You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!
: I'm married. I was married before you and I ever met. I'm still married today. Topper
: You're joking. Ramada
: I'm not. Topper
: You've got to be. Ramada
: If I was joking, I would say: "A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Why the long face?'" Topper
: You are married.
This is a Stock Phrase
said, often by the Only Sane Man
or Deadpan Snarker
, when they've just heard about the stupid
or outlandish Zany Scheme
. In some cases, it is not even a scheme that they are snarking at, but the sheer idiocy of their world
. Compare My God, You Are Serious
, which may follow it if said Only Sane Man
actually believed that the person in question was kidding.
It may also be a reaction to something bad happening, making it somewhere between Oh, Crap
and This Is Gonna Suck
. Conversely, it may be a reaction to the characters being challenged by a ridiculously weak opponent... possibly leading to a reveal that the opponent isn't so weak after all
Truth in Television
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Anime and Manga
- Get Backers episode "The Animal Transformation of the Beastmaster"
- Chisame Hasegawa tends to utter this in some form or other in Mahou Sensei Negima!.
- Kyon from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, at least in the dub.
- Anytime you hear the phrase "Joudan ja nai wa yo!" screamed (in Ranma ½, particularly by Akane) is basically this, as it literally translates into you "You've got to be kidding (or joking with) me!"
- Ghost in the Shell: during the Tachicomatic Days section of episode 3 of Stand Alone Complex, the Tachicoma utters this when it looks up to see a huge tank about to land on it.
- Ryuuji in the Festival Arc of Toradora!, when he finds out Taiga's father won't be coming to see her in any of the school's activities.
- Naruto: the titular character and Sasuke say this in a filler episode when they see Kakashi is wearing a mask even on hot spring.
- Crocodile from One Piece uses this phrase after witnessing Luffy's idea to fight him, which included him swallowing a barrel of water to protect it since water is the only thing that can actually touch Crocodile at the time.
- Then there's a more comical example in the Skypiea arc. Faced with a choice of four doors, Luffy says after they've entered that it may be like a game; pick the right door, you get a prize, and pick the wrong one..."then you fall off the island". Usopp panics, as the island they're on is 10,000 meters in the air, and Sanji dismisses it as absurd. Then they reach the end of the tunnel...and find that while the other three paths go straight forward, theirs plunges straight down, out of sight beneath clouds. Amidst the Wild Takes, Usopp says this line.
- Faye in Cowboy Bebop yells this at the end of her backstory when she learns the doctor she had started to fall for has saddled her with a massive debt in addition to her huge health care bill.
- In the Dark World arc of the Pony POV Series, this is the Nameless Passenger's reaction to finding out Derpy is the new Element of Loyalty.
- In Ace Combat The Equestrian War, this is Rainbow Dash's reaction upon seeing Canterlot being besieged by the griffins.
- Friendship Is Aura: Shining Armor says this word for word when Luna goes to confront Tartarus' Mooks that are attacking Canterlot, in the middle of him devising a defensive strategy.
- Turnabout Storm: Phoenix's reaction to "cloud ballistics" being a thing that apparently exists in Equestria. He decides to not speak up to avoid more trouble than he already has for not doing the research on how the land works.
- Turnabout Substitution: Apollo yells this when he finds out Jessica Poole requested a fake psychiatrist report to convict Robert Enlemeyer.
- Examples in the Calvinverse:
- Hobbes says this when Dave suggests playing Go Fish in chapter 14 of Retro Chill.
- In Calvin and Hobbes: The Series: Hobbes says this when Calvin decides to use the Time Pauser in "Calvin's Batman Adventure".
- In the same episode, Calvin says this when Bane easily escapes his trap.
- Queen Of All Oni: This is Paco's reaction to Blankman engineering his and the Enforcers' escape from the Vault of Endless Night with a giant paper airplane.
- Alabaster The Doomed Session: Frequently said by Vamuin (usually before Ginneo).
- Wildstyle's reaction upon realizing just who the Special is in A Piece Of Rebellion. Mainly, that it's Bad Cop/Good Cop, Lord Business' right-hand man.
- In Warriors of the World: Soldiers of Fortune Samaroh says a deadpan one right after he witnesses a gigantic monster get hit with an equally massive fireball in the chest, is hurled into the wall of a house at top speed from the impact and immediately get to its feet.
- In Kingdom Shinigami, Toshiro Hitsugaya gets really annoyed when the people of The Land of Dragons don't bat an eyelash at Sora, Donald, and Goofy, yet regard him with suspicion because he's Japanese.
- In Hogyoku Ex Machina, Kenpachi laughs and says this when Ichigo's memory of Aizen turning into a butterfly is shown.
- Jennifer Black's reaction in Princess of the Blacks when the compass leading her to her hostage leads to Ron Weasley, who she's spoken too once.
- And again after the task when the judges insist on giving her only 15 points out of 50 for "abandoning her hostage".
- In Harry Potter and the Puppet of Time, this is Draco's reaction to learning his father betrothed him to Daphne Greengrass in exchange for the "Eternal friendship and staunch support of House Greengrass" ...despite the fact both families were already allied with each other.
- This is Naruto's reaction in The Sealed Kunai when he learns the only way to truly control the Kyuubi's power is to defeat it in single combat.
- In Opening Dangerous Gates, this is Lucy, Laxus, and Grimmjow's reaction to Natsu having no idea what sulfur and magnesium are. Lucy complains that Natsu has Playing with Fire, how could he not know about flammable materials?
Films — Animated
- The Lego Movie:
Batman "Not to be the downer, but we're sitting in a stupid couch floating IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN. It's not like a giant pirate boat is going to come out of nowh-MY-GOSH-"
*Cue Pirate Ship coming out of nowhere. Then later,*
Batman "There's just one problem with your plan, Dingus: according to your precious instructions, this ship needs a hyperdrive, and we don't have one."
Benny "Maybe we can find one!"
Batman "What? You think a spaceship is just going to come out of nowhere-"
*CUE THE MILLENIUM FALCON.*
Batman "ARE YOU KIDDING ME - again."
- The Lion King 1½: Banzai mutters this in response to Timon and Pumbaa juggling and break-dancing while trying to buy time.
Films — Live-Action
- Adventures in Babysitting
- The Blair Witch Project
- Bride Of Chucky
- And before it, Child's Play 3, when Chucky scares a man who he was just about to stab into having a heart attack. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
- Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
- Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol: Agent Carter says this after asking where Ethan Hunt was (climbing the building).
Agent Carter: "Where's Ethan?"
(Benji points out the window)
Agent Carter: "You've gotta be kidding."
- Escape to Witch Mountain (1975)
- The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
- The Thing (1982): Also doubles as a moment of levity in an otherwise horrific scene, in which the Thing-mimic of Norris detaches its head, sprouts spider legs and scuttles away. Made even funnier when you realise later that Palmer, the man who uttered the line is also a thing!
"You have got to be fucking
- In From Dusk Till Dawn 2: Texas Blood Money Robert Patrick managed to cram even more profanity into the phrase when a total eclipse of the sun makes containment of vampires in a bank during the day impossible.
- Bon Cop, Bad Cop uses it as the villain's Famous Last Words.
- In The Dark Knight Rises, Selina Kyle's reaction to Batman's "no guns" rule.
Selina Kyle: You've gotta be kidding me!
Batman; No guns, no killing!
Selina Kyle: Where's the fun in that?!
- The Fugitive: Gerard and his men have cornered Kimble in a tunnel, blocking both exits. But he doesn't attempt to come out of either exit, he's not in the stolen ambulance he was driving, he's not hiding in any of the other cars in the tunnel, he appears to have completely vanished into thin air, leaving the marshals incredulous, and Bobby Biggs outright states "You've gotta be kidding me!" Until Gerard hears the sound of trickling water and follows the path to a storm drain and he (and the audience) realize that this is where Kimble has fled, and tells them they've got a gopher.
- Similar to the phrase is "You're joking", used twice in Hot Shots! Part Deux, as demonstrated by the page quote.
- This moment in Goldfinger, when Q shows James Bond the ejector seat.
Bond: Ejector seat? You're joking!
Q: I never joke about my work, 007.
- Single White Female: Said word for word by Allie when Heddy emerges from her treatment at the salon with a haircut and color identical to hers. Until now, she's been dismissing the things about Heddy that make her uneasy, but this forces her to realize that the situation is becoming dangerous.
- In the Star Wars Expanded Universe book Enemy Lines 2: Rebel Stand, Han and Leia are trapped in prison, awaiting what looks to be their final meal before they're shipped off-system to the Yuuzhan Vong. Instead of breakfast, Han's blaster, Leia's lightsaber, and an assortment of other useful items pour through the food tray slot courtesy of a complex plan by R2-D2, and the obligatory line is Han's reaction.
Leia: "This is my favorite prison ever."
- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, when Dumbledore announces that the Tri-Wizard Tournament is being held at Hogwarts.
Fred Weasley: You're joking. (crowd laughs)
Dumbledore: I am not joking, Mr. Weasley, though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who all go into a bar -
McGonagall: *clears throat*
- The Bold And The Beautiful (soap opera)
- Gossip Girl episode "Seventeen Candles"
- Monk episode "Mr. Monk Gets Cabin Fever"
- Smallville episode "Odyssey"
- Stargate SG-1: Colonel Jack O'Neill, in the first manner explained. It's his signature line!
- Stargate Atlantis
- Scrubs: JD has been know to say this on occasion.
- The United States Of Tara episode "Aftermath"
- Whose Line Is It Anyway?
- Angel episode "Redefinition"
- Doctor Who in a couple episodes, one by Donna, another by the part-Donna Doctor clone.
- It's actually Donna's Catch Phrase.
- Also, when the Ninth Doctor ends up on a futuristic version of Big Brother, "You have got to be kidding."
- The protagonist of the US remake of Life On Mars gives a quiet "No way" upon waking up in the 70's and seeing the World Trade Center still standing.
- John Crichton on Farscape, more than once. Not always very sensibly either: once he says "Aeryn, honey, you have got to be kidding me" on the discovery that she objects to serious drug abuse. And no, he wasn't being sarcastic.
- The Office: Kevin reacts this way to Jim's declaration that he's single and Pam saying that they're "good friends" at the start of season 4. He's right.
- On Monster Garage, a variation ("You've gotta be kidding me!") was used almost Once an Episode by The Big Schwag during the final challenge.
- Power Rangers Operation Overdrive has this in episode 16, "Just Like Me", from Black Ranger Will after Sixth Ranger Tyzonn shows up dressed like him.
- Dillon from Power Rangers RPM reacts this way when he opens up a refrigerator, revealing a cannon primed and ready to blast him—just so Dr. K can prove a point. Tenaya 7 also reacts this way later in the episode when the same fridge cannon is about to blast her and end her All Your Base Are Belong to Us. A later episode also has Tenaya utter the line when she sees the ridiculous-looking Nozzle-Bot that Venjix created.
- Wire in the Blood (TV special): Dr. Tony Hill literally says this when set up and busted for possession of cocaine in his car (after he has pried around too much for the Texas locals). Unusually, everyone else, including the cops, also acknowledges how ridiculous the charge is, but they go through with the drop-charges-if-you-buzz-off-now spiel nevertheless.
- Burn Notice, 5x10, when a duped bad guy sees Michael, out of cover and alive.
- Uttered several times by Tom Servo in Mystery Science Theater 3000, usually when witnessing a spectacular Special Effect Failure.
- Crow lays a big one on Servo when the latter claims Mr. B Natural is male, and that everyone should follow "his" lifestyle. Crow later says it when TV's Frank will be an "impartial" judge in a contest between the SOL and Forrester.
- Plenty of occasions in Supernatural, and done for Rule Of Threes in "My Heart Will Go On".
- This was the reaction at the 2014 Royal Rumble those in the ring had when Los Matadores arrived thinking it was one of them only to learn it was El Torito, much to the dismay of the guy who got eliminated, even the announcers had this response.
- This is also the reaction whenever a wrestler performs a signature move of another wrestler, especially when they think they can copycat The Undertaker. You know who are talking about.
- There were two matches that involved The Big Show where the ring actually broke while getting superplexed, first in 2003 by Brock Lesnar and in 2011 with Mark Henry. Tazz let out his expression with his choice words..
- Announcers often say this during awesome high-risk spots. Don West was a frequent offender.
- In Munchkin Bites, the text for Were-Muskrats is "+4 vs. Werewolves, who cannot BELIEVE this...".
- Blood 2: The Chosen:
- Caleb utters the line again at the beginning of the second chapter, when Gideon once again crashes the subway train Caleb was riding on into another one.
- inFAMOUS has Cole say this when he gets a load of Sasha.
- The Legend Of Zelda C Di Games: "How about a kiss, for luck?"
- Portal: "You are kidding me. Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does, into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?"
- Final Fantasy XIII: Lightning summoning Odin for the first time cues the following quote just before he tries to bisect Hope. Bonus points for snarking her sudden role as the Badly Battered Babysitter after they were separated from Sazh and Vanille prior to the summoning.
This cannot be happening.
- Variations happen twice in Modern Warfare. First, when Gaz hears that The Squad's extraction point has just become compromised and they have to fight through a virtual army downhill to the secondary one before the chopper leaves without them, he lets out the anguished: "Oh, he's gotta be taking the piss!" A few levels later, Price, Soap, and Griggs fight their way to the final bunker door under extreme time pressure and the door begins to open veeeeerryyyy slooowlyyy. Griggs: "Oh, you gotta be shittin' me!" Cue snarks from Price and Gaz on the comms. In Black Ops Hudson says the quote verbatim when told the only way to escape a pursing Spetznaz hit-squad that wants him, his partner and their prisoner dead is to jump off the roof of the building they're all standing on.
- In the very beginning of Beyond Good & Evil the main heroine Jade finds out that the power company cut off power feed to her house for nonpayment. Oh, yeah, she finds it out when the defensive force field over her house dies in the middle of an alien invasion. Jade is apparently a very polite and temperate girl so the worst she has to say over the situation is You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!.
- Shepard utters this exact line in Mass Effect 2's Overlord DLC when the huge satellite dish they just disabled starts collapsing. While they're still standing on it.
Garrus: Did we just get shot at by a Reaper?!
James: (as the party runs towards it) You've got to be kidding!
- The Uncharted series uses this at least once per scene. Often said by rogueish protagonist Nathan Drake as he suddenly finds himself face-to-face with a tank, or a helicopter, or a slimy zombie-like thing, or a dude with a humongous gun. Or even just another wall that must be scaled.
- Zidane of Final Fantasy IX says this almost word-for-word when the Armodullahan appears out of nowhere in an enclosed space. To his credit, he does start running before saying the line.
- In the MGS3 Secret Theater Video, Metal Gear Sigint, Naked Snake ( aka Big Boss) says it at the end after Sigint gets the Big Boss rank from President Lyndon B. Johnson.
- In Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Raiden says this exact phrase right before the final boss powers up. Odds are the player will say the same thing at this scene.
- Team Fortress 2: The Scout on the losing team sometimes says this.
- Travis Touchdown in No More Heroes: "Ya gotta be shittin' me!"
- Kyle Katarn in Jedi Knight, when he sees just how far he's got to jump to get to his goal. The player probably had a similar reaction: it is a long way over a hell of a drop.
- In Killzone 3, after blowing up an oil rig and jumping to safety, the resulting wave towers over him, and he simply quips "...really?"
- Both AWACS Thunderhead and one of the allied tanks in Ace Combat 5 have this reaction in the "Desert Lightning" mission, after the enemy manages to sneak a battleship into the river near their fallen airfield.
- Sheena in Tales of Symphonia is very fond of this line when she gets flustered, such as if Lloyd catches her playing with children and Luin and comments how cute this makes her look.
- It's also what she'll say if an enemy lands a critical blow on her in battle.
- Mr. Sandman's Title Defense in Punch-Out!! Wii upon seeing Little Mac has taken not only his title, but also his fans.
- In the Game Boy Advance Updated Re-release of MOTHER, when Teddy, Ninten and Ana hear a robot monster approaching, Teddy says, "You've got to be kidding me!", and a Hopeless Boss Fight ensues.
- In The Gears of War series, Marcus had this reaction after shooting a chicken that goes into a giant golden mutant one.
- This is Ginger's reaction in Collar 6 when Linda Knight shows up as her "training partner".
- The phrase is stated by Charlie in Charlie The Unicorn 2, when he finds out the journey to save the world from 1000 years of darkness was actually a trap to steal his television.
- The How It Should Have Ended version of Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows has Moriarty utter this phrase when Iron Man shoots a tank missile at him. Made funnier if you've seen their version of Iron Man. Watch it here.
Iron Man: Tank missile!
Moriarty: You've got to be kidding me.
- Yami in Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series in episode 30, "Sore", when his opponent appears to be none other than Jigsaw.
- Not to mention when Yugi realizes that Jaden challenged him to a rap battle, and he accepted it.
- Or Yami's reaction in the pilot when he sees Kaiba's holographic duel arena. "Okay, seriously, you've got to be [BEEP]ing kidding me. Who wastes all that money on something like that?"
- Done by Washington in Red vs. Blue: Reconstruction after he discovers that even the Big Bad's computer pronounces "E.M.P." as "ehmp".
- It has become the closest thing he has to a catchphrase, always uttered when something extremely stupid happens to or around him. Which is a lot.
- After the Reds and Tucker spend an entire episodes getting their asses handed to them by Tex, Simmons finally gets a clear shot at her with a heat-seeking missile, only for her to outrun the thing and use some teleporters to start running back at them with the missile in tow. Tucker sums it up.
- Everyone's reaction in Suburban Knights when it was revealed that Malachite's Hand is in the same field that they started in at the beginning of the special.
(Film Brain recieves a piece of paper telling him exactly where the Gauntlet is. At the same time, Seude is showing Critic exactly where the Gauntlet is.)
Film Brain: (looking at the paper, furious) Oh, you have—
Todd: (reading over Film Brain's shoulder) —FUCKING—
Nostalgia Critic: —KIDDING ME! IT'S RIGHT BACK WHERE WE STARTED?!
- "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! OH MY GOD! After all 30 of my Ultra Balls failed, a Poke Ball caught it!"
- Chorocojo had a similar reaction after finally managing to catch a Weezing in Crystal, wasting a ton of Ultra Balls on it before finally catching it with a Great Ball (made funnier considering Great Balls had literally never worked before that point).
- Actually, he wasted a ton of GREAT Balls on the Weezing before finally catching it with a LURE BALL of all things. A member of the IRC chat he was in came to the conclusion that Weezing is a fish.
- In The Mercury Men, words to this effect are said by Edward on several occasions.
- This classic in A Day in Dracula's Life when Ricther is revived:
Dracula: "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?! This is a load of Bullshit!"
""Why can't I move? Wh... why can't I- No, no, (sees Jotaro
walking out the fire) nononoNONO! MOTHERF**KER!!! (Jotaro
stops in front of him) NO! NO! NO! NO! BULLS**T! BULLS**T! BULLS**T! Okay, calm down, Dio. Calm down. Calm down, Dio...calm down. If I, Dio, don't move, then he won't realize that I, Dio, am not in front-
(Star Platinum smashes Dio's leg)
Dio: "OH MY GOD!"
- In RWBY, Jaune screams, "Are you kidding me!?" when Neptune uses the same failed pickup line that he once used on Weiss and it works.
- In Dangan Ronpa Abridged Thing, this is Leon Kuwata's word-for-word reaction when he is to be executed by pitching machine.