reception. With a grin, Picard adds that Worf beat him to it. Worf - Worf - actually gives Geordi a smirk.
- Irony being, considering that the reception becomes a hostage situation, Worf probably would have enjoyed himself far more there.
- In an effort to fit in better with humans, Data writes a special subroutine for small talk, testing it on Picard in the turbolift. Surprised, Picard comments that Data should watch for Commander Hutchinson at the party on the surface of Arkaria. Hutchinson - call him "Hutch" - is an infamous bore who yammers endlessly, that everyone else is keen to avoid. As Hutchinson talks everybody's ear off, Data can be seen silently miming the body language to practice. Then he goes up to Crusher and Riker, hammily introducing himself with a cheesy grin and a big handshake as though he hasn't seen them in years, doing such a flawless impression of their host that they crack up as soon as they realize what's going on.
- Later, Riker makes sure that Data and Hutchinson meet, and the two hit it off spectacularly. The next time we see them, they're still having an endless Seinfeldian Conversation, and probably would've continued to do so until the end of the episode if they hadn't been interrupted by a group of space pirates. Riker admits to being fascinated by how long two people can talk about nothing.
- At one point, Hutchinson has ensnared Picard, Troi and La Forge with his endless chatter. When the conversation turns to riding horses, Picard jumps on the opportunity and gives what seems like a totally made-up excuse to get away by claiming he has to go back to his quarters to get his personal saddle.Hutch: The mating habits of the Arkarian horn fowl are quite interesting. If the weather were better, we could take horses to the southern promontory and visit the nesting grounds.Picard: [sensing a way out of this] Horses?Hutch: Yes. We have a network of trails through the plains. Unfortunately, it's not very pleasant right now. Cold, muddy. Not a soul for kilometers.Picard: Sounds perfect.
- Hutch eats it up, and Geordi seems to buy it, but you can tell by Troi's expression that she knows it's an attempt to escape - especially when Picard is so eager to get away that he actually bumps into a wall.
- Oh, and then we cut to the next scene, where it turns out he really does keep a saddle on the Enterprise.
- The beginning of the episode has Worf asking to be allowed out of the reception that no one wants to attend. Picard gives him permission, remarking that he wishes he could excuse himself as well. Geordi pipes up to ask the same, only for Picard to give him a stern, authoritative explanation that he can't have the entire bridge crew absent from the reception. With a grin, Picard adds that Worf beat him to it. Worf - Worf - actually gives Geordi a smirk.
- At the end, we get a Brick Joke when Worf finds the lost saddle and asks Picard why he keeps on on board. Troi and Crusher are ready to smugly inform him that all serious riders have their own saddle.
- At the start of the episode Stellar Cartography has shut down everything Picard wants to do. Rule of Three kicks in as Communications, the library computer, and even the replicators aren't working. His mounting frustration is funny.
- Although intended as a heartwarming moment, this scene where Geordi hears echoes of music coming from the Jeffries Tube is just hilarious. Odd that Data couldn't hear anything as he walked in, though (amazing android ears and all that).
- "The Chase" involves a Klingon captain, Nu'Daq, on board the Enterprise while he waits for them to assemble data of interest to every major power in the quadrant. He approaches Data in Ten Forward and invokes a Klingon strength challenge while Data's doing some paperwork. The two rest their elbows on the table and lock arms, Nu'Daq counts down to the start...and Data casually shoves Nu'Daq's arms aside and resumes his paperwork. Then Nu'Daq headbutts him and falls backward, Data not moving an inch. As Nu'Daq picks himself up off the floor, Data helpfully informs him of the details of his construction (including a metal skull and spinal column) to explain why that probably wasn't bright.
- And when Nu'Daq lowers his voice and attempts to bribe Data for first crack at the information, Data observes at normal volume that "You are trying to bribe me." By this point, they're clearly drawing attention, and Nu'Daq decides to give up and let it go.
- He is also singularly unimpressed by the final revelation of the episode, delivered by a hologram of their common progenitor:"That's all?! If she were not dead, I would kill her!"
- While Nu'Daq and Worf, the Cardassians and the Romulans are all trying to browbeat each other into submission (at gunpoint), Picard and Crusher quietly locate another sample, insert it in the tricorder and complete the puzzle. The others realize this only when the tricorder spontaneously projects the progenitors' message.
- When discussing the fact that nobody is sure what the mysterious DNA program actually is, Gul Ocett quips that it might just be a recipe for biscuits. Nu'Daq snaps that if that's what she's looking for, he'll send her his mother's recipe. Yes, apparently Klingons eat biscuits.note
Frame of Mind
- Riker comments that his undercover mission will make him have to back out of Doctor Crusher's play. Picard tells him that they're already timing it for after the play. Then he adds that if he let Riker back out of it, Crusher would come after HIM for the part.
- The look on Riker's face when presented with a "communicator" (i.e. a stolen spoon) is rather amusing considering the normally unsettling mood of the hospital scenes.
- In a very dark way, somewhere around the fifth time Riker learns everything he thought was true was a delusion and he is now in the "real" world, he sits on the doctor's examination table with an exhausted look bordering on being a Kubrick Stare that's part "mentally beaten" and part "waiting for the other shoe to drop".
- Kahless' jovial and occasionally outright flippant attitude for the majority of the episode. An amazing contrast from the TOS "Kahless the Unforgettable".
- Riker is performing with a jazz band in Ten Forward and calls for requests. Deanna requests 'Night Bird.' He looks nervous and asks for requests again. She repeats herself, emphatically. Riker resigns himself to the inevitable and Troi mentions in an aside to Crusher that she picked the song because Riker has, for the last ten years, never managed to make it through the solo. Luckily for Riker he ends up being saved by a call from the bridge right before he comes in (and flashes a MASSIVE shit-eating grin over it, to Troi's mild disappointment).
- For that matter, calling for 'Night Bird'? She insists that he play it, despite knowing he can't, essentially trolling him.
- Data, observing the friction between Commander Riker and his double:Data: Lieutenant, I am curious about something. If you had a double of yourself, would you have trouble interacting with him?Worf: [considers for a second] I think so.Data: Why?Worf: I am not easy to get along with.Data: (nodding in agreement) Hm.
- Worf's reaction is hilarious.
- Worf needing four cards when playing poker.
- Data's cat Spot has been the source of a few Funny Moments, particularly because Spot is rather antagonistic to most of the crew (excepting Worf and Lt. Barclay). In the beginning, Riker is in Sickbay, with Dr. Crusher healing two rather deep cuts on his forehead. Crusher tries to guess how he got it. Parisses Squares? No. Klingon calisthenics? No. What scratched him? Spot. He's so peeved that he suggests to Crusher the next time she approaches Spot to bring a phaser. Spot then goes on to ruin La Forge's quarters in "Force of Nature". He also suggests a phaser.
- There's also this:Troi [impersonating Dr. Mizan]: "Hello, Diane... I understand you're an empath. I'm a very [winks broadly] sensitive man, myself. I'm doing a thesis on interspecies mating rituals. Would you care to join me in some...empirical research?[after Picard and Geordi have laughed]Data: Did you help him with his research, Counselor?Troi: Absolutely not.Data: But I thought that was a topic you were interested in.
- Picard relates how a speaker at the seminar gave an hour-long talk on the wrong subject.Geordi: Why didn't anybody tell him?
Picard: There was no opportunity. There was no pause. [droning voice] He just kept talking in one long incredibly unbroken sentence moving from topic to topic so that no one had a chance to interrupt it was really quite hypnotic.
- In the same episode, Picard making a smiley face in the extremely slow-moving warp coolant (pictured at top).
- Data plays a poker game on the holodeck with representations of Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and Stephen Hawking (played by himself).Newton: The day that apple fell on my head was the most momentous day in the history of science.Hawking: Not the apple story again!
- The conclusion:Newton: Blast, I fold!Data: I fold as well.Einstein: Ze uncertainty principle vill not help you now, Stephen. All ze quantum fluctuations in ze universe vill not change ze cards in your hand. I call. You are bluffing and you vill lose!Hawking: Wrong again, Albert.note (reveals that he has the winning hand, while wearing a huge grin)
- This scene also turns Heartwarming when you realise Hawking is a fan of the show, and his grin is probably also due to his joy at getting to appear in it.
- Something that makes it even funnier- some years later, Brent Spiner got to meet Stephen Hawking again. Instead of a greeting, Hawking at once demanded, Where's my money?
- A funny moment behind the scenes, when Hawking was given a tour of the set and comes upon the warp drive: I'm working on that.
- He also had some aides take him out of his chair so he could chill in the captain's chair for a bit.
- Also Hilarious in Hindsight, with Epic Rap Battles of History pitting Albert Einstein vs. Stephen Hawking.
- Newton's hair is so big, it make him look like he's wearing a Flokati Rug!
- The crew are fed up with false alarms:Riker: Red alert! All hands to battle stations. Lay in a course. Engage warp nine.(Picard enters)Riker: We received a distress call from the New Berlin Colony. They're under attack.Picard: What's our ETA?Worf: At warp nine, fifteen minutes, thirty seconds.Picard: Contact the Crazy Horse and the Agamemnon. Have them standing by in case we need them.Worf: Captain, incoming message from the New Berlin Colony. They have cancelled their distress call. Evidently, a Ferengi trading ship entered their system and someone panicked.Riker: Third time today. Stand down red alert. Reduce speed. Return to our patrol route.Picard: Mister Worf, acknowledge the signal from New Berlin and transmit another copy of Starfleet's ship-recognition protocols and tell them to read it this time!Worf: Aye, sir.
- It's dark, but pretty funny watching Data attempt to recreate the circumstances in which he felt anger.Data: [flatly] Stop it. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. [tosses holographic Borg aside disinterestedly, looking disappointed]
- The opening of the episode, where Worf is complaining about the dress uniforms they have to wear.Worf: These uniforms are ridiculous. They look like dresses!
Riker: (angrily) Mister Worf, that is an outmoded, sexist attitude! (goes to leave, then turns around, and smiles) Besides, you look good in a dress!
- Worf taking zingers from Riker? Not unexpected. But coming off second best in an encounter with Data? Funny as hell.Data: I have heard that in moments of diplomatic tension, it is often helpful to find elements of commonality.
Worf: Ambassador Byleth is demanding, temperamental, and rude!
Data: You share all of those qualities in abundance. Perhaps you should try to build on your similarities.
- The best part of this was that Data sincerely thought he was being helpful. He's even patting Worf on the back in a cheery way.
- Worf contemplating the very large knife he's holding for a loooooooong time is the perfect capper to the exchange.
- Picard's facial expression when he realizes he has to share a very long shuttle ride with someone he can't get any sort of an interesting conversation with is pretty funny.
- The boy Eric's confused expressions when the alien meets him and asks what he is and how children work.
- Notorious chocoholic Troi introduces Ambassador Loquel to the different varieties of desserts at the dinner. He's seen munching on junk food for the rest of the episode.
Gambit, Part I
Gambit, Part II
- Riker comes to Picard's quarters to conspire with him against the captain of the ship they've infiltrated.Picard: Will, this isn't a good idea. Baran might grow suspicious.
Riker: As a matter of fact, it was Baran who sent me here. He told me to pretend to be friendly with you, help you organize a mutiny, so that he can determine who your supporters are in the crew and then eliminate them.
Picard: Oh, what a tangled web we weave. I have difficulty remembering whose side I'm on.
- The crack Picard makes here:Picard: So, what will Baran do once he's obtained the second artifact?
Riker: You're supposed to verify its authenticity. Then I'm supposed to kill you. Then I take your place.
Picard: Will, you always seem to be after my job.
- The crack Picard makes here:
- Data's response to Picard and Riker's unexpected appearance as space pirates:Troi: (examining Riker) He's only stunned.
Data: I must admit, I am experiencing a similar sensation.
- The end:Picard: Number One, will you set a course for Starbase 227? I'll join you on the bridge shortly.
Riker: Wait a minute. You've been declared dead. You can't give orders around here.
Data: If we are to adhere to the exact letter of Starfleet regulations, then technically sir, you have been declared a renegade. In fact I believe you are facing twelve counts of court martial offenses. You cannot give orders either, sir.
Picard: That's quite right. And as I am supposed to be dead, I'll go and get some sleep, and Mr. Data, I suggest that you escort Commander Riker to the brig.
Data: Aye, sir. (Data grabs Riker to lead him towards the brig) This way, sir.
Riker: Data, he was joking. You know that, right? ...Data?
- As Data leads Riker away, you can clearly see Brent Spiner struggling to keep a straight face.
- Picard's dread of the upcoming Admiral's Banquet. The idea of an evening of "fifty admirals shaking hands, making dull conversation, uninteresting food [and] boring speeches" scares him more than a Borg attack or visit from Q!
- And at the end, Geordi offers to speed up the repairs to the ship so Picard could possibly at least make it to the end of the banquet. Picard is quick (a little too quick) to say no, no the safety of the ship is more important than the banquet. Geordi smirks in understanding.
- Data asks Worf to take care of his cat, Spot:Data: He will require water. And you must provide him with a sandbox. And you must talk to him. Tell him he is a pretty cat. And a good cat. And... (trails off upon seeing Worf's Death Glare)
Worf: I will feed it.
Data: Perhaps that will be sufficient.
- Worf is holding Spot at arm's length as if he can hardly bear to even touch the cat.
- Also, Worf yelling, "SPOT. COME HERE." to Spot, even though he doesn't respond to commands.
- Also, Worf exiting, and the *sneeze* "meow!" we hear. Apparently Klingons (or at least Worf) are allergic to Terran kitties.
- Gets funnier given that, in the novels set after the events of Star Trek: Nemesis, Spot has decided that she's now Worf's responsibility.
- This line:Picard: Bridge to Engineering. Mr. La Forge, why isn't my ship moving?
- Michael Dorn's quirky line delivery:Worf: It's a cellular peptide cake (with Klingon glee) with mint frosting!
- It gets even funnier when La Forge and Picard join Data in his dream simulation. When Data explains to La Forge and Picard that it is a cellular peptide cake, Worf, from across the room, shouts out, "WITH MINT FROSTING" with his mouth full.
- Data goes to bed in his uniform. Which makes sense; he doesn't sweat, have body odor or use the toilet, so why would he ever need to change his clothes?
- Data going to see Sigmund Freud on the holodeck, who concludes that he's impotent, angry with him, and wants to commit violence on his father and "possess" his mother.
- The first sign that Data's first nightmare is a dream, besides the tilted angle, is Geordi saying, "This is gonna be a lot of fun!" in a borderline-eerie singsong voice.
- Data with a phone in his belly in his nightmare.
- Deanna's "revenge" on Data: a Data cake.
- Lwaxana refers to Worf as "Mister Woof." He takes a breath to correct her, then immediately decides not to bother, just shaking his head.
- Picard's expression when Lwaxana tells him their conversation would have been much shorter is very amusing.
Force of Nature
- The B-Plot is about Data and Geordi trying to train Spot. It's like watching Troy and Abed On a Starship.
- While discussing training, Geordi jokes that Data should try using a phaser with a low stun setting. Data's response is visibly unsettled, making it a little funny and a little more heartbreaking.Data: Geordi, I cannot stun my cat.
- In about the middle of the episode, Geordi enters Data's quarters while Data is verbally training Spot not to jump on his worktable. As they talk, Spot begins crying for Data. Data immediately orders Spot food from the replicator, and then he picks up a ball of yarn so Spot can play with it. Geordi decides to point this out:Geordi: I don't know about Spot, but... seems to me your training is coming along just fine.
- Data's way of telling Spot not to jump on the table.Data: "This is down; down is good. This is up; up is no."
- While discussing training, Geordi jokes that Data should try using a phaser with a low stun setting. Data's response is visibly unsettled, making it a little funny and a little more heartbreaking.
- Juliana Tainer's Shipper on Deck moment when she finds out Data (her son) is going to see Deanna.
- The reveal that before Data's modesty subroutine was installed, he didn't see the point of wearing clothes and the other scientists objected to seeing an android who was anatomically correct running around naked.
- Worf asks Deanna Troi to be his son Alexander's 'soh-chim' (basically, his godmother). Watch it here.Deanna: So, that would make me your...?Worf: The closest analogy is... stepsister.Deanna: That would make my mother your stepmother.Worf: (look of absolute shock and horror) I had not considered that... (Beat) It is a risk I am willing to take.
- This is the same woman who constantly addresses him as "Mr. Woof."Worf: (sigh) It is Worf, madam.
- This is the same woman who constantly addresses him as "Mr. Woof."
- Also, at the beginning of the episode, Worf nonchalantly recounts the gruesome Bat'leth tournament.Worf: The conditions were difficult. Several contestants were maimed.
- There's also the Surprise Party that Riker and company put together to greet him. Worf keeps looking around, waiting for the 'surprise' as Riker chats with him. When Riker questions him, Worf admits his expectation. Very solemnly, Riker tells him that he HATES surprise parties and would never do that to him. Relieved, Worf settles in and Riker leaves. As Worf goes towards another section of his quarters and starts to take off his sash, out come the partiers. The look on his face is priceless. Then Riker enters, and puts a party hat on Worf's head (probably only managing to keep his limbs intact because he's a superior officer).Riker: (big grin) I love surprise parties.
- The party-goers sing 'For He's A Jolly Good Fellow' in Klingon. Worf is not amused.note Worf: That was NOT a Klingon song.Troi: It wasn't easy to translate. There doesn't seem to be a Klingon word for 'jolly.'
- The cast of Alexander's forehead.
- Worf's face and the noise he makes when Deanna gets amorous with him are a treat.
- And at the end of the episode when all is back to normal, Troi comes to Worf's quarters alone to give him his birthday present (and let him know she talked Riker out of the surprise party).Troi: I know Klingons like to be alone on their birthdays. You probably want to meditate, or hit yourself with the painstick...
- Just before this, Worf sidles to the edge of the doorway and peeeeeers around the corner to see if Troi is on the bed (as a Call-Back to when her alternate reality self slipped over to the bed to get her husband to sit down and relax, and he did the same thing). She isn't there—then shows up behind him.
- Worf's face◊ when Troi kisses him is equally as priceless as the one from earlier (this was a good 'Worf makes funny faces' episode).
- Worf asking Data for details about his marriage to Counselor Troi has two funny bits.
- Data matter-of-factly describing their courtship, like it was a totally normal thing for Worf to ask.
- Worf apparently asked for Riker's blessing first because he felt to do otherwise would be dishonorable. Worf nods along, as if to say, "Yup, that sounds like something I'd do."Worf: ...And then we mated.
- Data is unsure when Troi and Worf consummated their relationship and offered to investigate. Worf opted to simply take Data's word for it.
- When the quantum rift accidentally gets torn wide open, making Enterprise after Enterprise appear, we get these two lines:Data: At this rate, the sector will be completely filled with Enterprises within three days.Wesley: Captain, we're receiving 285,000 hails.
- A "blink and you'll miss it" moment, but when Worf is flying through the quantum fissure, we see several other Worfs in the shuttlecraft, one of whom is drinking a glass of prune juice.
- "The Pegasus" starts with the wonderful 'Captain Picard Day':Picard: They seem to have an exaggerated opinion of me.
Riker: <picks up a Picard doll and imitates his voice> I don't know, I think the resemblance is rather striking. Wouldn't you agree, Number 1?
Picard: Isn't there something else you have to do?
Riker: <still imitating Picard> I'll be on the bridge.
- Riker almost takes the doll with him, until Troi makes him leave it. You can see the "I'm coming back to steal that later" look on his face just before he leaves for the bridge.
- Absolute best part of that was the Admiral's Very Serious Business call which he took in the same room. Upon finishing:Admiral: *sees the banner* "Captain Picard Day"?
Picard: Oh... Um... Yes, it's... it's for the children. I'm a... *apologetic grin* haha... I'm a role model.
Admiral: I'm sure you are. Starfleet out. [beep] *Picard's grin fades*
- Ditto for Picard later saying to a visibly amused Will that he convinced the school to hold a "Commander Riker Day" and that he was considering making an entry himself. Riker is considerably less amused all of a sudden.
- Oh, sure, the episode plays it seriously, but the one-line description of this episode is hilarious: "Doctor Crusher has ghost sex with an alien in a candle."
- Will and Deanna joking that they should just promote everyone so they can get this over with and call it a night.
- Sam complains that he thinks Riker doesn't like him.Ben: Why? Did you crash the ship into something?
- When Sam thinks Riker is Canadian (he's actually American), he says, "My grandfather's Canadian, aren't you one too?". Riker, confused, replies, "A grandfather?!".
- When Nurse Ogawa reveals that her boyfriend proposed, Dr. Crusher accidentally says that she's "relieved" instead of "happy" because she'd previously seen Ogawa's boyfriend talking to another lady and made an assumption.
Thine Own Self
- "Thine Own Self" has a particularly amusing one: Riker is in his quarters, practicing his trombone, when Deanna walks in. They hold a brief conversation with Riker 'speaking' via the trombone.Troi: Is that supposed to be a question?
Riker: *toot toot*
Troi: If you're asking if I like what you're playing, then the answer's yes.
Riker: *High, low, as 'thank you.'*
Troi: You know, this is a much better way of communicating for you. It's far less confusing than the way you usually speak!
Riker: *Fast-descending note of annoyance*
- Riker's followup line is also great: "Did you come here for something in particular, or just general Riker-bashing?"
- The alien woman coming up with logical, yet totally wrong, conclusions, such as wood is made of a combination of rock, sky, and fire because it burns, produces smoke, and is heavy, and that Data is an "ice man" because he has pale skin.
- Patrick Stewart's dick joke. Given a prop with a distinctly phallic appearance, Stewart held it directly in front of his crotch and emphasised the words with the most phallic symbolism. Jonathan Frakes duly responded with Corpsing.
- Also, Brent Spiner's performance as multiple personalities is so hammy and cartoonish that it may make the episode unintentionally hilarious for some.
Eye of the Beholder
- The beginning of the episode. Riker is in Sickbay again. Nurse Ogawa delivers a pretty funny opening line: "So why were you rolling around in Cypirion cactus?"
- When Picard asks Data what he'll transform into, and Data responds, "I believe you will also de-evolve into an earlier form of primate... possibly similar to a lemur or pygmy marmoset."
- Picard then responds in a bit of mirthless Gallows Humor, "Well, before I...begin swinging through the ship looking for breakfast...".
- The last two lines of the episode, summing up just how weird the events of said episode were:Crusher: (Barclay) transformed into a spider, and now he's had a disease named after him.
Troi: I think I better clear my calender for the next few weeks.
- The look on Worf's face when he gets hit with a water balloon. Then the subsequent screwing up of the solemn speech he tries to give Alexander.Worf: As time passes, it is inevitable that a boy becomes a man, but it is not inevitable that a man becomes a sword.
Worf: I meant a warrior. The path of a warrior begins with the First Rite of Ascension.
Alexander: Is that when they hit you with painsticks?
Worf: No, that's the second rite.
- Picard telling Jason, the young man who is thought to be his son, "One thing's for certain, you'll never look at your hairline the same again."
- This actually makes Jason laugh out loud.
- The opening to "Emergence" [7x23], where the Orient Express suddenly appears in the middle of Data's performance of Shakespeare's The Tempest... And they just stare as the train gets closer and closer until Data shoves them both out of the way. Watching an android dressed as a wizard from a Shakespearean play shoving a Starfleet captain out of the path of an oncoming train is oddly surreal.
- The woman on the Orient Express's attempts to give the knight a drink, while he's wearing a face covering helmet.
- While in holographic Keystone City, Data has to roll out of the way of an incoming taxi. The second time it comes, he simply uses his android strength to hold it in place.
- When two men are completing a puzzle and asked, "What are you making?" (meaning what is the picture), one of the men chuckles and says, "What do you think we're making? A puzzle!".
All Good Things...
- When future Picard visits Data, we learn that Data has learned the value of keeping a Servile Snarker around.
- As well as a rather large number of cats.
- When O'Brien says he and his team will "burn the midnight oil", Data steps onto the scene and states that would set off the ship's fire suppressant system.
- Riker revealing his secret poker skill: "I cheat." Data's Double Take before Riker explains he was kidding really sells it.
- This exchange between Worf and Yar, as Picard's calls for Q to present himself in the past timeline go unanswered:Worf: (quietly, confused) "What is a Q?"
Tasha Yar: (equally baffled, shrugs) "It's a letter of the alphabet as far as I know."
- Picard's conversation with Tomalak.Tomalak: So Captain, how long shall we stare at each other across the Neutral Zone?
Picard: There is an alternative, Tomalak. We could each send one ship into the Neutral Zone to investigate the anomaly in the Devron system.
Tomalak: Has Starfleet Command approved this arrangement?
Tomalak: I like it already.
- Lieutenant Reginald "Reg" Barclay gets a few, like his fast, nervous rambling in "Realm of Fear" (as Deanna tries to keep up with him, and he tries to avoid her and/or discussing what's really on his mind). "I don't get to see this part of the ship a lot. LOOK! There's stellar cartography, I thought that was deck eleven!"
- In the same episode, he acts out/tests himself for the symptoms of transporter psychosis as the computer reads them off.
- "Well done, Mister Broccoli."
- Barclay meets Christina, Miles O'Brien's Tarantula (No prizes for guessing Barclay is an arachnophobe).
- Stealth Brick Joke in season 7. In the episode "Genesis," all the crew on board start devolving into various animals. Three guesses what Barclay starts becoming.
- Bonus points for Barclay being played by Dwight Schultz aka "Howlin' Mad" Murdock!
- Data's attempts at imitating humanity. 90% of the time, you're gonna laugh.
- His actor can be funnier, especially while he's making the make up artist's job more difficult as he's being done up to look like a ninety year old man:Brent Spiner: Kids! Stay out of the sun! I'm thirty three years old. I never used a sunblock - big mistake!Brent Spiner, making goofy facial expressions: DATA ON ACID!
- One time when he went to the barber to attempt to imitate friendly interpersonal jabs people sometimes do.Geordi: Hey, Data, need a trim?
Data: My hair does not require trimming, you lunkhead.
- Made better a moment later. Apparently even Data can tell Picard is not well known for his sense of humor....Data: I am attempting to partake in friendly, well-intended insults.
Geordi: Ah.... Well, just don't try it on the captain.
Data: (beat) No.
- His actor can be funnier, especially while he's making the make up artist's job more difficult as he's being done up to look like a ninety year old man:
- Picard in the holodeck, playing at Dixon Hill. Patrick Stewart's Humphrey Bogart impression is hilariously atrocious, but then, that's the point.SETTING: the bridge of the Enterprise. Picard and Data are still dressed for Noir.
Picard: La Forge? (Tugs hat down.) Shtep on it.
- That scene unintentionally makes Picard look exactly like one of the figures from the the famous American painting, Nighthawks, which is oddly funny.
- There are a great many outtakes of Michael Dorn flubbing lines, but one in Season 3 takes the cake.Worf: What the hell is a sugarlift?!
- Also from the same link: Worf walking smack into the turbolift door and knocking him on his rear.
- Door difficulties were a Star Trek tradition dating back to the original show.
- Also from the same link: Worf walking smack into the turbolift door and knocking him on his rear.
- Whenever somebody says, "Later, Data" or, "Data, later".
- During production of "Redemption: Part I", Ronald Reagan visited the Klingon High Council set. While spending time with the Klingon actors, he said "I like them. They remind me of Congress."
- Lwaxana repeatedly misnaming Worf as "Woof."Worf: (Sigh) It is "Worf", Madam.....
- There's something really funny in playing the Star Trek: The Next Generation pinball just to hear Patrick Stewart deliver this line:Picard: "All hands, prepare for multi-ball!"
- If the ball drains during one of the special game modes, with the player having scored few or none of that mode's objectives, Data helpfully begins explaining what they should have done. Hitting the flipper buttons causes Picard to cut him off with a curt "Thank you, Mr. Data" (and adds a few more points to the score).
- There's something really funny about this exchange from if you fail to get the Worm Hole award (and you will):Picard: What is our exact location?
Data: Unknown, captain.
- There is a special sound ROM that enables a whole bunch of Hilarious Outtakes, with such gems as Patrick Stewart frenchifying Picard (SPEHSS, ZE FINAL FROHNTIERE...) and John de Lancie trolling the player.Dr. Crusher: Do you realize most of my patients die?Geordi: It's great to be a black man in the 24th Century.(press start) Worf: You are very handsome, Mr. Dorn.
- The illusory Captain Picard's "We've never needed a crew before" in "Remember Me" is a hoot when you think of how much The Main Characters Do Everything is in effect on the show. For that matter, also Beverly's fussing as the members of her medical team start to disappear, given how little we see of them.Computer: There is no Dr. Hill or Dr. Selar aboard the Enterprise.Audience: Who?
- A few of stories of just what everyone stole after the show ended.
- Marina Sirtis walked off with her director's chair, not just the labeled plate on it. After getting away with that, she tried to take one of the chairs from observation. She was stopped.
- Michael Dorn didn't take anything off set. However, he was asked to return his parking badge. For some reason that he can't fathom, he was offended by the request and just kept it instead.
- Patrick Stewart offered to purchase his uniform, was denied, and so made off with one of his communicators. Years later, he brought it to be on a radio show. There, where meteorites were being lovingly passed around, he showed off his communicator and everyone lost their minds.
- Brent Spiner similarly offered to buy one of his (25) uniforms, but was denied. They then went up to auction, leading to a fan eventually walking up to him wearing one of them (it didn't even fit).