The Abridged Series of Hellsing Ultimate, made by Team Four Star. That's about all you need to know.Originally intended to be only a single episode, everyone enjoyed it so much that they decided to essentially make it an annual Halloween special. The second episode was released on November 7, 2011, and the third was released on November 5, 2012. The fourth was released on November 4th, 2013.The Character Page is currently on construction. Please contribute if you will.You can find it here.
Hellsing Ultimate Abridged provides example of the following Tropes:
Actually Pretty Funny: Alhambra tells Alucard that he lied to the local police that he'd make them immortal if they tried (and failed) to take out Alucard in his penthouse room. Alucard finds this revelation hilarious.
Affably Evil: Much like the source material, Alucard is this. It takes a special kind of man to begin a death-threat with friendly little letter and end it with Sincerely.
Anything That Moves: Jan mentions that, in addition to Integra, he was going to skull-fuck all of the old guys in the meeting and the random soldier ghoul that happened to be next to him.
"There's no one alive who could comprehend my sexual preference."
The Aristocrats: While Alucard is having a flashback to when he was Count Vlad "Dracula" Tepes, Van Helsing (the guy who stakes him) gives him a Reason You Suck Speech, detailing all the depravities and murders Alucard pulled off, asking him, finally "What say you now?" to which Alucard replies: "The Aristocrats."
In his time, Alucard has caused massive collateral damage ("Good times!"), multiple noise complaints ("Sorry, I can't hear you!"), a dozen innocent deaths ("So did Anthony Hopkins, and he got a fucking Oscar for it!"), and lots of sexual harassment.
Alucard: ...I'm not apologizing.
When fighting the elder of the Valentine brothers, Alucard tells him to "Summon up your demons! Hit me! Fight me! Give me a hug!"
Jan: Guess what Jeeves, that garrote wire won't do shit for dick against armor this thick! What's that, Alfred? How thick is it? Well half as thick as my dick. So, thick enough you're gonna need a fucking anti-tank rifle to pierce it! And I don't even see a piece on your wrinkly old ass!
Bad Boss: Alucard has very little regard for Pip's well being...
Pip: Hey, maybe later, if it's not too weird, you wanna...go get a drink? Maybe hit up a club? Alucard: You're not my friend; you're my bodyguard. Make it past two weeks, I mightlearn your name; until then, you'respare blood.
The Major, given the speech he gives to his troops right after Rip Von Winkel is gruesomely killed by Alucard.
Major: Gentlemen, Operation Bait Von Winkel was a resounding success.
Anderson: Now if you would be so Christian-like to ship your sorry pale ass out. (camera on Seras) And take your trigger-happy harlot with ya'! (camera on Pip) And the woman!
Bait-and-Switch Credits: The first episode starts with the opening for what appears to be a One Piece Abridged Series, only to suddenly cut to a dimly-lit house full of corpses. This prank was long in the making as a preview for what they were going to show at that con suggested "a special premiere" and showed a shoddily blurred One Piece Logo that anyone familiar with One Piece would recognize. In addition Lanipator released on his own channel five days previous him singing a song for the secret premiere, the song being the anthem for One Piece that is We Are. Once again not alluding to anything, but still strongly suggesting it was One Piece. This comes full circle as Lanipator's karaoke version of We Are is the credits song for the first episode of Team Four Star's Hellsing Ultimate Abridged.
Batman Gambit: Walter's plan to get Alucard to Brazil relies on the vampire's pathological insubordination.
The Major lured Alucard away so he could begin the invasion of England, knowing Integra couldn't resist sending him to dispose of a powerful vampire.
Bilingual Bonus: Alhambra (Mr. Dandy Man) drops a bunch of random Portuguese words in his speech, like "policia"* Police,"peixe"* fish,"vampiro"* vampire,"vagabundo"* Tramp. and in a blink-it-and-you'll-miss-it moment quips "Que merda!" ("Oh shit!"). Later on, Pip drops a few phrases in French.
Bi the Way: It is hinted that Alucard was the Queen's lover in both his male and Girlycard form. He also gets a boner when arguing with Integra and battling Anderson.
Black Comedy: Absolutely runs on this. Though given the source material, that's probably to be expected.
Takahata said on the TFS panel that Alucard is written and played as essentially, "Archer with superpowers".
Black Comedy Rape: Invoked to be deconstructed. Jan forces one of Integra's soldiers to read out an extremely abusive and crude letter detailing in depth how he will rape her to death in the most violent way possible. The soldier is very clearly horrified and disturbed by it, and what's even worse is that he's just suffered through Jan shooting one of his testicles. Jan is the only one who is amused by all of this.
"Now pardon me while I blow this faggot ginger's brains outOHGODNO!!"
Bothering by the Book: When Integra orders Alucard to stay in the basement during her meeting with their financial backers. Then the Hellsing HQ gets attacked.
Alucard: You see, I'm under direct orders from my boss—who is a total bitch by the way—that I'm not allowed to leave this room until such time as the Committee has left the building. I was even bribed. Imagine that.
Call Back: In Episode 2, when Alucard dislikes Integra's demands, he says "I don't have to take this, I'm going for a walk." Episode 1 shows us how those tend to turn out. And again in Episode 3 where Alucard goes on yet another walk.
Episode 3 also starts out with Integra talking to a group of mercenaries they had to hire to replace the guards lost of the Valentine brothers' attack.
In Episode 4, Rip Van Winkle remarks that she likes the ship she's on, as it's "full of blood und seamen", calling back to part of the message Jan made a Hellsing officer read to Integra in episode 2 ("there's nothing left but your riddled corpse full of blood and semen").
Also the return of "Bitches Love Cannons!"
The disclaimer for each episode from 2 onwards is done by whoever Alucard fought the previous episode (Anderson for ep. 2, Jan for ep. 3, and the Dandy Man for ep. 4).
Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys: Alucard remarks that they're "scraping the bottom of the barrel" when the Hellsing Organization is forced to contract French mercenaries to replace guards lost during the Valentine brothers' attack. However, Pip — the only one we've seen in action — subverts this trope.
It's also worth noting that Integra specifically stated that they were forced to post mortality rates of her men on duty to those interested in working for her organization — and that said French mercenaries were the only ones who still applied regardless. Whether this is meant to show them as either exceptionally brave, exceptionally stupid, or exceptionally desperate for cash is up for debate.
Chivalrous Pervert: Although he's an exceptional Jerkass, Alucard kind of suits this. Despite being a massive pervert who is implied to see prostitutes and gives assistance to women based purely on the size of their breasts, he is apparently "holding out" for Integra...although her rage at everything he does probably hurts his chances (but her rage DOES give him a boner...it's super awkward, and, as hinted in Episode 2, he even gets a boner while scolded on the phone).
Cluster F-Bomb: The whole cast, but Jan Valentine deserves special mention.
(while being shot) "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckmotherfuckin'fuckcuntwithafuckin'tittyfuckfuckFUCK!"
Credits Gag: The first episode had KaiserNeko playing all the Nazis chanting with the Major. The credit list them individually as "Nazi 1, Nazi 2, etc." all the way up to fifteen.
Luke: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you here.
Alucard: Oh, so am I. And I'm failing...and I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated, because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my 70" plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father!
(Luke and Alucard point their guns directly at each other's head at point blank range)
Alucard: Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?
Jan also gets in a couple of good ones.
Depraved Bisexual: The only person who can keep up with Alucard, whose sexual preference is by his own admission incomprehensible to anyone alive? The Queen of England, possibly the only person in the show that he genuinely respects.
Hellsing: Vampire King. You lay upon the blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land. Castles plundered, dominions in ruin, servants destroyed, all to end the hellfire with which you sought to cover the world. A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands, countless villages razed to the ground, and over twenty-thousand impaled and prostrated by you and you alone to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! What say you, monster, demon, devil conceived by the bleakest womb?WHAT SAY YOU NOW?!
"You're going to tell me everything I want to know, or I'm going to have Walter here peel your dick like a banana!"
Guile Heroine: Integra solves her financial difficulties by letting her backers listen to Alucard's brutal dismemberment of Luke Valentine. They're so terrified that they give her the support she needs without any further hassle.
Hates Everyone Equally: Alucard retorts with this when Rip van Winkle calls him a 'racist, cis-gendered, patriarchy propagating, misogynistic pig'.
Heroic Comedic Sociopath: Alucard goes above and beyond the call, to the point where it seems that the only reason he's at all better than his enemies is that he can be bribed into not murdering everything he sees.
Hollywood Silencer: Notably averted in Episode 3. The report of Pip's gun as he fires it is recognizable as a gunshot, just somewhat quieter and layered over with the classic "fwip" sound effect.
Enrico: Just remember to ask for it when you see him.
Idiot Hero: Alucard, even though he's clearly not one, will occasionally invoke a more immature attitude if it helps him to better screw with his opponents' heads. Although you can't help but wonder if that attitude is always invoked when you remember that the whole reason he dismembered Luke Valentine was because he was rudely interrupted while in the middle of watching Adventure Time...
Jan Valentine: The following is a fan-based parody. Hellsing Ultimate is property of Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse — the fuck is this?! You assholes brought me Back from the Dead to read this legal bullshit?! No no no no no! Fuck! That! If I'm gonna come back to life to read a fucking line, then it's gonna be mykinda fuckin' line. *clears throat* My throbbing vampire dick is a fan-based parody. Its shaft, balls, and scrotum, are property of me, Jan Valentine, and whatever bitch I happen to be giving it to at the time. Please support my dick by helping with its official release. You know you want to.
I Know You Know I Know: The Major's true intentions were willingly letting Integra know about Millennium's plan so she can plan around their plan. Now they, in turn, will plan around the plan that she is planning about their plan. The Doctor, naturally, thinks it's absolutely brilliant.
I Need a Freaking Drink: A non-alcoholic example; when the fight between Alucard and Anderson in the art gallery has narrowly been averted by Seras and some pensioners, Maxwell—temporarily united with Integra in a 'What the hell just happened?' moment—asks if she wants to go get some coffee. To which she responds "I'd love some."
Pseudo example occurs in a lull during Alucard's fight with Alhambra (whose enchanted cards make it difficult for Alucard to regenerate from attacks):
Alucard: (in a pool of his own blood) Eugh...I could really use a drink...I'm not used to seeing this much of my own blood anymore...that guy's got magic cards...and magic hands...
After explaining why his hotel room is full of dead bodies:
"Silver lining? I can cancel my room service!"
In Love with Your Carnage: Alucard towards Police Girl... and the Queen towards Alucard, to the point where she asks Alucard to record the dying screams of the Major when they kill him just so she can go to sleep listening to it.
Insane Troll Logic: By Alucard's reasoning, the attacks are clearly by some large organized group, the Nazis were an large organized group, so it must be Nazis. He's right.
Alhambra: You activated my trap card. Alucard: Shame on you. You activated my Alu-card.
And again, for Rip Van Winkle.
RVW: Check your privilege! Alucard: Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!
Delivered by Integra as far back as Episode 2—
Jan: *singing* I don't give a shit, I don't give a fuck... Integra: Oh I'm sorry, we don't give a fuck.
Jerkass Stu: Despite the comedic tone of the series, it has a surprisingly good deconstruction of this trope. This version of Alucard lacks any sense of true loyalty to Integra and, as a result, can quite literally get away withanythinghe wants in-universe. While people will complain, they won't actually do anything to stop him because nobodycan. Integra shows just how infuriating and hate-inspiring such a character would be on several occasions. On the plus side, she does find ways to use his power to her advantage (see Guile Heroine).
Jerk with a Heart of Jerk / Troll: Alucard's characterization can basically be summed up as this, but especially towards Integra. There is no indication that he follows her orders out of any sense of loyalty. Rather, it seems like she's just bribing him not to destroy everything and because he has nothing better to do and sometimes because it just amuses him.
Metaphorgotten: In the latest of his hundreds of death threats to the Pope, Alucard says that he sends so many because he wants to instill as much fear as he can...like basting a turkey. Which he will then proceed to have sex with. This ends with him saying that he's going to "fuck the fear turkey".
Mood Dissonance: So what theme did they go with for abridging a series so violent and bloody? "It's Time to Party" by Andrew W.K..
Mood Whiplash: A scene usually described as terrifying is, in contrary to the rest of the episode, absolutely not played for laughs.
Surprisingly though, the mood whiplashes are actually less severe and less frequent than those in the source material: The original often went from slapstick, to Rape as Drama, to Rape as Comedy, to Gorn, to seriously played character drama. The abridged series is 99% Comedy with various shades of blackness.
Mugging the Monster: The vampire priest from the first episode, who decided to try and kill Alucard because he assumed Alucard had come to stop him. In fact, Alucard was just having one of his 'enthousiastic walks'.
Never Mess with Granny: Queen Elizabeth II is the only person Alucard respects on a personal level, and is very near his level of psychopathy. Their flirting even forces one man to swear off sex due to the raunchiness of it. If that isn't enough, they even did it during the blitz (when Alucard wasa girl).
Alucard: Oh, and tell that guy to stop spying on me, it's creepy!
Scarlet Tampon: Shit shit shit!
Pedophile Priest: The most common insult Alucard levels against Catholic characters.
In Episode 1, Seras briefly gets in on the act by deducing that the reason she can't seduce Anderson is because she's not an 8-year-old boy.
In the promo for Episode 4, Maxwell interrogates a priest who has been spying on Iscariot for Millennium. Maxwell assumed it was the offer of immortality, but the priest simply says it was one "amongst other things". Maxwell is positively disgusted. And then Heinkel shoots the priest through the head.
Pet the Dog: Alucard is a very unusual example towards Seras. After saving her just because she "has nice tits", he seems to develop some relationship with her, such as offering her to kill zombies (which actually impresses him when she does so), requesting a new gun for her (which is later changed to a cannon. Because bitches love cannons, which happens to be a BFG), and apparently shares his room with her while taking her and Pip with him on his vacation to Brazil. Also, he's quick to shoot Schrodinger's head off when he thinks the kid is bothering her.
Alucard: Oh, shame for you. You've activated my Alu-Card.
Coupled with Ironic Echo, Alucard to Rip Van Winkle, after she called him a racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, homophobic, misogynistic pig:
Alucard: The funny thing is, in any other circumstance, you might have a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the '40s, I hate everyone equally, and there's NO ONE ALIVE who could comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Ms. Van Winkle, Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!
Psychopathic Manchild: Alucard was watching cartoons in his room before Luke busted in, then proceeded to eat Luke for destroying his TV. Considering who voices him, it's expected.
"What's a blood rage? And why don't I remember anything?"
Every vampire's eyes turn red in shadow.
Red Oni, Blue Oni: Alucard and Walter (their outfits are even colored appropriately), as well as Jan and Luke Valentine. As it happens, the red oni of both teams end up fighting the blue oni of the other, much to the latter's annoyance.
Reverse Psychology: Used by Walter on Alucard to trick him into going on a mission to Brazil. It works.
One of the only lines he didn't take from the movie was "It's a shame for ya lost yer head. A careless Vampire who wound up dead, ya wore yer sin like it was some kinda prize. Too many lies...Too many lies." That line is a slightly modified set of the opening lyrics to WWE superstar Sheamus' themesong.
The heavy implication being that the whole reason HSOD started was because Alucard was 99.9% done with the mission when he left—which gets even more hilarious when you consider that Kohta Hirano is a character in that show based on Hellsing's mangaka, and sharing the same name.
Sidetracked by the Analogy: One of Alucard's many death threats to the Pope mention he sends them so much to instill as much fear as possible "as if basting a turkey". He then goes on to mention how he will "fuck the fear turkey".
Alucard: Honestly, if you're going to have a dick-fighting competition with a woman, you must've started with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the nine year old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh right, generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God...all over his back.
Tranquil Fury: Alucard, of all people. Being the most powerful creature alive and a sarcastic as all hell to boot, it takes a lot to truly rile him up most of the time. But destroying his brand new pimped-out TV while he's in the middle of watching his favorite show is a good start.
Alucard: That was a 70-inch, plasma screen TV. [sucks air through teeth] So! How can I help you?!
Volleying Insults: Integra and Maxwell's greeting conversation was a long verbal ping pong game with insults as the ball. Only Alucard throwing at him the most insulting sentence to the whole Catholic Church was able to put a end to it.
We All Live in America: Episode 2 mentions that Alucard crashed Integra's father's car into a Dairy Queen, but they have no branches in England, where Hellsing's HQ is situated. Mind you, it would fit Alucard's character here to take said car all the way to the USA just to smash it into a Dairy Queen, as well as the possibility he crashed it during a mission there.
During a panel at ConnectiCon in 2014, Team Four Starconfirmed that Alucard did indeed bring the car all the way to America for the Dairy Queen smashing.
Additionally, it was brought up that there are no Dairy Queens in England and LittleKuriboh essentially said "I told you so" to Lanipator and KaiserNeko, since he would know this, as he IS British.