Funny / Martin (1992)

”I hate you, you you you funky. You’ve been hiding behind them reindeers too long, mister.”

This show is going to have some funny moments thanks to comedian Martin Lawrence.

WARNING: Spoilers are unmarked.

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General/Multiple Seasons

• "Cole, you stupid."
• "You ain't got no job, man!" Always directed at Tommy, even after it's confirmed out-of-canon that he's a teacher.

Season 1 (1992-1993)

1x01 - Beauty and the Beast

• Martin refuses to attend another party at Gina's workplace because he always ends up stuck in the corner with a guy named Bob, followed by him doing an impression of Bob telling him "Martin, I saw Boyz n the Hood. I didn't know, Martin, I didn't know."
• When Gina insists to Pam that Martin is a sweetheart, Pam worriedly asks her if Martin is beating her.
• Three of Gina's co-workers silently leaving Gina's office after listening to Martin bombastically assert over the radio that he's the dominant one in his relationship.
  • This is followed by Pam, in full-on Sarcasm Mode, reciting a prayer to God for a man who's just as sweet and loving as Martin.
  • Gina then says she's going to kill Martin and leaves, Pam following her.
• Tommy calmly, and repeatedly, pointing out to Martin that Gina's going to hurt him for his words on the radio.
• Sheneneh's first scene, which has her getting into a brief row with Pam and ending with her backing up into her apartment.
• Gina demands that she and Martin speak in private, but Martin refuses, so Gina divulges to everyone else present that he cried during Beauty and the Beast, causing Martin to calmly but angrily ask if he can speak her in private.
• During their argument, Martin tells Gina to Get Out!, but as Gina then starts to leave, he jumps up from the bed and starts begging her to come back.
• After Martin gets Gina to act as though he won their argument, he yells "And don't let it happen again!" as they leave the bedroom. They then come upon Pam attacking Cole.

1x02 - The Gift Rapper

• After returning to an angry Gina, Martin spins a lie about how Cole was supposed to leave his anniversary gift for Gina in her apartment, and he mentions how he went over to Cole's place and punched Cole before coming to Gina's apartment.
• When Martin insists that Gina push him out her apartment window, Gina warns him to not tempt her.
• At the end, Martin gives Gina a footstool as an anniversary present, and he lies and says he bought it for her six months ago (in actuality, he bought it that same night). Gina quickly recognizes it's a lie, though.

1x03 - Things I Do For Love

• After a group of guys put their drinks down on Martin and Gina's table and Gina asks for a drink, Martin gestures to the drinks and says "Pick one, babe!"
• Jerome's attempts to pick up Gina.
• Martin complaining about how Cole messed up the jacket he let him borrow, commenting that Cole's whole night is written on the jacket.

1x04 - Boyz 'R Us

• Tommy asks Martin if he thinks Peter Pan is gay because he hangs out in a tree with the Lost Boys, and Martin replies that Peter Pan had Tinkerbell. When Tommy then counters that Tinkerbell was really small, Martin points out that Tinkerbell had a big butt.
• The King Beef (another character played by Martin Lawrence) movie that Cole brings for the gang to watch. It's basically just King Beef dancing while a bunch of attractive women cheer him on.
• Martin making a mountain out of a molehill over Gina borrowing money from Cole while the gang's playing a game.
• When Martin starts to Freak Out over Gina making more money than he does, Tommy cautions him "Don't go there, bro."
  • Pam then steps up and tells Martin that Gina was going to tell him about her pay raise, then mockingly assures him it'll happen for him and tells him to "Keep hope alive, my brother" with a raised fist. Cue Martin telling Pam, Tommy, and Cole to Get Out! ("Keep hope out of my house!").
  • Martin childishly suggesting that Gina should "do what [Tommy, Cole, and Pam] just did." When Gina asks if they're still on for dinner, he tells her he has to check his finances, prompting Gina to storm out.
• When Cole reveals he told his mother about Martin's financial situation much to Martin's consternation, Tommy laments that "telling your mother is like putting it on Arsenio the night Eddie's on!" This is followed by Martin calmly but angrily asking Cole "What did you tell your cackling mother?"
• When Mrs. Brown makes an unkind remark about Martin, Mama Payne jumps up and prepares to fight the other woman, even snatching off her wig.

1x05 - Dead Men Don't Flush

• Cole's childish opposition to helping Martin move the plumber's body in the bathroom.
• Martin trying to revive the supposedly dead plumber by using a plunger.
• When Tommy arrives, he heads to the bathroom and calmly comes back into the living room, asking "Who's that fat guy sleeping on your floor?"
• When the paramedics take too long to get to the apartment, Martin calls 911 and disguises his voice to make himself sound "white." It works...until he's asked a question and then Cole gets on the phone and screws things up.
• When the gang decides to have a funeral for the plumber at Gina's urging, they try to figure out what his name was. Martin finally suggests "D.P." Gina comments that it's beautiful...only for Martin to then explain that it stands for "Dead Plumber."
• Martin's eulogy for the plumber, which includes the line "he laid pipe."
• Everyone's shocked reaction when the plumber regains consciousness.
• The episode ends with the gang all rushing to the bathroom.

1x06 - Forever Sheneneh

• Christopher "Kid" Reid (of Kid 'N Play) explaining how he got the nickname "Kid."
• Martin's reaction when Sheneneh wins the date with Kid.

1x07 - The Parents Are Coming, the Parents Are Coming

• Martin watching a monster movie and commenting that people who look back at the attacking monster always die.
• When Gina goes around collecting Martin's stuff in her apartment, Martin asks her if he did something wrong. When Gina explains that her parents are visiting and she doesn't want her father to know that Martin sleeps at her apartment, Martin grabs a picture of Gina's father, puts it down on the coffee table in front of himself and Gina; and kisses Gina while pretending that Dr. Waters can see what's going on.
• Martin offers to wear a bow-tie at dinner with Gina's parents after Gina reveals her father made her last boyfriend, who was a Muslim, cry.
• As Martin prepares for the dinner and Tommy assures him that everything'll be okay, Cole says just the opposite and Tommy looks as though he's about to throw the thing he's holding at him.
• Martin making a complete fool of himself at the dinner. It really goes downhill when Dr. Waters, in response to Martin's crack about chiropractors, reveals he's a chiropractor and Martin accidentally spills his drink on Mrs. Waters, then tries to wipe it off, inadvertently fondling Gina's mother in the process. Martin then bumps into a waiter, who ends up dropping a bowl of soup on Dr. Waters.
• Martin asking Gina if she thinks anyone else in the restaurant noticed what happened, to which Gina lists everything that happened and confirms yes, everyone else noticed.
• Dr. Waters entering Gina's apartment when Martin and Gina are in the middle of preparing for lovemaking. Martin, in his underwear, hides from Dr. Waters as he talks to Gina.
  • When Gina stands up for Martin to her father, Martin pops up from behind the couch to give Gina an admiring smile before getting back down. When Dr. Waters denounces Martin as a fool, Martin comes back up to shoot Dr. Waters a Disapproving Look.
  • Dr. Waters' brief imitation of Martin's "What's up?!"
• When Martin hides in the kitchen but ends up tearing off his drawers and Dr. Waters heads into the kitchen, Martin manages to sneak back out wearing a paper trash bag around his waist.
• When Martin is caught by the Waters, he sheepishly greets Dr. Waters with "What's up, doc?"
• After patching things up with the Waters and Mrs. Waters suggests to her husband that he set Martin's back straight, Dr. Waters replies with a refusing "Nadine..." before giving in and asking Martin to come over to him. Martin initially refuses but relents, and Dr. Waters cracks his back. A relieved and impressed Martin then asks Dr. Waters "Call me?" and leans his head against the man's chest.

1x08 - Woman with a Past

• Martin Lawrence as Bob the White Guy (who was first mentioned in the pilot) at Gina's party.
• Martin getting Gina to admit that, between himself and Keith Washington, he's the one who's better in bed.
• When Gina and Keith sing a duet of "The Closer I Get To You" at the party, in the background we see Martin's mood go from indignant and jealous to heartbroken and crying as Cole and Tommy begin to console him. Cole's observations only make it better:
  Cole: (tearfully) My brother, I know exactly what you feel; I've always loved that song, except I-I've just never felt comfortable about expressing myself until you showed me the way.
  Tommy: Cole, you stupid.

1x09 - Baby, It's Cole'd in Here

• Martin and Tommy acting out how Cole should stand up to his mother, which includes Martin, acting as Cole, telling Big Shirley to "take the paper bag off yo' head."
• Martin and Gina's water-gun fight in the apartment. Gina wins. And when Martin answers the door, he and Gina see Cole standing there holding up his arms defensively.
• Cole slurping his drink loudly while he, Martin, and Gina are watching a mystery movie. Cole then inadvertently causes Martin and Gina to miss the ending of the movie, and he tells the couple that the maid was the culprit, causing Martin to reply there wasn't a maid in the whole movie. Cole then says he must be thinking about The Jeffersons.
• The King Beef movie that Cole watches, which shows King Beef, playing some kind of scientist and speaking with a funny accent, saying they must flee to America, but first he must dance, which he proceeds to do as his women cheer him on.
• Cole revealing he listened to Martin and Gina making love the night before, much to the couple's shock.

1x10 - The Night He Came Home

• In the cold open, a kid named Roscoe (another character Martin Lawrence portrayed) goes to Gina’s apartment and tries to get her to buy his candy.
• This exchange:
  Gina: Are you saying men don't get scared?
  Martin: Only when you miss your period.
• Cole relating the story of how he tried to scare his mother, only to cause her bladder to drop.
• Martin's very concise scary story for the Halloween party that contains a major example of Take That!.
  Martin: It was a dark and stormy...November. Bush got re-elected.
• Tommy's ghost story actually starts out genuinely scary (with the exception of "his breath stank like all that be damned"), but Mood Whiplash ensues when he relates that someone asked if anyone had kissed a ghost and ends the story with another character asking "Ghost? I thought you said 'goat.'"
• Gina tries to tell a scary story, only for Martin to interrupt her.
  • The first time, he asks what a banshee is, and Cole says he thought it had something to do with a banjo. When Martin asks why anyone would be scared of a banjo, Cole asks if he remembers Deliverance.
  • The second time, Gina makes a slicing motion towards Martin while telling her story, causing him to ask "Why's it gotta be directed toward me?"
• During the Spooky Séance, when the Ouija board starts spelling out the letters "A" and "C," Cole says the ghost wants them to turn on the air conditioning, earning a "Shut up, Cole!" from Tommy. Then upon the board initially being finished:
  (The Ouija board spells out A-C-E-R-M-A-N.)
  Tommy: Hey, wait a minute! He misspelled the name! There's supposed to be a "K" in Ackerman!
  Martin: Tommy, the man's in Hell, not in college!
• The guys get into a chant of "mamase mamasa mamakusa", and dance around the table a few times before getting a hold of themselves.
• When Tommy acts like he is possessed by a demon, everyone else freaks out...except Martin, who asks "Tommy, do you have sinus problems?"
• Cole acting like he's getting beat up by invisible spirits, and Martin attempting to punch them in defense of his friend.
• After the rest of the gang and Sean reveal they were pranking Martin, Martin tells them to Get Out!.

1x11 - The Great Payne Robbery

• Mrs. Porter tells Martin and Gina that the police officer who took her statement told her to move; this becomes a Brick Joke when Officer Warren tells Martin and Gina that he was the one who told Mrs. Porter to move after she was robbed.
• The minor Running Gag of Officer Warren (played by Richard Moll) hitting his head on the door frame of Martin's apartment. The third time it happens, he complains "Damn Japanese architects."
• After he and Gina walk Mrs. Porter back to her apartment, Martin asks Gina, "Did you see what Jesus wrote in her yearbook?"
• When Martin and Gina enter the former's apartment and find it empty, they step back out and check the apartment number on the door before going back inside, at which point Martin goes "Damn!"
• While Martin makes a list of things that were stolen from his apartment, he tries to add things he didn't own, like a big-screen TV.
• Sheneneh trying to videotape Officer Warren as he's walking to Martin's apartment and make it look like he's hitting her. He refuses to go along with it and even turns to the video camera and says, in complete deadpan, "I am not hitting her." When Gina catches her, Sheneneh insists she's not going to share the money with Gina, then throws herself up against her apartment door.
• Officer Warren mocking Martin's earlier suggestion to act tough when faced with burglars.
• Martin showing up in his apartment decked out in soldier gear, and forcing Cole to do push-ups for not being at his post on the roof.
• Martin going berserk on a dummy while demonstrating to Gina, Tommy, and Cole how to fight a burglar.
• When the robber enters the apartment while the lights are out, the gang is then heard fighting. When the lights come back on, we see that Martin is fighting the dummy (again), Tommy is manhandling Cole, and Gina has the robber in a choke-hold.
• Officer Warren, revealed to be the one who robbed Martin and many others, explaining why he robbed people: Basically, he didn't have anything growing up, so he stole from others. He even stole his brother's wife!
  • When the police ask Martin for Warren's ID and Martin (rather rudely) hands it to them, they laugh and remark it's written in pencil.
  • Before being hauled away, Warren remarks that Gina felt him up pretty good and laughing, prompting an angry response from Martin, who's held back by Gina, Tommy, and Cole.

1x12 - Three Men and a Mouse

• When Martin comes back into the bedroom after investigating a noise and tells Gina it was a mouse, Gina asks if it was a real mouse, to which an annoyed Martin replies it was Speedy Gonzalez and goes "Andale, andale!"
  • Gina insisting she can't stay when there's a mouse roaming around, and telling Martin that she sleeps with her mouth open.
  • Martin gives in, but tells Gina that, since he's fully awake, "it's on" when they get to Gina's apartment.
• Little Richard as the exterminator.
  • He insists that he come up with Raid and that he caught Bigfoot.
  • He later comes by Gina's apartment to complain to Martin about how he failed to kill the mouse in Martin's apartment.
    Exterminator: I tried everything! Smoke bombs! Tear gas! Sticky paper! A .357 Magnum!
  • He then tells Martin to "run for the border."
• Gina teasing Martin by singing "Ben" and then "Three Blind Mice" while playing the piano.
• Sheneneh panicking after learning there's a mouse in Martin's apartment. She jumps into Tommy's arms and forces him into her own apartment against his protests. Luckily, Tommy gets free and exits Sheneneh's apartment just as Martin shows up.
  Martin: Tommy, I don't wanna know.
• When Martin, Cole, and Tommy enter Martin's darkened apartment, they hear crunching noises and turn on the lights...only to find that the sound is Cole eating potato chips.
• The mouse scurrying across the couch while Tommy and Cole are seated and listening to Martin talk about his issue with moving in with Gina.
• The three friends ending up falling on top of each other in an attempt to catch the mouse.
• When the mouse ends up in Cole's jean pocket, Cole starts whining and Martin tells him to be a man, then kicks him in the ass to try and kill the mouse. The mouse then ends up inside Cole's hat.
• Martin commenting that the mouse looks like "a damn alcoholic."
• Martin agrees to let the mouse go free, so Tommy sets the mouse free in the hallway...only for the mouse to run into a cat that apparently kills and eats the mouse off-screen. Tommy and Cole watch in horror, but Martin smiles in joy, then looks upward and calls "Be free!"

1x14 - I've Got a Secret

• Martin's Never My Fault speech after being confronted about revealing on the radio that Pam dresses sexy to get a raise at work.
• Martin's response to Cole telling him "I'll see you in Hell":
  Martin: Yeah, and you'll be the only one down there still livin' with your mother!
• In order to repair his friendships, Martin goes on the radio and reveals that, before he met Gina, he tried to sleep with Sheneneh. The episode ends with a Ready for Lovemaking Sheneneh bursting into Martin's apartment and telling him to "Come on home," much to Martin's horror.

1x15 - I Saw Gina Kissing Santa Claus

• Pictured above, Roscoe is shown being mean to Santa.
• Martin, acting as Santa Claus, gives Arthur the name "Water-Head."
• After Arthur again gripes at him, Martin huffily tells him to not bother waking up on Christmas morning and "just lay in your dribble. Let it marinate!"
• Martin's account of the Nativity.
  • After he and Mary are denied shelter at the inn, Joseph expresses his belief that it'll be like that for the next 2000 years.
  • "Obadiah, you stupid."
  • Baby Jesus is essentially Martin's head. He says "Ga ga. Goo goo. What’s new?"
• After Cole finally arrives, all the kids turn on Martin and attack him.

1x16 - Do the Fight Thing

• An irate Martin's F-bomb-heavy tirade at a caller who insulted Gina and caused her to flee the studio. Stan even rushes to find a censor beep device to bleep out Martin's profanity.

1x17 - Blackboard Jungle Fever

• Gina finding Big Shirley's large bra in Martin's apartment.
• After Gina comes home right in the middle of Miss Trinidad trying to have sex with Martin, the three of them just stare at each other silently before an embarrassed Martin goes "H-Hey, baby. What's up?"

1x18 - The Break Up, Part 1

• After he and Gina break up, an angry Martin draws a mustache on a picture of Gina as revenge for Gina earlier commenting about Mama Payne's mustache. During their second fight, when Gina finds the picture, Martin says he wanted to see what their daughter might look like.
• Cole hitting his nose on the door as he leaves Martin's apartment.

1x19 - The Break Up, Part 2

• Cole's pick-up line of "Woman, you look so good, I'd lay down and die for ya", and then proceeds to prat-fall on the ground. He "claims" that it works...unless the woman is wearing a dress; then he just gets kicked in the head, but "at least he gets that peek". Later on, while in the club with Martin and Tommy, the very thing happens to him.
• Martin in the club encounters several different women:
  • He tries to talk up a woman with very long hair, only for her to snub him in return.
    "Why don't you give that horse back his hair?"
  • The next woman turns out to be someone he made love to and never called again ("I sat by the phone for two years, Martin! Who do you think you are?") And yes, this was complete with a head twitch when she was telling him off.
    "See, that's why I didn't call you, 'cause your attitude! And get your neck fixed!"
  • Another woman is attracted to him and is beautiful and sweet, but Martin was turned off by her chest hair.
    "What the hell are you, a Chia Pet?!"
• David Alan Grier's performance as the sexually repressed and totally hammy Reverend Leon Lonnie Love.
  Lonnie: OUT, SATAN! OUT, I SAY! BEELZEBUB, I REBUKE YOU!
• While Lonnie is choking during Martin and Gina's row in the restaurant, Martin tells him to not worry because "It's just the Lord calling you home." After Martin hits Lonnie, he cries for Gina to hold him.

1x20 - The Break Up, Part 3

• When asked by Pam how her date with Leon went, Gina characterizes Leon as "a psycho-religious, sexually-repressed ex-con." Followed by Pam replying "Well, other than that, how'd the date go?"

1x21 - I'm Not Your Superwoman

• Officer Otis at a nightclub checking patrons. He sends two away for looking ugly, checks the pockets of a man who takes out his guns while Otis is checking him, and forces a woman in a revealing top to "pay for the midgets" and asking to "shake one of those hands."
• On his radio show, Martin talks about how Black History Month should be in January (which has 31 days) rather than February (which has only 28), and how it's a conspiracy that that's the case.
• Stan mishearing Martin trying to tell him he caught a cold from Cole.
  Stan: You want a Coca-Cola?
• Stan refuses to let Martin leave work and relates a story about how he kept working despite his illness. Sean clarifies the date, earning an annoyed glance from Stan, then mimics Stan talking, earning another look from his boss. Martin then tells Stan he gave his boss the flu, the boss died of pneumonia and left the station to Stan. Stan then points out that can't be proven.
• Mama Payne threatening to hit Gina after the younger woman insists she can take care of Martin. Mama Payne says Martin's head is as big as it was the day he was born.
• After Gina agrees to check his temperature, Martin raises his butt into position. Gina tries to take his temperature the usual way, only for Martin to choke and accuse Gina was trying to "do me like that old lady in Misery!"
• Gina trying to chop a whole chicken into pieces so she can make chicken noodle soup for Martin.
• Gina complains to a sick Martin about how she can't do her work and take care of him all at once, and demands that Martin say something. Martin then proceeds to vomit on Gina's shoes, and Gina moans "Aw, damn!"

1x22 - Credit Card Blues

• Martin joking that Big Shirley ate one too many Doritos and popped.
• While the gang is discussing Ricky's brother who lost both hands to a firecracker Ricky gave him, Martin comments that you don't need hands to play football and mimics how a hand-less man would do so, much to everyone's amusement.
• Martin's fake laughter when Ricky tries to cozy up to Gina.
• Martin refers to Pam as "That thing" while introducing her to Ricky, and Pam snarks back that Martin's parents were cousins.
• Martin calling Gina "Heavy G" after catching her working out.
• Martin telling Gina to put her "funky sneakers" out in the hallway after it seems like he's suggesting they have sex when he gets back.
• Martin getting aggressive with the police officers who come to arrest Ricky for credit card fraud. When Ricky confesses the credit card is stolen, Martin goes "Aw, damn!" and apologizes to the cop restraining him for hollering at him earlier.
• Cole's long pause with the rest of the gang after Martin calls and tells him not to tell Gina what happened.
• Sheneneh opening her door and asking Cole "Are. You. CRAZY?" after Cole comes knocking on her door after getting the brilliant idea to ask her for the bail money.
  • Her reaction to finding out Martin is in jail, followed by asking what he did and "Who'd he kill?", is gloriously side-splitting.
  • Her contemplative look after the rest of the gang asks her for the money to bail Martin out of jail.
  • And forcing Pam to "throw it away" when she and the others protest against giving Sheneneh 5% on the dollar.
  • Sheneneh griping at Gina's sigh of frustration when she calls her back.
• The awkward looks on Gina, Tommy, Cole and Pam's faces as Sheneneh heads back into her apartment with her boyfriend Lafonz.
• Martin trying to put up a tough front in jail, only for the other prisoners to tell him to shut up. His response? Raise a fist and go "Right on!" He calls one prisoner "Last of the Mohicans."
• Brother Shebazz sharing with Martin his belief that he was arrested as part of The Man's conspiracy, and Martin dismissing him with "It's just you." After Shebazz bids him farewell, Martin responds with "Peace and a bottle of hair grease to you, too."
• Martin calling a big white man "tribe" as he orders him to get out of the way of the phone.
• Martin insisting he isn't a punk right before picking up the phone and begging someone to help him.
• Martin is then accosted by a Scary Black Man who grabs him and gets right in his face, causing him to pinch his nose, say "Stop the presses!", and chastise the man for his bad breath. And later, it's seen that Martin hit the man.
• Martin's speech to the other prisoners, while wearing Shebazz's Nerd Glasses.

1x23 - Jerome's in the House

• Cole's attempt to impress Pam by making a bird call. It doesn't work.
  Pam: That was sweet, Cole. Now can you do a pigeon so I can run over it with my car?
• Jerome revealing he speaks the same language as the convenience store owner and his wife after they talk smack about him in their native tongue.
• After Cole and Jerome start fighting in the convenience store, the store owner and his wife break up the fight, and he has this to say:
  Store Owner: Have you learned nothing from the recent uprising in LA? Can't we all just...take this across the street to the Korean store?
• Jerome's pimp award, a golden statue with a black Afro.

1x24 - Your Arms Are Too Short to Box with Martin

• After Trey and his friend ask to speak with Tommy out in the hallway and Tommy leaves, Cole remarks he has a sudden urge to rent Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
• The dwarf bartender calling Martin "Shaquille." And his shocked expression after Martin tells him, "Shut up, Gary Coleman!"
• Martin and Cole challenge Trey and the other little people in the bar, only for all of them to gang up on them, surrounding them.
  Martin and Cole: Aw, damn!
• A police officer laughing hysterically at how Martin and Cole were beat up by little people after taking their statement, and then mocking them by saying he has to give a ticket to "the UFO double-parked in the handicapped spot." After the officer leaves, he's heard saying "I love this job!"
• Dragonfly Jones' antics, and him getting his ass handed to him by his assistant Kenji.
• When Sean offers to aid Martin in the upcoming confrontation with the little people, Martin asks him if he's ever been in a fight, to which Sean answers that he used to get beat up all the time in school. Martin then wonders what good's that going to do him, and Sean reasons he can take blows for Martin. Stan then punches Sean in the face, sending him falling to the floor, and goes "NOT!!"
• After one of the little people hits Tommy with his nun-chunks, Tommy angrily grabs the nun-chunks and throws them down the alley.
• The episode ends with the gang and the little people mending fences and hugging, but then Trey ruins the moment by asking Martin if he can sleep with Gina, prompting the two groups to start fighting.

1x25 - Variety Show

• Martin, the Prima Donna Director.
  • A candidate for the talent show pulls off a pretty impressive dance routine, and receives enthusiastic applause from Tommy, Gina, and Pam. But Martin has this to say:
    Martin: I think you out your damn mind. Comin' in and jumpin' around like you ain't got no home training! Oh, hell, no!
  • Martin griping at Tommy for bringing him the wrong sandwich, and then fake-slapping Tommy across the face with said sandwich.
  • Martin's reply to Tommy calling him out for his arrogant behavior after he ends up causing Gina to run off during her rehearsal.
    Martin: That's exactly what you said 'bout George Washington Carver and his peanut, but yo' asses still eatin' Skippy!
• Cole's Michael Jackson impression. Also his impression of Prince. He also ends up hurting himself while doing it.
• Stan going onstage and singing "Meet Me with Yo' Drawers Off," prompting the audience to jeer and throw stuff at him as he keeps on singing undaunted.

1x26 - Baby, You Can Drive My Car

• Jerome chasing Gina as she drives off and jumping on the hood of her car.
• Sheneneh and her friends taunting another driver while Tommy's giving them a ride.
  Sheneneh: Is that yo' wife or is yo' dog runnin' backwards?!
• Cole trying to rein in Mama Payne, his mother, and another elderly woman when they start arguing, only for Mama Payne to threaten to hit him, followed by his mother chiding him for speaking disrespectfully to Mama Payne.
• When it's Pam's day to drive the car, Officer Otis overreacts to her being parked in an unauthorized spot, and he proceeds to shatter one of the windows with his nightstick before jumping up and down on the car. Before that, Officer Otis accosts a burly man at the ATM and sends him off.
• At the end, everyone griping at each other about the damage done to the car. It's topped off with Cole moving up front and causing the car to reverse and crash, prompting everyone to say "AW, DAMN!"

1x27 - Checks, Lies and Videotape

• When Martin and Gina realize that Lonnie Love was the pastor of Martin's mother's church, they both hide their faces away from him in shame and embarrassment. Plus, when he enters the church, he does so in such a bombastic way. The church organ starts blaring a song that he sings to called "I've Got A Feeling Everything's Gonna Be Alright", he moonwalks in, does the cabbage patch on the altar and then heads to the back of the pulpit AGAIN just to crouch-walk through the aisle and whisper the lyrics. It even got David Alan Grier himself to corpse.
• Martin getting into a brief scuffle with Miss Gerri in church.
• Mama Payne's reaction to receiving Lonnie's "blessing."
• Lonnie tearfully confessing his misdeeds to his congregation in a Shout-Out to the Reverend Jimmy Swaggart's tearful confession.

Season 2 (1993-1994)

2x01 - Do You Remember the Time?

• Martin paces nervously with a cigarette in his mouth and frets to Gina that he's so desperate for ideas, he's taken up smoking. Gina then points out that the cigarette isn't even lit, causing Martin to reply that's because he doesn't allow smoking in his apartment.
• "Girl, yo' hair is so nappy, Wilson couldn't pick it!"
• The gang's differing perspectives of how Martin and Gina first met.
  • Martin fancies himself a smooth-talking, saxophone-playing ladies man with a large black hat. In his fantasy, Pam shows an attraction towards him before fainting.
  • Cole's account doesn't even involve Martin and Gina at all; it just involves him making out with Pam.
  • In Gina's account, she dates a rich snob until she sees Martin who is characterized as a stereotypical nerd. She even goes over and acts like she's trying to coax a shy pet out of hiding. Martin then remarks "You fell for me because I was a punk?"
  • Pam's version of events has Martin and Cole as criminals who crash the fancy party, and Martin takes Gina hostage.
• Tommy calling out everyone else for their skewed perspectives, ending with him telling Cole "you need prayer."

2x02 - Really, Gina Is Not My Lover

• Gina's disastrous makeover, which includes getting an avocado mask (resulting in an allergic reaction) and receiving an injection of Novocaine which causes her to drool, much to Martin's disgust. When Gina assures Martin he can still go, Martin gives her a long look before saying "Hell, no!"
• Every time Martin or anyone else mentions his old school rival Rick, he always turns his head towards the camera and adds "'Pretty Ricky' what they called him." Tommy then mentions that Ricky had a brother named Tito..."'Pretty Tito' what they called him."
• Pam agrees to be Cole's date to the class reunion, but she quickly gets fed up, splashes a drink in his face, and storms off.
• Gina, still suffering the effects of her avocado allergy and/or Novocaine injection, giving (or, more specifically, mumbling) the other class reunion guests a "Reason You Suck" Speech for disrespecting Martin.

2x03 - Got to Be There

• Martin acting like a child when Gina has to leave town for business, and him blaming Pam when she comes to the apartment to collect Gina and breaks up an affectionate moment between the couple.
  • Martin's hammy declarations of love to Gina as she leaves, especially him running to the window and pressing himself up against it when he claims he'll watch her plane fly off.
  • And when Gina and Pam leave, Martin drops the facade and goes right back to being macho.
• Martin, Cole, and Tommy find themselves bored, but the real hilarity comes when the snores of Big Shirley, who's fallen asleep on Martin's couch, start filling the air, and Martin calls Cole on it.
  "You need to call Spielberg so he can haul her ass back to Jurassic Park!"
• Bob the White Guy drops by Gina and Pam's hotel room and generally makes a fool of himself, specifically running out onto the balcony when he suffers some gastrointestinal distress after eating a whole pizza and, moments later, dancing like an absolute dork when Pam, Gina, and their co-workers start dancing with a male stripper.
• When he and his friends arrive at Gina's hotel room and he finds a bowtie which he assumes is evidence of Gina's infidelity, Martin comments the only brothers he know wear bowties are "the Muslim brothers," then sniffs the air and states he doesn't smell any bean pies.
• Martin hides under the bed when Gina returns with a handyman and listens as they climb onto the bed (so the handyman can fix the air conditioning). After he misinterprets their conversation, Martin reveals his presence in the hammiest way imaginable before attempting to attack the handyman who demands to know what's going on.
  • Martin referring to the handyman as "Tony Montana."
  • When the handyman persists in confronting Martin, Martin engages him in a brief fight that turns goofy since the handyman's actor ends up clearly corpsing. Martin hits him a few times until the handyman flees. He then does a couple of karate moves before turning his attention back to an annoyed Gina.
• After Martin is told that Gina wasn't having an affair and Gina tells him his mind is gone, Martin replies "That's why I came here to get it back!"

2x04 - Beat It

• Martin snarking at Pam that "Not every man is built like you" after she doesn't help him set up chairs for the boxing match and makes a crack about his height.
• Gina voices her disapproval with boxing, but is later seen getting into it. Near the end, she starts to tell Martin about what happened, but Martin, who's been constantly interrupted by his guests and doesn't really get a chance to watch the match, gripes "Why you rubbin' it in, Gina? Why you rubbin' it in?"
• Bruh Man attempts to raid Martin’s fridge so he can make a “sammich”. He also says one of his catchphrases, “Upstairs, 5th floor” while holding up 4 fingers. To prevent Bruh Man from using the fridge, Martin tells him that it’s the VIP section.
• Martin's rules for his guests, one of which is use a paper plate "'cause I ain't washin' no dishes!"
• Bruh Man taking off his shoes to "let the bunions breathe," causing a foul odor. Martin confronts him about it, then tells his other guests to keep their shoes on.
• Martin returns to his seat to find Bruh Man sitting there. He then proceeds to kick Bruh Man out.
• Martin telling everyone to get out after being interrupted from watching the boxing match all night.
• The episode ends with Martin, Cole, and Tommy sharing a hug after Cole and Tommy settle their differences over Cole's cheating girlfriend...and then being joined by Bruh Man. Martin objects, but the men accept Bruh Man.

2x05 - Baby, It's You

• Martin correctly guessing Gina wants something after she gives him a massage and cooks him dinner.
• Martin getting into a heated argument with Bobbi, ending with him telling the women (sans Thomasina) to Get Out!. As Thomasina goes into labor, a panicking Martin rushes to the door, pokes his head out, and calls "Bobbi, I need another man!"
• Elroy (yet another character played by Martin Lawrence) driving Gina and Pam crazy with his singing and insisting on finishing his song before letting them drive away. And as they drive off, Gina and Pam are heard singing Elroy's song.
• After Thomasina delivers her baby by shooting said baby out of her body and Martin catches it, Tommy wonders where the umbilical cord is. Martin's reply?
  Martin: Dammit, Tommy, we don't need umbilical cords! (turns to the camera) This is TV!

2x06 - Workin' Day & Night

• Tommy and Cole mock-tearfully begging God to bring the old Martin back, and Martin giving in.
• Martin making an absolute ass of himself at the Chinese restaurant during dinner with Gina, her client, and the client's husband. He eventually gets all the men in the restaurant to leave with him.
• The next we see Martin, he's sitting in the radio station looking stupid while a shirtless man lays on his desk. When one of the men says he can't go back to his wife because of him, Martin replies "Y'all the ones who got up and left."
• Gina leading the men's wives/girlfriends in a mob against Stan, whom she forces to tell Martin that he isn't whipped. When Stan tells Martin he (Martin) has Gina in control, Gina reacts as though she's about to hit Stan with her baseball bat, forcing the older man to promptly amend his statement.

2x07 - Control

• When Gina realizes she accidentally threw away Martin's basketball game tickets, Pam goes "Ooh, Martin gonna kill you," sounding like a child who caught another kid doing something wrong.
• Pam helps Gina search for the tickets in the trash chute by holding Gina's legs, only to end up breaking a nail and let Gina fall in. She then helps an upset, dirtied Gina out of the chute.
• Sheneneh offers to give Gina some replacement tickets in exchange for Pam singing "Old MacDonald Had a Farm." The way she badgers the two women into accepting is nothing short of side-splitting.
• Gina and Pam go to see Jerome, who has some tickets...only to find that the tickets are from 1973, to which Jerome mentions was his year.
• Gina accepts Sheneneh's offer to work at her salon in exchange for the tickets, and Sheneneh gives her a new hairstyle, which leaves Gina looking like she's going to cry.
• Sheneneh overall being a Mean Boss to Gina while she works at her salon.
• Gina is assigned to work on Myra's feet, and she tells Myra to take off her shoes, only for Myra to inform her they are off. Cue Gina's horrified reaction to Myra's feet. When Gina starts to use a file on Myra's feet and Myra complains, Sheneneh storms over to them and chastises Gina, telling her she has to "go to work" on Myra's feet. Sheneneh then sits down, puts on some googles, pulls out a sander, and goes to work, all the while Myra reacts in delight.
• The result of Gina giving Myra her hair treatment without neutralizer (Myra loses all of her hair). Made better by Myra's reaction and everyone assuring her that she looks like Eartha Kitt.
• The Reveal that the basketball tickets Sheneheh has were Martin's tickets all along. Gina rightfully kvetches to Sheneneh about it, but Sheneneh ushers her out of the salon, locks the door, and puts up the sign, all the while going "We're are cuh-losed!"
• In The Stinger, after Martin comes home, gets his tickets, makes a brief comment about her new hairstyle, and leaves, Gina is left on the couch going "Oh, my goodness" much like Sheneneh does.

2x08 - You've Got a Friend

• Martin being bored out of his skull at the shoe store.
  • He triggers the burglar alarm twice. The third time, he does it while an innocent woman is leaving the store and even acts as though he's aiding the security guard in apprehending the woman.
  • Martin being rude to a customer, assuming she asked him a question because he's black. When the security guard confronts him about his behavior, he mimics the guard and asserts the man isn't a real cop, even flicking off the guard's clip-on tie to prove his point.
  • He sits down with another man and tries to pick up a magazine, but the other man is adamant that he not touch it. Martin relents, but then violently attempts to get a magazine, only to be stopped by the security guard.
  • When Gina goes on about shoes, Martin eventually imagines her voice as gibberish and gets the funniest discombobulated expression. When Gina asks for his opinion, he states "Right on!" with a raised fist.
  • Martin decides to look for Gina's friend Wallace and goes to the phone, telling the operator to run all the Wallaces in the area by him and saying he's got nothing but time because he's in a shoe store.

2x09 - To Kill a Talking Bird

• The opening teaser has Roscoe and his friends gambling underage at Gina's apartment.
• Mama Payne calling up to Martin from downstairs, telling him not to waste time with "that apple-headed heifer" and saying "I gots to get me a window seat!"
• Ruby repeatedly calling Gina "Heifer." She later calls Gina "Muscle Butt."
• Thus declares Pam: "RUBY DEAD!"
• Martin telling Gina he hates her father but "the damn dog's still alive!" after Ruby dies due to Gina leaving the window open.
• Cole casually tossing Ruby's dead body into a box Martin is holding before Martin and Gina leave to find a replacement.
• Martin dumping Ruby's body in front of a pet store clerk when the latter keeps saying he needs more specific details as to what kind of bird Martin and Gina are looking for.
• When Gina decides to tell Mama Payne the truth about Ruby, Martin says he loves her too much to lose her.
• Before telling Mama Payne about Ruby's death, Gina takes a moment to back away from her a few feet, then backs away more.
• Mama Payne's reaction after finding out the truth ("DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!").
• Gina overhearing Mama Payne beating up Martin because she incorrectly believes that Martin killed Ruby.
• Cole's bird call at Ruby's funeral.
• Martin asking everyone to say "Bye, my mama's bird," which everyone does.

2x10 - Fat Like Dat

• Martin banging a pot to wake Gina up. When Gina complains it's early in the morning, Martin covers his nose and tells her she just woke up. When Gina starts to talk to Martin, he again covers his nose, and she covers her mouth before continuing.
• Gina tells Martin that women have more body fat than men, leading to this gem from Martin:
  Martin: You and Oprah can believe that if you want to.
• "Lips that touch swine will never touch mine, 'cause baby, I feel so divine!"
• Martin's broccoli pops.
• When Bruh Man comes out of the bathroom after using the shower, Martin strides into the bathroom to check before confronting Bruh Man.
  • Martin then notices Bruh Man is wearing his robe and orders him to take it off. Bruh Man opens the robe, revealing he's naked, so a disgusted Martin tells him to keep the robe.
  • THEN, when he watches Bruh Man climb out the window, Martin races to the back, saying he's "gonna get mine!" It's funnier when you remember his line about "coming up into people's apartments unannounced will surely get a cap in yo' ass!"

2x11 - Hollywood Swinging, Part 1

• Cole gets the rest of the gang some tickets for a getaway, then informs them that, as far as everyone else is concerned, they're the Weinbergs while Tommy is their Danish nanny Uta.
• Tommy going "Oh, I think Uta comin' down with somethin,'" followed by Gina and Pam saying they're coming down with a "five-day Hawaiian flu."

2x12 - Hollywood Swinging, Part 2

• Pam going crazy over seeing who she thinks is Denzel Washington climbing into a limo. How crazy does she get? She steals a car and follows the limo to a beautiful estate, where she's dismayed to learn that the man isn't Denzel but an African man. The African then invites Pam to lunch, which Pam accepts after being convinced that he's indeed rich. After Pam gets into the limo, the African comments that her "buck shots" make him homesick and asks if he can call her "Beady-Bead." Cue Pam giving the camera a frustrated look.
• Martin and Tommy visiting Varnell Hill's green room, where they interact with a number of celebrities.
  • Martin sniffs the air and remarks that it's the smell of Hollywood, only for Tommy to reply that it's actually Madonna, who's getting...freaky with a couple of scantily-clad guys.
  • Martin remarking that Burt Reynolds has "the white man's weave."
  • Martin bumping into Michael Jackson and challenging him to a fight, telling him "Call your papa, Joe! I'll show him what an ass-whuppin' is all about!"
• When Tommy wants to stay behind and cozy up to an attractive woman, Martin cautions to check for an Adam's apple. Later, Tommy checks the woman's neck and notes it looks swollen. After the woman explains she's recovering from a cold, Tommy brushes off her explanation before getting up and giving everyone else in the green room a brief but stinging speech as he storms out.
  Tommy: All you Hollywood people make me sick! (to one of Madonna's guys) And you, YOU NEED JESUS! (leaves)
• Martin eating up the scenery on Varnell Hill's show during Jodeci's performance.
• Varnell going off on Martin for crashing his show and generally being a "pain in my ass since this whole thing started."
• Martin hollering about how there aren't any black people present and yelling for "my Latino brothers," complete with going "Andale! Andale!" as he's being dragged offstage by Varnell's bodyguard Snookie.
• Martin getting into a scuffle with Michael Jackson on the street.
  Martin: I bought LaToya's album—Michael Can Rumble!

2x13 - Thanks for Nothing

• Mama Payne's dramatic flight from Martin's apartment after she learns that her brother, Junior, and nephew, Sonny, are coming to town.
  Mama Payne: Mama's on the move!!!!
• After Martin instructs Gina and Pam to keep quiet so Junior and Sonny will leave, Junior and Sonny barge right into the apartment, much to Martin's chagrin.

2x14 - Whoop! There It Ain't

• Martin sends Archibald Berry, one of Gina's co-workers, away by claiming some guys are talking smack about him. Archibald then comes back, tells Martin he "put accounting in check," and points to a stunned man holding his eye. Archibald is then seen talking monotonously to Pam, who stands with the funniest bored look on her face.
• Titus the Camp Gay hairdresser approaching Martin while he's trying to entice Gina into a quickie. As Martin and Gina head off to the back, Titus calls after him "She'll just use you, Golden Brown." He then approaches Tommy and Cole and asks who they're there with, and the two guys grab a nearby woman and hold her between them.
• Martin and Gina rushing their friends out of the apartment so they can have sex before it turns midnight.
• The Reveal that Martin is wearing an ice pack on his...lower regions during his and Gina's abstinence.

2x15 - Holiday Blues

• Gina grabbing the rude bus station attendant and slamming his face repeatedly against the glass after he refuses to give change is both this and awesome. Even better, lots of coins fall to the floor, and a few other bystanders gather to collect them.
• When trying to cheer up Gina about being snowed-in at the bus station, Martin points out the "Christmas spirit" around them a la the Full House episode where they were snowed-in at the airport. However, it's immediately deconstructed: the tree is small, toppled over, and only some of the lights work, the arcade games are broken, everyone's in a bad mood, and the Santa Claus is an intoxicated man who keeps shouting out non-sequitors in between blackouts.
  "I've just seen Ray Charles on a bicycle! Ha-ha-ha!"
• Gina convinces Martin to give his packed sandwich to a starving Miss Jerri, and elderly neighbor of his. Once she sees that the sandwich is tuna, she not only rejects it, but stomps on it for good measure. This makes Martin cry.
• Martin and Gina end up having their luggage and gifts stolen. This finally pushes her over the edge, saying they're in Hell and calls the situation a freak show.
  "Santa": "Free hoes?" Where the free hoes at?!
• Miss Jerri and "Santa" end up going to Jersey City together, with her calling him a high roller.

2x16 - No Justice, No Peace

• Everything that happens in the courtroom, specifically Martin representing himself and his friends and how each of them do on the stand:
  • Gina on the stand: Martin subtly threatens her by comparing them to "Ike and Tina" and blackmails her into lying by threatening to reveal a picture he took of her naked.
  • Tommy on the stand: After he mockingly calls him "Matlock" and he both calls him in response "Heady Murphy" and implied that he was gay due to all of the men in his address book, he pressured him into confessing what "G.T.D." stood for next to Claudine's name: "GOT THE DRAWERS!" And Martin proceeded to high-five all the men in the jury box, several of the men in the gallery and even the bailiff, who then started doing the Cabbage Patch.
  • Pam on the stand: Nearly calls her "Beady-bead" while calling her to the stand, makes fun of her "naturally-looking hair", and causes her to have a breakdown over Martin bullying her about not having a man.
  • Cole on the stand: Eventually told the truth, much to Martin's chagrin, because the judge threatened to take away his Pacer over outstanding parking tickets and he even tells that Martin cheats on his taxes.
• He tries to paint the arresting officer as a racist, even at one point calling him "Boss Hogg". Only for him to point out his Black wife.
  • "She's fine, isn't she?"
  • "Sista, you can always come home. You can always come home."
• His last-ditch plea to the court where he decides to plead insanity. You can clearly hear Tommy laughing in the background. Martin's still found guilty^note and the way he reacts to the verdict, you'd think he's going away for life and even better, not only did the jury decided his fate three hours earlier, but the court fees he's ordered to pay cost more than the original ticket itself.

2x17 - Suspicious Minds

• Martin re-enacting New Jack City and making the rest of the gang play along by making them wear all-black clothes. When everyone starts to leave the apartment after he announces he knows who stole his CD player, he quotes Nino Brown by yelling "Cole, sit yo' five-dollar ass down before I make change!" Martin tries using a stuffed dog to try and intimidate his friends, with little success. For bonus points, you can see Tichina Arnold and Thomas Mikal Ford corpsing while this goes on.
• The Reveal that Bruh Man stole Martin's CD player. The very reason Bruh Man left a note under the bathroom sink is worth lots of giggles.
  Bruh Man: I figured you'd look there, since I used up all yo' toilet paper.

2x19 - Love is in Your Face, Part 2

• Martin freaking out over the price for Gina's engagement ring.

2x21 - Guard Your Grill

• His mocking of professional boxer Tommy "The Hitman" Hearns, referring to him as "The Get Hit Man".
• The fight between him and Tommy, where the latter hit him so hard that not only did he get knocked out of his shoes (and both were left on the ropes) but he got knocked into the back wall.
  "I don't wanna fight no more...(whispering, barely audible) I don't wanna fight no more."
• The resulting injuries from the fight where he had a ridiculously swollen face. Then when he asks Gina for a kiss, she hesitates and then blows him a kiss.
• The audience's reaction to the above scene. Even Martin and Tisha couldn't keep a straight face.

2x22 - Yours, Mine and Ours

• Martin checking out a TV set that Nikos, the store owner, informs him is called the "Bitch 200."
• Nikos trying to persuade Martin to buy the Hoshitashi by filming his mouth telling Martin to "Buy me, Martin" and quickly getting found out.
• After Gina forces him to take back the Hoshitashi, Martin is then seen watching the Bitch 200 with Tommy and Cole.

2x23 - I Don't Have the Heart

• Martin's reaction after Pam turns down Simon's marriage proposal.
• Martin acting like he's going to be sick after lamenting being nice to Pam so he could sit in the skybox.

2x24 - Crunchy Drawers

• Martin finding Bruh Man in his kitchen making a sandwich after deciding to sleep on the couch when Gina grows tired of his bad dreams.
• In the final dream sequence, after Pam lays back on his bed, Martin reaches over and pulls a lever, causing a VERY large weight to fall and squash Pam (who lets out a scream with a comical face). The episode ends with the same scene, only it's Martin who gets squashed by the weight. It turns out to be a dream Pam is having.

2x26 - The Hoe Down in Motown

• After Red calls him "corny," Martin gets on the radio and launches into a highly insulting, vulgar speech about Red, with the more inappropriate words bleeped out. All the while Red laughs hysterically.
• After Red fires him, Martin grabs a trashcan and tries to chuck it through the studio window while telling "RADIO!" The trashcan just bounces off the window and falls to the floor. When asked why he did that, Martin replies, "It looked fly when Spike did it in the movie."

2x27 - Martin's on the Move

• Martin complaining that one network acted like he was banned, which is an Actor Allusion to Martin Lawrence being banned from Saturday Night Live for his raunchy performance during a guest appearance.

Season 3 (1994-1995)

3x01 - In Search of...Martin

• Gina watching Martin's tape and expressing hope that he's alive because "I'm going to snap your neck."
• Gina gives Cole "missing" posters of Martin, and Cole looks at the picture and says he looks familiar, causing an annoyed Gina to tell him it's Martin. She then instructs Cole to put up the posters and not stop until he gets to Arizona.
• Pam commenting that Gina looks pale, and Gina replying it's her natural complexion.
• Gina challenges Pam to say she's crazy, and Pam denies it. Gina then forces her to sit down and watch Martin's tape, while Pam objects.
• Gina consults a psychic, Madam Anaconda, who holds a shirt and senses it belongs to someone with "a big, apple head," causing Gina to realize it's her shirt.
• Madam Anaconda losing her "reading" while gesturing for more money. When Gina finally admits she's out of cash, the psychic replies "It's gone."
• Tommy, Pam, and Cole come by to check on Gina. Tommy offers to get her something, and Cole offers "straitjacket," prompting an angry reaction from Pam. Cole then replies Pam was the one who said Gina is crazy. The three of them move towards the door when Gina reacts in surprise upon finding a piece of mail addressed to Martin.
• When Pam complains that the Golden Palace is six hours away, Gina replies "Not the way I drive" before heading out.
• Martin's new (and ridiculously awful) haircut, as well as his new name: "Shaquille Sunflower."
• Martin's hesitation over laying down on a bed of needles to prove his faith.
• Martin talking with a rock he names..."Brother Rock." And Pam commenting on how the rock looks bored.
• Even though he claims he's a different person now, Martin still insults Pam by essentially calling her a camel.
• After the cult leader turns out to be a nymphomaniac and offers a captive Martin to search her for the key, Martin notes he's never going to find it.

3x02 - Martin Returns

• Martin's Ice Cream Koans throughout the episode.
• Pam tricking Tommy into losing a video game they're playing by telling him she sometimes walks around naked.
• After Martin and Gina's latest argument, Cole tries to figure things out, and he ends up asking if he and Big Shirley are still together, causing Tommy to tell him it isn't about him. Cole then gets caught up in the cultish nonsense Martin learned at the Golden Palace, much to Tommy's frustration.
• Tommy points out that Martin has nothing and comments that even Martin's hair turned on him, followed by Martin touching his wacked-out 'do.
• Tommy leaves Martin's apartment, telling Martin and Cole "Y'all need to be on the damn Ricki Lake show." Martin turns on the TV for the following announcement:
  Announcer: Today on Ricki Lake—men who join cults and their stupid friends.

3x03 - I've Got Work to Do

• Martin attempts to explain to Cole how he and Gina are trying to give each other space, and Cole still doesn't get it. Cole then assumes Martin and Gina are getting a divorce before they get married. When Tommy voices exasperation at this brilliant conclusion, Cole replies "Don't be getting mad 'cause I figured it out!"
• Pam's "gift" for Martin: A portable stool so he can sit while waiting in line at the unemployment office. Martin retorts that if he had a saddle, he'd ride Pam down to the unemployment office and mentions the recent animal rights thing, telling Tommy to talk to Pam.
• Martin's reaction to Gina's suggestion that he go down to the unemployment office. Martin then asks Gina if she's ever been to the unemployment office, and she replies "Hell, no, I got a job." Cue Martin lowering his head.
• When Martin decides to go to the unemployment office, he disguises himself with a coat, hat, and sunglasses.
• After Martin tries to get people to recognize him at the unemployment office, a mean older man snaps at him: "Man, sit yo' ass down!" Martin then refers to the man as Richard Roundtree and Jim Kelly.
• Martin's brief stint at Hoochie Burger.
  Martin: You're gonna have to lean closer to the hoochie!
• The lights going off at Martin's apartment right after he tells Gina that they need at least 30 days before they do anything. Gina then asks him if one of his bills is an electric bill, and Martin tries to look for said bill in the dark before giving up and replying "I don't know, Gina. I can't see!"
• Martin, after quitting an all-too-brief stint as a postal worker, returns to Gina's apartment with a sack full of mail, and Pam taunts him by calling him "a munchkin trick-or-treater," leading to this exchange:
  Pam: Trick or treat, you're a slob, did you lose another job?
  Martin: Why you got to go there, Sounder? Shouldn't you be down at the airport sniffing luggage? (sniffs, howls like a dog)
• Gina then gripes at him for quitting before he delivered all the mail, only for Martin to correct her by saying the sack he's carrying contains all of HIS mail. One item of note is a "Don't-let-me-catch-your-ass-in-the-street" notice from Mama Payne.
• Martin finally settles on a job buffing floors at the unemployment office, and the episode ends with his floor buffer spinning out of control, knocking over chairs in the waiting area.

3x04 - Martin Gets Paid

• After receiving the offer to host a talk show, Martin's stoked ego leads him to call "Buffin' Boss" and hastily quit his job buffing floors by yelling "Buff this!" and abruptly ending the brief call.
• When challenged about his preparedness for the coming interview, Martin insists to his friends and Gina that "They called me!" That line then gets thrown at him by Bruh Man, of all people, when Martin arrives at the TV studio and finds, to his apparent annoyance, that his neighbor is the other interviewee.
• Martin BS-ing his way out of a tight spot with Mrs. Rodriguez by telling her he thought she said "New Edition tape" rather than "audition tape."
• The production of Martin's audition tape.
  • Martin goes as far as to get a guy to bring in a crowd of strangers to be his studio audience. The guy then rudely asks Martin "Where Oprah?" and Martin gives him some money.
  • Cole breaking the clapperboard and then turning on a tape player to provide theme music...only for no music to play at all. Instead, he hums a theme tune.
  • Martin has Gina play one of his guests and he wastes no time in humiliating her by asserting that she's a shoplifter.
  • Martin's interview with Pam consists mostly of them again engaging in Volleying Insults until, finally, Pam attempts to attack Martin, forcing Tommy to step in to restrain her while Martin falls back in his chair.
• While showing the tape to Mrs. Rodriguez, Martin describes Pam as a "male impersonator."

3x06 - The Closer I Get to You

• After Pam comes to Martin's apartment and wonders why she can't find a half-decent man, Martin remarks "Don't you have mirrors at home?"
• After Tommy offers to walk Pam home, Martin asks him if he wants to borrow Gina's mace.
• Gina's child-like glee when she figures out that Tommy and Pam hooked up, and that Tommy was acting on Martin's advice. As Tommy prepares to tell Martin he and Pam got together, Gina runs back out with a camera, preparing to take a photo of Martin's reaction.
• Martin's reaction to finding out about Tommy and Pam's Relationship Upgrade. The shot of him screaming is shown three times before fading to the next scene. He's then seen on the couch in tears and insisting to Gina that someone (even "The guardian angels") has to break Tommy and Pam apart.

3x08 - Momma's Baby, Martin's Maybe

• Martin's quiet "Oh, damn!" after he starts to believe that Marvin is his son.
• Martin returns home and delicately reveals to a sleeping Gina on the couch that he has a son, then jumps on her and hugs her aggressively. Gina then comes out from the back, sees what's going on, and hollers at Martin, who stops. It then turns out that the woman he was feeling up is Gina's visiting mother Nadine.
• When Gina tells her mother she and Martin need to be alone to talk, Nadine snipes that Gina should "leave him alone!" Martin then comments "Now I know why they threw mama from the train."
• Mr. Jim giving Marvin the barbershop name "Shorty Duwop."

3x09 - Whole Lotto Trouble

• Martin's Happy Dance at Nipsy's after he wins the lottery.
• At the end, Martin and Gina both put up brave fronts over the whole lottery debacle, but after Gina goes to the back, Martin breaks down, and a split screen shows Gina breaking down in the bedroom as well.

3x10 - Get a Job

• Martin remarking that Tommy, whom he claims doesn't have a job, should get the door because "He ain't done nothin' all day."
• Hustle Man trying to sell Martin a pizza for $15. When Martin complains about it, Tommy steps in and buys the pizza...only for Hustle Man to then hand him a really small pizza before exiting.
• Martin delivers a philosophical-sounding phrase to Gina as he voices his suspicions about Tommy's job, who asks to know what it means, only for Martin to reply "Just go with it; I'm on a roll here."
• Martin grilling Tommy about what exactly he does for a living.
  • When Tommy scratches his head, Martin and Gina consult a body language book and discover that scratching one's head means "bald-headed lies."
  • When Martin and Tommy have a verbal standoff and Tommy demands to know who Martin thinks he's talking to, Martin looks around, then points at Tommy and goes "You!"
  • When Tommy asserts he's a grown man, Martin tells him "I'm a grown man, too!" while having Gina hold him up so he can appear taller than he actually is.
• Martin Lawrence corpsing after Pam throws back Martin's earlier insult towards her ("Arf, arf!").
• Martin and Gina being terrible cat burglars.
  • They break into Pam's apartment and Gina ends up slamming the door behind them. The couple then jump around in a panic while Martin frets at Gina.
  • Martin tells Gina to cover him, and Gina asks "With what?" Martin then explains it's a detective thing, "like Barnaby Jones and them do."
  • As they look around for evidence of Tommy's supposed criminal activities, Gina turns on the lights and Martin drops to the floor while griping for Gina to turn the lights back off. Once she does and explains she can't see with the lights off, Martin tells her they're supposed to be cat burglars and to "use your cat eye" while blinking one eye to elaborate.
  • Gina finding one of her old sweaters and complaining about how Pam had it the whole time, much to Martin's annoyance.
• Martin and Gina's stakeout for Tommy and Pam.
  • Hustle Man, looking differently than he did earlier in the episode, comes up to their car to sell flowers, and denies his identity when questioned by Martin.
  • Martin's expression when Gina tells him they're at the wrong address.
  • Hustle Man shows up again in a different disguise, much to Martin's irritation.
  • Martin tells Hustle Man to get lost and "Watch my dust" as he drives off, only to find that his car isn't moving. The shot then pulls back to reveal that the tires are missing, and Martin laments to Gina that they've been robbed.
• When Gina worries Pam's going to be killed, Martin assures her by saying a cat has nine lives.
• During the charity fashion show, Pam tells the ladies in the audience to have their checkbooks ready, only for Titus to complain and say "That's discrimination." When Tommy comes on stage, Titus remarks "If he's Chocolate Thunder, then I'm Greased Lightning."
• Martin and Gina, unaware of what's really going on, confronting Tommy, Pam, and the audience, and Martin calling Pam "Bride of Stankenstein."
• When Tommy and Pam explain what's really going on, Martin tries to blame Gina for everything they were doing, and Gina retorts he should have seen it coming with his "cat eye," even repeating Martin's rapid blinking in one eye.

3x11 - Feast or Famine

• As the gang heads out, Pam tells Martin he should bring his booster seat so he can see over the steering wheel.
• The gang returns to Martin's apartment to find someone has eaten all the food. Cue Bruh Man coming out the bathroom, spraying air freshener. Thus gripes Martin:
  Martin: WE HUNGRY! WE HUNGRY! Are you crazy, Bruh Man?

3x12 - Lockin' Boots

• Tommy pulling a Could Say It, But... on Martin in which he admits that Gina withdrew a huge sum of money out of their shared bank account in order to get the boot off her car, and then telling Martin "And you didn't hear it from me."
• Gina's attempts to keep Martin from finding out about the boot on her car, not knowing Martin already knows.
• Gina finally breaking down and admitting her situation to Martin. She reveals that her heel broke and shows Martin the damaged shoe.
• Gina's exasperated reaction as Martin works out for himself that if he disregards driving laws while driving Gina's car^note The reason Gina got the boot in the first place was essentially because Martin was driving her car and he refused to pay any parking tickets since he figured that the police couldn't do anything to him since he was driving Gina's car, Gina still gets a boot on her car, ending with her going "Bing!" Martin then decides to make a quick break from the apartment, taking a garden hose he had Gina buy and saying he's going to find someone's lawn to water, and Gina stumbles (thanks to her broken-off heel) after him, carrying a hammer (which she also bought at Martin's request) and asking if he needs it.
• Martin's "Air Wack" attire, and Tommy and Cole's (off-screen) reactions to seeing him wearing it.
  • For bonus funnies, after Martin leaves the apartment, Gina rushes to the door to watch Tommy and Cole's reactions through the peephole.
  • Martin then comes back into the apartment, sobbing like an upset child, and runs to the back.

3x13 - Go Tell It on the Martin

• When Tommy complains Brother Claus made him late for work, Brother Claus replies "Shut up, man! You probably ain't even got no job!"
• After Brother Claus is reunited with his wife and he reveals the weapons he had were actually toys, Martin gripes about the whole thing and pulls out the pin on a grenade...only for Brother Claus to reveal the grenade is real. Fortunately, they find the pin and put it back in.

3x15 - Sophisticated Ladies

• Sheneneh calling Gina and Pam a "low-budget Salt-N-Pepa."
• Sheneneh and Laquita crashing the meeting at the Women's League, much to Gina's consternation.
• Sheneneh's introductory speech, as well as the look she makes when she mentions "I'm a lady" after claiming she appeared in a music video but didn't take her clothes off.
• After Gina and Pam leave, Sheneneh asks a woman about her husband and Laquita lets slip that said husband is having an affair. Amanda, the head of the league, then questions Sheneneh about her husband, and Sheneneh and Laquita confirm his infidelity. THEN all of the other women start questioning Sheneneh about their husbands.
• Gina and Pam return to the league to find the women having a party.
• After she and Laquita are accepted, Sheneneh persuades Amanda to let Gina and Pam join as well despite their rivalry, and she asks Pam and Gina to thank her. The two give Sheneneh a very Grudging "Thank You", but Sheneneh makes them thank her properly.
• Martin and Gina engaging in a game of Volleying Insults with Tommy and Pam at the end.

3x16 - Ain't Nuttin' Goin' on But the Rent

• As the gang sits in Martin's apartment and braves the cold, Martin says they're all men and "There's only one woman here and that's my baby."
• The rest of the gang shunning Cole for emitting "hungry aromas." The last one comes from Gina, much to Martin's disgust.
• Cole's stomach growling "Time to roll, Cole!" as the gang tries to convince him to go get them a pizza.
• Hustle Man pitching "free-range chicken" to Martin, who ultimately (and rudely) rejects his offer despite everyone else's protests.
• Cole comes back with the pizza. They are both frozen, the gang grabs it from him and then drop it, only for it to shatter.
• Pam's impression of the leprechaun from the Lucky Charms commercials. It's a little hard to see, but Martin Lawrence is clearly corpsing after that.
• When giving everyone "a cap" of water from a single water bottle to drink, after being given his cap, Cole pours a ridiculous amount out for the "homies" who have died. Tommy then chastises him, saying "We are about to become the brothers who ain't here!"
• When everyone's inner monologues can be heard:
  Gina: The joke's on them, 'cause I still got three Tic-Tacs in the bottom of my purse. It serves them right, though, for making fun of me. I don't have a big head, [echoing] head, head, head...
  Pam: Tommy can't take his eyes off of me...
  Tommy: [ogling her butt] Her booty looks just like a rump roast...
  Cole: Tommy's head looks just like a Milk Dud.
• Even better, when Bruh Man comes into the apartment and looks down at Tommy, he thinks "I sure could go for some Milk Duds."
• When Cole suggests that they eat him, Tommy refuses by saying "I'm not eating no fillet o' Cole!"
• Martin tricking the rest of the gang into leaving his apartment by saying Hustle Man has burgers.

3x22 - C.R.E.A.M.

• Cole's proposal of a "take-in" restaurant.
  Tommy: A take-in restaurant, Cole?
  Cole: Yeah, people bring their food in and we charge 'em to sit down. What do you think?
  Martin: I think you need help, Cole.
• Cole then suggests "Rent-a-Spoons," causing Martin to attack him. It becomes a Brick Joke in the ending.

3x23 - Girlfriend

• When Pam comes to the apartment, Martin appears from the back clad all in black and skulks around the apartment. He then tries to get Pam give him a password, and Pam just pushes her way into the apartment.
• Tommy's laugh versus Monique's laugh.
• Martin referring to Monique as a "fake-ass Angela Davis."
• The Reveal that Monique wears a weave, and Martin's remark about it:
  Martin: There's a horse in Detroit freezing its ass off!
  • The ending reveals that Martin kept the weave.
  • After Martin and Pam finish working together to expose Monique, he turns on her.
    Martin: [after leaving her hanging from a high-five] Heh, ya thought you had a friend!

3x24 - Romantic Weekend

• Martin vs. the rat.
• When the rat returns, Pam grabs it and starts fighting with it, and Martin joins in.

Season 4 (1995-1996)

4x01 - Martin in the Corner Pocket

• Mama Payne's message on the Paynes' answering machine.
• Martin taking on a woman in a game of pool, and losing miserably. "Losing miserably," in this instance, means being left with nothing but his underwear.
• Tommy and Cole giving different answers to Martin's (false) question about how many thugs he fought, prompting Martin to berate them in an angry, growling, barely-understandable voice, even going so far to call them "You stupid motherfuckas!" and say "Goddamnit!" in said voice. Cole screws it up completely when he mentions that he, Martin, and Tommy "jumped into the mothership!" This causes Gina to say "Goodnight, Tommy. Goodnight, Cole."
• Martin insisting to Gina that "I was the only one who could beat him!" Boy, his ego knows no bounds, does it?

4x02 - Kill Him With Kindness

• Martin complains to Gina about his shirt turning green and saying he doesn't want to go out looking like Gumby, to which Pam replies he looks more like a "ghetto Smurf." Martin then cracks that Pam should go lay a few eggs.
• The insurance agent's sunny disposition as he discusses life insurance policy with Gina, who even calls him on sounding so happy discussing the matter.
• Mama Payne confronting Gina about allegedly plotting to kill Martin, then threatening to knock out her teeth so she looks like a Halloween pumpkin and calling Gina "thick thighs" as she stalks out, commenting she's still pissed about not being invited to the wedding.
• Pam replying Martin's "not sitting, he's just short" as Gina complains that, whenever Mama Payne imposes on her and Martin, he just sits there.
• Gina points out that Mama Payne throws out her sexy underwear and leaves her less-appealing underwear, saying "Bikini underwear are for skeezers!"
• When Pam suggests that Gina act more like Mama Payne, Gina replies she can't grow a mustache.
• Martin getting distracted by Gina mentioning "his mama biscuits" as she tries to tell him about his mother's behavior.
• Martin reading the note from his mother warning him about Gina, complete with an image of Mama Payne reading the note aloud, even telling her son to "Turn over the note!" and insisting "I ain't losin' it!" when Martin notes she's losing it.
• Martin briefly sounding like his mother as he replies to Gina, who's in the back.
• This lovely bit:
  Cole: I heard some stupid things in my time.
  Tommy: Yeah, and most of them came right out of your mouth.
• Cole mistaking "women's intuition" for "women's intermission."
• When Tommy starts to say that Mama Payne tends to overreact, Martin threatens to "kick you so hard, you'll grow a shag."
• Martin saying his ears broke the fall of the cans.
• When Tommy tries to dismiss the "falling can" episode as coincidence, Martin insisting to Tommy that the cans were identical.
• Tommy tells Martin and Cole that Gina would never kill her husband for any amount of money. Then we cut to Tommy reading the insurance papers and marveling over the amount of money, then turning to Martin and saying "I would kill you for two million dollars!" Cole running straight past Too Dumb to Live and into Insane Troll Logic with his contribution: "For two million dollars, I'd kill myself!"
• Martin freaking out as he thinks a ticking clock is a bomb, which he smashes.
• Cole slipping on the recently-waxed floor, and Martin assuming the fall was meant for him.
• After Tommy leaves in a hurry because he's late for work, Martin slaps the closed door and says "You ain't got no job!"
• Martin's wary look as Gina slices knives together.
• Martin distracting Gina long enough to throw away a piece of steak he believes to be poisoned.
• Mama Payne bursting into the Paynes' apartment, decked out in soldier gear, and storming around looking for "the body" as Gina just sits by with a longsuffering expression.
• Mama Payne patting down Gina, then stepping back in the most hysterical way possible once finished.
• Mama Payne's response to Gina asking if she'll ever learn to like her: "HELL, NAW!"
• Gina telling Martin that his mother is back to "terrorizing the streets."
• At the end, Martin dumping out the champagne and wiping his lips while glancing at the camera.

4x03 - Blow, Baby, Blow

• The various Running Gags of the episode, namely Gina and Pam's competition over who will tour with The Notorious B.I.G.'s and Tommy constantly confusing him with various other rappers, including Hammer and one of the Fat Boys.
  • Cole's "audition" for Biggie. And when he came back afterwards:
    Cole: (While peeking his head in the door) Did I get the part?
    Martin: You gonna have part of my shoe up in yo— (Kicks at the door as Cole quickly shuts it and runs away)
  • When both girls do finally audition, Pam is dressed like Patti LaBelle, calls herself Shawntina Turner and sings Stephanie Mills' "Home" and Gina is dressed like Whitney Houston, sings And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going" and is referred to by Martin as "The artist formerly known as my wife".
  • One of the other acts auditioning was a man who was singing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountains When She Comes" while juggling apples and biting into them. Martin couldn't kick him off the stage fast enough.
  • This exchange during "Shawntina's" performance, as Biggie and Martin look at Tommy in confusion and outrage:
    Biggie: Yo, what's up with that, man?
    Tommy: (Defensively) Don't y'all look at me!
    Martin: Why not? You left the cage open!
  • The ending reveals that Sheneneh was the winner of the competition.

4x07 - Uptown Friday Night

• At Club Shiznit, Pam asks Tommy if she can rub his bald head for luck.
• Cole buys a drink for a female patron, who downs the drink and lets out a belch. After the woman leaves, Cole sniffs her breath, much to Tommy's disgust.
• Jerome calling Tommy "Roc."
• Jerome explaining to Pam how Blackerjack is different from the regular blackjack.
• When the trio of thieves crash the club and orders everyone to raise their hands, Cole waves his hands in the air and yells "And wave 'em like you just don't care!"
• When Cole lets slip that he has Gina's diamond earrings in his sock as one of the thieves walks by and then demands he hand over the earrings, Tommy tells her to "Just shoot him."
• When Tommy, Cole, and Jerome are about to infiltrate the thieves' hideout, Jerome puts on some cologne and does karate moves.
• As they prepare to head into the hideout, Tommy and Cole take a moment to look behind them.
• Cole alerting the thieves' to his and Tommy's presence by turning and accidentally hitting a trashcan.
• When the theme song from Shaft starts playing, the thieves start dancing to the tune while one of them demands to know where the music is coming from. Cue Jerome crashing into the hideout through the window.
• Jerome lamenting that the thieves are "too damn fine to be doin' crime!"
• Tommy and Cole tumbling into Martin's apartment through the window.
• It turns out that Tommy and Cole accidentally recovered Jerome's gold tooth, while Jerome ends up with Gina's diamond earrings.

4x08 - Old School Loving

• Martin's attempt to cook a frozen dinner ending badly, much to his consternation.
• When Gina remarks that someone has to bring home the bacon, Martin quips back that "the only bacon we got is bakin' soda!"
• At Nipsy's, a hungry Martin pretending to be fine as Cole and Tommy eat tater skins and chicken before finally caving in and greedily eating the food. He then leaves Nipsy's with a couple of dishes of food, telling his friends to buy some more for themselves.
• Gina's boss Mr. Oaks's completely nonchalant answers to Martin's questions about his work habits and home life.
• "You got me fired, man!" Said by Gina after she reveals to Martin that Mr. Oaks fired her after Martin simply asked him to stop giving Gina so much overtime and Martin goes "What?!"
• Bruh Man, dressed in sweats, entering Martin and Gina's apartment and fixing himself a sandwich while Martin and Gina are in the back. When the couple comes back out, Martin annoyedly replies "It's a muscle man Bruh Man!" while Gina just waves politely at him.
• Bruh Man telling the Paynes he usually comes into their apartment while they're out.
• Pam calling Martin "Small McCartney" when he shows up to talk to Mr. Oaks about giving Gina her job back.
• The episode ends with Martin calling Mr. Oaks and trying to bargain with him for a new car, even suggesting a skateboard.

4x09 - Cole on Ice

• Cole dancing with one of Martin's guests and then asking a couple of questions. It becomes even more hysterical when a man calls in to the show demanding to speak to "the guy in the audience asking all those stupid questions!" Cole accepts the call, and the caller reveals he's Cole's boss and that he's called to tell Cole he's fired.
• Pam complaining to Gina that she asked Cole to deflate her water bed and now has "an indoor pool" because Cole used a knife to puncture the water bed.
• Pam attacking Martin and telling him "Think about my water bed!" after he compares her to a dog learning how to play Frisbee.
• Martin chasing after Cole after he causes Charles Barkley, Martin's guest, to leave.
• A security guard brings Cole before Martin and tells him that Cole actually tried to flush himself down the toilet.
• When Hustle Man brings the Rapping Chihuahua onto Martin's show and Martin recognizes him, he says "No, you got me confused with my uncle Byron."
  • Hustle Man then gives a shout-out to "Hustle Mama" and his "Hustle-ettes."
  • When the Rapping Chihuahua doesn't do anything, Martin calls him "the Non-Rapping Chihuahua" and orders him and Hustle Man to leave.
• Cole shows Gina, Pam, and Tommy his business cards which read "Cole 'The Man' Brown." When Gina remarks she hopes he didn't pay for the cards, Cole tells her he's glad he didn't because he has to change the cards to say "Cole Brown, Super-Producer."
• Cole tells an angry Martin that he got Charles Barkley to come back. It then turns out that Cole agreed to let Barkley host the show for a week. While Barkley is hosting the show, he introduces Martin as a guest and Martin, after cautioning Barkley that his hosting gig is temporary, turns the camera and tells Cole he's got four words for him: "Un. Em. Ploy. Ment!"

4x10 - Housekeeper from Hell

• Gina tells Martin he needs to clean the dirty dishes in the sink, and Martin replies he'll do so after they're finished watching a movie. The movie in question? Roots.
• When Gina objects to hiring Mama Payne as a housekeeper on the grounds that Mama Payne hates her, Martin assures his wife that his mother loves her, then adds she "just doesn't like you."
• Martin hires an attractive maid, Ebony, whom Tommy and Cole drool over. Tommy remarks he wishes Ebony has a sister. Cue Ebony's twin sister, Essence, coming out.
  • Cole then states he wishes he had a million dollars, then checks his pockets.
  • When Martin introduces the twin maids to his friends, Cole jokingly asks if they have a brother named "Jett."
  • When Tommy tries to put the moves on the twins and states his astrological sign and height, Martin cuts in with "Jobless, Tommy!"
  • When Gina comes home and sees the maids, she tells Martin "Too bad they can't stay" and tells the maids to leave. Martin starts to protest, but the maids tell him it's fine since they've had similar experiences ("The men hire us, and the women fire us").
• Gina announces she's going to have to take over hiring a housekeeper from Martin, most likely to keep him from hiring anymore attractive maids. Cut to the next scene, where Gina and Pam are watching Apollo, a tall, well-built housekeeper, clean the apartment.
  • When Martin comes home and Apollo politely offers to give him his slippers, Martin replies with "No, but you can get the hell out."
  • Martin refers to Apollo as "Big-ass Benson." When Apollo objects by saying "My name's Apollo," Martin rejoins with this line:
    Martin: Well, let's say your name's 'Water' so you can get to runnin'!
  • Shortly after leaving with Apollo, Pam comes back and asks the Paynes if she can borrow their handcuffs.
• When the Paynes meet Miss Mini, Martin tells her she's probably looking for "apartment 227," to which Miss Mini replies she doesn't work for them anymore. Gina then comments that "they moved on up."
• After Miss Mini wakes them up early in the morning and shows her Jerkass colors and Gina laments being stuck with her for three months, Martin points out she's the one who signed the contract and calls her "Miss College Graduate."
• Martin fussing over his shrunken Grant Hill jersey, which Miss Mini washed believing the autograph on it to be dirt.
• Gina tells her husband he's overreacting over his jersey, only to then find that Miss Mini took an iron to her Donna Karan blouse. Martin then remarks that Miss Mini probably thought it was Pam and had it branded.
• Miss Mini ordering Martin and Gina to "hop your butts over to that table" after Gina tells her they're going down to IHOP for breakfast.
• Martin squicking over Miss Mini announcing she made the Paynes some stewed prunes and okra.
• When Miss Mini demands to know who left the toothpaste tube open, Martin and Gina point at one another.
• When Martin comes home and Gina (wearing plastic around her shoes because Miss Mini threatened her against messing up her housecleaning) chides him for leaving his gym shoes on the floor, he asserts he's going to leave his shoes wherever he wants...then asks if Miss Mini is still in the apartment.

4x11 - Three Homies and a Baby

• Martin buys his infant cousin Cameron a "Player of the Year" outfit.
• When Pam comes by the apartment to pick Gina up for work, this exchange follows:
  Pam: Well, you look terrible as usual.
  Martin: How come I just got up and you the one with the mornin' breath?
• Pam then fawns over Cameron, then remarks to Martin how nice he is to let Cameron use his bed.
• Cole commenting that Gina didn't look pregnant the day before after Martin shows him and Tommy the baby.
• After Cameron spits up and Martin assures his friends it's nothing to be concerned about, Cole replies that he's going to have to leave if Cameron's head starts spinning like in The Exorcist.
• When Martin figures it's time to change Cameron's diapers, he asks Tommy to do the honors. When Tommy protests, Martin explains that, since Tommy is the tallest person present, the smell of Cameron's poop will be gone by the time it reaches Tommy.
• As the guys are changing Cameron's diapers (using a kitchen rag instead of a diaper), Tommy narrowly avoids Cameron's stream of urine.
• When Cameron continues to cry, Cole suggests that one of them should sing the baby "an alibi," much to Martin's apparent frustration.
• Martin starts to tell Cameron his unique take on the story about the three bears, which includes "the meanest bear of 'em all—Pam Bear."
• Tommy sings Cameron a lullaby, which includes the lyric "If you don't go asleep, I will scream."
  • The lullaby works, and Cameron falls asleep...as does Cole.
  • THEN Cole undoes everything by turning on the TV, causing Cameron to wake up and start crying again.
• Martin commenting that "This baby's whipping our asses!"
• Martin telling his friends that Cameron gave him the finger.
• After Martin and his friends wake up and find Cameron missing (they let Bruh Man watch the baby while they all took a nap), Cole says the baby probably went for a walk. When Tommy protests that Cameron is too young to walk, Cole answers that he probably took the stroller.
• When Sheneneh comes in with Cameron, she explains to Gina that she found Cameron, who was crying "like he saw [Pam] without no makeup," earning herself a threatening look from Pam.
• Sheneneh's farewell to Cameron.
• When Cameron's mother finds that her son is wearing a kitchen rag as a diaper, we cut to Tommy holding up his fist and saying "That's from the motherland!"

4x14 - The Bodyguard

• After Pam gripes about going into witness protection with Gina and insists she didn't see anything, Martin remarks, "I guess I done seen it all—a seein'-eye dog that can't see!"
• The detective telling Gina and Pam that he won't be staying but he'll be "getting the hell out of here."
• Gina and Pam's reactions to seeing that Otis is their bodyguard.
• Martin attempting to attack Cole after he asks a stupid question.
• Otis waking up Gina and Pam who are sleeping on the couch.
• Otis making quick work of Donny and Clyde is hysterical and awesome. Doubly so since, if you look closely, you can tell he's wrestling with a dummy in certain shots.

4x15 - Green Card

• Gina's clumsy attempt to use Spanish while trying to contact Luis the landlord.
• When Luis reveals he's making a run for the border (since he's being deported), Martin asks him to bring back some tacos.
• When Luis's mother comments on how fine a man her son is, Martin remarks "So is Pam."
• Tommy, who officiates Pam and Luis's wedding, shows a sour attitude, and when Luis asks why Tommy is acting so angry, Martin explains "He was Pam's owner before you."
• Tommy calling Pam and Luis "These two phonies" while performing the ceremony, as well as misinterpreting Luis's "Si" as "See" and getting into a brief row with the man.
• Some of the characters' thoughts heard during the wedding:
  • Pam thinks she should've asked for another $500.
  • Luis muses over how he can't wait for the wedding to be over so he can "knock her boots from here to Albuquerque."
  • Martin is surprised to find he actually thinks Pam looks beautiful in her wedding dress, then goes "Man, please!"
  • As for Cole, we only get a tone, followed by a "the number you reached is unavailable" message, followed by "No new random thought available."
• Nipsy's idea of an open bar during the wedding reception is that food is free if someone has $5.
• Later, Martin goes to send the guests home and Gina insists he be polite, to which he says he will be. He then calls for everyone's attention and tells them to move from the inside of the apartment to the outside of the apartment, following with "You ain't got to go home, but you can't stay here."
• Martin commenting that Pam's apartment "doesn't look like a cave no more" after Luis sets up some of his belongings there to convince the INS agent that his wedding to Pam is legit.
• Martin saying that Pam and Luis first met at the Million Man March.
• After Martin makes a snark about Pam "getting a new leash on life," Pam tells the INS agent that Martin's just upset that he was too short to be ring-bearer.
• When Luis finds evidence that he is in fact an American citizen and Martin says "He's one of us," Luis excitedly asks if he's African-American.

4x16 - You're All I Need

• Tommy offers to set Cole up with a job at his workplace, and he tells Cole to wear a suit, a tie...and a blindfold.
• Martin being banished to the couch by Gina after their dinner with the Bozacks where Martin flirted with Mrs. Bozack. When Martin complains about his bad back, Gina sarcastically suggests he go see a chiropractor in "Cleavage, Ohio!" before storming to the back. Martin calls after her that "It's Cleveland, Ohio!"
• Gina interrupting Pam's date, and Pam yelling "Now what is it?!" as she goes to answer the door. Gina then ushers Pam's handsome date out of the apartment and even takes a sip from the man's wine glass.
• Gina fretting to Pam over how attractive Mrs. Bozack is, even saying "She could be Miss USA!"
• Martin questioning Cole about the new job Tommy got him. The first few questions, Cole answers he doesn't know. When Martin asks what does he do, Cole smiles and replies "Same thing as Tommy." Martin then reasons that Cole "ain't got no job!"
• Martin attempting to cover up a scantily-clad Gina as everyone else ogles her, then ordering everyone to leave. Tommy and Cole remain behind, expressing disgust over the other men's behavior, only for Martin to tell them to leave, calling Tommy "peeping Tom" while he's at it.
• After the Bozacks tear up Martin's contract and Mrs. Bozack insults Martin after overhearing him assure Gina he only has eyes for her and say that women like Mrs. Bozack only dress the way they do because they're really insecure, Martin calls after Mrs. Bozack that Gina may not have a fine body like hers but at least she keeps it real; he does, however, concede that Mrs. Bozack's body is fine. He then re-enters his apartment to find Gina scowling at him before storming to the back. We then cut to later, where Gina is again throwing pillows and a blanket on the couch as Martin attempts to explain himself. After Gina leaves, Martin asks himself "What's this love thing all about?", curls up on the couch, and calls for his mother as the episode ends.

4x17 - Kicked to the Curb

• When Luis enters, Martin remarks it usually takes him a week to reply.
  • When Martin shows off his Spanish vocabulary, Luis tells him he has other people to ignore to get Martin to come to his point.
  • Luis gesturing for Martin to pay him after Martin requests the two-bedroom apartment on the fifth floor. Once Martin puts a wad of cash in his hand, the landlord immediately asks "How soon can you move in?"
  • Martin telling Luis he's going to need a cane after "I toss yo' ass out the window."
• Pam calls Martin "Donald Stump" and she and Tommy have a good laugh while the Paynes give them disapproving looks.
• The Paynes show a couple around their apartment, and the husband points out the Paynes' newspaper ad mentioned a doorman, to which Martin replies "I opened the door, man."
• After the Paynes are forced to live outside their apartment building (Luis gives their apartment to another couple who pays him more money), a homeless man comes up and puts some coins into Gina's cup of coffee, much to her annoyance, then offers to buy her couch in exchange for his jacket, but then decides he doesn't like the couch and moves on. Gina then stands up and yells she doesn't like his jacket.
• Martin mentioning that Luis jumped out the window after he confronted him about giving the two-bedroom apartment to someone else.
• When Martin refuses to eat the grilled cheese sandwiches Gina made, Gina complains she used a cigarette lighter to melt the cheese and orders her husband to eat it. Martin takes a bite, then spits it out when Gina isn't looking.
• When Tommy stalls over giving Martin his car since it's a company car, Martin, in a fit of annoyance, assumes a fighting stance. When Tommy mentions that Martin and Gina could've asked him for a loan since he got a raise at his job, Gina snaps at him "You ain't got no job, man!"
• Tommy and Pam posing as a pimp ("Tommy Dynamite") and a thug ("P-Funk"), respectively, to intimidate the new couple to move out of the Paynes' erstwhile apartment. "P-Funk" demolishes the wall in search of her money.

4x18 - The Best of Martin

• A blooper from "Control" shows Martin Lawrence's Sheneneh wig falling off as he sands Myra's feet.
• Another blooper has Carl Anthony Payne and Thomas Mikal Ford pulling down Martin Lawrence's pants during a scene. In front of Tisha Campbell.

4x19 - The Love Jones Connection

• When Pam tells Martin to stop talking so she can watch a soap opera on TV, Martin tells her to turn it off because "I hate to see a grown man cry."
• Martin explaining how he sprained his ankle by telling Gina he did a reverse slam dunk and flew through the air "like Jordan," only to come down hard on his ankle. Tommy speaks up and says Martin then woke up from his dream and tells the women that Martin tripped on his shoelace while running down the court.
• Martin's reluctance to Gina's suggestion to see a doctor about his ankle, followed by him saying he'll be fine once he goes to his mother's house. Tommy protests that Martin shouldn't be walking on his ankle, only for Martin to say he isn't; "You're gonna carry me, Scoopy!"
• Pam remarks that it's a good thing Martin didn't have too far to fall because he really would've gotten hurt, and Martin shoots back that when horses are incapacitated, they take them out to pasture and let off a few rounds.
• Pam about to throw down with Sheneneh after the latter spoils the ending to Jurassic Trailer Park. Sheneneh's spoiler of the movie is just as funny: It involves dinosaurs coming by and doing a drive-by.
• Sheneneh scaring away a rude woman after arriving for the audition for The Love Jones Connection. Sheneneh then has a brief encounter with a dimwitted woman whom she sends packing.
• Sheneneh's date Valentino's insulting comments about Martin, Gina, Tommy, and Pam.
  • He remarks that Gina's head was the biggest head he'd ever seen, says he feels sorry for her turtlenecks, and mentions having nightmares about Gina's head. Pam even thinks it's amusing.
  • Valentino then states that Pam's breath smelled like a bag of armpits. Pam denies it, but when Martin, Gina, and Tommy cover their noses and say "Believe it," she eats some food and tries to get them to smell her breath.
• Sheneneh retorting at Valentino that she stayed up with him all night because she was afraid he'd bore himself to death.
• The episode ends with Sheneneh giving Valentino a meager cut of her earnings from the show (because he insulted her friends), and when Valentino asks what he's supposed to do with it, she retorts "Super-size it!" and slams the door in his face.

4x20 - Where the Party At?

• Pam calling Martin's birthday "Martin Loser Payne Day."
• Pam ripping up a cushion after she recalls all of Martin's insults.
• When Martin asks her to remember all the good things he did for people, Gina clearly strains to do so.

4x21 - Homeo & Juliet

• After Gina and Pam inform him that no one's getting paid for appearing in a production of Romeo and Juliet, Cole replies that the Jacksons got paid, "even Randy!"
• When James Earl Jackson, the play's director and star, asserts that Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, Martin begs to differ by saying Cooley High was a tragedy and lamenting that Cochise was killed. He and his friends then sing a song from said movie until Pam yells at them to shut up.
• Martin constantly interrupts Jackson while he's rehearsing a scene with Gina and eventually causes him to fall to the floor.
• Jackson then shows up stoned out of his mind due to overdosing on painkillers.
• When Cole offers to play Romeo, the rest of the gang yells "HELL, NO!"
• While playing "Homeo" in the play and Pam, playing Juliet's handmaiden, comes out and asks what's going on, Martin tells Gina "Juliet, watch out—there's a grizzly bear behind you."
• Pam acting like she's going to be sick after witnessing a romantic moment between Martin and Gina.

4x22 - The Cabin Show

• After he and Pam get lost in the woods, Martin laments he's in the "Land of the Lost (1974), and I'm stuck with a damn dinosaurus!"
• Martin calling Pam "Grizzly Adams" and commenting on how he thought horses could smell their way to water.
• Gina threatening the park ranger after he says they have to recite the Ranger's Oath.
• Pam thinks to herself how she wishes she had a hot dog, and then imagines Martin turning into a giant hot dog. Martin, for his part, thinks to himself how he's so hungry he could eat a horse, then imagines Pam turning into a centaur.
• Martin eating the snack bar Pam had in her knapsack.
• The rat from "Romantic Weekend" returns, and Martin engages it in another hysterical fight...and clearly wins, since it's shown that he and Pam cooked the thing and ate some of it.
• Martin and Pam share an Aw, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other moment, only to be found by Gina, Tommy, and the park ranger. Gina begins to comment on how Martin and Pam are getting along, causing Martin and Pam to go back to acting antagonistic. Martin insists to Gina that Pam was trying to put him in a stranglehold.

4x23 - The Tooth Will Set You Free

• Pam's reaction to meeting Michaelangelo.
• Gina and Cole drag a scared Pam to Dr. Friendly who, as it turns out, treats only kids, and Cole squeeing over the toys in the waiting room. Followed by this exchange:
  Gina: You brought Pam to a kid dentist?
  Cole: No, Gina. He's not a kid, duh. He's an adult who takes care of kids.
• Gina getting distracted by a toy she once played with as a child.
  • And Cole mistaking a cow's mooing for another animal.
  • AND a little girl telling Pam she's too old to play with one of the toys and demanding she give it to her. Pam tries to sweetly tell the girl she'll hand it over, only for the girl to run back to her mother and insult Pam by referring to her as "the lady with the fake hair."
• Dr. Friendly's over-friendly demeanor. After seeing Pam, Dr. Friendly comments on how milk did her good. When Pam replies she's a grown woman, he then guesses what he's thinking isn't illegal.
• The little girl telling Pam "Don't let me catch your face in the street!"
• Everything involving Pam after she's hypnotized into thinking she's Martin.
  • When Michaelangelo insults Gina, Martin starts to put the artist in his place, only for Pam to tell him to step aside and proceed to kick Michaelangelo out of his own gallery.
  • When Michaelangelo objects to being kicked out of his gallery, Martin and Pam share a snicker before chorusing "Somebody done told him wrong!" The two of them then proceed to kick not only Michaelangelo, but also the other guests out, all the while Gina stands there, hand on her face.
• One of Michaelangelo's art pieces is called "Tig Ol' Bitties."
• The episode ends with Dr. Friendly curing Pam of her hypnosis...only for Cole to start acting like Martin after Tommy claps his hands to make sure the cure takes. Martin then calls Pam "You Angela Bassett-hound!"

4x24 - Martin, I Want to Sing

• Gina telling Martin that her car backfires so much that gangbangers duck.
• Martin asking Gina if Pam's cousin is Saint Bernard or half Cocker Spaniel.
• Tommy's poem at Nipsy's open mic night, titled "To My Lady." He dons sunglasses and a hat, and uses the alias "T-Knowledge."
  I wrote this for you even though we broke up for no reason
  And still I rise
  I wrote this for you, even though you keep saying "Back up off me, 'cause you ain't gonna get jack!"
  But still I rise
  I wrote this for you even though I still want to grab a handful of that weave and just kiss you until you say
  "Ow! Oh, Big Tommy! You the best! Ow!"
  Um, and still I rise
  And still I rise
  And still I rise
• Someone then says "Man, sit yo' corny ass down!"
• When her cousin Alesha tells Martin she watches his show, Pam cracks that they cancelled "ALF."
• Martin immediately announcing himself as Alesha's manager after she shows off some impressive singing skills.
• While Martin is meeting with a record producer friend of his, he runs into Hustle Man who auditions for the producer by playing a kazoo attached to a saxophone. Hustle Man then claims he isn't Hustle Man, but "Hustle Marcellus," much to Martin's frustration.
• While Martin and Tommy are rehearsing with Alesha, Tommy tells her she has "throw your drawers into it!"
• Pam walks in on Martin trying to show her cousin Alesha how to sing, and she tells him that isn't his song. She then proceeds to sing "The Lollipop Guild" and dance along to it.
• Martin voicing blame of Pam for Alesha's lateness for the audition, comparing Pam to a rooster.
• After Alesha's audition is a success, Martin asks Alesha where his money is as they leave.

4x25 - D.M.V. Blues

• When Gina tells him to renew his driver's license at the DMV, Martin replies that just because she's having a bad day doesn't mean she needs to throw "big words" at him.
• When a knock comes at the door, Martin correctly bets it's Pam and asks her "Wasn't that you pawin' and scratchin' at the door?"
• Gina calling Tommy "Dr. Frankenshine" as she gripes at Martin about him taking Tommy to the car show.
• Martin's misadventures at the DMV.
  • Martin rudely heading to the head of the line, even pushing a man out of his way.
  • When asked if he ever got into an accident, Martin replies he did that same day. "I accidentally brought my ass to the DMV."
  • Martin calling a man who bumps into him "Wesley" and then telling him "You better head for the money train!" He later calls the man "a Nino Brown wannabe" when he realizes he stole his wallet.
  • On his way to the counter to turn in his form, he gets into a brief fight with Miss Gerri, who bests him by slapping him across the face.
  • After finding that his wallet was stolen, Martin is forced to start from scratch. When the DMV clerk points to where Martin has to go, Martin looks and spots the "From Scratch" line, where a few people wave at him.
  • Martin attempting to cheat on his test.
  • While taking the test, Martin gets interrupted by Titus the Camp Gay hairdresser who calls him "Almond" and starts to sing a song to Martin, who sends him off and starts to insult him by calling him a "tall, fake RuPaul-lookin' ass."
  • Martin switches the driver license tests, so that Poindexter ends up having to re-take the test...and Martin himself ends up needing to get glasses.
    • Poindexter yelling at Martin "I did study!" and then adjusting his underwear as he walks off to the "From Scratch" line.
    • Martin's Nerd Glasses.
• The DMV supervisor (played by Sherman Hemsley) calling Tommy "a fake Isaac Hayes" as he forbids him from standing near Martin as he takes the test.

4x26 - Why Can't We Be Friends, Part 1

• Pam telling Cole to get away from her after he doesn't get the suggestion that Martin and Gina want to have sex.
• When Cole claims Tommy's travel bag was brand-new, Martin asks how Tommy is going to believe Cole because "he don't know nothin', man!" But then Cole says Tommy told Martin he could keep the bag, at which Tommy tells Cole to get away from him while Martin touts Cole as a genius.
• After Martin insists on complaining about Tommy making a big deal out of his luggage bag, Gina tells him she's going to put away her red pumps, causing him to change his mind.
• When Cole visits the Paynes, he asks Gina if anyone's home. Gina sarcastically says they're all out and Cole starts to leave until Gina tells him to come in.
• At the movie theater, Gina goes over the plan to get Martin and Tommy talking again with Cole and she tells him to act like "you don't know jack." Cole then asks "Who the hell's Jack?"
• Cole undoing the reconciliation plan.
• Martin and Tommy's rather immature interactions.
• The angry black man sitting in the row in front of Martin and Tommy telling them to sit down and shut up, followed by Martin bending down next to him and telling him to shut up.
• Martin slurping on his drink right behind the angry black man.
• After the angry black man calls himself "Aggravated Man," Martin tells Tommy he made "Aggravated Man" angry, leading to Cole dumping his popcorn on "Aggravated Man," who declares "I'm really aggravated now!" and proceeds to attack Tommy, causing chaos in the theater. AND in the midst of the ruckus, Martin gives Gina a peck on the cheek and watches the movie with a bright smile.

4x27 - Why Can't We Be Friends, Part 2

• Cole realizing that there's more than one hospital in Detroit, much to Martin and Gina's annoyance.
• As the gang arrives at Killer County Hospital to find Tommy, Martin reacts strongly in horror at a patient being wheeled out.
• Cole botching up the gang's attempt to pass themselves off as Tommy's cousins.
• The receptionist thinking Gina needs medical attention after seeing her "big head."
• Tommy turns out to be perfectly fine save for a sprained wrist, and the rest of the gang, for most of the episode, remains unaware of this.
• The attractive nurse that Tommy cozies up to tells him her last name is "Gottabody."
• Martin telling Dr. Skyhook that if Tommy needs a cow heart, they have a whole cow and gestures to Pam.
• Martin bargaining with God to let Tommy recover by promising to be a better person. When Pam asks if that means he'll stop insulting her, Martin asks God if he can still crack on Pam.
• Gina telling everyone they need to think about Tommy, then asking if they want some snacks.
• When Pam starts to recall how she and Tommy were intimate, Martin tells to stop "before we all need a damn doctor!"
• Dr. Skyhook asking Gina if she was in the accident because her head looks swollen.
• As the gang heads for Tommy's room, Martin stops Pam and tells her Tommy wants to see "friendly faces, not furry faces."
• When Pam wonders how they'll react to seeing Tommy in the condition (they believe) he's in. Thus replies Martin:
  Martin: Well, we've been looking at you all these years. It can't be that much worse.
• Cole mistaking a heart monitor for a radio and turning it on, causing the patient the gang believes is Tommy to convulse.
• Martin's naturally over-the-top reaction to finding out that Gina might be pregnant.

Season 5 (1996-1997)

5x01 - Is You Is or Is You Ain't

• After Gina makes him promise to not tell anyone about her supposed pregnancy, we cut to Martin at Nipsy's, smoking a cigar and boasting of his reproductive prowess.
• Martin giving Nipsy two cigars, "one for the baby I'm having, one for the baby you havin'."
• When Martin tells Tommy and Cole that Gina's expecting, Cole asks "Expecting what?"
• When Tommy tells Gina his gift for the Paynes is being wrapped at his job, Gina glares at him and says "In that case, we ain't got no gift, man!"
• Pam's suggestions for Martin and Gina's baby, which she reads from a book titled Names from the Motherland (the "Motherland" being Africa).
• Martin names both Tommy and Cole as his child's godfathers, but Cole thinks it has something to do with The Godfather, since he later shows up at Martin and Gina's apartment dressed like a gangster and talking like Marlon Brando. Tommy then calls Cole "Dumb Corleone."
• When Pam says she has a home pregnancy test in her purse, everyone else stares at her in Stunned Silence.
  • Followed by this:
    Tommy: You carry a home pregnancy test in your purse?
    Pam: You never know when you might need one. I mean, when a friend might need one. (chuckles)
    Martin: (disgusted) Ugh! (takes the home pregnancy test from Pam) Stanks a lot, Pam.
  • The whole thing becomes a Brick Joke when Martin asks the pharmacy clerk about home pregnancy tests, and the clerk tells him that Pam buys them all up the moment they come in.
• Martin's brief misadventures at the pharmacy while looking for another home pregnancy test.
  • The elderly pharmacy clerk goes to check the price on a product, but he moves VERY slow, shuffling his feet. This causes Martin to stop him and remark "You move any slower, you gonna be moving backwards!"
  • Martin has a brief row with a woman who buys calamine lotion and complains it costs too much. When Martin says the pharmacy isn't a free clinic, the woman then lifts her skirt and shows him...something she says the free clinic couldn't do anything about, prompting a repulsed reaction from Martin, who then tells the woman "Whatever it is, you need to take it out to the field and shoot it, put it to sleep."
  • He then gets into yet another altercation with Miss Gerri, whom he sees is buying condoms. Miss Gerri then pinches the clerk's cheek and tells him "See you later, big papa!" before leaving, though not before sticking her tongue out at Martin.
  • After Martin disrespects him, the clerk takes out a baseball bat and starts to pursue Martin, moving as slow as he did before as Martin makes a speedy getaway out of the pharmacy.

5x02 - Back in Trouble Again

• Martin violently kicking Dr. Bones out of his apartment after the man sets his back straight.
• Martin injuring his back again after Gina's boss pats him on the back.
• When Gina wins the award, Pam's ecstatic reaction involves her grabbing Martin's back and slamming him repeatedly against their table.
• Gina banishing Martin to the couch at the end, followed by Martin hurting his back yet again.

5x03 - Sophomore Jinx

• Gina mimicking how Martin eats with his mouth open as she leaves in a huff following her and Martin's marital spat.
• The first marriage counselor the Paynes see ends up fanboy-ing over Martin, much to Gina's annoyance. To make it funnier, Martin, who's opposed to the idea of seeing a marriage counselor, comments he's starting to like it.
• Martin's reaction to listening to Gina's mother's attorney's phone message (which leads him to assume Gina is planning to divorce him) is to cry "Mama!", run around the apartment, put on a jacket, grab his and Gina's wedding photo, and run out the apartment.
• Cole mistaking "prenuptial agreement" for "prenatal agreements."
• When Martin insists to Tommy that he knows what he heard on the phone message, Cole adds "Yeah, Tommy, his ears are bigger than yours...and mine."
• Gina's mother's attorney telling Gina that her mother is going to have to cut off all her hair, but will be the richest bald person next to Michael Jordan.
• Martin chasing after Gina's mother's attorney.
• Martin referring to Gina's mother's attorney as "Chris Darden."
• Pam reacting in disgust after Martin and Gina make up and everyone else in the room applauds.

5x04 - Working Girls

• After Cole pulls out the cable connecting Gina's laptop to the outlet and causes her project to be erased, he then tries to bring it back off, then gently tells Gina that there's nothing on the screen. Cue Gina saying "Your brain is blank!" and attempting to attack Cole.
• After Cole falls off the roof while trying to adjust the satellite, Martin turns to Tommy and tells him "Your turn."
• Martin finds that the satellite channels aren't in English and asks "What is this? The Fresh Prince of Beirut?"
• Gina disguising herself as a man named "Gene Natay."
  • The self-satisfied smile she makes when Pam stalls over explaining how much the campaign will cost.
  • Her brief squabble with Poindexter.
• The episode ends with the gang sitting down to watch a boxing match...which ends in a span of seconds. In a fit of anger, Martin storms over to the TV and yanks out the cable, causing all the power to go out. When Pam mentions Cole has his hand on her thigh, Martin tells her to "Whup his ass, 'cause I'm gonna see a fight up in here!" Cue everyone else advancing on Cole in the dark.

5x05 - Boo's in the House

• Martin dresses up as Ike Turner for Halloween and, for a brief moment, he engrosses himself deeply in the role until he's snapped out of it by Gina. He then comments that Ike got him for a moment.
• Pam crashing right through the bedroom door while running away after Tommy gets abducted in the closet.
• When Cole asks "So [Mr. Jenkins] isn't the real mummy?", Tommy confirms his statement before adding "You still the real dummy."
• The episode ends with an actual ghost appearing and telling the gang to "Get to steppin'!"

5x07 - The Life You Save May Make You Rich

• The African prince's aide commenting, in their native language, how big Gina's head is.
• Cole mistaking the word "concubine" for "porcupine."

5x08 - Snow White

• Everything Taheim, Pam's militant black supremacist boyfriend, does in this episode. Everything.
  • After they arrive at the skiing lodge, Taheim takes out a can of black spray paint and announces his intentions to spray the snow black.
  • Taheim later returns to the lodge while arguing with Cole and Shanise about destroying their snowman. Cole refers to him as "Mr. Get on the Bus" and Shanise laments that Taheim destroyed their snowman before he could come to life while holding up a carrot.
  • He's later seen doing army-style marches in the background.
  • At dinner, Taheim angrily questions the others about why a dish has to be called "black-eyed peas" and stalks off.
  • To top everything off, the episode ends with Taheim making out with Tommy's attractive white co-worker.
• Shanise's Mathematician's Answer to Gina's question as to how Tommy thinks he's going to marry Aquanetta.
  Gina: Wait a minute! How is Tommy gonna marry someone that he just met?
  Shanise: In a church, Gina. Duh!
• Pam and Cole's dinner prayers.
• Everyone acting silly in an attempt to stop Tommy from supposedly proposing to Aquanetta.

5x09 - Come on Over to My Place

• Cole arguing with his mother in the kitchen about his new girlfriend, Rhonda, disliking pig knuckles. He's heard telling his mother "Not everybody black eat pig knuckles!"
• Martin fixes the lock on his apartment door and tells Gina that no one can come in...only for Cole to barge in anyway. He then tells Cole to remind him to "give you an ass-whupping later," to which Cole takes out a pen and paper and asks "What time's good for you?" Martin sets a time and tells Cole he'll be busy then, but "wait on my ass-whupping."
• Martin putting a chain and a flashing light on the refrigerator.
• After Martin and Gina return home, the couple squabbles about how their hotel got turned into a topless bar. Gina demands to know what took Martin so long to get out of the bar, and Martin replies they had a two-drink minimum.
• Martin and Gina reacting in disgust to the odor caused by Cole putting on Martin's cologne. After smelling Cole's bad breath, Martin asks "Are you wearing the cologne or did you drink it?"
• After Gina questions him about the photos he put up in the Paynes' apartment (so Cole could pretend to Rhonda that Martin and Gina's apartment is his), Cole tells her, "I don't know, Gina. You live here."
• Martin's speech to Cole about getting his own place.
• Martin telling Cole about his new apartment, "This place is so small, you have to go outside to change your mind!"
• Cole mispronouncing "hors d'oeuvres" as "horse divers."
• Martin telling Cole the next time he decides to move, he doesn't want to hear about it. "Don't call me."

5x10 - Scrooge

• Tommy pointing out Martin's stinginess by saying that Martin buys a Christmas card, makes a photocopy of it, and sends the original back for a refund. And Gina admitting that, when she and Martin go to the movies, he buys her a child's ticket.
• Martin's vision of his possible future as a lonely, senile old man who's looked after by an elderly Pam. Old!Pam force-feeds him some food and, after Old!Martin insults her, she pushes him down a flight of stairs as he yells "No!"

5x11 - Waiting, Debating, and Ovulating

• A Ready for Lovemaking Gina being startled by Sheneneh after unknowingly letting her into the apartment, thinking she's Martin.
• Martin attempts to leave jury duty, only to promptly be caught by guards and dragged back into the room.

5x12 - You Play Too Much

• Martin pranking Cole, Tommy and Pam.
  • Martin pranks Tommy by placing a fake mouse by his feet. When Tommy sees the mouse, he hollers and jumps onto the couch.
  • At Nipsy's, Martin puts crazy glue on Pam's glass, napkin, and chair. Hilarity Ensues.
  • He also puts a "Kick Me" sign on Cole's back.
• When Tommy objects to Martin's plan to prank Pam, Martin compares Tommy to a Chicago Bulls game because "You're always sellin' out!"
• Pam growling "Be nice!" to Martin as she leaves for a moment.
• Pam, while insisting to Martin she didn't send the robber to his apartment, tells him to look at her, to which he says "Don't make me!"
• The other detectives laughing at Martin after he admits he helped the robber rob his apartment. Martin then asks them "Shouldn't you be out lookin' for the other glove?" (referring to O.J. Simpson).
• Martin trumping his friends by telling them to "Get on the bus!"

5x14 - Goin' Overboard, Part 1

• Pam demanding "What is everyone so damn happy about on this cruise?" after she and Cole meet Isaac at the bar.
• Martin and Pam screaming in terror at the end after Martin's stalker shows up outside his room Ready for Lovemaking while Pam wakes up in bed with Cole after they both got drunk the night before.

5x15 - Goin' Overboard, Part 2

• When Tommy arrives outside Pam's room and Pam tells Cole to hide, Cole tries hiding behind a curtain with his lower body still visible.
• Tommy acting Camp Gay after his love interest's tall, burly husband catches them together.
• Tommy, while fleeing from the angry husband, tells Martin to cover for him and Martin declares that "It's on" if anyone else interrupts his game, but when the husband approaches him and questions him about where Tommy went, he immediately tells the man what he wants to know and adds that "[Tommy] doesn't have a job."
• Martin's reaction after his stalker flashes him: "I say, hot damn!"
• Pam attempting to punch Cole after he wonders why they still can't get married.
• After Martin insults her after thanking her for defending him against his stalker, Pam decides to leave him tied to the bed. Martin is then overheard saying he has to use the bathroom.

5x16 - Power to the People's Court

• When Martin calls the gang to check in on them, he orders Cole to get out of his refrigerator.
• When Tommy asks Cole and Shanise to testify for him, they start shouting and hollering as though they're in church, leading to this:
  Pam: Will you two shut up?! He's not talkin' about that kind of testifying, you idiots!
  Tommy: I'm talking about testifying in court, Cole!
  Cole: (Beat) Oh, yeah, we can do that.
• Sheneneh's lawyer is Ronnie Cochran, Johnnie's relative.
• After Cole gives his testimony, Ronnie out-manuevers him by getting him to admit that his eyes were closed while he was making out with Shanise, meaning he didn't see the accident.
• Pam attempting to attack Sheneneh in court after she insults her, to the point where she jumps onto the plaintiff's table, only to be stopped.
• Ronnie commending Sheneneh for her courage and remarking to the audience there should be a movie called Waiting to Sheneneh.
• After Tommy calls Sheneneh out for lying to the court, Sheneneh, panicked, ends up throwing away her crutches and running out of the courtroom.
• The judge saying he never wants to see any of the people involved in the case again.

5x17 - I, Martin, Take Thee Pam?

• Pam's reaction to finding out that she signed on the wrong line on Martin and Gina's marriage certificate. And Martin tries to get her to wake up by calling her "Scooby" and offering her "Scooby Snacks."
• Martin's Imagine Spot about being married to Pam.
• Cole is overheard saying he doesn't recognize the island where Martin and Gina were wed, only for Tommy to tell him "That's because you missed the plane."
• After finding out Leon Lonnie Love is on the island, Pam mentions he was accidentally freed from prison, causing Martin to correct her by saying he actually escaped from prison ("I saw the whole thing on COPS").
• Martin banging Reverend Love's gavel on his desk so hard, he breaks it, after Love refuses to change the certificate.
• After Tommy opposes Martin's plan to "whip [Lonnie's] happy ass," Cole then suggests "Yeah, why don't you just beat him up?"
• Tommy commenting that if Cole keeps following island women around, they'll throw him into a volcano.
• Martin and Pam's reaction to kissing each other during their "wedding."
• The episode ends with Martin attempting to attack Reverend Love, only to be held back by Tommy.

5x18 - Auction

• The cuckoo clock blowing a raspberry at Pam.
• Martin's "happy dance" after finding out he can make lots of money from the cuckoo clock because it was built by Benjamin Banneker.
• The Irish nun at the orphanage thinking Martin is an orphan. There's also the nun seeing through Martin's attempt to bribe her for the cuckoo clock.
• Martin constantly getting his hand hit by the Irish nun when he tries to take back the cuckoo clock.
• Martin finding out that the clock wasn't made by Benjamin Banneker, but Benjamin Fanneker.
• It turns out that Martin beat up the cuckoo bird inside the clock, and Pam remarks that Martin finally picked on someone his own size.

5x19 - Daddy Dearest

• After hearing that Tommy's father, an army sergeant, is in town, Cole tries to leave Martin's apartment, only to hear Sergeant Strong yell "Ten-hut!" Cole freezes as the sergeant enters the apartment and hollers at him. He then excuses himself and rushes to the bathroom. At some point, Cole ventures out of the bathroom, only to go running back inside after Sergeant Strong screams at Martin.
• Sergeant Strong gives Martin a very strong handshake. After the sergeant lets go, Martin, shocked, asks "What the hell's wrong with you, man?"
• Pam picks up a land mine in Sergeant Strong's hotel room. After his father takes the mine and Pam leaves the room, Tommy calls his father on keeping a land mine in his hotel room, to which Sergeant Strong answers, "Always expect the unexpected."
• Cole running out of Nipsy's after seeing Sergeant Strong.

5x20 - Stake-Out

• Gina's birthday present for Pam: a half-eaten French fry that belonged to Denzel Washington. When Cole is about to eat the fry, Pam stops him and takes it to her bedroom, talking to it as though it were a baby.
• Pam thinking the computer Tommy gave her as a birthday present is stolen after Tommy mentions he got it from his job.
• When the police detectives come by, Cole thinks they're looking into stolen computers and he yells for Pam to escape.
• Martin asking Pam if they "celebrate the day the egg was laid, or the day it hatched?"
• Martin's reaction to watching Miss Jerri have sex with the man they think is Dynamite Willy.
• This:
  Cole: [Dynamite Willy]'s pointing at us!
  Martin: Naw, fool, he's givin' us the finger, man!
• Martin and Tommy decide to get the jump on Dynamite Willy, only to end up nabbing Pam returning home, leading to this exchange:
  Martin: That ain't no Pam! That's the Bogeyman!
  Cole: (while hiding) Well, whoever it is, tell 'em to get the hell outta here!
• Martin telling Pam to "lock jaw" on Dynamite Willy.
• The Reveal that Martin, Tommy, and Cole were looking in the wrong window because Cole moved the telescope, and everyone glaring at Cole after this comes out.
• Martin, Tommy, and Cole fleeing from the elderly man who pursues them with his belt and yells "Don't you y'all run from this old-fashioned ass-whuppin'!"

5x21 - Goin' for Mine

• Martin greeting Pam by calling her "Clint Beast-wood."

5x22 - One Flew Over the Hoochie's Nest

• One of the orderlies jokingly tells Pam he's Uncle Fester.
• When the rest of the gang figures out Tammy's true identity and Martin announces his intentions to restrain her, Tammy grabs some guy's fork and speaks into it, saying "Beam me up, Scotty!"
  • Martin orders Cole to grab Tammy, but Cole refuses, saying "Crazy people know how to fight." The guys then tell Shanise to handle Tammy, but Shanise takes the fork and tries to get reception on it, calling for Captain Kirk. She then tells Tammy she thinks it's broken, causing Tammy to complain she broke her "Terminator."
  • Tammy then flees Pam's apartment, yelling for "Scotty!"
• Martin calling Cole and Shanise "Dumb and Dumber" when he comes to collect them while preparing to escape the mental hospital with Pam.
• Cole leading the other patients in doing his bird call, and telling them "Thank you very much," Elvis-style.
• When the gang (sans Martin) returns to Pam's apartment, it turns out Cole has been injected with a tranquilizer back at the mental hospital. Just seconds after he and Shanise enter the kitchen to do some cleaning, Cole is heard collapsing on some dishes, followed by the sounds of him snoring.
• Pam and Tammy preparing to fight at the end.

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