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Quotes / Comically Missing the Point

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Anime & Manga

Tsubomi: The student council president is a girl... My first love... ended in three minutes...!
Erika: Uh, what should I say... Thank goodness that the Fashion Club can continue on!
Tsubomi: THAT'S IT!? If you're my friend, shouldn't you comfort me instead!?


Comic Books

Patron 1: Is that it? I want a refund!
Patron 1: Then he should get a refund too!
Amazing Spider-Man Vol 5 #23 (2019)

Scrooge: Well... Let's just start testing combinations!
Huey: You can't, Unca Scrooge! The number of possible combinations of the nine knights is 9x8x7x6x5x4x3x2x1!
Dewey: That's... 362,880!!
Donald: Your point is... We hafta work late?
Huey: We'd have to work full-time for 20 years!
The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, "A Letter from Home"

Emma Frost: Three students were missing from my ethics class. Seventeen overall. Logan had to break up two fistfights and a mystical swordfight. And that dreadful Guatemalan crab-boy is at Benetech telling reporters this is every mutant's only chance to avoid burning in everlasting hellfire. This is eating us from the inside out.
Kitty Pryde: Oh my God ... you teach ethics?

Supergirl: Okay, let's review. You, Brainiac 5, while experimenting on a supposedly "magical" statue, bombarded it with timestream energy, thereby summoning an alien death goddess.
Brainiac 5: Mm.
Supergirl: Then, when she shows up and starts possessing our friends, your first inclination is not to stay and fight, but run away into the timestream. Which pretty much ensures that she enslaves the entire Earth.
Brainiac 5: Oh, I doubt the entire Earth's been enslaved by this point, Supergirl. I mean, she's only had a few days.

Dastardly Dalton: Dinky, you shouldn't just sit there eating hot dogs with mustard, mayonnaise and raspberry jelly!
Dinky Dalton: You're right! Next batch, leave off the mustard!

Comic Strips

Calvin: Bird... I've got it! Yellow Bellied Sapsucker.
Hobbes: But there are only five boxes.
Calvin: I know. These idiots make you write real small.

Fan Works

Shiro: Renji and Rukia are hiding something from us. I heard 'em talking about it on the way back, when you were busy sulking.
Ichigo: I don't sulk.
Shiro: That's what you focus on, King? Really?


Vanessa: Did you use protection?
Austin:: Sure baby, I used a 9mm automatic!
Vanessa: You know that's not what I meant. Did you use a condom?
Austin: No! Only sailors use condoms!
Vanessa: Not in the '90s, Austin!
Austin: Well they should, those filthy buggers. They go from port to port.

Martin: And I'm wondering, how did it all slip away?
Karen: Well, "it" didn't slip away, Martin. You did, when you went off to fuck Nicky at my birthday party.
Martin: Yeah, that was a good party.

*suddenly awakes* "Aaaah! The peasant! At the diner..! *Beat* ... He didn't pay his check..." *falls back to sleep*

Mr. Furious: ...Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.
The Shoveller: Don't start that again. Lance Hunt wears glasses. Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.
Mr. Furious: He takes them off when he transforms.
The Shoveller: That doesn't make any sense, he wouldn't be able to see.

I don't like you, cain't you get that through your head!?
Dexter and Ed, Good Burger

"You mean Bethany's... part-black?"
Jay, Dogma, on the revelation that Bethany's the descendant of Jesus.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man wasn't trying to attack the city, he was trying to save it! That's slander!
J. Jonah Jameson: It is not! I resent that! (beat) Slander is spoken; in print, it's libel.

Tony Stark: You're from Earth.
Peter Quill: Not from Earth, I'm from Missouri.
Tony Stark: Yeah, that's on Earth, dipshit!


Princess Selenay: I will not take those gowns, or these gowns, or any gowns at all! How many times must I tell you? I'm going to a battlefield, not a fete, a state visit, or a festival!
Maid: But, Highness, you will be surrounded by highborn young men! Your Highness cannot possibly wish to appear the hoyden—"

Harry: Holy shit. Hellhounds.
Michael: Harry. You know I hate it when you swear.
Harry: You're right. Sorry. Holy shit. Heckhounds.


Charles: Now, which is the worst tennis-playing nation in the world?
She: Er ... Australia.
Charles: No. Try again.
She: Australia?
Charles: (testily) No... try again but say a different place.
She: Oh, I thought you meant I'd said it badly.
Monty Python's Flying Circus, "Science Fiction Sketch"

Geoffrey (the butler): I couldn't possibly [pursue a relationship with a wealthy socialite]. It's a matter of class.
Will: Ain't nobody got more class than you. You wear a tuxedo to clean the toilet!

Jimmy McGill: Let’s talk proportionally. They’re guilty – oh, agreed. Now you have to decide what’s the right sentence?
Tuco: Like a judge.
Jimmy McGill: Like a judge. Ever heard of the Code of Hammurabi – let the punishment fit the crime, eye for an eye?
Tuco: Eye for an eye. You want me to blind them.note 

Pearl: Look around you. You're eight miles from your nearest neighbor. You're overrun with skunks, opossums, coyotes, bobcats. You use kerosene lamps for light, you cook on a wood stove summer and winter. You're drinking homemade moonshine, washing with homemade lye soap. And your bathroom is fifty feet from the house and you ask should you move?!
Jed: Yeah, I reckon you're right. Man be a danged fool to leave all this.

The Doctor: Ow, ow, itchy, itchy, itchy! [shakes foot wildly, hopping around on one foot, before pulling his shoe off and binning it triumphantly]
Martha: You're completely mad!
The Doctor: You're right. I look daft with one shoe. [pulls other shoe off and drops it in the bin too]
Doctor Who, "Smith and Jones"

The Doctor: She was frightened, I was frightened... But we survived, and the relief of it and... so, she kissed me.
Rory: And you kissed her back?
The Doctor:, I kissed her mouth.


Report On Reports Sees Too Many Reports:
Project took 668 Pages, 18 months; more study is due, agency head says.
—from an Associated Press wire story, reproduced here''

"For a far more thought-provoking tale about the virtual realm, try The Social Network."
—from a USA Today review of TRON: Legacy

Will Smith was now excited about starring, though, and red-hot Michael Bay wanted to direct. Michael's first words upon meeting me were, "OK, how do we get this thing out of the damn telephone booth?" My Fox executives went into shock. Within days, Michael Bay was out and the Hughes Brothers had been brought aboard to direct.


Shoots him down dead on the floor
Aw, you shouldn't do that
Don't you know you'll stain the carpet
Now don't you know you'll stain the carpet
The Velvet Underground, "Sister Ray"


"When the wise man points at the moon, it is the fool who looks at the finger."

Stand-Up Comedy

"It's so disgusting that a woman would leave her baby in a dumpster. Some people eat out of those!"
Comedian Nikki Glaser


Ghost: Revenge his most foul and unnatural murder!
Hamlet: Murder!
Horatio: Murder!
Ghost: For the serpent that did sting thy father's life now wears his crown!
Hamlet: My uncle!
Horatio: His uncle!
Ghost: Let not the royal bed of Denmark become a couch for incest!
Hamlet: Incest!
Horatio: A couch!

Video Games

"Do not damage the safety equipment. Remove it, in case of danger."
—Female Announcer, Rabbids Go Home


Parappa: Wait, wait wait! That doesn't sound like Rock'n Roll!
PJ: Cuz you played it funny. Now it's my turn.
Um Jammer Lammy, specifically Pa Rappa's story

Deekin: I like gnomes, / So dumb and fat, / Fat and dumb / In burrows like moles / Shoot 'em full of arrows / Put 'em on a stick / That's why I like gnomes.
Grobnar: My word. Just hearing that gives me the shivers.
Qara: I'll bet that could have shattered a castle wall.
Sand: Well, that cleared my sinuses.
Shandra Jerro: How... pleasant. Now Grobnar, I'm sure he didn't m...
Grobnar: I say, this is... genius. The tone, the tempo. You can almost feel the angst and pain of the gnomes as they are filled with arrows... and put on sticks. And the theme of the piece... now, that is tragedy, in its deepest, most primal form. And the climax, the uplifting portion, where the affirmation of liking gnomes is confirmed... And then brought full circle with the physical and emotional double meaning of them being in the mind and in the stomach. Amazing. I say, traveling to Neverwinter with you all has really been broadening my horizons — who would have thought I'd get to meet a kobold author and playwright!
—Deekin Scalesinger, Grobnar Gnomehands, Qara, Sand, and Shandra Jerro, Neverwinter Nights 2

Web Comics

"Furry?! Dude, does nothing—" [Beat Panel] "...Aha. Furry. Okay. Sure. Alright, I'm a furry. A furry that only comes out on full moons. And I'm specifically a wolf furry. Yes. I am just a furry. Put two and two together, you freaking idiot. I. Am. A. Werewolf."

I mean, I like uniforms, but what's the point if everyone in a group is wearing the same thing?

Zii, as une lesbienne, I'm... I'm... I'm going to miss boooooooooys!

Padme: After it!
Clone NPC: It's a spaceship. This is a hover transport-
Padme: Modify the engines or something!
Clone NPC: -with no walls.
Padme: Hold your breaths!

Gurlukovich: Oh boy! I can't wait to use Metal Gear RAY to restore Mother Russia to her former glory!
Ocelot: What? I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. It sounded like "Please shoot me in the face and take this Metal Gear." CAN DO. *bang bang bang bang*

Dillon: ...I don't deserve a guy like Jerzy.
Ruby: ...
Dillon: Here's where you say stuff like "Of course you deserve him, Dillon! You're a nice, handsome guy!"
Ruby: I don't like to lie.
Dillon: You don't find me handsome?

Web Original

<Batty>: Euch, rap is just missing one letter. c.
<zeep>: rapc?
<Batty>: ...
<Batty>: Crap you idiot. you put the c on the other end
<zeep>: oic
<Batty>: Though you could also say it's missing an e
<zeep>: wtf is erap?''

I think they have destroy the game just with the Bo; i hate japenese music, it was a bad choice to give this project to a japenese i think
Teranovadra's reaction to the final stage of Child of Eden

Goku: Ah- [he's] a Yoshi.
Piccolo: (offscreen) I'm not a goddamn Yoshi!
Goku: But you said you were!
Piccolo: (offscreen) It's called sarcasm!
Goku: What's that taste like?
Piccolo: (offscreen) DAMMIT Goku!!
Dragon Ball Z Abridged Episode 2, where Goku and Piccolo fight Raditz.

Chris: This, by the way, is one of my favorite things about this era: Batman has a hidden panel in his house, he hides the switch to open it, he says all the time that if his identity were revealed, it would compromise his effectiveness as a crimefighter... but he keeps the Bat-Phone just straight up sitting on his desk.
David: Well, it’s plausible that he just likes red phones! In serving trays!
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on Batman: The Movie

The fans' chants of “BORING” have now turned to “Fire Russo!” Funny backstory there: following this encounter, Dixie Carter did an interview saying how dumb the fans were since Russo didn’t even book this. She did not follow up by saying how stupid she herself was for putting on such a match that had fans chanting for someone to be on the unemployment line.

skeletonpart: during an accident as a child a small boy broke his arms and was then exposed to xrays these rays revealed that the boy was in fact part man, part skeleton
magehenry: ..what?
skeletonpart: the SKELETON MAN

Michael Vick: Do you know how hard it is to quit cold turkey? Which reminds me, I've also been waterboarding turkeys.
Roger Goodell: Dammit Michael! How am I supposed to defend that to PETA? Do you have any idea how that sounds?
Michael Vick: Yeah, it's kind of a "gobble-gobble, glub-glub-glub" sound.
Roger Goodell (double facepalm)

Timmy: Hey, Jimmy, what's the answer to #2?
Timmy: ... Okay... "Blaaaaaa."

Dio: Well, not to worry. After all, we did just catch the culprits...
Cloud: Culprits? Pretty sure this was done by one guy-
Cait Sith: He means us, Cloud.

I own a computer store. One day, two policemen came into the store and told that they owned a 486 and a 286. They asked if a 486 and a 286 could be assembled together into a 686. I replied to the dumb request by asking them if two 200 horsepower police cars can be used to make up a 400 horsepower Ferrari. The policemen didn't get it and replied angrily that altering car engines is strictly forbidden by law., "Computer Stupidities"

Western Animation

{From the educational movie "Meat and You: Partners in Freedom"}
Troy McClure: Come on Jimmy, let's take a peek at the killing floor.
Jimmy: Oooohhh!
Troy McClure: Don't let the name throw you Jimmy! It's not really a floor, it's more of a steel grating that allows material to sluice through so it can be collected and exported.
—McClure misses the point and makes it worse, The Simpsons

Bart: Mom, you won't believe this, but something you said the other day really got through to me. [Menacingly] And now, I'm going to teach some kids from Shelbyville a lesson.
Marge: [Happy] I choose to take that literally.
Bart: Death to Shelbyville!
Homer: Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on, son! Tute on!

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a pornstar!
Grandpa Abe Simpson, The Simpsons

Mr. Krabs: Neptune preserve [Sandy]!
Squidward: How long can she stay like that?
SpongeBob: I don't know!
Patrick: Sandy's a girl?
SpongeBob SquarePants, "Pressure"

Gumball: It's a safe, Darwin! It's full of money! And what do bald people need more of?
Darwin: Friends?
Gumball: Yes! And what do you buy friends with?
Darwin: Uhhhhh...
Gumball: With money!

Peter: Well from this day forward, I, Peter Griffin, will never drink again.
Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Crack.

Stationmaster's wife: (After Thomas crashes to the stationmaster's house) You miserable engine! Just look what you done to our breakfast! Now I have to cook some more!
Thomas the Tank Engine, "Thomas Comes To Breakfast"

Duck: (after crashing to a barber shop) Beg pardon, sir. Excuse my intrusion.
The Barber: No, I won't! You've frightened my customers! I'll teach you! (lather Duck's face with shaving cream)
Thomas the Tank Engine, "A Close Shave"

Confucius: Never belch before a lady.
Froggo: Sorry! I didn't know it was her turn.

Luigi: 200 years [in prison]!? What're we gonna do!?
Mario: Don't worry, because I doubt we're gonna live 200 years, Luigi!

Mr. Blik:*having landed on the moon, points outside* Look!
Waffle:*gasps* A finger!

Manny: Because returning the runt was your idea. Because you're small and insignificant. And because I'll pummel you if you don't!
Sid: ...Anything else?
Manny: NOW, SID!

Hal: And Megamind. This was for Space Step-Mom! You LIED to her!!


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