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Funny: Anime Abandon
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- The introduction of Suave, complete with the perverted grin.
- Suave treating Golden Boy as the perfect guide to picking up women, regardless of how silly, insane or self-destructive his actions are.
Mad Bull 34
- The captain's obsession with coffee.
Ghost in the Shell
- Sage's initial reaction to Sleepy's grenade jockstrap.
- Renaming Sleepy as "Brick Shithouse"
- In his Mad Bull 34 review, about the police chief's very creepy face. What follows is a disturbing visualization accompanied by creepy music.
Fuck, this guy's face will probably hover over you as you lay in your deathbed, openly mocking you with its mere presence. Potato bugs will probably crawl out of his eyes, he'll start chanting an alien language that sounds like it's been auto-tuned, and the ghost of Abraham Lincoln will pop out of his nose to say some catty, back-handed compliment about your wardrobe. '''THIS IS WHAT YOU'LL SEE BEFORE YOU DIE PEOPLE!'''◊
- Sage's shocked reactions to the inexplicable insanity of the characters, including a jock strap made of grenades.
- In the same review, after the show ends on a very depressing note.
Sword For Truth
- During the Angel Cop review, just as the villains are revealed to be the Americans, Bennett shouts out "The Jews!", who were the villains in the original Japanese version. After explaining it, for the rest of the review, he keeps mumbling the word whenever describing the plot, which eventually gets really ridiculous.
- Another funny bit is his mockery of the main "heroine", who he calls Bitch Tits: "Dammit!! I wanted to be the one who murders them... arrest them!"
Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnęamise
Love Hina Christmas Special
Jin-Roh: The Wolf Brigade
Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned
- The commentaries for "Dracula: Sovereign of the Damned" and "Diatron-5" are pure gold, done as a double act so that Spoony and Linkara can provide their thoughts on the crossover they weren't in. The crowner is the mental image of Edward Cullen in a Dracula cape.
Sage: Hi, Bennett the Sage here with my two very, very close friends, Lewis Lovhaug, Linkara...
Sage: *sigh* And I'm also here with the one, the only, the Spoony One, Noah Antwiler. How you doin' , Spoony?
Sage: *sigh* Goddammit.
- Pretty much everything about the review with Spoony, particularly the on-the-nose audio descriptions.
...and why does the... "king", sound like a drunk Mexican laborer going through puberty?
The Ultimate Teacher
- Bennett explaining the breakneck-paced finale of Kite in under a minute, complete with three drawn-out deep breaths and the William Tell Overture playing in the background.
- Also, censoring the more risque scenes with KaiserNeko's face.
- This exchange, after Sage's review devolved into a Clip Show because this anime Broke the Rating Scale
Rob Walker: You can't just show clips! What did we hire you for anyway?
Sage: Sex appeal?
Grave of the Fireflies
Devil Hunter Yohko
Vampire Hunter D
Demon City Shinjuku
- Sage's Marlon Brando impression, as a dig at one of the voice actors in the first English dub.
- Despite all the things that had to be cut and changed, one important element of the original story still comes shining through; the mind fuckery. "That shit be pristine."
Fatal Fury The Motion Picture
- "Boy, I always told you I exploded right in front of you while I was naked, but you never listen to me, do ya? Where'd I go wrong with you, Bubala?"
- His reaction to the "sword hidden in woman" metaphors. Specifically his horror. Cue screaming Sage.
- Mocking the ending with fart noises and, earlier, lamenting that he already used his Tenchi joke.
- His spoof commercial ad for Sizzler.
- "Oh-man, he, Shatnered-that-line, bad!"
- "Duh, wait a minute, I though I was trying to save her from you!"
Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer
- Sage keeps trying to stay hetero after seeing one of the villains' extremely camp appearance. After trying to get away from doing it, he begins making catty comments about the female minion's outfit and freaks out before going to commercial.
: Fight fair and square. Don't kick them when they're down. Heh, that's your way, isn't it? Well, I'm different. I use any means possible
Sage: (In the campiest voice ever) Mmm, yes. Rabbit punching, horse-collar suplexes, reach-arounds. Anything.
Sage: Would you get a load of this guy? Fucking John Waters would tell this guy to turn down the camp. I haven't seen a more effeminate bad guy since Kuja. Painted nails, lipstick, feather headdress, exposed midriff. (Suddenly starts coughing, and reveals that he's coughed up blood on a tissue.)
- That last one is made even more funnier when you realizes the blood was purple and sparkly.
- The Stinger, showing a "failed" take with the campy voice and acting gone a little too far. In his own words:
"Went to Nigel Thornberry there for a moment."
- Also in his Fatal Fury review was noticing how Billy Kane has gone from British to Australian. Sage then breaks into what can be called Gratuitous Australian.
- He points out that no one would even hear about this game because of how expensive the system, the Neo Geo, was.
: What's that? You never heard of Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer: The video game? Well, maybe that's because it only came out here in the U.S. on the Neo Geo
system. And if you knew anybody
who was rich enough to afford one of those, they were probably too busy burning $20 bills in front of the homeless to be bothered to play it.
- His description of the anime itself is fantastic:
- He also reads a class attendance mocking the ridiculous names of the characters.
- Don't forget The Stinger where he reads off a familiar name while still doing the mock roll call.
- In the opening bit of Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer Part II, Bennett reads a comment he found on IMDB saying how underrated this and Fatal Fury were and should be watched by first-timers of Anime and not something like AKIRA, all while talking in a complete douchey hipster voice.
- "Goddamnit, do we need a leash for your tits? The way they've been bouncing around, it looks like you're trying to smuggle squirrels."
- His commentary on the blatant fanservice in Obari's works.
Sage: Damn it, Obari, if you wanted to make hentai, why didn't you just make hentai!?
cut to boxart of Angel Blade
- His rebuttal to one of the characters saying that all females who are beautiful should be dumb consists of two words. "Danica McKellar", which results in Bennett saying what he'd love to do to her and his offer to her, in case she just happens to be watching the video.
- "And if I were anymore close to the microphone, I'd be deepthroating it..."
- "Panty Hamster"... That's all.
Sonic The Hedgehog The Movie
Evangelion: Death and Rebirth
- Sage points out that the scene of a character mourning the death of another is ruined by the fact that the one who's mourning is doing so...on the toilet. He then proceeds to play the scene while adding pooping sound effects to it.
- In another scene, some of the cast have a weird dream where naked glowing men try to tempt them. Upon waking up, they all discuss it in a very pleasurable tone, leading to this scene:
Rumy: Well, there was this thing, and it felt like it was trying to tempt me.
Rabby: Me, too!
Patty: The same with me.
Rumy: Hmm. Even though it looked different, it felt good just to be near it.
Rabby: Yeah, I know. But it made me feel something so sad in my heart.
Patty: And scared and happy at the same time.
Suave, over speaker: It's called a penis, ladies. And it's the key to fill that void you've been having all these years.
Sage: Thank you for that, Suave. You can go now...
End of Evangelion
- When showing the infamous ending of the TV series, he puts in another infamous "Congratulations" ending.
- At the beginning of his review he is already at a lost for words, only saying "Evangelion". Cue a quick montage of batshit insane scenes from the show and movie while "Ode to Joy" is playing.
- He sums up Touji's long list of bitching about Asuka.
"So basically, a cunt."
Tenchi Muyo! in Love
Love Hina Again
- MarzGurl's Cameo
Does anybody remember the blue-haired
MarzGurl? She was nice. Certainly less anger-rapey.
- Bennett decides to change his cutoff date from 2002 to 2003 due to a year going by. So what is the first anime from 2003 he'll have to review for the next episode? Love Hina, making him foam at the mouth and skitz out in horror.
- Apparently, Sage can sense incest... which is why he stays out of Alabama.
- Also, what he would do with a galaxy-destroying cannon.
Sage: Count your lucky stars that I don't have a galaxy-destroying cannon, (cut to a recording studio) because if I did, you wouldn't be watching me on the internet. You would be watching me on the jumbo-tron (cut to a sports stadium) of the Super Dome proclaiming me King Shit of Dick Mountain. Why would you fuck with someone that could destroy the galaxy!?
- "Gone Feral! BBS"
- What sells this is that all you see in the intro before the intro is Sage's empty chair with a sign which says the above for a while before Suave's smug smiling face pops up in frame.
- When Suave reveals he'll be covering for Sage for the review, he reveals that Sage had chucked the DVD out his car window at him in a rage saying, "Review this pile of shit, you pile of shit."
- "It takes a lot for me to consider a woman unfuckable. But Naru Narusegawa, you have made the list."
- Realizing how bad the anime is, Suave whips out a giant remote control to fast forward through Love Hina Again. However, the fast forwarding stops and the remote dies on Suave. He chucks it out a window and knocks out one of Sage's pals, who was ordered by Sage via cell phone to keep Suave locked in the house to see the anime.
- At the same time this is going on, Sage is trying to call out for his knocked out pal before being attacked by an elk he thought he killed off while acting feral.
- Suave outright calling Naru a cunt.
- Pretty much every time Suave calls Naru "The Intolerable Bitch." It's like a drinking game.
Dominion Tank Police
New Cutey Honey
- Sage reading magazines throughout the review to relieve his boredom of seeing the film.
- Sage using a meter to keep track of the number of times the movie rips off Star Trek.
- To show how horrible the abrupt hair metal music used in Odin is with the movie's mood, Sage plays a metal music song to accompany a scene from Star Trek.
- Sage thinking one of the characters has a psychic grandma in response to a sloppy narrative moment where the mentioned character in the spaceship acknowledges an old lady wishing him luck internally, while she is outside the spaceship as it is about to depart.
- Made funnier when Sage parodies the moment by having the old lady hassle the crew member telepathically.
- Renaming the humans' ship the S.S. Fuck You, Science.
8 Man After
- "Bring on the titties!"
- Heck, the title card it self is hilarious. The logo itself got a nosebleed from just looking at Cutey Honey!
A Wind Named Amnesia
Art of Fighting
- On a crab monster eating a fairy head first: "Goddammit, Giant Enemy Crab! Can't we have nice things?"
Akira:Oh, of course! It's my old friend Ryo!
*Bennett cracks up from this exchange, his laughter obscuring the rest of the dialogue in the scene.*
Bennett: Whhhaattt?! Wait! This isn't a creepy stalker, it's just my old friend, Ryo! Who is... creepily stalking me! And then tells me I have to follow him to his car, and when my kinda-sorta girlfriend tries to keep me from doing this, my creepy friend threatens her with a knife! Ha ha! Classic Ryo!
- Bennett notes that Akira essentially gets his powers from a sweet rave party.
- The reaction to finding out that the demons are attacking because of global warming.
Why didn't Al Gore
warn us about this?!
SiN the Movie
- Calling the two heroes Not-Ken and Not-Ryu...and him Not-Giving-A-Shit.
- After the commercial break, we see Bennett trying to get out of his room, but the door is locked.
- When Sage learns that Ryo and Robert are being pursued by Mr. Big, a clip from the series finale of Sex and the City starts to play, but Sage notices and quickly stops it from playing, while warning the audience that he would have used clips from Rocky and Bullwinkle if he had them.note
- Sage inserting music from the mall chase scene in The Blues Brothers in this movie's scene where the police cars crash while trying to avoid an avalanche.
Pilot Candidate and Blue Gender
The Big O and Trigun
- Bennett is not pleased about the movie invoking Rule63 and killing off a necessary character. When he comes across some obligatory fan service featuring said character, he says "Raise your hand if you were not surprised."
- Mentioning that since Toonami and [adult swim] had shows switch places, that means there will be a Toonami month: "Now that you've stopped squeeing, can we move on?"
- Saying "I need a moment" and feigning a headache when he sees where all the money that would've gone into a third season of Big O went to: Tim and Eric Awesome Show.
- Cain the Longshot unveils his one hundred and fifty meter long sniper rifle. The Sage says it all.
- Imitating the point-blank range shooting distance that Knives and Vash had in their final fight. "(panting)Would you just shoot me already?"
- Bennett has an episode planned for Inuyasha. This is gonna be fun.
E.Y.E.S of Mars
- The video starts with a disclaimer that there is no footage of Outlaw Star in the review and that you should get mental help if you see any... followed immediately by a split-second clip from the series to fuck with your head.
Twilight of the Cockroaches
Fist of the North Star
- When Nostalgia Critic references screamer videos, it's pretty obvious what's going to happen, but what makes it hilarious is that the screamer is supplied by Film Brain jumping up from under the camera.
- In the beginning, when the Critic is running, he comes across Brentalfloss, and he asks him, "Aren't you dead?" To which, Brentalfloss simply shakes his head.
- The Critic and Bennett's reactions to Evil John Kerry and his scenery-chewing performance.
- The look on The Critic's face when he sees Jimmy Walker's character morph into something that would put Jar Jar Binks to shame.
- After being shooed, Kyle Hebert comes back at the end to do his "Next time on Dragon Ball Z" schtick. Bennett yells at him.
- Whenever Critic gets stunned silent by something in the movie, the only way Sage gets him back up is to do the Red Robin jingle.
- He takes one look at the box, gets stuck because of the Moral Dilemma issues, causing him and Mark the Engineer to decide to not really "review" it so much as explore his Sanity Slippage. One abrupt transition later...
Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report
Legend of Lemnear
Love Hina Spring Movie
Battle Arena Toshinden
- Bennet gets to Chapel's role in the story and realizes he has to reference Rob Liefeld's work with Youngblood. He admits that he wanted to ask Linkara for help. Cut to Linkara crying NO! in the fetal position.
- The return of Taint Misbehavin.
- Sage realizing the potential of Blazing Saddles jokes he could make with the character Rungo Iron.
- When Sage realizes that Ellis sounds a lot like Amy Rose, the show cuts in to a brief shot of the real Lisa Ortiz (Amy and Ellis' voice actress), who promptly and angrily tells him to "shut up."
- The invention of the Over-Acting Alarm.
It's weird that this is my first encounter with the Over-Acting Alarm. I mean, I've seen every Al Pacino
: Because she got a...GREAT ASS! And you've got your head...ALL THE WAY UP IT!
*Cue Over-Acting Alarm*
(giggling) Okay, okay, I promise that I will only use this new gag
for good... And the occasional Nic Cage
Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie
Night Warriors: Darkstalkers' Revenge
- Censor Kaiser's brief interlude in which he and the Engineer try to recruit Doug Walker to do the review:
Doug: *various surprised and disgusted noises* That's it! I've had enough! Nobody should have that many dicks!
- Suave trying to find a connection between Censor Kaiser and Nailkaizer.
Censor Kaiser: No, I do not have three dicks!
- Suave's dream about "the Chiquita banana lady fisting the Hamburger Helper while Mr. Peanut jerks off on a waiting green M&M".
- Suave confiscating the henchman's penis, complete with a popping sound effect.
Fatal Fury: Double Impact
Space Adventure Cobra
Sol Bianca: The Legacy
- Sage is disappointed that the Star Trek transporter noise was used for the arrival of the monsters. He demonstrates how inappropriate this is by using famous sound effects while making a sandwich. When he opens jars of mustard and mayo, we hear the Ghostbusters' proton pack startup noise. When he spreads the mustard and mayo, we hear the Star Wars lightsaber noises.
- Sage comparing the Anime Morrigan to the cartoon version.
Sage: I think I just halved the Morrigan fanbase through suicide. Can, uh someone call J-List and tell them that business is gonna be slow for a few months?
- "Scott McNeil is the Al Pacino of voice acting."
- Sage clutching his ears after hearing Anita cry.
Sage: OH JESUS! FUCK! SHUT HER UP! AAAAH! GOD! She went from Wednesday Addams to a bleating goat in a nanosecond!
- Sage making several rants on why Donovan was even made the protagonist in the first place. It gets so bad that he would prefer watching Evangelion.
- Sage trying (and failing) to pronounce Hsien-Ko's name. It would've been much easier for his tongue to call her by her original Japanese namenote .
- After a little too much Wangst, Sage finally hits his Rage Breaking Point so hard his screams shake the Earth itself.
- When Pyron gives a giant grin, Sage starts laughing a bit in reaction. "Who's bright idea was it to give Pyron the awesome-face smiley?"
- Sage points out the Fridge Logic of the ATF agent going into the Gunsmith Cats store, confronting the two protagonists about their illegal activities... and then letting them ago without arresting them or interrogating them about where they got their firearms and explosives.
- Sage pointing out his surprise at how the Anime turned out the way it did due to the more sexual nature of the Manga.
Bennett: (Singing) Noooooooow here's a montage of inappropriate shit!
Cue a montage of highly sexual scenes from the manga set to the tune of Yello's Oh Yeah with Censor Kaiser being there to cover up the naughty bits.
- Sage facepalms as he realizes that the main three characters from Gunsmith Cats are voiced by the same actresses as the leads from Devil Hunter Yohko.
"ADV: going green by recycling voice actors since 1998!"
- After landing a physically impossible jump in heels, Sage awards Rally the "Leon S. Kennedy Award for Fucking Physics Right Up The Ass."
- During The Stinger, said award is also given retroactively to Sawa from Kite.
- Later, Rally winds up in a chase with Molotov Cocktease, which Sage says awakens her inner Valkyrie Bitch.
- Sage, Mark and Gabe all mock the Hollywood Hacking scene, with Mark "hacking" with a stuffed animal, Gabe "hacking" by rubbing his head against the keyboard, and Sage realizes it's impossible to help hack a fictional computer... and then suddenly Sage is a horse.
Top 10 Anime Abandon Moments
100th Episode (MD Geist)
- "It sucks, don't watch it." (roll credits)
- The Brick Joke with the fart joke. It doesn't re-appear until the real credits.
- Sage calls Venus Wars a "BAD" movie: Boring, Annoying, Dumb.
- After deconstructing the stupidity of the one-wheeled bikes that only function because of Rule of Cool:
- The Gratuitous English plastered on walls throughout the anime, including "Ishatar [sic] Must Die the Death," and "Get out! The invaders!" Or how often the word "Death!" randomly appears on signs and in graffiti.
- Bennett is not happy to see the voice actress from A Wind Named Amnesia back as the annoying and stupid Intrepid Reporter.
- Even Suave doesn't feel like explaining how one annoying character manages to get a girl to like him.
- This little gem:
Character: I said, "Let's chill OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUTTTTT!!!"
Sage: *Bursts out laughing, having to take a few seconds to compose himself afterwards* Was that dude speaking in Garbage Barge? He sounds like Fran Drescher if she inhaled a balloon filled with sulfur hexafluoride! *He then plays the line again, followed by a clip of Fran Drescher with the audio slowed down and deepened. It cuts back to him sighing contently* Movie... you still suck like you're trying to break the record... but I needed that. Thank you.
Tenchi Muyo 2: Daughter of Darkness
- "That's right, the existence of an entire anime distribution company was predicated on giving the middle finger to this man."