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     Sparks Nevada, Marshal On Mars & Expanded Universe 

"Kids, shine your Astro-Spurs and don your Robot Fists, because it's time for Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars! Justice rides a rocket steed across the crimson plains of the fourth planet, where one man brings fear to robots and aliens, and hope to the humans who make this frontier planet their home. He is Sparks Nevada, Marshal on Mars!"

Sparks Nevada

played by: Marc Evan Jackson

Human lawman responsible for keeping Mars safe. He's from Earth.

  • Amazon Chaser: All of Sparks's love interests have been strong powerful women.
  • Catchphrase: "I'm [dramatic pause] from Earth."
  • Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Often comes across as an underachieving jerk, but he's actually a pretty competent lawman when push comes to shove.
  • Deadpan Snarker: A wise-ass who is very rarely rattled by anything.
  • Fantastic Racism: Sparks finds native Marjun culture to be amusing and annoying more often than not. And he never fails to remind people that he's...from Earth.
  • Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He really does care about Mars and the people he protects, even though he doesn't act like it most of the time.
  • Love Triangle: Has a long-running one with Croach and Red.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: With Croach.

Croach the Tracker

played by: Mark Gagliardi

Native Marjun and companion to Sparks Nevada. He assists Sparks to reduce the Onus his tribe owes to Sparks for saving them.

  • Ambiguously Jewish: Oddly enough.
  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Marjuns have blue exoskeletons, multiple physical senses beyond what humans have, and nanotech (Na'notek!) to heal most injuries. The males of the species possess eggsacs...and Croach maintains that his are exceptionally robust.
  • Expy: He is the Tonto to Spark's Lone Ranger, with a dash of Spock thrown in as well.
  • Life Debt: Sparks rescued his tribe from a natural disaster, leaving them under Onus to him. They assigned Croach to serve Sparks until that Onus is repaid.
  • Literal-Minded: His species doesn't understand metaphors or analogies, so he tends to take everything at face value.
  • Love Triangle: A long-running one with Sparks and Red.
  • Ludicrous Precision: He tends to quantify and rank every physical experience ("this is the fourth most pleasing sensation I have ever felt," etc.).
  • Spock Speak: Does not use contractions.
  • Vitriolic Best Buds: With Sparks.

The Red Plains Rider

played by: Busy Philipps

A human bounty hunter on Mars. She was an orphan raised by a tribe of Marjuns, raised between two worlds without really belonging to either one.

  • Action Girl: She can give Sparks a run for his money.
  • Dude Magnet: Almost every male character tries to get involved with her.
  • Love Triangle: With Sparks and Croach.
  • Only Known by Their Nickname: Other characters call her "Red Plains Rider," or sometimes simply "Red." Her adopted Marjun name is apparently a long and complicated description of the circumstances of her adoption. Orphaned at a young age, she's not even sure what her original human name is. It's apparently Dumpling Seldom.
  • Raised by Natives: Orphaned in a bandit raid, she was taken in as a youngling by a Marjun tribe.
  • Relationship Upgrade: she's romantically involved at one point or another with nearly all of the male characters, before finally settling down into a monogamous relationship with Croach.

The Barkeep

played by: Joshua Malina

Mordecai Benmont Jiminy, owner and proprietor of the local saloon. He don't want no trouble in his place.

  • Catchphrase: "I don't want no trouble in my place!"
  • Empowered Badass Normal: He eventually acquires the Force Galactic, which makes him the single most powerful being in the universe. He's still a pretty nice down-to-earth guy, though.
  • Happily Married: To Harriet, the Troubleshooter. One of the reasons he's so insistent on having no trouble in his place is because his wife's job is so stressful that he wants a peaceful homelife for her.
  • Heart Is an Awesome Power: He is chosen as a vessel for the Force Galactic because his simple desire for peace makes him the perfect person to wield such incredible power.
  • Nice Guy: Consistently pleasant, personable and compassionate.
  • You Have to Have Jews: He's "Space Jewish," whatever that means in context.

Cactoid Jim

played by: Nathan Fillion

A frontiersman and folk hero, and occasional ally to Sparks and Croach. He's almost sickeningly likeable.

  • The Ace: He's good at absolutely everything. But of course he's too humble to brag about it.
  • Always Someone Better: He is this to Sparks, who envies how good he is at everything. Of course Jim doesn't rub it in...because he's good at being the better person too.
  • Expy: He's an homage to Western folk heroes, like Davy Crockett and Buffalo Bill.
  • Famed In-Story: He's a legend among the homesteaders on Mars. He even has his own theme songnote .
  • Humble Hero: Extremely nice and polite, never one to brag about his achievements.
  • Lawful Good: One of the few genuinely lawful characters in the universe.
  • Nice Guy: Very much so.

Rebecca Rose Rushmore

played by: Linda Cardellini

A Western-Sector novelist, and sometime paramour of Sparks.

  • Dime Novel: She writes these, and has come to Mars to add some real-life experience to her work.
  • Fantastic Racism: Absolutely hates native Marjuns. Even Croach's voice makes her nauseous.
  • Woman Scorned: After she and Sparks break up, she writes a scandalous and embarrassing novel about their time together. Which ends up being a best-seller.
    Red: (reading the book) Oh...that's just mean.
    Rebecca: It's true, though.
    Red: Yeah it is. That's why it's mean.

Pemily Stallwark

played by: Molly Quinn

A teenage assassin from Earth's Moon. Winner and sole survivor of the last "punishment soccer" match, she is deadly and traumatized.


played by: Craig Cackowski

A local townsperson. He often needs HAAALP from Sparks and Croach.

  • Adorkable: His wooing of The Widow Johnson is both sweet and hilarious.
  • Catchphrase: Always enters the scene crying for "HAAALP!"
  • Motor Mouth: He tends to overshare, and is hard to stop once he gets going.

The Saloon AI

played by: Annie Savage

The Artificial Intelligence that runs the Barkeep's establishment.

The Troubleshooter

played by: Yvette Nicole Brown (Appearances 1, 2 & 5), Merrin Dungey (Appearances 3 & 4), Natalie Morales (Appearance 6)

Harriet Alcott-Jiminy. Consultant for Nth Multiglobal. She travels the known universe, fixing technological problems and issuing citations for illegal use of hardware.

  • Action Girl: She fights robots and malfunctioning AI programs for a living...and sometimes simply writes tickets.
  • Happily Married: To the Barkeep.
  • Mundane Made Awesome: She is essentially an IT person. But considering this universe is populated by murderous robots and Mad Scientists with Doomsday Devices, that makes her the equivalent of a Special Forces Operative.

Mercy Laredo

played by: Jenny Wade

A Human Bounty Hunter. Attended USSA Academy with Sparks and had a relationship with him that ended badly. She's still bitter about it.

  • Ax-Crazy: Trigger-happy and short-tempered, willing and able to murder as many people as she's allowed to in the course of doing her duty.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Yeah, Sparks did not handle the breakup well, but actively trying to kill him every time they cross paths seems like a bit of an overreaction.
  • Evil Counterpart: Like Red, she's a tough, no-nonsense Action Girl with an on-again-off-again relationship with Sparks. But where Red is able to move on, Mercy is not, becoming murderously obsessed with Sparks.
  • Ironic Name: Sparks claims that, back in the academy days, "they used her call her Mercy because she had none."
  • Rules Lawyer: The rules of the Bounty Hunter's Union permit the killing of up to three people in the course of taking a bounty. Mercy is perfectly willing to cause as much collateral damage as she's allowed to.

Jib Janeen

played by: Paul F Tompkins

A shapeshifting alien spy from Jupiter. Come to Mars in search of secrets. So...ya got any?

  • Bizarre Alien Biology: Jupiterians are purple shapeshifting beings that reproduce by impregnating other beings with spores.
  • Catchphrase: Inevitably introduces himself by saying "Hi, all my buddies!"
  • Informed Ability: He's supposedly so good at impersonating people that no one can tell when he's pretending to be someone else. We audience members know immediately that something's up.
  • Large Ham: A Camp alien played by Paul F Tompkins. Nuff said.
  • Shapeshifter: He can make himself look like anyone else. Whether or not he can act like them is another matter.

Captain Gene Peeples

played by: James Urbaniak

Starship Captain and protagonist of the "Tales of the United Solar System Alliance" spinoff series.

  • Action Survivor: Not really a soldier so much as an explorer. The events of the Murderman Invasion turn him into this.
  • Amicable Exes: Still on good terms with his ex-wife.
  • Expy: He's very much a Kirk: a bombastic, somewhat overbearing commander of a starship.
  • Heroic BSoD: Losing his family in the Murderman Invasion almost broke him. He snaps out of it eventually, driven by his sense of duty and his new adoptive family.
  • Kicked Upstairs: His actions during the Murderman Invasion get him "promoted" to a cushy teaching job at the USSA Academy. He's mostly okay with it, though.
  • Large Ham: Doesn't get much hammier than James Urbaniak channeling William Shatner.
  • Overprotective Dad: To his daughter Erica, to the point of almost sending her boyfriend on a Suicide Mission. Her death in the Murderman Invasion is the the thing that almost destroys him.
  • Replacement Goldfish: Feels a fatherly concern for Pemily Stallwark, and tries to take her under his wing.
  • You Have to Have Jews: Like the Barkeep, he is "Space Jewish."

Ginny West

played by: Janet Varney

The Troubleshooter's partner and romantic interest of Sparks. She turns out to be a Jupiter Spy.

  • Beware the Nice Ones: She's sweet and fun and friendly. But she's also a Troubleshooter, so don't cross her.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: She pursues Sparks and tries to bring him out of his shell.
  • Unfazed Everyman: None of the weirdness that happens on Mars seems to get to her.

     Beyond Belief 

"It's time to send the little ones to Dreamland, and set your radio's dial to 'spooky.' Bolt the doors, lock your windows, and steel yourself for mysterious suspense, in this evening's final feature: Beyond Belief. Meet Frank and Sadie Doyle, the toast of the Upper Crust, headliners on the society pages...and oh yes, they see ghosts!"

Frank and Sadie Doyle

played by: Paul F Tompkins & Paget Brewster

High Society couple, freelance paranormal investigators, and heavy drinkers.

  • The Alcoholic: The only thing they love more than each other is a good stiff drink.
  • Battle Couple: They solve paranormal problems together.
  • The Dreaded: The Doyles are well-known in the Nether Realms, and most entities know to stay away from them. Frank in particular is something of a Retired Badass, a former monster slayer for a Church Militant sect.
  • Grammar Nazi: Frank moreso than Sadie, but they are constantly correcting other people's grammar.
  • Green-Eyed Monster: Frank has a bit of a jealous streak, even though he trusts Sadie utterly.
  • Happily Married: They are absolutely devoted to one another. Liquor is a close second.
  • Idle Rich: They would like nothing more than to sit at home, drink, and enjoy each other's company. Unfortunately The Call Knows Where They Live.

Pterodactyl Jones

played by: Patton Oswalt (1st Appearance), Thomas Lennon (2nd & 3rd Appearance), Mark Gagliardi (4th Appearance)

Hotel Detective for the most haunted hotel in Manhattan, and an old friend of Frank's. His best friend is the ghost of a pterodactyl named Harvey.

  • Hero of Another Story: As another paranormal detective, he has adventures of his own, that Sadie admits she would love to hear about sometime.
  • Private Eye Monologue: He speaks almost entirely in convoluted metaphor and Noir slang.

Carter Caldwell

played by: John Ennis

A Confirmed Bachelor and friend of Sadie's. He doesn't quite have the same stomach for all these supernatural shenanigans as she does.

  • Cartwright Curse: Terribly unlucky at love.
  • Chick Magnet: He inexplicably always finds himself surrounded by attractive and interesting women. This wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't a...Confirmed Bachelor.
  • Lovable Coward: He's unashamedly afraid of ghosts and the supernatural. Though it's hard to blame him; when a seance goes wrong, hiding under the table seems like a sensible response.
  • Replacement Goldfish: This character is usually brought in to serve as Sadie's foil when Paul F Tompkins is not available to play Frank.
  • Smart People Wear Glasses: Intelligent, sophisticated, and wears what are described as the thickest lenses this side of the Mississippi.
  • Straight Gay: You'd only know he was, ahem, a Confirmed Bachelor, if you paid attention to his choice of personal pronouns when he speaks of his desire for true love.

Donna Henderson

played by: Janet Varney

A vampire and a friend of Sadie's. Married to Dave, Werewolf Detective. Mother of Michelle, the Apocalypse Baby.

  • Beware the Nice Ones: She's friendly and delightful. She's also a vampire. And a Mama Bear.
    Donna: I'd say they didn't leave with as much blood as they had when they came in. If they left at all. If they left.
  • Friendly Neighborhood Vampire: She's a great friend and a pillar of the local community. She just happens to be a bloodsucking fiend.
  • Mama Bear: Because her daughter is a potential Harbinger of the Apocalypse, cultists and religious fanatics are constantly trying to get to her. They rarely get very far.
  • Took a Level in Badass: Over the course of the series she goes from a fairly-average vampire to the leader of the most powerful coven of supernatural beings in the Tri-State Area.

Bobo Brubaker

played by: Craig Cackowski

Supernatural con artist and former paramour of Sadie's.

  • Bi the Way: He becomes infatuated with both Minnie Fontaine and Carter Caldwell at various points in the narrative.
  • Con Artist: He has several supernatural con jobs in the works, including "Mummy Laundering."
  • In Love with the Mark: Has a tendency to fall in love with the people he's scamming.
  • Laughably Evil: His sheer incompetence at running his cons makes him a complete non-threat.
    Bobo: So far I've been able to protect Minnie with this Ouija Board.
    Frank: Bobo, only you could find a way to repel a ghost with what is essentially a ghost magnet.
  • Totally Radical: Inexplicably speaks with a stereotypical Surfer Dude accent.


played by: James Urbaniak

Monster Clown, and demonic entity from Frank's childhood. He's not that kind of clown.

  • Deadpan Snarker: When he's not chewing the scenery, he's doing this.
    Nightmares: Congratulations, boys, you did it. You young boys have found the monster that's been killing all those young boys all this time! Do you young boys have a sense of irony yet? Possibly not, you're from Maine.
  • Eats Babies: He's been known to devour a child from time to time.
  • Eldritch Abomination: The clown is only an earthly guise for his true monstrous form.
  • Evil Is Hammy: He's an evil clown voiced by James Urbaniak. Much scenery is chewed.
  • Expy: Nightmares is quite obviously based on Pennywise from Stephen King's It. It becomes even more obvious during the flashback episode where Frank tells the story of how they first met.
  • Horror Hunger: Nightmares feeds on Fear, and creates it wherever he can.
  • Monster Clown: He takes the form of an evil clown that terrifies everyone. Except Sadie. Sadie finds him hilarious, much to his consternation.

Howard Schroeder

played by: Andy Daly (1st Appearance), Colin Hanks (2nd Appearance), Tom Lenk (Young Howie)

Former childhood friend of Frank's. Their experience with Nightmares the Clown left him fearful and traumatized. He's a doof.

Dave Henderson

played by: Hal Lublin (1st Appearance), Joe Mantegna (2nd Appearance)

Police detective and Werewolf. Husband to Donna. Father to Michelle.

  • Bruiser with a Soft Center: A hulking, intimidating cop (who is also a werewolf), but a nice guy and a good husband and father.
  • Private Eye Monologue: Not as bad as Pterodactyl Jones, but he has a very convoluted and Noir way of speaking.

     Down In Moonshine Holler 

"Ladies and Gentlemen. In response to all of your cards and letters, here is that for which you have clamored. A tale from America's Golden Age, in which a millionaire, in a quest for True Love, renounces his riches and disguises himself as a hobo. What man cannot relate to that? Only a man that has never loved. The Workjuice Corporation is pleased to present: Down in Moonshine Holler!"

Banjo Bindlestuff

played by: Craig Cackowski

The millionaire Jasper Manorlodge, who renounced his wealth to become a vagabond adventurer, in order to find the Hobo Princess, his True Love.

  • Chick Magnet: Nearly every episode ends with a woman he helped becoming enamored with him and asking him if "they could, as the storybooks say, live Happily Ever After?" But alas, Banjo's heart belongs only to the Hobo Princess.
  • Guile Hero: Part of his Character Development is learning "The Hobo Way" - that is, thinking his way out of problems that could easily be resolved with his money.
  • Secretly Wealthy: This humble hobo is really the fabulously wealthy Jasper Manorlodge, though only his Mentor Gummy knows this for sure.
  • Spoiled Sweet: Rich, but good-hearted.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Often Banjo will run into someone from Jasper Manorlodge's past, who will say that he looks familiar somehow. This will prompt Banjo to affirm that he is most definitely not Jasper Manorlodge, and he most definitely did not attend that garden party last spring that they were thinking about, etc.


played by: Hal Lublin

Banjo's Mentor in the ways of the Hobo.

  • Catchphrase: Will exclaim "Apple pie!" when he has a Eureka Moment or something good happens.
  • Eccentric Mentor: He's quite a character, who teaches Banjo The Hobo Way.
  • Only One Name: He apparently lost his last name in a poker game.
  • Really Gets Around: Gummy has a surprising number of exes out there in the Hobo world and at least one child from one of these relationships.

The Hobo Princess

played by: Kate Micucci

The object of Banjo's affections. Jasper Manorlodge met her at a party, not knowing who she really was, and fell in Love at First Sight. Unbeknownst to Banjo, she felt the same, and has been looking for him just as he has been looking for her.

  • And the Adventure Continues: when Banjo and the Princess finally meet, they agree to keep on traveling, but this time, together.
  • Dude Magnet: Wealthy and attractive men flock to her but she only cares for Jasper.
  • The Ghost: She's only spoken of and never seen until the penultimate episode.
  • "Gift of the Magi" Plot: The reason Banjo could never find her in all his wanderings among hobos? Because she'd been doing the same in High Society circles, trying to find the rich man she fell in love with.
  • The Girl Who Fits This Slipper: She left behind a fingerless glove that Banjo carries with him, hoping he finds the hand that belongs to it.
  • That Man Is Dead: Initially she rejects Banjo's declaration of love: having spent so much time among the wealthy elite, she fears that she is no longer the Hobo Princess that Banjo fell in love with. In response, Banjo offers to take her with him on his quest; maybe they can find the Hobo Princess together.

Alexander The Great

played by: Paul F Tompkins

The Emperor of All Hobos. Not the one from history. As the father of the Hobo Princess, he gave Banjo his permission to marry his daughter if he could find her.

  • The Ghost: Like the Hobo Princess herself, he's only mentioned in dialogue before appearing in the final episode.
  • Overprotective Dad: He has this vibe toward his daughter, which may be why he gave Banjo the standard Impossible Task to prove himself worthy of marrying her.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: Despite his eccentricities, he does believe in due process and hearing all sides of an argument.
  • Screw the Rules, I Make Them!: Invokes this when Banjo points out how the laws of Hobo society don't seem all that consistent. Or logical.

     The Adventures of Captain Laserbeam 

"Look! In the distance! Above the horizon! Is that a lightning bolt? (NO!) Is that some sort of shooting star, or comet? (NO!) It's Captain Laserbeam! (YEAH!)"

Captain Laserbeam

played by: John DiMaggio

The premiere Superhero of Apex City. He has the power of one hundred lasers. He also may or may not be billionaire philanthropist Joshua Valor; I mean, you never see them together...

  • Ambiguously Jewish: One episode begins with him attending a Passover Seder. It's not made clear if he's actually Jewish or was just an invited guest. And he also celebrates Christmas, so it's hard to tell.
  • Badass Creed: "When crime appears upon the scene, so does Captain Laserbeam! Flying at the speed of light, no villain shall escape my might! So long, and away!"
  • Calling Your Attacks: Will do this during fight sequences. ("Freeze Laser on all of you!")
  • The Cape: Classic do-gooder superhero who fights crime and does charitable work for his city.
  • Friend to All Children: He helps the orphans of Apex City through charity, and he maintains a team of Teen Sidekicks, the Adventurekateers.
  • Heroic Willpower: His most frequently-utilized superpower. Memories of the Adventurekateers and how much they believe in him always give him the strength to carry on.
  • Mundane Utility: Will occasionally use his powers for everyday tasks, like chopping nuts for a sundae, or bowling a perfect game for charity.
    Captain Laserbeam: Here are my library books. And here's a Laser Dime for the late fees! It''s just a regular dime, I know, but look how clean it is! Clean as a laser! That ought to be a saying!

Phillip Fathom, The Deep-Sea Detective

played by: Christopher Meloni (1st Appearance), Hal Lublin (All Subsequent Appearances).

Superhero of Aquapolis. An ocean-themed crimefighter and detective. He's the hero the Ocean deserves.

  • Badass Boast: Does he ever have one:
    Phillip Fathom: I am the subaquatic darkness. I am the Abyssal-Pelagic Layer. I exert the pressure of Justice on the metazoan creatures who lurk in the deep! I am the hero the Ocean deserves! I don't need lighthouses to see that we're heading for the rocks. I am your deep-sea guardian. I am...your Semi-Amphibious Knight.
  • Badass Normal: Lacking superpowers, he makes use of advanced gadgetry and his keen deductive mind.
  • Dark and Troubled Past: HIS PARENTS DIED AT SEA!
  • Expy: He's essentially a ocean-themed Batman.
  • Guttural Growler: Most of the time. See Verbal Tic below. Hal Lublin describes the voice as screaming a hoarse whisper.
  • No Indoor Voice: When he really hams it up:
    Captain Laserbeam:You don't have to yell.
    Phillip Fathom: I DO HAVE TO YELL!
  • Verbal Tic: As a parody of the Nolanverse Batman, he has a tendency to SHOUT ONE RANDOM LINE.

Tyler Foxworthy

played by: John Ennis

Professional henchman, and former Adventurekateer.

  • Face–Heel Turn: As a kid he was one of the first Adventurekateers. Now he's a henchman, opposing Captain Laserbeam on several occasions.
  • Friendly Enemy: He and Captain Laserbeam are actually on fairly good terms, despite being on opposite sides of the law.
  • Hypercompetent Sidekick: More effective than most of his bosses. He'd be a pretty good criminal mastermind himself if he was interested in doing that.
  • Only Sane Man: In a world full of monsters, Supervillains, and Mad Scientists, he's often the only one who sees how the evil plots are going to eventually fail.
  • Punch-Clock Villain: He's only doing this for the money.

The Adventurekateers

Captain Laserbeam's band of Kid Sidekicks. They monitor police scanners and breaking news, and let him know where and when his help is needed. They vary in degrees of competence.

  • Dysfunction Junction: Nearly all of them have some kind of messed-up, or less-than-ideal, home life that they tried to escape from by joining the Adventurekateers.
  • Kids Are Cruel: They're often petty and mean to one another, as kids are. Poor Patrick gets the worst of it.
  • Love Dodecahedron: The Adventurekateer Clubhouse is a simmering crockpot of Teen Angst and hormones, and their personal relationships are immensely complicated and confused.
  • Ragtag Bunch of Misfits: They're all geeks and nerds, united by their love of Captain Laserbeam.

Adventurekateer Patrick

played by: Craig Cackowski

Patrick Salvatore Wong, a good-hearted husky dweeb who wants nothing more than to be loved and accepted by a Superhero.

  • Broken Pedestal: By the end of the series, he's disillusioned with Captain Laserbeam and the Adventurekateers, and decides to strike out on his own.
  • Butt-Monkey: Poor Patrick is an outcast even among the Adventurekateers.
  • Fat Comic Relief: His size is the often the source of many jokes.
  • Took a Level in Badass: He joins Colonel Tick-Tock to become a Sidekick...and is later implied to actually become Colonel Tick-Tock at some point in the future.

Adventurekateer Dana

played by: Annie Savage

One of the nerdiest Adventurekateers. Insanely jealous of Judy Wallaker, but well, who isn't?

  • Always Someone Better: The unseen Judy Wallaker is the only person better at math than her, and that really annoys her.
    Adventurekateer Chris: She is the standard by which we are all judged.
  • Sitcom Arch-Nemesis: Judy Wallaker, of course.
  • Teen Genius: The most promising member of the Apex City High School Math League Applied Mathing Team.
  • "Well Done, Son!" Guy: She only wants her Dad to be proud of her. Her Dad is Mister Marvelous, The Top-Notch Man, so that's a tall order.

Adventurekateer Todd

played by: Danny Strong

Todd Duncasont. A precocious and awkward Adventurekateer. Madly in love with Investigateen Vicky Wattle.

  • Abhorrent Admirer: He loves Vicky Wattle, and will do anything to win her heart. Phillip Fathom has to set him straight.
  • Ambiguously Absent Parent: Lives with his psychologist uncle for some undisclosed reason.
  • Took a Level in Badass: He's actively trying to, to make himself worthy of joining the Investigateens. He can make ten baskets in a row, and he's started doing puzzles.

     Chronopatrol Universe 

A Shared Universe over multiple individual shows.

  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: A great many historical figures were either agents of the American Victory Commission or allies of the Chronopatrol.
  • Bi the Way: It would seem that time travel just naturally makes one more fluid in one's sexual orientation.
  • Canon Welding: Colonel Tick-Tock and Amelia Earhart started out as separate universes, but once the time-travel element was added to the Amelia Earhart stories, it was eventually made into a single universe.
  • Early Installment Weirdness: The series started out as just straightforward pulp adventure stories set during World War 2. Eventually the universe evolved to be much more complex, and involve time travel and a much larger cast of characters.
  • Let's You and Him Fight: In true comic-book superhero fashion, the first thing Colonel Tick-Tock and Amelia Earhart do when they finally meet is come to blows...both of them using the same artifact, no less.
  • Stupid Jetpack Hitler: Many stories feature shenanigans with time-traveling Nazis and Nazi super-weapons.
  • Timey-Wimey Ball: It's very complicated. Just don't think about it too much.

The Cross-Time Adventures of Colonel Tick-Tock

"The Past. The Present. The Future. These three elements make up Time as we know it. But Time as we know it is in peril! The Timeline is under constant siege. Only Her Majesty's Chronological Patrol stands between Time as we know it, and complete chaos. And one man is the pride of the Royal Chronopatrol! Standing sentry over every century, armed with his Trick Clock and his sense of duty, he makes history happen on schedule! His name is Colonel Tick-Tock!"

Colonel Tick-Tock

played by: Craig Cackowski

A Victorian British Army officer, the pride of the Chronopatrol. He travels time to correct temporal anomalies and foil nefarious types who seek to undo history.


played by: Annie Savage

Colonel Tick-Tock's long-suffering wife.

  • Only Sane Woman: She asks very simple and logical questions about time travel and temporal paradoxes. And never gets a straight answer.
  • Stiff Upper Lip: She takes Tick-Tock's weirdness and neglect in stride, like a Proper Victorian Lady.
  • Unfazed Everyman: Very little rattles her. Considering who she's married to, it's understandable

Trick Clock

played by: Hal Lublin

Colonel Tick-Tock's sentient tool and constant companion.

  • Swiss Army Weapon: The Trick Clock can do just about anything time-related, whether it be opening portals or aging objects or people forward and backward.

Amelia Earhart, Fearless Flyer

"News On Parade! Dateline: The Wild Blue Yonder. The question on everyone's lips: whatever happened to Amelia Earhart? The answer in nobody's ears: in 1938, America's Soaring Sweetheart faked her disappearance at sea, to serve in the American Victory Commission's Covert Division, as their top-secret one-woman Air Force! Now, via classified Chrono-technology, Amelia Earhart, The Fearless Flyer, traverses time in her Lockheed Electra, in the name of Truth, Liberty, and the American Way!

Amelia Earhart

played by: Autumn Reeser

American pilot and agent of the American Victory Commission. She fights Nazis anywhere and any-when.

  • Badass Gay: Officially has a romantic relationship with fellow VC agent Joan of Arc in "This Cockamamie Future".
  • Beethoven Was an Alien Spy: The entire premise is that she faked her death to travel time and fight Nazis.

Abby Adams

played by: Annie Savage

Agent of the American Victory Commission and Amelia's handler. She really hates those dirty krauts...

  • Action Girl: In the early Jefferson Reid episodes, she was an active field agent, fighting alongside Jefferson Reid.
  • Ambiguously Bi: Implied to be romantically involved with both Amelia and Jefferson Reid.
  • Mission Control: She gives Amelia her assignments and relays information.


played by: Mark Gagliardi

British veteran of World War One and Amelia's manservant. Apparently Amelia won him in a poker game.

Jefferson Reid, Ace American

"Good Evening, Mr. and Mrs. America! The Workjuice Corporation and Patriot Brand Cigarettes are proud to present the two-fisted adventures of: Jefferson Reid, Ace American! Righteous Defender of Democracy! No more virtuous American exists! With the strength of John Henry, and the wisdom of the Founding Founders, Jefferson Reid is precisely as American as Mom, apple pie, and his nation's favorite pastime!"

Jefferson Reid

played by: Nathan Fillion

Top Agent of the American Victory Commission, waging a covert war against Nazi Mad Scientists during World War 2.

  • Captain Patriotic: Embodies all that is good about America, and fights to defend her.
  • Decoy Protagonist: He was originally going to be the flagship character for what would eventually become the Chronopatrol Shared Universe, but the writers preferred using Nathan Fillion as Cactoid Jim whenever he was available, so Jefferson Reid faded into the background and Amelia Earhart became the main protagonist instead.
  • Kid Sidekick: He goes through several ill-fated Teen Sidekicks over the course of his episodes.
  • Super Soldier: The strength of John Henry enables him to punch down solid stone walls.

General Rex Flagwell

played by: John DiMaggio

Commander of the American Victory Commission.

  • Catchphrase: Tends to shout "Sweet Cajun Fire!" whenever he's surprised.
  • Da Chief: He's in charge of America's covert operations against the Nazis, and he's very stressed out.

The Algonquin Four

"Dateline: the 1920's. A celebrated group of New York's sharpest wits met daily at The Algonquin Hotel, enjoying barbs and bon mots. Until one day a comet struck and those present found themselves possessed of powers beyond the ken of mortal men. They are: The Algonquin Four!

Dorothy Parker

played by: Annie Savage

The author and literary critic, transformed by a comet into a superhuman rock monster.

  • Catchphrase: "Dorothy Parker Smash!"
  • Expy: Of The Thing from The Fantastic Four, though her speech patterns are more similar to what you'd expect of The Hulk.
  • Hulk Speak: Dorothy Parker no use proper grammar.
  • Irony as She Is Cast: In-Universe. The brilliant acid-tongued wit Dorothy Parker as a big dumb rock monster.

Harry Houdini

played by: Joshua Malina

The renowned Escape Artist, transformed by a comet into a superhero.

  • Alter Kocker: Joshua Malina plays him as a cantakerous old Jewish guy.

Robert Benchley

played by: Mark Gagliardi

Literary critic, transformed by a comet in to a flaming superhero.

  • Camp Gay: He's...flaming.
  • Expy: Of the Human Torch from The Fantastic Four.
  • Sitcom Archnemesis: Contemporary writer Darby Donovan is often the subject of his sick burns.
  • The Trickster: He's the practical joker of the group. At least one time he hurt Dorothy Parker's feelings inadvertently.

Woodrow "Woody" Wilson

played by: James Urbaniak

28th President of the United States, now a superhero.

  • In Name Only: The portrayal here bears almost no resemblance whatsoever to the historical figure. In fact he's a closer match to Woody Woodpecker in mannerisms.

     Desdemona Hughes, Diva Detective 

"And now, we take you to the Hollywood of Yesteryear, and a tale of mystery and murder featuring Tinseltown's Woman of a Thousand Faces: Desdemona Hughes, Diva Detective!"

Desdemona Hughes

played by: Jamie Denbo

The Diva Detective herself, a former Silent Movie star, now a private detective, solving crimes among Hollywood's elite.

  • Catchphrase: "Betty, hold my purse."
  • Expy: If Norma Desmond from Sunset Boulevard got over herself and became a detective, she'd be Desdemona Hughes.
  • Informed Ability: Desdemona's costume changes are represented by Jamie Denbo speaking in various over-the-top accents. Being an audio show, we have to take the characters' word for it that she's completely unrecognizable.
  • Large Ham: She's a former Silent Movie actress; it kind of comes with the territory.
  • Let's Get Dangerous!: Whenever she asks Betty to hold her purse, stuff is going to go down.
  • Master of Disguise: As an actress she was famous for her ability to change her appearance completely. As a detective she has parleyed this into an uncanny ability to hide in plain sight and get information from people who wouldn't ordinarily talk to a detective.

Betty Hughes

played by: Arden Myrin (1st Appearance), Busy Philipps (2nd Appearance)

Desdemona's younger sister. A former, ahem, "Working Girl," and now works as her sister's assistant and chronicler.

  • The Ditz: Not the brightest bulb on the tree.
  • Sleeping with the Boss: Claims she was having an affair with Jack Warner, and when she got caught that ended her budding acting career.
  • The Watson: Desdemona's eager assistant, and narrator of their adventures.


K of the Cosmos

played by: Paul F Tompkins

An all-powerful alien being from the Blue Dimension, who likes to mess with our characters for "fun and whimsy."

  • Above Good and Evil: He cares not for human morality; he only does what seems like fun.
  • Expy: His name and omnipotent nature are reminiscent of Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation. There are also aspects of Mister Mxyzptlk from Superman in his character as well (his unpronounceable real name, the terms of banishing him, etc.)
  • Large Ham: He leaves no scenery unchewed. And probably can use his powers to regenerate it to chew it again.
  • Normal Fish in a Tiny Pond: Possesses godlike powers in our dimension. In the Blue Dimension he's fairly ordinary. And his body looks like it's made entirely of butts.
    K of the Cosmos: So close to being whimsical, but then it crosses over into gross! Oh my enduring shame!
  • Reality Warper: There seem to be no limits to his power on this plane of reality. He can alter people's appearances and transport them between worlds. Whatever strikes his fancy to do.
  • The Unpronounceable: K is a nickname he chose for himself. His true name, he says, is so complicated that it would take several human lifetimes to pronounce it correctly.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: Despite his omnipotence, he's fairly easily banished. It doesn't help that he'll readily volunteer that information in order to seem more whimsical. He also got beat up by Phillip Fathom, which means that either his physical body is very weak, or Phillip Fathom is just that badass.

The King of Coffee

played by: Paul F Tompkins

The mascot for Workjuice Brand Coffee, the fictional sponsor of the Thrilling Adventure Hour.

  • Beware the Silly Ones: He's loud, eccentric, and silly. But he's also a king, and will order someone's execution for disrespecting the good name of Workjuice.
  • Blue and Orange Morality: He only cares about coffee, and what is good for coffee.
  • Large Ham: As a king, and the incarnation of a caffeinated beverage, he is extremely theatrical.

Dan Bucatino

played by: Craig Cackowski

Owner of the Bucatino office supply company, and patriarch of the Bucatino clan. Protagonist of a series of advertisements for his company. It's doing great. And by great, he means not so good.

  • Cosmic Plaything: It's hard not to think that the universe just has it in for poor Dan and his business.
  • Stepford Smiler: Dan remains pleasant and upbeat throughout all the commercials, as he's describing an escalating series of personal and professional disasters.
  • White Sheep: Dan is clearly the most honest of his extended family, what with his brother embezzling from the company and his sister-in-law running scams on the side, and his wife (maybe) having an affair...

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