Funny: Anime Abandon
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- Sage's confusion at how the old woman is paying for surgery.
"For some reason, a movie about a doctor slaying big blue demons with a four foot sword doesn't bother me, but an HMO covered surgery? I call bullshit."
- Sage faking a chest spasm after seeing the Gundam 0083 opening, due to an overdose of The '80s.
- The plot is completely nonsensical due to poor editing, so Sage invents his own.
- The introduction of Suave, complete with the perverted grin.
- Suave treating Golden Boy as the perfect guide to picking up women, regardless of how silly, insane or self-destructive his actions are.
- Sage's attempt at explaining why dub companies made British voice actors cover up their accents.
In case of tea time, break glass.
- Sage becoming increasingly frustrated with the villain's Rasputinian Death. "Okay, so he had to kick her a few times before she went down, but now—" "Yo-shi-yu-ki…" "GODDAMNIT!"
- The captain's obsession with coffee.
- "Sometimes, you watch a movie to get emotionally invested, and sometimes you watch a movie to see a snake coming out of a woman's pussy."
- After watching one of the characters drink the blood out of another man's dismembered arm, Sage gets a sudden hankering for Hawaiian Punch.
- Sage comments on the scene where Kagero is reporting to her master, who gives her orders while having obnoxiously loud sex with a random woman.
"I've never seen someone gives so little a fuck... while giving a fuck! We could all learn something from him."
"Oh, hey mom."
- Immediately followed by an animated sequence with a CEO conducting a business deal while banging his secretary. And then he gets another call on the line...
- Sage essentially declares himself a vampire-hating hipster, because he hated them before it was cool.
"Anything that can get the fans' panties in a wad is A-OK with me!"
- His hatred of vampires is also the reason he sort-of likes Vampire Wars.
- Bennett can't stop laughing at the main character's name: Mr. Kuki (pronounced like "cookie"). But then he chooses to call himself by the codename "Bat," thus earning himself the moniker "Cookie Bat" for the rest of the episode.
- Sage's initial reaction to Sleepy's grenade jockstrap.
- Renaming Sleepy as "Brick Shithouse"
- In his Mad Bull 34 review, about the police chief's very creepy face. What follows is a disturbing visualization accompanied by creepy music.
Sage: Fuck, this guy's face will probably hover over you as you lay in your deathbed, openly mocking you with its mere presence. Potato bugs will probably crawl out of his eyes, he'll start chanting an alien language that sounds like it's been auto-tuned, and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln will pop out of his nose to say some catty, back-handed compliment about your wardrobe. '''THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL SEE BEFORE YOU DIE PEOPLE!'''◊
- Sage's shocked reactions to the inexplicable insanity of the characters, including a jock strap made of grenades.
- In the same review, after the show ends on a very depressing note.
- Renaming the characters Pounder Mc Peen, Suzie Creamcheese and Catface Meowmers.
- During the Angel Cop review, just as the villains are revealed to be the Americans, Bennett shouts out "The Jews!", who were the villains in the original Japanese version. After explaining it, for the rest of the review, he keeps mumbling the word whenever describing the plot, which eventually gets really ridiculous.
- Another funny bit is his mockery of the main "heroine", who he calls Bitch Tits: "Dammit!! I wanted to be the one who murders them... arrest them!"
- The guard: The message said the princess will be returned in exchange for The Ginrayu Sword. One man is to take this sword to them tomorrow night. If the man is not met, the princess will be raped and then killed. And her body left for dogs to pick over.Sage: Then they'll kill the dogs, prepare them in the soup, and trick her parents into eating said soup. Then they'll summon the damned spirit of their daughter to tell them that they have, essentially, eaten her. [Beat] I think they mean business.
Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned
- The commentaries for "Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned" and "Diatron-5" are pure gold, done as a double act so that Spoony and Linkara can provide their thoughts on the crossover they weren't in. The crowner is the mental image of Edward Cullen in a Dracula cape.
- Sage: Hi, Bennett the Sage here with my two very, very close friends, Lewis Lovhaug, Linkara...Sage: *sigh* And I'm also here with the one, the only, the Spoony One, Noah Antwiler. How you doin' , Spoony?Sage: *sigh* Goddammit.
- Pretty much everything about the review with Spoony, particularly the on-the-nose audio descriptions.
- ...and why does the... "king", sound like a drunk Mexican laborer going through puberty?
- Bennett explaining the breakneck-paced finale of Kite in under a minute, complete with three drawn-out deep breaths and the William Tell Overture playing in the background.
- Also, censoring the more risque scenes with KaiserNeko's face.
- Sage making a joke about a certain San Francisco Giants pitcher during the scene where the Peach Twisters' ace pitcher is beaten to death by Momoi, then getting annoyed when he gets no laughs out of it.
Momoi: (while beating the Twisters' pitcher to death) CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED $5 MILLION OF MY HARD EARNED MONEY ON A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU!Sage: Tack on another $119 Million and change the guy's name to Barry Zito and you'll have every Giants fans' dream come true. (beat) My baseball humor is WASTED ON YOU PEOPLE!
- This exchange, after Sage's review devolved into a Clip Show because this anime Broke the Rating Scale
- Rob Walker: You can't just show clips! What did we hire you for anyway?Sage: Sex appeal?
- Sage's Marlon Brando impression, as a dig at one of the voice actors in the first English dub.
- Also his reaction to a particularly nonsensical line:
- Despite all the things that had to be cut and changed, one important element of the original story still comes shining through; the mind fuckery. "That shit be pristine."
- He takes the revelation that pretty much everyone is a horndog pretty well. That is to say he wonders "WHAT. THE. FUCK?"
- When Yohko's mother asks about her sex life, Bennett tries and fails to not show the clip from The Room.
- *BANG!* "I'll be fucked sideways before I make a Doctor Who reference."
- His reaction to Tokima acting like a competent villain is..... surprised joy. It doesn't last though.
- "Boy, I always told you I exploded right in front of you while I was naked, but you never listen to me, do ya? Where'd I go wrong with you, Bubala?"
- His reaction to the "sword hidden in woman" metaphors. Specifically his horror. Cue screaming Sage.
- Mocking the ending with fart noises and, earlier, lamenting that he already used his Tenchi joke.
- His spoof commercial ad for Sizzler.
- "Oh-man, he, Shatnered-that-line, bad!"
- "Duh, wait a minute, I though I was trying to save her from you!"
- Sage keeps trying to stay hetero after seeing one of the villains' extremely camp appearance. After trying to get away from doing it, he begins making catty comments about the female minion's outfit and freaks out before going to commercial.
Hauer: Fight fair and square. Don't kick them when they're down. Heh, that's your way, isn't it? Well, I'm different. I use any means possible.Sage: (In the campiest voice ever) Mmm, yes. Rabbit punching, horse-collar suplexes, reach-arounds. Anything.Sage: Would you get a load of this guy? Fucking John Waters would tell this guy to turn down the camp. I haven't seen a more effeminate bad guy since Kuja. Painted nails, lipstick, feather headdress, exposed midriff. (Suddenly starts coughing, and reveals that he's coughed up blood on a tissue.)
"Went to Nigel Thornberry there for a moment."
- That last one is made even more funnier when you realizes the blood was purple and sparkly.
- The Stinger, showing a "failed" take with the campy voice and acting gone a little too far. In his own words:
- Also in his Fatal Fury review was noticing how Billy Kane has gone from British to Australian. Sage then breaks into what can be called Gratuitous Australian.
- He points out that no one would even hear about this game because of how expensive the system, the Neo Geo, was.
Sage: What's that? You never heard of Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer: The video game? Well, maybe that's because it only came out here in the U.S. on the Neo Geo system. And if you knew anybody who was rich enough to afford one of those, they were probably too busy burning $20 bills in front of the homeless to be bothered to play it.
- His description of the anime itself is fantastic:
"It's nothing but shiny, glorious failure and I love it like a mother loves a child who won't stop eating paste."
- He also reads a class attendance mocking the ridiculous names of the characters.
- Don't forget The Stinger where he reads off a familiar name while still doing the mock roll call.
- In the opening bit of Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer Part II, Bennett reads a comment he found on IMDB saying how underrated this and Fatal Fury were and should be watched by first-timers of Anime and not something like AKIRA, all while talking in a complete douchey hipster voice.
- "Goddamnit, do we need a leash for your tits? The way they've been bouncing around, it looks like you're trying to smuggle squirrels."
- His commentary on the blatant fanservice in Obari's works.
Sage: Damn it, Obari, if you wanted to make hentai, why didn't you just make hentai!?cut to boxart of Angel BladeSage: ...Oh right... you did.
- His rebuttal to one of the characters saying that all females who are beautiful should be dumb consists of two words. "Danica McKellar", which results in Bennett saying what he'd love to do to her and his offer to her, in case she just happens to be watching the video.
- "And if I were anymore close to the microphone, I'd be deepthroating it..."
- "Panty Hamster"... That's all.
- Sage points out that the scene of a character mourning the death of another is ruined by the fact that the one who's mourning is doing so...on the toilet. He then proceeds to play the scene while adding pooping sound effects to it.
Rumy: Well, there was this thing, and it felt like it was trying to tempt me.Rabby: Me, too!Patty: The same with me.Rumy: Hmm. Even though it looked different, it felt good just to be near it.Rabby: Yeah, I know. But it made me feel something so sad in my heart.Patty: And scared and happy at the same time.Suave, over speaker: It's called a penis, ladies. And it's the key to fill that void you've been having all these years.Sage: Thank you for that, Suave. You can go now...
- In another scene, some of the cast have a weird dream where naked glowing men try to tempt them. Upon waking up, they all discuss it in a very pleasurable tone, leading to this scene:
- Sage making a phone call to Doug Walker to vent over Doug not having considered the OVA to be far worse than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog and the way it ends after Sage insults Doug.
Sage: (Screams into the air) AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!
- Not being a Sonic fan himself, Sage consults one to get their opinion on it. He gets in touch with Marc the Engineer, who claims that the OVA "never happened". Compared to Sonic Underground, Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), Sonic Heroes, Shadow the Hedgehog and otherwise, the OVA never happened.
- While reviewing the OVA, Sage tries getting himself plastered as he drinks while enduring the pain of seeing the OVA. To his dismay, he drinks through his entire load of bourbon, fails to get hammered and finds that he has wet himself unknowingly while raging over what he has to watch.
- The completely blank look on Sage's face when he hears Sonic and Tails talk for the first time. It's as if there's a giant WHAT marquee floating above his head.
- When showing the infamous ending of the TV series, he puts in another infamous "Congratulations" ending.
- At the beginning of his review he is already at a lost for words, only saying "Evangelion". Cue a quick montage of batshit insane scenes from the show and movie while "Ode to Joy" is playing.
"So basically, a cunt."
- He sums up Touji's long list of bitching about Asuka.
- Sage making fun of Hyuga and Maya's panicked Techno Babble when the NERV security system gets hacked:
Sage: Oh no! They got everything! Our subnet mask...our MAC address...the bastards even got our token ring... Why didn't we reinforce our data packets?!
- Sage and Oancitizen argue over the film's use of Faux Symbolism, only for the two of them to agree with each other, followed by about a minute of awkward silence before Oan begs Sage to let him go.
- When Fuyutsuki says the fate of the world is in the hands of Shinji, Sage starts singing "We're fucked" to the tune of Mozart's "Eine Kleine Nachtmusik".
- His list of over 2000 unanswered questions from the movie... and he adds another one towards the end.
- The No Shit! counter. And how Bennett goes into Sarcasm Failure when Doctor Kasuminome says "Baoh has a laser cannon!"
Sage: Gandhi, you diabolical fiend! Have you no mercy?!"
- It descends so much into Captain Obvious territory, Bennett describes it as "the first anime made for the blind."
- Sophine and Kasuminome decide to break Sumire with "cacophonic torture", and starts blasting Jason Derulo's "Fight For You":
Shareholder: Is that dog also Baoh?
- [In the scene where Doctor Kasuminome shows the shareholders a presentation with a dog that also possesses a Baoh parasite.]
- Bennett making fun of the drunk pilot for sounding like Eeyore
Sage: Oh no...I just made myself saaaaaadddd...
- MarzGurl's Cameo
Sage: Does anybody remember the blue-haired MarzGurl? She was nice. Certainly less anger-rapey.
- Bennett decides to change his cutoff date from 2002 to 2003 due to a year going by. So what is the first anime from 2003 he'll have to review for the next episode? Love Hina, making him foam at the mouth and skitz out in horror.
- Apparently, Sage can sense incest... which is why he stays out of Alabama.
- Also, what he would do with a galaxy-destroying cannon.
Sage: Count your lucky stars that I don't have a galaxy-destroying cannon, (cut to a recording studio) because if I did, you wouldn't be watching me on the internet. You would be watching me on the jumbo-tron (cut to a sports stadium) of the Super Dome proclaiming me King Shit of Dick Mountain. Why would you fuck with someone that could destroy the galaxy!?
- "Gone Feral! BBS"
- What sells this is that all you see in the intro before the intro is Sage's empty chair with a sign which says the above for a while before Suave's smug smiling face pops up in frame.
- When Suave reveals he'll be covering for Sage for the review, he reveals that Sage had chucked the DVD out his car window at him in a rage saying, "Review this pile of shit, you pile of shit".
- When he first sees Keitaro, he tries to convince himself that there is obviously some sort of reverse-psychology at work, or perhaps he's the kind of guy who gets off on getting beaten by women. Cue Keitaro doing something stupid again.
- "It takes a lot for me to consider a woman unfuckable. But Naru Narusegawa, you have made the list".
- Before the commercials break, when Suave is completely done with the anime, he decides to leave. However, once back from the commercials, he straightly tells the viewer that the door is locked.
- Realizing how bad the anime is, Suave whips out a giant remote control to fast forward through Love Hina Again. However, the fast forwarding stops and the remote dies on Suave. He chucks it out a window and knocks out Gabe, who was ordered by Sage via cell phone to keep Suave locked in the house to see the anime.
- At the same time this is going on, Sage is trying to call out for the knocked out Gabe before being attacked by an elk he thought he killed off while acting feral.
- Suave outright calling Naru a cunt.
- Pretty much every time Suave calls Naru "The Intolerable Bitch." It's like a drinking game.
- The mocking of the Department of Redundancy Department and Viewers Are Morons throughout the special.
Suave: *banging on the floor* You hear me, Hitchcock, you hack? Maybe if you treated your audience like idiots, maybe you would have won an Oscar. Instead of where you are now: Dead.
- After failing to get Bryan Cranston as a guest for the episode due to him doing a voice for the anime, Sage looks over a list of other voice actors, he then sees that Rob Paulsen on the list, giving it some thought. Cut to Rob Paulsen himself choking out Bennett, screaming that he enjoyed Evangelion and wants Bennett to say it while choking him.
Sage: Ehh... Probably not.
- Sage reading magazines throughout the review to relieve his boredom of seeing the film.
- Sage using a meter to keep track of the number of times the movie rips off Star Trek.
- To show how horrible the abrupt hair metal music used in Odin is with the movie's mood, Sage plays a metal music song to accompany a scene from Star Trek.
- Sage thinking one of the characters has a psychic grandma in response to a sloppy narrative moment where the mentioned character in the spaceship acknowledges an old lady wishing him luck internally, while she is outside the spaceship as it is about to depart.
- Made funnier when Sage parodies the moment by having the old lady hassle the crew member telepathically.
- Renaming the humans' ship the S.S. Fuck You, Science.
- Riffing on a rare moment when Odin actually gets exciting:
Sage: Odin, if you were more this instead of 'bore-me-to-sleep trudge', then I wouldn't have to have this National Geographic here, getting...oddly turned on by native tits. <beat> Probably should've kept that to myself.
- Made even better by his eyes poking out over the top◊
- Sage states that he doesn't find cat girls sexy because every time he sees one, he just imagines a regular cat coughing up a hairball. That is, until he sees Anna and Uni doing a sexy strip tease, only to have it ruined by said hairball imagination.
Sage: Oh god dammit, brain! What are you trying to do, give my dick whiplash?Commercial announcer: This moment brought to you by Brain Bleach! A brain scrub a day keeps the boner-killing thoughts at bay. Like the time you accidentally saw your grandmother climb into the bathr-*starts hacking and coughing* Byyyy Bennett!
- This is anime he's come to absolutely loathe just as much (if not even more than) Love Hina, is basically nothing but Sage losing his mind right out of the starting gate. About halfway through, the Sage is consumed by absolute joy that one of the main characters is horribly burning to death in a plane crash. He does NOT take it well when he discovers she survives.
- Hell, halfway through the review before the commercial break, after seeing the female lead break up with the male lead to keep her "Virgin powers", he outright screams in anger one word in a style that'd make Kirk proud. That word?: "CUNT!"
- The incredibly forced happy ending so enrages Bennett that he duct-tapes the Virgin Fleet DVD to a brick and throws it into the ocean. The Stinger reveals that someone else has retrieved it, however...
- Sage constantly pokes fun at the two main characters being voiced by Kiefer Sutherland and Elizabeth Berkley, particularly the latter for her flat, almost monotone delivery.
- His incredulity about the weirdly anti-feminist message of Armitage III, which seems to imply that World War III happens because of feminism.
- He notices an incredibly confusing scene has somehow failed to actually confuse him. He briefly wonders if the exposure to anime insanity has left him jaded. Then he flashes to the scene of Shithouse pulling down his pants to show the grenades tied to his pubic hair. When the video cuts back to Sage he's.... dressed in a way that has to be seen to believed.
- "Bring on the titties!"
- Heck, the title card it self is hilarious. The logo itself got a nosebleed from just looking at Cutey Honey!
- "So, apparently Tarkin bought himself a football team. Whether or not that came with a new car and caviar, I don't know."
- The 90's Kid cameo. "What's 'sar-casm'?
- On a crab monster eating a fairy head first: "Goddammit, Giant Enemy Crab! Can't we have nice things?"
Akira:Oh, of course! It's my old friend Ryo!*Bennett cracks up from this exchange, his laughter obscuring the rest of the dialogue in the scene.*Bennett: Whhhaattt?! Wait! This isn't a creepy stalker, it's just my old friend, Ryo! Who is... creepily stalking me! And then tells me I have to follow him to his car, and when my kinda-sorta girlfriend tries to keep me from doing this, my creepy friend threatens her with a knife! Ha ha! Classic Ryo!
- Upon Ryo's introduction
- Bennett notes that Akira essentially gets his powers from a sweet rave party.
- The reaction to finding out that the demons are attacking because of global warming.
Bennett: Why didn't Al Gore warn us about this?!
(cut to a scene from An Inconvenient Truth)A Wind Named Amnesia
- After the movie takes a twenty-minute long diversion from the plot to explain the main character's nonsensical backstory, Sage decides it would also be appropriate for him to go an a twenty-minute long rant about the logical inconsistencies of Iron Man 3.
You have no idea how right you are... or how pissed off I am about that.
- The main character regains his humanity thanks to the efforts of a wheelchair-bound boy with a computer in his brain. Said boy makes a seemingly unimportant remark about how the wind is almost like something sent by higher beings that watched over humanity. Unfortunately, this winds up being some heavy-handed Foreshadowing.
- The blatant stupidity of Albee, when she tries to argue that the main protagonist ought to respect the practices and beliefs of the people of San Francisco. Under normal circumstances, this might be fine. However, all of the people in San Francisco have been reduced to a nearly feral state and are trying to capture a woman for human sacrifice to a giant hi-tech backhoe.
- When they get to the shoehorned love scene at the end, Bennett asks how the main character knows about sex. Cut to an earlier scene where the main character says the wheelchair-bound boy "taught [him] how to have fun." Cue Suave's music.
- When Albee explains that her race caused the amnesia because they thought it would do humans good, Sage shows all the chaos that resulted and adds the caption "Remember: For your own good."
- Calling the two heroes Not-Ken and Not-Ryu...and him Not-Giving-A-Shit.
- After the commercial break, we see Bennett trying to get out of his room, but the door is locked.
- When Sage learns that Ryo and Robert are being pursued by Mr. Big, a clip from the series finale of Sex and the City starts to play, but Sage notices and quickly stops it from playing, while warning the audience that he would have used clips from Rocky and Bullwinkle if he had them.note
- Sage inserting music from the mall chase scene in The Blues Brothers in this movie's scene where the police cars crash while trying to avoid an avalanche.
- Bennett is not pleased about the movie invoking Rule63 and killing off a necessary character. When he comes across some obligatory fan service featuring said character, he says "Raise your hand if you were not surprised."
- Saying that [adult swim] made him what he is today, followed by clips of previous episodes of Anime Abandon with varying amounts of Sanity Slippage.
Bennett!Zero: "What's up with your cat ears?"Bennett!Cat Girl: "I don't want to talk about it."Bennett!Zero: "Okay."
- His warning at the start: Internet Strongly Cautioned—the following review is intended for mature audiences that can take a joke. This review may contain some material that is not suitable for children, bronies, or Tumblr users and may contain intense violence, sexual situations, coarse language and Nazi jokes.
- Saying if he had Adolf Hitler and Pilot Candidate in a room and he had a gun with one bullet in it, he would give it to Hitler so he could have the honor.
- Since the villains are named Victim, you can actually blame the victim.
- Reciting all the plot holes in one breath.
- Demonstrating how simple it would be to fill in the Plot Hole about the inexplicable Cat Girl. His objection isn't that she has cat ears or that it never gets explained, but that no one whatsoever reacts to them.
- Saying the insects in Blue Gender are called Blue "because fuck you."
- Wondering how anyone can get anything done while having so much sex.
- The bit where he mentions the Vagina Dentata mouths on the Blue, but then says that he may be seeing something that's not there, since to him everything looks like a vagina, including rolls, a sliced-open melon, and a cuttlefish.
- Mentioning that since Toonami and [adult swim] had shows switch places, that means there will be a Toonami month: "Now that you've stopped squeeing, can we move on?"
...he just made The Joker self conscious.
- Saying "I need a moment" and feigning a headache when he sees where all the money that would've gone into a third season of Big O went to: Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!.
- Cain the Longshot unveils his one hundred and fifty meter long sniper rifle. The Sage says it all.
- Imitating the point-blank range shooting distance that Knives and Vash had in their final fight. "(panting)Would you just shoot me already?"
- Bennett has an episode planned for Inuyasha. This is gonna be fun.
- The video starts with a disclaimer that there is no footage of Outlaw Star in the review and that you should get mental help if you see any... followed immediately by a split-second clip from the series to fuck with your head.
- At the beginning of the review, Bennett keeps saying that he feels like he's seen this anime somewhere before, in spite of it being so forgetful. Come after the review's over, it hits him. Hard.
- When Nostalgia Critic references screamer videos, it's pretty obvious what's going to happen, but what makes it hilarious is that the screamer is supplied by Film Brain jumping up from under the camera.
- In the beginning, when the Critic is running, he comes across Brentalfloss, and he asks him, "Aren't you dead?" To which, Brentalfloss simply shakes his head.
- The Critic and Bennett's reactions to Evil John Kerry and his scenery-chewing performance.
Critic: He's like a perfect blend between Christopher Walken and Rod Stieger.
- The look on The Critic's face when he sees Jimmy Walker's character morph into something that would put Jar Jar Binks to shame.
- After being shooed, Kyle Hebert comes back at the end to do his "Next time on Dragon Ball Z" schtick. Bennett yells at him.
- Whenever Critic gets stunned silent by something in the movie, the only way Sage gets him back up is to do the Red Robin jingle.
- Mark the Engineer forcing Sage to review Twilight of the Cockroaches or review Violence Jack. Then comes a shot of Marzgurl mentally broken from having seen Violence Jack.
- Sage parodying The Critic in review format throughout his entire review of the movie, while putting up with Mark the Engineer's efforts to force Sage into applying dumbed-down humor into his review.
Critic!Sage: Didn't you go to college, The Duke?Duke!Mark: I have people to do that for me.
- Alucard's cameo via Bennett's re-enactment of the phone gag.
- Sage lampshading the slow pace of the film:
As we have learned from the great auteur Ingmar Bergman, it's when you're about to fall asleep that things get really interesting.
- "It is indeed a most stirring scene. And certainly one that deserves more respect than having SOMEONE eat a stromboli through it!"
[Cut to The Duke with his mouth full] [beat] "What?"
- Bennett's hammy performance of King Lear.
- Followed by Oancitizen giving his criticism of Bennett's performance.
- "I'm crushing your head!"
- Spoony's Dungeoneering For Assholes. Advertised by the great ham that is Ant Fish.
Bennett: Why does my show go where I can't follow?
- Also Freeze-Frame Bonus when trying to read the chapters, including the last one being titled "Why do you pause this?".
- What's his reasoning for why Raoh is the biggest badass in the movie? He's on a horse.
- His reaction to one character's face getting ripped off by a kiss from a large BDSM woman in clown makeup.
Bennett: *Look of horror on his face* John Woo's rough draft of Face/Off was really weird.
- Censor Kaiser exploding as a result of an accidental Logic Bomb, only to be reborn with a much higher quality version of himself, having essentially attained enlightenment.
Bennett: So does that mean I can show the nipple pastie?Censor Kaiser: No.
- Bennett's confusion when the hero of the show- an ultra-violent post-apocalyptic anime- attempts to deal with a villain through non-violent methods. Subverted a moment later when it doesn't work, and he has to murder the villain anyway.
- "Watching the show is like this: boring... boring... boring... oh my GOD I LIVE IN MY OWN EYES!" And then his eyes turn into mouths that recite the chant to summon Cthulhu.
- One monster Bennett describes as "a BDSM hipster smurf." Comes, of course, with a "Not Making This Up" Disclaimer.
- With an extendable microphone penis, no less!
- Sage tries to stop himself from using the "Nookie" Counting Gag, pushing it offscreen when it starts to appear. He fails, and it forces itself onscreen to the 1812 Overture.
"Never... repress... the counting gag."
- Followed by a long list of increasingly ridiculous euphemisms for having sex.
- On the various characters with bad German accents: "It's like an Arnold Schwarzenegger impersonation contest."
- Bennett is about to call Ryo the worst pervert he'd ever seen in an anime... right up until he remembered the existence of Junk Boy.
*through gritted teeth* "Count yourself lucky, Ryo."
- Bennet gets to Chapel's role in the story and realizes he has to reference Rob Liefeld's work with Youngblood. He admits that he wanted to ask Linkara for help. Cut to Linkara crying NO! in the fetal position.
- "Prepare for impossible backs and basketball sized tits, it's The '90s all over again."
- Sage's growing incredulity from people not knowing the Obviously Evil nobleman is Satan.
- Bennett's Squick reaction from Satan hitting on Lady Death, his own daughter.
- The skit where God speaks to a man looking for answers. It's...you're gonna need to see it for yourself.
- "That is the first time anyone has wanted to be black."
- Sage flipping the bird everytime this movie pulls something out its own ass.
- Sage's Iron Sheik impersonation.
- Oancitizen applauding Sage's deconstruction of gnostic themes within Aeon Flux. Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
- Bennett realizes the meaning behind the famous image of a fly caught in Aeon's eyelashes.
"Oh wow, I get it... and it's really pissing me off."
- Bennett calmly attempts to deal with the "similarities" between Firefly and Outlaw Star, which Joss Whedon has repeatedly stated was just a coincidence.
- Bennett gushing about how awesome the Caster Gun is. The man says it himself:
- Bennett pointing out how the title literally translates into "Poltergeist Report The Movie: Poltergeist Report".
- Kuwahara. That is all that needs to be said.
"The only reason why anyone would ever want to see this movie is if they were hardcore fans of the show, and I've got to believe that any fan who sees this would shit their own ass inside-out at Kuwahara."
- When Yusuke's VA goes, as Bennett puts it, "full Garzey's Wing (he voiced the main character)," Bennett's reaction is epic and hilarious.
- Hinageshi discussing the elemental sites and we cut to Earth, Wind, And Fire's "Let's Groove Tonight".
- The return of Dungeoneering for Assholes.
- Sage dressing in a Hawaiian shirt for the review and sipping a drink in the intro, as the recent crop of So Bad, It's Good anime he's reviewed has him feeling like life is a vacation.
- Sage's reaction upon learning that main character's love interest is underage.
- When the main character says she's so hungry she "could eat a cloud whale," Sage asks whether said cloud whale is bigger or smaller than an Octorok.
- Sage tempts fate and asks who would get turned on by a comatose girl lying in bed, and then is quickly reminded of one of the opening scenes from The End of Evangelion.note
Sage: (looking at his "stained" hand, whispering) That's so fucked up...
- Sage turning into a demon.
- Bennett finally cracks once the girls break into a poorly dubbed J-Pop song, which causes him to re-enact the infamous Tunnel Scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Bennett: Well, Love Hina, you've already got the knife in deep. Why don't you twist it?! You HATE me just as much as I hate YOU! So DO IT!Rorschach: Well what are you waiting for?(Cut Back to anime)Rorschach: ...do it.(Cut back to anime)Rorschach: DO IT!(cut back to anime)Nite Owl II: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Also the moment leading up to it, involving the island girl that looks just like Shinobu somehow taming a bunch of aggressive animals with the power of song:
- Suave lying asleep with a girly mag and wine bottle on his chest.
Suave: Mmm, Samus, keep the helmet on.
- The ridiculous ending, complete with quotes from extremely positive reviews from legitimate websites pasted over the footage.
Sage: Depressed yet?
- The return of Taint Misbehavin.
- Sage realizing the potential of Blazing Saddles jokes he could make with the character Rungo Iron.
- When Sage realizes that Ellis sounds a lot like Amy Rose, the show cuts in to a brief shot of the real Lisa Ortiz (Amy and Ellis' voice actress), who promptly and angrily tells him to "shut up."
- The invention of the Over-Acting Alarm.
Sage: It's weird that this is my first encounter with the Over-Acting Alarm. I mean, I've seen every Al Pacino movie.Vincent Hanna: Because she got a...GREAT ASS! And you've got your head...ALL THE WAY UP IT!*Cue Over-Acting Alarm*
- Suave and Censor Kaiser.
Suave: And what are you supposed to do?Censor Kaiser: I censor.Suave: Oh, so you're an asshole then.
- Censor Kaiser's brief interlude in which he and the Engineer try to recruit Doug Walker to do the review:
Doug: *various surprised and disgusted noises* That's it! I've had enough! Nobody should have that many dicks!
- Later in the rant, Censor Kaiser censors himself when he catches Suave reading a girly mag.
- Suave trying to find a connection between Censor Kaiser and Nailkaizer.
Censor Kaiser: No, I do not have three dicks!
- Suave's dream about "the Chiquita banana lady fisting the Hamburger Helper while Mr. Peanut jerks off on a waiting green M&M".
- Suave confiscating the henchman's penis, complete with a popping sound effect.
- Suave's thoughts on Character Development, the only dirty word in porn.
- Sage discussing the infamous Chun-Li shower scene
Sage: We were so innocent before the internet.
- Sage being caught off guard twice by the U.S. version's "soundtrack", especially Alice in Chains' "Them Bones".
Sage: AAAAH! GOD! WARN A GUY NEXT TIME IF YOU'RE GONNA BLAST THEM BONES, YOU FUCKING DICKS!
- Sage is disappointed that the Star Trek transporter noise was used for the arrival of the monsters. He demonstrates how inappropriate this is by using famous sound effects while making a sandwich. When he opens jars of mustard and mayo, we hear the Ghostbusters' proton pack startup noise. When he spreads the mustard and mayo, we hear the Star Wars lightsaber noises.
- Sage comparing the Anime Morrigan to the cartoon version.
Sage: I think I just halved the Morrigan fanbase through suicide. Can, uh someone call J-List and tell them that business is gonna be slow for a few months?
- "Scott McNeil is the Al Pacino of voice acting."
- After his anger at Donovan's Fauxlosophical Narration, Sage immediately intercuts it with Heihachi rambling about the power of his Tekken and Dracula delivering the "What is a man?" speech. It really gets the point across.
- Sage clutching his ears after hearing Anita cry.
Sage: OH JESUS! FUCK! SHUT HER UP! AAAAH! GOD! She went from Wednesday Addams to a bleating goat in a nanosecond!
- Sage making several rants on why Donovan was even made the protagonist in the first place. It gets so bad that he would prefer watching Evangelion.
- Sage trying (and failing) to pronounce Hsien-Ko's name. It would've been much easier for his tongue to call her by her original Japanese namenote .
- After a little too much Wangst, Sage finally hits his Rage Breaking Point so hard his screams shake the Earth itself.
Sage: YES! WE GET IT! He is a Dhampire! A Vampiel! A Cambion! A Nephelim! He is a tortured morose complicated mother fucker that would not crack a smile if you gave him a million bucks, a cupcake and a can of Coke! WE! GET! IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- When Pyron gives a giant grin, Sage starts laughing a bit in reaction. "Who's bright idea was it to give Pyron the awesome-face smiley?"
- After describing in detail the epic No-Holds-Barred Beatdown the Big Bad Krauser laid on Terry Bogard, Sage compares the one-sided fight to Krauser dropping the mic. Then non-chalantly raising his other hand and dropping two more mics. Then picking up a box full of microphones and pouring them all on the floor.
- Sage comparing Krauser to Bane after making Terry a broken wino. And using the muffled accent whenever Krauser appears.
- When Sage realizes that the Ho Yay between two characters is a result of one of them actually being gay, he decides he needs to retire his "Big Book of Gay Jokes," complete with a teary breakup scene. It takes a turn when Sage learns that it used to belong to Jeff Dunham.
- Sage shorting out like a robot after seeing the Gainax Credits.
- Sage wakes up from his insanity-induced coma to find that Gabe has drawn dicks on his face. Which is why Sage devised a punishment "that was both cruel and unusual": forcing Gabe to eat a bowl of Lego bricks.
Gabe: [garbled with blood coming out of his mouth] Then why did you even offer it to me?!
- It gets drawn out, too, in something that almost becomes an Overly Long Gag. First, Sage makes Gabe switch out his soup spoon for a bigger serving spoon, then offers Gabe a glass of water... only to pour it out in front of him.
- Sage constantly bags on the awful voice acting, but the math teacher's speech is stilted enough to merit a G-Man reference.
- "That's right, folks, you just heard Jenai from Digimon say he's getting too old for this shit. And now you just heard the last shred of your childhood die a screaming death."
- Bennett lampshades the suspicious similarities between the plot of the anime and the plot of Alien.
- When Bennett notes the weird disparity between accurately depicting the realities of FTL travel and the surprising recoil from one character's shotgun.
Bennett: I hate when an otherwise intelligent Science-Fiction movie decides to pull shit like this.
- shows a scene from Contact*
Bennett: CASE IN FUCKING POINT!
- His reaction to Cobra being taken out of cryogenic stasis by riding a slab suspended on a rainbow created by an android playing an organ. He can only speak by holding up signs that say "WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK?!
- In fact, the whole film is made of a long string of Big Lipped Alligator Moments, seemingly because the director has no idea how to transfer between scenes. And it leaves Bennett increasingly gobsmacked.
- Bennett can't stop himself from mocking the name of the main villain: Crystal Boy.
- Bennett makes a Call Back to the Tenchi Muyo! in Love review when he talks about how he would never actually destroy a galaxy with his galaxy-destroying weapon... unless you're a Benetopian, of course, in which case he totally will unless you bow down and obey him.
- When commenting on the bizarre misogyny of the film, forcing the two interchangeable female leads into a romance with Cobra:
"Watch out, Tumblr feminists, because it's Round 10 and it's time for the haymaker!"
- Sage reiterating his hatred of high-pitched voice acting, using the opening to Lucky Star as an example.
Sage: *while holding his ears* ARE YOU STILL WONDERING WHY I PREFER THE DUBS?
- He describes Tom Wyner as having a voice "that can only be attributed to having a third testicle."
- Sage questions why characters suddenly start talking in Spanish for no apparent reason.
Sage (in Spanish): What happened? Did Mexico take over the world? Why didn't I listen to Fox News when I had the chance?!
- Sage points out the Fridge Logic of the ATF agent going into the Gunsmith Cats store, confronting the two protagonists about their illegal activities... and then letting them ago without arresting them or interrogating them about where they got their firearms and explosives.
- Sage pointing out his surprise at how the Anime turned out the way it did due to the more sexual nature of the Manga.
Bennett: (Singing) Noooooooow here's a montage of inappropriate shit!Cue a montage of highly sexual scenes from the manga set to the tune of Yello's Oh Yeah with Censor Kaiser being there to cover up the naughty bits.
- Sage facepalms as he realizes that the main three characters from Gunsmith Cats are voiced by the same actresses as the leads from Devil Hunter Yohko.
"ADV: going green by recycling voice actors since 1998!"
- After landing a physically impossible jump in heels, Sage awards Rally the "Leon S. Kennedy Award for Fucking Physics Right Up The Ass."
- Later, Rally winds up in a chase with Molotov Cocktease, which Sage says awakens her inner Valkyrie Bitch.
- Sage, Mark and Gabe all mock the Hollywood Hacking scene, with Mark "hacking" with a stuffed animal, Gabe "hacking" by rubbing his head against the keyboard, and Sage realizes it's impossible to help hack a fictional computer... and then suddenly Sage is a horse.
- "It sucks, don't watch it." (roll credits)
- The Brick Joke with the fart joke. It doesn't re-appear until the real credits.
- Sage calls Venus Wars a "BAD" movie: Boring, Annoying, Dumb.
- After deconstructing the stupidity of the one-wheeled bikes that only function because of Rule of Cool:
- The Gratuitous English plastered on walls throughout the anime, including "Ishatar [sic] Must Die the Death," and "Get out! The invaders!" Or how often the word "Death!" randomly appears on signs and in graffiti.
- Bennett is not happy to see the voice actress from A Wind Named Amnesia back as the annoying and stupid Intrepid Reporter.
- Even Suave doesn't feel like explaining how one annoying character manages to get a girl to like him.
- This little gem:
- Character: I said, "Let's chill OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!"Sage: *Bursts out laughing, having to take a few seconds to compose himself afterwards* Was that dude speaking in Garbage Barge? He sounds like Fran Drescher if she inhaled a balloon filled with sulfur hexafluoride! *He then plays the line again, followed by a clip of Fran Drescher with the audio slowed down and deepened. It cuts back to him sighing contently* Movie... you still suck like you're trying to break the record... but I needed that. Thank you.
- "CLIP SHOW!"
- Mark's gradual descent into madness as a result of the sheer amount of work he has to put into the show, eventually resulting in him going catatonic when he realizes he inflicted the new animated Censor Kaiser on himself.note
- Renee Huddy's dramatic reading of one of the comments from below the Violence Jack review, switching between a polite-yet-curse-laden interpretation and a far less generous interpretation (complete with a digitally altered voice).
- The first interpretation is labeled "How Trolls See Themselves," as she sips from a glass of wine and speaks in an even-handed tone. The second interpretation is labeled "How The Rest Of Us See Them," and involves her yelling indignantly while waving around a butcher's knife.
- When talking about his speech at the end of the Macross Plus review, he cites how the background song "Jerusalem" can make anything more majestic than it actually is. He explains by playing "Jerusalem" over the toilet scene from Dumb and Dumber.
- We actually see Suave on a date. It doesn't go well, with him fainting when things are about to get serious.
- In honor of his number one moment, Sage unbuttons his pants, revealing a grenade-covered jock strap.
- The episode begins with Sage lamenting that he can't go through his 100th episode, so he decides that the only thing to do is take the easy way out...
"...and shit on M.D. Geist!"
- "That's right, the existence of an entire anime distribution company was predicated on giving the middle finger to this man."
- "Looks like SOMEBODY graduated from the Egoraptor school of edi—" (commercial break) "—ting."
- When Sage gets pissed off at Gabe for botching the cut, Gabe says, "No one messes with my alma mater," and shows off a fake diploma from the "Egoraptor School of Comedy."
- During the truly massive pantyshot counting gag, a note from "the management" note pops up, letting us know it took four hours to get them all in.
- And if that doesn't convince you of the length, Sage goes through the 1812 Overture and the whole of Yakety Sax.
- The gag is made even funnier by the out-of-the-blue shots of Sage dancing in his chair during the "Yakety Sax" portion.
- Sage says that if the show isn't satire he'll make Gabe eat his hat, prompting a Flat "What." from Gabe. A few minutes later after a scene that seems to be played seriously, Sage begins to take it off and Gabe books it.
- Sage abusing Gabe seems to be turning into a Running Gag, as Sage simulates the forcefulness of the exposition in the show by forcing Gabe to drink a massive amount of Ovaltine through a hose.
- Describing Mistress' Superpower Meltdown as "A bad case of the Tetsuos".
- His Agatha Trunchbull impression.
- The return of the Tiffany Grant / Amanda Winn Lee / Kimberly Yates trifecta (or "The Three Stooges of ADV", as Sage calls them), making this the third anime Sage has reviewed where those three specific voice actresses showed up as the leading roles. note
- Sage opining about how irrelevant Fanservice-centered shows are, now that pornography is readily available... and particularly about how Fanservice anime (and sometimes outright porn) would be put alongside more kid-friendly animation because the store clerks didn't know any better.
- Sage compares Maki's wanton use of her shotgun to Renegade Shepard and Charles Bronson in Death Wish.
- When talking about the white slave trade in the story, they cut to one of the slavers, who looks suspiciously like Wilfred Brimley. Sage takes this as an opportunity to dress up as Wilfred Brimley and talk about how his "diabeetus" helped him get his own personal slave.
"Thanks to the fine people at Liberty Medical, you too can be the proud owners of a fellow human being. And if you're on Medicare, your slave will be shipped to you free of charge."
- Sage freaking out over the bath scene involving Tenchi, his "daughter" Mayuka, and Yosho before remembering about the infamous Juraian Royal Bloodline.
- When Sage tries to explain what S&M is (in response to one of the characters asking why Mayuko called Tenchi "Daddy"), Mark the Engineer panics and has Gabe fast forward through it, as Sage isn't qualified to explain what that is. Gabe starts off by rewinding the tape to the Grenade Jockstrap scene in the Mad Bull 34 review, then fast forwards to (presumably) the last episode of Anime Abandon, where a very aged Sage finally reviews Violence Jack, then Gabe rewinds it to just before the end of Sage's explanation:
Sage: ...And then they all go out to Jizzlbee's for after dinner cocktails. And that's how S&M works. Any questions?
- Sage's repeated gravely monotone Big noes, all to the tune of "Mars, the Bringer of War."
- Youtube's airing throws in "In the Hall of the Mountain King" to accompany these.
- "Now, all I gotta do is jump down this well and take those pills the nice man on the bus sold me and I'll be seeing demons in no time!"
- A piece of the jewel shard frees the villain, who screams as he is revived. He is also naked. Cut to Bennett:
"WHO TOOK MY DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK?!"
- He then refers to him as Walter Peck for the rest of the review.
- After KAGOME! returns to the real world, Bennett gives a somber, sobering speech of her current predicament... that he promptly ruins when it cuts to him dancing in his chair to "I Feel Fantastic".
- Bennett loudly, furiously masturbating as KAGOME! wangsts.
- Crowned by the sign-off just before the credits, which shows Gabe drenched in jizz and waving at the camera with a cheery smile that dissolves second by second as the sheer grossness of the situation sinks in.
- The outtakes at the end, especially of Gabe.
- The introduction of the KAGOME! gag, where all the other characters shout her name. This is followed by TETSUOOOOO! and KANEDAAAAA!, followed by Serah!, followed by "Donkey!" followed by MAAAAATT DAAAMON!
Galaxy Express 999
- Sage reciting the lines of "One Jump Ahead" before saying "Fuck You" to Tim Rice.
- Sage and Suave deifying Captain Harlock, along with Suave's more...questionable attraction.
Suave: There's nothing wrong with having a man-crush, Sage!
- Let's just say the final segment of the film causes Sage to suffer from "The Derps".
- Sage: Dere we go!
- When questioning the need for an official report on the protagonist to mention that his eyes are slanted, he points out it would be like giving someone a generosity level of "niggardly". The show then hurries to give a dictionary definition of the wordnote to make it clear it's not related to the n-word. Then, at the last moment the narration adds: see: Jew.
- Suave's rebuttal to the scene where the dad watches his adopted daughter in the shower while holding Annie Hall. note
- Sage almost saying Kagome's name.
- The Dragon is dubbed by Ted Lewis (using his Paul Lynde voice). Sage looks up the voices Lewis did over the years and he notices Bandit Keith and stops a certain running gag...
- Little Kuriboh: A.....Sage: NO!
- Sage's Reaction to the new Jesus' Miracle.
- This Line:
Sage: "That'd be like us writing a story about Joseph Smith, who really had mormon powers wrecking all kinds of shit down in Utah, and the only one who can save us is DAVY FUCKING CROCKET!"
- Sage freaking out and screaming like a little girl at the "Severed finger up the vagina" scene, all while The Addams Family theme plays in the background. In line with the previous episode, his face is also censored by Woody Allen.
- Sage makes fun of the DVD menu for Ninja Cadets, particularly the fact that it's almost condescending, but also points out how awful the Media Blasters introductory animation looks. He then points out that he could do a much better job, and presents his version, which is basically the Media Blasters text flying in a black sky, complete with a cutout of John O'Donnell's head zooming in and saying "I'm a jackass!" before exploding.
- Sage criticizes the demon's strategy of having the other demons killed by the ninjas by saying the plan is so stupid and destined to fail that even Pete Carroll feels sorry for him. He then follows this up with a casual "Go Niners", a reference to his fandom of San Francisco sports.
- The music being compared to auto-tuned farts and Sage's dead cat would make better music.
- "Shadow Warriors, come out to plaaaaaay!"
- Old Man Sage. That is all.
- Sage shudders at the name of Xerxes Galt.
- Sage noting Noal/Ringo's utter failure at pickup lines towards Aki/Stars.
Sage: You could literally be the last man and woman on Earth, and you'd still get shot down with a line like that.Suave: Well, you know what they say, Sage. Who dares...*picks up a gun and cocks it*...wins. *casually walks out*Sage: Beat Must be going through a dry spell...
- Despite claims of not harming Gabe this episode, a scene involving a man redirecting missiles with a switch-blade prompts Sage to toss Gabe a butter knife while he draws a bazooka. It goes as well as you'd expect.
Sage: *Sighs and walks over to a blown up Gabe* You know why you didn't do it? Because you didn't believe in yourself. You can't do it if you don't believe.Gabe: *Moans quietly*
- Sage going "Warboy" on the audience, even spraying silver paint on his face.
- His reaction to the old man's dance transformation. He was trying so hard to sink into the back of the chair.
"Someone kill me please."
- During the period scene, Sage remembers a similar scene from Movie43, screams, and then after a cut to static, we see Gabe trying to prevent Sage from cutting his eyes out, then back to a calmed down Sage and a one-eyed Gabe giving him a Death Glare.
- Sage stopping the review halfway through the second episode when Jailbait's friend's method of summoning her own spirit is shown.
- Hell, anytime Sage talks about how the Fanservice is more along the lines of Fetish Retardant.
- Sage bemoaning the fact that four veteran voice actresses had to work on this execrable anime.
- When it's revealed the lead's sister ate some cookies (and is quite self conscious about it), Sage had this to say about it:
Sage: Oh no! She weighs a hundred and thirty pounds! Quick start barfing and don't stop until you see organs!
- Sage makes fun of an outfit that the lead character is wearing, which he describes as a black sleeveless latex onesie, and asks if he's going to start dancing. Cut to Gabe doing an interperative dance to techno music in the exact same outfit (with an eyepatch as well because of the previous episode) while Sage watches in bemused silence.
Sage:.... I didn't tell him to do that...
- Ya wanna see a dead body kid?
- Sage laughing at the Gratuitous English musical interlude.