Funny / Charmed (1998)

Dare you not to laugh at this

Charmed (1998) may have been promoted as a Supernatural Soap Opera and contained many a Tear Jerker over its eight years - as well as plenty of Awesome Moments courtesy of its ass kicking female leads.

But the show was also fronted by a sitcom veteran who favoured comedy over drama, another actress with some of the best deadpan snarking akin to Bea Arthur, yet another who excelled at playing the Deadpan Snarker and even the veteran from Teen Dramas still had a memorable comedy under her belt (or two). The show also never took its conceit too seriously and many of the laughs were intentional.

Season 1

"Something Wicca This Way Comes"

• Phoebe's arrival is conveniently timed to Prue finding out about her return moments before. Piper tries to get her to make nice, and Prue can only deadpan "I'm speechless".
  • Piper also offers to pay for Phoebe's taxi...and grabs Prue's purse. That's what being the only sister with a job gets you.
  • Holly Marie Combs' delivery of the following line when Prue and Phoebe go their separate ways is gold.
  "Okay, we can just try the group hug later!"
• Phoebe refers to a murder as "some woman got whacked", and Piper tells her she's been in New York too long. Doubly amusing since, not only is Alyssa Milano a New Yorker, Holly Marie Combs grew up there herself.
• Piper tells Phoebe to ask the spirit board "if Prue will have sex with someone other than herself this year".
  • And although the board spells out 'attic', the first letters AT are also Andy Trudeau's initials.
• Prue reassuring Piper that the house is safe after a power cut, and getting "in horror movies, the person to say that is always next to die" as a response.
• Prue sassing Roger, her slimeball of an ex, who also undercut her to take control of the exhibit she spent months working on. She quits her job, happily rubbing it in his face that he'll have to try and make sense of all the research she did.
  "I thought breaking up with you was the best thing I'd ever done but this definitely tops that."
  • Roger then tries to have the last word with "I hope there are no office supplies in your purse", and that triggers Prue's telekinesis so that he's choking himself with his own tie.
• Prue wonders if witches are even allowed to date. Piper?
  "Not only do they date, but they usually get the best guys."

"I've Got You Under My Skin

• Prue is shown in the aftermath of a one night stand with Andy, and she sneaks out of his apartment in shame. When his alarm clock goes off, she uses her powers to throw it out the window.
• Andy gets Prue's cell number and phones her while she's in a crowded elevator on the way to her Buckland's interview. She then has the most awkward conversation about their one night stand with everyone listening in. And the man next to her turns out to be Rex Buckland himself.
• While having a second interview with Rex and Hannah, an overhead paint can tips over, Prue uses her powers to redirect the paint so that it misses her and some of it splashes on Hannah's shoes.
• Piper tests whether she's now evil by crossing the threshhold of a church. When she gets confirmation, she happily hops back and forth squealing "I'm good!"

"Thank You For Not Morphing"

• This exchange between a shapeshifter and Victor:
  Shapeshifter: I don't know the kind of people you're used to dealing with, but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance on your entrails.
  Victor: Ah, so you're lawyers. And here I was assuming you were shapeshifters.

"Dead Man Dating"

• Mark experiences Power Perversion Potential when he walks through the wall just as Prue is coming out of the shower.
  "Of all days to be dead."
• Phoebe tries to dissuade Prue from the weekend getaway with Andy by reminding her of all the lingerie shopping, waxing, manicure, pedicure...
  "I mean it's basically a full time job and you've already got one. So you'll never be ready. Not if you even started packing this second.
• Phoebe is unfortunately too good at her job when the woman she's being a psychic for's future is Weight Watchers. The enraged woman later turns out to be the wife of Mr Corrie, the man Phoebe gets a premonition about him dying in a car accident.
  • And Piper ends up witnessing the aftermath.
  Piper: Are you out of your mind, again?
  Phoebe: No, I'm The Amazing Phoebe.
• Mark and Piper begin bonding over their love of food.
  Mark: Mom told me I could've been a great chef if I hadn't sold out to the Molecular Biology program at Stanford.
  Piper: So you can make Peking Duck and clone DNA.
  Mark: The duck's harder.

"The Fourth Sister"

• Phoebe shamelessly Eating the Eye Candy as Leo's ass is on full display while he's checking the chimney.
  Phoebe: My, Santa you've changed.
  Piper: Phoebe, he's looking for Kit.
  Phoebe: The cat? Four legs, fur, I remember.
  • And when Leo leaves, Piper joins in.
  Phoebe: Quite possibly the finest glutes in the city.
  Piper: The state.
  Phoebe: And all the land.
• Piper fights dirty by telling Leo that Phoebe is attending a support group for lesbians. And later when he sees her going upstairs with Aviva, he assumes they're a couple.

"The Witch Is Back"

• Melinda's spell requires a feather from a spotted owl, which proves problematic, since they're an endangered species now.
  Prue: Certain animals from your time aren't really around anymore.
  Melinda: Why?
  Phoebe: Deforestation, pollution...It's a long story.
  Piper: Do you think they have one at the zoo?
  Melinda: What's a zoo?
  • And later while Matthew is threatening her, Melinda covers for Prue by saying she's gone to the zoo to get the feather rather than the museum.
  • She then sounds rather proud when they know they don't have to worry about Prue because "I sent [Matthew] to the zoo".

"Wicca Envy"

• Prue and Phoebe interrupt Piper and Leo right as they're about to go upstairs. Piper freezes Leo but skids across the floor, landing at her sisters' feet.
  Piper: I thought you guys were supposed to be shopping.
  Prue: (with a brilliant mischievous grin) Obviously.
  Phoebe: (looking down at Piper's chest) Ooh. Front clasp bra. She means business.
  Prue: Serious business.
  Piper: Do you mind?
  Phoebe: No, I think it's great. As long as he's not still on the clock.
  • Piper tries to change the subject to the amount of shopping bags, questioning whether Prue is "depression buying".
  Phoebe: (holding up a sexy red corset) Does this look like something a depressed woman would buy?
  Prue: Hmm maybe you should borrow it.
• The next morning it turns out that Piper kept panic freezing Leo in the middle of sex. Her sisters get steadily giddier the more of the story they get.
  Piper: I didn't mean to...the first time.
  • Phoebe squeals hilariously as Prue asks for clarification on precisely when she kept freezing Leo.
  • Phoebe also positively says that things are looking up for all of them.
  Piper: Don't say that. The minute somebody says that, something always goes south.
  Phoebe: Unless you freeze him.
• Phoebe shows off her planned outfit for the day - an admittedly very nice business suit.
  Phoebe: If you ran an employment agency, wouldn't you want me?
  Prue: Maybe. But I'd definitely want my suit back.
  Phoebe: This is a part of your old wardrobe, I'm just recycling.
  Prue: Well, the environment thanks you...
  Phoebe: But "take it off". I know, I know.
  • Later when she's wearing a dress for her date with Rex, Prue quips "still recycling I see".
• Hannah gets annoyed that Rex gave Phoebe a ticket to The Verve because "that was my ticket!" One of the Big Bad Duumvirate sent to destroy the Charmed ones is pouting because she has to miss a rock concert.
• Rex in astral form can influence anyone whose ear he whispers in. After the sisters keep moving the tiara, he grumbles "this is getting ridiculous" right next to Piper, who repeats the exact same sentence. He then growls "you're a miserable little witch", and Piper remarks that she suddenly feels like seeing a shrink.
• Piper is in the process of trying to dispose of the tiara when Phoebe mentions that Leo's in the kitchen. Piper starts Squeeing, and Phoebe of all people has to remind her that she means to watch out for eavesdropping.
• When sneaking out of prison, Prue resorts to the classic teenage trick of stuffing pillows under the covers to look like she's still there. Piper even rolls her eyes at it. But in the climax, it's used as a fun Bait-and-Switch, where Andy and Darryl are seemingly about to find Prue gone from the cell, only to reveal that she was sleeping under there after all.
• Rex mocks the polaroid of the sisters busting Prue out of prison with "quite photogenic". Later, when Andy produces the same photo as Prue has been found seemingly asleep in her cell, she responds with the same thing. Shannen Doherty gives her the best shit-eating grin as she says it.
• Prue proves a minor Moment Killer between Piper and Leo.
  Piper: You secretly wanted to come back for [the toolbox]?
  Leo: Guilty.
  Prue: Ugh, don't say that word.

"Feats of Clay"

• Prue's troll side comes out when she needs to scare Palmer. She uses her telekinesis to move the urn in front of him and theatrically wail "the urn is cursed!"

"From Fear to Eternity"

• Andy confronts Prue over her seeming connection to a string of murders.
  Prue: What exactly are you implying?
  Andy: Prue, if you were in my shoes, what would you think?
  (Prue glances at his somewhat tacky sneakers, which Darryl had made fun of earlier).
  Prue: First of all, nobody should be in those shoes.
  Darryl: Told you.

"Is There A Woogy in the House?"

• Classic Halliwell sisterly banter extends to taunting each other about natural disasters.
  Piper: Says the only person who likes earthquakes.
  Prue: I don't like them but at least I don't run through the house naked screaming 'run for your life' either.
  Phoebe: Hey!
  beat
  Phoebe: I was wearing slippers.
• Piper freezes Josh to try and get the last bottle of Jensen 93 and has a whole debate with herself about whether or not it counts as personal gain, before grudgingly letting him have it.
• Phoebe when possessed by the Woogie has fun Trolling the dinner party as Piper and Prue get increasingly stressed. She brings in the serving of duck medallion...only for her magic to transform it back into a duck.
  • Prue has to cover up with a fake laugh and pretend it's a magic trick, while shooting Phoebe a Death Glare as soon as she gets the chance.
  • The duck later gives Claire a good scare as she tries to reprimand Prue.
  • Later when Prue goes into a (cursed) kitchen to check on Piper, we see Piper sitting on the floor kicking her legs like a five-year-old having a tantrum.

"That 70s Episode"

• On seeing that Piper regularly used her powers to freeze Andy when they were children, the girls' future selves quip that he's got justified reasons for being suspicious of them now.
• Piper freaks out at being jailed for kidnapping their younger selves. She rants to Prue about everything that's happened, prompting the usual wet blanket of the sisters to deadpan...
  "I know Piper. I have been following."
• Penny's attempts to prove the Halliwells are really her granddaughters from the future.
  Penny: What's my husband's name?
  Prue: (adopting a troll face) Which husband?
  • Piper and Phoebe snicker at this one.
  • When Penny is convinced, she also asks what IBM is selling at in the 90s. Patty, her own daughter, has to remind her about personal gain.
  • Penny starts Squeeing over her granddaughters being the Charmed Ones...
  Penny: I always knew I'd deliver the Charmed Ones.
  Patty gives her a Dude, Where's My Respect? face.
  Penny: Once removed of course.
• On the first set of goodbyes for the spell that doesn't work, Piper says while hugging Penny that she's "never going to learn to like lima beans".
  • Penny also gives this gem when saying goodbye to Phoebe.
  Penny: You're going to be a handful, aren't you?
  Phoebe: You'll learn to love me.
• The vanquishing spell for Nicholas is literally just called 'The Nicholas Must Die spell' in the Book of Shadows.

"Out of Sight"

• Prue gets one over on Eric Lohman by using her powers to pop his tyres, since she doesn't have to hide them from him.
• When mixing up the vanquishing potion, Prue muses "I feel like I should be cackling".
• After Andy finally sees Prue use her telekinesis, but she needs him to take an injured Piper back outside.
  Prue: Look, Andy, will you please just get her out of here?
  Andy: Prue, I'm not leaving the two of you alone.
  Prue: Do I have to use my power on you?
  Andy: ...I'll meet you up on the street.

"Love Hurts"

• Prue gets a little bit of payback for how Phoebe triggered her telekinesis through anger in the first episode. She reminds her of a time in high school when she was caught making out with a boy under the bleachers. Phoebe insists it doesn't bother her, but Prue then remembers the Embarrassing Nickname she got - 'Freebie' - and a series of magazines fly off the rack.

"Deja Vu All Over Again"

• In each timeline, Andy has a different wisecrack in response to Rodriguez's claim that the Halliwells are witches.
  • The first one is "you wait here, I'll go warn The Wizard of Oz."
  • The second one is "let me get the commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it."
• Piper encountering a ridiculously successful ex classmate who's now got a wealthy fiance and is the segment producer of the cooking show Piper is appearing on. She freezes the room and rants to Phoebe.
  Piper: What am I supposed to say? That I'm a cash-strapped single restaurant manager who still lives in the same house I grew up in with my two sisters?
  Phoebe: And the cat. Don't forget the cat.
  • Phoebe tries to reassure Piper by calling Joanne a freak because "no one is that successful at age 26".
  • In the second timeline, she also makes a dig about Joanne's "really bad nose job".
  • And in the third, Piper somehow remembers this or else Strange Minds Think Alike.
  "And when I do [realise my dreams], I'll be doing it with my own nose and not one some discount doctor gave me."
• In the third timeline, a very pissed off Rodriguez shoots the cuckoo clock in the shop Tempus waits outside with a gun.

Season 2

"Witch Trial"

• The first scene of course has Piper being interrupted mid-makeout and freezing her partner. Her sisters then have to go out and come back in before he unfreezes.
• Piper and Phoebe attend a coven, who then start stripping off. Piper is scandalised but Phoebe of course gets into the spirit.
  Phoebe: When in Rome...
  Starts taking off her clothes.
  Piper: This isn't Rome, this is San Francisco, and I'm pretty sure it's illegal here.
  • And when retrieving the book in the same location towards the end, Phoebe is delighted they could do it with their clothes on.
• Phoebe being Late to the Punchline when listing all the former enemies that have returned.
  Piper: And the Woogeyman.
  Phoebe: When did the Woogeyman become un-vanquished?
  Piper: A couple seconds ago.

"Morality Bites"

• The episode opens with Piper limping into the kitchen, having stepped in the droppings of Nathaniel Pratt's dog.
• Prue runs through a list of how successful her future self is, while Piper can't help but gawk at how she's blonde now.
• Piper grumbles about her "apparently failed marriage" and how future her is still living in the Manor (with the series finale confirming she lived there well into old age).
• Prue gets a taste of her future powers when a flick of her arm sends half the stuff in the attic flying across the room and smashing the window.
  Piper: Been working out?
  Prue: I guess that's a little sample of what ten years does to our powers.
  Piper: And to our attic.

"The Painted World"

• Piper getting sucked into the painting has her squealing out "PHOEBE!" with the best Oh, Crap! tone, as her voice echoes.
  • And on her arriving in the painting, Malcolm grumbles "don't tell me she's the sister witch who was going to save us."
  • Piper also rants about her Broken Heel when summing up the possibility of being trapped in the painting forever.
• Piper has a "Eureka!" Moment that Phoebe can help them out of the painting, and hypes her up to Malcolm as a genius. Prue of course has no idea about the smart spell so she thinks Piper is grasping at straws.
  "Piper, I don't think you're helping this situation."
  • Piper also describes Phoebe as "an Einstein with cleavage."
• Classic Halliwell sister Casual Danger Dialogue.
  Piper: If we get out of here alive, you owe me a new pair of shoes.
  Prue: If we get out of here alive, I'll buy you the purse to match.
• Jenny needs help with biology homework, and Phoebe attempts to give her The Talk, but then realises her smarts spell won't have too much effect on a twelve-year-old. She then gets a piece of paper and draws a circle with the label 'Us' and then a bunch of crudely drawn sperm icons labelled 'Them'.
• Malcolm gets out of the painting, but Phoebe's smart spell allows her to read a jeet kune do manual and immediately become an Action Girl.

"The Devil's Music"

• Phoebe deduces from the Book of Shadows that Masselin's victims are still alive inside him, and they just have to free them.
  Piper: With what? Demonic Ipecac?
  Phoebe: Actually yeah.
• The bouncers at the club accidentally spill the vanquishing potion in Phoebe's pocket.
  Guard: What the hell is that?
  Phoebe: That is a $75 dry cleaning bill.
  • And even then, Prue is able to use the ruined wrap to vanquish Masselin just by telekinetically throwing it down his throat (since it still has the potion on it).

"She's a Man, Baby, a Man!"

• Prue freaking out over her/his transformation into a dude. Phoebe bursting into giggles after this line don't help his mood.
  Prue: I am wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriends pile, I have hair in strange places, and I have a penis!
• Prue's trying to get the hang of walking like a man. After Piper suggests emulating a man he admires, Prue gives it a shot.
  Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons?
• Prue has been dubbed "Manny".
  Phoebe: Um...did Manny just check out that girl's butt?
  Piper: Oh, god. This is starting to get weird.
  Phoebe: It's starting to get weird? Where you been?

"That Old Black Magic"

• The fact that Tuatha kills Josh, Mike and Heather from The Blair Witch Project.

"Ms Hellfire"

• Phoebe makes a dark joke when they are being shot at:
  Piper: Maybe it's not a demon.
  Prue: Who else would want to kill us?
  Phoebe: Well you know, you were a little sharp to the mailman yesterday and we all know how testy they can be.
• Prue gets distracted by Hellfire's swanky wardrobe and starts Squeeing over the clothes. You don't often have an Emergency Impersonation just because the impostor wants to wear the outfits.
  Piper: Were you...twirling?
  Prue: No. But opportunity knocked and I did answer.
• You would think Marcie Steadwell would be a little shaken by someone rigging her home to detonate with explosives, but instead she Squees about how it's a sign her first protection spell worked.
  • She then goes mad, dancing about the Halliwell manor, using Piper's perfume to cast protection spells.
  • Even funnier when Season 7 reveals that protection spells are actually very irresponsible personal gain with bad consequences - retroactively revealing how full of crap Marcie actually was.

"Reckless Abandon"

• The Halliwells' powers come in very handy when dealing with the baby. He's about to pee on both Prue and Piper, so the latter freezes him, and Prue then telekinetically redirects the flow to the kitchen sink.
• Prue later is using her powers to levitate the tap while she washes him in the sink with both hands.

"Pardon My Past"

• Leo actually gets some snark on Piper.
  Piper: Dan? My Dan? You saw him, too?
  Phoebe: Uh-huh. He was your husband. Sorry, Leo.
  Leo: That's okay. I'm hoping Piper learns from her past mistakes.
• When tracking down Christina Larson, Phoebe awkwardly giggles "I just hope she's forgotten what I did to her doll". Gilligan Cut to the nursing home where Christina is saying "you broke my dolly!"
  • Doubly amusing if you remember that this is Anton in disguise.
• Piper starts freaking out when she finds out that she and Leo were lovers in their past lives.
  Piper: I need an aspirin.
  Phoebe: Can we get back to my problem since at best I only have until midnight to live?
• This cute line from Phoebe.
  "Don't worry so much Leo. You're mortal now, you'll get wrinkles."
• P Bowen and P Baxter get surprised when Phoebe assumes the body of P Russell and uses one of her martial arts techniques, wondering where she learned that.
• Prue and Piper are doting over Christina in the nursing home and deliberately ignoring Leo, who was knocked out by Anton.

"How to Make a Quilt Out of Americans"

• In the opening scene, Amanda wonders whether they'll be able to summon Cryto, since they've been chanting for fifteen minutes. Gail snarks "it's a séance, not AT&T!"

"Chick Flick"

• Prue Halliwell, most powerful Charmed One and independent career woman, suddenly becomes a babbling fan girl when realising she's about to meet the photographer who inspired her. She also talks about how "giving and warm" Finley Beck seems, and then the door opens to reveal Finley yelling at someone.
  • The Broken Pedestal is solidified when Prue answers her phone, hearing a curt "Miss Halliwell" on the other line and growling "Mr Beck". Shannen Doherty's delivery just sells it.
• Prue is attacked by the killers first and interrupts a makeout between Phoebe and Billy.
  Phoebe: Hello, privacy!
  Prue: Hello, axe murderer!
• When the killer starts smashing up furniture in the attic, Prue is about to call him an asshole but Billy covers her mouth, with Phoebe clarifying said killer is very sensitive about bad language.
• And since the Halliwells' powers don't work on the killers, Prue and Phoebe have to cower behind Billy like the Screaming Woman in a 50s B-movie.
• When fleeing Bloody Mary, Piper lampshades her daft hiding place.
  "I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower!?"
  • When Piper and Prue run from Bloody Mary, they collide with Phoebe and Billy in the landing. Collective screaming ensues and it's hilarious, especially Alyssa Milano's performance.
• Prue inexplicably gets thrown back into the attic, all the while saying that Billy "wasn't really receptive to the plan."
• An exchange that could only happen in this show when one killer is advancing on the Halliwells.
  Billy: It's okay. The man is here to save the day.
  Prue: Billy, it's the 21st century. It's the woman's job to save the day.
  • Extra points for how he steps back with an expression that says "oh good, I don't have to do anything."
• Sally May is none too happy when she sees Billy with Phoebe.
  "But you pinned me!"

"Be Careful What You Witch For"

• Prue has started dating an incredibly milquetoast man with an Unfortunate Name:
  Prue: I gotta figure out a way to put some more balance in my life.
  Piper: Yeah, but you don't need Dick.
  • And prior to freeing the Genie:
  Prue: Yeah, and I'm gonna concentrate on finding Mr. Right, not settling for Dick.
• Phoebe spending some time flying around the Manor's roof in broad daylight, eventually crashing through the window.

Season 3

"The Honeymoon's Over"

• Prue is so jumpy that when Phoebe walks into the attic as she's studying the book, she sends her flying across the room with telekinesis.
• Phoebe activates her power of levitation just as she's about to fight Emilio. Alyssa Milano's squeals of shock as she flies into the air are magnificent.
• Cole and Phoebe's Meet Cute at the college courtyard. He taps her on the shoulder, and she tries to roundhouse kick him! He catches her ankle in mid-air, and she adorably stays perfectly balanced for a minute.
• Leo's attempt at a proposal falls flat when Piper insists on hearing his idea instantly and she's then Squicked out about being proposed to "in a toilet".
• Piper is so behind on the times, she can't stop making sly digs at Phoebe's new blonde hair.
• When Piper arrives back from 'up there', Phoebe gets very annoyed when she walks out because "I didn't even get to bitch at her!"
  • She tries to do that in the club later, but Prue adorably puts her hands on her shoulders to calm her down.
• The sisters are trapped in a room with all the guardians trying to break in. Prue for a change is panicking.
  Prue: Any mass vanquishing spells?
  Phoebe: You're the one that's been studying the book.
  Prue: Why are you picking on me?
  Phoebe: Because I'm scared, and we're outnumbered!

"Magic Hour"

• Kit is found toying with an owl on the doorstep.
  Piper: Bad Kit!
  The owl turns into a very naked Christopher.
  Prue: Good kitty.
• The apt description of Christopher and Prue's conversation as "verbal pingpong".
• Piper comes up with a code word for the secret wedding - rutabaga.
• Grams's spirit appearing to give advice to Phoebe. Even when she's dead, you can't keep a grandmother from knowing everything.
  Phoebe: Wait, if you know then that means they know. And if they know then we are fu—
  Penny: FINE.

"Once Upon A Time"

• Piper and Phoebe argue about whether fairies could be real. Phoebe doesn't get why they couldn't be.
  Piper: Maybe it's time we tell her about Santa.
  • Prue ends up mediating between them, and Phoebe has to joke "you went and turned Prue into the middle child".
• Prue and Phoebe under the influence of fairy dust. Piper on seeing them can only deadpan "hi, lost your minds?"
  Phoebe: Oh, you know what? You are being a big, big, big, extra, extra, extra, double big jerk right now.
• Cole arrives at the house to find Prue and Phoebe acting like children (thanks to some fairy dust). He goes to use the bathroom and comes out to find them falling down the stairs and cured of their spell. Prue says "stairs can be sobering" as an excuse.
  Phoebe: Stairs can be sobering?
  Prue: Well what was I supposed to say? That a demon tried to steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed us down the stairs!
  • The way Shannen Doherty puts emphasis on the word 'trolls' just makes the scene.

"All Halliwell's Eve"

• Phoebe insists that her Elvira costume is a protest statement against pop culture's view of witches.
  Prue: I am amazed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage at the same time.
  Phoebe: (smiling) Thanks.
• Neither Leo nor Darryl has much imagination when it comes to costumes. Both wear their old uniforms, and in Leo's case it's from his days in World War II. And that's how Darryl finds out he's a whitelighter.
• Phoebe's Conversational Troping leaning into the common Ron the Death Eater applied to Glinda from The Wizard of Oz.
  "'You had the answer all along'? That's not help, that's mind games.
• The sisters guess they've been sent back in time to the 1600s, where Phoebe says the lifespan of the average witch is fifteen minutes.
• Eva gets enamored by Piper's watch.
  Eva: You've made a big clock so small. You must possess great magic.
  Piper: Just a really good credit card.
• Piper gets the unpleasant job of delivering Charlotte's baby, with the weak justification that she's going to have a child in the future so she may as well get practice now.
• Phoebe ends up perpetuating the very stereotype she was complaining about earlier in the episode - she scares the witch hunters away by flying on a broomstick and cackling.
• Cole shows up to the Halloween party at P3 in an angel costume, complete with wings and halo.

"Sight Unseen"

• Piper gets paranoid that the Elders are watching her and Leo whenever they're in bed together, because they've called him away twice during the middle of...it. One has to wonder if Leo got dressed at all and just orbed up there naked.
• After freezing Abby, Piper growls that she's going to be fired immediately.

"Primrose Empath"

• Prue's attempt at cheering Vinceres up, not knowing he's a demon.
  Prue: What's your name?
  Vinceres: Misery.
  Prue: Well, in that case, would you like some company.
  Vinceres: (looking especially disgusted) That's not funny!
• Phoebe thinks her romance with Cole is heading for the rocks because they're going on a lunch date and "lunch is a cheap imitation of dinner".
• At the lunch date, she makes awkward small talk by trying to talk football. Cole says he doesn't watch, and Phoebe jokes "he isn't human". Naturally, the half-demon Cole nearly chokes on his drink.
• Prue with the empath power is fantastic when she casually talks about how annoyed she is at Piper and Leo's couple issues, as though it's as mundane as a leaky roof. Piper and Leo question her, and she swiftly responds "resentment" for Leo, "denial" for Piper and "be nice".
  • After their heart to heart, Piper and Leo start kissing on the couch, prompting an interruption from upstairs "not now, I have a headache!"
• Piper finding out Phoebe spent the night at Cole's.
  Piper: You were at Cole's?
  Phoebe: Uh-huh.
  Piper: Did you?
  Phoebe: (giddily) Uh-huh.
  Piper: Was he?
  Phoebe: (extremely giddy) UH-HUH.

"Power Outage"

• Prue overcomes her hate of Cole when she sees a chance to one-up Phoebe. The latter denies that she makes a habit of not refilling Prue's gas, saying it only happened once. Behind Phoebe's back, Prue mouths "twice!" at Cole.
• The Running Gag of Piper having to reschedule her doctor's appointment to accommodate the other two. And in The Stinger, she's finally had it, and the doctor says she's fine except for some slightly high stress levels.
• Phoebe as a teenager used to have a job where she had to hand out balloons dressed as a penguin. She herself can't stop laughing as she tells Cole this.
• The neighbours' bickering is gold ("my azaelias are not the problem, dear!") and after Piper infected with rage has ordered them out of the house, one of them tuts that they'll be having a word with Prue about her behaviour as if she's a naughty child.

"Sleuthing With The Enemy"

• Phoebe meets Inspector Davidson in Cole's office, introducing herself by just her first name, and he goes for an obvious quip in response.
  "Is that like Cher or Madonna or do you have a last name?"
• Piper freezes Krell in mid-air right as he's about to fly into the grandfather clock.
  "We can't afford to keep fixing that thing."
  • Prue has the idea that Piper only unfreeze Krell's head, and she obliges. He still tries to ham it up while only being able to move his head.
  • Piper unfreezes Krell to let him crash into the clock anyway and responds to Prue's dumbfounded look with Worth It.
• Prue can't resist throwing a quip in there when Krell introduces himself.
  Krell: I'm Krell, a Xotar.
  Prue: I'm Prue, a Scorpio.
• Phoebe is late to the party seeing Krell teleporting in, shrieks "demon!" and levitates into the air to dropkick him through the coffee table.
• While Krell is a humanoid demon, he makes a random remark to having multiple stomachs. Prue and Piper are naturally Squicked out.

"Coyote Piper"

• The episode opens with a very unflattering high school photo of Piper, and Leo staring incredulously at it.
• Piper's former Alpha Bitch classmate is trying to micromanage the decoration in P3, and Prue is subtly using her powers to torture her by sabotaging the decoration attempt.
• The random Coyote Ugly dance has a classmate coming up to Prue and Phoebe and giving them a card for Alcoholics Anonymous.
  • And before that, Phoebe and Prue coming into the club discussing whether Terra has possessed Piper.
  Phoebe: I'm not saying you're wrong. I'm just saying I hope you're wrong—
  They see Terra-as-Piper dancing wildly on the bar.
  Phoebe: Hope. Dashed.
  • Holly Marie Combs had to be drunk when filming that scene too.
• The Power of Three spell doesn't work on Terra, so Prue resorts to good old fashioned empty threats.
  Prue: You have ten seconds to leave on your own.
  Piper: Or what? What are you gonna do? Hit me with another rhyming couplet?

"We All Scream For Ice Cream"

• Caleb, the eventual replacement ice cream truck driver, is assumed to be a pervert by Piper when he approaches her in P3. Especially when he refers to doing something with her and all her sisters.
  "I don't know what kind of kinky stuff you're into, but there's a club down the street you might be more comfortable in. They've got cages and rubber floors, and a three for two special on Fridays."
• Caleb chooses to introduce himself by saying he's "looking to meet someone special"...
  Caleb: I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...
  Piper: Fiancé. My very large and jealous fiancé.
• Phoebe's summary of their Epic Fail with the demon children.
  Phoebe: We thought that the good guys were bad guys, in trying to vanquish them we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for the good guys.
  Leo: Was that English?
• Prue dealing with the demonic little girl.
  "Oh, you need a little time out missy!"

"Blinded By the Whitelighter"

• Leo weakly justifies not answering the mass call for whitelighters by saying he needed to heal a charge. Piper cut her finger making lunch.
  Natalie: I'm going to assume a demon attacked your finger.
• Whitelighter language is entirely made up of random clicks, except when Natalie says "Piper" in the middle of her rant.
• Piper's accurate summation of Natalie.
  "She never met a rule she didn't like."
  • She later nicknames her 'General Goodie Two Shoes'.
• Piper is quite jealous that Leo and Natalie know each other so well they're Finishing Each Other's Sentences. Leo tries to do damage control.
  Phoebe: Who's Natalie?
  Piper: She's a f--—
  Leo: Fellow whitelighter. See, we finish each other's sentences.
  Piper: That wasn't what I was going to say.
• Natalie's Rousing Speech as she turns into Drill Sergeant Nasty; informing the sisters that they'll have to prepare themselves physically, emotionally and sartorially.
  Natalie: No more braless, strapless, fearless attire.
  Prue: Well then, I have nothing left to wear.
• Phoebe includes a line in the vanquishing spell "I am rejectin' your deflection", remarking it sounds more like a country music lyric. And she puts on a slight southern accent when saying that line during the vanquish.

"Wrestling With Demons"

• The spell to return lost things conjures up a dog that ran away during the sisters' teen years. It's both quite cute and amusing that Piper instinctively goes "Rasputin, off of the couch!" and then realises how long it's been since they've seen the dog.
  • Phoebe's hair returns to brown because she's standing by the kitchen sink where it was dyed blonde.
  "I hope this doesn't affect my virginity."
  • Before being interrupted, Piper seems as though she's guessing that Phoebe lost her virginity in this very kitchen.
• Phoebe attempts to explain the weirdness to Darryl.
  Phoebe: (sheepishly) I cast a little spell.
  Darryl: The less I know, the happier I am.
• The spell continues its havoc by making lost friends of Prue's call. Piper goes to get a pencil from the drawer...and is avalanched by dozens of lost pencils returning.
• Then a pile of lost socks starts tumbling into the room, with Piper snarking that they'd all better be clean.
  (to Phoebe) "Or else it's laundry day for you, missy!"

"Bride & Gloom"

• Piper running through the guest list and absentmindedly saying she hopes their mother might be there.
  Prue: Mom? Piper, I don't think you can count her.
  Craig: We'll have to if she's going to eat.
  Marie: I thought your mother passed on?
  Piper: ...I just meant that I hope she's here in spirit.
  Beat.
  Craig: You're right. That doesn't count.
• Leo not bothering to preserve The Masquerade when Piper starts fussing about asking Kate from "Once Upon a Time" to be the flower girl (an innocent they met once). Leo sarcastically suggests she bring some of the fairies and trolls.
  Marie: Trolls?
  Piper: Er...our father's side of the family is very short.
• Phoebe greets Cole with a punch.
  "That's for ruining my favourite movie, and oh yeah my life too!"
• Zile-as-Justin romances Prue at their date by insisting she have more red wine, even though she's working after lunch.
  "So your photos are a little fuzzy. Call it avant garde."
• After all she's gone through, Prue still has to brag that she was technically the first sister to get married.

"The Good, the Bad & the Cursed"

• Prue has no idea that Cole is back, and he walks casually through the front door asking if Phoebe's home. Cut to him getting telekinetically thrown across the room.
• Cole and Prue will have to hold hands to shimmer into the time loop. Prue groans "this already sucks".
• When the two arrive in the Wild West, they end up having to do a Tuck and Cover to avoid bullets. It's doubly amusing if you recall that Shannen Doherty and Julian McMahon were dating at the time, explaining why Prue sounds like she's trying not to sound turned on.
• Prue had to rob man's clothes offscreen, and Cole is lamenting that she didn't go for a pretty red dress they also found. Prue is not amused, because "that was a prostitute's dress!"
• The sheer irony of Victor trying to warn Leo about Piper's Whitelighter, followed by Leo realizing that he's going to have to orb out in front of Victor.

"Just Harried"

• Grams is trying to nitpick the decorations in spirit form, so Prue has to get a good dig on her for the amount of times she was married.
  "You could always calculate her age from the amount of rings on her finger."
• Victor doesn't realise that Patty is going to be at the wedding until she gets into place right before the ceremony begins.
  Victor: Okay, who brought my ex-wife Back from the Dead?
  Penny: Hush, Victor. I know you two have issues, but that can wait until the afterparty.
• While sad for Piper and Leo, you can't deny it's not a little bit funny that just as her wedding begins is when TJ crashes through the Manor door on a motorcycle and Prue's astral self runs off with him.

"Death Takes a Halliwell"

• Prue is the only one who can see the Angel of Death, so when she tries to fight him, we see from the perspectives of the others where she just appears to be kicking thin air.
• Leo orbs out right as Inspector Davidson is regaining consciousness, so that's the first thing he sees, and understandably starts freaking out.
  Prue: Uh inspector...you hit your head.
  Davidson: I didn't hit it that hard!

"Pre-Witched"

• Piper casually says that she and Leo are thinking of moving out of the Manor. When met with stunned silence from her sisters, she tries to change the subject by offering the milk jug.
  Phoebe: Life altering plans can not be squeezed between 'pass the newspaper' and 'who ate the Special K'!"
• A flashback reminding us of Phoebe's delinquent past. Grams answers the door to a cop restraining Phoebe, asking if she's her grandmother.
  "Can I hear what she did first before I answer that?"
• Phoebe in the present has to sadly put back a pair of high heels that she can't afford. The man in the store looks even sadder than her. She finds a use for another pair of heels to vanquish a demon.
  "I hear spikes are making a comeback!"
• Shadow snarks that he can sense the sisters have something "up your sleeves". Phoebe notes how all three are wearing tank tops and goes "hello, sleveless!"
• Upon learning that familiars can become humanoid, Phoebe remarks that she'll never be comfortable undressing in front of the cat again.
  • She also assumes Kit is male, but Season 5 reveals she is female, which probably retroactively put her mind at ease.

"Sin Francisco"

• Phoebe Squees over seemingly finding a coffee machine she wanted in the dumpster. Prue has to burst her bubble that it's just the carton.
  Phoebe: You always save me from looking stupid.
  Prue: Now there's a full time job.
• The way Alyssa Milano cringes as she describes the action of "unzipping [her professor's] pants with my teeth."
• Piper under the influence of Gluttony...
  • She's sipping champagne when they're supposed to be figuring out the demon.
  Prue: Are you drinking in the middle of the day!
  Piper: I was feeling a little bummed about the sin thingy so I felt I deserved a little indulgence. Would you like a bit of bubbly?
  • She uses the Book of Shadows to make sure the stuff she ordered arrives instantly. She dodges Prue's complaints about personal gain with "we need all this stuff!"
  • About to order Leo a bunch of suits to "de-flannel him".
  Prue: Leo doesn't wear suits!
  Beat as Piper tries to deny she's right.
  Piper: Yet!
  • She also orders flowers for herself.
• Leo under Sloth...
  • He got bored in the middle of orbing up to the Elders and decided to watch TV instead. An orb takes five seconds at most.
  • His complete indifference to Phoebe hitting on him. Probably because any hanky panky would be too strenuous.
  • He's so lazy he orbs upstairs for a nap, ignoring the sisters squabbling around him.
• Phoebe under Lust...
  • She's not allowed to leave the house so she tries to hit on Leo as the only resident she's not related to.
  • She uses her premonitions to relive her tryst with 'Officer Cutie'.
  • And in the above-mentioned tryst, she produces an absolutely staggering packet of condoms out of her pocket.
• And the crowner has to be Prue under the influence of Pride. Overall, she's a goldmine because she's basically Adam Westing her usual 'superwitch' persona.
  Phoebe: You don't seem that different?
  Prue: Oh really? Well back at you!
• Darryl's Skewed Priorities re: Phoebe hooking up with the officer.
  "Not only in the middle of the day! But in the middle of a crisis!"
• Piper in The Stinger refers to every so-called 'selfless' act Prue did under Pride as being "for the greater glory of Prue".

"Exit Strategy"

• Piper forging a birth certificate for Leo, changing his date of birth from 1925 to 1975...and then getting annoyed because she made him younger than her.
  • Leo is annoyed at this little bit of law breaking.
  Leo: This is so illegal.
  Piper: Yeah, well so is marrying a dead guy okay?
• Piper attempting to control her explosion power by wearing oven gloves, as if that'll somehow minimalize the damage.
  • The other two hear a bang and come into the kitchen to find her covered in red goo. Shannen Doherty can be seen Corpsing throughout the whole scene.
  Prue: Was it a demon?
  Piper: No, it was watermelon.
  Phoebe: Oh honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
  • And when she describes how she accidentally blew up the melon, she makes the same hand gestures...and blows up a nearby vase. And then she jumps and shatters the glass on the kitchen cabinets.
  Leo: This is the little problem I was telling you about.
• Prue can't help reminding Piper that she was "bitching" about wanting a new power.
  Piper: Yeah well, be careful what you bitch for.
• When Tarkin attacks, Piper tries twice unsuccessfully to use her powers on him. The second time she accidentally gets a nearby cabinet...that then falls on top of Prue.
  • And when she actually does make him explode, she Squees that she did it, before quietly adding that she meant to freeze him.

"Look Who's Barking"

• Piper attempting meditation to prevent accidentally blowing anything up. Leo orbs into the room, startling her, and of course making a shelf blow up.
• Prue being turned into a dog, and Piper having to try and discipline her like one. Leo makes a dig at how he expected her to turn into a Doberman, and Prue starts barking angrily.
• Piper makes the original banshee explode mid-scream and snarks "shut her up".
• Holly Marie Combs also gives this brilliant response.
  Leo: Piper, we don't have time for you to lose it.
  Piper: Well too bad, because I am losing it, whether we have time for it or not!
• Piper getting fed up with Leo's Mr. Exposition habits.
  "Can't you just give me all the bad news now? Do you have to keep doling it out for dramatic effect?"
• When Prue turns back into a human, she realises annoyedly that she got fleas.
• Piper's disbelief that Prue somehow picked up a guy as a dog.
  Piper: You met a guy? As a dog?
  Prue: Yeah.
  Piper: How?
  Prue: Well, he ran me over.

"All Hells Breaks Loose"

• Prue is fretting about the exposure, while Piper is just amazed at all the interview requests they're getting from magazines. Among them is Sports Illustrated.
  Darryl: They probably want you for the swimsuit edition.
  Death Glare from Prue.
  • Piper likewise making light of which talk show to go on, while Prue is cracking up even further.
  "Oprah or Barbara? (sees Prue looking sad) Barbara makes you cry. We go with Oprah."
• The news reports somehow got ahold of a girl from high school, who insists that Prue cast a spell to steal her boyfriend. Prue is naturally not amused. Piper?
  Piper: I always wondered why they broke up...
  Dope Slap from Prue.
• Dr Griffiths wearing a Dodgy Toupee when being interviewed for TV.
• Prue's reaction to realising that her and Piper's vanquish of Shax happened live on the eleven o'clock news.
• Piper's summation of their futures if time isn't reset:
  "We're gonna do book deals and movie deals and then probably be taken by the CIA and dissected."

Season 4

"Charmed Again"

• Although it's a sad episode, there are some light moments like Phoebe and Cole's trying to protect Paige. Their stakeout ends up for a makeout!
  Paige and Shane kissing passionately.
  Phoebe: Any ideas?
  Cole: A couple.
  Phoebe swats him.
• Paige warns Shane not to laugh at her backstory, "or else I'll get out my voodoo doll and make you sorry you're a man."
• Piper can't turn off the snark even when she's grieving for her sister. She tries to summon Prue's ghost and gets Grams instead.
  Penny: How are you?
  Piper: Are you kidding? Do you guys not get the news up there?
  • She also later reads out the summoning spell through clenched teeth, barely concealing her irritability.
• Cole is the only one not up to speed on Patty's affair with Sam.
  Cole: Who's Sam?
  Leo: Her whitelighter.
  Cole: Apples don't fall far from the forbidden tree.
• Inspector Cortez bursts in while Patty and Penny's ghosts are there.
  Phoebe: There is a very good explanation for all of this.
  Awkward silence.
  Phoebe: Feel free to chime in any time guys.
• Penny is naturally quite fearless.
  Penny: Alright, you caught us. Congratulations. Now what are you going to do about it?
  Phoebe: Easy, Grams. Not all of us are dead.
• Phoebe's spell to get rid of Cortez...
  Phoebe: We call upon the...spirits...to...help undo. And send him off to...Timbuktu.
  Rodriguez disappears.
  Phoebe: It worked.
  Piper: Timbuktu? You sent him to Timbuktu!
  Phoebe: Well, it rhymed with 'undo'!
• Darryl later questioning where Cortez went.
  Cole: I sent him somewhere where he can't tell a soul about you.
  Darryl: Where?
  Cole looks at the floor.
  Phoebe: In the basement?
  Gilligan Cut to Cortez in the Underworld.

"Hell Hath No Fury"

• Piper's brilliant open-mouthed expression when she discovers the Book of Shadows missing. Holly Marie Combs holds it perfectly for ten solid seconds.
  Piper: Evil got the Book of Shadows! How did evil get the Book of Shadows!
  Phoebe: Oh no...
  Piper: 'Oh no'? Phoebe, a demon has the book. 'Oh no' doesn't quite cover it.
  • Phoebe tries to ease Piper into the story that Paige borrowed the book. It doesn't work.
  Piper: Why would you think that!?
  Phoebe: Well...she left pretty quick and...
  She gestures at the open window, as Piper's eyes practically pop out of their sockets.
  Piper: Out of the WINDOW!?
  • Phoebe hurries after Piper, but Cole just draws a chair and pointedly sits down.
  Phoebe: Aren't you coming?
  Cole: To go vanquish your sister? I think I'll sit this one out.
• Phoebe and Leo's Golden Moment turns into this. They start hugging...
  Phoebe: And not to rush this tender moment but [Piper]'s already started scrying.
  Leo goes Oh, Crap! and orbs upstairs.
  Phoebe: (flopping onto the couch) I didn't mean you couldn't use the stairs!
• Paige accidentally punishing the office perv Donnie by tutting "nice rug"...and telekinetically orbing his Dodgy Toupee into her hands.
• Paige's enlarged breasts make it quite difficult for her to drive home, and Phoebe has to change gears for her.
• Phoebe's reaction when Paige says she subbed the word 'dirtbag' for 'demon' in the Instant Karma spell.
  • And when the reversal spell makes Paige's boobs shrink back to their original size, she can't help but lament that "maybe it worked a little too well..."
• Phoebe offhandedly describing the banshee as "kinda trampy".
• Paige has her first demon fight - telekinetically orbing a lamp to smash over a Fury's back. All three give her a Death Glare and she meekly says "sorry."
• The episode's Running Gag of Phoebe casually mentioning getting transformed or possessed by something and Paige freaking out. By the time Phoebe confuses Cole by mentioning the Woogie, Paige just tells him not to ask.

"Enter the Demon"

• Piper going into full on busybody big sister mode like Prue, even lecturing Paige on not having lollipops for the sake of her teeth.
• Phoebe-in-Paige's threat to reverse the body swap? "Or else I'm going to perm your hair!"
• Paige-in-Phoebe insists that running up the stairs to the kitchen still counts as training.
• Phoebe-in-Paige covers up buying the spell ingredients in front of Mason by saying it's an aphrodisiac.
• Paige-in-Phoebe can only pout her annoyance at Cole using her body to kiss Phoebe.
• Piper stops in the middle of her lecture about the other two's irresponsibility with a "Eureka!" Moment of how to save the Zen Master.
• The visual of the stoic Zen Master now having Piper in his body, even saying "thanks for the lift".

"Size Matters"

• Phoebe trying to beef up her skills in a job interview.
  "Believe me, I have battled more...(surprised look from the interviewer) customer complaints in the last three years."
• Phoebe storming home after the unsuccessful interview.
  "The world better start showing me some respect or I'm gonna stop saving it every week!"
• Piper and Phoebe walking in on what looks like Paige performing oral sex on Finn, but she's just looking at how his body is made of clay. What sells it is Rose McGowan's shameless "what?" as the other two show up.
  Piper: It is like dealing with a teenager!

"A Knight to Remember"

• Leo in vain tries to stop Piper and Phoebe bursting in on Paige while she's in bed with Glen. Piper quickly realises that, to know this, he had to have been watching her in the act. Paige likewise is furious when she finds out.
  • Paige is on the other end in the episode's climax, when she has to interrupt the Evil Enchantress as she's about to sleep with the prince.
    "I hate to interrupt myself at a time like this."
• Paige trying to recap the plot of her fairy tale to the other two while also Squeeing that the Evil Enchantress is in the Book of Shadows.
  • Specifically, she sounds giddy as she describes the Enchantress killing the prince "after he gets her pregnant of course", and Piper can only deadpan "of course", while making a face that says 'what is this girl on?'
• Paige gets a massive dose of Be Careful What You Wish For when reading the spell summons the prince to her...and the Enchantress's love spell is now redirected onto her. The lovestruck prince follows her all around the house.
  • To get him to back off, Paige smashes a plate over his head, and then immediately apologises. Apparently the Enchantress's spell made him immune to pain, because the prince continues with his wooing.
  • He starts doing the 'kiss her hand to be romantic', which is decidedly un-romantic to Paige.
  Paige: Piper, do that thing you do.
  Piper: (failing to hide her amusement) I don't want to blow him up.
  Paige: Well, risk it! He's using his tongue!
• Paige relishes that she can go Screw This, I'm Outta Here because she doesn't live in the Manor. Piper tries to dramatically say "the Charmed Ones come first", but it falls on deaf ears.
  Phoebe: 'The Charmed Ones come first'?
  Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.
• Piper isn't too concerned when the prince unfreezes and goes outside because "it's San Francisco, no one will notice."
• The prince showing up at Paige's office, still on about how they're to conceive an heir. Paige refutes that because "I always use protection!"
• Piper and Phoebe continue to be Moment Killers when they freeze the prince just as Paige is about to kiss him for real.
• After Leo does some swashbuckling with the Enchantress's knights, Piper says that she finds this side of him quite sexy. Leo then chuckles like a bashful schoolboy.
• The Enchantress's grumpy pout when Lady Julia's kiss breaks her spell over the prince.

"Brain Drain"

• Piper trips over one of Paige's easels while trying to dodge Phoebe's questions, and screams "Paige!" up at the stairs like a bossy mother.
  Phoebe: You're changing the subject...
  Piper: No, I'm ignoring you!
• Phoebe has an attack of the Skewed Priorities when she tries to keep her pep talk to Piper going even as Cole is trying to warm them about the Chameleon.
  Piper: Did it ever occur to you that this is none of your business.
  Phoebe: Oh, that's besides the point.
• Piper and Phoebe searching the living room for the Chameleon demon. As Cole warns them to look out for any bit of furniture that looks suspicious, Piper blows up a nearby armchair.
  Phoebe: I think that was Paige's chair.
  Piper: Yeah, I know. It was ugly.
  • Paige is later wondering if she can claim the damage on her homeowner's insurance.
• An energy ball flies at Paige as she comes down the stairs with a pile of laundry.
• The grandfather clock gets broken again, and Piper sighs "dammit, we just got that thing fixed."
• Mental patient Paige is magnificently grumpy and snarky.
  "Got milk? Oooh, don't think so!"
• Mental patient Phoebe shows up with a broomstick "for flying, silly". Then when she hears noise from upstairs, she hamtastically declares "another innocent to save!"
  • Said 'innocent' is Cole undergoing electro shock treatment, saying the following like he's extremely hungover.
  "You can't hurt me! I am the mighty Balthazar!"
• Phoebe produces the alternate reality Book of Shadows - a children's notebook with crayon drawings as the spells. We even see the demonic ice cream truck from "We All Scream For Ice Cream".
• The face Paige makes when Cole says he "sort of squeezed" the Source's whereabouts out of a bounty hunter.
• Every character who enters the Cuckoo Nest takes the time cringe at the CGI butterflies, Paige even saying they might be in "Mary Poppins's head."

"Black as Cole"

• The way Holly Marie Combs's voice goes higher as Piper frets "we can't have a demon in the family."
• Paige's memorable line.
  Paige: You were a demon and a lawyer?
  Cole: Yeah.
  Paige: Insert joke here.
• Even Emma, the ruthless vigilante, takes notice of Piper's indifference to the crying baby doll.
• Calling back to Piper's attempts at making the Belthazor vanquishing potion in "Sleuthing With the Enemy", Paige echoes her "poor piggy" as she puts the pigs' feet into the pot. Piper then stands back and cackles when Paige gets hit with the explosion she once experienced.
• Phoebe has a sure fire way to help her man through the transitional period of having half his identity vanquished.
  "Just because you're not a demon anymore, doesn't mean we can't still live in sin..."

"Muse to My Ears"

• Melody's presence leads to everyone's passions running high, and thus plenty of Ham and Cheese from our cast members.
  • It also makes Phoebe start talking in rhyme.
• Piper tricking Cole into a lecture on being patient with Phoebe.
  Cole: I don't see how it's any of your business.
  Leo: You don't know sisters very well.
• Leo and Cole go underground to get information about the warlock, who attacks and gets the ring in the meantime. When they actually come back, they find the sisters comiserating.
  Cole: The faction is being led by a warlock named Devlin.
  Phoebe: He looked more like a 'Joe' to me.
  Piper: Uh-huh.
  • Leo then notices Melody's absence and asks about it. When Piper says "gone" he needs clarification.
  Leo: Gone as in she left?
  Piper: Gone as in she got sucked into a big red ring by a warlock named...what was it?
  Paige: Devlin.
  Piper: Right, Devlin.
  Beat.
  Leo: Okay...so what exactly are you doing now?
  Phoebe: Basking in the brilliance of our failure.
• Cole enraging Phoebe with this response.
  Piper: I say we head for the hills.
  Cole: Great idea, it rhymes with 'kills'.
• Cole trying to discourage the girls from casting a spell to take them to Melody, since they don't know where she is.
  Paige: Uh, she's in the ring.
• The spell takes them to the 40s night at P3, and Phoebe briefly worries they accidentally went back in time again.

"A Paige From the Past

• On realising that Cole is still hurting about the rejected proposal, Phoebe trudges into the kitchen going "am I the world's biggest bitch or what?" Piper and Leo share a look and the former says "nah, too easy."
• Phoebe and Piper also don't fail to notice Leo looking in his cup to avoid giving away that he knows about Paige's past.
  Phoebe: If you stick your nose into that coffee any more, you're gonna need a snorkel.
• Leo has to make Clyde mad to summon him. As this is Leo we're talking about, he makes a dig about "The Bog of Eternal Stench". He's about to make a Your Mom joke when Clyde shows up.
  • And fittingly, when Piper has to summon him, she has a much easier time. Probably because she's actually willing to curse.
• Paige finds out the hard way that she has to assume the body of her teenage self, in all her early 90s glory. But then when the initial shock is worn off, Paige looks around her room and takes everything in; admitting that teenage her had a great sense of style.
• Piper compares Lulu-in-Phoebe's accent to Blanche DuBois.
  • And before she realises that her and Cole are possessed by ghosts, she assumes Lulu is a cringey Affectionate Nickname.
  "Could you at least do better than 'Lulu'? It sounds like a poodle."
  • It's THAT that makes Frankie-in-Cole threaten Piper at knife point.
• Leo is astonished that Paige had a pager in high school.
  "Get with it, Leo. It is the 90s."
• At the scene of the jewellery store robbery, Piper freezes the room before they start dusting for prints.
  Darryl: Piper, you cannot freeze a crime scene.
  Piper: Well I did.
  • He's also against covering things up... until Piper reminds him that he busted Cole out the previous night, so it's going to reflect really bad on him if the crimes link back to Cole.
  • During her rant, Piper says of Leo "my husband is in 1994, and I don't mean in the fashion sense."

"Trial By Magic"

• Phoebe justifies her long bathroom break - using it to give information to her sisters - with the old "that time of the month" gambit. No one questions her after that.
• Paige offhandedly says that Glen can send her to the funny farm if he wants because "I could use the vacation".
• Piper and Paige have to get a confession out of Andrew Wike, complete with a 'good cop bad cop' routine. Of course Piper is the bad cop, casually using her powers to blow up various things in the room with a tone of voice that says she feels she has more important things to do and just wants to get this over and done with. When that doesn't work, Piper threatens to start blowing up body parts. Wike immediately covers his crotch and starts talking.
  • In the basement, Paige gives a yelp when she sees the rather large rat, prompting Piper to laugh "demons you can handle but not rats?" - and then she sees the rat demons tearing apart the corpse of Andrew in rat form and gives an even louder squeal.

"Lost & Bound"

• Piper takes note of the sudden '60s Hair that Phoebe is sporting.
  "Lay off the hairspray, Pheebs. There's a firestarter in the house."
• Phoebe singing a quite annoying song while boiling soup.
  "I'm making soup for Cole...he'll eat it in a bowl...I guess that's my new role...just making soup for Cole..."
• Phoebe switching between black and white while in the bath. Poor Paige walks in.
  Paige: Oh, God, full frontal Phoebe. I'm sorry.
  Cole: She just flashed.
  Paige: Yeah, I got that.
• Tyler uses his powers to set fire to the furniture. Piper reassures him that it's okay in this house.
• Piper gets Genre Savvy when Tyler's foster parents (secretly demonic bounty hunters) show up, wondering how they knew he was there. The mother feebly suggests "maternal instinct".
• The guards at Ludlow's manor ask for the password. Piper just blows one of them up and they let her right in.
• Paige is the one left to write the vanquishing spell, and the sisters only realise she wrote a haiku as they're saying it. And it still works! Piper's WTF? expression as they finish the spell just sells it.
  "I couldn't do the rhyming thing."

"Charmed & Dangerous"

• Piper insists Leo sign the will as their beneficiary, reassuring Phoebe and Cole that they're lucky Prue did "or we'd still be dealing with lawyers".
  beat as she remembers.
  Piper: No offence.
  Cole: None taken. I've come to terms with my evil past.

"The Three Faces of Phoebe"

• Elderly Phoebe finds a skimpy tank top and coos "the good old days".
  • And then her next comment is hilarious in light of how skimpier Phoebe's clothes would get in the subsequent seasons.
  Elderly Phoebe: Of course, people will never take you seriously until you stop dressing like a tramp.
  Phoebe: But that is so 'in' right now.
• Young Phoebe runs through the house screaming for Grams at the top of her lungs, to which Piper channels countless older siblings.
  Piper: (rubbing her ear) Oh, I do not miss that.

"Marry Go Round"

• Piper calling back to the events of "Just Harried".
  "Only Prue could make my wedding day all about her."
• The way Source!Cole keeps making Paige the Butt-Monkey is admittedly quite funny.
  • He changes the wedding dress so that it's practically five sizes too big for Phoebe, and the price tag is for 'Millie Platt'.
  "My wedding dress could double as a circus tent!"

  • And when the Lazarus Demon attacks, Phoebe's dress falls down and he's Distracted by the Sexy.
  • He makes Paige fall asleep so that Phoebe doesn't get woken up until 11.
  • Phoebe is given zits seemingly as a result of Paige's face mask.
    Piper: We're gonna put lots and LOTS of makeup on you.
    Paige: Let's face it. There's not enough spackle in the world to fill those craters.
• When the Lazarus Demon resurrects, he blows Piper and Leo back, and Paige orbs the sofa into position for them to land on.
• Piper saying the following with a reluctant smugness.
  Paige: We kick evil's ass every day.
  Piper: Sometimes twice a day.

"The Fifth Halliwheel"

• Piper eating one of the chocolates designed to make Phoebe amorous. It turns into a Brick Joke when Phoebe calls Piper later, and she answers while in the middle of doing it on the floor of P3 with Leo!
• The Source-as-Cole disguises the Seer as a middle aged man when the sisters interrupt their evil plotting. The Seer takes the time to look at herself in a mirror and roll her eyes.
  • She also doesn't get turned back until later when Source!Cole visits the Underworld.
• Piper dismisses the worries of the girl who's afraid of living alone with "tell her to get a life". Later it turns out that Karen, the actual advice columnist, would have said the same thing. Phoebe had suggested the significantly less harsh option of getting a dog.
• Piper warns Phoebe that Karen is likely on her way to the paper with her acid spraying powers.
  Phoebe: Great, then you should be on your way here too, because there's not a lot I can do against an acid-breathing innocent, you know.
  beat.
  Piper: The acid is coming out of her hands.
• The power brokers are initially unreceptive to Piper and Phoebe's threats, and then they inexplicably all start kneeling and agreeing to everything. Piper smugly goes "that's more like it", not knowing that Cole did the whole Source eye thingy to scare them behind her back.

"Bite Me"

• Paige questions why Cole has the curtains drawn in the apartment.
  Cole: Migraine. Which you're adding to.
• At the hospital, post bat attack, Paige groans when the doctor says she'll have to have rabies shots.
• Julie is running through a list of demonic allies while Cole is worrying about Phoebe. She mentions the Grimlocks and...
  Cole: The Grimlocks? You think they attacked her? If they did, I'll crush their skulls with my bare hands.
  Julie: And who said romance was dead.
• This Leaning on the Fourth Wall in relation to the female empowerment show that had since switched from WB to UPN.
  Leo: [Vampires] are part of a whole different network now.
• Piper running through a bunch of options of who could have attacked Paige.
  Piper: Manticore?
  Phoebe: Bites but doesn't fly.
  Piper: Phoenix?
  Phoebe: Flies but doesn't bite.
  Piper: Chupacabra?
  Phoebe: God bless you.
• Phoebe disagrees with Cole's suggestion that vampires have attacked Paige because she's "read about them" only attacking in human form.
  Cole: Well I've dealt with them, so you'll trust Anne Rice but you won't trust me?
• They discover Paige is turning into a vampire when they find her hanging upside down from the ceiling like a bat.

"We're Off to See the Wizard"

• In a fun Call-Back to "Sleuthing With the Enemy" - another episode in which Phoebe found out about Cole's evil - she sees the Wizard, shouts "demon!" and dropkicks him in mid-air. The illusion fades and Phoebe finds herself on the kitchen table.
  "Hello. Confusion."
• After fire-balling Julie to death, Phoebe snarks "home wrecker".

"Long Live the Queen"

• Phoebe is annoyed about the rain and begs the Seer to do something about it. The Seer responds that she has no control over the weather, although she does have a friend that works with the winds "but she's out of town".
  • Hilarious in Hindsight if she means the Sea Hag from "A Witch's Tail", who we shall see can control the weather remotely from her cavern.
• When Phoebe flames into the Manor and meets an annoyed Piper, she taunts her about "how rigid you are" and what an unattractive quality it is. Piper then nearly throws the vanquishing potion.
• Phoebe under the influence of the evil baby writes in her advice column in response to a woman whose husband cheated on her with his secretary that she should beat both him and the secretary up with a stapler. Even Elise finds it Actually Pretty Funny.
• Piper drowning her sorrows in P3 and freezing Leo so she can continue getting drunk.

"Womb Raider

• The Seer tries to kidnap Phoebe through a portal, but they're able to get away by accidentally ripping a chunk of her ear out (grabbing onto an earring). Once she's gone, Phoebe quips that they now have the required piece of flesh for a vanquishing potion.
• The giant demon even gets one.
  Demon: People only come to me if they're dying, damned or desperate. Which are you?
  Seer: Desperate.
• It's a Running Gag that the baby keeps making Phoebe attack Paige over her dislike of Cole. Highlights include punching her in the face and sending her flying out the window, nearly landing on top of a visiting Darryl.
  Paige: That baby needs a serious time out!
• Phoebe tries to convert her baby to good by playing Mozart and holding the headphones up to her womb.
• The baby keeps making Phoebe conjure fire whenever someone speaks negatively about Cole. She has fun trying to hide it during an interrogation with the police.
• While trapped in a cage, Paige can't resist saying "told you so" to Phoebe about how evil her baby was.
• Piper's "oh my" when she gets ported into the cage with Paige and Phoebe.
  Piper: Let Me Get This Straight.... You guys summoned me into a cage where my powers don't work so we could all die together!?
  Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly.

"Witch Way Now?"

• The Angel of Destiny says that his kind don't intervene except in extraordinary circumstances, which include Michelangelo, Albert Einstein and Britney Spears.
• Since they can't use magic while under surveillance, Piper begins unbuttoning Paige's blouse, saying she'll just have to use "some of your God-given magic" to distract the workers outside the Manor.
  • Paige completes the distraction with a Supermodel Strut, carrying a tray of lemonade. Piper can't stop grinning as she does it.
• Phoebe realises that Piper is pregnant five seconds before the others do and starts squealing. The others begin squealing once they cop on too, while Leo remains frozen.

Season 5

"A Witch's Tail"

• Behind the scenes - the dialogue about a potion blowing up on Paige and turning her hair red? That was actually borne from her impulsively dyeing the hair between seasons, the furious execs demanding to know how they could explain it, and that was what Rose sarcastically suggested.
• Mylie gains her mermaid tail in the parking lot right in front of a startled Phoebe.
  Mylie: We need to go.
  Phoebe: Well...yeah!
  Mylie: Hurry, the Sea Hag can track my tail.
  Phoebe: Well then make it go away!
  • After the above the Sea Hag start forming from water. Phoebe's reaction? Drive through her.
• Mylie informs Paige that she has quite a large underwater fan base.
• Piper tries to rush the love connection between Mylie and Craig so they don't need to fight the Sea Hag.
  Piper: If he doesn't then we gotta go fight the evil—
  Strange look from Craig.
  Piper: ...person.
• Darryl somehow ends up at a shootout, seemingly just because he was eating at the restaurant it's happening in.
  "This is the last time I come to this place for lunch."
• Craig getting orbed into the Sea Hag's cave.
  Craig: What's going on? Who are you people?
  Paige: Witch.
  Leo: Angel.
  Phoebe: Mermaid.
• Phoebe is set to have an interview with Nancy O'Dell so what does Piper do? Cover Phoebe's mermaid parts with bubbles and have the interview done while she's in the bathtub. Piper to Paige: "Don't worry - she isn't showing any tail."
  • And before that Phoebe complains that she's suffocating without water (her sisters won't let her go back to the sea).
  Paige: You want water? I'll get you water
  Gilligan Cut to Phoebe being dropped into the bath.
  Phoebe: You are holding me hostage!
  Paige: Yeah, looks like it.
  Phoebe: I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea.
  Paige: Well, right now the call of the common household bathtub will have to do.

"Happily Ever After"

• Grams rattling off a laundry list of things Piper could have done to protect the upcoming baby. It's a no to all of them.
  Penny: Sweetheart, what did you do?
  Leo: We built a nursey in our bedroom closet.
  Penny: Closet? No wonder this baby summoned me.
• Phoebe being forced to walk across the street to get to Cinderella's carriage. Naturally Alyssa Milano has to lean into her 'noo yawk' accent to do the "I'm walkin here!" bit.
• Cole is surprised to find Phoebe at the charity ball, while she is still believing him to be responsible.
  Cole: What are you doing here?
  Phoebe: As if you don't know.
  Cole: Oh...am I up to something again?
• Phoebe fails at being sassy.
  Phoebe: These boots may be made for walking but they are never walking back to you, buddy.
  Cole looks down at the glass slippers.
  Cole: Boots?
• Leo tells Paige that the fortress of fairy tales can't be found, because its location was kept secret even from the Elders.
  Paige: Well where was their infinite wisdom on the day that was decided?
• Danny Woodburn makes an appearance as the leader of the Seven Dwarves.
  Head Dwarf: Somebody here eat a poison apple?
  • The dwarves can see through the wolf disguised as Penny instantly and ask if they should tell Piper, but decide it's best not to interfere.
  • Leo also tells Phoebe that they prefer to be called 'The Little People' now. Phoebe can't help but note that 'Snow White and the Little People' doesn't have the same ring.
• Cole shimmers into the room with the pumpkin that was previously Phoebe.
  Cole: Your sister. And I had nothing to do with it, I swear.
  Piper: Oh my.
• Piper has to put on Red Riding Hood's cloak to get to the Wicked Witch, and she does the vanquish while wearing it.
  "I knew I was gonna have to put on this stupid thing sooner or later."
• And of course the Wicked Witch has to go I'm Melting! when the vanquishing potion hits her.
• Paige apparently revived while in the glass coffin, and was not pleased about this. The dwarves advise her to find a boyfriend just in case it happens again.
  Paige: Could someone please tell me how I ended up in a coffin!
  Penny: You were dead, dear. But on the bright side, at least now we have something in common.
• Phoebe having to eat humble pie and realise she has to apologise to Cole for believing him behind it.

"Siren Song"

• Phoebe begs Elise not to make her interview Cole, saying it could open a whole can of worms. The lady is not sympathetic.
  Elise: If you're still describing this guy as the love of your life, then the can is open, the worms are out and you may as well use them to go fishing."
• Piper is hiccupping orbs thanks to the baby, and Leo is dismissive of most things.
  Leo: I'm sure it's just all this arguing that's got the baby upset.
  Piper: Leo, the baby is an inch long! All this arguing is upsetting the mommy!
• Piper tries to explode the darklighter and just makes fireworks instead thanks to the baby.
  "I think my baby thought fireworks would be prettier than demon guts."
  • It also does the same when she tries to blow up the Siren, except with flowers.
  Piper: Oh... bad baby.
  • Paige thankfully improvises by impaling the Siren with the pole of the morphine drip.
• Piper's Pre Ass Kicking One Liner to the Siren when she finds her kissing Leo.
  "Kiss this bitch!"
• After the baby switches Piper and Leo's powers, Phoebe suggests that they'll switch back when they learn to see the other's perspective.
  Piper: I hate that. It's very Afterschool Special.
• Cole knocks before teleporting in. It doesn't spare him Piper's Death Glare.
  Cole: What? I knocked.
  Piper: Doors. People use doors.
• Everyone else realizes exactly how thorough the power swap actually was...
  Leo: I'm feeling nauseous.
  Piper: Oh God...and I'm not. Why is he having my pregnancy symptoms?
  Cole: You're pregnant?
  Piper: I was, but now I think Leo is.
  • Leo later notes that his own aftershave is making him nauseous, as it did Piper when she was pregnant.
  Leo: Why do they call it morning sickness if it lasts all day?
  • Phoebe pops a box of crackers beside him, used to the ordeal by now.
• Piper having to attend one of Leo's charges, who's in France, and she is astounded when she automatically speaks French to the woman in need.
  • She orbs back to the Manor inexplicably holding a rooster.
  • Topped off by her overall summary of the day as Leo
  Piper: Yeah, well, while you were trying I evaded assassins, I prevented two crimes of passion, in Portuguese no less, and delivered a baby.

• Leo now as the third Charmed One will have to write a summoning spell. Phoebe bursts out laughing when his attempt includes "we harken ye".
• At the end of the episode, Cole sends Phoebe flowers with the card 'sorry I tried to strangle you'. Phoebe notes that the florist probably doesn't see that too often.

"The Eyes Have It"

• Madame Tereza knows who Phoebe is. Phoebe asks if she read her mind, and Tereza clarifies that she reads the Ask Phoebe column.
• Paige is so bored now that she's not working, she's excited by the idea of watching a home birthing video.
  • And since she can't tell her friends that she quit her job to focus on Charmed duties...
  Paige: They're all employed. And I'm a demon fighter and I can't tell anyone about it so I basically just come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser.
  Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
  • Paige offers to go to Tereza's funeral with Phoebe since she has nothing else to do.
  Piper: Wow, yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral. You really do need friends.
  Paige: You're mean.

"A Witch In Time"

• Piper and Leo arrive at the Manor to have Phoebe and Miles rush past them to head upstairs to do...you know. And seconds later, Paige pops up on the couch with a random guy.
  Piper: What is this? A brothel?
  • Behind the scenes, Rose McGowan describes meeting the actor playing her sex partner, just filming this scene and then saying goodbye to never see him again. She'd begun to notice a pattern in how Paige was suddenly with all these different guys, and went to the higher-ups saying "Paige isn't a ho!"

"Y Tu Mummy Tambien"

• Piper's growing annoyance with everyone crooning over her baby bump. Poor Darryl gets the worst of it when he goes to rub her belly and gets...
  "Touch it and you pull back a bloody stub."
• Piper and Paige find Cole Laughing Mad as he tries various ways to kill himself. Piper tactitly suggests therapy.
  Cole: Thanks, I'd rather chop my head off than have it examined.
  • That then gives him the idea to conjure up a guillotine and Squee about how fun it'll be to test out. Piper freaks out and freezes the blade mid-fall. Then, after Cole teleports out, the blade unfreezes and startles Piper and Paige.
• Cole explains Jeric and Isis's history and tragic love story, which Paige admits would be romantic "if he hadn't killed so many witches."
• And after everything has gone From Bad to Worse, Piper shrieks "I've had it with this outfit!" re: the bright, frilly maternity top her sisters had made her buy.
• To make Darryl look good and lose the "freaky deaky rep", Leo glamours himself into Jeric so Darryl can look like he's arresting him.
• After it's revealed that Piper actually just killed Isis instead of Paige, she blows Jeric up too and snarks "at least they're together now."

"The Importance of Being Phoebe"

• Demon Kaia takes on Phoebe's appearance and starts making out with Cole in his office. Piper and Paige show up, see it and walk out, naturally assuming it's the real Phoebe.
  Paige: We need a plan.
  Piper: All right, I have a plan. We go home...we vomit...
  Paige: And?
  Piper: That's all I got so far.
  Paige: Okay, fine.
• When Kaia morphs back into herself, Phoebe growls that she should have known she was a blonde.

"Centennial Charmed"

• At Cole's birthday celebration, the cake reads 100, and the cook makes a joke about how he thought he was really 117 - which is actually a neat Continuity Nod to "Coyote Piper", where Cole's age was revealed to be 115 and this is two years later so...
• Paige tells the alternate reality Piper, who resembles La Femme Nikita, that she should be "knitting booties". It's that that convinces alternate!Piper that Paige doesn't know her at all.
• Paige getting back to the real timeline and confirming that everything is back to how it should be.
  Paige: (to Piper) You're pregnant!
  Piper: Yeah, where you been?

"House Call"

• Phoebe waking everyone up in the middle of the night doing a ridiculously loud cleansing ritual to chase away the evil spirits haunting the house. It only result in one of them grabbing her and lifting her into the air, Piper having to electrocute both of them to make it stop.
• While under the influence of the curse, Piper becomes obsessed with keeping the house clean, to the point that when Phoebe is chasing after Spencer turned into a turkey she warns her not to get any blood in the kitchen.
  • And before that, while Pheebs is mixing up the potion to turn Spencer into a turkey...
    Phoebe: Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country but just for a little while, and I will call you, okay?
    Piper: Oh, no, you don't, missy. There will be no fleeing the country until you clean up after yourself!
  • Phoebe says she can't, because she's possessed, and an enraged Piper shouts, "that is not an excuse!"
• Leo tries to stop Paige from having the wedding, and she just orbs out, and Leo makes the best annoyed face before growling "shoulda seen that coming."
• When bringing the real Jessica to stop the wedding, Leo just explains to the confused priest that she's a twin and Glen was marrying the wrong one. In his defense, that is in the Bible.
• After undoing the vanishing spell on the house, Piper does a Double Take when she realizes Paige is in a wedding dress.

"Sand Francisco Dreamin'"

• Piper's little Freudian Slip of "dreams are just harmless, erotic fun". She tries to cover up that she said 'exotic'.
• The demon behind making the dreams real waits too long and only shows up after everyone has dealt with their issues.
  Demon: What happened to the nightmares?
  Piper: Boy, are you ever late. (blows him up)

"The Day the Magic Died"

• Before the episode began, someone sent a gaggle of geese that lay golden eggs as presents for Piper's baby. While the sisters are relaxing in the garden, Leo is trying to catch the geese.
  • Later in the episode, they're running around the house, even after Paige tied them up. Or as she refers to them, "the little flockers".
• Piper's immortal line, which was also the first thing to get mentioned on this page when it was created.
  "Don't treat me like a baby factory, I can sit myself down."
• Everything about the de-powered demon named... Stanley. Being played by JP Manoux helps.
  Stanley: My name will haunt you to your grave.
  He collapses dead.
  Phoebe: What was his name again?
  Paige: I don't remember.
• The ungodly hilarious high pitched squawking Alyssa Milano makes when Phoebe discovers a unicorn in the kitchen.
  • Paige is also getting very excited about the possibilities, while Phoebe is freaking out about how unsafe it'll be with a baby around.
  "Have you seen those hooves? And how are we going to baby-proof that horn?"
  • The gift tag has been partly eaten by the unicorn, so it only reads 'From El-', and Paige wonders if it's from Spain. And when she's tasked with clearing the unicorn out of the kitchen.
  "Alright, you're Spanish. Andele.
  • And then Leo comes in all flustered about how his magic isn't working and he can't get to the Elders. It's a good twenty seconds before he asks why there's a unicorn in the kitchen.
  • Perfect comic timing comes when Leo turns Piper around to march her back upstairs as Paige cutely chases after the unicorn seconds later.
  • And Paige later refers to the unicorn as 'El Mystery Mare'.
• Cronyn, the demon of the week, has a business card thanks to magic being down.
  "You think that's bad? I've got a taxi waiting outside!"
• Paige produces a selection of home armour to prepare themselves for the demon rendezvous.
  "Chainmail top, from my clubbing days. Steel-toed boots, from my mosh pit days. Handcuffs...from last Friday."
• Leo doesn't arrive back at the house until after: a) Phoebe and Paige have been sent into a trap, b) Doris is revealed to be in league with the demons, c) Victor has been stabbed, d) Piper has gone into labour and e) Cronyn and Doris have been vanquished.
  Leo: What did I miss?
  Piper: A LOT!
  • And while giving birth and hysterical, Piper says to Victor "I'm sorry about your demon wife."
• Paige is also the first to notice something unexpected about the baby.
  Paige: Is that what I think it is?
  Phoebe: If you're referring to Mr Winky between the legs, yes.

"Baby's First Demon"

• When thinking through P-names for a boy, Phoebe takes Meaningful Name a little too far and suggests Potter. Leo vetoes it as being in the kid's best interests.
• Minutes after meeting Jason, Phoebe is on the phone to Leo saying she wants to "birth his babies".
• When Phoebe is later ranting about Jason, Leo starts wondering if Jason Halliwell is a good baby name, and gets shot down by an annoyed Phoebe.
• Undercover Paige dispenses with the demon showing her around the market by orbing someone else's fireball to blow him up.
  "Sorry, he was getting a little grabby."

"Lucky Charmed"

• Paige considers using magic to repair her clothes, but Piper is quick to deliver a Continuity Nod.
  Piper: Do I need to remind you of the big boob fiasco?
  Paige: No, thank you. My back still hurts.
• Paige orbs Seamus away from Saleel by literally just calling "leprechaun" like he were an inanimate object. And he lands on top of her and tries to flirt.
• The Skyward Scream Saleel makes when Paige and Seamus get away is delightfully hammy.
• Seamus's luck makes Pat Benatar suddenly need to use her phone right as Piper needs an act to perform at her club that night. And it turns out she inexplicably knows Seamus quite well.
• Phoebe trying to argue her point with Jason, who does not look up from his notes.
  Phoebe: Well I know what women like.
  Jason: (not looking up) Do you now?
  Phoebe: Yes! We like eye contact!
  Jason still doesn't look up.
  Phoebe: Hello!

"Cat House"

• Phoebe and Paige's trip through memory lane boasts a few.
  • On seeing how Phoebe and Piper originally fought over him in "The Fourth Sister", Paige is Squicked out at the idea of Phoebe hitting on Leo.
  • They have to see Piper and Phoebe turned evil in "Bride and Gloom" smashing Dantalian's hand.
  Phoebe: I was under a spell. Evil.
  Paige: Evil? You were blonde!
  • On seeing Piper heal Leo from "Love Hurts", Phoebe needs to give a tissue to Paige, who says, "this is better than home movies."
  • Once again, just as in "Pre-Witched", Phoebe walks in on Piper and Leo in the shower, covering her eyes and bumping into the door again. Piper also asks "did you change your hair?" (as Phoebe was blonde at this point)
  • For no apparent reason, they're transported into P3 for the infamous "Coyote Piper" dance. The therapist himself is curious about this one, and Piper grumbles "don't ask". Given Holly Marie Combs's open disdain for that scene, one can imagine she wasn't acting.
  Paige: I've never seen this side of Piper.

"Nymphs Just Wanna Have Fun"

• Phoebe's sisters catching her doing the walk of shame in last night's dress.
  Phoebe: I slept with my boss.
  Piper: Jason!?
  Phoebe: No, Elise. Yes, of course Jason!
  • Paige tries to reassure her that it might work out, her and Jason could get married and have kids, and "you could own half the newspaper."
  • The sisters ask for elaboration on how it happened. Phoebe initially says it was very fast, to Paige's "ooh, downer", but Phoebe insists that part wasn't fast and just makes several unintelligible noises. Paige wants to go back to that part when they change the subject.
• Paige walks into Piper brewing a herbal sleep remedy that smells awful.
  "Remind me never to get insomnia."
• Paige also coos over Wyatt's voice coming through the baby monitor, and how cute it is.
  Piper: Cute? Cute is a sleeping baby. That baby woke up every fifteen minutes last night, and if I don't make something to help him sleep, you are gonna have one cranky mom on your hands.
  Paige: (adopting a shit-eating grin) 'Going to have'?
• Leo walks in as the nymphs are frolicking around the conservatory.
  Leo: Who are they?
  Piper: Nymphs, Leo. Clearly nymphs.
  • They are also immediately taken with Leo and start dancing around the "sexy beast".
  Piper: The beast is married!
• Piper and Paige's Snark-to-Snark Combat escalates once Phoebe arrives back home from work.
  Paige: Piper let [the demon] get away.
  Piper: Come on, I blew off his hand, didn't I?
  Paige: Yes, but the rest of him got away.
  Piper: Yeah, well, demons don't always go 'poof' when you want em to, you know?
  • Piper also compares her being on maternity leave from being lead witch to like being an athlete out on injury.
  Paige: Vanquishing demons is not a sport.
  Piper: (with a sassy Hair Flip) It is if you're good at it.
  • And when the nymphs tell Paige to let Piper check the Book of Shadows instead of her, Piper gets in a cackle as a nice "so there".
• Phoebe discovers that Paige has been turned into a nymph just as the other two bring her into the foyer to frolick around Jason. Alyssa Milano makes several hilarious Oh, Crap! faces.
• The nymphs performing at P3 and dancing around Loudermilk. Piper orders Paige to get down before someone recognises her, and immediately an offscreen voice yells "go, Paige!"
  • And Loudermilk's manager complains about the band getting Distracted by the Sexy.
• Piper blows up Xavier, turning him to dust. Tull arrives shortly after, asking where his brother is. Piper snarks "you're standing on him".

"Sense And Sense Ability"

• Phoebe realises she's reached a low point when a mime does an imitation of her glued to her cellphone.
• Phoebe having lost her hearing and Paige having lost her voice means there are several minutes of hilarity as Paige tries to mime to get her attention. She even throws her purse and smashes a vase to no reaction, before remembering she can orb in front of Phoebe.
  • Paige then tries to mime that the monkey must be behind it. Phoebe is not that good at charades.
  Phoebe: "Ooh, you're angry, you're pissed, you're....PMS monkey?"
  • Paige does a very over-the-top mime of a fireball explosion to signify demons. That one Phoebe gets.
  • Paige also mimes that she can hear voices in the other room. Phoebe assumes she's miming "you hear puppets?"
• The sequence of all three sisters in the same room is a magnificent Who's on First? routine, where Piper and Phoebe take forever to learn about the other's impairments and Paige has to clap to let Piper know she's there too. When Leo walks in, they each make the 'See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil' pose.
• The Kazi demon is interrogated by Paige, who has to write the question on a notepad. It yields no results until Phoebe suggests that maybe the Kazi can't actually read. He pipes in that he's been trying to tell Paige that, and she only writes "demons lie" as a response.
  Phoebe: Yes, but not about literacy!
  • Later in the episode, Piper asks what they should do, Paige holds up a note that says "KILL MONKEY"
    Phoebe: Paige is proposing violence against the monkey!
  • When the Kazi demon attacks, Piper, having lost her sight, blows up the couch
    Piper: Did I get him?
    Phoebe: You killed aunt Pearl's couch!
• Piper spends the whole episode worrying that she can't calm Wyatt down when he's crying, which is doubly hard when she's blind. And when she actually does, Phoebe exclaims "you did it!", but so loudly it wakes the baby up again.

"Necromancing The Stone"

• The Halliwells are startled when the Necromancer greets their grandmother with an excited "Penny!"
• Paige experiences the worst parts of Nate's honesty when the truth spell makes him confess that he's actually married with two children.
  "I was going to tell you...no I wasn't."

"Oh My Goddess"

• Lee Arenberg as the demon who frees the Titans, going on an over-the-top, "The World Is Mine!" rant for a solid half minute, before Demitrius simply vanquishes him out of irritation.
• The elf nanny from a few episodes ago returns, and hires herself, also not hesitating to remind the sisters that she previously rejected them.
• The Charmed Ones being transformed into Goddesses seems like it'll be an empowering moment, but Phoebe is just gawking at her hair having inexplicably grown to floor length, while Piper and Paige's is unchanged.
• Paige as a war goddess of course has to threaten Chris's sacred man parts with her trident.
• The Titans kill a leprechaun trying to rescue an Elder, which is followed by Cronus saying "we really should do something nice for the leprechaun community".
• Phoebe tries to flirt with the Elder, who is completely clueless.
  Phoebe: What's under your robes?
  Elder: More robes.
• Paige theorises that when Leo is orbing up to check with the Elders, he's actually just going to a sports bar to chill.

Season 6

"Valhalley of the Dolls"

• Thanks to Piper being a Stepford Smiler, when she accidentally blows up only one of the two-headed demon's heads, she's giggling like a Sickeningly Sweet grandmother.
• And when overly cheery Piper loses her memory thanks to Paige's spell, rather than being shocked at her powers, she's quite giddy.
  • Phoebe comes home like a Motor Mouth, explaining how she might have a new power, and Chris waits until she's finished before catching her up. Piper clarifies the situation with her cheerful delivery of the next line.
  "Can you blow things up too?"
• Phoebe also wants to rant at Paige for erasing Piper's memory, but instantly feels her guilt and sadness, and starts reassuring her. Paige is grateful but confused.
• Paige's temp job of the week is a dog walker, and so she hands the dogs over to Chris when demon duty calls.
• Phoebe and Paige find Leo in a cage in Valhalla, and he takes the time get all excited by Phoebe's new haircut.
• Phoebe and Paige orb back into the Manor to find Piper transformed into a Valkyrie...
  Phoebe: If Piper ever gets her memory back, she's gonna kill you.
  Chris: Why?
  Phoebe: Because she hates wearing those costumes as much as we do.
  • Chris then smirks and says they're going to kill him as well, producing two other Valkyrie pendants. Paige's face says Oh, Crap!, and Phoebe's says This Is Gonna Suck.
• One of the Valkyries is shocked when a biker doesn't obey her "on your knees!" command, then asking Piper how they control men in this world.
• Paige and Phoebe approaching Valkyrie!Piper, who uses telekinesis to send Paige flying to the side.
  • Later when confronting her in the garage, Piper throws Paige backwards against the fence. Ms Matthews then pouts about Piper always picking on her first.
  • The spell she tried to use went like "spell was cast, now make it past, remove it now, don't ask me how" and Phoebe has No Sympathy.
  "Well it serves you right. What kind of spell was THAT?
  • Phoebe attempts an "I Know You're in There Somewhere" Fight, but Piper just spin-kicks her next to Paige.
  Paige: Oh, and that was so much better?

"Forget Me... Not"

• Even though Piper has her memories of being a mother erased, she subconsciously mothers Phoebe, by cutting the crusts off her sandwiches.
• We discover that Phoebe accidentally started a riot in her office thanks to her empath powers. A co-worker had been feeling angry at Elise, and Phoebe had the bad luck to be walking by him, so his anger overwhelmed her and she punched Elise in the face - setting off Disaster Dominoes and starting a big fight between everyone in the office.
  • Paige arrives to find Phoebe punching everyone in sight, no doubt caused by her feeling a dozen people's desire to continue the violence. Her Oh, Crap! expression when she snaps out of it is gold.
  • And when Paige drops the bombshell about a dragon being loose in the city, one guy holding another against the wall stops to go "did you say dragon?" and then gets punched by the other guy.
• All parents experience the annoyance of their children trying to make them go somewhere on a whim. Piper unfortunately experiences what happens when said child can teleport you there in an instant. Wyatt orbs her right to where the dragon is!
• The Halliwells' shamelessness in trolling the Cleaners with magic exposure. Paige and Phoebe orb into a news broadcast, Phoebe levitating one presenter up into the air and Paige orbing another's blazer away. Piper then uses the vanishing spell to make the Golden Gate bridge disappear!
  Piper: Might wanna take an alternate route to work in the morning.

"The Power of Three Blondes"

• The opening has the Stillmans (disguised as the Halliwells) arguing about some Noodle Incident involved in their impersonation.
  Mabel-as-Piper: Told you it wouldn't work!
  Mitzy-as-Phoebe: It's her fault. Who's ever heard of a demon with razor flying teeth before?
  Margo-as-Paige: My fault? I'm not the one who made the innocents into the Von Trapp Family!
• The Stillman sisters are quite put out when they find their entry in the Book of Shadows - a tiny paragraph that says they pose so little threat, there's no need for a vanquishing spell or potion.
  • Mabel can't help but get this dig in later when the game of Spot the Impostor happens.
  "Oh, so we stole your identities and your powers? Wow, we must be good. beat Definitely worth more than a paragraph."
• Mitzy tries to hit on Chris repeatedly, which becomes darkly hilarious once you know Chris is Phoebe's nephew from the future. Understandably that probably tipped him off to the ruse.
• After their identities are stolen, there's a rapid fire montage of: Piper being thrown out of P3, Paige out of her latest temp job, and Phoebe out of the Bay Mirror. Piper's is especially hilarious, considering the barrel roll she does, and the expression on Holly Marie Combs's face that says "huh, that just happened?"
• Margo doesn't get any of Paige's powers, so she is fuming, and Mitzy now as an empath feels all of it. Margo threatens to increase her fury if her sister continues to flaunt her new powers.
• While on a date with Jason, Mitzy decides to thank him for his jewellery gift by going under the table...
  • Phoebe is watching this while a couple at the table next to her think she's a waitress.
  Man: My wife was wondering if you have any champagne.
  Phoebe: (watching Mitzy attempt to perform fellatio on her man) How dare she!
  Woman: Well, I only drink it on special occasions. This is our 42nd wedding anniversary.
  Phoebe: You slut!
  • Jason asks Mitzy-as-Phoebe to come back up so he can talk to her. When she resurfaces, her hair is wildly messed up, even though she was only under the table for a minute.
  • Phoebe also experiences a first for her premonitions - getting one from punching someone on the nose. In this case, Mitzy.
• In the stand-off between themselves and the Stillmans, Piper tries to antagonise them to throw their emotions off so the powers won't work. Phoebe doesn't cop on to the plan right away...
  Piper: So why don't you blow us up?
  Phoebe: Piper! Death bad, life good!
  • And Paige goes in for the savage kill.
  "Don't worry. This bimbo couldn't hit the broad side of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job."
  • Extra points for the gasps of horror from Mitzy and Margo.

"Love's a Witch"

• Phoebe is seen levitating in the lotus position, ostensibly for meditation but also to try and get away from Piper's emotions. Piper is absentmindedly vacuuming underneath her, and Phoebe clarifies that the noise of that is easier to block out than her anxiety.
  Piper: But it's my first date. Not yours.
  Phoebe: But unfortunately, it feels as though it's my first date.
  Piper: Well, can't you control it?
  Phoebe: What do you think I'm doing up here? Cleaning the chandeleir?
  Piper: Now that would be helpful.
  • Paige then storming in the front door makes Phoebe fall back down to the floor.
  "Talk about your psychic hit!"
• Phoebe tries unsuccessfully to get Piper to back off smothering Paige, which just makes Paige even more annoyed, given Phoebe is speaking for her emotions.
  Phoebe: She's feeling a little suppressed by us.
  Death Glare from Paige.
  • Piper uses this as an excuse to cancel her date, but Phoebe again gets people to own their feelings so she can stop feeling them.
  Phoebe: You can't let fear stop you. (turns to Paige) You on the other hand should.
  Paige: Gee, I wonder why I'm feeling suppressed.
  • Paige leaves the kitchen orbing an apple into Phoebe's mouth to shut her up.

"The Sword and the City"

• The dwarf from "Happily Ever After" reappears as one of many magical creatures waiting in line to try and pull Excalibur from the stone. Including a gremlin from "The Power of Three Blondes" and Thistle the fairy princess. The latter is seen trying to pull it out, and gets swatted across the room by an ogre.
  • Leo orbs in to answer Piper's call, and even he gets dazzled at the sight of the sword.

"Little Monsters"

• The subplot with Paige casting a spell on Darryl to give him invincibility and superhuman strength is played entirely for laughs. It starts with Darryl acting uncharacteristically cocky as he defuses a hostage situation all by himself and ends with him accidentally trashing a police car and his own office.

"Witchstock"

• For some reason, the demonic slime that's the subject of the B-plot was never named even in the future, and Chris only calls it 'The Demon With No Name'. Later on, in the middle of a tense situation, Penny rants about how stupid it is that no one in the future could come up with a name for it.
• Phoebe and Paige are dismayed to see that Piper turned their rooms into a gym and nursery respectively.
  Paige: (seeing her room) This one too?
  Phoebe: Yeah, you move and you lose it in this family.
• In a lovely dose of Hypocritical Humor, past!Penny the Granola Girl assumes Paige is on drugs.
  Penny: No acid allowed in the Manor, Paige. We're all on a contact high.
  Paige: I'm not on drugs. I'm just having a bad trip.
• Paige tries to orb the tape deck by calling out "big fat tape thingy".
• Leo was not only around in the 60s, but he was a hippie himself, nicknamed Sun God. And he tries to hit on Paige.
  Past!Leo: Listen, if you want some private coaching, there's an empty room upstairs if you dig.
  Paige: Ah no, I don't dig.
• Paige meeting her grandfather.
  Paige: Allen. Your first husband.
  Past!Penny: First and only! I'm not that into free love.
• Grams is none too happy when she learns that Paige and Phoebe moved out. The latter insists they're handling things.
  Penny: Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the Manor. Exactly how are you handling things?
  Piper: We're still in an adjustment period.
• We get a cameo from Darryl's father, also played by Dorian Gregory, with a puffy afro, acting like a Soul Brotha and complaining about "the man".
  "Leave it to the man to lock a brother up with the crazies."
• To break out of jail, Piper casts an improvised spell on the guard. Phoebe's face slowly falls as she realises Piper is making the guard fall for her.
  Piper: Come to me and be seduced/I have a girl to introduce/fall for her, you can't resist her (adopting a shit-eating grin) Trust me mister, she's my sister.
  Phoebe: Why me?
  Piper: Cos he's not my type.
• Penny reverting to her hippie persona is priceless, and Jennifer Rhodes is very obviously having a lot of fun. Highlights include cooing over Wyatt, calling him "Moonbeam".
  Leo: (trying to remain composed) Wyatt. His name's Wyatt.
• Past!Penny first tries to cast a spell on the warlock "may peace and love flow through your heart like the wings of the dove". Everyone including the warlock himself gives her a Flat "What".
  • And when she finally unleashes a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown, using her telekinesis to send various bits of furniture flying at him, Piper is quick to suggest the grandfather clock.
  • Penny also needs direction on how to complete her revenge.
  Past!Penny: What do I usually do at this point?
  Paige: You usually do something very final if you catch my drift.
  • And her vanquishing spell still asks to make the warlock's remains "good for the ecosystem".
• Once she returns to the present, Paige teases Leo with "hey there, Sun God". Chris is in the background shaking his head.

"The Legend of Sleepy Halliwell"

• Piper beheaded (and of course remaining alive) and treating it like it's annoying stain on the carpet. Even being a disembodied head doesn't stop her from snarking.
  "If I had legs, I would kick you."
  • She stops Leo from getting Wyatt because "I don't want [him] to have two headless parents!"
• When the school wiseass tries to leave, Piper threatens to turn him into a toad. When Paige and Gideon return to the Manor, we see she's made good on the threat. When she asks if anyone else wants to try her, the rest of the students take a step back.

"I Dream of Phoebe"

• Chris's summary of the conception conundrum.
  "If Piper and Leo don't screw, I'm screwed."
• Phoebe is turned into a genie. Unlike Ginny's costume, which looked nice and subtle, Phoebe's is a full on I Dream of Jeannie homage in all its 60s Camp glory. It's happened so often that her family members have No Sympathy.
  Piper: (cackling) You look ridiculous.
  Phoebe: I feel ridiculous.
  Piper: Well, how am I supposed to get back to Greg now with this?
  Phoebe: Is that all you care about? Would you look at me? I am trapped in pantaloons right now!
  • She then finds a mirror to see how bad it is...
  And why do I always get stuck with the wig?
  • Leo orbs in and goes Oh, Crap! at the sight of Phoebe's costume. He also points out that there was a warning label on the bottle. In Arabic. Perhaps he forgot that not everyone's an Omniglot.
  • Paige orbs in after a failed intervention for Richard, and lets out a cackle at Phoebe's costume, even when her sister was trying to be supportive.
  Phoebe: You're laughing at me? I'm trying to be sympathetic and you're laughing at me!?
  Paige: I'm sorry. Maybe I needed a laugh after what I just went through.
  Phoebe: Yeah, okay. Is there anything I can do?
  Paige: Yeah but...
  beat as she looks even more mischievous.
  Paige: Don't you need to go help Major Nelson?
  • Piper shrieks with laughter at that one.
• Although Phoebe is forced to obey Chris's commands as a genie, she's not above employing Loophole Abuse to the wishes. He wishes for Piper and Leo to sleep together, so she makes them fall asleep at the same time.
• Ginny fails at being threatening while trapped in a crystal cage.
  Ginny: When I form my empire, the first thing I'm gonna do is rid the world of witches!
  Paige: Oh yeah? When you're back in your bottle, the first thing I'm gonna do is put you in the microwave.
• Paige is also not up to speed on why Chris would want Piper and Leo to sleep together, so naturally, she freaks out a little:
  Paige: Oh my god, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You're disgusting!
  Chris: No...
  Paige: You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.
  Chris: No, no, no...
  Paige: Oh my god, you are so gross.
  Chris: I'm Piper and Leo's son.
  Paige: What?
• Once Phoebe and Paige are dead but have established that they'll remain as ghosts, then Paige calls Phoebe on a little secret she's been hiding.
  Paige: Got any unfinished business?
  Phoebe: No, you?
  Paige: Yeah, you know, now that you mention it, it would be nice to know I had another nephew before I died!

"The Courtship of Wyatt's Father"

• Paige's attempts to get Leo and Piper to sleep together is to unsubtly throw a birthday party for Wyatt with the likes of champagne, oysters and chocolate covered strawberries. Leo notices she has a lot of aphrodisiacs there.
• When Chris reappears after being ret-goned, he does a goofy little hop and cheer. It's just so unexpected after only seeing him as angsty, annoyed, and/or angry.

"Hyde School Reunion"

• It seems Piper inherits her snark from her father's side of the family.
  Piper: The point is, [Leo]'s not around.
  Victor: Was he ever?
  Piper: Were you?
  • Piper is also asking Victor for help with Chris, without clarifying that adult Chris is also who she's pregnant with, and he just puts on a delightfully confused face and says "I don't understand your Wiccan ways."
    • He then starts playfully speaking to Piper's bump, calling out for Chris, and then actual Chris is heard "is someone calling me?" from the other room.
  • And finally, Chris walks in and excitedly says "grandpa", hugging an even more confused Victor.
• Phoebe's spell results in a room full of grown adults now acting like eighteen-year-olds, with even one random guy doing a spinaroonie on the floor.
• Paige catches Chris up to speed on how Phoebe has reverted to her teenage self and gone cruising with her old gang.
  Victor: I thought she was downstairs.
  Piper: No, she's out the window.
  Paige: Even worse, she's under the influence.
  Chris: Of alcohol?
  Paige: No, adolescence.

"Spin City"

• Piper is a little... indifferent to the excitement that comes with her second son due to his influence in their present.
  Paige: So, you excited?
  Piper: About what?
  Paige: About what the doctor said, that it was gonna be a healthy baby.
  Piper: ...Well, I know he's healthy - I've seen him, 22 and walking around.
• Chris orbs into the elevator to check on them.
  Chris: Hey... I was just wonder how it went with the doctor.
  Piper: (holds up an ultrasound) Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy!
  Chris: ...That's not what I meant.
  Paige: (looking at the ultrasound) I don't see it...
  Piper: (begins pointing at the ultrasound) Oh, see, it's this little thing right here...
  Chris: WHOA! Excuse me, do you mind? (takes the ultrasound, then looks at it, trying to find his penis)
• Chris pouting about how Wyatt had powers in the womb and he didn't.
• After Chris has tried to kill everyone, Leo swears!
  Paige: Are Elders allowed to curse?
  Leo: No, but fathers are.
• The leprechaun is cursed to be the average size of a human. It's quite shameful by leprechaun standards.

"It's a Bad, Bad World

• This amazing line from Evil!Chris while he and Evil!Leo are talking about the world where all of the main characters live:
  Evil!Leo: You ever see anything so good?
  Evil!Chris: It's disgusting. Can you believe all of the liquor stores are closed in the mornings here? What's up with that?
• Evil!Gideon tries to warn Phoebe and Paige about what Evil!Piper is like.
  Evil!Gideon: She's got a terrible temper, and worse when she's pregnant.
  Phoebe: Yeah, that's not much different in our world.
• We establish how evil the Evil World actually is when a random boy on a bike smashes in a car's windows with a baseball bat.
• A mirror world advertisement for Ask Phoebe has the tagline, "Read me...or else."
• The Mirror Universe version of Barbas. Seeing the Demon of Fear become the hippy-like Demon of Hope is hilarious!
  Chris: Don't... don't touch me.
• We see that our world becomes ridiculously good, where people are given Cool and Unusual Punishment for the most minor infractions, and the opposite happens to the Evil World. According to Evil!Phoebe, people get their arms broken just for saying "gesundheit" when someone sneezes.
• Phoebe and Paige under the influence of Piper's spell are ridiculously cheery, and forget all about their mission in favour of Squeeing about the upcoming birth.
  Leo: You guys can't leave like this.
  Paige: Well, we can't very well ignore Chris's birth. We have to celebrate.
  Chris: I'm the baby! I give you permission not to!
• Phoebe then gets disturbingly into doing baby talk to Chris and miming squeezing his cheeks as if he were a newborn. Drew Fuller can only respond "...okay" with a mixture of terror and disgust.
• And when Leo tries to remind them that Gideon might be coming for Wyatt, Paige excitedly asks "is he babysitting?"
• Darryl under the influence arrives to arrest Chris in the most chipper way, and Phoebe and Paige are equally enthusiastic about it.

Season 7

"A Call to Arms"

• Paige is happy to change Wyatt's diapers but has yet to do so for baby Chris, because she knows what he looks like at 22.
• Although Piper is initially alarmed at magically sprouting extra arms, she soon puts them to good use multitasking with the baby.
• The possession via Shaktai and Shiva makes both Piper and Leo quite amorous.
  Leo: I haven't felt this potent in years.
  Phoebe: Oversharing. Any idea how to redirect his potency?
• Phoebe is unfortunately under the influence of the gods' pheromones, and so she makes out with Leslie right there in the office. Elise's shocked "Phoebe!" makes the scene.

"The Bare Witch Project"

• When Lady Godiva appears out of the history books, the episode makes a Running Gag of the Dress Hits Floor whenever she prepares to go on her ride.
  Piper: (covering her eyes) Woman, keep your clothes on. This is a family show. Really.
  • Godiva notes that "seems to be the only way I can get anyone's attention here".

"Cheaper by the Coven"

• Wyatt's Big Brother Bully tendencies have him orbing Chris out of his crib at Magic School. Piper runs around the house trying to find him, before opening the door to Victor, who has the baby in his arms.
  "I hope this is yours, because it sure ain't mine."
• After Wyatt orbs Chris away, Paige acts like he stole Chris's pacifier.
  Paige: Wyatt, where did you orb your little brother?
• Victor finds a little black book that soon turns out to be Penny's notebook of spells, but she snatches it away before explaining it.
  Victor: Don't want me looking up the old boyfriends?
  Penny: They were in a much bigger book, thank you.
• Penny's spell results in the Charmed Ones acting like squabbling preteens, such as Piper teasing Phoebe about Leslie.
  Piper: Why don't you just marry him already?
  Phoebe: Why don't you marry Leo!
  Piper: Cos I already did!
• Paige under the influence of the spell goes to Magic School, pulls Ben out of class and kisses him. When she finds them, Penny scolds him for "robbing the cradle". Paige later goes Oh, Crap! when the spell wears off.
  "Oh my God, I tongued a student!"
• Phoebe attends an award ceremony under the spell, and Leslie assumes the childish behavior is just her being drunk. Not helped by her holding a wine glass already in her hand.
• Penny tries to remind Piper about a special talk they once had (which the finale reveals was when she was very young). Piper gets squicked out because she thinks Penny means The Talk.

"Charrrmed"

• Piper isn't up to speed on Phoebe's pirate theory.
  Phoebe: Yo-ho hello.
  Piper: Did she just call me a ho?
• Before Paige's Overnight Age-Up, there are several signs to the curse, including her vision and hearing fading, and her crankiness coming out full force.
  Paige: Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget you're the older sister.
  Piper: Yeah, I love you too.
  • Earlier in the episode, Paige had gotten distressed over being called 'ma'am' by a student. When they find her now aged up to elderly...
  "Well, now I'm a ma'am."
• Captain Cutting sends a message to the sisters via parrot that squawks "shiver me witches."

"Styx Feet Under"

• Piper's rant at the Angel of Death is punctuated by Paige's line, made brilliant by Rose McGowan's delivery.
  "Stop yelling at Death!"
• When a cop is interrogating Paige about Piper's sudden death on the street, spectral Piper beside her annoyedly asks Paige to sound a little more bereaved.
  • There's also Piper's high-pitched worrying when the cops mention an autopsy. Paige feebly tries to claim that an autopsy is against their religion. It doesn't work.
• An enraged Sirk throws a fireball at Kyra, who nonchalantly shimmers out of the way.
  "I'm a Seer. Hello, I saw that coming."
  • And trust Charisma Carpenter to be the voice of reason, while also sassing the demon as he tries to threaten her.
  "You know, you'd think since your first threat failed so miserably, you'd be a little bit nicer to me."
• Paige and Piper breaking the news to Phoebe.
  Paige: (sounding incongruously exasperated) Piper's dead.
  Piper: I'm not dead. I'm Death. As if my life wasn't busy enough already.
• The sisters have cheated death so many times, it's basically a mild inconvenience by now.
  Leo: This is bad.
  Phoebe: Relax. Piper's been dead before.
  Leo: Not like this! Not on the midday news.
• Black humour but Piper throws this line in when trying to get Phoebe to stay safe.
  "This death thing may not be real to you, but it is very real to me. I've seen it. I am it."
• Sirk starts ranting about the things he'd like to do to the Charmed Ones - namely peeling their flesh from their bones while they're still alive.
  Kyra: Okay, just because we're demons, doesn't mean we have to be so... ew.
  Sirk: Just tell me how to defeat them.
  Kyra: And you'll stop with the gross flesh-peely talk?
• The Angel of Death proving Not So Stoic as Phoebe offers to trade Sirk's human soul for Paige's, to bring the latter back to life.
  "This has been quite the remarkable day. Even for me."
• Sirk tries to interfere with Phoebe bartering his soul for Paige's, and gets "you're dead, start acting the part" as a response.

"Charmed Noir"

• Ms. Donovan complains that the gnome is trying to stifle free speech. The gnome then magically removes her mouth and says, "that's what I call stifling."
  Paige: You give her back her mouth right now!
• Phoebe spends several minutes thinking Ms. Donovan has been dumped and consoling her about that, not realizing she found the gnome murdered.
• Can always count on Piper to prioritize what's important in a murder case.
  "Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the G silent?"
• After Phoebe gets her premonition about Paige's whereabouts (in the book), how does she put it?
  "I saw Paige on the bestseller list."
• Once inside the book, Paige makes a reference to Lana Turner, so the narration in the book starts to refer to her as Lana. Brody just gets called 'The Fed', to Piper's bemusement.
  Phoebe: At least he's not calling him 'Kyle'.
• The first plot twist Phoebe writes in is a flat tire. Eddie's reaction is a Flat "What" because of how cliché it is.
• Once Phoebe gives Paige enough hints to act like the Femme Fatale, Rose McGowan leans into the ham of the genre to glorious effect.
• Paige and Brody disagree on where to head next, but Paige's idea would ultimately lead them into a trap. Phoebe writes in a plot twist to warn them - a piano landing beside them.
  Brody: Looks like your sisters agree with me.

"There's Something About Leo"

• Leo tells Piper that he's an Avatar right as she's mixing a potion, making her drop the whole jar into the cauldron, which creates a huge explosion that throws her across the attic.

"Witchness Protection"

• Maybe a little harsh, considering what happens to her later in the episode, but Kyra's wit is priceless.
  Leo: If the sisters find you up here, they're gonna kill you.
  Kyra: No, actually they won't. I've seen my death. No babes involved.
• Paige and Phoebe discover Kyra's presence when, while bickering about what dress Paige should wear for her dinner date with Kyle, Kyra chimes in "he'll love what you have on."
  • Paige orbs a nearby mirror in Kyra's direction that she easily ducks. When it smashes against the wall, she asks if that'll be her bad luck or Paige's.
  • And when Paige starts to orb a potted plant, Kyra squeals for Leo's help. A dumbfounded Paige stops the orb as her and Phoebe process this.
• Holly Marie Combs's magnificent "Good GOD" when Piper sees Kyra coming down the stairs.
  • She goes to use her exploding power, but Leo pushes her. Piper comically flops to the floor while the family portrait she'd literally just hung up explodes instead of Kyra.
  Kyra: That surly one is your wife?
  Piper: Surly!?
• Paige is more concerned with ordering any supernatural stuff out of the house to make sure her date goes well. Kyra however reassures her that later "it'll be really, really great." Paige goes from annoyed-stressed to childish giddiness rather quickly.
• Cut to Kyra reclining on a couch in the attic, sipping iced tea and making Piper take down a list of her demands for helping them - including a sharpay dog and a lap pool.
  • Piper gets sidetracked worrying about how often the kids are at Magic School and how she may never be able to spend real time with them if she's always busy trying to rid the world of demons.
  Kyra: Hello! I'm a demon you can get rid of. Preferably before I'm ambushed again.
  • Piper is also shocked at her wish to become human.
  Piper: Why in the hell would a powerful demon want to be made human?
  Kyra: Hell being the operative word. As in I live there and it sucks.
• Kyra's non-reaction to the trio of demons that attack and get blown to smithereens by Leo.
  "Can't believe I slept with that guy."
• Darryl recognizes Kyra as a demon instantly when Phoebe brings her along and starts blustering. Kyra is unfazed and says to Phoebe.
  "Go easy on him. His wife's had him sleeping on the couch all week."
  • There's also this cute follow-up.
  Darryl: How does she know that?
  Phoebe: Seer. Get it? She sees things. She's perfectly harmless and very good at what she does. I can't hold a candle to her.
  Kyra: That's so sweet. And so not true.
  • Kyra then endears herself to Darryl by recommending that he buy Sheila a special type of marzipan.
• Phoebe weakly tries to suggest that Darryl might actually miss the weirdness being around her and her sisters brings. All the while Kyra is dancing on the lawn in the background.
• Kyra isn't wowed when she sees what a mental hospital looks like.
  "I've never seen this side of Good in my visions. It's so...bad."

"Ordinary Witches"

• Paige and Brody being sent back to New York in 1981, and Paige getting excited about Raiders of the Lost Ark being in cinemas.
• Ronny with Phoebe's premonition powers sees visions of all his wife's affairs.
• The best Hand Wave on why the Neighbours never questioned the demon battles happening in the Halliwell manor throughout the series - Denise just assumed they were a bunch of wild parties.
  Phoebe: Well, now you know why we never invited you.
• Phoebe wonders who comes up with the weird demon names. Piper questions why she's only now asking after seven years doing this.

"Extreme Makeover: World Edition"

• Zankou pretending to be Beta is quite amusing, as he's trying to remain stoic while barely concealing his annoyance. A demon appears and he sends the sisters after it like someone trying to shoo away a dog.

"Carpe Demon"

• Drake's Rousing Speech to Phoebe and Paige is very sweet, but then he gets to Piper and says "sweetheart, you are just plain mean". Piper herself even cackles before saying "watch it", and Paige does not try to hide how funny she finds it.
• Drake's spell turns him into Robin Hood, Phoebe into Maid Marian and Piper and Paige into the Merry Men. The latter two are not amused.
  Paige: I'm gonna hire you just so I can fire you!
  Piper: Do we look merry to you?
• Phoebe finds Drake's antics sweet, much to her sisters' disapproval. Easy for her to say, since she gets a pretty dress and long golden tresses, while the other two have unflattering skins.
• After Drake has been bewitched to think he's actually Robin Hood, there's a Running Gag while the sisters are discussing how to vanquish the sorceror that Drake is practicing shooting his arrows at various things in the manor. He manages to hit a glass vase and make it smash completely.
• Drake-as-Robin finds Phoebe's phone bill and is outraged, assuming it's Prince John's taxes.
  Piper: Prince John has been dead for centuries, he's not taxing anyone anymore.
  Phoebe: Yeah. The phone company is owned by a different John and he's...well...a really swell guy.
• Drake-as-Robin summons "my steed" and conjures up his motorcycle, amending to the sisters that it's "horse power".
  • Piper can't turn mother mode off when Phoebe gets on the bike with him, calling out "helmets, people!" and Drake gives Phoebe a proper modern motorcycle helmet, while he gives himself one from a suit of armour.
  • The bike then goes zooming out the front door, Phoebe managing to effortlessly pick up her jacket as they pass the coat rack.
• In the bank, a portly man calls Drake "Pocahontas", but Drake just gets excited and decides he's Little John.
  • And although antagonistic to Drake at first, once they see him threatening the man behind the counter (and everyone complains about the financial abuse from the phone company), 'Little John' excitedly says "kick his ass, Robin!"

"Show Ghouls"

• To check that it's the real Phoebe and she's not possessed, Piper asks what her middle name is. Phoebe replies "surly".
  Piper: That's my girl.
• Paige has to glamour herself into Phoebe to do an interview as her. She later says that if she reads the article, Phoebe will find that "your little sister gets praised quite a bit".

"The Seven Year Witch"

• Paige's accurate summary of Drake's appeal to Phoebe.
  "He's cute, he's funny, he's smart, and he's destined to leave. I don't know, that kind of sounds like her type to a ‘T'. I mean, really, how many times does a girl have to get hurt before she just kind of wakes up?"
• Piper's non-reaction to finding out her deceased state.
  "Am I dead again?"

"Scry Hard"

• Wyatt shrinks Piper and Leo and puts them into the dollhouse in the attic.
  Piper: Let me handle this. It requires a mother's touch. (beat) Wyatt Matthew Halliwell! You stop this nonsense right now!
  Leo: I've never heard you use his full name before.
  Piper: I've never been this mad at him before!

"Imaginary Fiends"

• Piper asks how future!Wyatt became such an optimist. When he replies "from you, mom", Paige snorts with laughter.
  Paige: You must have turned over a new leaf in the future.
• Phoebe meeting her nephew from the future. He hugs her while she's still confused.
  Phoebe: Did a spell backfire?
  Paige: How'd you guess.
  • She also tries to talk about present Wyatt, while clarifying that she doesn't mean future Wyatt.
  Phoebe: This is gonna be so confusing.
  Wyatt: You'll get used to it.
• Phoebe and Piper find the idea of future Paige being so wise hilarious, prompting the lady herself to snark "don't be so surprised."
• Future!Wyatt is taken by baby Chris and asks if it's "before or after he swallowed the marble", which of course sets off a recurring freakout from Piper.

"Something Wicca This Way Goes?"

• Zankou sounds quite giddy at the thought of getting full access to the Book of Shadows and therefore "ultimate power".
  "I hope I don't get bored."
• Phoebe suggests casting a love spell on Zankou to make him fall for one of them.
  Piper: Sorry, I'm taken.
  Phoebe: But I'm not.
  Piper: Yeah but you're not that desperate. Are you?
  Phoebe: Well those demons do have a way of keeping you warm at night.
  Piper: Yeah but that's only because they have fireballs.
• During the Magical Community's attack on the Manor, we see a leprechaun stabbing a demon with a shillelagh. Thistle the fairy princess also buzzes around Zankou's head like a troublesome fly, and a troll then trips him to make him fall down the stairs.
• The sisters troll Zankou by casting a spell that turns him into half a pig.

Season 8

"Still Charmed & Kicking"

• In a Call-Back to "Styx Feet Under", Piper has to remind Victor to look more bereaved for the sake of upholding The Masquerade.
• Poor Paige has barely any mourners at her urn, so what does she do? Glamour herself into Janice Dickinson so she can dramatically weep about how Paige was her best friend. The mourners are suitably impressed. Paige's sisters are not.
• Elise takes note of the amount of leprechauns at Phoebe's urn.
  "I never realized she knew so many... little people."
• Phoebe in disguise tries to hit on Dex, who then gets ushered out the door by an annoyed Piper.
  Piper: You can't pick up on a guy at a funeral!
  Phoebe: Why not? It's my funeral.
• Can always count on Grams to have No Sympathy for Paige's anxieties.
  Penny: Spare me the dramatics and cut to the chase please. I've got an afterlife to live, you know.
  Paige: See? Even you have a life and you're dead!
• This standoff between Paige and Elkin.
  Elkin: You don't have the power to stop me, Whitelighter.
  Paige: You obviously don't know who I am. (beat) Which is probably a good thing.
  • Their fight happens in a cinema, and an annoyed woman in the front row keeps shushing them before she realizes.
  • Billie channels a certain perky blonde who fights demons with some Casual Danger Dialogue after she deflects Elkin's fireball into a nearby chair.
  "Help me out here, I'm new at this. Who pays for that?"
  • She also asks if the fireball burns his hand.
• Phoebe stops by the Bay Mirror to see her old coworkers mourning her. Everyone else is sharing stories about how sweet and helpful she was, while Elise is balling about how she "doubled our readership".
  • Elise then tearfully calls Phoebe the daughter she never had. Phoebe squeals "Elise, I had no idea!" and glomps her... before remembering she's disguised as 'cousin Julie' and Elise thinks she's been hugged by a total stranger.
• Paige's choice words trigger Phoebe, who's just had a premonition of herself marrying Dex.
  Paige: First off, I did not intentionally engage a demon.
  Phoebe: Oh, please don't say engage.
• Piper sassing Grams when she appears to try and defend Paige.
  "Well, you're sort of dead, so this doesn't concern you."
• When the sisters hear the sounds of a demon battle from downstairs, Penny Squees, "the good old days".
• After all Billie's heroics in the Manor, including vanquishing two demons, Piper pouts "show off".

"Malice in Wonderland"

• It's a repeat thing for Piper in the opening to shut everyone up by whistling loudly.
• When Paige is denied a shot at becoming a cop because she looks too girly, she demonstrates an arm drag on the officer, who then weakly tells her where the sign-up form is.
• Paige interrupts Billie fighting with Black Heart by orbing in, and Billie first asks if Paige is a cop (she's dressed in her uniform) before proceeding to fight her. The fight ends when Paige knocks her wig and glasses off. Paige seems especially surprised that she's a blonde.
• Phoebe finds Paige scrying for Billie using the wig and asks if she scalped her.
• Paige gets Billie to listen to her by telekinetically orbing a chair that knocks her into it.
• Piper has had such a rotten day that she's reduced to cowering under her quilt. Leo sits next to her and tries to comfort her, getting "not now, I'm not in the mood!" as a response.

"Run, Piper, Run!"

• The first scene after the credits has a standard establishing shot of the Manor...that then gets disrupted by a bang. Paige finds Billie lying in the middle of some debris, Squeeing "that was awesome!"
  Paige: You almost blew the house up! How is that awesome?
  Billie: Oh just the attic. Besides, this place is a wreck. Do you guys ever put anything away?
  Paige: You were just supposed to be reading.
  Billie: That's all I was doing!
  Paige: Well then, what happened!
  • Paige then guesses that Billie read a spell out loud.
  Billie: Yes, I read out loud.
  Paige: That is not reading, that is chanting! And that—
  beat as she picks up the Book of Shadows.
  Paige: Is how things go boom!

  • She then slams the book down on the stand with a Death Glare.
• Piper gets arrested, and Paige is more downcast about how unflattering the orange jumpsuit is on her.
  "We're gonna have you out of that unflattering colour in no time."
• Paige warns Billie not to underestimate Maya, and the latter quips about how dangerous a fashion model could possibly be. Cue Maya kicking open the door and knocking Billie against the wall. Paige saves things by orbing a lamp to smash over her head.
  Billie: That was close.
  Paige: Good. Fear. We're making progress.
• Piper's cellmate is an intimidating Brawn Hilda and tries to start a fight, so Piper freezes her and then whacks her across the head with her lunch tray.
  "Had to be a tough guy."
  • And when Maya is orbed into the cell to switch with Piper, the cellmate is still reeling from being hit and cowers away from her.
• Billie has a lot to learn about dealing with human antagonists.
  Billie: Can't we just vanquish him?
  The others stare at her blankly.
• In a Call-Back to Season 2, Eve the flirty mother has an angry husband called Carl who drops round the Manor to have it out with Leo. Piper freezes him just as he's about to punch, but this time Leo has to actually take it.

"Desperate Housewitches"

• When having to pretend to be demons at Magic School, Leo and Billie have to just put on darker clothes, and Billie of course has to go for a Stripperiffic outfit.
• Piper finding out that Mandy took Wyatt out of daycare, and the noticing that her son is still there. She has a "Eureka!" Moment and shrieks "she's a demon!", rushing off while the receptionist makes a face that says "that's going a bit far".
  • The receptionist locks eyes with Mandy's son and says "jealousy is an ugly thing", and the toddler nods as if to say "I know what you mean."
• Phoebe busts Paige for her little stunt as 'Silvia' by shouting "you crazy witch!" and literally pouncing on her. With an admittedly nice Lou Thesz Press.
• Billie takes note of how the sisters make the exact same faces as Leo when the Source is mentioned.

"Rewitched"

• Piper preps the DJ for speed dating as though they're about to go into battle.
  "Top 40 only. Really! One power ballad and you'll never DJ in this state again."
• The magic wears off Dex and Phoebe just as he carries her over the threshold, so he drops her, and Alyssa Milano lets out a delightful squeal.
  • The squeal is topped off by her incoherent gasping once she realizes that they're now married.
  • Finished off by the fantastic Eye Take Kaley Cuoco does when Billie sees Phoebe in the bridal dress.
• Paige attracts a series of god-awful pick-up lines while speed dating.
  • "Was your father a thief? Cos he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."
  • "If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."
• A reporter from 415 Magazine gives Piper a rather backhanded compliment.
  "I came here to do a piece on failing clubs but it appears I'm in the wrong place. It seems you made speed dating cool."
• Phoebe and Billie having it out, specifically about Billie using magic when she was told not to.
  Billie: I thought you meant demon magic, not innocent magic.
  Phoebe: Oh? Really! (gesturing to the wedding dress) And this is innocent?
  Billie: Well...you look fabulous.
  Phoebe: Oh...you know what? Don't you try to butter me up with a compliment, missy!
  • Piper then storms in and Billie gets annoyed at having to explain herself again.
  Piper: Are you out of your mind? What did you do now?
  Billie: Okay, do I have to start from the beginning again?
  Piper: I can't believe you did this with Agent Murphy watching our every move!
  Phoebe: Skip down. I already went through that with her.
  Billie: You know, I still don't know that what I did was so bad.
  Phoebe: (holding up the ring finger) This! This is what's bad!
  Piper: (getting distracted by the ring) Whoa! Hey! Wow, that's huge.
  • And when trying to argue the point with Billie, Piper resorts to "well I'm older so what I think counts more!"
  • And then Phoebe starts to realize she may have a point.
  Piper: I'm confused. Are we mad at her or not?
  Phoebe looks at Billie, who makes a pleading head shake.
  Phoebe: No, we're not.
  Billie: Oh yes! Good. Now can I go back to looking for the imp demon?
  Piper & Phoebe: NO!
• Paige doesn't find out about the marriage until she gets home that evening.
  Paige: I take it Dex didn't like not being able to go away.
  Phoebe: Boy are you behind in the news.
  She holds up her ring finger.
• After the sisters vanquish Antosis with the Power of Three, Billie Squees and says "I want to learn how to do that!"
• Phoebe and Paige know that Piper and Leo have been discussing giving up their fake identities, and Piper is furious to find out they've been eavesdropping. Paige reassures her that they haven't been listening to any "funny stuff".
• As in "Used Karma", Phoebe makes her boyfriend faint when she reveals magic to him.

"Kill Billie Vol 1"

• As in "All Hell Breaks Loose", Oprah's people call looking for an interview on "lady spies". There's also apparently a Hollywood producer interested in the movie rights to the story.
• Phoebe reveals she might be pregnant.
  Paige: With Dex?
  Phoebe: No actually some guy I met at a gas station...yes of course Dex!
• Piper grudgingly allows Billie to go after the Dogan, but warns her "if you get caught, I will vanquish you". Billie laughs but then doubts that Piper's kidding. Especially since 'Kill Billie' is in the episode title.
• Some rats appear to be scurrying around the Manor, and Piper responds to questions about where they came from by listing the various newspapers and magazines in town - as they're enchanted paparazzi.
  • Paige offers reassurance and Rose McGowan puts on an adorable voice.
  "And I will be the Pied Piper of Prescott Street leading them away from the Manor."
• Paige's brilliant Refuge in Audacity in inviting the press into their home is both Awesome and amusing.
  • She poses for pictures with a confused and annoyed Phoebe, all the while pulling the best Cheshire Cat smile.
  • She throws open Piper and Leo's door right in the middle of their argument, with the press excitedly looking in.
  "And for your enjoyment, ladies and gentlemen, a marital spat. I know, really interesting. Probably belongs in the Lifestyle column, right under the section on stinky diapers."

"The Lost Picture Show"

• Phoebe's talk of getting a sperm donor reminds Piper that they need eggs at the grocery store.
  Phoebe: Oh, the eggs I've got. It's the sperm I need.
• Billie is demanding babysitting money for watching JD...right until she sees him and begins Eating the Eye Candy.
  Billie: (to Sam) No charge.
• Brian Krause is quite spot on imitating Holly Marie Combs when Piper is in Leo's body, right down to the snitty attitude. Especially the delivery of this line.
  "People who know what they're doing don't cause explosions."
  • And then Leo-in-Piper snarks "It's one thing to have my wife criticize everything I do. It's another thing when you do it from my own body!"
• Leo-in-Piper's body reunites with Sam, who takes note of 'Piper's' unusually strong handshake.
• Paige's heartwarming moment when she manages to free Sam from the photo by calling for her father turns hilarious when all the other victims beam into the attic as well. She can't help but giggle when the enraged demon arrives, demanding to know how they were freed.
  • She then traps the demon in his own photo and coos, "I think I'll have this one framed."

"Battle of the Hexes"

• Billie's rants about men interrupt Phoebe's attempts at talking to a potential date on her phone.
  Billie: I'm convinced that women should be on top.
  Phoebe: (covering the receiver) Do you mind!
  Billie: Sorry, I meant that metaphorically.
  Phoebe: Yeah well, I'm talking to a guy who means it meta...physically.
  • Billie also admits that her man hating is literally just coming from "one too many lame dates lately".
• Phoebe lampshades the familiar Cute Monster Girl transformation plots the show did over the years.
  "It's gonna take a spell or a potion or some kind of emotional epiphany [to get the belt off]."
  • She also spends the scene ranting about how Piper took the car and Paige can orb, meaning she and Billie have to walk back to the Manor in that condition. And everyone on the street is catcalling.
  Billie: Please someone, vanquish me now.
  • Billie flags a taxi down...and accidentally pulls the door off its hinges.
  • She then does the same with the Manor's front door.
• Leo identifies the belt as belonging to Hippolyta, who Billie remembers from her mythology class. Then she gets to the important Oh, Crap! part.
  Billie: Didn't Hercules butcher her?
  Leo: That's the one.
• When Billie accidentally turns Leo invisible, Piper's main worry is who's going to pick up the children now.
• Billie uses her Super-Speed to zoom out the front door while the invisible Leo is still trying to reattach it. Then it falls on the poor guy.
• Zira gives an "uh oh" like a pouting child when Paige orbs the belt onto her, right before she explodes a second later.

"Hulkus Pocus"

• It's a Running Gag that Leo and Piper are trying to watch their cursing around the children. Then of course when the sisters hulk out, Leo lets out a "Holy Crap!" and demon!Piper shrieks "language!"
• Baby Ramon stops fussing as soon as Phoebe hands him to Piper.
  Leo: Talk about a natural.
  Piper: Yes, and I have the stretch marks to prove it.
• Billie tries to deflect the reprimand from Phoebe and Piper about her trip to Magic School.
  Billie: Look, Paige already gave me the 'what were you thinking' speech so...
  Piper: So? What were you thinking!
• Billie's deduction that the demon was able to track her.
  "Which is cool. I mean 'bad cool' but still kinda cool."

"Vaya Con Leos"

• Piper's spell to protect Leo from the Angel of Death results in every man in the area being glamoured to look like him. Even Henry! That one thoroughly freaks Paige out when he calls at the house.
  • The Angel of Death is not amused when he discovers it - as numerous delivery men call to the house, all disguised as Leo.
  Angel of Death: What is the meaning of this?
  Piper: What can I say? I run a very busy household.
• Although it's a sad scene, Leo refers to being "given a death sentence by the one guy who means it".
• Billie gets impressed about Phoebe still getting cell phone reception in Magic School.

"Mr and Mrs Witch"

• Kaley Cuoco's Eye Take strikes again when Billie turns her parents into assassins.
  Phoebe: Piper, what did you put in their food?
  Piper: Food was in the food.
  Phoebe: Well, how do you explain this?
  Piper: Don't look at me! She's the one who said assassins.
  Billie: It's a figure of speech!
  Piper: Well, apparently not.
• Phoebe is Squicked out as she pulls a Leave the Two Lovebirds Alone to talk to Billie.
  "You guys just don't mind us. Just...keep grossing me out over there."
  • They return to the dining room to find Piper Bound and Gagged, made hilarious by Holly Marie Combs's expression.

"Payback's A Witch"

• The Elder's reassurance that Wyatt is a good kid who's just acting out is immediately followed by said "good kid" orbing a pie right into his face. Piper can only barely hide her amusement.
  • And right before the credits, the Elder appears to be licking the icing to test it.
• Phoebe goes Oh, Crap! when Wyatt brings his toys to life and they proceed to run into the birthday party, with her having to weakly cover up by saying they're hired entertainers.
  • And she later admits that she finds the army man quite attractive.
• Paige channels Phoebe in "Trial by Magic" and cutely asks if she can use the bathroom to briefly orb out during a hostage situation.
• After everything is resolved, Billie has to tease Paige about how she healed Henry - which would only be possible if she loved him.
  Paige: Don't make me sorry that I saved you.

"Twelve Angry Zen"

• Paige tries to explain the demonic world to Henry by using stick figures drawn on a whiteboard normally used by Wyatt.
  Henry: (putting on a baby voice) Is it snack time yet, Miss Matthews?
• Paige's nonchalant line at the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, "Oh my goodness, Henry just fell off the bridge. I'll have to call you right back."

"The Last Temptation of Christy"

• The episode opens with Piper trudging into the kitchen carrying two big boxes that mistakenly got delivered to the Manor. She rants about hoping she has her keys...and gets startled by Billie telling her they're on the counter that she drops the boxes.
• Simon nearly wins Phoebe over by declaring that she is "fetching", but then has to clarify that Paige is who he wants to marry.
• The duel between Henry and Simon Marks, with Henry fighting like a man and Simon standing bored while controlling his sword with telekinesis.

"Generation Hex"

• Paige states that she'll be keeping her maiden name, and won't hyphen it because 'Matthews-Mitchell' "sounds like a law firm."

"The Jung and the Restless"

• Paige's charge Mikelle tries to justify drinking in the middle of the day with "it's 5 o'clock somewhere."
• Piper gets very annoyed when she learns that Phoebe's been having an Erotic Dream while she has to just subconsciously deal with her Leo issues.

"Gone With the Witches"

• Although tense, since it's right in the middle of the Sugar Apocalypse, the collective Oh, Crap! from each of the sisters once their curses wear off is quite amusing.

"Forever Charmed"

• Piper and Leo's attempt at travelling back in time to find Phoebe takes them back way too far. As in to when she was conceived!
  • Piper also can't help finding it weird to see Patty and Victor all couple-y.
• Elderly Piper and Leo were of course expecting their past selves, and Piper baked cookies and prepared aspirin.
• Piper also is quite stunned at the idea of becoming a grandmother.
  Future!Piper: Blows your mind, doesn't it? Mom?
  Patty makes an 'oh yeah' face.
• When popping into Penny's timeline, Patty of course doesn't realize she's dead and so Penny faints when she walks into the room.
• After catching Penny up to speed on who's from where, she makes a face and says I Need a Freaking Drink.
• Once the Hollow is vanquished, the Piper from yesterday sees her tomorrow self, Leo, Patty and Penny. Future Piper stops her from questioning it.
  "Don't ask, you'll get a headache."
• There's also Paige mentioning that she met Patty and Penny as ghosts...and then worrying that she may have given away too much.
  Penny: We know. We're both dead by now. We're over it.
  Patty: Speak for yourself.
• On finding out that Piper went to the future too, Paige remarks, "we sure did miss a lot when we were dead."
• Chris and Wyatt talk about "kicking demon asses", get told to watch their language by Penny, and amend it to "demon butts".
  • Wyatt then realizes that Penny is "THE Grams" and she makes a very pleased face at finding out she's a 'the'.
  • Patty needs clarification as to whether they're her future grandchildren or her daughters'. She then cutely waves at the boys and says "hi".
• The spoilering of the future goes both ways as Wyatt exclaims "Uncle Coop" when Coop ports in, and immediately goes Oh, Crap!. Phoebe's subsequent freakout is priceless. Best part is Chris' face screaming "I'm not going to the past with you anymore, dude".
• Victor gets quite a fright when he opens the door to find his past wife and future grandsons on the other side. Especially when Patty jumps into his arms.
• Paige's babbling when she's reunited with her husband, who wasn't caught up to speed on his wife's death and subsequent resurrection.
  Paige: Yes, I'm okay. Of course I'm okay. I mean, weren't okay, okay. But now we're okay…and I think in the future we're gonna be…I think we're gonna be more than okay.
  Henry: (looking even more confused) ...Okay...
  Penny: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter too.
  Piper: Worse. A mortal.
  Penny: Oh, good God, uh. Didn't I teach you girls anything?
  Piper: What can I say? There's always Uncle Coop.
• Piper shows that she can be quite petty by blowing up future Dumain before his past self, allowing her to vanquish him twice.

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