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Awesome / Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

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"ALUCARD! Go for a walk."
— Integra

With only a few episodes Team Four Star has shown that it can make Hellsing Ultimate Abridged as awesome as the original.

Warning: Spoilers Off applies to this page. Proceed at your own risk.

    open/close all folders 

     Episode 1: "Psych, Hitler!" 

     Episode 2: "Bullet From Your Valentine" 
  • Overlaps as a Funny Moment. According to Word of God, since there are no Dairy Queen branches in England, Alucard brought the car all the way to America just to smash it into a Dairy Queen.
    • Slightly undermined by Episode 7, where he offhandedly mentions that he crashed a car into the first British Dairy Queen. Unless he did both, which honestly would be something that this version of Alucard would do.
  • Alucard's back-and-forth "Really" with Luke Valentine. Particularly his last word, where his head snaps up and he snarls "REALLY?!" with a Slasher Smile on his face.
    Alucard: Really? Really.
    Luke: "Really."
    Alucard: Really?
    Luke: Really!
    Alucard: (with aforementioned Slasher Smile) REALLY?!
    Luke: REALLY!
    Alucard: (calmly) Release restraint, level one.
    Luke: Level what?
  • Three words:
    Seras: Bitches love cannons.
    • Not to mention the followup:
      Jan: Oh fuck, that's an anti-tank rifle... ...OH FUCK!! THAT'S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!!!
  • Before the Valentine Brothers invaded the compound, Integra was in a meeting with Hellsing's financial backers about the various budget issues the organization, mostly Alucard, was racking up. They then get to listen in on Alucard devouring Luke Valentine over the PA system.
    Alucard: (over the intercom amidst Valentine's screams) WE'RE HERE ON EPIC MEAL TIME! I'M THE SAUCE BOSS, AND TONIGHT, WE'RE EATING THIS BLOND LITTLE WANNABE DEMIGOD BITCH!
    Sir Penwood: Who... is that, exactly?
    Integra: Oh that's Alucard, the one we talked about earlier. This is what happens when he has to entertain himself. Oh, so what was that issue with our funding?
    Sir Penwood: Issue?
    Sir Irons: What issue?
    Sir Penwood: I don't see an issue.
    Unknown: Shut up and take our money!!!
  • Walter in Episode 2 where despite his dialogue being changed to be more humorous is still every bit as badass as he is in the canon series.
    Hello. My name is Walter C. Dornez, ex-vampire hunter and butler to the Hellsing Organization. I answer the door, I clean up the estate, and I take out the trash. And I also kill self-entitled little twats like yourself.
    • Once Jan's ghouls are exterminated and Seras has him in a restraint hold, he starts giving an incredibly sarcastic apology... which is cut off when Walter stomps on one of his hands.
      Jan: AHH! Take a fuckin' joke, asshole!
      Walter: And everything you say just pisses me off!
  • When Jan Valentine, who's been threatening to do unspeakably horrible things to Integra during the assault on Hellsing Manor, finally reaches her... he's greeted by Integra and the rest of Hellsing's backers wielding guns. The look on Jan's face says it all, but what Integra says before they shoot him to the wall really hammers it home.
    Jan Valentine: Well, that's not fair at all...
    Integra: I'm sorry. (gun cocked) We don't give a fuck.
    (Opens fire)
    • Jan thought he had backup, too...
      Jan: Where the fuck did my ghouls go?!
      Walter: Oh... they've been dealt with.
      (cut to Seras in the throes of a bloodrage, butchering the ghouls while Rob Zombie's "Dragula" plays)
      Jan: ...well at least I'm gonna die with a raging boner.
    • Integra's line is also throwing back Jan's own war chant in his face.
      Jan: I don't give a shit! I don't give a fuck! Now if I give a shit, I might just give a fuck! But I don't give a shit 'cause I don't give a fuck!
  • When Luke Valentine starts hyping up Alucard as build-up for his own Badass Boast, Alucard utterly demolishes the moment:
    Alucard: Oh, you dirty bitch, work the shaft!
    Luke: Ex... cuse you?
    Alucard: Oh, I'm sorry. I like to dirty talk when someone's sucking my dick!
    Luke: ...Perhaps I should just skip to my point. My name is Luke Valentine.
    Alucard: And I'm Carmen Sandiego! Guess where I am.
    Luke: I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, here.
    Alucard: Oh! So am I! And I'm failing. And I'm sorry for that. It's just that I'm so agitated. Because this blond little shit strolled into my room, destroyed my 70-inch, plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I'm his alcoholic father.
    (they both pull out their guns)
    Alucard: Be a sport and grab daddy another beer, would you?

     Episode 3: "TheCrimsonFuckr" 
  • The opening of the episode gives us a chilling and masterful cameo by Christopher Sabat as Van Hellsing, the man who defeated Alucard centuries past.
    Van Helsing: Vampire King... You lay upon the blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land. Castles plundered, dominions in ruin, servants destroyed, all to end the hellfire which you sought to cover the world. A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands, countless villages razed to the ground, and over twenty thousand impaled and prostrated by you and you alone, to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! WHAT SAY YOU?! MONSTER! DEMON! DEVIL CONCEIVED BY THE BLEAKEST WOMB! WHAT SAY YOU NOW?!
    (beat)
    Alucard: ...The Aristocrats.
    Van Helsing: Grrrrr! (stakes Alucard)
    • It's almost a Shut Up, Kirk! moment, and if it were, it would be one of the best of all time.
  • Walter manages to outwit Alucard. The only other person to do was The Major, and he had to make a Puff of Logic with Schrodinger. Walter just outwits Alucard by making Brazil the one place he can't go.
  • Pip gets one in Episode 3, when he casually strolls into the police tent (in a stolen uniform), shoots everyone there while counting off his kills in French, then casually strolls out, humming La Marseillaise, lighting a cigarette, and the tent explodes behind him.
    Pip: Well, let's see what he thinks about having that drink with me.
  • When the Dandy Man bets Alucard that he can end his life with one hand:
    Alhambra: Tell me, Alucard, are you a betting man?
    Alucard: I believe that's your schtick...?
    Alhambra: I'd like to make a little bet with you, vagabundo. I'll end your life [whips out cards] with one hand.
    Alucard: I'll take that bet. Now... HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!!
    (Cue explosion)
    Alucard: Oh, shame for you... You activated my Alu-Card. (Releases Restraints)
    (Cue Curb-Stomp Battle)
    • Followed by Seras' Dynamic Entry, via BFG
      Seras: (firing madly at the Dandy Man) GET SOOOOOOOOMMMMEEE!!!!
      Dandy Man: Puta!
      (Seras whips out the Harkonnen)
      Seras: Trump this!
      (Cue explosion)
    • Culminated with Alucard dealing the final blow:
      Alhambra: I'm getting real tired of this shit!
      Alucard: YOU AND ME BOTH.
      (Alucard kicks Alhambra's knee into smithereens)
      Alucard: Now, show me your hand! DANDY MAAAAAAAAAN! (attacks with his bare hand)
      (Alhambra attacks with the Ace of Spades, only for his arm to be completely split in half lengthwise)
    • The best part? You could drop this sequence into the original episode and it would fit perfectly.
  • There is also Alucard's "walk" in Episode 3, which is done with his theme from the original Hellsing's soundtrack. It reminds us that even though Alucard's a lot funnier in this incarnation, he's still Alucard.
    • His "hello" to the host of SWAT officers before brutally slaughtering them all is worth a mention:
      Alucard: Hey guys, how's your health plan? [the soldiers flip out and start firing wildly] APPARENTLY IT'S GREAT!

     Episode 4: "Trigger Warning" 
  • Maxwell dealing with the traitor Pedophile Priest in the preview.
    Priest: Please! Y-You must understand! I am just a man! A-A-A-A man is just but a speck in the eyes of the Lord! I am weak!
    Maxwell: Oh, do not worry, Father. I assure you, God is forgiving.
    Priest: Really? Oh, praise be to— (Heinkel comes behind him and puts a gun to his head)
    Maxwell: Just make sure to ask him when you get there.
  • Alucard entering the council hall, set to "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks. Despite his proclamation that it did not work, it's undeniably a hell of an entrance.
  • It's nowhere as long as the original, but the Major's "I love war" speech is arguably just as awesome, if not MORESO.
    Gentlemen. Operation: Bait Van Winkle is a resounding success. Alucard is now exactly where we need him to be so we can move forward with our little... "surprise". However, before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I like war. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war. I...LOVE...war. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war. You make it to work, and you find out that the annual drug test is today. And you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. Drug war. But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. Race war. Then, you try to post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right and what's wrong. Flame war. You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching a program about: "Who gets the box?" "What's in the box?" "How much is what's in the box worth?" Storage Wars. *chuckle* What I am telling you, my Nazi army of 1,000 vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars... And certainly, no Cold Wars! (Blueballed for 40 years.) What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war! A German war! The sequel you've all been waiting for! I! WANT! WORLD! WAR!! THREE!!!
    • And the music that starts playing as the Major's speech begins to intensify in awesomeness and closes out the episode? Mars, Bringer of War.
      • The Stinger shows Alucard's stone cold delivery of this line:
        Alucard: I BETTER NOT MISS A DAMN THING.
      • The fact this part is not played for laughs in any way. No sarcastic quips, no jokes, not even a character line. Just showing every other side of the story with a foreboding air, getting ready for what's coming next.
  • What song does Team Four Star set to Alucard attacking Rip's battleship? Shoot to Thrill!
  • Rip's misguided attempt at killing Alucard is rather ballsy.
    Rip Van Winkle: They say no man can kill you, Alucard? That's because you don't need a man to do a woman's job!
  • Alucard quite efficiently takes the wind out of Rip's sails:
    Alucard: So... nice ship yah got here.
    Rip Van Winkle: I-I am Rip Van Winkle! Und I command your respect!
    Alucard: No. You demand my attention. [Rip fires her magic bullet] Ow.
    Rip Van Winkle: I don't have to take zis from you! You racist, cisgendered, patriarch-propagating, misogynistic pig!
    (Alucard catches the bullet with his teeth)
    Alucard: The funny thing is, (bites down and destroys bullet) in any other circumstance, you might have had a point there. Except my boss is a woman, I was a chick in the '40s, I hate everyone equally, and there's NO ONE ALIVE who could comprehend my sexual preference. So in other words, Ms. Van Winkle, Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE! (Clocks her across the jaw.)
  • Alucard's killing of Rip with her own gun, like in the canon, but sealed with with a Pre-Mortem One-Liner and a stone-cold Call-Back.
    Alucard: Oh, haven't you heard the new sensation sweeping the nation? "Bitches love cannons." (shoves gun right through Rip Van Winkle)
  • Even Queen Elizabeth II gets one for her bloodthirstiness towards the Major and Millennium (Justified, when one remembers what the Nazis did to Britain in WWII).
    Queen: Integra, (Integra rises) Alucard. (The No-Life King regards her)
    Alucard: Yes, Sugar-Lips?
    Queen: (motherly voice, while smirking sinisterly) When you find him, and when you kill him...I want you to record it, so that I can fall asleep to it every night.
    Alucard: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I'VE MISSED YOU!
  • Alucard's laugh at the end of the episode. Takahata101 was really able to pull that off.
    • Still on voice acting Anderson's (hbi2k) roar of indignation to what Alucard did to the statue of "Big J" before the intro rolls in is nothing short of perfect (and as the subtitles indicates: "Committing Vocal Suicide").

     Episode 5: "Lay Back and Think of Oblivion" 

     Episode 6: "Jour de Colere" 
  • The defense of the Hellsing compound by the Wild Geese and Seras is equally awesome to the full show.
    • First, Zorin disobeys orders and launches two dozen V-1 rockets at the building... all of which are shot down. The Reveal is that Seras took them out while wielding massive artillery on her back.
    • Whatever the Wild Geese may say otherwise, Seras's "Eat schnitzel in hell!" was pretty damn badass, especially with her vocal delivery and what she was doing while delivering it: shoving her gigantic gun straight into a nazi vampire's mouth, lifting him towards the ceiling, and then pulling the trigger.
  • The second half of the episode, which shows Maxwell rounding up soldiers for the Ninth Crusade. Although the crusaders are a lot more disorganized and divisive than the ones in the original series, the reason they've come together under Maxwell may count as a villainous moment of awesome: The one thing Maxwell and all of the crusaders agree upon is that they hate Pope Francis, and all the reforms he's been bringing to the Catholic Church. As such, Maxwell declares himself the new Pope, and that after they annihilate London with everybody in it, they would depose of Pope Francis, and bring the Catholic Church back to its roots. And through it all, Maxwell is giving a Rousing Speech that would give The Major's "War Speech" a run for its money.

    Episode 7: "A Scythe for Sore Eyes" 
  • Pip's last act of awesome: Coming out of nowhere to smack Zorin across the face and blasting her full of bullets.
    Pip: VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE! (pistol-whips Zorin) It's French for fuck off! (empties revolver into her)
  • During Seras' talk with Alucard, Team Four Star managed do something that hardly any other abridged series can do: Sum up the main character in one sentence. Then Alucard tells her to get real.
    Alucard: Listen to me, Draculina! You are so much stronger than you let yourself be!
    Seras: (sobbing) 'Ow do you know?!
    Alucard: Because behind those eyes, I saw something I lost long ago: the will to live. Now, stop running from who you are. Confront it! Embrace it! And go for its fucking throat. Like a REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE!
  • Seras transforming into a full vampire. Not only does she take an instant level in badass, she gets off a few good lines, including a Pre-Asskicking One-Liner and a Call-Back to Episode 1, all set to Rob Zombie's "Living Dead Girl." Functionally, she goes full Alucard.
    Seras: Zorin, was it? L-listen, Zorin, this whole fuckin' place, this is my house. You ain't the queen vampire bitch here; I am. And you know what we Brits always say... ("Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie cues up) God. Save. The Queen.
  • Let's not forget the absolutely chilling performance Nowacking gives as Seras with the scream of "WHAT DO I DO!". That would be murder on the vocal chords and it's pulled off flawlessly.

     Episode 8: "Deus Ex Anderson" 
  • Anderson tempts fate by saying Alucard won't show up to see Seras' imminent demise. Cue "Ready to Die" blasting out over all of London as a certain aircraft carrier makes its way out of a fog bank and through the Tower Bridge, with Alucard subsequently leaping off of the bow to float down into the mass of crusaders and Nazis, all of whom have paused to gape at what is happening. Not even taking into account the fact that it would be impossible to navigate an aircraft carrier up the Thames for a variety of reasons, this is the the beginning of real-life YEARS of buildup towards Alucard's triumphant return to the battlefield.
  • Everything that follows Alucard's "walk", up to and including his transformation into Dracula once again.
  • Maxwell's final moment of hubris builds up to a beautiful one:
    Maxwell: Ha! Stupid demon zombies! Claw away all you want! The only thing that can pierce my Holy Pope Box is THE WILL OF GOD HIMSEL--
    (Anderson's blade, falling from the Heavens above, proceeds to pierce it right through and shatter it.)
    • And then:
      Maxwell: ANDERSON! ¿¡POR QUÉ?! ["WHY?!"]
      Anderson: It is the sacred duty of the Iscariot Organization to punish the demon, the heretic, and the false god.
      Maxwell: [strangled cries]
      Anderson: Also, you're a daft cunt!
    • Then Anderson leaves Maxwell to die at the hands of Dracula's horde with an utterly stone-cold Ironic Echo.
      Anderson: Sinners will be allowed no quarter. Kill them all, and let God sort them out.
  • In a less flash way, it's noteworthy that despite all the horrible things Alucard has done and despite their deep rivalry, Anderson still manages to forgive him in the end.
    • On one hand, anyone raised Christian may be tempted to take Anderson forgiving Alucard with a grain of salt, as often times - particularly in modern religions - religious leaders and zealots will "forgive" as a form of emotional blacmail, putting on a show of righteousness for their fellow believers while simultaneously attempting to take the wind out of their detractors without ever actually forgiving anyone beyond just saying the words. But when Anderson says it, he's quiet and solemn, even more so than any of the times previously when we've heard him recite literal prayers or Bible passages. From the moment he says he forgives Alucard, his entire demeanor changes, albeit subtly: He no longer becomes incensed, no longer takes cheap verbal shots at Alucard, and behaves in a manner more akin to a man trying to put down a rabid dog than a man clashing with a fierce rival. It culminates in Anderson's death, and the heartfelt conversation he has with Alucard before Walter ruins the moment. The awesomeness here isn't that Anderson says the words "I forgive you," it's that he legitimately does forgive Alucard.
  • Crossing with Funny, The Reveal that the Jewish Crusaders were only faking when they allied with the Catholics earlier, promptly leaving before the battle even started. "That's for the Rhineland Massacres, you schmucks!"
    • In addition, they "fucked off" with most of the Crusade's helicopters, meaning they're not only the only band of the crusade safe from Alucard's big rampage, but they get to watch him kill the Nazis for them from said safety, if not take shots themselves. Things quite literally could not have gone better for them.
  • Anderson's line when he goes to face Alucard:
    Heinkel: "Father Anderson.. there's no way you can beat Alucard as he is now."
    Anderson: "Maybe you're right, Heinkel. But I want to take a stab at it anyway.."
  • Dracula openly acknowledges Anderson as a Worthy Opponent - and swiftly derailed when Anderson notes that this is tremendously out of character for the normally flippant vampire, demanding that Alucard be the one he faces instead:
    Dracula: Alucard isn't here right now. You face Count Dracula of Wallachia.
    Anderson: Call yourself whatever ya want, you crazy vampire bastard! I'm here to cleanse the earth of your filth once and for all!
    Dracula: Many have tried and failed. But if it is my fate to fall to your blade...then let it be so...worthy opponent.
    Anderson: Time the fuck out! If we're doing this — and WE ARE DOING THIS — I'm not gonna come swinging at DRACULA! I'M KILLING ALUCARD!
    Dracula: You do know that it's just my name spelled --
    Anderson: OF COURSE I DO! JUST SHUT UP AND BRING HIM OUT!
    • Minor one: it's implied that Anderson knew already that Alucard and Dracula are part of the same entity, something the Nazis admit it took them a lot of time to realize, and that Maxwell didn't know until Alucard's transformation.
    • Anderson's death-defying charge into the horde that Dracula had brought to bear, using every weapon at his disposal and attacking despite his left arm literally hanging on by a thread due to Alucard's Jackal canceling out his Healing Factor, leading to The Cavalry showing up to help him despite his direct order to retreat.
      Alucard: Hope you don't mind, I brought some friends! ...Associates? ...Slaves. I br-I brought slaves.
      Anderson: The more the merrier!
    • When Anderson plays his trump card, Alucard's quips and humor stop dead.
      Anderson: I forgive you.
      Alucard: ...excuse me?
      Anderson: Everything you've said. Everything you've done. I forgive you.
      Alucard: Well, isn't that convenient? But it's not up to you, now, is it? It's up to your precious God.
      Anderson: You're right. (brandishes the Nail of Helena) Would you like to speak to Him?
    • Which is then followed up by the only words spoken by Anderson while his heart is pierced with the nail of Helena, over the visual of him forming a Catholic Cross with his Bayonets while Alucard makes an inverted cross with his guns..
      Anderson: Through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace.
      Anderson/God: And I absolve you of your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
      God: Amen.
  • Heinkel gets two for two.
    • When she and the remaining Iscariots come to Anderson's aid in spite of his orders to retreat.
    Anderson: I gave you express bloody orders to...
    Heinkel: We don't have to follow orders when our leader is acting like a daft cunt!
    Anderson: ...That's the only time you get to call me any kind o' cunt!
    Alucard: She is sassy as fuck! Holy shit, I like her!
    Heinkel: Iscariots! Do you want to live forever?!
    Paladins: We will live forever! In God's grace!
  • Alucard telling God to piss off to His face, and giving Him a damn "Reason You Suck" Speech in the process. Though the big G gets some props for maintaining His cool with Alucard and freeing all his damned souls.
    God: Anyway, Alucard... you are forgiven. And if you are brave enough to accept it—
    Alucard: Didn't ask; don't need it; go fuck yourself!
    God: (Sounding disappointed) Hm.
  • This entire showdown from start to finish proves that Anderson is the only person in the show that could pose a true threat to Alucard in battle. In all of Alucard's centuries of walking the Earth and countless battles, Anderson is the first person since Van Hellsing himself to fully kill him or at least bring him close enough to death that he gets to have a chat directly with God.

     Episode 9: "Abridged Over Troubled Walter" 
  • The episode opens with a flashback to the death of Integra's father and her first encounter with Alucard while trying to survive her uncle attempting to kill her. The encounter goes to show why Alucard listens to her at all. Especially after he accurately sums up why she's come before leaning in dangerously close and asking her how she wants to handle the situation.
    Integra: You work for me now.
    Alucard: (intrigued) Ohhh?
    Integra: I am Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, of the Hellsing Organization. If you served my father, you serve me!
    Alucard: Alright then, but I require long walks at night.
    Integra: Will you behave yourself?
    Alucard: Hm, more or less. And in return...
    Richard: DIE! (shoots at Integra only for Alucard to block the bullet with his arm)
    Alucard: I will protect you with my lives.
    Integra: Then your first order is... (props her injured arm up on Alucard's as she aims her gun) Keep your arm steady.
    Richard: No... No! NO! (Integra shoots him)
  • Alucard's awakening. "I SAID LET ME GET SOME SIP!"
  • Yumi charging Walter, and Walter's response.:
    Walter: "I am a vampire hunter first, and a butler second."
    Yumi: (draws her sword) "Omae wa dochira mou inai!" Translation 
    Yumi: "Omae wa.. Omae wa mou shindeiru." again 
    Walter: "Hai, omae da. Demo, watashi wa?(kills her) note 
  • Heinkel insulting the Captain as he's holding her at gunpoint:
    Heinkel: "Your gun looks ridicu-"
  • Integra giving Alucard permission to fuck Walter up in the best way possible.
    Walter: How about we finish what we started 50 years ago?
    Alucard: Hold that thought, Walter. (bows before Integra) Integra… I want to hear you say it. I need to hear it!
    (Dramatic Pause as Integra lights up a cigar, takes a good drag, then breaks it in two)
    Integra: FUCK HIM IN THE VAGINA!
    Alucard: (cackles) Alright! But I’m gonna have to make one!
  • Walter proves to be so dangerous he can keep Alucard, Alucard on the ropes.
    Alucard: Okay! I know it's filthy rich coming from me... ...But'cha powers are bullshit!
    • Walter also refuses to take Alucard's usual bullshit for even a minute, sandbagging his jokes by either not reacting or countering them with Anti-Humor. And when Alucard jokes that the reason Walter betrayed the Hellsing Organization because he wanted to fuck him, Walter just shreds him to pieces so brutally it even seems to shock Alucard himself.
  • The Millenium cannon fodder that Seras goes up against deserve at least some props for having absolutely no fear. One of them even gets a final jab in as he's dying by telling her that she should smile more often, just to piss her off.
  • The Major's Motive Rant as his flagship begins to burn, possibly on par with his "war" speech earlier in the series... to a point.
    Integra: These fools die with a smile on their face. Their religion is death and carnage, a cult of nihilism.
    Seras: Then I'll be their FUCKING KOOL-AID!
    The Major: Fun fact: in Jonestown it was mostly Flavor Aid, a less-popular competing brand. Let me assure you, though, ve are not here for cyanide und valium. Ve are here... for glory! After ze var, ve vere ousted und scorned. Nuremburg really wanted to settle ze score there. Ve lost our purpose. But vorse, ve lost our chance at ze one true gift that could be avarded men like us: a true, gloriful death. Vithout glory, our deaths vould be meaningless. So, in zis towering vall of civilization, of peace und stagnation, ve had to break through! Little by little, ve carved a vay und finally! Ve could see our glory on ze other side. Zere, with vicious steel und crimson heart, stood Hellsing. So danke schön, dear fräuleins, for giving us ze happy ending ve so desperately craved... from a majestic glory hole.
    Integra: And there it is.
    Pip: Hey, I give it an eight out of ten.
  • After Seras realizes that Pip still exists as a part of her, much like Alucard's absorbed souls, they become a terrifyingly effective Battle Couple with Pip providing intel and keeping an eye on the battlefield around them while Seras focuses on absolutely laying out the enemy before her. Pip even manifests out of Seras' "wing" to ram a silver tooth straight into the Captain's heart, with the both of them delivering a Pre-Mortem One-Liner.
    Seras: (bites down on the Captain’s leg) Sorry. This Red Riding Hood bites back!
    Pip: Tellement désolé, grand méchant loup!note  (shoves the silver tooth into the Captain’s chest) Huff and puff and blow me!
    • There's also this brief exchange near the end, after the Captain's kicked Seras through a wall.
      Pip: He hit you! What are you going to do about it?!
      Seras: HIT 'IM HARDER!!!
      (rips a bombing missile out from behind the wall and hurls it at the Captain)
    • Even better, according to KaiserNeko the entire fight with Seras, Pip and the Captain was almost cut entirely because it had so little impact on the Ultimate series. Fortunately, they made the decision to leave it in and they did the original fight justice, even including Rob Zombie's "Werewolf Baby!" as the soundtrack.
    • As a matter of fact, both fights in this episode should count. Alucard vs. Walter and Seras/Pip vs. the Captain were impressive enough in the source material, but the Abridged version elevates them through one aspect: pacing. By speeding up the action at just the right moments, the battles become a thrill to watch when they're not being hilarious, ensuring that all the characters involved truly live up to their qualities as the strongest beings in the setting.
  • Seras and Pip's flirting is both this and funny; the stand out line for Awesome is Seras' "So you're finally inside me. How's it feel?" Even Pip was impressed with that one.
  • Alucard's absolute refusal to take his fight with Walter seriously turns out to have been completely intentional. Walter wanted him to, so in retaliation for betraying the Hellsing Organization and killing Anderson, Alucard refuses to let him have that. Along with his pussy, but that's an entirely different thing.

    Episode 10: "The Party's Over" 
  • Alucard's brutal assessment of Walter's little plan, just before seeking to drain the blood of the dead in London.
    Alucard: Let me see if I can get the grand scheme here, Benjamin Button. The Jerries thought that if I purged all my souls, I wouldn't have my #LifeHack, and at least one of you could kill me. So when the very fine people of the Nazi military, those KKK-looking sons-of-bitches, and Alexander Motherfucking Anderson couldn't do the job, you thought you, you were the guy. But quick question, Jolly Wally...how many people lived in London...or rather, DIED? LET'S TAKE A CENSUS!
    • Minor one for Anderson: when Alucard lists the people who recently attempted to kill him, mentions two entire armies (Millennium, and Maxwell's forces)... and then the lone priest. And it's clear that Alucard considers Anderson to be more dangerous than the other two.
  • Even after getting his #LifeHack back, becoming a hopeless boss fight for Walter, and is twisting the knife Alucard's dark and innuendo loving sense of humor still finds its chance to come out.
    Alucard: Look at me, Walter! I'M SUCKING EVERYONE BUT YOU!!!
  • Equal parts awesome and disturbing: Both Taka and his sister overlaying their voices when Walter tries to attack Alucard, leading to an incredibly creepy line that just serves to show Walter how outmatched he is. What makes it all the more unsettling is that it's the one time the Girlycard voice is that of a grown woman instead of the faux cutesy voice it had been until then.
    Girlycard: Ah, yamero, Walter! You're splitting me in two!
    Girlycard/Alucard: Now do it another three million times, why don'tcha?
  • The culmination of the Major's master plan—having Warrant Officer Schrödinger kill himself and merge his blood with Alucard to cancel out Alucard's existence—is every bit as awesome and terrifying as the original:
    Major: Fraulein, have you ever heard of Schrödinger's Cat?
    Integra: I shot Schrödinger's Cat!
    Major: Indeed! And yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, one of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet to consume a thing is to know a thing. Alucard is now partaking of Varrant Officer Schrödinger's paradoxical existence. Und as our dear cat boy stares into ze abyss zat is within Alucard... zat abyss stares back. Ze wave function collapses, uncertainty becomes certainty, ze proverbial coin flips, und...
    Alucard: (suddenly affected) Am I a bad person?
    (Alucard disappears)
    Integra: ALUCARD!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!
    Major: I CALLED HEADS!
    [The monitors shatter and the area around them bursts into flames.]
    Integra: Whatever you've done with him...you're not making it out of here alive.
    Major: Then my last meal...shall be victory!
    • You have to remember that, even with manipulating Iscariot into expending vital resources to render Alucard's #LifeHack useless, even with getting Walter to betray Alucard and force him into a corner so that he would need to refill on souls, and even with finding someone like Schrodinger with their unique abilities, it still boiled down to a 50% chance of success provided everything else went right. You got to admire the sheer iron will of someone willing to go as far as he did on, as he put it, the "proverbial coin flip".
  • When Seras pulls the 88mm anti-aircraft cannon right out of the zeppelin, a badass moment in itself, the Major has only this to say.
    Major: Now zhat's vhat I'm talking about! Come on, bitch! SHOW ME VHAT YOU LOVE!!!
    • And when Seras cuts loose, she not only messes up the Major badly, but she also manages to kill Herr Doktor as well.
  • When Walter is in full Villainous BSoD mode, having utterly failed to kill Alucard, who should turn up to take him down? Heinkel, who not only shoots him, not only comes out of the shadows looking VERY much like Anderson, but quotes The Bride on top of it!
    Heinkel: When fortune smiles on something as violent and ugly as revenge, it seems proof like no other that not only does God exist...you're doing his will.
    • Even though Walter allows her to do it, Heinkel's final line before she kills him is a pretty badass Call-Back.
      Heinkel: Pop... Pop...
  • Not only does Integra kill the Major, but as he dies, she carries out the Queen's request from their meeting and actually records it.
  • Alucard not only comes back after 30 years, but how does he deal with the 3,424,867 souls within him? He doesn't kill them like in the original, but rather helps them deal with their issues and move on. Including his own, which he had to spend ten years working things out with.
    • Doing the math reveals that Alucard was helping a person approximately every three minutes on average to deal with their issues, every day, for twenty years.note  Most regular therapists can only do this eight to ten times a day at most and even then require breaks and assistance not to mention additional contact.
    • And it wasn't just Londoners whom he had to deal with. Alucard had to deal with the souls of everyone who died in the city, including those of Millennium and the Crusaders.

    Other 

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