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Funny / Charmed (1998)

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Dare you not to laugh at this

  • Piper's line "Don't treat me like a baby factory. I can sit myself down", due to Holly Marie Combs' delivery.
    • In general, Piper is a gold mine for these. Holly Marie Combs might have some of the best snarky deadpan delivery this side of Bea Arthur, and she put it to good use.
  • In the Season 6 episode It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad World, the Mirror Universe version of Barbas. Seeing the Demon of Fear become the hippy-like Demon of Hope is hilarious!
    Chris: Don't... don't touch me.
  • This amazing line from Evil!Chris while he and Evil!Leo are talking about the world where all of the main characters live:
    Evil!Leo: You ever see anything so good?
    Evil!Chris: It's disgusting. Can you believe all of the liquor stores are closed in the mornings here? What's up with that?
  • Any appearance by Danny Woodburn as the leader of the Seven Dwarves.
    Head Dwarf: Somebody here eat a poison apple?
  • "Dreams are just harmless, erotic fun".
  • Phoebe freaks out about when she finds out her date is a demon via Premonition at P3. Her solution? Run and tell Piper, who promptly rolls her eyes, freezes the jam packed club, wastes the demon, then unfreezes the room. And no one noticed. Probably a Moment of Awesome, made funny by Piper's next line:
    Piper: My sister the demon magnet.
    • It's just so true.
  • The Day the Magic Died when the Villain of the Week had to go to the manor on foot, and leave by cab.
  • "I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower!?"
    • That episode is full of themnote . Prue can't use her powers on one of the killers and so her and Phoebe comically cower behind Billy like Distressed Damsels.
    • When Piper and Prue flee from Bloody Mary, they collide with Phoebe and Billy in the landing. Collective screaming ensues and it's hilarious, especially Alyssa Milano's performance.
  • Cronus: "We really should do something nice for the leprechaun community."
  • Chris pouting about how Wyatt had super powers while still in the womb.
  • Billy Zane as a delusional demon who thinks he's Robin Hood in Carpe Demon.
  • In "12 Angry Zen," Paige's nonchalant line at the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, "Oh my goodness, Henry just fell off the bridge. I'll have to call you right back."
  • In the Season 6 Episode "I Dream Of Phoebe", Chris, the son from the future, has to hurry to get his parents back together or else he won't be born. However, his wish that Leo and Piper should sleep together naturally freaks Paige out a little:
    Paige: Oh my god, you are sick! What is wrong with you? You're disgusting!
    Chris: No...
    Paige: You are some creepy registered sex offender from the future.
    Chris: No, no, no...
    Paige: Oh my god, you are so gross.
    Chris: I'm Piper and Leo's son.
    Paige: What?
    • Also:
    Chris: If they don't screw, I'm screwed!
    • Paige's reaction to Phoebe in the genie costume.
    Paige: Shouldn't you be helping Major Nelson?
  • In general, any scene involving Chris and his birth tend to be pretty funny...
    Chris: (orbs in on Paige and Piper in the hospital elevator) Hey... I was just wonder how it went with the doctor.
    Piper: (holds up an ultrasound) Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy!
    Chris: ...That's not what I meant.
    Paige: (looking at the ultrasound) I don't see it...
    Piper: (begins pointing at the ultrasound) Oh, see, it's this little thing right here...
    Chris: WHOA! Excuse me, do you mind? (takes the ultrasound, then looks at it, trying to find his penis)
    • Before that, Piper is a little... indifferent to the excitement that comes with her second son due to his influence in their present.
    Paige: So you excited?
    Piper: About what?
    Paige: About what the doctor said, that it was gonna be a healthy baby.
    Piper: ...Well I know he's healthy - I've seen him, 22 and walking around.
  • In "Charmed Noir," Paige and Brody are trying to solve the mystery, while Piper, Phoebe and Leo are reading it in the real-world. Paige and Brody disagree about what they should do next, but Paige's idea would ultimately lead them into a trap. To warn them, Phoebe writes in a plot twist: a piano dropping beside them.
    Brody: Guess your sisters agree with me.
  • Phoebe turning into a mermaid.
    "I wanna play with my under sea friends and I wanna lay out on a rock and comb my hair.
    • Phoebe is set to have an interview with Nancy O'Dell so what does Piper do? Cover Phoebe's mermaid parts with bubbles and have the interview done while she's in the bathtub. Piper to Paige: "Don't worry - she isn't showing any tail."
    • And before that Phoebe complains that she's suffocating without water (her sisters won't let her go back to the sea).
    Paige: You want water? I'll get you water
    Gilligan Cut to Phoebe being dropped into the bath.
    Phoebe: You are holding me hostage!
    Paige: Yeah looks like it.
    Phoebe: I am not a common goldfish. I cannot ignore the call of the sea.
    Paige: Well right now the call of the common household bathtub will have to do.
    • The previous episode where the mermaid gains her tail right in the parking lot, in front of a startled Phoebe. Particularly for Alyssa Milano's high-pitched delivery.
    Miley: We need to go.
    Phoebe: Well...yeah!
    Miley: Hurry, the Sea Hag can track my tail.
    Phoebe: Well then make it go away!
  • The entire episode "Sense And Sense Ability" where Phoebe loses her hearing, Piper her sight and Paige her voice.
    • Paige tries to mime to Phoebe that the monkey stole her voice
      Phoebe: "Ooh, you're angry, you're pissed, you're....PMS monkey?"
    • Later in the episode, Piper asks what they should do, Paige holds up a note that says "KILL MONKEY"
      Phoebe: "Paige is proposing violence against the monkey!
    • When the Kazi demon attacks, Piper, having lost her sight, blows up the couch
      Piper: Did I get him?
      Phoebe: You killed aunt Pearl's couch!
  • From "Love's A Witch" where Paige orbs an apple into Phoebe's mouth to shut her up.
  • The scene in "From Fear to Eternity" where Andy confronts Prue over her seeming connection to a string of murders.
    Prue: What exactly are you implying?
    Andy: Prue, if you were in my shoes, what would you think?
    (Prue glances at his somewhat tacky sneakers, which Darryl had made fun of earlier).
    Prue: First of all, nobody should be in those shoes.
    Darryl: Told you.
  • In season 3 episode "All Halliwell's Eve" during a Halloween party at the end, Cole comes dressed as an angel with the full wings and halo.
    • In the beginning of the episode, Phoebe bemoans the popular image of witches as evil women on broomsticks. Time travelling shenanigans occur and...
      Phoebe: At least now we know where the whole "cackling hags on broomsticks" cliché came from.
      Prue: And you have only yourself to blame, right, Pheebs?
      Phoebe: I know it and I love it.
  • In "Hell Hath No Fury" when Piper finds out that the Book of Shadows has gone missing. Specifically her open-mouthed wide-armed expression which Holly Marie Combs manages to hold for 10 solid seconds.
  • "Once Upon a Time" has Phoebe and Prue under the influence of fairy dust.
    Piper: Hi. Lost your minds?
    • Piper is also resistant to the fairy dust Phoebe throws in her face and decides to go back to work.
    Phoebe: Oh, you know what? You are being a big, big, big, extra, extra, extra, double big jerk right now.
    • Cole arrives at the house to find Prue and Phoebe acting like children (thanks to some fairy dust). He goes to use the bathroom and comes out to find them falling down the stairs and cured of their spell. Prue says "stairs can be sobering" as an excuse.
    Phoebe: Stairs can be sobering?
    Prue: Well what was I supposed to say? That a demon tried to steal our magic book and then little trolls came and pushed me down the stairs!
  • The duel between Henry and Simon Marks, with Henry fighting like a man and Simon standing bored while controlling his sword with telekenesis.
  • In "Magic Hour", when their cat attacks an owl and carries it in.
    Phoebe: Bad kitty!
    the owl turns into a naked man
    Prue: Good kitty!
  • "He's too big for my tiny magic!"
  • In "Coyote Piper", P3 is set to host a class reunion for Piper's high school class. While the class's Alpha Bitch is trying to decorate, Prue is indirectly torturing her by using her telekinesis to repeatedly sabotage the decorating attempts.
  • Lee Arenberg as the demon who frees the Titans, going on an over-the-top, "The World Is Mine!" rant for a solid half minute, before Demitrius simply vanquishes him out of irritation.
  • This exchange between a shapeshifter and Victor in "Thank You For Not Morphing":
    Shapeshifter: I don't know the kind of people you're used to dealing with, but I'd lay serious coin that they aren't willing to rip you into a thousand pieces and dance on your entrails.
    Victor: Ah, so you're lawyers. And here I was assuming you were shapeshifters.
  • Phoebe gets turned into a pumpkin and Cole shimmers into the room with it.
    Cole: Your sister. I had nothing to do with it, I swear.
    Piper: Oh my...
  • Kayley Cuoco delivered some brilliant wide-eyed Oh, Crap! expressions during her time on the show:
    • "Rewitched" when Phoebe walks into the attic wearing a wedding dress (as a result of a spell Billie cast to help her relationship out).
    • "Mr and Mrs Witch" when she accidentally turns her parents into assassins.
    • Also from the same episode.
    Phoebe: Piper, what did you put in their food!?
    Piper: Nothing! Food was in the food. She's the one who said 'assassins'.
    Billie: It's a figure of speech!
    Piper: Well, apparently not.
  • Black humour but Phoebe (under the influence of her demon baby) constantly attacking Paige in "Womb Raider". Highlights include punching her in the face and throwing her out the window, with her nearly landing on top of a visiting Daryl.
    Paige: That baby needs a serious time-out.
  • Wyatt shrinks Piper and Leo and puts them into the dollhouse in the attic.
    Piper: Let me handle this. It requires a mother's touch. (beat) Wyatt Matthew Halliwell! You stop this nonsense right now!
    Piper: I've never been this mad at him before!
  • When Inspector Cortez busts the sisters, Phoebe's bright idea is to cast a spell to send him off to Timbuktu because "it rhymed with undo".
  • "The Importance of Being Phoebe," demon Kaia takes on Phoebe's appearance and starts making out with Cole in his office. Piper and Paige show up, see it and walk out, naturally assuming it's the real Phoebe.
    Paige: We need a plan.
    Piper: All right, I have a plan. We go home...we vomit...
    Paige: And?
    Piper: That's all I got so far.
    Paige: Okay, fine.
  • From "A Paige From The Past", Leo says you have to make the Demon Clyde mad to get him to appear. Leo's method is extra funny because of how Gosh Darn It to Heck! it is. One of his insults is that Clyde is from "The Bog of Eternal Stench". He's about to make a Your Mom joke before Clyde shows up.
    • What's funnier is that Piper has a much easier time of it when she has to summon him.
  • A Golden Moment morphs into one of these as, while Phoebe is hugging Leo, she lets slip a detail about Piper. He immediately orbs out mid-hug, causing Phoebe to flop forward onto the couch.
    Phoebe: I didn't mean you couldn't use the stairs!
  • Piper finds a Siren kissing Leo and prepares to blow her up, angrily saying "Kiss this, bitch!" - and the baby's powers inside her create fireworks instead of blowing up the Siren. Paige improvises by impaling her with the pole of a morphine drip.
    Piper: I think my half-whitelighter baby thought fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.
  • Phoebe's talk of getting a sperm donor reminds Piper that they need eggs at the store.
  • Piper's reaction to her soul being out of her body in "The Seven Year Witch":
    Piper: [sees her body on the floor] Oh no! Am I dead AGAIN?
  • Paige's vanquishing "spell" in "Lost and Bound". What's funnier is it actually works:
    Piper, Phoebe and Paige:
    The brutal winter
    Gives way to flowers of spring.
    Ludlow is vanquished.

    The demon dies. Piper and Phoebe are confused

    Phoebe: What the hell was that?
    Paige: It's a haiku! I couldn't do the rhyming thing.
  • During "Black as Cole," after Paige borrows an electronic baby doll for Piper. She fires at a demon and it hits the baby. The Funny happens when Leo picks up the charred doll and its leg falls off.
  • Many funny moments in Season 6's "Witchstock" episode. In particular, Flower Children Grams and Leo. And the pratfall the warlock takes before she's vanquished.
    • The final line of Penny's first vanquishing spell is to make the demon's remains "good for the environment".
  • In "Forget Me...Not" Phoebe accidentally feels someone else's rage for Elise - and punches her right in the face. This ends up starting a riot in the office. When Paige arrives, Phoebe is literally fighting against her will due to all the anger.
  • This may be black humour but the talk of inviting people to the wedding...
    Prue: Mom? Piper I don't think you can really count her.
    Craig: We're going to have to if she's going to be eating.
    Marie: I thought your mother passed away?
    Piper: Yes. I just meant I hope that she's here in spirit.
    Craig: (beat) You're right, that doesn't count.
  • "Sin Francisco" has a good few, thanks to the sisters being infected with the Seven Deadly Sins:
    • Piper (who's infected with Gluttony) uses magic to have numerous things from catalogues delivered to her house. When Prue calls her out for using personal gain, Piper's reasoning is "we NEED all this stuff".
    • Prue is a goldmine in this particular episode, as its an obvious parody of her usual self - bordering on Adam Westing.
    • When Phoebe is caught trying to do it with a cop, Daryl's Skewed Priorities make for a small one:
      Daryl: Not only in the middle of the day, but in the middle of a crisis!
    • Leo's Sloth is so bad that he got tired halfway through an orb to 'up there'. An orb is near instantaneous.
    • Piper has a dozen bouquets of flowers delivered to herself.
  • Grams, annoyed at being summoned: "Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I don't have a life."
  • Wyatt Matthew Halliwell - once was the future ruler of all evil, is now a hugely powerful force for good capable of destroying a roomful of demons with a single gesture. Also cannot, apparently, keep a secret when travelling to the past. In both his appearances, he blurts out something that he shouldn't about the future.
    • Specifically, those things are "Is this before or after he (Chris) swallowed the marble?" which causes Piper to have a minor freakout, and "Uncle Coop!", followed by him covering his mouth with his hands and Chris immediately slapping him.
  • When Lady Godiva appears out of the history books, the episode makes a Running Gag of the Dress Hits Floor whenever she prepares to go on her ride.
    Piper: (covering her eyes) Lady, please. This is a family show.
  • When Piper and Leo are planning to get married in secret (behind the Elders' back), Piper comes up with a codeword for 'wedding': rutabaga.
  • Piper gets mad at Paige for not listening to her and tells Leo, "It's like talking to a wall." How does Leo respond?
    Leo: She's got the Halliwell hearing.
  • In "Spin City" after Chris tries to kill everyone, Leo swears.
    Paige: Are Elders allowed to curse?
    Leo: No, but fathers are.
  • In "The Day Magic Died", when Phoebe and Paige discover a Unicorn in the kitchen, Alyssa Milano makes an ungodly hilarious gasping noise at the shock.
    Phoebe: How are we going to baby-proof that horn!
    • And then Leo comes in all flustered about how his magic isn't working and he can't get to the Elders. It's a good twenty seconds before he asks why there's a unicorn in the kitchen.
    • Earlier in the episode, there are plenty of Funny Background Events where Leo is trying to catch the various golden geese that have been sent as baby shower presents.
  • Each of the sister's have troubles when their powers advance but Piper's advancement takes the cake. Several innocent objects are destroyed. Prue tries to help by putting oven mitts on Piper's hands. It... doesn't help.
    Phoebe: Why did you vanquish a watermelon?


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